THE NEW FEMININE: Why Nice Girls Finish Last!
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- Опубликовано: 9 сен 2024
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#Desperado #TooEager #TooClingy
Being too kind, being too nice, everyone will take advantage of you, from your own mother to everyone who claims they love you :(
Tru
Yes‼️
Facts 💯
Love that! “Men are only Loyal to themselves and only Loyal to women who put themselves first!” Same energy!!!
Best comment I've seen. I think women soo desperate to be married, liked or loved. When all you have to do is wait a year with no male contact. Any man trying to force you or be too friendly is definitely not having your best interest at heart.
Naw
Agreed!
Be KIND! But don’t be too nice! There is a difference!
Thank you for making that distinction! So true
Exactly have a good heart, be kind but don't allow to be stepped on
Absolutely 💅🏾
Truee
This is the comment I was looking for. Yes
This channel is so refreshing...look at the black women here learning to put themselves first, just inspiring!🥰
Keiana Johnson amen! We been everybody’s damn doormat for far too long.
Ebony and Ivan what are you taking about?
N.W.A. Why thank you!😊
Ten Ways To Wear It ✊🏽❤️🖤💚
That's why I always put my self first, so funny I always practice Hypergamy even as a child, it was taught by my mother and father. I made mistakes along the way but back, I've been delivert lol😉🙏🏽💌💃🏽
No longer giving my body . Or my money . Or my heart . I’ll be 21 this month. I deserve so much better , so I’m gonna spend some time growing and allowing God to work on me
Best comment I seen so far!
It’s great you’re starting on this now! Your mid 20’s and beyond will be great!
At 21 your no longer giving your body 😳😳😳when did you start
@@gracemoses3062 girlll the process is hard 😭😭 I done had stop restart a lot but so far I’ve been abstinent like 3 months
@@miciahfit 😂😂okay
I used to be this girl! No more!!
Danielle griffin same here. No more. It just allowed me to be used and taken advantage of.
Same here
Me too. I got a revelation not to be available to people. I probably will not see certain friends until next year.
Me too!! No more girl
Same here
Fake love is what dusties bring to a nice girl. Watch your heart and your purses. Ladies. While still being Fabulous.
Exactly, me too many times. No more.
@KimMurrell U Betta Teach Sis!!!!
Exactly...The dusty also brings the "nice girl" future faking, lies, and cheating with other cheats...Hell to the naw!
And don't forget at the start to lie as much as you think you would be lied to . . . Never provide personal Info, which we women go overboard with, when we even merely know the person.
Giving a lot of information about yourselves, makes it more difficult to ghost later on, when you decide another one of your suitors is a better option.
BINGO, I am a recovering nice girl. This is the absolute truth!! 💯
@@t.l1357 Neither am I sis, just count it as a learning experience. 😘❤💯
Me too!!!!
Yess there should be a support group for recovering nice girls like us
“Men are only loyal to themselves and they are only loyal to women who put themselves first.” Damn I got to subscribe. I felt that one
I felt this one as well. I have changed for the better. I wish I would have learned this in my teens or 20s. However I am learning in my thirties. I now put myself FIRST. The dusties don't like it to BAD. Level Up Ladies Put Yourself First!
The nice girl in me died 4 years ago after my last relationship . This video is so true . I was the nice girl that was a people pleaser . My life has gotten so much better . The hardest truth was to admit that I made myself a easy target because I had low self esteem and didnt know my worth .
jmr11290 same here
Me too. No more super nice pushover woman
Men do not reciprocate the way you treat them. Be to nice if you want to, you will not get what you give back. They will simply want you to be nicer while they grow meaner and cold. They will take your niceness but will not value and appreciate you!
Seems like you've been with the wrong guys lol
They can reciprocate some men actually treat you as you do them. Be with the right ones youl see
@@simonngatia7454 Truth
See Claritha, If You Overdo It, That's when problem occurs
I agree
Agree. From my experience, men don't respect women who are too nice because to them, it means you're desperate and it depreciates your value in their eyes.They walk all over you because they see themselves as the prize as a result of you catering to them. Sometimes you have to not to be too available and have some mystery to you. Also not allow them to use you. If that's a problem, he's not the one for you.
sweet pea J 💯💁🏽♀️ facts
Yes, yes, yes! F*** short cuts. Stay on your feminen, hypergamy high-worth pedastool!!!
sweet pea J I’m still learning about not being available as much
sweet pea J facts!!
You're going to have a tough dating life if you truly believe that. The next 10 years are going to be tough for women. Modern day feminism is to blame.
