A funny anecdote from my uncle. He got a pharmacy degree right after the war when it was a regular undergrad one. He was a successful commercial pharmacist for 50-60 years. He jokes that he'd never be able to pass current pharmacy school.
It's so rare in the self-help space that someone actually acknowledges the reality of the changing world rather than lie to you about what you have power over.
I am single, have no kids, and no pets. I have set my life up this way specifically because I knew 30 years ago that I would NEVER be able to meet the demands of caring for children, attending to my spouse, looking after a pet, AND working, cooking, cleaning etc., etc. Life is absolutely overwhelming, and I will never understand how anyone manages it, especially with the added responsibility of kids, a partner and pets. Blows my mind.
"How do normal humans do it all?" Normal humans don't. Exceptional people do it all and then apply their standards to everyone else because they mistakenly believe that they are the "average" when they aren't. Life is hard by default. People have to learn and be taught how to make it be easy.
Well also, normal humans who look like they're doing it all decide where they're happy not to be doing it all. I've never met anyone who actually thinks they are "doing it all" successfully.
Also they are not do it all themselves , They have pepole that help them , family members , hired pepole , in general nobody is surviving completely alone
This sort of ridiculous grind is why advances in technology to 'make things easier' concern me. Any advance in tech that will 'free up' time will result in people expecting you to work during that free time. Like using self-driving cars means we'll be stuck in phone meetings on the commute to and from work. It's horrifying and has to stop somewhere.
Any profits from increased efficiencies are passed onto upper management. The system is designed to drain workers as much as possible without completely breaking (all of) them.
@@RialuCaos It could be, but I believe it's really just the result of an imbalance of bargaining power between workers and employers. This is, however, the nature of employment as it's structured. Those who seek will always have less power than those who don't.
Not to mention that as things become more automated, they replace working people, thus making already hard and costly living even harder since you need to compete with more people in fewer work spaces
People bring in machines, it gets easier, they have a sadistic, fascist mindset (Like Henry Ford, conservative phisophers like Burke, etc) and they are now mad or jealous of their 'having it easy' workers, who, it must be emphasized, have never had anything easy ever and never will, then they whip the workers twice as hard to compete with machines and automation. it's SO f'ed up and entirely the fault of the humans in control, it has nothing to do with automation or 'losing jobs' even one iota. Purely a solvable, moral-decay (And/or base human morality) problem.
Advances in technology only concern me because humans LOVE making their lives and the lives of others more difficult. It simply baffles me how with so much progression, we are still stuck with the work ethic of the 1960s. We are so far ahead technology, yet lacking extremely on a social level and it's so frustrating
I remember reading a text in university about the creator of frequency modulation who said he couldn't have had the idea if it wasn't for the fact that computers back then took forever to process anything and he had nothing to do in the mean time but to think about random stuff. This really put in perspective what my teachers were expecting of us and the speed at which they were expecting us to come up with the same level of ingenuity even though we live in a world with constant noise, constant demands, constant stimulations...
Exactly, having any sort of thought of ingenuity requires a lot of time, quiet, and focus which is harder and harder to come by. Sometimes I find myself playing the most mindless games just to take a break.
This is very important. Letting the mind wander is how creativity arises, and with all the constant stimulation we receive every day I feel like most people don’t ever get moments like these anymore
Committees of idiots in charge demand everything and understand nothing. Ingenuity requiring free time has been known for a long time and yet the standard is to expect both ingenuity and hyperproductivity.
It's a faulty assumption that more thinking = better ideas when it's actually the opposite to a certain extent. A mind that's always busy has no room to create.
Dr K: There is a voice inside of you that has been squashed... Listen to that voice. The Voice: FUCK IT ALL! BURN IT ALL DOWN! SET THE WORLD ON FIRE! Me: I don't know doc... Maybe it should stay squashed after all.
"I'm gonna burn it all down today, down today, okay" - The Mountain Goats, Going Invisible 2. My favorite Mountain Goats song, and for a guy who writes music you can feel in your guts, maybe the most accessible and universal thing John has ever written.
Its disgusting listening and reading people acussing others of being lazy for feeling completely drained after 2 hours of public transport + 8 of work. Free time and hobbys are now an exception when it must be a necessity.
absolutely this. Our social experience is suffering, theres no sense of community, there's no "Third Space" anymore. Third spaces like hobbies and hangout bars and such is where relationships and friendships used to develop and happen, being outside of work and home. but in this era where 9-5s are hard to find and jobs have to be open 7 days a week to claim the money of the 9-5s . Dating websites take the place of the third space. the internet, social media, all your friendships are log on and off between busy shifts. its difficult as instead of realizing its unhealthy we've developed convenient online dating, internet friendships, all of this to fill in the gaps left over by overloaded work schedules cause god forbid me and someone find a day when we both have off and arent worn out and catching up to other errands. much easier to log on and reply to some messages right? terminally online is a symptom, not a cause of the current climate.
Literally every person I know like this in real life has a source of passive income and works waaay less than the ppl around them. And when it's pointed out to them they make this big show about how they worked hard to earn the right to do that (they didn't, everyone who i know that's like this either inherited it or had parents rich enough to sustain them while their side gig took of) maybe I'm looking at this from too personal of a standpoint but these ppl love to shame others for not working hard enough whilst really not working very hard themselves and going on CONSTANT vacations. Ironic.
Okay, so... I'm a person with disabilities. Just meeting basic needs is something that takes all of my time and energy. The only reason I can survive and work a job to pay for my expenses (mostly medical) is because I have family support. What if I didn't have family support? What are those people supposed to do? Jump off a bridge? It seems that these days, the only people that are allowed to survive are those that are fittest. shouldn't we have moved past this as a society by now? This is the real question that needs answering.
I can’t think of a time that solitary humans thrived. We’ve always done great things as humans when we come together as a community, and it’s the exception rather than the rule that people go about life alone successfully.
@@JoshuaValerio And yet we're basically expected to survive with no personal help. Sure, it's not like people are expected to live in a hut in the woods on our own survival skills or anything. But to have anything, you need to have money first. A home? Money. Medical care? Money. Food? Money. If you don't have an income source, you're basically told by society to fuck off and die. Like I said, I'm only able to get my society-mandated 8 hours a day in because I have family support with other basic needs. If I didn't have that support, I would have no money, therefore, dead. I wonder how many people like me were out there that don't exist anymore because their family didn't care about them. Family is way too much of a dice roll to rely on on a systemic level.
To answer your question, yes. I have often wanted to jump off a building. I have a disability and I don’t have support other than from my partner (thank goodness I have him). It regularly makes me suicidal. I’ve had to crush my own hopes and dreams because I will never achieve them because I can’t even do the basics of getting to medical appointments. My view is that a society should be a collective community that pays taxes to ensure people don’t fall through the cracks, but the system is not built that way. It is built to enrich the few at the expense of the many, and if a few feeble ones fall by the wayside, so be it.
@@ash-is-napping I'm sorry you're in this position. I wish that the taxes I pay would go to helping people like you, like you said. Unfortunately, most people care more about judging whether or not people are "worthy" of help rather than just giving them what they need, even when those needs re incredibly basic.
Any boss that thinks that minimum wage when they were entering the workforce is comparable to minimum wage today is legitmately too stupid to be qualified to manage houseplants, let alone workers.
These people don't want to be bosses or managers because they want to run a successful business that gives opportunities to its workers. They want as much money for as little effort as possible. An alarming amount of "bosses" here in my country have barely finished high school, some don't even have that on them. But they got to the position of boss or manager because of nepotism. But you can bet your ass they'll throw a hissy fit everytime you can't work overtime when they want you to and accuse you of being lazy despite not being there half the time themselves.
Uh, I don’t really know how to tell ya that. But you don’t need to be an expert in American economics to understand how to run your own business. Being a manager has nothing to do with that.
I have a bachelors in engineering and I've been applying to engineering entry level positions for 5 months now (90 tailored applications with cover letters, 7 different companies interviewed me in multiple rounds and all rejections). I was told to have my resume and CV checked and I improved it. I was told to improve my interviewing skills so I did. I was told I picked the wrong major, arent applying to enough jobs, needs to get a higher degree, should apply for internships as well, should not apply for internships because I have enough under my belt or should not get a higher degree because there's no guarantee of a job, etc. What the hell am I supposed to do? Everyone's said my resume looks good but they want a more experienced person for a job position that says no experience required. The job market is absurd and I constantly feel gas lighted into believing its my fault and I'm not trying hard enough when I worked hard in my undergrad, have a good GPA, have done internships, have worked under professors, but don't have contacts in industry. They don't teach all the skills in academia that I need for industry and every option I can take from here on is a gamble.
it's not your fault. i've also been applying for 6 years. i've sent more applications than i could bother to remember. i received very few calls for interviews, and no job offers. unless a well-connected person helps you out, then it's just a matter of luck. don't beat yourself up for it. i've even paid a pro cv writer to re-work my resume and cover letter to no avail. your lucky break will come soon :))
I think the problem is the people giving this advice actually have no clue what it takes to get started in any industry these days. They have no idea how to prepare the next generation to take over. A lot of them were able to mature in their fields at roughly the same pace as the fields themselves and are now applying the standards that got them hired to you, when the real standards are so much higher now. You weren't adequately prepared by the nature of the system and that's not your fault. I think the previous generation's attitude can be summed up as, "Fuck you, I got mine."
Went through the same thing. You need some kind of experience to stand out among other recent grads. Maybe try a small, local job that is relevant to your field, then use that as a stepping stone to something better.
"How does the basic human do it all?" We don't... We just pretend this is a sustainable system while people work themselves to death and depression rates rise.
Yeah it's really weird that (Mostly) nobody talks about it. The average person (in America at least) can't live without 40-50 hours a week or multiple jobs. The cost of living is insane
@@littlekitsune1 Right? Pretty soon people aren't going to be able to feed their families, I know people who already have to sacrifice some bills to do so.
I was studying political science and eventually dropped out because I realized I was paying all this money for a career path I'd be poor in, when I could just be poor for free
In one of my favourite story arcs for The Good Place, (spoilers), it is determined that life is so complicated that it is impossible for any human to get into Heaven due to the consequences of every decision they make. ie; They were considered to be a good person for buying their mom flowers on Mother's Day. But then the ethics of the flower shop owner, the carbon costs of the store to ship in the flowers, etc, the one good deed was a net loss in terms of "good points". And the Afterlife Judge blaimed humans for not spending their whole day researching the rammifications of each and every choice they made. (The Good Place is a comedy, btw)
“What matters isn’t if people are good or bad. What matters is, if they’re trying to be better today than they were yesterday. You asked me where my hope comes from? That’s my answer.” - Michael the demon.
And then the Judge decides to hang out on Earth for a bit and comes back and is like, “I literally couldn’t even buy an ethical tomato wtf this system is rigged” 😆 this show is so brilliant.
People often forget how many things need to be in place before you can actually do something. For example, going to the gym. In order to go to the gym, you first need to be able to pay for it. Which means you need to have a job. Which means you have to have a residence. Depending on where the job is, you need adequate transportation. If it’s a car, you need car insurance (depending on the state). Along with all this, you have to make sure you have money for food, gas, rent, water, electricity, etc. THEN you can worry about buying a gym membership. Being “healthy” or doing these things alone is not hard. Doing ALL of these things at the same time and finding a balance IS very hard.
I 100% agree with you but also have a very important counter point. “Going to the gym” isn’t really the goal for most people. There are tons of free body weight exercises you can do at home or in the park or in a homeless shelter. It costs no money to develop a stronger body and a better connection with your body. So the battle is more about dominion over your own mind than buying into goals prescribed to you by society, aka “go to the gym.” Still not easy, but a whole different ball game.
