Story 1: UPDATE 5:21 UPDATE: AITA for sending my daughter to live with her grandmother and giving her clothes to her sister? Story 2: 10:11 AITA for sending my daughter away? Story 3: 15:27 AITA for telling my parents to punish my sister?
14 has explosive personality disorder. I know. I was diagnosed at age 11 with it. Way before it was an actual diagnosis. With the right therapist and tools she can learn better ways to deal with the " explosions". Because now that the first 1 happened more may come.
If I were her, exactly. I wouldn't want anything to do with my 14 yr old sis especially not having done anything as equal impact to her. She knew what she was doing. And if tearing things up made her feel better? Do it to your own stuff. Go outside be productive to get the steam out. Id have stripped her room, give her just a bed, dresser. Until 11 recovered her things, then the 14 will gain her stuff back. Fair is fair. Her sending her to the grandparents was a decent move to cool down, I'd have done the same or least let her spend time there while I dealt with the storm she made.
Me and my brother did worse. He stabbed me with the knitting needel, I slammed his head through the door. He tried to cut me with the bread knife, he slammed it into the wooden table, I threw him clean across the room into the glass table, right into bits, I got lucky he was not impaled on the larger shards or my mother would have gone mental, so much time out of the day to take him to the hospital, she only put my hand in the door that time. He goes on coke, I stab the dealer coming to extort my mom. It all worked out.
She should be afraid of her. Who's to say 14 won't turn on her sister in one of her outbursts... 14 should not be allowed to come home any time soon, and she should never be allowed near 11's property. 11 is the one who was traumatized and wronged, she needs priority right now. I know I'll get a lot of hate for this, but grandma can take 14 to appointments and school and such. 11 needs her mother.
I think it's a little insane that 14 ripped up 11's room but then sat calmly doing homework as if nothing happened. Giving 14's clothes is the perfect consequence of her actions. Separating the girls was the best solution. 14 seemed to learn exactly what to say to get away with what she did.
Agreed, she also made it clear at the time that the clothes were being given to 11 not as replacements but as fill ins until new clothes could be purchased. This seems to have been well handled to me.
WTF? Why would you not get motivation before sending her off? No Dad in this picture? Typically men demand fairness because we are dangerous. Cutting up clothes is a female thing.
@@Gregarious3 there have been cases where men cut up the clothing of their significant other or their children. This abusive shit isn't just limited to women doing it. My bio dad always would cut up my clothing as a child. Anything that my mother bought me or something that was made for me by my grandma and great grandma would disappear and be cut up. It's an abuse tactic and is used by both men and women. Stop generalising.
The people who thought taking 14 clothes was over the line: im sorry, do you want this child to wear the same outfit for the next few days till op has the time and money to buy replacements? The girl needs clothes.
You just going fuel the anger more sense there a feeling of anger hear, it will just appear to show favoritism. Also that what Wal-Mart is for affordable clothes
@@hbsupreme1499 Nah that teaches nothing. Sister would have continued to do stuff like that because there were no consequences that would actually affect her. She's close to her grandma I doubt she views that as a punishment. And how is the mother showing favouritism? The 11yr old just had most of her stuff destroyed!
Taking clothes from 14 is ABSOLUTELY the right thing to do. I would not allow 14 home until 11 feels more comfortable. Also. 14's room goes to 11. And 14 helps me fix 11's room! Her behavior was criminal.
there is nothing wrong from doing it. Its not like 14 had nothing to wear wtf, OP just took some clothes for 11 to wear, as a replacement for what 14 did yall are overreacting
Sounds to me like no one is discipling the 11yr old. The aholle parents are gonna end up with a pregnant teenager and two kids that want nothing to do with their parents or bratty sister.
@@aholeyouare4332 what the hell are you talking about. The 14yo has some problems and the parents are getting her help. All that was stated in the post was that 11yo didn't do the dishes for one night... so she is a brat? You're going to pull something reaching that hard.
@@7thjester16 True there is something wrong with 14 I get the same way but I know its not normal it feels like pure anger and it sucks I hope she gets the help she needs
@@aholeyouare4332 Wrong story, they're talking about 11yo in story 1 that didn't do anything except forget the dishes the day prior and then was traumatized by her sister destroying her room, not the 11yo in story 3 who is a major brat.
Actually, after destroying elevens clothes, forcing fourteen to give her clothes to eleven seems rather fitting to me, but that's only for the clothes, there would be a whole hell storm dropped on fourteen over the other destroyed items and even more about her trying to sabotage elevens academic progress, honestly no motive can excuse what fourteen did and she's lucky she wasn't sent to military school
Miiltary schools no longer take Kids with Pysch problems because there were too many suicides this girl has a problem the fact she blacked out tells alot she might need to a pych hospital for a few months but a military school (most are for boys) if she survived would create something that would be very unsafe
@@everymoviehero9248 There are, but the school district has to advise it too the parents. This means she has to act out in school first. The good news is once she has a diagnosis, the teachers can start looking for certain behavior they may have overlooked before. The schools are going to put the well-being of all of their students over the well-being of just one.
every movie hero she did not force 14 she gave 11 some of 14s clothes because 11s were all destroyed and she did not give all of 14s away 14 still has plenty she did not do it as punishment it was needed
Story 2: a minor that is struggling with anxiety and depression to the point where shes been hospitalized multiple times has specifically said she 'doesn't feel safe' and is willing to go ANYWHERE but this specific person's house?? How does it not even cross this mom's mind that there's a good chance her kid may have been abused by someone in that house?
Well as we all know an Alcoholic should get all the time in the world to sort out their problems, but a child with depression should be better in after a couple years.
Probably because there is abuse in her house too. Alcoholic mom, dad in prison, 3 adult children who are NC....? Doesn’t really strike me as a happy safe home for a child.
Right! Mom doesn’t see it because mom is a narcissistic witch who only cares about her own needs. She reminds me of my own mother. I had a very traumatic relationship with her, I am NC and have been for years. This girl is better off with her sister just like my sister and brother were better off with me.
It sounds to me that there has been abuse at the Aunts house. I think daughter knows that she can't talk to mom. My dad was an alcoholic and very abusive so I do understand.
*VENT WARNING* I deal with depression, ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder) , OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), and Asperger’s syndrome. I have been sent to a hospital in which I stayed for about 5 weeks. I am almost 13 and most of my younger years was filled with abusive parents (who now are trying to reconcile with me) so I completely understand how OP’s child feels. OP is 1000% the ah. Denying your child’s progress will just make them more upset and distant with you (based on my own experiences). I really do hope OP’s child gets the help they need because they doesn’t deserve what is happening to them.
@@mikloscsuvar6097 Why would an 11 year old girl destroy her room and all of her belongings, just to get her sister in trouble? In what timeframe could she have done that, her and her mother were out the entire time.
The only thing that would make any sense is that she has been long term abused by a family member or family friend that her own mother has been handing her over to. Otherwise I don’t see how she would be so messed up. There is something that the OP is over looking and something that 14y/o is scared to say in my opinion. It’s just very weird.
The 14 year old literally admitted to it.And how was 11 supposed to have smashed up and entire room,slashed clothes and thrown out schoolwork in a matter of a minute? Without making any noise at that?
I agree. 14 year old's behavior was really bizarre and violent and not psychologically healthy behavior. I do not know what is wrong with 14 daughter but it is not good. I am not surprised that 11 year old daughter is traumatized. Teens act out a lot, but this is way beyond normal behavior for a 14 year old.
Yeah.. I am worried if 14 will escalate on her violent actions if she rages againest her sister. I wouldn't want to be near someone who would just go insane over something so small.
There is no way that story is true because there is no way a 15 year old could be diagnosed with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). The reason is 1/2 these kids are just acting out from being abused. The correct disorder is conduct disorder. But even this 1 thing would not qualify. I don’t know maybe her therapist just got his license from a Cracker Jack box, but I’d be filing a complaint, on the grounds that the therapist is diagnosing someone with a disorder that you can’t resonantly diagnose a kid with. Furthermore, NPD is genetic and environmental so what does that say about you if your kid literally is a diagnosis for NPD?
@@laraantipova389 actually, ASPD and NPD develope in early childhood and early intervention and diagnoses is not only possible but very beneficial. 14 is not too young to be diagnosed with a cluster b personality disorder. Edit: Also, they said "possibly" they didn't outright diagnose her because it takes several months of consistent and recurring behaviors and attitudes. Most adult narcissists quit therapy when they find out they're narcissists.
First story: Yikes. Seems to me removing the Hulk sister from the home was the right thing to do, snap decision or not. What else was OP supposed to do? She should not apologize for that. I felt bad reading about how 11 was affected. Hope OP gets her a nice shiny padlock to keep sister-Hulk out. Hope OP can unravel this nightmare, but I don't see the sisters' relationship ever recovering from this.
The OP is covering something. "I have mental illness too" mentioned like it was nothing to worry about it. She is hiding incidents, manic episodes, negative feelings. I really don't buy it.
This! Big Sis says sometimes she gets so angry over the most inconsequential things, she felt like smashing something- so she did, and oh her sis the other day forgot dishes so obviously deserved nuclear punishment. The only way little sis will begin to feel better is if she can know her things are safe when she is away or heck how long until she is physically assaulted herself?
@@eldarhighelfhealermiriella7653 agreed. I feel like she is hiding more to what happened then we heard. However I do feel bad for what happened to 11, she had a fun day out with her mom only to come home to see her room/safe space destroyed while her sister just acted like nothing happened. But I do hope that 14 gets the help she needs cause how she acted out with destroying her sister's room was an A-hole move. Just because 11 didn't do the dishes doesn't give 14 the right to go into her sister's room and destroy it.
