5 Aspergers Dating TIPS to Help YOU! (Are You Making these mistakes?)
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- Опубликовано: 2 окт 2024
- Aspergers dating tips for you to help with the mistakes you could be making in your relationships.
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Dating someone with Asperger’s can be difficult so people who are not educated that much on the autism spectrum.
It can also be difficult to date somebody with autism because of the varying degree in differences between Neurotypical and neurodivergent brains.
In this video I’m out lining asperger’s dating tips and Asperger’s dating problems to help you with your dating needs.
Having Asperger’s syndrome myself I have been through all of these issues that would probably occur from a long-term relationship with somebody with autism.
I hope you can relate to these password is dating tips and chime in with a comment if you have anything positive to add.
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LINKS:
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Where are my single aspies at?
Are you a single aspie too?
Right here. I have come to a place of not sure I’ll ever get married and a family because relationships are such a struggle. My best friend is my mom because I have no friends. I just feel like it’s not possible for me. I guess you could say I’ve given up.
@@Budgetforsuccess same
Single for life and depressed
There was a yearly CONVENTION, called Autfest.
What is so beautiful in my case is that I told my boyfriend after the first date about my autism, I thought it would put him off but it made him want to get to know me even more. Over time he confessed to me that he thought he could be an aspie too, and were going through the process of being diagnosed atm, but its pretty obvious he is one too and it creates such a connection between us (not saying it cant work with neurotypicals too) but we understand each other so well, we make each other so happy and feel we were made for each other :)
That's me and my boy friend but she has autism I think I mite have it as well. Plus we feel as we are made for each other
@Satellite TV Axarquia
OMG, That’s such a beautiful love story!!! 😭
This is so amazing ♡♡♡♡
I bet if it was the other way around you wouldn't of dated him
@@gabrielguzman6018 ... yes, I definitely would. Weird comment.
I just started dating a man with Aspergers. He is perfect in every way and I’ve never had a connection with someone like I do with him. I want our relationship to work as to why I am watching this video! This was very helpful, thank you. I will explore your channel more and your website.
Howd it go? Still together?
_d I’m curious also. I’m very hesitant about it
That is exactly why I'm watching this video too. I met this one guy and he is the sweetest person I've ever met. We've been talking for a couple weeks and he got up the courage to tell me he has Aspergers. Which he doesn't usually tell anyone. I want to get to know him more and he wants to get to know me more as well. Thank you for this video!
Same here! I’ve been dating my boyfriend with Aspergers for 5 months now, and he is amazing! He told me on our third date, and I told him that my best friend of 17 years has Aspergers. I’m really grateful that I’ve found this channel, and I’ll definitely be subscribing!
@@Destiny_rae I have it as well I’ve never been in a relationship before because my lack of social skills it sucks because the women I try to meet think I’m weird but I don’t know what to do I really want a girlfriend but it’s so hard to communicate effectively and not be awkward and actually processing information they say is hard for me as well my friends know I have it but they don’t understand how bad it really affects my life because just the thought of approaching a women i see and like is overwhelming let alone trying to have a conversation.
My boyfriend just asked me to marry him after 3 months of dating and i said yes to him but asked him if he was aware of the fact that I have Asperger's and he didnt run away from it and that was the best feeling ever because its not easy for me to communicate how i feel and how to cope with my emotional anxiety but hes the best he just calms me and support me in every way
Laura Peters Together for only 3 months and already engaged? Are you ducking crazy?
Please don’t rush into marriage. Logic says to date them for at least a year; see how they act through the holidays and birthdays. Some can keep a false face until they have you locked down, and the abuse begins. We seem to wind up with narcissistic partners, which is very destructive to our self esteem.
@@dankhorse69420 I am glad she is experiencing a connection with someone, but I have to agree with you. People still need to use their brains.
Narcissists prey on beautiful autistic people. Beware sweet child.
Congrats!
I am 38 yrs & went undiagnosed autism for my whole life. I’m susceptible to abuse and I have been treated as inferior because my brain works differently. I have felt a lot of resentment dissolution & anger because I can’t be understood. I no longer trust peopleI feel like I have to wear a mask to socialize. It’s killing me inside.
What kind of abuse?
