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15 Signs of a Toxic Friendship
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- Опубликовано: 30 июл 2024
- Our friendships are supposed to be our most treasured relationships. These people are the family we choose not the parents or family we automatically acquire in the birth lottery. However, what happens when one or more of them aren't what you think they are, instead they are toxic...In this video, I am examining the fifteen red flag indications of a toxic friend that is posing as a friend but is really a frienemy. Watch this video to get more insight into what a true friend will and won't do, this is helpful and can safeguard you from being taken advantage of, hurt, or mistreated.
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Another sign; you’re thinking about them when watching this video
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Bah ha ha..how true!
For sure
A toxic friend will accuse you of the negative behavior that they themselves possess. Total hypocrisy on their part.
I've had this last week and I am baffled... Feel like I'm being gaslighted and I can't trust my own judgement. Maybe I'm the toxic one like she said :/
@@angelikakrawczyk1465 I had this too. It's just projection.
Sometimes they are truly blind to themselves.
We can often see things easier in others, that we are blind to in ourselves. The reasons for this can be very deep, buried beliefs about self, core wounds, that make it hard for us to see. Not that it isn’t hypocritical in some way...but that they can’t see it.
Looking deeper to the why, insecure attachment etc (attachment theory explains this well) can help take it all less personally.
Classic! Projection! They don't want to deal with their mistakes and be accountable for these
I know right. Blame Shifting 101🤦🏽♀️
Bad company corrupts good character.
Even a good employment position, reputation….
Toxic friends don’t respect you or often anyone.
Codependency can open the door unfortunately.
Another one is a friend who can’t admit when they’ve made a mistake or hurt someone. They just can’t be wrong. They are always right. They are hypocritical, and will easily point out others weaknesses and say others are in the wrong, but will never ever admit to their wrongdoings!
i have a friend like this. i was sitting at lunch in school with 4-5 other people. This friend insults someone and everyone agrees it was kinda mean. Instead of apologising she runs crying into the bathroom and comes back saying she tried to 'throw up'. She was obviously doing this for sympathy and it worked since in the end everyone was comforting her instead of the person she insulted just because she can't take being wrong
There are also the people who don’t want to hear anything negative. Toxic positivity is also horrible. They make you feel like you are negative when you share how you are feeling. They say you must think positive.
When I wonder what they want when they contact me. There's usually a reason that has nothing to do with just being together.
Trust our gut...
So true!
@@LifecoachAshleyBerges so true.
This kind of “friend” leaves one thinking what does he want NOW?
- leaves me out though she knows im alone
- never ever wrong
- devalues my opinion and point of view in every argument
- brings up my past mistakes and shames me for them
- when i'm speaking with a group she interrupts and turns it into her
- extremely 2-faced, she could block me on social media but irl pretend things are fine
- disrespects me and makes me the butt of jokes
- she just makes me feel really bad
yep. it's hard to distance myself from her because deep down i *know* she's a good person. she was good to me before she started this behaviour, it's really difficult realising being around her presence online and in real life is unhealthy for me
The worst is friends holding grudges, opinions and such against you but saying nothing to clear the air or solve the issue. Its lame to have to ask "have I done something wrong?", makes me feel like I am starting something. Meanwhile thier behaviour has changed twards me, they call less and stop planning with me and stop sharing as much. I have had to let people go but lack of closure sucks. Plus I have CPTSD and I am more sensitive, I value my friendships I do have more than the other person a lot of times, because I find it harder to make friends. Maybe it makes me a little much, but that then depresses me further because I am super excited to be thier friend and find each individual special. So I get extra crushed by feeling more an outcast when this happens.
I feel that a lot of people during pandemic had an awakening on seeking the best for them and declatter toxicity out of their life, either environment either people either situations
So true, my life has changed drastically. For the better.
so true. got rid of a toxic friend. feel much better 💓
Theodore Roosevelt said: "Complaining about a problem without posing a solution is called whining"🙂
It is also good just to get stuff off of your chest. Repressing feelings is just not good. Almost like being told that I am not supposed to cry
This can also be said for family members. Some of my family members are like you describe. You can cut toxic family off too.