“You do not get extra credit points in heaven!” 🤣🤣🤣 but low key, I needed to hear this! Being the nice girl really does bring stress. I’m over it now
A mans job is "maintaining my pedestal" Thats the word right there!
Being a “nice girl” definitely leaves you bitter!!!! Stop 🛑 putting everyone else needs before your own needs !!!! I was this girl and I definitely did not like or love myself for a long time (I’ve always been considered physically beautiful) but for the longest couldn’t figure out why I was having the problems I was having. I completely stopped dating and started putting all my time and energy into recovering from my toxic parents and traumatic childhood & loving myself and everything started falling into place. Anyone can do this!!!! And everyone deserves this no matter what you look like or where you come from,
But YOU have to believe it YOURSELF! It’s a lot of hard work and a very painful journey but the reward is the best feeling in the world!
When you started to get called ‘selfish’ as a woman you know you’re doing something right!
Stopped being nice after I dated a narcissist so that monster was both a curse and a blessing!😩
I’m there
Jamilah Cross I think the key is always the sense of “I don’t need this” that will change everything
So true!
That’s what changed me too ❤
narcissist will do a number on your overall character, theyre walking devil's those people
The movie Acrimony is a clear example of why you shouldn’t be the nice girl.
Omg I watched that movie she literally built him up and got death at the end
That movie is so good!
Oh the nice girl is a narcissist prey! They love your heartbreak stories, low confidence and willingness to be walked all over. You get in the relationship with these men who love themselves, it's like being single any damn way!
Welp, that’s me 🤦🏾♀️ I’m 21, time to turn this party around!!!
You’re @ your start of adulthood....20s are precious years to get to know yourself, what you truly want outta life, live out your dreams or some of them, create short term goals 1st then tackle long term ones, take certain risks & plan for your future @ all times. Security & stability is key 🔐
Ciaobella Amour I’m trying to do better but it’s hard. My issues stem from my bio dad not being around. I’m taking it one day at a time! Thank you so so much!!! I really appreciate this!
ChastityJaye I kinda have an idea of how that goes & trust, I’m in my 30s & still learning a lot each day as well as from watching these informative videos 🙌🏾
@@CiaobellaAmour 100%
Same grll same 💕 21 too and fall into the nice girl category
I learned that being nice will often lead you nowhere but to a life of serving everything and everyone besides yourself early. Now, I accept that my road to a happy life may involve pissing people off now and then. This channel helped me build up my boundaries and I thank you for that, Chloe!
Melissa Jean same
This!!!
Yeah, being the nice girl doesnt work! I know from experience!
KEE'S WAY same 😕
I’m still learning too
Thank you Chloe,my nice girl self died 6 years ago! Growth isn't about rainbows is about owning yourself 100%
❤
🔥🔥🔥
How did you do this please, i want to stop being so nice
@@ivyaquila9136 It comes a point when you had enough, the nice girl is exhausted, slowly but surely you step into womanhood, adultery.
See yourself through your own eyes, not on how people want you to be to please them. Guess what: people can't even see the best on themselves, do you think they could care /give you a second thought to see you better than you are/can be??? Everyone is busy living their lives. Program your mind to stop being used, taken advantage and the worst damage: shattered self image-esteem. Good luck if you are a woman. If you are a man, good luck too
At my 35 years one thing I learned and has never failed...when you put down boundaries and declare expectations to men you are dating they will rise to the occasion to please you and meet your standards never fails. If the man runs it's because he KNOWS he can't meet the expectations consider it an opening to allow someone willing to rise to the occasion.
SPOT ON. My mother taught me this lol. My hubby thinks im a b*tch sometimes 🤣 but loves it cos the he won me. And alot of men tried b4 him but ive always had high standards. Men respect me and the ones who were insecure and threatened by my confidence tried to bring me down to no avail. They got kicked to the curb with the quickness. Y would a strong man want a weak woman? He wouldn't! So dnt let men take shots at u ladies. Theres a reason they want u weak or broken and aint none of them reasons good! Chloe_ you served the children with this video!
"There is absolutely no reward in people-pleasing. And you do not get points or extra credit in heaven for putting up with BS. Broke men and low value men don't bring anything to your life except stress."
Preach Chloe! Love your videos, they are teaching me to renew my mind and thoughts.
"It is my job to value myself and to put myself on a pedestal and in hypergamy it is the man's job to maintain that pedestal."
Rose Ndeto in hypergamy it is your job to to put children on the high pedestal as it is for men. you shouldn't be making children cause you your self still are a child and looking for a daddy which I'm assuming majority of these women here grew up with out and with your mindset the cycle will continue
Also why do nice girls get blamed for the way people treat them? Instead wouldn’t it be a character flaw of the person mistreating the nice girl?
