This video is way better than those "my life is perfect" day in life of software engineer vlogs. No morning yoga, cold showers, or ping pong bullshit, just brutal honesty. Keep it up, I'm the worst developer in my team too!
Not BS for everyone. Leaving physical therapy for software engineering is the best decision I’ve ever made. Work/life balance is unparalleled for me, and my ability to hyperfocus is rewarded like no other career.
The realness of this vlog is unreal, especially it being your first one. Thank you for sharing this mate, I hope to see more vlogs from you because you've got good story telling mixed with some good insights here. As for your feelings of depression, no shame in feeling that and all the other negative feelings like disappointment of hating your dream job after leaving another bad fit. No shame in wanting to have a normal work life balance and hating that you have to work crazy overtime because you're not as quick or experienced as the other engineers. Everything is relative, you could be the worst on your team but above average at some other great company, you just need to keep looking for the right fit. Ultimately though, these feelings of depression and stress translate to health issues which will make you realize that your health is more important than any job you'll ever want. I'm suffering from some debilitating ones right now and I'm not even 30. So you should get these emotions in check before your subconscious mind send signals to your body to break down. I'm not saying you should pretend to be happy about your situation. But what you can do to make your situation better is to practice emotional awareness. And whenever you find yourself feeling like shit and saying negative things to your subconscious mind, overcome these negative emotions with positive emotions by thinking/saying positive things to yourself. I know the advice of positive thinking is cliché as hell, but the key here is to fight emotion with emotion, not logic. For example, if you are dreading having to work on the weekend because you couldn't finish your tasks for the week, logic would tell you that you're a failure because you weren't quick or good enough to handle the workload that's expected of you based on the performance of your peers, and that would no doubt make you feel like shit. What you need to do is first identify why you feel like shit and accept the fact that you aren't as good or as experienced as your peers. Then start thinking positive thoughts like "once you're done with this task, you'll be that much more experienced as a SWE", or "once you're done with your time at Google, you can work anywhere you want to work with Google on your resume", and if you fail, you'd know you gave it a shot and found out that Google wasn't the right fit for you this time. The key here is to create positive emotion and not be logical about it - the thoughts don't even necessarily have to be true or valid. Maybe neither of these thoughts are relevant to you, but the point I'm trying to make is that all the self-help research and practices show that it's very possible to rewire your subconscious mind to make yourself feel good or excited in a negative situation. But more importantly, it can improve your cognition and ultimately your performance. Anyway, I hope you're not actually feeling super depressed (although you sound and move like it in this vlog, no offense). Regardless of whether you are depressed or not, my point still stands that negativity can hurt your health and your performance. As Jim Kwik (brain performance and memory coach) once said to Stan Lee, "With Great Responsibility Comes Great Power. When we take responsibility for something, we have great power to make it better; and the greatest responsibility we have, is controlling how we feel."
Thanks for the love and concern! I'm not super depressed but it does suck rn LOL. I do have to take a step back and realize I have a lot of great things going on for me right now even though I feel anxious about the situation at work. A lot of the negativity is comedy + a chance for me to vent my frustrations which I can't really do at work LOL. Thanks so much for the support
@@boyalgo I felt the comedic vibe from the video and enjoyed it so it was definitely effective. But sometimes you never know, the best comedians can also be super depressed, so I had to ask. I'm glad you're doing okay though!
@@invictuz4803 just a stranger on the Internet here to tell you you're awesome. I can tell your concern was genuine. Hope you're doing well in life mate!
You are feeling bad because you were waiting for something like working at google might change your life and make you happier. The truth is that happiness comes from the inside and we cannot wait for external factors to bring the joy that we should be working on bring to our life. That's why we should work harder in ourselves than for any one else / company out there. Be loyal and kind to you first and everything else will fall into place. I get you man!
This channel is awesome. You're being so honest opening up about your anxiety, depression, overwhelmedness and everything so many Googlers wouldn't have the courage to admit. Thanks for being real and creating the informative content
Keep learning dude! It's okay if you're "the worst engineer of your team". It just means that you have a bigger learning road in front of you and that's fun! Keep getting better every day until you find your balance and if you don't, just quit it. Happiness is more important than work❤
Imposter syndrome is a real thing. One reason I'm switching departments at my company. After two and a half years of being given open-ended, nebulous tasks that don't have a beginning or ending, with team members on the other side of the country not answering questions that would let me do my job - I was done. Many times it's not your fault, or lack of having the right skills - it's the organizational style of your department's management.
Exactly, I tried to convince my manager to give new folks less nebulous tasks while onboarding. Was feeling bad for the poor souls asking questions and literally not even comprehending the answers as they raised more and more questions
What you're experiencing right now is PROGRESS. You're learning new things. In a few months you'll get comfortable (and your skills will level up). Don't worry, don't think too much, just focus on experiencing this new journey. ; ) What won't kill you will make you stronger, buddy!
I am really sorry to hear this is your experience there. Even if you may be the worst performer on your team, it really doesn’t mean anything about you because someone has to be it and also you are more than just your job. The worst SWE at Google is still probably a better engineer than someone with zero industry experience. Being an engineer (software or otherwise) is very difficult, requires patience and practice. You have every reason to be proud of yourself even if your own performance isn’t where you want it to be. Your performance is at your best given these circumstances, if these other people had some of the things you have going on, they wouldn’t be achieving as much as they do. You were able to graduate college with a degree in a hard technical field and make your way to one of the most exclusive and difficult corporations to get a job. You deserve to feel accomplished and happy for yourself. Recognize your achievement and what you did and the power you possess. Don’t let the negative self talk get in the way of you being able to see what you have done for yourself. Also you always have the option to quit and find something better or even save money for now to take a break from working all together for a while. Also don’t be afraid to talk to your manager (if they are not a toxic person) about these feelings and see if they can set realistic goals and expectations for you that don’t stress you out or make you feel bad. We spend a majority of our lives at work, you should not have to feel this way a majority of your time, it is not fair to yourself. You’re a good person and you deserve much much better.
I hope you're doing better now, its always hard adjusting to a new job. It is 100% my belief the compensation comes with the difficulty of the work you do. You will get better, you are there for a reason. Not a lot of people have the opportunity you have. The work life balance tradeoff is the opportunity cost, if you don't like it then maybe look for other opportunities. You are in control of your career and your life don't let the bad days take that from you!
I’ve been in your shoes - wanting something for a long time and then when you finally get there it doesn’t align or meet with the expectations you had. See it as a life experience and don’t give yourself a hard time for losing motivation or struggling. Also, if wherever you were before at Amazon was more balanced and joyful you could always go back. Or you’ll simply have to consider taking a leap and try something you never really planned to before - you might be surprised. Good luck, hope you feel better soon! 🤜🏼
Just wanted to say thank you for being so open about everything! You have helped a bunch when it comes to all my wonders about being a SWE. Hope things get better at google just wanted to make sure you knew you have a big impact on aspiring SWE’s.
