Hi Psych2Goers, Would you like to be published in our international magazine? We're looking for writers, artists, and photographers in our community to take part in issue 21 of our magazine. We are after - a factual essay on any topic in Psychology, a creative writing piece of any topic, a photography piece of any topic, a comic of any topic, and an art piece of any topic. If you'd like to submit or have any questions, email imogen@psych2go.net - the deadline is 2nd June!
Things you can do to focus on school better (please im drowning in work but i cant focus and im stressing so much but i dont make any orogress and my grades are terrible)
“That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, it is not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did. You deserved it”. -the Narcissist Prayer
The worst part of gaslighting is that if/when the victim does finally realize they've been lied to and manipulated, they then find it hard to trust anyone ever again.
I've seem to almost always having to learn things the hard way - Can you relate ?? What helps you ?? I don't trust people,maybe a small few ? Oh God please intercede,I need you Big time !!!!!!!!!!!
Over the many years, it gets easier to work through this. Takes a long time to figure out who can probably be trusted, and who probably can't be. It can be done though.
Exactly! My former best friend and my former BF got me in that position bc I was in a very vulnerable place in my life. They almost destroyed me. It's taken me 4 yrs to make some progress to trust a little. I'll never be the same, no matter how much I work at it.
All these considering and after just finishing an argument with my narcisistic " only I matter, I m perfect" ...father ( I can barely accept considering him "father) I can franckly and honestly say these people are mentally deranged = insane, living on "ME" planet! " I deserve to treat everyone like crap and everyone has to worship me" type of crazyness!
As a child I was regularly told by my father to go and apologise to my Covert Narcissist mother in order to make everything 'ok'...often when she had been refusing to speak to me for days, refusing to look at me or so filled with rage that all she would do is stare/glare at me. This taught me that I was responsible for abuse and should apologise to my abuser, I cannot tell you how destructive this was...it was beyond gaslighting.
Talk about warping your sense of reality. Shame on your dad. It’s probably impossible to not take that personally but, from the outside, he likely did it to appease her. Hopefully for no other reason. Bad either way and insensitive to your feelings
It's probably too harsh, but here are my questionable thoughts: Tell them the logical conclusion of their actions. !ATTENTION! The user "femme fatale" way farther down the comment line has provided a much, much more peaceful and loving solution than what I made here. I STRONGLY recommend listening to her first over listening to me. She's a mother too, I am not. (Please use advice with caution. This is designed to handle parents overusing the "parent card" and being generally unwilling to properly discuss, using gaslighting phrases doesn't automatically make you a puppetmaster, if anything it makes you socially ditsy, the difference being intent as far as I can tell, advice serves to inspire not to be thoughtlessly copied) Well, I don't know about you, but if someone like that kept talking down to me like that I'd grow resentful of them far more than I'd grow doubtful of myself. Maybe you could let them know that if they value your relationship at all, then they'd better learn to show some more effort in understanding your viewpoint and that childish parent cards aren't gonna cut it. Don't let it turn into a another debate, don't walk into their trap again. Only give them one clear, frightingly calm but polite message, leave and let them decide for themselves about how to best approach the situation. Ignore all accusations fired your way. Patiently wait for them to finish if necessary. You are not here to be shoved around, you are not here to win either. You are just here to give them one clear message you thought through, that's it. If she does value you as her child and not as her pet she better budges and if she doesn't she clearly isn't worth your social time. If all your opinions and arguments are THAT wrong, she should be able to make you feel stupid within 2 minutes using nothing more than basic logic and facts (without unrelated accusations) if she's so smart, instead of likely yelling and sending you to your room. It is completely understandable that she doesn't have the energy to be open minded all the time while doing all the other tasks she has to do, but she could just openly admit that she has limits and needs rest now and to try later. Whetever your message was justified or not, your parents are obligated to reacting maturely regardless, because that's part of how raising a child works, which is a task they have themselves subjected to. They are allowed to make mistakes, but are obligated to rectify them if possible. Children are raised by adults, not other, taller, bill paying children. It took us millenia to figure that one out but it's true. If you threaten to cut them out of your social life and degrade them from a parent to a mere benefactor, a loving parent would likely display worry and fear or at the very least serious concern and try to reconsile. Keep in mind that everyone mean either carries pain or malfunctions, neither of which are nice to have. But you should also only tackle challenges that you are ready or prepared for and know when to cut your losses. If you hit a locked door, leave it and return when you found the key. ... I'm not projecting anything, you are ... (grumpy noises)
when a gaslighter meets a narcissist with a victim complex: narcissist: i guess i'm always wrong and youre always right gaslighter: thank you, this is what i've been trying to get you to understand
Tom Hanks is arguably the most famous example in the world. His whole fanbase is wrong about anything he chooses they are wrong about. Its why I no longer watch his films. When I go to a movie theater to watch a movie I am not interested in seeing the actor play a role in a false flag psyop I am then told to believe in by family. I am not interested in hearing about how all people with alternative memories are wrong. I am not interested in hearing about how foolish, immature or stupid the fans were for buying tickets to that movie. I want to see that movie and that´s it.
I love this so much. My mum is 100% the narcissist with victim complex. Not only that but she was very emotionally neglectful towards me most of my life. Thank God I don’t live with her anymore. Before she kicked me out she became more and more abusive.
It’s definitely peaking. The good news is once it has peaked, more and more people will catch on, realize that it’s toxic and search for more meaningful ways to be happy instead of the “norm.” At least, we can hope.
Always present. Finally labels for what was and is common. Probably called people hysterical back in the day and threw them in an asylum if they did not just go along with the mind bending.
So ashamed of being gaslighter for several years... Can't even imagine how my friend could forgive me. At the moment I'm more compassionate person fortunately
@Agent Of Chaos 666 having no compassion at all makes you seem hostile and unapproachable. clearly you dont know how this "world really works" because your words say otherwise
I disagree. I think it's more of a buzzword that gets said too much. Most of the people who overuse and/or misuse the word "gaslighting" probably don't understand what it really is and looks like.
My ex would do that to me 😩 he would call me the narcissist. 1 year and some CPTSD later he admitted he had been manipulating me the entire relationship. Wild stuff
I feel like we all gaslight to a certain extent. Most people are guilty of it. I’m sure you are too. most people say in the heat of an argument “what are you talking about” or “why are you mad” “Why you offended” or “no that’s not what happened.” Most people say these things and u are kidding yourself if you don’t think that’s what happens. But there is a big difference between that, compared to someone gaslighting/abusing you on purpose, as a constant thing,over and over again for extended period of time.
@@kyrahampton7417 well the truth is that those words by themselves don't mean anything, for example, if someone comes up to me with a straight up lie, I'll say "that's not what happened", because that's literally not what happened, there are people who are offended for nothing and you need to point that out, the problem is when someone uses this daily and for everything, it's when they're use it as weapons instead of self defence, even your argument can be a weapon in the hands of a gaslighter. "See, you use those phrases, you are the manipulative one, you are the bad person here and here I am tolerating you, you should love me for bearing with you, who would ever love a manipulative gaslighter like you?" If this was such an easy fix, don't use those phrases, the world would be better than it is, but these are just generalisations. If a victim confronted a gaslighter about these phrase, they'll quickly point out a few instances when the victim said them truthfully, then change his own set of phrase to avoid those specific ones and then use that as an example of how they're not a gaslighter. TL:DR it's not that easy, it's never that easy
@@pinkneko13 I completely agree with you and I honestly think this video is so misleading because it uses generalisations. So apparently according to this video, you are a gaslighter because u have used the phrases mentioned like “that’s not what happened” and “why are you offended.” What this video fails to explain is that some people WILL get offended over everything, and it’s not wrong for pointing that out. And sometimes someone WILL come up with a story with a straight lie, and therefore it IS ok to say “actually no that’s not what happened.” This is what this video fails to explain and it’s actually very misleading. Psych2go videos seems to be very vague and use generalisations and this hasn’t been the first time! Now technically the phrases mentioned in the video ARE what gaslighters say, and they are very common phrases most people use in the heat of an argument. I think we are all guilty of it to a certain extent, so mostly everyone has technically “gaslighted” But I think the real issue is when people who it on purpose intentionally trying to be manipulative and as a constant thing for long periods of time. That’s the real issue, which this video didn’t really explain.
I was in an abusive relationship and whenever I would cry and be upset about something, my partner would say, "You're too sensitive. It's not a big deal." And wow. Hearing that brought tears to my eyes.
Once u let some one get away with wronging you they take advantage....u have to be willing to be alone and always be willing to walk away... No one is worth lessening urself for....always something better out there.
It gets annoying. My gf was breaking down and crying every day. After like 600 days of it u just wanna murder the person. It's like holy shit our life isn't that fucking bad and I can't get anything done if u fucking Breakdown every day and I gotta stop what I'm doing to comfort u.
Another common phrase: Everyone thinks you’re crazy except me Translation: I’ve been slandering or tarnishing your character behind your back & convinced people that you’re really the problem not me
This was what I was told to get me to move house so he could ‘keep me safe’ after we moved he moved back there to live with my neighbour. I heard all about how horribly I treated him, it hurt so much to think people who have known me 20+ years believe him 😭 never felt so alone in my life, it’s taken 5 years but I’m moving on now I’ve ditched everyone who knew me when I was with him because I can do better, their loss.
This also ties in with number seven. A gas lighter will alter the environment to destabilize their target, even pitting friends and family against them, or them against friend and family.
WOW ! so true...that is my EX-wife 1000% in fact, my wife was so good at it, when the the divorce was started, she had our daughter manipulated... It put me in a no-win situation with her...She initially thought I was divorcing mom ( where did she get that idea ? ) which in her eyes, , made me out to be the bad person because she believed I didn't love mom...then when I told her it was mom divorcing me, it still made me out to be the bad guy because she wondered " What did dad do that was so horrible mom would want to divorce dad " To this day, my daughter doesn't speak to me
@@Psych2go nothing substantial, I actually talked to my psych professor about it one day and her and I both agreed I’ve done my best to try and heal that friendship and apologized for stuff I probably shouldn’t have at the end of the day🤷♂️
Same. Except I don't think he was gaslighting me. But he did had the bad habit of accusing me of everything he is feeling. Projecting, yeah that's how it's called. He also had a BPD so it wasn't easy. We break contact but I hope he is doing fine now.
Keep this in mind: When they reverse things onto you, it’s called: “projection-confession” Keep it in mind next time the narcissist tries to blame you.
@@tdioxin2658 well friend, the topic here is narcissism, but you seem to be confusing it with fascism. And by your snarky tone, I’d guess you’re a supporter. Does anything else really need be said?
You missed a big one: “I was only joking”. That phrase is fine, if indeed the person is only joking. But imagine someone who, say, routinely expresses dissatisfaction in a gift they feel they are owed but haven’t even received yet. Say her birthday is a week away. You bring home a package. She asks “Is that my Diamond birthday ring?” You and she both know she’s not getting a Diamond ring this time around. That’s fine if it happens once, perhaps twice. But if it occurs multiple times each and every birthday, Xmas and Valentines Day, and when you finally get ticked off and she says “I was only joking, lighten up”, it gets sickening. (And hues, she has received diamonds and other expensive gifts many times in the past - even those were met with disappointment)
That used to happen to me a lot. Also, "Aw, you have no sense of humor!" or "Aw, you're no fun!" while acting as though it was supposed to be a harmless joke meant to help me lighten up. Yeah, I knew it wasn't meant to help me, it was meant to humiliate me, and to tell me that I was only an object for their amusement, not a human being deserving of respect.
My ex-husband did that to me all the time, usually after he’d cut me down in someway. He’d say a ‘joke’ that was a dig at me, say it was a joke and then tell me I had no sense of humor. I didn’t realize he was emotionally abusing me for years until that abuse wasn’t there anymore.
I’d say that gaslighters sometimes don’t even realize that they’re gaslighting, it’s like a subconscious defense mechanism. Lots of people use those phrases in different contexts, and they get what they want without realizing that they’ve preyed on someone’s feelings and psyche. Really makes you wonder whether you’re as clean as you think you are...
@Valkyrie Exactly my point, we all gotta introspect even if we think we’re tight on our principles. Though you do make it sound like a backhanded comment, I still find it relevant and sensible.
@@Ana-iw2lx yeah. I never saw myself as a manipulative person at all until I realized after learning more about psychology and human behaviour that I subconsciously manipulated people to get what I wanted, even when consciously I believed to be on the right.
That’s good you got out of an unhappy relationship, however I feel like we all gaslight to a certain extent. Most people are guilty of it. most people say in the heat of an argument “what are you talking about” or “why are you mad” “Why you offended” or “no that’s not what happened.” Most people say these things and u are kidding yourself if you don’t think that’s what happens. But there is a big difference between that, compared to someone gaslighting/abusing you on purpose, as a constant thing,over and over again for extended period of time.
Pretty hard to walk away or challenge them when you're only 6 and the gaslighters are both your parents for that eternity known as childhood...but this is very helpful in any case. Thank you 🙏
"I'm just trying to help you" "You're overreacting" "You dont know what you're talking about" "I never said that" "You're twisting the situation around"
This could also be someone who is talking to someone acting erratic. I use to say things like this to a friend of mine who was an addict. Context is more important than the phrase it's self. If someone says things like this and they are the one who wronged you that is when it is an issue. like they flirted with your significant other or broke some personal boundary but then say you are being too sensitive that is gaslighting.
Tyvm for providing this concise list! I don't have to go back & watch the whole thing over in order to make a hard copy! Also plan to add some of the statements from other commentators.
"I'm just trying to help you" -> Lying "You're overreacting" -> Criticizing "You dont know what you're talking about" -> Lying "I never said that" -> Lying "You're twisting the situation around" -> Projecting
1. I have no idea what you're talking about 0:48 2. you're overreacting / you're being too sensitive/emotional 1:29 3. you're imagining things / that's not what happened at all 2:01 4. you're not making any sense 2:39 5. stop exaggerating the situation 3:11 6. if anything, i'm the one who should be mad at you 3:51 7. don't listen to anything they tell you. you can't trust anyone but me 4:28 I hope I could help! (:
I’ll add an eighth: when the gaslighter tells you your feelings. Example: “It must be hard to live with your anger,” when you’re not even angry. Then, if you don’t know any better you’re keen to spend all of your time, and energy, and words explaining how you are not angry, instead of addressing the issue at hand. As an antidote, gaslighters deserve all of the fruits of an antisocial response. Be blunt, and follow through on your threats without delay.
Ae gaslighter sure do deserve the anti social attitude ehoa. I have a gaslighter which is my eldest sibling. Tricky bugga too. I also have a teacher who has some gaslight tendencies. I had to learn patience and focus from this gaslighter. I had to bide my time till the moment presented itself to unleash my inherent anti social policy. I live with my sibling tendencies but I have to navigate the teachers perspective of Self. I've suffered gaslighting all my life as an empath. But no more, I'm a 'empath that can turn it around nowaday. Be Aware!!!
Ae Randy that was the first step in recovery for an empath. Learning to accept what is reality about the anger you feel, where is it coming from and why?? and by what or whom. If a empath becomes aware of the negative focus they are receiving from their thought. then it is time to create a safe space. I like to talk to my ancestors memorial wall I use incense to convey the message. I tell them all thoughts and talk that has occurred, my responses and I leave it with them for the day and night. This helps to maintain focus when dealing with gaslighting, a clear mindset.
About a year ago I had experienced an intense form of gaslighting from an ex. The harshest I’ve experienced yet, was effectively vilified for asking clarifying questions. Thankfully there was a supportive network of friends and loved ones available to help me think and talk things out. Doing much better now despite the mental scar that remains. Channels like this are a blessing for helping us understand these warning signs, to be better prepared for manipulation when it happens. The only thing I’d suggest as an addendum to your videos is for possible solutions to use in real-time and catch manipulators off-guard. Something that can help us start building self-confidence in these situations. Other than that, thank you for all you do.
The best part is when you catch them out by poking a hole in their lies. You watch their face freeze as they have to rewire and make up another lie. I loved getting that power over my gaslighting narc dad
@@glowshowpk false accusations of things, you just provide proof you weren't there. It helps to have a sibling to back up that, for example, you didn't "hack" into his computer and change the password because you were at school.
I feel like we all gaslight to a certain extent. Most people are guilty of it. most people say in the heat of an argument “what are you talking about” or “why are you mad” “Why you offended” or “no that’s not what happened.” Most people say these things and u are kidding yourself if you don’t think that’s what happens. But there is a big difference between that, compared to someone gaslighting/abusing you on purpose, as a constant thing,over and over again for extended period of time.
@@RichardChappell1 Yes, that could be true. In my case she told me that she didn't love me and upon the question "were you at least attracted to me?" she answered "no". But yeah... I could have misunderstood her. She could be terrible at communicating feelings.
@@RichardChappell1 Yes, my ‘warning’ is more that one has to consider what the other person is saying, instead of assuming (which we have a tendency to, sadly) immediately that we are being gaslighted.
