I've been out of work 2 years due to this very thing. 27 years as a physical therapist and I can barely handle normal demands. I feel so hopeless and worthless. This isn't who I am.
@empathic.supernova - Could your screen name hold the answer? I am also very empathic, and came to a point where I had absorbed so much of other people's negativity that I just could not do the expected anymore and my body shut down. For me, this included a physical closing down and a feeling of being poisoned, diagnosed as fibromyalgia. Have you had a complete thyroid panel done? Have you had an ASI test for adrenal fatigue? Sending you virtual hugs, and I hope you can figure it out.
I'm so sorry to hear that I'm going through the same thing it's hard to get going seems like I just can't get out of bed I don't want anyone else to feel this way but it is nice to know that other people do have the same problem that I do because sometimes I feel very alone and I feel like no one else has this problem no one else lives like this God bless you get well soon❤
You did 27years as a physical therapist! Thats more than most can do in two lifetimes. Maybe youre body is just preparing you for the next chapter. Embrace the 'gradual' change..i know its easier said than done
i've said it again,binge watching 30-40 vids of yours helped me more than 4,5 years of therapy. one random thing: my father used to drive me crazy with false equivalent fallacies so much so that i hated ppl who spoke with examples. But you are different. you have a gift to make such comprehensive examples and so on point that i am amazed. keep up the excellent work!!
Oh thank you Dr Scott! I really appreciate and are starting to understand why I am the way I am. I’m 69, and you are helping me so much! Thank you!! You are the best because you actually have experienced what you are helping us with!
I always feel like what I do is never enough. Or blame myself when something at work goes wrong. These videos are helpful in changing my perspective and ridding myself of constant self-condemnation.
Your sentence, "Hardwork without strategy is a waste of resources" caught my attention! Ive come to realise i need to be a bit more systemstic in the way I do things. I work through things as though im in a storm, and trying to multitask, and then i just go into extreme panic mode, overthink and then just get exhausted after one small task. I now know where im on in that graph you showed. Thank you 🙏
I have completely shut down. Typing this is even difficult. "what's the point?". I have had years and years; decades of not getting anything done. I have no sense of purpose and I am far far beyond the " You just have to find something to motivate you" stage... way beyond it. In your video where you discuss the "freeze" response I sorta felt like there was a spark in the abyss. I am a mess. maybe my therapist can use this information to work with me more "efficiently". I have adhd and am all over the place. This is so debilitating...I am a Veteran and I never, in all my years had ever said, "I can't", but I just can't find a reason to even want to search for a solution at this point.
Look up this "viral" breathing exercise called vagus nerve reset to undo the freeze response. I did it a few weeks ago and it's been a real game changer for me.
Cliche but you’re not alone. I felt the same way after watching the freeze response video yet I’m still searching for more. I’m just not there yet even though I have what feels like a fantasy of hope. Praying that Dr Eilers can help me cope through these videos. It’s the least I can do
Also celebrate small successes for you like they are a big deal!! You did it!! Even if you're as low as just sitting up in bed instead of laying down all day, thats where i stearted. Compliment and reward yourself and remember you're a boss in your life. If you have a shower, brush your teeth, or wash your face 🎉🎉🎉❤ you need to believe you're worthy of having an optimistic life again. You hold your own power. Start by choosing optimism at the core of your foundation.
I procrastinate a lot and then stress myself to many psychosomatic illnesses trying to cram all the work I have to do a day or two before the deadline. It's because I hate the idea of doing tasks like going to the dentist, taking medical procedures, etc.. then I get mad at myself. It's a very odd behavior.
I have the same problem with completely cleaning my house. I always have to keep a little mess somewhere or have a few things that "need to be put away". Wtf
Honestly reminds me of my ADHD symptoms that came to a head during perimenopause. Learning about executive function helped - as well had having support in starting things
Earlier this year my stress was so bad I experienced physical symptoms when I was supposed to write my thesis. I had a big work load at my job considering I should just be an intern but I was managing advertising budgets of close to 6 figures a month the expectations were insane. I also had a bad mouth and face infection after a wisdom teeth removal that led to several surgeries and weeks of taking antibiotics. Guess what I did in the waiting room? Frantically reading papers. I think my body was so occupied with mental stress that it couldnt handle anything else. I missed the deadline for my proposal and I was just panicking and beating myself up every day for not being able to perform like I used to. Waking up with a ton of adrenaline. Falling asleep with the help of medication. This type of pathology is what our system promotes. I never want to go back to that time of my life again and I learned my lesson. You’re the most important person in your life.
I agree. I’m working with my therapist on this issue-the constant shame I give myself for being human. I realize now where the root is, where it came from but getting my heart and mind to shift gears and love myself for just being myself is a battle. I equate “good performance “ with love and acceptance.
The difficulty for trauma survivors is that recreating that sense of life or death actually regulates us… so taking that away also doesn’t allow us to function. It was a very slow step down the ladder for me to be able to tolerate self compassion.