First Revolution
Absolutely, walk away!
Luna
Absolutely!!
I had two toxic friends I dropped now. I got hurt but it's over so I'm moving on. I also learned because I am forced to look at my codependency
There’s this unspoken competition between us that I feel she’s on and I’m like huh ...
I stepped back it been months I’m not in mood for meeting.
My ex is a narcissist and that was why I broke up with him. After we broke up he said he was the better person because he had lots of friends. ( the statement alone sounds so damn childish, yet that just sums him up) I disregarded his childish statement. Its true I dont have outside friends, most people dont get me, yet Im okay with that, I like my own company and I am the only best friend I will ever need. Sure I know people, yet I try to not get too involved, most people are energy vampires and I value my time and energy.
Wow. You go girl or guy. Your comment speaks volumes. I could imagine the exnarcband saying something like that about me. I don't have many friends, but I have learned to love myself more. It is truly important to be a friend to myself. So that when someone is toxic, I ask God how to deal with the situation wisely. I use the term the exnarcband instead of my ex narcissistically disordered personality husband because in reality a narcissistically disordered person does not have any sense of loyalty or responsibility to anyone.
Better to be alone then in bad company.
You have taken my words. Is exactly my life- 9 yrs!
Don’t believe it. Some of the most horrible people seem to have the most friends. I’ve noticed this since junior high. My mother reprimanded me once when I complained about my lack of friends, saying, “To have a friend you have to BE a friend!” It puzzled me because I was never mean to anyone. I finally came to the conclusion that though the principle was valid, the results were not always guaranteed. My mother came from a gentler era and did not really understand this.
And another one: a friend who flirts or goes after either your boyfriend, ex or someone you are interested in- they are NOT a friend!
a friend is supposed to make you better. not pander to your emotional attachments of who you are suddenly having a crush on.
but in the egotistical "friend" sense, yes they will do whatever makes u happy no matter if its stupid or not
When I told a friend I was starting a spiritual podcast and allowed them to listen to the intro they laughed and mocked me and made me feel like I had no power or silly for doing this. It was then amongst other things that I then fully realised that no matter how long you know someone they dont really like that you are moving up in your life whilst there life is heading downwards. I dont even feel that this person ever liked me they have always been jealous of me. It hurts more as you have known them for so long, all the more reason to move on and leave them behind.
I’m sorry you experienced the real person as opposed to the person you thought they were.
A spiritual podcast.
How productive and positive.
Good for you!
Everything you said is absolutely true. A good friend will cheer you on a bad friend will thwart your dreams. A friend in need is a friend indeed!
Big red flag for me -“monkey branchers”. It is a big possibility that this kind of person will replace you for “more benefit friend” someday. Because such people usually have the same behavioral pattern for all type of close relationships (friends, partners, etc)
Good observation, thank you for being a part of our community and making a difference.
Yes yes yes, he was asking money all the time. I paid his bills, phone bills for example, and I was blocked on his phone. Rarely he returned any calls or messages. Told me "busy", "not now", "that was then" or "why you are so needy". For me good relationship is good communication as well. I expect to communicate over phone, in real life, over email etc.
I would view that person as more of an opportunist rather than a toxic friend. A toxic friend is talking about you behind your back, he or she doesn't wish you well in life, jealous of others success, humiliates you in a group to make them appear like the Queenbee of the group, a classic mean girl, they are stuck in a rut and do not wish to use their energy or mind to grow with their personal development, they don't try to improve themselves with continued learning and would rather try to tear you down socially than improve themselves out of jealousy and spite. Someone you can't trust with personal information because they'll use that as a way to spread rumors and gossip about you.
yep the replacement can even be your significant other, or your ex, either way if someones claiming theyre my good friend, its not acceptable...
