Dumper Value Decline (Podcast 656)
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- If you're a dumpee and want to try to get your ex back after a breakup, you need the scales of value to be equal. Today's podcast discusses how over time, the dumper's value will likely decline back to a more even level.
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If it takes years for someone to come back and admit that they were wrong, I don't want them back even if I've been single this whole time.
And that’s ok by the time they get around to realizing that you won’t want them back. So in a way, you are turning the tables on them.
I know. A WHOLE LOT can happen in years. Someone could die, or get sick. Get into an accident. Have a baby, lose/gain a job, etc etc etc. If they don't want you, just accept it as soon as possible. You can only control YOUR life and your actions/choices in it! 👍
My ex blindsided me by ghosting me after 9 months. No red flags. Everything seemed fine. We had traveled together, hooked up endlessly, we were even making plans to meet each others parents. I thought we were a team. I thought if any of their needs weren't being met, they'd have told me. Clearly I was wrong. They disappeared overnight. It took me a good week or two to figure out I was even being ghosted. And when it hit, it hit HARD. This was someone that I was in love with, or I thought I was. I didn't even have a chance to say anything. It feels like there was no closure. They tossed me aside like a piece of trash, I wasn't even worth a simple text from them, a call, or a face to face conversation (tall order I know 😣), which would have spared me months of snowballing questions in my quest for closure. Their silence was the closure, their lack of any communication spoke volumes about who they really are, I just couldn't believe it and still have a hard time facing it. I don't know if I'll ever hear from this person again. As much as I may have wanted them to reach out initially, I realize..... why? Nothing justifies that type of behavior. I won't tolerate or condone it by giving in to their casual texts that might pop up someday, as if nothing ever happened. I placed too much value on them during our relationship, and somehow lost sight of my own value along the way. In the words of Maya Angelou, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
Ouch! That's rough. I'm sorry for your experience.
I asked my ex for an apology for screwing behind my back and lying, if I were to be some kind of friends with her. I knew it was gonna push her away, since I we had kept in contact, but I needed closure.
Setting that boundary felt hard at first, I had been afraid of not getting her back, but knowing that it couldn't be any different makes setting boundaries easier and easier for me.
I'm getting to the point as well where I'm not sure whether I should even respond to any text from her unless it is significant. I really feel like she needs to do the work of making things up to me if our relation is to balance itself, otherwise I'd be fooling myself.
It may be too much for her to own up to, and I would be disappointing myself to expect it from her.
Sorry man, 9 months no signal!!! Wow
I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's so hard when you're blindsided & have no clue what happened. I hope you're on your healing journey & are feeling better.
❤🩹 💪 🙏 @@L6FT
thanks for the kind words @@goldenlifelove7251 ! Each new day brings more healing and self-love, and I’m so grateful for the support of everyone out there, especially those dealing with a similar situation, ❤🩹, stay strong my friends, even when it feels impossible, breath deeply, & know that your worthiness can never be defined by anyone but you.
Don't chase them!! Do the opposite of what they expect & that's move on in silence & work on your healing! I'm sure most ex's expect u to call & text them crying... DON'T DO IT! FUCK THAT EX!! Move on with your life, go to therapy if u need it & get yourself together. Leave that ex alone!!!
I really needed this today. I am 5 months into the breakup. I jave held on to so much hope but today i walk away from her.
it's so hard to stop only focusing on the good, especially if you're breaking up from a short term relationship. I never got to truly see his bad sides, I think that's why I'm taking this so hard. it's all the "what could've been". (for perspective: this breakup is truly my fault, I let my anxious attachment style completely push him away until he couldn't handle it anymore. I fear I may have not been as healed from my previous long term relationship as I had thought I was)
Sorry you are going through this. I know how you feel. I have same problem so I can relate. I was dumped after 7 months without any conversation about the issues 2 weeks before we suppose to go to my home country and to meet my mom and while I was waiting on my biopsy results. It was soo painfull/hurtfull that I'm still healing, 12 months. You will go through this, believe in your strenght and never look back waiting for someone who didn't see your value🤗
5 months to the day of a HORRIFIC break up, I met someone new. No idea what will happen next, but I am open to anything now. Things can change fast!
After one month of not contact with my dumper I realized that he is an a… and I lost all respect for him. In other words I’m not interested anymore.
I’ve found myself in quite the dilemma now. After almost four months of no contact, my ex reached out asking me to hang out. We ended up meeting up and talking for hours and she told me that she’s in a really bad place after losing her job, friends, and struggling mentally. She also told me that she doesn’t want to get back together because she doesn’t want to rely on someone and wants to get out of her funk on her own. I think at this point I would just be happy to have her in my life and see her grow and be happy. She told me I was the last person in her life that really understands her and wants to keep me as a friend. I believe we will grow this new relationship into something someday but I’m not sure if I should stick around and wait. I think im ok with that but I’m not sure
Dude, she's totally using you and you should HAVE NEVER BROKEN THE NO CONTACT. SHE DOESNT CARE ABOUT YOU. GHOST HER AND MOVE ON. BETTER YOURSELF WORK ON YOURSELF AND YOU WILL DEF ATTRACT SOMEONE BETTER
@@MadeInTheStruggleProgram idk man she didn’t have a lot of friends or family when we were together. I don’t think she’s using me she’s just never been single before and has gone through a lot so I respect and understand where she stands. I’m continuing to stand my ground and will set boundaries until she makes the move. I’m not going to treat her like a boyfriend or even a close friend, I’ll keep my distance for sure but I still love her very much.
