Coming Out Story (emotional)
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- Опубликовано: 25 ноя 2024
- Our coming out story was more emotional to tell than we thought it would be. This week we are diving deep into our experiences with coming out, facing homophobia, and the challenges of growing up in a northern, remote town. We also open up about what it was like to reinvent ourselves after moving away from home, challenge some of the preconceived ideas people often have about the LGBTQ+ community, and share the advice we would have given to our younger selves on how to come out to your parents and what we would do differently if we had to do it all again.
Chapters:
3:00 - Growing up gay in a small town
6:00 - Experiencing homophobia later in life
10:00 - When we first knew that we were gay
18:30 - The period of accepting that we were gay
22:00 - Tyler coming out to his parents
27:00 - Building an entirely different life after moving away from home
30:00 - Todd’s experience with being forced to come out
38:00 - Our advice for our younger selves
47:30 - Tea time
Spill the tea HERE: www.tylerandto...
Instagram: / tylerandtodd
Podcast Production By: Paige Cuthbert & Colin Steingard
This was a really emotional episode for us to film, more so than we imagined in being but I hope it helps connect the dots of who we were and most importantly, who we've become by "coming out" and finding ourselves. We're really looking forward to hearing from you all and your perspective on the this topic. I'm curious how many of you watching have had a child come out to you? We think often about our parent's and their perspective on us coming out to them and how they felt in that moment...oooooh, future episode, maybe??
Tangent!!❤
I'm definitely looking forward to tomorrow episode ❤❤ I need to prepare for this one, have tissues handy 100% future episodes
I’m a mom and my daughter come out a few years back a very young age.
I always been supportive to her since day one and I will be No matter what .
She is been in a beautiful relationship for 2 years now and we are very happy that she is happy.
That’s all it matters to me as a mom 🥰
We love them both 🥰
I am so looking forward to the next episode. From all I have seen/heard from you both - the experiences you both have had will be most important to many who still live in a closet. This will be interesting because I have always viewed Canada as being very liberal and much more forward thinking than the United States.
Yes, future episode!
I cannot wait to hear your stories because I lost my father in May and never came out to him. I have a lot of feelings about this after growing up in church and I appreciate hearing others’ perspectives. So, I am definitely looking forward to this conversation! Love you guys! ❤
"Being gay isn't hard. Straight people make being gay hard." - Trixie Mattel
So true!
Some srtaight don't
Bingo. That is the absolute truth or it. Quit trying to "fit in" - We already do - they just don't know it!
So true!! I'm straight and it infuriates me that this is still an issue! I had a friend who passed away as a direct result of homophobia. Homophobia kills.
It's not always the case. Sometimes internalised homophobia can cause gay people more issues than other people do. You see internalised homophobia play out in the gay community in the form of fem-phobia where more feminine gay men are looked down on by groups of gay men. A lot of the most homophobic people are closeted homosexual themselves also.
I'm sure most of his family and people around him already knew he was gay before he come out. I've seen this with many gay and lesbians over the years where they build it up in their own minds so much thinking everyone was going to be shocked, but most people already suspected they were gay already and were very supportive when they did come out. They were just waiting for them to be comfortable themselves to come out. I seen a post on reddit where a mother was talking about her gay teenage son.He got extremely angry at his mum for approaching him about being gay to let him know her and his father knew he had a bf and wanted him to know they supported him and didn't want him to feel like he had to hide it. Apparently he got super angry and stopped talking to her because he wasn't ready to come out. At the time she wrote the post it had been a few week and he had still not talked to her.
I was 17 when I had my son. So I essentially grew up with him. I always knew he was probably gay because all of the girls in high school would be all over him and he had zero desire to date any of them. When he was 17 he came to me asking to talk about something. He was crying hysterically. I seriously thought someone had died. I told him he could tell me anything. He then said, I’m GAY! Still crying so badly. I knew that how I reacted in that moment was going to set the groundwork for the rest of his life. I immediately told that I didn’t care who he loved. I only cared that he found someone that cares and loves for him unconditionally. His father didn’t take the news so well.He is a traditional machismo Mexican man. He’s ok with it now years later but not at first. Fast forward years later. My son is now 31 and next month (Dec 2023) we are flying to NY to celebrate his engagement to the love of his life. His fiancés family has welcomed him into their family with open arms and have embraced us (His father ,sister and myself) And my son and his fiancé are in the Air Force and my son just had a ceremony in NJ this last weekend for his medical retirement. We were all crying because his Commander and a one star General acknowledged my sons BF as his Fiancé to a group of 150 other military members and EVERYONE clapped❤. I’ve never been so proud of my son. He’s not afraid to say who he is and the fact that his fiancé will be accepted by the United States government as a married couple and will have the same rights and benefits as a heterosexual couple. I’m so relieved that we live in a different time. Thanks for sharing your story!!!❤
This is one of the most beautiful stories I have ever heard. I am a straight senior citizen who grew up in a very liberal city, California, US. I think someone’s sexuality is the least important thing about someone. Even straight people may have sexual preferences one thinks is strange but who cares what consenting adults do behind closed doors. Your relationship with friends is with their brains.