I feel like I should of known she was a toxic friend when I wanted to cry around her because I was going through something hard and she said she’s been through worse yet she always talks about her perfect life and isn’t going through that much right now when I needed comfort too
Omg. Sorry. I feel you
If you have to lie to them about hanging out with people because they don't want you to, it's probably a no go...
You described my ex friend" Tatjana. She listened to me but valued NOTHING. She later gor pregnant with a guy whom she wanted to change in her own way, married him and I realized this: this kind of "friend" is an enemy, not a friend! Goodbye! ...........All in all........... THEY DON'T LOVE YOU AT ALL!
They go out of there way to literally sabotage you, or you'll discuss something with them then they buckle up there lips, and start with there critical assement of why your ideas are stupid, or how'll they'll never work out. just secret undercover hater's.
Thank You, and Love you Ashley you truly are very insightful, and helpful. Bless You Ashley Bergs.
When it come to true friends, I dont even have one. Its safer not to have any so-called friends.
I hope some day you will at least have someone in your family or significant other you consider to be a friend or meet a balanced and healthy person to befriend someday.
@@MakeupAddiKt23 It's sad when we think that someone we've known for a long time and considered a friend doesn't wish us well. I always want my friends to do well in life, even when I'm not doing well or when I am doing well. I just went through the friend being jealous because I"m rising up, my businesses are starting to take off. I can totally relate. When I was young other professional models in Dallas were jealous of me because I modeled in Paris, Milan and Tokyo.
Same
Find a good therapist. 1: one that listens 2: who ask you questions that make you think more objectively. A good therapist is profesjonal. Then the work is on you. When you have done the work then you can see the sheep from the wolfs more easy and specialy the " wolf who dress as a sheep". therapy take 2-3 years of hard work, depend on the trauma you have. It is worth it!
...
The final situation i had with my ex toxic friend was one night she actually dipped her hair into her own drink to get another into trouble saying she had a drink poured over her. Then trying to get me to agree to saying i saw it happen. Fotunately i didn't say it. Weeks later i decided i had to part company with her
Some people will do the "wildest" non-conscious stuff...Glad you parted ways.
Wow. Toxic friends get you into trouble while causing trouble. They bring you down rather than elevate you!
Hit every single sign. It’s time to cut it off.
I need to do a clean sweep 👍😂
my best friend only talks to me and wants to hang out when it seems convenient for her
I've had my fair share of toxic friendships, and some of that is on me as my boundaries were not always very good. I find though that most people seem to be like this nowadays. Maybe a reflection of social media/ society? Seems so few solid people in the world now. Am I the only person who feels this way?
I think most people wear a mask 95% of the time.
I feel throughout time most people don't know who they are and what they stand for, I feel social media brings it to the forefront more. With technology, we see it, back in the day we weren't connected to people a few miles away from our home now connected all over the world! I believe most people don't do the work on themself-it's the most important work we can do but the work most choose to not do...Or don't know to do... Thank you for your comment and thoughtful insight!
chevours6
You are not the only!
Luna
Theirs never been so many selfish people in existence until now... narcissist people are rapidly multiplying... the gates are wide.
Myspaparadise.com
No, you’re not the only one.
I think some hide and follow other people, some have a protective false face that blocks genuine connection.
Genuine connection is the place trust and love is born and stays.
Another thing is when a Histrionic friend mimics your point of view and changes style and opinion based upon whom they are spending time with. Also, friends who have to insert themselves into your life constantly by calling 3 or more times a week and always relaying dramatic events that are happening with their other friends, whom you may not even know. This is not good because it’s not that they value you; it’s about keeping your attention so they can pull emotional fuel from you to validate their weak ego.
Someone posted below they never admit when they are wrong.
They never apologize.
They don’t think you or the relationship is worth it.
A relationship that is one sided is a huge exit sign for me.
A self absorbed friend doesn’t respect or care about you.
They don’t ask how YOU are really doing because they don’t care.
The drama of the all consuming them is like a burning 117 degree sun.
It blots everything else out and cause misery.