1st story, 14 destroys 11's room and belongings. BOTH girls need therapy!!! 14 is getting help, but 11 needs it just as badly! It should not be surprising to anyone that their relationship will never be what it once was. 11 also needs a padlock on her bedroom door. It would go a long way to alleviate her fears over her belongings and privacy. My heart breaks for 11!!!
She bagged up some of the evidence and carefully put it outside and went back to her own room without leaving a mark anywhere else in the house - of course she knew what she was doing
@@naiemzamdin7260 It's in the first part where she smeared makeup on the walls and desk and other furniture in the sisters room but it stayed contained to the sister's room so it was clearly a targeted rampage. If the daughter was just having a tantrum why was no other room destroyed, her own included? Then she went and got a garbage bag to put the sister's school work in, then carried it outside.
@@naiemzamdin7260 read it again don't make excuses for psychotic behavior if this were a boy and a girl everyone would take the girls side so do yourself a favor have sympathy for 11 not the sister who possibly messed up her poor little sister's mind for a long long time she may never feel safe again
this sounds like the first time but it was so massive and tramatic it had caused major PTSD but i think they need to dig into 14 i think something happened to her to create such an explodtion also the girls need to get back together even if its in therapy the they longer they wait the worse this will become
Agree with repercussions remarks. 14 year old has anger issues and needs to separated before physical harm is caused. Having anger black outs?! The trauma of the 11 year old needs to taken care of too. My sister's daughter had similar issues and did much better at our mother's house.
@@dcg590 no it's not. Stop blaming single parents for things that even a 2 parent household cannot control. What 14 did was cruel and vindictive and has signs of a social path. The mother did the right thing in separating them and sending 14 away. If she had sent 11 away then that would've been favouritism as she'd be punishing the victim. 14 needs help and the fact that previous checkups and even the existing therapist can't identify what's wrong with her is highly unusual. If 14 can hide her symptoms that well then she's a danger to 11 and needs to be kept away as she is escalating. I'd say for a single mother OP is very in tune with mental health and is doing a lot more than many parents of nuclear family does.
Op is in denial when someone told op that 14 is dangerous person and 11, I fear for her safety. And op need to protect 11 and not enabling 14 and set very hard boundaries and rules onto 14.
My brother was raised by our grandmother and I lived with my mom. He assaulted me last year and now I can’t even here the most common male name. I’m not having nightmares anymore but, it’s hard it really is. And I feel for that little girl. It’s the most gut wrenching thing to have someone you think you care about hurt you.
Been in your shoes.with both my brothers over 40 yrs ago. One apologized. The other has not. I do hope you are getting the help you need. Before you're in a situation where you can't get out of.
Sweetie, you need to report it. Please. I was assaulted by my brother. I told the police. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. He now has a permanent record as a child sex offender and I was finally able to heal. My brother was sentenced to practically no time in jail. But it's not about that. It's about standing up for ourselves and bringing justice into our lives. We did nothing wrong. THEY did. I have no reason to hide. Praying for you 🙏 Please know this is NOT a shame you should carry. You did nothing wrong and your brother should pay. God help the next girl he does this too if this goes unreported.
When I was 11 my 14 yr old sister did something similar to me, in that she cut up 2 of my favourite tops which my mother had just bought for me. I had to try to hide everything I had from her. When she started work, I was still at school and had only 1 pair of shoes at any time, we never had much but were never left wanting. She took my shoes for work, none of hers would fit me, as I had longer legs and bigger size feet. So had to go to school with crippling shoes on my feet. At that time she had 16 pairs of shoes herself. Each week she was paid, she went straight into town center and spent it all on clothes, shoes etc. She hated me simply because I was born, never grew out of it, just grew into it and got worse, she tried to suffocate me twice when I was 3 and 4, pretended to be playing on mums bed, at least that's how it began. She is a total narcissist, manipulator, absolute liar but very very believable, that is until you get to know her. I am 70 now and have not had anything to do with her for the past 21 years and boy is my life better for it.
The contrast between the mothers´ approach to mental health and overall parenting and life in the first and second story is overwhelming. I hope so much especially the daughter in the second story gets away from that awful home and gets the help she needs.
She did... the forcing her to go to the aunts house which she clearly didn't want was the only problem there. Nothing was helping at home and making it worse for her little brother... getting her to her older sisters where maybe she can start getting healthy is the best outcome
Yeah, you did the right thing in story 1. A child abruptly destroying every single item their sibling owns is a very serious sign. 14 clearly has something wrong with her. I'm glad you're being firm and trying to get to the bottom of it instead of letting it slide.
Second Story clearly the original poster is getting defensive she know she screwed up and yet she can't handle criticism from complete strangers who are telling the truth about her own behavior when it comes to her own family. No wonder her older kids want nothing to do with her. I wouldn't be surprised if she did about the saying her youngest son wants nothing to do with her and her youngest daughter wants nothing to do with her neither she is an alcoholic in severe denial
The second story is just a dumb trainwerck. Like "I'am a serial rapist and killer but then I found out my son have cleptomania and steals everything. So i'm sending him away. AITA?"
I don't understand how you can say "I'm a 50 year old alcoholic who's also a single mother with 5 kids and 3 of them have left and gone full no contact with me" and then immediately realized she's the a-hole
@@eldarhighelfhealermiriella7653 was highly implied Dad was since he was sexual offender and aunt's Dad's sister not Mom's... oh and Mom only stayed sober until they took away her having to breath in the analyser constantly and she "doesn't think Dad molested their daughter because she hasn't said anything"... good thing on update was big sister drove 3 hours to get her little sister away from that house and laid into Mom on way out door
That's the Mommy Cult for you. I'm sitting here wondering if this story is even legit, because it just keeps getting more and more ridiculous the more OP trickle-truths her situation. Alcoholic, dad in prison, FIVE KIDS so you know she just doesn't bother to wrap it up (and who knows how many of her kids have FAS), neglects the kids she does have, and has driven away every last child she's got. Yet she still refuses to accept even a tiny bit of blame. Edit: OH GOD SHE'S A SCHOOLTEACHER
First story OP if 14 has narcissism disorder that's IF she has it you'll need to get ready for a long hard road with 11. Why bc 11 will be beyond scared of her own sister will need help from you and professional and 14 needs the same help too from you and professional.
When I read the story I'm going to be honest I highly, highly doubt she has narcissism that doesn't add up with her behavior. It honestly just sounds like the fourteen-year-old hasn't been taught how to deal with her emotions properly. Op needs to set the law straight and make sure she knows she cannot give punishments of any kind to anyone.
@@animationdramanation5730 that's why I said IF because maybe she just has a anger issues and some emotion issues. But still OP still need to help both kids out alot
Most narcissist parents who choose a golden child and ignore and hurt the rest need to read Reddit stories about it. The good kids will leave, the golden child will not grow up, and, when the parents are elderly, the golden child will walk away leaving them with nothing. Sucks to be them, but they deserve it.
Story #2 - Really, OP in in hard-core denial and a master at minimizing the problems in this household. Toxic household issues: OP/mom is an active alcoholic, Dad is in prison, 14 has been on psychoactive meds for mental illness since age 12, which is a very young age of onset, 14 has been a child/teen (aged 12-14) and meds need to be adjusted often when the brain is developing, the mother is not supportive. Therapy cannot be stopped if the minor is on psych meds. What? The mother is impatient and needs to consult the doctors regarding 14's health progress. Abandoning the daughter to aunt/removing the stability of a safe home will only to the environmental stressors contributing to her lack of mental health. This is a sad situation. I feel for the daughter of OP.
Separating 14 and 11 though a “snap decision” was the right one. This is a parent with a good grasp on reality where mental health is concerned. She’s treating them as individuals and is giving them support and grace. She’s also making sure to ensure 11 feels safer and 14 has to face consequences for her actions. Well done.
Third-story reeks of narcissism and family favoritism. Continue to call them out on their BS and if they continue this and you need to go no contact with them the moment you turn 18 until they're enabling of her behavior gets so out of line that it bites them in the butt
I love the suggestion that op and brother stand together and throw counter tantrums when sister does it. That would suck to be the parents of but it may get rid of the behavior.
Never get why so many parents screw up the relationships with their other kids to appease the golden child. Its like built in karma for when they're old and need help from their family, but the only one who will talk to them is the spoiled entitled brat who won't do a thing to help them anyway.
@@SH-qs7ee exactly like congrats you got one kid who can't take care of themselves and acts like a toddler and two kids who don't want anything to do with you.
OP2 should have access to NONE of her children. Messing a kid up from birth and then not being able to handle the results of your screw-up? Great parenting. The older three have the right idea.
I feel so bad for the mum in the first story. She (in my opinion on patenting) was doing everything right and was trying her best to catch any behavioral disorders before they could negatively affect the family .
OP was doing everything right in story 1 up until she considered putting 14 under the same roof as 11 again. I hope 11 makes it clear she won't stay in a house where she doesn't feel safe.
Yeah and I think people are thinking too much about 14 year old and forgetting about the 11 year old literally had all her belongings ruined for no reason. Seems like OP is doing her best to make sure both girls are fine. Hope everyone is OK.
1:37 "Her books had been ripped up." That would do it for me. That would make me your enemy for life. >:( 11 YO might feel better if she had a lock on her room that only she and mom had a key to.
