That moment you realize this amazing speech is broken down into 10ish minute videos so it's easier for ADHD people to watch! They know their audience!! Thank you!
I didn't even think of it I seen 10 minutes and was like sure I'll watch that realised there is more then 1 video and I feel okay with it. But if I came across this and it was a 1hour 30 minute long speech I would have noped the fuck out of there.
@@thecryptosanctum7973 the amount of 90 minute ADHD lectures that I've added to watch later or another Playlist I never look at, is more than I wanna think about
ahdd self: *stares languidly at Dr. Russell, listlessly in inner tumult over the truth of his words, but the dual truth that the world is, at the same time, too slow, to tepid, to indirect, hampered, exhausting, un-difficult, and yet too constant to be content at all with.*
Yupp. Made me cry. Never I have heard anybody put this thing into words like this. It's normal emotions but I can't control them and I'm so tired of being judged for showing them.
Vivid Kothari i was screaming hallelujah and I am not religious but he was goving a sermon up there. I feel so much more empowered to help my lil one. Now the tears.
Vivid Kothari because it resonates in your spirit in your soul. I am there too. While I lived at home I was fine because my mom and sister kept the house organized. I was responsible for some chores and I did fine. Once I was married in my own house with my own family it’s been a nightmare. I have been so hard on myself I fell into a depression. Years later By chance a friend recommended a dr for weight management. The med he gave me I noticed what I thought I did. It was unbelievable! I could accomplish so much in a day! The dr said it also helps for ADD patients. I could not believe my ears. I researched it on my own and realized I’ve always had ADD except as he says here I kept Inwardly the emotional behavior.
This was such a fantastic speech, thank you so much for sharing your knowledge. I was diagnosed with ADD and my brother with ADHD and ODD. Everything you said hit home. I was more restless than hyperactive as a kid but emotionally I've always been all over the map, unable to build and sustain friendships, always feeling like an outsider, jumping from romantic relationship to romantic relationship. I hope the trouble with emotional inhibition makes it into the DSM V. I wish I'd had this information when I was diagnosed, and I hope others will.
+How to ADHD I wish I knew about this sooner, too. I am only now starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, I am not screwed up and that there is something wrong with me. I can very much relate to your symptoms. Thank you for sharing.
A photo of this noble man might be more worthy then the whole DSM at all... Also I can imagine the opposing forces he might have to deal with, while going against the selfclaimed experts...
"Friends forgive you your distractibility, your forgetfulness, your working memory problems and even your restlessness. They will not forgive your anger, your hostility, the quickness with which you emote to other people, because it is offensive" fuck, never has anyone put into words something I have struggled with for so long. I have portrayed myself as a clutz, at times childish or stupid just so I could hide my frustration, my anger. thank you for this
The worst part about adult ADHD is the shame. Everyone thinks you are actively deciding to not be "here". It takes an effort that leaves me exhausted to be present and mediate a 3.5 hour meeting. At the end of it, I feel like a truck hit me. The next day when I still haven't recovered, the problems start. Marshalling my abilities becomes challenging at best. Then procrastination rears its ugly head. Then avoiding certain tasks and responsibilities starts to snowball. I'm blessed to say I have the faculties to right the ship and correct my direction before dire consequences occur. But, many with ADHD do not have this ability, and they suffer greatly. Greatly.
i lost this year to this downward spiral... i'm treating depression (originated from an unchecked ADHD) i grew up with my issues being met with frustration and annoyance, so I bottle up i want to do things... i want to live i'm tired of just surviving :(
I agree going to work and school and leaving on time but always ending up being late I feel shame like im just one big disappointment my whole life and when I try to explain alot of people say try and I say I'm trying 100%. They'd ask then why are you late. At that point I give up and say I don't know anymore I leave on time or have the intention to finally today im gonna be on time to work and then still clock in 3 to 5 minutes after. I'm now 25 just got rediagnosed last year
I felt that in my soul..I HAVE to stay busy or I get bored very easily n then get highly frustrated n irritable cuz this NEED to do stuff overshadows everything
That hit home for me. Especially since I graduated university and have been staying home until I find a job. I always feel like I need to be doing something, but I end up wasting my time and it feels terrible.
Adding to that feeling is another feeling of being so overwhelmed that I cannot decide which of those 1000 things I want to do, so I end up doing nothing.
Me too.. I still am rejected socially at school. I constantly feel lonely and like an outcast. I always think my friends right now will be better off without me because i will eventually mess it up somehow.
People get annoyed with the random talking episodes and excitement.I got to the point where I would get my phone out and set the stopwatch setting and tell acquaintances I got 10 minutes before my mind wonders. Sum up what you were going to tell me.
I don't know what to say. I'm crying because finally someone puts into words how I have been feeling for most of my adult life, and especially now that I am over 30. Thank you, sir. I need to show this video to my psychiatrist so she can finally believe me.
I so can relate to this comment. I am too afraid to take the pills though, so am trying mindfulness. I really would love to find an organization system though, it is the one thing I cannot seem to manage properly. I have so many different systems that I miss half of my appointments because they are written in different journals, apps, etc. I am all over the place :(
I am 23 years old and have been taking dexamphetamine for a couple weeks now and it really works. At least this specific medicine works for me. I am also doing mindfulness and my experience is that the other complement each other really well. I would not feel too apprehensive about medication, see what it can do for you. Good luck with it :)
Irsida, as the doctor states, though I don't know if he says so in this video or not, a person with ADHD cannot use a system of organization because ADHD is a disorder of the executive functions. If an organization system could work, then you wouldn't have ADHD. For me, the only thing that works is having somebody lead me by the hand and keep me on task every moment of the day, or the medication. My girlfriend very much dislikes me on the medication, because she's against psychotropic drugs in general, as am I, but when I don't take my meds she is mindful to keep me on track. Earlier we went to walmart and she didn't let me get lost in the isles for hours when we went in for a short list of very specific things. All the best to you. Ramadan, I hear good things about dexamph, but I also hear doctors don't like to see you've ever been prescribed it because they feel if you're coming to them for it that means you're a drug abuser. The problem is many doctors are unfamiliar with how to treat ADHD,especially in adults, and are unsure of how to proceed while helping their patient and not opening themselves up to legal liability from patients which mean to abuse their practice of medicine. Best of luck to you. I've been doing really bad at school recently because my doctor seems inexperienced in treating ADHD and I'm thinking about asking for a referral to a psychiatrist. I just moved to an apartment within walking distance of the ADHD specialist in my area, so I'm hoping I can become a patient there in the long term.
Thank you for all the comments everyone, I appreciate you sharing your views and try to help me out. Michael, I will share your comment with my bf so he understands me more and maybe finally realizes that I need his help, I can't do it all alone. I keep on getting in trouble in my relationship because of my inability to change my behaviour. I keep on making the same mistakes (overbuying groceries or getting lost in supermarkets is one of them), so I really want to find a solution.
I'm at my desk at work and literally tearing up because of how accurately this describes so much of my life. Sometimes I can't believe I made it through childhood.
I'm so glad I discovered this channel. I'm 72, and am for the first time seeking medication. My life has been a wild ride. I've had brilliant successes, miserable failures.... and now, retired, I've little motivation, focus, drive, yet I want to get everything started and done. I've been told multiple times that I'm a brilliant musician. I've all the tools to get out there, put on a great performance, work regularly. Yet, I've zero executive functions to get things going, make it happen... It's like I'm watching my life waste away. It's a Herculean effort, just to hook up with the right professionals, to simply get the meds, fear is my pervasive emotion, freezing me in place.
That's how I am now. Trapped in an invisible cage, falling and failing with responsibilities weighing me down. I've been searching for something to help me out with no success. Maybe these videos will shed a little light on my situation.
I have lived my life never understanding what was wrong with me, I am so grateful to hear someone say aloud all the things I’ve lived with are explainable, It give me a sense of being ok
All I wanna say is "Oh, my !", I'm 30 now and just know this yesterday. I was always a top students in class, but after starting work things started to become hard for me, even though I tried very hard. The thing is I know how to do it and I have a scheme in my head about how it would work out, but it is so damn hard for me to do it, whatever job I was given if you give me a deadline, I will not do it until deadline. It's so frustrating because I believe I am good and I should do good, people who are not knowing enough can do better than me. It's so depressing and my self esteem goes lower and lower. If I'm not into a thing, I can't even stay focus for even 5 mins and always end up doing lots of other things. I thought It's because I was lazy, but I can get up before 6 and run every other day, how can someone who does this be lazy? I feel like I am doing things so hard, it turns out, I am just trying so hard to stay focus and start doing. Six years of working, I've changed five jobs, because after doing for a while I just don't feel like doing it anymore, or because of the impulsive emotions that I later regreted, so I'd rather go away from people who I had problems with. I don't know what's wrong with me and believed it was my depression. Now I realise it's more of a ADHD problem. Tears in my eyes when I learned about this yesterday. But I still feel my life is fucked up and I may be alone forever.