I suffered a terrible loss a few years ago which had a very strange effect on me and changed my whole outlook on life. I started to think well the worst has happened and I am still standing. I stopped being worried and started to live again. I still find getting stuff done hard but nothing like before. I have much more confidence in my own choices. Strange
there was one video i remember seeing that i think was a ted talk video where if there's one thing to remind yourself, it's that things like household chores or personal hygiene are morally neutral. you are not a horrible person for not folding your laundry or having only enough energy to just brush your teeth, and 'half-assing' where you accomplish the bare minimum of the objective of these things, where you just aim for 'good enough', is okay.
Been on this path for a few months now, and life does seem to be better. It is honestly TERRIFYING!! Because guilt drive was the way I have done things, Fear that not guilting myself would result in everything falling apart. But you are right, it DOES work to be nicer to yourself.
My therapist and I are currently working on getting me to change my thought patterns to be less strict towards myself. What you explain about how the pressure we put on ourselves makes tasks even harder and more exhausting compliments my therapy really well because I used to shut down from the simplest tasks so often just because of how much pressure I put on myself and now I know why
Everytime I fail at a certain endeavor, I stop and ask myself "what can I learn from this"? It is what I teach myself to do nowadays instead of catastrophizing. Sure, it takes a lot of work but that's just how it is. Thanks Dr. Ellers.
I for one suffered the boreout / comfort zone for years.. its easy to say in retrospect thats where i was but it wasnt as clear back then.. Happily i quit that dead-end job and am now studying a totally different and very stimulating / challenging thing. The future is unclear but i made the right choice - i need the challende because otherwise i get depressed, angry, frustrated, tired... and i dont necessarily even know why. The brain left unchallenged is not your best friend
Exactly! Until a month ago, self-care - physical, mental, recovery from that internal pressure, that endless imperative - was not where I was focusing regarding mental health. The focus was on stopping this, starting to do this, go go go. It FAILED FOR 20 YRS. Now, I just practice literally existing, being present for my life, marinating information. Thank you for your video. You’ve given words and credibility to what I’m feeling. … float, it’s been a challenging year! Thank you again!
Sound advice and a lot of wisdom. You are absolutely right; life is hard enough without punishing ourselves. Stepping back from the self-criticism is essential. Perfectionism is setting yourself up for failure. Pointing out that a typo won't likely keep you from getting that job is spot on. If it does, would you really want to work for someone who thinks like that anyway?
You literally stated my inner biography here dr. Scott..I'm a workaholic but still constantly behind from over whelming myself. When my body shuts down and rests I feel like crap for having to rest and less motivated day-by-day.. currently reading "healing the shame that binds you" - john bradshaw P.s. Thanks for dating us old folks. I had a game shark😂😂😂
Thank you 🙏 great message! I'm big on taking before and after pics because when I look at the evidence of my accomplishments I realize I actually am accomplishing things!
I am SO grateful that you do these RUclips videos. You have such a gift for understanding what people are struggling with, what can help and how to explain it. I've tried to figure out what you do or say differently than other RUclipsrs in your same field, and I don't think I can, it just seems like you So get those of us who are struggling with mental health issues. [ at least the ones I struggle with] I'm sorry that you have had some real struggles in your life, but also grateful because I think it has helped to give you the gifts of compassion, understanding and knowledge to help others.
I need this exactly!!! My room is a mess and other things in the room. I’m going to do the less pressure option. I took motes and I’ll watch this over and over. Starting tomorrow, really I will use a timer and break it down into very manageable goals. I’ll reward myself too!! That’s a great thing to do!! Thanks again so much!!!
This is gold 👌🏻 I've "known" this for a while, but this way of presenting it has made a difference. I would add that (I think) generally we don't come up with this exaggeration around failure and risks by ourselves, we're taught to operate this way, but it is our responsibility and our right to get the hell out of there and make this change in perspective towards something more sustainable and healthy, and, well, real. I think not feeling entitled to change, or feeling doubtful, is a frequent stopper. For those raising kids I would point out two things: careful with being too preoccupied with them "not turning out weak" (same with too much emphasis on them being "absolutely free"), and remember kids are learning and are quite literal. If an adult's language and reaction is over the top, I would bet there's little chance they can infer it's not literally that bad, that the adult was just tired and irritable, or anything that will counter the lesson of "if you screw up the slightest, it's gonna COST you".
Dr. Scott, appreciate your work. Do you have a video about toxic positivity? That useless advice to buck up and be positive. Like we are somehow choosing to feel bad, just think better. What do we say to people, often well intended, often nice, who say that. Like we never thought of that. Or that it works. No it doesn't.
I just can't relax even when nothing is happening. I keep expecting something terrible to happen. My blood pressure has been up high lately as well. Today I burnt out and have been in bed all day
I used to tell myself all of "those" negative thoughts all of the time, in everything that I did. As I watched this I thought to myself that I have not done this in a very long time. That's a lie. It is so automatic now that I do not know that I am doing it. (Almost all of my therapeutic content is from an inpatient perspective) I had a therapist once tell me " How do we spin this into a positive?". I would go to him almost daily with some sort of thing that I had catastrophized ..... and there goes that thought... I got distracted... I guess my point is or was that when I was FORCED to look at things in a net positive way, life became a little bit easier. Now, mind you, he also had me doing a lot of other homework...positive affirmations was another key. My problem is that once I am out on my own, all of that shit goes right out the window and two months later I am on the VA psych ward worse off than just a couple of months prior. Sorry, I am a writer and once I get going I don't stop...
