The Emotionally Neglected Child - All Grown Up WHAT HAPPENS Explained!
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- Опубликовано: 19 апр 2021
- THE EMOTIONALLY NEGLECTED CHILD - ALL GROWN UP [WHAT HAPPENS EXPLAINED!] // In this video I will explain so much more about these topics and areas “Emotionally neglected childhood, childhood emotional neglect, how to overcome childhood emotional neglect, what is emotional neglect and how to cope, childhood emotional neglect test, emotional neglect definition, emotional neglect, how to cope, childhood emotional trauma, how to overcome childhood emotional trauma, most common types of childhood trauma, the emotionally neglected child, the impact of early emotionally neglect, how to overcome cen, how to overcome childhood emotional neglect, what is emotional neglect and how to cope, adult children of emotionally unavailable parents”.
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DISCLAIMER: Any information or advice I give is purely based on my own experience and research as well as the methods utilized in Rapid Transformational Therapy. Rapid Transformational Therapy is used to get to the root cause of any issue, utilizes hypnosis to do so, and is not for everyone. There is no guarantee as there are many variables that will impact your success. I am not a doctor and always encourage you to work with your doctor for your medical care. If you are life threatening situation or contemplating suicide, please seek appropriate medical and professional help.
If you're ready to heal from the emotional trauma and neglect from your past & haven't been able to seem to yet despite what you've tried, perhaps you're ready for Rapid Transformational Therapy & Hypnosis!! Book your free consultation today to see if we're a good fit to work together at www.re-write-your-life.com
Would this work for getting rid of depression and anxiety as well? Is this something that can only be done in person?
@@GLesbihonest that's what all people I work with experience. They're the best friends you don't want to have. Yes it works wonders to remove anxiety and depression. And no, I work with all of my clients online. See the category titled Client Successes to hear other people's stories and experiences.
@@sarahpacaro Thank you!
This is so good. Can totally resonate with this video. Thank you Sarah 💕
@Lee’s Updates You're very welcome!! I absolutely love sharing & guiding people into a place within themselves - that place where freedom from those limiting and negative beliefs resides!
Often parents were not emotionally nurtured themselves and therefore have no knowledge of it to give to their children. And the children grow up well cared for in physical ways but feel a sense of emotional detachment from everyone.
Always searching for a vague, unattainable, indescribable Something. Deep sense of loneliness and of being different. Others seem to have a mysterious key to life that the neglected child can’t find.
This!
How can they be considered “good parents “ if they were emotionally neglectful? I spent my life believing my parents were good just because not honoring your mother and father was the ultimate sin. The healing journey I have been on for the last four years, has shown me that the neglect I experienced as a child has led me to make life decisions that were always in someone else’s best interest. At age 75, I am alone by choice and happier than ever!
Of course! When you "had everything you needed or wanted" i.e. roof over your head, food on the table, toys, clothes, etc. If they weren't there for you emotionally ever or when you needed it the most, they still did the best they could with what they had. Perhaps it was they didn't know. The child sometimes doesn't say anything because they don't want to bother the parent or the parent is busy so the child is left to process it on their own & believes the parent doesn't care, when that may not be the truth or the case at all. There's so many different reasons this can happen and it can and does often happen from well intended, loving, good natured parents.
I’m 22 and I can say. Sometimes being alone is when you find happiness because you’re healing/healed. I’ve been taking so much time to myself and it’s helped immensely. Best of luck to you ❤️
I didn't know that mine were until I ended up in 2 absuive relationships and began peeling back the layers as to why. I know my parents did the best they could with what they had. Sadly neither one of them had emotionally available or mature parents themselves. It's generational. So with that, they did a "good job". Basics were provided but nothing more because they didn't have any more to offer themselves unfortunately.
I am a 56 yo female. I too thought I had a “good childhood), THEN I got divorced, then my two children became teenagers and I realized I was NOTHING like my Mom. I realized I had been emotionally neglected as a child and I knew I didn’t want my sons to experience that. Mom never hugged us never told me she loved me, never gave me any encouragement or praise. I had to look at myself and say, I’m not going to be like that, my ex husband accuses me of being a “nurturing “ mother and I said to myself, I’m doing a good job. I did not have that at all, my mom was not nurturing at all, I needed it I know I did. And no father either,
@@citygirlingraham I’m so sorry for your experience.. I am so glad for your choice as a mother to give your children what you lacked. That’s all that matters. That you successfully accomplished it. Sending you kindness compassion and love 💗 you are blessed. Thank you so much for sharing this.
This morning I was led to this channel by Bob Baker with affirmations for love to oneself.
I will try to copy the link and come back post it. (Edit) here it is . Hope find helpful.
ruclips.net/video/KRRdeTZxN3U/видео.html
Childhood Emotional Neglect decimated me. I was never told I was anything, good or bad. There was nothing special about me. Nothing worth noting. No interests nurtured. Never asked what I thought or felt. When my grades were shit I was told to knock it off and get it together. I've never felt seen. Many people tell me I'm much smarter when I realize. I'm not afraid of hard work. I'm afraid of failing, disappointing, letting down, and hurting.
As a consequence, I've only had jobs, not careers led by any passion or excitement. I should be making a lot more money than I do and I experience a lot of financial anxiety and insecurities. I don't need happiness. I would settle for relief.
This is seriously me. I am a smart student. Even my school give me recognition for my achievement. But my mom just told 'congratulation' and my dad did not even knew about my achievement. My friends always told me that i am smart. But, my parent never told me so. I just took degree with any subject that i think i can learn. But now i never knew what career should i took. I have a degree but i'am a babysitter now. My parent not even told me that i'm a failure. I feel like wanna quit babysitting, but there is no job that make me excited to go to work. I have obesity and it's hard for me to consistent with my diet and exercise too.
Watch Mark Haughton videos explain many things about attracting the right people/ opportunities whatever your age/ situation- thank me later PEACE
Wow. This hits me in such a familiar way 😢
I practically can count on my fingers the times I was spoken to as a child and this is how my life is right now just as you described. I’m so sorry for how you feel ❤
YES! 1000% - I was always the afterthought, ignored mostly except treated like an owned object 'my boy", or treated as an anger / rage proxy by my Mother against my father. sister got everything, every opportunity - while I wasn't even offered opportunity. The one time I was, it was just to compete with my cousins area as a battle for pride between my Mother and my Aunt - did not care what I wanted - while I sat in the corner and had to keep myself entertained.
This describes me to a tee. I don't remember being emotionally neglected or even expecting comfort or tenderness from my parents as a kid. I thought I had a decent childhood. But, I am counter-dependent and hugging my parents and/or saying "I love you" feels completely unnatural for me. Raising my own kid, we hug, cuddle, and tell eachother "I love you" multiple times a day.
I'm sorry you grew up this way too. Sadly too many people did. The wonderful news is - you don't have to live with the impact of it for the rest of your life. Healing yourself heals your children. If you're interested in seeing more and what others have shared about working together to heal from this - you can see more here: ruclips.net/p/PLkfw8RZRcqKLlAiee8I7qGkrOVqdfvzu8 and if you'd like to talk more about possibly working together 1:1, please visit www.re-write-your-life.com and book a call.
@@electricfishfan7159 Thanks! Sorry you also had the same experience. It's sad when parents let it get to that point.I always make sure I carve out some time each day to connect with my daughter. The best is when we do the family hug, where she, her dad and I all gather in to hug each other.
@@electricfishfan7159 Being touched by someone whose neglected or abused you (emotionally and verbally) or otherwise can bring up a lot of unwanted thoughts, feelings, and emotions and can immediately put that person back into a state where they don't feel safe. I'm sorry you experienced that - sadly almost every child does at some point or another and it's at that point that their mind developed a limiting negative belief about who they are - and began to wear it as their identity. Moving through that is about removing that old identity & belief that you were unlovable or that something was wrong with you because a parent didn't have it available to give us what we needed when we were younger.
@@electricfishfan7159 Awareness is the 1st step - not just make sure you choose a modality that works for you to do that. I've found the most powerful one through hypnosis and RTT & I'm a "I've tried them all person".
Beautiful.
Nailed it. I was afraid to have children because I didn’t want to be emotionally unavailable like my mother was
Me too
This is a question I've thought a LOT about, over twenty years, and I think I've come to a profound realization: the DRIVING FORCE in an adult who was neglected as a child is going to be VASTLY DIFFERENT than the driving force in the life of an average person.
