@@ChristinaBruehler-zy6dudiscipline is just "no pamper". No "Did you get hurt?" or "my poor baby" or whatever. If they f- up, just tell em plain. And if they misbehaving a spanking is due. My dad used it threaten me by showing me his big hands, best deterrent EVER. No need to beat them to a pulp, that's abuse.
@@Crimsonlupus I was beaten as a child, sometimes for no reason, and I promised myself if I had children, I would never put my hands on them. When I had my son, I stuck to that promise so when he would do some thing, I would talk to him sternly and then it got to the point where all I had to do was look at him when he got out of hand and that’s what we would do. We would talk.. now, my son is a grown man and he’s a good man. He’s never been in trouble, and he started his first job at age 17 and he’s 44 years old now and still at the same job. I’m so very proud of the man he has become.
Consequences for your actions. Action and consequence. It’s so straightforward. Kids do not have that these days. You just have to know what consequences are bad enough for them specifically, that they’d rather just behave. It’s gonna be different for every kid.
@@awkwardautistic in my family the only things we got spanked for was direct disobedience (dad said don’t do something and I did it anyway, for example) and lying. We never got spanked for anything else. My parents also NEVER spanked us when they were angry. It was always very calm and followed by a hug, explaining why we couldn’t ever disobey/lie. I don’t think most parents do it this way, but it was effective and loving. I am very close with my parents.
Ashton Kutcher said that? Good indication to ignore it. Nazism and Communism startes with peolle trying to make a better world. Hitler tried to make better kids as well.
@@connorbaz5980 he said it in an interview once and said that it’s something someone else had said to him once. I don’t remember who, but it really resonated with me.
Everyone seems to be concerned about being their childs friend and not making them cry. I had zero interest in that. They can be friends with kids their age. They got enough friends, they need parents. Friends ask ehy my kids grew up so well behaved while theirs are out of control and asked for tips. I simpmy said i straight whooped mine. So ofc they were more upset at the thought of their child being mad at them. ... so now their child rules the house, theyre super stressed. Tried to actually pass them on to me and even asked if i would do it for them 👀 Not my kid not my problem. Im not the one with the headaches 😂
I decided to make myself enjoy saying no. Now I instead need to force myself to say yes when appropriate, because saying no is practically a reflex by now.
Exactly, and no one is giving any real punishment either. With all of the technology kids have today there are more ways than ever to punish children without using physical pain. For example, taking away that kid's TV or internet privileges for a week goes a long way.
@@pixie3393 none of this is trrue. What happened is we were raised by people like you and when we decided to have kids we wanted to do something different. Because yall failed as parents
Be sensitive when you need to be and then discipline when needed. That’s my motto. There’s a time and place for everything. Treat kids according to the situation.
@@old_yeller4251 "spanking" is not "hitting". Spanking is a corrective action, much like slapping a hysterical person. Hitting is abuse, like venting your own anger on someone else. There's a big difference when done properly
I was in a small lineup for some ice cream in a cruise ship and some kid tried to cut right in front of me when I was about to order and his mom was standing nearby and said absolutely nothing, did not even apologize or disciplined her child for cutting in front of someone. Fortunately the ice cream server saw the whole thing and ignored the kid who cut in front of me and asked me for my order. The kid tried to order after me but the server kept ignoring him since there were people behind me at the time and the server took their orders. The kid eventually left all salty he didn’t get his ice cream and ran to his mom. 😂 Seriously, some kids and parents these days are just outrageous...if I ever pulled a stunt like that when I was a kid, my mom would probably hit me with a slipper and lecture me 😆.
I haven't done it in a few years, but I used to wait for the parents of children who were acting up to handle their children. If they didn't, I would 100% verbally handle it. Most kids just looked shocked and did what I said. On the odd chance the parents heard me, they said nothing to me. They either corrected their child or called them to them, which typically handled the problem. The one time a parent had something to say, she didn't say anything to me, she just loudly complained about people telling her children what to do. I loudly responded, "If you handled your children, other people wouldn't have to. It's ridiculous that kids that big don't know how to behave in a store." She huffed off angrily, but she hollered at her children to get off the store gate and turnstile and go shop with her. These kids were easily 10ish and extremely rude and disrespectful to everyone. They tried with me, and I pushed back. They listened to me. 😂
My mother would give that same stare if we were acting up in public and we didn’t listen the first time when she nicely told us to knock off whatever we were doing. She’d give us that stare and my mother liked to pinch the back of our arms (that sensitive skin on the back of your upper arm, if that helps to make sense of what I mean) she didn’t even have to pinch hard cause that’s a sensitive spot, but she’d pinch you then look at you and whisper “just wait until we get home” and no matter how much I hoped that she’d forget by the time we got home, she didn’t and we got our a** beat! (She didn’t go overboard into abuse, it was just enough that you learned there were consequences for your bad behavior and not listening to her the first time! And my mother is a cranky ol’ German woman
Yup, especially when she threatened us with the chankla as soon as we got home which came flying around the corner into the next room to spank our behinds. 😂
Exactly, im Moroccan and i this is valid, my kids look at me and check my eyes, they know when they mess up i ll look at them like 👁️👁️, i don’t need to talk
I was raised by my parents who disciplined me physically whenever I acted out. Now, I'm a retired U.S. Army veteran with 26 years of service. I miss both of them.
Lmao with good cause? what is good cause for hitting your child? If hitting your child worked, you would only need to do it once. It makes them fearful, embarrassed and angry. It teaches them nothing but those three things. It does not teach them to manage their emotions nor does it teach them how to make the right decision on their own.. just to make a decision out of fear. What good does that do.
My LEAST favorite quote as a child and my FAVORITE one now that I'm an adult from my dad was this one,"It's not my job to be liked by you and be your friend, my job is to prepare you for the real world and reality". I stepped out of line, I UNDERSTOOD what I did wrong immediately and I was rewarded when I did something right. There has to be CONSEQUENCES, good and bad, depending on how you act because that's life.
@@carlysheree3130 great, another one whose kids will be running around Walmart screaming at you to f off while you chase after them telling them their feelings are valid 😂
Discipline is important for a child's stability and sanity. Children are built to push until they find the boundary, and if they keep pushing and pushing and find no boundary they'll keep escalating even beyond what they themselves want. They'll have no way to orient themselves in the world, and they can correctly surmise that their parents don't care about what's best for them after all.
My buddy was at a family dinner at a restraunt celebrating his nephew's b-day. His nephew was running all over the restraunt acting like an animal. The grandparents looked appalled by the behavior and ay their child for doing nothing about it. While the boy was running by my friend for the fourth time when he grabbed him and pulled him close. He said "sit your ass down snd don't move till your told too". He was very stern and guess what, the kid sat down and behaved the rest of the night. He didn't raise a hand, but he let the kid know that there will be repercussions if he doesn't settle down. The grandparents were proud of my friend and the parents were to passive to say a word.
I was physically disciplined growing up. Never beaten. I knew what boundaries, loyalty, and respect were and this has made me a better adult for it. Thank you Mom and Dad for loving me enough to instill these qualities that so many are lacking in today's world.
Exactly, I knew my mom would discipline me if I did something wrong. However I was never afraid of her, I was afraid of doing the bad thing and getting spanked for it. My siblings and I were never beaten senseless, I love my mother and I will also discipline my children.
My parents, too, i may not have seen their point as a child, but as an adult, im so thankful. Watching so many other fully grown adults falling apart and making absolutely ridiculous choices because they can't control themselves is honestly alarming. It is insane how many people struggle with self discpline. If they had been taught it growing up, a lot of peoples lives sure would have turned out a whole heck of a lot better. Discipline teaches you consequences for your actions, both good and bad. Which happens all through your life. Better to get over that hurdle when you're young, instead of waiting till you are older and getting your ass kicked by some stranger or by some job or school or whatever and then having a mental breakdown over it. Life sucks. The sooner you learn, the better off you are.
I love how Ben isn’t afraid to be woke in this vid. He takes a stand - hitting kids is not ok. Sure it’s guna loss off his fan base but the reason why he did it is clear - he is no fan of hitting kids. The undeniable wholeness by Ben is top level!!!
@@stpaul0859disciplines spanking and abuse are NOT the same thing, for the love of everything good. Conflating the two is the same as saying consensual sex is the same as rape. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME!!!
I was a single mom. I have two kids who are adults now with their own kids. My kids were mostly well-behaved because they knew one rule. I never bluffed. If I said I'm going to turn the car around because they were being jerks, I did, even if that meant an hour into going somewhere. My job was to raise responsible adults that contributed to society.
Yes! That is what I did too! We drove to the beach they kept hitting each other I said anymore of that we will go home, I had to turn around 3 feet from the beach! They cried all the way home! But it worked! ( THEN I cried at home cuz it was 101 and we didn't have air conditioning lol)
@@melaniebosel1451 You completely did the right thing. I bet they thought twice before doing that again😂 My grandchildren had the same fear even though I never had to do it with them. My daughter just told them and that was enough.😂
Snap, I remember saying to one of my sons, like you 2 boys, sometimes I think I was too hard on you & he said mum, if we weren't abit scared of you we'd have walked all over you!
It's small stuff as well. My sister's kid eats microwave Mac and cheese during Thanksgiving dinner. We would starve if we did not eat what was on the table.
@@vdoggydogg3922 You clearly have never experienced a child with sensory issues. I would literally rather starve than eat something that bothers me. You’re seriously fucked up to think it’s ok to starve a child just so they eat food at one holiday
Here’s the thing.. if my child is having an emotion, I tell them that is okay. The WAY in which you express that emotion is different. My children are NOT permitted to make scenes, the scream, to disrespect me or anyone verbally or physically. I am not here to raise self-centered kids. I’m here to make sure my kids become GOOD PEOPLE who serve God and live a life of service to others. That’s the highest honor.
@@carriejustice7433You help them learn how to regulate their emotions. They don't have that skill at a young age. We don't spank or threaten violence to children who don't know how to swim. We teach them and encourage them to learn how.
@@gijones8950 you have no idea of the outcome that will happen to her children based on her comment. Your just excited that someone is as soft as you are
In Latin American households we all survived the flying "chancla" (slipper) from mom or grandma. It kept us in check. Those all ladies had better aim than a professional sniper. You did or said something wrong or misbehaved, that slipper would come flying from across the room & reset you to factory settings😅
i remember the days where everybody was allowed to discipline each others kid you could get into just as much trouble with the nice lady across the street as you could with your own mama
And you thought they meant they were going to hit you, but instead they ruined the housing economy, the environment, and the hopes of ever being able to retire
I gave my son a swat on the butt once and he turned to me defiantly and said " that didn't hurt me." I sternly let him know it wasn't meant to hurt him, it was meant to get his attention and let him know he was supposed to stop what he was doing. He thought for a minute and said "Oh." And stopped what he was doing. Spanking is not supposed to be about harming the child it's about getting their attention and letting them know their behavior is unacceptable. Same way cats, dogs, bears etc. Give the kids a swat to correct them not kill them .
@@TopsideCrisis346Of course, you understood she was referring to mama bear disciplining her cubs... mama cat disciplining her kittens, and so on. I watched a video recently of a dad gorilla who, after patiently putting up with 2 of his offspring's fight-playing and "monkeying" in his close viscinity, had enough and silently gave them a swat. They weren't hurt or anything of the sort but resolved to wrestle further away. 😅
Honestly no. A lot of them had very physically/emotionally abusive parents, (sometimes even sexually abusive parents). They’re acting like their parents regarding emotional regulation, they were taught to hit when they’re mad. Only someone with true restraint and emotional maturity is able to endure raising children with physical discipline limited to appropriate situations (if your kid is physically harming others or themselves)
@@nunyabizay9253 I can guarantee you most of the products on gentle parenting... It is where narcissists and entitled people mostly come from. It's the single-child generation of coddled kids who never heard the word "no".
