It's been a rough year, and it has been dragging for a bit, but I am doing the work. I talk more about it here: ruclips.net/video/s_4bBcCfm1w/видео.html
Grief is heightened at the holidays. Plus I find it a lonely time of year.. always did.. Seeing Christmas adverts with big family dinners and holiday parties with large groups of friends.. with ads for get the perfect gift... its pushed so people spend more money...its commercialised. Its unessessary pressure...it triggers loneliness...guilt...etc. I can only imagine you miss your friends and family after moving...
You have given so much to us survivors, now it's time we give some of that back. Releasing your sadness is so good for you and we are all listening to you. Sending you lots of virtual hugs and kisses.
I dont think its fake so much as its a market place. Think of the world becoming one big farmers markets. The sellers are always fake at these farmers markets to get your money. Thats social media. It can never be authentic. Authenticity is a no no in capitalism where money is the goal.
As someone who graduated in Adolescent Psychology and recently got his certificate in Anger management therapy, I totally agree. Therapists are human too. They are not robots with no emotion. Just because someone studied mental health and is in that field, does not mean their emotions will not be shown or that they will not have hard times. Students usually go into psychology to not so much overcome their past experiences and trauma rather to learn why they feel how they do. I say this as someone who’s had a career in mental health for a few years: Even I get mentally exhausted and that is completely normal. Yes we as mental health workers distance ourselves from what we heard in session when we get in the car and drive home. However that doesn’t mean sometimes the weight of our patients’ problems isn’t at the back of our mind or thoughts. In my personal opinion, therapy is not a way to get better. Yes it helps with slowly forgetting about pain, but it is not a magic light that will go off and the next day you don’t struggle. It takes time. And rather than getting better, it’s more about learning how to manage certain situations or emotions. Cheer up everyone who is in the mental health field. Providing therapy is not easy and it definitely takes a toll sometimes, but we should remember that one sentence of empathy or encouragement to our patients can save their life. Like i can’t say much but i remember i had a patient that came into my office crying and we talked for about 2 1/2 hours. I told her “i can’t imagine how hard that must have been but everything will be okay i promise” and she looked at me teary eyed thanking me for that one sentence of encouragement. She promised me that instead of self harm, she will journal about how she feels. And in emergency situations, i reassured her that i’m only one phone call or text away.🙂
I believe being a therapist places a certain stigma on ourselves making us believe that believe we have learned certain concepts from professionals we cant express our feelings. But that's not true because we are humans with real feelings so give yourself space to process and express your feelings.
I have also been having a tough time & feeling really depressed. Only child here (early 60’s now), and lost my mom in 2001 and dad in 2019. Was close to my maternal grandparents and they are gone. My immediate family is gone. Single, and never married. It’s all such a struggle. Hang in there everyone!
How come you never married if i might ask? Did you ever want to have children? My sister's sil married at 30 because her biological clock was ticking loudly. She had 4 kids and is still married when none of us thought it would last as she didn't love him like a woman loves a man ...if ya know what i mean. She always dated handsome guys but the guy she married was 'hard on the eyes' ...if ya know what i mean. but he's a great husband, father, teacher, son in law, brother in law ... you name it, he's ALL GOoD. but. he's not good looKING.
I love you Kati. Thank you for showing others its okay to not be okay. It's okay to have trouble with the idea of change. Acceptance. Happiness. Grief. You have guided me through some difficult moments in my life with your kindness and wisdom. You are an incredible human being.
I always think that others expect me to say I'm fine when they ask how I'm doing even if I'm not. There are only a few safe friends that I open up too. I have grief that comes up from time to time as well and it can be hard. My therapist told me you have to have a lot of compassion for yourself during those times....your going through hard stuff change is hard for anyone and you're experiencing major life changes. Moving around, loss etc. I heard on the radio tonight we like to connect with and have nostalgia like maybe watch a movie we've seen a hundred times when going through tough changed because it brings us something familiar....maybe you could try stuff like that. My therapist also tells me when I'm going through stuff like that it's also ti m e for self care. My Christmas present to myself this year is a self care journal and I'm so excited for it to arrive. Negative thoughts can spiral downward or out of hand if we let them. I'm not a therapist but maybe also some inner childwork could work for you too here. You wouldn't tell you younger self that it's not ok to feel how you're feeling. You would listen to her and be with her and take care of her, she might lead you to what it is you need right now. Christmas looks different for everyone every country and family celebrated it differently there is no set way you have to celebrate it. Your not alone in your grief after many years of someone's passing and you not alone in your feelings of others expectations and just having a bad day/ time of shoulding on yourself. It's okay to go through those times and remember lots of compassion for yourself.
My mom passed away suddenly in October. It’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through. My dad put the Christmas tree up and we sobbed. We think she would of wanted the Christmas decorations up but it was so hard to do without her. Christmas isn’t the same. I miss you mom. I love you forever and I’ll see you again in heaven ❤
My mom passed suddenly one October, too. It's been years though, and I have so much compassion for what you're going through right now. ❤️ That's beautiful you and your dad could support each other and also put up the tree, even though it's hard. Take good care, and be easy with yourself. One day at a time. 💕
I'm so sorry for your loss Jessie. It hurts the heart so much losing your mom. And then the holidays. Please know your mom's spirit is with you. I know it doesn't help right now. But she will show you she's with you like mine does. And yes. One day you will be truly reunited. Sending you my love from Canada.
As a fellow therapist, I appreciate your honesty and authenticity. We all have feelings like this. I myself have gotten into trouble by stuffing the feelings and telling myself I should not feel that way. Your example is powerful for us all!
@@johnburns1776 What do you mean by she's a millionaire? Also, as someone who spent significantly more time with my grandparents than with my parents as a child, I understand Kati's pain.
At 11:50ish, you talk about the stuff that others put on you. All their expectations, feelings, shoulds-my therapist would say “just because someone puts their garbage at your feet, doesn’t mean you have to pick it up”. This is the best piece of advice I received in my entire life. It changed me profoundly.
This. I've struggled in my own life, and have done some of the work to get healthier in my life, and even been successful at some of it. So when I see some family members struggle with the same things I struggled with, I want to help them out and show them some stuff that worked for me. But I know thats not how it works and that they need to ask for help, but they never do. I know ultimately I need to give up on "saving people", and I'm doing better in that regard, but it's still difficult, especially when it's people that you see often.
2023 has been a very rough year for me. Holidays are really hitting different for me this year without the people I was once close to. I wish for you and everyone the best and for a new and better year in 2024.
2023 has been very rough for me, too. I nearly lost my brother this summer due to a massive staph infection that got into his heart, and me not having financial stability from lack of a steady summer job. Things snowballed, and I'm now possilbly facing eviction court on Monday. I still blame myself with more of the later, as I feel like I was to blame for this situation....like not taking the intiative to find steady employment, and knowing I was falling behind, and sorta pushing my rent situation under the rug in hopes of it working itself out, maybe finding a loan to get myself out (depsite having a shitty credit history), and me not needing to ask family for help. That ended up not being the case, and although I'm very fortunate to have family that can help, it still brings me lots of shame and embarrassment. It totally sucks.
@@janetslater129 Sometimes it's a matter of luck in life. Sometimes it's just not being prepared. First I lost both of my parents. Lost my home. My pets and two of my daughters 17 and 5. Last but not least - my wife too. Spent $80,000 on lawyers to defend myself against a false accusation of child molest from my 17-year-old daughter. I am down the $2,000, and I really resent the cops and wasting $80,000. And being 70. Wishing I spent that on my two daughters, that i worked so hard for. My trial is January 30th. So very scared. Life goes on I hope.
Kati, the feeling and emotions you are going through are palpable. For the first time in my life, I went through major situational depression. Due to a life change, I went from the happiest husband, the most loving and goofy dad who LOVES to spend time with the family and workout to a shell of a man. It went on for months with me fighting it without any medicine until one day I ended up having a mental breakdown, writing my wife and kids a goodbye letter and ready to take my own life, That night I found myself in the hospital and nearly institutionalized. I ended up on antidepressants, gaining 80lbs. It was bad and nobody around me understood what I was going through. I am happy to report that I am now month four off antidepressants, already 15 lbs off and a new outlook on life. Please stay strong. Please. This too, shall pass.
Please keep going and keep the focus on your self care. Do not let this world throw you off course even though that is the goal here. You are seen and heard by others who are fighting the good fight and YOU are worth it. Thank you.
Thank you for making this video. This year has been the worst. Starting with Hurricane Ian (2022), lost a pet, car accident and moving four times and terrible stress...2023 has to go! Hugs to you!!!!!!