Yes they are warning signs that. 1. One or both individuals involved misunderstand or have misread a situation. The first thing to do is to clarify what each perceives. A lot of fights start when one party or the other, or both parties are mistaken about an event. 2. That one or both parties are looking for a fight, this happens more than people think and their are lots of reasons for this. In a lot of innocent conflicts a little fact finding and rational discussion usually clears up a misunderstanding between two parties. One party does not understand the whole story, but together both parties can see an issue more completely. This works with two rational people who put what really happened and why it happened above their personal egos or control issues. Often people don't even realize they may have innocently offended someone and the other party may realizes they should not have taken such offence. An acknowledgement that you or they understand the perceptions of the other party and see why they feel that way often goes a long way in resolving an issue between two rational adult people. This can work to such an extent that these people may become friends or can become closer due to the mutual respect and rational behavior of the other. Again this works only for rational adult minded people who are secure in their self worth.
My mom used to do that to me all the time. The last time before I walked away, I caught her in a lie and confronted her about it. Fist she denied it but I had proof she lied, so I told her I knew for a fact she was lying and she called me bitter and Crazy. She treated me like I was being overly sensitive and imagining things. She kept saying I’m your mom and can do whatever I want, and even tried to convince me to distrust my best friend. Then, when I left town and changed my phone number without telling her, she called my best friend’s mom and told her she’s worried about me because she thinks I’m suicidal. When that didn’t get a reaction from me, she called my best friend on my birthday to tell her that I am a bad daughter because supposedly she has health problems and I haven’t even given her a phone number where she can contact me to let me know. But when I spoke to my sister, who still speaks to our mom sometimes, to ask her if she had heard about my mom’s health problems, she said she hadn’t. So she was supposedly so concerned about having a way to contact me to let me know what health problems are going on but she didn’t even bother to tell my sister whose contact info she does have.
Gaslighting used to be very common for me in elementary school teachers, using my dead brother against me. They used to say that he didn't have epilepsy, he had cancer(even though he DEFINITELY had epilepsy. I'm not that stupid). They also said that 5 y.o. me was being too sensible with my brother's death, which lead me to try to stop crying, and attempt suicide because I was in a horrible state of depression because my teachers were gaslighting me. I can relate to this video soooo much. Thank you.
I think psychology should be taught to teachers too. There are words that should NEVER be said to children no matter what they do. I still suffer trauma from what my teachers told me in the past and that made me hate authority and schools Every one deserve respects even children but I have the feeling that most adults forget about it.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, these people should not be allowed to be teachers. I hope you are healing from this dark time, because you truly deserve the best! I’m really sorry for your loss💔 Your school should be there to understand you in such a difficult time, not make you feel like you grieving means you’re too sensitive. I hope that now you have the support you need to get better and be happy. I care about you!
I am 16 and I just realized that I have been Gaslighted by a school bully when I was 12 and suffered for 4 years . The worst part is that she had the help of a teacher and a few other dumbass followers of his. 😔
I am now, it was tough, but a change of school and having relaxed classmates as well as a customer service that's really good helped me see that not everyone is against you. I hope you're ok as well ^ ^
Wow. That is tough. It’s one thing for Other students to assist with the gaslighting but it’s another when the faculty gets involved. If not worse. Glad you got out of there.
Ok but sometimes people ARE being too sensitive. Yes their emotions are valid, but that’s not to say they ARE being overly sensitive, because they ARE!! It’s literally stating a fact and being realistic.
Also- where does the line ever end then? Say for example someone literally sobs their heart out because they dropped a leaf, or someone got some dust on their arm. I can guarantee that you think the examples I used are extreme, but if you think it’s extreme isn’t that you proving that people can indeed be TOO Sensitive? If you think it’s extreme, doesn’t that show you are invalidating them and the situation? And yes it was an extreme example because quite frankly...there are times when people are overly sensitive. It’s just the truth! Yes they still feel how they feel and their emotions are valid- but that doesn’t mean the situation itself is still overly sensitive. Also if someone says they are “being too sensitive” isn’t that just their opinion? is it invalidating someone from having an opinion? You could quite easily look at it from that point of view too. I’m just giving different perspectives
@@kyrahampton7417 I like the points you made here. Where does the line draw? Too much of anything isn't too good. That's why they're two sides of the spectrum with extreme behaviors. Balance is key and that's what I'm interpreting your comments
My ex did this to me, using her depression and trauma to shame me for not being there for her. All of this was so draining and I cried from the pressure that was building up
One person tried to gaslight me but instead of making me doubt my own perception of reality it just made me paranoid of them specifically, had no issues with others, just them lmao
About a year after the break up, it dawned on me how happy I was. How much I now enjoyed life. I am so very glad it is over. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than ever go back to something like that.
@Will Y you obviously missed the point of "gaslighting". It is a type of personality that is destructive to the person they are "supposed" to love. The above comments are from those of us that experienced it. I hope you never do.
@Will Y Normally, I would agree with you. However, when the person that has promised to love and cherish you through sickness and health instead lies to you, cheats on you, steals from you; things aren’t as black and white as “not right for each other.” When that person would rather waste your last $10 on his mistress; When the person you thought loved you and your shared children turns their back on you because you won’t allow him to continue living in the marital house WHILE HE CONTINUES his affair... I could write a 1000 page book on what my “loving husband” thought was ok to do to his family. Things are not so simple as you believe them to be; I’m grateful you don’t know better and I pray you never have to understand personally. That being said, maybe you shouldn’t judge what you know nothing about.
Spent a lot of time listening to these statements and facing similar gaslighting behaviours that became more harmful to my self esteem each and every day - it took me a long time to realise I wasn’t crazy and to learn to listen to myself, to trust my instincts instead of trusting the narc who wanted me to believe I was worthless. I eventually got away from the situation, but I just want to reach out to any people watching this who may still be stuck in a similar position, and just remind you not to give up on yourself, don’t be fooled into thinking you’re not good enough, that your feelings don’t matter or that you’re always wrong. Don’t allow the red flags you’ve noticed to be brushed under the rug, but raise them, follow them, find a way out. You deserve better, you’re feelings are valid, and you are worth so much more. Sending strength and positive vibes to those that may need it - I have faith in you 💖🙏🏼✨
I’m 17 and everytime I try and talk about my feelings my mum says that “it’s all in your head”, “it’s nothing to do with me it’s everything to do with you” and “you’re creating your emotions”. Thanks mum! You’re definitely an enlightened being.
You know something maybe she is right? Have you ever stepped back and taken a wider look at the picture. Gotten her side of the story and perspective without interjecting your counter points? Because I can tell you being 17 I did some seriously stupid crap. The worst part is you feel how you feel and there is no reason for it. It is just there. Puberty is a cruel freaken joke. However. Let me help you hopefully. Take a step back from your situation for a moment. Put your emotions aside they will only get in the way. Look at the facts around the situation, ask yourself is it worth getting worked up over. Make sure you are doing the right things for the right reasons. You do need to Understand that you are assigning emotional value to things. That are important to you in that moment which is a good and bad thing. However how are you communicating the weight and value of the situation is the hiccup. I remember feeling like my parents were not listening to me and spouting off. "You don't understand" I know those words came out of my fave more than once followed once by the wonderfully tasteful "I hate you". It was not that they were not hearing me. It is that I was not hearing them because frankly there expressed reasoning was about as robust as a fart. They did have actual logic and experince speaking. But they royally failed at getting it from their brains to their pie holes. What worked for me Saying we need to talk then setting dowb the rules for our communcation. Telling them to be quiet if they wish to interrupt you raise their hand. Then carefully layout everything about the situation for them and why you are doing what you are doing. Yah it can be embarrassing. Trust me they won't get it or like it the first time. And you need to be polite about it. Try "please don't interrupt me until I offer you the floor if you have something to say please raise your hands. Because our current communication is creating miss communication and I don't think it is healthy for either of us. I am left feeling like you don't listen or value my feelings and opinions." being a teenager was fun and it sucked all at the same time. But if you can get through your awkward teens with better communication skills than most you are winning.
@Julie Epps All I wanted my mom to say was , "I hear you." All she actually would say was, "Oh c'mon, you don't really feel that way." It wasn't that she was an awful mom, but feelings didn't matter to her. You just were supposed to slap on a smile. So little setbacks and bad days grow and fester, because nothing ever gets resolved. I never understood, what's so difficult with saying, "I am sad to hear you had an awful day today. Tell me what happened." It's horrible to always have someone trying to talk you out of your own emotions. The worst response was when pretending to listen, my mom would take the side of the person who hurt me. That will inspire rage. You are a very good parent to be asking the question you asked.
Gives you incentive to do well in school so you can get a job and stop living with her. Then you don't have to put up with crap like this anymore--really. It's what I did when I saw there was never going to be even one time where I would be told I was right, or apologized to.
@Khyri's World Yes, I do understand. Kids who come home from school and have a parent they can just debrief to are so lucky. The horrible dark feelings lift and disappear when I actually get to express them and air them out. Having to bury feelings makes things worse. I had a friend with a good mom, and would go home to her house sometimes, and she got to talk about her day and within 15 minutes we were laughing and joking and feeling great. She didn't even offer unsolicited advice. It was a peek into another world.
Had tried to open up on what gets said to me that hurts and I keep quiet on, and it blew up in my face big time, was a complete bash session on me. The worst part of that, I was told it was to help me realize the seriousness of the situation, to help me change to make things better.😞
Now I understand the title of the movie, "Gaslight" with Ingrid Bergman - a must see. "The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit," - Proverbs 15:4
@@calamityjean1525 true, which was originally a play. Makes sense the term originated from the Victorian gaslight used by the husband to trick the wife into thinking she’s crazy and must only rely on what he says
Thanks for the Bible verse. I've discovered over the decades that that's where I find the greatest wisdom for all situations. Literally - all situations!
Every. Single. Phrase. Over and over for 3 years. I really thought I was losing my mind. Being cheated on, lied to, manipulated, used and discarded. These videos help so much with understanding and healing from narcissitc abuse.
I was in a relationship with a gaslighter and it ended a week ago due to my "problems" and "way of seeing things" that they said was wrong, so they couldn't handle me any longer LITERALLY they said that "I'm glad you saw I got tired of you". I was always so scared to tell how I felt because it would end up being my fault, I feel so relieved! Never let anyone do that to you! Remember who you are, where you came from and all the people that made you feel special!
@Agent Of Chaos 666 i mean everyone is different But some people can get disturbed by it cause sometimes maybe to them it may come by as insensitive or cruel to do and maybe they get concerned and think "OMG that kind of stuff isn't something to think is Cute or Etc. Thats actually sad and is horrible and is sick people actually get slaughtered or killed" I can understand from BOTH points of views Your not alone bud. Honestly... I can relate. Its as if i have both minds Hard to explain....i dont think i ever will be able to explain even if i could itll be impossible to wrap our minds around cause its just....to much.... So much.... It would be impossible to express it all. But trust me when i tell you that i know. My names Alyssa! Sorry if sound creepy😖😊 If i could express my past and my trauma's i would but it would be like explaining an Entire book series or a Written novel or kinda like those Anime characters cleche with a dark past type of bullshit and like nobody wants to hear that crap unless it helps them know that there not alone than sure but if it makes them feel as if your trynna compete with them or compare your past and your pain with them than like no. I'll share my Disorders though since you shared yours as a sign of respect!!! I Am Develop Mentally Delayed I Have Really Bad Tourette Syndrome I also may have multipal other disorders ill be getting diagnosed for wich most likely may be (reason to why i say MOST LIKELY is cause ive been having/experiencing all of the symptoms of these disorders and also cause its just obvious when your the one going through it also because i had to educate MYSELF about them to know enough of it and about it and also cause some of them are 99% caused by childhood trauma and by ABUSE wich ive been experiencing my entire life and still am to this day. PHYSICALLY/VERBALLY EMOTIONALLY/NEGLECT/ WITNESSING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & ANIMAL ABUSE) - *Bipolar Disorder* - *Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder* - *Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder* - *Bulimia* (Bulimia is an Eating disorder) - *Overactive Bladder*
I feel like we all gaslight to a certain extent. Most people are guilty of it. most people say in the heat of an argument “what are you talking about” or “why are you mad” “Why you offended” or “no that’s not what happened.” Most people say these things and u are kidding yourself if you don’t think that’s what happens. But there is a big difference between that, compared to someone gaslighting/abusing you on purpose, as a constant thing,over and over again for extended period of time.
@@kyrahampton7417 But there's a difference. For example, if someone tells me that I'm wrong, I'll be up to listen and understand the point of view even if I strongly disagree with it, and try to work things out if I see that I'm wrong. But if a person is not up to take into account what you are feeling nor is up to work it out simply because they believe their version is the right one it is gaslighting for SURE.
@@jessvb992 I see what you mean, but when u say you will listen to them although you strongly disagree... do you not think you had ALREADY made your mind up in what you want to believe? You say how you’re up to listen and be open minded... but if you really think about it..no you’re not. We are all like this is arguments.
My ex was like this at only 17 years old, felt like I was going crazy, after going to counselling I realised she was a cover narcissist. Although I’m kind of still grieving it. I’m glad she’s finally gone, especially after a year of being in and out of each other’s lives
My mom and my ex- friends used these phrases and phrases similar to them a lot. It takes a lot to realize what’s going on, that being said it can be done. I’m very glad you got out!
Covert narcissist pd is the WORST personality disorder. 1. She only mirrored you to an extreme and made you fall in love with your own image that she so very perfectly portrayed. 2. She had an initial screenshot of you and when you started to deviate from that image that she had in her head her anxieties made her devalue and abuse you. It's not your fault. 3. Look deeper into it, it's quite interesting actually (Sam vacnin on RUclips) 4. Perhaps maybe she is an inverted narcissist and is looking for a manipulative parent in a partner who she can gain her "supply" from by being his "supply". Welcome to the stolkholm syndrome group lol Don't be nice to her or show her unconditional love she'll abuse you for that. They only wants to be abused and manipulated to feel whole.
@@emmm_4465 or they can get touched by the cold hand of pure unintentional malevolence and if they're at the right place at the right time, they might end up getting individuated.
My ex-husband was a covert narcissist as well. I had no idea they even existed. He was like that when he was 17, too. It steadily got worse as we aged until it reached a peak a few years ago. He’d been cheating, and dialed everything up to 11 so I wouldn’t find out. I did and left him. Didn’t realize what he was doing was abuse until it wasn’t there anymore. It’s insidious.
3 года назад+240
My mon and my sister gaslighted me all my life. They don't even know what this is. To notice that I am not crazy and my perceptions were not broken, I had to have the help of a psychologist after 30 years.
I’m so sorry to hear that. Same happens to me from my mother. It’s never too late to receive the help you need. I hope you’re healing friend and I’m really rooting for you🤍
I’m sorry to hear you went through that. I do feel like though that we all gaslight to a certain extent. Most people are guilty of it. most people say in the heat of an argument “what are you talking about” or “why are you mad” “Why you offended” or “no that’s not happened.” but there is a big difference between that, compared to someone gaslighting/abusing you on purpose, as a constant thing,over and over again for extended period of time.
I have an appalling boss who is a total narcissistic sociopath, and now whenever he gaslights, me and my colleagues say "Hey, can you smell gas? I can definitely smell gas". The humour takes his power away.
Almost 2 years with a narcissist. Broke up with her when I actually discovered evidence of her secret affair. From the moment we met, my intuition was screaming at the top of my head warning me of how much of a manipulator she is. Not to mention her mother as well. Seems to run in the family. I am single, and alone now, but extremely happy. Focusing on myself and future. Never ignore your intuition. You're not being paranoid, your brain is just capturing information that you aren't able to see. So this video is spot on. Good job👍.
Yeah, my ex friend use to gaslighting me , but I'm glad that she move into another school. If you meet gaslighting people, I advice you to not really trust them much, they can make you look down to yourself. Based from what I experienced before I'm sorry if you don't understand
“Are you sure you didn’t just dream it?”- my mom when I told her my brother touched me. Thank you for your kind words- it means so much more than you can imagine.
The worst part is gaslighters are sharpening their skills by saying they’re the ones being gaslighted. And when they’ve run out of ideas to manipulate or twist your own words against you they threaten to commit suicide rather than drop their oh so fragile ego and take responsibility for what they’ve done
*“You’ll watch an entire Netflix series even when the first episodes are slow just because someone told you that ‘it gets better’, but what if you looked at your goals like that and watched your life get better instead?”* Love from a small channel💙
Something that is helping me recover from my recent drama trauma is actually doing some of the work required to achieve the goals I finally can articulate.
Mr. Khan, You are very perceptive. This is an excellent example of having enough personal confidence to think for oneself. Frankly, I believe we would live in a better world if each of us used our own thinking skills and taste, rather than joining in with every “herd activity,” such as pretending to enjoy a show or book just to gain social acceptance. I admire your conclusions. And frankly, I would always prefer to experience a person thinking for him/herself, even if our opinions turn out to be miles apart. Because at least then, I would know that the person is doing the work of seeking their own pathway in life, including the responsibility for good and bad decisions. Shalom (God’s perfect peace) to all
Years ago I was married to a psychologist. I remember him saying ALL these phrases. We ended up divorcing. With these phrases he made me feel so very small and useless that I ended up having depression. I could deal with it now but then I didn't know what was happening. So please be careful and try to understand and learn about this. It will help you when you need it.
@Sanford Gray Well Sanford, maybe Jessika and I should kick my x and you out of these messages and walk joyfully into the sunset and have our own relationship.
