6 Things to Stop Doing in 2024 for a Better Life
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- Опубликовано: 27 май 2024
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What if the answer isn’t to do more? What if the answer is to want less?
I’ve always believed that subtracting from your life can produce better results than trying to add something. Generally, quitting a bad habit, or a bad mindset, or anything distracting will have a bigger impact on your life than learning more.
This episode covers a few things I think we should stop doing to live a better life. Enjoy.
0:00 | Introduction
0:28 | #1 Stop investing in people who won’t invest in you
9:26 | #2 Stop comparing yourself to other people
16:00 | #3 Stop expecting others to change
23:10 | #4 Stop burying your emotions
33:51 | #5 Stop sacrificing sleep for productivity or fun
37:24 | #6 Stop drinking
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Theme Song: "Lola (2020 Stereo Remaster)" by The Kinks
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For the record you changed my life, I never miss any of your emails I read both subtle art and everything is fucked and I never miss any of your Instagram post and podcast cause you share quality shit. The world needs people like you to make them realise what life truly is
"Do as I say, not as I do" Is something every person in authority in my life has told me at one point or another.
Annoying, isn't it
Said my father while drinking AND smoking. Hypocrite.
"Rules for thee, not for me"
This was my mother! Haha
I always interpreted it as "don't make the same mistakes I made" but its more ambiguous than it needs to be tbh
05:54 Stop investing in emotionally unavailable people
11:48 Stop comparing yourself to others and start comparing to your previous selves
17:42 Healthy comparison is possible; don't expect others to change, focus on changing yourself
23:36 Meet people where they're at for effective communication
29:30 Avoid intellectualizing emotions for growth
35:24 Differentiate between TikTok vulnerability and real vulnerability.
41:18 Be selective in destroying your body and try being fully sober for an extended period.
47:09 Awareness of the shift away from celebrating self-destructiveness
As I grow older, everyday I become more selective on what and who get my attention and time. I value my time as time is not a renewable resource, once time as gone to pass it's gone. I grew up with a "survival brain" and it took me years to transform into a "learning brain" being. I took it one step at a time. Thank you Mark for your books and podcasts, you bring a lot to my table.
100%
ive had a friend for over 10 years and as we've gotten older a lot of the things he does/says just annoys me. for a few years i just wished he could be a better friend to be around. now ive taken a step back and started focusing on myself rather than what he's up to. now i appreciate myself and that friend more from a distance.
I don't say: do as I say, but don't do as I do.
HOWEVER, I do say, follow the rules until you understand why the rule is there. Then you can knowingly break the rule accepting the responsibility and the results of breaking the rules.
I'll use this to demonstrate that I'm taking full responsibility of breaking the rules while encouraging others to still follow the rules.
Absolutely.
When I train people at work I teach them all the good habits because they will figure out the bad habits on their own.
If I teach them the shortcuts, ways to cheat and what they can and can't get away with, I set a low bar of expectation it's only downhill from there.
I often look back at my past relationships and cringe at how fucking dumb and blind I was. Goes to show I’ve grown up a lot since then.
Be thankful you're able to see it. A lot of people aren't, and never grow from it.
Never stop seeing the cringe in yourself and you'll never stop growing
Ooo, same 😅
To become old and wise you must first be young and stupid😊
Choosing to work with a boss who didn’t respect me cost me the job I had been working so hard for. I have to look into the mirror with honesty and stop chasing status/validation by attaching myself to successful people who might start to value me more if I work harder or whatever, and instead ally with people who show up and who care for me and who I can trust.
Being middle aged, hindsight is truly better compared to foresight. I remember the 90's and remember them as the most free years in my life. I hope that this younger generation will come to experience more of real life than digital reality 🙏
1 & 2 is exactly my issue. Chasing someone who claims to want me, yet consistently finds excuses to not invest in our relationship, and as I try to put so much effort into it, I neglect the people who are ALWAYS there for me and truly love me. It makes what they do truly cruel.
Quitting drinking was my best success in the past 3 and the half years, and the most difficult to achieve. My next addiction to conquer - RUclips.