Bro I, and I'm sure many, flat out GAVE UP when I saw how quickly programming requirements and other software engineer requirements were mounting up as I was just starting out in like 2009. It seemed like my goal one month was "Just get through school" then a few months later it was "Get through school with a project" then "School, and a SUCCESSFUL project on the market" then "School, my own successful project, a portfolio of client work, and 5-6 certs." and it never seemed to be slowing down so I just said F it. I have dyscalculia and ADHD, getting a basic proficiency was gonna be a humongous hurdle and all for, what, so I can slum it in the dregs and make entry level salary forever? When otherwise I can focus on the startup I already work for and advance within, it just seemed like an idiot or work no-lifer would choose to continue on. Sorry, but you're never ever going to get me to agree to just work 12 hours a day for ANY salary. Even 10 million dollars. It's just impossible. And honestly that's what I'm worried about. When the parameters to get in are so complex and expecting slave-like devotion, I firmly believe only stupid and/or already rich people keep going. There's going to be a brain drain of gifted kids with slight 'differences' exiting the work force and it's going to be replaced by silver spoon chuds and people are described as "Well, he's just so... hard working" charitably by their employers. I was a manager in that start-up for a while and I can see that the resume we're getting, even though they're 10x as many and more 'credentials' than ever are no longer interesting, well formed, problem solvers. It's yes men and temporarily embarrassed 'entrepreneurs' who come and go at a rapid pace all while complaining about how 'cheap' everything is when really they just can't understand enterprise software.
Being an "employee" just isn't it anymore. -pay more in taxes -no inflation adjusted raises -inflation via experience/requirements just to get the job -can fire you whenever they want -hours can be cut whenever they want -politics/nepotism -have to underpay you to be "profitable" -work hard in a potentially bad environment that will never be fixed meanwhile your boss and shareholders get all the money/bonuses Gotta start being your own boss.
A lot of people have realized this which has exacerbated the job requirement inflation for desirable jobs and has exacerbated the work shortage in other areas where the cost/benefit/stress/low status increasingly isn't worth it. Why work retail when you have a Black Friday workload every week or a restaurant job where its dinner rush levels of output for 20-50 hours a week (which is variable and often unpredictable)? Problem turns out is that the world really can't run super effectively if everyone is a 'boss' (management) and no one is doing the underlying frontline work than actually generates the economic value.
@@thaswasup so unless you plan on doing absolutely everything yourself(which no functioning boss i know ever does or preaches) how fo you plan on getting anything done to turn a profit or make your endeavor worth it?
@@TheGreektrojan With that type of thinking, companies like Uber would have never been started. Its still frontline work that is technically you being your own boss. even if its in a smaller capacity.
i heard a few times from older ppl that as long as you brought your own tools you could walk into any construction place and you were hired now you need 10 years of experience from something that only started this year
Honestly I think the problem is “recruiting” as a job and an industry. Recruiters should not be a thing. The whole supposed reason we pay managers more is their expertise in forging the right team and maximizing efficiency. But now recruiters who know NOTHING about the job are in charge of looking for candidates and screening them. It’s absurd. Recruiters are worse than consultants (see John Oliver special on consultants.)
I feel like this all the time. I just don’t understand it. Where did all the school years go? They didn’t teach me anything about what I have to do, what I need to know, how to be a person etc. All they taught me, was the fact that I physically and mentally, cannot study anything in that ancient school formula. It taught me about my social anxiety, and why I must take anti-depressants every day. (I’ve stopped since) Everything was forced. And now I’m having to force myself to live, because that’s all I’ve ever been taught how to do.
I felt like that for most of high school, it’s a miracle I didn’t fail any classes. Living was just soo exhausting. I’m in my fifth year in college now, life is still tiring but I have more energy to do my hobbies and have small-ish social life. It’s been tough getting here though. I remember the year I started working myself to get better was the most exhausting one to this date but it was worth it. I still work on myself but not as much.
when people told me "you're lucky..." I hate it. It's like they "rejected my efforts". I used to think this world is too demanding, I don't want to live anymore. But now I'd say I don't care anymore, I'll do whatever I wanted and if I die because I failed then so be it. I'd rather die trying than live misrably in "good life".
It makes sense why mental health gets so much better with a 4 or 3 day work week. With grueling work hours there’s hardly enough time to care for yourself to recover from the time spent making someone else richer.
42% rule has saved my life. Of the 24 hours in a day, 10 are spent resting, as in pure rest. 7h sleep, 1h meditate, 2h of pure mindfulness. I'm a PhD student, an MMA athlete, and performance artist, but I set a hard boundary on my rest time. Nothing is allowed to take away my rest time.
Yes, life feels so demanding. When I think of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, I feel like I have to do all of them at once. I end up having to settle with meeting my base needs because I'm finally tackling trauma from when I was younger and understanding how my past is shaping my present. I just kept downplaying it and being hard on myself for having a MSW but not being where I'm "supposed to be". I feel insecure on LinkedIn because I keep seeing old colleagues with lots of titles and accomplishments. There's this pressure I put on myself to be like them, but I've had a lot stacked against me that resulted in a different outcome than them. I'm trying to give myself grace for where I am considering my back injury and how inaccessible jobs are, but I still blame myself. My therapist is going to integrate the IFS (internal family systems) model into our sessions. I think that may help me have a different relationship with myself. I guess time will tell.
Same, even though I like the fact that we've did so much and discovered so much, we just keep on getting further and further from life itself? It's as if I don't have a right to basic needs, I'm not antiwork at all, I think humans need to have something challenging but when that work isn't even enough to let me live, it makes me think if we really are doing something right at all.
Overwhelm is something i've greatly struggled with over the past year and what i've learned is prioritizing tasks stands paramount to anything. Determine what is the most important and don't let menial tasks distract you or take away too much of your energy. Ask yourself: do I need to do this and if so, is this more important than my homework at this moment? Setting goalposts for your work helps balance tasks as well
Same for me rn. I have have 80$ worth of computer parts to send back but to much on my plate. And I would rather risk not being able to return it, or having a more tedious process then cutting what little time I have rn.
Yeah, my friends struggle with this a lot. They're so overwhelmed by things that don't matter towards their real goals that they never have the mental clarity to pursue the things they actually want to do. Meditation can help you find out what those things are, it's helped me a lot.
I haven't found better meditations yet and i've paid for 2 different apps and tried the free ones as well. And don't even get me started on all the shitty meditations on youtube
Thanks Dr. K for the dinner date. My dinner for one just become dinner for two - totally felt like the conversations I'd have with friends at uni in the early 2000s over breaks/lunch/dinner. Things seem too fast paced for that now. I've been out of the system for many years now, living isolated healing from severe anxiety and trauma. I'm just starting to get my focus back, my sense of self (for the first time in my life). I'm 44 as of last week. Last time I checked in on the world was 2004 (before the biggest trauma occurred). It's been unbelievable to check in on the world again to see how things are going. Sooo many failed dates/interactions with men, with friends, with neighbours, with how things are in life, it's a mess. It's a big mess. I've done exactly what he's said in the video. I feel super lucky. I've never really had a chance to grow proud of myself for something, for no other reason than I feel proud, and I feel a connection and fulfilment and strength from the thing I'm interested in. I found that thing, I have a plan. It will happen. I dearly love geology, like adore it. I had no idea until about a month ago when I discovered the Bian stone. It's from a meteor. After clearing away the pain, being compassionate and kind toward myself and finally finally feeling like the genuine gentle shy me can emerge, the one whose favourite activity as a child was sitting on on the back step in the sun at the edge of the unmowed 2 inch long grass when no one was home. Mmmm, back step, I miss you. My other favourite thing, was the 3 massive rocks my 'parents' brought home from somewhere along the coast. Smooth, speckled, round, very heavy, I would find myself touching them, feeling like 'I liked them'. Never, ever, ever would I have thought this was the thing that I'd feel strength and supported by. I've looked into studies, it'll be a miracle (where to attend, what's involved). I'll have to be strong - I'm not under 25. But, I know the academic drill, I know how studies are written, I know the quirky characters, personalities, fundamentals of study design and statistics, the flow of uni. I went to Crèche at a university - as soon as I turned 16 and my 'mother' had a library card, I'd go to the university to get books - I felt home there. I loved libraries. So quiet, so undisturbed, so logical, I love finding books, the dewey system, the whole 'treasure trove' of what's available. None of this, I'd have ever thought would interest me, unless I'd become quiet for a very long time. It was literally the most shy part of myself that I'd never heard before that has this interest. I was so confused and frustrated for so many years. The pain was masking this, I needed to heal gently and quietly. Most people like me go into healing. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. I don't want to help people. I want to help the rocks. I'm going to be the expert on that - 'what do you want to do?'... 'ok, here are the considerations...'. I will specialise in meteors. Sharing to encourage others to spend time with yourself and see what your most gentle self likes. Like secretly likes. I want a home filled with rocks from all over the world with stories to tell of how they formed and how they were shaped. A life lived alone or with someone, I know I'll be happy doing that.
@@Keith_Furtado I'm so happy someone replied and my comment was read and liked it appears. Thank you again, really :) These are my private thoughts I don't share with anyone (I know). Safer with 'strangers' as it's neutral and I can always (though haven't yet in the months I've been commenting) remove the comment if it's too much.
Beautiful comment, Heidi! You should consider writing about said rocks too, if you like that, because you have a lovely way with words! Wish you the best! 😊
I think this is why healthygamergg is so successful - they take AoE healing seriously. Everyone has these thoughts, but traditional therapy and self help hyper focuses on specific issues. It's harder to tackle individual issues, but systemic issues affect everyone! Challenge those, and you really do help society.
I'm 19:00 in right now. My ACTUAL weight loss motivation came from me. I didn't care enough about judgement, or embarassment, or aesthetics, etc. But, I went on a hike (which I used to enjoy doing, but I'd gone from chubby but actually decently well conditioned, to fat and out of shape), and I literally couldn't finish. My lungs were on fire and my legs had turned to jello part way through and I was like "Welp, this shit's gotta change". So I 100% got into shape so that I could enjoy the physical activities I had previously enjoyed. The aesthetics were more of a side benefit than actual motivation. Although, the real side benefit was just feeling better about myself and more comfortable in my own skin. But yeah, the motivation was all for my own internal desires, for whatever that's worth.
This is the topic that still riles me the f up, because either I don't understand something or Dr.K misses one key point. Sure, it's true that we should connect with ourselves and avoid being molded into something else but the last question that was asked in this vid is waaaaay more important than people think. You might know who you want to be and what you want to achieve but the whole point of why this is a problem is because the world DOESN'T give a shit about that and that affects the outcome whether you like it or not. This whole "Find yourself" thing only works in a world where you're actually allowed to do that and most people do NOT have this privilege. You either do things you're told or you start losing your job, your connections, health etc etc. and that's not YOUR choice.
That's why being a born again Christian get kinda popular nowadays. It's much easier to achieve your life goal if your life goal is to be close to God than to own a house or get a good job.
Haven't even watched the vid yet and i wholeheartedly agree with this comment. I know exactly the kind of life that suits me best, it looks like a part-time job that allows me pay my bills, lots of time outdoors and in nature and the ability to prioritise my physical health. Unfortunately I live in a fully failing 3rd world country which means none of these things are even remotely possible for me there, which means I need to leave which requires a ridiculous amount of money so I have to keep killing myself at my ft job and even start to take on more work on the side. I'm completely burnt out in my ft job not because the job is bad (I quite like it actually), but because I am EXHAUSTED and I've been exhausted since I started my career. Then all the other things that are supposed to give you energy - exercise, sleeping well, being around your communtity are even harder to manage because for you to exercise you need to fuel your body properly which means buying groceries, cooking, cleaning just so that your house is not a mess, trying to maintain relationships bruh how can you do all these things when you don't even have the energy to exist. It's an endless struggle to be a human being man. Lots of rambling but I feel you.
Totally agreed. You can't just go explore new careers at will, do whatever you like, expect to come out great in the end. That's not what the world does. Not how it works. You can take the best of the options you're given - but a lot of people are given *really sh*t options* and you can't fix that with "motivation".
Hard disagree. Yes, all of what you've said is true, but if you don't find yourself and don't be your own best friend and your own biggest supporter, then you're making things harder for yourself for no real reason. Yes, life is hard and unfair, and society is broken and brutal, but it will be that way no matter if you find yourself or not. But if you don't have that safe haven inside you, if you don't have that internal flame of self love and self respect, then you will be stuck in a nightmare both internally and externally, whereas if you find who you are and what you want, you'll _at least_ have a place to take refuge from all this bs that is our world right now.
I graduated in 2013. Even then, entry-level positions for many jobs I applied for had an unreasonable amount of job and experience requirements, and from the sounds of it, it hasn’t changed. I feel for the letter writer on that one.