Yes, I agree with you but it’s good to be mindful of context. Narcissism, rugged individualism and self first are the culture and religion of the West.
This narrative suites the US, a country that is in its infancy - at best - in terms of the character, relational and interpersonal development values of its constituents.
Go to a country that has Alive women in its religion, worships them and possesses core tenants for what constitutes manhood (not just hair on your dick) and you don’t have these kinds of low vibe dynamics between men and women - because they have actual long established relational culture with certain things inherent in it.
I’m really not for pathologizing kindness or any other traits rooted in femininity - that said, after learning the hard way, my inner Bitch is always on deck and available for whoever needs her without apology.
No
I agree. But I think she's talking about being nice too much lol because that's when it does become a problem. People who are too nice almost always don't have boundaries and that becomes a problem.
She's trying to Knock sense into your head
It is a whole year later but I love that you asked this because this is important. That is not the point. The point is what you ALLOW. A nice girl allows disrespect. It will always reflect badly on you when you accept and allow disrespect even if it is the man dishing it out.
Oooookay, Now I think I get it. I used to thing women advicating for hypergamy were MOSTLY doing it for money... gold diggers basically.
But I love how you talk about the woman's self esteem, respect and raising your standards. Amen to that
Standards are fine. Not really with the hypergamy thing though, but hey, I'm not a woman.
This is big facts
The word gold digger comes from the dusties who wants you to have low self esteem and not get what you deserve. #Reverse Psychology
@@Scoring57 why dont you agree with hypergamy
@@llee2988 He's probably a dusty who would rather women grovel at his feet for acceptance.
yeah I won’t deal with one-sided friends or men.. they got dropped like hot potatoes. I value myself too much. As soon as I see whAts going on, I call it out & dip! You ain’t treating me like shit bc I know I’m a queen 👑 👸🏽
There it is!!! #CallItOut
I belong to a group of friends where the males never ask me directly to a night out. They tell one of the other girls and she sort of informs me. I lost 2 nights of sleep thinking why I wasn’t told, why was I just an afterthought? Am I too uptight or what?
Tough truth! I'm an empath which often makes me an easy target because I'm too understanding and too forgiving 🙄. I'm learning. Thank you for this video!
Hey am an empath. I guess I have to take the empath away from me.
I want to clarify something for you Ladies. Being an Empath is a gift. Empaths are what the world needs more of with the state we're currently in. However, please understand, being an Empath is not a gift to be bestowed on any/everyone. Empaths are here to help and heal those who are doing the work themselves. We are here to aid those who have already figured themselves out and WANT to change, be healthy and do better. Being an Empath does not mean you are going to be subjected to a life of pain by default. No! It's your job to educate yourself as an Empath and guard your gifts.
We are sensitive to people and energy. So, it's our J O B. to arm ourselves with knowledge about the people who are here to exploit our qualities. Namely, Cluster B disordered individuals. They're the Narcissists, Borderlines, Histrionics, high-conflict personalities and drama/attention seekers. They're the highly manipulative liars and sociopaths that target highly empathic people. Again, I want to be be clear, being an Empath is not a curse. You have to implement strong boundaries. You have to be willing to walk away from any/everyone that attempts to use, abuse and/or exploit your empathy.
Our job is to give to givers and avoid takers!!!
P T Thank you for this comment! Itz right on time, and I truly appreciate it! 🌺
Ugh as a Pisces, same here. Being nice for me is effortless! But when it comes to being mean I have to go out of my way and strategize how to be mean and it helps when the person has been mean to me first... and then after that I end up feelin bad smh..
From one empath to another it's really important to protect your energy. The only way to do so is to set up boundaries and to say no sometimes. You can say no and wish for the best for that person too while moving on to find and get better.
Imagine the woman back in the day that didn’t get the opportunity to access such valuable gems at the tap of a button!! I’m so grateful that I live in this era, thank you Chloe😘
This is a mighty word!!! Damn!!! This goes for family and friends as well!!! If you don't have/set strict boundaries with them--they will have you messed up, worst than any man!!! I am so glad that I have limited and eliminated contact with negative/toxic people--in every area of my life!!! Ladies, you do not have to martyr yourselves to/for others in order to be loved/liked!!! People will respect you only when you put yourself first and make your boundaries very clear!!!
Sandra Davis Preach!!!
Your response is so accurate! But I will say this.....because I am in the "people business", I STILL PUT OTHERS FIRST...……..and I ENJOY IT! AND IT HAS BEEN ALL ABOUT "THE BOUNDARIES"......lol Blessings to you!