Don't TELL your DREAMS and more IMPORTANT your PLANS to your FRIENDS and I LEARNED this the HARD Way NEVER Again more IMPORTANT is GOD is My WITNESS
My toxic friend is the opposite, when I'm not doing well, she's around but when I'm doing well in life, she doesn't want to be around out of jealousy. She's had her whole world turned upside down as in a reversal of fortune, her family had more money than mine but now she's made so many poor choices in life that she's ended up in a tiny small town. Honestly I didn't wish this misfortune on her but the upside for me is there is a physical distance now that will make it easier for me to get her out of my life. Because what's she'd like is for me to come down to her level but that's not going to happen. I've probably gone about it the wrong way in that I actually started acting like a Karen towards her to get her to not like me LOL. It's kind of working, I started being real opinionated, trying to highlight the differences in the way we think now that we are no longer children. Right now she has distanced herself from me and that's how I want our friendship to end so that she thinks it was her idea to not be friends with me anymore.
This sounds so much like the situation in going through right now! I just bought a house but my friend hasn't contacted me at all since then or asked me how the process was going. I think it's just slowly going to burn itself out the way it's going. I don't want a friendship that's only one sided like it is now
If they do get ahold of you, its because theyre digging for something, wanting to know whats going on in your life so they have something to gossip about to others or they need something...
My best friends are my cats and dog. I keep finding toxic people who let me down.
Animals are amazing. I feel that a lot of people feel this way. Being around toxcity and being "burned" can lead to avoidance and fear.
1st sign - not only are they not there for you but OFTEN when they are around for it, you'll hear about how so unfair it is to them that you got something nice and they don't have it
This video made me realize that someone who I thought is my friend, actually isn't. Time to get rid of that and move on, Don't need that toxicity draining me and can't continue helping them if they can't help themselves.
Sweet/ mean relationship.
I'm starting to think the "toxic friend" is code for Narcissist.
Thank you Ashley, I found your analysis clear, concise and very helpful. Well done!
You hit the nail on the head! I have ended a 10 year friendship that I thought was healthy. It's a another season in my life now.
In this type of relationship right now . Nothing they say add up . Don't wanna waste time on these type of people . Just got a new car last summer they throwed drinks and spat tobacco juice allover my car gross 😷. Also had the so called friends talk crap behind my back , yes they lack empathy , yes they act very self centered and passive aggressive towards me & gave me evil looks . Just feel like everything is one sided and double standard in the relationship . Always getting silent treatment & gaslighted . Yes catched them lying constantly since the relationship . No can't share personal info about me either if I do they usually tell everyone my business . Also experienced very negative draining interactions with them . Everytime they make promises they break them , they don't value anything that we talk about . Can't respect a person who can't give respect back . You're basically talking about the life I've experienced for quite along time . Thanks Ashley for this video . So correct actions do speak louder than words .
so they didn't intend to befriend me?
I am shocked and deeply hurt and disellusioned
I had high hopes
Thank you for sharing Mike, I believe you speak for a large percentage of our community. We've been in these relationships that do not make us better people and do not deserve our time and energy.
@@LifecoachAshleyBerges It's a pleasure so happy 😊that I can share what I've been through and know that I'm not alone .
Dang Girl, you hit nail on the head!!! Ashley, thanks to you I got my eyes open to the toxicity in my world.
Thank you Shirley, I appreciate you!
Thank You so much, Ashley!
Great talk btw.
This is one of the best videos I’ve come across on these sort of thing. It hits on so much I struggle with… I just need help on the acting /communicating part / “ how to move accordingly “ once I’m clear on how I see everyone
Thank you Ashley! Yes, let's use our energy on people that give us energy!! That reciprocate! That value you..that support you, that talk openly and actually care!! We don't need ones that don't...I don't want to expend my energy on a wet rag. Let go of people that drain you. Find one's that spark joy in your life!!
this describes my "best friend" perfectly. there jest the biggest narcissist ive ever seen .