Resultingly, this will often leave them feeling distinct, odd, not belonging, disconnected.
This distinction is so powerful that (for me) being around other people makes me feel MORE ALONE than actually BEING ALONE.
My god
@@AishwaryaD12 ?
My god this is what I wanted to see for so long. It answers why I prefer to be alone than with people
Yes!
@@WendyKipfmillerOBrien :)
You can relate I take it?
Spot on. When a narcissist parent doesn't respect your thoughts or voice as a child, you learn to believe that you or what you think is irrelevant - that you're worthless & continue to think this into adult life. Thank you for explaining this.
I honestly believe the reason i survived my childhood and teenage years was listening to loud music and drowning out the messed up world outside my bedroom walls and door.
That’s how I survived some of my worst moments…especially between 18 and 20
Not only was my father mentally abusive to my family, but there no displays of affection whatsoever. No hugs, kisses and smiles for me and my siblings… Please don’t have kids if you can’t be a decent, loving parent to them.
You’re not alone. My bio dad abandoned me and step dad was emotionally and physically abusive to me and my younger sister, my mother went on to have 3 children with this man. I’ll never understand. She was emotionally distant all my life which didn’t help. Hugs to you ❤
Being emotionally neglected and having a toxic family is doubly hard. First you have to heal yourself from the damage that was done. Then when you have healed, you are lonely, because you don't have that healthy happy stable family base because you either had to cut them out of your life, or you have no respect for your parents/siblings.
I am all alone now...I chose to cut everyone off...family...even so called friends....this sucks...everyone is broken 🤷🏽♀️
Yep me too. I tried to talk to my siblings. They are focussed on their own issues rather than being there for each other. And then there's the gaslighting from them. If I died they'd all have horrible things to say.
My current situation
@@dorraefrazier8632same 💔
Lying on my bed, numb inside. 55yrs old and don't even remember what a happy feeling or excited feeling is like. Not sure I've ever had one. Agoraphobia, social anxiety, depression is not fun either.
"If people knew the real me, they wouldn't like me." That statement just hit me like a train. Incredibly relevant and explains why I severely lack any sort of quality relationships. How the hell do I fix this?
You learn to love yourself
Hypnotherapy can help ♥️
Practice being vulnerable with the people in your life, but start small. You will notice strides in emotional well-being over time
Lots and lots of drinking. Just kidding. Because you are loveable and valuable. People will accept you as you are.
@@andrewdressler6173 Thank you for your kind words. "Social lubricant" takes on a whole new meaning for me.
Being human is so complex…we have to be patient with ourselves and others.
It is and isn't at the same time (my opinion) we can be complex but if we want to be healthy and happy we've got to believe positive things about ourselves. Remove faulty limiting beliefs and run off of powerful positive beliefs about ourselves. When the foundation is strong, supported, positive and healthy, then the complexities of being human feel strong and empowering instead of hard and scary.
When my parents attended my masters degree graduation and took their friends to dinner but didn’t invite me....that’s when I finally got it. I actually had to ask my friends if I was wrong for feeling hurt. I honestly didn’t know. Apparently my reaction was justified. Who knew?
I'd go celebrate with you! I'm sorry about that! I hope you can find many people who love you very deeply!
Danika Thank you. It’s all good now. Once you “get it” you can heal. It took awhile, but I’m at peace with who they were. I very much appreciate your comment.
yeah! I moved into an apartment for the first time with my boyfriend and what do they do? they just dump a bunch of my old stuff over to my apartment and say "alright were going for dinner, see you later maybe?" like "thanks?"
Chantale Talbot No concept of the fact that you can’t cook on moving day. Wow. I know how you felt.
How do you go to someone’s graduation celebration and forget about the graduate!? Im sorry that happened to you, that is really shitty. However, congratulation on such an amazing accomplishment! I hope you went to treat yourself afterwards.
Ya, healing emotional neglect made me realize how important emotions are and how society even also shames us for just having emotions and emotional needs and positive and negative emotions.. Emotional Shaming is Real. And it can be very violating to be emotionally abused..
Yes! But the wonderful thing is - it doesn't have to be a life sentence.
@@sarahpacaro Oh yes, some of us are ready for a better way to live! And step by step we are building that reality!
@@rainbowbgood Yes!
Marrying someone who loved me and wanted the best for me healed me, took years and my own openeness to allow love in my heart...❤ but it can be done
Anything is possible with the love of God 🙏
33, single, back in college studying clinical psychology and have been doing inner child work. this is so informative and resonates with me. helps me understand that my feelings and emotions are valid and i never got to express those as a child, they were always dismissed or judged by my parents. still love them, they did the best they could and this is conditioned behavior from their parents. thank you for posting
if you are reading this you are valued, unique and i hope you succeed in every dream and desire you have in life :)
Yes!! That's what it comes down to. That inner programming and conditional thoughts and beliefs we developed that no longer serve us. I'm so happy that you're on a much better path. It takes a brave one to embrace inner child healing as most people would never consciously connect what happened when you were a child to the way you deal with experiences you have today.
@bri frost I’m 35. And my life is in a similar place. I, too, am single and also in school for psychology. I have about a year and a half left. I actually think I know you from my old life through a guy named Steve in Vegas… so weird to run into you on this massive internet!
Omg exactly me too! I love your comment. It gives me a fresh new perspective. Thank you for the encouraging words❤
32 (almost 33), single, going back to college in September. In therapy for a few years now, and learning to pay attention to my inner experience not just how my behaviour might affect others' inner experiences (while ignoring mine). I love that you chose psychology! I almost chose psychology, but chose acupuncture instead (although all I've learned about the nervous system is going to come in so handy). If anyone needs more than I am qualified to give them, I'll just have to refer them to someone like you!
Really relate to this video - total absence of sense of identity. Just wandering aimlessly - always have.
😢 becoming aware is the beginning of change
I am an adult now. I am certainly damaged, but even my dog is treated better than I was.
Time to transform that!!
My grandma is a nasty narcissist and unfortunately, my dad turned out exactly like her. And it didn't help my situation that my mother wasn't cut out for motherhood, abandoned me around age 12, and never made me feel loved or wanted! Both parents are still so emotionally immature and neglectful and I've never felt heard or validated. I've always felt SO empty but I always thought I was just majorly flawed and unlovable until I learned about CEN. 😭
I'm so happy you've learned about it. Awareness is the beginning of understanding. The next step is removing that negative internal programming your inner mind took on because of the experiences those who raised you with created that had you believe you're unworthy, unloveable, and not enough!
You’re beautiful
Get therapy so you can overcome your childhood.
I love you
That was my mother . I didn’t mourn either just felt relief that I don’t have to put up with the verbal abuse ,manipulation and lies any more.
OMG. This was my life as a kid. My parents never went to my sports games. When I graduated from college I didn't even go to the ceremony because they didn't even want to come. They never made a big deal about it. I remember just receiving my diploma in the mail! I didn't even want my parents to come to anything though (even though I probably really did) because my mom was so embarrassing. She was so untrusting. She would dig in my sister's and my purse, she would dump out our dresser drawers, calling us on the phone a million times to see where we were. She had no reason to mistrust us, but eventually turned some of us into rebels. It was just so maddening. We'd come home from school and get yelled at and told we were pigs and to clean our dresser drawers, because she would be putting laundry away and didn't think our drawers were orderly enough. All the clothes would be on the floor with the drawers on top. Actually , she was probably digging for evidence or something. I know now my mom was just a product of her own screwed up childhood. My mom was a narcissist and had a drinking problem, always drank at home and my dad enabled it. She was always hollering. When I turned 18, I could hardly wait to move out. Went to college and in the summers lived with friends. I am now 60! I take good care of myself . I do not drink. I feel 40. I always feel like I am an oddball though. I like being alone. I have pets. Hate being around people. I am married, but he has his own issues and I think he grew up with emotional neglect. Wow, this video was an eye opener. I want to be healed! Dear God I always pray to be healed of how I feel. I do have a nice house, had a decent job, retired early. I look back ony life though and always wish I had done so many things differently. I never feel loved,except by my pets. And my parents are old and I have a hard time dealing with them now. They are old and stubborn I feel like I have lost them already. Ho hum. Great video.