So sorry to hear of all the stress you've been through in only 1 year! The loss of our furbaby, who can be our only "comforf" when we lose our physical things, sometimes can be worse than anything else. Like Katie said, sometimes we feel like we "should" feel a certain way - especially when X time has past. My sweet girl cat died at age 19, January 2021. To this day, when I think of her, I won't just cry - I will sob! I'm single and that cat was with me through thick and thin. I say that, because I want you to know that I understand and I know it's a real feeling. Please know that everyone takes their own time to grieve AND losing a home is also a cause for grief. Losing anything that has meaning to us, will cause us grief. That's something I learned when researching grief, to have a better understanding of what I was going through. I'm so sorry to hear about all you've been through. I hope you are currently living somewhere that is safe. Surround yourself with like minded, encouraging people. One day at a time. I hope you will feel better each day...even if just a bit at a time. ❤
Same. From mid 2022 to 2023 has been by far the worst years of my life. Especially this year with everything in my life hitting different since losing some people close to me, it’s been the loneliest year ever. Just want to be free from 2023.
Ditto. Lost my father, ended up in the hospital with sepsis, severe burnout from my job, had to move back in with my mother for financial reasons with my husband. Two miscarriages. There’s a lot more too. Sometimes, I don’t even know how I get up and persevere. I see a therapist once a week, no meds because it’s circumstantial why I’m struggling so much, but I am looking for more therapy & healing but cannot afford it.
@Boutys_mom So sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved cat. Hope your heart and soul will heal with knowledge that your cat had amazing long life with you and you gave her everything. Lots of love and hugs to you. ❤ Katarina
Needed this. Lost my dad in may. Lost my job a year and a half ago, lost my home a year ago. May be losing my mom soon. I'm falling apart, and honestly, this was the most validating, regulating thing I've seen in that time. Thanks Kati.
Hi Kati. I'm Ellen Lawlor from Toronto, Ontario. My brother-in-law passed on August 27,2023. Then my father passed on September 12, 2023. Then my mother passed on November 14,2023. It has been a very difficult year. Thank you for explaining grief. My emotions are all over the place. I appreciate you sharing the messiness of life. Showing your vulnerability is hard, but part of the human experience.
As a therapist, I needed to hear this. The holidays are always hard for me. Thank you for your vulnerability and I hope you can give yourself some grace.
@@johnburns1776 But John, how does money change how you feel or change or stop the impact of life's experiences on someone? Does it stop an infant from feeling how they feel when they need to be nursed, or to be cleaned, or to be warmed, or to be held, or to be hugged or to be lovingly interacted with with a smiling face and a smiling heart? Does their parents bank account make them stop crying because of the pain of having those needs or does it eliminate all the pain?
@@johnburns1776sounds like you have some deep belief patterns, that are narrow and based on distorted thinking. Money doesn't equal happiness. Past a certain level (slightly more than just surviving) it doesn't increase happiness, well-being, etc. It would behoove you to check your biases, cognitive distortions, and the narratives that develop...that make a very false reality, make us blind to others, decrease our compassion and empathy. It would behoove you to develop introspection and metacognition. Learn how to do the WHOLE equation, rather than a simplified version that leads to erroneous results. Believing that money will cure it all is as ridiculous as believing that if I have all the antibiotics in the world I'll never be sick. See how ludicrous that is? Antibiotics don't help certain conditions. Antibiotics actually hurt in some circumstances. Antibiotics make it easier to get sick later, due to the disruption of the microbiome....yet they save lives in some instances. Same with money. Look at all sides, instead of narrow, simplified, diluted, erroneous conclusion. That way of thinking will also keep you from ever doing well with money, by the way. Your subconscious has such a deeply ingrained, and limiting, belief about money...that you'll do things to sabotage being wealthy. Is that your goal? Money can help in some ways, and we can use it (wisely) to bless others...AND it also doesn't fix everything. Get used to complex ideas. Life is full of them.
I could tell by the videos this year, I feel the same way. It's just been tough, it's nice to see I'm not alone. Thanks so much for being real for us, I so needed this!
Damn, it takes a lot to be this vulnerable online with strangers. I do feel connected to you and hopefully you feel that with everybody listening to your struggle. Being a human is pretty damn hard, good luck y'all.
Please don’t be sorry about “all that”, what you shared and the vulnerability is helpful and generous. I will try to be more open and vulnerable as well. Thank you, Kati!
This realness, the rawness and vulnerability is everything ❤ I’m so grateful to you for sharing this with the world and I strongly feel like we need more of this honesty in all facets of our culture and society
Sitting in the discomfort is always hard lesson to learn. This has been showing up a lot lately for me and will be learning this throughout my lifetime.
I heard that being out of your element aka discomfort makes you grow as a person as you will get past it ... we all have 7 TRIbulations ~ tri means 3 x 7 = 21. in the 21st Century is a NEW AGE. of technOLOGY that not only brings the world to our fingertips but soon we become PART of the 'experience' ~ FIGuratively speaKINg as we all come from the MISSing tRIBe of ADAM who crEATed EVE and why WE came here ~
I can not thank you enough for sharing your heart! This has been an incredibly tough season for me as well. I was in a head-on collision 4 years ago. Trapped in the vehicle with my mother as my passenger. She was moaning and calling out in pain. I couldn’t help her. They had to cut us out of the vehicle, so it took awhile. She died at the hospital. I had four surgeries, two of which were delayed due to Covid. The trial was this year. They found I was zero at fault - the other guy pulled out to pass and we were there. My older brother passed away from Pancreatic cancer last year. This year my younger brother seemed to decide to blame me for our mother’s death. So has told me I’m not part of his family. Not only do I have lots of shoulds and shouldn’t haves, but most of those around me think I should be over it by now so I am so isolated. My husband died 10 years ago, and you are correct. Even after all this time, it can hit you like an unseen ocean wave from behind. I’m right there broken beside you, Kati! You aren’t alone.
I’m struggling with this season too. This year has been so difficult. I went back to school for my bachelor’s degree, changed jobs three times, went to eating disorder treatment for the second time, had three very destructive manic episodes (with depression in between), and helped take care of my mom, who has advanced dementia. I’m just really struggling to find the motivation to continue going forward, let alone celebrate. Your videos have helped me more than I can express. I know I’m just another comment, but I hope that you can see how valuable you are to us all. Your vulnerability is a reflection of your strength. Thank you for giving this woman permission to grieve the Christmas season I wanted to have. I feel like there are many things that I should be grateful for, I just keep beating myself up over the fact that I’m not able to engage with that right now. Sending love from Ohio! Please keep posting, no matter what the topic is. I appreciate hearing what you have to say.
Sending you sooo much love and support. I get it as I’m there too as I’m processing sooo much intense trauma right now. You aren’t alone in this! 💕 Thank you for sharing your journey.
I cried when you talked about the grief of losing your grandparents. I miss mine and still cry when I think of them even though they’ve been gone for more than 30 years. “Grief is the price you pay for love” ….said by Queen Elizabeth. So true. Big hugs from Scotland.
It sounds like you've had so much change with family, property and the things/ people you love. This time of year exacerbates things. Even as a therapist, it's okay to feel whatever comes up. 💙 You're so right! Grief is not linear 💖 and you're so lovely. To be vulnerable, it helps us to reflect on how we feel, too. XX My first Christmas without any family member in the state. Both parents have passed this year. And you posted this video just after a big cry. Thank you 💜 Big hugs and love. Where you are, is where you are, and it's okay xx I feel your loss with your Dad, it comes and goes like waves. x
I agree, 2023 was a wild year. I pretty much spent the entire year just trying to further figure myself out. I was expected to find another career, another job, and “get there.” I’m definitely haven’t gotten there, but I’ve grown tired of running that race and expecting for everyone to be happy about where I am. At this point, I just want to do what makes me happy and not give as much a crap about what people think. I want to live my life for me, and if that disappoints someone, I don’t care.
Kati, you've helped see me through the most difficult parts of healing. It wasn't until I listened to "Traumatized" on Audible that I finally gave myself "Grace" and saw myself deserving of acceptance. Thank you! This video reminded me of a recent change come through me in regards to grieving people I have lost. Triggering reminders no longer invoke sadness and loss for me. They are invitations and opportunities for connecting to people I love and care about. I wish you well, and thank you again for being a guiding light to this world.
Thank you for being so open and honest. I can relate with how you feel about change, SO much. I have been struggling since 2011, and it just seems to get worse. The memories are all I have, so those, I cherish - but they still hurt. ❤ Sending you so much love and light 💜✨️
You are not alone in feeling this. Thanks for being genuine and open to tell us how you are feeling. Your thoughts are real, need to be expressed and I am so amazed with your resilience, that you are willing to put yourself out there. I don’t know anyone who does this, ever. This is you, you are such a great person with so much strength.You have a right to feel the way you do. I look up to you. Yep, life can be shitty sometimes. I am so feeling this, but I see your courage to be so open, you are genuine, you’ve put yourself out there, and it makes me feel okay (less ashamed) to feel things. Thank you for for being you and helping so many people.