@@brunolopes2205 clearly most of you haven’t looked much into this topic. Narcissists are created by both types of extreme parenting. Most people I know of personally that ended up being narcissistic or borderline crazy actually had very cold and controlling parents. They seek validation and love they never got at home. They think they deserve admiration and seek to manipulate people to gain control over them, because they’ve never had healthy attachments and have grown bitter.
PREACH As a teacher, it is very clear which kids are disciplined at home and which kids are not. I bet y’all can tell me which ones are better adjusted and better learners.
I had a parent, ex military, with the highest achieving, best behaved kid in the class, who told me I could smack him any time I wanted. I explained that would never be necessary because the kid knew he’d be lined up behind me and his kid would never be that kind of problem anyway.
I am someone who was abused as a child. Physical, mental, emotional. You name it, I got it. It is not abuse to discipline you're child if they're misbehaving. Give them a warning, tell them what's going to happen if they keep choosing to misbehave. If they continue the behavior then they've told you what they want to happen. That is not abuse. That is discipline. These people need to learn the difference.
I also received every possible form of abuse growing up, and I am sorry that either of us had to go through that, but we don't get the life we want; we get the life that was overcome so that God may be glorified. As a fellow child of abuse, I completely agree with your perspective.
All I will say is me too to everything you have said about abuse. But OP as @s.s.9149 said, to do with your opinions on abuse and discipline we are in total agreement. ❤
@@connielyons562 how about when that swat on the rear is with a paddle that your daddy drilled holes into? Or a wooden cooking spoon? Or a belt that was soaked in the sink first? Have you ever had to go pick a switch? Have you ever heard of a switch? Those of us who have been abused know the difference between abuse and discipline quite well, Honey.
The rod that this verse is referencing is a shepherd’s rod used to control his sheep. The shepherd would not hit his sheep with the rod but use it to guide his sheep. So no, that verse is not (as so many people like to claim) saying you should hit your kids.
@butterfliesinsidemj I do not see where OP implies that in anyway at all. However, in todays society, I believe that it's prudent to make sure that those who would and I'm sure have used that verse in the past to justify abuse because they didn't understand the verse in which they were so mistakenly quoting. My Dad was always "spare the rod, spoil the child", I lived in fear of belts coming off of mens pants for a very long time. That included my husband, despite him never even ever raising one finger to me out of anger. It's a good distinction to make, just for those who may not understand that the rod being referred to here is a rod of guidance and love, and NOT a rod of abuse.
I grew up as a large kid. At 11 i was 5'09 and 175lbs. My parents had to fuck me up to get through to me and I'm so thankful they did. No abuse. Just good old fashioned discipline followed by a "What have we learned?" True 90s magic.
Yeah, the crystal rubbing had me almost snorting. My Mom would just show me her hitting hand and say wait til I tell Daddy. Never had to hit me. Ya gotta put some fear in these kids, or they will run you!
There's a happy(unhappy) medium between an explosive parent and a doormat parent. I believe that the child should understand what they did wrong and why it's wrong, give them a chance to correct themselves or they will be corrected - hence spanking. Being consistent will teach the child that if they don't straighten up, a spanking is inevitable. I was a child of an explosive parent, never knowing what I did wrong and didn't do anything wrong most of the time, that just taught me to avoid him and walk on eggshells when he's around.
Yup. Same here… I remember once I got smacked on the bum several times because I crashed a crash dummy car into a timber frame of our house while it was being built…
Same here. Not really a fan of physical punishment because men are way stronger than a tiny kid. And that shit hurts as a little teeny kid. What I'll do in the future when I have kids is not spoil them (to prevent the meltdown), do my best to explain (cause as a kid I understood just didn't know I needed teaching),, and I'll give them hard tasks and be stern (tire someone out they'll get humble), and speak stern and show no sympathy at times. If they want to be something or do something incredible I'll help push them so they can do that and I'll do my best to do teamwork with them and be there. I was always told I'd never be good, be able to do things, I was too this or that. That caused me all sorts of behavior and anger issues. I'll never physically strike them in the face or body, verbally abuse them by putting them down, or rule over them in fear. I want to be the dad for the girl and the man for the son. Not a dictator. Or pain presenter. Stern, firm, thoughtful, a listener who you can approach, and loyal with consistent output to the family. Someone who actually gives exemplifications of what you ask them to do. The best dads do that I noticed. People who come out so tough but rounded mentally got that kind of figure. That's just what I think based off experience and what I would do different.
Same here, one time my dad spanked me and my younger sister in the middle of a mall pulled our pants down and everything, and we didn’t even do anything wrong. We were just kids, giggling, happy, and excited to be at the mall. I was probably 6 or 7 years old and my sister would’ve been around 5 years old. He told us we were being “too loud” and spanked us for it. We were horrified and humiliated. Who does that to a kid!? If my mom were there she would’ve been livid. She hardly believes me when I tell her these stories of what dad did to us. Don’t even get me started on how he reacted when my older sister with special needs got upset. One time he pushed her against a tree holding her neck, almost choking her, and yelling at her “STOP CRYING!” And when we tried to stop him he threatened us saying “Do you want to be next!?” A few months ago, when I went to my church, there was this family who attends, and their kids are probably around 11, 15, 18, and 22. They were all playing together sort of chasing each other, and the boys were gently play fighting, and I was just watching in shock. Knowing, I would’ve gotten a spanking for doing anything like that in public. And as I was watching it was like alarm bells went off in my head. “Woah should they be doing that??, is that even allowed in public or at a church!?!?🚨🚨🚨” Then I realized why I was getting like that and where that was coming from, and I got sad. I also realized in that moment I grew up way too fast and that I didn’t play like that too often as a kid.
@@lilyb4229That's really sad and heartbreaking to read 💔 Such people should not be allowed to have kids. Babies and children are the cutest and most innocent things on Earth. They are completely dependent on you and anything they learn, they learn from you. (This is directed towards bad parents and those who believe violence is justified): You are already an adult; you have lived through everything and have so much experience. If you have such poor impulse control and temper management, then how can you set an example for your kids? Your kids are supposed to look up to you, love you and respect you and want to be like you when they grow up. Not hate you, fear you and be traumatised by your abuse.
There are compliant children and then there's non compliant children. My oldest daughter, now grown had a head like a brick. Smart mouth and very stubborn. There was times where I had to tap that behind, because talking didn't always cut it. I can count on one hand how many times she was spanked. As she got older, it wasn't necessary because we had an understanding that she wasn't going to run my house. My two under her, total opposite. Easy going temperament and I didn't have to spank either of them. It just depends on the kid. If you spank them explain to them why a d there are consequences. If you never spanked your kids fine, but person that doesn't isn't better than one who does. Just depends on the child and the situation.
Doesnt mean it would on everyone. All kids are different. My parents did the same and it had fakking 0 effect. Spanking did tho. Why do all parents seem to think theyre the only ones raising their kids the right way? There are as many different (and valid) ways as there are personalities. Your way would never work on me, not in a million years. You wouldve ended up raising an insufferable, entitled narcissist or spanking me... And this post you just made would be alot different.
@@chalmapatterson544 There are as many types of parenting as there are parents. I was simply offering my view, which obviously doesn't work for everyone Or every child.
My mom always tells a story about how when I was little and we were in church they would try to keep me entertained with some cereal or small toys. However, when that stopped working and I wouldn’t listen to her and behave she warned me that we were going to go to the bathroom. I still didn’t behave and so then my mom was true to her word and took me away and gave me one quick pop and told me that when we are at church we behave. She never had to touch me again because from then on I understood that there are consequences and I don’t have to meet them if I behave. This is to show that becoming physical is not at all cruel but very effective and quick. My mom just had to remind me about the bathroom and I would behave. In no way or manner, however, am I even suggesting that this should be the first option or this should regularly or harshly used. That doesn’t discipline but instead hurts the child more than it benefits them and will likely result in future problems. Use it as last result and be sure to warn them of the consequences before hand. Also, my mom has to this day probably has only hit me less than 5 times in my whole lifetime and because she was so unlikely to do it I knew that she would only reach those measures if I pushed her to them. I love my mom and respect her because of her great love and patience.
My parents only used it for lying amd outright disobedience. They raised four kids that way and not even my leftist sister accuses them of abusing us. They also went to grounding us when turned 12 or 13 years old.
First time obedience with kids is the goal, although I never quite got there with my kids. Kids need boundaries. As they demonstrate maturity those boundaries become inward principles . Nothing more satisfying than to see a kid reaching their potential.
We’ve had multiple generations now of many parents not spanking of disciplining. Now we have a society full of people that have no concept of consequences of actions. Go figure huh?
Those same generations were given participation trophies because they were never taught that losing is also part of life and that it's easy to be a good winner but requires more strength of character to be a good loser. A lesson that my kids were taught at a young age, so they could teach their kids.
No we’ve not. Untill vey recently spanking wad the norm. They even have it in some schools still. Most millennials and a fair amount of Gen Z at least.
Do you actually believe this? You think we had less crime and abuse before people stopped spanking? How far back do you personally want to turn the clock?
Spanking or smacking (maybe that's uk) is not the same as "hitting". Hitting is done in anger. Smacking is only meant to sting and not leave a mark, neither is it meant to be in the face. There are other options before smacking though.
Probably is uk as were not allowed to spank children at all. No physical consequences or youll have cps/social sevices called on you. Was never hit as a child neither were my 2 younger siblings and we are all well behaved and respect people. Never needed to be spanked to learn what we should or shouldn't do. My older siblings were intact spanked as children when it was still legal to do so. They all turned out to be assholes and I barely talk to most of them. @sarahpiaggio2693
@@heidi_1love Raising children is about a lot of things, not just smacking. There are multitudes of variables, so I doubt you'd find there's a causal link between smacking and bad character later on. There may be a link between "hitting" (ie assault) and bad character due to trauma. These are 2 very different things. Smacking is not illegal in England yet (it is in Wales) but no one tends to do it for fear of drawing attention of social services who "believe the child", who wouldn't be able to verbally differentiate "hit" and "smack" and the worst would be assumed.
You think every child is exactly the same, dont you. Trust me, I needed my spankings. I praise the lord for them. I wouldve been absolutely fakking insufferable today if I hadnt. If Id even be alive. You only spank a child who needs a spanking, if you were a calm well behaved child, your parents did right NOT spanking you. But that doesnt apply to everyone. I was a fakking hellraiser and it had nothing to do with my parents not raising me right. It was massive ADHD giving me 3 days worrh of energy everu 24 hours, combined with an insatiable curiosity. I didnt set fire to my neighbors mailbox to be mean or anything. I was just a 6 year old idiot who didnt think before he acted and I was curious if the flame would be rainbow colored (cuz the mailbox was). I didnt repeatedly walked on to construction sites to piss anyone off, I was fascinated with the hassive things they were building. You didnt need spankings? Good for you. Now dont try to be the ultimate authority for every child/parent relation in the world... Youre not.
@@sarahpiaggio2693Um, yes, they are the same thing and you just proved that point yourself. So one is done out of anger and one is not? Okay, so it's still the same action. So it's still hitting/spanking/slapping, same thing, and all are horrible and should not be done to a child. You don't spank adults when they do something wrong now do you?
I used Natural Consequencrs. I started having my kids write reports on their bad actions. Stealing: Name-calling, Honesty. They had to write a real report and we got books on it from the library. This seemed to work.Example: my daughter missed the bus to get to school. I drove her and she owed me $3.50 for gas and I hour of time. Never missed the bus again.
I was a science teacher and my classroom was one and the same as my lab room, like 50 years old with goodness only knows what chemicals around. I explained that they weren’t allowed to chew gum because of this and never did so myself. I caught a girl, even though I had given her the look and just told her to report to my room after for detention. I gave her a pair of rubber gloves, goggles, and a scalpel with no blade and set her to work popping 50 years worth of gum off from under the desks. After about half an hour, I said she was free to go. The next day she was getting gum from a friend and I gave her the “I thought we learned our lesson look” and she tripped over herself to say it was for later and showed me that she was shoving it in her pocket. I said thank you,and moved on. Natural consequences, those that are actually tied to the reason it is a problem, work best.