Hey man, just wanna say I been watching your vids cuz they've been super relatable. i'm one month into the rain forest right now and i'm also struggling and feeling super overwhelmed. you got this! just remember youve proven yourself several times now, sometimes it just takes a reminder of everything youve accomplished to regain the confidence u deserve. much easier said than done and i got a hard time applying it as well but helps to hear sometimes. hope things get easier and keep the vlogs coming!
i felt the same way going to big tech, burned out super badly after a few years… joined a startup since then, the work was impactful but the teammates and management feel much closer and more supportive… helped me a lot
Props for the realness and honesty my dude. It's not all glitz and glamor in the tech world... There's good reason why those FAANG companies have that reputation of being elite: it's f'ing hard and demanding. I'd like to tell you it gets easier from here and you'll be coasting without much effort...in some ways it does in terms of gaining efficiency and faster process; however, the workload and deadlines keep piling and get seemingly shorter over your tenure. You signed up for this. I suggest you take ownership of your work and keep your nose to the grindstone. Else, have that exit strategy ready to go when you are certain you've sunken and can no longer raise yourself above the water, so to speak.
I've been making $10/hr flipping burgers, standing on my feet for 8-10 hours a day with a single 30-min break each day, for the last 6 years of my life. I'm a junior in school trying to finish my CS degree. I know it's hard sometimes man, but just focus on the positive things in life and always keep setting goals!
It's hard to be grateful when you haven't had those life experiences because it's never been necessary. That's my experience. I never worked a manual labor job before, all my jobs + internships have been CS related. I'm in the same situation as the guy in the video, depression. I honestly think it's a type of pain that almost can't be fathomed by people that have had to work harder like you have before attaining such a cushy position, the malaise, depression, insecurity, feeling of meaninglessness. Just like I basically can't fathom the pain of a 10hr a day schedule with short breaks and constant direction. But you're right, focusing on the positive things is what one should do.
@@GlobusTheGreat then there's people like me I've had to grind for years at serving jobs 50 hours a week just to feed my self and now a dev making good money living in a nice spot and still get the feelings the guys describes in the vid
Fellow software engineer here, thanks a lot for sharing, feel that a lot. on the edge, meeting, tickets, stuff. Hopefully these situations we face lead us to the best outcome
man... I feel the same. Except that I don't work for Google. I work here for a new company and I struggle every day as I work on a new software which is highly complex... There is no one to help me and the deadlines I get from my boss are a joke. Every daily meeting consists of myself explaining why I am so slow, why I don't meet the deadline and if I need help - of course I need help but no one in the team is skilled enough to help me. I feel very depressed. I am already searching for a new job, but I kinda lost my passion for coding and I got burned out because of this damn job. I even work on the weekend only so I can finally produce something of value.
Hey man, I was actually literally in the same position as you in 2020, and yes I was a "solo player" with only 1 year of experience. My boss assigned me to a projects , 2 projects at the same time , and i asked my boss since i'm literally just junior role i asked "is there anyone in this company that i can ask about this technology?" He said "no, you're replacing our sole and only Python Developer" , and I'm literally replacing someone who had like 4-5 years++ experiences . Anxiety always kicks me in, and even My project manager was shaming me & angry at me in front of everyone on the team that I'm slow. That day, I cried when I arrived at home. LOL. I have a contracts like "if you resigned before your contract time ends, you had to pay money" that money was like 3-5 months of my salary at that time. Feels like I'm trapped. Every day I just counts "how many days left .." and "Okay so from today is 3 months, and i have like 14 days of yearly leaves, then i can go on vacation for 3 weeks, so i have around 2 months and 1 week left, and that mostly 2 weeks i would assign my work to another person so i have 1 month and 3 weeks left of work here". EVERY DAY I CALCULATED THAT. Then when the contracts time ends, they offered me another contracts to work with them again, I refused. I don't have a job for around 2-3 months. But even though I don't have much money, guess what? I"M HAPPY. Feels like I can breathe. At first I was talking to myself "hey man, maybe this isn't for you, let's try another career that makes you happy" I tried to apply for an HR, Accounting, Digital Marketing, etc. except for programming. Then I got an offer from some company, they approach me, and the first question I asked to them is not the salary, not the benefits, I asked them "Am I gonna be thrown 'solo player' again like my past employers?" the response they just laugh and said "I don't know why your past employers did that to you either, but you can keep my words that won't happens here" I joined them , and they're one of the most fun and easy-going people I've ever met. When I struggle they're always there, I can't thank them enough :) Literally from day 1, i felt like I've known them before , they even included me in their "joke circle" where we share a meme and joke to each others, they even responded back to my joke, that made me happy like not everyone will respond to you on your first day, but they did. That's my experience , hope it helps :)
Hey man, push back, just say the deadline is unreasonable and make another plan. If you have some value and the team is short of headcount (with a high churn rate) you are pretty much safe.
@@andrewmaxwell9399 wow... thats fucked up.. I mean, if you leave early you have to pay. I know these kinds of contracts but for building homes (my dad was a window installer) I am glad you found a new job. Of course, it won't be easy, probably not even in a new job, but at least you have a proper team that can help each other out. For myself, I can say: I found a new job today :) And I will start it in new year. I will quit the current one and relax, try to find my passion again. My new job also consists of a bigger team and I asked explicitly if I will work only alone or in a team. Let's hope next year will be better.
@@MilMike Glad to hear that man :) Health is more important than anything, if you fall sick or dead your beloved ones will cry and bawling tears for weeks, days, or even ages. And your boss will only make new job post opportunities the next day on linkedin . Your health and your beloved ones are the most important :)
It's hard being the worst but that means you are pushing yourself to the max and you are out of your comfort zone. It's the textbook definition of personal growth. Don't let the pressure and the imposter stuff and fake impending doom win, just keep trying to help your team succeed and the rest will follow.
Some people here said that is progress, keep fighting dude! We are never perfect in the progress and it's ok, we can learn in progress, you are incredible dude! I want to intern at big tech, I'm in my first year of CS and on Bootcamp outside my University rn. Wish me luck, ok, please
"I grinded hard for this view....was it worth it.......idk" was really profound ngl....I guess it just goes to show that no matter how much you're earning...what perks you have...some folks are never at ease with their souls, working on someone else's dreams rather than their own...hope you come out of this strong mate
Maybe one idea that's worth consideration is to talk people outside your team, and get transferred to a slower pace one. Previously I was an engineer, and I hated it (I had anxiety every morning especially before standup) because of the fast-paced culture of the team.
thats ultimate gameplan. i either want to do that end of this year (need at least a year at google before internal transfer) or do it after i get promoted to L4 so I have terminal position
I’m not a software engineer, but I do work in IT as a consultant. I’ve held support engineer roles, done exchange migrations, active directory migrations, been an endpoint manager consultant, and I was a technical lead and team lead for three years. Now I’m doing endpoint security consultant work at a new company. I nearly worked myself to death at my previous company until I couldn’t function anymore. Instead of taking a leave of absence due to burnout (I had all the signs, and probably still do, but just less pronounced) , I switched jobs. At the beginning this gave me a ton of stress, then I became more relaxed, and now I’m back to being anxious again. But why? They are content with my performance. But I am not. I’ve learned that I don’t like being a consultant. I am sick of large projects where everyone wants to have their say, where everyone feels the need for validation, etc. I’m probably gonna ask to be put on our service desk where I can just work 9 to 5 and be done. All the extra money or status (in your own mind for working your dream job at your dream company - which doesn’t exist) is not worth your peace of mind. Money and status are great motivators of the worst kind. So this was a ramble. But seriously, chill. You don’t have to be the best. You’re probably doing better than you’re giving yourself credit for.
