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I just watched the second video because the first one was so good I believe you are right on with everything you have said and I wanted to make a comment because I can't believe the compassion it comes with it and you truly care about helping people and that's awesome don't see that very often you truly want to make good ripples I really appreciate that more than you know thanks keep up the good work I know you will and I've never be been a subscriber before to anybody or anybody's page or whatever followed that I'm aware of until now this is very worth keeping up with and following and more than worth my time thank you for your efforts
PS sorry not sure how this even works exactly yet but I wanted to say this is the first comment I think I've ever left on anything other than a few friends things on Facebook and this is the first thing that I am consciously aware of that I've ever subscribed you or wanted to see more of and take the time to do so very worth it thank you again
After dating an amazing man for 6months, lastnight I find out he's been watching the guy versions of these kind of vids. No wonder it's been one hell of a battle🤦♀️
This made so much sense to me! I started dating this guy that I really liked and at first he was very receptive and text and call and then like you said he started taking longer to text me back and call... now I see what I did wrong .. I was sold before he was ! Will not make that mistake again! Thanks so much for this video!!!
DrV it's all about being unavailable even if they seem to make themselves available to you even if your bored or starved for connection. I realised that having hobbies keeps myself busy and when a guy calls me or try's to see me when I'm soaked in filling myself with my hobby I tell him immediately I'm busy doing this (for what ever reason) and if he ties harder to talk I'll give home 1-2 minutes but if he doesn't ask questions or try to connect by easily dismissing himself I do the same.. still working on it though
I felt so empowered after this video!! "Your love is the most valuable thing that you could possibly give to a man. Value it for what it is, respect it." Beautiful. Thank you!! You do not know just how much some girls need to hear this (myself included).
The problem I see with this "abundance" mentality is that it just takes soooo much time. I mean, let's say you work, have a few hobbies, a reasonable good social life and not very much free time...you just don't want to keep booking your free time with random dudes. And you don't even want to manage so much men, it's exhausting. At some point it's very hard to keep the dating process fun, specially if you're on the introvert side. For me, I created a list of stuff I would like to do and had no company to do them, so I started taking my dates to those activities. At least I had the mindset that "If this goes terrible wrong, I will still have done something I wanted/liked". It was the only way to endure through "abundance".
That is EXACTLY what I'd recommend doing Asckinha. When you can incorporate dating into your life and loving doing it no matter what the result with the guy, that's when you have AUTOMATIC abundance AND you're going to have fun all the time dating, because you're doing stuff you love regardless! Love it love it love it.
asckinha thank you!! This is exactly what I’m talking about! Ok so I’m not the only one! I’m not in my twenties anymore when I had just myself to look after and plenty of spare time to have a social night life and step out with friends and multiple dating prospects. Time is going faster by the minute and there’s only 24 hours in a day!! One guy at a time is about all I can handle!! Lol and really what I am desiring is to meet a good solid mature man and settle down! My family on both sides we grew up knowing all our aunts and uncles, neighbors, friends parents in marriage partnerships and most of these couples have stayed together over the decades! It gave us kids security and consistency. Why is this so hard to obtain nowadays!!?? I feel like people are looking for Heaven in people and when they don’t find that ideal perfection they devalue and discard like yesterday’s leftovers.
Christina Cataldi I fully agree with you. I personally don’t agree with this advice. It sounds like he’s encouraging multiple dating. I don’t agree with multiple dating and it isn’t my style. I don’t want to have a great time with someone and just end up assuming they’re having another great time with someone else and making out or possibly even sleeping with someone else too. With a mentality like that, what’s to make me believe the person is capable of monogamy and commitment? Multiple dating IMO just reeks of player. If I suddenly sense distancing or lack of interest from the other party, i in turn just lose interest myself and move on. These are nothing but games and I’m sick and tired of people who play games. All these games are indicative of emotional immaturity and I think too much time is wasted trying to decipher and justify them. My philosophy is if the dating is this hard and you need to come here for advice, it’s not the right match.
This is sooo depressing 😞 but thanks for the info. Sometimes you need to hear the truth. I think ima stay single ✌🏽. This chase/pull away is way too complicated. I don't play games.
espen strømmen ya you might be right cuz I finally got a bf am I’m jus being my crazy ass self lol so maybe it really just depends how that person feels about you and you can’t just trick somebody into liking you
@@Markrosenfeld i agree with her. While I get your point in the healthy way, very few people are healthy like that. Or sincere. I hate games too and like you said that's not what you recommend anyways. I'm still not sure I understood this. If I need to think about a move I make I feel like it is a game or strategy. I have met men, like my ex, where we connected and instantly got along and trusted each other. Because we both were authentic. That includes fears and insecurities. I am going to watch more videos because my anti social lifestyle does make me do all the wrong things. Well not all. I never play games but I fuck it up bc I either feel nothing or everything. Not that extreme. Just don't connect easily and being attracted at the same time. I do like your videos so far. And I believe in balance based on love or genuine care not chasing. The title is a bit misleading.
Mark, This is GOLD!! You described my Current situation. He was doing the same thing as her guy; calling, texting, wanting to make plans, SUPER interested, & putting in a perfect amount of effort. (It wasn’t over the top or creepy/love bombing nonsense) I was genuinely busy & not able to see him the first few times he wanted to go out. We had our first date last week, we spent a couple of days together. Everything was great. He even started making future plans for us; wants me to go on a weekend trip soon, asked me to go with him to an event this spring, bought us concert tickets for a show in London this summer, etc. I’ve never had a man do those things that wasn’t invested. The first day apart, he was still texting/communicating. Second day he called, but we played phone tag. Third day he was “distant” & I sensed something was a little off. When we talked again, I could tell he was exhausted & not in a good mood. He’s in the middle of moving, extra travel for work, & some personal things going on. So I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt right now, but making mental notes. I wasn’t rude & didn’t make an issue of it. Just said I understand, we’re both busy. Told him to let me know if I could help with anything. I could tell he genuinely appreciated me offering & the way I handled it. He’s going to be traveling for two weeks, this weekend & next he will have his child with him. So I don’t think we’ll see each other again for a couple of weeks. (It’s impossible when he’s in another state all week & then has his child over the weekend.) I say that because of the whole, “No one’s too busy etc.” Well... that’s not ALWAYS true. As far as Texts/calls of course that applies!! I took a step back. Not to play games, but to create space & focus on my own responsibilities/life. He hasn’t called since Monday, there’s been a few texts, but there’s a noticeable difference in his energy or efforts. I did want to see how he’d respond to me about the concert, because it’s a big deal-Traveling to London from the US. (He wanted me to add a couple of things to my passport & I truly did not remember what they were. But it was also a perfect opportunity to see how he would react.) So I asked him what they were & was pleasantly surprised when he sent the information I needed... bc he could have just as easily ignored me or made up an excuse to get out of going. Right?!? Or no??? 🤔🤷🏼♀️ Help!! What’s the best way to handle this situation? Just continue to do my thing, live my life, let him be the one to pursue/reach out? Love your channel so much & you’re my favorite for dating advice. Thank you for helping not only me, but so many other women too. Wish there were more men like you. 🙏🏼
Mark! I love your approach: Don´t give up exclusivity if there´s not true compatibility! + sex is not the most important issue that a guy can get from you, but love & exclusivity. This is so empowering and disruptive from the mainstream advice of placing all our personal power on "giving or not the cookie"... cheers for that!
Wow.. I never thought of it like that. I agree, I subconsciously do that every time I see a guy that has the qualities I’m looking for. Then time and time again the guys fall through. I feel I could be to readily loyal at the core.. I’m not really sure how to be half hearted once I see there’s a good connection and values. Maybe I need to try to have a “only having a fun time mentality”.
Your advice always makes so much sense. I have scarce dating. But yeah, keep your self respect for yourself, never push things too quickly. He chase me and I chase him then gives him a break and see if he show further effort . Let the both of us maintain a balanced equal status
I had 85 messages in my inbox, they were all creepy old guys or teenagers but I was extremely flattered and depressed at the same time so I quit with the internet...
You'll find ♥️ love when you least expect it. How true: Internet is full of men who CANNOT find/date ladies in their daily lives, many are narcissistic, only few are true or honest, not players. 😱 Continue to cultivate yourself to make your future man PROUD of you, proud to be with you, so he feels lucky to have found you then. 😄
if he loses interest then you were not meant to be together. nothing you could do to prevent this. how long could a woman keep her single status? if the guy doesnt appreciate you being exclusive for him, it just shows that he doesnt love you, how complicated is that? Love cannot be forced.