Isn't there a term for that? Addiction swapping? Cross addiction?
I've swapped booze (or at least I'm trying) for video games and youtube/podcast.
Some nights I go REAL crazy and do both at the same time!!!🤩
Best wishes in your not drinking!
I’m in my fourth month of recovery, congratulations on your achievement 👏👏👏❤️
I quit drinking 33 years ago and never looked back. Over time much, much more has been revealed to me about life.
I'm 61. Stopped drinking 40 days ago.🤘😅
@@calonstanni GOOD FOR YOU!! Keep it up, life gets so much better!
I'm 44, and I quit drinking alcohol the first week of Dec 2023. I haven't missed it or looked back.
AWESOME! @@timratcliffe4066
I stop drinking about month ago and it wasn't even hard because I realized I was drinking to be social I don't even like to drink
one thing ive learned from reading your books is how at the end of the day we have to face and accept reality so we can be clear about which problems matter and worth solving. accepting responsibility is like accepting a f up room and cleaning it and maintaining it. i always tell myself that only through dead(pain/suffering) can one reach heaven(healthy mindset)
Hi Mark, I’m a reader from Korea! I happened to read your book recently and it was mindblowing! It gave me so much inspiration(can’t find a better word for the moment) and somehow felt like I am in a psychiatrist session. Your book resonate with me a lot. Thank you!
Not being sober since 13/14..
I’m 32 and I feel
You there man and going through my own journey right now, i haven’t not used alcohol or cocaine/some form of drug since the same age and it’s all caught up on me in little ways and I’m trying to turn over a new page and put it all behind me
Hi. I'm 61 and have been a HEAVY drinker (mostly) since 15. I've been sober for 40 days.I wish TO HELL id have stopped in my 30's. I wish you strength and support. I watch a bit of "GETTING SOBER...AGAIN" RUclips channel. It's cool.
I went to college in the mid '80's. Self-destructive behavior was not cool my circle of friends. It must have depended on the crowd with whom you found yourself around.
Same for me in the 90s. Self destructive behaviors were not cool to me, even though it was all around. I always felt on the periphery because of that.
Once again thank you Mark
The boys at it again with some amazing and true content! Cheers from Ontario, Canada.
I really enjoy your podcasts. I always look forward to a new one popping up in my feed.
Great lesson. Keep coming up with these types of videos.
Great content, Thanks💐
Super quality content. Thanks🙏🏽
This video really hit home, you guys are on point, I really needed this today Mark, I will probably listen to this video all week. Thank you so much, this video arrived to my life at the precise moment necessary.
It doesn't matter if some of your content repeats. It's gold!!!!!!
I really like your podcast. So many enlightenments in a clear daily language. Following your mailing list for many years, and read your books. Pure gold. Love you both, keep doing ❤
Inspiring...TY
I agree i gave my best to someone who was unworthy i gave my time, finances and effort and in return i didnt receive what i gave out she just ghosted me and i had to move on i found someone else who gave me so much without even asking
One of my favourite episodes. I love the simplicity and directness you guys discussed things. I feel like I need to listen again just to really digest everything.
I really like the podcasts you make Mark, you and your friends are very fun and interesting to listen to.
Happy 40th birthday Mark! I wish I had read your books back when I was 40 (or even better, 30). In any case, at my 51 I know it's never too late.
Perhaps if I had read your books at 30, I wouldn't have got so much from them, who knows...
All I can tell you is, the 40s are quite an interesting decade.
your podcast feels like chatting with friends. i love hanging out with you guys :D
Hum, ok Mark. I found you like... three days ago, and I just can't stop reading your articles, and now listening to your podcast. And it's pretty shocking how a lot of things you say connect with me. I've started a therapy a year ago now, and the trigger was that something actually-not-so-bad had happened in my life and my emotions suddenly got all over the place for weeks, and I couldn't even explain why my reaction was so exaggerated.
Turns out I have (had ?) this tendency of burying my emotions until they finally decided to explode. You have no idea how I recognize myself at 26:40 haha !