It's gonna be okay listen and learn all you can about the condition we both have make a plan ..set ..timers..set reminders find a peer group ..and keep on living my friend.
I just read your comment and it happened to me almost the same that happened to you. I excelled in elementary to middle school. High school was a little bit harder but it was ok. College? I dropped it, even after changin majors like three times. Everything was too much, too long and I've never could do something that I didn't considered mediocre. Same things happened with deadlines. And the same things happened with relationships. I just found an ADHD forum and when I started to read, I was gobsmacked by it. Another user sent me this link and now I'm finding so many people with the same symptoms and the same experiences it makes me wanna cry,
When my son's counsellor told us she saw markers for ADHD, I thought no freakin way, he's not a bounce off the walls kid, because that's all I knew about ADHD. Now that I've been researching about it, I see more and more of him. I see myself, yet I've never been diagnosed as ADHD. He has always been hypersensitive. He's always been super compassionate, but he struggles SO MUCH with Emotional Self-Regulation, despite me trying for years to help him with it. This doctor has helped me realize that it's NOT my parenting that's causing the issues. Thank you.
How bout you take your kid to someone whose actually licensed to diagnose ADHD, before playing armchair psychologist. He needs a neuropsychological evaluation, which are only done by clinical psychologist. Depending on age, you'll need to seek out a pediatric psychologist, so your kid's normal neurological child development isn't misunderstood and branded a "disease." Your behavior towards your child, causes a reaction. Expectations = disappointment. You have to learn to let go and accept your son for who he is, because you're actively showing him rejection, lack of acknowledgement & willingness to understand, and this greatly effects self-esteem. Caretakers get burned out. It's important to recognize the symptoms and get the respite and counseling you need, because it causing compassion fatigue. Pretty much every doctor since the pandemic, is right there, and because of it, they're not believing people who have cancer and autoimmune disease and actually yell at their patients who are deathly sick and have waited months to see them due to long wait lists. As a caretaker for a loved one who battled Alzheimer's, trust, I understand caretaker burn out completely, and it's made me better able to see it in others. Had this been a diagnosis when I was growing up, my Mom would've been able to get some respite and get the social and psychological help she needed, rather than turn to self-medicating, and thus missing out on the best years of motherhood screaming and berating her kids for doing absolutely nothing wrong. Untreated burn out is high risk for addiction.
I guess I should be grateful for the fact that my ADHD has never made me easily frustrated or angry - quite the opposite, people have always described me as emotionally intelligent and never angry, and I tend to be hamstrung by much too much empathy which prevents me from being able to assert myself because I overconsider the feelings of others - although I can certainly say that emotional impulsivity used to be a major problem as a child and teenager when it came to sorrow, grief, or other 'feeling blue' emotions.| But these videos are fantastic. It's like I'm being spoken to about myself by someone who knows my inner clockwork. Really wild.
I guess that makes you an empath with ADHD. Empathy is a valuable tool for humanity, but not when its over cooked, a bit like soggy vegetables ;) Over empathizing can be very draining and will inevitably lead to all sorts of problems including chronic illness.
Yeah, I am the same. I've been confused by this because it always seems that 'quick to anger' or to snap in anger is a core emotional response in ADHD, but I don't have that. I even wondered if that meant I wasn't really ADHD even though I meet all the criteria and then some. I have really big emotional responses characteristic of anxiety and depression, but actually probably under express anger because I am way more concerned about the feelings of others, making others upset with me or hurting their feelings, etc. I've had a lot to learn in the area of boundaries and identifying and asserting my own needs and feelings in relationships. I have stayed in and contributed to unhealthy relationships too long because I was so overly concerned with the feelings and judgement of my partners. I am curious if this is more common in females with ADHD than the rage response, or at least a common version of how we deal with emotions. I would love to hear more about this experiece from other people with ADHD, and women particularly.
@@jayleerichardson5215 I would say I am a bit of both. But i do feel like all the times I don't take mye frustration OUT it comes IN. I too have always taken everyone else's feelings in deep consideration before weighing my shit on to them. But all that undefined frustration and inability to handle my own emotions have now made me very depressed and it has made my health really bad. I just found out about my condition and are waiting for professional help.
I was looking for a comment like this, i meet all the criteria for a diagnosis except from a very young age I learned to internalize everything. That got me into a depressive state at 11 yo. I got diagnosed on the autism spectrum three years ago but it still doesn't feel right and that's why I'm here. Now what actually falls under the "emotional impulsivity"? Does intense anger and constant frustration count if it's direct at myself? even if it's not me that I'm angry at but bc that's what i learned to do? the deep depression and stress? the empathy??I'm so confused I would love to talk to him about it
Omg this is me! I was thinking the same thing when he was talking about frustration and anger. I do get frustrated and angry with myself and inanimate objects quickly but I am very patient with people.
An excellent speech, and what he said about friendship actually made me cry. I felt so understood. I wasn't diagnosed with ADD until I was 28, probably because I always did well academically and I am a female without the "typical" hyperactivity. But what this fantastic speech really brings home is what has always been the heartbreaking problem I've faced all my life: the problems with emotional regulation, and (more so) other people's negative reactions to it.
Maybe if I stayed medicated throughout my young adult life I wouldn't have ruined so many perfectly good relationships for myself. I struggled for several years trying to keep a steady job and it burned just about every bridge in my life. Completely ruined my entire reputation because of things I cannot control about myself. And being told that I was such an asshole, a loser, and I wouldn't ever amount to anything. after a while I just began to believe all those things about myself and just gave up trying for a very long time.
This is where I’m at. I can’t wait to get my diagnosis so that I can be medicated and start living more normally. But still I can’t I burn those bridges or go back to those jobs 😔
You know. You can do something about it now. I know that it doesn’t make it easier, as there are so many things that could have gone differently (I speak from experience). Maybe it would be good to see if you could spend time educating others about this? Maybe a class offered for free at a library? Maybe you could talk to some teachers? I’m currently trying to offer a, “ask me anything about ADHD” for teachers. I’d like for it to help them understand their students and provide them hope. This may not change what happen between you and your parents, but it could prevent other people from going through the same pain?
the relational issues are also spoken about overly simplistically in this video. it's not always being too quick to anger. for some people with ADHD, anger was never the issue - it was missing cues from peers and therefore not fitting into their norms.
for me it wasn’t regulating the negative emotions but the positive ones that cost me friendships. i was always too peppy and enthusiastic, and the other kids didn’t like that. especially when i wouldn’t shut up about my hyperfixation of the week. we really aren’t normal people lol
I was just diagnosed with severe inattentive ADD ... although I've always known and also have been on medicine for 10 yrs. EVERYTHING YOU SAID WAS ME :'( I am crying writing this, because now at 36 it has gotten a lot worse over the yrs. my depression comes after my anxiety which is really severe also ... all I think about is time ... never having enough of it ... having now a child whom also has my ADD and also having a 9 month old and about to finish my associates and on my way to a bachelors in Social Work ... it's like when I try more, I fail worse ... I feel like a failure everyday :'(
Callie Parker as someone who thinks about time A LOT - I can say your comment almost brought me to tears... I’m often thinking of how I’m wasting it, how there’s too little of it, how to use it - I want to do everything and nothing at the same time - and in the end - just feel exhausted
You're not alone lovely & my heart goes out to you. i am over 60yo & hardly have any future left but you're still young & strong in body & spirit. I hope your future will be helped by some kind Doctor with a groundbreaking therapy. Look up U.K Professor Nunn or Mind Medicine Australia. One day we may be able to find a doorway out of this horrible maze x wishing you hope. Usually i am a swearing crazy Banshee doing a Raging Bull impersonation haha) From Oz :)
Leads me to believe that “self soothing in babies” is garbage if they have ADHD... and this may been that babies who can’t self sooth may be showing the first signs of ADHD.
Babies can’t self-soothe, their nervous system isn’t developed for that yet. They get it through co-regulation with the mother until they can start to develop it themselves using a substitute object (teddy, blanket, thumb-sucking etc)
This actually makes me think of my oldest daughter who had no in between cry, she was either happy or the world was ending. I was always the same way. Didn't know I had ADHD until recently and it explains so much.