I am sorry for what you have gone through, maybe meditation can help
@@homiesenatep This is a birth defect not something that is treatable with pills. If I could have gotten rid of my autism through medication I would but there is no such thing. If someone that was nerotypical had autism for one day I would almost guarantee half of them would kill themselves from the sheer way are brain works and all the insecurities we deal with on a daily basis. That is why we require a routine that helps us get through the day. We all have a cooping mechanism or many of them. I am really nervous I shake my foot. Stressed out I rock back and forth. I am confused I play with my beard. The thing is each of us is different and most of us are incompatible with each other dating wise. Many of us want a nerotypical person as a spouse for many reasons. Help us make it through the day. Calm us down when really stressed. Get us more comfortable with getting out of a routine. I am really struggling with dating I am only 20 but but people my age just are not understanding of me.
somehow I was able to seduce a man at work without words - but, our coworkers weren't having it and ruined it. They convinced him that I was defective and they bullied me into quitting. i came sooo close to finally getting a boyfriend...soo close
@@genkiferal7178 Sending you lots of love 💗
Yes, I relate to #3. When I'm with my mom, and I'm exhausted after a full day of work, I often find it so hard to process what she is saying that I have to ask her to go back several sentences and start over. (I am 58 and she is 86.)
"Due to gender roles in heterosexual relationships, in our society, life, the world, culture, reality, whatever you want to call it, men are usually expected to take the lead and initiate romantic/sexual relationships.
This requires a certain amount of confidence and social skills, social dynamics and social intelligence, conversation ability and human interaction ability, certain social behaviors, which can be very difficult to develop for those who've faced a lot of social isolation and rejection for many years, or have a condition that affects their ability to socialize, such as autism, etc.
People who fail to develop these traits due to lack of positive experiences, are much less able to compete with their peers for romantic/sexual relationships.
As said before, men being generally expected to initiate and escalate, the lack of these traits affects their ability to find and attract a romantic/sexual partner, or to get into a relationship, to a much larger degree than it does for women."
i thought that was a very powerful and valid post, perfectly worded.
Ok so how do we change this?
@@gabrielguzman6018
Learn those things or find a way to compensate.
Or like Many of us go mad and die alone because we failed to learn this.
Try being exceptionally handsome and autistic its the worst ever, you aproach women who are drooling over you only to get rejected time and time again, that will knock your confidence like nothing else in this world can, then you dont even approach someone you realy really like who is beeming at you with smiles because you know your just going to get rejected, then try lying in bed at night at all the thosands of opportunities you missed because you didnt know how to get a woman like evveryone else and how easy it would be for anyone else in your possition to get thosands of stunning women, but because your you you are still alone forever and will die alone, and try seeing everone online comment on how women only go for good looking guys and know you are in the top 1% of atractive guys in an industry full of exceptionally attractive guys and that level of frustration and failure will eat you up inside more than anything you can imagine. My life is hell on earth.
@bronsonleach3573 look on the brightside. The guys who slip through the cracks just make more kids who have to learn all that stuff in an age of social media and cancel culturee. Forget one rejection leading to rejection form all a girls friends. It can go even wider than that.
Thank you for this, I've started dating a guy who is diagnosed with aspergers, adhd, dyslexia etc (I'm pretty sure I also have autism myself but never been diagnosed) and I wanna learn more about how to understand him have no issues besides him not knowing how to talk to other girls while in a relationship but i have spoken to him about it and since been doing much better otherwise most loving, caring, hard working guy I have ever met and I'm a bit older than him but he acts older than some guys I know had head on right, and easy to talk to and I'm learning everyday on how to be in a happy relationship with someone who has aspergers but been great so far and my son loves him too and they can relate to eachother as I'm also getting my son diagnosed but yeah definatly stjll learning dos and donts though he has spoken to me about it but love hearing other people's advice so I can learn more so thank you
The hardest part with my girlfriend and I are her siblings and family member (sisters and cousin) i get anxious about how they're trying to make us split cause of my autism spectrum they see it as a joke thinking I'm "faking" it to get her to love me not only that just last night her sibling message me on her phone saying "can you stop harassing my sister she's sick" i get impatient when i want to talk to her but siblings keep butting to start even more problems at us
I feel for you, you should defenitely tell her that, and also tell that to her parents. We as aspies have a tendency to suffer from anxiety and depression, and are hypersensitve, just by reading your story I'm bursting in rage and sad at the same time, it is not fair for this kind of things to happen, justice shall come in some way. In my case, my girlfriend's family really doesn't know, but she was the first person to tell me that i probably have asperger, and she found out moments before we started dating. She has a master in neuroscience, and has experience working with children with autism, and in that dinner when she found out, her former supervisors were present, they being two of the greatest experts in Autism Spectrum Disorder in my country, and she noticed that they reached that conclusion by having dinner with us at a pub. That was 10 months ago, just 4 weeks ago i started to go to a psychologist that is also an expert on autism, and she confirmed my asperger since day one.