@@brittanyfoxxx1558 I’m sorry. My mom said that to me too. If something were wrong there is a loving way to express concern and offer help. The way my mom said it was to convince me that doing anything outside of her opinion was crazy. She tried to make me feel ashamed, embarrassed, and incapable of making decisions. To manipulate me into submitting to whatever she wanted. I hope that you can tell genuine concern from someone trying to hurt you mentally and emotionally. I hope you can heal from hurtful experiences and strengthen yourself to be able to know when something is nonsense! 🤍🦋🌱
@@youtubekumpf1821 My mom used to just make fun of everything I did. I was in Taekwondo, "oh why do that it's for skinny people," or if I took Japanese, "why would you think that would help you?" I mean the woman tried everything to make just realize I wasn't able to do a lot. After years, and then with my sister passing away, she saw me going out doing Nature Photography, she began to change her opinion. I started by telling my nephew who is recovering from lymphoma, "You can do whatever you want to do. Program a game if you want, but please remember to look outside. Grandma and I can help you with whatever dream you have." My mom realized too late she has one child left me, and it's the one she put zero effort into because I was in special ed
Yes!... and had a mental breakdown. Took awhile to heal, but now I’ve learnt to never argue with a fool, or someone affected by psychosis. Unfortunately, I think everyone suffers from some form of psychosis or cognitive dissonance. And often they don’t even realise they are manipulating people. I think it’s always important to reflect on how I might also do this to others. I can not effect what others do or feel, but I can effect how I do or feel.
"You're just blaming me for your own unhappiness. You need to take responsibility." You're right. It's about time I did what I can do to improve my situation. Good bye.
Omg. Haha! That's so funny. There was a guy at my last job. He was so toxic. He had complained about something to the project manager, who brought it up to me. I asked, "Is Brad a pretty positive person in general?" My boss said, "All he ever says are positive things!" Lol! Wow what a lie. I had only been there a month and every interaction with the guy had been him complaining about everyone and everything around him. And of course my boss was a tremendous liar. I caught him in lies constantly.
@@image30p Half the time the boss is actually stuck in a position where he cannot be honest and if he doesn't say anything else or nothing, his life is made difficult for no good reason. Trust me on this. Don't get me wrong, many are also full of shit or dumb. But, you have no idea how hard managing people has become because of the snowflake generation. It is literally like the boss says the complete opposite just so you go prove it wrong for yourself or catch on really quick compared to if you did not have a hard position in you mind. I used to walk around praising the worst people and eventually my team caught on to what I was doing. This is very common in business environments. Instead of saying anything negative that can open a can of worms, you say something with so little substance that only a fool cannot read that subtext. When the subject of this talk, catches on is when it has maximal impact. Because they're the dick no matter what they do lol.
“You mustn’t be upset that no one except me finds you attractive. It’s because only I can see that you are attractive inside”. A supposed compliment from my ex-husband. This wasn’t the worst example, but I got out in the end.
I relate to this so much, I was in an abusive relationship. A guy who would 'complimented' me like that, the one who told me "no one wants you besides me, you should be happy and grateful. " I believed that for the longest time till I realized someone does want me, I want me, my loved ones that have been there for me want me. Not just him.
My brother is a narcissist and one of his manipulative behaviors is that when you bring up something to them that needs to be addressed he always claims “we’re bullying him, we are nagging him”... but asking someone to pick up after themselves is not bullying. This makes it so he never has to address the problem.
Just do NOT pick up his things , you are acting like a servant , when all his stuff is on the floor he may change , but , as long as you follow him around , why would he ,it will be hard to walk over his crap for a while . But if you don’t , you’ll be picking up forever ,
@@christinebeames2311 it’s taken me such a long time to learn this, because they are willing to take it so far and it effects my space, but I’ve begun refusing, he has such a rude awakening when he is actually faces with the real world
@@melissag8270 haha, my brother and I used to do the same thing. We both would not do anything and tell the other to do the job whether it was a chore or responsibility we both had. Then we would just both end up in trouble by our parents
For 11 years, I experienced every thing mentioned in this video. But unfortunately, if I'd call him out on something I knew he did...he not only "gaslighted" me, he made sure to leave me painful "reminders" all over my body; just to make sure I wouldn't ever questioned him again. I praise God everyday for giving me the strength to get away from him. I'd probably be dead if I hadn't left that horrid situation
I was married to a gaslighter years ago. I finally divorced him, not because I found put he was a gaslighter, but because I finally got to the point I simply couldn't stand him anymore. He drove me to hate him and was absolutely amazed when more gaslighting didn't stop my divorcing him. I would have bailed sooner if I had known about gaslighting.
I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t care for my daughters boyfriend (other than being an overly protective dad) until I saw this video. Then I read your comment. Does my daughter unfortunately, have to figure this out for herself? If I say something negative about the boyfriend, my daughter will defend him and my wife will tell me to stop because all I’m doing is pushing her away from us, closer to him. Any advice?
Sounds like my wife, I'm either to busy at work and need to spend more time at home or I don't make enough money and need to get a second job. If I get emasculated by her dad in front of our children. it's ok and they needed to see it because he's a real man and I'm a failure. I need to take charge more often and make decisions, but every thought and idea I have is shot down. I tell her how all this makes me feel I need to just shut up and stop complaining because she didn't say the thing or what have you.
@@mikekern9412 - My father didn’t like my narcissistic ex either. My dad saw something I didn’t see. While it was evident that my dad didn’t care for my then-boyfriend-later-fiancé, he didn’t push too hard. He’d just say that he’s too controlling. In my case, nothing anyone said probably would’ve have mattered to me. I was ‘in love’. I thought they just couldn’t see what I thought was so great about him. And by the way, it was my father, stepfather and stepbrother. None of them liked my ex, and they all let me know it in their own way. But I was a grown woman of 30 years. What could they do? My advice: Let her know that you love her, that you’re always there for her. She’d probably love to know that you’d punch out anyone who hurts her. (I mean that in the way fathers/brothers talk, and are protective of the ladies in their life. We women love to know someone is there to fight for and protect us. It bolsters our confidence.) Also, now that you’re armed with information on how narcissists/abusers operate, you can equip her in advance, saying something like “Just know that if he ever tries to make you doubt our love for you, or tries to keep you separate from us, that’s not a good thing. We’re always here for you.” Or “If you ever feel like you’re questioning your own sanity or losing yourself in this relationship, just remember that maybe that’s a sign that something’s not right.” In your own words of course, based on what you see happening. Just observe, make sure she knows she can talk with you about anything, and let her boyfriend know you’ve got eyes on him. Keep him close (family dinners, get-togethers, etc.) If he’s a narc, deep down he’s very insecure. Not a real man. He’ll cower and/or hide (not come around), in the presence of a stand-up father like yourself. And when this happens, point that out to your daughter. Mine did, and I noted it for myself. Though I still stayed with him, it caused me to lose some respect for my boyfriend early on, and helped make it easier for me to leave him later. Sorry that me reply is a long one. I just really appreciated that you asked for advice for your daughter. Felt that deserved a response.
@@AnovaLisaDragonfly Thank you very much for sharing from your heart. My first approach was to open up myself to her and my wife by asking them together to assess me for being a narcissistic person or gaslighter, with the intention of opening her eyes to the situation. In recent conversations, I picked up that our daughter is complaining a bit more about the boy. I truly appreciate you taking the time to reply! I wish you all the best!
Ways to respond: 1) “I have no idea what you’re talking about” *then try to remember* 2) You’re overreacting *for you maybe but this is important to me, be more mindful* 3) You’re imagining things *are you sure YOU’RE not imagining things, because that’s what happened.* 4) you’re not making any sense *what’s difficult to understand?* 5) “stop exaggerating the situation” *that’s how the situation went down, whether you like it or not* 6) “if anything I should be the one mad at you” *then stay mad, I have a right to be upset due to what you did, stop trying to be the victim* 7) “you can only trust me” *y’know that’s something an untrustworthy person would say*
1) “I have no idea what you’re talking about” then try to remember "But I have no idea what you *mean*" [Putting the duty on someone to "try to remember X" when they have no idea what you mean by 'X' is abusive.] 4) you’re not making any sense _to me_. what’s difficult to understand? "What you are saying in general" -- or, "This: ..., and that: ..." [Suggesting that someone ought to understand something, on the grounds that you yourself find it not difficult to understand, is abusive.]
@@mzxria9181 //I don't understand?// Sorry, I'm not in a position of being able to answer your question. I have absolutely no idea whether or not you understand. Cheers.
Yes, there may be times when someone is putting too much thought, energy, and action into a subject. But the first thing that person doesn’t need to hear is “you’re so dramatic. You’re freaking out over a problem that doesn’t exist” the first thing people need then is listening, calmness, and stability.
The thing is, you never wanna invalidate someone. No matter how pure your intentions. As soon as you say “you, you, you!” Statements, they start to disassociate and the conversation will not be productive. May turn into an argument or you just talking their head off. Even if you try to say after “sorry, I’m not trying to blame you,” it’s already too late.
I will say, I was in a very unhealthy codependent relationship and we would both be gaslighters. I’d get so fed up with the bs that I started using his statements against him. Let’s just say, that pettiness didn’t solve anything lol. But because of that relationship, I can easily identify a gas lighter and I always do my best to avoid you statements. I understand sometimes it’s hard when you feel that person is genuinely in the wrong
Every single one of these as I come out of an 18 year relationship with someone I did not know was a narcissist until six weeks ago. Thank you so much for these videos and guidelines. They have lead me to counseling❌⭕️
I had a friend who invalidated my feelings when I told her that I noticed a shift in her interactions with me. She gaslighted me into thinking that it was my fault. In the end, I just let her go and mourned the fact that we used to be so close.
1. 0:48 - “I have no idea what you’re talking about” 2. 1:30 - “You’re overreacting” or “You’re being too sensitive/emotional” 3. 2:01 - “You’re imagining things” or “That’s not what happened at all!” 4. 2:39 - “You’re not making any sense!” 5. 3:12 - “Stop exaggerating the situation!” 6. 3:51 - “If anything, I’m the one who should be mad at you!” 7. 4:27 - “Don’t listen to anything they tell you. You can’t trust anyone but me!”
I've been married twice and, judging from this lesson, I was gaslighted TWICE! It's sad to learn this so late in life but no harm done and the man I love now is definitely NOT a gaslighter.
Carol, I’m in that same situation. Separated now from my second and divorce about to happen. I’m discovering now that both women were narcissists, both gaslighted me while I had no idea what’s happening and why. Is it really true that one can find a good healthy relation after all this??
All those phrases mentioned in the video have been said to me by my "best friend" before I spoke up to him because of his gaslighting personality. I'm grateful that I ended terms with him but the healing process after I broke my friendship with him really lasted for so long and left me with a scar because I find it hard to trust anyone after that situation. Thank you for this video because I realized that I have been gaslighted for so long I did the right thing by ending terms with my friend. Maraming salamat Psych2Go!
This is quite a simplistic way of looking at things. Consider speaking to a narcissist that changes their story constantly - often contradicting themselves from sentence to sentence. Some of these responses are well-earned (you're not making any sense etc.).
Couldn't agree more. Imagine always being talked down to by a narcissist. Then you say one or multiple of these phrases, only to then be accused of gaslighting.
Yes. My fiancée has a personality disorder that, among other things, makes it very hard for her to see the intention behind things that are being said to her. We (way to) often have arguments where I say something infinitely stupid in an desperate attempt to "fix" her, and then she immediately jumps to the conclusion that I'm gaslighting her. Doesn't really help the situation. We should be careful not to cry wolf. Some people's tools of insidious manipulation can be another's misguided attempt at helping. Focus on the real wolfs.
@@kristiankeller4335 ah, yes, shelves of books could be (have been) written about "fixing" other people. Many people marry someone not quite to their liking in the belief that they can "work on" a problem together and "fix" it after they are married. (women who marry heavy drinkers is a common example). Usually the problems don't go away, and you can't "fix" other people. So you'd better like them the way they are. They're never going to change for you. They can't even change for themselves.
Forgetting conversations, and struggling to understand what's being said to me, are two things i definitely struggle with! It helps to always own the fact that it is my brain being uncooperative, and just asking partners to refresh my memory or help me understand with more context and details. I grew up with a Dad who gaslit us, and I am adamant about never repeating his abuses!
@@Mockduck2020 Desperation and frustration. Sometimes when the pressure gets too high, even the most patient and attentive person breaks. And I'm not even close to being that person. I would definitely benefit from some cognitive behavioral therapy. I'm perfectly aware that I'm not really fixing anything, but when I feel like I've been pushed into a corner or have been running around in circles for ages, it becomes hard not to grasp for that brain dead magic wand. And no, I don't want to be "fixed" myself. She's done that to me on some occasions too, and of course I'm not liking it. Notice how I underlined the stupidity of my actions ;)
@sheparddog117 This is not something I have experienced in a political conversation. Just game related situations. I have been called all manner of names because I don't agree with said ideology, but not that particular phrase. In my opinion, if your calling names you have lost the argument regardless of political leanings.
Thank you for this video, I have a friend that does pretty much word for word what you just described when I am trying to let him know something is bothering me, or something is bothering the people we are with. Always trying to tell me what he thinks I am feeling, or I'm being fake or over explaining myself when all he is doing is deflecting. He thinks he's master of the universe and he has so much to teach the world.. When in reality all of his points are ramblings of him jumping from one thing to the next, hoping people don't catch on that he doesn't have real conviction and is afraid of being seen as an imposter. Or so it would seem. Thanks for validating my resolve to keep him at a distance to protect my energy. Fortunately I have strong sense of self and don't take any of what he says to heart, but it is still a drain on my energy to put up with his antics.
I feel like we all gaslight to a certain extent. Most people are guilty of it. I’m sure you are too. most people say in the heat of an argument “what are you talking about” or “why are you mad” “Why you offended” or “no that’s not what happened.” Most people say these things and u are kidding yourself if you don’t think that’s what happens. But there is a big difference between that, compared to someone gaslighting/abusing you on purpose, as a constant thing,over and over again for extended period of time.
@@kyrahampton7417 I can definitely agree with that and now that I've seen this video I will try to do it less and be careful with what I say but on the second half, I don't do it regularly, but my mum does it a lot so that's why I was saying that she does it a lot
My dad often said he was joking and shamed people for not being able to take a joke. He'd say horribly offensive things and this was always the response if anyone called him out. This is gaslighting too. ( Just wanted to share another way it's done bc it's harder to realize).
I think I've experienced this many times when I've gotten defensive after hearing a joke about me. So much, I usually believe there's something wrong with me for not being able to take jokes that have to do with me. I hate these kinds of jokes and sarcasm because I never know if the person's saying it for real or if they're just joking and I'm being too serious. That's why I prefer it when people speak transparently, when what they say is actually what they mean.
@@claudiarivas8492 Yes, I always did too. But, I finally learned that it's not okay if it hurts someone even if you are joking. And I definitely will tease people too, but there's a huge difference between what I say to people and what these types say. I do think sometimes we might have been too sensitive to someone's legitimate joke (possibly), but I believe it's because of "taking it" from the abusers too often that causes it. I'm very sorry you have dealt with this, I know how painful and detrimental it can be. I personally have attempted to realize most people are probably just trying to be funny or playful, but I'm also trying to be determined to make it absolutely clear that I will not deal with the other stuff.
Yikes, that sounds rough. While my dad didn't do this, that sounds all too familiar from the days I was bullied. Jokes are meant to be funny, but they can also be weaponized (done at the expense of someone) - Basically I think the line between a joke and trying to use humor to camouflage taking a stab at someone/some folk is that even if someone doesn't get the joke they won't feel offended, hurt, or attacked by it. And when the eventual misfire does happen, realizing that someone was hurt by it and apologizing to make up for the blunder. Using "it's just a joke" or "you just don't get it" is not a valid defense if one causes hurt to another, as that is the time to apologize and start to examine if maybe the "ultra edgy humor" isn't really very good to begin with...though that said there are also those who treat any joke they don't get as evil incarnate (IE: Even a harmless knock knock- joke can make them flip out), so it's a bit of a game of spot the context, potential subtext, and all that.
@@videocrowsnest5251 I agree, there are definitely people who are overly offended by everything and that's what people like my dad was exploit and make you feel like that's what you are doing. My dad would say something very hateful and if you cried or got upset he would get all kinds of angry and start shaming you for your reaction or accuse you of "turning on the waterworks" to manipulate others. It was very very difficult to be verbally abused and then be shamed and ridiculed for it and made to feel like you are the problem. I didn't fully realize what was happening for many years, so I wanted to share it in case others were dealing with it and didn't fully comprehend what was happening.
My mother was like this after her divorce. I'd always devot my time to helping her feel better about absolutely anything. But I never received the same, and after some time, I realised that no one else did either. She was the "victim". She made me feel insane and very depressed. To this day I still find myself occasionally defending her actions towards me. To anyone who is reading this, just know that I'll be here to talk anytime, and that you're not alone. :)
Narcissism is the new pandemic. Once you confront them, even gently they turn it around on you. Frustrating to deal with them so let them go. They have a personality disorder. These disorders like sociopathy are not easy at all to help.Better just to save yourself. I am writibg a book about my personal experiences with a variety of mental health disorders I have encoutered. Hope to have the book out soon.
@@susanrhodes5681 You can, but it is how you confront them. I firewall them instead. If you allow your anger or emotions to get the best of you, then they wiil project out their narcissitic percieved injury out at you and it becomes bad for you, very abusive. I rather block them or run from them. If you absolutely have to engage them then do not. Your ego is stronger than their put . downs. In addition no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Remember, they are sick.