I had never heard of Oppositional Defiant Disorder, but now looking it up, I experienced almost ALL of those symptoms as a child. I feel like this explains so much about the behaviors I displayed then.
On my second run to watch the video and I understand things better now. on the fourth run I will get it at 100%. The info is very dense. Dr. Barkley is eloquent, intelligent and Charismatic.
@@walid7885 Russell Barkley says once a person is diagnosed with ADHD there is no reason for them not to be taking Adderall or Ritalin. He can say what he wants, but the only people who should be involved in this decision are the parents and physician, and, if the child is old enough, them.
@@alanberkeley7282 That is his own opinion and he made a rationale for it. You can disagree of course. There is no need to call him names. His idea is that it's all about lack of inhibition. A different perspective of the old paradigm. I have a nephew with the same problem. And I see his point. It applies to my nephew's situation. But evidently we can't generalize.
@@walid7885 What if the person diagnosed has heart conditions? Or blood pressure issues? What if they don't need Adderall or Ritalin? What if they can get buy without? What if it does nothing for them? What if the diagnosis is wrong? What if they don't actually have it and are faking it to get hold of the drugs to pass exams or sell for profit or to get high? There are too many variables for them to make such sweeping statements like that which I find extremely irresponsible and quite dangerous.
I was beaten by my father and mother and I remember it like it was yesterday and I’m 33 now why I remember these things is beyond me maybe God wants me to keep reminding my parents how shitty they were or maybe those are core memories that will never go away I was beat because they didn’t know I had ADHD.
Brilliant! My husband shows the emotion side all the time and I see it in my son who’s been diagnosed with ADHD. So glad that the emotion side is part of it, it explains so much.
I heard this video about a year ago and it really did change my life. What he said about emotional self-regulation, and classmates peer bonding in the second grade made a lot of sense to me. It distinctly did happen to me, but in the third grade, because I'm a July baby and I didn't turn seven until the summer between 2nd and 3rd grade. I was always the youngest person in my class all the way up to senior year of high school. And it really did happen just like he said! All my classmates were becoming friends around me and left me out. I never understood why until now. "Your classmates will forgive you your impulsivity, your distractibility, your forgetfulness, your poor working memory, but they will never forgive your emotional volatility because it is offensive!" 58 years later and I finally get it!
Russel Barkley is tops with me. I started rejecting friends before they rejected me by the time I was in 2nd grade. I had friends in school but not out of school. I was disciplined, ridiculed and humiliated and my mother before she died told my sister she regretted the way she treated me. I poured my heart out to her once and she told me I was unlovable. R. Barkley focuses on treatment but what about the abuse ADHD/ADD people suffer.
That was amazing. I have listened to you in tears. Belive me, you make a huge difference in other people's lives. I appreciate this. Lots of love from Turkey.
This guy makes me want to cry. He is so understanding, so passionate for the people with ADHD, and wants not only those people but everyone else to understand this. I have recently realized that I have ADHD and have for a very long time now. I am now on a journey to learn about it, and hopefully get into my doctor for some help with it.
This doctor is 100% accurate, and I say this as an adult woman who was diagnosed in 1985. Grew out of the physical hyperactivity and it went so far inside of me it turned into an anxiety disorder.
It feels like I'll never have any friends because there are so many social barriers to what is "allowed" emotionally and being honest/impulsive with my emotions is not acceptable.
It is a total pleasure to listen to a Doctor who finally makes sense. Common sense in the real meaning of theterm. In Ireland today as in probably many countries parents are fed a total load of nonsense about ADHD, impulsivity and anger. So many parents are told that their ADHD child who acts out their agression
Thank you sir for this amazing presentation i was crying from time to time when i was listening to his speech. As i read just the first few comments, i can not stop crying. So many years suffering. (today is no exception, actually today is another full-on "can not concentrate to save my life and my work" day) hope others have an easier day, and for that matter, an easier life (i am sure it is not easy, as you would not be watching this video, if things were easy for you)
This man has changed my life. He made my husband aware that I may have been suffering with ADHD for 43 years….and he was right! I was finally assessed and diagnosed last year. I am working in consultation with a psychiatrist who is treating me with medication. Thanks to this man I don’t feel like a freak! I feel he sees and respects the diversity and the challenges we go through. Thank you sir, you changed my life for the better 🌸
I am hearing about ODD for the first time right now at 48, I look it up and it describes me 110%. Even to this day I cannot stand any rules, I despise all forms of authority even if it comes from myself. It's so severe at times that I hate myself for making myself have to do something.
Psychedelics saved me from years of uncontrollable depression , anxiety and illicit pill addiction . Imagine carrying heavy chains for over a decade and then all of a sudden that burden is gone . Believe it or not in a couple years they'll be all over for treatment of mental health related issues . ⠀
Please does anyone know where I can get them ? I put so much on my plate and it really affects my stress and anxiety levels , I would love to try shrooms
The Trips I've been having have really helped me a lot,I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
I was having this constant , unbearable anxiety because of stress. Not until I also came across Dr.Mile a very intelligent mycologist. He came through for me with his knowledge on psychs.
Recently diagnosed, I had read his books on adults and ADHD recommended to me by my psychiatrist, but had no clue he was so compassionate. Not only in the approach to ADHD, symptoms and the effect it has on those who suffer it, but also in the respect he presents to those trying to understand it. I have been raised by university professors and been in academia all my life, and I have seen all the spectrum of academic behavior, from the pedantic ivory tower gatekeepr to the down to earth approachable genius, and everything in between. This brilliant mind is part of the latter, and he is making the world a better place. Thank you, Dr Barkley.
Unfortunately it casuse me a lot of trouble becauase i speak my mind and my direct approach cant be accepted by world and money is need it more then being right.
@5:35 "You can not be impulsive in your behaviour and not be impulsive in your emotions. That is impossible because they are a unity. They go together. Emotion is welded in everything you say and do." Yes, regular folks/non pyschs know this, its almost common sense based off of what we see. Its sad pyschs and the pysch boards did not.
The lack of inhibition / ‘blurtiness’ is SO destructive to relationships; with friends, family and loved ones. My ADHD has (in retrospect) DESTROYED almost EVERY good relationship I ever had. I’ve been single now for 19 years, rejecting myself to avoid being rejected as I do so so often. Makes me incredibly sad to think I’ll likely never marry, and will grow old alone 💔 I just can’t see anyone putting up with me now I’m 57, and well past my best. I used to be so gregarious and funny. Now I just feel so boring and sad. It’s not bloody fair.
I'm so sorry you feel that way. Knowledge is power. Knowing yourself better. Don't retreat into a shell. Take the risk to reach out to others. You might just succeed.
Finding a kindred spirit is key. Find other ADHD people. We are out there. Certain hobbies attract neurodivergent people: board gaming, roleplaying, trading card games, etc. (yes there are neurodivergent adults who do all of these hobbies) I believe sewing, knitting, and crochet - making items for family and for charity - is generally another set of hobbies that attract more neurodivergent and more understanding people, on the whole. You can learn these skills from RUclips, or at a local craft group. Additionally, if you get a diagnosis, you can get medication which will help you with this emotional regulation.
I can't believe after 33 years old of my life, I've finally have someone understand what is happening inside my brain. I remember when I was in grade 8, I had one of my more embarrassing violent moments. A girl, who I think liked me was making a joke about me and a friend of mine being gay for each other and I immediately started punching her. Since, I've never hit another person (man or woman). I've always struggled with emotional regulation, but I always thought that was because my parents were distant and emotionally absent from me when I was a child - this probably didn't help though. This man is literally like an angel sent from the cosmos to talk directly to ADHD people and let them know they are not unwanted nor are their voices silent.
When he started speaking about how adhd prevents people from forming long lasting friendships starting from a young age, I legit started crying, Because he was basically talking about me. It hurt so much being a kid and not being able to really form meaningful connections with others. Every day was a heart break for me because other kids had what I craved most, true friendship.
The way you describe ADHD fits my son to a t. Thank you for putting it in words that makes sense to me. I struggle every day trying to relate to my boy.
I just got diagnosed with ADHD, I have lived with it untreated for 18 years. This man is saying everything that I’ve felt but didn’t know how to express. The sad part is that I am enlisted in the U.S Army and they aren’t too accepting of this disorder. I won’t be able to start taking meds until after boot camp and A.I.T. But knowing that someone finally understands everything me and many people like me are feeling is refreshing. It needs to be brought to the attention of the Armed Forces, teachers, parents that this isn’t just a child choosing to be this way, they are forced to be this way. There is better options then just telling kids to deal with it or to “act right” as I’ve been told. I’m glad more research is being done on this subject and it’s being brought to light.
