"A significant percentage of the pain of any disability, of any difference, is navigating the social exclusion of a world made for the majority, when you're not in that group." Nailed it, thank you for putting your experience into words. Wish you all the best in your journey!
I’m 55 and in the exact same boat as you are in. I’ve long suspected that I might be a high functioning austistic because it runs in the family and my nephew and niece were diagnosed as on the spectrum. I took two credible autism tests online and was shocked by how high I scored. (My wife scored low on the exact same tests.) However, when I told this to my neurologist his reply was, “Autism is a childhood disease”. I guess no one cares if you are an autistic adult. We’re just expected to get on with life and somehow deal with the fact that we aren’t equipped to handle normal human interactions.
Jeez that sounds wrong on more than one level. Apart from anything else, it's not a disease. Also - the job of a doctor is literally to care! oof. Sorry about that.
I've recently been diagnosed. I'm 62. I've always known that I just don't quite fit in. I've always struggled in busy noisy situations. I can't think straight. I can't hear properly because brain just takes a while to process things. All my life I've felt like I'm broken but now I know I'm not. It's so good to have an older person talking about their experience. Most of the people I follow describe themselves as late diagnosed but they're still under 30!
Ouch. This has been my experience pretty much, I was recently forced out of my job because I told them I was autistic. My work reviews and everything were always amazing, and within a week of them knowing, they changed the way they spoke and acted around me and forced me out of my job. I personally wouldn't go around telling everyone, as they do weaponize it. It wasn't the first place either. Happy that you got your diagnosis though!
Oof thats tough. I think work-wise, I'm very lucky, as I work freelance, and in the arts as a performer and writer, where there's much less pushback to being different
I was diagnosed at 48. My suggestion? Love yourself and embrace your wellbeing. Life is short. I find more of my identity with creatures other than humans but all we can do is our best to survive and thrive.
hi mat, im a 13 year old autistic girl, i haven’t yet got an official diagnosis but i’m waiting for the answer of if i can be put on the waiting list for one or not. it’s very hard to be diagnosed as a girl or AFAB person, but i think people forget that boys, men, AMAB people can also not get a diagnosis due to masking or just inaccessible diagnoses. i’m also glad you pointed out that autism is a disability and a neurotype, but not a illness or disease, because my paediatrician kept insisting i had “autism spectrum disease” which just made me feel so dehumanised because personally, i just like being called “autistic”. an “autistic person”. because that’s what i am, it’s a part of me in my opinion. i’m greatful for being (nearly) diagnosed quite young but i do feel like i’ve missed out on the first 13 years of my life, so i can’t imagine not knowing what’s happening in your brain for 54 years. i think one of the worst parts of my journey, is i worked out i was autistic when i was around 11, and i thought it was this huge secret that i could never let get out, but it turns out my family have known most of my life that i was likely autistic, just didn’t want to go through the huge process of a diagnosis. i understand where they’re coming from but it was almost traumatic being a kid with no reason for being “weird”, “annoying”, “exhausting”. i’ve masked a lot in my life but i think that almost made me come off as more “weird”, because i wasn’t quite copying the other kids as well as i thought i was
Same story as yours my friend. I’m 51 and yes the grief for the lost and very difficult “Best years of my life” is too real. It is great to why I am who I am but I’m seriously devastated. I have no one to comfort me and I really need it right now. Thanks for sharing your story, I see I’m not on my own. I’m looking forward to seeing you thrive
I'm an Autistic CBT therapist /Counsellor diagnosed in my 40's and I'm certain that I have ADHD too. I work an awful lot with neuro divergence as part of a Primary Care Counselling team in a major UK City. I think people may be surprised by the full extent of the numbers. There are many people undiagnosed and I would go as far as to say that neuro divergent people make up a significant proportion of the population. I always say that ASD, ADHD whatever it is is not a disability, but a different way of being or thinking. It's not easy being a square peg in a round hole. If there's one thing that I hear almost without exception is that 'I always felt different '. Will be following this channel with interest. Well done for helping to raise awareness of neurodiversity. It really does take some courage to do so and you will be helping many people in the process I am sure 🙏
I always thought I am a massive introvert with social anxiety. But I am wondering if there is something else. Thank you very much for sharing your experience.
man the rejection by friends can be real though. people often dont tell you why either. you just stop getting invited to things. if people would communicate directly what they like or dont like that i do/say i could easily adjust
I cried for weeks for all the time spent trying to be like everyone else and failing and beating myself up for it. I cried for all the times my family was cruel about it as well. I cried for that wasted energy that could have been put into things I was passionate about. I cried because I could have been living more truthfully and letting people into my reality more and really connecting if I had had the language, and I felt robbed. Then I realized the only thing worse than denying yourself for years was denying yourself for years and a day. And now I could turn off The Emily Show and save myself the wasted time. People were really accepting. Some of my friends were not even surprised at all lmao. Now I have friends where I don't have to mask if I don't want to and they will even engage with me in my more idiosyncratic passions. And I certainly put more time and energy into what really works for me. There's a ways to go, but I am slowly leaning into a life where I am no longer overstimulated constantly and can actually get relaxed sometimes. Because I'm not asking myself to do it like other people now. The drill sergeant in my head is slowly morphing into something much sweeter. ...and I also take it way less personally when someone remarks that something I do is odd. Because after about a year, I do not mind being odd anymore. Its very "so what." Just another day lmao The biggest thing was remembering all the times people did let me be myself, and learning to no longer cater to my family especially. There are many people who like me for who I am. I didn't notice as much because I was so exhausted catering to those who never could. It's not an exclusively autistic tale of growth. But learning to let go of people who will never be here for it is the thing that brings so many people from so many walks of life that real, real relief.
I was 51, along with a lot of other LDs. Just remember that it doesn't change who you are. It just gives you a little more information that you can use to manage your life. Everyone has something. This is just ours.
I used to tutor the neurodivergent at a learning center at a college I used to attend, almost 20 years ago. All tutors took a battery of small tests at a workshop to see how well we understood neurodivergence and how the neurodivergent view the world; if we were able to understand their way of thinking, so to speak. While I don’t think these tests were diagnostic material per se, I scored the highest of any tutor on every single test, whether it was autism, dyslexia, ADHD, etc. Other tutors were perplexed at my “skills” when it came to this and asked “how in the world” did I know that. I was confused as to how others couldn’t possibly have interpreted things the way I did with those tests, it was just natural to me. Fast forward all these years later and I was just dx’d ADHD last year, and I am now considering getting tested/evaluated for autism. It’s all coming full circle now. I fell through the cracks all these years due to excellent masking, and having been an attractive woman growing up (or so I was told as much anyway). I have always felt a bit socially awkward, even during my most confident times, and I met most of the supposed childhood traits that lend themselves towards autism. At my graduation even, for my masters degree there’s a picture of me unknowingly doing the T Rex arms haha.
I was diagnosed with autism this year at the age of 36. I have the same feelings as you, a new understanding of my past and current behaviour but also a sadness for the lost years and pain of the past. Unfortunately for me my autism has largely negatively effected my employment and academic achievements and I don't really know how to fix that. As you said the world is not made for us and even with the caviats that are afforded us I am still unable to succeed. My one solice is that I have been married for 10 years to my lovely wife and I have been able to make some close friends who seem to accept me. Thankyou for making this video, it makes me feel like I'm less alone with being diagnosed later in life and it's good to know that there are other people out there with shared experiences.
yeah I feel that. I'm lucky work-wise - I work in the arts as a performer and writer, which makes it a little easier to continue working as I move through this journey. Also, I agree about the benefits of a lovely partner!
"Limited-edition variant. Super collectible." I love it, thanks for this. Was diagnosed a couple of years ago, and it's very validating to hear about others path of self-discovery.
My best friend was diagnosed last year at 55. After having a hard time expressing many of the things you did so eloquently in this video, he killed himself in October. I've been struggling to understand ever since. Thank you for putting this out - I appreciate the insight and it actually helped me get at least a little understanding of what he was going through. ❤
This resonates. I am 52 and was diagnosed with ADHD in May... The psychiatrist then said he wanted another session with me and after that one told me that I also have "significant autism"... And his suggestion was to embrace my inner Sheldon Cooper. A lot of what you have said here describes how I have felt my life and feel now. De-masking is actually, though weirdly tough, freeing. I don't need to pretend now. Thank you.
Great video, thanks. I am 52 and self-diagnosed after my mother's death in 2021. It seems like I always have these eureka moments after a trauma. I have told people in my family but they still don't take the time to find out what autism is or try to understand me. The things I have ever really wanted in life: understanding, acceptance, encouragement, enduring friendship, to be truly known and liked despite my differences and flaws. I don't feel like I have ever had that for a consistent amount of time.