This is the problem that makes me want to /quit life, when the problem is the world, seems like there's no solution, there's just distractions and copium to make it less shit.
I feel like one of the main underpinnings of the question has been ignored here. It didn't use to be so common for people to live alone and that's probably the main reason why so many of us feel overwhelmed, especially in this economic climate. For example, my parents got each other through school and they managed through by supporting each other. On the other hand, I've been living alone for a while now, I'm heavily depressed and am barely scraping by as half of my revenue pays my rent and the other half pays for food, gas and basic commodities. I can't even afford to buy new shoes or clothing at the moment but I also don't have the energy to cook, clean, train, read and maybe pursue something I enjoy such as photography... let alone dating or having a social life which are two things I've given up on a long time ago. I feel like I only exist to pay my bills and experience stress and depression. The ride never ends.
This is an incredibly good point. Living alone is just straight-up not something humans are designed to do, and it's wildly inefficient to be as atomized as people are these days, e.g. one person can cook a proper meal for 4+ people in about the same time they can cook for only themselves, etc., not to mention the cognitive overhead of having to track, schedule, and manage every small task yourself, instead of being able to work as a group and delegate some of those tasks, where each person for the most part only needs to worry about their own responsibilities. Living in groups is what makes humans OP, and we've systematically stamped that out in modern societies thinking that mass production and market relations will replace it, but they never did.
Industries are maturing. Once upon a time, you could do movie special effects with a pile of clay, a mirror and some weird lens effects. Now you need to be highly proficient in one or more of the most complicated software suites that has ever existed.
That's what it is exactly. The employees and professionals whose careers matured with their industries have been able to keep up with the pace of change, and now entry-level employees are expected to know what they learned over the course of 20 years fresh out of college just to keep up. One of my professors once joked that he saw an entry-level position that required 5 years of experience - in a niche field that hadn't even existed for 2 years! The *founders' of that field weren't even qualified for the job! I think a lot of the problem is HR people involved in hiring who actually know fuck all about the requirements of the positions they post.
„And in the end you don’t know who you are, because you have always moulded yourself after everyone else’s expectations.” Damn. Stop calling me out like that Dr. K.
In case people don't know, the term "tilt" comes from poker. When a poker player gets into a bad headspace, often due to a mistake they've made or poor luck, they begin to make bad decisions, which increases their lose rate. Professional poker players are not only trying to watch themselves to keep from tilting, they are watching other players for signs of tilt which can be leveraged for wins. Some poker players will actually try to get into the head of a tilted player. (This is true of real-life tilting as abusers will leverage this headspace to their advantage.) New and amateur players are more likely to tilt. I've used this term to communicate states of my own mental health and that of my loved ones for many years, ever since I dabbled in poker once back in the mid 00s. It's a great metaphor.
Businesses used to hire people on to "mail room" positions and actually train them up through the positions available in the company. At some point business people gave up on that and threw quality and social responsibility out the window, and now expect fully trained, experienced people to just show up on their doorstep knowing how their particular industry works. AND THEN THEY COMPLAIN THAT NOBODY WANTS TO WORK.
I believe that the world is pretty much competitive right now, even for basic needs, like look at the inflation rates rising but the salaries not so much. Houses and apartments right now are impossible to purchase unless you want to be in the middle of nowhere with almost no job opportunities.
You should read the book Frontal Fatigue: The Impact of Modern Life and Technology on Mental Illness by Mark Rego. He explains some of the impact of modernity on the brain and how we are reaching the limits of human cognitive ability. You didn't address this, but knowing oneself also takes effort and attention. We have limited supply of it, so knowing oneself is simply too difficult for some people if things continue like this.
The secret is we don't do it all. In undergrad I used to really try to do all the readings, but I'm an especially slow reader, so even when I stayed up until 3am every night I still could only finish half of the readings. And I didn't get a job after I graduated. Fast forward 10 years later, I just finished a professional master's program. I never did any of the readings (unless when I need to write a paper on it) and my GPA is higher than during undergrad. I just focused on showing up, turning in assignments on time, and doing projects that build my resume. I get that you can't get away with that in a lot of programs, but the point is, virtually no one actually does everything perfectly. Even people who seem to have a perfect life are half-assing something and get away with it. Prioritize what you really want to do and pick your battles.
All of life’s burden made it essential I build in a routine to handle on the small details. Morning grooming, groceries on a certain day that lasts the week, cooking in bulk, etc. it’s definitely a balancing act and sometimes some things will have to fall to the back burner (sorry social life)
I was thinking about this a day or so ago. I no longer want to be a part of this society. I'm tired of working. Tired of grinding. Tired of competing. I'd just like to build a cabin in the woods and live off the land with my forager husband and a dog 😆 I don’t need any of this.
Ted Kazyncsky predicted that as machines became more sophisticated, humans would also need to become increasingly more specialized and trained. It's why we see that machines are basically not liberating most people from work. If anything people have to work increasingly harder to keep up
Are machines really the problem though? There's plenty of redundancies and inefficiencies in the work we are collectively doing that could add up to a huge difference. Like for example, you know how every once in a while some app or website updates their layout for seemingly no reason, often making it feel worse to use or actually be less functional when it was perfectly fine before? That's because in order for the people behind such changes to keep their job they have to do, well, something, anything. They must look useful to their employee, otherwise why would the employer keep paying them? So there's god knows how many people working on something pointless like this for god knows how long without benefit to society or to themselves aside from the wage. Also some places suffer from the opposite of what you're identifying as a problem - a lack of technology. The one personal experience I've had with this, albeit not the biggest thing I could probably list here but anyway, is in a factory I had an internship in, where they had a lab where they would routinely conduct a number of tests on their products, enter the test data for each product into a spreadsheet on a computer, print that out on paper, carry that paper to an office in the same building, and in that office there was a person who would spend god knows how many hours on the regular putting that data from the paper into a spreadhseet on another computer by hand. The higher-ups could simply decide to connect the two computers via local network or an internet connection which would surely be cheaper than paying someone a wage for years on end, but no, this person just has to waste their time on redundant work and the company their money. Then there's the issue of transportation. We have built society to be so ridiculously car-centric a lot of people can't imagine living without a car. We could invest in public transport, freeing up a lot of space on the streets and reducing fuel, repair and part replacement related work and expenses. It would also come with the benefit of fewer emissions, so it would benefit the climate and we'd have less health issues regarding the unclean city air so many are stuck huffing all day every day, which would also at least slightly reduce the workload on doctors and hospitals. Speaking of health concerns and reducing medical workloads, pharmaceutical companies have far more of a priority on producing treatments, which those who need them need to buy on the regular, rather than cures, which would be bought only once, so this is another thing where medical work could be reduced. And in a similar manner, there's plenty of products that are deliberately made to break after a while so the user has to frequently buy replacements, which means more work in production to keep up with the artificially high demand, and also more work in that a lot of people will try to repair these things that are meant to not last. If you were to actually look for these things, rather than only notice random stuff more or less by accident like I have in what tiny tidbit life experience I have, I'm sure you could find far more and better examples of how much room for optimization there is in our society. Ted Kaboomsky may have had a point, I don't know, but we can still consider some less radical ideas as well.
Even in the NBA everyone has to learn how to shoot 3s; Big men who used to coast on rebounding and defense now have to run plays in transition and defend switches as well. Specialization is affecting everyone
This is what I love about this channel, I can just watch, listen and feel good without doing anything or changing anything about my life. What I am doing is really hard and already enough!
I felt this way for many years; like there were all these boxes to check, otherwise I wasn’t achieving. A lot of that comes from my dad, who told me all my life about doing x, y, or z because it worked for him in, like, the 80s or 90s., and because it worked for HIM, it will work for EVERYONE! 😣 But recently, I thought to myself, “I would rather live a life for myself than by trying to check boxes to please other people. As long as I have myself, my interests, and enough good people who support me and my interests, I don’t need to achieve in the way my slightly narcisstic dad has always told me I should.
Honestly this was cathartic to me, I thought I was the only one that feels like theres a shit ton of responsibilities and must-do now, its exhausting, specially the whole certificate competition going on now, not only do you need the masters but also a shit ton of courses and lots of different certificates
I'm 31. Here's the list of what I have to do daily: 1) Work / look for a job (sometimes both); 2) Study coding (hate it) 3) Produce music (love & hate it) 4) Market music (oh no) 5) Gym (80% hate it) 6) Eat a lot of food (hate it and can barely manage) 7) Meditate (I gave up on doing that) 8) Social life (non-existent) 9) Dating (non-existent, I know exactly how to build it, but it's too much effort) I track what I do, and my average is 4 meaningful activities a day. Given that I had to run from my country and I somehow survive abroad for 2.5 years honestly is amazing. Ngl I think I'm about to have a mental breakdown. P.S. These 16 years of education that I had I think is a massive scam.
I've finally been reaching a point where I don't want to opt out of life. But life is just getting harder and harder and the thoughts are coming back. I'm not sure how much I actually have tethering me to existence anymore.
Taking astronomy as a non-stem never works out. People always think "Hey astronomy, that'll be an easy class for my science credit." Nah bro, just take physics 1.
High school diploma here / early 30s ... I'm a senior DevOps engineer and I'm in the sea of college degrees. Every boss I've had has told me that "college degrees don't matter," but the people without them are becoming less and less within my circle of peers. I think I'm near the end and I may be the last one without any college, but my boss still says it doesn't matter. Smh. Idk how tf anyone could get here.
“College degrees don’t matter but we won’t hire anybody without one” Translation: “They criminalized discrimination, so now we hire privileged people under the pretense that they’re the ones with the (completely unimportant and extremely expensive) degrees.”
At this point it's literally better to just go to work in retail or something than studying for a master's degree that's gives you only minimum wage or not even that but depression.
I think it depends on your personality and what you can handle/cope with. I can do well in customer service sometimes despite being introverted, but I absolutely can't deal with co-workers and being in an office. Being in an office allowed me consistent pay but working my independent contractor job the money is really unpredictable... but I feel way better and less stressed out doing my own gig. I don't like feeling like I was born to be this low-pay, gig driving worker because I'm not cut out for office/white collar work yet I've been told I'm highly intelligent and a great leader/worker, etc. I love my solo job but there's no way on this earth I can make a living on this.
@@deadinside8781 It was a example. I don't live in America but if I would i wouldn't go to college because of the massive debt. If I would live in America I would just go to work and try my luck else where.
Apart from my question, I just wanna say, amazing video. I made a new “Life Changing” playlist with this on it. It just hit me right where I am. It’s the question I haven’t gotten a sufficient answer to until now. How do I solve the problem of life is too hard? This was such a good clip. Thank you so much Dr. K.
You surf it, man. The days pass the same regardless of if you are on 100%, 50% or 0% of your prescribed responsibilities. So do what you can and dont sweat what you cant. Maybe make it a point to eventually be able to complete the cants of the past, gives ya something to strive for. Live your life how you want to live it. If the world is compatible then it will bend.
This video hits really close to home. As someone's who's twice dropped out of college, and haven't been making music or streaming like I used to because "no one will notice or care", it's a self feeding negativity loop. Thinking of everything I want to do and everything I "need" to do in order to succeed in life (financial, emotional, romantically, etc) just becomes overwhelming and I end up doing nothing many days instead.
@@lifesoldier My life has gotten a lot better in some ways, a lot of it tied to finding someone I've fallen in love with (mutual), but I still haven't been writing music lately. I still struggle with finding motivation in that regard, but with a lot less things weighing me down vs 6 months ago, I should consider trying it again soon.
@@lifesoldier I will say that Dr K's videos have really helped me out a lot personally which helped me become a healthier person, which also helped me find a partner. I still stay up to date on all of his videos, knowledge is power
The interpretation of the expectations alone are a lot to manage. This might not be anything new, but being blasted with success stories / highlight reels of people you know and seeing filters everywhere is like a stress multiplier on the practical increasing demands of life. Even when you know it's happening, if that's all you see it shifted your frame of reference whether you like it or not.
I noticed that I've been dealing with depressive episodes for years because of the things discussed within this subject. Thanks to both the OP and Dr K for bringing it up for a bit more spotlight.