Time waits for no wo/man... The ex is an ex for a reason and if it was to work it would have.. continue to move on with your life please. She is doen bad and looking for an emotional tampon
@@EyeBelieveSo youve been through alot a maintenance of loyalty and true friendship seems to mean something to u , bit not her. She has no one because she is not a good person. Leave her to her own Miserable disloyal devices. She doesn't want you
@@EyeBelieveSo Don't go into the friend-zone. Make it clear to her that it was nice to see her and rekindle the contact but for your own healing you need distance because you're only interested in a romantic partnership and not a friendship.
Hi Vincent! It’s been 6 months NC for me. I went silent immediately and I was confident he would regret his decision. But now I feel hopeless. Is 6 months too much? Is it too late?
Its not too late pal, unless they have found someone else. You cant expect them to crawl over broken glass to come to you, they have felt your loss now. I suggest you reach out
@@arrangray4954 I can’t reach out. We have a history of me chasing him and that won’t happen again. - I don’t know for sure, but likely he has someone else
Start dating ppl and have a feel of choice, when you have choice you get to have an abundance mind set. If your ex happens to reach out and they are the ones that did the dumping then they have to make the effort of rekindling the romance. Then they will just be a prospect of romantic partner that you deserve!
My ex has just started to realise her mistake about ending our relationship.
She has started being overly friendly and keeps on complimenting me and telling me how she misses me ect ect.
She now wants to try again.
We split up nearly 2 years ago, so you still have hope.
But now i dont want her anymore and she is sad.
Oh well, she should have thought about that when she kicked me to the ground.
She only started to want to come back when i showed i didn’t care or want her back anymore, so you have to disappear and work on yourself if you want them back.
Single life tough as an extrovert? Maybe
But single life as an introvert?
*A blessing*
My ex used to contact me so i asked her to hang out she left me on read. She is liking post in Instagram at this point. Will shebcontact me again at this point or is she just gonna bread crumb me? We are at two months no contact as of now
Attempt to view yourself outside of yourself. A woman leaves a person on read, likes post but doesn't call or ask to see you. Two months later.
So she didn’t wanna be with me but she initiated 100% of contact with me everyday even though starting a overseas relationship. I told her I need space(which she didn’t want)and wasn’t gonna stick around and watch her relationship unfold with another man. So I left it up to me to contact her. I guess I ended it wrong if I want her back?
Let her know what you want, then pull back.
Womens emotions tend to neutralize after a couple of weeks.
Hello Vincent ! Great thanks for you work. Can the advice in the videos be applied in the event that the dumper and the dumpy were planning to hook up and the dumper decided to pull back?
I would say the advice in this video goes for that as well.
Begging/pleading/contacting the dumper gives them more value than they deserve and pushes them away. Energetically since they pulled back, they also need to come back, they can only do this if they aren't being pursued, they need to feel they void they created to want to fill it.
Basically it's extending an invitation, and then pulling back and moving on with ones own life, otherwise the exchange will continue to feel unbalanced.
Dumpy=dumpEE
Hello, Vincent! I hope you're doing well. I have a question for you regarding my recent breakup. It has been about five months since my ex expressed confusion about the breakup and has been giving me breadcrumbs. However, there has been no contact since June 12. On June 16, he saw me at a bar with another guy, and he was accompanied by two girls. I'm curious, do you think there's a chance my ex will reach out to me again?
Hello and thank you for your question. Although nothing in life can be guaranteed, I think there is every chance you will hear from your ex again.
He is likely to wonder who he saw you with and this intrigue could lead him to making contact with you
If you were there with that guy on a date good for you, you are on the right path. You should keep living your life and not concern yourself with what is he doing with his. The moment you are able to do that without thinking for a second of your ex, it is the time you will realize maybe you are better off. I am not saying you should not get back together with an ex, if all the checkboxes are there. But as long as they do not make any effort in that direction, do not sit and wait for someone who considered that you are not worth their time. I have been dumped myself and I had a hard time processing my break-up, but it was a journey I do not regret one bit. I learned valuable lessons from it and I can assure you after a while you will be laughing at your old self for the thoughts and actions in that period. You will realize that you can live without that person in your life and to your surprize you will meet wonderful people that will open your eyes to new things. I do encouage you to spend as much time as you can with other people, follow your dreams and one day you will find that the only person that is in charge of your happines it's you and only you. I hope that day will come sooner, so you can go back to living your life as happy as you could ever be. All the best
P.S. Vincent does an amazing job helping people through this channel and whenever I was looking for an advice I would come and listen to his videos
No contact is tough with kids involved
It's not. It's actually easier.
how? explain?
@@ferencmondik31
What do women mean when they say fight for me
Through your actions, show her you love her and want to be with her. Fulfill her needs, communicate, show affection, listen, etc. Good luck! ❤❤
Fight for her. If she’s walking away from you and the relationship is falling apart, fight for it and make things right. If she is worth it that is
amazing video!
I am a dumpee😢 but for the best
Good stuff
This is greatest time now to hahahahah snub them back for snubbing u so hard.
EE