Its really weird, I am the most productive/have very productive days, when I have a free day with nothing on my to do list. But I have actually things to get done, I fight and resist it so much and it upsets me that I have things I need to do. Welcome to my hell, lol
I suffer with long-term moderate depression with severe episodes. This condition has recently become essentially refractive to my SSRI medication. I benefitted somewhat from a computer-based CBT programme with two-weekly telephone contact with a therapist but have found this and other approaches sabotaged by an almost complete lack of motivation even to attempt everyday activities, including housework, exercise and, to some extent, things like laundry and showering. I currently feel that the only way to overcome this is to push myself to engage with some of these activities, as I've been told that activity lead to, rather than results from, motivation. This, however, seems to be the antithesis of Dr Eilers' advice. How can I engage with his sensible suggestions yet still become more motivated? With many thanks from Oxford, UK.
Hello Dr. Eilers. I love, appreciate and benefit from your videos, so thank you so much for sharing your experiences, insights, and expertise with us. If you have anything to say on it, can you possibly do a video on coping with S.A.D. as we go into the darker, colder winter months--I know it's a yearly struggle for me as I tend to get more melancholy, hibernate and generally shut down with the days being so short. Also, I know many people deal with lonliness and sadness surrounding the holiday months because of various reasons. Thank you again and keep up the great work. Salute.
THANK YOU. It's such a hard habit to break. No matter how well I do, I brush off compliments and keep telling myself I'm a worthless failure. It's gonna be a long journey to try to change that inner voice.
I invented Netflix in my college senior marketing strategies course AND I also invented Instacart in 2007, just before apps were a thing, and a fleet of retrofitted golf carts would deliver to downtown Orlando area. I could’ve been glorious!
Thank you. This is exactly what I need. I've been dealing with intense anxiety for a year now but don't know how much is personal pressure or my TBI and what treatment works for each.
For me something that helps, as a high anxiety person, is to push the thoughs to the absolute upper limit. Like holding a public speech, it's only my feelings that are on the level of feeling like I'll die, I usually don't think I will, I just think everything is awful. So I think about the event in a way that would match that feeling. Like "yeah, if I say something wrong, a swat-team will swoop in and execute me, on the spot". And I'll immediately feel like "nah, that's not plausible", and I can shake it off. Otherwise I tend to start thinking things that also aren't plausible, but _feel_ more plausible, like "if I say something wrong my boss will think im worthless and I wont get a raise this year, and with inflation I _really_ can't afford to not get a raise". Allowing myself a brief moment to think something that is actually in line with my feelings helps me regulate.
I worked 10-14 hours a day for three months straight to avoid my thoughts thinking I could just push though it but I really messed my brain up and had to take a week off because I couldn't mentally focus anymore or even leave the house. It's a turning point for me because I now know that I need to fix this or else
i pushed my self so hard for 4 years that i ended up in burnout for 3 years afterwards. this is my first year recovering from burnout. for 3 years i couldn't get anything done yet i still pushed myself to do things, which just left me completely exhausted. and then feeling guilty from not being 100% productive ALL DAY LONG.
This chart seems to be my life lately. I try so hard to get projects done…and I do but then I’m so exhausted I fall asleep. My mind feels so heavy and I can’t stay awake.
Thank you Dr Scott for another great video. You are very articulate and have the ability to connect with others in a very genuine way. This video really resonates with me at the moment. I need to stop putting needless pressure on myself and see if that helps me achieve the outcome I want. Thank you. Worth a try!!
I'm able to grind and work hard in video games, but IRL I often am not motivated. I think it's because in video games there's tangible results for my effort whereas IRL I don't see immediate (or any) benefit.
On what you said about the graph. I think it's so common to think you've invented something and then find out you actually didn't invent it and someone already beat you to it. I think it's one of our survival mechanisms to be able to come up with solutions instinctively and it is therefore likely that many people will come up with the same idea without knowing someone else has already thought of it.
Very helpful video. So, the key here is to stop pressuring yourself and to back-off of yourself right? If that's correct, how can I do it practically? That’s why I keep asking for a work book...
I worked myself into a Sciatic nerve problem in my left hip which became a lower back problem, just trying to get the outside work done for the community I serve being the hired Caretaker. Trying to prove myself worthy of the position I have? Not sure but I wish I hadn't done it-- for some reason that I don't understand--I'm paying for it now and may not recover. If I don't recover fully, I will loose the job I am so desperately trying to succeed at. Not sure why I said all this.
Now that I have been diagnosed with ADHD, late in life, I finally understand the relentlessness brain grinding sensation. Anxiety has been my main coping mechanism. I started adderall and I am suddenly experiencing the pleasure of my quirky mind without the endless automatic drive to uphold the mask of control. My poor brain has been exhausted for far too long!