You are competing against a standard that is artificially enhanced. That's exactly it. And I'm glad you eventually came around to claim that the world is indeed getting more demanding nowadays. There's a simple way to put it: it's the latest iteration of the rat race. Personally, I don't think it's sustainable and it goes against my integrity to participate in inauthenticity. This is analogous to that relationship in which your partner gradually demands more and more from you without actually giving anything back. At some point boundaries become relevant, and beyond a certain point creating distance becomes warranted. I'm at this stage in my relationship with society, where it's become a top priority for me to shake off as much of this, quite frankly, bullshit, as is possible. We as people will keep getting pushed around until we say no, just like in a toxic relationship. So, I think we are tasked with replacing whatever the toxic relationship would provide us with, with something we can generate ourselves, or something derived elsewhere.
I feel like I should watch this every morning. Loving your content!! Not only are they helpful, I can watch/listen to the whole video without getting restless. Thank you!
Exactly my situation, and the limit of my vision. I had plans, but then I had to “Move On” from them… now all I gotta do is work an 8-4 job and live off of paycheck to paycheck, with No Sign of getting better. So, basically, here’s the Reality we have to Accept and Live With… “Once you have Moved On from your failed plans… Get Ready… Your whole life can and/or will become a goddamn grind”.
My mental health has improved so much since starting my own business. Even though I'm working more than I ever have in my life, I truly feel like I have control over my own time. I (for the most part) control my outcome. And that "control" (or at least the illusion of it) makes me feel so much more fulfilled. I can SEE the impact I have on my business every day. It's visible. There's a beginning, middle, and end. I'm not saying it's the solution to every problem because it's certainly not - but that point I think is interesting. We're not controlling our own lives anymore - everyone else is; our landlords, our bosses, our government, even the strangers we meet on the internet. That's the structure of capitalism that we must live in to survive and it's eating its young. So you do whatever you can to gain some of that "control" back.
Ugh the part at 14:54 "People around you say you're so lucky, but you don't feel lucky". I needed to hear that. I know being grateful can have lots of benefits, but I don't wanna be told that I should appreciate something that doesn't make me happy.
First world problems are unironically awful when there's a thousand of them. Life has only gotten more complicated as technology and society progressed, *obviously,* meaning that there are now more problems that everyone *must* worry about on a day-to-day basis. Our brains are *not* changing as fast as the fabric of life is. It is a problem with no clear solution, but being mindful of it is definitely a good start. *Even the exceptional people are starting to feel the weight,* God help everyone at and below the average line.
Bros if you think 2 years of experience for an entry level position is bad, I got two examples of real demands I've seen that'll blow your mind. First one: 8-11 years of experience for a junior dev position paid like 30k a year. Protip: if you have 3 years of experience, you're no longer a junior, and you're worth a lot more than 30k. Second: a class that, I kid you not, was destined to certify cashiers. Eight months of training, full time, to do a job that I've learned in three days. To be fair, I don't think this really worked, but it's been a thing.
The tech and videogame industries are wild when it comes to entry level job expectations. I've seen a company post an add for an unpaid internship (already questionable when you know how much money that company makes), demands that the intern work full time, and needs to be "an experienced programmer", and needed to be experienced in three different languages that I know for a fact no one in this place knew how to code for at least two of these languages.
It really is too much sometimes. This summer we wanted to do some Reno on my upstairs bedroom. So we had a split ac system installed. I put in 4k and my grandma split it with me because she's also upstairs. But then they overloaded the fuse box. So then we went in and got a new electrical box, another 1.5k. then they had to tear out a bunch of drywall to put them in and revealed a bunch of issues so we ended up packing up my whole room and tearing out the drywall and I'm sleeping on the couch. Then I had to pay about 1.8k for new insulation and started working on that with my dad after work. Then the porch light broke. Replaced that. Toilet stopped working, fixed that, central airs fan motor broke and had to replace it, another $300 for the a/c guy at this point I've ran through over half my savings and our shower faucet started leaking. This has all happened within like 3 months while I'm working a full time banking job. It feels like it never ever ever ends. I'm lucky enough to live in a mostly stable multi gen house with more than one income and a dad who knows how to do home repair. Otherwise I'd be screwed big time.
Man, watching this video made me realize how my life is well aligned with myself and my goals. It has been a year since I have moved to another city to go to music college, and although I absolutely love it, it has been the toughest experience I have ever been through as a human being, as I live by myself and have to do so much just to stay a functioning person. I can personally relate a lot this post, and it is really easy to get overwhelmed and forget why you are doing all of this, but I believe it's completely worth it if it truthfully is for a reason that is well aligned with yourself and your aspirations.
Dr. K, Thank you so much for making this video. I genuinely appreciate what you do for all us dudes, who got a little lost a time or two in this confusing world...Your geninuely a good person and your knowledge, wisdom, and perspectives have FR changed my life...I didn't think I was ever going "figure it out" and get my shit together. ☝❤One love brother
My advice for this person would be to just do the best you can and be proud that you at least tried. If you keep going, certain tasks will get easier too
I don't even do as much as this person does and I still feel this way. Even basic habits seem like so much to do and every plan that I have, I postpone into oblivion because of anxiety... Not to mention that I have heavy fatigue every day which makes things worse. And I know I should go to the doctor for this and other health issues, but again, ANXIETY.
It makes me wonder if there is such a thing as being "too educated", where now the world and the job market expects so much more of our time, money and efforts just to get a decent paying job in order to live a decent life and make sure the basic necessities are paid, by getting more degrees, more certificates, etc. I feel like this is causing an imbalance in society that will cause a huge amount of burnouts and stress. This puts a wider wage gap as well, where the more wealthier people can easily afford more degrees, more certificates and if they have children, provide their children with extracurricular activities, it is just putting apart who has the wealth to afford these stuff in order to advance in life.
I haven't watched the whole video yet but from my experience - task management is a skill which you have to multiply by the experience you have in completing the task. As a guy, who was building computers from used parts I had to make sometimes 3-5 arrangements a day and manage it so that I will have time to come, check the stuff and take it home without a car. As a bonus, I've developed an ability to roughly estimate (5 minute difference max) the time required to get somewhere in my town on foot or by public transport and knowledge of shortcuts and town's geography in general. Though ability to prioritize is important too, so the tasks that could've been neglected - were neglected, others - completed as a separate task or in-between others.
I learned the wrong lessons because of abuse. I learned early on that in order to make my father happy I had to fit whatever box he wanted me to. 20 years later learned that there's nothing I could do to please my father. My whole life I've been fitting boxes to make other people happy, but im NOT a box. One of the first things I learned from trying to heal the abuse is that I don't need to be whatever other people want me to be. I am enough. Thank you of reminding me of that.
I've just been living the easiest possible life. Living with enough to support myself and my lifestyle which doesn't ask for alot. I've been defeated by the rat race and enjoying my rest until this body dies off.
1. discover yourself: find out or remember who you are and stop checking boxes for other people, start checking off boxes for yourself 2. start aligning yourself with your inner voice: what are your goals and which of them are actually coming from you 3. acknowledge that things are hard, it's okay to be disappointed but don't beat yourself up--there are factors out of your control that can affect outcomes
Most of todays problems stem from economic factors. Corporate greed/shareholder primacy have ruined the country and if they would be eliminated people would start making more money instead of the chump change they are underpaid now and so many problems would disappear
we have fast-tracked a bunch of regular people into highly productive lifestyles that they don't want to live. If you're wondering why academics are SO difficult to juggle with everything else, it is probably because you should just learn a trade and become a skilled worker/artist (like you wanted) rather than drowning in 4 years of university and gaining no useful skills or experience along the way.
I feel like I'm too obedient. Like overtly obedient. Where I will do almost anything you want even if you were to suggest it. I am not scared of this in fact it has helped me in life. But I know eventually I will get into some sort of an abusive relationship and become just like my mom except I probably won't get out. And even then I'm not scared of that. I used to fantasize that I would save an abusive guy and he would become better because I was just THAT obedient. That was my superpower. I've been thinking of things like that since I was 9 I'm not s doctor but I know this is wrong. Please help.
Being defiant is a lot more work in the long run then being obedient. My lazy self will be obedient unless I think I could go to jail or get in serious trouble
Brooooo he literally just started describing my life to a T from 14:54 onward. The partner, the Google job, and depression. All i could say was "F*** you, how do you know all this???" LOL
The worst part about this is that Dr K understands it's a problem. Some of us understand it's a problem. The society as a whole doesn't give half a fuck it's a problem though. The bar is rising, but the pay and the quality of life isn't. Soon enough having a PhD with 15 years of experience will be required for a data entry job, because somehow they need that much
![Stromae, Pomme - “Ma Meilleure Ennemie” (from Arcane Season 2) [Official Visualizer]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/1F3OGIFnW1k/mqdefault.jpg)
A funny anecdote from my uncle. He got a pharmacy degree right after the war when it was a regular undergrad one. He was a successful commercial pharmacist for 50-60 years. He jokes that he'd never be able to pass current pharmacy school.
/laughcrysob
You don’t even have to go back that far. I started college in 2006… I would NEVER be able to compete with the applicant pool now.
@@flawlix Networking is how you get jobs now. Forget applicant pools.
@@di3486 fax
@@di3486 it doesn't matter how well you network, HR isn't allowed to hire or promote certain positions without a degree
It's so rare in the self-help space that someone actually acknowledges the reality of the changing world rather than lie to you about what you have power over.
I am single, have no kids, and no pets. I have set my life up this way specifically because I knew 30 years ago that I would NEVER be able to meet the demands of caring for children, attending to my spouse, looking after a pet, AND working, cooking, cleaning etc., etc. Life is absolutely overwhelming, and I will never understand how anyone manages it, especially with the added responsibility of kids, a partner and pets. Blows my mind.
"How do normal humans do it all?" Normal humans don't. Exceptional people do it all and then apply their standards to everyone else because they mistakenly believe that they are the "average" when they aren't. Life is hard by default. People have to learn and be taught how to make it be easy.
And also like… abusive people aswell
Well also, normal humans who look like they're doing it all decide where they're happy not to be doing it all.
I've never met anyone who actually thinks they are "doing it all" successfully.
This is accurate as hell.
I only learned that I am not in fact average when I started working with kids and understood I had it easy...
Also they are not do it all themselves ,
They have pepole that help them , family members , hired pepole , in general nobody is surviving completely alone
This sort of ridiculous grind is why advances in technology to 'make things easier' concern me. Any advance in tech that will 'free up' time will result in people expecting you to work during that free time. Like using self-driving cars means we'll be stuck in phone meetings on the commute to and from work. It's horrifying and has to stop somewhere.
Any profits from increased efficiencies are passed onto upper management. The system is designed to drain workers as much as possible without completely breaking (all of) them.
@@RialuCaos It could be, but I believe it's really just the result of an imbalance of bargaining power between workers and employers. This is, however, the nature of employment as it's structured. Those who seek will always have less power than those who don't.
Not to mention that as things become more automated, they replace working people, thus making already hard and costly living even harder since you need to compete with more people in fewer work spaces
People bring in machines, it gets easier, they have a sadistic, fascist mindset (Like Henry Ford, conservative phisophers like Burke, etc) and they are now mad or jealous of their 'having it easy' workers, who, it must be emphasized, have never had anything easy ever and never will, then they whip the workers twice as hard to compete with machines and automation.
it's SO f'ed up and entirely the fault of the humans in control, it has nothing to do with automation or 'losing jobs' even one iota. Purely a solvable, moral-decay (And/or base human morality) problem.
Advances in technology only concern me because humans LOVE making their lives and the lives of others more difficult. It simply baffles me how with so much progression, we are still stuck with the work ethic of the 1960s. We are so far ahead technology, yet lacking extremely on a social level and it's so frustrating
I remember reading a text in university about the creator of frequency modulation who said he couldn't have had the idea if it wasn't for the fact that computers back then took forever to process anything and he had nothing to do in the mean time but to think about random stuff. This really put in perspective what my teachers were expecting of us and the speed at which they were expecting us to come up with the same level of ingenuity even though we live in a world with constant noise, constant demands, constant stimulations...
Exactly, having any sort of thought of ingenuity requires a lot of time, quiet, and focus which is harder and harder to come by. Sometimes I find myself playing the most mindless games just to take a break.