I live in Argentina, I am 61, and you have depicted the story of my life since I was 4. The main feeling I recall is terror, and also not understanding why I was constantly supposed to do things which had no sense and reject others that for me werent bad. The cost of living like that is huge. I found something valuable in poets (not the commercial ones certainly), whom I felt like brothers. Its still difficult for me, since I dont fit in such a violent, fake and vertiginous society which makes us sick, which is too far from a brotherhood. Thanks for your video.
Watching videos of older adults being diagnosed made me realize my husband and I are both on the spectrum. I don’t feel “disabled” but differently abled. I have demanded agency since I was a child and was labeled difficult because of it. Luckily, not caring about the judgements of others is the spectrum trait that saved me from caring.
I was diagnosed last year at 29 years old. For me it was a real eye opener and a relief. I haven't had a great life and as a result i never finished my education. I can now pick up the pieces and i'm planning to go back to school next year. Hope you do well on your own journey.
I can relate to a lot of this. I found out I have Asperger's/ASD at 45 years old. I wasn't quiet as a child, well I was half the time. And half the time I was getting in arguments, fights, annoying people. I made a lot of enemies but managed to have a few friends and allies. When I got to uni I made a fair few friends, none of which I stayed in touch with. As I've got older my social circles have got smaller. I don't have friends. Just my partner, my brother, my mum. There are people I deal with but don't socialise with. My partner's family I don't get on with because they are judgmental and think I'm rude, strange, disagreeable, lazy, difficult. Basically anything I do that is autism they think I'm choosing to do and think I should buck my ideas up. They don't know I have ASD and I don't want them to know. It's hard looking back and seeing your life with an understanding at last. Rather than just thinking you fell out with people because you are a bad person etc.
Thanks for sharing this. I'm 66 and just diagnosed with autism. What you're saying here articulates what I feel . Still raw and not sure which paths are available and which I should take. Very best wishes to you. Kim
Thanks for sharing bud. I'm going through this too at 35. I overdid the unmasking and had to learn what level to reel it back in to. While many people are understanding and treat you with much more empathy, I did experience the feeling of being alienated and not part of the group even more somehow. At least here in America, the pro-normative culture is so strong that masking is a survival mechanism. I wish you luck on finding out which traits cause too much discomfort to mask, and which traits make your life easier to mask. It's a balance and a long and sometimes disheartening game of trial and error.
A lot of this is so relatable. The last part where you mention you start to feel less of an outsider and more as part of a community made me think of this thing that goes around on social media: "Why do you need a label?" Because there is comfort in knowing you are a normal zebra, not a strange horse. Because you can't find community with other zebras if you don't know you belong. And because it is impossible for a zebra to be happy or healthy spending its life feeling like a failed horse. That one resonated with me so much from the moment I saw it pass by. For me my diagnosis (a couple of months ago at age 37) felt as a relieve. The ironic thing is that in my first meeting of those to come on finding out what's 'wrong' with me, my psychologist told me she was considering autism. I was sure it wasn't and thought like ah well she'll see soon enough. The more diagnostic sessions we had though, the more I started agreeing with it being a possibility. Until at some point I was already certain even though we hadn't finished the diagnostic process yet (it took 2 months). And now I'm actually happy with it aside from the major relieve it made me feel, because like you say it just explains it all. All of the things I did and the way I reacted to certain things. And like you I can now choose my health over thinking I'm just anti social or whatnot. Thank you so much for sharing your story and good luck on finding your actual, non-masking self.
I very seldom comment on RUclips videos, but yours was much too lovely not to be an exception to that rule. While at 50 I remain completely undiagnosed, I am pretty certain I lie somewhere "on the spectrum", as they say: all of your personal examples of autistic behaviour patterns match my own experience (and made me smile every time). You've inspired me to also cut down on the masking, which I am not very good at anyway, and mostly makes me feel like a poor imitation of a regular person. The best of luck to you!
I was diagnosed with autism five years ago at the age of 51. [I, too, was not diagnosed as a child. But then it's only recently that people are even looking at such a diagnosis in girls.] Post diagnosis is a JOURNEY. All in all, though, it's been a positive experience. I now know why I have had struggles with personal relationships and employment. It enabled me to no longer struggle to fit into the (often unspoken) expectations of the outside world, having accepted that I am simply not wired for it. I have accepted that friendships with neurotypical folks are bound to fail, that even if I "try my hardest" they have little chance at longevity. So I no longer invest effort and emotion into such relationships. I have, however, discovered that I CAN have meaningful long term relationships with autistic folks. And that has been truly life changing. And while I wish I had found my tribe long ago, I'm grateful that I found it at last.
holy shit you put it so well into words, i relate a lot to you, i wasnt diagnosed as a child but at around 18/19 and it made so much sense of everything in my life when I found it out, i have so much respect for you for wishing to unmask, going on 9 years knowing I am autistic, i still struggle to not mask it
My background in social work helped get my husband diagnosed at 47 shortly after we were married and I was better able to see his daily struggles. He is still working through it particularly handling grief which is a new experience for him. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Beautifully articulated 😊 Diagnosed 52, now 54. Life has been exhausting, external and internal ableism. Post dx inner voice is filled with kindness and understanding - a rare phenomenon. The Grieving is real and relatable. Knowledge is power, I now navigate the world differently with my self care a priority. I wish you well in your journey … dare I say “live long and prosper!” 🖖🏼
Thank you for sharing. I got a bit teary eyed here and there because I can relate quite a bit to things you’ve experienced. I too felt like these are just parts of my personality, but like you said, it can be exhausting.
Beautifully put! Well done. I am in my 60s and like you, realised that I am almost certainly on the spectrum late in life. Several members of my family have been diagnosed with autism, so I was reading about it to better understand and support them when, like a bolt from a blue, I thought "Ohmigawd, I am autistic too!".
Welcome to the community! I just got here myself! Your story parallels mine in so many ways. I self-diagnosed at 51. I was 49 before I ever realized that an articulate, educated adult could even be autistic. You may as well have been talking about my childhood when you described yours. It's been a couple of years that I have been learning about autism and I still keep coming across things that make me think, "Oh, hey, I do that - that's autism, too?"
I was diagnosed last year at 56 years of age. I can relate a lot about your comments about growling up in the 70's, I felt like I was living inside a Scifi movie and nothing made sense to me. I've never fitted in and people treat me like I am low in intellect, which I resent.
I'm 44 and was also diagnosed late, at 42. I kind of knew this already, but getting the diagnosis helped reaffirm my intuition, and to start being more true to myself instead of attemtping to fit into a society that i do not fit into. I heard someone say Autistic people are like the druids of old, we do not fit into this corporate environment and would much rather live in a forest or cave. Weirdly that's always been a fantasy of mine.
This year I'm trying to be more forgiving and far more kind to myself (we can be our own worst critics) and others, you are more then welcome to join along. I look forward to seeing updates as you uncover more about what it means and understand autism a bit more 👍
How has this video been live for three weeks, has 124k views, 248 comments and only six likes? Mr. Ricardo, all you said in this video reflect so much of my own life. You are one year older than me and I also understand how it was growing up in the 1970s; I wish someone would have identified my autism then and not simply acknowledge my differences from most others. I am grateful for your video and wish you the best.
Little things you said like 'looking at the bridge of the nose', needing to plan out what you're going to say in every situation and how exhausting it all is, really hit home for me. I've gotten so used to it, I haven't stopped to think about it. In my late 40's and undiagnosed, but I've been gradually coming to realize how much I fit in with all the descriptions I've heard.
Welcome! I self diagnosed with both Autism and ADHD a year ago at 51. Relief was my first reaction too 😊. Hold on for the ride, it’s been a roller coaster of emotions for me.
Awesome video, friend. I'm also a late-diagnosis (though technically self-diagnosed, since it's hard to get an actual diagnosis for adults in the US). My son was diagnosed and during that process is when everything started lining up and a lightbulk went off in my head that, like you, made me reevaluate a lifetime of awkwardness, confusion, and bullying from others. I wish you all the best in your journey. I also wanted to add on the topic of eye contact, one thing I've always done (even before I realized why) when I needed to make eye contact but didn't want to, was unfocus my eyes so the person's face becomes blurry. I found that helps when having difficult conversations where I want to focus on the person's tone of voice more than their facial expressions.
Reddit sent me here. Not Autistic (as far as I am aware) but I had a very similar journey with ADHD. That question of why do I feel slightly out of step of everyone, why did I do the things I did has a child/teenager so I really understand where you are coming from on that. So congrats on finding your answer, and I hope the sense of self it brings you in the days/years coming will make life easier for you.