Just as you were mentioning the number of tabs open (busyness) draining the battery… A good analogy for people to back off might be to treat the body/mind’s battery the same way people advise you to charge/discharge your phone.. Staying between the 20-80% range - you straining or draining yourself daily basis But every once in a while you can drain all the way to 0% by say doing something physically exhausting (competition or outdoors) or cutting loose but build in the the recovery time to recharge to 100% (in someways the full drain might help you recovery quicker i.e. good tired vs toxic tired / depleted)
"If i dont figure out EVERYTHING i need to do to fix my mental health then i wont get better" This is probably not true I'm currently using a mixture of five different techniques that really helped me. If I can't figure out absolutely everything else I need to be doing it's highly unlikely I won't get better as I've already seen fantastic results from the other techniques I've been using.
Work was frustrating and infuriating when it didn’t need to be. It affected my already weak and unstable mental health so for the first time ever i prioritized my wellbeing by staying home 😅
This was helpful! Thank you! You are correct in that I have putting undue pressure on myself to do things that feel overwhelming in the moment I know my mood and productivity increase when I have energy. I struggle with having consistent energy and when I can take a supplement that gives me more energy, then my “can’t do today” attitude turns in to instant progress. How can I get more consistent energy?
I should be playing tennis ! Yes ! There’s resistance! What’s the nature of this resistance ? Is it laziness ? Is it a not care attitude? Is it boredom ? Is it tiredness? Is it lack of motivation? What the hell is it ?
I think I get this with asking for time off. If there's a particular shift I want to not work because I have something on that my family have asked me to go to. I am worried I won't get given the day off if I ask but I tell myself if I don't ask my family will be disappointed that I can't go. It's like being between a rock and a hard place
Hey Scott! I had a question/topic I would like to throw into the ring for something to discuss. Using external stimuli to distract from internal pain. As an example, I have reflected and noticed I have practices that I use as a coping mechanism. Trichotillomania, bad eating habits, I have lipomas and I squeeze them as a stress relief, lots of scrolling on the internet. Wondering if that grouping I have noticed is legit, or am I off? Cheers!
OMGOT!! You just described me to the T! Like you are my maker and know what went wrong with me! What do I do? I'm failing at everything, I have become a quitter at everything when things start to get hard. Thank you!
If the majority of the people are on the maladaptive side of the graph, that means we have no issues... Because everybody's the same. Even though I haven't made enough money to live on in my life and other family members have multiple houses. This is saying I don't have any more stress than they do. Even though I'm worried that I'm going to be living on the street
How about sharing a movie with your viewers, Dr. Scott? This is a great podcast episode to recommend that Everyone should watch "What the Bleep!! Down the Rabbit Hole, Quantum Edition" movie. Buy it because you will surely want to watch it many times! The visualizations of our emotions and brains are mind blowing 🤣ha! It is the follow-up to "What the Bleep Do We Know", but "Down the Hole" just covers so much more in depth explanations & theories of our brain/body connection. Sometimes when I'm in that deep dark hole, I remember the movie, watch it for 100th time - I always find a new twist that helps me understand me! Thanks Dr Scott, as always, YOU THE BEST!!!👍
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I've been out of work 2 years due to this very thing. 27 years as a physical therapist and I can barely handle normal demands. I feel so hopeless and worthless. This isn't who I am.
Sorry to hear that!
I hope you get to where you want to be.
@empathic.supernova - Could your screen name hold the answer? I am also very empathic, and came to a point where I had absorbed so much of other people's negativity that I just could not do the expected anymore and my body shut down. For me, this included a physical closing down and a feeling of being poisoned, diagnosed as fibromyalgia. Have you had a complete thyroid panel done? Have you had an ASI test for adrenal fatigue? Sending you virtual hugs, and I hope you can figure it out.
I'm so sorry to hear that I'm going through the same thing it's hard to get going seems like I just can't get out of bed I don't want anyone else to feel this way but it is nice to know that other people do have the same problem that I do because sometimes I feel very alone and I feel like no one else has this problem no one else lives like this God bless you get well soon❤
You did 27years as a physical therapist! Thats more than most can do in two lifetimes. Maybe youre body is just preparing you for the next chapter. Embrace the 'gradual' change..i know its easier said than done
Same.
i've said it again,binge watching 30-40 vids of yours helped me more than 4,5 years of therapy.
one random thing: my father used to drive me crazy with false equivalent fallacies so much so that i hated ppl who spoke with examples. But you are different. you have a gift to make such comprehensive examples and so on point that i am amazed.
keep up the excellent work!!
Thank you, that means a lot. I really try to avoid false equivalencies.
@@DrScottEilers you do an outstanding job.
THANK *YOU*
Oh thank you Dr Scott! I really appreciate and are starting to understand why I am the way I am. I’m 69, and you are helping me so much!
Thank you!! You are the best because you actually have experienced what you are helping us with!
Who else is watching this video as a way to procrastinate on a thing you both want and need to do?
Here
Me! Watch more! Tis Truth.