I started my "Life Reset" one year ago. Emotional vulnerability has been the toughest component for me. Damn if I am not being a better person than yesterday ... and repeat. thank you.
I loved this episode, cheers guys
love your content
Love watching your clips. The most helpful one was about work and hobbies. Just because you love something it doesn’t mean you are supper good at. You do not have to love your job just be good at it and enjoy your hobbies on the side. Really changed my life. Thank you.
You know what? you've changed my life and I was recently thinking about all that you talk about in your videos! It is so surreal that I was thinking about this topic Mark and a couple of days later I see this 32 minutes after you uploaded the video!
I love your stuff gives me hope for our collective future...
Good advice.
Thank you Mark for all your work and the wisdom you share with us! 💜 by the way, you look amazing now! Keep going and take care of your body and your soul 🍀
Hi, Mark. Today, I decided to subscribe. These are nice tips, and you remind me of my uncle when he was really young and I was a little kid. He's the cool, beloved uncle in our family even now.
hey mark , thx for your work
65 yr old still trying
Yes, Investing others!
I'm definitely learning to now treat people how they treat me instead of "treat people how you want to be treated". Whilst good in theory, I often found I was giving too much to some people with very little in return and, only ended up feeling resentful or disappointed.
I love the topics, energy with which they are discussed, and just the general dynamic between these two playing off of each other. This might be my new favorite podcast by far. Keep up the good work guys, spreading the good message to ripple its way out into the world 💫
Hi, Mr. Manson! I am a huge fan of yours. I have read your 2 books written by you and they were awesome and got the point. I shared also this video as well.
Have a nice day,
Yours Sincerely
Lucy from Slovakia
I love the future - past self appreciation idea. Future me always appreciates past me not eating that 3rd donut.
You both have incredible wisdom and both share an intricate perspective on reality. I appreciate both of you guys for expressing those thoughts, and for helping other's in their quest for understanding reality on reality's terms ❤
I love Mark’s content, it’s educational and entertaining at the same time 😂👍🏻
I find that people who are on the narcissistic spectrum tend to view indifference as a challenge. Basically, if you are indifferent towards them, they have to win. I’ve had several female stalkers who are narcissists who couldn’t accept my disinterest.
Vulnerability is, I agree, self accepting, self empowering and an overall healthy thing to do for one’s self. Problem is the corporate world has no room for it! You have to be resilient, creative, assertive and self assured or you can f..k off! Sad but true.
This section is really full of good vibes. My message is going to drown here. But I was going to comment on the social comparison and role models...
I see you as a role model but I wouldn't want to be you. I just like the message you spread, the vibes (as seen in this section as well) and the practical advice. Not sure I have used them but I feel I have observed the same and you putting it in easily digested videos, like this, or in writing through your books reminds me of them and re-establishes such patterns in me. And to those hearing it for the first time, they are gems for when they go through those phases (because to be frank, I don't expect anyone to just take advice and run with it without the experience) and get to reflect and adapt faster to life situations to better bounce back and hopefully be a more likeable person.
You are doing great things, Mark & crew. Your comment section is a tribute to it and I just wanted to add one more receipt.
Cheers!
God, the " very little margin for error" on sleep comment really resonated with me. I have auch easi8time sleeping but if there is the tiniest disruption, my wife just can't sleep. It's been important to learn as someone that has slept pretty easily (luckily) that it isn't something my wife wants, she would give anything to be able to sleep more easily and I want to help her do that and be cognizant of those challenges. It has been a real eye opener for me. Truly love these shows!!
Great episode. Love the first suggestion..quit investing in people who aren’t reciprocating.
I'm exactly at your point.I'm as old as you and I can't remember when I was COMPLETELY sober of everything for a longer period. Was probably like you ~13 years old or something.
And I think a lot about getting rid of all poison in my system, but it's not as easy as one might think, since I'm (and probably everybody) is surrounded by people 24/7, which e.g. drink at least some beer at the weekend.