This year has proven to be incredibly challenging for me. In addition to ongoing personal difficulties that seem to compound with each passing year, I also experienced the profound loss of my father. His departure marked the unraveling of our family, plunging it into a tumultuous sea of conflict, greed, and deceit. The past nine months have felt like a relentless battle, each day bringing new challenges. As I strive to move forward, it often feels like I'm taking two steps back for every one gained. It's an unusual realization, but I find myself questioning whether I ever expected much from life. Strangely, in this moment, it feels like life is slipping away from me, and I'm losing without even yearning to win. The profound sense of loneliness weighs heavily on me.
Hi Kati, you have helped so many people. You putting yourself on spot and discussing deep vulnerable issues to help other people makes you a really selfless therapist. I would like to help you and if you are interested please feel free to reach out to me. I am Dr Jithendra a psychologist from India.
Thank you for this. I haven't been watching your videos lately because I'm just not in the learning and growing mindset right now. I'm in a funk and watching you cry on camera somehow helps. I wish you didn't have reasons to cry, but there's just something about it that makes me feel less alone. I have wonderful family and friends. I have a fulfilling job that normally I think I'm pretty good at. There are so many things to be grateful for. Yet I'm struggling to today and all I want to do is snuggle up with a big stuffed animal and sleep all day. I'm doing the moping thing right now, but soon I have to try to pull myself out of it. I am relieved I don't have to see my toxic mother. But I miss my grandparents so much.
I've been so hard on myself this year, too, dealing with panic disorder on top of a shitty few years. When you're in the thick of it, its the worst. It just is. I feel this video so much right now. Your vulnerability is valuable to so many. ❤
I’m struggling with panic disorder as well. It’s especially hard at this time of year with so many extra commitments. I’m so sorry you deal with it too ❤
Thank you for being so honest. I find context always helps me. I allow my feelings, my grief, my depression, my struggles. But then I remind myself of those in war zones, those who have lost everything to natural disasters, etc. I remind myself how lucky I am.
Your feelings are so valid. The holidays rip me apart every year and I feel so selfish for not being happy and then I’m stuck in a loop of guilt that makes me more depressed which makes me feel more guilty. I hope you feel better soon ❤
Sorry to hear about the Loss of your Father and the amount of changes you have to go through, is not your fault. Dr.Kati, we know how you feel just remember... never give up And you are a strong Lady with a kind heart.
I really feel so much of what you've said. This year has been a really tough one for me as well. So much loss and that's triggered something very deep in me. I've tried to reach out to others, but I've been met with "just think positively" which makes me shut down even more. If only it was that easy...and to me, it feels like a personal attack. As though feeling sad or overwhelmed or anxious or grieving makes me a negative person somehow. What does help is knowing I'm not alone. For everyone who's struggling, I'm sending so much love and thank you Kati for sharing your vulnerability x
Sorry you're feeling down but just know that your content reaches millions and through your poise and intelligence, you make a big positive impact for a whole lot of us. There is more appreciation out here than you could ever possibly conceive.
Oh Kati, you are SO not alone. I have so much change in my life right now - I am moving soon, caring for my elderly mother (who I love dearly) and so missing my dad...who passed 6 years ago now. ...And the usual overwhelming Christmas expectations. Being human is hard, hard work. Hugs to you and it is ok to cry....I look at it as releasing my pressure valve. ❤
Goodness, thank you Kati for sharing your humanity with the ones who look up to you so dearly. This shows how we are a team rooting for each other feeding off of each other’s experiences and wisdom. This video is such a blessing 💕
Kati, I am right there with ya! The whole ball of crap is just too big to push anymore. Here is the lightning strike that came and hit me. ONE THING: Just do one thing. Tell someone you still love them. MAKE someone you miss a real Christmas card. Whatever tiny thing just pops into your head is enough. Take that first step. I think this was your first step to all of us here who love you. Be well. Merry Christmas.
The tiny thing that popped in my mind was to return to saying good morning, good evening, and have a good rest of your day to people I interact with. It sets the tone, a personable tone that means a lot to me, one that I lost over the recent years of repeated medical trauma.
I truly appreciate this video, this holiday season has been really hard for me too. Family drama, harsh words, mistakes, trauma, awkwardness, wanting to isolate, money troubles.....there's a lot to handle all at once. Although our experiences are not the exact same, it makes me feel heard to be able to relate with a total stranger with that feeling of Christmas pain, feeling as if we must put on a brave face and tough it out, be happy. I have so much faith that everything will in fact get better for not only me, you, and anyone out in the world who has the bravery to be honest about their feelings. Us humans create unrealistic standards for what life should be and I'm glad we are normalizing negative emotions and learning to accept those feelings. After all, that is why we appreciate life all the more when something does go right for once. It gets really tough feeling as if we must have it all figured out and that we must always be prepared, perfectly achieving everything we set out to do. Christmas time doesn't feel the same this year for some of us, but that's ok. As long as we try our best and nurture our inner well-being, in whatever way that looks like. I have so much faith that this holiday sadness will spark change, a change that is freeing, a change that is eye-opening, a change that everyone deserves. Having faith is one of the most brave and rebellious things a person can have, let's all channel that.
Katie, I just lost my dad a little over a month ago and this touches me so much because I’m feeling it. It’s still so raw to me and it’s brining up so many emotions. I’m sorry for your losses.
I adore you and your vulnerability. I completely relate to what you're saying. I've lost all of my family. Holidays suck. All the things you mentioned...ditto.
It's been a hard year for me too here in Australia. I hope your getting this out has helped you as much as you always help us Kati. You're much loved ❤
Hi Katie, i completely understand your feelings. Change has happened in my life too. We go on living and part of ourselves died in the trauma. Our spirits try to look for faith in new places and find something to give life new meaning again. Sometimes its really through the connection that many of us with significant loss life experience relate to this feeling in our own way. It dosen't change the situation but it reminds us that there is people out there feeling the exact same way x
This came at the perfect time. So many pressures from so many different places. I legitimately have to remind myself to do one thing each day that makes me happy.
I am so Sorry for you loss of Dad, Papa and Grandma! You are such a beautiful and strong individual. Do not be Sorry. You are awesome. Thank you for making me not feel alone. ❤ You got it!
I'm so sorry Kati! I've been really helped by your content but never commented here. You seem to be a sensitive, introspective person. And being a therapist has got to be hard being there for others when holding in a lot of pain. I deal with a lot of loneliness myself - it's epidemic unfortunately. Hang in there! 💕
It's weird in a world we are totally connected through social media and internet, and we still feeling lonely, and I can relate to it because I constantly feeling lonely, even though having my friends and being social (I'm not considered myself as an extrovert person but not introvert either), anyway, we must keep going in those tough moments 🫡
This year was indeed tough, and the latest in a long line of hard ones. But that said, they've all been easier than the ones I had when I was running around trying to have the Christmas (and make the Christmas for others) that I was 'supposed' to. Once I was able to let these things go and be alright with doing the best I could, a tremendous weight was lifted. So to you all, if there was anything I could wish for you this holiday season - just do your best. Then pat yourself on the back and rest. To quote that famous song Everybody's Free "The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself."
Thanks for being real, Katie...change is hard! Sending you and anyone feeling down right now the courage and strength to hang in through the muddy part....sending 💜 in these challenging times.
Thank you for sharing your feelings. It makes me feel less alone. This year was tough because I realized my parents did not love me, and I quit a job that was bad for me.
Thank you for sharing it. Thank you for crying, for being so honest and for allowing yourself to do this as a therapist. We all need help from time to time and being true to yourself and others is the first step to getting it.
I am a retired psychologist. I am experiencing loss this Xmas as well. I appreciate your authenticity. We need more therapists who can be so real and vulnerable. You will be ok but these feelings are important. Letting go of the judgment and shame are a lifetime practice.
Dear Kati, it touched me when you said "I'm a therapist, I should be fine with all this change". Yes, you are a therapist - but you are a human, too. Both these parts of you exist at the same time and can have different kinds of experiences, thoughts and feelings about the same circumstance. Don't be harsh to yourself for being less therapist and more human sometimes. As a human you do not have to know, feel and do everything directly as the therapist would advice. That does not make you less therapist, being human makes you a better therapist (at least I think so). As a therapist you are not less allowed or less prone to these human feelings and experience of life with all its twists and turns and ambiguity. All the best wishes for you! P.S.: Holidays are difficult for a lot of us. We are not alone even if it feels like that - that's why we need to talk more about it. There's nothing wrong with spending the holidays another way, if we don't feel like traditional holiday. It's about listening to our own needs.