What a great mom! Your son was so blessed to have you in his life. I’m so happy for him and his fiancée.
U r an amazing mom. Convey my best wishes to ur son and his hubby❤
I am a straight 80 ish grandmother. You two are wonderful. I would be so proud to have you both as my Grandsons. I am learning so much about your community and am sorry for your life experiences. just think of where you are now on The Land and have each other.
In 1963 I was in beauty school in Hollywood, fresh out of high school. I was very sheltered and had never heard of "gay" folks. I couldn't figure out why the guys ignored me, lol. Anyway when it was explained to me and I got to know my fellow students I completely fell in love with the gay community. I know you had it rough but look how those experiences made you the wonderful men you are today. I'd love to adopt you too. Your marriage is what all people, gay or straight, should aspire to. Love you guys, you"re the best.
'
ditto
Ditto! Fine young men you both are!!
Yep I’m a straight gramma! I used to live in Edmonton before moving here to New Zealand and I am so hopeful you young men have a successful happy life…thanks for sharing your story, very informative…be safe.
I never ever understood why one has to “come out”, I find it the most insulting thing to have to explain your sexuality to family and friends. Homophobia is a worldwide problem and absolutely not necessary, it is infuriating. You two are amazing and please keep going with your videos , the ripple effect can be enormous. With love from a 62 y old mother ❤
I have been saying the same thing for a while now. I don't understand this "coming out" thing. I think that it is just part of the oppression that is out there. Some girl pushes herself on a guy, and because she is rejected, her response would be, "Are you gay?" As if that is the only reason why she could have been rejected.
I think you two talking about "Coming out" is very important because the everyday trappings of just living day to day is a wonderful and difficult experience.
I'm a gay man that has lived a solitary life with many friends but as I get older and still single the emptiness is overwhelming. I look forward to your programs to lift me up.
Your flawed and open banter helps complete my day.
Please keep your conversations just the way they are, they keep it real at least for me .😊
My sister e-mailed that one of her daughters was gay. She then was frustrated that we didn't react. I told her that I never felt that I would have to ask my family how they felt that I was heterosexual, so why would she need approval from me or anyone.
I hope on day to live in a world where no one has to "come out", just love who they love. Both of you guys are so awesome and telling your stories to us. Love from a 76 yr old grandmother.
Are you part of the lgbt+ community yourself? Because if you are not than I don’t think it’s fair to be stating this statement as coming out is a HUGE deal to many people that is lgbtq+… Getting asked f.ex «do you have a girlfriend» (if you are a boy/man) over and over again from early on makes coming out an essential part of you owning who you are as a lgbtq+ person. As a gay man I just want to kindly point this out for clearance.
Most people will never understand the heroic trauma that 'coming out' represents. You two are heroes to many many people.
My son came out to my parents first, asked them not to tell me because he didn’t know how I was going to take it. My mum told him I already knew and he asked how. A mum just knows. I couldn’t be prouder of my son. Sexuality should not matter to anyone else but you. I absolutely love you guys, you are fantastic people and should stand proud. Much love n respect 🥰🥰
Bless you.
Totally agree. Asking someone to come out is like asking them to apologize for being themselves. How many straight people have been pressured to explain their sexuality?
Todd, saying; If you are either in the LGBTQ+ community or an ally…, I love that expression, because I am an ally ❤
So am I…
Add me to the list.
So long as there is more love in this world who cares what or who you love....
I am an ally as well.
Me too - an ally and an advocate xx
Count me in as a devoted ally.
I came out in high school in 1979. When a classmate asked me for the umpteenth time if I was gay, I said, "Yeah, I am. Now it's your problem." My life changed forever out of that event.
I am so proud of the two of you.
Hey my son came out to me, and all l said was l love you no matter what, you are my son and you always will be, l was proud that he made that hard decision to tell his mother.❤
My son came out on Facebook. I saw the post and asked him, if he was gay or bisexual and he said gay. I said brilliant, I love you and that was it! ❤️
Tyler you are so perfect for Todd and vice versa. What a couple!!
Best couple ever👍💕👍💕👍💕👍💕👍💕👍💕
I am a straight mom of 2 straight children, but god, I wish you two were my sons too. You are two beautiful, shining souls who brighten my life week after week. I love you. ❤️
Being a proud grandma of kindergarten grandchildren I will be sensitive when asking them if they have a ‘special someone’ at school. I will be sensitive to not specify a girl or a boy but just a special someone. I’m glad you brought that to my attention.