The scary thing is, I recognize all of these. Confession: I was abused by my stepmother for years as a little girl. Most of it was gaslighting. Everytime I tried to tell someone what was going on, I was shut down as an 'oversenstive drama queen'. I couldn't even tell my own father. It wasn't until I went to cadet camp that I realized I wasn't crazy or oversensitive. For the first time, I was free. Years later and my stepmother long gone, I'm still learning to trust my own judgement. If I think something is wrong, it probably is. I do apologize, I just felt the need to tell my story, lol
You don't have to apologize for telling your story, or for anything. We who have been abused always feel like we have to apologize for no reason. Telling your story is helping others. Thank you for telling it. 💙
I was raised by a narcissistic mother who chronically exaggerated almost everything just short of fabrication. It got old quickly but that didn't change her behavior. "Gaslighter" sounds like another term for "narcissist". Either way they're never wrong, it's always someone else's fault.
my mother too..so very toxic...takes years to heal..and my mother will never admit value or even listen when I say how I feel..she'll throw a fit and tell my family I'm bullying her....there no point I gave up long ago on having more than just a surface civil relationship with her and even that's hard cause she constantly insults me and belittles my accomplishments..it's so weird when it's you own mom smh
@@brittanyfoxxx1558 I think it's important for your mental and physical health to put as much distance as possible between yourself and your mother. You can't begin to heal from her past abuse if you're still being abused in the present. I cut off all communication (for years) because my mental health was more important than trying to be "the good son" and failing anyway. Narcissists are master game players, it takes awhile to figure them out, but once you do you have truth and experience on your side and know how to recognize and side-step their bullshit. It's like being a tracker knowing where the traps are laid and avoiding them.
Yes I have been gaslighted multiple times I didn't know what to do but thank to you so much for helping me realize that I'm not in the wrong they're the ones that are in the wrong it's not me it's them thank you God bless you amen God loves you amen
Yes. Like when I explain how I feel and why do I feel I shouldn't trust them and they say "well you maybe feel that way but you are just wrong" and put the end of conversation. After that I am not left with anything else to say. Of course, in the end turned out I was right. What's hurting the most is that he doesn't seem to have a shred of shame in his eyes, like he done nothing wrong lying me so much, like he doesn't feel quilt at all. I can't understand people like that 😢
@@lucyk2634 He doesn’t feel anything because he lacks reason and empathy. Possibly a sociopath. Which is honestly a deal breaker for a lot of people. Is this someone you are currently dating or otherwise?
@@lucyk2634 idk if you are familiar with the crappy childhood fairy on yt, but she states that for abused kids, they can grow up with faulty 'gut feelings'. This can be really frustrating as I was just learning to trust my guts when now i hear my guts are somehow broken...
@@jclandry6933 no, I broke up with him. He was the second men I ever loved. But do you really love someone if you don't know what was the truth and what wasn't?
@@bernadette573 it doesn't have to be that case for you, it's not that simple. And also for seemingly complete mentally healthy person it doesn't mean their gut feeling is not broken. You should definitely learn to trust it, to hear it, and after a while you will see if it's broken or not. Also with time you can fine tune it and fix it. Believe me, brain is miraculous, it can be redefined over and over again.
I’d disagree with some of them: 1: You might not have idea what they’re referring too. Especially if their accusations are incorrect. 3: I’ve had people try to tell me something different and I’ve responded that wasn’t the outcome. It wasn’t gaslighting. It was calling them on their BS.
Yes, I have had that happen. I say I have no idea what they are talking about because I truly don't know what they are talking about. Like are they referencing gossip or 180 degrees misunderstand something?
Yes, I can imagine someone who gets upset over nothing, who is overly emotional who has a partner who says these things. They watch this video, and become convinced that their partner is 'gaslighting.' So now, the normal partner has to hear accusations of gaslighting along with all the other emotional overreactions.
I agree with your statements, however the video did although not very clearly and not with the emphasis needed on it, the gaslighter's cumulative responses/lack of responses, is how you can tell the difference. Your intution/body (things everyone has regardless of gender) knows and will let you know but sadly, conditioning has taught us to ignore our inner guidance.
Exactly!! Ill call people out on their bs and then am accused of gaslighting. Um, no. I’m telling you exactly what I just observed... I’ll even share proof (screenshots and such) and still they say I’m manipulating what they said/wrote. Um, no honey try again
This is what I was thinking on some of these. Someone close to me twists words and blames a lot on others. I feel they might have borderline personality disorder (symptoms are there). I can prove that person I did not text this or that, and others who were in the conversations can prove words were twisted by that person. Even their therapist says they are the most extreme case the therapist has dealt with (talking about this person's perceptions). So, I think understanding these gaslighting sayings are good for the right circumstances. Understanding the patterns.
The more challenging: they play it off very well and cover it up "I think you need help, I'm very concerned about you" this is a passive way as the second part is used to take away the attention from the first part. People who gaslight will tell you that YOU need the help but deny they need the help. And the person who initially didn't need therapy ends up going thru intense therapy while the person gaslighting stays in denial of themselves. They have a hollow core and come off very kind hearted. Stay away from these people.
I think the sign off should be, “if you can afford it, find a therapist to help you evaluate any relationships you feel are not working.” Too many people get slapped with a narcissist/gaslighting label when it’s really just a piss poor communication style (between both parties) that needs to be interrupted.
There are no universal lines drawn between too sensitive and too insensitive. What's usually missing is respect for the fact that we all have different perceptions; no one is "right" and if we want relationships worth having we better be willing to listen.
@@juju1896 um... whut? that is a lot of words to say no one is ever wrong. If I open a door for a women carrying an armload of packages and she screams at me about it (yep, this has happened), then I think it is safe to say she is overly senstive. So, while your comment makes an effort to excuse everyong, it is egregiously and demonstratively wrong.
This helped me realize the person I’m With has been doing this to me for a while now and it made me feel like I’m Crazy when I had evidence of each time they would try to switch up the story. Thank you for the wake up call.
This is definitely my dad. He sees nothing wrong in what he does and what he's been doing. He flips situations onto us and doesn't blame himself. I can't even talk to my friends around him. He'll say "they're more important? Why is it easier to talk to them than me?" It's so physically and mentally draining. Even my grades are falling behind because of online school and when I try talking to him, he thinks it's because of the phone or that I'm always playing games. I've never struggled with school before, so he should know that something is wrong. Yet he says "don't blame me" "I never had to do make-up work for school" "I even got a scholarship". He says he's taken care of me since I was little, but now I'm older and he's treating me like I'm suddenly an adult, I'm 17.
Hey hang in there and be strong, mentally you have to be strong, this won't be like this forever. You got a scholarship good for you. Your dad sounds afraid. My husband used to be like that with my kids, and I have taught them to be mentally strong and along the way I have told him some home truths, like the kids are not going to be here forever, over time he had listened. But you have to dig deep and be mentally strong my friend. Good luck.
If I were you I'd focus on my success with whatever means possible in order to leave home ASAP. I know you have hope of things changing, getting better, your Dad understanding you and so on. But it won't happen. And the more you sit there the more you're gonna deal with stuff you can't fix and it's gonna drive you mad. I'm telling you man, I'm 30, back to my parents house for a year because of corona and my bpd and depression came back because of the same issues You are having. Can't wait to leave again. Don't get me wrong tho. They love you and you boy love them back as much as you can. But the truth and fact is they don't know what's best for you but yet try to mold you they way THEY think it's best. Keep all the good lessons and get out of there while you're still mentally healthy because is all downhill after adolescence. Visit as often as you like but make sure you have a place of your own. The furthest the better. Edit: People, like birds, are meant to leave their nests, explore and migrate. People who stay forever in one place swim in dirty stagnant waters and drown in drama. I wish I knew that earlier. All the best.
I feel like we all gaslight to a certain extent. Most people are guilty of it. most people say in the heat of an argument “what are you talking about” or “why are you mad” “Why you offended” or “no that’s not what happened.” Most people say these things and u are kidding yourself if you don’t think that’s what happens. But there is a big difference between that, compared to someone gaslighting/abusing you on purpose, as a constant thing,over and over again for extended period of time.
In November, I'll be married 25 years and just learned that I've been gaslite my whole marriage. Omg, this video is as if you've been listening all this time!
I heard several of these phrases. I stood my ground, said my piece and walked away from the relationship, or, if there’s a need to deal with these individuals, i keep distance.
A problem I had listening to these, besides the obvious personal experiences with gaslighting, is that i've been involved in instances where someone was blatantly in the wrong/omitting things in their favor/outright shifting the blame to other people when there's proof to the contrary but then fall back on "oh you're gaslighting me how dare you" as their only defense when called out on their manipulation.
@@danieldees9686 "witch hunt," "Russia, Russia, Russia", "fake news", "they are trying to steal your vote", "they are coming to get you". "I did nothing wrong."
My dad says a lot of these phrases. He has always called me too sensitive when I call him out. And whenever I tell him how he has hurt me, he starts talking about how I’m to blame for us never talking because I don’t call. I don’t call because he’s a prick. And the phone works both ways. I want to make things work, but I need to call him out on his bs and stand my ground. Last time he said I was being too sensitive, I told him “or, you’re being insensitive”. I told him I want to set boundaries with him, and he seemed reluctant, but I stood my ground on it. He tried saying “they’re just words”, but I said “yeah, and they’re our main way of communicating with others how we feel.” I’m gonna try my best to make our relationship work, but I refuse to let him make me feel small anymore.
I relate a lot on the "you're being too emotional/you're overreacting " because my ex often said these things to me and i was always left wondering what i did wrong ,blaming me for almost everything.
My ex did the same. After he beat the crap out of me it was if you hadn't done this and this or that or that, I wouldn't have hit you. And I NEVER got an apology. EVER
It's really sad that I never realized I was being gaslighted until now really. I'm sorry for anyone who has ever experienced gaslighting and anything worse. I hope whoever reads this comment will be able to get out of whatever abuse they are in.
Exactly. My ex used to do this, I had severe anxiety with no self-esteem so I believed I'm the one who is acting weird. Which in return caused more anxiety.
This was the first sign that I was being gaslighted. It's like I had to over explain and voice all of my actions out loud, so as to not give this person the 'wrong idea' and set them off. Honestly, it was the biggest first sign.
Hi Psych2Goers,
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BOOST what’s ur favourite song
how is these people so early?!
Things you can do to focus on school better (please im drowning in work but i cant focus and im stressing so much but i dont make any orogress and my grades are terrible)
Can i just write? Or must i have all the skillsets?
Rip I cant cause my parents :(
“That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, it is not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did. You deserved it”. -the Narcissist Prayer
Spot On!!!
My mom in a nutshell
My entire family
Thank you. Saved to my personal notes for future reference
That is so accurate.
The worst part of gaslighting is that if/when the victim does finally realize they've been lied to and manipulated, they then find it hard to trust anyone ever again.
I've seem to almost always having to learn things the hard way - Can you relate ?? What helps you ?? I don't trust people,maybe a small few ? Oh God please intercede,I need you Big time !!!!!!!!!!!
Yep
Over the many years, it gets easier to work through this. Takes a long time to figure out who can probably be trusted, and who probably can't be. It can be done though.
Exactly! My former best friend and my former BF got me in that position bc I was in a very vulnerable place in my life. They almost destroyed me. It's taken me 4 yrs to make some progress to trust a little. I'll never be the same, no matter how much I work at it.
@Sanford Gray That's just the kind of thing a gaslighter would say. :)
An important one they forgot that should absolutely never be overlooked “I’m doing it for you, you should thank me”
👍🏻🎯👌
That one is easy to disarm. Just say a quick thank you for whatever they say and Refocus on the topic like what they just said wasnt a big deal.
Or “if it were anyone else they wouldn’t put up with your ____” planting that they are the only one who will accept any flaws you have
All these considering and after just finishing an argument with my narcisistic " only I matter, I m perfect" ...father ( I can barely accept considering him "father) I can franckly and honestly say these people are mentally deranged = insane, living on "ME" planet! " I deserve to treat everyone like crap and everyone has to worship me" type of crazyness!
Is that like, I’m doing it for the children?
As a child I was regularly told by my father to go and apologise to my Covert Narcissist mother in order to make everything 'ok'...often when she had been refusing to speak to me for days, refusing to look at me or so filled with rage that all she would do is stare/glare at me. This taught me that I was responsible for abuse and should apologise to my abuser, I cannot tell you how destructive this was...it was beyond gaslighting.
Talk about warping your sense of reality. Shame on your dad. It’s probably impossible to not take that personally but, from the outside, he likely did it to appease her. Hopefully for no other reason. Bad either way and insensitive to your feelings
I’m sorry from the bottom of my soul that you’ve experienced that.
@@N7-WAR-HOUND Thank you for understanding x
Sounds like my childhood. "Teg, go apologise to your mother"
My dad is the narcissist; I had to answer to him. I had to compromise to get along with him. He did nothing in return. One-way street going nowhere!
Most of these phrases I hear from my mom
What's harder in my situation is the fact that she uses the parent card and I can't fight back.
Thanks for sharing. Which phrase do you hear the most?
Mostly the overreacting one
Lol it was half my intention anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@@oenwilson2486 may I ask from where you got your profile pic from?
It's probably too harsh, but here are my questionable thoughts:
Tell them the logical conclusion of their actions.
!ATTENTION! The user "femme fatale" way farther down the comment line has provided a much, much more peaceful and loving solution than what I made here. I STRONGLY recommend listening to her first over listening to me. She's a mother too, I am not.
(Please use advice with caution. This is designed to handle parents overusing the "parent card" and being generally unwilling to properly discuss, using gaslighting phrases doesn't automatically make you a puppetmaster, if anything it makes you socially ditsy, the difference being intent as far as I can tell, advice serves to inspire not to be thoughtlessly copied)
Well, I don't know about you, but if someone like that kept talking down to me like that I'd grow resentful of them far more than I'd grow doubtful of myself.
Maybe you could let them know that if they value your relationship at all, then they'd better learn to show some more effort in understanding your viewpoint and that childish parent cards aren't gonna cut it.
Don't let it turn into a another debate, don't walk into their trap again. Only give them one clear, frightingly calm but polite message, leave and let them decide for themselves about how to best approach the situation.
Ignore all accusations fired your way. Patiently wait for them to finish if necessary.
You are not here to be shoved around, you are not here to win either. You are just here to give them one clear message you thought through, that's it.
If she does value you as her child and not as her pet she better budges and if she doesn't she clearly isn't worth your social time.
If all your opinions and arguments are THAT wrong, she should be able to make you feel stupid within 2 minutes using nothing more than basic logic and facts (without unrelated accusations) if she's so smart, instead of likely yelling and sending you to your room.
It is completely understandable that she doesn't have the energy to be open minded all the time while doing all the other tasks she has to do, but she could just openly admit that she has limits and needs rest now and to try later.
Whetever your message was justified or not, your parents are obligated to reacting maturely regardless, because that's part of how raising a child works, which is a task they have themselves subjected to. They are allowed to make mistakes, but are obligated to rectify them if possible.
Children are raised by adults, not other, taller, bill paying children. It took us millenia to figure that one out but it's true.
If you threaten to cut them out of your social life and degrade them from a parent to a mere benefactor, a loving parent would likely display worry and fear or at the very least serious concern and try to reconsile.
Keep in mind that everyone mean either carries pain or malfunctions, neither of which are nice to have. But you should also only tackle challenges that you are ready or prepared for and know when to cut your losses.
If you hit a locked door, leave it and return when you found the key.
... I'm not projecting anything, you are ... (grumpy noises)
“you’re the only one with a problem. Nobody else in the house has a problem with it but you” or “Stop being dramatic.”
Or "That is YOUR problem, not MINE!"
Or “I’m not the one upsetting you, you’re doing it to yourself” uugh!!
My mom!
@@georgeradmann8420 this sounds familiar!!!
It’s sad that this is said so much to people.
Beware:
Narcissists will do this to you, and then accuse YOU of gaslighting.
Yep. It's exactly what happen to me by my ex.
It's the Democratic way!
Yup these people are from hell
Schmidt is demonstrating gaslighting in the comments lol
@@prifti8767 Somebody got the joke....
when a gaslighter meets a narcissist with a victim complex:
narcissist: i guess i'm always wrong and youre always right
gaslighter: thank you, this is what i've been trying to get you to understand
Tom Hanks is arguably the most famous example in the world. His whole fanbase is wrong about anything he chooses they are wrong about. Its why I no longer watch his films. When I go to a movie theater to watch a movie I am not interested in seeing the actor play a role in a false flag psyop I am then told to believe in by family. I am not interested in hearing about how all people with alternative memories are wrong. I am not interested in hearing about how foolish, immature or stupid the fans were for buying tickets to that movie. I want to see that movie and that´s it.
@@Yatukih_001 What about Tom Hanks?
...Tom Hanks? False flag psyop? What?
I love this so much. My mum is 100% the narcissist with victim complex. Not only that but she was very emotionally neglectful towards me most of my life. Thank God I don’t live with her anymore. Before she kicked me out she became more and more abusive.
Lol, that's funny..
Is it me or gaslighting and narcissism is the new pandemic. It's everywhere. Family, friends, jobs, landlords, governments, etc....
It’s definitely peaking. The good news is once it has peaked, more and more people will catch on, realize that it’s toxic and search for more meaningful ways to be happy instead of the “norm.” At least, we can hope.