Now 55, diagnosed ADHD at 47 and autistic at 49. Still unpacking the 45+ years prior to the assessments/affirmation, but am getting there. What you said rang very true. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself👍
A counsellor had asked me to consider the possibility of being on the spectrum, I had just turned 50. I avoided the subject and eventually stopped seeing that counsellor, years later I decided to see a cousellor again, this one was more insistent that I test for autism and I decided to quite seeing her as well. Seeing this I think I now realise that it would have made sense to face it as the things you have described resonate all to well.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Working towards my own diagnosis, in my 40s. Really identified with how you felt about looking back at your childhood.
thank you so much, for so many reason most of which you will already know, im undiagnosed 63yrs old and kind of started to get it to understand about 20yrs ago,i thought i was just me and lacking in the abilities to be like everyone else tonight thanks to you all is clear , i am still me just as you say a limited edition not better than and certainly not less than
I really appreciate your honesty in this video. I'm also a late-diagnosed autistic person. I was diagnosed at age 36, seven years ago. The diagnosis didn't surprise me. It came as a relief in many ways but also with the sense of "well, what do I do now"? I wish I had been diagnosed as a child, but in the 80s and 90s, "high-functioning" autism (I hate that label) and autism in girls and women was almost never diagnosed. I've found a number of really good late-diagnosed autistic RUclipsrs who talk about all kinds of things relating to being on the spectrum and life in general. I think you'd really like Orion Kelly ,That Autistic Guy's videos. Another one of my favorites is Claire aka Woodshed Theory, although her perspective might be more relatable to late-diagnosed women. Thank you for sharing your story.
I've just turned 30 and I'm starting to recognise the same things, all those struggles in my childhood and today. "Why are you so quiet?" Etc. May start looking into a diagnosis
Thank you for making this video. I'm 56 and have been dealing with the same issues as you my whole life. It's nice to finally be able to say "ahhhh, so *that's* why I do that...". I'm not diagnosed, but I don't need to be, it's always been apparent that there was something just a little off in my head. I'm lucky that I was able to retire at 54 so I can retreat to my happy place and don't have to play the "just act normal" game every day.
I feel this way as well. Never been diagnosed or tested, but I feel this way to the core. I'm 53 and currently work at a largely physical, but mostly brainless job. I also hope to retire very, very soon.
I went through this just before lockdown and it's been both a shock and a revalation, more the latter as time has gone-on and I have learned more about it. One of the frustrations has been how this new knowledge of myself seems to make so little difference to other people (or even denial) if I try to prepare the ground, so-to-speak. But it is helpful to let-go of some of the expectations I placed on myself previously. You have certain expessed some of my feelings in this video which is validating and feels a bit less lonely.
I'm 42 and just diagnosed last month. I found out by a total fluke because I watched a RUclips video on autism in adult women and thought, "huh? I relate to this!". lol I haven't really mourned my childhood because I did that when I realized I went through extreme trauma when I was young. An autism diagnosis has made me happy because there are significantly less things that I need to fix about myself. I thought these "failings" were from trauma but knowing I'm made this way has brought a ton of relief. I don't seem to have struggled like some autistic people in the career area or educationally. I feel blessed to have the unique traits that come with autism. I don't see this as a disability and I hate hearing it referred to as such. Maybe that will change with time. I don't know.
I'm 64, and got my diagnosis at 61. You described very well the experience of a later-in-life diagnosis, I could recognise and relate to a lot .. a LOT! ... of the sensations and feelings you described. Like you, I'm trying to mask less ... bit of a struggle to overturn the habits of a lifetime, but I'll keep working on it. Thank you for this excellet description of the situation, I'll share you video with my partner, maybe it wil help her understand some of the things I've tried to articulate (not quite so eloquently). And every good with for your journey, from a fellow-traveller ...
Thanks, this really hit home. I was diagnosed when I was 14, but I'm a massive edge case. They even called it "passive autism" cause they didn't know what to do with me. Sounded like nonsense to me. Always ignored it, and I hate how people walk around with the diagnosis like they're proud of it, or they hide behind it and convince themselves they can't do something because of the diagnosis. Am 28 now, maybe I should read a bit more into it. I've learned to cope with being sifferent and just accepted it as "me". Which it still is, but maybe reading into it will help me more.
When you described how uncomfortable it feels to read down a list of what you thought were special bits of your own personality but they’re actually traits of a diagnosis … yes, exactly. I’m 26 and only recently discovered what I thought were just my “quirks” are in fact inattentive ADHD. While it’s reassuring and validating to know that I’m not necessarily to blame for the things I struggle with that others seem not to, and yes, I am still me!! But there’s also a weird bit of mourning involved as well as I come to terms with the fact that I’m actually wired different - not just “quirky”. It’s hard to explain, but you really encapsulated that feeling well. Wishing you all the best xx
Hi Mat. Thank you for sharing your experience. It really resonates. I'm not on the autistic spectrum, I am highly sensitive and I have friends on the spectrum. When I grew up I developed overcompensating behaviors to make others happy so that they would like me. So how you describe masking is very similar to some of my behaviours and the lonely child feeling not understood thing was the same for me. I really enjoy how you say you're not going to keep doing certain behaviors with others to give yourself a break. I'm about the same age as you - and what you are sharing is the same thing I am doing. People still ask me what's changed - and I say - I am looking after myself - so they can't argue with that. So one gift of what you and others in the autistic community do by sharing your experience is help others like myself see our behaviours and learn to be Ok with doing things that make us happy. So thank you for sharing!
I found out recently at 30. I don't think of it at a disability I understand my brain is much better at technical things but struggles socially. However over 10 years of going out and forcing myself to be social I come off pretty well. Though I choose to be alone mostly.
Thank you for sharing. So much of what you said struck home for me. I am not diagnosed but I share many of the feelings you expressed about feeling like an outsider. I look forward to hearing more about your journey.
Dear Mat, I felt listening to a fellow friend who speaks my language. Your self-revealing and vulnerability is admirable and touched me deeply. I feel sorry for and resonate with your pain, and very joyous for your bravery in embracing the experience fully, and owning your future. Much love and kindness to you, I will tune in to see how you are doing. Love, Christine from Berlin
I was assessed as autistic in Jan 23 at the age of 58. For me it did not feel helpful because as I put it to the team who carried out my assessment it will just be one more damn thing that is wrong that I can't put right. It is encouraging to see your optimism and I hope it works out. I am still finding it hard to talk about my autism or to listen to others talk but a lot of what you said resonates with me so I will keep watching and see how things go.
I wasn’t diagnosed until I was twelve or thirteen. As a kid I never cared about fitting in but I wanted the other kids to like me anyway and the world still confuses and angers me today. I didn’t even know what autism was until I was nine or ten but from then on I knew I was autistic even before I got the diagnosis. I’m so glad people have started to see autism not as a disorder but as a neurobiological human difference, but there’s still a long way to go and I wish we could put the travel time on the road to acceptance to warp speed.
Oh wow..this could have been me talking! I am 70 (still working part time) and was diagnosed a year ago. Everything you say resonates with me, including your decision to be more open and it has changed so much in a positive way. For example, my friends sit next to me instead of opposite so I don't have to make eye contact when we talk and it has turned out that once I have shown "my true colors" they are often more appreciated than I previously feared. I'm swedish so please excuse my english (:
Hi Mat, I can speak from personal experience being me and absolutely get what you mean when it comes to the situation when people "get things faster than me" or the method of learning isn't suited to you but everyone else understood it. It was always my struggle at school, I'd be given a task and everyone else crack on with it and I'm stood there clueless. It made my self-confidence drop and felt I was stupid. This of course isn't the case now, I've bounced back and am happy to say I use my knowledge many would study a long time to do and use my music and driving to an advantage. I'm a very giving person, I am a generous person it's never as stereotyped as autistics go. "A world not built for us" was a beautiful term and a battle i've had to fight a long time, although I say a long time, i'm 24 now and diagonsed early. The feeling of rejection has always haunted me, it must have been terrible for you to live so long not quite being able to name your pain. Hat goes off to you now because i've had major crisis's just being as young as I am nearly ended my life and I knew my diagonsis. Quite often i'm the same, I got good at the things that interested me and I lost potential friends along the way for the same reason. I think also what you said about the masking, I used to do it alot until I came to the realisation that actually, I don't need to. Because I see I have a great power, instead of worrying what others thought, I love the Lord Of The Rings, obsessed almost, I would like to think I own an invisible ring of power called "autism" that gives me amazing power to be kind and say the right thing at the right time to those who are having a hard time.
Holy shit, I just saw you perform a few days ago in Ottawa, I recognized your face from just the thumbnail, what a crazy coincidence. You are a great performer. Keep on keeping on, we need more people like you!
I received my diagnosis at 36 right before the lockdowns kicked in. The timing was a mixed blessing, I was able to limit my social interactions and slowly let myself unmask, but I couldn't find a professional to help me process everything that came with it. Cheers to you sir. I wish you luck with the journey ahead. Maybe we'll get things worked out before we get to the end.