Your vulnerability and willingness to expose raw emotions to public view is astonishing. TANGENTS is just a great watch! Thanks, T&T 😊
That was tough to listen to because there wasn’t anything I could do to ease the pain of your younger years. We love you for who you are, all of who you are.
Hearing anyone talk about their abuse experiences is always heartbreakingly tough for me ... consequently I watched this video in several chunks.
Tyler & Todd are trail blazing with Tangents ❤❤❤
Im a divorced 71 year old heterosexual and wish my marriage would have been a good as yours. You two show more love to each other than I've seen in most heterosexual marriages. You are a great example of how marriage should be. My 40 year old daughter just went through a divorce after 20 years of marriage and 3 kids together. They never became best friends and I do believe that is what caused her to divorce him. He was always to busy being the provider and trying to be the man. She was very lonely. My husband was better at being my friend but he went through midlife at 55 and left me for a former secretary of his 12 years younger than him. I hope you guys will stick it out to the end. ❤
Change yourself for no one. Be who you are, love who you love, and be proud of who you are! I adore you guys and this channel. Love from a straight, non-homophobic fan in the US. ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
😢 This is the first RUclips episode of any channel I have cried while watching. I admire you gentlemen, appreciate who you are and what you have together, and what you do here for our LGBTQIA community. Thank you.💖
I am old, in my 80s and I am so impressed with both of you and how you both handle your lives!! I would be so proud to call you grandsons. Live long and prosper!
I think when a person comes out to family reactions, it may not be disappointment but a lot of fear for your child due to the bullying that you go through ! As a parent, I just want my kids Happy and SAFE in their lives ❤
Having information like this available to younger people is such a wonderful thing. Growing up for me there was nothing to draw on. Thanks for being such good role models! 💖
I grew up in a mid-western town of 56 people. I knew I was different from about age 5. The nearest library was an hour away. In 1962, if there was any information about homosexuality available there, it likely wasn't going to be positive. The only thing I knew about being gay was an occasional Ann Landers column. Thankfully an early ally, way ahead of her time.
This podcast ALONE can save many lives, restore many families, create many friendships, wipe many tears, and heal many hearts. Thank you so much for your maturity, sense of humor, connection, communication and LOVE for humanity and sharing your stories so that we can support our questioning children. Coming from a mom who's little one is still finding his identity at age 9 but already knows that his mommy will love him regardless to infinity and beyond!
You both are SO amazing. Each of your podcasts have just gotten better and better. Thanks for this frank discussion. Besides the subject matter, I wanted to give you a high-five on how polite you are to one another. You don't interrupt each other, and the discussion is balanced. Neither of you "over controls" the talk. I know the podcasts (as sell as the Sunday vlogs) are a lot of work but I hope you never stop them. You're my favorite. ❤
Being a retired Emotional Intelligence coach for more than 20 years, congratulations on your personal growth 👏👏you are both wise men!!!
One hour before Tangents 62 people have hit the Like Button already! 👍🏼♥️🇨🇦
I'm number 65!!
This was a fascinating conversation - and there is SO much to unpack! I grew up in a time and place where coming out could literally be a life-or-death situation. After a suicide attempt - and a week in a coma, I found the right therapist and EVERYTHING changed - right down to my DNA, I'm sure. Today, I'm like you, Tyler, I could not POSSIBLY care what strangers think about my being gay. The journey to becoming me was long and bumpy, however, it led me to my iron-clad philosophy of life: Treat, the Earth, self, and others with the kind of tender care that ensures wellbeing and everything else is detail to customize for your comfort.
I'm glad that you're still here ❤
(I’m 81 .My husband is 86 . We have been together for 60 faithful years . I guess we have outdone many straight people . My brother is on his third wife . I hope it clicks this time even though he likes to tell me that we two are going to burn in hell. Religion can be ugly. You two are very special and I wish a long and joyous life .
Living well and being yourself is the best way of leaving the hate behind, good for you.
Glad youre with us still
HI GUYS, OUR DAUGHTER CAME OUT TO US AFTER COLLEGE, LIKE TYLER, SHE WAS AFRAID OF WHAT WE WOULD THINK. WE TOLD HER WE LOVED HER NO MATTER WHAT. HER BROTHERS KNEW BEFORE WE DID. AS LONG AS SHE IS HAPPY THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS. YOUR PODCAST TODAY HIT ON SO MANY POINTS WITH HER. I WATCH YOU ON U TUBE AND LOVE YOU BOTH. SO 5 STARS FROM ME.
Good for you. You are a model for all parents/guardians. Every child should have parents like you. Unconditional love is a prerequisite for being a parent.