My ex toxic friend favorite saying
*All guys fancy her & all women are jealous of her*
This woman would sleep with men on first night & get into fights.
Also she would slate me off to other people & i catch her saying it then she would deny it.
Also her stories were a mix of exageration & some facts that i didnt know what to believe
I am glad she is your EX friend, no time for that energy around you, thank you for reaching out!
Same!!
thank you .. your videos make everything crystal clear !!! thank you !
Yes, a good indicator is how you feel after interacting w them. I am becoming more aware if tbis. Don't interact w people who drain me.
Very good info here--thank you, Ashley!
Everything this woman said it's so true. I mean there is some evil & fake people in this world
Thank you for creating this video!! 🙌
So much commonsense and support for an intentional life.
Ashley you're the best and happy holidays to you and many more ❤️ why couldn't you have been the girl next door ?!!!
Another sign of a toxic friendship is you”re reluctant to tell them something positive happened to you at all.
A lackluster response, no response like changing the subject altogether, or a backhanded compliment expressed with no true happiness for your good fortune
Hard one.
Distancing yourself from the first 7 or 8 behaviours, puts you into the category of not wanting to plan or ghosting a toxic person, which in turn makes you a bad friend as well.
It's hard to tell a toxic friend, there toxic..
Guess I got to grow some balls...
Very intresting and eye opening!
I don’t know how you call it but for me it is also toxic behavior.
I have a friend who allways wants too meet my friends and family members. But he wants too keep me out of his friends and family circle, but allways complain about them and tell me about all their drama’s.
I find it very strange and can’t put my finger on it.
Once my printer 🖨 broke down and I called him to ask if I could come around and use his. He said: No, my girlfriend is here and I don’t want her too see u. 😅...
But, Im in a healthy loving relationship myself and got 0 seksuele feelings towards him and he knows... it was just strange and I broke off the friendship.
This video is on point.
You described my ex borderline! He never returned any call or message on his phone, unless he needed me: like someone to pay his bills or buy something he needed. I don't see this as good relationship because he was mad so often at me, when in reality he was mad about himself (bpd stuff). I was tired around him and after being good partners, I felt like he was a roommate instead... I used to visit someone who couldn't talk with me, he just used Playstation for hours without saying much. I was at his devalue stage. Most of the signs I had with him!
I mean I can talk more with a bus driver on my local line than him... So I left him for 8 months soon and my pain is on vacation too. It's gone to die, actually.
Great work!👋🏻
Thank you :)
If they try to kill your dreams! !and change you for the worse to try and put you down
Spot on!
I have a hard time trusting people.
I worked with someone years ago that never stopped talking about herself, only saw and valued her opinion, and shared too much personal information. I did not share. The business closed sometime after. I moved on and she called me sometime later to tell me that she moved and now lived close to me. She was indirectly hinting about getting together. I wished her luck then told her I needed to go.
I spent 8 months in a narcissistic relationship I was beat down to exhaustion. Gas lighting, projection, rage, Cheating , porn addiction, push and pull, in and out, blocked me from social media, and he was continually on dating sites. I have been hovered 7:times and he still try’s for sex. I’ve tried too explain what I needed and he just can’t be exclusive. Exclusivity matters I just can’t physically do it anymore I gave he took. He needs to go find his happiness I am sucked dry.
Lies were mentioned.
I’d like to add omissions as a form of lying.
This friend tells you how awfully busy she is then you find out she’s not to busy to be burning up Instagram with other people.
Treating casual friends like God himself and close supportive friends are shut out….., RUN..
Describes my "best friend" perfectly
Thank you Ashley.
Friends and family, pretty much all of it. I mostly have no peoblem removing negative people from my life...
Thanks so much may god bless you
Yep, I have a friend who is a friend half the time then wants to put me down about what I am doing w my life. It's my life.
This girl sent me a video saying "Signs that it's time to give up a friend" and now imma send this video to her :P
Hi Ashley! You've really helped me the past few months. I got out of a 5 year relationship 6 months ago and ended up in a mental hospital for a few months because of the break up. It has really taken it's toll on me. She has got bpd and i never knew before after the break up.