I am 39 and just starting my journey realizing I’m on the spectrum as well all my life and it’s quite a epiphany realization. Having spent most of my life avoiding crowds, hating making decisions, always second-guessing every time I talk to someone wondering what I said that was weird and feeling like I’ve never fit in all my life but never knowing why. my wife noticed everything and I’m so thankful for her to push me into researching and learning I am on the spectrum but highly functioning and I’ve literally hidden it from myself on my life with working a solitary job, not having many friends, and built my whole life around it. But just like you said so far the absolute hardest part is acceptance as I’ve already been laughed at many times saying that if you’re able to talk and walk then you don’t have ASD but I’m so glad for yours and everyone’s videos showing that is highly stigmatized and such a wide spectrum people don’t understand.
Thank you for sharing how you’re processing this, Mat. You give such a clear picture of how this feels for you. It’s incredibly helpful and a characteristically bold and generous thing to do.
I’m very happy for to have a diagnosis for how you have felt all your life. Absolutely don’t be ashamed, no reason to. I have often wondered if I have a little of that. I have never made friends easily, now that I’m retired, and I’m not outgoing at all I can count on one hand the number of friends/acquaintances I have. I get misunderstood a lot. I get along well with animals. My interests are few, although I can listen to other people talk about theirs. Life can be lonely.
ive just been diagnosed at 34, i struggle to even speak if i do speak i say stuff in the wrong tone other people pick me up wrong then im wondering why everyone seems to hate me, i cant keep friends people come and go all the time. currently going through a lonely spell ive got no friends no idea how to even start a conversastion, ive found a great interest in music im learning to play electric Guitar, Music is helping me cope with lonelyness, i wish normal people would understand us better, im so tired of been taken the wrong way that im not even trying to make friends any more, whats the point? it just goes down hill anyways?
I was diagnosed autistic just last May at age 47. I think you're right on the money with this video -- except I think the average age for a female getting diagnosed is much higher than four. A teenage girl getting a diagnosis is still considered young for a female, I thought. But I hope that's changing. My daughter got her diagnosis only a couple of weeks before I did, at age 25 months, but her way was paved by her brothers' and cousin's diagnoses, not to mention my own research into the topic. But you described my experience as a late-diagnosed adult with uncanny insight and accuracy. Thank you.
I’m so grateful I stumbled across this video. Thank you! I’m 54 and going through it now. First appt next week. I’m about 100% sure and adhd I need validated!
Thanks for this video. I am 42 and was diagnosed 6 months ago. You perfectly put into words how I feel and have been feeling. I'm still finding my way at the time. I'm still me, trying to stop fighting what is actually the real me while at the same time feeling like my world has been turned upside down. Then also not trying to show it on the outside. This video definitely made me feel better. Thanks again.
All of what you said makes absolute sense to me. I am 68 and still waiting for an official diagnosis, but I am sure that when I get to the top of the queue it will be a slam dunk. Because it isn't something that I talk about only my partner currently knows that I consider myself to be neurodivergent. I still don't know how many people I will tell when I do get my diagnosis. I will be interested to follow your path and see how it goes for you. The thing that had me shouting in furious agreement was it's so fucking exhausting! Anyway, we see how it goes. Cheers
I saw this on my feed and watched the video and watched it assuming you were a psychologist or a autism awareness content creator of sorts. After checking your page I realise you arent and the fact you make this video means even more to me. Because those people aren't as relatable. So much of what you said was so relatable and I am 30 realising in the past year that there was a explanation to why everything was harder for me and it feels special to know others feel what I feel and felt.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m 45, was recently diagnosed and I’m feeling sorry for myself too. But rightfully so, it’s not easy to share with others and, apart from a few close family members, I just don’t have the bandwidth to share at the time. Your story was very helpful and I feel somewhat relieved and less lonely today. It seems as though it’s much more common for late diagnosis in women and I have found it harder to find males that are late diagnosed to relate with. At the same time I often relate with the female experience, which is possibly why I flew under the radar. That, or growing up in the 80’s-90’s. Anyway, thank you!
It is really difficult to navigate a world where one is oftentimes misunderstood and treated differently. While it is a relief to finally receive a diagnosis, you naturally will grieve all of the times you felt misunderstood, confused, and lonely as you so poignantly expressed in your vlog. At least now you are aware that you are not alone and that there are many others in the neurodivergent community available to lend you their support. All the best to you!🙂
I'm 55 and was diagnosed a few years ago. I had been diagnosed as a child of 7 but that had been hidden from me. I had been told that sometimes people who excel in one way struggle in another. Later because I kept bringing it up when my mother wanted to brag about how "intelligent" I was, I was forbidden to speak of it and within a couple of years had completely forgotten it. Totally understand the grief. I spent something like a year just getting a handle on the rage I felt about my condition being hidden from me. Being denied access to the intelligence and tools that I might have employed to better function socially. Been a few years now and I have just about gotten my head around it all.
Hey Mat! Long-time follower here. Great video! I too am on the spectrum and often felt othered or outside of everything as a child, and still to this day as an adult. This is a very thoughtful presentation and I thank you.
Hi, I feel everything you're saying here, deep in my heart. I'm literally going through the same scenario right now. I too feel a strange grief for what might have been, what could have been....and still coming to grips with how long it took me to realize I might be on the spectrum. After having my second child with autism, one verbal and one non verbal; I became curious of the possibly that I could be on the spectrum myself... That started a whole lot of reflective thinking and realizations. I am 40, and still in the beginning of my journey but it just meant alot to me to come across this video today. Thank you so much.🙂💛💛💛
Much of what you said resonated with me. I was told I was Dyslexic when I was 40. I was surprised, but once I started to investigate how people experience this everything seemed to make sense. The first time I went to a meeting for dyslexics, run by dyslexics, I just felt 'I've finally met my tribe'. Since then I have met many dyslexics and have come to realise how different, and the same we can be. Labels can be useful, and at the same time they can be terribly restricting. I would advise anyone on the neurodiverse spectrum to be very wary of the label that is applied to you. Explore your difference with others like you, maintain your individuality and don't simply accept the definitions that others want to apply to you if they do not make sense. Some people are great athletes because their bodies are just right for the sport they participate in. These people work to their strengths. Our brains are different. They are made to be good at some things. If we concentrate our energies on these good things, I believe, the less good things will take care of themselves.
I was 57 when I was diagnosed. Over the decades, I was diagnosed with several other disorders before I got the Autism diagnosis so I knew something wasn't right.
Thank you. I am 52 and recently diagnosed too. Everything you say resonates with me. Unfortunately when I have tried masking less as you are talking about I am getting into trouble. My nearest and dearest just seem to want me to sort it out and get back to the person they know. It’s hard but we’ll get there to where I need to be. Thank you again for this
Just found this video on Reddit and it really hit a cord. I have been in discussion with my therapist about getting tested for autism, because I've been on so many different medications, yet I'm still stuck where im at not being able to be social and also have a hard time in my daily/work life. This video felt like a kick in the pants to go get tested. Thanks :)
@MatRicardo just in the r/video section. A lot of the things you said in the video are exactly what I go through on a daily basis and I've always just thought I was just weird. Hopefully I can get some answers soon, so I can better understand my situation.
"A significant percentage of the pain of any disability, of any difference, is navigating the social exclusion of a world made for the majority, when you're not in that group." Nailed it, thank you for putting your experience into words. Wish you all the best in your journey!
thanks!
I’m 55 and in the exact same boat as you are in. I’ve long suspected that I might be a high functioning austistic because it runs in the family and my nephew and niece were diagnosed as on the spectrum. I took two credible autism tests online and was shocked by how high I scored. (My wife scored low on the exact same tests.) However, when I told this to my neurologist his reply was, “Autism is a childhood disease”. I guess no one cares if you are an autistic adult. We’re just expected to get on with life and somehow deal with the fact that we aren’t equipped to handle normal human interactions.
Jeez that sounds wrong on more than one level. Apart from anything else, it's not a disease. Also - the job of a doctor is literally to care! oof. Sorry about that.
I've recently been diagnosed. I'm 62. I've always known that I just don't quite fit in. I've always struggled in busy noisy situations. I can't think straight. I can't hear properly because brain just takes a while to process things. All my life I've felt like I'm broken but now I know I'm not. It's so good to have an older person talking about their experience. Most of the people I follow describe themselves as late diagnosed but they're still under 30!
So well articulated. I have a suspicion this video is going to help a LOT of people. Well done.
Thanks!