Todd, I want to give you a big hug. My story is long and I won’t go in to it. However I feel like a protective mother.
I used to be a teacher, I decided to come out to my pupils as I was fed up of hearing, ‘oh that’s so gay’. The pupils I taught were 11-16. None of them were really bothered. There were a few kids I knew were gay even if they didn’t yet. My gaydar was going off constantly. I think it was their parents and other older people that were the problem. We did have to tell my kids when they went to school not to mention they had 2 mums. I did go and make the school aware as my youngest got bullied for what I am. His head of year was brilliant, she told the person bullying him and the bullies parents, if the homophobia carried on they would be contacting the police. I didn’t come out till I was 32 in 2002.
I really wanted to give Todd a hug when he talked about being outed. I'm so sorry it happened that way, sweetie.
I'm a mother of two boys, and I would not give a shit what /who my boys fell in love with . My job is to support them and for them to be happy. Its nothing to do with me what they do in their personal life. Happiness and health is my key objective to raising my beautiful boys. In this day and age, I hope every parent will know this is the most important thing to be nice kind ,thoughtful people like yourselves. I'd be so proud xx
Thanks guys, for being so honest with all of us, I was crying with you, as some of what you have gone through I did too, I’m a man coming up to his sixtieth year and I had a couple of girlfriends, but it wasn’t completely comfortable with them and I came out at nineteen, my partner I’m with now is twenty years my junior and keeps me in the real world. So love and cuddles to you both. Thank you.❤️🏳️🌈🇬🇧🙏
Thank you so much guys for discussing this. As a heterosexual it helped me to appreciate the difficult journey my gay friends have had to endure. I live on the Caribbean island of Trinidad and while we have a significantly large gay community I still have friends, who are very mature in age by the way, who I know to be gay and I love them so much yet they are still in the closet with some people. I now understand how difficult it is to live their truth. I would never judge them and they must know I know and accept and love them but I see why they still hide. I love you guys so much...and I am proud of you.
A lady was talking to me and said oh he is gay, I quickly said so if he is, she said she didn't understand ,my comment to her was you don't need to.
I'm 72 and could care less ,my daughters best friend was gay he was great he was a part of her wedding years later. I never gave his sexual life a thought , he was a wonderful person.
Great as always
Have a great day ❤❤❤❤
I cried for both of you. I absolutely adore you both. Love that Eddie snuggled in to be there for support. Squirrel in the background jumping up on furniture, she thinks she’s the star. ❤❤
We all should be proud of who we are!
Luv ya guys!❤
I am a grandmother to a 30ish grandson who is a twin and is gay and my husband and I helped raise them. When he came to us to talk (he was 18), he sobbed so hard he could hardly speak. Once he told us I hugged him and said "I have known since you were little." He was so relieved when I said that. I love you two men like you were my own. Just like I love him. He is so much like Todd and it is like watching him and his husband when I watch you two. I am a Christian and I believe in unconditional love because that is how I was raised. Love your podcast and wait to hear it every week.
Wow! What a thought-provoking subject. The time span between when I first realized I was gay & my coming out story (party) was something like 18 years apart. A lot of shit happened in those 18 years. But everyone's story is so different. Thank you for discussing such an emotional subject. You asked "What advice would you give to someone who hasn't come out yet (or is about to). My advice is to "expect the unexpected".
Hey crew, Kurt Turelinckx from Belgium here! Just tuned into Todd and Tyler's latest podcast and-Todd's ditching coffee for warm apple juice? High-five, man! My twist? Add a good spark of ginger-it's a flavor hike for your taste buds! And Tyler, try this: orange slice, boiling hot water, ginger, and some raw sugar. It's a sip of heaven that won't keep you up at night. Ready for a no-caffeine thrill? Let's roll !
I give it a galaxy's worth of stars - that's ****** 6 from me, breaking the star-o-meter!
A friend and I were watching a movie when I noticed he was crying. When I asked why, he said, "I'm gay." I said honey, everyone already knows and loves you. He asked how I thought his parents would react to him coming out. He had such open-minded, accepting parents that I felt very confident telling him they would be perfectly ok with it...and they were. ❤
I watch both the channels you guys have. I absolutely love how you both put yourselves out you are honest in doing so.
I live in the United States, in the state of Tennessee ,in what's known as part of the Bible belt. I have a male cousin that came out as bisexual . Half of my family disowned him. So by the time he told me he was afraid he would lose more family. I gave him a hug and told him that I loved him and as long as he is happy and finds someone to love that returns the love . I could care less if that person was male or female. I just want him happy. I invite him to every family gathering and then I let it be known to everyone that they can leave if they don't like the fact he is present.
Life is way to short to be unhappy. Be true to yourself first and foremost.