You just called me out so hard on this one !! Haha going through this now. The belief that great connections are scarce and we have to hold on to them as tight as we can - it’s so true.
This is frightening. It feels unnatural. I’m dating someone but we’re not exclusive yet but I feel I’d be cheating if I went out with others. But maybe I have to because he’s aloof at times. Thank you Mark.
This was an earthshaking video for me, looking back at 3 failed marriages and actively wanting to get back in the dating game after 4 1/2 years on my own. Wish I heard this advice 25 years ago, but so thankful that I finally got it now🤗
If a woman has a reoccuring habit of wanting to commit right away than this could be an issue but I would think some men are just pulling back for their own reasons that might not have anything to do with how the woman is feeling. The younger the man the more skiddish they may be or if a man has been through a messy break up or a death of a partner. If a man wants to be in a relationship they don't usually have any qualms about making their intentions clear because they are ready for that in that moment in time. It is all about timing. I have heard women complaining that men are the ones now rushing into commitment at 2 to 4 weeks with wanting so much of a woman's time.
Weird. Yeah it's all about emotional maturity. If the guy is not feeling it, he will pull away no matter how he chased in the beginning. The beginning chase is just because he's interested in getting to know someone new. Once that new is gone, it gets boring, and he vanishes. Guys don't take time to get to know a person.
@@kristikg7431 I stopped *chasing people* when I realized I had my own worth as a human being, But guys don't stop chasing due to boredom, They stop chasing because they find out just how many red flags there is or kinda ghost away if nothing goes anywhere
Your time will come. There is a website called Meetups. It has groups you can join in your area for what interests you. Doesn't necessarily have to be singles groups. In the few groups I have actually gone to there are quite a few nice men but so far the ones I have attended the men are too young for men but talking to them has been a learning experience in itself.
Me too I am a homebody too but when I started co organizing for a meetup group that was so out of my comfort zone I found out that so many people who come are scared to come too. It takes them months to go to the first meetup. I confessed at one meetup that every time I organize a meetup I am nervous. That surprised some people. For some it is like a fish swimming in water super easy for me it is not. We even had one man show up at a meetup but he didn't sit with us. The only way I figured it out was that he commented on the meetup page how good the movie was. When I messaged him to come join us in the restaurant he said he wasn't ready yet. Yes I am very scared to date. I was never good at before I got married and now it has been 22 years since I was with anyone else besides my ex husband. I went out on one date with another man before we were married when we broke up for a while.
All advisers out there advising what women should do so they can get the guy, but to be honest whatever you do if the guy doesn't like you anymore then he doesn't really like you anymore whatever you do or not do.
Well Shirley it's all about being the best version of yourself. If the guy doesn't like THAT, then there's nothing you can do, but a lot of us have a way to go before we reach that.
Mark Rosenfeld then how come, even those almost perfect, beautiful people, professionals, educated, wealthy still they break up then another relationship and so on and so forth, I think it's up to the two persons to keep the relationship and make up and not just throw it out when there's a challenge.
Great video Mark! I will definitely change my mindset. I know my value and I have high standards. I need to stop giving away my single status as a form of respect to the guy after a good connection. Good men have been scarce in my life but the right one will come along.
I think it's coming across as being over eager that puts guys off. I had a guy text me and ask if I was still interested in him because I wasn't texting him. I was responding to his texts but not initiating contact so he assumed I wasn't interested. lol that was shocking to me.
Yeh absolutely. You weren't reciprocating/showing interest back, so what else was a guy to think?!? I would have stopped texting you at some point too!
Thank you so much for sharing those principles- she was already making him boyfriend material in her mind when they had just gone on a few dates and he picked up on that. She threw off the natural balance of the chase with her mindset. I think we know this as an unspoken rule but it's awesome that you really articulated it, so helpful!!
That's really great Mark!!! Yes, get to know the guy, date him for some time, you may find out many red flags you don't like and if you are emotionally involved already, it will be difficult to break up. Have prudence. Be careful. (That's how I think)
This is gold! I wish I saw this year as ago to remind me 🤦🏻♀️ The best is stay single in my mind! “Don’t stop being single”. Best advise ever! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 The longest relationship I had of six years was based on this principle, I stayed single for a long long time and he chased and chased and chased until I said yes 😉 and also my first boyfriend of one year that happened before this long term; he treated me like a Queen because I never stoped thinking I was single and he chased me all that years long 😍💕 He was amazing! Why I forgot? 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Something happened and after that I kept forgetting it 🤦🏻♀️ But not anymore! Appreciate this info Mark. You are awesome’ 💕
Not at all Mighty! I'm a big fan of showing interest. You just have to make sure you keep yourself grounded and your standards in place as you show it :)
Wow! I really needed to hear this. I thought I was being genuine but I was giving away my “love” for free. Also being very choosy about who to date, then not at all choosy once I starting seeing a person. Thanks!!
1)I wait and see 2)she take time 3)selling yourself. I need this guy to prove himself. 4)don't stop being single. 5)raise your standard for love 6)less choosy when start and form more connection,be more choosy when time goes
I’ve been single for a long time, so now one day I tried to date a guy , it feels perfect and like a fairytale, we were so happy, but then he started to pull away and the effort in sending messages fades away. That’s why i hate to be in relationship.
At the dating stage you don't really know the person yet. It's normal they put more effort at the beginning to impress you. Just try to train your brain to don't attach to someone so quickly and take a time to know a person.
You are brilliant with your psychological examples you use. It is a huge puzzle piece other relationship coachs really miss the ability to convey. Thank you Mark for your positive videos!
This is the problem with dating now a days. Whatever happened to liking someone without all the games and moving forward. Just being honest and genuine. You chase her he chases you this is so complicated ane it’s just games. Be yourself. I guess I’ll be single forever because this sounds exhausting.
Love this vdo. I listened to it like 3 times already. And I’m gonna listen to it the 4th time & write down those mantras. I feel like every single word Mark said in this video should be written down & I’ll keep repeating it until it embeds in my mind & brain. I love how he is open about sleeping with a man at your own time as well. I held off sleeping with my ex until the day of our wedding. And that did not warrant his true love for me at all. Turned out he didn’t even want to kiss me. He married me because I was “a perfect thing” to obtain.
Honestly this is helpful to me as a guy. I don't know exactly why I clicked on this video, Ig I wanted to hear the female perspective on this kind of stuff. I can see how the chase balance has been thrown off in a couple of my relationships, and that stopped things from working out. I'm going to keep this in mind. Thanks!
This is a great video Mark...and absolutely amazing advice!! We should all think and act this way...hold ourselves as the priority until someone proves to us they are worthy!
This is exactly what I'm going thru right now. Thankfully I've been wise enough not to show him my disappointment (too much. Haha) and pulled back. Of course that's re igniting his interest, but now I'm ON GUARD. After "love bombing" me for 3 weeks, he's been "too busy" with work this past week. I call bullshit.
This is the biggest key which I WAS violating til now. P. S. I love the sound of the birds in your videos. I have a parrot and connect well with birds...wish the same with men ;) Susan Winter said her friend and new husband dated 'alot' before they met. When they met, they knew 'instantly.' The key was they dated many different people and knew when they found the right one. What you are teaching is starting to sink in. It feels like an insecurity-fear that we just have to LET GO OF like diving off a cliff while simultaneously releasing it. It's scary to break the pattern. So many are following this relationship-defeating model. It's not so much we are attracting the wrong men. If we just step back into the ''single-minded'' space, wouldn't we SEE them with more clarity? That would prevent the possibility of choosing a bad apple. If we'd only put an end to this premature ''we-are-exclusive'' mental delusion, we could prevent ourselves from being glued to the wrong person also prematurely. What do you think?
So once you have all these options while being single and eventually narrow them down, how do you know which one to choose to settle with? And how do you. keep the dynamic strong while both of you are "sold?"
I want to meet this "high-value" woman you describe here, Mark. You, Matt Hussey, Matt Boggs & every other dating / life coach I've watched on YT describe a woman who is successful - has a career she loves, has a busy social life filled with family & friends who adore her, and has the time to hit the gym regularly & volunteer her time helping the underserved. And one who has the strength to allow herself to like a guy but not go gaga over him too quickly. Yes, I really want to meet this woman, if she does exist. And I want to meet the man who wants to or who is in a relationship with her.