I am currently dealing with this with family and friends,i am currently dealing with silent treatments but I realized that it’s because I have changed I have put myself first and people don’t like change,they love the power they have over you and when they think it’s sleeping away they start acting out.
Oh yes. I didn’t have this problem with men but with my family. This is the first year I started creating boundaries and it feels great!!
I was "the nice girl" and all it ever got me was disrespected, used, and abused. Boundaries and knowing your worth are so important. I use to wonder how some women did so much less and received so much more than me. Now I understand!
Yeah disrespect cheat lie getting used
It took me a while to see the nice girl behavior, been reading and working on myself. As a child I was conditioned to be nice and kept that mindset, without realizing how toxic it really was.
Just Whitney same with me
True
My father make feel guilty
Same here
Why is it toxic? As long as other ppl are nice too, it's no problem. Just don't hang out with jerks.
@@renskedj true I run away from it
My mother used to say that "nice girls" grow up to be door mats.
I've been a people pleaser my whole life. I've recently cut the cord with my mother which took a mere 34 years of living. So yes that people pleasing has carried out into my relationships with men and women(friends). I'm currently trying my best to rewire my brain. Listening to Chloe at least 2x a week helps a great deal.
OMG, sounds like me and my mom! It took me 34 years to realize she was abusing me and sucking the soul out of me, and every time I started to gain some independence and do big things, she'd turn up the intensity of abuse. Now I'm literally all the way across the world and don't let ANYONE cross me, including her! It was her who used my niceness up more than any man ever had any potential to. I used to put her above even myself, was ALWAYS respectful, and she ALWAYS took me for granted. She just took and took and took and burned me countless times.
Never again!
I love her but I can no longer be her everything
How’s it going?
Better
I used to be this woman.... omg, I am masters level and have dated a man without a high school diploma. The reason why this happened was because I was advised to lower my standards. I have been selfless for nothing. What did I get out of it. I am saving myself! Great content Chloe_
Omg..an ultra dusty...Don't ever do that to yourself again boo. lol
Before I got married these nice girl's husbands wouldn't stop stalking me
Lol😂
Lmaooo
😂😂😂
👀🤣
I was the nice girl that Chloe described word for word and I can fully attest that men smell the desperation and will use you until you finally gain the strength to develop boundaries and self worth. Don’t do it ladies.
There is no such thing as nice or bad. For women, it's ugly or good looking. It's hard to accept it but the real reason women get used is because they are ugly...relatively speaking to the man.
That was a 10 minute power sermon! You preached!!! No respect = No love.
Ladies, take notes 📝 Chloe is nothing but the truth.....I wish I discovered this mindset just a few years earlier when I was surrounded by dozens of wealthy men, entertainers, athletes etc - I was 20-23 and just “happy to be here” enjoying the free fancy dinners, fun parties, and clout. Now I look back and kick myself in the ass for all the ballers I had in my Rolodex who I dropped the ball with because I had no “game”. They were actually offering me their time, money, and interest and Just like you said I thought it was “better” to be the cool humble chick that didn’t expect much and not wanting to act like a gold digger thinking that would make me stand out 🙄🥴😒🤢🤮 omg it’s laughable now cause I have grown and realized my worth....but this comes after much heartache and STRESS endured. I had to hit rock bottom emotionally, mentally, and financially after letting a dusty enter the chat. 🥵 it took only 9 months for him to drag me all the way down from my pedestal and leave me broke and picking up the pieces....by myself. 😫 meanwhile I’m leaving ballers on read *cues Nicki Minaj - Stupid H*e......anyway I had no choice cause I knew I was better than this so I checked myself at the door and put myself in therapy went everyday Wednesday for 1 year straight. If your at this point or reaching, ladies take it seriously, your life depends on it. That dark place is not fun and the only way out of a toxic mindset is to unpack, organize, throw away, and wash it away diligently. It will not happen over night, your patience will be tested, you’ll be on an emotional roller coaster, it’s draining, its confusing, it’s deep but keep pushing I promise the feeling of clarity and control over yourself is euphoric. Sorry to rant, but this subject is triggering and I’m very passionate but if I can spare any woman the agony I’ll tell my story a million times. This journey all started in 2017, 2018 I hit rock bottom, 2019 I’m back and better 💪 I believed and listened to my higher self. I’m 28 now and I’m glad I’m gettin the message sooner rather than later.....w/ no dusty kids 🙏 This Channel has been reinforcing and keeping me sharp. Men / people will TRY you for the rest of your life do yourself a favor and give yourself some game so you don’t get played!!!!!! Thank you Chloe ♥️
Thank YOU!
Wow! I can relate to this! Welcome back!
Glad you found yourself before you started birthing babies. Blessings sis.