Very hard, but I must try it as well. I'm hoping for the same wow-effect you have / had.
thanks for the interesting podcast, I see myself in many things 😅, keep the awesome work :D
18:22 “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them DRINK” is the saying I remember. There’s probably many different versions of it with the same message but that truly got a laugh outta me😂😂
The 50year block you're mentioning is something in the fourth turning, 20 year blocks of loop 4 different blocks which repeat every 80years
Good shit mark
I totally agree with your theory around the way society celebrated destructive behaviour through 70’s - 00’s, especially what I’ve seen in my local Aussie culture. Definitely something that resonated with me, and that I ultimately got caught up in myself. It was interesting for me to hear you say that it wasn’t like that so much in the decades prior, and seems like the tide is turning back again now…definitely a topic I’d love to see you unpick a little more in the future…
I really love these podcasts! Mark and Drew complement each other. I don't know if their jokes are prepared, but it always make me laugh. It's also my English practice, btw :)
Hey Mark, I would love to see you do an interview with a Brene Brown.
I quit drinking 15 years ago and I have had no social life since. But I have an amazing life I made for myself.
Like many people in the comments I stopped drinking and taking drugs because I chose a different path: I started fasting for Ramadan, I didn’t engage in the “fun” activities that Mark just mentioned as well, started to work full time, started to respect my parents taking their advice and stopped giving a shit of what others thought about my transformation. I feel great about it all in all. Its different when u are drunk in your 20s but in your 30s, no thanks.
Once again, a hugely entertaining video lads.
The point from Drew about comparing your present-self to your past-self was a masterstroke and something I imagine most 30-somethings go through.
I'm looking forward to your follow up video on your sobriety journey!
Hi Mark. Absolutely amazing content. There is just one thing i would want to point out is that there are a bunch of cut scenes in the video, which kind of tilts to the point you mentioned where social media creates a falsely perfect image of a person. I would love to see your podcasts with those subtle errors as it adds that authentic touch and it would feel more natural as a whole. :)
Uncut edition
Are you sure you want to meet your Hero?
We're all gonna make it brahs
Good quote by Zyzz
*Future Self vs *Present Self ( & the decision making to commit consistently do things we consider as hard and therefore postpone ) is one incredibly underrated hack.
Future Gratitude for present day ACTION taking is Priceless 🎇🤗
I’ve have had to stop investing in someone for years he last few days, man it’s tough!
But I bet I’ll feel more free than ever after.
Thanks for the speech and tips, thank you for helping others
For comparing yourself with past and future versions of yourself... I love the concept and have used it in the past. But I have also fallen for the trap where my health was much worse in my mid-20s than my early 20s. It was a health problem that is incurable, and it has sometimes made me wallow in my own self-pity - not a great place to be. BUT if you used it INTENTIONALLY, then you can choose how you use it. It's all about having awareness of your current situation and keeping different perspectives alive.
Mark Ill keep this brief. im a musician and coming on a year sober from alcohol. I started when i was 14 , started traveling to perform, and naturally the booze and drugs are right there. Well this last bit of this talk really struck home. my use got bad when I worked at a lq store during the pandemic, and the addiction was heightened like crazy. Got sober. quit that job, I still make music but even that is kinda different now. Im very stilled in guitar and drums, and its moreso for myself now. plus making it is looking alittle bleak these days. So this year has been trying to discover myself. Im 34 now. Im very close to giving up the weed now. If I can quit heavy drinking, and cocaine, I can quit the weed. Its been pretty lonely, but such an eye opening journey so far. Ironically, I bought your book in LAX when I was pretty drunk, after playing a death metal fest, and flying back to CO. thought that was funny. Thanks Mark
What you said about what happened when you quit drinking helped me a lot, not because I drink, but because my boss drinks all through the weekend. She plans her life around the Saturday and Sunday brunches, then lunches, then dinners she throws at her house. I've been there. She'll kick you out lunch just before her dinner guests come. I've known her 30 years and she's now a completely different and abusive person. I grew up in a family with several alcoholics and thought I was done. I wasn't. I should have seen the signs.