I feel almost ignorant trying to let family know every bone they have to pick with has always been a trait of my adhd..my executive function. Moving in with my dad at 25 has been isolating. He will give me lecture about forgetting to wash the pan and that I show no progress to him as an adult. I feel hurt. He will never understand I’m trying harder at life than neurotypical to be seen and respected as the neurotypical person when im not. I am being told I am insane for being late to things and not fixing it. That I’m lazy. It hurts to been looked down upon. I’m doing good managing! I am looking to get my own place this summer. I will prove to myself I can still do ok with adhd
I actually didnt realise emotion wasnt considered part of it for me its a billion percent the hardest part as an undiagnosed 42 yr old mother with 5 kids 2/3 with undiagnosed adhd life has been hard and emotions have been a nonstop rollercoaster with no pause im so tired
I was never hyperactive as a child. My was called stupid all my life. I was told I wore my emotions on my sleeve. As an adult, I am trying to unlearn what I learned to get by. The emotion thing is what I'm struggling with. I have pretty much self isolated. I have maybe 2 friends at most now. I have never married or had children. The loneliness gets overwhelming but it is safer than rejection.
I don't have adhd, my daughter has and probably her father. It is important to understand adhd. We humans are all different gems right? Wish you good luck.
I'm currently still on a waiting list to be seen by a specialist, but my therapist and basically everyone I know agree that there's a high likeliness I have the HI variety. This not being able to hide your raw emotions and thus missing out on connecting with others explains SO MUCH about my childhood.
i have spent years, and i mean years training myself not to lash out. to no longer scream or yell at friends, and it is one of the hardest things to have to hold back. but if you dont you loose everyone around you.
He has just described me perfectly. Great man. Thank you Dr R B. I was diagnosed at 57 years of age at the Maudsley hospital London. It's been very difficult to live with. I'm also a recovered Alcoholic (25 years sober) 👍🇬🇧
finally age 36 and miracle cocktail so far is Strattera 25MG (on day 3) with Fluoexetine 40MG (have been on for months).. If this doesn't initiate motor drive I know desipramine works, and will get it.
I’m not sure if I can see it as a disorder all though it comes with it’s challenges. I was diagnosed late 30’s and my kids also have ADHD. Yes, they don’t fit in perfectly in a formal school setting, but they bring colour into this world. Their creativity and ability to think outside the box is a well needed trait. They have heaps of friend, who fight over who gets to have a play date with them. I have learned to love my ADHD over the years. I see it as a difference in brain chemistry, but the creativity and hyper focus it brings can be amazing. I wouldn’t want to be a neurotypical to be honest.
I must do all the things all the time. That is my inner self. I can not sit still because then I am unproductive, and if I am unproductive I am failing at the things. Thank you for seeing me 😭
i have to say it here. i feel everything described, and my brain was thinking on the side ''could this become a new passion to focus on!'' ive been into research and help videos about adhd for about 2 weeks now. when you were talking about parents attending to help their children, it boosted that feeling, that somehow i need to know more about it.
Started watching this from a tiktok. I had 2 kids on the spectrum, both with ADHD. Currently struggling with the orders, who just started middle school. The ODD part is a revelation for us. It explains SO much of what has been happening.
my experience living with ADHD has been this: believing whole-heartedly that I am less than others- less kind, less intelligent, less good, because nobody else is the way I am. Others don't do the things I do. And I was told by my teachers, peers, my own family that the way I am and the things I do/say are unacceptable, are bad: that I myself, am bad. this disorder is cruel- the deficits it brings to ones life are profound and disabling- but the response other people have to it is even more cruel. My impulsive nature didn't cause me to develop suicidal thoughts in the second grade. Those thoughts were brought on by the harsh words and reactions of the adults and other children in my life. In my adulthood there is still a lack of compassion- and an abundance of criticism- from others in regard to my presentation of ADHD. this mans lectures feel like a hug after a lifetime of isolation
I'm so grateful for these. Everything is right on. ❤️ I'm in the process of getting a diagnosis for myself and my children. Listening to this makes me even MORE sure that this is it. This is the thing that messed me up my whole life and now my kids...
I’m blown away here. I am isolated, Unmedicated , and I’m a chewtoy for a pitbull w/ parvo for a narcissistic man that has no idea how fragile I am and it’s debilitating
That moment you realize this amazing speech is broken down into 10ish minute videos so it's easier for ADHD people to watch! They know their audience!! Thank you!
I loved this also. So I can come back as I see fit.
I didn't even think of it I seen 10 minutes and was like sure I'll watch that realised there is more then 1 video and I feel okay with it.
But if I came across this and it was a 1hour 30 minute long speech I would have noped the fuck out of there.
@@thecryptosanctum7973 nmmm
@Ms. Understood Did you do MBCT? How was it for you? If you don’t mind sharing
@@thecryptosanctum7973 the amount of 90 minute ADHD lectures that I've added to watch later or another Playlist I never look at, is more than I wanna think about
Dr Russell: adhd makes you bad at emotional regulation
Adhd peeps: *burst into tears*
ahdd self: *stares languidly at Dr. Russell, listlessly in inner tumult over the truth of his words, but the dual truth that the world is, at the same time, too slow, to tepid, to indirect, hampered, exhausting, un-difficult, and yet too constant to be content at all with.*
why u gotta do me like this
called out
Yupp. Made me cry. Never I have heard anybody put this thing into words like this. It's normal emotions but I can't control them and I'm so tired of being judged for showing them.
Sobbed like my heart was breaking. Because it was.
why does he speak that way that it becomes hard to listen without crying! His every word sounds genuine, spoken with intensity/
Vivid Kothari i was screaming hallelujah and I am not religious but he was goving a sermon up there. I feel so much more empowered to help my lil one. Now the tears.
Vivid Kothari ,his brother died do to impulsivity!
Because he is an amazing scientist and passionate and compassionate. A true teacher! I am a neuroscientist and am in awe. Bravo Doc!
Vivid Kothari because it resonates in your spirit in your soul. I am there too. While I lived at home I was fine because my mom and sister kept the house organized. I was responsible for some chores and I did fine. Once I was married in my own house with my own family it’s been a nightmare. I have been so hard on myself I fell into a depression. Years later By chance a friend recommended a dr for weight management. The med he gave me I noticed what I thought I did. It was unbelievable! I could accomplish so much in a day!
The dr said it also helps for ADD patients. I could not believe my ears. I researched it on my own and realized I’ve always had ADD except as he says here I kept Inwardly the emotional behavior.
Because his brother died because he had ADHD. That is when he started to do research in ADHD.
This was such a fantastic speech, thank you so much for sharing your knowledge. I was diagnosed with ADD and my brother with ADHD and ODD. Everything you said hit home. I was more restless than hyperactive as a kid but emotionally I've always been all over the map, unable to build and sustain friendships, always feeling like an outsider, jumping from romantic relationship to romantic relationship. I hope the trouble with emotional inhibition makes it into the DSM V. I wish I'd had this information when I was diagnosed, and I hope others will.
+How to ADHD I wish I knew about this sooner, too. I am only now starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, I am not screwed up and that there is something wrong with me. I can very much relate to your symptoms. Thank you for sharing.
+Irsida Sheshi I can relate to both of you. Factor in relocating every 2-5 years and making friends seem utterly impossible.
Coming across your comments on these videos makes me giggle :p
Have you subscribed to @HowtoADHD yet on RUclips???
A photo of this noble man might be more worthy then the whole DSM at all... Also I can imagine the opposing forces he might have to deal with, while going against the selfclaimed experts...
"Friends forgive you your distractibility, your forgetfulness, your working memory problems and even your restlessness. They will not forgive your anger, your hostility, the quickness with which you emote to other people, because it is offensive"
fuck, never has anyone put into words something I have struggled with for so long. I have portrayed myself as a clutz, at times childish or stupid just so I could hide my frustration, my anger.
thank you for this
The worst part about adult ADHD is the shame. Everyone thinks you are actively deciding to not be "here". It takes an effort that leaves me exhausted to be present and mediate a 3.5 hour meeting. At the end of it, I feel like a truck hit me. The next day when I still haven't recovered, the problems start. Marshalling my abilities becomes challenging at best. Then procrastination rears its ugly head. Then avoiding certain tasks and responsibilities starts to snowball. I'm blessed to say I have the faculties to right the ship and correct my direction before dire consequences occur. But, many with ADHD do not have this ability, and they suffer greatly. Greatly.
i know u made this comment two years ago but what do u mean by "faculties"?