I have always believed that there’s is a clear distinction between spankings and beatings/physical abuse. One quick, measured smack is very different than beating them mercilessly. And, you can recover from physical spankings much more easily than you can from verbal/emotional abuse.
Your child constantly runs out into moving traffic? Sit them down and engage in a hour long struggle session to help them see the error of their ways. See how that goes.
When I was younger my dad would hit me round the back of the head for the smallest of mistakes, and I hate him for it but now that happened I have a better understanding of life
Having been spanked and emotionally abused, the emotional abuse is 1000 times worse in my opinion. I’d much rather get a spanking every day of my childhood than go through mental torment caused by a parent.
One time I was trying to perform an ultrasound on a pediatric patient (8-10 years old) and he started trowing a temper tantrum. His mom, instead of telling him to behave, actually said, and I kid you not: “honey, ‘mindfulness’, repeat with me, ‘mindfulness’”. I did my best to swallow my laughter. I could not believe the hippie nonsense the mother was trying to educate their kids with. I had a huge gash on my arm stitched when I was 6 and the only thing my dad had to do was telling me “the local anesthesia will burn for a while, it’s ok if you cry, just don’t move”. Discipline doesn’t require physical punishment. My parents never hit me, not even once. But I still obeyed them and was afraid to get in trouble.
If you actually understand gentle parenting (or respectful parenting as some people call it) - that's what your dad did not your patient's mom. It's about acknowledging reality and the feelings that come with it, and assisting the child in dealing with it. That's good discipline
I agree that spankings aren’t necessary…if the child actually obeys their parents. But that is the assumption you’re making. What about kids that don’t obey their parents? I know a mom and dad who have two kids and they do not believe in spankings. Those kids are wretches. They whine and complain, they are disobedient and rebellious, and they even hit their own parents when they don’t get their way. So here are kids who are somewhat permitted to hit their parents but the parent can’t spank them. It’s just foolishness. Spankings are not always justified, but sometimes they are. People need discernment when they use spankings. I am a brother of 10. I am the second oldest. My dad was taught that kids should be spanked. He spanked me and my other two oldest brothers a lot. It was actually unhealthy. But then he began to learn that spankings are not the solution to every problem and he barely spanked my younger siblings..only when they actually needed it. Just to be sure, all of my siblings and me love our parents very dearly. We are not violent and rebellious monsters and we all contribute to society. The notion that exists that spankings create violent adults is baseless. I know more people my age that were spanked than those who weren’t. Most of them are excellent adults. Spankings can be abusive or they can be corrective. It only takes a small amount of discernment to know the difference.
I was never over the knee spanked, but probably given a corrective a swat or two. Even so, there was a connection with my parents, especially my dad, where there was an anxiety about doing something wrong and angering/ disappointing them. Somehow they garnered a respect and love that made me avoid bad behavior. It wasn't a fear of spanking or other physical punishment for me. I'm not against spanking but I would love to understand how that respect/ love bond manifests.
The thing is...was it a temper tantrum or was the kid scared? I had a needle phobia until I was 12 and I wasnt trying to be difficult or act out, was terrified. Did the kid know what an ultrasound was? Eventually I learned (on my own cause my parents were no help) that if I stared at the wall, didnt look at the needle, and took deep breaths, I could get through it. (I also realized that it was gonna happen no matter what so delaying it would do no good.)
My father never hit or slapped me. We did what he asked because we respected him. He never yelled at us either. Parenting doesn't have to involve physical discipline if you parent a child with boundaries and love.
I’m old school. My Mama didn’t play. I saw that wooden spoon & knew trouble was a comin’! She was so fast with that spoon, I didn’t even have time to clench. I’m grateful for the way I raised. I had a healthy respect for my mom and dad. They took the time to teach me right from wrong… they discussed whatever came to my mind. They gave me the confidence I needed to be a successful adult.
A balance is vital. Teaching your kids emotional intelligence and management is incredibly important. That doesn't mean letting them throw epic tantrums but it also doesn't mean spanking them for every little thing. Abuse is generational and I'm thankful people are trying to break the cycle, though some seem to think any discipline is abuse.
@@arvaneret_329 discipline, in this scenario, is punishing your child for something they did wrong (not to an extreme extent) out of love so they can grow and not make that mistake again. A little spanking would qualify as discipline. Abuse is when the anger gets out of control and the parent goes way too far.
Thank you, I agree and also Ben being a Jewish man and believing in the Tora he should know that in the Bible the word spoil translated from Hebrew actually means rotten and only worthy of being thrown away or cast out.😊 God bless you all
Discipline & physical abuse are TWO COMPLETELY different things. I feared a spanking and then learned it's to respect & listen to my parents' yes's & no's. It worked. My dad used to say, "Make your yes mean yes & your no mean no!" So I knew not to even ask twice because they already gave me their answers. It wasn't going to change. No one parents like this any longer. Today? Kids no longer respect any form of authority, especially their parents. 😢
My kids respect me. We read scriptures and stories every night, say family prayer, eat dinner nowhere but at the table with books, toys, Kindles, phones nowhere to be seen. Tuck them in every night. We sit down and do homework with them almost every day and my kids are all at the top of their classes. I get so much love from teachers saying how amazing my kids are and how feral the other children are 😢 That's why I discipline. Cuz I want good humans for our future ❤
@@kickintheastle6195 God bless you and your family! It takes time, effort, and a willingness not to let technology raise your kids these days. Parents use it as a babysitter not realizing it becomes their parent.
I agree with this. They use the two terms loosely to fit their agenda. If kids have no fear of parents, they will have none for the law. Want proof… look at America 👀 I’ll spank my kids when it is needed because jail is not where I’d like them to end up. I’ll use the appropriate methods of discipline, including corporal punishment, because it’s shameful to have rude kids and it’s also terrible to raise humans who disrespect other humans without a thought. To this day my mother was the biggest blessing from God. I can count how many times I got a good beating. I respect others, their property, the law and authority. I love my mom and can’t wait to see her again in the new earth! ❤ #waitingforHisreturn
I believe this is why the governments released social media. After all the psychological studies they did back in the 60's up until now & the algorithms they've put in place, they KNEW what reality TV & social media would do to any society. Rush in the breakdown of nuclear families. Parents must truly stay constantly engaged with their children or other kids they absolutely adore to be better!! ❤️
My parents had a special "look" to look to us when we were doing crossing the limits. That "eye-staring/look" was so efficient way that aligned the chakras, the spirit, the soul... All in a nano second. .😅
I was a bratty kid, got spanked, learned from it. Spanking doesn't work for *every* kid and it should be applied appropriately but it sure does for most.
@@privacyplease1556 So I guess grounding doesn't work either if you had to do more than once? You do realize that you're being punished more than once for a DIFFERENT mistake right?
@@privacyplease1556oh please, it's called re enforcement, because it needs to be re enforced. I got hit plenty as a kid, I grew up in a Fijian household with plenty of corporal punishment. You can be damn sure I turned out better behaved than the average teen/20s year old nowadays
No. I didn't remember a single lesson i was supposed to learn from being spanked. It was just humiliation. It teaches fear. However my parents also used punishment that fit the crime. I drew on a wall? I learned how to wash and paint the entire wall -- gained a life skill. The family helped. Stole something? I had to return it and apologize. Discipline means TO TEACH. It's not the same as punishment which spanking is. What are you TEACHING a child by hitting them? Especially when you're angry? You teach them it's ok for a parent to hit a smaller weaker child. That it's ok for a big person to use violence to get their way. That it's ok for an adult to rxpress anger in a physical way that crosses boundaries. The child has no body autonomy. In addition to causing lack of trust in parents child relationship, you are modeling bad behavior. The parents need to control their emotions and model good behavior. Not become a toddler yourself
@@recoveringsoul755 It sounds like your parents also taught you how to be a *drama* *queen.* It really sounds like you *are* more damaged by those "teaching lessons" than *being* *spanked‼️*
I swear this is true. I grew up a whooped kid, But I know a lot of kids I grew up with who did not get their asses whooped and they are the most unbehaved (now) Adults you can imagine. I swear that's the problem with this country. Nobody got their asses whooped for the last 30+ years! We need to go back to public shaming and ass whooping preferably in public. Just line up and start spanking from the courthouse steps! You're found guilty! that'll be 30 swatts, now go pick a switch! 😢
What a bunch of BS. Spanking was the norm 30 years ago, and it still happens today. There are videos of kids getting hit in school on RUclips. It's literally legal for kids to be hit in school in some states.
@@stupidveganworld you are nuts, spanking has been frowned apon for decades by adults that got their ass beat cause they felt they could do what they wanted.
@@aarongoff1111actually for me getting a spanking generally made me not do something again so I wouldn’t get my @$$ whooped again … turns out some kids actually learned from it😊.
the groin? yikes! don't do that to your kids too. a spanking is one thing but pinching a kid on the groin is an entirely different kind of abuse don't do it.@@s.t.santos5928
I was a baby boomer and father worked long hours and mother had the patience of a saint with the 3 of us. Since we saw so little of our father we were more or less in awe of him and his looks of displeasure when we misbehaved. We shrank from those looks. We rarely were spanked or smacked but when mother reached the end of her tether, we heard-“thats ok. Wait until your father gets home” and thats when we started making deals to behave if she didnt tell dad on us. It always worked.
Spanking has a place. I certainly needed a small threat of violent retribution from my father to keep my worse traits from taking root through much of my childhood.
people want to blanket everybody into the same category and say no child should ever be spanked under any circumstance. I used to head but people as a kid because I thought it was funny, a much more forceful headbutt from an adult taught me that I probably shouldn’t do that anymore and I didn’t. kids all have different personalities and respond to different punishments.
My parents spanked me in public only if I was actually acting like a brat, but not in a way that was painful. It just bruised my pride and I’d pray no one saw. 😂
@@vineetamendiratta5121 Wow, you sure taught her! Wait, she LET you be on the computer all day? First clue you and I aren’t from the same generation. We didn’t HAVE computers when I was young enough to be spanked. And wouldn’t be allowed to be on it all day if there were computers. We WERE allowed to starve ourselves. No point in rejecting food if no one is going to worry about it. These days kids wrap their parents around their little fingers with for! 😝
I'm so lucky to have a mom who taught me to be discipline and considerate without any force or physical threat. She simply asked me to be mindful about lots of things, how i talk to elders (saying thank u, please, sorry), what i eat, what i read, how to treat others, and many things that has shaped me to be a more mature kid compared to kids my age at that time. Thank God.
@@Anonymous-uw4sr I am not robbing and looting, I work for a living, I raised 3 children that's not confused if there's more than two genders, I know right from wrong. So yeah, I think I am pretty normal considering the nuts out there!
I don't believe in spanking kids, but I do believe in boundaries, teaching respect, and instilling values. They're all productive adults now (the youngest is disabled, but she's working according to her ability), and we all have an undramatic, loving relationship. 🤷🏻♀️💙
I just don’t understand why you need spanking to properly discipline your child. Children who hit others are more often than not spanked at home. When they’re young, they do not understand the difference or the why. Our friend spanked his 2 year old for interrupting our conversation. Quick spank, no biggie, except that was not a justifiable reason to hit someone. What’s so fascinating is he’s 3 now and at his brother’s 1 year birthday party I watched him hit another kid who was talking over him. Gee. Wonder where he made that connection
@beastbombshell3589 no shit..the level of discipline is in relation to the seriousness of the infraction.." Let the punishment fit the crime. "...I never said " spank for any reason," so don't get it twisted.
@@BrookeDoesScience Because in the real world there are instances who there is no other choice. Kids need to learn that, yes, sometimes pain is a consequence of actions. A good spanking is followed by an explanation after. And used in moderation. The example given is one where it is used too lightly.