😂 supposed to be packing for a destination wedding I’m leaving for in a few hours
🙋🏼♀️
Same
I always feel like what I do is never enough. Or blame myself when something at work goes wrong. These videos are helpful in changing my perspective and ridding myself of constant self-condemnation.
same here
Your sentence, "Hardwork without strategy is a waste of resources" caught my attention! Ive come to realise i need to be a bit more systemstic in the way I do things. I work through things as though im in a storm, and trying to multitask, and then i just go into extreme panic mode, overthink and then just get exhausted after one small task. I now know where im on in that graph you showed. Thank you 🙏
I have completely shut down. Typing this is even difficult. "what's the point?". I have had years and years; decades of not getting anything done. I have no sense of purpose and I am far far beyond the " You just have to find something to motivate you" stage... way beyond it. In your video where you discuss the "freeze" response I sorta felt like there was a spark in the abyss. I am a mess. maybe my therapist can use this information to work with me more "efficiently". I have adhd and am all over the place. This is so debilitating...I am a Veteran and I never, in all my years had ever said, "I can't", but I just can't find a reason to even want to search for a solution at this point.
Look up this "viral" breathing exercise called vagus nerve reset to undo the freeze response. I did it a few weeks ago and it's been a real game changer for me.
Try Jesus ❤
Cliche but you’re not alone. I felt the same way after watching the freeze response video yet I’m still searching for more. I’m just not there yet even though I have what feels like a fantasy of hope. Praying that Dr Eilers can help me cope through these videos. It’s the least I can do
If you are shutdown, then rest, let go of the idea of having to be useful / worthwhile; you are a good person - allow the healing.
Also celebrate small successes for you like they are a big deal!! You did it!! Even if you're as low as just sitting up in bed instead of laying down all day, thats where i stearted. Compliment and reward yourself and remember you're a boss in your life.
If you have a shower, brush your teeth, or wash your face 🎉🎉🎉❤ you need to believe you're worthy of having an optimistic life again. You hold your own power. Start by choosing optimism at the core of your foundation.
I procrastinate a lot and then stress myself to many psychosomatic illnesses trying to cram all the work I have to do a day or two before the deadline. It's because I hate the idea of doing tasks like going to the dentist, taking medical procedures, etc.. then I get mad at myself. It's a very odd behavior.
I have the same problem with completely cleaning my house. I always have to keep a little mess somewhere or have a few things that "need to be put away". Wtf
Honestly reminds me of my ADHD symptoms that came to a head during perimenopause. Learning about executive function helped - as well had having support in starting things
Earlier this year my stress was so bad I experienced physical symptoms when I was supposed to write my thesis. I had a big work load at my job considering I should just be an intern but I was managing advertising budgets of close to 6 figures a month the expectations were insane. I also had a bad mouth and face infection after a wisdom teeth removal that led to several surgeries and weeks of taking antibiotics. Guess what I did in the waiting room? Frantically reading papers. I think my body was so occupied with mental stress that it couldnt handle anything else. I missed the deadline for my proposal and I was just panicking and beating myself up every day for not being able to perform like I used to. Waking up with a ton of adrenaline. Falling asleep with the help of medication.
This type of pathology is what our system promotes. I never want to go back to that time of my life again and I learned my lesson. You’re the most important person in your life.
I agree. I’m working with my therapist on this issue-the constant shame I give myself for being human. I realize now where the root is, where it came from but getting my heart and mind to shift gears and love myself for just being myself is a battle. I equate “good performance “ with love and acceptance.
I love this advice, back off of yourself - at least a little, likely a lot.
I find everything harder when u have depression, I'm so worn out.saw easy to say this do that,yet in reality it's overwhelming.
The difficulty for trauma survivors is that recreating that sense of life or death actually regulates us… so taking that away also doesn’t allow us to function. It was a very slow step down the ladder for me to be able to tolerate self compassion.
I suffered a terrible loss a few years ago which had a very strange effect on me and changed my whole outlook on life. I started to think well the worst has happened and I am still standing. I stopped being worried and started to live again. I still find getting stuff done hard but nothing like before. I have much more confidence in my own choices. Strange
there was one video i remember seeing that i think was a ted talk video where if there's one thing to remind yourself, it's that things like household chores or personal hygiene are morally neutral. you are not a horrible person for not folding your laundry or having only enough energy to just brush your teeth, and 'half-assing' where you accomplish the bare minimum of the objective of these things, where you just aim for 'good enough', is okay.
Love the content!
Please keep up the good work.
Shame based motivation...putting a name to the emotion. Thank you eternally.
Many times, I can even take the process of recovery too seriously, and I try to gamify my own relaxation or self-care habits.
Been on this path for a few months now, and life does seem to be better. It is honestly TERRIFYING!! Because guilt drive was the way I have done things, Fear that not guilting myself would result in everything falling apart. But you are right, it DOES work to be nicer to yourself.
We're you raised a Catholic?
My therapist and I are currently working on getting me to change my thought patterns to be less strict towards myself. What you explain about how the pressure we put on ourselves makes tasks even harder and more exhausting compliments my therapy really well because I used to shut down from the simplest tasks so often just because of how much pressure I put on myself and now I know why
Everytime I fail at a certain endeavor, I stop and ask myself "what can I learn from this"? It is what I teach myself to do nowadays instead of catastrophizing. Sure, it takes a lot of work but that's just how it is.