Ouch. This has been my experience pretty much, I was recently forced out of my job because I told them I was autistic. My work reviews and everything were always amazing, and within a week of them knowing, they changed the way they spoke and acted around me and forced me out of my job. I personally wouldn't go around telling everyone, as they do weaponize it. It wasn't the first place either. Happy that you got your diagnosis though!
Oof thats tough. I think work-wise, I'm very lucky, as I work freelance, and in the arts as a performer and writer, where there's much less pushback to being different
I was diagnosed at 48. My suggestion? Love yourself and embrace your wellbeing. Life is short. I find more of my identity with creatures other than humans but all we can do is our best to survive and thrive.
Sounds like a plan!
hi mat, im a 13 year old autistic girl, i haven’t yet got an official diagnosis but i’m waiting for the answer of if i can be put on the waiting list for one or not. it’s very hard to be diagnosed as a girl or AFAB person, but i think people forget that boys, men, AMAB people can also not get a diagnosis due to masking or just inaccessible diagnoses. i’m also glad you pointed out that autism is a disability and a neurotype, but not a illness or disease, because my paediatrician kept insisting i had “autism spectrum disease” which just made me feel so dehumanised because personally, i just like being called “autistic”. an “autistic person”. because that’s what i am, it’s a part of me in my opinion. i’m greatful for being (nearly) diagnosed quite young but i do feel like i’ve missed out on the first 13 years of my life, so i can’t imagine not knowing what’s happening in your brain for 54 years. i think one of the worst parts of my journey, is i worked out i was autistic when i was around 11, and i thought it was this huge secret that i could never let get out, but it turns out my family have known most of my life that i was likely autistic, just didn’t want to go through the huge process of a diagnosis. i understand where they’re coming from but it was almost traumatic being a kid with no reason for being “weird”, “annoying”, “exhausting”. i’ve masked a lot in my life but i think that almost made me come off as more “weird”, because i wasn’t quite copying the other kids as well as i thought i was
Thanks so much for your comment. Hope you're doing alright.
Same story as yours my friend. I’m 51 and yes the grief for the lost and very difficult “Best years of my life” is too real.
It is great to why I am who I am but I’m seriously devastated. I have no one to comfort me and I really need it right now.
Thanks for sharing your story, I see I’m not on my own. I’m looking forward to seeing you thrive
I'm an Autistic CBT therapist /Counsellor diagnosed in my 40's and I'm certain that I have ADHD too. I work an awful lot with neuro divergence as part of a Primary Care Counselling team in a major UK City. I think people may be surprised by the full extent of the numbers. There are many people undiagnosed and I would go as far as to say that neuro divergent people make up a significant proportion of the population. I always say that ASD, ADHD whatever it is is not a disability, but a different way of being or thinking. It's not easy being a square peg in a round hole. If there's one thing that I hear almost without exception is that 'I always felt different '. Will be following this channel with interest. Well done for helping to raise awareness of neurodiversity. It really does take some courage to do so and you will be helping many people in the process I am sure 🙏
I always thought I am a massive introvert with social anxiety. But I am wondering if there is something else. Thank you very much for sharing your experience.
man the rejection by friends can be real though. people often dont tell you why either. you just stop getting invited to things. if people would communicate directly what they like or dont like that i do/say i could easily adjust
I cried for weeks for all the time spent trying to be like everyone else and failing and beating myself up for it. I cried for all the times my family was cruel about it as well. I cried for that wasted energy that could have been put into things I was passionate about. I cried because I could have been living more truthfully and letting people into my reality more and really connecting if I had had the language, and I felt robbed.
Then I realized the only thing worse than denying yourself for years was denying yourself for years and a day.
And now I could turn off The Emily Show and save myself the wasted time.
People were really accepting. Some of my friends were not even surprised at all lmao. Now I have friends where I don't have to mask if I don't want to and they will even engage with me in my more idiosyncratic passions.
And I certainly put more time and energy into what really works for me. There's a ways to go, but I am slowly leaning into a life where I am no longer overstimulated constantly and can actually get relaxed sometimes. Because I'm not asking myself to do it like other people now. The drill sergeant in my head is slowly morphing into something much sweeter.
...and I also take it way less personally when someone remarks that something I do is odd. Because after about a year, I do not mind being odd anymore. Its very "so what." Just another day lmao
The biggest thing was remembering all the times people did let me be myself, and learning to no longer cater to my family especially. There are many people who like me for who I am. I didn't notice as much because I was so exhausted catering to those who never could. It's not an exclusively autistic tale of growth. But learning to let go of people who will never be here for it is the thing that brings so many people from so many walks of life that real, real relief.
I was 51, along with a lot of other LDs. Just remember that it doesn't change who you are. It just gives you a little more information that you can use to manage your life. Everyone has something. This is just ours.
I used to tutor the neurodivergent at a learning center at a college I used to attend, almost 20 years ago. All tutors took a battery of small tests at a workshop to see how well we understood neurodivergence and how the neurodivergent view the world; if we were able to understand their way of thinking, so to speak. While I don’t think these tests were diagnostic material per se, I scored the highest of any tutor on every single test, whether it was autism, dyslexia, ADHD, etc. Other tutors were perplexed at my “skills” when it came to this and asked “how in the world” did I know that. I was confused as to how others couldn’t possibly have interpreted things the way I did with those tests, it was just natural to me. Fast forward all these years later and I was just dx’d ADHD last year, and I am now considering getting tested/evaluated for autism. It’s all coming full circle now. I fell through the cracks all these years due to excellent masking, and having been an attractive woman growing up (or so I was told as much anyway). I have always felt a bit socially awkward, even during my most confident times, and I met most of the supposed childhood traits that lend themselves towards autism. At my graduation even, for my masters degree there’s a picture of me unknowingly doing the T Rex arms haha.
haha the t-rex arms! Fascinating how the same traits, depending on context, get named as either traits, or skills...
I was diagnosed with autism this year at the age of 36. I have the same feelings as you, a new understanding of my past and current behaviour but also a sadness for the lost years and pain of the past. Unfortunately for me my autism has largely negatively effected my employment and academic achievements and I don't really know how to fix that. As you said the world is not made for us and even with the caviats that are afforded us I am still unable to succeed. My one solice is that I have been married for 10 years to my lovely wife and I have been able to make some close friends who seem to accept me. Thankyou for making this video, it makes me feel like I'm less alone with being diagnosed later in life and it's good to know that there are other people out there with shared experiences.
yeah I feel that. I'm lucky work-wise - I work in the arts as a performer and writer, which makes it a little easier to continue working as I move through this journey. Also, I agree about the benefits of a lovely partner!
"Limited-edition variant. Super collectible." I love it, thanks for this. Was diagnosed a couple of years ago, and it's very validating to hear about others path of self-discovery.
My best friend was diagnosed last year at 55. After having a hard time expressing many of the things you did so eloquently in this video, he killed himself in October. I've been struggling to understand ever since. Thank you for putting this out - I appreciate the insight and it actually helped me get at least a little understanding of what he was going through. ❤
This resonates. I am 52 and was diagnosed with ADHD in May... The psychiatrist then said he wanted another session with me and after that one told me that I also have "significant autism"... And his suggestion was to embrace my inner Sheldon Cooper.
A lot of what you have said here describes how I have felt my life and feel now. De-masking is actually, though weirdly tough, freeing. I don't need to pretend now.
Thank you.
As a fellow neurodivergent i absolutely love your take on this! 😊
Thank you!! 😊
Great video, thanks. I am 52 and self-diagnosed after my mother's death in 2021. It seems like I always have these eureka moments after a trauma. I have told people in my family but they still don't take the time to find out what autism is or try to understand me. The things I have ever really wanted in life: understanding, acceptance, encouragement, enduring friendship, to be truly known and liked despite my differences and flaws. I don't feel like I have ever had that for a consistent amount of time.
I live in Argentina, I am 61, and you have depicted the story of my life since I was 4. The main feeling I recall is terror, and also not understanding why I was constantly supposed to do things which had no sense and reject others that for me werent bad. The cost of living like that is huge. I found something valuable in poets (not the commercial ones certainly), whom I felt like brothers. Its still difficult for me, since I dont fit in such a violent, fake and vertiginous society which makes us sick, which is too far from a brotherhood. Thanks for your video.
You've elegantly put into words struggles that are nebulous and difficult for many to describe. Beautiful video!
Thank you so much!
Watching videos of older adults being diagnosed made me realize my husband and I are both on the spectrum. I don’t feel “disabled” but differently abled. I have demanded agency since I was a child and was labeled difficult because of it. Luckily, not caring about the judgements of others is the spectrum trait that saved me from caring.
What are some of the other videos that helped you?