I've only been spanked when I deserved it. I've only ever spanked my nephew twice and that was enough to hammer in the lessons of "don't steal" and "dont climb on the tv stand".
You dont know dread until you hear: Option 1-" just WAIT till we get back home!!" Option 2" if you don't stop crying, I'm gonna GIVE you something to cry about Option3: "I brough you into this world and I can take you back out!" Option 4 " You want to say that to my face again? Cause I KNOW you didn't say what I just thought you said!! My momma was a bear sometimes, but I NEVER doubted the love!❤ this is the kinda mommas we need in squads patrolling and on speed dial instead of therapist!
Funny thing about spanking, is when you do it with clear and consistent parameters, and are deliberate to treat it as consequence and correction rather than venting frustration, you'll find you don't need to do it that often. I've spanked all 3 of my kids, all still 10 and under, and I've not needed to spank any of them in nearly 2 years now. And I bet they've all three gotten less than 10 spankings each. Yet we are complimented all the time at how well behaved they are, and honestly they really are.
Absolutely!! Consistency is the most important part. Also, the spanking isn't the punishment, it is to shock and stop an inappropriate behavior. Then comes punishment
If you spank your child when they are having a meltdown Instead of teaching them to manage their emotions, you are setting them up to either be a perpetrator or victim of domestic abuse down the road.
@@FirstNameLastName-wt5toThese kids that are allowed to have their meltdowns without progressive consequences, may need a final swat, (excluding those with autism & severely cognitively delayed), become the self centered victimizers. I am 70+ & have witnessed this progression. Only the rich have the privilege of taking away the expensive toys: cars, cell phones, expensive trips, drones etc.
@@FirstNameLastName-wt5to Are you talking to me? Is there a hidden comment I can't see? If your kid is having a meltdown in either a public or private place, you gotta take them to a different room. Even as an adult, if you're frustrated, leave the room for a bit, cool down, and then think. I've never spanked my kids out of anger. It's always a very specific secondary punishment. "Stop doing that! I am going to count to 3, and if you are still doing it, I will take you into the other room and spank you." This ends up not being an example of domestic abuse or perpetrator of wickedness. It's a direct consequence to their actions. The beauty of this approach is that you end up never actually spanking your kid. They know the risks and the consequences. They always stop by the time you get to "2". But I don't like spanking in general. But time-outs only work so well...
@@ThereIsNoSpoon678 You’re using fear and the threat of pain to control your child. You’re teaching them to solve their problems with violence, or at least the threat of violence. You aren’t teaching them to manage their emotions in healthy ways. You’re setting them up for anxiety and other mental health problems. When you spank and threaten it’s because you never learned to control your emotions. And now you’re passing that on to your children. What you’re doing is lazy parenting.
We never got spanked, but we did get spoken to very firmly and even yelled at, and we had privileges like cartoons and playtime taken away. We lived with Rules, Routines, and Expectations. We were taught to Respect and Obey our Parents and Teachers. Our Parents were the BEST! 💖💖✝️🕊️🙏
I was a very difficult child and got spanked quite often. Almost always by my father (mom couldn’t catch me). It wasn’t pleasant but after the spanking was over he would ask me if I understood what I did wrong. If I didn’t he would explain and tell me why it was wrong. Then he would give me a hug and tell me he loved me. I never doubted that. When I had my own child I handled things the same way my father did with me. But by the time I was a parent we knew what it was that made me so difficult and identified it in my son so we didn’t have as much trouble as my parents had with me.
@@Sammiejammie521 nah, every parent I’ve seen get hit by their kid are weak and quiet. The ones that scare that kids don’t get much interactions with them
@@headaqe1708 74% of abusers and murderers had mentally or physically abusive childhood. It’s not about scaring your child into being right, it’s about helping them make the right choice.
@@bebe8842 Just because one side is "better" than the other doesn't mean that it should be done, because it's still bad. You don't have to choose between abusing or spoiling your child when there are plenty of other, actually good ways to raise your child.
@@sakurafalls2468i agree, a lot, but the message in what i commented is that between the 2 styles ,I'd rather spoil the kid even with the risk to handicap him/her of too much goodness hahaha and never choose to abuse.. that s all
An undiciplined child will merely become and undiciplined adult child.
👍
Speak your truth....nope it's just the truth
Twitter is proof of that
What is discipline? How do you define discipline? What type of discipline do you administer?
@@ChristinaBruehler-zy6dudiscipline is just "no pamper". No "Did you get hurt?" or "my poor baby" or whatever. If they f- up, just tell em plain. And if they misbehaving a spanking is due. My dad used it threaten me by showing me his big hands, best deterrent EVER. No need to beat them to a pulp, that's abuse.
Parenting is about shaping a future adult not being a servant to a child
@@Crimsonlupus I was beaten as a child, sometimes for no reason, and I promised myself if I had children, I would never put my hands on them. When I had my son, I stuck to that promise so when he would do some thing, I would talk to him sternly and then it got to the point where all I had to do was look at him when he got out of hand and that’s what we would do. We would talk.. now, my son is a grown man and he’s a good man. He’s never been in trouble, and he started his first job at age 17 and he’s 44 years old now and still at the same job. I’m so very proud of the man he has become.
@londonsage8696 except that doesn't work with many children
Well, parenting is also NOT being cop, lawyer, judge and executioner
@@Crimsonlupus that sux
@@AlexandraVioletta it's all of those things and much more
Nobody's saying beat your kids senseless but they need discipline
Exactly. Spanking is on a spectrum 😂
@@WhatHistoryShortsand so was I when my mamma got through with my ass😂😂
Consequences for your actions. Action and consequence. It’s so straightforward. Kids do not have that these days. You just have to know what consequences are bad enough for them specifically, that they’d rather just behave. It’s gonna be different for every kid.
Discipline is about control of your emotions and self control. Aka not hitting. If you can’t raise a child without hitting you just suck at it.
@@WhatHistoryShortsunlike gender lol
“Go find the thickest branch from that tree over there and bring it to me”
- Love, Grandma
This is REAL 😂 also nice touch with the “Love, Grandma” hahaha
Greetings from Balkan, the most known sentence 😂
Biggest? That was actually kind as the small ones hurt far worse and broke the flesh.
Lol kid finds a skinny one, thinking it'll hurt less.... Oh what a tangled web he weaved for himself 😂
😂😂😂
My mom is the scariest woman I know. She’s also the nicest woman I know. We need more of that
...
Why? So kids are afraid to tell their parents anything and they just lie?
Yessss
@@fifiesforte 🤨
@@awkwardautistic in my family the only things we got spanked for was direct disobedience (dad said don’t do something and I did it anyway, for example) and lying. We never got spanked for anything else. My parents also NEVER spanked us when they were angry. It was always very calm and followed by a hug, explaining why we couldn’t ever disobey/lie. I don’t think most parents do it this way, but it was effective and loving. I am very close with my parents.
As Ashton Kutcher once said, “we don’t need to make a better world for our kids; we need to make better kids for our world.”
Dang, he actually said that? Seriously good quote. Not just a neat catchy quote, but great advice. Respect.
You morons actually think he came up with that?!?!
Ashton Kutcher said that? Good indication to ignore it. Nazism and Communism startes with peolle trying to make a better world. Hitler tried to make better kids as well.
@@ernestoberger7589 that is such a huge leap but okay
@@connorbaz5980 he said it in an interview once and said that it’s something someone else had said to him once. I don’t remember who, but it really resonated with me.
It's not even just spanking, no one's telling their kids "no" in a healthy way anymore. They never say no until they're so frustrated that they snap.
Everyone seems to be concerned about being their childs friend and not making them cry. I had zero interest in that. They can be friends with kids their age. They got enough friends, they need parents. Friends ask ehy my kids grew up so well behaved while theirs are out of control and asked for tips. I simpmy said i straight whooped mine. So ofc they were more upset at the thought of their child being mad at them. ... so now their child rules the house, theyre super stressed. Tried to actually pass them on to me and even asked if i would do it for them 👀
Not my kid not my problem. Im not the one with the headaches 😂
I decided to make myself enjoy saying no. Now I instead need to force myself to say yes when appropriate, because saying no is practically a reflex by now.
Yeah that’s what gentle parenting is trying to get rid of
Exactly, and no one is giving any real punishment either.
With all of the technology kids have today there are more ways than ever to punish children without using physical pain. For example, taking away that kid's TV or internet privileges for a week goes a long way.
@@pixie3393 none of this is trrue. What happened is we were raised by people like you and when we decided to have kids we wanted to do something different. Because yall failed as parents
Be sensitive when you need to be and then discipline when needed. That’s my motto. There’s a time and place for everything. Treat kids according to the situation.
Yes!😊
And according to their temperament and their need. Some kids demand discipline. Others never even need a terse word.
I'd rather be spanked by an emotionally and mentally stable parent than verbally abused by an unstable one.
👍👏 well said!
My mentally unstable mother just did both
@@i_have_no_will_to_live. aren't parents great?
An emotionally and mentally stable parents who hit their kids to teach them a lesson seems like an oxymoron
@@old_yeller4251 "spanking" is not "hitting". Spanking is a corrective action, much like slapping a hysterical person. Hitting is abuse, like venting your own anger on someone else. There's a big difference when done properly
It's not even so much that kids aren't being spanked, its that parents are letting their kids walk all over them and have absolutely no boundaries
Absolutely correct!!
Yes indeed! There's a whole Lotta good healthy wiggle room btwn spanking & spoiling. 😊
Yes!!
Avoiding spanking = these kids that think they can recreate the world in whatever image they conjure up.
💯 agreed
" If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about! " - Mom
This
YEP!!
Yes and she would follow thru too.
Simple as.
Yo i think we have the same mom😂
I was in a small lineup for some ice cream in a cruise ship and some kid tried to cut right in front of me when I was about to order and his mom was standing nearby and said absolutely nothing, did not even apologize or disciplined her child for cutting in front of someone. Fortunately the ice cream server saw the whole thing and ignored the kid who cut in front of me and asked me for my order. The kid tried to order after me but the server kept ignoring him since there were people behind me at the time and the server took their orders. The kid eventually left all salty he didn’t get his ice cream and ran to his mom. 😂
Seriously, some kids and parents these days are just outrageous...if I ever pulled a stunt like that when I was a kid, my mom would probably hit me with a slipper and lecture me 😆.
The ice cream server, probably saw that happen, every trip.
Are you Indian like us
Hopefully you all tipped that server.
I haven't done it in a few years, but I used to wait for the parents of children who were acting up to handle their children. If they didn't, I would 100% verbally handle it. Most kids just looked shocked and did what I said. On the odd chance the parents heard me, they said nothing to me. They either corrected their child or called them to them, which typically handled the problem. The one time a parent had something to say, she didn't say anything to me, she just loudly complained about people telling her children what to do. I loudly responded, "If you handled your children, other people wouldn't have to. It's ridiculous that kids that big don't know how to behave in a store." She huffed off angrily, but she hollered at her children to get off the store gate and turnstile and go shop with her. These kids were easily 10ish and extremely rude and disrespectful to everyone. They tried with me, and I pushed back. They listened to me. 😂
@jomiejoanjoseph6319 Bruh my mother is white from the American South and she would've knocked me into the middle of next week 😂.
As a Mexican I relate to this so much every kid knows the mom stare that you got to behave when you were in public. It’s works and kept us is check.
Chancla time!