100% on the rise. It's easy and avoids the responsibility of growth that hearing a new truth requires.
It's always been prevalent. It's simply recognized moreso now than in prior times.
Always present. Finally labels for what was and is common. Probably called people hysterical back in the day and threw them in an asylum if they did not just go along with the mind bending.
Yeah all thanks to what they feed via the internet, like the whole world is being
"brainwashed"😞
So ashamed of being gaslighter for several years... Can't even imagine how my friend could forgive me. At the moment I'm more compassionate person fortunately
Thanks for sharing and being honest. What do you plan to do after realizing this?
@Agent Of Chaos 666 Edgelord
@Agent Of Chaos 666 okay i will
@@sophiesleeps12 ...is that person ok?
@Agent Of Chaos 666 having no compassion at all makes you seem hostile and unapproachable. clearly you dont know how this "world really works" because your words say otherwise
I feel like gaslighting has made a full circle where people are trying to question your sanity by saying you are gaslighting them.
I disagree. I think it's more of a buzzword that gets said too much. Most of the people who overuse and/or misuse the word "gaslighting" probably don't understand what it really is and looks like.
My ex would do that to me 😩 he would call me the narcissist. 1 year and some CPTSD later he admitted he had been manipulating me the entire relationship. Wild stuff
I feel like we all gaslight to a certain extent. Most people are guilty of it. I’m sure you are too. most people say in the heat of an argument “what are you talking about” or “why are you mad” “Why you offended” or “no that’s not what happened.” Most people say these things and u are kidding yourself if you don’t think that’s what happens. But there is a big difference between that, compared to someone gaslighting/abusing you on purpose, as a constant thing,over and over again for extended period of time.
@@kyrahampton7417 well the truth is that those words by themselves don't mean anything, for example, if someone comes up to me with a straight up lie, I'll say "that's not what happened", because that's literally not what happened, there are people who are offended for nothing and you need to point that out, the problem is when someone uses this daily and for everything, it's when they're use it as weapons instead of self defence, even your argument can be a weapon in the hands of a gaslighter. "See, you use those phrases, you are the manipulative one, you are the bad person here and here I am tolerating you, you should love me for bearing with you, who would ever love a manipulative gaslighter like you?" If this was such an easy fix, don't use those phrases, the world would be better than it is, but these are just generalisations. If a victim confronted a gaslighter about these phrase, they'll quickly point out a few instances when the victim said them truthfully, then change his own set of phrase to avoid those specific ones and then use that as an example of how they're not a gaslighter. TL:DR it's not that easy, it's never that easy
@@pinkneko13 I completely agree with you and I honestly think this video is so misleading because it uses generalisations. So apparently according to this video, you are a gaslighter because u have used the phrases mentioned like “that’s not what happened” and “why are you offended.” What this video fails to explain is that some people WILL get offended over everything, and it’s not wrong for pointing that out. And sometimes someone WILL come up with a story with a straight lie, and therefore it IS ok to say “actually no that’s not what happened.” This is what this video fails to explain and it’s actually very misleading. Psych2go videos seems to be very vague and use generalisations and this hasn’t been the first time! Now technically the phrases mentioned in the video ARE what gaslighters say, and they are very common phrases most people use in the heat of an argument. I think we are all guilty of it to a certain extent, so mostly everyone has technically “gaslighted” But I think the real issue is when people who it on purpose intentionally trying to be manipulative and as a constant thing for long periods of time. That’s the real issue, which this video didn’t really explain.
I was in an abusive relationship and whenever I would cry and be upset about something, my partner would say, "You're too sensitive. It's not a big deal." And wow. Hearing that brought tears to my eyes.
Once u let some one get away with wronging you they take advantage....u have to be willing to be alone and always be willing to walk away... No one is worth lessening urself for....always something better out there.
find peace inside then enjoy your life.
My husband told me to stop crying I don’t feel bad for you your just doing it for attention that really got me
It gets annoying. My gf was breaking down and crying every day. After like 600 days of it u just wanna murder the person. It's like holy shit our life isn't that fucking bad and I can't get anything done if u fucking Breakdown every day and I gotta stop what I'm doing to comfort u.
Have you considered that maybe it wasn't a big deal. Just because you declared it to be one doesn't make it so
Another common phrase: Everyone thinks you’re crazy except me
Translation: I’ve been slandering or tarnishing your character behind your back & convinced people that you’re really the problem not me
This was what I was told to get me to move house so he could ‘keep me safe’ after we moved he moved back there to live with my neighbour. I heard all about how horribly I treated him, it hurt so much to think people who have known me 20+ years believe him 😭 never felt so alone in my life, it’s taken 5 years but I’m moving on now I’ve ditched everyone who knew me when I was with him because I can do better, their loss.
This also ties in with number seven. A gas lighter will alter the environment to destabilize their target, even pitting friends and family against them, or them against friend and family.
WOW ! so true...that is my EX-wife 1000%
in fact, my wife was so good at it, when the the divorce was started, she had our daughter manipulated...
It put me in a no-win situation with her...She initially thought I was divorcing mom ( where did she get that idea ? ) which in her eyes, , made me out to be the bad person because she believed I didn't love mom...then when I told her it was mom divorcing me, it still made me out to be the bad guy because she wondered " What did dad do that was so horrible mom would want to divorce dad "
To this day, my daughter doesn't speak to me
Yas!!! Great translation. Spot on.
Omg how truthful is that 👍
I watched this video because someone said I was gaslighting them and I felt bad, but now I realize they were the one who gaslighted me
I see. That must be a hard pill to swallow. What do you plan to do after this realization?
@@Psych2go nothing substantial, I actually talked to my psych professor about it one day and her and I both agreed I’ve done my best to try and heal that friendship and apologized for stuff I probably shouldn’t have at the end of the day🤷♂️
sameeeeeee ,, that's why I am really confused if am I the gaslighter or the one who've been gaslightinggg
@@muffinpillow A giant enemy spy.
Same. Except I don't think he was gaslighting me. But he did had the bad habit of accusing me of everything he is feeling. Projecting, yeah that's how it's called. He also had a BPD so it wasn't easy. We break contact but I hope he is doing fine now.
Keep this in mind:
When they reverse things onto you, it’s called:
“projection-confession”
Keep it in mind next time the narcissist tries to blame you.
There's a name for it. Yes it's so tiring putting up with this.
"Projection- confession " I'll remember that next time.
So true
@@TheWorld_2099 let’s all get you to define what fascism is. Then we’ll see the truth. No examples. Give us a definition.
@@tdioxin2658 well friend, the topic here is narcissism, but you seem to be confusing it with fascism. And by your snarky tone, I’d guess you’re a supporter.
Does anything else really need be said?
I’ve been around people like this my WHOLE entire LIFE!! I literally thought I was crazy & had lost my mind! I am now allowing myself to heal.
Me too 😫😫😫 and I never seek them out
No you haven’t…stop lying to yourself, you’re acting crazy…
@@justinbounds3117 Do you know me? Obviously I must’ve struck a nerve , you took time out your day to respond to me!
You missed a big one: “I was only joking”. That phrase is fine, if indeed the person is only joking. But imagine someone who, say, routinely expresses dissatisfaction in a gift they feel they are owed but haven’t even received yet. Say her birthday is a week away. You bring home a package. She asks “Is that my Diamond birthday ring?” You and she both know she’s not getting a Diamond ring this time around. That’s fine if it happens once, perhaps twice. But if it occurs multiple times each and every birthday, Xmas and Valentines Day, and when you finally get ticked off and she says “I was only joking, lighten up”, it gets sickening. (And hues, she has received diamonds and other expensive gifts many times in the past - even those were met with disappointment)
My 7th grade teacher would regularly hurl demeaning comments at me and others in the class and say, “I was just joshing”!
That has happened quite a lot to me honestly
The "It was only a joke" and "I was only joking" lines
That used to happen to me a lot. Also, "Aw, you have no sense of humor!" or "Aw, you're no fun!" while acting as though it was supposed to be a harmless joke meant to help me lighten up. Yeah, I knew it wasn't meant to help me, it was meant to humiliate me, and to tell me that I was only an object for their amusement, not a human being deserving of respect.
My ex-husband did that to me all the time, usually after he’d cut me down in someway. He’d say a ‘joke’ that was a dig at me, say it was a joke and then tell me I had no sense of humor. I didn’t realize he was emotionally abusing me for years until that abuse wasn’t there anymore.
I’d say that gaslighters sometimes don’t even realize that they’re gaslighting, it’s like a subconscious defense mechanism. Lots of people use those phrases in different contexts, and they get what they want without realizing that they’ve preyed on someone’s feelings and psyche. Really makes you wonder whether you’re as clean as you think you are...
True, everyone has a way to manipulate mom to get what they want.
@Valkyrie Exactly my point, we all gotta introspect even if we think we’re tight on our principles. Though you do make it sound like a backhanded comment, I still find it relevant and sensible.
@@Ana-iw2lx yeah. I never saw myself as a manipulative person at all until I realized after learning more about psychology and human behaviour that I subconsciously manipulated people to get what I wanted, even when consciously I believed to be on the right.
Truth is, no one is ever as clean as they might believe or claim. Their Shadow is always present.
Occasionally I think this happens in exceptionally insecure people
Dumped this gaslighting girl 2 weeks ago when I said "I'm done" I felt sooo good
That’s good you got out of an unhappy relationship, however I feel like we all gaslight to a certain extent. Most people are guilty of it. most people say in the heat of an argument “what are you talking about” or “why are you mad” “Why you offended” or “no that’s not what happened.” Most people say these things and u are kidding yourself if you don’t think that’s what happens. But there is a big difference between that, compared to someone gaslighting/abusing you on purpose, as a constant thing,over and over again for extended period of time.
Man Sam o nell hasn't uploaded in ages though
@@vitamingummies7472 Doesn't mean I can't live my life nut buster
@@vitamingummies7472 He's active on reddit though
Wish her well
Pretty hard to walk away or challenge them when you're only 6 and the gaslighters are both your parents for that eternity known as childhood...but this is very helpful in any case. Thank you 🙏
Are you good bestie? Is your mental health good?
Preach
I’m sorry Juliet. My mother is the same. (My married name is Bishop 💜)
I'm sorry. I know that was agonizing.
I'm still getting gaslit by my parents to this day! I'm 44 and can't talk about it because relatives will always side with them
"I'm just trying to help you"
"You're overreacting"
"You dont know what you're talking about"
"I never said that"
"You're twisting the situation around"
This could also be someone who is talking to someone acting erratic. I use to say things like this to a friend of mine who was an addict. Context is more important than the phrase it's self. If someone says things like this and they are the one who wronged you that is when it is an issue. like they flirted with your significant other or broke some personal boundary but then say you are being too sensitive that is gaslighting.
Tyvm for providing this concise list! I don't have to go back & watch the whole thing over in order to make a hard copy! Also plan to add some of the statements from other commentators.
"I'm just trying to help you" -> Lying
"You're overreacting" -> Criticizing
"You dont know what you're talking about" -> Lying
"I never said that" -> Lying
"You're twisting the situation around" -> Projecting
Yes! "You twist things" was my Moms usual gaslight. Followed by: "you are over sensitive".
“I think you’re confused again.”
“Are you sure you didn’t spend the money?”
1. I have no idea what you're talking about 0:48
2. you're overreacting / you're being too sensitive/emotional 1:29
3. you're imagining things / that's not what happened at all 2:01
4. you're not making any sense 2:39
5. stop exaggerating the situation 3:11
6. if anything, i'm the one who should be mad at you 3:51
7. don't listen to anything they tell you. you can't trust anyone but me 4:28
I hope I could help! (:
Thanks!
1 week ago??
1 week ago-?
WE GOT 2 TIMETRAVELLERS LEZ GO!
Whaa
I’ll add an eighth: when the gaslighter tells you your feelings. Example: “It must be hard to live with your anger,” when you’re not even angry. Then, if you don’t know any better you’re keen to spend all of your time, and energy, and words explaining how you are not angry, instead of addressing the issue at hand.
As an antidote, gaslighters deserve all of the fruits of an antisocial response. Be blunt, and follow through on your threats without delay.
When they say that i think; “ show me your boobs”. Then i’m fine ...
Ae gaslighter sure do deserve the anti social attitude ehoa. I have a gaslighter which is my eldest sibling. Tricky bugga too. I also have a teacher who has some gaslight tendencies. I had to learn patience and focus from this gaslighter. I had to bide my time till the moment presented itself to unleash my inherent anti social policy. I live with my sibling tendencies but I have to navigate the teachers perspective of Self. I've suffered gaslighting all my life as an empath. But no more, I'm a 'empath that can turn it around nowaday. Be Aware!!!
@@ronaldmitchell3665 Are you paying for a peep??? haha
Ae Randy that was the first step in recovery for an empath. Learning to accept what is reality about the anger you feel, where is it coming from and why?? and by what or whom. If a empath becomes aware of the negative focus they are receiving from their thought. then it is time to create a safe space. I like to talk to my ancestors memorial wall I use incense to convey the message. I tell them all thoughts and talk that has occurred, my responses and I leave it with them for the day and night. This helps to maintain focus when dealing with gaslighting, a clear mindset.
Ho ho ho, I've experienced that as well...
About a year ago I had experienced an intense form of gaslighting from an ex. The harshest I’ve experienced yet, was effectively vilified for asking clarifying questions. Thankfully there was a supportive network of friends and loved ones available to help me think and talk things out. Doing much better now despite the mental scar that remains.
Channels like this are a blessing for helping us understand these warning signs, to be better prepared for manipulation when it happens.
The only thing I’d suggest as an addendum to your videos is for possible solutions to use in real-time and catch manipulators off-guard. Something that can help us start building self-confidence in these situations. Other than that, thank you for all you do.
The best part is when you catch them out by poking a hole in their lies. You watch their face freeze as they have to rewire and make up another lie. I loved getting that power over my gaslighting narc dad
Narc as in narco or as in narcissist?
@@momentobruh7286 narcissist
Can you give me an example so that I can use this next time too? 😁
@@glowshowpk false accusations of things, you just provide proof you weren't there. It helps to have a sibling to back up that, for example, you didn't "hack" into his computer and change the password because you were at school.
I feel like we all gaslight to a certain extent. Most people are guilty of it. most people say in the heat of an argument “what are you talking about” or “why are you mad” “Why you offended” or “no that’s not what happened.” Most people say these things and u are kidding yourself if you don’t think that’s what happens.
But there is a big difference between that, compared to someone gaslighting/abusing you on purpose, as a constant thing,over and over again for extended period of time.
"I don't remember this conversation at all, I don't remember saying that, you must be mistaken, why would I say that? You must have misunderstood"
Which could be gaslighting, or maybe not. It could be that you actually misunderstood.
@@RichardChappell1
Yes, that could be true.
In my case she told me that she didn't love me and upon the question "were you at least attracted to me?" she answered "no".
But yeah... I could have misunderstood her. She could be terrible at communicating feelings.
@@flabbergast_se - It could be honest. Maybe you were the cuddle until she found someone richer...
That sounds equally like someone gaslighting as it does somebody being gaslit 🤔
@@flabbergast_se Been there
The issue is that sometimes, you ARE in the wrong. The trick is to figure out when that is. However, most of these phrases ARE warning signs.
They are warning signs if someone is gaslighting. In and of themselves, they are not - as you aptly point out.
@@RichardChappell1 Yes, my ‘warning’ is more that one has to consider what the other person is saying, instead of assuming (which we have a tendency to, sadly) immediately that we are being gaslighted.
Yes they are warning signs that.
1. One or both individuals involved misunderstand or have misread a situation. The first thing to do is to clarify what each perceives. A lot of fights start when one party or the other, or both parties are mistaken about an event.
2. That one or both parties are looking for a fight, this happens more than people think and their are lots of reasons for this.
In a lot of innocent conflicts a little fact finding and rational discussion usually clears up a misunderstanding between two parties. One party does not understand the whole story, but together both parties can see an issue more completely. This works with two rational people who put what really happened and why it happened above their personal egos or control issues. Often people don't even realize they may have innocently offended someone and the other party may realizes they should not have taken such offence. An acknowledgement that you or they understand the perceptions of the other party and see why they feel that way often goes a long way in resolving an issue between two rational adult people. This can work to such an extent that these people may become friends or can become closer due to the mutual respect and rational behavior of the other. Again this works only for rational adult minded people who are secure in their self worth.
Thank you! People are quick say another person is manipulative/narc/gas lighting when the 1st person is in the wrong.
That's what i hate about amateur psychologists.
My mom used to do that to me all the time. The last time before I walked away, I caught her in a lie and confronted her about it. Fist she denied it but I had proof she lied, so I told her I knew for a fact she was lying and she called me bitter and Crazy. She treated me like I was being overly sensitive and imagining things.
She kept saying I’m your mom and can do whatever I want, and even tried to convince me to distrust my best friend.
Then, when I left town and changed my phone number without telling her, she called my best friend’s mom and told her she’s worried about me because she thinks I’m suicidal.
When that didn’t get a reaction from me, she called my best friend on my birthday to tell her that I am a bad daughter because supposedly she has health problems and I haven’t even given her a phone number where she can contact me to let me know. But when I spoke to my sister, who still speaks to our mom sometimes, to ask her if she had heard about my mom’s health problems, she said she hadn’t.