Working in Tech is tough, truly the grass is greener on the other side. There is no perfect spot, it either is too hard and you are overworked. Or too easy it becomes mind numbing but you stay there because of the pay in any situation. Gotta find a way to enjoy the grind. Best of luck my friend 😶🌫️
Infinite relate... Having worked a bit over a year in the industry (i know it's very little...) I am already considering an escape plan, but I don't see any real alternatives... Despite not being good I've already invested so much time into this career path, that I lack knowledge and experience in other areas, I can't become a carpenter, I can't become a car mechanic, there's too much to learn and too little time left. I understand it varies depending on the actual job, but I feel like other people at their jobs they just... do it, kinda like weightlifting, it's hard but if you press on you will do it good, without sacrificing too much of yourself, and then they go home tired and go on with their lives, but for me every day feels like a trial, a new challenge, that, if I fail to overcome - becomes a burden for several people - a nightmare. The burnouts, unwillingness to do anything after evenings spent trying to catch up with better performers. The thought of me getting fired one day actually brings a bit of a relief... what should we do
Hey, I just wanted to say that I am in a similar situation as you right now and having the same thoughts. And seeing someone going through what I am going through makes me feel like I am not alone, so thanks for sharing. My only question is what do you mean by "too little time left"? Of course society puts pressure on us to have a stable job at a certain age, but in reality you can change and start a new career any time you want right?
@@omdodiya2713 I guess you're right, maybe "can't become" and "too little time left" are slightly exaggerated, but there certainly is an additional weight added to it. To throw it all away and start anew feels like a waste of one's effort so far, a non-optimal life choice, anxiety kicks in with the "what if the grass really isn't greener on the other side" thingy. I guess the truth lies somewhere in the middle, and we can never know unless we try. I wish everybody the strength to endure the current time, but also the courage to go after finding a better place at life where you don't dread getting out of bed in the mornings, be it changing yourself, getting a slower paced job, or a different career altogether.
@@SpecialKapson Of course, the sunk cost fallacy is a real thing that effects everyone at some point. I'm going through it rn, I have spent years of my life focusing on something that I thought I wanted but now I come to the realization that it's not. So I either have a choice to keep going and end up living a unhappy and stressful life or try something new which can also end up failing. It's really a gamble. And the pressures from parents, friends, society, ect. definitely don't help the situation. At the end of the day I think people should just do what makes them happy, and will allow them to enjoy life more, because in my opinion that's what is most important.
ultimate gameplan for me is to find a rest and vest company 😆😆 but honestly no idea 100% just trying to survive right now at my new job here at Google and maybe reassess in half a year
This sums up what I am feeling at my job I am technically a senior level by years but in experience I feel Jr to mid at best. I can really talk the talk and understand high level things but when the rubber meets the road and I actually have to write some difficult code I just freeze up. I always have been like this even since my boot camp in 2015 something has just never really clicked and I stayed at my last job for like 5 years because it was super easy development where I had no deadlines and got to pick all my own stuff but it paid really badly. Now I am at a real job that pays well and have extreme anxiety and stress related to work, these comments are bringing me comfort though that I am not alone.
My boy sounds depressed :( Unfortunately, by the sound of it, no matter where he goes he'll end up sad or unfulfilled because he needs to work on himself, on the inside instead of trying to fill a void with work or other "meaningless" things. Work on yourself bro, try be at peace with yourself and you'll start to love it. This goes for anyone else too.
Hi boyalgo, you are young, it is ok to not be the best! Take it day by day, and try to be less stressed out. It might be helpful to be honest with yourself and others. Depending on your team, it might be helpful to try to ask more questions on your team, or even search outside of your team depending on the subject matter.
I can completely relate. I too have had that experience a at different tech company. Tons of money tons of bad feedback. They never tell you about the crazy hours and anxiety of taking a few days or a week longer to complete your task than normal!!!
This is one of the reasons I think it may be better to hold off on trying to get into FAANG-type companies until later in your career. If you get in too quickly, you might not do well and either be forced out or end up leaving. Plus you might not get hired at as high a salary compared to someone that comes in more senior.
How long have you been working at your current company? If less than 6 months, and you are the newest joining you team, then there is nothing wrong at not performing as well as your other peers. It takes time, specially in big companies. That being said, keep hustling your butt off, you’ll get there my friend… and when you do, be KIND to others going through what you had been. Cheers
Its like Im watching the first 10 minutes of I am Legend where he drives through a deserted New York in a red mustang, his trusted K-9 companion Samantha alongside him. Only difference is here he drives a red children's bike with his companion Dusty McBook. It's depressing.
Thanks for the honesty, I completely understand the feeling of inadequacy. And the money really doesn't matter if you don't get to enjoy it. BTW, prisons also have free food, so it's not like a super high standard.
Okay so this comment will probably get buried, but…most of the comments I see on this video are actually insane. “Just work on yourself bro.” Absolute madness. I’m a therapist, and I work with a lot of people in the tech industry. These companies very often treat people in dehumanizing ways, burn them out with unreasonable expectations and toxic cultures, poor management, etc. We therapists often end up filling out LoA paperwork for these folks who often think that if they just take a break things will be fine, except they usually end up miserable again. Misery is a sane response to an insane work culture. I don’t have a solution, but be honest with yourself: are you willing to sacrifice yourself to an ideal that isn’t lining up with your expectations? To an image of what you think your life should be? There is a happier life out there for you man, but you have to be honest with yourself first.
Hated been a software engineer at google. In the end, I switched careers with a masters in real estate development in New York. Now happiest ever been and see the real estate beautiful developments I am having on the world. Also make more money
Not as prestigious but I am still a "senior" developer that feels like a Jr sadly. I really wish I could get the magic sauce to click so I can code and be confident...
I think you should talk to your manager with a open heart. A situation like that is not good for both sides, especially you, so you both have interest in solve this problem. And I bet Google don't want to lost you, so they will manage to do something, like offer you another project or team to work with.
First 3 months for anyone definitely feeling like the worst engineer in the team. I am actually the worst one now. Just need a lot of patience to polish skills needed for the job. I realize the most stress actually comes from within me (my own expectation of myself), not from the external environment. Fun fact, my boss and seniors are actually satisfied with my performance, even though I was stressed out.
I saw that thumbnail and title and just burst out laughing. But for real, thanks for sharing your thoughts. "Dream jobs" aren't always dreams. That's for sure. Make your money there and move on to something more meaningful for you.
Amusing video :) Live simple, don't have loans, invest wisely and never become that hamster for the big man! In the end, time/health is the most important commodity we have.
I'm glad you express your real experience as to gain a real life insight in an IT titan like Google. I'm looking for a an IT path with good work life balance and I can clearly see this ain't it.
Happens to the best of us. The pressure is mostly team based in large companies. I've found that if you avoid managers who came from China post-college, you'll likely at least not be depressed in big tech.
Tips as a fellow software developer with 10 years in this industry: 1) your code doesn't matter as much as your decision-making. 2) get your eyes out of the code and understand what the company is doing. 3) it's ok to be slow. If it's not ok on your team, find another team. 4) don't judge a huge company like Google by your experience on one team. There can be huge cultural differences from one to the other.
1:00 "at the end of the day, it's all about the work you do to make billion dollar corporations richer" This is part of the reason why I quit my software engineering job. My work did some good for other people/society, but also a lot of meh and bad use cases. But in the end, my work boiled down to me fighting against management's decisions, in order to try make the company more money. That's not very fulfilling. One of the guys on my team left to essentially work a less intrusive job, so he could instead get his fulfilment out of the things he did in his spare time, rather than in his work.