I was diagnosed last year at 29 years old. For me it was a real eye opener and a relief. I haven't had a great life and as a result i never finished my education. I can now pick up the pieces and i'm planning to go back to school next year. Hope you do well on your own journey.
thats great. good luck with it
I can relate to a lot of this. I found out I have Asperger's/ASD at 45 years old. I wasn't quiet as a child, well I was half the time. And half the time I was getting in arguments, fights, annoying people. I made a lot of enemies but managed to have a few friends and allies. When I got to uni I made a fair few friends, none of which I stayed in touch with. As I've got older my social circles have got smaller. I don't have friends. Just my partner, my brother, my mum. There are people I deal with but don't socialise with. My partner's family I don't get on with because they are judgmental and think I'm rude, strange, disagreeable, lazy, difficult. Basically anything I do that is autism they think I'm choosing to do and think I should buck my ideas up. They don't know I have ASD and I don't want them to know. It's hard looking back and seeing your life with an understanding at last. Rather than just thinking you fell out with people because you are a bad person etc.
Thanks for sharing this. I'm 66 and just diagnosed with autism. What you're saying here articulates what I feel . Still raw and not sure which paths are available and which I should take. Very best wishes to you. Kim
Thanks for sharing bud. I'm going through this too at 35. I overdid the unmasking and had to learn what level to reel it back in to. While many people are understanding and treat you with much more empathy, I did experience the feeling of being alienated and not part of the group even more somehow. At least here in America, the pro-normative culture is so strong that masking is a survival mechanism. I wish you luck on finding out which traits cause too much discomfort to mask, and which traits make your life easier to mask. It's a balance and a long and sometimes disheartening game of trial and error.
thanks very much
A lot of this is so relatable. The last part where you mention you start to feel less of an outsider and more as part of a community made me think of this thing that goes around on social media:
"Why do you need a label?" Because there is comfort in knowing you are a normal zebra, not a strange horse. Because you can't find community with other zebras if you don't know you belong. And because it is impossible for a zebra to be happy or healthy spending its life feeling like a failed horse.
That one resonated with me so much from the moment I saw it pass by. For me my diagnosis (a couple of months ago at age 37) felt as a relieve. The ironic thing is that in my first meeting of those to come on finding out what's 'wrong' with me, my psychologist told me she was considering autism. I was sure it wasn't and thought like ah well she'll see soon enough. The more diagnostic sessions we had though, the more I started agreeing with it being a possibility. Until at some point I was already certain even though we hadn't finished the diagnostic process yet (it took 2 months). And now I'm actually happy with it aside from the major relieve it made me feel, because like you say it just explains it all. All of the things I did and the way I reacted to certain things. And like you I can now choose my health over thinking I'm just anti social or whatnot.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and good luck on finding your actual, non-masking self.
I'm proud to know you, Mat. This is lovely.
Thanks mate x
I very seldom comment on RUclips videos, but yours was much too lovely not to be an exception to that rule. While at 50 I remain completely undiagnosed, I am pretty certain I lie somewhere "on the spectrum", as they say: all of your personal examples of autistic behaviour patterns match my own experience (and made me smile every time). You've inspired me to also cut down on the masking, which I am not very good at anyway, and mostly makes me feel like a poor imitation of a regular person. The best of luck to you!
I was diagnosed with autism five years ago at the age of 51. [I, too, was not diagnosed as a child. But then it's only recently that people are even looking at such a diagnosis in girls.] Post diagnosis is a JOURNEY. All in all, though, it's been a positive experience. I now know why I have had struggles with personal relationships and employment. It enabled me to no longer struggle to fit into the (often unspoken) expectations of the outside world, having accepted that I am simply not wired for it. I have accepted that friendships with neurotypical folks are bound to fail, that even if I "try my hardest" they have little chance at longevity. So I no longer invest effort and emotion into such relationships. I have, however, discovered that I CAN have meaningful long term relationships with autistic folks. And that has been truly life changing. And while I wish I had found my tribe long ago, I'm grateful that I found it at last.
What an eloquent (and sharply dressed) fellow you are. Wishing you all the very best with your journey of understanding...and as you say, be brave :)
holy shit you put it so well into words, i relate a lot to you, i wasnt diagnosed as a child but at around 18/19 and it made so much sense of everything in my life when I found it out, i have so much respect for you for wishing to unmask, going on 9 years knowing I am autistic, i still struggle to not mask it
yeah the whole unmasking thing certainly feels like it'l;l be a long slow process..
Sorry if this is a dumb question I’m new to learning about this, but why would you not want to mask NT social behaviors?
My background in social work helped get my husband diagnosed at 47 shortly after we were married and I was better able to see his daily struggles. He is still working through it particularly handling grief which is a new experience for him. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Beautifully articulated 😊 Diagnosed 52, now 54. Life has been exhausting, external and internal ableism. Post dx inner voice is filled with kindness and understanding - a rare phenomenon. The Grieving is real and relatable. Knowledge is power, I now navigate the world differently with my self care a priority. I wish you well in your journey … dare I say “live long and prosper!” 🖖🏼
Thank you for sharing. I got a bit teary eyed here and there because I can relate quite a bit to things you’ve experienced. I too felt like these are just parts of my personality, but like you said, it can be exhausting.
aww thanks so much
Beautifully put! Well done. I am in my 60s and like you, realised that I am almost certainly on the spectrum late in life. Several members of my family have been diagnosed with autism, so I was reading about it to better understand and support them when, like a bolt from a blue, I thought "Ohmigawd, I am autistic too!".
Welcome to the community! I just got here myself! Your story parallels mine in so many ways. I self-diagnosed at 51. I was 49 before I ever realized that an articulate, educated adult could even be autistic. You may as well have been talking about my childhood when you described yours. It's been a couple of years that I have been learning about autism and I still keep coming across things that make me think, "Oh, hey, I do that - that's autism, too?"
I was diagnosed last year at 56 years of age. I can relate a lot about your comments about growling up in the 70's, I felt like I was living inside a Scifi movie and nothing made sense to me. I've never fitted in and people treat me like I am low in intellect, which I resent.
I'm 44 and was also diagnosed late, at 42. I kind of knew this already, but getting the diagnosis helped reaffirm my intuition, and to start being more true to myself instead of attemtping to fit into a society that i do not fit into.
I heard someone say Autistic people are like the druids of old, we do not fit into this corporate environment and would much rather live in a forest or cave. Weirdly that's always been a fantasy of mine.
This year I'm trying to be more forgiving and far more kind to myself (we can be our own worst critics) and others, you are more then welcome to join along. I look forward to seeing updates as you uncover more about what it means and understand autism a bit more 👍
How has this video been live for three weeks, has 124k views, 248 comments and only six likes? Mr. Ricardo, all you said in this video reflect so much of my own life. You are one year older than me and I also understand how it was growing up in the 1970s; I wish someone would have identified my autism then and not simply acknowledge my differences from most others. I am grateful for your video and wish you the best.
Little things you said like 'looking at the bridge of the nose', needing to plan out what you're going to say in every situation and how exhausting it all is, really hit home for me. I've gotten so used to it, I haven't stopped to think about it. In my late 40's and undiagnosed, but I've been gradually coming to realize how much I fit in with all the descriptions I've heard.
Comedy AND talks about autism and mental health?! You just gained a subscriber, sir!
Welcome! I self diagnosed with both Autism and ADHD a year ago at 51. Relief was my first reaction too 😊. Hold on for the ride, it’s been a roller coaster of emotions for me.
Awesome video, friend. I'm also a late-diagnosis (though technically self-diagnosed, since it's hard to get an actual diagnosis for adults in the US). My son was diagnosed and during that process is when everything started lining up and a lightbulk went off in my head that, like you, made me reevaluate a lifetime of awkwardness, confusion, and bullying from others.
I wish you all the best in your journey. I also wanted to add on the topic of eye contact, one thing I've always done (even before I realized why) when I needed to make eye contact but didn't want to, was unfocus my eyes so the person's face becomes blurry. I found that helps when having difficult conversations where I want to focus on the person's tone of voice more than their facial expressions.
fascinating, these little tricks people to learn to make things easier
Reddit sent me here. Not Autistic (as far as I am aware) but I had a very similar journey with ADHD. That question of why do I feel slightly out of step of everyone, why did I do the things I did has a child/teenager so I really understand where you are coming from on that. So congrats on finding your answer, and I hope the sense of self it brings you in the days/years coming will make life easier for you.
thanks! it kinda blew up a bit on reddit didnt it? eek!
I am autistic diagnosed at 46. and I am showing your video to friends with great success. I get comments like „now I understand your relief!“
Now 55, diagnosed ADHD at 47 and autistic at 49. Still unpacking the 45+ years prior to the assessments/affirmation, but am getting there.
What you said rang very true.
Give yourself time and be kind to yourself👍
I'm 58 and I really wonder if I'm autistic. I relate to nearly everything you've said. Life has been a lonely struggle for me.