I startet seeking help because alot of people tell me i have bpd. Great combination for a relationship i know.
Was wondering if you could talk about MEN with bpd since it's not as common as girls.
Thanks alot again! You save lifes around the world.
- Mathias Hansen from Denmark
I am glad you are doing better!!! I'm happy to shine the light on men with BPD. Are there any specifics you'd like me to discuss? And thank you for your message, and reaching out, it touches my heart!
@@LifecoachAshleyBerges that sounds good Ashley! Thanks.
- how come men tend not to have bpd and instead they get diagnosed with adhd instead? Got that adhd question alot in the years (it's a clear no. Tried medicin). Are there any difference men and women with bpd? Things alog thoes lines. Thanks again!
My mom and sister and former best friend all had 9 of these :/ I feel like I can breathe and that Im safe on shore now that Ive identified it and stepped away from them! I feel rescued!
Another HUGE SIGN for me is when your solid, long term friends, people you trust, family etc DON'T LIKE the person.
i have a friend that will pretend to be there for me and ask are u ok but when something bad happens in my life she will be saying well today’s a great day or when i talk and laugh with my other people she says i’m having such a bad day idk if they are toxic or not and everytime i try to distance myself she says why are u ignoring me and laughs and jokes about it to other people and starts screaming at me what should i do
Sounds Toxic as hell to me. Drop em.
Susan Stanley i
Susan Stanley *k
Thank you Ashley for another helpful video.
Thank you for reaching out Heather!
Thank you Ashley, excellent video⭐️🌟✨
Thank you Godzilla man steb! Hoping my message finds you excellent!
What about someone who is never wrong ? It was never them that did something wrong and if they can’t get out of something they say “ I was just following someone else” to justify why they did something . It’s so draining . Like they are trying to get one up on everyone also . Downplays anything I say I have going on in my life, certain social struggles , or anything I do like art or something then they say they did it too as a child etc etc , What is this, Is it narcissistic , I know narcissists are Like this but can non narcs too?
Everyday I even more realizing,by watching lie to me,criminal minds and similar,watching videos or reading something,I want to be alone and with people who value me
My ex friend shared all my personal business with my adult daughter, who she befriended. And then started to talk crap about me!!!
I’m legally blind and this so called friend decided she and I should go swimming on certain days and then she stared cancelling with me. I told her to please start being more reliable with holding to the original plan AND then she started to tell me that she doesn’t want to be told what to do.
I ended this crazy friendship that wasn’t doing me any good.
Dear AB, I have medical limits. Most of my friends try to weasel on them. They have problems too but that doesn't give my limits less importance. I am tired, too tired to want to put friendships above my own needs.
What about breaking a promise to someone , because that someone has hurt them a lot and for a long time , and have a lot of ego . That someone never wants to accept they are wrong, calls you for get together and then gang up in that party, and avoid you throughout that party. Why should we attend their meetings or parties?! Might as well say you can’t make it to that party and avoid that meet altogether
I have two close friends. Every once in a while the three of us go out to breakfast or lunch. Almost every time the three of us are together one friend the one I spend most time with picks on just about everything I say. Recently she has started to bring up issues that bother me to the point of showing pictures of what a person who once worked for me of what she does for her now. This behavior has accelerated to the point that I no longer desire to continue to be friends with her. I have been friends with her 30 years. This behavior occurred once in a while over the years but now is continues when the three of us are together. I just do not understand because she is fine between just the two of us. I find her behavior very belittling.
Boundary issues
So if we feel like certain people check off on a lot of these boxes, do we have a conversation with them first or just let them go & put more distance between us ? This has been one of my biggest uncertainties
It’s impossible to make good friends.
Can a toxic friend have a lot of Ego?
My friend sent me a message to call her as I was busy and I didn’t see it, she called me minutes later and I told her I will call her back, which I did, only she talked about herself.