I saw some elon musk podcast say "people who looks happy basically is the fact that they is the sad people" it's seem to be truth, anyway take care your mental healt man
It sounds like you just got hired, it usually takes 3-6 months before you actually start "performing", before that just try to learn as much as possible, give yourself time. Also stop going to the office on weekends, if they're paying you for 40 hours of work then only work 40 hours.
Could you do an AMA for engineers talking about how the work is different? Like what do you mean by the work is harder and you are doing a lot more work. We need specifics, how is the work culture different, and what are the generic differences between google engineers and others. What works well and badly at google. What would you change?
Even depressed it feels as an open working environment, its like been in a swimming pool and your that kid how didn't bring his floaters for upper body exsersices. I feel the pain man...
Hey dude, please don't get depressed and don't be so stressed out. In my views you need to take a break from everything. Coming from a Indian family (I hope that everyone is obssed with how Indian parents are so so sooo desperate with their children) , I had many responsibilities and expectations to fillup.. but somewhere in the race I lost myself. I also work in tech, yup we get paid a lot I agree but at what cost?? - Mental health issues - Stress full days - Sitting in front of a big-ass display all day long - Doing complex problem solving - keeping up with new technologies(very frequently) ........................ I can go on and on for it.... Suffering from imposter syndrome is fine, we all have gone through that phase but coming out of it is the main challenge. My only advice for you, do give yourself some time and don't overthink so much brother. Best of luck
Thanks so much brother. Appreciate the love and agree with you that we gotta see the cost that comes with a high paying job. Mental health way more important than any amount of money I get.
Don't worry bro. There are many people like you. ( Including me 😉 ) You will be alright soon 😇 . Thanks for sharing the experience. Hope you get better in your work or find another good company in which you can enjoy ✊. Thanks again. All the best 🤞
Even i am in depression. What i understood is rich want you to sacrifice your life to make them rich. If you feel they are breaking ur confidence. That is because they don't want you to leave. Understand fair trade. If you feel your not getting paid good for what you do. It is better to search new job. We all are human and not god. The things which you feel that u r not good. Is just manipulation. Don't end your life. I have the same feeling
While I like raw takes. I just hope this isn't self-sabotage. It's cool to vent but pls don't self-sabotage, as a self taught dev finally breaking into tech myself a year ago, this feels seems familiar. I wish u health and happiness dude!
Imposter syndrome is tough, burnout can happen from day one. IMO I'd get help asap, mental therapist, tutor studies, coach for work... they have them, ask or hire one. I'm blessed as a network engineer, my mentor is super senior in a different company, but he is friends with my boss. Result is, if I bitch, I get talked to and helped... ok they try to help LOL Good luck, depression sucks, don't handle it alone.
Can you give some more details of what exactly is the hard part, is it the task complexity or the people or too much context switching.. if it's the task complexity, can you give an example without divulging too much of information, just want to understand the level of technical difficulties when you say it's too hard..
I did a two year diploma and work as a developer now and don't make a lot, wondering if I'll ever get a chance to work for faang and if I even want to.
I think all clouds have this type of WLB. Joined microsoft to just get into big tech and I work in azure. All I know is my next move will be away from cloud
I saw "Google Cloud." Thats the issue. The reason Amazon has a bad rap for work-life balance isn't because it's Amazon. It's because of AWS which AFAIK is the largest org in Amazon. Any cloud-based job is going to have terrible WLB.
Aren't you worried about Google HR seeing this and doing some 'damage limitation' i.e. firing you like they did with Patrick Shyu (aka Techlead)? From the tone of the vid I'm fully prepared for a 'I couldn't care less' response or 'I could care less' (in American). Loving the realness in the video. No Kygo soundalike rights free music over images of the free lunch buffet.
Nah LOL. I keep my face off screen. If they catch me and fire me then oh well. I try to make videos where I am super honest about how I genuinely feel and it helps when I somewhat keep an anonymous identity. I feel less scared about losing my job to these silly videos and more scared due to my actual performance LOL
There is a reason why the average year people stay at company like Google or Facebook is less than 2 years. The fact you got in says something about your qualifications either in soft or hard skill set or a little bit of both, but it also means they are people who are equally educated or smart. You are just nobody, debugging the same shit all day like a factory robot. More the money you make, sometimes it will get to you knowing that you could get a job elsewhere with Google badge of honor and will do fine and maybe find some new hobby or enjoy better work-life-balance while socializing with people you care about without becoming a triathlon.
I've been watching your vids for a while. Changed my name recently, I think it was "___ podcast" before. I'm at Facebook and I'm also struggling but whatever, job's a job and it doesn't really matter at the end of the day
This video lowkey annoys me. In what world would a place that is harder to get into than Harvard be considered easy? $200k for an easy job? I work same WLB as this is portrayed and make $70k. Reminds me of idea of “luxury beliefs” beliefs and perspectives of the world that can only be held by the privileged or wealthy class because they completely crumble to reality for the proletariat or in the face of real struggle for survival.
@@ZenityStudios Sure but my point is it's not that crazy to have thought Google would have a better WLB (I've heard that myself before), and be disappointed that it doesn't. It's hard to get into the top companies, but I've heard many stories of slow paces and solid WLB at those top companies.
This video is way better than those "my life is perfect" day in life of software engineer vlogs. No morning yoga, cold showers, or ping pong bullshit, just brutal honesty. Keep it up, I'm the worst developer in my team too!
me too
I agree! And im not even a developer yet!
Dude maybe they enjoy their job. That's not bs
Not BS for everyone. Leaving physical therapy for software engineering is the best decision I’ve ever made. Work/life balance is unparalleled for me, and my ability to hyperfocus is rewarded like no other career.
I was the worst developer in my team too...
It's got to be really hard being the only employee at Google.
lmao where is everyone there. it is like everyon`s gone.
This madlad is single-handedly maintaining the whole google infrastructure
@@amblypygi6651 No wonder he's depressed, poor guy, the whole world is resting on his two shoulders!
He has to do all the searches manually like a librarian
says he's the worst on his team, but being the only one, he's also the best
The realness of this vlog is unreal, especially it being your first one. Thank you for sharing this mate, I hope to see more vlogs from you because you've got good story telling mixed with some good insights here.
As for your feelings of depression, no shame in feeling that and all the other negative feelings like disappointment of hating your dream job after leaving another bad fit. No shame in wanting to have a normal work life balance and hating that you have to work crazy overtime because you're not as quick or experienced as the other engineers. Everything is relative, you could be the worst on your team but above average at some other great company, you just need to keep looking for the right fit.
Ultimately though, these feelings of depression and stress translate to health issues which will make you realize that your health is more important than any job you'll ever want. I'm suffering from some debilitating ones right now and I'm not even 30. So you should get these emotions in check before your subconscious mind send signals to your body to break down.
I'm not saying you should pretend to be happy about your situation. But what you can do to make your situation better is to practice emotional awareness. And whenever you find yourself feeling like shit and saying negative things to your subconscious mind, overcome these negative emotions with positive emotions by thinking/saying positive things to yourself. I know the advice of positive thinking is cliché as hell, but the key here is to fight emotion with emotion, not logic. For example, if you are dreading having to work on the weekend because you couldn't finish your tasks for the week, logic would tell you that you're a failure because you weren't quick or good enough to handle the workload that's expected of you based on the performance of your peers, and that would no doubt make you feel like shit. What you need to do is first identify why you feel like shit and accept the fact that you aren't as good or as experienced as your peers. Then start thinking positive thoughts like "once you're done with this task, you'll be that much more experienced as a SWE", or "once you're done with your time at Google, you can work anywhere you want to work with Google on your resume", and if you fail, you'd know you gave it a shot and found out that Google wasn't the right fit for you this time. The key here is to create positive emotion and not be logical about it - the thoughts don't even necessarily have to be true or valid. Maybe neither of these thoughts are relevant to you, but the point I'm trying to make is that all the self-help research and practices show that it's very possible to rewire your subconscious mind to make yourself feel good or excited in a negative situation. But more importantly, it can improve your cognition and ultimately your performance.