Ive learned so much. I now know why at some point he started to pull away. But im doing your advices and he started to be how it was the first time i met him. Yes putting more value at yourself is the best thing a woman has to be doing. The guy will also treat you that way.
Oh Miss Jonz don't be ridiculous! You're 38 years young - I have clients in their late 50's! Take a break, then refresh your brain and your mindsets, come in with a different approach and kick some butt :)
I have an anxious attachment that results in me becoming very needy, I'm learning to step back and go with the flow to hopefully get his interest level back where it was. I bought a journal so whenever my anxious thoughts get the best of me instead of freaking out and messaging him/picking fights I will instead dump all my thoughts into my journal. Hope this helps my current situation even if just a little bit!
Unfortunately this is an issue I have. I feel that I chase equally not more or less than the guy. I think I must be attracted to emotionally unavailable men. Not sure where that comes from Mark. Until I figure it out, i am just going to live my life to the fullest.
I'd love to work through some of this personally with you Denise, though it may take a couple of sessions to nail it down. Is there a certain something you do/say that sees them bail? Anything you can think of pattern wise?
Ms. W. I experienced the same with a “no show” father. I could be going through similar issues. Who knows...it’s all connected and it takes work to process the true issues in order to change our patterns.I wish you the best!
Denise Campbell This has been my issue ... I'm now starting to think outside the box .. trying to date men that are emotionally ready. Talk about different emotions. Wow ! It's definitely easier with the men that are good. Ready for a relationship.. I shift to emotionally unavailable men. And I had to listen to a lot of marks videos to open up to a man that's not perfect. But perfect for me. Very loving. Kind and loyal. It's like it's foreign to me , but I'm hanging on and hoping for the best ... 😊
Love your videos....Yet I totally get what you're saying and I agree, but at the same time it makes me sick to my stomach (honest). For me, when I found someone/something I want, I can NOT help but be fully focused on just them/it. I'm passionate about what I want. For example when I send out a ton of resumes and finally get 1 response back, I immediately stop searching for any other job prospects until this ONE follows through or fails. I'm looking for a new group of friends (just moved to a new State), the first person I meet that I connect with I automatically choose JUST them and stop looking for more. So without a doubt when I meet a guy I really like (and he shows very clear signs he is into me) I can NOT help but focus on just him. Soooo......what you are saying makes perfect sense but you are telling me to be someone I can not be. Doesn't seem possible to make the mind shift, but I know I absolutely need to :/
I am the same, unfortunately... If I am into a guy, I can't keep looking for other prospects and compartmentalize my feelings. The problem I have now is when the man who was into me has started to pull away, and as said Mark, I was already sold on him and ready to commit... Maybe it doesn't explain it all, and this man maybe just wanted the thrill of the chase and the ego stroke of seduction, and now that it could lead to a relationship, he's suddenly less responding. So there are many factors that play into it... But if we could at least give them the impression (fake it) that we are not completely hooked and sold on them, maybe this would prevent them from stopping chasing us.
All this chasing nonsense goes out the window if two people are looking for a commitment. If I meet a guy, I like him, he likes me, we are communicating at a nice pace, at some point (naturally) we'll progress into the next faze, which is commitment. There are no games when love is involved. A man knows when he wants a women in his life forever. A man has to be READY. PERIOD.
Makes sense. But honestly hard not to do that when you think you've 'hit the jackpot' with a guy that stands out from the rest. And yes, great connection. Great values. Challenge is long distance. The other ones pale in comparison. Luke warm. Hmmm ... Gotta to try to reverse the dynamic. To see what happens.
Oh my God I totally needed this info. I was beginning to think that I wouldn't find the answer to my question in terms of my relationship. Thanks so much it really means alot. Positive vibes all the way.
Thanks for sharing! I experienced in this already n i let go of chasing them n let it be. Not looking does build up ur confidences n does make men look at u in a different way, nice way.
thats the problem with any "advice" people are different, lots of guys probably like to keep it real casual for a while they date other people you date other people and see what happens but me and maybe men like me if you dont put focus and attention in quickly we bounce because we dont really do casual, the same im sure is true for women, there is no one answer to any of this
It's also about having hobbies, passion and friends. If the guy sees that you are busy, he'll try to take up as much of your time and attention as he can. Dunno why they are like that :D.
I often hear men say they don't want a woman who's a serial dater or a woman who is too busy. Those men are attempting to lock women down without an official relationship.
Listening again. The easiest techinique you give that sticks easily for me is the 'balance'. I took that on and was able to put it to work instantly. I watch for balance now. It was hard to change the pattern of being less selective in the beginning and moreso as time goes by, but I've adjusted my head to understand that, it does make more sense -..so much more. Now I'm courageously beginning my transition.
That's fantastic Jia. It is challenging at first, because we all want to make decisions so quickly, but that's not the way dating works :) Sounds like you're doing amazingly!
how do these muthafuckers sense the moment we want to bear their children?! :D I was still recovering from a breakup in june and wasn't ready for anything, but somehow i got asked on a date by a really handsome guy who was also really funny, charming, educated...before that, we had one or two great conversations over phone and in the midst of my breakup he was like come on, let me take you out for a walk...so with no expectations i actually had the best first date of my life. but still i was keeping my distance since i wasn't really ready for another emotional commitment...and then he had to leave abroad to work for 3 months and we were like yeah we'll stay in touch not really knowing if the interest would endure at all...but he was obssessed with me, texted me everyday, calling regularly, just did everything really...and over those 3 months i actually started to develope not only some emotions but also certain expectations and wasn't really involving with anybody else...so come september and he finally arrives in the city...the chemistry was kinda the same, just a tad watered down...but then suddenly like following a downward spiral he stopped chasing...he actually was keeping in contact, but there was no initiative, determined intention, the thrill... and when i noticed that, i became the one pulling most of the strings and started projecting my insecurities and asking hey what's going on, this feels kinda different...got no direct response from him. so, i guess my situation is the perfect example of what you were saying...he started withdrawing due to something and by me wanting to pull him in even more, the balance changed. so, what am to do now? i stopped texting, calling and it has been a few days...and the problem with this and i think many women will agree, in order to distance yourself, most often you must completely let go...let go of him, the idea of being together and that's when you're on the way of becoming the one who is simply done with that man. Maaark, I really need your advice :)
Hahahah! Thanks for sharing this story Svichky. It certainly could have been something like what I described with Jess... It's possible other factors could have played a part too don't forget. A bit of long distance hype can do that aswell... both people get hyped for the return then it kid of fizzles because the distance made it unrealistic. It's very possible he met someone else in that time. Gawd I hate leaving/LDR's for this reason!! You do have to let go. Atleast for now. It's always a good reality check to remember why you're so good single, and that any guy who opts out of joining you in that is his loss. Dating can be swingy business and it's unfortunate that one person can lose feelings at any time... nothing much is secure until you've comitted to exclusivity, and it's ALWAYS worth remembering that. It does suck letting go of that vision... I've been there too x
Mark Rosenfeld First of all, Mark thank u so much for replying :-) Also, what i forgot to tell you is that we actually did set up another date last week...again my initiative, and i was like lets hang out, at least we deserve to see each other after such a long time of only having phone contact...we had sex and overall everything was nice, cuddling afterwards, and he texted me right after he left, so i guess we both had a great time. But you're right, i do have to let go and I am... I mean, how else am i gonna show him what he's missing? :-D Anyways, besides being so cute, you are very kind and thank u so much for your insight into human/man psyche in the dating department. Subscribed and will be watching :-) Greetings from Serbia.
Svichky, I am in a similar situation with a guy I have been visiting during a month and it was really intense and great for both, he was very enthusiastic then. As I left back to my country, and started to feel insecure about our non labeled relationship, and he was not ready to promise me anything, I was needy, asking for more connection moments on phone. He has kept initiating daily but there was less chemistry and connection and he would flake after he agreed on calling me. It was probably too soon after a couple of months to talk about relationship and also being long distance, but I really felt ready to commit. Now he seems to keep contacting me but I don't really know why, as he is no longer being sweet and loving, avoiding to talk about feelings and a possible next visit. I also feel like you, that if I have to let go, I might give up on him completely, because I don't like "limbo" situation and being in the waiting room. I wonder how things have gone for you since then? would be glad to read you!