What a wonderful episode. How superbly you navigated this potentially difficult subject and I KNOW you’ll have helped others. As a mother of an out gay son I wish he just could’ve come home with a boy like a straight man would with a girl but it wasn’t like that - he’s good though with a few hiccups along the way and is feeling his way through life so well under his circumstances. I’m so proud of him and so proud of you two as well. If he can find someone who is a fraction of what you guys are like in the future and when he’s ready then I’ll be so happy for him. Love to you and big cuddles for Charlie, Eddie and Squirrel too ❤❤❤
Todd, your tears reveal how much courage it took to come out. Never apologize.
You made a really good point that”straight people maybe doing more freaking things under the sheets”. There is a spectrum of humans that is so beautiful. Why judge? Life is too short.❤😊
I loved this episode so much! Some of what you went through mimics my own experiences so closely, and like Tyler, I hit the “I don’t care” moment when I hit 25. I didn’t care to hide myself away, to lie, to defend. As a newly promoted Captain in the Army, that summer I easily outed myself to all of my closest friends and colleagues by bringing my first partner to a social event, and some took it very well, and some just didn’t and I really didn’t care at all. Thank you for this awesome podcast, I love it so much!
Omg I bawled through most of that video. I still have the lovely card Todd wrote me to reply to my letter of concern after you had that hate episode (just after you moved to your present location). I worry a lot about you and I am glad you haven't had any incidences since then. And then you just cracked me up at the end of the video. Frankly, this is the best podcast out there.💖
What Tyler says around the 27:40 mark is very true. So many of us spend our twenties (Or longer!) figuring out who we really are without the mask. Religion, family pressure, peer pressure, etc.
What a wonderful honest conversation thank you. As an older woman of color I can identify with a lot of what you both said about facing hate and discrimination. It is so had to explain to someone who has not personally faced it but so important to put a personal face on what discrimination does to those of us who have to live with it. Again thank you for the conversation, I love you both
Love Tyler and Todd so much. They are both such loving and kind individuals. I wish them great success in everything they do. Their off-grid videos are great, but this podcast is AMAZING
Just as an aside, Tyler, I think you meant to say empathy instead of apathy 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you for being so honest and open , I worked in psychiatry for 11 years and one of the sadest patients I worked with was a young fellow that thought dying was better then telling his parents, we rallied as a team and family which was a positive outcome. Parents were very supportive , I have remembered this patient for several years but proud of him as he came through this emotional time.
I am a momma to a little boy and I got 5 minutes in and I was already teary eyed. Because it just boils my blood to hear people being ugly to others based on what gender they are attracted to. All my life I grew up with a gay aunt. I grew up with the word GAY not lesbian, I didn't even know the different categories and stuff till I got older. But, there was no difference with the love that was given to her or anyone else... I became a mom in high school around the time a few of my friends were coming out. They cried to me how their parents took it and all of the ugliness and hate that came from it. It physically hurts my heart, I used to say "you can have a part of my mom because she could care less and would love you all the same."
Having the video of this discussion as apposed to a audio podcast is so much more meaningful I find. Love your Sunday vids but this new format is on another level . ❤
I was 48 years old when I fell in love with my partner. When I did I didn't care what anyone thought. I was in love and everyone should have the privilege of true love. Surprisingly my mom and niece didn't handle it well. Where my Mexican father's reaction was amazing. He told me he was so happy for me and he knew I was in love and thankful because he hadn't seen so much happiness in me since I was a kid. What a blessing that was.
Thank you for sharing your story guys. I have an 8 month old son and I really wish him to grow up in a caring and kind world where he will be able to be whatever he wants and love whoever he wants. Your story and the one of many others should teach us that! 🏳️🌈🎉
Hi Guys, I would be proud to have you as my sons, you would be a much loved addition to my family of three sons, now in their early fifties, ha! I was deeply sad to hear you both speak of your experiences in your youth, which was the result, in the main, of ignorance, prejudice and fear. Look how far you have progressed in your lives, in spite of that. You are intelligent men, with many, many talents and gifts. One of those gifts and the most important, is your ability to love and care on many levels. You have found, or I think were guided to find, each other and the story of your lives together has turned out to be very fruitful. I love your interaction throughout your projects and I applaud your vision. Freedom comes with love and you have chosen an idyllic lifestyle, the envy of many. Just continue, with your fur babies, to love LIFE!
I love you guys! I am the proud grandmother of 4 wonderful granddaughters, one who is Gay. I have so much love and respect for her, and who she is. She is a Social Worker and lights up a room when she walks into it! Love is love, and we should all be happy to be in love.