Anyway, I hope you're not actually feeling super depressed (although you sound and move like it in this vlog, no offense). Regardless of whether you are depressed or not, my point still stands that negativity can hurt your health and your performance. As Jim Kwik (brain performance and memory coach) once said to Stan Lee, "With Great Responsibility Comes Great Power. When we take responsibility for something, we have great power to make it better; and the greatest responsibility we have, is controlling how we feel."
Thanks for the love and concern! I'm not super depressed but it does suck rn LOL. I do have to take a step back and realize I have a lot of great things going on for me right now even though I feel anxious about the situation at work. A lot of the negativity is comedy + a chance for me to vent my frustrations which I can't really do at work LOL. Thanks so much for the support
@@boyalgo I felt the comedic vibe from the video and enjoyed it so it was definitely effective. But sometimes you never know, the best comedians can also be super depressed, so I had to ask. I'm glad you're doing okay though!
@@invictuz4803 just a stranger on the Internet here to tell you you're awesome. I can tell your concern was genuine. Hope you're doing well in life mate!
@@Ctrl_Alt_Elite Trying to recover from a rock bottom year, but your comment is giving me a great start to my day. Thank you!
great advice, and great heartfelt comment
You are feeling bad because you were waiting for something like working at google might change your life and make you happier. The truth is that happiness comes from the inside and we cannot wait for external factors to bring the joy that we should be working on bring to our life. That's why we should work harder in ourselves than for any one else / company out there. Be loyal and kind to you first and everything else will fall into place. I get you man!
Very well said.
Straight to the point!
This channel is awesome. You're being so honest opening up about your anxiety, depression, overwhelmedness and everything so many Googlers wouldn't have the courage to admit. Thanks for being real and creating the informative content
Keep learning dude! It's okay if you're "the worst engineer of your team". It just means that you have a bigger learning road in front of you and that's fun! Keep getting better every day until you find your balance and if you don't, just quit it. Happiness is more important than work❤
Happiness is more important than work
Happiness, no, fulfillment is way better, if you're not fulfilled, is not the place you need to be
Paying the bills > all else 😜
Everyone says keep learning but the truth is sometimes learning sucks
Happiness won't buy you FOOD, or pay your RENT
Imposter syndrome is a real thing. One reason I'm switching departments at my company. After two and a half years of being given open-ended, nebulous tasks that don't have a beginning or ending, with team members on the other side of the country not answering questions that would let me do my job - I was done. Many times it's not your fault, or lack of having the right skills - it's the organizational style of your department's management.
Exactly, I tried to convince my manager to give new folks less nebulous tasks while onboarding. Was feeling bad for the poor souls asking questions and literally not even comprehending the answers as they raised more and more questions
What you're experiencing right now is PROGRESS.
You're learning new things.
In a few months you'll get comfortable (and your skills will level up).
Don't worry, don't think too much, just focus on experiencing this new journey. ; )
What won't kill you will make you stronger, buddy!
I am really sorry to hear this is your experience there. Even if you may be the worst performer on your team, it really doesn’t mean anything about you because someone has to be it and also you are more than just your job.
The worst SWE at Google is still probably a better engineer than someone with zero industry experience. Being an engineer (software or otherwise) is very difficult, requires patience and practice.
You have every reason to be proud of yourself even if your own performance isn’t where you want it to be. Your performance is at your best given these circumstances, if these other people had some of the things you have going on, they wouldn’t be achieving as much as they do.
You were able to graduate college with a degree in a hard technical field and make your way to one of the most exclusive and difficult corporations to get a job. You deserve to feel accomplished and happy for yourself. Recognize your achievement and what you did and the power you possess.
Don’t let the negative self talk get in the way of you being able to see what you have done for yourself. Also you always have the option to quit and find something better or even save money for now to take a break from working all together for a while.
Also don’t be afraid to talk to your manager (if they are not a toxic person) about these feelings and see if they can set realistic goals and expectations for you that don’t stress you out or make you feel bad.
We spend a majority of our lives at work, you should not have to feel this way a majority of your time, it is not fair to yourself. You’re a good person and you deserve much much better.
I hope you're doing better now, its always hard adjusting to a new job. It is 100% my belief the compensation comes with the difficulty of the work you do. You will get better, you are there for a reason. Not a lot of people have the opportunity you have. The work life balance tradeoff is the opportunity cost, if you don't like it then maybe look for other opportunities. You are in control of your career and your life don't let the bad days take that from you!
I’ve been in your shoes - wanting something for a long time and then when you finally get there it doesn’t align or meet with the expectations you had. See it as a life experience and don’t give yourself a hard time for losing motivation or struggling. Also, if wherever you were before at Amazon was more balanced and joyful you could always go back. Or you’ll simply have to consider taking a leap and try something you never really planned to before - you might be surprised. Good luck, hope you feel better soon! 🤜🏼
Just wanted to say thank you for being so open about everything! You have helped a bunch when it comes to all my wonders about being a SWE. Hope things get better at google just wanted to make sure you knew you have a big impact on aspiring SWE’s.
This means a lot Justin. Appreciate the love
Hey man, just wanna say I been watching your vids cuz they've been super relatable. i'm one month into the rain forest right now and i'm also struggling and feeling super overwhelmed. you got this! just remember youve proven yourself several times now, sometimes it just takes a reminder of everything youve accomplished to regain the confidence u deserve. much easier said than done and i got a hard time applying it as well but helps to hear sometimes. hope things get easier and keep the vlogs coming!
Right on mate, positivity thinking is the key to success.
thanks for the love guys! more vids to come for sure
i felt the same way going to big tech, burned out super badly after a few years… joined a startup since then, the work was impactful but the teammates and management feel much closer and more supportive… helped me a lot
Props for the realness and honesty my dude. It's not all glitz and glamor in the tech world... There's good reason why those FAANG companies have that reputation of being elite: it's f'ing hard and demanding. I'd like to tell you it gets easier from here and you'll be coasting without much effort...in some ways it does in terms of gaining efficiency and faster process; however, the workload and deadlines keep piling and get seemingly shorter over your tenure. You signed up for this. I suggest you take ownership of your work and keep your nose to the grindstone. Else, have that exit strategy ready to go when you are certain you've sunken and can no longer raise yourself above the water, so to speak.
I've been making $10/hr flipping burgers, standing on my feet for 8-10 hours a day with a single 30-min break each day, for the last 6 years of my life. I'm a junior in school trying to finish my CS degree. I know it's hard sometimes man, but just focus on the positive things in life and always keep setting goals!
It's hard to be grateful when you haven't had those life experiences because it's never been necessary. That's my experience. I never worked a manual labor job before, all my jobs + internships have been CS related. I'm in the same situation as the guy in the video, depression. I honestly think it's a type of pain that almost can't be fathomed by people that have had to work harder like you have before attaining such a cushy position, the malaise, depression, insecurity, feeling of meaninglessness. Just like I basically can't fathom the pain of a 10hr a day schedule with short breaks and constant direction. But you're right, focusing on the positive things is what one should do.