Thanks Dr. Ellers.
Holy crap, this IS ME. I have never heard it stated by anyone else like this. It feels good to at least not be alone.
Man Dr. Eilers you don't know how much I need this. Wish I knew this four to five years ago. But big thanks.
I for one suffered the boreout / comfort zone for years.. its easy to say in retrospect thats where i was but it wasnt as clear back then.. Happily i quit that dead-end job and am now studying a totally different and very stimulating / challenging thing. The future is unclear but i made the right choice - i need the challende because otherwise i get depressed, angry, frustrated, tired... and i dont necessarily even know why. The brain left unchallenged is not your best friend
This is exactly the topic I have been looking for.
13:10 you did invent them because you didn't know about them and created them yourself, you just weren't the first to do it, but you still did it.
Exactly! Until a month ago, self-care - physical, mental, recovery from that internal pressure, that endless imperative - was not where I was focusing regarding mental health. The focus was on stopping this, starting to do this, go go go. It FAILED FOR 20 YRS. Now, I just practice literally existing, being present for my life, marinating information. Thank you for your video. You’ve given words and credibility to what I’m feeling. … float, it’s been a challenging year! Thank you again!
Sound advice and a lot of wisdom. You are absolutely right; life is hard enough without punishing ourselves. Stepping back from the self-criticism is essential. Perfectionism is setting yourself up for failure. Pointing out that a typo won't likely keep you from getting that job is spot on. If it does, would you really want to work for someone who thinks like that anyway?
progress not perfection :)
Think this is what i need right now
You literally stated my inner biography here dr. Scott..I'm a workaholic but still constantly behind from over whelming myself. When my body shuts down and rests I feel like crap for having to rest and less motivated day-by-day.. currently reading "healing the shame that binds you" - john bradshaw
P.s. Thanks for dating us old folks. I had a game shark😂😂😂
Someone once said to me, everything is figure-out-able 😊
Thank you 🙏 great message!
I'm big on taking before and after pics because when I look at the evidence of my accomplishments I realize I actually am accomplishing things!
I am SO grateful that you do these RUclips videos. You have such a gift for understanding what people are struggling with, what can help and how to explain it. I've tried to figure out what you do or say differently than other RUclipsrs in your same field, and I don't think I can, it just seems like you So get those of us who are struggling with mental health issues. [ at least the ones I struggle with] I'm sorry that you have had some real struggles in your life, but also grateful because I think it has helped to give you the gifts of compassion, understanding and knowledge to help others.
I need this exactly!!! My room is a mess and other things in the room. I’m going to do the less pressure option. I took motes and I’ll watch this over and over. Starting tomorrow, really I will use a timer and break it down into very manageable goals. I’ll reward myself too!! That’s a great thing to do!! Thanks again so much!!!
Yes! 5 minutes of tidying up does matter! ❤
I always try to remember to ask myself, "er what?? exactly! will happen. And I like to say it to people who are trying to intimidate me. Good show!!
Really effective analysis of impact to performance under load. I kinda knew this but need to practice letting up. I'm very hard on myself.
This is gold 👌🏻 I've "known" this for a while, but this way of presenting it has made a difference. I would add that (I think) generally we don't come up with this exaggeration around failure and risks by ourselves, we're taught to operate this way, but it is our responsibility and our right to get the hell out of there and make this change in perspective towards something more sustainable and healthy, and, well, real. I think not feeling entitled to change, or feeling doubtful, is a frequent stopper. For those raising kids I would point out two things: careful with being too preoccupied with them "not turning out weak" (same with too much emphasis on them being "absolutely free"), and remember kids are learning and are quite literal. If an adult's language and reaction is over the top, I would bet there's little chance they can infer it's not literally that bad, that the adult was just tired and irritable, or anything that will counter the lesson of "if you screw up the slightest, it's gonna COST you".
I feel alone…especially because I experience PSI more regularly, I have ADHD, anxiety, depression. I hate this!! It’s a feeling of doom!
I just simply want to say thank you for providing this wonderful teaching. I am very grateful that you take the time to do this, I am sharing it!
Dr. Scott, appreciate your work. Do you have a video about toxic positivity? That useless advice to buck up and be positive. Like we are somehow choosing to feel bad, just think better. What do we say to people, often well intended, often nice, who say that. Like we never thought of that. Or that it works. No it doesn't.
I just can't relax even when nothing is happening. I keep expecting something terrible to happen. My blood pressure has been up high lately as well. Today I burnt out and have been in bed all day
You just described my life.
I used to tell myself all of "those" negative thoughts all of the time, in everything that I did. As I watched this I thought to myself that I have not done this in a very long time. That's a lie. It is so automatic now that I do not know that I am doing it. (Almost all of my therapeutic content is from an inpatient perspective) I had a therapist once tell me " How do we spin this into a positive?". I would go to him almost daily with some sort of thing that I had catastrophized ..... and there goes that thought... I got distracted... I guess my point is or was that when I was FORCED to look at things in a net positive way, life became a little bit easier. Now, mind you, he also had me doing a lot of other homework...positive affirmations was another key. My problem is that once I am out on my own, all of that shit goes right out the window and two months later I am on the VA psych ward worse off than just a couple of months prior. Sorry, I am a writer and once I get going I don't stop...