You’ve just summed up my entire life. I’m 63 but I guess better late than never
Emotionally neglected parents may repeat the pattern of emotional neglect on their children. Understand the pattern, accept it as the result of ignorance and let go of the pain.
Yes - that's where most people get stuck - the "HOW" to let go. That's where the unconscious inner work makes the most tremendous impact and allows change.
@@sarahpacaro please help with resources on the HOW. I have watched enough videos that talk about WHAT needs to be done, but scant few that actually go into detail on HOW to do all this hard and tough "inner work."
@@PorousG the how is to get to the core and root of the subconscious beliefs now held about yourself and transform them. This is the "inner work" have you visited www.re-write-your-life.com yet?
My WTF!? moment came when I was cuddling with my son while he slept & always hugging my daughter during a holiday get-together..when my mom said "don't be that affectionate or your kids will walk all over you!!" She was very serious. And I can't believe this is the world I was raised in..I no longer communicate with her..& she's correct..no one walks all over her anymore.
I'm curious how she came to the conclusion that showing love equals being walked all over.
@@sarahpacaro right!? I'm curious as well which is why I'm deep diving into all things to bring clarity.. I believe it's inherited ..nurture AND nature. I'm Romanian (born) and I completely behave(d) as if a neglected orphan child in an orphanage...that was one of the saddest things I have found familiar.. that documentary brought me to an understanding that even tho I have 2 parents..I might as well have been abandoned in foster care. I wished all my life that I was rather in foster care
@@DicyaninGlass if time is all we have, would you rather spend your time trying to understand someone else or understanding that you're not negatively influenced by that other person any longer?
@@sarahpacaro in this situation..most definitely know that i was negatively affected & understand how to not be affected for the future. With people like that..to understand them is the dark hole they want you to climb through & get lost in ....my whole life was about her and family..and religion. . And being comfortable with narcs... I know how to deal with those at least..being my comfort zone
This is the most relatable video regarding an emotionally unavailable parent. My mum decided she wanted to parent me in adulthood and has stuck her nose into every aspect of my life, even my current crumbling marriage. I blocked her yesterday, the guilt is killing me but I can’t take it right now.
Thank you. It sounds like you're feeling the results of years of compounded guilt that were projected onto you that your unconscious mind held onto. the easiest and fastest way to process and release is through getting to the core and root of what's truly causing you to experience it unconsciously.
That's where people experience the most rapid breakthrough and emotional freedom, is our 1:1 work together.
This describes me so much. I'm 21 and after therapy i've finally admitted to myself that even though I had "good parents" I was a very emotionally neglected child because all the attention was always on my brother and his emotional needs since my parents considered he was the more sensitive child.
I think we all should drop the GOOD PARENT term. I think Will Smith is a good parent. WHY THE FUCK WE ARE HERE THEN? If we had good parents? We are DESPERATELY trying to PARENT ourselves using the help of someone who we never even MET personally. Something is OFF in the equation.
I have this. I’ve aways existed on the margins. Never committing to anything. Never feeling anything much either - other than self hatred and self disgust. I thought my emotional system was broken somehow. I existed in a void of indifference. After 2 decades of drug addiction and suicidal behaviour, I began a journey to heal. Nothing worked for the first few years. My defences were too strong. I tried several therapists but no one could help me. Then I discovered ayahuasca. This tore my defences apart and I began to feel for the first time in my life. All of the stuff I had buried was inside me. Waiting for me to notice it.
It was relentless at times. That wave of emotional chaos can be overwhelming but it is necessary for me to continue to heal. I still have a long way to go.
Good luck people and especially to anyone suffering from this. Healing is possible. You just got to find what works for you. 🙌♥️
P.S. I’m on my way to becoming a therapist now and hopefully help others to find their true self and notice their feelings.
:) I imagine you'll be a wonderful therapist especially because you've been there!
I just realized I might have gone through this with the help of youtube. As a child, I felt like I couldn't talk to my family about how I was feeling because of fear that they would disregard them as they did before or call me "overdramatic" or "stupid." I had everything such as toys and games, etc. especially since I was the only child but I had no one to talk to. I spent my entire childhood repressing my feelings after trying a couple of times and had no real friends until college. I'm struggling to this day at work with trying to collaborate on projects and not just doing everything myself.
What would it be like to completely rewire and reprogram that internal belief system and structure that was set in place when you were a child that's still impacting you today. To feel safe to reach out for help, safe to be supported in projects so you can free up your time, eliminate the heaviness and stress you're experiencing and spend more time enjoying your life?
You explained this extremely well. I am recovering from CPTSD due to 24-year "marriage" to a narcissist ... and I'm at the point where I am facing the reality of my emotionally neglected childhood (my father left when I was a young child) that set me up to let a man like my ex into my life. The 2 most important men in my life emotionally rejected me. It hasn't been fun coming to grips about that - but experts like you make the journey easier. Thank you. 😊
I have always felt this way. So many times my inability to emotionally connect has ended some great relationships and careers. I’m so thankful to have seen this video.
I didn't realize how neglected I was until recently. I'm 27 and finally figured it out about last year. Since I'm around the age I want to have children with my partner, I think I can easily imagine how I'd parent my children, and in comparison how badly mine did in being there for me emotionally.
I was depressed and bullied for most of my childhood at school, I remember crying alone and telling my mom to give me a knife to hurt myself but she ignored it (she also suffers with depression). Instead of getting me help she ignored it because I think it was easier for her, and my dad has been emotionally closed off my whole life and I was scared of him since he'd yell and discipline us (no "I love you" no hugs, nothing, it was like not having a father at all)
It's really eye opening when you go from thinking you had a 'normal' family to realizing all this adult emotional pain was caused by the two people who were supposed to be there for you.
This happened to me too, you don't realize it until you're older and truly grown up. And my father was the same way.
OMG same same same. I wrote a poem at 16 about how I was going to kill myself with a razor blade entitled "Suicide" and got an A+ from the teacher who wrote on it, "You have an exciting 'flair' for poetry! I showed it to my Mom (a cry for help) and she read it and said "good job" (about the grade). If I hadn't found a great guy and gotten married I would've off'd myself. (later divorced due to my low self esteem)
Beautifully put. The amount of anger that comes with the realisation can be overwhelming
Be careful. I over-compensated by smothering mine with love and spoiling them, and that was also disastrous.
@@nem0men_901 This is all I really feel towards them now. Rage and resentment. I’ve just about lost all respect too…
I'm 55 and a male....I finally made the connection with emotional neglect only recently. For the longest time I always thought of my parents positively, now however I see how they failed me. My father was emotionally distant. I had OCD symptoms since age 10 but didn't receive treatment until age 26. I feel broken and I feel as my older sister would call me "damaged goods" My parents are long since passed away and yet here I am in life still feeling broken because I never reached those so called adult milestones. Stunted growth.....I don't know what to say.
We're about the same age and I feel you on the adult milestones. Most of my daily energy is put into concealing that fact from others because I'd lose all their respect if they knew how little I've accomplished in life.
Now at 63 I think this is the reason for my (self diagnosed) PDD. My grandmother reportedly denied my young father-to-be his career choice, "persuading" him to become an officer. When I was 9 he committed suicide with his service gun. I also think my mother, though "acceptable", perhaps never really wanted children. She was "distant" and possibly also suffered PDD. We never, late 60's, got any kind of psychological help. All my life I have longed for a father. Recently I understood that I have also longed for a real mother (this hurts to write...😥).
Sorry.😥 ((hugs))
@@nyashamahamba-dube1396 Thanks! I'm working on, but it's slow going...
I can imagine that hurts to write. I just completed a session today with a client whose 66 years old. Here's another client I've worked with whose in her 60's. She shares that it's never too late!! ruclips.net/video/sPMneqK3vQE/видео.html
@@sarahpacaro Thank you!
Sorry, sending love your way
Emotional neglect from my parents subconsciously made me try harder in sports and I became very talented at whatever I did to substitute the love I didn't receive. My mother also had an emotionally cold mother but with my daughter I'm very hands on and try to tell her how amazing she is and how much she is loved everyday, too a point that she gets sick of me. I'm just trying to find the balance
I so relate to parents never paying attention to achievements such as straight A's. It was just expected, especially since my Mom was always good at school and sports, and nowadays works her ass off at her job. I was so surprised when I found out that some parents award their kids for things like getting a good grade on a test. I guess it's even the little things like that, that can affect you. Anyways, now I'm completely burnt out and struggling to even pass so there's that... 👀
I remember being SO bitter when I found out a friend’s parents gave her money at every report card and the amount was determined by the letter grade. My parents never incentivized it, like you said, it was just expected and if you weren’t doing well in school it was shameful.