I know this might sound awful, but I find it so reassuring when you cry. It allows me to feel okay with feeling sadness, and I appreciate that. It's inevitable, but it often feels like there's a stigma against acknowledging it. When you cry, you take that away, and I appreciate it. 🤗
Oh my gosh. I so needed this today. I was just telling my therapist yesterday how I'm really not in the Christmas spirit this year either - just feel like sleeping through it. I felt like there was something wrong with me! It's been a rough year for me too, and I'm also doing the work, and not ready for Christmas cheer just yet either. Thank you so much for this. Feels good to know I'm not alone. :)
Thank you for making and posting this video, I appreciate that being vulnerable is hard, especially for strangers on the internet! I've also found my mind and heart just aren't into the holidays this year like they normally are...I still haven't been able to decide quite why that is, but it's certainly not normal, for me. Oddly enough, my family doesn't seem to have noticed, which is a little frustrating. I hope you feel better and can enjoy Christmas, even if it's just for a little bit :)
Oh, Kati, I had to stop your video because I started ugly crying at it. I resonate so much with your words and what you are going through, especially the whole "letting other's expectations be in the way of your own happiness" part. We'll eventually manage but does the journey suck!! hahahahaha
Thank you for sharing. I don’t have many regrets but one of them is this…I wanted to be a therapist but because I had perfectionist issues I didn’t go on to an advanced degree and I became a teacher. No regrets there yet I do wish I had known you don’t have to be perfect to be a healer. You need to embrace your own humanity. I learned that much later. Bless you dear one.
Also, I get the whole "fitting in, in Texas" thing. I was raised in central Texas from 1971 - 1987. I left for 26 years by way of Miami, LA and Boston for 20 years. I moved back in 2013, and ten years later, I still feel disconnected. Texas used to be the friendly state. Now, unless you're ultra conservative and go to church every Sunday, it's going to feel isolating. Austin and Greater Austin is Texas' only hope.
I’m originally from NJ. I moved south several years ago. I don’t fit in here. I feel like no one understands me. We don’t even speak the same language.
This really resonated with me. I had multiple losses in 2021 and realized this year that I'm still really struggling with grief and the expectations. I started therapy for the first time in my life just a couple of months ago which is when I found your channel too. You've been so helpful, and this video has been especially impactful. I appreciate your realness. ❤
Honestly, it was the worst for me in years 2017 - 2022 and thanks to my dad, the psychological channels like you and medicine helped me to feel kinda better in this year. So you deserve to feel the joy as karma for what you have done. I'm sorry for your loss. I wish that you would feel much better in the years to come. Sending love!!
This video really helped me. To see even the professionals in this field have bad days and rough patches makes me feel not so alone or out of whack. Thank you for sharing this vulnerable side.
As an early career psychologist, I want to say good on you for sharing where you are at. It's brave of you, and I think this is so beneficial for others to see. It's not that we always have it together, on the contrary we are working our way up a different mountain - so have different perspectives to offer. Your feelings are so valid, and understandable. I do think that shoulding all over ourselves (I love this and will use it 😊), happens more easily around this time of year. Simply because people tend to reflect on more traditions/family routines etc. Anna Mathur from the therapy edit has some great podcasts on this. Sending strength as you navigate this time ❤
Contrary as others including you, my year has been great and this keeps me aware that I have to enjoy every day and every detail of my life because sometimes we take it for granted until we are in the opposite side. I appreciate you sharing because you demonstrate that it is human to be vulnerable when things feel hard. I still have my parents and I can't imagine the pain of losing them
It’s sad that people don’t actually believe what you are telling them that’s happening on the inside, they only look on the outside 😢😢 I relate so much to you kati❤ thank you for being you 😊
I feel you! The last few years I've experienced a lot of grief over the holidays. I find it comforting when people are honest about however they feel, ranging from joy to sadness. I hope our society can continue opening space for all emotions to be shared together. I believe videos like this are paving the way. I see more posts online about grief groups and holiday challenges. I ugly cried on thanksgiving when my room mates were singing songs about loneliness. I was lucky to be around people that didn't make me wrong for it. My other room mate said he can't cry, so I cried for him. I can relate more specifically to your discussion on homesickness. I've moved around a lot and yep, that stuff brings a lot of loss, and chapters between friends. Since moving to Colorado in 2019 I made a few friends but they moved away. I haven't found any new friends since...it's been a few years hanging on but feeling so alone. I'm trying new activities and being patient and gentle with myself. I joined a community choir on a whim in October....something to get me through a dark Thursday evening once a week, it was only $5 to join. WELL, choir has been the FIRST time in many years I felt a smile creep up on my face and laughed a few times. The teacher is super fun/theatrical and it's good people that all have fun together! Next on my list is crochet groups with cute old ladies. Thank you for crying on camera. I cry in public a lot and I often wonder if I am the only person. So thank you.
I think you have a similar inner self to me... A desire to have a place that is your place and is an eternal place. A constant, a rock, a safe place. I also grew up spending a lot of time running around my grandparents property and it was that place for me. My parents divorced when I was 4 and there was constant change except for my grandparents house. It was a place I could feel safe. When I was 20 my uncles decided that my grandparents were too old to live on the acreage, and convinced them to sell it all and move into a suburb in town... I've felt adrift ever since, even though I am married with my own family in a house I own... It's still hard some times. I think it's ok to want that place for ourselves and too feel the loss. Kati, if you need time for yourself and can take the time PLEASE do so. We like you and like to see you, but we want you to be happy. If that means we get less of you that's ok. If we can help though by being an audience, that's great! Also, it took me years but if you really stick to it you CAN give zero shits what people think during the holidays!
It's been a rough year, and it has been dragging for a bit, but I am doing the work. I talk more about it here: ruclips.net/video/s_4bBcCfm1w/видео.html
Grief is heightened at the holidays. Plus I find it a lonely time of year.. always did.. Seeing Christmas adverts with big family dinners and holiday parties with large groups of friends.. with ads for get the perfect gift... its pushed so people spend more money...its commercialised. Its unessessary pressure...it triggers loneliness...guilt...etc. I can only imagine you miss your friends and family after moving...
The last 3 years, but next year will be better
You have given so much to us survivors, now it's time we give some of that back.
Releasing your sadness is so good for you and we are all listening to you.
Sending you lots of virtual hugs and kisses.
my mom died on Christmas. ❤❤❤8 years ago. 😢
Thank you for being vulnerable. My respect and love for you continues to grow.
If you were anyone else, I'd say look up Kati Morton and listen to her. She's a marvel.
hahah!! Aww :)
Agreed
Yeah. Pretty much. Thank you.
I'd still suggest it.
Agreed thanks for sharing Kati
In this fake world of social media, thanks for keeping it real, Kati! 💯 ❤
Oh, so not fake, 🤥🤡🤓👍👎
I dont think its fake so much as its a market place. Think of the world becoming one big farmers markets. The sellers are always fake at these farmers markets to get your money. Thats social media. It can never be authentic. Authenticity is a no no in capitalism where money is the goal.
Yep, I've watched quite a few of her videos, but its for this one that I hit the "subscribe" button.
Just because you're a therapist doesn't mean you're not human you have every right to feel how and what you're feeling xx
@eleseclarke6038 ... Thank-you for sharing !! As a Social Worker of 32 years, You are 100 % Correct : )
As someone who graduated in Adolescent Psychology and recently got his certificate in Anger management therapy, I totally agree.
Therapists are human too. They are not robots with no emotion. Just because someone studied mental health and is in that field, does not mean their emotions will not be shown or that they will not have hard times.
Students usually go into psychology to not so much overcome their past experiences and trauma rather to learn why they feel how they do.
I say this as someone who’s had a career in mental health for a few years: Even I get mentally exhausted and that is completely normal. Yes we as mental health workers distance ourselves from what we heard in session when we get in the car and drive home. However that doesn’t mean sometimes the weight of our patients’ problems isn’t at the back of our mind or thoughts.
In my personal opinion, therapy is not a way to get better. Yes it helps with slowly forgetting about pain, but it is not a magic light that will go off and the next day you don’t struggle. It takes time. And rather than getting better, it’s more about learning how to manage certain situations or emotions.
Cheer up everyone who is in the mental health field. Providing therapy is not easy and it definitely takes a toll sometimes, but we should remember that one sentence of empathy or encouragement to our patients can save their life. Like i can’t say much but i remember i had a patient that came into my office crying and we talked for about 2 1/2 hours. I told her “i can’t imagine how hard that must have been but everything will be okay i promise” and she looked at me teary eyed thanking me for that one sentence of encouragement. She promised me that instead of self harm, she will journal about how she feels. And in emergency situations, i reassured her that i’m only one phone call or text away.🙂
The therapists in my area - of the UK - have a special, lower, hourly rate for helping other therapists.