After the conversation over she said I can call her the next few days as she was like in quarantine for 2 weeks.
I called her back before she finished her quarantine,she didn’t pick up, she called me back hours later when she knows I am busy with my son with special needs.
I didn’t answer,so I messaged her explaining the situation.
I called her back the next day, she didn’t answer.
Does she have an Ego problem?
She must be thinking why she would have to answer if I couldn’t answer earlier!!! And she never called back since last week.
What shall I do about that?
Thanks 🙏🏻
The random critism is not good. Because your not ready for it. Or they tell you what you do should and try and run your life but again, it is your life. Not theirs.
I opened up to my friend about my depression and anxiety and apparentely I'm not allowed to get angry or emotional (This rarely happens) and when I did get angry the other day, she laughed and said I had mental problems. And then I reminded her that I don't exactly have the best mental health. Then she said this "Then why do you hang out with us?" She said this smiling and I snapped I hurt one of my friends by twisting her arm and now she's telling EVERYONE about it, saying I'm violent (This is true, when I'm very upset) and I have mental problems and now everyone hates me. I apologized for hurting the girl though. But the friend always demands an apology for everything, even if it's her fault, she made me mad and I even told her to stop what she was doing cause it was upsetting me but she takes me as a joke so she continued. Am I being dramatic? I feel like I'm insane!
I'm so sorry you've been through that. It's best you cut them out because if someone pushes you to violence, you're now yourself becoming toxic. Surround yourself with positive and understanding people but please seek treatment for your mental health because you are humber one.
That person sounds narcissistic and they are pushing your buttons . Cut them out and be glad you have . They use someone’s mental health issues to play with and when you erupt in the frustration they then make shit of you . Yes it sounds like you need support and help with your emotions however dealing with people like those is enough to make anyone lose the plot . Cut ties and seek support for yourself . All the best take care
i told my friend i was going to military school to better myself and she was very negative and didn’t believe in me and when i came back and spoke about military school/ my goals she said “lets be realistic claudia idk if u can do it” also her and my other friend made a pact that it i get back with my ex theyll both stop being my friend 😅 help
Just got a new apartment. Toxic friend answer: argh, you have to paint the new one!
Emotional distance… Yuk….
They withhold, they don’t trust and you don’t trust them.
They aren’t invested.
Also, they use you as a bitch fest consistently.
You find yourself thinking is this all you use me for?
Not listening and not valuing your perspective.
Such a HUGE disrespect….
That point was a huge point.
I am 19 and honestly I think I am a toxic friend to some of my friends. I am trying to change. Also I wanted to ask when a close friend tells you a secret can I tell it to my best friend? Also I am extremely positive but my best friends are totally negative.
IMO if any friend share secrets, it is only between you and her unless she says " I dont mind if you share this info". Maybe ask yourself if this were my secret would I want it shared with someone else? And if she wants it told she will tell it herself; otherwise you are gossiping about your friend/s - not a friend I would want!
What if I am toxic by not follow through bt I am there in lots of other ways with most if them
3:46 Girl left me on read when i sent her a 15 lines long paragraf about fighting my toxic parent after SHE ASKED what happened. Oh boy. I’m not even mad but what. The.fuck
Do not forget the Gang Stalker Narc type.
HighSpeedNoDrag the what? What kind of friend is that one?
Real friends are difficult to find these days, but if we have one that's enough!
So I'm pretty sure my ex was some combination of borderline/bpd. She would often send a text that felt like a trap. Like I wouldn't know how to respond. While I'm thinking about it she sends another, then another. Now they're coming in,like missiles. My phone sounds like a slot machine. Meanwhile I still haven't responded? Its like we're in a full blown thing but she's playing my part for me. Drawing infremces, concludions, and machinations I don't have based on the timeliness of my response. Meanwhile, its like I'm driving here and my phone's just going "ding! ding! ding!......ding!" And then I get dumped lol. Never said a word. Is that type of thing normal?
I have seen it extremely often-this is not rare. Did you ever respond or did she just end it?