As a child I remember having some classes I was doing bad in (math was my only really bad subject). If I was getting D's she wouldn't care. If I got A's she would sometimes say "Good job" but otherwise showed no actual reaction. I'm 1 of 4 siblings, the only one who graduated high school and the only one who went to college. I'm always an overachiever but I think it's kind of a good thing, considering my 3 other siblings have no education and two have never worked a day in their lives and they're in their 20's.
I got the toxic perfectionist parents . I got a 100 on a test in a subject I really struggled with and my father found something I did to complain about . I got so discouraged by that that the next year I failed 2 classes and I was normally a good student
Mine were obsessed with me getting good grades to the extent they forgot that i was a child and human. They enjoyed the praises they got from other parents on how smart i was
It might seem greener on the other side but I’m that child that was rewarded materially for good grades instead of a general emotional connection (I was more of an employee than a child now that I say it out loud). I grew up and the motivation to do well went down too when the rewards stopped and the cracks in my dysfunctional families became visible to me.
Make it a strength that your parents aren’t wearing you, the satisfaction has to be internal not external if you want a healthier relationship with whatever you are working on ❤️
I just got done having a screaming match with my mother because I'm so, unbelievably angry and upset that she emotionally neglected me and then expected the world to raise me instead. With the "help" of her and my abusive (on all accounts) father, I've failed so much in life. Even after watching this video I'm having a difficult time establishing where the accountability should lie. Please help...anyone.
Why are you screaming at her? She just doesn’t have it to give and has no idea what you’re talking about. The screaming isn’t going to get you the love you crave. You need to move forward and take responsibility for your own happiness and form relationships with people who DO have it to give, who have emotional intelligence.
@@missmayflower The poster is hurt that is why she is screaming, please don't be so flippant with your so called advice.
Turned 30 last week and rarely experience happiness, sadness, anxiety, anger or even fear. It's just blank. When people ask me how I feel I say what I think other people would feel in the situation, but don't actually feel anything myself, I thought everyone else was the same like that. Turns out I'm wrong. It's like I'm not living. I think I've been emotionally neglected. I've never felt a romantic relationship because I don't know what the point is except for sex. I don't know what I'm missing out on because my emotional range is so small. Thanks for explaining a few things about what might be happening
You're very welcome. Know it's nothing wrong with you at all. What's happening is responses to trauma responses. Protective mechanisms kicking in.
I can relate.....
Be grateful you are figuring this thing out early. That is a blessing.
Can also be because you are on the high end of the spectrum
@@citizenjournalist2401 everything we experience in life can be seen as that - I completely agree. Everything that triggers us, we can learn from.
I was abused on a scale only a few know & now have everything yet choose self-isolation. I grew up locked in a closet, kidnapped as an adult by my monster mother & locked in a basement for many years. No one told me that I had rights; my monster mother brainwashed me to believe she owned me. My escape plan was to get pregnant so someone would see the situation & save me. Plan worked, free now, but still stuck in the trauma cycle 😔
as an accidental child from unmarried very young adults ... i "approuve this message"
I feel like I just received a 500.00 therapy session. Thank you so much for this video, I can relate to everything you have said. This was very easy to understand and I could relate to everything you are saying here, 56 yo female. I have two teenage boys and I have tried (unknown to me) that I do not want to be like my Mom, I am still a work in progress. I work very hard to nurture my sons.
The pendulum often swings in the opposite direction. Thank you - those are the most kind words to a therapist :) I just completed a client with a 60 year old male & it was incredible to share his experience with him. He went back to scenes of being with his mother at 3 years old & not feeling like he got what he wanted or needed - then became everything he didn't receive when he was growing up. It was profound!
This is so me! My house started crumbling down at 38 years old. This is when my narcissistic mother and sister showed me that they have not changed, they just got worse. I feel so empty, neglected, invisible, etc.
Time to change all of that - what it is is your mind believing past words/phrases about yourself. That's no way to live feeling.
@@sarahpacaro it really isn't.
A part of these reactions in myself stem from long untreated ADHD and anxiety/social anxiety. I'm slowly working on those, and trying to learn that it's OK to be myself and not just a people pleaser.
But it was awful... always feeling like things that mattered to me were things I shouldnt talk about. It escalated to feeling my emotions themselves were what didnt matter. That I shouldnt bother anyone or "get in the way." There was one point where I was even consoling my boss who was firing me! Telling him that it was fine, I understood he was making the right decision for the company, and not standing up for myself at all.
And when, years later, I confronted my parents about the neglect, they thought I was angry I didnt get everything I wanted as a kid.
Sure I didnt get what I wanted! What I wanted was an "I can see your effort, I'm proud of you" and an ear occasionally when I got excited about something.
I wish the people who hurt me would be able to understand someday, but if they can't I'll still be fine. I can praise myself and I've got more support than I had before. That's one nice thing about having grown up.
That is the beauty about growing up! Is you get the opportunity to reparent yourself and hold the space for yourself that often growing others didn't have the knowledge, tools, or ability to hold for you the way you needed when you were younger.
this comment... hit home close
I never realized I was emotionally Neglected until I dated a “none Utah” Mormon young woman. And after things ended, I kept thinking “what was it about her” because I REALLY liked her. And 1 night it hit me... it was her Family! Her Family was so amazing. They invited me to fly to Kentucky to stay at there home, and go to the Derby. I talked to my older sister about it and she said that growing up, Dad wouldn’t let us express our emotions. (They wonder why their son cannot hold down a job, has no drive in life, even though he spent 10 years overcoming a heroin addiction that’s still not good enough for them nothing ever was.
That's simply what it comes down to - never feeling enough. Addiction is an attempt to avoid that feeling.
My brother too could never hold a job and we never spoke of emotions in our family. Made me so sick the way my mother blamed my brother for being the way he was, we were all SO emotionally damaged from her lack of mothering and she would act like she was a good mother!!!!! NO way in hell was she ever much of good mother, I could count the days out of my life on my 2 hands that were 'good.'
@@ladybug4408 I got a white Labrador 4 years… my life has been great. But there Is something missing still
I could hold a job down. But I just don’t care
Wow, this really hit home. Thank you for taking the time to make this video...
My parents were amazing and took care of my every need. Except for my highly sensitive emotions. When I would cry and have a meltdown, they would sometimes spank me to "get my attention" so I could calm down. My mom said I would become overwrought with crying and work myself into a frenzy.
I remember when I would tell my mom I was really sad about something like a poor grade on a test or a break up, and she'd say, "Stop being so pissy." I remember being confused then because sadness isn't anger or irritation or attitude. I remember feeling unheard.
When I told my parents I was suicidal as a teenager, they told me to "stop seeking attention". I eventually stopped telling them and just hurt myself and cried in private.
After a lot of time evaluating my life and reading self help books, I realize my childhood maybe wasn't as perfect as I thought it was or as perfect as my mom continues to tell me. They did everything else great! But emotionally... I couldn't connect.
I still try to connect with my mom, and there is a vast schism. I tell her something is making me sad, and her solution is to just do chores for "something to do". I explain I'm too depressed, she says to stop being lazy. I had to put my cat down, she says to just get a new cat. There is no emotional connection. She's just all action.
Anyway I've tried antidepressants and they made things worse. I've felt a vast hole inside me where I cannot connect anymore with anything I love. People exist in my life, and I'm torn between wanting to touch their soul and running away from them. I've lost all joy for hobbies. And after this video I think it may be this emotional gap that is causing my depression.
Do you have any book recommendations about reversing childhood emotional neglect? Or any resources I should look into? I'm ready to heal, just lost where to start.
It’s a form of PTSD where I believe you have numbed out. You could try a cranio sacral therapist. Mine has been brilliant
The only person who can help heal you and truly love you is Jesus❤❤ He cares about your issues and wants you to share them with him. I’m sorry that happened to you in Your childhood. The same thing happened to me.