@@min_hyuk98 Credentials mean very little in a world fighting a spiritual battle. Therapy doesn't even stand a chance against this.
I believe being a therapist places a certain stigma on ourselves making us believe that believe we have learned certain concepts from professionals we cant express our feelings. But that's not true because we are humans with real feelings so give yourself space to process and express your feelings.
I have also been having a tough time & feeling really depressed. Only child here (early 60’s now), and lost my mom in 2001 and dad in 2019. Was close to my maternal grandparents and they are gone. My immediate family is gone. Single, and never married. It’s all such a struggle. Hang in there everyone!
How come you never married if i might ask? Did you ever want to have children? My sister's sil married at 30 because her biological clock was ticking loudly. She had 4 kids and is still married when none of us thought it would last as she didn't love him like a woman loves a man ...if ya know what i mean. She always dated handsome guys but the guy she married was 'hard on the eyes' ...if ya know what i mean. but he's a great husband, father, teacher, son in law, brother in law ... you name it, he's ALL GOoD. but. he's not good looKING.
hi lily I hope you had a good Christmas and happy new year
Tight hug. Hang in there, maybe join online or in person courses.
I bet you’re a real looker 😂
@@JaneDoe-tr5xyPlease don't. If she doesn't want to marry she doesn't have to and she doesn't need to have kids. Your comment is disgusting
The saying we used in my family about grief is, "You don't get over it, you just get around it."
I love you Kati. Thank you for showing others its okay to not be okay. It's okay to have trouble with the idea of change. Acceptance. Happiness. Grief. You have guided me through some difficult moments in my life with your kindness and wisdom. You are an incredible human being.
I always think that others expect me to say I'm fine when they ask how I'm doing even if I'm not. There are only a few safe friends that I open up too.
I have grief that comes up from time to time as well and it can be hard. My therapist told me you have to have a lot of compassion for yourself during those times....your going through hard stuff change is hard for anyone and you're experiencing major life changes. Moving around, loss etc. I heard on the radio tonight we like to connect with and have nostalgia like maybe watch a movie we've seen a hundred times when going through tough changed because it brings us something familiar....maybe you could try stuff like that. My therapist also tells me when I'm going through stuff like that it's also ti m e for self care. My Christmas present to myself this year is a self care journal and I'm so excited for it to arrive.
Negative thoughts can spiral downward or out of hand if we let them.
I'm not a therapist but maybe also some inner childwork could work for you too here. You wouldn't tell you younger self that it's not ok to feel how you're feeling. You would listen to her and be with her and take care of her, she might lead you to what it is you need right now.
Christmas looks different for everyone every country and family celebrated it differently there is no set way you have to celebrate it.
Your not alone in your grief after many years of someone's passing and you not alone in your feelings of others expectations and just having a bad day/ time of shoulding on yourself. It's okay to go through those times and remember lots of compassion for yourself.
My mom passed away suddenly in October. It’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through. My dad put the Christmas tree up and we sobbed. We think she would of wanted the Christmas decorations up but it was so hard to do without her. Christmas isn’t the same. I miss you mom. I love you forever and I’ll see you again in heaven ❤
I'm sorry for your loss, sending peace and love your way.
Omg same my dad passed away in October as well. I’m so sorry for your loss as well. It’s damn HARD and I’m still reeling from it. 💔💔
I’m so sorry; I miss my own so badly. I get it.
My mom passed suddenly one October, too. It's been years though, and I have so much compassion for what you're going through right now. ❤️ That's beautiful you and your dad could support each other and also put up the tree, even though it's hard. Take good care, and be easy with yourself. One day at a time. 💕
I'm so sorry for your loss Jessie. It hurts the heart so much losing your mom. And then the holidays. Please know your mom's spirit is with you. I know it doesn't help right now. But she will show you she's with you like mine does. And yes. One day you will be truly reunited. Sending you my love from Canada.
As a fellow therapist, I appreciate your honesty and authenticity. We all have feelings like this. I myself have gotten into trouble by stuffing the feelings and telling myself I should not feel that way. Your example is powerful for us all!
Grief takes time and one never gets "over it". One day at a time...
I wish we all could skip the pain with grief is that even possible
@@johnburns1776 thank you Prayers for you and friends and family too
Any one know where I can get a time machine? Or how to contact the big bang theory people to see if they know anyone who has one
@@johnburns1776 What do you mean by she's a millionaire? Also, as someone who spent significantly more time with my grandparents than with my parents as a child, I understand Kati's pain.
At 11:50ish, you talk about the stuff that others put on you. All their expectations, feelings, shoulds-my therapist would say “just because someone puts their garbage at your feet, doesn’t mean you have to pick it up”. This is the best piece of advice I received in my entire life. It changed me profoundly.
This. I've struggled in my own life, and have done some of the work to get healthier in my life, and even been successful at some of it. So when I see some family members struggle with the same things I struggled with, I want to help them out and show them some stuff that worked for me. But I know thats not how it works and that they need to ask for help, but they never do. I know ultimately I need to give up on "saving people", and I'm doing better in that regard, but it's still difficult, especially when it's people that you see often.
2023 has been a very rough year for me. Holidays are really hitting different for me this year without the people I was once close to. I wish for you and everyone the best and for a new and better year in 2024.
I am so sorry.. and yes, here's to a better 2024 :) xoxo
2023 has been very rough for me, too. I nearly lost my brother this summer due to a massive staph infection that got into his heart, and me not having financial stability from lack of a steady summer job. Things snowballed, and I'm now possilbly facing eviction court on Monday. I still blame myself with more of the later, as I feel like I was to blame for this situation....like not taking the intiative to find steady employment, and knowing I was falling behind, and sorta pushing my rent situation under the rug in hopes of it working itself out, maybe finding a loan to get myself out (depsite having a shitty credit history), and me not needing to ask family for help. That ended up not being the case, and although I'm very fortunate to have family that can help, it still brings me lots of shame and embarrassment. It totally sucks.
@@janetslater129
Sometimes it's a matter of luck in life.
Sometimes it's just not being prepared.
First I lost both of my parents.
Lost my home. My pets and two of my daughters 17 and 5.
Last but not least - my wife too.
Spent $80,000 on lawyers to defend myself against a false accusation of child molest from my 17-year-old daughter. I am down the $2,000, and I really resent the cops and wasting $80,000.
And being 70.
Wishing I spent that on my two daughters, that i worked so hard for.
My trial is January 30th.
So very scared.
Life goes on I hope.
This is what makes you a great therapist - you’ve been through the emotional wars that life throws at us all. You are helping many, many people. ❤️
Kati, the feeling and emotions you are going through are palpable. For the first time in my life, I went through major situational depression. Due to a life change, I went from the happiest husband, the most loving and goofy dad who LOVES to spend time with the family and workout to a shell of a man. It went on for months with me fighting it without any medicine until one day I ended up having a mental breakdown, writing my wife and kids a goodbye letter and ready to take my own life, That night I found myself in the hospital and nearly institutionalized. I ended up on antidepressants, gaining 80lbs. It was bad and nobody around me understood what I was going through. I am happy to report that I am now month four off antidepressants, already 15 lbs off and a new outlook on life. Please stay strong. Please. This too, shall pass.
Please keep going and keep the focus on your self care. Do not let this world throw you off course even though that is the goal here. You are seen and heard by others who are fighting the good fight and YOU are worth it. Thank you.
If it helps, I do understand what you went through, it's pure hell, glad you're feeling better!
@@christinemcfadyen9151 Thank you so much. I hope you are doing better as well.
@@pamelahowell6064 Thank you so much for those kind words. The same goes with you!
I went through this EXACT situation but I ended up divorced.
I hope you’re feeling much better!!
I remember when my grandparents all passed away 20 years ago. They were the glue that held our family together. It all changed after that.
After the silent generation, it's all a bunch of individualists. So I'm not surprised
I get this! Over twenty to thirty-plus years for my maternal grandparents.
Thank you for making this video. This year has been the worst. Starting with Hurricane Ian (2022), lost a pet, car accident and moving four times and terrible stress...2023 has to go! Hugs to you!!!!!!
Hugs to you as well!! I am so sorry you've had a tough year too. xoxo
So sorry to hear of all the stress you've been through in only 1 year! The loss of our furbaby, who can be our only "comforf" when we lose our physical things, sometimes can be worse than anything else. Like Katie said, sometimes we feel like we "should" feel a certain way - especially when X time has past. My sweet girl cat died at age 19, January 2021. To this day, when I think of her, I won't just cry - I will sob! I'm single and that cat was with me through thick and thin. I say that, because I want you to know that I understand and I know it's a real feeling. Please know that everyone takes their own time to grieve AND losing a home is also a cause for grief. Losing anything that has meaning to us, will cause us grief. That's something I learned when researching grief, to have a better understanding of what I was going through.