Wow they sound horrible keep your head up king
@@Elizbethhhh sad news we broke up in december cause she lied about being sick only to find someone who cared but brighter news i found someone who treats me right like a human not an object
@@retro__glitch1572 that is good, happy for you and hopefully you are in a healthier relationship.
10:40 As an English Aspie living in Sweden, I have not only got to translate their language, I have to translate their body language, tone and facial expressions. When one grows up in a country, one learns (well the best one can) their cultural mannerisms. And when I speak to them, I think in English, translate to NT, translate NT (including dumbing it down) to Swedish and it becomes so stressful especially when dealing with Authorities. Swedes seem to have less body language and facial expressions, so it is so frustrating trying to read them, especially up in the "reserved" north.
That has to be difficult. Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
It can also be helpful to use the cultural gap as an excuse when you misinterpret something and don’t understand. I’m originally from Germany but have lived in the UK for 4 years and have used it as an excuse sooo many times. Someone tells me I was awkward in a certain situation? ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I’m from Germany and we do things a little differently there and I didn’t realise’ It works so well because people are less judgmental when you have the explanation of ‘I don’t understand this because I didn’t grow up with it’ 😅
Yeah, as a swede with Asperger, this is had too. I can relate, even though I'm born here.
"when you're ADHD and are on the spectrum, you might get angry at someone and hyerfocus, and then stop being angry because you redirect your energy towards something else" oh, so that's it, that's why i can't keep myself being consistently mad at someone for hours xD now it makes sense, but i had never thought about it before
Oh… yeah…. makes sense. And the other one is quite astonished as I behave as nothing has happened. And just talk about what I read or something.
Me too lol
I have had worse and have been angry at a person for years and held a grudge
I just started dating a girl with Asperger’s and omg I never thought I would fall in love soo much with her and this video really has helped me understand her a lot , thank you
My boyfriend of 3 years has Asperger's. We are very happy - I moved in with him 6 months ago and it's wonderful. Part of what works for me is that I too enjoy solitude, and so no-one feels hurt when the other withdraws for a while That hyper-focusing thing works for me because he's focused on an area (medieval music) which is important to me, and he devotes hours and hours to learning and studying. Google? I don't need Google - I have an autistic boyfriend!! BTW Paul likes eating out and having me cook equally well. I do find that his tolerance for menu repetition is WAY higher than mine. I basically cook the same 4 meals over and over.
Oh hey!! Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
Both - if my energy levels are good I prefer to cook if I am not feeling my best home delivery is best
That's inspiring 😅
I've had many girl friends but I never allowed myself, or them, to get close enough to be a girlfriend or even a date.
That's harmful for a young man, trust me.
This is the style of show in the video that I prefer from you. It has my vote when you have five tips or a top 10 of something and everything is kind of organized.
Tony J Wichowski lol your definitely an aspie
@@purelyrated lol guilty
melissa daquin *you’re lol
The Audio issue..... It’s exhausting for us on the spectrum as well Dan. As much as it royally sucks, Being in a long term long distance relationship has helped me and my partner ( who is currently healing physically and mentally to move forward) get to really know each other. Really enjoyed this, Do you think that your partner would be comfortable and you as well discussing her side of things?
Great video Dan, many thanks! Eating in and watching movies together, gardening, cooking and even doing the cleaning are things my BF and I like to share but the moods swings can be hell when the other one doesn't have a clue and when you can actually feel pretty much everything around you. Lists and written communication, as advised by your GF has proven to be quite effective actually, and spending some time alone too, otherwise you get easily overwhelmed when you work long hours, have lots of responsibilities and have 3 kids the same age who are Aspie too. Therapy helps a lot too.