I think he is on point. I realized that I’m morphing into my BF. I was a confident small business owner who was on the road to getting it together, after breaking my engagement 3 months prior. I found something I could do and not much start up cost. Then One morning I went to buy a wood support for my bed and I met my BF. 4 months later he is taking me for granted in the worst ways. I don’t blame him! I’m losing my identity. AGAIN. He let me know that I have changed too, not just him. Sominstead of being afraid to make him mad, I am now at the gym where I freaking LOVE TO BE! Let’s go ladies. I’m working on developing that “super-model” attitude again! Lol
I guess it's just the age old crap where as soon as a guy can have you, he no longer wants you. This isnt' great advice b/c I'd stay far away from these kinds of bad quality men anyway. If a guy likes you and chases you, then if he stops chasing simply b/c you show interest back then he has some serious problems--mental or lack of self-esteem or something. Dating and sleeping around isn't going to be the answer. The answer is to first work on yourself so you are not attracting this kind of behaviour in the first place. Although I know it's hard b/c most ppl in today's shallow awful society behave this way due to capitalism and how we've been taught that anything you have means nothing and you always have to have the next "better" thing. Very sad world we live in. Very very sad
orangebanana really true. If a guy stops chasing once you show your interest it means you have no genuine connection lol this is game playing and means you’re only making superficial connections with guys.
Thank you so much for this video I learned so much. I started talking to this guy long distance two months ago. The way we met was actually so romantic. I feel like he is sweet and everything I prayed for. But everybody thinks I’m crazy if I say I need more attention from him. It’s actually balanced for now the moment he sees I don’t text him he starts texting me. Bug he was busy all week. Me thinking he will give me some attention in the weekend but he didn’t he just gave me a little. Everybody is busy but if u free give me more attention show me u care. But he lacks it and if I go into a relationship with him I think it will be worse. I like him so much but I’m trying to detach myself slowly. I’m getting older and I don’t have time for heartbreaks. What u said about your friend I realized I do the same. I didn’t hold this guy to a high standard but he is so perfect to me. I am single but dating him in my head. Thank you for making me realize it I do speak to other guys but he is my main. I do believe he also speaks to other girl which he had every right to but I may not be his main I don’t know. We still talk everyday but I’m just not going to give him that much attention again and see how it works out. Sorry if I’m all over the place I’m just confused.
Yes! Exactly what I needed to hear right now. Once you’ve put it out to the guy that you’d like to be exclusively dating him & he pulls back, is there a way to still make it work?
This whole dating thing is so foreign to me. I have had two relationships in my life, both were long considering how young i am (22). The relationships were 2.5 and 3.5 years. I still need to move on from my last relationship, but once i get ready to date again, i have no idea what to do. For me it was always that i already knew someone as a friend and i coupd talk to them for hours. And then after a time feelings kept coming up and at one point we kissed and got together. There was never a "what are we phase". Ive never really been on a first date with someone i dont really know.
I didn’t like the title but then I saw the video and understood the vibe Much better. Really useful!!!! Thanks for the reminder that we should all put High value both in our Exclusivity and Love. Sehr interessant.
BRILLIANT!! This insight and advice is EXACTLY what I needed to hear!! Thank you so much for making this video and your excellent delivery of this message!!
is it weird to go to a singles party alone? i asked my girlfriends to come with me but they aren't single and don't want to go. so is it totally acceptable to go alone? any advice for a girl going alone?
Thanks Mark, this is spot on and exactly what I do. I’m busy and very selective on the men I give time to. When I meet a good one I do exactly as you say. I just read the book “The Rules” because a friend mentioned it years ago and I thought maybe it’d help a hopeless romantic out. Lol. Not sure how I feel about that philosophy either though... Anyways love you perspective!
When chasers become runners Or the chased become runners Self preservation and Fear. Sometimes the two are justified due to intuition, experience & ‘signs’
hamira abdallah Cut off any contact with him. Don't pay attention to him. He's not worth your valuable time and you can focus on finding somebody else who respects you and cares about you. Tell him: " If you can't offer me the happiness I deserve, then someone else will.." That will make him think twice, or leave because he's inadequate. It's not being arrogant, it's letting him know what you want and what you deserve. The key word is: Deserve.
Katerina Patiniotis hello mis katerina thanks for sharing your ideas with me... I really appreciate how you remind me of my worthy it seems I really have forgotten it.. Again thank you
Who's here now still watching this video on How To Keep A Guy Chasing (Why He Lost Interest And Stopped Chasing)?? If so, hit 'reply' to let me know your thoughts on the video! You can also DM me on insta @makehimyours and come behind the scenes on filming! And don't forget your FREE download via www.makehimyours.com.au/book
I'm watching!!
I just watched the second video because the first one was so good I believe you are right on with everything you have said and I wanted to make a comment because I can't believe the compassion it comes with it and you truly care about helping people and that's awesome don't see that very often you truly want to make good ripples I really appreciate that more than you know thanks keep up the good work I know you will and I've never be been a subscriber before to anybody or anybody's page or whatever followed that I'm aware of until now this is very worth keeping up with and following and more than worth my time thank you for your efforts
PS sorry not sure how this even works exactly yet but I wanted to say this is the first comment I think I've ever left on anything other than a few friends things on Facebook and this is the first thing that I am consciously aware of that I've ever subscribed you or wanted to see more of and take the time to do so very worth it thank you again
I just tuned in
Tired of dating already and only been at it for 3 months since my divorce was final
Wisdom: "Give him the gift of missing you."
Yeah but how oof
@@leakellhammer9960 yes this works
Wow
I like this
hmmm....cool
After dating an amazing man for 6months, lastnight I find out he's been watching the guy versions of these kind of vids. No wonder it's been one hell of a battle🤦♀️
Ommgg i hope you dumped him, maybe he is manipulativ!
@@jsjsuyuskskdiyis6147 wait what? We are watching these vids, that makes us manipulative then😂😂
😂😂😂 yikes
😂😂😂😂😂
This made so much sense to me! I started dating this guy that I really liked and at first he was very receptive and text and call and then like you said he started taking longer to text me back and call... now I see what I did wrong .. I was sold before he was ! Will not make that mistake again! Thanks so much for this video!!!
Really glad this video help you understand that situation DrV :)
DrV it's all about being unavailable even if they seem to make themselves available to you even if your bored or starved for connection. I realised that having hobbies keeps myself busy and when a guy calls me or try's to see me when I'm soaked in filling myself with my hobby I tell him immediately I'm busy doing this (for what ever reason) and if he ties harder to talk I'll give home 1-2 minutes but if he doesn't ask questions or try to connect by easily dismissing himself I do the same.. still working on it though
Wian0 x
DrV Same problem with me
Same
I felt so empowered after this video!! "Your love is the most valuable thing that you could possibly give to a man. Value it for what it is, respect it." Beautiful. Thank you!! You do not know just how much some girls need to hear this (myself included).
The problem I see with this "abundance" mentality is that it just takes soooo much time. I mean, let's say you work, have a few hobbies, a reasonable good social life and not very much free time...you just don't want to keep booking your free time with random dudes. And you don't even want to manage so much men, it's exhausting. At some point it's very hard to keep the dating process fun, specially if you're on the introvert side. For me, I created a list of stuff I would like to do and had no company to do them, so I started taking my dates to those activities. At least I had the mindset that "If this goes terrible wrong, I will still have done something I wanted/liked". It was the only way to endure through "abundance".
That is EXACTLY what I'd recommend doing Asckinha. When you can incorporate dating into your life and loving doing it no matter what the result with the guy, that's when you have AUTOMATIC abundance AND you're going to have fun all the time dating, because you're doing stuff you love regardless! Love it love it love it.
This sounds like the plan I had in mind in response to this issue. Thank you!
asckinha THIS !!!!
asckinha thank you!! This is exactly what I’m talking about! Ok so I’m not the only one! I’m not in my twenties anymore when I had just myself to look after and plenty of spare time to have a social night life and step out with friends and multiple dating prospects. Time is going faster by the minute and there’s only 24 hours in a day!! One guy at a time is about all I can handle!! Lol and really what I am desiring is to meet a good solid mature man and settle down! My family on both sides we grew up knowing all our aunts and uncles, neighbors, friends parents in marriage partnerships and most of these couples have stayed together over the decades! It gave us kids security and consistency. Why is this so hard to obtain nowadays!!?? I feel like people are looking for Heaven in people and when they don’t find that ideal perfection they devalue and discard like yesterday’s leftovers.