I read your book an have been listening to your podcast an I absolutely love it bro.. good for you man
i've put the screenshot of my review twice in a period of two weeks but I didn't get anything send to me :( , ALSO thanks for all the good content and willingness to help other people :) It's very badasssss and loving :D
This is a tough topic. I am a father. I have two sons. One gets this concept of respect, appreciation and taking ownership. The other struggles, and wants to blame others often. As a father, it doesn't make sense, because they are both receiving my best. Its just personality, and personal responsibility. All I can do is be the best example I can, and try to help my struggling son as much as possible. Hopefully, one day, it'll just click in his head.
You're not the only adult in your sons' lives.
They've had unique experiences with this world.
Have you been able to have an honest conversation with your son?
@@TheKrispyfort MANY honest conversations. He is 11. We've been struggling with him since he could talk. He is hard headed for sure. He is incredibly smart, and talented, and his intelligence I think gets in the way of letting his empathy blossom.
@@raycecil4643 Your son, the one that is struggling, is he the youngest?
@@raycecil4643
Your brief description matches neurodiverse kids.
In which case, that's a different problem solving approach than to neurotypical kids.
It's not a bad thing. Just a different thing.
There's no one size fits all approach in anything in life, except maybe listening to the other person's truth and accepting it as their truth.
The way we perceive the intention of others is key to how we receive their help.
There's an Adam Grant book 'Hidden Potential' and while it's about working with other people, I think it's also an excellent guide when deciding which approach to take with parenting our kids.
Just an idea.
@@raycecil4643 oh, myself and my three kids are neurospicey, which is why your description of your 11yo sounded familiar.
My mother couldn't figure me out either, and her insistence that I configure to her way that things worked was unhelpful at best.
Best wishes for you and your family 🙂
41:56 as an elder millennial, this part about the culture of self destruction gave me such a revelation. I made many destructive choices in my younger years and recall feeling proud about them. You are right, self destruction was glorified in that era. I feel like I can suddenly empathise better with my past self. 🤯❤
Growing up I also loved the grunge music scene. Recently I stumbled upon a Sonic Youth video where they were being interviewed by youtuber Narduar and I was cringing because the band seemed like such assholes with their so-cool-so-bored responses. I can’t believe I aspired to that.
This video is right on cue. Went on a bender the other day, it was so terrible and even much worse for the people around me. Alcohol can make things go south, but burying your emotions will damn near kill you.
He nailed it about the 90s.
Hi Mark, very interesting discussion of how self-destructiveness was celebrated back in the day. I certainly fell into that. One thing I can say for sure from my perspective was that I grew up with the threat of nuclear war hanging over me and the threat of going to Vietnam to fight in a pointless war. As a teenager, I thought why not have all the fun I can since the world is ending soon anyway. So yeah drugs and alcohol from the age of 13 on and the celebration of how totally wasted you could get, sort of made sense if you weren't going to be around much longer.
Ayyye! I’d love to hear what your build was in Elden Ring 🤘
I have quit social media in 2020 August. Just use RUclips for my entertainment. Never went back to Instagram, FB, twitter where I used to share everything.
Result: More focused life. Honest connections with friends and family. Great work life balance. More time for self improvement, lost 1/4 of my body weight, got a nice job, learned playing Guitar, travelled a lot. Did all the things I wanted to do, not inspired by fake influencers. I am in my late 30’s, I never felt like this in my life. Realized I started doing all the right things for me and my family. There is nothing to compare with anyone, just being aware and understanding and correcting my actions. Oh yes, Mark has inspired me a lot. You do have a positive impact on my life.
i just got smacked by a pang of social comparison from instagram and it totally interrupted my workflow. this podcast helped me get back into my groove. thanks for the grounding podcast :)
Love your content! You guys are really talking me into quitting ig
Do it, there is a whole life outside of it waiting for you❤
Tons of people will testify they have lived without it all their years. In my case, for 34 years 😉
Trust me, self-destructiveness is still cool for some youngsters today. I think it will always be around as long as there's rockstars, rappers, movie stars. It's the mass media influence.
I like this podcast
Idiot box 😭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I love it!