I'm so sorry to hear about all you've been through. I hope you are currently living somewhere that is safe. Surround yourself with like minded, encouraging people. One day at a time. I hope you will feel better each day...even if just a bit at a time.
❤
Same. From mid 2022 to 2023 has been by far the worst years of my life. Especially this year with everything in my life hitting different since losing some people close to me, it’s been the loneliest year ever. Just want to be free from 2023.
Ditto. Lost my father, ended up in the hospital with sepsis, severe burnout from my job, had to move back in with my mother for financial reasons with my husband. Two miscarriages. There’s a lot more too. Sometimes, I don’t even know how I get up and persevere. I see a therapist once a week, no meds because it’s circumstantial why I’m struggling so much, but I am looking for more therapy & healing but cannot afford it.
@Boutys_mom So sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved cat. Hope your heart and soul will heal with knowledge that your cat had amazing long life with you and you gave her everything. Lots of love and hugs to you. ❤ Katarina
Needed this. Lost my dad in may. Lost my job a year and a half ago, lost my home a year ago. May be losing my mom soon. I'm falling apart, and honestly, this was the most validating, regulating thing I've seen in that time. Thanks Kati.
I hope year 2024 will be better for you…sending big hug
Brave brave Lady. Sending so much love!
xoxo
@johnburns6633 money doesn't buy happiness, depression can happen to anyone regardless if they are poor or millionaires.
Hi Kati. I'm Ellen Lawlor from Toronto, Ontario. My brother-in-law passed on August 27,2023. Then my father passed on September 12, 2023. Then my mother passed on November 14,2023. It has been a very difficult year. Thank you for explaining grief. My emotions are all over the place. I appreciate you sharing the messiness of life. Showing your vulnerability is hard, but part of the human experience.
I’m super sorry 😢 I can’t even imagine the pain, hugs to you ❤
As a therapist, I needed to hear this. The holidays are always hard for me. Thank you for your vulnerability and I hope you can give yourself some grace.
@@johnburns1776 But John, how does money change how you feel or change or stop the impact of life's experiences on someone? Does it stop an infant from feeling how they feel when they need to be nursed, or to be cleaned, or to be warmed, or to be held, or to be hugged or to be lovingly interacted with with a smiling face and a smiling heart? Does their parents bank account make them stop crying because of the pain of having those needs or does it eliminate all the pain?
@@johnburns1776 Hey there. Your profile picture is….interesting. As are the numbers in your profile name.
🙏🏼
@@johnburns1776sounds like you have some deep belief patterns, that are narrow and based on distorted thinking. Money doesn't equal happiness. Past a certain level (slightly more than just surviving) it doesn't increase happiness, well-being, etc.
It would behoove you to check your biases, cognitive distortions, and the narratives that develop...that make a very false reality, make us blind to others, decrease our compassion and empathy.
It would behoove you to develop introspection and metacognition. Learn how to do the WHOLE equation, rather than a simplified version that leads to erroneous results.
Believing that money will cure it all is as ridiculous as believing that if I have all the antibiotics in the world I'll never be sick. See how ludicrous that is? Antibiotics don't help certain conditions. Antibiotics actually hurt in some circumstances. Antibiotics make it easier to get sick later, due to the disruption of the microbiome....yet they save lives in some instances.
Same with money. Look at all sides, instead of narrow, simplified, diluted, erroneous conclusion.
That way of thinking will also keep you from ever doing well with money, by the way. Your subconscious has such a deeply ingrained, and limiting, belief about money...that you'll do things to sabotage being wealthy. Is that your goal?
Money can help in some ways, and we can use it (wisely) to bless others...AND it also doesn't fix everything.
Get used to complex ideas. Life is full of them.
I can kiss your feet if you want
I could tell by the videos this year, I feel the same way. It's just been tough, it's nice to see I'm not alone. Thanks so much for being real for us, I so needed this!
i had the same hunch, i but i didn't want to assume anything
Damn, it takes a lot to be this vulnerable online with strangers. I do feel connected to you and hopefully you feel that with everybody listening to your struggle. Being a human is pretty damn hard, good luck y'all.
Relatable. I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing 🫂
Please don’t be sorry about “all that”, what you shared and the vulnerability is helpful and generous. I will try to be more open and vulnerable as well. Thank you, Kati!
This realness, the rawness and vulnerability is everything ❤ I’m so grateful to you for sharing this with the world and I strongly feel like we need more of this honesty in all facets of our culture and society
A big hug. I see you being vulnerable, what courage! You are one amazing, caring human being. Thank you for your words.
Sitting in the discomfort is always hard lesson to learn. This has been showing up a lot lately for me and will be learning this throughout my lifetime.
I heard that being out of your element aka discomfort makes you grow as a person as you will get past it ... we all have 7 TRIbulations ~ tri means 3 x 7 = 21. in the 21st Century is a NEW AGE. of technOLOGY that not only brings the world to our fingertips but soon we become PART of the 'experience' ~ FIGuratively speaKINg as we all come from the MISSing tRIBe of ADAM who crEATed EVE and why WE came here ~
I can not thank you enough for sharing your heart! This has been an incredibly tough season for me as well. I was in a head-on collision 4 years ago. Trapped in the vehicle with my mother as my passenger. She was moaning and calling out in pain. I couldn’t help her. They had to cut us out of the vehicle, so it took awhile. She died at the hospital. I had four surgeries, two of which were delayed due to Covid. The trial was this year. They found I was zero at fault - the other guy pulled out to pass and we were there. My older brother passed away from Pancreatic cancer last year. This year my younger brother seemed to decide to blame me for our mother’s death. So has told me I’m not part of his family.
Not only do I have lots of shoulds and shouldn’t haves, but most of those around me think I should be over it by now so I am so isolated. My husband died 10 years ago, and you are correct. Even after all this time, it can hit you like an unseen ocean wave from behind.
I’m right there broken beside you, Kati! You aren’t alone.
I am so sorry. For all these loses. I hope there will be some relief for you.
I’m struggling with this season too. This year has been so difficult. I went back to school for my bachelor’s degree, changed jobs three times, went to eating disorder treatment for the second time, had three very destructive manic episodes (with depression in between), and helped take care of my mom, who has advanced dementia. I’m just really struggling to find the motivation to continue going forward, let alone celebrate. Your videos have helped me more than I can express. I know I’m just another comment, but I hope that you can see how valuable you are to us all. Your vulnerability is a reflection of your strength. Thank you for giving this woman permission to grieve the Christmas season I wanted to have. I feel like there are many things that I should be grateful for, I just keep beating myself up over the fact that I’m not able to engage with that right now.
Sending love from Ohio! Please keep posting, no matter what the topic is. I appreciate hearing what you have to say.
Where did you go for eating disorder treatment and was it effective?
I've gone for alcohol tx,tho need the food one.
@@Liisa_011 I went to The Emily Program in Cleveland Ohio. It is very thorough and effective.
Sending you sooo much love and support. I get it as I’m there too as I’m processing sooo much intense trauma right now. You aren’t alone in this! 💕 Thank you for sharing your journey.
Thanks Sharon :) xoxo
Holidays are hard, especially for those of us who have lost someone. Hugs 🤗! Be gentle with yourself
2023 has been rough on me as well. Sending big hugs ❤
I cried when you talked about the grief of losing your grandparents. I miss mine and still cry when I think of them even though they’ve been gone for more than 30 years. “Grief is the price you pay for love” ….said by Queen Elizabeth. So true. Big hugs from Scotland.
It sounds like you've had so much change with family, property and the things/ people you love. This time of year exacerbates things. Even as a therapist, it's okay to feel whatever comes up. 💙
You're so right! Grief is not linear 💖 and you're so lovely. To be vulnerable, it helps us to reflect on how we feel, too. XX
My first Christmas without any family member in the state. Both parents have passed this year.
And you posted this video just after a big cry. Thank you 💜
Big hugs and love. Where you are, is where you are, and it's okay xx
I feel your loss with your Dad, it comes and goes like waves. x
Thank you for sharing this part of yourself, Kati. I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time right now. We’re here for you and we love you ❤
Thank you for your vulnerability.
xoxo
The expression 'shoulding on myself' really resonates. ❤
I agree, 2023 was a wild year. I pretty much spent the entire year just trying to further figure myself out. I was expected to find another career, another job, and “get there.” I’m definitely haven’t gotten there, but I’ve grown tired of running that race and expecting for everyone to be happy about where I am. At this point, I just want to do what makes me happy and not give as much a crap about what people think. I want to live my life for me, and if that disappoints someone, I don’t care.