When I was a teen I spent a lot of my spare money on books and had my own collection which is still in good condition and years later I would go insane if someone destroyed my books even now I cringe when I see people reading books that have been obviously rumpled and bent this way and that way. Mistreatment of books/ damaging them makes me feel ill/ feeling of disgust.
@@jamesk8891 Exactly. I haven't even thrown away my college texts, or my Schaum's Outlines soft-backs. Here's a Q: You're locked in a library in the middle of winter, and you need to burn some books for heat, to survive. Which books do you burn first? Whenever I've posed this Q, the answer is _always_ "the romances!" :) :) :)
@@DemonAngel there was another story about how a girl destroyed her autistic brothers puzzle for TikTok just cos there were videos of a bunch of idiots busting stuff up on there as well.
IDRLC this was not a stupid tik tok prank this was hatred pure hatred and Jealousy over a birthday shopping trip that 11 had deserved because it was her birthday I am sure 14 got things on her birthday like trips or things and no I am not buying her she did not do her chores excuse
That last story. Don't call them Dad or Mom anymore. Tell them that you do not feel valued as a member of the family, and thus not treat them as such. Ask for a contract what you should do and should not do, and stick to it. Be respectful, but consider them employers who pay you with clothes, a room, and food, not parents. If your sister asks something, tell her to talk to your caretakers, since it's not part of the contract. Ask your grandparents to have birthday parties there. Stay over at friends as much as you can. Explain the situation to friends parents, they may be willing to step up. It's going to be hard.
14 year old probably wasn't specifically mad at 11. She seems really angry at life, and the only person weaker than her (ie a candidate for bullying) is her little sister. I've seen it happen. The older sibling is so mad at his life that the younger, less resilient one gets hurt because that's the only one the elder has the power to hurt.
No, they're just lazy; they've taken the easy way out by giving into the tantrums of the daughter, while the other two are the more reasonable and can be manipulated into doing what they want. They will realize the mistakes they've made when the the other two rebel and start throwing their own tantrums.
Story2: YTA. Glad Reddit was able to get through to OP. Story3: Massive NTA. Holy Golden Child Batman! OP was absolutely right, parents are failing their children. Heh OP may as well respond in kind, and trash the bratty sister's room. She's going to be punished anyway, may as well be guilty! LOL That would probably just make things worse though. Hope OP can arrange to move in with her grandparents, or take some kind of action.
She wanted to run the house . But why didn’t OP make her clean it up. That would’ve been the first punishment given. I still think it weird to have you child wear the clothes from the sibling that violently destroyed her personal space. At that age unless there specific items in her wardrobe you wanted, you wouldn’t want to wear her clothes. Especially if OP said she traumatised. It unfair/unfortunate but as the parent you’ll would have to go an get her a new wardrobe, with clothes for her, that fit her and her style. Maybe temporarily she can wear her new items or any item of parents or clothes at her grandmothers. The confiscating of clothes I get, but making the other sibling wear them I don’t get.
Story one - You are a great mother! Congratulations! If you find your therapist isn't a good fit, feel free to find a different one. Therapists are not one size fits all! Good Luck!
Last story. If possible talk to your Grand-Parents about you and your Brother living with them. If that is not possible then start behaving exactly like your sister both of you throw tantrums demand your favourite movie, food etc. If they don't give in to you do what she does and wail loudly, stomp around the house and slam doors see how long the parents can take it. If the parents try to smack either you or your Brother to make you stop call CPS. The parents need to be given a wake up call because they are sowing the seeds for they and bratty sister to be abandoned by the other children at the first opportunity. Then we will see another post on Reddit about how my children won't help my husband/wife/daughter who has medical/housing/financial problems or we are not invited to weddings or to see grand-children.
1. What a logical, rational mother and reaction. Seriously. My parents would fly into a rage about normal childhood things like being afraid of a doctor/dentist or not understanding schoolwork. It made me a nervous wreck and perfectionist who now waits until things are truly painful to go see a medical professional. The fact that she's being so calm and understanding makes me wish I'd had that, and I never did anything as bad as destroying 98% of someone else's stuff. I almost got disowned for crying during a medical exam when I was 8.
Having been used as a medical lab monkey most of my life due to multiple severe medical issues present from birth-all of which are still present, and one of which causes crippling migraines, among other things, and has almost killed me at least 8 times so far- I couldn’t go into a doctors office or hospital (even for the doctors that would just talk to me rather than cutting me open, stabbing me with shit, etc) for YEARS without suffering a panic attack. Even MRIs were a nightmare due to the noise aggravating my hypersensitivity to sound and high-functioning autism. To this day I still suffer minor anxiety at medical exams, a severe distrust of doctors and have to undergo general anesthesia for any MRI I go through. I say all this to say that medical facilities are terrifying places, and Wtf would they DISOWN you over an ENTIRELY JUSTIFIABLE fear? Just for context/out of curiosity, how old were you and what kind of test was it?
@@codyevett2098 I'm so sorry to hear that! And, compared to you, my problems were nothing; I was just a kid afraid of needles most of the time. But the day my mother flipped out on me for crying, a doctor had pinned me down for a throat swab (which I was terrified of because, when I was three, a doctor everyone hated jammed something down my throat and forced me to puke for no reason at all, which is why I started being afraid of them). I still don't think shoving me (I was 8, and I'm female if that matters) down was necessary, and maybe TMI, but I was s*xually abused when I was little so I already had a fear of men and being held down. I panicked, my mom dragged me out, and she didn't stop scolding me for an hour. But *most* of my experiences have been okay, not comfortable but not actually terrifying :p Edit to add: It was that fear of gagging that made going to the dentist so terrifying, especially when they have to numb me. I still avoid dentists as much as I can stand to :p
Same here with the dentist, although it was made worse by the oral aversion(related to the autism I mentioned earlier) to the toothpaste and stuff. I also had muscle problems in my mouth and throat meaning I couldn’t spit it out. It would always make me gag. It was made worse by the fact they always stick their hands too far in no matter what you do. On the other stuff, I may have worse horror stories but yours are still pretty bad. shoving you-an 8 YEAR OLD CHILD- and holding you down for a SWAB TEST was most definitely not right, especially if they already knew you’d been traumatized. They should have just tried to calm you enough that they could give you something to help you through it. Science was created to help ease suffering, not cause it. If you don’t care about your patients comfort then why the hell would you become a doctor, or any profession that involves helping people, in the first place? I had this one doctor that straight up told my mom, point blank, WITHIN A WEEK OF MY BIRTH, that I would basically be an invalid my whole life and never walk, talk or do anything useful with my life. thankfully my mom and the rest of my family (my grandma and some others were there too) are fucking awesome and basically told the doctor to fuck off. I just started my second semester at ODU and before that, graduated summa(or was it magna? I forgot) cum laude with an associates degree in General Studies from Paul D Camp Community College’s Hobbes campus(there were so many good majors I just couldn’t choose. Add to that my existing difficulty with decisions due to lack of confidence stemming from the time I went down the stairs of my parents garage in my wheelchair, causing a mild concussion and several hours in the ER and asking me to make major decisions is a really bad idea lol. I can laugh about it now because it was years ago and that time was interspersed with semi regular doses of a crapload of narcotics from my 20ish surgeries-I lost count after 20 because they started blurring together- as well as some amnesia from the times the tube in my brain clogged up making my brain swell and try to force its way out of my skull. Those necessitated surgery and more narcotics. I used to say the only legal way to become a true narcotics connoisseur is to be me. My top 3 are propofol, Versed/midazolam and fentanyl in no particular order other than midazolam being somewhere near the bottom. Can’t stand ketamine though. They tried it on me, ONCE. They apparently forgot that it was supposed to be paired with benzodiazepine and I went on a really bad trip. I’m talking time-jumping, make-my-moms-head-look-like-a-Disney-cartoon level crazy. Needless to say they never tried that shit on me again. It was only recently I learned about the benzodiazepine thing so I might be willing to chalk it up to an honest mistake pending an experimental test in one of my annual surgeries(I’m down to one every 11 months or so to replace an implant in my GI tract, specifically my colon/intestine.) That one doesn’t necessarily require anesthesia but the kind of implant i have tends to get stuck sometimes when they try to get it out. with my particular implant it tends to get stuck A LOT, so we decided that it was better to be safe than sorry, and go for general anesthesia whenever we do that procedure. My medical history is a double edged sword for me. On the one hand it’s a source of pride that I’ve survived this long relatively intact and sane. On the other the few remaining memories I have of my earlier life are some of the most traumatic. This one time-I only kind of remember this as it was a decade or two ago so it doesn’t really affect me as much anymore- the pharmacist gave me like five times my ADHD prescription, causing me to OD which mimicked what happens when my shunt-the tube in my head I mentioned that keeps my brain from forcing its way out of my skull- malfunctions. About an hour of vomiting and horrific migraines later I finally passed out. When I came to we went to the hospital and they STABBED ME IN THE FUCKING NECK to check my shunt. Then they discovered the medication issue, and let me tell you, when we got to that pharmacy, mom let the poor bastard that screwed up our order have it. By the end of it he was shaking and I’m pretty sure she made him cry. It was terrifying at the time watching her lay into him because being like 6ish I had no idea wtf was going on. It’s hilarious now due to years of trauma resulting in me getting quite a bit of enjoyment watching my doctors get their proverbial asses kicked. At worst Mom just yells at them, and they get kicked off my medical team and replaced with someone gentler after we leave. I got some good stories too like this one time I asked my doctor right before my spinal detethering to take pictures so I could see exactly what my spine looked like. Well wouldn’t you know it, the absolute mad lad actually did it and showed my mom the pic while I was still out of it. She almost vomited. People are just so squeamish sometimes lol. Pretty sure that picture is still in my file somewhere. If not then it’s back in the Czech Republic with the doctor who made it. Might swing by and visit him some day, once that areas got its shit together and is a bit more stable, of course. Sorry if I’m rambling, people with ADHD and/or autism tend to do that a lot.