This is very important. Letting the mind wander is how creativity arises, and with all the constant stimulation we receive every day I feel like most people don’t ever get moments like these anymore
This resonates with Johann Hari's book 'Stolen Focus'. I'm 5 chapters in, and he's on point, and you're on point.
Committees of idiots in charge demand everything and understand nothing. Ingenuity requiring free time has been known for a long time and yet the standard is to expect both ingenuity and hyperproductivity.
It's a faulty assumption that more thinking = better ideas when it's actually the opposite to a certain extent. A mind that's always busy has no room to create.
Dr K: There is a voice inside of you that has been squashed... Listen to that voice.
The Voice: FUCK IT ALL! BURN IT ALL DOWN! SET THE WORLD ON FIRE!
Me: I don't know doc... Maybe it should stay squashed after all.
I can relate.
bro got hitler's voice inside of him
nah.... I think that voice should be made louder... and hey Global climate change is already doing one step for you! XD
"I'm gonna burn it all down today, down today, okay" - The Mountain Goats, Going Invisible 2. My favorite Mountain Goats song, and for a guy who writes music you can feel in your guts, maybe the most accessible and universal thing John has ever written.
No, no, let it cook.
Its disgusting listening and reading people acussing others of being lazy for feeling completely drained after 2 hours of public transport + 8 of work. Free time and hobbys are now an exception when it must be a necessity.
That is the every day life of people in third world countries and you know what, they have to suck it up, no choice.
@@di3486 Así es. Lo sufro todos los días por 6 días y es triste.
absolutely this. Our social experience is suffering, theres no sense of community, there's no "Third Space" anymore.
Third spaces like hobbies and hangout bars and such is where relationships and friendships used to develop and happen, being outside of work and home. but in this era where 9-5s are hard to find and jobs have to be open 7 days a week to claim the money of the 9-5s . Dating websites take the place of the third space. the internet, social media, all your friendships are log on and off between busy shifts.
its difficult as instead of realizing its unhealthy we've developed convenient online dating, internet friendships, all of this to fill in the gaps left over by overloaded work schedules cause god forbid me and someone find a day when we both have off and arent worn out and catching up to other errands. much easier to log on and reply to some messages right?
terminally online is a symptom, not a cause of the current climate.
Literally every person I know like this in real life has a source of passive income and works waaay less than the ppl around them. And when it's pointed out to them they make this big show about how they worked hard to earn the right to do that (they didn't, everyone who i know that's like this either inherited it or had parents rich enough to sustain them while their side gig took of) maybe I'm looking at this from too personal of a standpoint but these ppl love to shame others for not working hard enough whilst really not working very hard themselves and going on CONSTANT vacations. Ironic.
@@DseanSupreme "Terminally online is a symptom of current life, not a cause"
I'm stealing this.
Okay, so... I'm a person with disabilities. Just meeting basic needs is something that takes all of my time and energy. The only reason I can survive and work a job to pay for my expenses (mostly medical) is because I have family support.
What if I didn't have family support? What are those people supposed to do? Jump off a bridge? It seems that these days, the only people that are allowed to survive are those that are fittest. shouldn't we have moved past this as a society by now? This is the real question that needs answering.
I can’t think of a time that solitary humans thrived. We’ve always done great things as humans when we come together as a community, and it’s the exception rather than the rule that people go about life alone successfully.
@@JoshuaValerio And yet we're basically expected to survive with no personal help. Sure, it's not like people are expected to live in a hut in the woods on our own survival skills or anything. But to have anything, you need to have money first. A home? Money. Medical care? Money. Food? Money.
If you don't have an income source, you're basically told by society to fuck off and die. Like I said, I'm only able to get my society-mandated 8 hours a day in because I have family support with other basic needs. If I didn't have that support, I would have no money, therefore, dead. I wonder how many people like me were out there that don't exist anymore because their family didn't care about them. Family is way too much of a dice roll to rely on on a systemic level.
hitler would've genocided you during nazism
To answer your question, yes. I have often wanted to jump off a building. I have a disability and I don’t have support other than from my partner (thank goodness I have him). It regularly makes me suicidal. I’ve had to crush my own hopes and dreams because I will never achieve them because I can’t even do the basics of getting to medical appointments.
My view is that a society should be a collective community that pays taxes to ensure people don’t fall through the cracks, but the system is not built that way. It is built to enrich the few at the expense of the many, and if a few feeble ones fall by the wayside, so be it.
@@ash-is-napping I'm sorry you're in this position. I wish that the taxes I pay would go to helping people like you, like you said. Unfortunately, most people care more about judging whether or not people are "worthy" of help rather than just giving them what they need, even when those needs re incredibly basic.
Any boss that thinks that minimum wage when they were entering the workforce is comparable to minimum wage today is legitmately too stupid to be qualified to manage houseplants, let alone workers.
A bricklayers 5$ an hour back in the day was worth more than 15$ an hour now. Frustrates the shxt outta me...
These people don't want to be bosses or managers because they want to run a successful business that gives opportunities to its workers. They want as much money for as little effort as possible. An alarming amount of "bosses" here in my country have barely finished high school, some don't even have that on them. But they got to the position of boss or manager because of nepotism. But you can bet your ass they'll throw a hissy fit everytime you can't work overtime when they want you to and accuse you of being lazy despite not being there half the time themselves.
Uh, I don’t really know how to tell ya that.
But you don’t need to be an expert in American economics to understand how to run your own business.
Being a manager has nothing to do with that.
I have a bachelors in engineering and I've been applying to engineering entry level positions for 5 months now (90 tailored applications with cover letters, 7 different companies interviewed me in multiple rounds and all rejections).
I was told to have my resume and CV checked and I improved it. I was told to improve my interviewing skills so I did. I was told I picked the wrong major, arent applying to enough jobs, needs to get a higher degree, should apply for internships as well, should not apply for internships because I have enough under my belt or should not get a higher degree because there's no guarantee of a job, etc.
What the hell am I supposed to do? Everyone's said my resume looks good but they want a more experienced person for a job position that says no experience required. The job market is absurd and I constantly feel gas lighted into believing its my fault and I'm not trying hard enough when I worked hard in my undergrad, have a good GPA, have done internships, have worked under professors, but don't have contacts in industry. They don't teach all the skills in academia that I need for industry and every option I can take from here on is a gamble.
it's not your fault. i've also been applying for 6 years. i've sent more applications than i could bother to remember. i received very few calls for interviews, and no job offers. unless a well-connected person helps you out, then it's just a matter of luck. don't beat yourself up for it. i've even paid a pro cv writer to re-work my resume and cover letter to no avail. your lucky break will come soon :))
I think the problem is the people giving this advice actually have no clue what it takes to get started in any industry these days. They have no idea how to prepare the next generation to take over. A lot of them were able to mature in their fields at roughly the same pace as the fields themselves and are now applying the standards that got them hired to you, when the real standards are so much higher now. You weren't adequately prepared by the nature of the system and that's not your fault. I think the previous generation's attitude can be summed up as, "Fuck you, I got mine."
You need to LIE
Went through the same thing. You need some kind of experience to stand out among other recent grads. Maybe try a small, local job that is relevant to your field, then use that as a stepping stone to something better.
@@freddiechromartie So you've been doing the same exact thing for 6 years and expecting a different result? Doesn't sound to be the best strategy!
"How does the basic human do it all?"
We don't... We just pretend this is a sustainable system while people work themselves to death and depression rates rise.
Yeah it's really weird that (Mostly) nobody talks about it. The average person (in America at least) can't live without 40-50 hours a week or multiple jobs. The cost of living is insane
@@MegaKamiDeez Too many can't even with such a job/-s
@@MegaKamiDeez And now we're in an inflation, to boot! Yaaaay...
@@littlekitsune1 Right? Pretty soon people aren't going to be able to feed their families, I know people who already have to sacrifice some bills to do so.
@@Ayzev Oh absolutely, Especially in the particularly expensive places to live.
I was studying political science and eventually dropped out because I realized I was paying all this money for a career path I'd be poor in, when I could just be poor for free
american college in a nutshell
Being poor for free makes more sense than being poor in debt.
May I ask how old you are now, what you do, and whether you're satisfied?
In one of my favourite story arcs for The Good Place, (spoilers), it is determined that life is so complicated that it is impossible for any human to get into Heaven due to the consequences of every decision they make.
ie; They were considered to be a good person for buying their mom flowers on Mother's Day. But then the ethics of the flower shop owner, the carbon costs of the store to ship in the flowers, etc, the one good deed was a net loss in terms of "good points". And the Afterlife Judge blaimed humans for not spending their whole day researching the rammifications of each and every choice they made. (The Good Place is a comedy, btw)
I loved that part of the show
“What matters isn’t if people are good or bad. What matters is, if they’re trying to be better today than they were yesterday. You asked me where my hope comes from? That’s my answer.” - Michael the demon.
A similar theme is explored in the recent Mads Mikkelsen movie "Riders of Justice". Highly recommended.
I was just watching the good place 5 minutes ago, lol
And then the Judge decides to hang out on Earth for a bit and comes back and is like, “I literally couldn’t even buy an ethical tomato wtf this system is rigged” 😆 this show is so brilliant.
It's so hard to grind for 20 years to be unqualified to work
People often forget how many things need to be in place before you can actually do something.
For example, going to the gym.
In order to go to the gym, you first need to be able to pay for it. Which means you need to have a job. Which means you have to have a residence. Depending on where the job is, you need adequate transportation. If it’s a car, you need car insurance (depending on the state). Along with all this, you have to make sure you have money for food, gas, rent, water, electricity, etc. THEN you can worry about buying a gym membership.
Being “healthy” or doing these things alone is not hard. Doing ALL of these things at the same time and finding a balance IS very hard.
I 100% agree with you but also have a very important counter point. “Going to the gym” isn’t really the goal for most people.
There are tons of free body weight exercises you can do at home or in the park or in a homeless shelter. It costs no money to develop a stronger body and a better connection with your body.
So the battle is more about dominion over your own mind than buying into goals prescribed to you by society, aka “go to the gym.”
Still not easy, but a whole different ball game.
I've felt for a long time that whats expected of me keeps increasing but what I get back stays the same
Dude forgot to collect his meditation certificate from the dude in the woods
Isn't the meditation certificate just called Enlightenment lmao?
@@mjs3188 nah bro completely different skill tree
@@mjs3188 4 years experience in Senior Enlightenment Management required for an entry level Meditation teaching role, sorry.
@@burnonedown09 We only accept teachers with a referral from Buddha, sorry.
entry level software engineer job requirements: be a senior software engineer
Have experienced. Still haven't gotten that entry level job anywhere
cs is getting hard out there it isnt the early 2010s anymore
And be fresh out of high school
Bro I, and I'm sure many, flat out GAVE UP when I saw how quickly programming requirements and other software engineer requirements were mounting up as I was just starting out in like 2009. It seemed like my goal one month was "Just get through school" then a few months later it was "Get through school with a project" then "School, and a SUCCESSFUL project on the market" then "School, my own successful project, a portfolio of client work, and 5-6 certs." and it never seemed to be slowing down so I just said F it. I have dyscalculia and ADHD, getting a basic proficiency was gonna be a humongous hurdle and all for, what, so I can slum it in the dregs and make entry level salary forever? When otherwise I can focus on the startup I already work for and advance within, it just seemed like an idiot or work no-lifer would choose to continue on. Sorry, but you're never ever going to get me to agree to just work 12 hours a day for ANY salary. Even 10 million dollars. It's just impossible.
And honestly that's what I'm worried about. When the parameters to get in are so complex and expecting slave-like devotion, I firmly believe only stupid and/or already rich people keep going. There's going to be a brain drain of gifted kids with slight 'differences' exiting the work force and it's going to be replaced by silver spoon chuds and people are described as "Well, he's just so... hard working" charitably by their employers. I was a manager in that start-up for a while and I can see that the resume we're getting, even though they're 10x as many and more 'credentials' than ever are no longer interesting, well formed, problem solvers. It's yes men and temporarily embarrassed 'entrepreneurs' who come and go at a rapid pace all while complaining about how 'cheap' everything is when really they just can't understand enterprise software.
It's so they bear zero responsibility fir training.
Being an "employee" just isn't it anymore.