Christina Cataldi I fully agree with you. I personally don’t agree with this advice. It sounds like he’s encouraging multiple dating. I don’t agree with multiple dating and it isn’t my style. I don’t want to have a great time with someone and just end up assuming they’re having another great time with someone else and making out or possibly even sleeping with someone else too. With a mentality like that, what’s to make me believe the person is capable of monogamy and commitment? Multiple dating IMO just reeks of player. If I suddenly sense distancing or lack of interest from the other party, i in turn just lose interest myself and move on. These are nothing but games and I’m sick and tired of people who play games. All these games are indicative of emotional immaturity and I think too much time is wasted trying to decipher and justify them. My philosophy is if the dating is this hard and you need to come here for advice, it’s not the right match.
This is sooo depressing 😞 but thanks for the info. Sometimes you need to hear the truth. I think ima stay single ✌🏽. This chase/pull away is way too complicated. I don't play games.
Sorry to hear that Brittany. But I'm glad you got something out of it. Thanks so much for watching xx
I’m in the same boat I don’t wanna chase
espen strømmen ya you might be right cuz I finally got a bf am I’m jus being my crazy ass self lol so maybe it really just depends how that person feels about you and you can’t just trick somebody into liking you
He cheated and I dumped him so Nevermind lol
@@Markrosenfeld i agree with her. While I get your point in the healthy way, very few people are healthy like that. Or sincere. I hate games too and like you said that's not what you recommend anyways. I'm still not sure I understood this. If I need to think about a move I make I feel like it is a game or strategy. I have met men, like my ex, where we connected and instantly got along and trusted each other. Because we both were authentic. That includes fears and insecurities. I am going to watch more videos because my anti social lifestyle does make me do all the wrong things. Well not all. I never play games but I fuck it up bc I either feel nothing or everything. Not that extreme. Just don't connect easily and being attracted at the same time. I do like your videos so far. And I believe in balance based on love or genuine care not chasing. The title is a bit misleading.
Mark, This is GOLD!! You described my Current situation. He was doing the same thing as her guy; calling, texting, wanting to make plans, SUPER interested, & putting in a perfect amount of effort. (It wasn’t over the top or creepy/love bombing nonsense) I was genuinely busy & not able to see him the first few times he wanted to go out. We had our first date last week, we spent a couple of days together. Everything was great. He even started making future plans for us; wants me to go on a weekend trip soon, asked me to go with him to an event this spring, bought us concert tickets for a show in London this summer, etc. I’ve never had a man do those things that wasn’t invested. The first day apart, he was still texting/communicating. Second day he called, but we played phone tag. Third day he was “distant” & I sensed something was a little off. When we talked again, I could tell he was exhausted & not in a good mood. He’s in the middle of moving, extra travel for work, & some personal things going on. So I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt right now, but making mental notes. I wasn’t rude & didn’t make an issue of it. Just said I understand, we’re both busy. Told him to let me know if I could help with anything. I could tell he genuinely appreciated me offering & the way I handled it. He’s going to be traveling for two weeks, this weekend & next he will have his child with him. So I don’t think we’ll see each other again for a couple of weeks. (It’s impossible when he’s in another state all week & then has his child over the weekend.) I say that because of the whole, “No one’s too busy etc.” Well... that’s not ALWAYS true. As far as Texts/calls of course that applies!! I took a step back. Not to play games, but to create space & focus on my own responsibilities/life. He hasn’t called since Monday, there’s been a few texts, but there’s a noticeable difference in his energy or efforts. I did want to see how he’d respond to me about the concert, because it’s a big deal-Traveling to London from the US. (He wanted me to add a couple of things to my passport & I truly did not remember what they were. But it was also a perfect opportunity to see how he would react.) So I asked him what they were & was pleasantly surprised when he sent the information I needed... bc he could have just as easily ignored me or made up an excuse to get out of going. Right?!? Or no??? 🤔🤷🏼♀️ Help!! What’s the best way to handle this situation? Just continue to do my thing, live my life, let him be the one to pursue/reach out?
Love your channel so much & you’re my favorite for dating advice. Thank you for helping not only me, but so many other women too. Wish there were more men like you. 🙏🏼
Mark! I love your approach: Don´t give up exclusivity if there´s not true compatibility! + sex is not the most important issue that a guy can get from you, but love & exclusivity. This is so empowering and disruptive from the mainstream advice of placing all our personal power on "giving or not the cookie"... cheers for that!
Glad you loved it, Isabel. Thank you! Means a lot 🙂
Wow.. I never thought of it like that. I agree, I subconsciously do that every time I see a guy that has the qualities I’m looking for. Then time and time again the guys fall through. I feel I could be to readily loyal at the core.. I’m not really sure how to be half hearted once I see there’s a good connection and values. Maybe I need to try to have a “only having a fun time mentality”.
Your advice always makes so much sense. I have scarce dating. But yeah, keep your self respect for yourself, never push things too quickly. He chase me and I chase him then gives him a break and see if he show further effort . Let the both of us maintain a balanced equal status
I had 85 messages in my inbox, they were all creepy old guys or teenagers but I was extremely flattered and depressed at the same time so I quit with the internet...
All of them?? Literally all 85?
LOL... it happens to me too but I just delete them without responding.. bad huh!
Mark Rosenfeld all of them I promise, I guess im only attractive to that type of men
You'll find ♥️ love when you least expect it. How true: Internet is full of men who CANNOT find/date ladies in their daily lives, many are narcissistic, only few are true or honest, not players. 😱 Continue to cultivate yourself to make your future man PROUD of you, proud to be with you, so he feels lucky to have found you then. 😄
No Messages From Any Red Pill Men I Am Sure..
if he loses interest then you were not meant to be together. nothing you could do to prevent this. how long could a woman keep her single status? if the guy doesnt appreciate you being exclusive for him, it just shows that he doesnt love you, how complicated is that? Love cannot be forced.
Well said.
You just called me out so hard on this one !! Haha going through this now. The belief that great connections are scarce and we have to hold on to them as tight as we can - it’s so true.
bloody hell. this is my life right now.
Hahahah. Well atleast you've got some info on it now Jez.
Update?
A man should chase a woman and a woman should chase her dreams
Personally, I think both a man and a woman should chase each other and their dreams
That feels wonderful, both is balance
mssummerrose1 love what you said and so ... accurate love it 😘
I have spent a long time studying how to get him interested in me and found a great website at Covert attractor audit (look it up on google)
Agree
Your timing is impeccable👌
Hahahah thankyou Kitt
Kitt Knight So true!
Kitt Knight seriously!! Absolute synchronicity... I needed this tonight
This is frightening. It feels unnatural. I’m dating someone but we’re not exclusive yet but I feel I’d be cheating if I went out with others. But maybe I have to because he’s aloof at times. Thank you Mark.
What about in a long distance relationship?
they dont work
They work if u want them to work..
Just ignore him, if you're the one chasing him...he really can't even see you
when ignoring him, is it normal for girls to not text a guy for a week or two to build that desire?
This was an earthshaking video for me, looking back at 3 failed marriages and actively wanting to get back in the dating game after 4 1/2 years on my own. Wish I heard this advice 25 years ago, but so thankful that I finally got it now🤗
At least, now you know Tania. Good luck on dating. Thanks so much for watching xx
If a woman has a reoccuring habit of wanting to commit right away than this could be an issue but I would think some men are just pulling back for their own reasons that might not have anything to do with how the woman is feeling. The younger the man the more skiddish they may be or if a man has been through a messy break up or a death of a partner. If a man wants to be in a relationship they don't usually have any qualms about making their intentions clear because they are ready for that in that moment in time. It is all about timing. I have heard women complaining that men are the ones now rushing into commitment at 2 to 4 weeks with wanting so much of a woman's time.
Weird. Yeah it's all about emotional maturity. If the guy is not feeling it, he will pull away no matter how he chased in the beginning. The beginning chase is just because he's interested in getting to know someone new. Once that new is gone, it gets boring, and he vanishes. Guys don't take time to get to know a person.
@@kristikg7431 I stopped *chasing people* when I realized I had my own worth as a human being, But guys don't stop chasing due to boredom, They stop chasing because they find out just how many red flags there is or kinda ghost away if nothing goes anywhere
@@imachangedname2978 It is guys fault if it doesn't go anywhere.