@@feelthemoodshiftin Faculties is referring to his consciousness and mental awareness
😢
i lost this year to this downward spiral... i'm treating depression (originated from an unchecked ADHD)
i grew up with my issues being met with frustration and annoyance, so I bottle up
i want to do things... i want to live
i'm tired of just surviving :(
I agree going to work and school and leaving on time but always ending up being late I feel shame like im just one big disappointment my whole life and when I try to explain alot of people say try and I say I'm trying 100%. They'd ask then why are you late. At that point I give up and say I don't know anymore I leave on time or have the intention to finally today im gonna be on time to work and then still clock in 3 to 5 minutes after. I'm now 25 just got rediagnosed last year
"It is a feeling inwardly of a need to be busy and doing multiple things."
Wow.
I felt that in my soul..I HAVE to stay busy or I get bored very easily n then get highly frustrated n irritable cuz this NEED to do stuff overshadows everything
That hit home for me. Especially since I graduated university and have been staying home until I find a job. I always feel like I need to be doing something, but I end up wasting my time and it feels terrible.
For real. I'm gonna cry.
Adding to that feeling is another feeling of being so overwhelmed that I cannot decide which of those 1000 things I want to do, so I end up doing nothing.
I burst into tears when he said about friendship. That was me.. and I always wondered..
Yea it kinda hurts
Me too.. I still am rejected socially at school. I constantly feel lonely and like an outcast. I always think my friends right now will be better off without me because i will eventually mess it up somehow.
People get annoyed with the random talking episodes and excitement.I got to the point where I would get my phone out and set the stopwatch setting and tell acquaintances I got 10 minutes before my mind wonders. Sum up what you were going to tell me.
Madison Wickens Find new friends that can handle your excitement and learn when not to bother them.
@@janethockey9070 I just did not too long ago.. a few of em dont go to my school yet though
I don't know what to say. I'm crying because finally someone puts into words how I have been feeling for most of my adult life, and especially now that I am over 30. Thank you, sir. I need to show this video to my psychiatrist so she can finally believe me.
me too. my doctor half thinks im just a drug seeker, but this has been my whole life.
I so can relate to this comment. I am too afraid to take the pills though, so am trying mindfulness. I really would love to find an organization system though, it is the one thing I cannot seem to manage properly. I have so many different systems that I miss half of my appointments because they are written in different journals, apps, etc. I am all over the place :(
I am 23 years old and have been taking dexamphetamine for a couple weeks now and it really works. At least this specific medicine works for me. I am also doing mindfulness and my experience is that the other complement each other really well. I would not feel too apprehensive about medication, see what it can do for you. Good luck with it :)
Irsida, as the doctor states, though I don't know if he says so in this video or not, a person with ADHD cannot use a system of organization because ADHD is a disorder of the executive functions. If an organization system could work, then you wouldn't have ADHD. For me, the only thing that works is having somebody lead me by the hand and keep me on task every moment of the day, or the medication. My girlfriend very much dislikes me on the medication, because she's against psychotropic drugs in general, as am I, but when I don't take my meds she is mindful to keep me on track. Earlier we went to walmart and she didn't let me get lost in the isles for hours when we went in for a short list of very specific things. All the best to you.
Ramadan, I hear good things about dexamph, but I also hear doctors don't like to see you've ever been prescribed it because they feel if you're coming to them for it that means you're a drug abuser. The problem is many doctors are unfamiliar with how to treat ADHD,especially in adults, and are unsure of how to proceed while helping their patient and not opening themselves up to legal liability from patients which mean to abuse their practice of medicine. Best of luck to you.
I've been doing really bad at school recently because my doctor seems inexperienced in treating ADHD and I'm thinking about asking for a referral to a psychiatrist. I just moved to an apartment within walking distance of the ADHD specialist in my area, so I'm hoping I can become a patient there in the long term.
Thank you for all the comments everyone, I appreciate you sharing your views and try to help me out. Michael, I will share your comment with my bf so he understands me more and maybe finally realizes that I need his help, I can't do it all alone. I keep on getting in trouble in my relationship because of my inability to change my behaviour. I keep on making the same mistakes (overbuying groceries or getting lost in supermarkets is one of them), so I really want to find a solution.
I'm at my desk at work and literally tearing up because of how accurately this describes so much of my life. Sometimes I can't believe I made it through childhood.
the adhd part of that is that you're watching this vid at work !!! but then so am I
I had to rewind the video twice because I kept missing things while I was trying to pay attention.
No exaggeration
Ive become a hermit. I just cancelled Christmas with my family. And I’ve decided that I’m okay with that.
For real I can easily seems lack of emotion
I hear you. I’m 51 and pretty much live in 1 room.
I'm so glad I discovered this channel.
I'm 72, and am for the first time seeking medication.
My life has been a wild ride. I've had brilliant successes, miserable failures.... and now, retired, I've little motivation, focus, drive, yet I want to get everything started and done.
I've been told multiple times that I'm a brilliant musician. I've all the tools to get out there, put on a great performance, work regularly. Yet, I've zero executive functions to get things going, make it happen... It's like I'm watching my life waste away.
It's a Herculean effort, just to hook up with the right professionals, to simply get the meds, fear is my pervasive emotion, freezing me in place.
That's how I am now. Trapped in an invisible cage, falling and failing with responsibilities weighing me down. I've been searching for something to help me out with no success. Maybe these videos will shed a little light on my situation.
If I hadn’t watched this video now, I would probably have written the same things at the age of 72.
This very man, Dr russell barkley, said that attention deficit is functionally equivalent to age related cognitive decline
I am the same 🙏🏽 People still ask me when is my album coming out. Now my fingers have arthritis 😞
I feel that last sentence. I took me years of contemplating inside of my own head if I should get help or not (spoiler, the answer is yes).
Damn. My emotional dysregulation is so bad I'm glad he acknowledges it.
I love how he refers to children as “individuals” like they’re little adults
I have lived my life never understanding what was wrong with me, I am so grateful to hear someone say aloud all the things I’ve lived with are explainable, It give me a sense of being ok
I started crying.... I've never seen my issues articulated so well.
ALTERNATIVE TO CONCERTA THAT'S FREE
I was left out and bullied. I'm still left out 50 years later! Thank goodness for my loving husband.
me too but im not married so im just alone all the time
@@JustinK0 Sorry Justin :(
@@THXx1138 Thanks but im a programmer so being alone allows me to code all day and create new things
All I wanna say is "Oh, my !", I'm 30 now and just know this yesterday. I was always a top students in class, but after starting work things started to become hard for me, even though I tried very hard. The thing is I know how to do it and I have a scheme in my head about how it would work out, but it is so damn hard for me to do it, whatever job I was given if you give me a deadline, I will not do it until deadline. It's so frustrating because I believe I am good and I should do good, people who are not knowing enough can do better than me. It's so depressing and my self esteem goes lower and lower. If I'm not into a thing, I can't even stay focus for even 5 mins and always end up doing lots of other things.
I thought It's because I was lazy, but I can get up before 6 and run every other day, how can someone who does this be lazy?
I feel like I am doing things so hard, it turns out, I am just trying so hard to stay focus and start doing.
Six years of working, I've changed five jobs, because after doing for a while I just don't feel like doing it anymore, or because of the impulsive emotions that I later regreted, so I'd rather go away from people who I had problems with. I don't know what's wrong with me and believed it was my depression. Now I realise it's more of a ADHD problem.
Tears in my eyes when I learned about this yesterday.
But I still feel my life is fucked up and I may be alone forever.
It's gonna be okay listen and learn all you can about the condition we both have make a plan ..set ..timers..set reminders find a peer group ..and keep on living my friend.
I just read your comment and it happened to me almost the same that happened to you. I excelled in elementary to middle school. High school was a little bit harder but it was ok. College? I dropped it, even after changin majors like three times. Everything was too much, too long and I've never could do something that I didn't considered mediocre. Same things happened with deadlines. And the same things happened with relationships.