Kati, you've helped see me through the most difficult parts of healing. It wasn't until I listened to "Traumatized" on Audible that I finally gave myself "Grace" and saw myself deserving of acceptance. Thank you!
This video reminded me of a recent change come through me in regards to grieving people I have lost. Triggering reminders no longer invoke sadness and loss for me. They are invitations and opportunities for connecting to people I love and care about.
I wish you well, and thank you again for being a guiding light to this world.
Thank you for being so open and honest. I can relate with how you feel about change, SO much. I have been struggling since 2011, and it just seems to get worse. The memories are all I have, so those, I cherish - but they still hurt. ❤ Sending you so much love and light 💜✨️
Thank you. Sending you some extra love too :) xoxo
You are not alone in feeling this. Thanks for being genuine and open to tell us how you are feeling. Your thoughts are real, need to be expressed and I am so amazed with your resilience, that you are willing to put yourself out there. I don’t know anyone who does this, ever. This is you, you are such a great person with so much strength.You have a right to feel the way you do. I look up to you. Yep, life can be shitty sometimes. I am so feeling this, but I see your courage to be so open, you are genuine, you’ve put yourself out there, and it makes me feel okay (less ashamed) to feel things. Thank you for for being you and helping so many people.
This year has proven to be incredibly challenging for me. In addition to ongoing personal difficulties that seem to compound with each passing year, I also experienced the profound loss of my father. His departure marked the unraveling of our family, plunging it into a tumultuous sea of conflict, greed, and deceit. The past nine months have felt like a relentless battle, each day bringing new challenges.
As I strive to move forward, it often feels like I'm taking two steps back for every one gained. It's an unusual realization, but I find myself questioning whether I ever expected much from life. Strangely, in this moment, it feels like life is slipping away from me, and I'm losing without even yearning to win. The profound sense of loneliness weighs heavily on me.
Hi Kati, you have helped so many people. You putting yourself on spot and discussing deep vulnerable issues to help other people makes you a really selfless therapist. I would like to help you and if you are interested please feel free to reach out to me. I am Dr Jithendra a psychologist from India.
Change is always most difficult when it's not our choice.
Thank you for this. I haven't been watching your videos lately because I'm just not in the learning and growing mindset right now. I'm in a funk and watching you cry on camera somehow helps. I wish you didn't have reasons to cry, but there's just something about it that makes me feel less alone. I have wonderful family and friends. I have a fulfilling job that normally I think I'm pretty good at. There are so many things to be grateful for. Yet I'm struggling to today and all I want to do is snuggle up with a big stuffed animal and sleep all day. I'm doing the moping thing right now, but soon I have to try to pull myself out of it. I am relieved I don't have to see my toxic mother. But I miss my grandparents so much.
I've been so hard on myself this year, too, dealing with panic disorder on top of a shitty few years. When you're in the thick of it, its the worst. It just is. I feel this video so much right now. Your vulnerability is valuable to so many. ❤
I’m struggling with panic disorder as well. It’s especially hard at this time of year with so many extra commitments. I’m so sorry you deal with it too ❤
Thanks for sharing. I know what you're going through. I've been there. I hope things get better. Take care
❤ this has been a tough year. I feel you 😢💗
You’re videos have helped me so much! I’d like to have a friend like you. Thank you for being so vulnerable!
Thank you for being so honest. I find context always helps me. I allow my feelings, my grief, my depression, my struggles. But then I remind myself of those in war zones, those who have lost everything to natural disasters, etc. I remind myself how lucky I am.
Your feelings are so valid. The holidays rip me apart every year and I feel so selfish for not being happy and then I’m stuck in a loop of guilt that makes me more depressed which makes me feel more guilty. I hope you feel better soon ❤
Ive just got to know you this year but you helped me sooo much through a tough year. Thank you so much😭
Sorry to hear about the Loss of your Father and the amount of changes
you have to go through, is not your fault.
Dr.Kati, we know how you feel just remember... never give up
And you are a strong Lady with a kind heart.
I really feel so much of what you've said. This year has been a really tough one for me as well. So much loss and that's triggered something very deep in me. I've tried to reach out to others, but I've been met with "just think positively" which makes me shut down even more. If only it was that easy...and to me, it feels like a personal attack. As though feeling sad or overwhelmed or anxious or grieving makes me a negative person somehow. What does help is knowing I'm not alone. For everyone who's struggling, I'm sending so much love and thank you Kati for sharing your vulnerability x
Sorry you're feeling down but just know that your content reaches millions and through your poise and intelligence, you make a big positive impact for a whole lot of us. There is more appreciation out here than you could ever possibly conceive.
Oh Kati, you are SO not alone. I have so much change in my life right now - I am moving soon, caring for my elderly mother (who I love dearly) and so missing my dad...who passed 6 years ago now. ...And the usual overwhelming Christmas expectations. Being human is hard, hard work. Hugs to you and it is ok to cry....I look at it as releasing my pressure valve. ❤
Goodness, thank you Kati for sharing your humanity with the ones who look up to you so dearly. This shows how we are a team rooting for each other feeding off of each other’s experiences and wisdom. This video is such a blessing 💕
Kati, I am right there with ya! The whole ball of crap is just too big to push anymore. Here is the lightning strike that came and hit me.
ONE THING:
Just do one thing. Tell someone you still love them. MAKE someone you miss a real Christmas card. Whatever tiny thing just pops into your head is enough. Take that first step.
I think this was your first step to all of us here who love you.
Be well.
Merry Christmas.
"The whole ball of crap is just too big to push anymore," same here.
The tiny thing that popped in my mind was to return to saying good morning, good evening, and have a good rest of your day to people I interact with. It sets the tone, a personable tone that means a lot to me, one that I lost over the recent years of repeated medical trauma.
Very nice.
I truly appreciate this video, this holiday season has been really hard for me too. Family drama, harsh words, mistakes, trauma, awkwardness, wanting to isolate, money troubles.....there's a lot to handle all at once. Although our experiences are not the exact same, it makes me feel heard to be able to relate with a total stranger with that feeling of Christmas pain, feeling as if we must put on a brave face and tough it out, be happy. I have so much faith that everything will in fact get better for not only me, you, and anyone out in the world who has the bravery to be honest about their feelings. Us humans create unrealistic standards for what life should be and I'm glad we are normalizing negative emotions and learning to accept those feelings. After all, that is why we appreciate life all the more when something does go right for once. It gets really tough feeling as if we must have it all figured out and that we must always be prepared, perfectly achieving everything we set out to do. Christmas time doesn't feel the same this year for some of us, but that's ok. As long as we try our best and nurture our inner well-being, in whatever way that looks like. I have so much faith that this holiday sadness will spark change, a change that is freeing, a change that is eye-opening, a change that everyone deserves. Having faith is one of the most brave and rebellious things a person can have, let's all channel that.
Katie, I just lost my dad a little over a month ago and this touches me so much because I’m feeling it. It’s still so raw to me and it’s brining up so many emotions. I’m sorry for your losses.
Me too 🌷
@@diannebrett4074 I’m sorry for your loss
I'm sorry for your losses. 😢 And I hope you feel better about everything else too.
I adore you and your vulnerability. I completely relate to what you're saying. I've lost all of my family. Holidays suck. All the things you mentioned...ditto.
Thanks for not only telling, teaching, and showing that you’re also human. It makes me know that I’m not the only one in the boat.
It's been a hard year for me too here in Australia. I hope your getting this out has helped you as much as you always help us Kati. You're much loved ❤
You are helping me. Knowing there are people out there that are struggling like me is so helpful. Thank you. We all need each other.
When Kati Morton cries I cry! 😭
Hi Katie, i completely understand your feelings. Change has happened in my life too. We go on living and part of ourselves died in the trauma. Our spirits try to look for faith in new places and find something to give life new meaning again. Sometimes its really through the connection that many of us with significant loss life experience relate to this feeling in our own way. It dosen't change the situation but it reminds us that there is people out there feeling the exact same way x
Love you Katy you're doing wonderful 💗
This came at the perfect time. So many pressures from so many different places. I legitimately have to remind myself to do one thing each day that makes me happy.
I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time. I know how hard it is to live in Texas these days and I've lived here my whole life.
I am so Sorry for you loss of Dad, Papa and Grandma! You are such a beautiful and strong individual. Do not be Sorry. You are awesome. Thank you for making me not feel alone. ❤ You got it!