@@GlobusTheGreat why six years
@@ramey609 Clarify? I don't think I mentioned 6 years
@@GlobusTheGreat then there's people like me I've had to grind for years at serving jobs 50 hours a week just to feed my self and now a dev making good money living in a nice spot and still get the feelings the guys describes in the vid
@@MrSurfsAlot What do you make of that?
Fellow software engineer here, thanks a lot for sharing, feel that a lot. on the edge, meeting, tickets, stuff. Hopefully these situations we face lead us to the best outcome
man... I feel the same. Except that I don't work for Google.
I work here for a new company and I struggle every day as I work on a new software which is highly complex... There is no one to help me and the deadlines I get from my boss are a joke. Every daily meeting consists of myself explaining why I am so slow, why I don't meet the deadline and if I need help - of course I need help but no one in the team is skilled enough to help me. I feel very depressed. I am already searching for a new job, but I kinda lost my passion for coding and I got burned out because of this damn job. I even work on the weekend only so I can finally produce something of value.
you didn't lost passion, you lost patience, the deadline it's the problem not the task per se.
Hey man, I was actually literally in the same position as you in 2020, and yes I was a "solo player" with only 1 year of experience.
My boss assigned me to a projects , 2 projects at the same time , and i asked my boss since i'm literally just junior role i asked "is there anyone in this company that i can ask about this technology?"
He said "no, you're replacing our sole and only Python Developer" , and I'm literally replacing someone who had like 4-5 years++ experiences .
Anxiety always kicks me in, and even My project manager was shaming me & angry at me in front of everyone on the team that I'm slow. That day, I cried when I arrived at home. LOL.
I have a contracts like "if you resigned before your contract time ends, you had to pay money" that money was like 3-5 months of my salary at that time.
Feels like I'm trapped. Every day I just counts "how many days left .." and "Okay so from today is 3 months, and i have like 14 days of yearly leaves, then i can go on vacation for 3 weeks, so i have around 2 months and 1 week left, and that mostly 2 weeks i would assign my work to another person so i have 1 month and 3 weeks left of work here". EVERY DAY I CALCULATED THAT.
Then when the contracts time ends, they offered me another contracts to work with them again, I refused.
I don't have a job for around 2-3 months. But even though I don't have much money, guess what? I"M HAPPY. Feels like I can breathe. At first I was talking to myself "hey man, maybe this isn't for you, let's try another career that makes you happy"
I tried to apply for an HR, Accounting, Digital Marketing, etc. except for programming.
Then I got an offer from some company, they approach me, and the first question I asked to them is not the salary, not the benefits, I asked them "Am I gonna be thrown 'solo player' again like my past employers?" the response they just laugh and said "I don't know why your past employers did that to you either, but you can keep my words that won't happens here"
I joined them , and they're one of the most fun and easy-going people I've ever met. When I struggle they're always there, I can't thank them enough :)
Literally from day 1, i felt like I've known them before , they even included me in their "joke circle" where we share a meme and joke to each others, they even responded back to my joke, that made me happy like not everyone will respond to you on your first day, but they did.
That's my experience , hope it helps :)
Hey man, push back, just say the deadline is unreasonable and make another plan. If you have some value and the team is short of headcount (with a high churn rate) you are pretty much safe.
@@andrewmaxwell9399 wow... thats fucked up.. I mean, if you leave early you have to pay. I know these kinds of contracts but for building homes (my dad was a window installer) I am glad you found a new job. Of course, it won't be easy, probably not even in a new job, but at least you have a proper team that can help each other out.
For myself, I can say: I found a new job today :) And I will start it in new year. I will quit the current one and relax, try to find my passion again. My new job also consists of a bigger team and I asked explicitly if I will work only alone or in a team. Let's hope next year will be better.
@@MilMike Glad to hear that man :) Health is more important than anything, if you fall sick or dead your beloved ones will cry and bawling tears for weeks, days, or even ages. And your boss will only make new job post opportunities the next day on linkedin .
Your health and your beloved ones are the most important :)
New title: The janitor at Google pretends to be an engineer.
It's hard being the worst but that means you are pushing yourself to the max and you are out of your comfort zone. It's the textbook definition of personal growth. Don't let the pressure and the imposter stuff and fake impending doom win, just keep trying to help your team succeed and the rest will follow.
The same boat with you. It's my 6 moth, and everything is being better. The first 6 month is the worst time. you will go through it.
Some people here said that is progress, keep fighting dude! We are never perfect in the progress and it's ok, we can learn in progress, you are incredible dude!
I want to intern at big tech, I'm in my first year of CS and on Bootcamp outside my University rn. Wish me luck, ok, please
"I grinded hard for this view....was it worth it.......idk" was really profound ngl....I guess it just goes to show that no matter how much you're earning...what perks you have...some folks are never at ease with their souls, working on someone else's dreams rather than their own...hope you come out of this strong mate
Maybe one idea that's worth consideration is to talk people outside your team, and get transferred to a slower pace one. Previously I was an engineer, and I hated it (I had anxiety every morning especially before standup) because of the fast-paced culture of the team.
thats ultimate gameplan. i either want to do that end of this year (need at least a year at google before internal transfer) or do it after i get promoted to L4 so I have terminal position
I’m not a software engineer, but I do work in IT as a consultant. I’ve held support engineer roles, done exchange migrations, active directory migrations, been an endpoint manager consultant, and I was a technical lead and team lead for three years. Now I’m doing endpoint security consultant work at a new company.
I nearly worked myself to death at my previous company until I couldn’t function anymore. Instead of taking a leave of absence due to burnout (I had all the signs, and probably still do, but just less pronounced) , I switched jobs. At the beginning this gave me a ton of stress, then I became more relaxed, and now I’m back to being anxious again.
But why? They are content with my performance. But I am not. I’ve learned that I don’t like being a consultant. I am sick of large projects where everyone wants to have their say, where everyone feels the need for validation, etc. I’m probably gonna ask to be put on our service desk where I can just work 9 to 5 and be done.
All the extra money or status (in your own mind for working your dream job at your dream company - which doesn’t exist) is not worth your peace of mind. Money and status are great motivators of the worst kind.
So this was a ramble.
But seriously, chill. You don’t have to be the best. You’re probably doing better than you’re giving yourself credit for.
Working in Tech is tough, truly the grass is greener on the other side. There is no perfect spot, it either is too hard and you are overworked. Or too easy it becomes mind numbing but you stay there because of the pay in any situation. Gotta find a way to enjoy the grind. Best of luck my friend 😶🌫️
Infinite relate... Having worked a bit over a year in the industry (i know it's very little...) I am already considering an escape plan, but I don't see any real alternatives... Despite not being good I've already invested so much time into this career path, that I lack knowledge and experience in other areas, I can't become a carpenter, I can't become a car mechanic, there's too much to learn and too little time left. I understand it varies depending on the actual job, but I feel like other people at their jobs they just... do it, kinda like weightlifting, it's hard but if you press on you will do it good, without sacrificing too much of yourself, and then they go home tired and go on with their lives, but for me every day feels like a trial, a new challenge, that, if I fail to overcome - becomes a burden for several people - a nightmare. The burnouts, unwillingness to do anything after evenings spent trying to catch up with better performers. The thought of me getting fired one day actually brings a bit of a relief... what should we do
Hey, I just wanted to say that I am in a similar situation as you right now and having the same thoughts. And seeing someone going through what I am going through makes me feel like I am not alone, so thanks for sharing. My only question is what do you mean by "too little time left"? Of course society puts pressure on us to have a stable job at a certain age, but in reality you can change and start a new career any time you want right?