No one is chasing me, I'm hopeless lol
Your time will come. There is a website called Meetups. It has groups you can join in your area for what interests you. Doesn't necessarily have to be singles groups. In the few groups I have actually gone to there are quite a few nice men but so far the ones I have attended the men are too young for men but talking to them has been a learning experience in itself.
Life tobelived I'm a homebody at heart. I go to the places I like already. Even going out on dates, if I had any, stresses me out.
Me too I am a homebody too but when I started co organizing for a meetup group that was so out of my comfort zone I found out that so many people who come are scared to come too. It takes them months to go to the first meetup. I confessed at one meetup that every time I organize a meetup I am nervous. That surprised some people. For some it is like a fish swimming in water super easy for me it is not. We even had one man show up at a meetup but he didn't sit with us. The only way I figured it out was that he commented on the meetup page how good the movie was. When I messaged him to come join us in the restaurant he said he wasn't ready yet. Yes I am very scared to date. I was never good at before I got married and now it has been 22 years since I was with anyone else besides my ex husband. I went out on one date with another man before we were married when we broke up for a while.
Mel Berry same here
Aminah A Things will Change, they always do
All advisers out there advising what women should do so they can get the guy, but to be honest whatever you do if the guy doesn't like you anymore then he doesn't really like you anymore whatever you do or not do.
Well Shirley it's all about being the best version of yourself. If the guy doesn't like THAT, then there's nothing you can do, but a lot of us have a way to go before we reach that.
Mark Rosenfeld then how come, even those almost perfect, beautiful people, professionals, educated, wealthy still they break up then another relationship and so on and so forth, I think it's up to the two persons to keep the relationship and make up and not just throw it out when there's a challenge.
Mark Rosenfeld the men and women should be advised not only girls.
Oh man. Nail on the head. Self realizing what mistakes I'm making. I thought I was being kind. Thank you
Great video Mark! I will definitely change my mindset. I know my value and I have high standards. I need to stop giving away my single status as a form of respect to the guy after a good connection. Good men have been scarce in my life but the right one will come along.
That's it Marly. Thanks again. Don't forget we now have a facebook group too!
facebook.com/groups/766326563553359/
Mark Rosenfeld Thank you I have sent a request to join
probably the best dating advice ever in this video 👍
Thanks Rachel x
You Got That Right..
I think it's coming across as being over eager that puts guys off. I had a guy text me and ask if I was still interested in him because I wasn't texting him. I was responding to his texts but not initiating contact so he assumed I wasn't interested. lol that was shocking to me.
Yeh absolutely. You weren't reciprocating/showing interest back, so what else was a guy to think?!? I would have stopped texting you at some point too!
Thank you so much for sharing those principles- she was already making him boyfriend material in her mind when they had just gone on a few dates and he picked up on that. She threw off the natural balance of the chase with her mindset. I think we know this as an unspoken rule but it's awesome that you really articulated it, so helpful!!
Thanks Carolyn for watching and commenting! really appreciate it
That's really great Mark!!! Yes, get to know the guy, date him for some time, you may find out many red flags you don't like and if you are emotionally involved already, it will be difficult to break up. Have prudence. Be careful. (That's how I think)
Yes, great stuff Mocina! Very wise xx
Monica Levy Tyler
I feel you have a good following. Keep us motivated. Very good
This is gold! I wish I saw this year as ago to remind me 🤦🏻♀️ The best is stay single in my mind! “Don’t stop being single”. Best advise ever! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 The longest relationship I had of six years was based on this principle, I stayed single for a long long time and he chased and chased and chased until I said yes 😉 and also my first boyfriend of one year that happened before this long term; he treated me like a Queen because I never stoped thinking I was single and he chased me all that years long 😍💕 He was amazing! Why I forgot? 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Something happened and after that I kept forgetting it 🤦🏻♀️ But not anymore! Appreciate this info Mark. You are awesome’ 💕
Right when I started the video, the guy, who is the reason I am watching, texted me 🤦🏻♀️
The advice is basically nobody chases anyone and be single the rest of your life.
Not at all Mighty! I'm a big fan of showing interest. You just have to make sure you keep yourself grounded and your standards in place as you show it :)
Same
It’s better to be single than to work your ass off chasing some guy that doesn’t even like you, sounds like an unpaid internship tbh
The One will chase you and want to be with you for life!
Wow! I really needed to hear this. I thought I was being genuine but I was giving away my “love” for free. Also being very choosy about who to date, then not at all choosy once I starting seeing a person. Thanks!!
1)I wait and see
2)she take time
3)selling yourself.
I need this guy to prove himself.
4)don't stop being single.
5)raise your standard for love
6)less choosy when start and form more connection,be more choosy when time goes
OMG...this is exactly what happens to me . thank you so much, Mark for making it clear.
Thanks Mazol - am really glad you enjoyed it!
I’ve been single for a long time, so now one day I tried to date a guy , it feels perfect and like a fairytale, we were so happy, but then he started to pull away and the effort in sending messages fades away. That’s why i hate to be in relationship.
The right guy will be consistent with his efforts and keep you updated
At the dating stage you don't really know the person yet. It's normal they put more effort at the beginning to impress you. Just try to train your brain to don't attach to someone so quickly and take a time to know a person.
That's why you hate to be in a bad relationship. If he pulls away, move on. He's not worth your time! The right one will not pull away!
You are brilliant with your psychological examples you use. It is a huge puzzle piece other relationship coachs really miss the ability to convey. Thank you Mark for your positive videos!
Arrrw thank you tinker jedi- that's such a beautiful comment. Made my day xx
This is the problem with dating now a days. Whatever happened to liking someone without all the games and moving forward. Just being honest and genuine. You chase her he chases you this is so complicated ane it’s just games. Be yourself. I guess I’ll be single forever because this sounds exhausting.
Geeeeeez, can’t stop looking at your eyes while comprehending your rich and wonderful words of advices😍 🥰😘
Well that's a bit lovely. Thanks for making my day, Bevy! x
Thank you Mark makes a lot of sense. Thats my problem.I'm too choosy in the beginning. Omg
Thanks Lucy ;) Loosen those parameters at the start
Love this vdo. I listened to it like 3 times already. And I’m gonna listen to it the 4th time & write down those mantras. I feel like every single word Mark said in this video should be written down & I’ll keep repeating it until it embeds in my mind & brain. I love how he is open about sleeping with a man at your own time as well. I held off sleeping with my ex until the day of our wedding. And that did not warrant his true love for me at all. Turned out he didn’t even want to kiss me. He married me because I was “a perfect thing” to obtain.
I love how you explain things...
I appreciate that Carrie :)
Honestly this is helpful to me as a guy. I don't know exactly why I clicked on this video, Ig I wanted to hear the female perspective on this kind of stuff. I can see how the chase balance has been thrown off in a couple of my relationships, and that stopped things from working out. I'm going to keep this in mind. Thanks!
This is a great video Mark...and absolutely amazing advice!! We should all think and act this way...hold ourselves as the priority until someone proves to us they are worthy!
Thanks for the lovely comment, Nicole Howse! Glad you liked the video.
The epiphany. The connections. This is amazing! Thank you! I forget this a lot. Thank you so much!!! ❤️❤️❤️
"Be least choosy at the beginning and......" thanks, that was one of the greatest advice i d ever received
Glad it helped, Mary.C. Thanks!
This is exactly what I'm going thru right now. Thankfully I've been wise enough not to show him my disappointment (too much. Haha) and pulled back. Of course that's re igniting his interest, but now I'm ON GUARD. After "love bombing" me for 3 weeks, he's been "too busy" with work this past week. I call bullshit.
Yes... be very careful with that Real Canadian. I call BS too..
This is the biggest key which I WAS violating til now. P. S. I love the sound of the birds in your videos. I have a parrot and connect well with birds...wish the same with men ;) Susan Winter said her friend and new husband dated 'alot' before they met. When they met, they knew 'instantly.' The key was they dated many different people and knew when they found the right one. What you are teaching is starting to sink in. It feels like an insecurity-fear that we just have to LET GO OF like diving off a cliff while simultaneously releasing it. It's scary to break the pattern. So many are following this relationship-defeating model. It's not so much we are attracting the wrong men. If we just step back into the ''single-minded'' space, wouldn't we SEE them with more clarity? That would prevent the possibility of choosing a bad apple. If we'd only put an end to this premature ''we-are-exclusive'' mental delusion, we could prevent ourselves from being glued to the wrong person also prematurely. What do you think?