I'm so happy for you that came through it all. Good for you 😊
When you get to the point in life where you don't give a crap about what people think & put yourself 1st, you have evolved.
I buried this nice girl b****! Thank you again Chloe_!!!
hearty berry yep!!!! That b*tch is dead!!!!
🤣
Amen to that!
the day i became the MEANGIRL thats when i got the respect from EVERYONE including old friends and men RESPECTED ME even the dusties so ill keep being her
Faye Merritt what’s your definition of a ‘mean girl’ ....
My wig is SNATCHED!! I was definitely the nice girl!! I learned the HARD way that being nice was NOT the way to a man's heart!!
Men don't have hearts hon....They have wallets...well some of them...LOL
😂😂😂masters degree dating men who haven’t graduated high school. Hope that won’t be me in Jesus name
My friend from high school wasted over 2 years with a dusty. She graduated University of Chicago & her ex boyfriend didn't go to college or trade school
Im 20 and about to get my bachelor's and this boy trying to latch unto me and doesn't know the difference between brake and break 😂💀 tuh
@@TJ_Eats 😅😅😅
You don't want a relationship, you want a transactionship.
As a guy watching this channel I actually don’t disagree with Chloe, I actually don’t get offended because the fact is true, when you value yourself you put out this magnetic energy where people have no choice but to respect you, I as a man do the same thing for myself and it works wonders, it’s only fair that women do to the same.
painful but true men respect women who put themselves first not the ones that break their backs to please men. I wish i was blessed with this info 20 years ago. but we live and learn.
Perfectly said.
Facts
Even men tell me from their own mouths that being “too nice” doesn’t get you anywhere. I see no lies here. I always see the so called “bitchy girl” get the most respect
@@angelsweet9611 yeah but here in my country bitchy girls get slut shamed and nice girls get boyfriends but boyfriends use them , bitchy girls get rich boyfriends
This is common sense. I believe part of the problem is with "nice" black women not wanting to be stereotyped or seen having an attitude if they're not as nice or at least dusties will guilt some women like this that don't know her worth. You get older, you could care less about being nice and walked all over.
I always say this "If I was nice to you, you might think you special" it works with men. Trust
I’m naturally not nice. People find it wired that I have never cooked or served a man I’m not related too. I have never even visited a mans place.
She died 5 years ago 🙏🏾
@SARA fuck peace may she burn in hell💀💀😭
Vénissa Really? OMG. May she R.I.P.
Who died?
Mine died two years ago
Who died?
I've found a lot of "nice girls" to be passive aggressive.
Yes. True I'm nice but also passive aggressive.
If you're passive aggressive, you're not really a nice person
@@anitadavenport7209 why wouldn't I be? I'm only that way when something is making me angry
@@caramellove3946 You should learn how to communicate the right way. Being passive aggressive is an immature way to handle things
@@anitadavenport7209 you are right, I'm working on it. Sidenote: I'm not passive agressive most times, i become that way when I don't know how to respond
"There is no reward in people pleasing" I love that
Extra points in heaven😂😂😂😂🤣
You described me to a "T", I did this with my ex. I was always seeking for a man to chose me and rescue me. After being hurt by my ex and seeing all the nice things I did for him go unappreciated. I took a year off from dating and started working on myself. I finally lost the weight I wanted, carrying myself as the prize, and knowing that Iam worth it. I attract high quality men know and they pursue me. I know longer hang on to every word but actions and put myself first. I never cancel plans for a man again and I have no problem walking away.
I'm such a nice girl... and I hate it. This is something I'm seriously going to change. Being NICE has gotten me nowhere and worth a whole lot more than the way I've been treated. Chole you are so right, I'm not clingy but I go over and beyond for others and have been played because of it. Right now I'm saving myself from being bitter. Thanks girl ❤.
This is so true! Letting someone else walk all over you just makes them respect you and like even less. If you don't like and respect yourself why should they do?
I was married to my no good dusty husband for 21 years and when I decided to stop being nice and said NO and put my foot down, it was the beginning of the end. That super nice push over I used to be has been gone for 10 years now. I don’t accept fake friends either. Come real and come correct or else leave me alone.