@@omdodiya2713 I guess you're right, maybe "can't become" and "too little time left" are slightly exaggerated, but there certainly is an additional weight added to it. To throw it all away and start anew feels like a waste of one's effort so far, a non-optimal life choice, anxiety kicks in with the "what if the grass really isn't greener on the other side" thingy.
I guess the truth lies somewhere in the middle, and we can never know unless we try.
I wish everybody the strength to endure the current time, but also the courage to go after finding a better place at life where you don't dread getting out of bed in the mornings, be it changing yourself, getting a slower paced job, or a different career altogether.
@@SpecialKapson Of course, the sunk cost fallacy is a real thing that effects everyone at some point. I'm going through it rn, I have spent years of my life focusing on something that I thought I wanted but now I come to the realization that it's not. So I either have a choice to keep going and end up living a unhappy and stressful life or try something new which can also end up failing. It's really a gamble. And the pressures from parents, friends, society, ect. definitely don't help the situation.
At the end of the day I think people should just do what makes them happy, and will allow them to enjoy life more, because in my opinion that's what is most important.
ultimate gameplan for me is to find a rest and vest company 😆😆
but honestly no idea 100% just trying to survive right now at my new job here at Google and maybe reassess in half a year
This sums up what I am feeling at my job I am technically a senior level by years but in experience I feel Jr to mid at best. I can really talk the talk and understand high level things but when the rubber meets the road and I actually have to write some difficult code I just freeze up. I always have been like this even since my boot camp in 2015 something has just never really clicked and I stayed at my last job for like 5 years because it was super easy development where I had no deadlines and got to pick all my own stuff but it paid really badly. Now I am at a real job that pays well and have extreme anxiety and stress related to work, these comments are bringing me comfort though that I am not alone.
My boy sounds depressed :(
Unfortunately, by the sound of it, no matter where he goes he'll end up sad or unfulfilled because he needs to work on himself, on the inside instead of trying to fill a void with work or other "meaningless" things. Work on yourself bro, try be at peace with yourself and you'll start to love it. This goes for anyone else too.
i just thought about caring where i rank on my team, nah. stay strong bro its part of the journey.
Hi boyalgo, you are young, it is ok to not be the best! Take it day by day, and try to be less stressed out. It might be helpful to be honest with yourself and others. Depending on your team, it might be helpful to try to ask more questions on your team, or even search outside of your team depending on the subject matter.
100% can relate to this. Thanks for sharing this.
of course bud :) thanks for watching
I can completely relate. I too have had that experience a at different tech company. Tons of money tons of bad feedback. They never tell you about the crazy hours and anxiety of taking a few days or a week longer to complete your task than normal!!!
This is one of the reasons I think it may be better to hold off on trying to get into FAANG-type companies until later in your career. If you get in too quickly, you might not do well and either be forced out or end up leaving. Plus you might not get hired at as high a salary compared to someone that comes in more senior.
How long have you been working at your current company?
If less than 6 months, and you are the newest joining you team, then there is nothing wrong at not performing as well as your other peers. It takes time, specially in big companies.
That being said, keep hustling your butt off, you’ll get there my friend… and when you do, be KIND to others going through what you had been.
Cheers
Thanks for being so real man, I feel ya :'(
of course buddy
So dystopian. Thanks for sharing. That bit at 2.50 being in the 'pod' was funny and sad at the same time.
Its like Im watching the first 10 minutes of I am Legend where he drives through a deserted New York in a red mustang, his trusted K-9 companion Samantha alongside him.
Only difference is here he drives a red children's bike with his companion Dusty McBook.
It's depressing.
Just hang in there bro.. you'll be fine.. they hired you because you can do something.. keep building! take care of your mental health!
Thanks Bhanu!
Thanks for the honesty, I completely understand the feeling of inadequacy. And the money really doesn't matter if you don't get to enjoy it.
BTW, prisons also have free food, so it's not like a super high standard.
Okay so this comment will probably get buried, but…most of the comments I see on this video are actually insane. “Just work on yourself bro.” Absolute madness.
I’m a therapist, and I work with a lot of people in the tech industry. These companies very often treat people in dehumanizing ways, burn them out with unreasonable expectations and toxic cultures, poor management, etc. We therapists often end up filling out LoA paperwork for these folks who often think that if they just take a break things will be fine, except they usually end up miserable again.
Misery is a sane response to an insane work culture. I don’t have a solution, but be honest with yourself: are you willing to sacrifice yourself to an ideal that isn’t lining up with your expectations? To an image of what you think your life should be? There is a happier life out there for you man, but you have to be honest with yourself first.
Hated been a software engineer at google. In the end, I switched careers with a masters in real estate development in New York. Now happiest ever been and see the real estate beautiful developments I am having on the world. Also make more money
I think you will overcome all difficults in a few months.
I make 300k at Meta as an E4 and I feel massive impostor syndrome too. It never ends.
Not as prestigious but I am still a "senior" developer that feels like a Jr sadly. I really wish I could get the magic sauce to click so I can code and be confident...
@@BlunderB improve ctrl c + ctrl v skills
Just breathe. Keep going. Everything will get better. blessings
Let’s go man, we’ll all make it through this✊
yea! we will make it!
I think you should talk to your manager with a open heart. A situation like that is not good for both sides, especially you, so you both have interest in solve this problem. And I bet Google don't want to lost you, so they will manage to do something, like offer you another project or team to work with.
First 3 months for anyone definitely feeling like the worst engineer in the team. I am actually the worst one now. Just need a lot of patience to polish skills needed for the job. I realize the most stress actually comes from within me (my own expectation of myself), not from the external environment. Fun fact, my boss and seniors are actually satisfied with my performance, even though I was stressed out.
Thanks for being honest. It is refreshing.
I saw that thumbnail and title and just burst out laughing.
But for real, thanks for sharing your thoughts. "Dream jobs" aren't always dreams. That's for sure. Make your money there and move on to something more meaningful for you.
Amusing video :) Live simple, don't have loans, invest wisely and never become that hamster for the big man! In the end, time/health is the most important commodity we have.
I'm glad you express your real experience as to gain a real life insight in an IT titan like Google. I'm looking for a an IT path with good work life balance and I can clearly see this ain't it.
Happens to the best of us. The pressure is mostly team based in large companies. I've found that if you avoid managers who came from China post-college, you'll likely at least not be depressed in big tech.
Tips as a fellow software developer with 10 years in this industry:
1) your code doesn't matter as much as your decision-making.
2) get your eyes out of the code and understand what the company is doing.
3) it's ok to be slow. If it's not ok on your team, find another team.
4) don't judge a huge company like Google by your experience on one team. There can be huge cultural differences from one to the other.
1:00 "at the end of the day, it's all about the work you do to make billion dollar corporations richer"
This is part of the reason why I quit my software engineering job.
My work did some good for other people/society, but also a lot of meh and bad use cases.
But in the end, my work boiled down to me fighting against management's decisions, in order to try make the company more money.
That's not very fulfilling.
One of the guys on my team left to essentially work a less intrusive job, so he could instead get his fulfilment out of the things he did in his spare time, rather than in his work.