-pay more in taxes
-no inflation adjusted raises
-inflation via experience/requirements just to get the job
-can fire you whenever they want
-hours can be cut whenever they want
-politics/nepotism
-have to underpay you to be "profitable"
-work hard in a potentially bad environment that will never be fixed meanwhile your boss and shareholders get all the money/bonuses
Gotta start being your own boss.
If this is how you feel as an employee why would you want employees if they'll feel similar
@@dabobthorton6169 being your own boss doesn't mean having employees though? 🤨
A lot of people have realized this which has exacerbated the job requirement inflation for desirable jobs and has exacerbated the work shortage in other areas where the cost/benefit/stress/low status increasingly isn't worth it. Why work retail when you have a Black Friday workload every week or a restaurant job where its dinner rush levels of output for 20-50 hours a week (which is variable and often unpredictable)? Problem turns out is that the world really can't run super effectively if everyone is a 'boss' (management) and no one is doing the underlying frontline work than actually generates the economic value.
@@thaswasup so unless you plan on doing absolutely everything yourself(which no functioning boss i know ever does or preaches) how fo you plan on getting anything done to turn a profit or make your endeavor worth it?
@@TheGreektrojan With that type of thinking, companies like Uber would have never been started. Its still frontline work that is technically you being your own boss. even if its in a smaller capacity.
i heard a few times from older ppl that as long as you brought your own tools you could walk into any construction place and you were hired
now you need 10 years of experience from something that only started this year
Honestly I think the problem is “recruiting” as a job and an industry. Recruiters should not be a thing. The whole supposed reason we pay managers more is their expertise in forging the right team and maximizing efficiency.
But now recruiters who know NOTHING about the job are in charge of looking for candidates and screening them.
It’s absurd.
Recruiters are worse than consultants (see John Oliver special on consultants.)
I feel like this all the time. I just don’t understand it.
Where did all the school years go?
They didn’t teach me anything about what I have to do, what I need to know, how to be a person etc.
All they taught me, was the fact that I physically and mentally, cannot study anything in that ancient school formula.
It taught me about my social anxiety, and why I must take anti-depressants every day. (I’ve stopped since)
Everything was forced.
And now I’m having to force myself to live, because that’s all I’ve ever been taught how to do.
This is how I’ve been feeling for a while. Living is exhausting and sometimes I just want to take a break
I felt like that for most of high school, it’s a miracle I didn’t fail any classes. Living was just soo exhausting.
I’m in my fifth year in college now, life is still tiring but I have more energy to do my hobbies and have small-ish social life. It’s been tough getting here though.
I remember the year I started working myself to get better was the most exhausting one to this date but it was worth it. I still work on myself but not as much.
Would be nice to be able to be in 3rd person PoV for a while and just follow other people as camera in video game
when people told me "you're lucky..." I hate it. It's like they "rejected my efforts". I used to think this world is too demanding, I don't want to live anymore. But now I'd say I don't care anymore, I'll do whatever I wanted and if I die because I failed then so be it. I'd rather die trying than live misrably in "good life".
They told you you were lucky because of the opportunities you have? Or because you were doing well? (Both suck but I'm curious)
@@fernandobanda5734 Because I'd got good result in something I put a lot of efforts on.
It makes sense why mental health gets so much better with a 4 or 3 day work week. With grueling work hours there’s hardly enough time to care for yourself to recover from the time spent making someone else richer.
42% rule has saved my life. Of the 24 hours in a day, 10 are spent resting, as in pure rest. 7h sleep, 1h meditate, 2h of pure mindfulness.
I'm a PhD student, an MMA athlete, and performance artist, but I set a hard boundary on my rest time. Nothing is allowed to take away my rest time.
Yes, life feels so demanding. When I think of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, I feel like I have to do all of them at once. I end up having to settle with meeting my base needs because I'm finally tackling trauma from when I was younger and understanding how my past is shaping my present. I just kept downplaying it and being hard on myself for having a MSW but not being where I'm "supposed to be". I feel insecure on LinkedIn because I keep seeing old colleagues with lots of titles and accomplishments. There's this pressure I put on myself to be like them, but I've had a lot stacked against me that resulted in a different outcome than them. I'm trying to give myself grace for where I am considering my back injury and how inaccessible jobs are, but I still blame myself. My therapist is going to integrate the IFS (internal family systems) model into our sessions. I think that may help me have a different relationship with myself. I guess time will tell.
I’ve used IFS with my therapist and it was amazing. Very weird at first, but really effective for me. I hope it works for you, too!
@@StudioHannah that's awesome! thank you!
IFS is super cool - I do a lot of journaling using it and it helped a ton. I'm glad you have a therapist to help you out with that. Good luck, man!
the further away we get from nature , the more demanding and stressfull existence is. It's time to rethink these systems we have collectively enabled
The Industrial revolution and it's consequences have been a disaster for the Human race.
Same, even though I like the fact that we've did so much and discovered so much, we just keep on getting further and further from life itself? It's as if I don't have a right to basic needs, I'm not antiwork at all, I think humans need to have something challenging but when that work isn't even enough to let me live, it makes me think if we really are doing something right at all.
A person who created suit and tie is responsible for one of these disasters 🤪
@Emilio Lautaro damn what's dialectic materialistic about just spending few minutes in nature and meditating
@Emilio Lautaro one day gamer will be communists ,we can only hope
Overwhelm is something i've greatly struggled with over the past year and what i've learned is prioritizing tasks stands paramount to anything. Determine what is the most important and don't let menial tasks distract you or take away too much of your energy. Ask yourself: do I need to do this and if so, is this more important than my homework at this moment? Setting goalposts for your work helps balance tasks as well
Same for me rn. I have have 80$ worth of computer parts to send back but to much on my plate. And I would rather risk not being able to return it, or having a more tedious process then cutting what little time I have rn.
Yeah, my friends struggle with this a lot. They're so overwhelmed by things that don't matter towards their real goals that they never have the mental clarity to pursue the things they actually want to do. Meditation can help you find out what those things are, it's helped me a lot.
You know there's a problem when Dr. K isn't qualified to teach a meditation class.
I haven't found better meditations yet and i've paid for 2 different apps and tried the free ones as well. And don't even get me started on all the shitty meditations on youtube
@@sqweed653 _true._ Hopefully he expands the meditation playlist soon
No issue here, qualified does not equal certified.
@@chromaticchrome3746he say theres a problem the problem is not dr.k the problem is the world
Fr
Thanks Dr. K for the dinner date. My dinner for one just become dinner for two - totally felt like the conversations I'd have with friends at uni in the early 2000s over breaks/lunch/dinner. Things seem too fast paced for that now.
I've been out of the system for many years now, living isolated healing from severe anxiety and trauma. I'm just starting to get my focus back, my sense of self (for the first time in my life). I'm 44 as of last week. Last time I checked in on the world was 2004 (before the biggest trauma occurred). It's been unbelievable to check in on the world again to see how things are going.
Sooo many failed dates/interactions with men, with friends, with neighbours, with how things are in life, it's a mess. It's a big mess. I've done exactly what he's said in the video. I feel super lucky. I've never really had a chance to grow proud of myself for something, for no other reason than I feel proud, and I feel a connection and fulfilment and strength from the thing I'm interested in. I found that thing, I have a plan. It will happen.
I dearly love geology, like adore it. I had no idea until about a month ago when I discovered the Bian stone. It's from a meteor. After clearing away the pain, being compassionate and kind toward myself and finally finally feeling like the genuine gentle shy me can emerge, the one whose favourite activity as a child was sitting on on the back step in the sun at the edge of the unmowed 2 inch long grass when no one was home. Mmmm, back step, I miss you. My other favourite thing, was the 3 massive rocks my 'parents' brought home from somewhere along the coast. Smooth, speckled, round, very heavy, I would find myself touching them, feeling like 'I liked them'. Never, ever, ever would I have thought this was the thing that I'd feel strength and supported by.
I've looked into studies, it'll be a miracle (where to attend, what's involved). I'll have to be strong - I'm not under 25. But, I know the academic drill, I know how studies are written, I know the quirky characters, personalities, fundamentals of study design and statistics, the flow of uni. I went to Crèche at a university - as soon as I turned 16 and my 'mother' had a library card, I'd go to the university to get books - I felt home there. I loved libraries. So quiet, so undisturbed, so logical, I love finding books, the dewey system, the whole 'treasure trove' of what's available.
None of this, I'd have ever thought would interest me, unless I'd become quiet for a very long time. It was literally the most shy part of myself that I'd never heard before that has this interest. I was so confused and frustrated for so many years. The pain was masking this, I needed to heal gently and quietly.
Most people like me go into healing. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. I don't want to help people.
I want to help the rocks. I'm going to be the expert on that - 'what do you want to do?'... 'ok, here are the considerations...'.
I will specialise in meteors.
Sharing to encourage others to spend time with yourself and see what your most gentle self likes. Like secretly likes.
I want a home filled with rocks from all over the world with stories to tell of how they formed and how they were shaped.
A life lived alone or with someone, I know I'll be happy doing that.
i hope it works out for you Heidi
@@Keith_Furtado Thank you so much Keith.
@@mynameisheidi Of course, I may just be a stranger on the internet but I'm touched by your passion and wish you the best.
@@Keith_Furtado I'm so happy someone replied and my comment was read and liked it appears. Thank you again, really :)
These are my private thoughts I don't share with anyone (I know). Safer with 'strangers' as it's neutral and I can always (though haven't yet in the months I've been commenting) remove the comment if it's too much.
Beautiful comment, Heidi! You should consider writing about said rocks too, if you like that, because you have a lovely way with words! Wish you the best! 😊
Damn.. feels like all the recent vids are personally my thoughts. Thanks for addressing them Dr. K.
I feel exactly the same. They've been spot on all the things I'm struggling with
I think this is why healthygamergg is so successful - they take AoE healing seriously. Everyone has these thoughts, but traditional therapy and self help hyper focuses on specific issues. It's harder to tackle individual issues, but systemic issues affect everyone! Challenge those, and you really do help society.
I'm 19:00 in right now. My ACTUAL weight loss motivation came from me. I didn't care enough about judgement, or embarassment, or aesthetics, etc. But, I went on a hike (which I used to enjoy doing, but I'd gone from chubby but actually decently well conditioned, to fat and out of shape), and I literally couldn't finish. My lungs were on fire and my legs had turned to jello part way through and I was like "Welp, this shit's gotta change". So I 100% got into shape so that I could enjoy the physical activities I had previously enjoyed. The aesthetics were more of a side benefit than actual motivation. Although, the real side benefit was just feeling better about myself and more comfortable in my own skin. But yeah, the motivation was all for my own internal desires, for whatever that's worth.
Good for you, that’s a hell of an achievement and you did it in a healthy way. Finding that intrinsic motivation is the key to so many things
Check you out 👀
Happy for you
This is the topic that still riles me the f up, because either I don't understand something or Dr.K misses one key point. Sure, it's true that we should connect with ourselves and avoid being molded into something else but the last question that was asked in this vid is waaaaay more important than people think. You might know who you want to be and what you want to achieve but the whole point of why this is a problem is because the world DOESN'T give a shit about that and that affects the outcome whether you like it or not. This whole "Find yourself" thing only works in a world where you're actually allowed to do that and most people do NOT have this privilege. You either do things you're told or you start losing your job, your connections, health etc etc. and that's not YOUR choice.
That's why being a born again Christian get kinda popular nowadays. It's much easier to achieve your life goal if your life goal is to be close to God than to own a house or get a good job.
Haven't even watched the vid yet and i wholeheartedly agree with this comment. I know exactly the kind of life that suits me best, it looks like a part-time job that allows me pay my bills, lots of time outdoors and in nature and the ability to prioritise my physical health. Unfortunately I live in a fully failing 3rd world country which means none of these things are even remotely possible for me there, which means I need to leave which requires a ridiculous amount of money so I have to keep killing myself at my ft job and even start to take on more work on the side. I'm completely burnt out in my ft job not because the job is bad (I quite like it actually), but because I am EXHAUSTED and I've been exhausted since I started my career. Then all the other things that are supposed to give you energy - exercise, sleeping well, being around your communtity are even harder to manage because for you to exercise you need to fuel your body properly which means buying groceries, cooking, cleaning just so that your house is not a mess, trying to maintain relationships bruh how can you do all these things when you don't even have the energy to exist. It's an endless struggle to be a human being man. Lots of rambling but I feel you.