I remember the day that my son felt comfortable expressing his sexuality to me. I had known for years, but wanted him to have the opportunity to share his journey in his own time. He called me at 13 and said “Mom, I have something to tell you, I’m gay” - My response was “ok”; in return he said “Mom, so does that change anything?” My response “what would it change? Well on second thought it changes one thing.” He said “Mom, what?” And I said - “ Well you know how your sister isn’t allowed to have boys spend the night in her room, well neither are you” and that was that. I don’t think people should have to “come out” they should just be able to be who they are and what or who makes them happy. I pray that the world, eventually gets a place of love and acceptance of all humans. Love your channels!! ❤
I felt for you during this episode. I grew up in the 80s, in the States. I knew from a very young age that I was different. Of course, it became very apparent over the course of my childhood that I was trans and not just gay. The joke in my family, perpetuated by myself, is that I never came out of the closet because I was never in one to begin with! Your stories resonate with many of us in the community. While our experience may be different in some way, we share many commonalities. Thank you so much for sharing your stories with us. In some way, it will help someone out there who was once in that same place, and I'm sure will give them the courage to live their truth. We are all connected in this journey, even when we feel we aren't. Love you both😊❤
Oh wow guys thank you so much for your honesty & vulnerability.
My heart breaks hearing what you had to endure all through high school Tyler ... I just want to wrap my hetro-nanna arms around you both & hug away the pain. Yet, as you both so wisely say, those experiences contribute to the fabric of who you've chosen to become ... which is an awesome, intelligent, compassionate human.
I'm learning so much and feel so grateful to have found you both.
Hugs, love, & healing vibes from Australia 🐨 🐾
As a parent, the only thing that breaks my heart is thinking my son would be afraid to tell me anything.
I just turned 70, graduated college at 25 and went to work for a major oilfield company. Everyone else in the office had pics of their wives and kids on their credenza of which mine was empty. Constantly having to pretend to be straight, people trying to set me up with the "perfect" wife. It REALLY sucked, all 35 years of it. The constant stress of wondering if someone will figure it out. The constant barrage of questions on who am I dating, why am I not married yet and so forth. Being gay really sucked and nothing I could change. Once I retired, I was relieved I no longer had to pretend. Why we have to go through so much crap when a certain segment of people just can't deal with it. Now, I play racquetball with a bunch of retired guys who are all married, the majority cheating on their wives, always talking about the sex they'd like to have but don't and yet these same people seem to think the only way to happiness is to join the masses like themselves. As a side note, I supported my mother for 35 years always receiving accolades for being the only child to help put a roof over her head in her older years, sending her a check every month only to be told in the last year of her life that she had been saving a portion of all the money I had sent her over a 35 year period and wanted to make sure I understood she had this decent amount of money set aside and she had no intention of give it to "some queer" but rather her two grandchildren from a different brother of who she hated. I had a complete mental breakdown as I was driving and can tell you exactly where I specifically was in the truck when that took place. I completely lost all control of my emotions. To think a mother would do that to her child. It's a heavy burden to carry, even as I write this.
I’m so sorry for your experience. Your mother was a piece of work, in my opinion.
🙏❤️my significant other is 72 and gay, but life long celibate. His mother created problems for him, being overly possessive... hope you find some comfort, some true love , some real joy , now🙏❤️
This was another amazing episode. My heart breaks for how Tyler was treated in high school, and it broke again finding out Todd was outed. You guys are such positive people and I love this podcast because it helps me see a little bit more about the 2 guys who I randomly came across on RUclips and now always look forward to Sundays and now the bonus of these Wednesday videos! Also as an Albertan I laughed at your incredibly accurate description of Alberta! 😂
Thank you, both for being so Honest! It makes me angry to think anyone would be mean to anyone 😢! Growing up with my younger brother having four sisters & always having gay tendencies I relate to a lot of what you both say. I remember my brother coming out to me as a teenager & me saying “Yes… your gay & you always have been”. Like pass the salt. He was in shock that I had always known. My brother was Blessed to have a family that didn’t care if he was gay!❤🙏🙏🙏Blessing’s
As a straight woman in my 60s I see this (Gay issue) the same way I see different cultures,religion’s etc…. “With Respect “. We all need to respect each other’s choices and decisions. I prefer to celebrate the difference’s . I look for people that have a good,kind and loving heart ♥️
I have to comment as I hear it so I don't forget. Tyler, there are so many people who are SO VERY thankful your horrible experiences made you stronger instead of the sad, tragic alternative.❤ People can be so horrible.
Thank you very much for doing this channel. I also have been following your other channel. This is the first time I have written a comment on utube. I am 74 years old and still haven’t the courage to come out except to my therapist. ❤
Hi there!! Thanks for commenting and sharing your story...coming out to even 1 person, even a therapist is a huge milestone. Proud of you xo
Wasn’t it cathartic telling your therapist? Maybe you can find a second person to tell - apart from your family? Just know, when you are ready, the freedom is priceless. Looking back, the fear was orders of magnitude worse than the reality. Cheers!