It's not just the Mexican culture that has that "stare" 😁
My mother would give that same stare if we were acting up in public and we didn’t listen the first time when she nicely told us to knock off whatever we were doing. She’d give us that stare and my mother liked to pinch the back of our arms (that sensitive skin on the back of your upper arm, if that helps to make sense of what I mean) she didn’t even have to pinch hard cause that’s a sensitive spot, but she’d pinch you then look at you and whisper “just wait until we get home” and no matter how much I hoped that she’d forget by the time we got home, she didn’t and we got our a** beat! (She didn’t go overboard into abuse, it was just enough that you learned there were consequences for your bad behavior and not listening to her the first time! And my mother is a cranky ol’ German woman
Yup, especially when she threatened us with the chankla as soon as we got home which came flying around the corner into the next room to spank our behinds. 😂
Exactly, im Moroccan and i this is valid, my kids look at me and check my eyes, they know when they mess up i ll look at them like 👁️👁️, i don’t need to talk
I was raised by my parents who disciplined me physically whenever I acted out. Now, I'm a retired U.S. Army veteran with 26 years of service. I miss both of them.
Thank you and all soldiers for tour service and protection!❤
From the bottom of my heart, Thank you so very much for your service. Best wishes to you and yours!💖
Never in anger, always with good cause.
Yes!! Amen!
Most important point
Lmao with good cause? what is good cause for hitting your child? If hitting your child worked, you would only need to do it once. It makes them fearful, embarrassed and angry. It teaches them nothing but those three things. It does not teach them to manage their emotions nor does it teach them how to make the right decision on their own.. just to make a decision out of fear. What good does that do.
I was spanked several times in my childhood. The ones that truly harmed me were the ones done in a moment of anger, not the ones done coldly.
Well looking at many of the younger adults Iof today not spanking is not helping anything.
Some people never had a dad that could silence a room with a single glance and it shows 😂
So...an abusive dad?
Oh I did. I don’t think my dad ever used the belt but just seeing it coiled up in his closet made an impression.
I had one of those. No contact necessary.
My dad has "the look". I think I inherited it from him, as did my siblings
My dad wasn’t in the picture for a while so I had my mom who started doing it and my grandpa- lessons learned
"I'll give you something to cry about!" Perspective is everything 😊
PREACH
I heard that phrase as a child. Also if a parent used my first, middle & last name, I knew that my goose was cooked.
Those poor children being told that!
My LEAST favorite quote as a child and my FAVORITE one now that I'm an adult from my dad was this one,"It's not my job to be liked by you and be your friend, my job is to prepare you for the real world and reality". I stepped out of line, I UNDERSTOOD what I did wrong immediately and I was rewarded when I did something right. There has to be CONSEQUENCES, good and bad, depending on how you act because that's life.
“I want to be your friend, but I have to be your father first.” Always had a buddy buddy relationship with my father until I stepped out of line.
Nah I see myself as my sons best friend and gentle nurturing guide
@@carlysheree3130 well the father really should be the disciplinarian in the relationship.
@@carlysheree3130 great, another one whose kids will be running around Walmart screaming at you to f off while you chase after them telling them their feelings are valid 😂
😂😂
Discipline is important for a child's stability and sanity. Children are built to push until they find the boundary, and if they keep pushing and pushing and find no boundary they'll keep escalating even beyond what they themselves want. They'll have no way to orient themselves in the world, and they can correctly surmise that their parents don't care about what's best for them after all.
In Asia, we only have to give the eye. The eye is saying, you're going to get what you are asking for when we get home. 😂😂😂😂
My buddy was at a family dinner at a restraunt celebrating his nephew's b-day. His nephew was running all over the restraunt acting like an animal. The grandparents looked appalled by the behavior and ay their child for doing nothing about it. While the boy was running by my friend for the fourth time when he grabbed him and pulled him close. He said "sit your ass down snd don't move till your told too". He was very stern and guess what, the kid sat down and behaved the rest of the night. He didn't raise a hand, but he let the kid know that there will be repercussions if he doesn't settle down. The grandparents were proud of my friend and the parents were to passive to say a word.
Exactly. No need to take a swing. 😊
Well done!! That's all it takes.
I wish I had been there. I'd have LOVED to see that
If he had not listened swinging would be required.@@MsAubrey
@@websterri true.
I was physically disciplined growing up. Never beaten. I knew what boundaries, loyalty, and respect were and this has made me a better adult for it. Thank you Mom and Dad for loving me enough to instill these qualities that so many are lacking in today's world.
Exactly, I knew my mom would discipline me if I did something wrong. However I was never afraid of her, I was afraid of doing the bad thing and getting spanked for it. My siblings and I were never beaten senseless, I love my mother and I will also discipline my children.
My parents, too, i may not have seen their point as a child, but as an adult, im so thankful. Watching so many other fully grown adults falling apart and making absolutely ridiculous choices because they can't control themselves is honestly alarming. It is insane how many people struggle with self discpline. If they had been taught it growing up, a lot of peoples lives sure would have turned out a whole heck of a lot better. Discipline teaches you consequences for your actions, both good and bad. Which happens all through your life. Better to get over that hurdle when you're young, instead of waiting till you are older and getting your ass kicked by some stranger or by some job or school or whatever and then having a mental breakdown over it. Life sucks. The sooner you learn, the better off you are.
I love how Ben isn’t afraid to be woke in this vid. He takes a stand - hitting kids is not ok. Sure it’s guna loss off his fan base but the reason why he did it is clear - he is no fan of hitting kids. The undeniable wholeness by Ben is top level!!!
I am sorry you were abused as a child. I know it is natural to want to defend your parents.
@@stpaul0859disciplines spanking and abuse are NOT the same thing, for the love of everything good. Conflating the two is the same as saying consensual sex is the same as rape. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME!!!
I was a single mom. I have two kids who are adults now with their own kids. My kids were mostly well-behaved because they knew one rule. I never bluffed. If I said I'm going to turn the car around because they were being jerks, I did, even if that meant an hour into going somewhere. My job was to raise responsible adults that contributed to society.
You're my hero. I know how hard it can be to never bluff. This is good parenting.
@@westwind324 Thank you. My kids turned out great. I had no idea what I was doing, but I knew I had to be strong for them.
Yes! That is what I did too! We drove to the beach they kept hitting each other I said anymore of that we will go home, I had to turn around 3 feet from the beach! They cried all the way home! But it worked! ( THEN I cried at home cuz it was 101 and we didn't have air conditioning lol)
@@melaniebosel1451 You completely did the right thing. I bet they thought twice before doing that again😂
My grandchildren had the same fear even though I never had to do it with them. My daughter just told them and that was enough.😂
Snap, I remember saying to one of my sons, like you 2 boys, sometimes I think I was too hard on you & he said mum, if we weren't abit scared of you we'd have walked all over you!
It's small stuff as well. My sister's kid eats microwave Mac and cheese during Thanksgiving dinner. We would starve if we did not eat what was on the table.
Maybe you should try telling your sister to introduce new foods step by step.
Soooo, you’re suggesting starving a child just because they’re picky?
@@axehead45 they won't starve themselves, they are not stupid. If you are given no options you eat what is on the table.
@@vdoggydogg3922 You clearly have never experienced a child with sensory issues. I would literally rather starve than eat something that bothers me. You’re seriously fucked up to think it’s ok to starve a child just so they eat food at one holiday
Here’s the thing.. if my child is having an emotion, I tell them that is okay. The WAY in which you express that emotion is different. My children are NOT permitted to make scenes, the scream, to disrespect me or anyone verbally or physically. I am not here to raise self-centered kids. I’m here to make sure my kids become GOOD PEOPLE who serve God and live a life of service to others. That’s the highest honor.
So what do you do when they do have a meltdown or any of the other rules of yours that they break?
@@carriejustice7433You help them learn how to regulate their emotions. They don't have that skill at a young age. We don't spank or threaten violence to children who don't know how to swim. We teach them and encourage them to learn how.
@@michellemartin5440it’s so vindicating to find others who actually understand about how to gentle parent properly. Break the generational trauma!!!!
@@gijones8950 you have no idea of the outcome that will happen to her children based on her comment. Your just excited that someone is as soft as you are
@@michellemartin5440exactly! So true. That's what's needed.
If parents try to be parents, they get scolded.
Did you humiliate the child in front of others .big difference in letting your child no without humiliating.
Let em try to scold me, and they can be next in line.
Healthy parenting is high in discipline and high in warmth.
Yes! Discipline is important and so is support
My old man's mantra was "Yer won't get told a third time"
Mine was being told once is enough.
Or, "next time I won't tell you with words".
The “ just wink at me and go to the bathroom I’ll spank your kid” got me 😂💀😂
In Latin American households we all survived the flying "chancla" (slipper) from mom or grandma. It kept us in check. Those all ladies had better aim than a professional sniper. You did or said something wrong or misbehaved, that slipper would come flying from across the room & reset you to factory settings😅
Ooooh! So true! I always tell people Gen Z is the result of them having little meetings with flip flops.
LOL - "Reset you to factory settings" (very very funny)
Verdad 🤣✌️
I once was a bit faster and stepped out of the way. The slipper broke the glass in the door...😂
@@butterfliesinsidemj 😂😂😂 My mom would beat us for the broken glass as well.
I remember the days when we were told I'll give you something to cry about
yess
Lol I'm that mom.
i remember the days where everybody was allowed to discipline each others kid you could get into just as much trouble with the nice lady across the street as you could with your own mama
@@idioticbagel2833 I didn't grow up in those times, but I was disciplined. My children will learn discipline and respect for others.
And you thought they meant they were going to hit you, but instead they ruined the housing economy, the environment, and the hopes of ever being able to retire
Hitting kids is never okay.
Sheltering kids is never okay.
Find a middle-ground and
you'll get well-adjusted adults.
Wrong.
Love this comment 💕 You're absolutely correct.
In Africa both work together perfectly fine..
@@chatwithdassah Thyat's why you have such good ''results'' coming from Africa...
@@costealucia5357you clearly don’t know any Africans.
I gave my son a swat on the butt once and he turned to me defiantly and said " that didn't hurt me." I sternly let him know it wasn't meant to hurt him, it was meant to get his attention and let him know he was supposed to stop what he was doing. He thought for a minute and said "Oh." And stopped what he was doing. Spanking is not supposed to be about harming the child it's about getting their attention and letting them know their behavior is unacceptable. Same way cats, dogs, bears etc. Give the kids a swat to correct them not kill them .
Damn, you'd spank a bear!? I guess I don't need to tell you to #livewithoutfear. 🐻
@@TopsideCrisis346Of course, you understood she was referring to mama bear disciplining her cubs... mama cat disciplining her kittens, and so on.
I watched a video recently of a dad gorilla who, after patiently putting up with 2 of his offspring's fight-playing and "monkeying" in his close viscinity, had enough and silently gave them a swat. They weren't hurt or anything of the sort but resolved to wrestle further away. 😅
@@TopsideCrisis346 🐻
100% agree. A quick swat is an attention getter. My rule was 3 strikes and you're out. The 3rd time I tell you it's a swat to the backside
Your son is brave..as a kid if I said that to my mom, she would hit me again and harder
You know all the blue haired college students, screaming & having meltdowns at protests? This type of parenting is the reason.
Honestly no. A lot of them had very physically/emotionally abusive parents, (sometimes even sexually abusive parents). They’re acting like their parents regarding emotional regulation, they were taught to hit when they’re mad. Only someone with true restraint and emotional maturity is able to endure raising children with physical discipline limited to appropriate situations (if your kid is physically harming others or themselves)
@@nunyabizay9253 Or they never heard the word “no”.
@@nunyabizay9253 It's both. Parents are either abusive and neglectful. Too coddling and not authoritative enough.
Very little in between.
@@nunyabizay9253 I can guarantee you most of the products on gentle parenting... It is where narcissists and entitled people mostly come from. It's the single-child generation of coddled kids who never heard the word "no".
@@brunolopes2205 clearly most of you haven’t looked much into this topic. Narcissists are created by both types of extreme parenting. Most people I know of personally that ended up being narcissistic or borderline crazy actually had very cold and controlling parents. They seek validation and love they never got at home. They think they deserve admiration and seek to manipulate people to gain control over them, because they’ve never had healthy attachments and have grown bitter.