Hey giiiirl👋
Burns me up when I hear women say “it’s the 21st century if you want to text him first and plan a date, go for it girl!!!” BISHHHHH HELL NAH 😭👎🏽#boobooadvice
Ashley Emanuel that’s the result of the fake ass feminist movement they pushing around making women equal to men
How about don't text him ever? There's men I'll give my number to and purpose not to respond to them like ever. So he'll text the whole day till it's time to sleep and be like goodnight..to himself😂😂😂
Right
Preach
My friends who were pick me tell me to text him first . What ? Lol
I was the nice pushover for a very long time. After growing up and getting stepped on my entire life I slowly, painfully, began to shed my nice girl image. Then about year ago she completely died. What broke the camel’s back was a relative I felt like I owed that completely took advantage of me, and a shit job that did not value its employees. I am still kind to others, but I no longer tolerate the disrespect that I dealt with before. I cut toxic people off, left that shitty job and did some soul-searching. I now speak my mind and make sure it is heard. I am currently in a relationship with a man that loves and respects me to the fullest. I no longer have contact with manipulators and I have a great job that I love. A backbone, some common sense, and great self-esteem can get you far ladies.
Good luck out here.
I am triggered AF. Though I have begun my hypergamous journey, I still exhibit “Nice Girl” behavior. It’s been difficult shaking my people pleasing ways. I am overly accommodating and apologize a lot. My new partner often tells me not to be sorry. It’s so embarrassing.
I can’t fake the confidence forever. I must unlearn this self-deprecating behavior if I want to remain on this hypergamous path. Thank you for the reminder.
I was raised in a typical Mexican home of cleaning, helping, holding back pain, not disturbing, and being loving. These things are good but also have led me to be anxious about living life for me. Thank you for this content ! Learning about being nice and it’s setbacks
I’m only 21 and I’ve been watching you for a couple of months now! I’m so glad I found your channel!!!!! No more being the “ nice girl”
53 here. Yes listen to her. She knows what she is talking about for all women. And she doesn't prattle. She gets right to the point
Where were you when I was young? Ladies listen up
Elizabeth Owens I know ughhh
I'm 29 and I wish these important lessons were here in my early twenties! My mother STILL needs to hear some of these videos!
Omg your a flight attendant. So am I! You are so cute😍
@@taters2883 haha thank you!
31 and still learning. Although I've gotten better at not being agreeable on everything, I still agree on things I shouldn't. I'm a work in progress. I wish the person I am today who puts her foot down, was the person I was in my 20's. I would be in a much better place in my life right now.
Yes being a ‘nice girl’ and having morals hasn’t gotten me anything ! But a clean conscious... but what can I do with that?! 😂
Having Morals gets you EVERYWHERE. You may not have a ton of dating experience but you won't have a ton of BITTERNESS either. STAND YOUR GROUND and the right man will build you a PALACE on it.
CD M Thank you! Sometimes it’s seems the mean girls with no morals have more ... whether it be they have more men, or more money.... but hey at least my conscious is clean.. :) Maybe the grass isn’t greener on the other side ...
Having morals are good but being a doormat is more of what she means. Being nice to men makes them think you wanna sleep with them.
Be yourself and you still will find bad men. It's important to know when to leave. Don't marry until you know yourself. Don't try to change him leave him. I promise there is better men. I love you all and I can say it without degrading you for your level of life. Peace ladies. 🤗
Amen to that
I used to be a nice girl but after years of ppl using me I learned I couldn't be like that .
Omg thanks so much for this video. I can relate so much, from 17 to 21 I dated a dustie I was in love with, moved into my mom's home, paid all the bills and dates, did all his job applications cause he couldn't hold down a job all because I was desperate for his love and wanted to keep him forever. 3 and a half years later, he cheated, gave me an std, had my brother robbed and disappeared into the sunset with his new girlfriend he was taking care of and giving money. Life lesson learned. Do not help a man, he will leave you for the girl who values herself enough to know this🙏🏾
There is absolutely no reward in people pleasing! Ain’t that the truth!
My mom taught me to people please and not take care of me and I’m finally realizing this after 50 years?! It’s taking me this long to realize this?! What a waste of time, money and energy, to do for others who don’t even value or appreciate me! I’m done with all that. Gotta stay conscience of it... You teach people how to treat you.
You were on point with this, Chloe. Thank you!
I’m an empath, but after years of working on myself trying to figure out my purpose and self worth, I started protecting my energy by those who feed off of our energy. I know who I am and although I’m kind to everyone I will not tolerate any bullshit. We see the game immediately and sense it. Will I play back, yes, I love seeing them bend over backwards chasing what they can never have. I no longer though have a problem cutting them out of my life and disappearing.
JENNIFER OSEGUERA I did the same thing for 13 years. I’m also an empath. I’ve been working in myself for 6 months
Truth. Wish I had learned this earlier in life. But thankfully, a few years ago, I became sick and tired of BS and changed my course. Young ladies, take advantage of this information while you are young. It will save you years of wasted time on the wrong men.
Donna W I regret so much of the time I wasted but I promised myself that from now on, I will be my top priority!