I just found an ADHD forum and when I started to read, I was gobsmacked by it. Another user sent me this link and now I'm finding so many people with the same symptoms and the same experiences it makes me wanna cry,
When my son's counsellor told us she saw markers for ADHD, I thought no freakin way, he's not a bounce off the walls kid, because that's all I knew about ADHD. Now that I've been researching about it, I see more and more of him. I see myself, yet I've never been diagnosed as ADHD. He has always been hypersensitive. He's always been super compassionate, but he struggles SO MUCH with Emotional Self-Regulation, despite me trying for years to help him with it. This doctor has helped me realize that it's NOT my parenting that's causing the issues. Thank you.
How bout you take your kid to someone whose actually licensed to diagnose ADHD, before playing armchair psychologist. He needs a neuropsychological evaluation, which are only done by clinical psychologist. Depending on age, you'll need to seek out a pediatric psychologist, so your kid's normal neurological child development isn't misunderstood and branded a "disease." Your behavior towards your child, causes a reaction. Expectations = disappointment. You have to learn to let go and accept your son for who he is, because you're actively showing him rejection, lack of acknowledgement & willingness to understand, and this greatly effects self-esteem. Caretakers get burned out. It's important to recognize the symptoms and get the respite and counseling you need, because it causing compassion fatigue.
Pretty much every doctor since the pandemic, is right there, and because of it, they're not believing people who have cancer and autoimmune disease and actually yell at their patients who are deathly sick and have waited months to see them due to long wait lists. As a caretaker for a loved one who battled Alzheimer's, trust, I understand caretaker burn out completely, and it's made me better able to see it in others. Had this been a diagnosis when I was growing up, my Mom would've been able to get some respite and get the social and psychological help she needed, rather than turn to self-medicating, and thus missing out on the best years of motherhood screaming and berating her kids for doing absolutely nothing wrong. Untreated burn out is high risk for addiction.
I guess I should be grateful for the fact that my ADHD has never made me easily frustrated or angry - quite the opposite, people have always described me as emotionally intelligent and never angry, and I tend to be hamstrung by much too much empathy which prevents me from being able to assert myself because I overconsider the feelings of others - although I can certainly say that emotional impulsivity used to be a major problem as a child and teenager when it came to sorrow, grief, or other 'feeling blue' emotions.|
But these videos are fantastic. It's like I'm being spoken to about myself by someone who knows my inner clockwork. Really wild.
I guess that makes you an empath with ADHD. Empathy is a valuable tool for humanity, but not when its over cooked, a bit like soggy vegetables ;) Over empathizing can be very draining and will inevitably lead to all sorts of problems including chronic illness.
Yeah, I am the same. I've been confused by this because it always seems that 'quick to anger' or to snap in anger is a core emotional response in ADHD, but I don't have that. I even wondered if that meant I wasn't really ADHD even though I meet all the criteria and then some. I have really big emotional responses characteristic of anxiety and depression, but actually probably under express anger because I am way more concerned about the feelings of others, making others upset with me or hurting their feelings, etc. I've had a lot to learn in the area of boundaries and identifying and asserting my own needs and feelings in relationships. I have stayed in and contributed to unhealthy relationships too long because I was so overly concerned with the feelings and judgement of my partners. I am curious if this is more common in females with ADHD than the rage response, or at least a common version of how we deal with emotions. I would love to hear more about this experiece from other people with ADHD, and women particularly.
@@jayleerichardson5215 I would say I am a bit of both. But i do feel like all the times I don't take mye frustration OUT it comes IN. I too have always taken everyone else's feelings in deep consideration before weighing my shit on to them. But all that undefined frustration and inability to handle my own emotions have now made me very depressed and it has made my health really bad. I just found out about my condition and are waiting for professional help.
I was looking for a comment like this, i meet all the criteria for a diagnosis except from a very young age I learned to internalize everything. That got me into a depressive state at 11 yo. I got diagnosed on the autism spectrum three years ago but it still doesn't feel right and that's why I'm here. Now what actually falls under the "emotional impulsivity"? Does intense anger and constant frustration count if it's direct at myself? even if it's not me that I'm angry at but bc that's what i learned to do? the deep depression and stress? the empathy??I'm so confused I would love to talk to him about it
Omg this is me! I was thinking the same thing when he was talking about frustration and anger. I do get frustrated and angry with myself and inanimate objects quickly but I am very patient with people.
I wish this video existed years ago for me. But I am dearly glad it exists now for others.
An excellent speech, and what he said about friendship actually made me cry. I felt so understood. I wasn't diagnosed with ADD until I was 28, probably because I always did well academically and I am a female without the "typical" hyperactivity. But what this fantastic speech really brings home is what has always been the heartbreaking problem I've faced all my life: the problems with emotional regulation, and (more so) other people's negative reactions to it.
Maybe if I stayed medicated throughout my young adult life I wouldn't have ruined so many perfectly good relationships for myself. I struggled for several years trying to keep a steady job and it burned just about every bridge in my life. Completely ruined my entire reputation because of things I cannot control about myself. And being told that I was such an asshole, a loser, and I wouldn't ever amount to anything. after a while I just began to believe all those things about myself and just gave up trying for a very long time.
OMG you just described my life. You’re not alone!!!! I am undiagnosed ... but all of this describes my entire life.
Same. Hugs
This is where I’m at. I can’t wait to get my diagnosis so that I can be medicated and start living more normally. But still I can’t I burn those bridges or go back to those jobs 😔
Same. Being medicated on ritalin in my youth would've set my life on a better path.
I wish my parents knew this when they where still alive :'(
i'm sorry friend
I understand...it would have made a world of difference...
You know. You can do something about it now. I know that it doesn’t make it easier, as there are so many things that could have gone differently (I speak from experience). Maybe it would be good to see if you could spend time educating others about this? Maybe a class offered for free at a library? Maybe you could talk to some teachers? I’m currently trying to offer a, “ask me anything about ADHD” for teachers. I’d like for it to help them understand their students and provide them hope. This may not change what happen between you and your parents, but it could prevent other people from going through the same pain?
THIS DUDE IS A GENIUS!!! Please believe every word he has said. He's absolutely correct.
ruclips.net/video/fxEh69__2Cw/видео.html concerta is a cash grab stop taking it , HERES MY SOLUTION
I am here crying as this is me. I am so glad that I have been diagnosed 🙏🏿
the relational issues are also spoken about overly simplistically in this video. it's not always being too quick to anger. for some people with ADHD, anger was never the issue - it was missing cues from peers and therefore not fitting into their norms.
So true. This describes me perfectly. Thanks Laurie.
Have u researched Aspergers Syndrome. I have and found out that adhd goes along with Aspergers quite frequently. I have some minimal AS symptoms.
He also missed a point of cultural norms... Like in some cultures being late is seen as a major disrespect, in this case time regulation is a thing
for me it wasn’t regulating the negative emotions but the positive ones that cost me friendships. i was always too peppy and enthusiastic, and the other kids didn’t like that. especially when i wouldn’t shut up about my hyperfixation of the week. we really aren’t normal people lol
@@turnleftaticeland Is it us who aren't normal, or if it the other way around, with the masses in a hypnotic compliant stupor?
I was just diagnosed with severe inattentive ADD ... although I've always known and also have been on medicine for 10 yrs.
EVERYTHING YOU SAID WAS ME :'( I am crying writing this, because now at 36 it has gotten a lot worse over the yrs. my depression comes after my anxiety which is really severe also ... all I think about is time ... never having enough of it ... having now a child whom also has my ADD and also having a 9 month old and about to finish my associates and on my way to a bachelors in Social Work ... it's like when I try more, I fail worse ... I feel like a failure everyday :'(
the medication did not help you.
Callie Parker as someone who thinks about time A LOT - I can say your comment almost brought me to tears... I’m often thinking of how I’m wasting it, how there’s too little of it, how to use it - I want to do everything and nothing at the same time - and in the end - just feel exhausted
so sad to hear, reading your comment, i could not help but think of myself especially when you mentioned rumination of time
You're not alone lovely & my heart goes out to you. i am over 60yo & hardly have any future left but you're still young & strong in body & spirit.
I hope your future will be helped by some kind Doctor with a groundbreaking therapy.
Look up U.K Professor Nunn or Mind Medicine Australia. One day we may be able to find a doorway out of this horrible maze x wishing you hope. Usually i am a swearing crazy Banshee doing a Raging Bull impersonation haha)
From Oz :)
P
Literally the whole time I was listening to this, with every statement he said I kept saying, “correct correct correct,” this guy deliverers so well!