Forgot to mention the ER people did the spinal tap without the knowledge of my team. Man my neurosurgeon was PISSED. He basically walked right into the ER and straight up told them to NEVER do that again. I think I remember mom saying she’s never seen him that angry before or since. Most of my doctors have been cool like that, the neuro people in particular. I don’t really hate doctors so much as I don’t trust them and occasionally enjoy watching them suffer. I know there are good and bad doctors, and most of my doctors especially the neuro people have most Certainly been good ones. They’re the only people I trust with the safety of my mind and brain, because they earned it over 26 years and 8ish(I think, Not sure cause of all the narcotics and brain trauma) major brain surgeries. My other doctors are nice, and don’t tend to hurt me too much if they can help it, so I like them, but my neuro people have been the only ones to actively try to make the pain stop when it happens. I aged out of that group(CHKD) a while back but if something goes bad during a shunt surgery at the adult hospital we’re going right back there so they can do it right. We picked a hospital right next to it (as in it has a skybridge that literally connects them with CHKD) expressly for that purpose. Funny story, my mom actually conscripted my neurologist when I was born. If I remember correctly her OBGYN recommended him and she told the hospital she was already a patient of his when they asked, so they sent him her way and when he heard about me and what she did he was actually kind of impressed at the sheer balls of steel needed to pull a stunt like that. He decided to stay on and help with me and the rest is history.
On the first story, I completely agree with op’s decision. I grew up with an older brother with severe anger issues and that anger was always taken out on me, as I was the easy target. It’s left me with several issues, including self esteem issues, anti social behaviour and other things. I was constantly afraid of him and didn’t feel safe In my own home. My parents rarely had time for me as they were always dealing with him. Around the time I was 11 and my mental health issues began to get attention, my parents would send him to stay with our grandparents every weekend and I honestly loved that time and dreaded him coming home. I wished they’d done it years sooner. He isn’t as bad anymore, but I still have problems with him and hold heavy resentment.
Exactly. Entitled brats eventually grow up to be the same and family wonders where the behavior came from. It's not a favour to do this because future relationships will flash and burn. Bad marriages, screwed up kids, getting let go from jobs. Karma
There could be some jealousy. There could also be some unconscious favoritism going on. There could also be some deeper issues separate from you/her sister. Therapy!
The last story, they need to look into possible causes of the sister’s reactions and tantrums. This reminded me of my niece who would throw epic tantrums if she didn’t get her own way, it just got worse as she aged. At her wits end her mother took her to a doctor in the hope of getting therapy but the doctor found that it was an intolerance to some foods, sugar is a major trigger. It caused chemical imbalances that was the cause of frustrating behaviour, since eliminating certain foods her behaviour has improved and she is much calmer.
14 is old needs to get all of her fun things and clothes taken away from her for at least a year, plus separate her from 11y old but don't send 11y old to grandma, she didn't do anything wrong.
Sending them to grandma wasn't meant to be a punishment, just a way to separate the girls and I think she wanted to switch them round so that she can have a chance to spend some proper alone time with the 14 year old and see if she can get her to open up more. After the update saying the 11 year old has started to be more clingy with mom, that isn't really an option any more as it would feel like a punishment for the 11 year old now.
But punishment doesn't help the situation. You want your kids to be well-functioning adults eventually. That leaves 4 years to get the 14 year old there. How is punishment for a year solve that problem? The goal is to have the 14 year old realize the gravity of the situation she caused, the impact it has, to emotionally relate to that, and thus prevent this behaviour. If that's attained in a short manner, then there is no need for (useless) punishment. Punishment is not to exact pain, but to cause reform since the goal is to prevent recidivism.
@@cptfwiffo punishing solves the problem cuz it shows you that your actions have consequences, you want to traumatize your family cuz it makes you feel good? Now you have to be separated from your family and get all the stuff taken away from you so you can see how the other person felt. If she wasn't old enough to understand what she did was wrong then I'd understand that punishment would be too harsh, but she's 14, so she needs some consequences appropriate for her shitty actions.
First story: I have EUPD (for those who don’t know emotionally unstable personality disorder). I clearly cannot diagnose your child. But from how you explained it sounds like it’s something you should look into it. So sometimes my emotions completely overwhelm me . I’m not just talking a little bit or not very often. It is extremely hard living with this mental health issue, as a lot of friends and family don’t understand how and why this happened. I don’t always understand it myself
Why do I have the feeling that the OP in the last story will soon be in the no contact zone with their parents and sister, while doing everything and anything for the brother
Last story. Well... the sister is going to become more awful person as an adult than she already is a pre-teen. OP's parents just bow to every whim her sister has, punishes OP for her sister's actions. The parents will be lucky if the sister doesn't murder someone for not doing what she says before she turns 20 at that rate. Edit: Missed a word.
When the parents end up with two absent children who hate them and one 40-year-old still living at home and throwing hissy fits then they'll wish they'd never done this. Until then OP just needs to look them square in the eye and say 'I can't wait until I'm old enough to leave and never see you again'.
These stories make me glad I'm an adult living on my own. I had a messed up childhood and the best thing I ever did for myself was move away and go NC. I'm an adult. I don't have to deal with that anymore. I hope these kids realize the same thing when they get older.
Step 1: OP should have made the girls switch rooms, for starters. 14 wants to destroy a room in a place she calls home? It can become her bedroom. She can sleep in the messed up room. She made her dang bed, she should frickin' lie in it. Step 2: tell 14 she has a lot of work to do for "trashing her room", that she's grounded and she must clean EVERYTHING- teach this child a lesson in taking accountability for her actions and teaching her to respect property by properly cleaning and properly replacing that which she destroyed. If she doesn't know how to clean lipstick off walls, tell her she has the power of the internet and that she should have thought of that before smearing lipstick on the walls of a home she does not pay for. Look it up together so you're monitoring her actions on the internet and she can't goof off on her punishment. Waste her time 2021. Step 3: When I say she is grounded until she cleans and replaces everything she destroyed, I mean EVERYTHING. Catalogue every individual belonging of 11's that 14 casually destroyed- the make up, the textbooks, the cost of the exact kind of paint that was used on the walls in 11's room, every individual piece of clothing that 14 ripped. Go down the list with 14 and 11 together for good measure. Ask her to confirm/admit "You destroyed this item? Yes? Okay. You destroyed THAT item? Yes? Okay." Go down the entire list together to remind her of how much damage she's done. She may feel proud of herself. After she stops giggling to herself and you've both had her admit to her wrongdoings, break down the cost of every individual item. "Destroyed 5 lipsticks. Total cost at 20 dollars apiece: 100 dollars. Average cost of one bucket of bedroom wall paint..." So on and so forth. Look her in the eyes as you go down the list and make it clear her little moment of wilding out is going to cost her exactly this much to repay, and she will remain grounded until she not only finishes cleaning the room, but until she finishes repaying you (and 11) the value of the items she destroyed. She will hate you for it. She can die mad about it. But at least you will have held her accountable for her actions, let the punishment fit the crime, and NOT further fuel this budding entitlement that 14 has clearly grown while under your parenting style.
So Alcoholic Mom (who is STILL DRINKING) doesn't want to deal with depressed daughter (who isn't better because mom's a DRUNK!) Yeah, wanna guess where This Goes?!!!
Story 1 lacks details because even the mom doesn’t know them, as someone who had a sister who constantly mistreated her and had to deal with it because mom said “she is not like that, I know my daughter”, there’s a reason why this happened, a kid doesn’t randomly go and destroy her sister’s thing, this is a call for help because you haven’t been listening before
Am I the only one who got genially choked up in story 1 , Op shared her 11 yo daughter started sleeping in her room and was reverting back to a child. Best of wishes to their home moving forward, I hope the little girl get’s started on saving for college and jetting far away from that. Op is an amazing mom and the balancing act she was given in life will be challenging, but it sounds like she grabbed the balancing beam with both hands, both girls are very lucky.
I love my younger sister ,but as a kid she was spoiled nasty and made my life miserable sometimes by having me blamed for something she did. BUT I NEVER DID SOMETHING OVER BOARD LIKE THAT, I usually coped by trying to prove she did it but had counselling years later in life in my teens I learned to understand my sister and we have a twin like relationship we are very close. We got to understand she thought mum loved me more .I think 14 year old has mental illness and needs help,that is not a normal reaction.
Story 1 NTA 14's act was spiteful perhaps she was jealous because 11 was taken to buy clothes but 14 had to stay at home and do chores. OP was right to send 14 away for a while and it will also be good to let 11 go to grandmother while 14 stays at home and has some alone time with OP. 14 is going to have to regain her sister's trust.
Yes... 11 is already displaying some worrying signs as a result of such a traumatic event caused by her sister. 14 can apologize, better herself, etc. but 11 isn't going to just forget that her sister at one point in their lives hated her so much that she destoryed everything she owned to show it.