This is what I’m doing rn I’m 18 I’m glad I’ve learned this lesson
When you listen to men on social media talk about what they want in a woman her heart and whether she is nice rarely comes into the conversation. The only time nice is a factor is when men think they are nice.
Nice isn't necessary to be mentioned. If she is kind, patient, confident, virtuous and responsible she will be nice when appropriate. Same for a man.
@@thrilla72 If men were primarily interested in kindness and virtue porn wouldn't be the industry that it is.
@@ShannonsBibleStudy nobody claimed it was a man's primary concern. Is it for anybody. Almost always something superficial that attracts us to a person, even if they are just a friend.
@@thrilla72 That's why you guys end up bitter and broke and getting dragged in family court. If you're looking for a long term commitment character and how you get along with a person needs to be the primary concern. If someone is just looking at superficial things they just want a temporary relationship.
@@ShannonsBibleStudy are you deliberately trying to misconstrue what I'm saying. Primary meaning first. Kindness is definitely a main concern. But someone can do nice things, doesn't necessarily mean they are a genuine person.
The divorce court happens purely because...IT CAN!!! It's easy for someone to be nice when they have everything to gain by doing so. When money comes into play people change!
Nice guys don't want nice girls they want city girls.💁🏽
@@NYCBJP Exactly👌
Divine shine yea that’s bs nice girls don’t check for nice guys because they’re deemed boring and safe. Especially when there young the “bad boys” are most exciting. I see all the time growing up and present today, it is what is.
@@terencebarnes7393 I love their deflection and hamster wheeling.
@@NYCBJP unfortunately I was one of the girls in high school deemed as boring. Guys didn't give me the time of day! I still kinda went thru that in my twenties too. Now im just over it, trying to be the best of myself for me. Traveling, enjoying my career & starting my own business & non profit. It helps to put your focus on your goals.
Okayyy
Sometimes the good girl syndrome is bred from over- religiousity
This. I blame this as well. It can make you tolerate people's BS as in jut bare with them. Erm nope not anymore
Yep
Yes and yesss
I am a nice girl&it got me nowhere.
A woman can be nice without being a doormat !!! You have to be nice to YOURSELF first and foremost!!!
Say it again Chloe! "There is absolutely no reward in people pleasing!" That's the truth...Ruth!
Preach Chloe, Preach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾 Y’all just don’t know how grateful I am for this channel!!! Chloe you are amazing 😍😍😍
I’ve never been nice to men, but I’m still resentful for all the damage they’ve done to my friends, sisters, mothers, and grandmas.
I used to be this girl! And after many failed relationships which always ended up with me being hurt, I’ve decided to put myself first ALWAYS. And what I’ve found is that the men that are interested in me now are willing to bend over backwards for my attention and do a hell of a lot more for me than the guys in my past ever have. It almost doesn’t make sense!
It's still the same. They still want sex.
Chloe's tugging on my heartstrings again 😭
Thank you for making this video, it took me a long time to get out of being the "nice girl"
Hard pill to swallow 😩💊💔
I've been called a man, a gold digger, base, boujee, delusional and high maintenance for my hypergamous goals. But guess what, they can't call me anything if they're deleted and blocked!!!! What's funny is that ALL of these men tried to creep back into my life somehow, but I've since developed an allergy to dust!
@chloe_ can you do a video on how men can test you to see if you’re gullible. I think this could help a lot of the young women struggling with this. For example men asking “When are you going to cook for me?” Or wanting to come to your home too soon. Or asking you to go dutch on dates. Can you do a “How to spot them” video.
What's going Dutch? By the way this will be a good video. I hope she sees this comment.
@@NoName-mm6gh it means going half on the date
@@candacequalls3599 oh thank you sis!
@@NoName-mm6gh no problem!😊
Haha it's funny how "going dutch" seems unfair to you. It literally means paying for your own meal. If you think paying for what you eat is "gullible" , maybe you need a reality check - You are not really "nice" after all.
I had my last straw today. My boyfriend brings absolutely nothing to the table and I didn’t care cause I fell for the whole marry for love nonsense. Anyway long story short he just told me he’s been hiding the fact that he has a child from me. I am tired of being used. Being nice to men has absolutely every time ONLY got me used. I bring money, care, cooking, and cleaning to the table and only want love back. Absolutely no more will I ever play the nice girl role again
As a man you are the only girl in this comment section I sympathise with. All women here are complaining about how they are not "spoiled" enough by men.