Lastly, I am grateful I found you on here. Thank you - your new follower/subscriber.
Its really weird, I am the most productive/have very productive days, when I have a free day with nothing on my to do list. But I have actually things to get done, I fight and resist it so much and it upsets me that I have things I need to do. Welcome to my hell, lol
I have needed this my entire life. I'm adhd and have been trying to understand my neurodivergent brain. Thank you so much
I suffer with long-term moderate depression with severe episodes. This condition has recently become essentially refractive to my SSRI medication. I benefitted somewhat from a computer-based CBT programme with two-weekly telephone contact with a therapist but have found this and other approaches sabotaged by an almost complete lack of motivation even to attempt everyday activities, including housework, exercise and, to some extent, things like laundry and showering. I currently feel that the only way to overcome this is to push myself to engage with some of these activities, as I've been told that activity lead to, rather than results from, motivation. This, however, seems to be the antithesis of Dr Eilers' advice. How can I engage with his sensible suggestions yet still become more motivated? With many thanks from Oxford, UK.
Hello Dr. Eilers. I love, appreciate and benefit from your videos, so thank you so much for sharing your experiences, insights, and expertise with us. If you have anything to say on it, can you possibly do a video on coping with S.A.D. as we go into the darker, colder winter months--I know it's a yearly struggle for me as I tend to get more melancholy, hibernate and generally shut down with the days being so short. Also, I know many people deal with lonliness and sadness surrounding the holiday months because of various reasons. Thank you again and keep up the great work. Salute.
Reminds me of inner child work. It's really a good thing to do!
Thank you Dr. Scott!!🤗
So helpful!!!
THANK YOU. It's such a hard habit to break. No matter how well I do, I brush off compliments and keep telling myself I'm a worthless failure. It's gonna be a long journey to try to change that inner voice.
Your videos are helpful I've watched a few now & your voice is pleasant :)
I invented Netflix in my college senior marketing strategies course AND I also invented Instacart in 2007, just before apps were a thing, and a fleet of retrofitted golf carts would deliver to downtown Orlando area. I could’ve been glorious!
What a fabulous message thank you
Thank you. This is exactly what I need. I've been dealing with intense anxiety for a year now but don't know how much is personal pressure or my TBI and what treatment works for each.
For me something that helps, as a high anxiety person, is to push the thoughs to the absolute upper limit.
Like holding a public speech, it's only my feelings that are on the level of feeling like I'll die, I usually don't think I will, I just think everything is awful.
So I think about the event in a way that would match that feeling. Like "yeah, if I say something wrong, a swat-team will swoop in and execute me, on the spot". And I'll immediately feel like "nah, that's not plausible", and I can shake it off.
Otherwise I tend to start thinking things that also aren't plausible, but _feel_ more plausible, like "if I say something wrong my boss will think im worthless and I wont get a raise this year, and with inflation I _really_ can't afford to not get a raise".
Allowing myself a brief moment to think something that is actually in line with my feelings helps me regulate.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
I worked 10-14 hours a day for three months straight to avoid my thoughts thinking I could just push though it but I really messed my brain up and had to take a week off because I couldn't mentally focus anymore or even leave the house. It's a turning point for me because I now know that I need to fix this or else
i pushed my self so hard for 4 years that i ended up in burnout for 3 years afterwards. this is my first year recovering from burnout. for 3 years i couldn't get anything done yet i still pushed myself to do things, which just left me completely exhausted. and then feeling guilty from not being 100% productive ALL DAY LONG.
This chart seems to be my life lately. I try so hard to get projects done…and I do but then I’m so exhausted I fall asleep. My mind feels so heavy and I can’t stay awake.
Try doing 5mins at a time & know there is no commitment to go longer! Use a timer ⏲️
Thank you so so much for your authentic, real and valuable insights. Your are changing lives. God bless you and your work.
Thank you Dr Scott for another great video. You are very articulate and have the ability to connect with others in a very genuine way. This video really resonates with me at the moment. I need to stop putting needless pressure on myself and see if that helps me achieve the outcome I want. Thank you. Worth a try!!
I'm able to grind and work hard in video games, but IRL I often am not motivated. I think it's because in video games there's tangible results for my effort whereas IRL I don't see immediate (or any) benefit.
On what you said about the graph. I think it's so common to think you've invented something and then find out you actually didn't invent it and someone already beat you to it. I think it's one of our survival mechanisms to be able to come up with solutions instinctively and it is therefore likely that many people will come up with the same idea without knowing someone else has already thought of it.
I realise this last week prior to watching this cintent. And this clearify the step that was so right to me. Thank you docter.
Very helpful video. So, the key here is to stop pressuring yourself and to back-off of yourself right? If that's correct, how can I do it practically? That’s why I keep asking for a work book...
So much common sense... That I seem to CONSTANTLY need reminding of. Ty! Xo
This really makes.sense and will help me move forward. Thanks, Dr Scott!