A counsellor had asked me to consider the possibility of being on the spectrum, I had just turned 50. I avoided the subject and eventually stopped seeing that counsellor, years later I decided to see a cousellor again, this one was more insistent that I test for autism and I decided to quite seeing her as well. Seeing this I think I now realise that it would have made sense to face it as the things you have described resonate all to well.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Working towards my own diagnosis, in my 40s. Really identified with how you felt about looking back at your childhood.
thank you so much, for so many reason most of which you will already know, im undiagnosed 63yrs old and kind of started to get it to understand about 20yrs ago,i thought i was just me and lacking in the abilities to be like everyone else
tonight thanks to you all is clear , i am still me just as you say a limited edition not better than and certainly not less than
I really appreciate your honesty in this video. I'm also a late-diagnosed autistic person. I was diagnosed at age 36, seven years ago. The diagnosis didn't surprise me. It came as a relief in many ways but also with the sense of "well, what do I do now"? I wish I had been diagnosed as a child, but in the 80s and 90s, "high-functioning" autism (I hate that label) and autism in girls and women was almost never diagnosed. I've found a number of really good late-diagnosed autistic RUclipsrs who talk about all kinds of things relating to being on the spectrum and life in general. I think you'd really like Orion Kelly ,That Autistic Guy's videos. Another one of my favorites is Claire aka Woodshed Theory, although her perspective might be more relatable to late-diagnosed women. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thanks, and thanks for the suggestions :)
I've just turned 30 and I'm starting to recognise the same things, all those struggles in my childhood and today. "Why are you so quiet?" Etc. May start looking into a diagnosis
Thank you for making this video. I'm 56 and have been dealing with the same issues as you my whole life. It's nice to finally be able to say "ahhhh, so *that's* why I do that...". I'm not diagnosed, but I don't need to be, it's always been apparent that there was something just a little off in my head. I'm lucky that I was able to retire at 54 so I can retreat to my happy place and don't have to play the "just act normal" game every day.
yesss!
I feel this way as well. Never been diagnosed or tested, but I feel this way to the core. I'm 53 and currently work at a largely physical, but mostly brainless job. I also hope to retire very, very soon.
I went through this just before lockdown and it's been both a shock and a revalation, more the latter as time has gone-on and I have learned more about it.
One of the frustrations has been how this new knowledge of myself seems to make so little difference to other people (or even denial) if I try to prepare the ground, so-to-speak.
But it is helpful to let-go of some of the expectations I placed on myself previously.
You have certain expessed some of my feelings in this video which is validating and feels a bit less lonely.
aww thanks - hope the journey is going well
53, and my Dr just agreed to refer me for a diagnosis. Evening you said resonates.... thank you
I'm 42 and just diagnosed last month. I found out by a total fluke because I watched a RUclips video on autism in adult women and thought, "huh? I relate to this!". lol I haven't really mourned my childhood because I did that when I realized I went through extreme trauma when I was young. An autism diagnosis has made me happy because there are significantly less things that I need to fix about myself. I thought these "failings" were from trauma but knowing I'm made this way has brought a ton of relief. I don't seem to have struggled like some autistic people in the career area or educationally. I feel blessed to have the unique traits that come with autism. I don't see this as a disability and I hate hearing it referred to as such. Maybe that will change with time. I don't know.
I'm 64, and got my diagnosis at 61. You described very well the experience of a later-in-life diagnosis, I could recognise and relate to a lot .. a LOT! ... of the sensations and feelings you described. Like you, I'm trying to mask less ... bit of a struggle to overturn the habits of a lifetime, but I'll keep working on it. Thank you for this excellet description of the situation, I'll share you video with my partner, maybe it wil help her understand some of the things I've tried to articulate (not quite so eloquently). And every good with for your journey, from a fellow-traveller ...
“They are no less me just because my brain is different.” 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻
Thanks, this really hit home. I was diagnosed when I was 14, but I'm a massive edge case. They even called it "passive autism" cause they didn't know what to do with me. Sounded like nonsense to me. Always ignored it, and I hate how people walk around with the diagnosis like they're proud of it, or they hide behind it and convince themselves they can't do something because of the diagnosis. Am 28 now, maybe I should read a bit more into it. I've learned to cope with being sifferent and just accepted it as "me". Which it still is, but maybe reading into it will help me more.
When you described how uncomfortable it feels to read down a list of what you thought were special bits of your own personality but they’re actually traits of a diagnosis … yes, exactly. I’m 26 and only recently discovered what I thought were just my “quirks” are in fact inattentive ADHD. While it’s reassuring and validating to know that I’m not necessarily to blame for the things I struggle with that others seem not to, and yes, I am still me!! But there’s also a weird bit of mourning involved as well as I come to terms with the fact that I’m actually wired different - not just “quirky”. It’s hard to explain, but you really encapsulated that feeling well. Wishing you all the best xx
thanks, yeah it's that odd readjustment period of "these things are still my quirks", I guess
Hi Mat. Thank you for sharing your experience. It really resonates. I'm not on the autistic spectrum, I am highly sensitive and I have friends on the spectrum. When I grew up I developed overcompensating behaviors to make others happy so that they would like me. So how you describe masking is very similar to some of my behaviours and the lonely child feeling not understood thing was the same for me.
I really enjoy how you say you're not going to keep doing certain behaviors with others to give yourself a break. I'm about the same age as you - and what you are sharing is the same thing I am doing. People still ask me what's changed - and I say - I am looking after myself - so they can't argue with that. So one gift of what you and others in the autistic community do by sharing your experience is help others like myself see our behaviours and learn to be Ok with doing things that make us happy. So thank you for sharing!
I found out recently at 30. I don't think of it at a disability I understand my brain is much better at technical things but struggles socially. However over 10 years of going out and forcing myself to be social I come off pretty well. Though I choose to be alone mostly.
Thank you for sharing. So much of what you said struck home for me. I am not diagnosed but I share many of the feelings you expressed about feeling like an outsider. I look forward to hearing more about your journey.
thanks so much
Dear Mat, I felt listening to a fellow friend who speaks my language. Your self-revealing and vulnerability is admirable and touched me deeply. I feel sorry for and resonate with your pain, and very joyous for your bravery in embracing the experience fully, and owning your future. Much love and kindness to you, I will tune in to see how you are doing. Love, Christine from Berlin
I was assessed as autistic in Jan 23 at the age of 58. For me it did not feel helpful because as I put it to the team who carried out my assessment it will just be one more damn thing that is wrong that I can't put right. It is encouraging to see your optimism and I hope it works out. I am still finding it hard to talk about my autism or to listen to others talk but a lot of what you said resonates with me so I will keep watching and see how things go.
I wasn’t diagnosed until I was twelve or thirteen. As a kid I never cared about fitting in but I wanted the other kids to like me anyway and the world still confuses and angers me today. I didn’t even know what autism was until I was nine or ten but from then on I knew I was autistic even before I got the diagnosis. I’m so glad people have started to see autism not as a disorder but as a neurobiological human difference, but there’s still a long way to go and I wish we could put the travel time on the road to acceptance to warp speed.
Oh wow..this could have been me talking! I am 70 (still working part time) and was diagnosed a year ago. Everything you say resonates with me, including your decision to be more open and it has changed so much in a positive way. For example, my friends sit next to me instead of opposite so I don't have to make eye contact when we talk and it has turned out that once I have shown "my true colors" they are often more appreciated than I previously feared. I'm swedish so please excuse my english (:
Hi Mat, I can speak from personal experience being me and absolutely get what you mean when it comes to the situation when people "get things faster than me" or the method of learning isn't suited to you but everyone else understood it. It was always my struggle at school, I'd be given a task and everyone else crack on with it and I'm stood there clueless. It made my self-confidence drop and felt I was stupid. This of course isn't the case now, I've bounced back and am happy to say I use my knowledge many would study a long time to do and use my music and driving to an advantage. I'm a very giving person, I am a generous person it's never as stereotyped as autistics go. "A world not built for us" was a beautiful term and a battle i've had to fight a long time, although I say a long time, i'm 24 now and diagonsed early. The feeling of rejection has always haunted me, it must have been terrible for you to live so long not quite being able to name your pain. Hat goes off to you now because i've had major crisis's just being as young as I am nearly ended my life and I knew my diagonsis. Quite often i'm the same, I got good at the things that interested me and I lost potential friends along the way for the same reason. I think also what you said about the masking, I used to do it alot until I came to the realisation that actually, I don't need to. Because I see I have a great power, instead of worrying what others thought, I love the Lord Of The Rings, obsessed almost, I would like to think I own an invisible ring of power called "autism" that gives me amazing power to be kind and say the right thing at the right time to those who are having a hard time.
My friend will probably get a diagnosis at 61. I am still waiting for it.