First story.... Older daughter has something serious going on mentally and does need major consequences for what she did, but there is something deeper than "I just got mad" going on here. Mom has four kids and two are NC. When two out of four kids want nothing to do with her and a third is destroying all her younger sister's stuff for no apparent reason there is something off in this household OP has left unsaid. She needs to get family therapy for her kids and herself. If older kids will go maybe include them. Last story... Little sister is beyond spoiled and parents are making her first priority. She literally trashes OPs room and OP gets in trouble, OP and little brother's birthdays are done to little sister's likes... OP needs to emotionally support brother and hang in there til graduation, then move far away ASAP. Maybe ask for therapy with parents meanwhile. It may be that parents do not know how to handle little sister and do what she wants to appease her and avoid tantrums. They need to see how much they favor little sister and how much their preferring their golden child hurts all three. In the long run their youngest is hurt worst by this, because she is learning that only she counts, that absolutely nobody else's needs and feelings matter. This attitude is going to make her unable to sustain relationships or even keep a job.
The OP is covering something. "I have mental illness too" mentioned like it was nothing to worry about it. She is hiding incidents, manic episodes, negative feelings etc etc. Half of the story don't buy it.
@@eldarhighelfhealermiriella7653 having mental illness isn't something to worry about, especially if she's getting help (which it sounds like she does and she is being proactive about the girls mental health as well). That isn't some smoking gun
Sooo...did no one think of the fact that 14 is a pretty regular age for the beginnings of periods in girls, and that sudden spikes and drops in hormones can cause major mood swings? You don't even have to be on your period for your adult hormones to make you rage, and some women have waaay worse spikes in hormones than others. If a 14 year old girl (who doesn't have a firm grasp on her emotions yet anyway) has these sudden swings, she may not understand how to deal with it yet.
Story I- NTA- Should we be worried that the 14 year old may be a harming the 11 year old behind her mom’s back… because that’s what Narcissists tend to do… Honestly, sounds like the friends and the sister are enabling the 14 year old’s narcissism. Story II- YTA- Sounds like we found where her problems come from. Also, it’s a real shock why your adult kids don’t talk to you. Are we sure that OP wosen’t drunk when she was writing the post? Story III- NTA- The sister needs decipline. She’s a spoiled brat and is acting like a toddler. Hell, the eight year old is better behaved. She was the one who went through her sister’s diary. This is a major red flag. Tell the grandparents. Also, she destroyed OP’s room. Should we be worried about her being a potential danger to others?
I, too, am a single parent (my children are grown now). The older one’s dad mostly “forgot” he had a child; the younger’s never wanted anything to do with her. Shame on both because they’ve missed knowing their very awesome daughters! Even if their fathers had been involved with them, I would never dream of sending them away to them if they misbehaved. Honestly, this can become a manipulation tool for the kids. It can also give them the impression that they’re not loved/wanted. All the way around, it’s the exact wrong thing to do!
Last story, I see a future where OP and her brother cut the parents and the sister out of their lives and the parents are forever stuck with her. Or, the sister will get hit with reality and grow up.
First story NTA my sister does the same. My whole life she has been jealous of me and on my birthday she acts out like the older sister did in this story till she gets gifts and or I don’t celebrate.
As some that older sister made my life living hell for the frist 35 years of my life for only be alive ,keep your oldest daughter away from your young daughter before she hurt her your young daughter badly. As my older sister did to me . I lived in fear growing up till my older sister moved away. This is not going to stop and till you oldest is Held responsible physically and mentally for her behavior. It willnot get any better as you Need to protect your younger daughter from her.
If I had done something as stupid as destroy things that belonged to my sister my parents would not have been this nice.. I'd get a beating and get everything I owned taken away and grounded till my parents were satisfied. I'd probably have to do All of the house chores too without help and no complaints else there will be more punishment. But lucky I wasn't dumb enough to ever get into trouble.. Fear of punishment really is handy.
This story makes no sense. Why did the 14 year old do that? Was that behavior normal for her (14) does she act out like this often? I think talking to a doctor would be a good idea. I think the 11 is playing this up some. Her acting like her sister physically hurt her is being encountered by the mother. If there was only this one incident of her acting out violently why is her daughter still out of the house.
Lol, my brother and me used to tell our parents how we thought the other ought to be punished all the time. Doesn't mean our parents actually allowed our whining and screaming to influence their decision. They were always fair and at most we were scolded for getting loud and being unreasonable when we dragged on for too long. The one who got punished was always the one who did something wrong - and if we wrote sth stupid in a diary or told friends bad things about each other, well, we were kids and kids complain a lot - and then forget about it.
That first one just didn't make much sense to me. Just feels like lots of info is missing. I feel like that behavior just doesn't come out of the blue. Idk just didn't buy what that mom was saying at all. Just got a weird vibe from that...
1st story: Ur daughter can possibly be a sociopath and psychopath...can't diagnose that and S&P's are pretty good @ hiding their violent anger until it explodes!! Shoulda called police, destruction of property in the 100's-1000's is some jail time and restitution!! Let's see how her anger helps her in prison!! 2nd story: So the alki-prolly drug using mother who can't keep her legs closed, with a criminal husband, who has NC with adult children is sending her daughter to her Auntie, where she's prolly has gotten molested B4!! I've seen this story many times!! Y do I hear banjo music when I hear that story!?!? 3rd story: C*nt Parents exist!! It's just sad!!
When 14's clothing was given to 11, that was not enough in my mind. Since, she had not bought either's clothing. She should have been assigned special tasks to earn credits in the foamily for the replacement clothing for 11. Only way she will learn a lesson. All the therapist is likely to do is to find a justifying reason and then tell her to forgive herself. No good lesson in that.
@@Jamesdylandean mental health is a real thing oh, it's not every situation and those are ignorant enough to ignore it hopefully don't deal with mental situations. Some of this stuff sounds off you can't punish a kid without first understand the reason and the mental side of it before digging in
@@hbsupreme1499 Mental health treatments are not hard science. It has always seemed to me that it is based on a lot of mumble-jumbo and wishful thinking. However, I have seen some very good results from it come about at times. Our race was born with instinctive ways to handle the problems of life, and i think that they trump made up science regularly. Many of the creatures of our planet deal with problems in instinctive ways and seem to get along just fine without our 'professional helps.'
@@pinkglitter93 If you can't apply simple sensible solutions to your children's problems, please give the to someone that can. Mine are doing fine, thank you.
That is scary for 11yr old and 14 Yr old needs help now and your sister is not helpful but your mom is great to u and to get her talked about it so it will help you and your girls
I've never understood the tantrums winning scenarios, if all you have to do is freak out and smash the house up to get your way, just out do the one winning with tantrums, and even recruit others in your allegiance and show them just how much worse you can be and then you will win and get your way! I did this with my cousin who used to get everything she wanted by smashing my parents house up any time she was over, she was older too, and they just insisted we comply with her and then I literally said "if all I have to do is smash the house up and scream and curse you guys out, I can do it even worse" they actually ignored what I said and discredited me even though my other aunt laughed and agreed and I remember I went to the kitchen, picked specific dishes I knew weren't as important, cereal boxes, a bag of flour, a globe, and silverware and I went into the hallway landing and I yelled a few times and started saying curse words on less intense level and got no response, then I thew silverware down the steps and yelled some more, then ripped the cereal up and started shrieking and throwing it down the hallway and my cousin then appeared curious, yelled for me to stop and I Frisbee a plate toward her and it made alot of noise but didn't actually shatter surprisingly, she then started yelling for my parents to get me in trouble, and I then opened the flour and whipped around over my head and was coughing so hard I couldn't breathe! Then I started slamming plates and some shattered as my dad came running up to grab me to stop me so mad! I just shrieked but with a smile on my face and demanded I get to watch my show on my TV and I remember it was Keenan and kel but unfortunately it was over by the time I got my way as even my cousin no longer wanted to even tantrum as she was confused and I'm guessing worried that maybe this would be a new element to contend with but I never had to do it again. Lol my family still talks about that from time to time even my cousin does who has cooled off since but still has some serious problems in adulthood.
Glad that op in the first story was able to get help for 14 AND 11. Hopefully 11 will be able to work through her trauma and regain some of the items (even if replacement or repaired or just kept) and I hope that 14 will be able to get a handle and skills to deal with whatever disorder or issues that she developed. Overall a pretty good outcome- also, 14 earning back things and privileges along with paying for things she destroyed slowly seems reasonable as 14 agreed
The first story! I had a foster sister who bullied me relentlessly for years. I wish my mom had this response! And that kid knew what the fuck she was doing
My 10 yr old nephew has an explosive disorder diagnosis along with adhd. When he was younger he destroyed my pokemon card collection I had packed up but not moved to my place yet and some of my mom's tarot and playing card collections. When I asked him he said he didn't know why but when he sees cards he just has to rip them up. He can have anger blackouts too and I know his mom/my younger sister has anger issues and bipolar. I have to be careful when he spends time with my 9 yr old since he can get rough with my son as well as his toys.
I’m not surprised 11 is terrified of 14, plus it seems she didn’t pass along an apology. But it’s good that they’re both separated and getting help, cause getting mad that your sibling is having a birthday day out, is no excuse for destroying their room.
She never belongs back in the house. Between the fact she terrorized her sister like this and the fact she blacks out she should never be back in the house till 11 is ready to move out.
Is it becoming a trend for people to neglect their children? I keep seeing more and more stories like this one where everyone keeps thinking a therapist is some magic pill and that people don't actually have to parent. It honestly doesn't take a degree to understand that people make choices based on logic. Understand the logic, understand the person.