Ashley Berges Okay, here’s the example. She and I had a hard time spending more than a regular weekend together before there was some kind of conflict. We took one trip to Vegas that she turned into an absolute disaster. So that was our history as far as that goes.
She goes on a trip to Mexico with a couple. The couple is fighting and she’s texting me telling me that the guy in the couple treats the girlfriend horribly. She then says, “We travelled much better than they do, don’t you think?” Meanwhile I’m driving to work as this is coming in so I can’t really engage and I’m also thinking like “Not really?” Since the one trip we took was a complete shit show.
So as I’m thinking this, I get a text that says “Well, you obviously don’t think so” and then it unravels from there. Just one after another and I can’t even get a word in. Her inference wasn’t totally wrong but also I’m driving and I just can’t get into all of this right now type of thing. Then I basically get told “we’re not right for each other”
She was always dumping me. She told me she had “abandonment issues” like who doesn’t? Who wants to be abandoned? She always thought I was cheating on her? I gave her no reason to think that. She often worried about being a “burden” to me? She used that word. I was crazy about her. I didn’t understand the “burden” thing. Although she did wind up being very needy. Very insecure. Always thought other women were checking me out or whatever. But she could be just wicked too. Very emotionally deregulated. Say just horrible things. Then she’d feel bad and ashamed I think. Not enough that she wouldn’t do it all over again soon enough. It was just like over the top volatile relationship. Especially given the time we spent together. Is that BPD you think?
@@jake373 If she thinks you are cheating on her, she is projecting. SHE is cheating on you. Time to RUN. I left my bpd ex guy 8 months ago!
Jake 37 yeah that sounds like BDP!!! Avoid avoid avoid, get a secure girlfriend that can go hours without texting you/hearing from you. Long term relationships you barely text one another because at that point you live together 😂
I totally dislike this "complaining". Many women do that. It's said women need to talk about their problems to solve them and offering solutions is refusing the connection, it's disrepectful because they "just" need someone to listen to empathically. But I don't like it. I was called cold and harsh for saving "listen, please don't abuse me as an emotion litter bin". Plus I feel it's weird to reject every advice to solve a problem. But in my workplace, that's what we are told to build a connection with our female Clients. I just think: They just come here to drink coffee and complain. It earns me money, but I lost the will to help them cause they don't want it anyway. I began to see it as reality TV or something, more entertaining me than being a challenge. So, I get laid to "broadcasting Station endless negativity". Fun Facz: the excuses why they don't do things that could help them. A Client in one week complained her boyfriend heated her up, again, and she felt Dizzy and had blurred vision. Breaking up? "We are so long together, I invested so much!" Next week she complained her mother refused to give her money for a bike so she can get fit. Still complained dizzyness. "Are you sure you want to ride a bike on the busy streets when you have problems with your balance? Why don't you take brick walks in the Park?" "Walking is to exhausting. I really need that bike!" "Why don't you get a used one, for the fragment of the price?" "I hate used things, they are disgusting. My mother should buy me a new bike, nur she doesn't care about me"...
"Why don't you save money?" "But I need it right now! My boyfriend says I am to fat and he isn't attracted to me anymore". "Why don't you try Cardio Intervall Workouts in You Tube. You shape your muscles and burn a lot of calories and it's free". "Working out at home is boring..".
Sorry, I can't take this seriously anymore. I'm not allowed to speak my mind, tell them the truth they don't want to hear to a)male a change for the good b)use my skills c) stop this endless complaining. But I earn as much money with a half time job than others with a full time job. I am Entertainer don't have to worry about the outcome, a lot of free time plus saving money for a apprenticeship at a private college to get the degrees I need to become a self unemployed consultant and choose my Clients...
This isn’t an exclusive woman thing, please don’t attach a gender to it. I do agree though some or many people just like to complain for attention instead of seeking out real advice on something.
I'm watching her talk; then I realise I talk like that when I get back from the dentist and my mouth is all novicained up
Go away! You are a nasty person!