You two are quite simply extraordinary. I come away improved every week.
So great you make episodes the "Premier". I so glad you started this podcast channel ❤🙏🏻
So glad you're enjoying these!!
You two are the best, I love how honest and vulnerable you both are, it makes all of us feel less alone in this world. Your tangents are the best:)
Coming out to your parents via text or letter allowed your parents to process without having to worry they are not doing it the way you hoped or wished they could. Face to face you are going to see the emotions run across their face, no matter how accepting they are. The millions of thoughts of all the pain and obstacles their little baby is going to have to go through, their "idea" of you changing, even if they were already aware, the concreting of it into spoken word can be overwhelming. Plus in your heightened state of emotions, you may read into a look the wrong way, or they may stumble over the words of love and acceptance they have in their heart but in these moments, may not be able to express in the perfect way. Do not give yourself grief for doing it this way, I think it can be the better option for both sides.
I am proud of you two. I would be thrilled to call you my sons I’m 80 years old and have two children. You are family to me and I always look forward to seeing what you two are doing. Stay strong and be who you are . Not Everyone is rude and cruel.
73 year old man, ex cop, have no problems with how anyone wants to live their lives! Love is love!
Thank you so much for sharing your stories , it get me remembering my own experience.
I was 22 in 1982 when I accepted the fact that I was gay and not bi. I was blessed with a loving family who accepted me and only cared that I was happy.
I am 63, married a my highschool sweetheart when we were both 18. We had 3 kids by the time we were 24. All the time knowing I was gay but believing I could and would be "cured". I stayed in the closet until 5 yrs ago. Coming out to my wife and kids was the hardest thing I have ever done. But to my surprise and relief they all were very supportive and accepting. And although my ex wife and I are no longer together we are still very close and come together with our kids and grandchildren for all the holidays and special occasions. I don't regret my life, but had circumstances been different back in the 70's, I would have much preferred to have been able to live my true self as an openly gay man.
Love ‘Tangents with Tyler and Todd’ every episode makes my heart swell with joy, laughter, hope, empathy and compassion. Thank you guys! I am glad this is available on u-tube, I prefer to see and hear you. ❤❤❤
Darling boys, always remember, The deeper sorrow carves into your soul, the more joy it can contain! It’s your hardest times that make you who you are, but only when it’s over, and you two are fantastic so you’ve obviously done ok.
I am an old sicilian lady and you both are young enough to be my sons. Having you speak about your journey about dealing with family and friends and the public knowing that you're gay is really gut-wrenching. Being an adolescent is hard enough without being different. Even if that difference is beautiful it's still hard. I want to give both of you a hug and pinch your cheeks and tell you that your loved and that you're both wonderful. I found your channel here on RUclips and fell in love with you guys. I wish you all the best always. I live vicariously through 🥰
Todd, it wasn’t fair that you were outed and not given the opportunity to decide when the time was right to talk to your parents on your own terms! You’re an amazing human being!❤️🇨🇦
Hate that people are put in the place of explain others who they are. I'm a LGBTQ proud mama. Regardless of that is weird that I need to explain myself that way. Wish our society be more open minded and accept the other as a human bean over all. Thank you for share with us so much❤
I have to add that I've always felt that I've had to deliver more in everything I do, personally and professionally to prove being gay is not a weakness but a huge strength ❤
Yep! Gotta be perfect at everything just to feel equal
My name is Loes, i'm a woman but have the same energy as Todd. I'm bisexual and had a lot of problems coming out because it was so confusing. Coming out on your time and terms is so important. So I'm so sorry for you Todd you never had that. And you have the right to be sad about that And Tyler to have been bullied in your young life...i understand that also you didn't come out on your terms. Thank you for sharing this. It was not easy to tell. But this is wat people have to know. Lots of love. I followed you guys from the beginning. I really look out every sunday for your new content and i love the podcast. Greetings from Belgium.
So proud of you guys!! I am an old granny. I would love to have you guys for grandsons.
So sweet of you.
I find it interesting when people ask when you knew you were gay, because I’ve never been asked when I knew I was heterosexual. I don’t think it’s something that you just suddenly discover.
I’m so very sorry for what you have been through. Bully’s are the worst and it makes me so angry what you had to go through. I cannot imagine how hard it is to not only be going through the angst of being a teen but also being gay. It had to be so difficult, confusing and frightening. You are both perfectly made and have built a beautiful life together and by being happy, fulfilled and successful you have given your bully’s the finger. I’m so proud of you both.
I totally get your comment about Zac Efron…….I’m an old lady but think he’s pretty cute.