Totally agreed. You can't just go explore new careers at will, do whatever you like, expect to come out great in the end. That's not what the world does. Not how it works. You can take the best of the options you're given - but a lot of people are given *really sh*t options* and you can't fix that with "motivation".
I didn't get to the end, but you can find yourself without getting a new career.
Hard disagree. Yes, all of what you've said is true, but if you don't find yourself and don't be your own best friend and your own biggest supporter, then you're making things harder for yourself for no real reason.
Yes, life is hard and unfair, and society is broken and brutal, but it will be that way no matter if you find yourself or not. But if you don't have that safe haven inside you, if you don't have that internal flame of self love and self respect, then you will be stuck in a nightmare both internally and externally, whereas if you find who you are and what you want, you'll _at least_ have a place to take refuge from all this bs that is our world right now.
I graduated in 2013. Even then, entry-level positions for many jobs I applied for had an unreasonable amount of job and experience requirements, and from the sounds of it, it hasn’t changed. I feel for the letter writer on that one.
I graduated in 2007. Same, same.
This has been a meme since I was in college in 2008 :/ shit sucks.
@@Meraxes6 The best part is having boomer parents who give you advice like, "You can't just send your resume. You have to go knock on doors!"
@@vivianriver6450 Then you go and do that and the business asks "Have you applied online?"
@@vivianriver6450 ☺️ That's one harassment card in your deck. Explaining that one during an interview is gonna go so well.
This is the problem that makes me want to /quit life, when the problem is the world, seems like there's no solution, there's just distractions and copium to make it less shit.
I feel like one of the main underpinnings of the question has been ignored here. It didn't use to be so common for people to live alone and that's probably the main reason why so many of us feel overwhelmed, especially in this economic climate.
For example, my parents got each other through school and they managed through by supporting each other. On the other hand, I've been living alone for a while now, I'm heavily depressed and am barely scraping by as half of my revenue pays my rent and the other half pays for food, gas and basic commodities. I can't even afford to buy new shoes or clothing at the moment but I also don't have the energy to cook, clean, train, read and maybe pursue something I enjoy such as photography... let alone dating or having a social life which are two things I've given up on a long time ago. I feel like I only exist to pay my bills and experience stress and depression. The ride never ends.
What do you do for work?
This is an incredibly good point. Living alone is just straight-up not something humans are designed to do, and it's wildly inefficient to be as atomized as people are these days, e.g. one person can cook a proper meal for 4+ people in about the same time they can cook for only themselves, etc., not to mention the cognitive overhead of having to track, schedule, and manage every small task yourself, instead of being able to work as a group and delegate some of those tasks, where each person for the most part only needs to worry about their own responsibilities. Living in groups is what makes humans OP, and we've systematically stamped that out in modern societies thinking that mass production and market relations will replace it, but they never did.
Industries are maturing. Once upon a time, you could do movie special effects with a pile of clay, a mirror and some weird lens effects. Now you need to be highly proficient in one or more of the most complicated software suites that has ever existed.
That's what it is exactly. The employees and professionals whose careers matured with their industries have been able to keep up with the pace of change, and now entry-level employees are expected to know what they learned over the course of 20 years fresh out of college just to keep up.
One of my professors once joked that he saw an entry-level position that required 5 years of experience - in a niche field that hadn't even existed for 2 years! The *founders' of that field weren't even qualified for the job! I think a lot of the problem is HR people involved in hiring who actually know fuck all about the requirements of the positions they post.
@@ada5851 Ha! I bet they copied a posting for and copy/pasted . Lol!
„And in the end you don’t know who you are, because you have always moulded yourself after everyone else’s expectations.”
Damn. Stop calling me out like that Dr. K.
Tried to explain to my therapist just this, but she didn't get it, it's nice to see that some practicioners do
In case people don't know, the term "tilt" comes from poker. When a poker player gets into a bad headspace, often due to a mistake they've made or poor luck, they begin to make bad decisions, which increases their lose rate. Professional poker players are not only trying to watch themselves to keep from tilting, they are watching other players for signs of tilt which can be leveraged for wins. Some poker players will actually try to get into the head of a tilted player. (This is true of real-life tilting as abusers will leverage this headspace to their advantage.) New and amateur players are more likely to tilt. I've used this term to communicate states of my own mental health and that of my loved ones for many years, ever since I dabbled in poker once back in the mid 00s. It's a great metaphor.
Businesses used to hire people on to "mail room" positions and actually train them up through the positions available in the company. At some point business people gave up on that and threw quality and social responsibility out the window, and now expect fully trained, experienced people to just show up on their doorstep knowing how their particular industry works. AND THEN THEY COMPLAIN THAT NOBODY WANTS TO WORK.
I believe that the world is pretty much competitive right now, even for basic needs, like look at the inflation rates rising but the salaries not so much. Houses and apartments right now are impossible to purchase unless you want to be in the middle of nowhere with almost no job opportunities.
True. Even if you want to rent, landlords want you to prove that you make 3x the rent amount every month too
You should read the book Frontal Fatigue: The Impact of Modern Life and Technology on Mental Illness by Mark Rego. He explains some of the impact of modernity on the brain and how we are reaching the limits of human cognitive ability. You didn't address this, but knowing oneself also takes effort and attention. We have limited supply of it, so knowing oneself is simply too difficult for some people if things continue like this.
Thanks for the suggestion! Seems like a book just about what I was wondering
The secret is we don't do it all. In undergrad I used to really try to do all the readings, but I'm an especially slow reader, so even when I stayed up until 3am every night I still could only finish half of the readings. And I didn't get a job after I graduated. Fast forward 10 years later, I just finished a professional master's program. I never did any of the readings (unless when I need to write a paper on it) and my GPA is higher than during undergrad. I just focused on showing up, turning in assignments on time, and doing projects that build my resume. I get that you can't get away with that in a lot of programs, but the point is, virtually no one actually does everything perfectly. Even people who seem to have a perfect life are half-assing something and get away with it. Prioritize what you really want to do and pick your battles.
All of life’s burden made it essential I build in a routine to handle on the small details. Morning grooming, groceries on a certain day that lasts the week, cooking in bulk, etc. it’s definitely a balancing act and sometimes some things will have to fall to the back burner (sorry social life)
I was thinking about this a day or so ago. I no longer want to be a part of this society. I'm tired of working. Tired of grinding. Tired of competing. I'd just like to build a cabin in the woods and live off the land with my forager husband and a dog 😆 I don’t need any of this.
Land costs money too
Ted Kazyncsky predicted that as machines became more sophisticated, humans would also need to become increasingly more specialized and trained. It's why we see that machines are basically not liberating most people from work. If anything people have to work increasingly harder to keep up
Are machines really the problem though?
There's plenty of redundancies and inefficiencies in the work we are collectively doing that could add up to a huge difference.
Like for example, you know how every once in a while some app or website updates their layout for seemingly no reason, often making it feel worse to use or actually be less functional when it was perfectly fine before? That's because in order for the people behind such changes to keep their job they have to do, well, something, anything. They must look useful to their employee, otherwise why would the employer keep paying them? So there's god knows how many people working on something pointless like this for god knows how long without benefit to society or to themselves aside from the wage.
Also some places suffer from the opposite of what you're identifying as a problem - a lack of technology. The one personal experience I've had with this, albeit not the biggest thing I could probably list here but anyway, is in a factory I had an internship in, where they had a lab where they would routinely conduct a number of tests on their products, enter the test data for each product into a spreadsheet on a computer, print that out on paper, carry that paper to an office in the same building, and in that office there was a person who would spend god knows how many hours on the regular putting that data from the paper into a spreadhseet on another computer by hand. The higher-ups could simply decide to connect the two computers via local network or an internet connection which would surely be cheaper than paying someone a wage for years on end, but no, this person just has to waste their time on redundant work and the company their money.
Then there's the issue of transportation. We have built society to be so ridiculously car-centric a lot of people can't imagine living without a car. We could invest in public transport, freeing up a lot of space on the streets and reducing fuel, repair and part replacement related work and expenses. It would also come with the benefit of fewer emissions, so it would benefit the climate and we'd have less health issues regarding the unclean city air so many are stuck huffing all day every day, which would also at least slightly reduce the workload on doctors and hospitals.
Speaking of health concerns and reducing medical workloads, pharmaceutical companies have far more of a priority on producing treatments, which those who need them need to buy on the regular, rather than cures, which would be bought only once, so this is another thing where medical work could be reduced. And in a similar manner, there's plenty of products that are deliberately made to break after a while so the user has to frequently buy replacements, which means more work in production to keep up with the artificially high demand, and also more work in that a lot of people will try to repair these things that are meant to not last.
If you were to actually look for these things, rather than only notice random stuff more or less by accident like I have in what tiny tidbit life experience I have, I'm sure you could find far more and better examples of how much room for optimization there is in our society.
Ted Kaboomsky may have had a point, I don't know, but we can still consider some less radical ideas as well.
Even in the NBA everyone has to learn how to shoot 3s; Big men who used to coast on rebounding and defense now have to run plays in transition and defend switches as well. Specialization is affecting everyone
This is what I love about this channel, I can just watch, listen and feel good without doing anything or changing anything about my life. What I am doing is really hard and already enough!
I felt this way for many years; like there were all these boxes to check, otherwise I wasn’t achieving. A lot of that comes from my dad, who told me all my life about doing x, y, or z because it worked for him in, like, the 80s or 90s., and because it worked for HIM, it will work for EVERYONE! 😣 But recently, I thought to myself, “I would rather live a life for myself than by trying to check boxes to please other people. As long as I have myself, my interests, and enough good people who support me and my interests, I don’t need to achieve in the way my slightly narcisstic dad has always told me I should.
Honestly this was cathartic to me, I thought I was the only one that feels like theres a shit ton of responsibilities and must-do now, its exhausting, specially the whole certificate competition going on now, not only do you need the masters but also a shit ton of courses and lots of different certificates
I'm 31. Here's the list of what I have to do daily:
1) Work / look for a job (sometimes both);
2) Study coding (hate it)
3) Produce music (love & hate it)
4) Market music (oh no)
5) Gym (80% hate it)
6) Eat a lot of food (hate it and can barely manage)
7) Meditate (I gave up on doing that)
8) Social life (non-existent)
9) Dating (non-existent, I know exactly how to build it, but it's too much effort)
I track what I do, and my average is 4 meaningful activities a day.
Given that I had to run from my country and I somehow survive abroad for 2.5 years honestly is amazing.
Ngl I think I'm about to have a mental breakdown.
P.S. These 16 years of education that I had I think is a massive scam.
I've finally been reaching a point where I don't want to opt out of life. But life is just getting harder and harder and the thoughts are coming back. I'm not sure how much I actually have tethering me to existence anymore.
Taking astronomy as a non-stem never works out. People always think "Hey astronomy, that'll be an easy class for my science credit."
Nah bro, just take physics 1.
High school diploma here / early 30s ... I'm a senior DevOps engineer and I'm in the sea of college degrees. Every boss I've had has told me that "college degrees don't matter," but the people without them are becoming less and less within my circle of peers. I think I'm near the end and I may be the last one without any college, but my boss still says it doesn't matter. Smh. Idk how tf anyone could get here.
“College degrees don’t matter but we won’t hire anybody without one”
Translation:
“They criminalized discrimination, so now we hire privileged people under the pretense that they’re the ones with the (completely unimportant and extremely expensive) degrees.”
At this point it's literally better to just go to work in retail or something than studying for a master's degree that's gives you only minimum wage or not even that but depression.
ikr .
idk, retails giving me a hell of a lotta depression rn
CUSTOMER SERVICE GIVES YOU DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY, DONT COME HERE!!!! you come in healthy and leave sick!!!
I think it depends on your personality and what you can handle/cope with. I can do well in customer service sometimes despite being introverted, but I absolutely can't deal with co-workers and being in an office. Being in an office allowed me consistent pay but working my independent contractor job the money is really unpredictable... but I feel way better and less stressed out doing my own gig. I don't like feeling like I was born to be this low-pay, gig driving worker because I'm not cut out for office/white collar work yet I've been told I'm highly intelligent and a great leader/worker, etc. I love my solo job but there's no way on this earth I can make a living on this.