I'm so messed up I can't even have the surface level things LOL... My mom always says don't blame your parents because once you're an adult you have a choice of how you feel I think that's her trying to avoid the blame 🤔
I wonder what she benefited by having you believe that when you were younger? And what impact that had on you then and today?
@@sarahpacaro it's impacted me greatly. I'm doing everything I know to heal. But I live in pretty much solitude feeling I don't deserve love so I don't attract healthy men or friendships for that matter. At a loss on what further to do to heal this and break this cycle 🤷...I'm sure it made my mom feel better about herself putting the blame on me
@@electricfishfan7159 yea we're not taught by anyone growing up how to deal with this stuff. Like in school or anything. If your parents don't do it then yes you're left dealing with it yourself
@@coredadventure1 Here's videos of other people I've worked with who also used to believe that. It takes restructuring your belief system and that's got to begin by removing the old negative and limiting ones before trying to put anything else in there. I work with people to remove and change those faulty, old, outdated programs and limiting negative beliefs using the power of your own mind through hypnosis and Rapid Transformational Therapy. You can heal - you have to first want to. ruclips.net/p/PLkfw8RZRcqKLlAiee8I7qGkrOVqdfvzu8
Take a look and see if you can relate, then if you're interested in speaking more I'd love to - you can visit www.re-write-your-life.com and see more results there by clicking on the results tab then click on Book a Call to connect 1:1.
Oh yeah, they will never take the blame. My mother really thought that since we were just kids we wouldn't remember any of it! She'd always say "Life is what you make it" when we were just kids!!
I know I was emotionally neglected. I accept the fact that my dad worked his ass off to provide and my mom has issues that I cannot even begin to diagnose. I do NOT blame them at all. It is what it is. However, I lived my life being paralyzed. I’m numb. I have no goals, no wants, no achievements bc I learned to be quiet and not ask for anything. So now I’m in my fifties, my husband left and my son is grown. I find myself asking what was my calling? What was I supposed to do with my life? Crickets. Have not been able to answer these questions my entire life. I honestly don’t know. I don’t aspire or desire. I am just numb.
In so many ways, emotional neglect is much more difficult to wrap your mind around. Its' what you're doing with it now that makes the difference in your life today. *i.e. still carrying it around or laying it down. We're not designed to go through life numb, and there are powerful tools you can use to bring those feelings back when you're ready.
I keep wondering why i was born?
Part of my problem is that I got so used to living in my head, that I don't know how to really get ahead in the real world.
I was a nonentity in my family as a child. My sister was a handful (a delinquent, even,) and my grandmother was sick with Alzheimer's. After they were taken care of, there really wasn't time for me.
Or room, sometimes. There were family dinners when I had to eat by myself because there wasn't room for me at the table.
I started pretending that I had a family that loved and wanted me. I pretended that I was eating with siblings and cousins. It was quite pathetic, but, all I had.
That's not pathetic at all. You were a creative kid to imagine such a scenario where you were included. I once imagined a birthday party I would like to have, who to invite, what to enjoy. I knew my life sucked and I was an invisible kid but I had hope that I could be okay in the future.
@@bernadette573 Thank you.
Invisibility sucks, doesn't it. I hope your life got better when you got older!
@Jen Green I'm so sorry!
Your story really resonates with me! You have my support! You were not being pathetic. You were responding in a way to value yourself ❤️
@@loribrown9204 Thank you!
I have never felt so understood. This video explained EXACTLY how I feel. And I’m sure so many others out there will relate also. Thank you for this. 🙏 ❤️
Oh my god my childhood was a mess!
I didn't think mine was until I started figuring out and truly understanding at the subconconscious level, what it was within me that lead me to being with and choosing narcissists.
When my husband had ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) they barely acknowledged how I'll be was. When he died they didn't even send flowers. That was a real punch in the gut. So I'm grieving my husband who was my soul mate & a big emotional support for me, and facing the fact that I was and still am being emotionally neglected.
"We don't stay children forever."
And, thank heaven for that!!!! I was emotionally neglected. But, since I was a kid, I couldn't just leave and find a better life.
Now, I can. If I can get past the residual effects of being emotionally neglected.
We all are only children until our 18th birthday (by societies standards) that doesn't take into account emotional maturity. Some people are in grown up adult bodies doing grown up "adult" things but still emotionally stuck as a child. The effects of being emotionally neglected live in the unconscious mind until they're gotten out. I've personally and the results of all of my clients have been able to get them out using hypnosis and RTT. It's about reprogramming those inner untrue beliefs that you took on in childhood.
@@sarahpacaro Don't I know it!
But, at least at 18, nobody can stop us from leaving a bad situation.
@@CadeD679 Amen
@@sarahpacaro wow! I'm in my mid 30s now and I have always felt like a little girl! I thought this feeling was normal and that I was a late bloomer just waiting to one day feel "grown up. But now married with kids I can see that feeling won't go away unless I work on it healing. But It's hard to heal when everyone around your triggers you, and you get flashbacks like some kind of ptsd.
@@s731s it's healing those triggers within you. When your inside changes, your outside changes as well. Those triggers are arrows to what needs healing.
Question to all - how many of you are filled with so much anger towards your perent/parents? It’s sucha weird thing that happes - every time I meet my parent I promise myself I wont get irritaed, angry, pissed, hateful, and they always set me off…Am I the only one with the issue like that?
Omg no!! I have the same, i am filled with so much hate and irritation for my mom. Every word every move she makes just makes me pissed off more. I told someone she annoying me and they asked why? And i didn't know how to answer. I mean I wasn't abused right? I am just now scratching the surface I know I wasn't fiscally abused, but all the signs add up, and it also doesn't help that i really dont have alot memories of my childhood.
No. It’s a waste of energy and time to be angry. They can’t help what they don’t know. They grew up in wartime and the depression. They were probably not nurtured, so how could they be expected to know how to nurture me? They did the best they could with what they had and what they knew. I just made sure that it was different for my children.
@@missmayflower You do realise that anger is not something a person can turn on and off right? Saying it's a waste of energy and time, while true ine a way, is like saying I have a mental, conscious choice. It's a form of repressing it, not solving the issue behind it. To me, a dangerous advice to give.
Anger is an emotion that has information in it. It's also a very much needed one in our lives. The trick is to know the difference between healthy expression and unhealthy one.
@@lizzyyjuh There must be something unspoken lingerin in you. I know there is in me, and after I talked with my mom, just scratched the surface, I can feel it is dissipating somewhat. So it seems that we don't have the choice -- either speak it or live it...
The language in this video is sooooo on point. I need to learn how to start doing the work. I grew up in foster care, had many homes where I was neglected and abused sexually, emotionally and physically. Then I became a mom at 16 unwillingly. Forced to be a mom and today at 31 I’m STRUGGLING. I need help desperately and I want my life to be better. Everything is hard.
First off, kudos to you for becoming a mom and not taking another option or route. (Even if you were forced) Becoming a parent is as you know one of the hardest things. It's one of the most revealing things, and challenging things. In so many ways, what we believe about ourselves is revealed and shared (not always in the best of ways) with our children. When your head is better, your life is better. When that voice inside your head becomes your biggest cheerleader and best friend, everything changes. There's more information about how to do the work at www.re-write-your-life.com if you want to join our program or interested in 1:1 work.
You are very brave I send you lots of light & love, & you have a new start w your child its never too late.Like Mr. Rogers used to say..."Look for the helpers."
I'm still waiting to feel "grown up". I'm almost 49...outside is as broken as inside. I don't have it all. I literally have nothing. Been to therapists on and off for 20 years. Wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until I was in my 40's. All the work I've done on myself, to improve myself and help me feel "better, healthier" have amounted to me having no full time job, nearly no friends and spending entirely too much time alone....yippee....
What would it be like to be "grown up" and what do you think it'll take to be "grown up"?
:( this makes me lack hope
@@blacksheeptocashcow Their stories will make you gain hope : www.re-write-your-life.com/results/
Same here. It takes maximum effort just to survive and function, there just isn't the energy or safety to deal with anything else.
I think we have to change our childhood stories and stored feelings in our subconcious mind, but how? It's to be a completely changed person. When you change the root of you, you can't be the same person.
It's kind of scary something can affect you even half a century after it happened, as trauma experts say. Physical (or other type) illness in older years could be the outcome of something set in motion really long ago.