PREACH
As a teacher, it is very clear which kids are disciplined at home and which kids are not. I bet y’all can tell me which ones are better adjusted and better learners.
I had a parent, ex military, with the highest achieving, best behaved kid in the class, who told me I could smack him any time I wanted. I explained that would never be necessary because the kid knew he’d be lined up behind me and his kid would never be that kind of problem anyway.
the ones with a strong DADDY and mommy and DADDY set rules and consequences.
“Just wink at me and go to the bathroom. I’ll hit your kid.” 😂 😂 That’s freaking hilarious!
Best line!!!😂
I am someone who was abused as a child. Physical, mental, emotional. You name it, I got it.
It is not abuse to discipline you're child if they're misbehaving. Give them a warning, tell them what's going to happen if they keep choosing to misbehave. If they continue the behavior then they've told you what they want to happen. That is not abuse. That is discipline. These people need to learn the difference.
I also received every possible form of abuse growing up, and I am sorry that either of us had to go through that, but we don't get the life we want; we get the life that was overcome so that God may be glorified. As a fellow child of abuse, I completely agree with your perspective.
All I will say is me too to everything you have said about abuse.
But OP as @s.s.9149 said, to do with your opinions on abuse and discipline we are in total agreement. ❤
Another aspect too is to make sure to never discipline you child in anger.
Sets a very bad precedent.
But totally agree with what you said
A swat on the a$$ is NOT child abuse, Honey. ITS CALLED PARENTING.
@@connielyons562 how about when that swat on the rear is with a paddle that your daddy drilled holes into? Or a wooden cooking spoon? Or a belt that was soaked in the sink first? Have you ever had to go pick a switch? Have you ever heard of a switch? Those of us who have been abused know the difference between abuse and discipline quite well, Honey.
"Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." Proverbs 13:24
The rod that this verse is referencing is a shepherd’s rod used to control his sheep. The shepherd would not hit his sheep with the rod but use it to guide his sheep. So no, that verse is not (as so many people like to claim) saying you should hit your kids.
@@shanaparkhurst3574Where did the op imply to hit a child with it?
@butterfliesinsidemj I do not see where OP implies that in anyway at all. However, in todays society, I believe that it's prudent to make sure that those who would and I'm sure have used that verse in the past to justify abuse because they didn't understand the verse in which they were so mistakenly quoting. My Dad was always "spare the rod, spoil the child", I lived in fear of belts coming off of mens pants for a very long time. That included my husband, despite him never even ever raising one finger to me out of anger. It's a good distinction to make, just for those who may not understand that the rod being referred to here is a rod of guidance and love, and NOT a rod of abuse.
@@fortheloveofdavis9577 Fair enough. Point taken.
Proverbs 23:13
Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die.
@@butterfliesinsidemj
I grew up as a large kid. At 11 i was 5'09 and 175lbs. My parents had to fuck me up to get through to me and I'm so thankful they did. No abuse. Just good old fashioned discipline followed by a "What have we learned?" True 90s magic.
Now we know how to make Ben snort!!! 🤣🤣 'rubbing crystals'🤣🤣
Gives me the same reaction
Parenting has devolved and it shows. Kids are dumber, more irresponsible, selfish, entitled, disrespectful, emotionally and spiritually weaker.
Kids these days, amirite??
We can always blame microwaves
In the western hemisphere
And then they do not grow up and become adults with the same exact mentality.
It's the same with women. Discipline is required.
Ben's snort is everything! 😂
I had to replay to confirm it was him! lol
@@skywatcher8143same😂
I came here to make the same comment.
Fr 😂😂😂
Yeah, the crystal rubbing had me almost snorting. My Mom would just show me her hitting hand and say wait til I tell Daddy. Never had to hit me. Ya gotta put some fear in these kids, or they will run you!
Facts. Grandma knew, and we knew that if you got that one look, it was about to be on. You straightened up real quick.
The look doesn't work with my grandson. The slipper works waaay better.
"Just wait until your father gets home" was it for me. Puts the damn fear of God into you.
Exactly. You got few beatibgs for doing what we were warned not to because of The Look.😂😂😂
@@NinjaFlibbleRemember when you'd be like just lemme whip myself!
John is awesome and many different age groups can totally relate…and without using cursing or vulgarity. Thank you!
There's a happy(unhappy) medium between an explosive parent and a doormat parent. I believe that the child should understand what they did wrong and why it's wrong, give them a chance to correct themselves or they will be corrected - hence spanking. Being consistent will teach the child that if they don't straighten up, a spanking is inevitable. I was a child of an explosive parent, never knowing what I did wrong and didn't do anything wrong most of the time, that just taught me to avoid him and walk on eggshells when he's around.
Me too
Yup. Same here… I remember once I got smacked on the bum several times because I crashed a crash dummy car into a timber frame of our house while it was being built…
Same here. Not really a fan of physical punishment because men are way stronger than a tiny kid. And that shit hurts as a little teeny kid. What I'll do in the future when I have kids is not spoil them (to prevent the meltdown), do my best to explain (cause as a kid I understood just didn't know I needed teaching),, and I'll give them hard tasks and be stern (tire someone out they'll get humble), and speak stern and show no sympathy at times. If they want to be something or do something incredible I'll help push them so they can do that and I'll do my best to do teamwork with them and be there. I was always told I'd never be good, be able to do things, I was too this or that. That caused me all sorts of behavior and anger issues.
I'll never physically strike them in the face or body, verbally abuse them by putting them down, or rule over them in fear.
I want to be the dad for the girl and the man for the son. Not a dictator. Or pain presenter. Stern, firm, thoughtful, a listener who you can approach, and loyal with consistent output to the family. Someone who actually gives exemplifications of what you ask them to do. The best dads do that I noticed. People who come out so tough but rounded mentally got that kind of figure. That's just what I think based off experience and what I would do different.
Same here, one time my dad spanked me and my younger sister in the middle of a mall pulled our pants down and everything, and we didn’t even do anything wrong. We were just kids, giggling, happy, and excited to be at the mall. I was probably 6 or 7 years old and my sister would’ve been around 5 years old. He told us we were being “too loud” and spanked us for it. We were horrified and humiliated. Who does that to a kid!? If my mom were there she would’ve been livid. She hardly believes me when I tell her these stories of what dad did to us. Don’t even get me started on how he reacted when my older sister with special needs got upset. One time he pushed her against a tree holding her neck, almost choking her, and yelling at her “STOP CRYING!” And when we tried to stop him he threatened us saying “Do you want to be next!?” A few months ago, when I went to my church, there was this family who attends, and their kids are probably around 11, 15, 18, and 22. They were all playing together sort of chasing each other, and the boys were gently play fighting, and I was just watching in shock. Knowing, I would’ve gotten a spanking for doing anything like that in public. And as I was watching it was like alarm bells went off in my head. “Woah should they be doing that??, is that even allowed in public or at a church!?!?🚨🚨🚨” Then I realized why I was getting like that and where that was coming from, and I got sad. I also realized in that moment I grew up way too fast and that I didn’t play like that too often as a kid.
@@lilyb4229That's really sad and heartbreaking to read 💔
Such people should not be allowed to have kids.
Babies and children are the cutest and most innocent things on Earth. They are completely dependent on you and anything they learn, they learn from you.
(This is directed towards bad parents and those who believe violence is justified):
You are already an adult; you have lived through everything and have so much experience. If you have such poor impulse control and temper management, then how can you set an example for your kids?
Your kids are supposed to look up to you, love you and respect you and want to be like you when they grow up. Not hate you, fear you and be traumatised by your abuse.
I never needed to spank my kids, I just taught respect and politeness. And it worked
There are compliant children and then there's non compliant children. My oldest daughter, now grown had a head like a brick. Smart mouth and very stubborn. There was times where I had to tap that behind, because talking didn't always cut it. I can count on one hand how many times she was spanked. As she got older, it wasn't necessary because we had an understanding that she wasn't going to run my house. My two under her, total opposite. Easy going temperament and I didn't have to spank either of them.
It just depends on the kid. If you spank them explain to them why a d there are consequences.
If you never spanked your kids fine, but person that doesn't isn't better than one who does. Just depends on the child and the situation.
Doesnt mean it would on everyone.
All kids are different.
My parents did the same and it had fakking 0 effect.
Spanking did tho.
Why do all parents seem to think theyre the only ones raising their kids the right way?
There are as many different (and valid) ways as there are personalities.
Your way would never work on me, not in a million years.
You wouldve ended up raising an insufferable, entitled narcissist or spanking me...
And this post you just made would be alot different.
@@chalmapatterson544 There are as many types of parenting as there are parents. I was simply offering my view, which obviously doesn't work for everyone Or every child.
My mom always tells a story about how when I was little and we were in church they would try to keep me entertained with some cereal or small toys. However, when that stopped working and I wouldn’t listen to her and behave she warned me that we were going to go to the bathroom. I still didn’t behave and so then my mom was true to her word and took me away and gave me one quick pop and told me that when we are at church we behave. She never had to touch me again because from then on I understood that there are consequences and I don’t have to meet them if I behave. This is to show that becoming physical is not at all cruel but very effective and quick. My mom just had to remind me about the bathroom and I would behave. In no way or manner, however, am I even suggesting that this should be the first option or this should regularly or harshly used. That doesn’t discipline but instead hurts the child more than it benefits them and will likely result in future problems. Use it as last result and be sure to warn them of the consequences before hand. Also, my mom has to this day probably has only hit me less than 5 times in my whole lifetime and because she was so unlikely to do it I knew that she would only reach those measures if I pushed her to them. I love my mom and respect her because of her great love and patience.
My parents only used it for lying amd outright disobedience. They raised four kids that way and not even my leftist sister accuses them of abusing us.
They also went to grounding us when turned 12 or 13 years old.
This guy is great! You gotta see him and his friend visit different churches all over!! It’s Hysterical!
First time obedience with kids is the goal, although I never quite got there with my kids. Kids need boundaries. As they demonstrate maturity those boundaries become inward principles . Nothing more satisfying than to see a kid reaching their potential.
Well stated.
We’ve had multiple generations now of many parents not spanking of disciplining. Now we have a society full of people that have no concept of consequences of actions. Go figure huh?
Those same generations were given participation trophies because they were never taught that losing is also part of life and that it's easy to be a good winner but requires more strength of character to be a good loser. A lesson that my kids were taught at a young age, so they could teach their kids.
No we’ve not. Untill vey recently spanking wad the norm. They even have it in some schools still. Most millennials and a fair amount of Gen Z at least.
@@stupidveganworldso wrong, dont even try it.
Not even remotely true. The majority of millennials were not spanked. At least white ones. @@stupidveganworld
Do you actually believe this? You think we had less crime and abuse before people stopped spanking? How far back do you personally want to turn the clock?
Thank God for my dad's discipline.
I was never hit as a kid, I was just raised right. Never cried or had a tantrum. The two options aren't hitting or crystals and placating.
Spanking or smacking (maybe that's uk) is not the same as "hitting". Hitting is done in anger. Smacking is only meant to sting and not leave a mark, neither is it meant to be in the face. There are other options before smacking though.
Probably is uk as were not allowed to spank children at all. No physical consequences or youll have cps/social sevices called on you. Was never hit as a child neither were my 2 younger siblings and we are all well behaved and respect people. Never needed to be spanked to learn what we should or shouldn't do. My older siblings were intact spanked as children when it was still legal to do so. They all turned out to be assholes and I barely talk to most of them. @sarahpiaggio2693
@@heidi_1love Raising children is about a lot of things, not just smacking. There are multitudes of variables, so I doubt you'd find there's a causal link between smacking and bad character later on. There may be a link between "hitting" (ie assault) and bad character due to trauma. These are 2 very different things. Smacking is not illegal in England yet (it is in Wales) but no one tends to do it for fear of drawing attention of social services who "believe the child", who wouldn't be able to verbally differentiate "hit" and "smack" and the worst would be assumed.