Thank you! This is gold! You are helping more than you know ❤
I worked myself into a Sciatic nerve problem in my left hip which became a lower back problem, just trying to get the outside work done for the community I serve being the hired Caretaker. Trying to prove myself worthy of the position I have? Not sure but I wish I hadn't done it-- for some reason that I don't understand--I'm paying for it now and may not recover. If I don't recover fully, I will loose the job I am so desperately trying to succeed at. Not sure why I said all this.
Now that I have been diagnosed with ADHD, late in life, I finally understand the relentlessness brain grinding sensation. Anxiety has been my main coping mechanism. I started adderall and I am suddenly experiencing the pleasure of my quirky mind without the endless automatic drive to uphold the mask of control. My poor brain has been exhausted for far too long!
u are literally talking about me..tysm❤️
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Just as you were mentioning the number of tabs open (busyness) draining the battery…
A good analogy for people to back off might be to treat the body/mind’s battery the same way people advise you to charge/discharge your phone..
Staying between the 20-80% range - you straining or draining yourself daily basis
But every once in a while you can drain all the way to 0% by say doing something physically exhausting (competition or outdoors) or cutting loose but build in the the recovery time to recharge to 100% (in someways the full drain might help you recovery quicker i.e. good tired vs toxic tired / depleted)
Love it. Thank you!
Thanks.
Thank you so much ❤
Thank you!
Pure gold...again!
Thank you so so much, doc!
"If i dont figure out EVERYTHING i need to do to fix my mental health then i wont get better"
This is probably not true I'm currently using a mixture of five different techniques that really helped me. If I can't figure out absolutely everything else I need to be doing it's highly unlikely I won't get better as I've already seen fantastic results from the other techniques I've been using.
Work was frustrating and infuriating when it didn’t need to be. It affected my already weak and unstable mental health so for the first time ever i prioritized my wellbeing by staying home 😅
This was helpful! Thank you!
You are correct in that I have putting undue pressure on myself to do things that feel overwhelming in the moment
I know my mood and productivity increase when I have energy. I struggle with having consistent energy and when I can take a supplement that gives me more energy, then my “can’t do today” attitude turns in to instant progress.
How can I get more consistent energy?
Amazing! Thank you
This is so dead on for me
I recently discovered I’m autistic. (60 years old) THIS is why I have so much issue with executive functioning. At least now I know why.
Me too….age 57, female. And ADHD. Great combo
Your video is very helpful, as always!👍 👍👍
Excellent
🔥♥️🔥
Thank you.
I should be playing tennis ! Yes ! There’s resistance! What’s the nature of this resistance ? Is it laziness ? Is it a not care attitude? Is it boredom ? Is it tiredness? Is it lack of motivation? What the hell is it ?
Thank you.
Great advice!!ty
"I think I'm going to lose my way if I keep talking" - Me during work meetings. 😅
I think I get this with asking for time off. If there's a particular shift I want to not work because I have something on that my family have asked me to go to. I am worried I won't get given the day off if I ask but I tell myself if I don't ask my family will be disappointed that I can't go. It's like being between a rock and a hard place
Is saying ‘what’s the worst thing that can happen’ and realizing that the worst thing is very unlikely to happen help?
is that a signed bladerunner screenplay??!
Sure is!
@@DrScottEilers amazing. I now have tears in rain. You have great taste Dr. Scott!
@@dayru_ru It is my favorite movie of all time and it's not even particularly close.
Hey Scott! I had a question/topic I would like to throw into the ring for something to discuss.
Using external stimuli to distract from internal pain. As an example, I have reflected and noticed I have practices that I use as a coping mechanism. Trichotillomania, bad eating habits, I have lipomas and I squeeze them as a stress relief, lots of scrolling on the internet.
Wondering if that grouping I have noticed is legit, or am I off? Cheers!
Isn't what you described executive dysfunction?
Love your freshly cut hair 🤩
OMGOT!! You just described me to the T! Like you are my maker and know what went wrong with me!
What do I do? I'm failing at everything, I have become a quitter at everything when things start to get hard.
Thank you!
"Just go out and get it champ"
Get back to me after 18 years of that mentality. This is how a car feels when its about to be scrapped.
If the majority of the people are on the maladaptive side of the graph, that means we have no issues... Because everybody's the same. Even though I haven't made enough money to live on in my life and other family members have multiple houses. This is saying I don't have any more stress than they do. Even though I'm worried that I'm going to be living on the street
How about sharing a movie with your viewers, Dr. Scott? This is a great podcast episode to recommend that Everyone should watch "What the Bleep!! Down the Rabbit Hole, Quantum Edition" movie. Buy it because you will surely want to watch it many times! The visualizations of our emotions and brains are mind blowing 🤣ha! It is the follow-up to "What the Bleep Do We Know", but "Down the Hole" just covers so much more in depth explanations & theories of our brain/body connection. Sometimes when I'm in that deep dark hole, I remember the movie, watch it for 100th time - I always find a new twist that helps me understand me! Thanks Dr Scott, as always, YOU THE BEST!!!👍