@UCfPe_JEtdVQlI3VEHKJvaRA you don't know the circumstances that many people are facing, or how they got into their situation. Can a " normal" person diagnose a mental disorder? Should everyone that's got pregnant, either through abuse, carelessness, or by complete accident, have an abortion, or put the child in an orphanage? Just what century are you living in? It's not the 18th century, dumbass!
I hate to say it, but 11 will NEVER trust 14 again. What her sister did was premeditated. 14 purposely destroyed items -- things from friends that have sentimental value -- to HURT 11. 14 may have some underlying issues; but quite frankly, I think 14 is being manipulative of the mother -- my gut feeling is that she knows mom is going to seek out therapy for her and 14 gets time and attention from mom that way, even if it's negative attention. Not once has OP said that 14 has apologized to 11 for what happened. Which to me, means that 14 knows that her actions were intentional. Don't be surprised if more things happen and 14 tries to excuse it as being part of her illness. Hopefully, OP won't let 14 get away with that for 11's sake.
She is definitely being abused in some way & for her mum to ignore what her child said or insist on a timetable for her to get better is disgusting. I'm glad that child has a caring older sibling she can be with.
Story 2: So just to be clear the Alcoholic should have all the time in the world to deal with her problems, but her daughter should be over her issues in less than a year. I think we all know why OP older children dont talk to her anymore
That women with the depressed daughter ITA. Being depressed isn’t as easy as she thinks. You can’t just get over things like that. I should know. I’m 52 and I’m still struggling with it. My parents are being as supportive as anything but I’ve still had issues. So I can’t understand what it must be like to have an alcoholic mum.
For that first story that sounds a lot like ADHD and I’m speaking from experience, I used to have major emotional swings and get unjustifiably angry over the smallest things when I was a preteen. I was one of those kids that would literally scream and cry if I couldn’t beat a boss in a video game. A mix of therapy, anger management and medication helped immensely but as I got older I (with my doctors permission) weaned myself off the meds. Other than talking a bit more then most people I’ve become a fully functional member of society, it just takes work and a good support network 😊👍
Idk man I also have adhd and had some issues as a kid with emotional regulation for sure, but this feels a lot more extreme than just adhd anger issues imo. I get that my experiences aren't everyone's experiences, ofcourse, but even your story doesn't seem to even compare to 14s story.
@@comajuice oh by no means am I speaking as a medical expert, simply saying that it reminded me of myself when I was younger. Also fyi I did some things when I was younger that would probably make this kid blush, but I’m not putting that on the internet without a throwaway account lol
Story 1: UPDATE 5:21
UPDATE: AITA for sending my daughter to live with her grandmother and giving her clothes to her sister?
Story 2: 10:11
AITA for sending my daughter away?
Story 3: 15:27
AITA for telling my parents to punish my sister?
If she's having this irrational anger. You need to put her into a facility.
14 has explosive personality disorder. I know. I was diagnosed at age 11 with it. Way before it was an actual diagnosis. With the right therapist and tools she can learn better ways to deal with the " explosions". Because now that the first 1 happened more may come.
Honestly, the relationship between 14 and 11 will never be the same again. 11 will probably always resent/fear/distrust 14.
Yup I don't see their relationship ever recovering from this.
If I were her, exactly. I wouldn't want anything to do with my 14 yr old sis especially not having done anything as equal impact to her. She knew what she was doing. And if tearing things up made her feel better? Do it to your own stuff. Go outside be productive to get the steam out. Id have stripped her room, give her just a bed, dresser. Until 11 recovered her things, then the 14 will gain her stuff back. Fair is fair. Her sending her to the grandparents was a decent move to cool down, I'd have done the same or least let her spend time there while I dealt with the storm she made.
Me and my brother did worse. He stabbed me with the knitting needel, I slammed his head through the door. He tried to cut me with the bread knife, he slammed it into the wooden table, I threw him clean across the room into the glass table, right into bits, I got lucky he was not impaled on the larger shards or my mother would have gone mental, so much time out of the day to take him to the hospital, she only put my hand in the door that time. He goes on coke, I stab the dealer coming to extort my mom.
It all worked out.
@@jamegumb7298 wha - ??? Geez
She should be afraid of her. Who's to say 14 won't turn on her sister in one of her outbursts... 14 should not be allowed to come home any time soon, and she should never be allowed near 11's property. 11 is the one who was traumatized and wronged, she needs priority right now. I know I'll get a lot of hate for this, but grandma can take 14 to appointments and school and such. 11 needs her mother.
I think it's a little insane that 14 ripped up 11's room but then sat calmly doing homework as if nothing happened. Giving 14's clothes is the perfect consequence of her actions. Separating the girls was the best solution. 14 seemed to learn exactly what to say to get away with what she did.
Agreed, she also made it clear at the time that the clothes were being given to 11 not as replacements but as fill ins until new clothes could be purchased. This seems to have been well handled to me.
WTF? Why would you not get motivation before sending her off? No Dad in this picture? Typically men demand fairness because we are dangerous. Cutting up clothes is a female thing.
It’s a lot missing from this story. Something else happened that Mom is not addressing.
Something else is going on in 14’s life her mom might not even know about.
@@Gregarious3 there have been cases where men cut up the clothing of their significant other or their children. This abusive shit isn't just limited to women doing it. My bio dad always would cut up my clothing as a child. Anything that my mother bought me or something that was made for me by my grandma and great grandma would disappear and be cut up.
It's an abuse tactic and is used by both men and women. Stop generalising.
The people who thought taking 14 clothes was over the line: im sorry, do you want this child to wear the same outfit for the next few days till op has the time and money to buy replacements? The girl needs clothes.
You just going fuel the anger more sense there a feeling of anger hear, it will just appear to show favoritism. Also that what Wal-Mart is for affordable clothes
@@hbsupreme1499 Nah that teaches nothing. Sister would have continued to do stuff like that because there were no consequences that would actually affect her. She's close to her grandma I doubt she views that as a punishment. And how is the mother showing favouritism? The 11yr old just had most of her stuff destroyed!
Taking clothes from 14 is ABSOLUTELY the right thing to do. I would not allow 14 home until 11 feels more comfortable. Also. 14's room goes to 11. And 14 helps me fix 11's room! Her behavior was criminal.
@@ItsMeBarnaby No. It's JUSTICE.
there is nothing wrong from doing it. Its not like 14 had nothing to wear wtf, OP just took some clothes for 11 to wear, as a replacement for what 14 did
yall are overreacting
It is not up to 14 to discipline 11,you need to make sure she knows that,this absolutely would not fly in my house.
Sounds to me like no one is discipling the 11yr old. The aholle parents are gonna end up with a pregnant teenager and two kids that want nothing to do with their parents or bratty sister.
@@aholeyouare4332 what the hell are you talking about. The 14yo has some problems and the parents are getting her help. All that was stated in the post was that 11yo didn't do the dishes for one night... so she is a brat? You're going to pull something reaching that hard.
@@7thjester16 True there is something wrong with 14 I get the same way but I know its not normal it feels like pure anger and it sucks I hope she gets the help she needs
@@aholeyouare4332 Wrong story, they're talking about 11yo in story 1 that didn't do anything except forget the dishes the day prior and then was traumatized by her sister destroying her room, not the 11yo in story 3 who is a major brat.
@@7thjester16 They got her confused with the 11yo in story 3
Actually, after destroying elevens clothes, forcing fourteen to give her clothes to eleven seems rather fitting to me, but that's only for the clothes, there would be a whole hell storm dropped on fourteen over the other destroyed items and even more about her trying to sabotage elevens academic progress, honestly no motive can excuse what fourteen did and she's lucky she wasn't sent to military school
Miiltary schools no longer take Kids with Pysch problems because there were too many suicides this girl has a problem the fact she blacked out tells alot she might need to a pych hospital for a few months but a military school (most are for boys) if she survived would create something that would be very unsafe
@@dawndayton9937 she didn't black out she's just lying lol
@@dawndayton9937 oh... well... that's fucked, maybe then a school for troubled teens?
@@everymoviehero9248 There are, but the school district has to advise it too the parents. This means she has to act out in school first. The good news is once she has a diagnosis, the teachers can start looking for certain behavior they may have overlooked before. The schools are going to put the well-being of all of their students over the well-being of just one.
every movie hero she did not force 14 she gave 11 some of 14s clothes because 11s were all destroyed and she did not give all of 14s away 14 still has plenty she did not do it as punishment it was needed
Story 2: a minor that is struggling with anxiety and depression to the point where shes been hospitalized multiple times has specifically said she 'doesn't feel safe' and is willing to go ANYWHERE but this specific person's house??
How does it not even cross this mom's mind that there's a good chance her kid may have been abused by someone in that house?
Well as we all know an Alcoholic should get all the time in the world to sort out their problems, but a child with depression should be better in after a couple years.
Probably because there is abuse in her house too. Alcoholic mom, dad in prison, 3 adult children who are NC....? Doesn’t really strike me as a happy safe home for a child.
Right! Mom doesn’t see it because mom is a narcissistic witch who only cares about her own needs. She reminds me of my own mother. I had a very traumatic relationship with her, I am NC and have been for years. This girl is better off with her sister just like my sister and brother were better off with me.
It sounds to me that there has been abuse at the Aunts house. I think daughter knows that she can't talk to mom.
My dad was an alcoholic and very abusive so I do understand.