Drew Bernie is just the best ❤❤❤❤
Lession one hit me big time. I am still processing how i should not give any time to a potentially charge negative person. Who won't give me time or day. Where i was delusional in thinking i could win her over into a potential love/ relationship. She had what they call in psychology (Avoidant personality type). I learn't something about myself and how not to chase a person who can't live with themselves.
Mark's content a week keeps the psychiatrist away
Less costly in the long run, too
Just remember he's human
I'd love to see them and Dr K have a chat
Do NOT DO THE FOLLOWING For A Better LIFE
1. Stop investing in people who won't invest in you
2. Stop comparing yourself to other people, compare yourself to your previous self
3. Stop expecting other people to change, focus on changing yourself
4. Stop burying your emotions and practice healthy vulnerability instead
5. Stop sacrificing sleep for productivity or fun
6. Stop drinking at least for a few months
thank you
I used to blame God for everything even though I didn't believe in him, then I finally concluded that what we call thinking is actually becoming AWARE of our thoughts as they arise from the unconscious, therefore we don't think, we are being thought . Nothing is anybody's fault, things just are. The Buddha and Stoics coincidentally agree. We do what we can at the time with what we have to do it. Blame serves no purpose.
I agree with everything except for stop drinking. Occasional social drinking is fun/fine. Drinking too much/often is dangerous though.
Homie got quotes for days.
"When we were kids, everybody thought TV was going to ruin kids' brains."
Yeah... it kind of did though. (Consumerism, inadequacy and comparison from commercials, undue stress from world events, Widening the political divide, over consumption of passive entertainment)
As far as sleep is concerned, I face selective sleep issues, my job forces me to get up early, and doesn’t give me anytime to sleep before the afternoon, I can sleep anytime, except for 8pm to 3 AM which is the period where I feel most energetic and productive, but due to my Job I am forced to try and brute force my way through sleep, turning off the lights, keeping away the phone, all this for at least 9.5 hours just to be able to sleep for more than 7 hours 😅 this irritates my wife a lot, and Lord behold, I am extremely easy to wake up during these periods for forceful sleep, and once I am awake, I am awake for at least half an hour, and my next day is ruined 😢
Hi Mark, thinking about your comment on self-destructiveness between the 60s and 00s. What strikes me is that this represents 3 generations of people growing up in the aftermath of the two world wars. So everyone's parents or grandparents would have been profoundly impacted by that period in a direct or non-direct way (either experiencing it themselves or having parents who did or parents whose parents did). Maybe it takes that long for the generational trauma to work itself through
Re: Curt Kobain and Nirvana and their terrible mental health, I really believe it's connected to living in Aberdeen Washington. If you drive through there, and consider it's dark, gray, wet most of the year, their lack of mental health will all of a sudden make sense to you.
I’m not understanding what is not understood about the phrase, “Do as I say, not as I do”. Yes, it’s true that parents should lead by example, but the fact of the matter is, not everything an adult does a child should do.
Should a child engage in sex? Should a child drink? Should a child smoke marijuana? Should a child curse?
There are things an adult does that a child can’t. A child can’t work(first world at least). A child can’t pay bills.
A CHILD IS A CHILD and if it’s not recognized, it can become dangerous.
One could argue that no one should do the three latter but that’s besides the point(why? Because it’s legal and that’s what people do). A child is a child and if parents don’t make that clear, they will see you as a peer. When a parent gives them directions, they may become defiant simply out of desire. It is great to cultivate a sense of independence and self, but parents give directions sometimes for safety. i.e. my son not wanting to hold my hand while crossing the street.
Mark Manson, you curse..a lot. It’s in the title of your book. You may come across a time that a word or two slips out in front a child. It’s a bad habit to break. While you’re working on breaking this habit(hopefully), it doesn’t mean that it’s okay for a child to copy you and it’s up to you to explain that.
That being said, “do as I say and not as I do”..the problem isn’t what was said, it’s how it’s said. Children won’t understand this phrase. But if an adult was to explain, “you know, sometimes mommy makes mistakes or does things that aren’t meant for a child…blah blah blah”.
Without risk of rejection, is there any vulnerability in the first place?