I'm so sorry Kati! I've been really helped by your content but never commented here. You seem to be a sensitive, introspective person. And being a therapist has got to be hard being there for others when holding in a lot of pain. I deal with a lot of loneliness myself - it's epidemic unfortunately. Hang in there! 💕
It's weird in a world we are totally connected through social media and internet, and we still feeling lonely, and I can relate to it because I constantly feeling lonely, even though having my friends and being social (I'm not considered myself as an extrovert person but not introvert either), anyway, we must keep going in those tough moments 🫡
I am so glad you shared Kati. We can be so unkind to ourselves based on what is expected of us. Sometimes it’s bloody difficult. Love and light.
This year was indeed tough, and the latest in a long line of hard ones. But that said, they've all been easier than the ones I had when I was running around trying to have the Christmas (and make the Christmas for others) that I was 'supposed' to. Once I was able to let these things go and be alright with doing the best I could, a tremendous weight was lifted. So to you all, if there was anything I could wish for you this holiday season - just do your best. Then pat yourself on the back and rest. To quote that famous song Everybody's Free "The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself."
The reason I watch your videos is because of who you are and that you allow us to see ALL of you. I appreciate you.
Thanks for being real, Katie...change is hard! Sending you and anyone feeling down right now the courage and strength to hang in through the muddy part....sending 💜 in these challenging times.
Thank you for sharing your feelings. It makes me feel less alone. This year was tough because I realized my parents did not love me, and I quit a job that was bad for me.
Great video! I can relate. Thanks for being honest. Subbed.
xxoxo
Thank you for sharing it. Thank you for crying, for being so honest and for allowing yourself to do this as a therapist. We all need help from time to time and being true to yourself and others is the first step to getting it.
All my love Kati - the holidays are so tough for a lot of us. You're doing so great and I'm proud of you.
@@johnburns1776 I hope you find the joy you need in your life. 🩷
I am a retired psychologist. I am experiencing loss this Xmas as well. I appreciate your authenticity. We need more therapists who can be so real and vulnerable. You will be ok but these feelings are important. Letting go of the judgment and shame are a lifetime practice.
Dear Kati,
it touched me when you said "I'm a therapist, I should be fine with all this change".
Yes, you are a therapist - but you are a human, too. Both these parts of you exist at the same time and can have different kinds of experiences, thoughts and feelings about the same circumstance. Don't be harsh to yourself for being less therapist and more human sometimes. As a human you do not have to know, feel and do everything directly as the therapist would advice. That does not make you less therapist, being human makes you a better therapist (at least I think so). As a therapist you are not less allowed or less prone to these human feelings and experience of life with all its twists and turns and ambiguity.
All the best wishes for you!
P.S.: Holidays are difficult for a lot of us. We are not alone even if it feels like that - that's why we need to talk more about it.
There's nothing wrong with spending the holidays another way, if we don't feel like traditional holiday. It's about listening to our own needs.
I really appreciate u sharing this, I found it so relatable especially regarding grief and other feelings around the holiday period
I know this might sound awful, but I find it so reassuring when you cry. It allows me to feel okay with feeling sadness, and I appreciate that. It's inevitable, but it often feels like there's a stigma against acknowledging it. When you cry, you take that away, and I appreciate it. 🤗
Oh my gosh. I so needed this today. I was just telling my therapist yesterday how I'm really not in the Christmas spirit this year either - just feel like sleeping through it. I felt like there was something wrong with me! It's been a rough year for me too, and I'm also doing the work, and not ready for Christmas cheer just yet either. Thank you so much for this. Feels good to know I'm not alone. :)
Thank you for making and posting this video, I appreciate that being vulnerable is hard, especially for strangers on the internet! I've also found my mind and heart just aren't into the holidays this year like they normally are...I still haven't been able to decide quite why that is, but it's certainly not normal, for me. Oddly enough, my family doesn't seem to have noticed, which is a little frustrating. I hope you feel better and can enjoy Christmas, even if it's just for a little bit :)
Oh, Kati, I had to stop your video because I started ugly crying at it. I resonate so much with your words and what you are going through, especially the whole "letting other's expectations be in the way of your own happiness" part. We'll eventually manage but does the journey suck!! hahahahaha
I did too. I’m an empath…
Thank you for sharing. I don’t have many regrets but one of them is this…I wanted to be a therapist but because I had perfectionist issues I didn’t go on to an advanced degree and I became a teacher. No regrets there yet I do wish I had known you don’t have to be perfect to be a healer. You need to embrace your own humanity. I learned that much later. Bless you dear one.
Also, I get the whole "fitting in, in Texas" thing. I was raised in central Texas from 1971 - 1987. I left for 26 years by way of Miami, LA and Boston for 20 years. I moved back in 2013, and ten years later, I still feel disconnected.
Texas used to be the friendly state. Now, unless you're ultra conservative and go to church every Sunday, it's going to feel isolating. Austin and Greater Austin is Texas' only hope.
I’m originally from NJ. I moved south several years ago. I don’t fit in here. I feel like no one understands me. We don’t even speak the same language.
This really resonated with me. I had multiple losses in 2021 and realized this year that I'm still really struggling with grief and the expectations. I started therapy for the first time in my life just a couple of months ago which is when I found your channel too. You've been so helpful, and this video has been especially impactful. I appreciate your realness. ❤
Honestly, it was the worst for me in years 2017 - 2022 and thanks to my dad, the psychological channels like you and medicine helped me to feel kinda better in this year. So you deserve to feel the joy as karma for what you have done. I'm sorry for your loss. I wish that you would feel much better in the years to come. Sending love!!
This video really helped me. To see even the professionals in this field have bad days and rough patches makes me feel not so alone or out of whack. Thank you for sharing this vulnerable side.
As an early career psychologist, I want to say good on you for sharing where you are at. It's brave of you, and I think this is so beneficial for others to see. It's not that we always have it together, on the contrary we are working our way up a different mountain - so have different perspectives to offer.
Your feelings are so valid, and understandable. I do think that shoulding all over ourselves (I love this and will use it 😊), happens more easily around this time of year. Simply because people tend to reflect on more traditions/family routines etc. Anna Mathur from the therapy edit has some great podcasts on this.
Sending strength as you navigate this time ❤
Thanks for sharing this. This shows me that even being fortunate with resources never can replace validation and connection with others.
This resonated with me so much. My parents sold my childhood home this past June and I will forever grieve that.
Contrary as others including you, my year has been great and this keeps me aware that I have to enjoy every day and every detail of my life because sometimes we take it for granted until we are in the opposite side. I appreciate you sharing because you demonstrate that it is human to be vulnerable when things feel hard. I still have my parents and I can't imagine the pain of losing them
It’s sad that people don’t actually believe what you are telling them that’s happening on the inside, they only look on the outside 😢😢 I relate so much to you kati❤ thank you for being you 😊
I feel you! The last few years I've experienced a lot of grief over the holidays. I find it comforting when people are honest about however they feel, ranging from joy to sadness. I hope our society can continue opening space for all emotions to be shared together. I believe videos like this are paving the way. I see more posts online about grief groups and holiday challenges. I ugly cried on thanksgiving when my room mates were singing songs about loneliness. I was lucky to be around people that didn't make me wrong for it. My other room mate said he can't cry, so I cried for him.
I can relate more specifically to your discussion on homesickness. I've moved around a lot and yep, that stuff brings a lot of loss, and chapters between friends. Since moving to Colorado in 2019 I made a few friends but they moved away. I haven't found any new friends since...it's been a few years hanging on but feeling so alone. I'm trying new activities and being patient and gentle with myself. I joined a community choir on a whim in October....something to get me through a dark Thursday evening once a week, it was only $5 to join. WELL, choir has been the FIRST time in many years I felt a smile creep up on my face and laughed a few times. The teacher is super fun/theatrical and it's good people that all have fun together! Next on my list is crochet groups with cute old ladies.
Thank you for crying on camera. I cry in public a lot and I often wonder if I am the only person. So thank you.
It really sounds that there are a lot of things happening inside of you. I hope that you will find the strenght to cope with all of that.
I resonated with almost everything you said in this video. Thank you for being so transparent with your thoughts and feelings.
I think you have a similar inner self to me... A desire to have a place that is your place and is an eternal place. A constant, a rock, a safe place. I also grew up spending a lot of time running around my grandparents property and it was that place for me. My parents divorced when I was 4 and there was constant change except for my grandparents house. It was a place I could feel safe. When I was 20 my uncles decided that my grandparents were too old to live on the acreage, and convinced them to sell it all and move into a suburb in town... I've felt adrift ever since, even though I am married with my own family in a house I own... It's still hard some times. I think it's ok to want that place for ourselves and too feel the loss.
Kati, if you need time for yourself and can take the time PLEASE do so. We like you and like to see you, but we want you to be happy. If that means we get less of you that's ok. If we can help though by being an audience, that's great!
Also, it took me years but if you really stick to it you CAN give zero shits what people think during the holidays!
Thank you!! xoxo