I’ve listened to the lecture twice with tears in my eyes. Finally understanding myself. Thank you
Leads me to believe that “self soothing in babies” is garbage if they have ADHD... and this may been that babies who can’t self sooth may be showing the first signs of ADHD.
wow this is rly interesting & sad to think about
Babies can’t self-soothe, their nervous system isn’t developed for that yet. They get it through co-regulation with the mother until they can start to develop it themselves using a substitute object (teddy, blanket, thumb-sucking etc)
This actually makes me think of my oldest daughter who had no in between cry, she was either happy or the world was ending. I was always the same way. Didn't know I had ADHD until recently and it explains so much.
This man is a genius describes me to a tee.
ruclips.net/video/fxEh69__2Cw/видео.html STOP TAKING CONCERTA
I had never heard of Oppositional Defiant Disorder, but now looking it up, I experienced almost ALL of those symptoms as a child. I feel like this explains so much about the behaviors I displayed then.
Same, it's uncanny!
On my second run to watch the video and I understand things better now. on the fourth run I will get it at 100%. The info is very dense.
Dr. Barkley is eloquent, intelligent and Charismatic.
He's none. He's a money grabbing lying piece of shit
@@alanberkeley7282 How is that? Are you saying the things he's saying are not true? Or you're talking about something else?
@@walid7885 Russell Barkley says once a person is diagnosed with ADHD there is no reason for them not to be taking Adderall or Ritalin. He can say what he wants, but the only people who should be involved in this decision are the parents and physician, and, if the child is old enough, them.
@@alanberkeley7282 That is his own opinion and he made a rationale for it. You can disagree of course. There is no need to call him names. His idea is that it's all about lack of inhibition. A different perspective of the old paradigm. I have a nephew with the same problem. And I see his point. It applies to my nephew's situation. But evidently we can't generalize.
@@walid7885 What if the person diagnosed has heart conditions? Or blood pressure issues? What if they don't need Adderall or Ritalin? What if they can get buy without? What if it does nothing for them? What if the diagnosis is wrong? What if they don't actually have it and are faking it to get hold of the drugs to pass exams or sell for profit or to get high? There are too many variables for them to make such sweeping statements like that which I find extremely irresponsible and quite dangerous.
I want him as my doc... finally to have someone to speak to who understands.
I can barely remember my childhood, is that normal
thats often a sign of trauma though it can be caused by other things
I have PTSD from childhood trauma and that is a typical symptom.
I do but it's either the characters I created in my brain or bullying during primary school lol
I was beaten by my father and mother and I remember it like it was yesterday and I’m 33 now why I remember these things is beyond me maybe God wants me to keep reminding my parents how shitty they were or maybe those are core memories that will never go away I was beat because they didn’t know I had ADHD.
@@Southernrefinish88 i had the same issue, except with my mom. She said i was bad. 🙄
Brilliant! My husband shows the emotion side all the time and I see it in my son who’s been diagnosed with ADHD. So glad that the emotion side is part of it, it explains so much.
I am crying my eyes out so much listening to this... I have recently been diagnosed and I can relate to this from my entire life
I heard this video about a year ago and it really did change my life. What he said about emotional self-regulation, and classmates peer bonding in the second grade made a lot of sense to me. It distinctly did happen to me, but in the third grade, because I'm a July baby and I didn't turn seven until the summer between 2nd and 3rd grade. I was always the youngest person in my class all the way up to senior year of high school. And it really did happen just like he said! All my classmates were becoming friends around me and left me out. I never understood why until now. "Your classmates will forgive you your impulsivity, your distractibility, your forgetfulness, your poor working memory, but they will never forgive your emotional volatility because it is offensive!" 58 years later and I finally get it!
This explains why I am so exhusted after work. Regulating my emotions is all consuming. Thank you for helping make the connection.
Russel Barkley is tops with me. I started rejecting friends before they rejected me by the time I was in 2nd grade. I had friends in school but not out of school. I was disciplined, ridiculed and humiliated and my mother before she died told my sister she regretted the way she treated me. I poured my heart out to her once and she told me I was unlovable. R. Barkley focuses on treatment but what about the abuse ADHD/ADD people suffer.
No child is unlovable. If your mom said that she likely had issues of her own from childhood
I know this is late for the party, but you should definitely read scattered minds my dr. Gabor maté.
“By dr Gabor maté “
Im so sorry that happened to you.:(
This is pretty incredible that hes answering all of my questions about my life. Hes literally explaining why I feel and think the way I do.
Has this guy been watching me my entire life
That was amazing. I have listened to you in tears. Belive me, you make a huge difference in other people's lives. I appreciate this. Lots of love from Turkey.
I cried when i watched this its crazy to think that he described me when i thought i was the problem.
This guy makes me want to cry. He is so understanding, so passionate for the people with ADHD, and wants not only those people but everyone else to understand this. I have recently realized that I have ADHD and have for a very long time now. I am now on a journey to learn about it, and hopefully get into my doctor for some help with it.
This doctor is 100% accurate, and I say this as an adult woman who was diagnosed in 1985. Grew out of the physical hyperactivity and it went so far inside of me it turned into an anxiety disorder.
I have diagnosed adhd and I’m blessed to say I’ve kept my three dearest high school friends. They’re the best humans
It feels like I'll never have any friends because there are so many social barriers to what is "allowed" emotionally and being honest/impulsive with my emotions is not acceptable.
It is a total pleasure to listen to a Doctor who finally makes sense. Common sense in the real meaning of theterm. In Ireland today as in probably many countries parents are fed a total load of nonsense about ADHD, impulsivity and anger. So many parents are told that their ADHD child who acts out their agression
This has explained so much to me about myself and my son that I’m on the verge of tears.
Thank you sir for this amazing presentation
i was crying from time to time when i was listening to his speech.
As i read just the first few comments, i can not stop crying.
So many years suffering. (today is no exception, actually today is another full-on "can not concentrate to save my life and my work" day)
hope others have an easier day, and for that matter, an easier life (i am sure it is not easy, as you would not be watching this video, if things were easy for you)
This man has changed my life. He made my husband aware that I may have been suffering with ADHD for 43 years….and he was right! I was finally assessed and diagnosed last year. I am working in consultation with a psychiatrist who is treating me with medication. Thanks to this man I don’t feel like a freak! I feel he sees and respects the diversity and the challenges we go through. Thank you sir, you changed my life for the better 🌸
what kind of medication?
Same
He just explained MY ENTIRE LIFE!!
I am hearing about ODD for the first time right now at 48, I look it up and it describes me 110%. Even to this day I cannot stand any rules, I despise all forms of authority even if it comes from myself. It's so severe at times that I hate myself for making myself have to do something.
.👆👆👆🍫💊🍄🍄✅
Psychedelics saved me from years of uncontrollable depression , anxiety and illicit pill addiction . Imagine carrying heavy chains for over a decade and then all of a sudden that burden is gone . Believe it or not in a couple years they'll be all over for treatment of mental health related issues . ⠀
Please does anyone know where I can get them ? I put so much on my plate and it really affects my stress and anxiety levels , I would love to try shrooms
@@louisianawalters7452 Yes Dr Mile
The Trips I've been having have really helped me a lot,I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
Tripping is not really bad but find a good mycologist Who will teach you the right things you need to know
I was having this constant , unbearable anxiety because of stress. Not until I also came across Dr.Mile a very intelligent mycologist. He came through for me with his knowledge on psychs.
this was so comforting to listen to you have no idea....
Thank you from a bereaved mom 💔
i am blown away at the mans knowledge his passion and conviction .
Recently diagnosed, I had read his books on adults and ADHD recommended to me by my psychiatrist, but had no clue he was so compassionate. Not only in the approach to ADHD, symptoms and the effect it has on those who suffer it, but also in the respect he presents to those trying to understand it. I have been raised by university professors and been in academia all my life, and I have seen all the spectrum of academic behavior, from the pedantic ivory tower gatekeepr to the down to earth approachable genius, and everything in between. This brilliant mind is part of the latter, and he is making the world a better place. Thank you, Dr Barkley.
can you tell what the title of the book is , please
As soon as he started talking about the inability to regulate emotions im just like "stop talking about me!!!"
That rejection hits home so hard. Feel so incredibly validated.
I have ADHD and nearly 30. I am still hyper as a cheetah. Keeps me young though.
Unfortunately it casuse me a lot of trouble becauase i speak my mind and my direct approach cant be accepted by world and money is need it more then being right.
Keep us childlike childish
@5:35 "You can not be impulsive in your behaviour and not be impulsive in your emotions. That is impossible because they are a unity. They go together. Emotion is welded in everything you say and do."
Yes, regular folks/non pyschs know this, its almost common sense based off of what we see. Its sad pyschs and the pysch boards did not.
