Interesting start. I'd love to see how this develops in the future. May the comments spread this video to the far corners of the platform. May the seeds find fertile soil to sprout and bring you all the views and subs.
It's really hard to write dialog already, even harder when your character is talking to himself. The actor did as good as anyone could do, also good use of facial expressions and body language, so no notes there. As for story, you're missing stakes; what is your protagonist struggling against in this scene? The most difficult things he had to do was open a box and pick a name. Shot composition could have been a little wider, since the Cargo pilot was holding a box and then an AI core that was barely in frame when he wasn't showcasing it to the camera like Vanna White. Wardrobe, props and background looked excellent otherwise. Your log line needs some work, as it isn't clear how mega-corporations and planetary governments will hinder his goal to explore concepts. We're just assuming they're bad guys because they usually are in other media, but you could explicitly paint *how* they're evil with an adjective or two (i.e. greedy mega corps, corrupt gov't, exploitative corps, authoritarian gov't, paranoid corps, overly-bureaucratic gov't, et cetera). Your cargo pilot could easily explore the concepts of "personhood" in a courtroom and "humanity" in a community college; so why does he have to go into space to explore them? He needs a tangible goal, something he can tell a border agent (just an example) is his task when he goes about exploring concepts of honor and such. The tangible goal doesn't have to be where the story is supposed to end though. In addition to explaining why he needs to leave his ordinary world, a tangible goal serves to ground us (the audience) in seeing a target to cheer for him to hit. Don't take my criticism as hate, I have just one video on my channel and it's me singing Karaoke (poorly); so you're already way ahead of me in terms of producing a story. I believe you have passion for your project, so I want to offer some constructive criticism in hopes that it helps you make a better product.
Looks interesting
FIRST!
Good first episode! Good amount of character and concepts in a 4-minute short!
Interesting start. I'd love to see how this develops in the future.
May the comments spread this video to the far corners of the platform. May the seeds find fertile soil to sprout and bring you all the views and subs.
Great work, would enjoy seeing behind the scenes on your props, your filming setup, 3d modeling and editing.
LETS GO BABY!
And they lived happily ever after.
I dont know who or what this is but okay. Lets do this. Take us out!
It's really hard to write dialog already, even harder when your character is talking to himself. The actor did as good as anyone could do, also good use of facial expressions and body language, so no notes there. As for story, you're missing stakes; what is your protagonist struggling against in this scene? The most difficult things he had to do was open a box and pick a name. Shot composition could have been a little wider, since the Cargo pilot was holding a box and then an AI core that was barely in frame when he wasn't showcasing it to the camera like Vanna White. Wardrobe, props and background looked excellent otherwise.
Your log line needs some work, as it isn't clear how mega-corporations and planetary governments will hinder his goal to explore concepts. We're just assuming they're bad guys because they usually are in other media, but you could explicitly paint *how* they're evil with an adjective or two (i.e. greedy mega corps, corrupt gov't, exploitative corps, authoritarian gov't, paranoid corps, overly-bureaucratic gov't, et cetera). Your cargo pilot could easily explore the concepts of "personhood" in a courtroom and "humanity" in a community college; so why does he have to go into space to explore them? He needs a tangible goal, something he can tell a border agent (just an example) is his task when he goes about exploring concepts of honor and such. The tangible goal doesn't have to be where the story is supposed to end though. In addition to explaining why he needs to leave his ordinary world, a tangible goal serves to ground us (the audience) in seeing a target to cheer for him to hit.
Don't take my criticism as hate, I have just one video on my channel and it's me singing Karaoke (poorly); so you're already way ahead of me in terms of producing a story. I believe you have passion for your project, so I want to offer some constructive criticism in hopes that it helps you make a better product.