Yep! My ex called me yesterday and I thought about this video. As he repeatedly tried to take me back down memory lane, I felt used and numb. I told him that he was right. When I would cry or even try to get him to see how he was hurting me, he would say that I was to emotional and he was used to harder women like his mom n sister. Well guess what, it worked and sending his sorry ass to jail was one of the best things I ever did...bish don't play w me.
💯✌
Hi from Amsterdam Chloe, I'm a caucasian woman and your channel resonates with me a lot. I WAS a dustbunny, I am 43 with a co-parentingship with a exploitative man. He exhausted to the max and he had an abusive, very dominant, horrible mother. I have a high education, a nice house and finally I found out where my co-dependency came from. I can be attractive and feminine and I am a very good cook. I have feminine qualities to offer and I like spoiling my man.
But from now on I will only spoil a authentic masculine man not a cute sexy boy who wants me to take on HIS responsibilities, That was a horrible experience of 4 years (1 year of marriage after he cheated and became verbally and physically abuse while our beautiful precious daughter was there to see that happen, I filed for divorce the next day.) Now I deal with fibromyalgia and ptsd from the abuse of his mother and her boy.
I will thrive again and your channel is helping me. In the Netherlands man are spoiled by their feministic mothers who tell them that it is old fashioned to provide and protect, there's a lot of 50/50 cons going on in this country. Although I have my own financial recources I still want to be pursued by a man. I made many mistakes in picking man, but not anymore because you are empowering me. Thank you Chloe💐🌹🌺
I have some very usefull information from a male psychologist if you are interested: 'Understanding The Three Types of Men- Part 1: The Pseudo Alpha Male' ruclips.net/video/_AFdYJte_Zs/видео.html ; 'Understanding The Three Types of Men- Part 2: The Nice Guy' ruclips.net/video/HUqSTMIkEEU/видео.html; Understanding The Three Types of Men- Part 3: 'The Authentic Grounded Man' ruclips.net/video/0rsaFR8WJfw/видео.html
This video made me cry! I’m the first born and took many years including now for me to really put myself first. I had a hard time saying no until something happened and I became more aggressive but not assertive (it’s a difference) even though in relationships I’ll have exes pay for nothing more than dinner and a movie, I always wanted that relationship where the guy would go the extra mile, cause I know I’m worth it I didn’t how to get it but at 27 babbyyyyyy that light bulb is on 💅🏾 affirmations, meditation helps ladies, chloe videos and Iyanla has been helping me heal and put me high on my pedestal
Nice girl doesnt get you anywhere. I was super agreeable with a dude and he still was an ass. I compromised myself just starting out dating that when he finally said lets break up...i was like what the heck. it was since then i learned.
Chloe this video... and all ur videos as a matter of fact are TRUTH ON STEROIDS!
My boundaries were not respected as a child. I’m just now at 32 yrs young, learning how to set them
Every time bad things happened, my mom couldn’t help me, my husband couldn’t help me.. I looked in the mirror, and there she was right there... I helped my damn self ...excuse my French... no actually don’t excuse my French b/c I got more being a bitch than I would get a thousand lives as a nice girl!!
I’ve been bossing up, looking better, and giving two fucks less about what ppl think about the hypergamous me
Omg Chloe drag me for filth
Riiiight?! 🤦🏾♀️
Yassssssss
Damn where have u been all my life chole??? I was her I was that girl. It got me nowhere fast. The dustys began to treat me like an option because I didnt want to go against the grain and thought my loyalty and love was enough.🤦🏽♀️
Now I understand why the nicest women turn so bitter
LOVE THAT: Put yourself on a pedestal and a Man is Suppose to Maintain that PEDESTAL.
(Something my mother Never taught me)
Women don't ever pay for a date , don't assume the role of a man...he should want to take care of you ...this is his pride of powerment as a man. Let him protect you and let him love you without reservation. Their are men of education and men of hard workmanship. Some men make great money working on a trash truck ect. Just know what you want in a man but please try not to judge men looks or money alone. Because some men will give it all to make it all about you.
Wheeeww I've listened to this 10k times. I was that nice girl especially in my early twenties. I dated assholes who did not treat me nicely - I was confident on the outside but struggling with my self esteem in the inside. I was constantly catering to dusty daryl's, being Betty the builder and Pickmeisha Priscilla. Once I hit rock bottom in my emotional life and started saying NO and putting myself first, that's when I not only found myself, my confidence and happiness... I later met an amazing man who caters to my needs-financially, emotionally...everythingally. 100% provider. He is always pursuing me and I am at my happiest because I put myself FIRST.
Amazing video Chloe_ getting your book today and can't wait to dive in.
I was a nice girl in high school. I’m so glad I wised up directly after, adult men have much more leeway to be cruel and damaging
The old & insecure me is DEAD AND GONE!!!