Relationships aren't easy, Aspie or not. Simple as that 😉
The very first book I read on dating with Asperger’s gave me terrible advice. It suggested that I should just wait until a girl approached me first, then go somewhere private to ask her out. I found out that’s not how things work in the real world. Women rarely ask men out on dates and men are supposed to chase women. I knew this was true to an extent, but I didn’t know how true it really was. After about 10 years of waiting for a woman to approach me first, it never happened. I had to change my strategy.
That was robably written by a woman who doesnt understand.
Not really dating tips. More relationship advice.
I’d agree with that
YES YOU MADE THE VIDEO! Wanted this video for so long
This has literally made me cry… this explains so much about my daughters father. Our relationship is rocky and this honestly has explained so much. I’m going to continue to watch a lot of videos to better understand him and better communicate
10 years? Boi you betta buy her a ring soon! 😂
Agreed 😆💞
Sometimes with my ex he would talk and talk and talk, and I would get really stressed because it was too much information for me to process.
I also notice that I sometimes repeat what someone says to me to actually hear what they’re saying.
I would like to thank you Dan for the Tip as relationships without those tips would most likely go south which I would not want to happen. If I need ideas in my head then I will refer back to this video as it has helped me out with what to do.
I’m at the very start of a relationship with an amazing woman and she’s so supportive. This is a very helpful video.
My hardest thing is just getting a girl to talk to me and breaking the ice...
If I can somehow manage to do that and getting them on a date, I can't get them on the 2nd date...
This has been my experience for the past 20 years...I hate feeling like this...
I can relate. I get the same problem. Countless first dates, But have never been on a second. I mentioned it in another comment on here, but what happens is that people stay away from you if they know you are different. Take for example someone who is extremely popular, loved by the ladies, had lots of friends, is the life of the party, etc... One day, lets say...he gets in an accident. He survives, but now is missing an arm. He is still the same wonderful person. Nothing happened to his brain. He has coped with the situation like a champ, he doesn't let it get him down, he is still the life of the party, etc... But that does not erase the fact that he is now different. Therefore, most of his former friends now steer clear of him, the ladies no longer want anything to do with him. Pretty fucked up. And with Aspergers, you can certainly learn and skill build, but people will still steer clear of you just for the fact you are different.
@@ericrood2308 perhaps there are dating websites to try for aspies only?
When I am stressed and someone tries telling me AnYthing at all, I literally have to shake my head before staring at them while they repeat it or it sounds like russian!!
My dating life is an abject failure. I'm not whining, just stating a fact. I will never be in a loving relationship, but I feel blessed beyond words that I've finally become comfortable & at peace over it: My independence is a blessing.
I'm 24 and have mild, mild ASD and it's taken years, but I finally was able to obtain experience in a dating relationship. I told her about my autism on our second date and she was more than okay with it. In fact, she almost wanted to see more of what makes me tick and it worked quite well for the both of us. However, this didn't last as she told me she couldn't be around to see me enough. Regardless, I believe your videos among others have helped me comprehend what it means to have a relationship so much that I'm ready for another shot! Thanks for your tips, Dan, and I hope you keep putting them up for people like me to see!
@@joaocosta3374 Wow, it's been a few years since I made that comment! I haven't dated since then, but I'd say I'm over her because we don't talk anymore. You could say we tried to be friends, but every time I wanted to video chat, she made excuses and we ultimately didn't. Whatever. It's for the better and I think I'm better off working on myself before dating again.
Lots of people are older than you on the Spectrum and have never been with anyone
Thank you so much for these tips. My best friend is an Aspie. The more I watch your videos, the more I understand him, how he feels and why he changes subjects we talk about quickly. He’d rather text than talk on the phone. When we go out, why he acts the way he does. I’m starting to understand him more. We’ve been close friends for the last 5 months and we text everyday. We have busy weekly schedules so we get together on our free weekends. Thank you again. I look forward to learning more about Aspie relationships. Thank you
To be honest... This really gives me better ideas on how to handle myself in my own relationship, and it shows me what my girlfriend isn't seeing and maybe we can more work out and not argue so much, and to answer the beginning question. I love to cook at home. Nit much of a take out guy unless its pizza or fries... Maybe a milkshake. But i love home cooking. And thank you again. I hope this helps other's as well because ADHD and Asperger's which i have are no joke and it does feel like others may never understand us. But this video gave me a plan on how to work things out. I hope anyone else can.