So she was supposedly so concerned about having a way to contact me to let me know what health problems are going on but she didn’t even bother to tell my sister whose contact info she does have.
What the F**K? That's too far.
Gaslighting used to be very common for me in elementary school teachers, using my dead brother against me. They used to say that he didn't have epilepsy, he had cancer(even though he DEFINITELY had epilepsy. I'm not that stupid). They also said that 5 y.o. me was being too sensible with my brother's death, which lead me to try to stop crying, and attempt suicide because I was in a horrible state of depression because my teachers were gaslighting me. I can relate to this video soooo much. Thank you.
It's great you moved on.
I think psychology should be taught to teachers too. There are words that should NEVER be said to children no matter what they do. I still suffer trauma from what my teachers told me in the past and that made me hate authority and schools Every one deserve respects even children but I have the feeling that most adults forget about it.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, these people should not be allowed to be teachers. I hope you are healing from this dark time, because you truly deserve the best!
I’m really sorry for your loss💔 Your school should be there to understand you in such a difficult time, not make you feel like you grieving means you’re too sensitive. I hope that now you have the support you need to get better and be happy. I care about you!
You tried to commit suicide at 5? Dayum, I didn’t even know the concept of death at 5 😂
Hey really cool and strong of you for sharing🙂💕
I am 16 and I just realized that I have been Gaslighted by a school bully when I was 12 and suffered for 4 years .
The worst part is that she had the help of a teacher and a few other dumbass followers of his. 😔
That hurts, keep healing, give urself time.Apply selflove and ❤build ur own Confidence
Touche, don't worry. I had the same thing. But it was a teacher *and* the principal
@@NightShadow-em7gw that's even more worse. Hope u r okay 🙂
I am now, it was tough, but a change of school and having relaxed classmates as well as a customer service that's really good helped me see that not everyone is against you. I hope you're ok as well ^ ^
Wow. That is tough. It’s one thing for
Other students to assist with the gaslighting but it’s another when the faculty gets involved. If not worse. Glad you got out of there.
I typically hear "You're being too sensitive" just for expressing xyz. Everyone's emotions are valid
Thank you 😭
Ok but sometimes people ARE being too sensitive. Yes their emotions are valid, but that’s not to say they ARE being overly sensitive, because they ARE!! It’s literally stating a fact and being realistic.
Also- where does the line ever end then? Say for example someone literally sobs their heart out because they dropped a leaf, or someone got some dust on their arm. I can guarantee that you think the examples I used are extreme, but if you think it’s extreme isn’t that you proving that people can indeed be TOO Sensitive? If you think it’s extreme, doesn’t that show you are invalidating them and the situation? And yes it was an extreme example because quite frankly...there are times when people are overly sensitive. It’s just the truth! Yes they still feel how they feel and their emotions are valid- but that doesn’t mean the situation itself is still overly sensitive. Also if someone says they are “being too sensitive” isn’t that just their opinion? is it invalidating someone from having an opinion? You could quite easily look at it from that point of view too. I’m just giving different perspectives
@@kyrahampton7417 I like the points you made here. Where does the line draw? Too much of anything isn't too good. That's why they're two sides of the spectrum with extreme behaviors. Balance is key and that's what I'm interpreting your comments
@@tommygunn6901 yes exactly! Where ever does the line draw? There has to be a balance. People are so quick to point fingers and give out labels
My ex did this to me, using her depression and trauma to shame me for not being there for her. All of this was so draining and I cried from the pressure that was building up
bruh I was literally drawing mother gothel from Rapunzel when I got this notification I-
Lol😂😂
Lmao
ouch
Bro I had the song “mother knows best” stuck in my head all day and all week and I haven’t watched rapunzel in like 3 years 😭
And I Oop-
Jokes on you, gaslighter! You can’t make me feel paranoid if I’m already paranoid of everything!
this whole situation that my greedy lying family has created has caused me nothing but mental anguish and suffering.
One person tried to gaslight me but instead of making me doubt my own perception of reality it just made me paranoid of them specifically, had no issues with others, just them lmao
Just cuz your paranoid doesnt mean they're not after you....
About a year after the break up, it dawned on me how happy I was. How much I now enjoyed life. I am so very glad it is over. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than ever go back to something like that.
Same here ! They are evil miserable losers.
Julieanna, I lived it also. And, you expressed it better than I ever could. Hope you are happy, I am.
@Will Y you obviously missed the point of "gaslighting". It is a type of personality that is destructive to the person they are "supposed" to love. The above comments are from those of us that experienced it. I hope you never do.
@Will Y Normally, I would agree with you. However, when the person that has promised to love and cherish you through sickness and health instead lies to you, cheats on you, steals from you; things aren’t as black and white as “not right for each other.” When that person would rather waste your last $10 on his mistress; When the person you thought loved you and your shared children turns their back on you because you won’t allow him to continue living in the marital house WHILE HE CONTINUES his affair... I could write a 1000 page book on what my “loving husband” thought was ok to do to his family. Things are not so simple as you believe them to be; I’m grateful you don’t know better and I pray you never have to understand personally. That being said, maybe you shouldn’t judge what you know nothing about.
Spent a lot of time listening to these statements and facing similar gaslighting behaviours that became more harmful to my self esteem each and every day - it took me a long time to realise I wasn’t crazy and to learn to listen to myself, to trust my instincts instead of trusting the narc who wanted me to believe I was worthless. I eventually got away from the situation, but I just want to reach out to any people watching this who may still be stuck in a similar position, and just remind you not to give up on yourself, don’t be fooled into thinking you’re not good enough, that your feelings don’t matter or that you’re always wrong. Don’t allow the red flags you’ve noticed to be brushed under the rug, but raise them, follow them, find a way out. You deserve better, you’re feelings are valid, and you are worth so much more. Sending strength and positive vibes to those that may need it - I have faith in you 💖🙏🏼✨
I’m 17 and everytime I try and talk about my feelings my mum says that “it’s all in your head”, “it’s nothing to do with me it’s everything to do with you” and “you’re creating your emotions”.
Thanks mum! You’re definitely an enlightened being.
That’s why I don’t share my feelings w my mom
You know something maybe she is right? Have you ever stepped back and taken a wider look at the picture. Gotten her side of the story and perspective without interjecting your counter points?
Because I can tell you being 17 I did some seriously stupid crap. The worst part is you feel how you feel and there is no reason for it. It is just there. Puberty is a cruel freaken joke.
However. Let me help you hopefully.
Take a step back from your situation for a moment. Put your emotions aside they will only get in the way. Look at the facts around the situation, ask yourself is it worth getting worked up over. Make sure you are doing the right things for the right reasons.
You do need to Understand that you are assigning emotional value to things. That are important to you in that moment which is a good and bad thing. However how are you communicating the weight and value of the situation is the hiccup. I remember feeling like my parents were not listening to me and spouting off. "You don't understand"
I know those words came out of my fave more than once followed once by the wonderfully tasteful "I hate you".
It was not that they were not hearing me. It is that I was not hearing them because frankly there expressed reasoning was about as robust as a fart. They did have actual logic and experince speaking. But they royally failed at getting it from their brains to their pie holes.
What worked for me
Saying we need to talk then setting dowb the rules for our communcation. Telling them to be quiet if they wish to interrupt you raise their hand. Then carefully layout everything about the situation for them and why you are doing what you are doing. Yah it can be embarrassing.
Trust me they won't get it or like it the first time. And you need to be polite about it. Try
"please don't interrupt me until I offer you the floor if you have something to say please raise your hands. Because our current communication is creating miss communication and I don't think it is healthy for either of us. I am left feeling like you don't listen or value my feelings and opinions."
being a teenager was fun and it sucked all at the same time. But if you can get through your awkward teens with better communication skills than most you are winning.
@Julie Epps All I wanted my mom to say was , "I hear you." All she actually would say was, "Oh c'mon, you don't really feel that way." It wasn't that she was an awful mom, but feelings didn't matter to her. You just were supposed to slap on a smile. So little setbacks and bad days grow and fester, because nothing ever gets resolved. I never understood, what's so difficult with saying, "I am sad to hear you had an awful day today. Tell me what happened." It's horrible to always have someone trying to talk you out of your own emotions. The worst response was when pretending to listen, my mom would take the side of the person who hurt me. That will inspire rage. You are a very good parent to be asking the question you asked.
Gives you incentive to do well in school so you can get a job and stop living with her. Then you don't have to put up with crap like this anymore--really. It's what I did when I saw there was never going to be even one time where I would be told I was right, or apologized to.
@Khyri's World Yes, I do understand. Kids who come home from school and have a parent they can just debrief to are so lucky. The horrible dark feelings lift and disappear when I actually get to express them and air them out. Having to bury feelings makes things worse. I had a friend with a good mom, and would go home to her house sometimes, and she got to talk about her day and within 15 minutes we were laughing and joking and feeling great. She didn't even offer unsolicited advice. It was a peek into another world.
They convince you that you sound dumb when you try to stick up for yourself so you learn to stay silent.
I am just coming to this realization...reflecting on how many years I've stayed silent.😔
God, that's the worst part.
and when you don't stay silent they will quickly escalate to "shit that didn't happen"
Had tried to open up on what gets said to me that hurts and I keep quiet on, and it blew up in my face big time, was a complete bash session on me. The worst part of that, I was told it was to help me realize the seriousness of the situation, to help me change to make things better.😞
this time when i confront them ill make sure they stay silent they won’t do shit.
Now I understand the title of the movie, "Gaslight" with Ingrid Bergman - a must see. "The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit," - Proverbs 15:4
The term "gaslighting" derives from the film Gaslight.
@@calamityjean1525 true, which was originally a play. Makes sense the term originated from the Victorian gaslight used by the husband to trick the wife into thinking she’s crazy and must only rely on what he says
Thanks for the Bible verse.
I've discovered over the decades that that's where I find the greatest wisdom for all situations.
Literally - all situations!
Every. Single. Phrase. Over and over for 3 years. I really thought I was losing my mind. Being cheated on, lied to, manipulated, used and discarded. These videos help so much with understanding and healing from narcissitc abuse.
I was in a relationship with a gaslighter and it ended a week ago due to my "problems" and "way of seeing things" that they said was wrong, so they couldn't handle me any longer LITERALLY they said that "I'm glad you saw I got tired of you". I was always so scared to tell how I felt because it would end up being my fault, I feel so relieved! Never let anyone do that to you! Remember who you are, where you came from and all the people that made you feel special!
@Agent Of Chaos 666 i mean everyone is different
But some people can get disturbed by it cause sometimes maybe to them it may come by as insensitive or cruel to do and maybe they get concerned and think "OMG that kind of stuff isn't something to think is Cute or Etc. Thats actually sad and is horrible and is sick people actually get slaughtered or killed"
I can understand from BOTH points of views
Your not alone bud. Honestly...
I can relate.
Its as if i have both minds
Hard to explain....i dont think i ever will be able to explain even if i could itll be impossible to wrap our minds around cause its just....to much....
So much....
It would be impossible to express it all.
But trust me when i tell you that i know.
My names Alyssa! Sorry if sound creepy😖😊
If i could express my past and my trauma's i would but it would be like explaining an Entire book series or a Written novel or kinda like those Anime characters cleche with a dark past type of bullshit and like nobody wants to hear that crap unless it helps them know that there not alone than sure but if it makes them feel as if your trynna compete with them or compare your past and your pain with them than like no.
I'll share my Disorders though since you shared yours as a sign of respect!!!
I Am
Develop Mentally Delayed
I Have Really Bad Tourette Syndrome
I also may have multipal other disorders ill be getting diagnosed for wich most likely may be (reason to why i say MOST LIKELY is cause ive been having/experiencing all of the symptoms of these disorders and also cause its just obvious when your the one going through it also because i had to educate MYSELF about them to know enough of it and about it and also cause some of them are 99% caused by childhood trauma and by ABUSE wich ive been experiencing my entire life and still am to this day. PHYSICALLY/VERBALLY EMOTIONALLY/NEGLECT/ WITNESSING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & ANIMAL ABUSE)
- *Bipolar Disorder*
- *Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder*
- *Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder*
- *Bulimia* (Bulimia is an Eating disorder)
- *Overactive Bladder*
@Agent Of Chaos 666 i like dark Art to
I feel like we all gaslight to a certain extent. Most people are guilty of it. most people say in the heat of an argument “what are you talking about” or “why are you mad” “Why you offended” or “no that’s not what happened.” Most people say these things and u are kidding yourself if you don’t think that’s what happens.
But there is a big difference between that, compared to someone gaslighting/abusing you on purpose, as a constant thing,over and over again for extended period of time.
@@kyrahampton7417 But there's a difference. For example, if someone tells me that I'm wrong, I'll be up to listen and understand the point of view even if I strongly disagree with it, and try to work things out if I see that I'm wrong. But if a person is not up to take into account what you are feeling nor is up to work it out simply because they believe their version is the right one it is gaslighting for SURE.
@@jessvb992 I see what you mean, but when u say you will listen to them although you strongly disagree... do you not think you had ALREADY made your mind up in what you want to believe? You say how you’re up to listen and be open minded... but if you really think about it..no you’re not. We are all like this is arguments.
My ex was like this at only 17 years old, felt like I was going crazy, after going to counselling I realised she was a cover narcissist. Although I’m kind of still grieving it. I’m glad she’s finally gone, especially after a year of being in and out of each other’s lives
My mom and my ex- friends used these phrases and phrases similar to them a lot. It takes a lot to realize what’s going on, that being said it can be done. I’m very glad you got out!
Covert narcissist pd is the WORST personality disorder.
1. She only mirrored you to an extreme and made you fall in love with your own image that she so very perfectly portrayed.
2. She had an initial screenshot of you and when you started to deviate from that image that she had in her head her anxieties made her devalue and abuse you. It's not your fault.
3. Look deeper into it, it's quite interesting actually (Sam vacnin on RUclips)
4. Perhaps maybe she is an inverted narcissist and is looking for a manipulative parent in a partner who she can gain her "supply" from by being his "supply".
Welcome to the stolkholm syndrome group lol
Don't be nice to her or show her unconditional love she'll abuse you for that. They only wants to be abused and manipulated to feel whole.
Happened to me by a friend when I was 11, Still healing ❤️🩹
@@emmm_4465 or they can get touched by the cold hand of pure unintentional malevolence and if they're at the right place at the right time, they might end up getting individuated.
My ex-husband was a covert narcissist as well. I had no idea they even existed. He was like that when he was 17, too. It steadily got worse as we aged until it reached a peak a few years ago. He’d been cheating, and dialed everything up to 11 so I wouldn’t find out. I did and left him. Didn’t realize what he was doing was abuse until it wasn’t there anymore. It’s insidious.
My mon and my sister gaslighted me all my life. They don't even know what this is. To notice that I am not crazy and my perceptions were not broken, I had to have the help of a psychologist after 30 years.
Don't give up everything will be fine ☺️💜
So did mine. I wound up walking away. I keep them at arms length. It's a case of hi and bye.
Trust in yourself, everything will be alright
I’m so sorry to hear that. Same happens to me from my mother. It’s never too late to receive the help you need. I hope you’re healing friend and I’m really rooting for you🤍
I’m sorry to hear you went through that. I do feel like though that we all gaslight to a certain extent. Most people are guilty of it. most people say in the heat of an argument “what are you talking about” or “why are you mad” “Why you offended” or “no that’s not happened.” but there is a big difference between that, compared to someone gaslighting/abusing you on purpose, as a constant thing,over and over again for extended period of time.
I have an appalling boss who is a total narcissistic sociopath, and now whenever he gaslights, me and my colleagues say "Hey, can you smell gas? I can definitely smell gas". The humour takes his power away.
Almost 2 years with a narcissist. Broke up with her when I actually discovered evidence of her secret affair. From the moment we met, my intuition was screaming at the top of my head warning me of how much of a manipulator she is. Not to mention her mother as well. Seems to run in the family. I am single, and alone now, but extremely happy. Focusing on myself and future. Never ignore your intuition. You're not being paranoid, your brain is just capturing information that you aren't able to see. So this video is spot on. Good job👍.
Oh my... I just realised how many people around me are gaslighting me. I have never heard it before... but now I have.
I get these from my family like seriously! Heck I even do it to myself sometimes and it sucks!
Then it's not gaslighting
Yeah, my ex friend use to gaslighting me , but I'm glad that she move into another school. If you meet gaslighting people, I advice you to not really trust them much, they can make you look down to yourself. Based from what I experienced before
I'm sorry if you don't understand
@@noidea3326 what do you mean?
@@noidea3326 Can you explain clearly?
“Are you sure you didn’t just dream it?”- my mom when I told her my brother touched me.
Thank you for your kind words- it means so much more than you can imagine.
I am so sorry sister.......
Dont worry.....your problems will be solved.....we will pray
@Marchele Espina I did, nothing was done. I was silenced :(
If I was sure, I would reply 'Yes.'
The worst part is gaslighters are sharpening their skills by saying they’re the ones being gaslighted. And when they’ve run out of ideas to manipulate or twist your own words against you they threaten to commit suicide rather than drop their oh so fragile ego and take responsibility for what they’ve done
*“You’ll watch an entire Netflix series even when the first episodes are slow just because someone told you that ‘it gets better’, but what if you looked at your goals like that and watched your life get better instead?”*
Love from a small channel💙
Something that is helping me recover from my recent drama trauma is actually doing some of the work required to achieve the goals I finally can articulate.