Yes!!! Everything can be pinpointed back to a particular time and event. That's when the seed was planted and over the years has watered and grown and half a century later is a humungous tree that feels impossible to remove!
I'm 61 and it still affects me ... but I do have a good therapist .... Complex PTSD is always a battle ..
@@susandickson637 I've worked with many people in their 60's. Here's what one client said. ruclips.net/video/sPMneqK3vQE/видео.html I'm happy you have a good therapist. But sometimes talking about it over and over can intensify the pressure and pain you feel from the event. There's many different therapies, hypnosis and Rapid Transformational Therapy is a very different method of removing the thoughts, feelings, images, sensations, and emotions connected with the past experiences that caused the trauma.
I’m 62. It sucks
At 72 I’m going to try EMDR For my eating and anxiety problems. 15 years in therapy, 12 in AlAnon and dozens of books later, I’m still overeating. I’ve done tons of writing and taken many self esteem classes. Just realizing EMOTIONAL NEGLECT is my problem. I also made many poor choices.
I hope for your sake it works. I've worked with a number of clients who've said it did nothing or made it worse. I truly hope that's different for you though! That's far too long to live with that pain. I literally just did a video on emotional eating and "eating away the pain". There's deeply rooted and programmed unconscious beliefs within you that need removing. If EMDR doesn't work, please reach out.
Feeling of emptiness even with good parents.. exactly 💯thats me.. but whyyy?
Because of inner unexpressed or unmet needs. Things you didn't say and perhaps they didn't ask or know to ask.ehich leads to inner beliefs of not being worthy or deserving of having those needs met.
Sounds like my experience as well. Thank you, Sarah, for clarifying.
Thank you
They might not have been good. I would’ve rather had empathetic parents and poor than invalidating parents and successful
@@sarahpacaro WOW, on point. 😔
My child hood was a nightmare..i don't remember most of it..what i remember i wish i didn't
What's more is not having the negative emotional connection or detrimental beliefs about yourself because of that childhood!
I cried just listening to this, everything said described me perfectly.
Same
Wasn't intended to make you cry but make your aware. Aware of what your experiencing and that there's a solution. Freedom from it.
I'm 30 and I'm on disability for PTSD and was neglected when I was a kid cuz I was different then most of my family. I loved art , music history etc and they saw that as a weakness . I have history of abuse by family so I have a hard time depersonalize myself . I really felt for 15 years I had no value only when I was helping others. Now just so afraid of everything even driving and finding a job moving forward . Fight or flight constantly on ruined me . But now that I'm older I try to understand what went wrong .
Remember that try is a failure word. Trying to understand what went wrong means you can't quite understand what went wrong. Even if you did - that's not the problem. Now you've been left with beliefs about yourself that impact who you are today as a result of those past experiences and wrongdoings. Our conscious mind is extremely limited and can try and think about it and try and figure it out but will often find that it never quite can. Underneath all of that are the impacts and the results and accumulation of those past experiences. That's what makes hypnosis and RTT so vastly different. You don't have to try and figure it out and feel better, you simply do.
@@sarahpacaro ty for your response . I don't think there isn't a rtt or hypnosis therapy near me I'm in Maryland. The only thing that pulls the knife away from the wound is just writing . My therapist wants me to share it and face the comfort of misery head on . But that alone is a skill within itself .
@@code0vsilencetv86 There's no need to find someone in Maryland unless you want to. I work 100% online with clients. To see what they've shared about working together - see others stories here. What's wonderful is you get to stay in the comfort of your own home. Simply close your eyes and go inside! www.re-write-your-life.com/results/
Tena koe Code of Silence.
I want to extend my love to you because I resonate with several things you wrote.
Firstly, you are drawn to helping others.
What a beautiful gift you have received!! I think this is an important gift you have which I believe you will carry throughout your life.
I heard Marissa Pearse say that children who don't get enough attention, do 1 of 4 things. They become very good/perfect, they become sick, they become carers or they become very contrary, problematic, outrageous or something like that. I think sometimes kids try to be really good and if that doesn't work they can also become antisocial etc.
I am only trying to remember Marrissa's explanation here.
It is good to understand the important human needs, eg for stability and for adventure, also for connection and contribution. There are a couple more. I got these from Tony Robbins.
I am a carer too, Friend. I have put the needs of others ahead of my own for a big part of my life.
Now I am with a guy who is really, really caring (for 8 years). I am in my 50's. This is incredible after choosing partners who had the negative traits of my parents. One was very controlling abusive and neglectful. One was like my mother- a good person but severely cut off emotionally. I feel the lack from my beautiful but sad Mum had a terrible impact on us children, but maybe my wonderful but terribly harsh father did also.
Relationships can be very complex. Once you start to understand what is going on at a deep level, it may not be an easy road, but it is an awesome path of discovery, understanding and healing. Learning in life never ends Friend.
It is all good though, you are moving in a great direction.
I resonated with you when you wrote "I am trying to understand". Awesome!! Many people do not try to understand. Many try to escape. Many others
sink into ongoing anger and resentment. I believe that anger is the easiest emotion to experience. Anger has it's place so it is great to acknowledge it, but it can become a habit. I sense you are not on that path. I believe you are on a very deep journey that will bring about a lot of understanding, healing, wisdom at a deep level.
I say that because I feel your spirit which is very empathetic, very honest, and you are prepared to do the hard work.
I really hope you can manage writing. It is, potentially a truly amazing way of organizing thoughts.
I think your therapist has encouraged you with this because he or she knows you can do it.
I hope you remember that they are paid large sums to work alongside you. They have a recognized qualification and an organization they are bound to, I would say. They have accountability.
A person's advice on you tube, or someone like me, actually has no accountability, and possibly very few qualifications.
I see you are quite young to be taking up this significant challenge of unravelling your past and living a great life.
Many people, for example narcissists, really lack the ability to get on board such a journey of enlightenment.
Empaths are quite the opposite. We have the humility, the strength, the compassion, and the ability to ascend spiritually. This is a truly amazing path, and I sense you are on it.
I am a narc survivor. Basically, being such a caring, forgiving, easygoing person with no idea how to set boundaries to orotect myself, I was targetted many times over by narcissistic individuals,
abusive people, and utterly uncaring people.
I take responsibility for not having boundaries for 5o years.
I really want to warn you about people. There is a lot of good people, but my God.... there is a lot of evil.
There is abuse, there is betrayal and things...and then there is narcissistic abuse, and it is terrible. And we are the types who fall for it. That is just my warning about truly entitled, selfish, manipulative, cruel, life sucking, pretentious individuals who can do a lot of damage.
There are other things I would like to share with you, that have really helped me a lot.
But I am aware that the lady here has a business, lacks a lot of experience and wisdom and will be sucking up the wisdom I had to suffer a lifetime for to receive.
I hope I am of some use to you, and possibly even share more.
All the best to you- a beautiful, caring person.
Kia kaha, e hoa.
I really admire your authenticity to share this. I completely get the fight or flight feeling on at all times. It’s debilitating. Sending healing love and light!
635 comments? There are a lot of hurt people out there and, unfortunately I am one f them too. Age 63. Everything you have described applies to me. Yes, my parents were severely emotionally neglectful, physically abusive to me and my siblings. I spent my early teens wanting to run away from “home.” Hop the train that passed through my town…
A few years before my mother died age 82 i finally (tried to..) talk to her about it. All she said was that she raised us kids better than she had been raised. Unreal.
I truly hope i ended that horrible legacy with my two children. I hugged them, held them, played with them, read to them, encouraged and complimented them at every opportunity, never got physical with them unless we were goofing around, took them places/adventures… in short, idid my level best to give them the childhood i wish i had had.
My parents made themselves out to me gods yet they both had personality disorders and protected each other more than us kids. I was the rejected child and now I'm doing inner healing and feeling happy for the first time in55 years. My siblings don't want to talk to me now cuz they are so lost in the familyfasade that the parents created. Oh well I refuse to live as a rejected codependent any longer
I'd love to learn more about why one child becomes the victim of emotional neglect even while the siblings have the same parents? I have siblings that view me as the black sheep and do not try to get close to me and we're never emotionally neglected like I was. I'm the eldest child.