Exactly Jia linn - I think what you've said here is SO so important.
1:28 Don't Stop Being Single
1:55 Raise Your Standard For Love
5:25 check this one out too
5:58 Dating Scarcity
7:55 Be Less Choosy
So once you have all these options while being single and eventually narrow them down, how do you know which one to choose to settle with? And how do you. keep the dynamic strong while both of you are "sold?"
I want to meet this "high-value" woman you describe here, Mark. You, Matt Hussey, Matt Boggs & every other dating / life coach I've watched on YT describe a woman who is successful - has a career she loves, has a busy social life filled with family & friends who adore her, and has the time to hit the gym regularly & volunteer her time helping the underserved. And one who has the strength to allow herself to like a guy but not go gaga over him too quickly.
Yes, I really want to meet this woman, if she does exist. And I want to meet the man who wants to or who is in a relationship with her.
Ive learned so much. I now know why at some point he started to pull away. But im doing your advices and he started to be how it was the first time i met him. Yes putting more value at yourself is the best thing a woman has to be doing. The guy will also treat you that way.
Great advice! Honestly, I'm trying to stay positive but I just don't think I can do dating anymore. At 38 seems like my time has come and gone.
Oh Miss Jonz don't be ridiculous! You're 38 years young - I have clients in their late 50's! Take a break, then refresh your brain and your mindsets, come in with a different approach and kick some butt :)
Miss Jonz me too
my mom dated guys all the way into her 60's. excuses.
Miss Jonz I'm newly single at 54. I hope you are wrong. Scary.
I have an anxious attachment that results in me becoming very needy, I'm learning to step back and go with the flow to hopefully get his interest level back where it was. I bought a journal so whenever my anxious thoughts get the best of me instead of freaking out and messaging him/picking fights I will instead dump all my thoughts into my journal. Hope this helps my current situation even if just a little bit!
Unfortunately this is an issue I have. I feel that I chase equally not more or less than the guy. I think I must be attracted to emotionally unavailable men. Not sure where that comes from Mark. Until I figure it out, i am just going to live my life to the fullest.
I'd love to work through some of this personally with you Denise, though it may take a couple of sessions to nail it down. Is there a certain something you do/say that sees them bail? Anything you can think of pattern wise?
Ms. W. I experienced the same with a “no show” father. I could be going through similar issues. Who knows...it’s all connected and it takes work to process the true issues in order to change our patterns.I wish you the best!
Denise Campbell This has been my issue ... I'm now starting to think outside the box .. trying to date men that are emotionally ready. Talk about different emotions. Wow ! It's definitely easier with the men that are good. Ready for a relationship.. I shift to emotionally unavailable men. And I had to listen to a lot of marks videos to open up to a man that's not perfect. But perfect for me. Very loving. Kind and loyal. It's like it's foreign to me , but I'm hanging on and hoping for the best ... 😊
Denise Campbell 1
calm your tits mariachie
I think the most thing to have: self esteem and respect.
Nice video
I really enjoy listening to your knowledge !!
Love your videos....Yet I totally get what you're saying and I agree, but at the same time it makes me sick to my stomach (honest). For me, when I found someone/something I want, I can NOT help but be fully focused on just them/it. I'm passionate about what I want. For example when I send out a ton of resumes and finally get 1 response back, I immediately stop searching for any other job prospects until this ONE follows through or fails. I'm looking for a new group of friends (just moved to a new State), the first person I meet that I connect with I automatically choose JUST them and stop looking for more. So without a doubt when I meet a guy I really like (and he shows very clear signs he is into me) I can NOT help but focus on just him. Soooo......what you are saying makes perfect sense but you are telling me to be someone I can not be. Doesn't seem possible to make the mind shift, but I know I absolutely need to :/
Stephanie Johnson im also the same doooo not worry
I am the same, unfortunately... If I am into a guy, I can't keep looking for other prospects and compartmentalize my feelings. The problem I have now is when the man who was into me has started to pull away, and as said Mark, I was already sold on him and ready to commit... Maybe it doesn't explain it all, and this man maybe just wanted the thrill of the chase and the ego stroke of seduction, and now that it could lead to a relationship, he's suddenly less responding. So there are many factors that play into it... But if we could at least give them the impression (fake it) that we are not completely hooked and sold on them, maybe this would prevent them from stopping chasing us.
Its never to late to apply what I just learned from you. Thank you soooo much.
All this chasing nonsense goes out the window if two people are looking for a commitment. If I meet a guy, I like him, he likes me, we are communicating at a nice pace, at some point (naturally) we'll progress into the next faze, which is commitment. There are no games when love is involved. A man knows when he wants a women in his life forever. A man has to be READY. PERIOD.
It’s like wiping my tears away. Thank you!
Makes sense.
But honestly hard not to do that when you think you've 'hit the jackpot' with a guy that stands out from the rest.
And yes, great connection. Great values.
Challenge is long distance.
The other ones pale in comparison. Luke warm.
Hmmm ... Gotta to try to reverse the dynamic.
To see what happens.
Gotta make sure you qualify men on the values you're looking for and their efforts Judy - which takes time to come out :) Always remember that.
Oh my God I totally needed this info. I was beginning to think that I wouldn't find the answer to my question in terms of my relationship. Thanks so much it really means alot. Positive vibes all the way.
WHATS WITH THE CONSTANT TEXTING? WHAT ABOUT THE PHONE CALLS?
Thanks for sharing! I experienced in this already n i let go of chasing them n let it be. Not looking does build up ur confidences n does make men look at u in a different way, nice way.
Thanks Tina - I enjoyed filming it too
I had a guy who quit chasing for the opposite reason, because I was talking to other men. This is all so confusing!
he is controlling.. so he thought you were not worth it.
thats the problem with any "advice" people are different, lots of guys probably like to keep it real casual for a while they date other people you date other people and see what happens but me and maybe men like me if you dont put focus and attention in quickly we bounce because we dont really do casual, the same im sure is true for women, there is no one answer to any of this
It's also about having hobbies, passion and friends. If the guy sees that you are busy, he'll try to take up as much of your time and attention as he can. Dunno why they are like that :D.
I often hear men say they don't want a woman who's a serial dater or a woman who is too busy. Those men are attempting to lock women down without an official relationship.
Listening again. The easiest techinique you give that sticks easily for me is the 'balance'. I took that on and was able to put it to work instantly. I watch for balance now. It was hard to change the pattern of being less selective in the beginning and moreso as time goes by, but I've adjusted my head to understand that, it does make more sense -..so much more. Now I'm courageously beginning my transition.
That's fantastic Jia. It is challenging at first, because we all want to make decisions so quickly, but that's not the way dating works :) Sounds like you're doing amazingly!
how do these muthafuckers sense the moment we want to bear their children?! :D
I was still recovering from a breakup in june and wasn't ready for anything, but somehow i got asked on a date by a really handsome guy who was also really funny, charming, educated...before that, we had one or two great conversations over phone and in the midst of my breakup he was like come on, let me take you out for a walk...so with no expectations i actually had the best first date of my life. but still i was keeping my distance since i wasn't really ready for another emotional commitment...and then he had to leave abroad to work for 3 months and we were like yeah we'll stay in touch not really knowing if the interest would endure at all...but he was obssessed with me, texted me everyday, calling regularly, just did everything really...and over those 3 months i actually started to develope not only some emotions but also certain expectations and wasn't really involving with anybody else...so come september and he finally arrives in the city...the chemistry was kinda the same, just a tad watered down...but then suddenly like following a downward spiral he stopped chasing...he actually was keeping in contact, but there was no initiative, determined intention, the thrill... and when i noticed that, i became the one pulling most of the strings and started projecting my insecurities and asking hey what's going on, this feels kinda different...got no direct response from him. so, i guess my situation is the perfect example of what you were saying...he started withdrawing due to something and by me wanting to pull him in even more, the balance changed. so, what am to do now? i stopped texting, calling and it has been a few days...and the problem with this and i think many women will agree, in order to distance yourself, most often you must completely let go...let go of him, the idea of being together and that's when you're on the way of becoming the one who is simply done with that man.