This explains so much I know I have Asperger’s and I’ve never been in a relationship because of my poor social skills women like me but when they meet me and see how awkward I am it probably runs them off and it sucks because I want a girlfriend but it’s so hard for me but this explains so much
Thank you for posting this. Last time I dated was 14 years ago and didn't know I was on the Spectrum yet. I remember feeling simultaneously frustrated and guilty because we'd spend the day together (which was socially exhausting) and then he'd say "See you tomorrow" and I'd get very frustrated cos to me I'd just managed a huge thing and he was already planning for it again the very next day. And then the next. 😳 I didn't know the term "masking" yet but was already a pro at it, so he had no idea how overwhelmed I was. Have recently been trying to get back into the dating world, so advice helps a lot right now. Thanks! 😁
I prefer takeout. I like to cook but the cleanup is overwhelming, trying to meal plan is overwhelming, and I don’t have to worry about crowds with takeout.
I actually prefer Aspie boyfriends they have way more positives then negatives
Care to elaborate? I’m genuinely curious. I’m on the spectrum and yeah my dating life has been nothing short of atrocious.
My partner was recently diagnosed and I super appreciate your videos! Want to learn as much as I can so I can support them the best way possible ❤️
I like cooking at home because I know what I like, how I like it to be cooked. It gets a little boring, but at least it’s better than paying for something you don’t like!
Is there a guide for aspies in getting a relationship? I don't even have a relationship to have your problems.
Good question. I do t have one but I will make one!!
It is pretty difficult. Even after you build skills, knowledge, and wisdom in dating, and in general as a person, people still will stay away from you just for the fact you are different. You have to interact with women to gain skill with them, but how to you gain that practice if they want nothing to do with you? lol. That is the cycle I am trapped in. Sorta like the person who wants to learn to become a nurse. But she cannot get hired unless she has experience. But how does she GET that experience if no one will hire her?? lol
It can be very difficult seeing as its typically harder for us to read people and situations. And whilst you try to read someone all the research you did goes straight out the window. I would just say try to inch towards it. First just be friendly and try to be there for them and listen to them and remember the little things they like then present those little things to them. Becoming friends first and foremost gets you more comfortable AND can lead to a healthy romantic relationship. And then try to leave gentle hints that suggest you like them maybe send a ❤ after talking something you are both excited about and then SLOWLY advance to lettling them know
@@lilyamy3808 recipe for disaster
Eric Rood I understand what you are getting at with your analogy, but the example you used isn’t the most accurate due to nurses being required to complete several years of nursing related education before they are able to obtain a nursing license.
Playing catch up, Haha. Tip number 3 is one I didn't realize I needed. I'm still learning symptoms and such that is actually part of the autism condition. I have people repeat stuff all the time for reasons you said but I couldn't explain. And yes it's very anxiety inducing. Dan I'm definitely gonna be running forward with these for any future relationships as always, thank you!!
I have found this video to be perhaps the most helpful of all the ones that I have seen so far.
I feel as though I am doing everything correctly now, even before I knew he had Aspergers.
My boyfriend just got diagnosed and now our relationship is making more sense. I am learning so much from your videos. He is 41 and not believing this is what he has.
How the fk did he manage to seduce you and charm you with pick up skills if he is autistic ? it seems like an impossible task for me.
A platonic friend of mine was diagnosed with bipolar depression, but it is my opinion and the opinion of everyone who I have introduced him to that he is definitely on the spectrum. I’m surprised he does not see it. From videos and comments that I have watched, so many people that get a late diagnosis have a huge weight lifted off the shoulders and had that, “ah ha” moment.
I’ve been looking for a good video like this
I love eating out with my partner in a peaceful environment with spicey food and good cocktails/wine. Living in Italy this is easy, especially since our third lockdown has lifted. I have learned to avoid meltdown by pausing, breathing, and going to the bathroom. Then I listen, and I tell my partner that while not sharing his opinion, I respect his freedom of thought, and I love him. This works! Yes, I have insomnia, depression, anxiety, ADHD, so it can be very challenging. Thanks for all your advise.
*advice
Swnsory issues! Last Saturday we went to a great concept and I wore earplugs so I was able to enjoy it fully; I am a musician with supersensitive hearing
I think for eating out it depends on my mood and the atmosphere. I like eating out, but it can be stressful/awkward. These are definitely good tips, i know I've tried to apply the first to anyone i know.
2:40 Skip to end of book hype.