*VENT WARNING*
I deal with depression, ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder) , OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), and Asperger’s syndrome. I have been sent to a hospital in which I stayed for about 5 weeks. I am almost 13 and most of my younger years was filled with abusive parents (who now are trying to reconcile with me) so I completely understand how OP’s child feels. OP is 1000% the ah. Denying your child’s progress will just make them more upset and distant with you (based on my own experiences). I really do hope OP’s child gets the help they need because they doesn’t deserve what is happening to them.
The 14 years old is not the victim
It could be staged by the younger girl.
@@mikloscsuvar6097 anything is possible but somethings are more likely than others .
@@mikloscsuvar6097 Why would an 11 year old girl destroy her room and all of her belongings, just to get her sister in trouble? In what timeframe could she have done that, her and her mother were out the entire time.
The only thing that would make any sense is that she has been long term abused by a family member or family friend that her own mother has been handing her over to. Otherwise I don’t see how she would be so messed up.
There is something that the OP is over looking and something that 14y/o is scared to say in my opinion. It’s just very weird.
The 14 year old literally admitted to it.And how was 11 supposed to have smashed up and entire room,slashed clothes and thrown out schoolwork in a matter of a minute? Without making any noise at that?
The 14-year-old basically went on a violent psychotic rampage and OP’s sister calls her an AH for punishing the kid?
Ikr? People like that really do make me wonder where their brains are
I agree. 14 year old's behavior was really bizarre and violent and not psychologically healthy behavior. I do not know what is wrong with 14 daughter but it is not good. I am not surprised that 11 year old daughter is traumatized. Teens act out a lot, but this is way beyond normal behavior for a 14 year old.
Yeah.. I am worried if 14 will escalate on her violent actions if she rages againest her sister. I wouldn't want to be near someone who would just go insane over something so small.
There is no way that story is true because there is no way a 15 year old could be diagnosed with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). The reason is 1/2 these kids are just acting out from being abused. The correct disorder is conduct disorder. But even this 1 thing would not qualify. I don’t know maybe her therapist just got his license from a Cracker Jack box, but I’d be filing a complaint, on the grounds that the therapist is diagnosing someone with a disorder that you can’t resonantly diagnose a kid with.
Furthermore, NPD is genetic and environmental so what does that say about you if your kid literally is a diagnosis for NPD?
@@laraantipova389 actually, ASPD and NPD develope in early childhood and early intervention and diagnoses is not only possible but very beneficial. 14 is not too young to be diagnosed with a cluster b personality disorder.
Edit: Also, they said "possibly" they didn't outright diagnose her because it takes several months of consistent and recurring behaviors and attitudes. Most adult narcissists quit therapy when they find out they're narcissists.
First story: Yikes. Seems to me removing the Hulk sister from the home was the right thing to do, snap decision or not. What else was OP supposed to do? She should not apologize for that. I felt bad reading about how 11 was affected. Hope OP gets her a nice shiny padlock to keep sister-Hulk out. Hope OP can unravel this nightmare, but I don't see the sisters' relationship ever recovering from this.
I choked on my tea at "Hulk sister"!
😂😂😂
@@jamiewulfyr4607 RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! UARRRRGGGGGG!!!!
The OP is covering something. "I have mental illness too" mentioned like it was nothing to worry about it. She is hiding incidents, manic episodes, negative feelings. I really don't buy it.
This! Big Sis says sometimes she gets so angry over the most inconsequential things, she felt like smashing something- so she did, and oh her sis the other day forgot dishes so obviously deserved nuclear punishment. The only way little sis will begin to feel better is if she can know her things are safe when she is away or heck how long until she is physically assaulted herself?
@@eldarhighelfhealermiriella7653 agreed.
I feel like she is hiding more to what happened then we heard.
However I do feel bad for what happened to 11, she had a fun day out with her mom only to come home to see her room/safe space destroyed while her sister just acted like nothing happened.
But I do hope that 14 gets the help she needs cause how she acted out with destroying her sister's room was an A-hole move. Just because 11 didn't do the dishes doesn't give 14 the right to go into her sister's room and destroy it.
1st story, 14 destroys 11's room and belongings. BOTH girls need therapy!!! 14 is getting help, but 11 needs it just as badly! It should not be surprising to anyone that their relationship will never be what it once was. 11 also needs a padlock on her bedroom door. It would go a long way to alleviate her fears over her belongings and privacy. My heart breaks for 11!!!
Therapy is expensive. And most cant afford
Same. The 11 year old will require more therapy than 14. 14 needs medication for the emerging psychiatric disorder. But 11? That poor kid.
She said in the story she was going to get 11 therapy as well.
I say whooping her ass is a good place to start.
14 needs an anger room
14!knew what she was doing.
She bagged up some of the evidence and carefully put it outside and went back to her own room without leaving a mark anywhere else in the house - of course she knew what she was doing
how do you know that i didnt read the part that you were there
@@naiemzamdin7260 It's in the first part where she smeared makeup on the walls and desk and other furniture in the sisters room but it stayed contained to the sister's room so it was clearly a targeted rampage. If the daughter was just having a tantrum why was no other room destroyed, her own included?
Then she went and got a garbage bag to put the sister's school work in, then carried it outside.
It's amazing how the Mommy Cult of reddit jumps to defend her. These people can't accept that some kids are simply bad eggs.
@@naiemzamdin7260 read it again don't make excuses for psychotic behavior if this were a boy and a girl everyone would take the girls side so do yourself a favor have sympathy for 11 not the sister who possibly messed up her poor little sister's mind for a long long time she may never feel safe again
Wow, 11 sounds like 14 terrorizes her. Hope 14 doesn't have too much alone time with 11.
Or any.
idk, the mom said they used to got along quite well, besides bickering.
@@keylaa.8609
Sounds like mom wasn't paying close enough attention to know, no offense to her, she sounds like a great mom.
this sounds like the first time but it was so massive and tramatic it had caused major PTSD but i think they need to dig into 14 i think something happened to her to create such an explodtion also the girls need to get back together even if its in therapy the they longer they wait the worse this will become
@@dawndayton9937 You want to stick the 11 year old back with the person who betrayed and traumatized her?
Agree with repercussions remarks. 14 year old has anger issues and needs to separated before physical harm is caused. Having anger black outs?! The trauma of the 11 year old needs to taken care of too. My sister's daughter had similar issues and did much better at our mother's house.
14 is showing some signs that she's going to be a danger to others specifically her sister.
Well said. And worse yet, 14 will either, end up in juvie hall/prison, or get pregnant, and quit high school, when she turns 16.⚠️
Why would she act that way? Neglect, anger? First problem is being a single mother. Sad
@@dcg590 no it's not. Stop blaming single parents for things that even a 2 parent household cannot control. What 14 did was cruel and vindictive and has signs of a social path. The mother did the right thing in separating them and sending 14 away. If she had sent 11 away then that would've been favouritism as she'd be punishing the victim. 14 needs help and the fact that previous checkups and even the existing therapist can't identify what's wrong with her is highly unusual. If 14 can hide her symptoms that well then she's a danger to 11 and needs to be kept away as she is escalating. I'd say for a single mother OP is very in tune with mental health and is doing a lot more than many parents of nuclear family does.
Op is in denial when someone told op that 14 is dangerous person and 11, I fear for her safety. And op need to protect 11 and not enabling 14 and set very hard boundaries and rules onto 14.
My brother was raised by our grandmother and I lived with my mom. He assaulted me last year and now I can’t even here the most common male name. I’m not having nightmares anymore but, it’s hard it really is. And I feel for that little girl. It’s the most gut wrenching thing to have someone you think you care about hurt you.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m so sorry a “family” member hurt you. I hope you get the help and healing you need
Been in your shoes.with both my brothers over 40 yrs ago. One apologized. The other has not.
I do hope you are getting the help you need.
Before you're in a situation where you can't get out of.
Sweetie, you need to report it. Please. I was assaulted by my brother. I told the police. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. He now has a permanent record as a child sex offender and I was finally able to heal. My brother was sentenced to practically no time in jail. But it's not about that. It's about standing up for ourselves and bringing justice into our lives. We did nothing wrong. THEY did. I have no reason to hide. Praying for you 🙏 Please know this is NOT a shame you should carry. You did nothing wrong and your brother should pay. God help the next girl he does this too if this goes unreported.
@@samanthasmiles9112 I'm so sorry for your pain, guys.😔🤗
When I was 11 my 14 yr old sister did something similar to me, in that she cut up 2 of my favourite tops which my mother had just bought for me. I had to try to hide everything I had from her. When she started work, I was still at school and had only 1 pair of shoes at any time, we never had much but were never left wanting. She took my shoes for work, none of hers would fit me, as I had longer legs and bigger size feet. So had to go to school with crippling shoes on my feet. At that time she had 16 pairs of shoes herself. Each week she was paid, she went straight into town center and spent it all on clothes, shoes etc. She hated me simply because I was born, never grew out of it, just grew into it and got worse, she tried to suffocate me twice when I was 3 and 4, pretended to be playing on mums bed, at least that's how it began. She is a total narcissist, manipulator, absolute liar but very very believable, that is until you get to know her. I am 70 now and have not had anything to do with her for the past 21 years and boy is my life better for it.
The contrast between the mothers´ approach to mental health and overall parenting and life in the first and second story is overwhelming. I hope so much especially the daughter in the second story gets away from that awful home and gets the help she needs.
She did... the forcing her to go to the aunts house which she clearly didn't want was the only problem there. Nothing was helping at home and making it worse for her little brother... getting her to her older sisters where maybe she can start getting healthy is the best outcome
Yeah, you did the right thing in story 1.