Maaark, I really need your advice :)
Hahahah! Thanks for sharing this story Svichky. It certainly could have been something like what I described with Jess... It's possible other factors could have played a part too don't forget. A bit of long distance hype can do that aswell... both people get hyped for the return then it kid of fizzles because the distance made it unrealistic. It's very possible he met someone else in that time. Gawd I hate leaving/LDR's for this reason!!
You do have to let go. Atleast for now. It's always a good reality check to remember why you're so good single, and that any guy who opts out of joining you in that is his loss. Dating can be swingy business and it's unfortunate that one person can lose feelings at any time... nothing much is secure until you've comitted to exclusivity, and it's ALWAYS worth remembering that.
It does suck letting go of that vision... I've been there too x
Mark Rosenfeld
First of all, Mark thank u so much for replying :-)
Also, what i forgot to tell you is that we actually did set up another date last week...again my initiative, and i was like lets hang out, at least we deserve to see each other after such a long time of only having phone contact...we had sex and overall everything was nice, cuddling afterwards, and he texted me right after he left, so i guess we both had a great time.
But you're right, i do have to let go and I am...
I mean, how else am i gonna show him what he's missing? :-D
Anyways, besides being so cute, you are very kind and thank u so much for your insight into human/man psyche in the dating department.
Subscribed and will be watching :-)
Greetings from Serbia.
Svichky, I am in a similar situation with a guy I have been visiting during a month and it was really intense and great for both, he was very enthusiastic then. As I left back to my country, and started to feel insecure about our non labeled relationship, and he was not ready to promise me anything, I was needy, asking for more connection moments on phone. He has kept initiating daily but there was less chemistry and connection and he would flake after he agreed on calling me. It was probably too soon after a couple of months to talk about relationship and also being long distance, but I really felt ready to commit. Now he seems to keep contacting me but I don't really know why, as he is no longer being sweet and loving, avoiding to talk about feelings and a possible next visit. I also feel like you, that if I have to let go, I might give up on him completely, because I don't like "limbo" situation and being in the waiting room.
I wonder how things have gone for you since then? would be glad to read you!
I think he is on point. I realized that I’m morphing into my BF. I was a confident small business owner who was on the road to getting it together, after breaking my engagement 3 months prior. I found something I could do and not much start up cost. Then
One morning I went to buy a wood support for my bed and I met my BF.
4 months later he is taking me for granted in the worst ways. I don’t blame him! I’m losing my identity. AGAIN.
He let me know that I have changed too, not just him.
Sominstead of being afraid to make him mad, I am now at the gym where I freaking LOVE TO BE!
Let’s go ladies. I’m working on developing that “super-model” attitude again! Lol
I guess it's just the age old crap where as soon as a guy can have you, he no longer wants you. This isnt' great advice b/c I'd stay far away from these kinds of bad quality men anyway. If a guy likes you and chases you, then if he stops chasing simply b/c you show interest back then he has some serious problems--mental or lack of self-esteem or something. Dating and sleeping around isn't going to be the answer. The answer is to first work on yourself so you are not attracting this kind of behaviour in the first place. Although I know it's hard b/c most ppl in today's shallow awful society behave this way due to capitalism and how we've been taught that anything you have means nothing and you always have to have the next "better" thing. Very sad world we live in. Very very sad
orangebanana. Very true 😢
Its sad when people have to play games and not be honest with their feelings.
orangebanana really true. If a guy stops chasing once you show your interest it means you have no genuine connection lol this is game playing and means you’re only making superficial connections with guys.
orangebanana this 🙌🏽 i always tell other women; work on yourself so you can get a higher value man. end of story.
Totally agree. What the heck . if they want to go let them go . A better guy is out there waiting to meet you. ❤
Thank you so much for this video I learned so much. I started talking to this guy long distance two months ago. The way we met was actually so romantic. I feel like he is sweet and everything I prayed for. But everybody thinks I’m crazy if I say I need more attention from him. It’s actually balanced for now the moment he sees I don’t text him he starts texting me. Bug he was busy all week. Me thinking he will give me some attention in the weekend but he didn’t he just gave me a little. Everybody is busy but if u free give me more attention show me u care. But he lacks it and if I go into a relationship with him I think it will be worse. I like him so much but I’m trying to detach myself slowly. I’m getting older and I don’t have time for heartbreaks. What u said about your friend I realized I do the same. I didn’t hold this guy to a high standard but he is so perfect to me. I am single but dating him in my head. Thank you for making me realize it I do speak to other guys but he is my main. I do believe he also speaks to other girl which he had every right to but I may not be his main I don’t know. We still talk everyday but I’m just not going to give him that much attention again and see how it works out. Sorry if I’m all over the place I’m just confused.
Yes! Exactly what I needed to hear right now. Once you’ve put it out to the guy that you’d like to be exclusively dating him & he pulls back, is there a way to still make it work?
Brilliant and concise material to live by as a standard guideline for a solid foundation
Youre amazing. How did you get so wise so young.
Arw thanks Momo!
Thanks Mark, this was gold. You have such a great energy and wise words!
I wonder how to know when it's"correct" to contact him or not??
Just keep it reciprocal Mae. Show your interest clearly but in a reciprocal manner and don't overthink it.
I really needed to hear this. It starts today. thank you!
This whole dating thing is so foreign to me. I have had two relationships in my life, both were long considering how young i am (22). The relationships were 2.5 and 3.5 years. I still need to move on from my last relationship, but once i get ready to date again, i have no idea what to do. For me it was always that i already knew someone as a friend and i coupd talk to them for hours. And then after a time feelings kept coming up and at one point we kissed and got together. There was never a "what are we phase". Ive never really been on a first date with someone i dont really know.
I can relate to literally everything you just said
This is on of the useful dating advice i have ever heard🤗thanks
That's a lovely comment, Sarah. Thanks so much! 🙏
That’s how you know you’re being chased by a narcissist because they are very hot and heavy. They lack self-esteem and self respect
So true, dating as many men as possible now only the best of the best with lots of money
If I’m chasing him who the hell is chasing me 🧐🧐🥺🥺🥺
This was what I needed. Thank you!
Thanks, Crystal Istrate! Hope you got a lot from the video. x
Can you do a video on how to tell if a guy has a crush on you
I didn’t like the title but then I saw the video and understood the vibe Much better. Really useful!!!! Thanks for the reminder that we should all put High value both in our Exclusivity and Love. Sehr interessant.
6:40 qualify to be in the race.. keeping up with my life's passions.
BRILLIANT!! This insight and advice is EXACTLY what I needed to hear!! Thank you so much for making this video and your excellent delivery of this message!!
Thanks Amarley - really glad you loved it :)
I love the idea of being more and more selective over time
🧡💛💚💙❤🤍🤎💜 wow! Great video! Thank you!! You opened a new door on how chasing balance works. I thought men should be doing the chasing all the time.
This is really difficult because some men are very upset when you go out with them a couple of times then don't want to go out with them anymore.
is it weird to go to a singles party alone? i asked my girlfriends to come with me but they aren't single and don't want to go. so is it totally acceptable to go alone? any advice for a girl going alone?
Not at all! What a great learning/growth experience. I might put this on Ask Mark too!
That’s a great view right behind you, Mark!
Lovely, isn't it? Thank you, Sheilah! x
Thanks Mark, this is spot on and exactly what I do. I’m busy and very selective on the men I give time to. When I meet a good one I do exactly as you say. I just read the book “The Rules” because a friend mentioned it years ago and I thought maybe it’d help a hopeless romantic out. Lol. Not sure how I feel about that philosophy either though...
Anyways love you perspective!
When chasers become runners Or the chased become runners Self preservation and Fear. Sometimes the two are justified due to intuition, experience & ‘signs’
I always thought a man would have to do all the work but we are not living in the 1960s anymore
Mark how to avoid a man that you used to love and not anymore simply because he took you for granted
hamira abdallah Cut off any contact with him. Don't pay attention to him. He's not worth your valuable time and you can focus on finding somebody else who respects you and cares about you. Tell him: " If you can't offer me the happiness I deserve, then someone else will.." That will make him think twice, or leave because he's inadequate. It's not being arrogant, it's letting him know what you want and what you deserve. The key word is: Deserve.
Katerina Patiniotis hello mis katerina thanks for sharing your ideas with me... I really appreciate how you remind me of my worthy it seems I really have forgotten it.. Again thank you