Also a better name for the video is '5 relationship advice for aspergers peeps' or something.
Also, i really can't relate to the imagination thing, but people are different.
Do you think that your talking-to-people skills are improving by making videos?
I prefer going out for a meal but to the same place that we know is quiet and I know the setup
👍💕😇 on date #4 about 12 years ago I was invited to go Kayaking, so yeah sometimes random places can be Fun!💙 Good luck to Everyone out there! God Bless you all! Be Careful, and have fun
Are you still together?
Totally relate to the thumbs up. It doesn't help I have hearing difficulty as well. Thanks for sharing this
The audio thing... My most annoying trait is constantly asking people to repeat themselves, because I have to tune in to comprehend what they are saying, not so bad when the conversation is flowing, but when someone initially engages me and I'm obviously not tuned in that's when I just hear gobbledegook. I'm so concious of this, I hate it.
These dating and relationship videos and the MOST HELPFUL!
I listen to ALOT of relationship/marriage advise videos as well as lots of asperger's videos and books and I having to juggle the advice of the AS and NT videos/books is a mental workout!
There is not that many good asperger's relationship advise videos out there..thank you so much
these videos are very helpful
Yay I’m glad!! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
I’ve just met a mate who is on the spectrum. I have a lot of apprehensions because this is so new to me, but he truly makes me laugh and seems genuine. Tonight is the first date and I have been searching and reading so many resources that way I can approach this first encounter most mindful. Thank you for your content.
Please get to the subject. I waded through two minutes of talk about the book then gave up.
2:40
@@annav6037 2:40 isn't too long for a sponsor ad.
I was just putting when the add ended since I thought they would want to skip, I don’t really care personally
I'm not autistic, I just have ADHD but these tips are actually as relevant for ADHD
As far as take out, go out to eat, or cook...it all depends what what I'm in the mood for.
I have aspergers and I was in the military (should had never been in, however I was not aware I have aspergers at the time) and I had the hardest time understanding a lot of the commands. I've gotten in trouble a lot of times because of that. The whole time I was in the service, I was exhausted, anxiety ridden, and depressed. I had no friends, not even within my platoon because no one understood (including myself) what I was going through and to make it worse I had some very traumatizing things take place while I was in. Just as something as simple as not understanding commands or orders right away made it almost impossible for me to function properly, and not just while on duty, but also in my personal life as well (especially dating). So yes I definitely do understand how hard it is to not be able to understand what is like not to be able to comprehend what is being communicating to me. IT SUCKS!!!! I am a VA patient and I really do wish that the VA had more resources for veterans like me because I know that I am not the only veteran with this challenge.
Good to known I’ve been in relationship with John, (an undiagnosed Aspie) fir 7 years and recently engaged. I recognized with in the 1st 3 weeks that John was on the Autistic spectrum and with research narrowed it to Asperger’s.
It’s good to know about the listening/hearing. I had begun to wonder if I was mumbling or speaking weirdly as I will say something and 2-10 minutes later he willingly look at me and say EXACTLY what I just said it comes across as if it’s a thought he had and not mine….
I'm 52 yrs. Old I've always had hypersensitivity, anxiety so bad over stimulated cant remember things when I'm introduced to someone.
Had very hard time in work situations. I have had a pillowcase that I rub fingers on alot since child.
I've had meltdown from life so hard that I dont even want to be in stressful situations.
Later in life drank alcohol to calm down. Help sir could it be that I have asperger's? I would love it if I could talk to you about this. HELP
I cook at home. I hate fast food. I once loved it when I was young. Trite boring stuff kills me - I cannot small talk at all. It is either substance or zip. It was only after realizing why I am the way am I am after all these years that I finally understood why things went so wrong for me and what parties were really all about. Far too late.
When it comes to food, I like to mix it up! I cook/bake, pick up food, get food delivered and I love restaurants too! I do find that cooking at home is very time consuming but a lot of fun too!
Looks is all that matters.
Thank you for this video! I have been casually (mostly sexually) seeing a man for about 7 months and he recently disclosed he has high functioning (his own words) aspergers, for which i outright thanked him for telling me. We spend most weekends together and he is an absolute angel, so intelligent and very hardworking and i admire him very much. When he told me his diagnosis it was like turning on a lightbulb for me and i am trying to learn more as we seem to be getting more involved. He has mentioned taking me to his home state and hinted at meeting his family...as someone who is more NT, i would like to know from anyone with ASD if introducing your S/o to your family is something that is an important/touchy event that is not thrown around lightly or off hand.