It's frustrating when I talk to my brother about this stuff bc he thinks if I had just worked as hard as he did, (even tho it was mostly just luck) then I could have overcome the struggle of having absent parents like him. It makes me feel so dismissed
I can understand that. He may feel as if he knows because "he was there" but he's not you and you're not him so he can't possibly ever truly know how it affected you because he's not you. We all go through life doing different things to protect ourselves and can give advice from that place of what worked or what we say worked for us - that's why advice most often times doesn't work and just makes another feel even worse about themselves. What else have you done to try and work through this?
I blame myself for being molested by a "friend" at age 12, a bad weather related auto accident at age 26 etc due to enduring verbal abuse from my dad... I finally told him I have enough hence I'm in the process of leaving a family business because I am tired of the constant criticism.....
Many blessings to you on your change of life plan. I couldn't put up with verbal abuse all the time. When you are younger is the time to end certain family relationships. Possibly even friendships if you don't have people in your life who are nurturing and encouraging. People who actually care without a backbiting agenda. Often we find out we're stronger and more confident once we cut loose from the mean spirited vermin in our lives. It's a process tho. The first step is the hardest. You are the pioneer in your own life adventure!
Mean spirited vermin , that struck a nerve. That’s exactly what both of my parents felt like -cruel and destructive . But the idea of being vermin . Like it needs the rat trap or the roach spray rather than being tolerated .
I find not that I'm blaming myself, but other people blame me for being damaged by my upbringing and consequently not being able to build the 'normal' life. I've spent the first 50 years of my life working my butt off in therapies on damage control and healing. Now I'm too old to start a family and recently had a stroke which left me debilitated. I find that people around think this is all because I'm an inherently defective person. I also found that many of those people have strong narcissistic tendencies. I tend to attract narcissists and psychopaths, so I now shy away from people, as I'm only attracting toxic people. 😔
My parents just did me a huge favor by bringing me to this world because they did not need a 3 rd child after having a boy and girl .I was accidentally conceived because a family planning surgery went wrong.I am 15 and 10 yrs younger than my other siblings.So my parents were kind enough to not abort me and keep me because they definitely had that option and thought about it.So I was born .I added financial stress on my parents ,so my mom had to work.She got a job far away but well paying for that time.She left me with my father at age one and half yrs old.My father was busy with his job so he could not be there for me either.I was thus raised by maidservant’s who stayed with us .These people themselves had poor upbringing and did not really knew how to properly take care of a toddler.Lots of accidents and injuries and neglect later I reached age 9 .That is where I started to learn cooking basic stuff to feed me because there was none to do that most of the time.After being humiliated for wearing filthy and tattered clothing by my classmates and my older sisters classmates I also learned to wash and even mend my clothes by age 9.I became extremely self sufficient….so much so that I repel people now in adulthood because there is no need for them in my life.Off course its a lie I tell myself because inside I am scared that every one will just abandon me in the end like my parents did. When my father finally hugged me first time at the airport ,I was 32 yrs old .I became numb for an hour after that because it hit me hard that my father has never ever hugged me .After that the next time I visited my family I hugged my mother just once to remember how it feels and remember her smell which I did not know till that point.
So please don’t bring a child to this world to do a favor on the child…instead choose to just love your own self and make sure you have enough love leftover to give to a needy child ,then and then only bring that being to planet earth,because this is not an easy life here on earth for anyone…let alone a helpless child.
I was homeless untill i found my "heavenly father."
Amen, without Jesus life is a void and incomplete!❤
Lol invisible person dosnt help out of poverty seriously be real
@@kirstinbrice9169 LOL .. metaphorical statement.. try thinking a little deeper.
Amen ... Jesus is my hope too ..
Your god was there my whole life and did NOTHING, but forgive my abusers. I'm much better off without him and his lackies, thanks.
Thank you for making this video! It shed a light on a major part of all the things I'm currently going through.
You are kind and humble, I deeply appreciate what you are doing. I am working in every way I can on my own, having rejected the help of so many people thinking that they are not able to understand what I’m going through before they ever get the chance to prove me wrong. I’m finally feeling like I can try again with this modality in particular. I’m glad to find you.
The modality in which I work is all about guiding you within you. It's not about me labeling you or having any labels at all, its simply about you healing from within you whatever it is that needs healing, releasing, and letting go. Those feelings, images, thoughts, experiences, sensations that hold you back and keep you stuck today. It's very powerful. To see the results others have gotten, please visit ruclips.net/p/PLkfw8RZRcqKLlAiee8I7qGkrOVqdfvzu8
It all came out when I turned 28. Hired by the best company in the world of my industry (luxury) yet feeling empty and underachieving despite having the capacities. Not fully committing, always on the go. I grew up with a mum in hospital and dad busy running the house, working jobs and chasing his dreams all at once. My childhood memories are made of loneliness and distance. When my mom came back she was overly distant and not communicating. I became hyper independent, aloof to my emotions until I met my ex with similar traits. My heart got broken and that’s when I started realising.
EXCELLENT VIDEO so spot on
Very spot on for me. Thank you.
This was both SPECTACULR and VERY PAINFUL to watch and "hear".
Thank you for making me more whole.....
I was an emotionally neglected child but also I was not socialized properly like going to preschool or having other people then only my family and my older siblings friends around me. Also I was never allowed to play with other children unless its right in front of my mother or where she can see me with was obviously always far away cause she wanted her peace and no children screaming around her..
😔😔 what have you done to begin healing from those experiences?
@@sarahpacaro Well first I had to understand and forgive my mother then trying to make new experiences and to socialize more ,its really hard but it does work. Also behavior therapy is helping 😌 . That's why teaching parents how to parent from age 0 till they are young adults its very important for everyone involved. If u might have an idea I'm willing to hear.
Btw you have an amazing channel, much love and support ❤💪🏼
@@skyc.j4571 The way that I work with clients through hypnosis and Rapid Transformational Therapy allows the person to connect with and receive the ideas that are right for them using their own mind. I can give you ideas but if they're not in alignment with you - your mind will automatically reject them. That's why most advice doesn't work and that's not how I work. I guide you to finding the right answers for you within yourself.
Where were our parents supposed to get these skills? To know to approach kids. I'm almost 60, and my mom didn't acknowledge anything at all. But they just didn't know. I do, I'm changing things =) Thank you for all the wonderful information.
They were "supposed" to get them from their parents but most people don't. Everyone does the best they can with what they have and most people have inner unhealed traumas - and they get projected onto others. That's simply human nature - to change it is to change yourself - to go within yourself to heal.
I decided to break the cycle of dysfunctional extremely abusive childrearing. Back in the 60s child abuse n psychology were like giraffes on an ice floe. Yet I decided to read any book that was discussed on the better talk shows that might help me figure stuff out. I even read psych texts. I'd say my plot worked but life has been a real challenge at times. I wanted my kids to have a sense of personage not as a peon. Made sure the inner pieces were there best as I could. I'm rather blessed n glad they are people who can talk about all manner of things and they know I have respect for their decisions irregardless. I think people should have a general idea about what it is to raise kids. It's a serious investment that has a lot of components. You can't just spew out children willy nilly. And you have to let them be their own person but usually with gentle guidance. Physical abuse is just plain wrong. Sorry got yakky but if we all just do a little bit to help break destructive cycles maybe eventually we'll have a kinder more humane world.
JrElevates
Hi. Exactly right!!!! How terribly unwise to not attempt to understand or acknowledge the suffering of the people we are so deeply connected to!!!
Our parents were beaten, suffered poverty, and other kinds of abuse, and lacked information, medication, advances in neuroscience psychology, research and technology... they did their best, as we did.
In my parents' childhoods there were tragic deaths- ( 2 grandfathers, one Mum, and one sister), a world depression, a world war, sexual abuse( my grandfather slept around a lot and brought home std's and was a terribly abusive husband and father), also a major earthquake, major physical abuse,
There were harsh environments with lots of children, low incomes and no contraception. There was illness and disease, physical punishment and other frightening treatment. There were huge expectations of children.
My father was born during a depression. His job as a boy was to get up first in heavy frosts to chop the wood and light the fire.
At 10, his mother died and a 13year old sister looked after 6 children. My father blamed himself for his mother's death. Soon after his closest little sister died. The nation and the world was at war again. I know there was poverty. Children got hidings at home and caned at school. Nothing was easy in the best of families!