Being the worst in a team of Google engineers is still more than I will ever achieve
I saw some elon musk podcast say "people who looks happy basically is the fact that they is the sad people" it's seem to be truth, anyway take care your mental healt man
It sounds like you just got hired, it usually takes 3-6 months before you actually start "performing", before that just try to learn as much as possible, give yourself time. Also stop going to the office on weekends, if they're paying you for 40 hours of work then only work 40 hours.
Could you do an AMA for engineers talking about how the work is different? Like what do you mean by the work is harder and you are doing a lot more work. We need specifics, how is the work culture different, and what are the generic differences between google engineers and others. What works well and badly at google. What would you change?
Even depressed it feels as an open working environment, its like been in a swimming pool and your that kid how didn't bring his floaters for upper body exsersices. I feel the pain man...
It's kind of like the movie Brazil- a big empty building to ply your trade.
Sad life. I'm sorry for you.
I love this channel. Boyalgo is so fuunny (:
I really like you. Don't give up!
Hey dude, please don't get depressed and don't be so stressed out. In my views you need to take a break from everything.
Coming from a Indian family (I hope that everyone is obssed with how Indian parents are so so sooo desperate with their children) , I had many responsibilities and expectations to fillup.. but somewhere in the race I lost myself.
I also work in tech, yup we get paid a lot I agree but at what cost??
- Mental health issues
- Stress full days
- Sitting in front of a big-ass display all day long
- Doing complex problem solving
- keeping up with new technologies(very frequently)
........................ I can go on and on for it....
Suffering from imposter syndrome is fine, we all have gone through that phase but coming out of it is the main challenge.
My only advice for you, do give yourself some time and don't overthink so much brother.
Best of luck
Thanks so much brother. Appreciate the love and agree with you that we gotta see the cost that comes with a high paying job. Mental health way more important than any amount of money I get.
keep your head up! I like the honesty. Hear too much about Google (or X company) being the best and chill-est place to work
I will try homie
I appreciate you telling it how it is
Love the honesty
Don't worry bro. There are many people like you. ( Including me 😉 ) You will be alright soon 😇 . Thanks for sharing the experience. Hope you get better in your work or find another good company in which you can enjoy ✊. Thanks again. All the best 🤞
Thanks so much bro! Great to know others can empathize haha
Even i am in depression.
What i understood is rich want you to sacrifice your life to make them rich. If you feel they are breaking ur confidence. That is because they don't want you to leave.
Understand fair trade. If you feel your not getting paid good for what you do. It is better to search new job.
We all are human and not god.
The things which you feel that u r not good. Is just manipulation. Don't end your life. I have the same feeling
This is so relatable its joyfuly depressing.
I am working somewhere and my ultimate dream is to get in Google but somewhere i am also aware that I will go through the similar experience.
While I like raw takes. I just hope this isn't self-sabotage. It's cool to vent but pls don't self-sabotage, as a self taught dev finally breaking into tech myself a year ago, this feels seems familiar. I wish u health and happiness dude!
Imposter syndrome is tough, burnout can happen from day one.
IMO I'd get help asap, mental therapist, tutor studies, coach for work... they have them, ask or hire one. I'm blessed as a network engineer, my mentor is super senior in a different company, but he is friends with my boss. Result is, if I bitch, I get talked to and helped... ok they try to help LOL
Good luck, depression sucks, don't handle it alone.
Can you give some more details of what exactly is the hard part, is it the task complexity or the people or too much context switching.. if it's the task complexity, can you give an example without divulging too much of information, just want to understand the level of technical difficulties when you say it's too hard..
be grateful
nah
the sad reality of working in big tech.
you betcha
I did a two year diploma and work as a developer now and don't make a lot, wondering if I'll ever get a chance to work for faang and if I even want to.
I think everyone feels like this when they start a new job! The fear is real
I appreciate the honesty bro
Hope you feel better my guy
I mean, besides 200k and free food, it sounds awful
I think all clouds have this type of WLB. Joined microsoft to just get into big tech and I work in azure. All I know is my next move will be away from cloud
Good idea. No more cloud
I saw "Google Cloud." Thats the issue. The reason Amazon has a bad rap for work-life balance isn't because it's Amazon. It's because of AWS which AFAIK is the largest org in Amazon. Any cloud-based job is going to have terrible WLB.
Love your vids, like going on a walk with an old friend
Work at UPS for one peak season. It will cure your depression
You got a Discord? I have some questions, if you don't mind.
I dont have a discord but feel free to email me. (email is in my channel description)
why am i getting backroom vibes from this video
Damn dude :/ it’s all good. Keep your head up
Thanks Angelo
Aren't you worried about Google HR seeing this and doing some 'damage limitation' i.e. firing you like they did with Patrick Shyu (aka Techlead)? From the tone of the vid I'm fully prepared for a 'I couldn't care less' response or 'I could care less' (in American). Loving the realness in the video. No Kygo soundalike rights free music over images of the free lunch buffet.
Nah LOL. I keep my face off screen. If they catch me and fire me then oh well.
I try to make videos where I am super honest about how I genuinely feel and it helps when I somewhat keep an anonymous identity. I feel less scared about losing my job to these silly videos and more scared due to my actual performance LOL
whats wrong with kygo. he makes good muisc bro.
There is a reason why the average year people stay at company like Google or Facebook is less than 2 years.
The fact you got in says something about your qualifications either in soft or hard skill set or a little bit of both, but it also means they are people who are equally educated or smart. You are just nobody, debugging the same shit all day like a factory robot.
More the money you make, sometimes it will get to you knowing that you could get a job elsewhere with Google badge of honor and will do fine and maybe find some new hobby or enjoy better work-life-balance while socializing with people you care about without becoming a triathlon.
Damn... My bro works at amazon. Yeah its a tough time in there, rigorous work and the bottom 5% are always cut so I've heard.
22 yo L5 at Amazon here. 100%, feel you.
I don't know why enough software devs on youtube don't expose the toxicity as a software dev. 90% of people make it seem like sun shine and rainbows.
suffering from success :( i start work on Monday... it better not suck
hope work doesn't suck homie you got this
bro that's just a fancy prission
The empty vibes add to the sadness lol
I've been watching your vids for a while. Changed my name recently, I think it was "___ podcast" before.
I'm at Facebook and I'm also struggling but whatever, job's a job and it doesn't really matter at the end of the day
Thanks for the love Sun! You right a jobs a job
I'm currently working at LSEG and praying to god that they fire me cause I don't know how to quit.
golden handcuffs got me good
im also a depressed SWE, just without the exorbitant salary
This video lowkey annoys me. In what world would a place that is harder to get into than Harvard be considered easy? $200k for an easy job? I work same WLB as this is portrayed and make $70k. Reminds me of idea of “luxury beliefs” beliefs and perspectives of the world that can only be held by the privileged or wealthy class because they completely crumble to reality for the proletariat or in the face of real struggle for survival.
WLB often doesn't translate directly with salary. Early startups often have the worst WLB and the worst salaries
I have the same WLB and make around 50k €… even working often on weekends and bank holidays, also in IT but not SE, in ML.
@@dontwatchdotorg right, hence why i said i have the same WLB at $70k vs his $200k
@@ZenityStudios Sure but my point is it's not that crazy to have thought Google would have a better WLB (I've heard that myself before), and be disappointed that it doesn't. It's hard to get into the top companies, but I've heard many stories of slow paces and solid WLB at those top companies.
@@dontwatchdotorg yeah i guess it all depends on perspective. X amount of work can be easy for some while also a lot for others