Tl/dr: Aspie lover/bf of 7 months mentioned directly wanting to take me to his home state and meet his family, is this a serious/exclusive event for ASD individuals to even think to talk about? Cheers
Cooking at home 💯
I don’t remember the last time I was in a restaurant ☺️
@ 10:00 omg THIS...whenever I get into a heated moment or discussion- I think fight or flight kicks in and I like, can't take any information in at all...and it makes them more frustrated. It's so comforting to learn it isn't just me!
I usually cook simple food, and I can eat the same thing again and again and again and again... For me, eating out or getting delivery is for when I meet with friends or those kinds of social situations.
So I know this is an old vid, but I would still like to say thank you for making it. I have been diagnosed with asperger early and never really learned what that meant to me. It just meant I was put on a lot of courses to "control my emotions" and adapt to a neurotypical world. Now Im finally at a place where I can look at and accept where I am different. Thank you ❤
Thank you for the book recommendation Dan got my copy in the post now
Also takeout but a nice meal at home is alright
Number 2 made me cry because it's so difficult to explain to someone that I truly cannot understand what they're saying in that moment.
THISTHISTHIS I FEEL YOU SO HARD
Thank you for this video. Very informative and is helping me to grasp the aspie partner.
I really need help. My Aspie husband has meltdowns and afterwards he refuses to acknowledge the personal attacks he makes, but in the same breath demands my subjugation to all of my perceived wrong-doings. It’s so hard to get him to acknowledge that he is ever wrong and I can’t cope with it. I give up so much for him, to accommodate his needs, but it feels exceedingly one sided.
I prefer organic food preparation food services like “Plated” because I can get fresh health food without having to figure out how to make new dishes (They provide picture cards to make your food and all ingredients are pre-measured). I choose this because I never learned how to cook, and I know I need to eat healthy, so this solves the eating health, eating fresh, and I feel like I am learning to cook as I go. I did use to love to eat out, but my health decreased too much and gained too much weight doing that, so I quit that a long time ago.
Even though I'm still young at my age rn, every day I struggle with Asperger's with a straight conversation. And idk how to keep it better
I suggest you find a place (online first) where you can find other people with AS and you talk with other autistic people who seem more at ease. It may help you to begin. Try and persevere. The more you talk, the more it will be easier. Find someone who shares one of your interest. And don't be scared to make mistakes. We all make mistakes, and mistakes teach us a lot too.
Well presented. Keep up the great work.
4:32 where video starts
Hi, I’m in a long distance relationship and my boyfriend has Asperger‘s. I want to give him his space and not overwhelm him but it can be hard in long distance because you only get to see each other so little and I want to be with him but he also needs some space, want would you suggest?
I've never been tested for ADHD, autism or Asperger's but that bit about anxiety making it impossible to understand what people are saying hit me like a brick. Whenever I'm stressed or highly anxious and someone tries to give me instructions, half the time I just hear noise the first time 😵💫
Dan Bacon on RUclips does give some great tips, even though not directly for Aspies.
Very useful information! Thanks 😊
I love your videos and I have autism and I doing ok with my autism because my mom sing me up for a roller coaster club but I am looking for a girlfriend right now and I grow up and I was in special ed class my whole life
When it comes to meltdowns: I had an argument with my boyfriend a few days ago. We had a party happening on Sunday. 1 hour before we were leaving for that party, he told me we were gonna go separately, because he wanted to stay longer until the afterparty. That moment right there, my brain started to shut down, because I didn't plan any of this. I told my bf that I didn't think it was fair of him to tell me this 1 hour before we were leaving. That we were invited together, so we should go together. However, my reaction made him angry, so he ran away to cool down I suppose. I gave him space. But then 30 min later I asked him again if we were gonna go together. And he said no. In fact, he told me I should go home. I was no longer allowed to go to the party with him. That's when my meltdown started. I always try to be honest when I don't feel okay about a certain situation, but he gets angry when I start making an issue of a small thing. It felt like my body was shaking, even though you couldn't see it. But I could def feel it. I just wanted him to understand me and find a solution instead of punishing me.