In my grandparents' childhoods there was the first horrendous world war. One in ten New Zealanders went to fight in that War. A lot didn't come home. Those who came home were scarred. Very much so. My friends whose fathers served, did not like their fathers. They were hard men, with a lot hidden inside.
The same year, a pandemic swept through my little country. I have stood in the place where 63 people were buried in one day. Some were babies. Nearly all were about half my age. All had been healthy, strong young people at the beginning of the month and no longer above ground by the end of it. And all those soldiers still coming home- a now traumatized 10% of the population.
War is one great way to ruin mental health, normality, openness, happy family life, connection.
Another way is to take attack villagers with guns, steal and ruin their land, crush their language and culture and stop them speaking their own language and think you are better and more civilised than them.
My children's father, grandmother and great-grandmother all grew up with oppression, and the diseases, alcohol, entitlement, laws, domination, punitive attitudes, nonacceptance or disrespect of natural beauty such as children, sexuality, nudity, the environment, wildlife, rivers, oceans, sky and land and traditional wisdom and practises.
These were just a few challenges.
I did not have tupuna who suffered suffer a racial oppression, displacement as my children have, but my ancestors did suffer a holocaust that I cannot to this day get my head around, nor the weakness and apathy and selfcentredness of bystanders in general.
Regarding early death- one grandmother was the only surviving child out of about 7. She died in her 50's. I never met her. The other grandmother, I never met. She died in her 30's.
The lack of extended family, and of unconditional love, attention and acceptance of siblings, parents and others is a painful but enthralling background to transcend through love.
Let's hope no one here grips on to the idea of blaming one's parents any longer than is truly necessary. You and I both know that life is too short for blaming the injured people who, in time, become our most valuable teachers and our most difficult challenges in our journeys towards light, love, humility, compassion and transcendance.
You earned my like with the "what is counter-dependence?" question. That is a helpful nuance, thank you.
I have severe PTSD and multiple trauma survivor, who believes that acceptance of our past, mindfulness of today...... Helps us become who we are today!!✌️(I have been in outpatient mental health therapy for 22 years since my Stepdad Dave Sanders was murdered at Columbine High School on April 20,1999 in Littleton, Colorado)
#davesandersstepdaughter
Sarah, thank you so much for your beautiful words.
You're a life saviour... truly 😢
It's like OMG, every single sentence, every single word... strikes so close to home, sadly spot on 🎯
Great video, Sarah. I'm a 46 year old man, 2 months into no contact with my emotionally unavailable parents. There wasn't any specific trigger or incident that led up to this, but I just can't put on a show anymore that they have something to offer me when I can provide for myself. They still try to contact me, and I know the intensity of shaming and guilt trips will be ramped up with the holidays approaching. The hardest aspects of doing this are my unwarranted feelings of owing them "love" and accepting that having desires different from theirs is no reason to feel guilt or shame. Keep up the good work.
No one knows that I lack compassion since no one knows me well. Just the thought of hugging gives me the creeps and makes me feel sad.
What about hugging yourself and giving yourself the compassion you pray for?
You have compassion, this is a fact, as you know what it is. It's probably your inner self, guarding you so you don't become involved. Be at peace. It is personalities like you who save live's, do the hardest of community jobs. I see you :) xx
I think, in my humble opinion, that you have compassion for your inner self/inner child. The thought of hugging makes you feel sad I think because you have compassion for that younger version of yourself and what you didn’t get emotionally when needed. Hugging has become a trigger for you. If you want to bring compassion into your life I think you definitely have potential.
This was a great explanation. Thank you. Healing at the root. This explains a lot of my struggles earlier in life, as well as gives me a great insight on where some work still needs to be done. So, thanks again...
You're very welcome.
Thank you for this amazing conversation on emotionally neglected grown ups and how it affects the children of neglect. I see it clearly. And I see it in my broken Family. 😢. I've changed for the good and gave my life to Jesus Christ. He helped me change from the inside - out. I pray for my Family to be healed as well.
Yep....spot on.....thank you ❤
Really good description. Feeling it lately.
I became a relationship hopper, functional addict and casual brawler. Not as much of that anymore but one of my main needs is to get absorbed into work and hobbies I'm fascinated by. Sorry to blab about myself. Thank you for the insightful video!
I'm turning 20 tomorrow and this, especially the part about counter dependence, describes me exactly. My mother is from a culture where vulnerability and mental health is frowned upon. I remember when I cried after my brother mocked me for being depressed and all my mother could say to comfort me was "just ignore him". I believe that she thinks she loves me but I sadly don't feel that way. I've really struggled with loneliness as a child and remember thinking (even before I realised I was emotionally neglected) that I was the one who was actually raising myself.
My relationship with my dad (who partially contributed to the neglect) has become much better, especially since the both of us have healed and grown a lot since then. I truly love and appreciate him but I feel so awkward actually showing that. I've been working on my trauma for about a year now and I have a long way to go but even in this short amount of time I've made a lot of progress. Thank you for this video ❤️ it helps to know I'm not alone in this
Ive often thought that statement “ i raised myself”
@@lenore_nvrmore3317 I think my children raised me. First time I felt loved and accepted. They made me better. I am grateful to them and God.
I can so relate to your loneliness. If i was asked to give one adjective to describe myself it would be lonely. Perhaps not having a mom who saw me explains why I've been looking for connection all my life. I find this all very confusing.
Neglected children are also neglected as adults and I’m not sure why something different was expected but it’s always hard
Thank you so much, now I understand what's going on with me. This is the first time I understand the idea of emotional neglected.
You're very welcome. If you're a reader or like audiobooks - another book I've found that explains it well is called Childhood Disrupted by Donna Jackson Nakazawa. Remember however, understanding by watching a video is one thing - healing from it is another. If you're interested learning more about the journey I take people on to go within to heal, I'd love to talk more.
Very informative! Lots of work to be done for sure.
I always felt like a stranger in my house while growing up. I thought I was adopted and demanded to see my birth cert. when I was 10. I was the almost straight-A student, but my younger sister was the Golden Child. My older brother joined the Navy at age 17 to escape. I was also medically neglected and as a result, ended up totally disabled. I became an abandoned single mother at age 19. At age 33 I earned my nursing degree (RN), and at 41 became totally disabled d/t extremely painful spinal arthritis. now, 15 years later, inflation and long-term poverty is overwhelming. This is not helping me heal.
I also felt like I never had a family. I'm closer with clerks at QuikTrip than I was with any of them growing up. So one day I just wandered off and stopped having a family. Nothing was lost
Oh my this is exactly me! Explains sooooo much. I’ve often wondered about why I feel so many of these feelings. This makes so much sense. Thank you!!!
Hello how are you doing 👋👋👋😀👋
Melissa Guevare,You are beautiful 🌹🌺, hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
@@christianpulisic7784 thankfully I am not!
@@melissaguevara724 Oh ok dearest 🌹🌷🌷.I am Christian from the States.You?
@@melissaguevara724 Which country are you from?
You absolutely nailed it! It was as if you were talking about me!! I knew I grew up emotionally abused and ignored. My dad abused me and my mother was emotionally absent. Today I’m so empty and lonely. I want to make friends but can’t seem to. I don’t know what it is. I sincerely try but no one sticks around. I don’t know why. :(
this is so painful to listen to because its all so relatable
There's a difference between it being relatable and it still impacting you today in the way it did then.
I am one of those people who had been reasonably successful. Have started trauma therapy and all of this is coming out. I have a grown daughter who I raised and ex alcoholic spouse who I gave them a helping hand so they could have a life . Feel emotionally homeless … it is quite scary when this truth is staring in your face
Thank you for this! love that crooked painting!
Me too. It's just the angle of the camera .... I wouldn't be able to stand if it was actually crooked 🤣
I appreciate this vide. Thanks.
I didnt realize that i didnt receive love and affirmation as a child, even worst rejection. Its caused me to not be able to feel good enough to love another person, or trust that another person could love me. Im only becoming aware of my emotions and where they stem from, hopefully it can help me moving forward.
Emotions are simply emotions. They're expressions of internal beliefs and external situations. What truly makes the greatest impact are your unconscious beliefs.
this video found me at exactly the right time, thank you for talking about this, I definitely want to get help so that I can work on that foundation!!
Your RUclips picture says it all. I'm with you with that breakfast club character.
Great video, blessings to you my friend.