Holy shit, I just saw you perform a few days ago in Ottawa, I recognized your face from just the thumbnail, what a crazy coincidence. You are a great performer. Keep on keeping on, we need more people like you!
ha thats crazy! had a great time in ottawa. I now have a desk piled with maple candy. I wish that was a joke.
Good on you Mat! Pretty sure you just described me, im 41, and fitting in is* indeed f***ing exhausting.
Watched twice
Thank you so much for sharing. It is hard to put the autistic experience into words and you did beautifully
"I've always felt different", the very words I use to describe myself.
I received my diagnosis at 36 right before the lockdowns kicked in. The timing was a mixed blessing, I was able to limit my social interactions and slowly let myself unmask, but I couldn't find a professional to help me process everything that came with it.
Cheers to you sir. I wish you luck with the journey ahead. Maybe we'll get things worked out before we get to the end.
cheers right back at ya!
I am 39 and just starting my journey realizing I’m on the spectrum as well all my life and it’s quite a epiphany realization. Having spent most of my life avoiding crowds, hating making decisions, always second-guessing every time I talk to someone wondering what I said that was weird and feeling like I’ve never fit in all my life but never knowing why. my wife noticed everything and I’m so thankful for her to push me into researching and learning I am on the spectrum but highly functioning and I’ve literally hidden it from myself on my life with working a solitary job, not having many friends, and built my whole life around it. But just like you said so far the absolute hardest part is acceptance as I’ve already been laughed at many times saying that if you’re able to talk and walk then you don’t have ASD but I’m so glad for yours and everyone’s videos showing that is highly stigmatized and such a wide spectrum people don’t understand.
Thank you for sharing how you’re processing this, Mat. You give such a clear picture of how this feels for you. It’s incredibly helpful and a characteristically bold and generous thing to do.
Thanks, lovely x
I’m very happy for to have a diagnosis for how you have felt all your life. Absolutely don’t be ashamed, no reason to. I have often wondered if I have a little of that. I have never made friends easily, now that I’m retired, and I’m not outgoing at all I can count on one hand the number of friends/acquaintances I have. I get misunderstood a lot. I get along well with animals. My interests are few, although I can listen to other people talk about theirs. Life can be lonely.
ive just been diagnosed at 34, i struggle to even speak if i do speak i say stuff in the wrong tone other people pick me up wrong then im wondering why everyone seems to hate me, i cant keep friends people come and go all the time. currently going through a lonely spell ive got no friends no idea how to even start a conversastion, ive found a great interest in music im learning to play electric Guitar, Music is helping me cope with lonelyness, i wish normal people would understand us better, im so tired of been taken the wrong way that im not even trying to make friends any more, whats the point? it just goes down hill anyways?
I was diagnosed autistic just last May at age 47. I think you're right on the money with this video -- except I think the average age for a female getting diagnosed is much higher than four. A teenage girl getting a diagnosis is still considered young for a female, I thought. But I hope that's changing. My daughter got her diagnosis only a couple of weeks before I did, at age 25 months, but her way was paved by her brothers' and cousin's diagnoses, not to mention my own research into the topic. But you described my experience as a late-diagnosed adult with uncanny insight and accuracy. Thank you.
I’m so grateful I stumbled across this video. Thank you! I’m 54 and going through it now. First appt next week. I’m about 100% sure and adhd I need validated!
Thanks for this video. I am 42 and was diagnosed 6 months ago. You perfectly put into words how I feel and have been feeling. I'm still finding my way at the time. I'm still me, trying to stop fighting what is actually the real me while at the same time feeling like my world has been turned upside down. Then also not trying to show it on the outside. This video definitely made me feel better. Thanks again.
aww thanks so much.. good luck with it all
All of what you said makes absolute sense to me. I am 68 and still waiting for an official diagnosis, but I am sure that when I get to the top of the queue it will be a slam dunk. Because it isn't something that I talk about only my partner currently knows that I consider myself to be neurodivergent. I still don't know how many people I will tell when I do get my diagnosis. I will be interested to follow your path and see how it goes for you. The thing that had me shouting in furious agreement was it's so fucking exhausting! Anyway, we see how it goes. Cheers
I saw this on my feed and watched the video and watched it assuming you were a psychologist or a autism awareness content creator of sorts. After checking your page I realise you arent and the fact you make this video means even more to me. Because those people aren't as relatable. So much of what you said was so relatable and I am 30 realising in the past year that there was a explanation to why everything was harder for me and it feels special to know others feel what I feel and felt.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m 45, was recently diagnosed and I’m feeling sorry for myself too. But rightfully so, it’s not easy to share with others and, apart from a few close family members, I just don’t have the bandwidth to share at the time. Your story was very helpful and I feel somewhat relieved and less lonely today. It seems as though it’s much more common for late diagnosis in women and I have found it harder to find males that are late diagnosed to relate with. At the same time I often relate with the female experience, which is possibly why I flew under the radar. That, or growing up in the 80’s-90’s. Anyway, thank you!
Great video from a person with a great charisma. It's nice to see the person behind the showman. Thank you very much for the deep insight!
aww thanks so much
I am impressed by the warm responses in the comments. This channel is off to a good start. Congratulations to Mat.
It is really difficult to navigate a world where one is oftentimes misunderstood and treated differently. While it is a relief to finally receive a diagnosis, you naturally will grieve all of the times you felt misunderstood, confused, and lonely as you so poignantly expressed in your vlog. At least now you are aware that you are not alone and that there are many others in the neurodivergent community available to lend you their support. All the best to you!🙂
Thanks for chatting to us Mat. It helps others understand, and it provides encouragement to others who are also round pegs in square holes.
I'm 55 and was diagnosed a few years ago.
I had been diagnosed as a child of 7 but that had been hidden from me. I had been told that sometimes people who excel in one way struggle in another. Later because I kept bringing it up when my mother wanted to brag about how "intelligent" I was, I was forbidden to speak of it and within a couple of years had completely forgotten it.
Totally understand the grief.
I spent something like a year just getting a handle on the rage I felt about my condition being hidden from me. Being denied access to the intelligence and tools that I might have employed to better function socially. Been a few years now and I have just about gotten my head around it all.
Hey Mat! Long-time follower here. Great video! I too am on the spectrum and often felt othered or outside of everything as a child, and still to this day as an adult. This is a very thoughtful presentation and I thank you.
thanks :)
Hi, I feel everything you're saying here, deep in my heart. I'm literally going through the same scenario right now. I too feel a strange grief for what might have been, what could have been....and still coming to grips with how long it took me to realize I might be on the spectrum. After having my second child with autism, one verbal and one non verbal; I became curious of the possibly that I could be on the spectrum myself... That started a whole lot of reflective thinking and realizations. I am 40, and still in the beginning of my journey but it just meant alot to me to come across this video today. Thank you so much.🙂💛💛💛
Much of what you said resonated with me. I was told I was Dyslexic when I was 40. I was surprised, but once I started to investigate how people experience this everything seemed to make sense. The first time I went to a meeting for dyslexics, run by dyslexics, I just felt 'I've finally met my tribe'. Since then I have met many dyslexics and have come to realise how different, and the same we can be. Labels can be useful, and at the same time they can be terribly restricting. I would advise anyone on the neurodiverse spectrum to be very wary of the label that is applied to you. Explore your difference with others like you, maintain your individuality and don't simply accept the definitions that others want to apply to you if they do not make sense. Some people are great athletes because their bodies are just right for the sport they participate in. These people work to their strengths. Our brains are different. They are made to be good at some things. If we concentrate our energies on these good things, I believe, the less good things will take care of themselves.
I was 57 when I was diagnosed. Over the decades, I was diagnosed with several other disorders before I got the Autism diagnosis so I knew something wasn't right.
OMG! Going thru the same thing at 51. Everything you said resonated with me!
Thank you. I am 52 and recently diagnosed too. Everything you say resonates with me. Unfortunately when I have tried masking less as you are talking about I am getting into trouble. My nearest and dearest just seem to want me to sort it out and get back to the person they know. It’s hard but we’ll get there to where I need to be. Thank you again for this
Very well explained. Thank you! I was diagnosed 11 years ago, and it made sense of a lot of things about my past.
Just found this video on Reddit and it really hit a cord. I have been in discussion with my therapist about getting tested for autism, because I've been on so many different medications, yet I'm still stuck where im at not being able to be social and also have a hard time in my daily/work life. This video felt like a kick in the pants to go get tested. Thanks :)
aww fantastic! And I didn't know it had made it to reddit. I'm scared to go there haha. Where did the video turn up?
@MatRicardo just in the r/video section. A lot of the things you said in the video are exactly what I go through on a daily basis and I've always just thought I was just weird. Hopefully I can get some answers soon, so I can better understand my situation.
good luck!