This makes me want to cry, I’ve always thought I was a freak my entire life. It’s really soothing that there some people out there that understand
I play this loud enough so I can educate the other half because he is clueless about my ADHD for the last 9 years together
Omgg. He is always so spot on.
Thank you so much, Dr. Your presentation is amazingly analytical, precise.clear. Thank you
Someone give this man a medal. He's earned it.
The lack of inhibition / ‘blurtiness’ is SO destructive to relationships; with friends, family and loved ones.
My ADHD has (in retrospect) DESTROYED almost EVERY good relationship I ever had.
I’ve been single now for 19 years, rejecting myself to avoid being rejected as I do so so often.
Makes me incredibly sad to think I’ll likely never marry, and will grow old alone 💔
I just can’t see anyone putting up with me now I’m 57, and well past my best.
I used to be so gregarious and funny. Now I just feel so boring and sad.
It’s not bloody fair.
I'm so sorry you feel that way. Knowledge is power. Knowing yourself better. Don't retreat into a shell. Take the risk to reach out to others. You might just succeed.
Finding a kindred spirit is key. Find other ADHD people. We are out there.
Certain hobbies attract neurodivergent people: board gaming, roleplaying, trading card games, etc. (yes there are neurodivergent adults who do all of these hobbies)
I believe sewing, knitting, and crochet - making items for family and for charity - is generally another set of hobbies that attract more neurodivergent and more understanding people, on the whole. You can learn these skills from RUclips, or at a local craft group.
Additionally, if you get a diagnosis, you can get medication which will help you with this emotional regulation.
This has probably been the best introspection session I have ever had. Thank you.
I can't believe after 33 years old of my life, I've finally have someone understand what is happening inside my brain.
I remember when I was in grade 8, I had one of my more embarrassing violent moments. A girl, who I think liked me was making a joke about me and a friend of mine being gay for each other and I immediately started punching her. Since, I've never hit another person (man or woman). I've always struggled with emotional regulation, but I always thought that was because my parents were distant and emotionally absent from me when I was a child - this probably didn't help though.
This man is literally like an angel sent from the cosmos to talk directly to ADHD people and let them know they are not unwanted nor are their voices silent.
When he started speaking about how adhd prevents people from forming long lasting friendships starting from a young age, I legit started crying, Because he was basically talking about me. It hurt so much being a kid and not being able to really form meaningful connections with others. Every day was a heart break for me because other kids had what I craved most, true friendship.
METH DEALER
The way you describe ADHD fits my son to a t. Thank you for putting it in words that makes sense to me. I struggle every day trying to relate to my boy.
I just got diagnosed with ADHD, I have lived with it untreated for 18 years. This man is saying everything that I’ve felt but didn’t know how to express. The sad part is that I am enlisted in the U.S Army and they aren’t too accepting of this disorder. I won’t be able to start taking meds until after boot camp and A.I.T. But knowing that someone finally understands everything me and many people like me are feeling is refreshing. It needs to be brought to the attention of the Armed Forces, teachers, parents that this isn’t just a child choosing to be this way, they are forced to be this way. There is better options then just telling kids to deal with it or to “act right” as I’ve been told. I’m glad more research is being done on this subject and it’s being brought to light.
Hello are u there?
I do hope you are persistent is getting the DSM changed. Thank you for working so hard and sharing it.
Ever known anyone with ADHD be bored? Nope.. But always lonely
This video just described my life!
I feel almost ignorant trying to let family know every bone they have to pick with has always been a trait of my adhd..my executive function.
Moving in with my dad at 25 has been isolating. He will give me lecture about forgetting to wash the pan and that I show no progress to him as an adult. I feel hurt. He will never understand I’m trying harder at life than neurotypical to be seen and respected as the neurotypical person when im not. I am being told I am insane for being late to things and not fixing it. That I’m lazy. It hurts to been looked down upon. I’m doing good managing! I am looking to get my own place this summer. I will prove to myself I can still do ok with adhd
He is so passionate about this topic, and knowledgeable. I am learning so much from him!
I am near tears, because for the first time, I feel completely understood. Thank you!
I actually didnt realise emotion wasnt considered part of it for me its a billion percent the hardest part as an undiagnosed 42 yr old mother with 5 kids 2/3 with undiagnosed adhd life has been hard and emotions have been a nonstop rollercoaster with no pause im so tired
I was never hyperactive as a child. My was called stupid all my life. I was told I wore my emotions on my sleeve. As an adult, I am trying to unlearn what I learned to get by. The emotion thing is what I'm struggling with. I have pretty much self isolated. I have maybe 2 friends at most now. I have never married or had children. The loneliness gets overwhelming but it is safer than rejection.
finally a proper explanation, thanks
Do you struggle with that too? :( ...
Mine is impulsiveness... my biggest issue...
I don't have adhd, my daughter has and probably her father. It is important to understand adhd. We humans are all different gems right? Wish you good luck.
@@NG-cx1mm Exactly, i wish you all the happiness in life and to your daughter too 💓
This man spoke to my soul.
His speech pushed me to get help. I'm over 30 but string of events made it unbearable. Knowledge and medication helps a lot.
I'm currently still on a waiting list to be seen by a specialist, but my therapist and basically everyone I know agree that there's a high likeliness I have the HI variety. This not being able to hide your raw emotions and thus missing out on connecting with others explains SO MUCH about my childhood.
i have spent years, and i mean years training myself not to lash out. to no longer scream or yell at friends, and it is one of the hardest things to have to hold back. but if you dont you loose everyone around you.
He has just described me perfectly. Great man. Thank you Dr R B. I was diagnosed at 57 years of age at the Maudsley hospital London. It's been very difficult to live with. I'm also a recovered Alcoholic (25 years sober) 👍🇬🇧
Well done being sober
@@brendayourell8978 thank you and God bless you 👍🙏
finally age 36 and miracle cocktail so far is Strattera 25MG (on day 3) with Fluoexetine 40MG (have been on for months).. If this doesn't initiate motor drive I know desipramine works, and will get it.
I’m not sure if I can see it as a disorder all though it comes with it’s challenges. I was diagnosed late 30’s and my kids also have ADHD. Yes, they don’t fit in perfectly in a formal school setting, but they bring colour into this world. Their creativity and ability to think outside the box is a well needed trait. They have heaps of friend, who fight over who gets to have a play date with them. I have learned to love my ADHD over the years. I see it as a difference in brain chemistry, but the creativity and hyper focus it brings can be amazing. I wouldn’t want to be a neurotypical to be honest.
I must do all the things all the time. That is my inner self. I can not sit still because then I am unproductive, and if I am unproductive I am failing at the things.
Thank you for seeing me 😭
Best talk EVER on explaining what ADHD!!
i have to say it here.
i feel everything described, and my brain was thinking on the side ''could this become a new passion to focus on!''
ive been into research and help videos about adhd for about 2 weeks now.
when you were talking about parents attending to help their children, it boosted that feeling, that somehow i need to know more about it.
Adhd kid here. Love your speeches. Absolutely great to explain the last five years of my life as I transitioned from kid to kidult. Haha. Adult.
Started watching this from a tiktok. I had 2 kids on the spectrum, both with ADHD. Currently struggling with the orders, who just started middle school. The ODD part is a revelation for us. It explains SO much of what has been happening.
my experience living with ADHD has been this: believing whole-heartedly that I am less than others- less kind, less intelligent, less good, because nobody else is the way I am. Others don't do the things I do. And I was told by my teachers, peers, my own family that the way I am and the things I do/say are unacceptable, are bad: that I myself, am bad.
this disorder is cruel- the deficits it brings to ones life are profound and disabling- but the response other people have to it is even more cruel. My impulsive nature didn't cause me to develop suicidal thoughts in the second grade. Those thoughts were brought on by the harsh words and reactions of the adults and other children in my life. In my adulthood there is still a lack of compassion- and an abundance of criticism- from others in regard to my presentation of ADHD.
this mans lectures feel like a hug after a lifetime of isolation
I'm so grateful for these. Everything is right on. ❤️ I'm in the process of getting a diagnosis for myself and my children. Listening to this makes me even MORE sure that this is it. This is the thing that messed me up my whole life and now my kids...
I’m blown away here. I am isolated, Unmedicated , and I’m a chewtoy for a pitbull w/ parvo for a narcissistic man that has no idea how fragile I am and it’s debilitating
I'm in the same boat right now 😔
It's like Dr Barkley is describing my undiagnosed daughter! Fidgety not Hyper but huge problems with emotions, anger, behaviour.... 😔