You think every child is exactly the same, dont you.
Trust me, I needed my spankings.
I praise the lord for them.
I wouldve been absolutely fakking insufferable today if I hadnt.
If Id even be alive.
You only spank a child who needs a spanking, if you were a calm well behaved child, your parents did right NOT spanking you.
But that doesnt apply to everyone.
I was a fakking hellraiser and it had nothing to do with my parents not raising me right.
It was massive ADHD giving me 3 days worrh of energy everu 24 hours, combined with an insatiable curiosity.
I didnt set fire to my neighbors mailbox to be mean or anything.
I was just a 6 year old idiot who didnt think before he acted and I was curious if the flame would be rainbow colored (cuz the mailbox was).
I didnt repeatedly walked on to construction sites to piss anyone off, I was fascinated with the hassive things they were building.
You didnt need spankings?
Good for you.
Now dont try to be the ultimate authority for every child/parent relation in the world...
Youre not.
@@sarahpiaggio2693Um, yes, they are the same thing and you just proved that point yourself. So one is done out of anger and one is not? Okay, so it's still the same action. So it's still hitting/spanking/slapping, same thing, and all are horrible and should not be done to a child. You don't spank adults when they do something wrong now do you?
I used Natural Consequencrs. I started having my kids write reports on their bad actions. Stealing: Name-calling, Honesty. They had to write a real report and we got books on it from the library. This seemed to work.Example: my daughter missed the bus to get to school. I drove her and she owed me $3.50 for gas and I hour of time. Never missed the bus again.
😂😂I am going to try this. Thank you❤
I was a science teacher and my classroom was one and the same as my lab room, like 50 years old with goodness only knows what chemicals around. I explained that they weren’t allowed to chew gum because of this and never did so myself. I caught a girl, even though I had given her the look and just told her to report to my room after for detention. I gave her a pair of rubber gloves, goggles, and a scalpel with no blade and set her to work popping 50 years worth of gum off from under the desks. After about half an hour, I said she was free to go. The next day she was getting gum from a friend and I gave her the “I thought we learned our lesson look” and she tripped over herself to say it was for later and showed me that she was shoving it in her pocket. I said thank you,and moved on. Natural consequences, those that are actually tied to the reason it is a problem, work best.
Except that was probably the 3.50 that you gave her earlier on in the week or whatever.
I have always believed that there’s is a clear distinction between spankings and beatings/physical abuse. One quick, measured smack is very different than beating them mercilessly.
And, you can recover from physical spankings much more easily than you can from verbal/emotional abuse.
Your child constantly runs out into moving traffic? Sit them down and engage in a hour long struggle session to help them see the error of their ways. See how that goes.
Well you don't want to leave permanent damage but you want to show dominance.
When I was younger my dad would hit me round the back of the head for the smallest of mistakes, and I hate him for it but now that happened I have a better understanding of life
Having been spanked and emotionally abused, the emotional abuse is 1000 times worse in my opinion. I’d much rather get a spanking every day of my childhood than go through mental torment caused by a parent.
@@justhavingfun9798100% same
One time I was trying to perform an ultrasound on a pediatric patient (8-10 years old) and he started trowing a temper tantrum. His mom, instead of telling him to behave, actually said, and I kid you not: “honey, ‘mindfulness’, repeat with me, ‘mindfulness’”.
I did my best to swallow my laughter. I could not believe the hippie nonsense the mother was trying to educate their kids with.
I had a huge gash on my arm stitched when I was 6 and the only thing my dad had to do was telling me “the local anesthesia will burn for a while, it’s ok if you cry, just don’t move”. Discipline doesn’t require physical punishment. My parents never hit me, not even once. But I still obeyed them and was afraid to get in trouble.
If you actually understand gentle parenting (or respectful parenting as some people call it) - that's what your dad did not your patient's mom. It's about acknowledging reality and the feelings that come with it, and assisting the child in dealing with it. That's good discipline
I agree that spankings aren’t necessary…if the child actually obeys their parents. But that is the assumption you’re making. What about kids that don’t obey their parents?
I know a mom and dad who have two kids and they do not believe in spankings. Those kids are wretches. They whine and complain, they are disobedient and rebellious, and they even hit their own parents when they don’t get their way. So here are kids who are somewhat permitted to hit their parents but the parent can’t spank them. It’s just foolishness.
Spankings are not always justified, but sometimes they are. People need discernment when they use spankings.
I am a brother of 10. I am the second oldest. My dad was taught that kids should be spanked. He spanked me and my other two oldest brothers a lot. It was actually unhealthy. But then he began to learn that spankings are not the solution to every problem and he barely spanked my younger siblings..only when they actually needed it.
Just to be sure, all of my siblings and me love our parents very dearly. We are not violent and rebellious monsters and we all contribute to society. The notion that exists that spankings create violent adults is baseless. I know more people my age that were spanked than those who weren’t. Most of them are excellent adults.
Spankings can be abusive or they can be corrective. It only takes a small amount of discernment to know the difference.
Yeah, I am curious about gentle parenting, but I won't throw out the concept of spanking- when necessary.
I was never over the knee spanked, but probably given a corrective a swat or two. Even so, there was a connection with my parents, especially my dad, where there was an anxiety about doing something wrong and angering/ disappointing them. Somehow they garnered a respect and love that made me avoid bad behavior. It wasn't a fear of spanking or other physical punishment for me. I'm not against spanking but I would love to understand how that respect/ love bond manifests.
The thing is...was it a temper tantrum or was the kid scared?
I had a needle phobia until I was 12 and I wasnt trying to be difficult or act out, was terrified. Did the kid know what an ultrasound was?
Eventually I learned (on my own cause my parents were no help) that if I stared at the wall, didnt look at the needle, and took deep breaths, I could get through it. (I also realized that it was gonna happen no matter what so delaying it would do no good.)
My father never hit or slapped me. We did what he asked because we respected him. He never yelled at us either. Parenting doesn't have to involve physical discipline if you parent a child with boundaries and love.
Exactly. If anyone lays hands on a child that’s just abuse
wrong, wrong wrong.@@whitecowchills6821
I’m old school. My Mama didn’t play. I saw that wooden spoon & knew trouble was a comin’! She was so fast with that spoon, I didn’t even have time to clench. I’m grateful for the way I raised. I had a healthy respect for my mom and dad. They took the time to teach me right from wrong… they discussed whatever came to my mind. They gave me the confidence I needed to be a successful adult.
the mom asking the kid for them to tell their truth lmao.
Their truth is that they're selfish and spoiled, and they need to be taught how to behave. 😒
I say there's no such thing as your truth or his truth or whatever... there is only THE TRUTH
@@thefacelessquestion3333Amen.
@@thefacelessquestion3333 I totally agree with you!
My mom would have smacked the crap out of me. Love you mom 💓
A balance is vital. Teaching your kids emotional intelligence and management is incredibly important. That doesn't mean letting them throw epic tantrums but it also doesn't mean spanking them for every little thing. Abuse is generational and I'm thankful people are trying to break the cycle, though some seem to think any discipline is abuse.
There's a difference between discipline and abuse
❤
What is that difference?
@@arvaneret_329 discipline, in this scenario, is punishing your child for something they did wrong (not to an extreme extent) out of love so they can grow and not make that mistake again. A little spanking would qualify as discipline. Abuse is when the anger gets out of control and the parent goes way too far.
Discipline is to lovingly teach and correct behaviour. . Abuse is to hatefully vent anger upon a weaker person or animal.
@@thecove4770 What about stronger disciplinary measures?
I'm Nigerian.
Spare the rod, spoil the child!
Yo!! That’s biblical too! It talks about giving your child the rod because you love them.
I literally just wrote the same thing. Not Nigerian though. Lol
Thank you, I agree and also Ben being a Jewish man and believing in the Tora he should know that in the Bible the word spoil translated from Hebrew actually means rotten and only worthy of being thrown away or cast out.😊 God bless you all
but remember do not provoke your children to wrath
I'm American, but my church says the same thing!
A spanking isn’t a beating!
It’s a kinetic redirection of the thought process for a child. 😮😊❤
basically a reset button 😂
😅😅😅😅
Perfect explanation 👍
I'm stealing this. 😂 👏
🤌🏼
This guy is beyond BRILLIANT!!
Discipline & physical abuse are TWO COMPLETELY different things. I feared a spanking and then learned it's to respect & listen to my parents' yes's & no's. It worked. My dad used to say, "Make your yes mean yes & your no mean no!" So I knew not to even ask twice because they already gave me their answers. It wasn't going to change. No one parents like this any longer. Today? Kids no longer respect any form of authority, especially their parents. 😢
For real have you seen all these teachers have to put up with now a days.
My kids respect me. We read scriptures and stories every night, say family prayer, eat dinner nowhere but at the table with books, toys, Kindles, phones nowhere to be seen. Tuck them in every night. We sit down and do homework with them almost every day and my kids are all at the top of their classes. I get so much love from teachers saying how amazing my kids are and how feral the other children are 😢
That's why I discipline. Cuz I want good humans for our future ❤
@@kickintheastle6195 God bless you and your family! It takes time, effort, and a willingness not to let technology raise your kids these days. Parents use it as a babysitter not realizing it becomes their parent.
I agree with this. They use the two terms loosely to fit their agenda. If kids have no fear of parents, they will have none for the law. Want proof… look at America 👀
I’ll spank my kids when it is needed because jail is not where I’d like them to end up.
I’ll use the appropriate methods of discipline, including corporal punishment, because it’s shameful to have rude kids and it’s also terrible to raise humans who disrespect other humans without a thought.
To this day my mother was the biggest blessing from God. I can count how many times I got a good beating. I respect others, their property, the law and authority. I love my mom and can’t wait to see her again in the new earth! ❤ #waitingforHisreturn
I believe this is why the governments released social media. After all the psychological studies they did back in the 60's up until now & the algorithms they've put in place, they KNEW what reality TV & social media would do to any society. Rush in the breakdown of nuclear families. Parents must truly stay constantly engaged with their children or other kids they absolutely adore to be better!! ❤️
It is conforting to see you smile. God bless you.
Practice “the LOOK!” Scarrryyyy thing! Works every time.
When my Daddy have you that eye look it was time to STOP whatever you were doing...FREEZE...😱😱😱
Shoutout to all the parents trying their best. ❤
My parents had a special "look" to look to us when we were doing crossing the limits. That "eye-staring/look" was so efficient way that aligned the chakras, the spirit, the soul... All in a nano second. .😅
I was a bratty kid, got spanked, learned from it. Spanking doesn't work for *every* kid and it should be applied appropriately but it sure does for most.
If it worked, you wouldn’t had to have gotten spanked more than once
@@privacyplease1556 So I guess grounding doesn't work either if you had to do more than once? You do realize that you're being punished more than once for a DIFFERENT mistake right?
@@privacyplease1556oh please, it's called re enforcement, because it needs to be re enforced. I got hit plenty as a kid, I grew up in a Fijian household with plenty of corporal punishment. You can be damn sure I turned out better behaved than the average teen/20s year old nowadays
No. I didn't remember a single lesson i was supposed to learn from being spanked. It was just humiliation. It teaches fear.
However my parents also used punishment that fit the crime. I drew on a wall? I learned how to wash and paint the entire wall -- gained a life skill. The family helped.
Stole something? I had to return it and apologize.
Discipline means TO TEACH. It's not the same as punishment which spanking is. What are you TEACHING a child by hitting them? Especially when you're angry?
You teach them it's ok for a parent to hit a smaller weaker child. That it's ok for a big person to use violence to get their way. That it's ok for an adult to rxpress anger in a physical way that crosses boundaries. The child has no body autonomy.