Wow that was nice put
Mr. Khan,
You are very perceptive. This is an excellent example of having enough personal confidence to think for oneself. Frankly, I believe we would live in a better world if each of us used our own thinking skills and taste, rather than joining in with every “herd activity,” such as pretending to enjoy a show or book just to gain social acceptance.
I admire your conclusions. And frankly, I would always prefer to experience a person thinking for him/herself, even if our opinions turn out to be miles apart. Because at least then, I would know that the person is doing the work of seeking their own pathway in life, including the responsibility for good and bad decisions.
Shalom (God’s perfect peace)
to all
Years ago I was married to a psychologist. I remember him saying ALL these phrases. We ended up divorcing. With these phrases he made me feel so very small and useless that I ended up having depression. I could deal with it now but then I didn't know what was happening. So please be careful and try to understand and learn about this. It will help you when you need it.
Hugs to u
@Sanford Gray Very funny. I was married to the idiot!!!!!!! Don't be so stupid!
Wear a t-shirt that say
"I'm with stupid-->"
works every time...
I could have done with one of those at the time!!!!
@Sanford Gray Well Sanford, maybe Jessika and I should kick my x and you out of these messages and walk joyfully into the sunset and have our own relationship.
“You’re overreacting it’s not normal. You should talk to someone you need help.”
wow my mom said that to me all the time growing up 😔
@@brittanyfoxxx1558 I’m sorry. My mom said that to me too. If something were wrong there is a loving way to express concern and offer help. The way my mom said it was to convince me that doing anything outside of her opinion was crazy. She tried to make me feel ashamed, embarrassed, and incapable of making decisions. To manipulate me into submitting to whatever she wanted. I hope that you can tell genuine concern from someone trying to hurt you mentally and emotionally. I hope you can heal from hurtful experiences and strengthen yourself to be able to know when something is nonsense! 🤍🦋🌱
My mom really did say these all the time and I started to ignoring her entirely
Sometimes people do overreact and get overly emotional over stupid shit though.
@@youtubekumpf1821 My mom used to just make fun of everything I did. I was in Taekwondo, "oh why do that it's for skinny people," or if I took Japanese, "why would you think that would help you?" I mean the woman tried everything to make just realize I wasn't able to do a lot. After years, and then with my sister passing away, she saw me going out doing Nature Photography, she began to change her opinion. I started by telling my nephew who is recovering from lymphoma, "You can do whatever you want to do. Program a game if you want, but please remember to look outside. Grandma and I can help you with whatever dream you have." My mom realized too late she has one child left me, and it's the one she put zero effort into because I was in special ed
Yes!... and had a mental breakdown. Took awhile to heal, but now I’ve learnt to never argue with a fool, or someone affected by psychosis. Unfortunately, I think everyone suffers from some form of psychosis or cognitive dissonance. And often they don’t even realise they are manipulating people. I think it’s always important to reflect on how I might also do this to others. I can not effect what others do or feel, but I can effect how I do or feel.
"Stop exaggerating the situation"
My mom, always.
I would have selective hearing when it comes to her. Definitely gotta protect ur own energy
You probably did exaggerate it. All teenagers do.
Other RUclipsrs - I would be uploading 2 videos every week
Psych2go - Hold my coffee ☕
Ain't gonna lie
They are awesome
My fams uploading her two videos daily
Exactly
Hold my leaf 🌱
"You're just blaming me for your own unhappiness. You need to take responsibility."
You're right. It's about time I did what I can do to improve my situation. Good bye.
Word!✊... Stay strong....stay edjucated...
@@abab-ml1ym Thanks. That was 30 years ago. I learned enough warning signs from the experience to never walk into that kind of trap again.
Are you a centaur?
@@philippezevenberg1332 You're not a Lapith. Are you?
Bra-vo. This is exactly how we all should reply and save us from months or even years of manipulation.
One of the most comforting words/feelings is being heard & knowing & feeling that you're not crazy
Boss phrase: you're the only one who has (ever )complained (about this).
So True
Omg. Haha! That's so funny. There was a guy at my last job. He was so toxic. He had complained about something to the project manager, who brought it up to me. I asked, "Is Brad a pretty positive person in general?" My boss said, "All he ever says are positive things!" Lol! Wow what a lie. I had only been there a month and every interaction with the guy had been him complaining about everyone and everything around him. And of course my boss was a tremendous liar. I caught him in lies constantly.
@@image30p Half the time the boss is actually stuck in a position where he cannot be honest and if he doesn't say anything else or nothing, his life is made difficult for no good reason. Trust me on this. Don't get me wrong, many are also full of shit or dumb. But, you have no idea how hard managing people has become because of the snowflake generation. It is literally like the boss says the complete opposite just so you go prove it wrong for yourself or catch on really quick compared to if you did not have a hard position in you mind. I used to walk around praising the worst people and eventually my team caught on to what I was doing. This is very common in business environments. Instead of saying anything negative that can open a can of worms, you say something with so little substance that only a fool cannot read that subtext. When the subject of this talk, catches on is when it has maximal impact. Because they're the dick no matter what they do lol.
@2nd violin
:👍👍👍👏👏👏
@@adammcallister3293 Everyone always has the choice to be honest or not. If he chooses not, he's a liar. To me it's that simple.
“You mustn’t be upset that no one except me finds you attractive. It’s because only I can see that you are attractive inside”. A supposed compliment from my ex-husband. This wasn’t the worst example, but I got out in the end.
Ugh. What an ugly person. I’m glad you got out!
I relate to this so much, I was in an abusive relationship. A guy who would 'complimented' me like that, the one who told me "no one wants you besides me, you should be happy and grateful. " I believed that for the longest time till I realized someone does want me, I want me, my loved ones that have been there for me want me. Not just him.
@@h0t5headed9 Yep. Women do this too. But no one wants to hear about that.
@@kevingraves7431 What? Since when does this have to do anything about gender?
@@h0t5headed9 People often forget men are abused in relationships also. I am merely pointing out that either gender can be cruel.
My brother is a narcissist and one of his manipulative behaviors is that when you bring up something to them that needs to be addressed he always claims “we’re bullying him, we are nagging him”... but asking someone to pick up after themselves is not bullying. This makes it so he never has to address the problem.
I got suchlike siblings and i wonder how the dodging to solve problems will eventually go!!!
Just do NOT pick up his things , you are acting like a servant , when all his stuff is on the floor he may change , but , as long as you follow him around , why would he ,it will be hard to walk over his crap for a while . But if you don’t , you’ll be picking up forever ,
@@christinebeames2311 it’s taken me such a long time to learn this, because they are willing to take it so far and it effects my space, but I’ve begun refusing, he has such a rude awakening when he is actually faces with the real world
@@melissag8270 haha, my brother and I used to do the same thing. We both would not do anything and tell the other to do the job whether it was a chore or responsibility we both had. Then we would just both end up in trouble by our parents
For 11 years, I experienced every thing mentioned in this video. But unfortunately, if I'd call him out on something I knew he did...he not only "gaslighted" me, he made sure to leave me painful "reminders" all over my body; just to make sure I wouldn't ever questioned him again.
I praise God everyday for giving me the strength to get away from him. I'd probably be dead if I hadn't left that horrid situation
I'm glad you left. I have a similar story.
@@susanrhodes5681 Those are some memories that took me awhile to be able to be around other men.
I was married to a gaslighter years ago. I finally divorced him, not because I found put he was a gaslighter, but because I finally got to the point I simply couldn't stand him anymore. He drove me to hate him and was absolutely amazed when more gaslighting didn't stop my divorcing him. I would have bailed sooner if I had known about gaslighting.
I'm in that situation right now... hate it!
I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t care for my daughters boyfriend (other than being an overly protective dad) until I saw this video. Then I read your comment. Does my daughter unfortunately, have to figure this out for herself? If I say something negative about the boyfriend, my daughter will defend him and my wife will tell me to stop because all I’m doing is pushing her away from us, closer to him. Any advice?
Sounds like my wife, I'm either to busy at work and need to spend more time at home or I don't make enough money and need to get a second job. If I get emasculated by her dad in front of our children. it's ok and they needed to see it because he's a real man and I'm a failure. I need to take charge more often and make decisions, but every thought and idea I have is shot down. I tell her how all this makes me feel I need to just shut up and stop complaining because she didn't say the thing or what have you.
@@mikekern9412 - My father didn’t like my narcissistic ex either. My dad saw something I didn’t see. While it was evident that my dad didn’t care for my then-boyfriend-later-fiancé, he didn’t push too hard. He’d just say that he’s too controlling.
In my case, nothing anyone said probably would’ve have mattered to me. I was ‘in love’. I thought they just couldn’t see what I thought was so great about him. And by the way, it was my father, stepfather and stepbrother. None of them liked my ex, and they all let me know it in their own way. But I was a grown woman of 30 years. What could they do?
My advice: Let her know that you love her, that you’re always there for her. She’d probably love to know that you’d punch out anyone who hurts her. (I mean that in the way fathers/brothers talk, and are protective of the ladies in their life. We women love to know someone is there to fight for and protect us. It bolsters our confidence.)
Also, now that you’re armed with information on how narcissists/abusers operate, you can equip her in advance, saying something like “Just know that if he ever tries to make you doubt our love for you, or tries to keep you separate from us, that’s not a good thing. We’re always here for you.” Or “If you ever feel like you’re questioning your own sanity or losing yourself in this relationship, just remember that maybe that’s a sign that something’s not right.” In your own words of course, based on what you see happening.
Just observe, make sure she knows she can talk with you about anything, and let her boyfriend know you’ve got eyes on him. Keep him close (family dinners, get-togethers, etc.) If he’s a narc, deep down he’s very insecure. Not a real man. He’ll cower and/or hide (not come around), in the presence of a stand-up father like yourself. And when this happens, point that out to your daughter. Mine did, and I noted it for myself. Though I still stayed with him, it caused me to lose some respect for my boyfriend early on, and helped make it easier for me to leave him later.
Sorry that me reply is a long one. I just really appreciated that you asked for advice for your daughter. Felt that deserved a response.
@@AnovaLisaDragonfly Thank you very much for sharing from your heart. My first approach was to open up myself to her and my wife by asking them together to assess me for being a narcissistic person or gaslighter, with the intention of opening her eyes to the situation. In recent conversations, I picked up that our daughter is complaining a bit more about the boy. I truly appreciate you taking the time to reply! I wish you all the best!
Ways to respond:
1) “I have no idea what you’re talking about”
*then try to remember*
2) You’re overreacting
*for you maybe but this is important to me, be more mindful*
3) You’re imagining things
*are you sure YOU’RE not imagining things, because that’s what happened.*
4) you’re not making any sense
*what’s difficult to understand?*
5) “stop exaggerating the situation”
*that’s how the situation went down, whether you like it or not*
6) “if anything I should be the one mad at you”
*then stay mad, I have a right to be upset due to what you did, stop trying to be the victim*
7) “you can only trust me”
*y’know that’s something an untrustworthy person would say*
These are just some ways I respond to people, it might not work in every situation.
Whoa I like em🔥🔥
1) “I have no idea what you’re talking about”
then try to remember
"But I have no idea what you *mean*"
[Putting the duty on someone to "try to remember X" when they have no idea what you mean by 'X' is abusive.]
4) you’re not making any sense _to me_.
what’s difficult to understand?
"What you are saying in general" -- or, "This: ..., and that: ..."
[Suggesting that someone ought to understand something, on the grounds that you yourself find it not difficult to understand,
is abusive.]
@@zapazap I don’t understand?
@@mzxria9181
//I don't understand?//
Sorry, I'm not in a position of being able to answer your question. I have absolutely no idea whether or not you understand.
Cheers.
I think it’s important to note that using these phrases doesn’t necessarily indicate gaslighting. There are instances that people actually are wrong.
^^ Gaslighter.
Yes, I feel that "gaslighting" can be used as a term for people to convince themselves that they are right all the time.
Yes, there may be times when someone is putting too much thought, energy, and action into a subject. But the first thing that person doesn’t need to hear is “you’re so dramatic. You’re freaking out over a problem that doesn’t exist” the first thing people need then is listening, calmness, and stability.
The thing is, you never wanna invalidate someone. No matter how pure your intentions. As soon as you say “you, you, you!” Statements, they start to disassociate and the conversation will not be productive. May turn into an argument or you just talking their head off. Even if you try to say after “sorry, I’m not trying to blame you,” it’s already too late.
I will say, I was in a very unhealthy codependent relationship and we would both be gaslighters. I’d get so fed up with the bs that I started using his statements against him. Let’s just say, that pettiness didn’t solve anything lol. But because of that relationship, I can easily identify a gas lighter and I always do my best to avoid you statements. I understand sometimes it’s hard when you feel that person is genuinely in the wrong
Every single one of these as I come out of an 18 year relationship with someone I did not know was a narcissist until six weeks ago. Thank you so much for these videos and guidelines. They have lead me to counseling❌⭕️
They dont teach us this in school cause gaslighting is a tool of the currupt...
I had a friend who invalidated my feelings when I told her that I noticed a shift in her interactions with me. She gaslighted me into thinking that it was my fault. In the end, I just let her go and mourned the fact that we used to be so close.
1. 0:48 - “I have no idea what you’re talking about”
2. 1:30 - “You’re overreacting” or “You’re being too sensitive/emotional”
3. 2:01 - “You’re imagining things” or “That’s not what happened at all!”
4. 2:39 - “You’re not making any sense!”
5. 3:12 - “Stop exaggerating the situation!”
6. 3:51 - “If anything, I’m the one who should be mad at you!”
7. 4:27 - “Don’t listen to anything they tell you. You can’t trust anyone but me!”
Thanks
Thank you 😊
#6 @7. Don't really apply that much but the rest do to my sister
Don't forget "Who hurt you"
Thanks! You're a time saver!
I've been married twice and, judging from this lesson, I was gaslighted TWICE! It's sad to learn this so late in life but no harm done and the man I love now is definitely NOT a gaslighter.
Carol, I’m in that same situation. Separated now from my second and divorce about to happen. I’m discovering now that both women were narcissists, both gaslighted me while I had no idea what’s happening and why.
Is it really true that one can find a good healthy relation after all this??
I can’t even imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship where the other person validates you
All those phrases mentioned in the video have been said to me by my "best friend" before I spoke up to him because of his gaslighting personality. I'm grateful that I ended terms with him but the healing process after I broke my friendship with him really lasted for so long and left me with a scar because I find it hard to trust anyone after that situation. Thank you for this video because I realized that I have been gaslighted for so long I did the right thing by ending terms with my friend. Maraming salamat Psych2Go!
This is quite a simplistic way of looking at things. Consider speaking to a narcissist that changes their story constantly - often contradicting themselves from sentence to sentence. Some of these responses are well-earned (you're not making any sense etc.).
Agreed. Without a larger context it's a tough call. There's an appropriate time and place for these types of statements.
@@nschul4 I’m glad someone said it. A lot of these are normal statements and to give people the idea that THIS is gaslighting seems irresponsible.
Couldn't agree more. Imagine always being talked down to by a narcissist. Then you say one or multiple of these phrases, only to then be accused of gaslighting.
Context and tone disclose intention. Don't look at the words as much as the intention behind them. That's the real "message" in any exchange.
Yes. My fiancée has a personality disorder that, among other things, makes it very hard for her to see the intention behind things that are being said to her. We (way to) often have arguments where I say something infinitely stupid in an desperate attempt to "fix" her, and then she immediately jumps to the conclusion that I'm gaslighting her. Doesn't really help the situation. We should be careful not to cry wolf. Some people's tools of insidious manipulation can be another's misguided attempt at helping. Focus on the real wolfs.
@@kristiankeller4335 ah, yes, shelves of books could be (have been) written about "fixing" other people. Many people marry someone not quite to their liking in the belief that they can "work on" a problem together and "fix" it after they are married. (women who marry heavy drinkers is a common example). Usually the problems don't go away, and you can't "fix" other people. So you'd better like them the way they are. They're never going to change for you. They can't even change for themselves.
Forgetting conversations, and struggling to understand what's being said to me, are two things i definitely struggle with! It helps to always own the fact that it is my brain being uncooperative, and just asking partners to refresh my memory or help me understand with more context and details. I grew up with a Dad who gaslit us, and I am adamant about never repeating his abuses!
@@kristiankeller4335 why are you trying to “fix” her?
Would you want others to try to “fix” you ? 🥴
@@Mockduck2020 Desperation and frustration. Sometimes when the pressure gets too high, even the most patient and attentive person breaks. And I'm not even close to being that person. I would definitely benefit from some cognitive behavioral therapy. I'm perfectly aware that I'm not really fixing anything, but when I feel like I've been pushed into a corner or have been running around in circles for ages, it becomes hard not to grasp for that brain dead magic wand. And no, I don't want to be "fixed" myself. She's done that to me on some occasions too, and of course I'm not liking it. Notice how I underlined the stupidity of my actions ;)
A popular one these days is “don’t get butthurt,” usually said from the person bumfoking you.
I only here this in games when someone is crying about losing. * had a typo...apparently if you don't correct it ppl can't ppl.
That one has become a narc standard. Sheesh.
My older sister would tell me this
@sheparddog117 This is not something I have experienced in a political conversation. Just game related situations. I have been called all manner of names because I don't agree with said ideology, but not that particular phrase. In my opinion, if your calling names you have lost the argument regardless of political leanings.