I love you guys so much. So funny at times and heartbreaking at times. I am 69 years old and grew up with a bad childhood too. Just know that you are wonderful guys who show love to each other. At the end of the day, go to bed, hug each other, and know how lucky you are to have😊😉💖💖🤟👨❤💋👨👨❤💋👨 each other.
During the 90’s my male friend who is six foot three and very muscular and strong. He was in his early 20’s at the time and became good friends with a gay guy and other guys started going against the gay guy.I was never so proud to see him stand up against three young men who were harassing the gay guy. He was willing to get into a physical confrontation standing up for his friend. I was never so proud of him. It really showed his character. He said that he had to do the same when he was a kid in school. He couldn’t stand the bullying they did because his friend was different.
I love your podcast and vlogs. Keep sharing your experiences and we’ll all educate society one person at a time to make a better world for everyone to live in.
OK OK OK This is beyond incredible. This is something I can use in my counseling. I would like your permission . . . although I guess it certainly is out there already. Sending LOVE and ADMIRATION to "The Land" family and all other family and friends - y'all amaze me!
You both make me laugh and cry right along with you. My motto for years is "I am a straight woman with gay pride". The only thing I wanted to say about this TEA TIME is my first thought was - He is married!
This is going to be so helpful for so many people! Thank you for your honesty guys xx
I'm an older African-American married female. I am from California. I absolutely love the conversation. I absolutely love you two. That's why I subscribe.💕💕
thank you so very much for addressing this subject today, fellas, I understand the way you grew up Tyler I was bombarded with the same kind of ridicule as a child but for different reasons. My best friend in High school is homosexual and we had a great time. We did all the things a couple would do without the intimacy component, the best relationship I ever had. My mind goes back to being with him and finding a greater understanding and clairity. Again thank you.
For those who endured oppression and experience survival and living more free, sometimes we mourn for our younger selves who should've (and deserved) better. Thanks for sharing.
looking forward to the podcast
Us too! :)
Thanks so much for the reminder to ONLY tell your own story and never tell anyone else’s. The gift of confidentiality is so valuable but often rarely given these days.
YES to this!!!
Thank you so much for sharing your stories. Hate to see you boys upset. Hugs!
You two boys are the brightest stars ever. Keep shining bright!
My son came out to me when he was about 12 and later on in high school was apart of the gay straight alliance. It was a very confusing time for him and at times I feel that the increase in acceptance and options (bi, gay, straight, trans,etc) contributed to this confusion. Around age 15 he told me he was interested in girls and now at 22 has only had relationships with woman since then. Whatever makes him happy makes me happy for him and I will always support whatever he chooses. I will say though as a parent it is a difficult road to navigate, only because of the ignorance and cruelty of others though and always wanting to protect your child. You both are so lovely and amazing in the life you have created. You can just feel the comfort you find in one another and its a beautiful thing to see. Always along for this ride with you to witness what comes next. Big hugs guys❤
What a powerful wonderful episode….. I’ve watched you guys for a few years now and just think the world of both of you. I grew up in a large family and lived through my father constantly making disrespectful comments to my brother who’s is gay! It hurt me so much to see my brother so hurt….. I can’t imagine the hurt he must of felt…….don’t know why I wrote this ( or cried) but it hit me so hard how terrible some people can be.
It's never too late to have that conversation with your parents.
Thank you so much for sharing and being so vulnerable and truthful. It helps to understand the depth and the trauma one is faced with in these circumstances. I know my daughter also went through so much that she never spoke about and ended up having seizures. For me as a Mom all I want is for her to be truly happy and live a fulfilled amazing life in every way and with a partner that loves and adores her and sees the amazing soul that she is. I just want to protect her from pain from ignorant people. My fear at the time (which I never spoke about) was the difficult path that lay ahead for her with the unfortunate way society still is in many ways. However all is good and she has an amazing life. ❤️
I love you both so much, my kids are 26 & 28, I have never had any expectations for them besides happiness. You two are such an amazing inspiration to so many people. The world today is way too judgmental of absolutely everything: too fat , too thin, not pretty or handsome, gay , lesbian, rich , poor… you two give me hope that everyone can live together in this world. You both inspire me so much. Thank you. Love you both. xxx
I look forward to this chat every week, thank you.
Why can’t society just let people live there lives the way they want, as long as no one gets hurt
Everyone has the right to happiness
Thank you for shearing with us hopefully more people will open there minds😊
Wish more people had your perspective!
Ehhh. This one hit home in many ways! I cried along with you Todd reliving some of my own past moments. Loving the podcasts guys! To end on a creepy note: Tyler, I have to correct you: your torso would do EXCEPTIONALLY well on the ‘Grindr of it all’. Otters are a HUGE hit 😂😮.
Oh well, forget I said anything. Love from 🇳🇱