In addition to causing lack of trust in parents child relationship, you are modeling bad behavior. The parents need to control their emotions and model good behavior. Not become a toddler yourself
@@recoveringsoul755
It sounds like your parents also taught you how to be a *drama* *queen.*
It really sounds like you *are* more damaged by those "teaching lessons" than *being* *spanked‼️*
I swear this is true. I grew up a whooped kid, But I know a lot of kids I grew up with who did not get their asses whooped and they are the most unbehaved (now) Adults you can imagine. I swear that's the problem with this country. Nobody got their asses whooped for the last 30+ years! We need to go back to public shaming and ass whooping preferably in public. Just line up and start spanking from the courthouse steps! You're found guilty! that'll be 30 swatts, now go pick a switch! 😢
That would likely be one of the greatest deterrents if it was also filmed and shown at every subsequent arrest.
no spanking does nothing but teach kids to hit others if they want something
Id watch that show lol
What a bunch of BS. Spanking was the norm 30 years ago, and it still happens today. There are videos of kids getting hit in school on RUclips. It's literally legal for kids to be hit in school in some states.
@@stupidveganworld you are nuts, spanking has been frowned apon for decades by adults that got their ass beat cause they felt they could do what they wanted.
"Go get me a switch from that tree. It better be a good one." - Mom, Grandma, Grandpa (R.I.P.)
"You ever try whooping his ass?"
Nice
Gettin' an a*s whoopin' either meant you didn't do it again, or you did it again but were a helluva lot more careful not to get caught! 😅
@@aarongoff1111actually for me getting a spanking generally made me not do something again so I wouldn’t get my @$$ whooped again … turns out some kids actually learned from it😊.
@@aarongoff1111 with my parents, getting caught doing again something that you already got punished for... is a BIG problem
And yet whenever I see Chinese or Asian kids, they are almost always so well behaved because they are actually disciplined
True. In private, my mother would whoop our asses. In public, she'd pinch us on the groin with all her might. Those worked, I assure you. 😆
the groin? yikes! don't do that to your kids too. a spanking is one thing but pinching a kid on the groin is an entirely different kind of abuse don't do it.@@s.t.santos5928
They're professionals at failure management.
(According to Steven He)
@@Obi1Classic*flying shoe
But some also are allowed to poop on airplanes
I was a baby boomer and father worked long hours and mother had the patience of a saint with the 3 of us. Since we saw so little of our father we were more or less in awe of him and his looks of displeasure when we misbehaved. We shrank from those looks. We rarely were spanked or smacked but when mother reached the end of her tether, we heard-“thats ok. Wait until your father gets home” and thats when we started making deals to behave if she didnt tell dad on us. It always worked.
Heard that alot myself. Lol
Indeed - The "wait until your father gets home" did the trick.
I sparked my kids when they were children and they are the best now as adults!
Spanking has a place. I certainly needed a small threat of violent retribution from my father to keep my worse traits from taking root through much of my childhood.
people want to blanket everybody into the same category and say no child should ever be spanked under any circumstance. I used to head but people as a kid because I thought it was funny, a much more forceful headbutt from an adult taught me that I probably shouldn’t do that anymore and I didn’t. kids all have different personalities and respond to different punishments.
@@johnsonjj117 My mom taught my brother not to bite by biting him back in a controlled way and explaining that's how it feels. He stopped immediately.
My parents spanked me in public only if I was actually acting like a brat, but not in a way that was painful. It just bruised my pride and I’d pray no one saw. 😂
Yes. That happened with me.
I did not eat anything and stayed glued to the computer the entire day.
My mother never spanked me again
@@vineetamendiratta5121 Wow, you sure taught her! Wait, she LET you be on the computer all day? First clue you and I aren’t from the same generation. We didn’t HAVE computers when I was young enough to be spanked. And wouldn’t be allowed to be on it all day if there were computers. We WERE allowed to starve ourselves. No point in rejecting food if no one is going to worry about it. These days kids wrap their parents around their little fingers with for! 😝
I love the snort it's so pure 😊
I'm so lucky to have a mom who taught me to be discipline and considerate without any force or physical threat. She simply asked me to be mindful about lots of things, how i talk to elders (saying thank u, please, sorry), what i eat, what i read, how to treat others, and many things that has shaped me to be a more mature kid compared to kids my age at that time. Thank God.
As a kid, my dad or mom would've dragged me out with one arm and whooping me with the other lol! I ended up pretty normal as an adult!
Really? What's normal
@@Anonymous-uw4sr I am not robbing and looting, I work for a living, I raised 3 children that's not confused if there's more than two genders, I know right from wrong. So yeah, I think I am pretty normal considering the nuts out there!
Sometimes you have to tell them to “ buck up”. Life gives you tribulations to make problem solvers.
If you can get him to giggle snort ... you are definitely a great comedian lol ...
I don't believe in spanking kids, but I do believe in boundaries, teaching respect, and instilling values. They're all productive adults now (the youngest is disabled, but she's working according to her ability), and we all have an undramatic, loving relationship. 🤷🏻♀️💙
spanking - yes, beating-no..Discipline is essential, period.
I just don’t understand why you need spanking to properly discipline your child. Children who hit others are more often than not spanked at home. When they’re young, they do not understand the difference or the why. Our friend spanked his 2 year old for interrupting our conversation. Quick spank, no biggie, except that was not a justifiable reason to hit someone. What’s so fascinating is he’s 3 now and at his brother’s 1 year birthday party I watched him hit another kid who was talking over him. Gee. Wonder where he made that connection
@BrookeDoesScience it's cool if you don't " understand ".., I'll do me you do you...
@beastbombshell3589 no shit..the level of discipline is in relation to the seriousness of the infraction.." Let the punishment fit the crime. "...I never said " spank for any reason," so don't get it twisted.
@@BrookeDoesScience Because in the real world there are instances who there is no other choice. Kids need to learn that, yes, sometimes pain is a consequence of actions.
A good spanking is followed by an explanation after. And used in moderation. The example given is one where it is used too lightly.
my mother has never spanked or beat me. but I was a calm and respectful child. so it's possible to raise children without hurting them.
Ben reacting to John Crist is something I never expected 😂
I got spanked plenty as a kid.
I'm still alive and have no emotional damage.
Ben got spanked a ton by his parents - he has emotional damage from it
I've only been spanked when I deserved it. I've only ever spanked my nephew twice and that was enough to hammer in the lessons of "don't steal" and "dont climb on the tv stand".
Exactly!
But, but, but maybe you DO have emotional damage, and you're just unaware or it! See?
Just kidding. Devil's advocate.
@@user-qi6hq5iq1f
I'm not Ben.
You dont know dread until you hear:
Option 1-" just WAIT till we get back home!!"
Option 2" if you don't stop crying, I'm gonna GIVE you something to cry about
Option3: "I brough you into this world and I can take you back out!"
Option 4 " You want to say that to my face again? Cause I KNOW you didn't say what I just thought you said!!
My momma was a bear sometimes, but I NEVER doubted the love!❤ this is the kinda mommas we need in squads patrolling and on speed dial instead of therapist!
My friends loved my mom because she treated them just like she did me and my brothers. They still joke about her wooden spoon swing which was no joke.
Bro if my friends mom beat me, I would call the fucking cops on her
Funny thing about spanking, is when you do it with clear and consistent parameters, and are deliberate to treat it as consequence and correction rather than venting frustration, you'll find you don't need to do it that often. I've spanked all 3 of my kids, all still 10 and under, and I've not needed to spank any of them in nearly 2 years now. And I bet they've all three gotten less than 10 spankings each. Yet we are complimented all the time at how well behaved they are, and honestly they really are.
Absolutely!! Consistency is the most important part. Also, the spanking isn't the punishment, it is to shock and stop an inappropriate behavior. Then comes punishment
@@user-td6wy7xe8sIf spanking isn't the punishment, I want to see what the punishment is.
💯 right!!
We call it the reset button in our house.
Me: “Hey boy!! You want Papa to hit the reset button??”
Son: “No Sir!”
my son got 3 in his entire life.
Even if you don’t spank, if your kid is having a meltdown, you need to take them out of the room and help them calm down.
If you spank your child when they are having a meltdown Instead of teaching them to manage their emotions, you are setting them up to either be a perpetrator or victim of domestic abuse down the road.
@@FirstNameLastName-wt5toThese kids that are allowed to have their meltdowns without progressive consequences, may need a final swat, (excluding those with autism & severely cognitively delayed), become the self centered victimizers. I am 70+ & have witnessed this progression. Only the rich have the privilege of taking away the expensive toys: cars, cell phones, expensive trips, drones etc.
@@FirstNameLastName-wt5to Are you talking to me? Is there a hidden comment I can't see?
If your kid is having a meltdown in either a public or private place, you gotta take them to a different room. Even as an adult, if you're frustrated, leave the room for a bit, cool down, and then think.
I've never spanked my kids out of anger. It's always a very specific secondary punishment. "Stop doing that! I am going to count to 3, and if you are still doing it, I will take you into the other room and spank you."
This ends up not being an example of domestic abuse or perpetrator of wickedness. It's a direct consequence to their actions.
The beauty of this approach is that you end up never actually spanking your kid. They know the risks and the consequences. They always stop by the time you get to "2".
But I don't like spanking in general. But time-outs only work so well...
@@ThereIsNoSpoon678 You’re using fear and the threat of pain to control your child. You’re teaching them to solve their problems with violence, or at least the threat of violence. You aren’t teaching them to manage their emotions in healthy ways. You’re setting them up for anxiety and other mental health problems. When you spank and threaten it’s because you never learned to control your emotions. And now you’re passing that on to your children. What you’re doing is lazy parenting.
@@derekjones5728 Do you spank your kids?
We never got spanked, but we did get spoken to very firmly and even yelled at, and we had privileges like cartoons and playtime taken away. We lived with Rules, Routines, and Expectations. We were taught to Respect and Obey our Parents and Teachers. Our Parents were the BEST! 💖💖✝️🕊️🙏
"Wink at me, go to the bathroom and I will hit your child." 😂 how many times that I resisted the temptation.
Lol
Especially when it's your Grandchildren!
I was a very difficult child and got spanked quite often. Almost always by my father (mom couldn’t catch me). It wasn’t pleasant but after the spanking was over he would ask me if I understood what I did wrong. If I didn’t he would explain and tell me why it was wrong. Then he would give me a hug and tell me he loved me. I never doubted that. When I had my own child I handled things the same way my father did with me. But by the time I was a parent we knew what it was that made me so difficult and identified it in my son so we didn’t have as much trouble as my parents had with me.
What was it?
These types of parents are the ones that get hit by their children😂
Mmm nah it’s typically the parents who emotionally scared their children that get hit by their kids
@@Sammiejammie521 nah, every parent I’ve seen get hit by their kid are weak and quiet. The ones that scare that kids don’t get much interactions with them
@@headaqe1708 74% of abusers and murderers had mentally or physically abusive childhood. It’s not about scaring your child into being right, it’s about helping them make the right choice.
@@Sammiejammie521 you’re going super off topic here 😂😂 I’m talking about kids that hit their parents… not adults that grow to kill people lol 😂 that’s
I love the snort laugh!!! 💪🏼💙
My parents took the “stand in a corner” approach
Did it work?
Parents who were abused as kids then go on to the other extreme and become paralyzed with no boundaries whatsoever.
it s a good extreme!
@@bebe8842no it's not!
@@brad1367 it's definitely more desirable than abusing . u have no knowledge or idea what abuse is if u really have that opinion
@@bebe8842 Just because one side is "better" than the other doesn't mean that it should be done, because it's still bad. You don't have to choose between abusing or spoiling your child when there are plenty of other, actually good ways to raise your child.
@@sakurafalls2468i agree, a lot, but the message in what i commented is that between the 2 styles ,I'd rather spoil the kid even with the risk to handicap him/her of too much goodness hahaha and never choose to abuse..
that s all
The fear of the paddle coming out really helps a child make good decisions 😊
"Tell us your truth" 🤣🤣🤣