I must be running in the wrong crowd. I've never heard that expression. Thank goodness.
Thank you for this video, I have a friend that does pretty much word for word what you just described when I am trying to let him know something is bothering me, or something is bothering the people we are with. Always trying to tell me what he thinks I am feeling, or I'm being fake or over explaining myself when all he is doing is deflecting. He thinks he's master of the universe and he has so much to teach the world.. When in reality all of his points are ramblings of him jumping from one thing to the next, hoping people don't catch on that he doesn't have real conviction and is afraid of being seen as an imposter. Or so it would seem. Thanks for validating my resolve to keep him at a distance to protect my energy. Fortunately I have strong sense of self and don't take any of what he says to heart, but it is still a drain on my energy to put up with his antics.
Me realising that my parents say and do a lot of these things: 👁️👄👁️
Same.
I feel like we all gaslight to a certain extent. Most people are guilty of it. I’m sure you are too. most people say in the heat of an argument “what are you talking about” or “why are you mad” “Why you offended” or “no that’s not what happened.” Most people say these things and u are kidding yourself if you don’t think that’s what happens. But there is a big difference between that, compared to someone gaslighting/abusing you on purpose, as a constant thing,over and over again for extended period of time.
@@kyrahampton7417 I can definitely agree with that and now that I've seen this video I will try to do it less and be careful with what I say but on the second half, I don't do it regularly, but my mum does it a lot so that's why I was saying that she does it a lot
I hope things get better for you all!
Oof
My dad often said he was joking and shamed people for not being able to take a joke. He'd say horribly offensive things and this was always the response if anyone called him out. This is gaslighting too. ( Just wanted to share another way it's done bc it's harder to realize).
I think I've experienced this many times when I've gotten defensive after hearing a joke about me. So much, I usually believe there's something wrong with me for not being able to take jokes that have to do with me. I hate these kinds of jokes and sarcasm because I never know if the person's saying it for real or if they're just joking and I'm being too serious. That's why I prefer it when people speak transparently, when what they say is actually what they mean.
@@claudiarivas8492 Yes, I always did too. But, I finally learned that it's not okay if it hurts someone even if you are joking. And I definitely will tease people too, but there's a huge difference between what I say to people and what these types say.
I do think sometimes we might have been too sensitive to someone's legitimate joke (possibly), but I believe it's because of "taking it" from the abusers too often that causes it.
I'm very sorry you have dealt with this, I know how painful and detrimental it can be.
I personally have attempted to realize most people are probably just trying to be funny or playful, but I'm also trying to be determined to make it absolutely clear that I will not deal with the other stuff.
Yikes, that sounds rough. While my dad didn't do this, that sounds all too familiar from the days I was bullied. Jokes are meant to be funny, but they can also be weaponized (done at the expense of someone) - Basically I think the line between a joke and trying to use humor to camouflage taking a stab at someone/some folk is that even if someone doesn't get the joke they won't feel offended, hurt, or attacked by it. And when the eventual misfire does happen, realizing that someone was hurt by it and apologizing to make up for the blunder. Using "it's just a joke" or "you just don't get it" is not a valid defense if one causes hurt to another, as that is the time to apologize and start to examine if maybe the "ultra edgy humor" isn't really very good to begin with...though that said there are also those who treat any joke they don't get as evil incarnate (IE: Even a harmless knock knock- joke can make them flip out), so it's a bit of a game of spot the context, potential subtext, and all that.
@@videocrowsnest5251 I agree, there are definitely people who are overly offended by everything and that's what people like my dad was exploit and make you feel like that's what you are doing. My dad would say something very hateful and if you cried or got upset he would get all kinds of angry and start shaming you for your reaction or accuse you of "turning on the waterworks" to manipulate others. It was very very difficult to be verbally abused and then be shamed and ridiculed for it and made to feel like you are the problem. I didn't fully realize what was happening for many years, so I wanted to share it in case others were dealing with it and didn't fully comprehend what was happening.
My mother does this too and says I can't take a joke. Some jokes are not funny.
My mother was like this after her divorce. I'd always devot my time to helping her feel better about absolutely anything. But I never received the same, and after some time, I realised that no one else did either. She was the "victim".
She made me feel insane and very depressed. To this day I still find myself occasionally defending her actions towards me.
To anyone who is reading this, just know that I'll be here to talk anytime, and that you're not alone. :)
With this information I will be able to overcome the worst gaslighting I've been through. Thanks hope you make money
Narcissism is the new pandemic. Once you confront them, even gently they turn it around on you. Frustrating to deal with them so let them go. They have a personality disorder. These disorders like sociopathy are not easy at all to help.Better just to save yourself. I am writibg a book about my personal experiences with a variety of mental health disorders I have encoutered. Hope to have the book out soon.
Dr Ramani says never confront them. I have and I regret it.
I'm starting to believe they are demon possessed 😭..
@@susanrhodes5681 You can, but it is how you confront them. I firewall them instead. If you allow your anger or emotions to get the best of you, then they wiil project out their narcissitic percieved injury out at you and it becomes bad for you, very abusive. I rather block them or run from them. If you absolutely have to engage them then do not. Your ego is stronger than their put . downs. In addition no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Remember, they are sick.
@@margaretboehm4485 I have NPD and ASPD and I’m not possessed
Maybe being spoiled and without morals in a modern society can be a mental disorder too??
The scary thing is, I recognize all of these. Confession: I was abused by my stepmother for years as a little girl. Most of it was gaslighting. Everytime I tried to tell someone what was going on, I was shut down as an 'oversenstive drama queen'. I couldn't even tell my own father. It wasn't until I went to cadet camp that I realized I wasn't crazy or oversensitive. For the first time, I was free. Years later and my stepmother long gone, I'm still learning to trust my own judgement. If I think something is wrong, it probably is.
I do apologize, I just felt the need to tell my story, lol
You don't have to apologize for telling your story, or for anything. We who have been abused always feel like we have to apologize for no reason. Telling your story is helping others. Thank you for telling it. 💙
I was raised by a narcissistic mother who chronically exaggerated almost everything just short of fabrication. It got old quickly but that didn't change her behavior. "Gaslighter" sounds like another term for "narcissist". Either way they're never wrong, it's always someone else's fault.
My brother is a narcissist and everything out of his mouth is manipulative, and they swear they are the ones being gaslighted 🙄
My mother too
my mother too..so very toxic...takes years to heal..and my mother will never admit value or even listen when I say how I feel..she'll throw a fit and tell my family I'm bullying her....there no point I gave up long ago on having more than just a surface civil relationship with her and even that's hard cause she constantly insults me and belittles my accomplishments..it's so weird when it's you own mom smh
@@melissag8270 They play the "victim card" to the hilt.
@@brittanyfoxxx1558 I think it's important for your mental and physical health to put as much distance as possible between yourself and your mother. You can't begin to heal from her past abuse if you're still being abused in the present. I cut off all communication (for years) because my mental health was more important than trying to be "the good son" and failing anyway. Narcissists are master game players, it takes awhile to figure them out, but once you do you have truth and experience on your side and know how to recognize and side-step their bullshit. It's like being a tracker knowing where the traps are laid and avoiding them.
Yes I have been gaslighted multiple times I didn't know what to do but thank to you so much for helping me realize that I'm not in the wrong they're the ones that are in the wrong it's not me it's them thank you God bless you amen God loves you amen
Me at the corner : *Saying all the problems*
My brain : What am I talking
EVERYTIME
Another phrase I heard after saying I had a gut feeling.
“Well your feeling is off.”
Yes. Like when I explain how I feel and why do I feel I shouldn't trust them and they say "well you maybe feel that way but you are just wrong" and put the end of conversation. After that I am not left with anything else to say. Of course, in the end turned out I was right. What's hurting the most is that he doesn't seem to have a shred of shame in his eyes, like he done nothing wrong lying me so much, like he doesn't feel quilt at all. I can't understand people like that 😢
@@lucyk2634 He doesn’t feel anything because he lacks reason and empathy. Possibly a sociopath. Which is honestly a deal breaker for a lot of people. Is this someone you are currently dating or otherwise?
@@lucyk2634 idk if you are familiar with the crappy childhood fairy on yt, but she states that for abused kids, they can grow up with faulty 'gut feelings'. This can be really frustrating as I was just learning to trust my guts when now i hear my guts are somehow broken...
@@jclandry6933 no, I broke up with him. He was the second men I ever loved. But do you really love someone if you don't know what was the truth and what wasn't?
@@bernadette573 it doesn't have to be that case for you, it's not that simple. And also for seemingly complete mentally healthy person it doesn't mean their gut feeling is not broken. You should definitely learn to trust it, to hear it, and after a while you will see if it's broken or not.
Also with time you can fine tune it and fix it. Believe me, brain is miraculous, it can be redefined over and over again.
I’d disagree with some of them:
1: You might not have idea what they’re referring too. Especially if their accusations are incorrect.
3: I’ve had people try to tell me something different and I’ve responded that wasn’t the outcome. It wasn’t gaslighting. It was calling them on their BS.
Yes, I have had that happen. I say I have no idea what they are talking about because I truly don't know what they are talking about. Like are they referencing gossip or 180 degrees misunderstand something?
Yes, I can imagine someone who gets upset over nothing, who is overly emotional who has a partner who says these things. They watch this video, and become convinced that their partner is 'gaslighting.' So now, the normal partner has to hear accusations of gaslighting along with all the other emotional overreactions.
I agree with your statements, however the video did although not very clearly and not with the emphasis needed on it, the gaslighter's cumulative responses/lack of responses, is how you can tell the difference. Your intution/body (things everyone has regardless of gender) knows and will let you know but sadly, conditioning has taught us to ignore our inner guidance.
Exactly!! Ill call people out on their bs and then am accused of gaslighting. Um, no. I’m telling you exactly what I just observed... I’ll even share proof (screenshots and such) and still they say I’m manipulating what they said/wrote. Um, no honey try again
This is what I was thinking on some of these. Someone close to me twists words and blames a lot on others. I feel they might have borderline personality disorder (symptoms are there). I can prove that person I did not text this or that, and others who were in the conversations can prove words were twisted by that person. Even their therapist says they are the most extreme case the therapist has dealt with (talking about this person's perceptions). So, I think understanding these gaslighting sayings are good for the right circumstances. Understanding the patterns.
The more challenging: they play it off very well and cover it up "I think you need help, I'm very concerned about you" this is a passive way as the second part is used to take away the attention from the first part.
People who gaslight will tell you that YOU need the help but deny they need the help. And the person who initially didn't need therapy ends up going thru intense therapy while the person gaslighting stays in denial of themselves. They have a hollow core and come off very kind hearted. Stay away from these people.
Favorite line was always: "How much do you love me?" And then telling you to do something for them.
This implies no one is ever 'overly sensitive'.
We all know better.
I think the sign off should be, “if you can afford it, find a therapist to help you evaluate any relationships you feel are not working.” Too many people get slapped with a narcissist/gaslighting label when it’s really just a piss poor communication style (between both parties) that needs to be interrupted.
There are no universal lines drawn between too sensitive and too insensitive. What's usually missing is respect for the fact that we all have different perceptions; no one is "right" and if we want relationships worth having we better be willing to listen.
@@juju1896 um... whut?
that is a lot of words to say no one is ever wrong.
If I open a door for a women carrying an armload of packages and she screams at me about it (yep, this has happened), then I think it is safe to say she is overly senstive.
So, while your comment makes an effort to excuse everyong, it is egregiously and demonstratively wrong.
My entire childhood family always told me “don’t be so sensitive”. I’m glad I have nothing to do with them and glad my SO is my support system ❤️
This helped me realize the person I’m
With has been doing this to me for a while now and it made me feel like I’m
Crazy when I had evidence of each time they would try to switch up the story. Thank you for the wake up call.
This channel understands me a lot-
We're happy to help! Have you heard any of these phrases?
@@Psych2go I say them :)
@@kunindavual edgy moment
dreamnotfound, wow i met another shipper
@@Psych2go I have heard it from many of my friends "who are not really FRIENDS now"
This is definitely my dad. He sees nothing wrong in what he does and what he's been doing. He flips situations onto us and doesn't blame himself. I can't even talk to my friends around him. He'll say "they're more important? Why is it easier to talk to them than me?" It's so physically and mentally draining. Even my grades are falling behind because of online school and when I try talking to him, he thinks it's because of the phone or that I'm always playing games. I've never struggled with school before, so he should know that something is wrong. Yet he says "don't blame me" "I never had to do make-up work for school" "I even got a scholarship". He says he's taken care of me since I was little, but now I'm older and he's treating me like I'm suddenly an adult, I'm 17.
Are you ok? How are things going for you?
My dad HATED me. Plain and simple
Hey hang in there and be strong, mentally you have to be strong, this won't be like this forever. You got a scholarship good for you. Your dad sounds afraid. My husband used to be like that with my kids, and I have taught them to be mentally strong and along the way I have told him some home truths, like the kids are not going to be here forever, over time he had listened. But you have to dig deep and be mentally strong my friend. Good luck.
If I were you I'd focus on my success with whatever means possible in order to leave home ASAP.
I know you have hope of things changing, getting better, your Dad understanding you and so on. But it won't happen. And the more you sit there the more you're gonna deal with stuff you can't fix and it's gonna drive you mad. I'm telling you man, I'm 30, back to my parents house for a year because of corona and my bpd and depression came back because of the same issues You are having. Can't wait to leave again. Don't get me wrong tho.
They love you and you boy love them back as much as you can. But the truth and fact is they don't know what's best for you but yet try to mold you they way THEY think it's best.
Keep all the good lessons and get out of there while you're still mentally healthy because is all downhill after adolescence. Visit as often as you like but make sure you have a place of your own. The furthest the better.
Edit: People, like birds, are meant to leave their nests, explore and migrate. People who stay forever in one place swim in dirty stagnant waters and drown in drama.
I wish I knew that earlier.
All the best.
@@idekanymore8361 I guess I'm fine. This weekend was good surprisingly. I'm really trying to take care of myself more
My friends or now just people used to gaslight me and it brought me down so much
I feel like we all gaslight to a certain extent. Most people are guilty of it. most people say in the heat of an argument “what are you talking about” or “why are you mad” “Why you offended” or “no that’s not what happened.” Most people say these things and u are kidding yourself if you don’t think that’s what happens.
But there is a big difference between that, compared to someone gaslighting/abusing you on purpose, as a constant thing,over and over again for extended period of time.
In November, I'll be married 25 years and just learned that I've been gaslite my whole marriage. Omg, this video is as if you've been listening all this time!
I heard several of these phrases. I stood my ground, said my piece and walked away from the relationship, or, if there’s a need to deal with these individuals, i keep distance.
Another phrase that’s becoming more common: “YOU are the one gaslighting ME!” 😩
A problem I had listening to these, besides the obvious personal experiences with gaslighting, is that i've been involved in instances where someone was blatantly in the wrong/omitting things in their favor/outright shifting the blame to other people when there's proof to the contrary but then fall back on "oh you're gaslighting me how dare you" as their only defense when called out on their manipulation.
What if it's true??
@Anonymous sounds like a right prick
"Gaslighting doesn't exist, you made it up because your crazy!"
@@danieldees9686 "witch hunt," "Russia, Russia, Russia", "fake news", "they are trying to steal your vote", "they are coming to get you". "I did nothing wrong."
“It’s YOU that’s the problem, not anyone else.”
I always get told this by my mum. I’m turning 26 next week and I’m only now finding out that my perfect mother has probably gaslit me all these years
Jesus loving Christ, that one boils my piss! 😤
I've heard this for many years
My dad says a lot of these phrases. He has always called me too sensitive when I call him out. And whenever I tell him how he has hurt me, he starts talking about how I’m to blame for us never talking because I don’t call. I don’t call because he’s a prick. And the phone works both ways.
I want to make things work, but I need to call him out on his bs and stand my ground. Last time he said I was being too sensitive, I told him “or, you’re being insensitive”.
I told him I want to set boundaries with him, and he seemed reluctant, but I stood my ground on it. He tried saying “they’re just words”, but I said “yeah, and they’re our main way of communicating with others how we feel.”
I’m gonna try my best to make our relationship work, but I refuse to let him make me feel small anymore.
I relate a lot on the "you're being too emotional/you're overreacting " because my ex often said these things to me and i was always left wondering what i did wrong ,blaming me for almost everything.
My ex did the same. After he beat the crap out of me it was if you hadn't done this and this or that or that, I wouldn't have hit you.
And I NEVER got an apology. EVER
It's really sad that I never realized I was being gaslighted until now really. I'm sorry for anyone who has ever experienced gaslighting and anything worse. I hope whoever reads this comment will be able to get out of whatever abuse they are in.
My ass over explaining everything, it’s like people who gaslight people mainly gaslight people with anxiety. 😭😭😭-crying
Exactly. My ex used to do this, I had severe anxiety with no self-esteem so I believed I'm the one who is acting weird. Which in return caused more anxiety.
That's probably what caused your anxiety honestly
@@LOGIBEAR01 I'm sure but some people do feed off your anxiety to control you
Sociopath and narcissist are the Worst !!!
This was the first sign that I was being gaslighted. It's like I had to over explain and voice all of my actions out loud, so as to not give this person the 'wrong idea' and set them off.
Honestly, it was the biggest first sign.