@@deadinside8781 It was a example.
I don't live in America but if I would i wouldn't go to college because of the massive debt. If I would live in America I would just go to work and try my luck else where.
Apart from my question, I just wanna say, amazing video. I made a new “Life Changing” playlist with this on it. It just hit me right where I am. It’s the question I haven’t gotten a sufficient answer to until now. How do I solve the problem of life is too hard? This was such a good clip. Thank you so much Dr. K.
You surf it, man. The days pass the same regardless of if you are on 100%, 50% or 0% of your prescribed responsibilities. So do what you can and dont sweat what you cant. Maybe make it a point to eventually be able to complete the cants of the past, gives ya something to strive for.
Live your life how you want to live it. If the world is compatible then it will bend.
@@67kingdedede Jah much appreciated and good point. My goal is to do a lot of those can’ts in time. Just need to figure it out.
This video hits really close to home. As someone's who's twice dropped out of college, and haven't been making music or streaming like I used to because "no one will notice or care", it's a self feeding negativity loop. Thinking of everything I want to do and everything I "need" to do in order to succeed in life (financial, emotional, romantically, etc) just becomes overwhelming and I end up doing nothing many days instead.
do you have updates? how are you doing w music now?
@@lifesoldier My life has gotten a lot better in some ways, a lot of it tied to finding someone I've fallen in love with (mutual), but I still haven't been writing music lately. I still struggle with finding motivation in that regard, but with a lot less things weighing me down vs 6 months ago, I should consider trying it again soon.
@@Surreal3650 really happy to hear! i'm not doing too well but i'm trying to dissect myself with dr. k's videos right now for that reason
@@lifesoldier I will say that Dr K's videos have really helped me out a lot personally which helped me become a healthier person, which also helped me find a partner. I still stay up to date on all of his videos, knowledge is power
We Work a Job we dont like to make money, to Buy things we do not need, to Impress People we do not Like.
Pure Self Loathing.
The interpretation of the expectations alone are a lot to manage. This might not be anything new, but being blasted with success stories / highlight reels of people you know and seeing filters everywhere is like a stress multiplier on the practical increasing demands of life. Even when you know it's happening, if that's all you see it shifted your frame of reference whether you like it or not.
These videos speak to me on so many levels. Thank you for making them.
I noticed that I've been dealing with depressive episodes for years because of the things discussed within this subject. Thanks to both the OP and Dr K for bringing it up for a bit more spotlight.
You are competing against a standard that is artificially enhanced. That's exactly it. And I'm glad you eventually came around to claim that the world is indeed getting more demanding nowadays. There's a simple way to put it: it's the latest iteration of the rat race. Personally, I don't think it's sustainable and it goes against my integrity to participate in inauthenticity. This is analogous to that relationship in which your partner gradually demands more and more from you without actually giving anything back. At some point boundaries become relevant, and beyond a certain point creating distance becomes warranted. I'm at this stage in my relationship with society, where it's become a top priority for me to shake off as much of this, quite frankly, bullshit, as is possible.
We as people will keep getting pushed around until we say no, just like in a toxic relationship. So, I think we are tasked with replacing whatever the toxic relationship would provide us with, with something we can generate ourselves, or something derived elsewhere.
Time for revolution, comrade
This may or may not have made me burst into tears
I struggle with this so much because the first thing I give up is the take care of myself things so I can do as much as possible of everything else.
I feel like I should watch this every morning. Loving your content!! Not only are they helpful, I can watch/listen to the whole video without getting restless. Thank you!
I really needed to hear this lately, thank you
Exactly my situation, and the limit of my vision. I had plans, but then I had to “Move On” from them… now all I gotta do is work an 8-4 job and live off of paycheck to paycheck, with No Sign of getting better.
So, basically, here’s the Reality we have to Accept and Live With… “Once you have Moved On from your failed plans… Get Ready… Your whole life can and/or will become a goddamn grind”.
My mental health has improved so much since starting my own business. Even though I'm working more than I ever have in my life, I truly feel like I have control over my own time. I (for the most part) control my outcome. And that "control" (or at least the illusion of it) makes me feel so much more fulfilled. I can SEE the impact I have on my business every day. It's visible. There's a beginning, middle, and end. I'm not saying it's the solution to every problem because it's certainly not - but that point I think is interesting. We're not controlling our own lives anymore - everyone else is; our landlords, our bosses, our government, even the strangers we meet on the internet. That's the structure of capitalism that we must live in to survive and it's eating its young. So you do whatever you can to gain some of that "control" back.
Ugh the part at 14:54 "People around you say you're so lucky, but you don't feel lucky". I needed to hear that. I know being grateful can have lots of benefits, but I don't wanna be told that I should appreciate something that doesn't make me happy.
Oh man. Going into college applications season I needed to hear this. Thanks Dr K
First world problems are unironically awful when there's a thousand of them.
Life has only gotten more complicated as technology and society progressed, *obviously,* meaning that there are now more problems that everyone *must* worry about on a day-to-day basis. Our brains are *not* changing as fast as the fabric of life is. It is a problem with no clear solution, but being mindful of it is definitely a good start.
*Even the exceptional people are starting to feel the weight,* God help everyone at and below the average line.
Bros if you think 2 years of experience for an entry level position is bad, I got two examples of real demands I've seen that'll blow your mind.
First one: 8-11 years of experience for a junior dev position paid like 30k a year. Protip: if you have 3 years of experience, you're no longer a junior, and you're worth a lot more than 30k.
Second: a class that, I kid you not, was destined to certify cashiers. Eight months of training, full time, to do a job that I've learned in three days. To be fair, I don't think this really worked, but it's been a thing.
The tech and videogame industries are wild when it comes to entry level job expectations. I've seen a company post an add for an unpaid internship (already questionable when you know how much money that company makes), demands that the intern work full time, and needs to be "an experienced programmer", and needed to be experienced in three different languages that I know for a fact no one in this place knew how to code for at least two of these languages.
It really is too much sometimes. This summer we wanted to do some Reno on my upstairs bedroom. So we had a split ac system installed. I put in 4k and my grandma split it with me because she's also upstairs. But then they overloaded the fuse box. So then we went in and got a new electrical box, another 1.5k. then they had to tear out a bunch of drywall to put them in and revealed a bunch of issues so we ended up packing up my whole room and tearing out the drywall and I'm sleeping on the couch. Then I had to pay about 1.8k for new insulation and started working on that with my dad after work. Then the porch light broke. Replaced that. Toilet stopped working, fixed that, central airs fan motor broke and had to replace it, another $300 for the a/c guy at this point I've ran through over half my savings and our shower faucet started leaking. This has all happened within like 3 months while I'm working a full time banking job. It feels like it never ever ever ends. I'm lucky enough to live in a mostly stable multi gen house with more than one income and a dad who knows how to do home repair. Otherwise I'd be screwed big time.
"It builds character keep at it." 😌
Man, watching this video made me realize how my life is well aligned with myself and my goals.
It has been a year since I have moved to another city to go to music college, and although I absolutely love it, it has been the toughest experience I have ever been through as a human being, as I live by myself and have to do so much just to stay a functioning person. I can personally relate a lot this post, and it is really easy to get overwhelmed and forget why you are doing all of this, but I believe it's completely worth it if it truthfully is for a reason that is well aligned with yourself and your aspirations.
Dr. K,
Thank you so much for making this video.
I genuinely appreciate what you do for all us dudes, who got a little lost a time or two in this confusing world...Your geninuely a good person and your knowledge, wisdom, and perspectives have FR changed my life...I didn't think I was ever going "figure it out" and get my shit together.
☝❤One love brother
My advice for this person would be to just do the best you can and be proud that you at least tried. If you keep going, certain tasks will get easier too
I don't even do as much as this person does and I still feel this way. Even basic habits seem like so much to do and every plan that I have, I postpone into oblivion because of anxiety...
Not to mention that I have heavy fatigue every day which makes things worse. And I know I should go to the doctor for this and other health issues, but again, ANXIETY.
Thank you dr k for making and uploading long videos. Thats what we love long videos of dr k to binge watch
It makes me wonder if there is such a thing as being "too educated", where now the world and the job market expects so much more of our time, money and efforts just to get a decent paying job in order to live a decent life and make sure the basic necessities are paid, by getting more degrees, more certificates, etc. I feel like this is causing an imbalance in society that will cause a huge amount of burnouts and stress. This puts a wider wage gap as well, where the more wealthier people can easily afford more degrees, more certificates and if they have children, provide their children with extracurricular activities, it is just putting apart who has the wealth to afford these stuff in order to advance in life.
I appreciate this message so much.
Thank you, for calling out the new "normal" expectations, that are not truly attainable.
😊
I haven't watched the whole video yet but from my experience - task management is a skill which you have to multiply by the experience you have in completing the task. As a guy, who was building computers from used parts I had to make sometimes 3-5 arrangements a day and manage it so that I will have time to come, check the stuff and take it home without a car. As a bonus, I've developed an ability to roughly estimate (5 minute difference max) the time required to get somewhere in my town on foot or by public transport and knowledge of shortcuts and town's geography in general. Though ability to prioritize is important too, so the tasks that could've been neglected - were neglected, others - completed as a separate task or in-between others.
I learned the wrong lessons because of abuse. I learned early on that in order to make my father happy I had to fit whatever box he wanted me to. 20 years later learned that there's nothing I could do to please my father. My whole life I've been fitting boxes to make other people happy, but im NOT a box. One of the first things I learned from trying to heal the abuse is that I don't need to be whatever other people want me to be. I am enough. Thank you of reminding me of that.
I've just been living the easiest possible life. Living with enough to support myself and my lifestyle which doesn't ask for alot. I've been defeated by the rat race and enjoying my rest until this body dies off.
1. discover yourself: find out or remember who you are and stop checking boxes for other people, start checking off boxes for yourself
2. start aligning yourself with your inner voice: what are your goals and which of them are actually coming from you
3. acknowledge that things are hard, it's okay to be disappointed but don't beat yourself up--there are factors out of your control that can affect outcomes
Made me think of the Fitter Happier 'song'.
"Fitter, healthier and more productive
A pig
In a cage
On antibiotics"
Most of todays problems stem from economic factors. Corporate greed/shareholder primacy have ruined the country and if they would be eliminated people would start making more money instead of the chump change they are underpaid now and so many problems would disappear
we have fast-tracked a bunch of regular people into highly productive lifestyles that they don't want to live.
If you're wondering why academics are SO difficult to juggle with everything else, it is probably because you should just learn a trade and become a skilled worker/artist (like you wanted) rather than drowning in 4 years of university and gaining no useful skills or experience along the way.
Only very few people is wired for high demanding academics. This is why many are in a state of despair.
I feel like I'm too obedient. Like overtly obedient. Where I will do almost anything you want even if you were to suggest it. I am not scared of this in fact it has helped me in life. But I know eventually I will get into some sort of an abusive relationship and become just like my mom except I probably won't get out. And even then I'm not scared of that. I used to fantasize that I would save an abusive guy and he would become better because I was just THAT obedient. That was my superpower. I've been thinking of things like that since I was 9 I'm not s doctor but I know this is wrong. Please help.
Being defiant is a lot more work in the long run then being obedient. My lazy self will be obedient unless I think I could go to jail or get in serious trouble
godsend ❤️ love the insight and passion. can’t agreed more how colluded everything has become without much sight of simple local clarity.
Great way to start my day, thank you healthy gamer!!!
Brooooo he literally just started describing my life to a T from 14:54 onward. The partner, the Google job, and depression. All i could say was "F*** you, how do you know all this???" LOL
Hi Dr. K you inspire me so much
That video was one of the best of you. Truly really make me rethink so much.
Thank you for this, makes me not feel alone in having these thoughts
dr k these daily uploads are keeping me going
Im a teacher with a master's degree and full licensure and my first salary with said degree was 37k 😂😢
U love you Mr. K, thank you so much for this message, made me cry.
Becoming a slacker is the trick to gain your freedom and yourself. Let go of societal expectations and just do you.
The worst part about this is that Dr K understands it's a problem. Some of us understand it's a problem. The society as a whole doesn't give half a fuck it's a problem though. The bar is rising, but the pay and the quality of life isn't. Soon enough having a PhD with 15 years of experience will be required for a data entry job, because somehow they need that much