Jut thank yourself lucky your a woman, if you were male you would NEVER get a date, let alone sex a date or a relationship, you are lucky beyond belif to be spared my life , i will live every second alone and die alone.
4:35 calm down period
6:40 mood changes
9:00 audio convo issues
11:37 know each other
14:00 5th point
I can relate to the audio problem
🙌🏼 Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
Example 1 around 6min, I find the time thinking about it alone after a serious discussion is much worse than any discussion ever itself, so I try and sort things out then and there, and require a strong communicatory who can talk it out, or is that just me? I definitely relate with example 2, the hyperfocus and also the mood changes with hyperactivity of thoughts.
My main problem is no filter sometimes I make a girls day and sometimes I just flat out offend them they just come out be for I can think about it
Totally relate to audio processing while stressed. So often I find my brain full of noise and I can't quite understand other people. This is frustrating to both parties. Thank you so much for your insights on this. Knowledge and power and I feel like, even at 28, I'm on a path of self discovery.
I definitely relate but it usually only happens if it's a very personal topic and the stress comes unexpectedly. I still can process the audio input though. My problem is in responding with my own. I come to a loss for words, even if they are wrong.
Your a very good educator thank you
Dan. I started watching your videos early last year because I suspected my husband and son had Aspergers. They were both diagnosed. Thank you so much for all of your videos. They have helped me so much.
I met a lovely woman with Autism and I too had never had a connection with someone like her...In person we are AMAZING in every way.
We live about 45 minutes to an hour apart so seeing each other is limited. The last 4 weekends we have spent a day or so together. Its been beautiful and surreal when we are together but there are challenges too.
Since we communicate a lot over the phone, there are times when there was miscommunication. I sometimes say things that triggers her or hurts her but I am NOT trying to do that. I just dont think like she does. SO I end up feeling like the bad guy....I am just very expressive with people and it can come off as harsh but i am just expressive. I would NEVER say anything to hurt her but we do argue over the phone, when we are in person, we are amazing....
SO I wonder if that is causing the problems....the distance...I cant see her face when we talk so its easy to misunderstand her....especially since she communicates differently than me....I want to understand her....but I seem to trip and say stupid things from time to time....Im HUMAN, lol.
Its hard when I feel like she's waiting for me to mess up because of past people, and experiences, but that's not fair to me either, right? I don't want to feel like i have to walk a tightrope with my words or its meltdown time.....So yeah, its not easy...Ill do my best...I hope it can work but either way, I am sooooo grateful to have met such an amazing person.
Reminder that looksmaxxing is LAW
My ex told me 5 years after we started going out. He behaved as a true high-functioning psychopath. Devastating.
I am watching this because I just started seeing/met a guy with Autism.... Now I'm freaking out cause all of these pointers sound like me! 😲
I wish you would do a video helping those on the Spectrum who aren't in relationships.
My advice is to just keep going until you find some new clicks with you, unless she asks, she doesn’t need to know
Well as for me I'm a aspie high functioning and well I'm having major trouble with somebody I get rejected left and right I get bashed kvery disability and I'm single currently plus I have been lonely for a over a year so I really wish there is somebody for me out there im so ready to give up
Is there a video like this but for guys who haven´t learned anything on how to get closer to getting a girlfriend during their whole life and aren´t improving even at all because they don´t know what to do or how to learn? That would be kind of useful...
These don't really seem like dating tips but relationship tips--for romantic or platonic ones. How do you get a partner in the first place?
I've been fighting aspergers for 32 years lol it complexes my life to a harsh extent ... in a social aspect mostly. I'm with my partner who doesn't have it and gets annoyed when I do some things as repeat the same thing over an over but we make it work its all about compromise. That's the key word
I can help! ruclips.net/video/ZjpbLUSJODo/видео.html
Hi Dan! I’ve noticed that, in your videos, you have very quiet music playing in the background. Is it possible for you to make your videos without the music playing in the back ground? I absolutely love your videos, but I find the music highly distracting and hard to focus on what your saying. Cheers! :)
If i had the funds and energy, eat out ^^ Restaurants are hard places to be though, and i do like cooking...
I have been dating for a couple of months with someone I really like, but my anxious behaviour in public or after any disruptions to plans is starting to make my boyfriend have episodes of bipolar depression. I dont know if I would be kinder to end things now as I am never going to be cured of my condition and neither will he. I wish i could control my emotions when faced with disappointments 😔