A child abruptly destroying every single item their sibling owns is a very serious sign.
14 clearly has something wrong with her. I'm glad you're being firm and trying to get to the bottom of it instead of letting it slide.
Second Story clearly the original poster is getting defensive she know she screwed up and yet she can't handle criticism from complete strangers who are telling the truth about her own behavior when it comes to her own family. No wonder her older kids want nothing to do with her. I wouldn't be surprised if she did about the saying her youngest son wants nothing to do with her and her youngest daughter wants nothing to do with her neither she is an alcoholic in severe denial
The second story is just a dumb trainwerck. Like "I'am a serial rapist and killer but then I found out my son have cleptomania and steals everything. So i'm sending him away. AITA?"
I don't understand how you can say "I'm a 50 year old alcoholic who's also a single mother with 5 kids and 3 of them have left and gone full no contact with me" and then immediately realized she's the a-hole
@@eldarhighelfhealermiriella7653 was highly implied Dad was since he was sexual offender and aunt's Dad's sister not Mom's... oh and Mom only stayed sober until they took away her having to breath in the analyser constantly and she "doesn't think Dad molested their daughter because she hasn't said anything"... good thing on update was big sister drove 3 hours to get her little sister away from that house and laid into Mom on way out door
This is why CPS exists. Maybe they're not in the US.
That's the Mommy Cult for you. I'm sitting here wondering if this story is even legit, because it just keeps getting more and more ridiculous the more OP trickle-truths her situation. Alcoholic, dad in prison, FIVE KIDS so you know she just doesn't bother to wrap it up (and who knows how many of her kids have FAS), neglects the kids she does have, and has driven away every last child she's got.
Yet she still refuses to accept even a tiny bit of blame.
Edit: OH GOD SHE'S A SCHOOLTEACHER
First story OP if 14 has narcissism disorder that's IF she has it you'll need to get ready for a long hard road with 11. Why bc 11 will be beyond scared of her own sister will need help from you and professional and 14 needs the same help too from you and professional.
When I read the story I'm going to be honest I highly, highly doubt she has narcissism that doesn't add up with her behavior. It honestly just sounds like the fourteen-year-old hasn't been taught how to deal with her emotions properly. Op needs to set the law straight and make sure she knows she cannot give punishments of any kind to anyone.
@@animationdramanation5730 that's why I said IF because maybe she just has a anger issues and some emotion issues. But still OP still need to help both kids out alot
That mom must be very diligent in protecting 11, now and in the future.
Most narcissist parents who choose a golden child and ignore and hurt the rest need to read Reddit stories about it. The good kids will leave, the golden child will not grow up, and, when the parents are elderly, the golden child will walk away leaving them with nothing. Sucks to be them, but they deserve it.
Story #2 - Really, OP in in hard-core denial and a master at minimizing the problems in this household.
Toxic household issues:
OP/mom is an active alcoholic, Dad is in prison, 14 has been on psychoactive meds for mental illness since age 12, which is a very young age of onset, 14 has been a child/teen (aged 12-14) and meds need to be adjusted often when the brain is developing, the mother is not supportive. Therapy cannot be stopped if the minor is on psych meds. What? The mother is impatient and needs to consult the doctors regarding 14's health progress. Abandoning the daughter to aunt/removing the stability of a safe home will only to the environmental stressors contributing to her lack of mental health.
This is a sad situation. I feel for the daughter of OP.
Separating 14 and 11 though a “snap decision” was the right one. This is a parent with a good grasp on reality where mental health is concerned. She’s treating them as individuals and is giving them support and grace. She’s also making sure to ensure 11 feels safer and 14 has to face consequences for her actions. Well done.
Third-story reeks of narcissism and family favoritism. Continue to call them out on their BS and if they continue this and you need to go no contact with them the moment you turn 18 until they're enabling of her behavior gets so out of line that it bites them in the butt
I love the suggestion that op and brother stand together and throw counter tantrums when sister does it. That would suck to be the parents of but it may get rid of the behavior.
But if she leaves no contact then she leaves youngest brother to get dill with this by himself
Never get why so many parents screw up the relationships with their other kids to appease the golden child. Its like built in karma for when they're old and need help from their family, but the only one who will talk to them is the spoiled entitled brat who won't do a thing to help them anyway.
@@SH-qs7ee exactly like congrats you got one kid who can't take care of themselves and acts like a toddler and two kids who don't want anything to do with you.
Is there an update to the last story, I really hope the parents see the errors in their ways and change and start punishing that spoilt child
OP2 should have access to NONE of her children. Messing a kid up from birth and then not being able to handle the results of your screw-up? Great parenting. The older three have the right idea.
That family is definitely a shit show. Cripes, no wonder the older 3 kids don't speak to her and who knows what the younger 2 have been through.
I feel so bad for the mum in the first story. She (in my opinion on patenting) was doing everything right and was trying her best to catch any behavioral disorders before they could negatively affect the family .
Yep, I think there's something wrong with the eldest... She needs to get her checked out by a professional
OP was doing everything right in story 1 up until she considered putting 14 under the same roof as 11 again. I hope 11 makes it clear she won't stay in a house where she doesn't feel safe.
Yeah and I think people are thinking too much about 14 year old and forgetting about the 11 year old literally had all her belongings ruined for no reason. Seems like OP is doing her best to make sure both girls are fine. Hope everyone is OK.
1:37 "Her books had been ripped up." That would do it for me. That would make me your enemy for life. >:(
11 YO might feel better if she had a lock on her room that only she and mom had a key to.
Or never being in contact with 14 ever again.
When I was a teen I spent a lot of my spare money on books and had my own collection which is still in good condition and years later I would go insane if someone destroyed my books even now I cringe when I see people reading books that have been obviously rumpled and bent this way and that way.
Mistreatment of books/ damaging them makes me feel ill/ feeling of disgust.
@@jamesk8891 Exactly. I haven't even thrown away my college texts, or my Schaum's Outlines soft-backs.
Here's a Q: You're locked in a library in the middle of winter, and you need to burn some books for heat, to survive. Which books do you burn first?
Whenever I've posed this Q, the answer is _always_ "the romances!" :) :) :)
@@josepherhardt164 steamy romances are the best ones 🔥
@@josepherhardt164 I would start with the most mass produced books.
I read some commenters saying there's a TikTok trend where you destroy someone's property, and OP said they use TikTok.
I hate social media for this reason. How many BS things have happened because of stupid trends?
@@DemonAngel there was another story about how a girl destroyed her autistic brothers puzzle for TikTok just cos there were videos of a bunch of idiots busting stuff up on there as well.
@@rebajoe and one where the husband got hurt because the wife scared him in the shower and he fell pretty bad. All for a TikTok
Don't forget about the one where the nephew set his aunt and uncle's bathroom on fire.
IDRLC this was not a stupid tik tok prank this was hatred pure hatred and Jealousy over a birthday shopping trip that 11 had deserved because it was her birthday I am sure 14 got things on her birthday like trips or things and no I am not buying her she did not do her chores excuse
That last story. Don't call them Dad or Mom anymore. Tell them that you do not feel valued as a member of the family, and thus not treat them as such. Ask for a contract what you should do and should not do, and stick to it. Be respectful, but consider them employers who pay you with clothes, a room, and food, not parents. If your sister asks something, tell her to talk to your caretakers, since it's not part of the contract.
Ask your grandparents to have birthday parties there. Stay over at friends as much as you can. Explain the situation to friends parents, they may be willing to step up.
It's going to be hard.
those ideas are pretty good
14 year old probably wasn't specifically mad at 11. She seems really angry at life, and the only person weaker than her (ie a candidate for bullying) is her little sister. I've seen it happen. The older sibling is so mad at his life that the younger, less resilient one gets hurt because that's the only one the elder has the power to hurt.
She can now move on to cutting and mutilation.
14 is one spoiled, disturbed child.
story one: i would like everyone's emotional responses were as calm as this one
that last story, the parents are obvious narcissists.
No, they're just lazy; they've taken the easy way out by giving into the tantrums of the daughter, while the other two are the more reasonable and can be manipulated into doing what they want. They will realize the mistakes they've made when the the other two rebel and start throwing their own tantrums.
@@Gloria-ro4vn whynotboth.gif
Story2: YTA. Glad Reddit was able to get through to OP.
Story3: Massive NTA. Holy Golden Child Batman! OP was absolutely right, parents are failing their children. Heh OP may as well respond in kind, and trash the bratty sister's room. She's going to be punished anyway, may as well be guilty! LOL That would probably just make things worse though. Hope OP can arrange to move in with her grandparents, or take some kind of action.
5:19 wait that's a thing in ticktock?😦 WHY WOULD ANYONE DESTROY SOMEONE'S STUFF FOR A TREND?!
The 1st story NTA but it's really confusing that the 14 yrs old daughter just decided to ruin her little sister's room!!!
She wanted to run the house . But why didn’t OP make her clean it up. That would’ve been the first punishment given.
I still think it weird to have you child wear the clothes from the sibling that violently destroyed her personal space. At that age unless there specific items in her wardrobe you wanted, you wouldn’t want to wear her clothes. Especially if OP said she traumatised.
It unfair/unfortunate but as the parent you’ll would have to go an get her a new wardrobe, with clothes for her, that fit her and her style. Maybe temporarily she can wear her new items or any item of parents or clothes at her grandmothers. The confiscating of clothes I get, but making the other sibling wear them I don’t get.
@@babycakez8070 Wow it must be nice to be able to replace most of your wardrobe at a moments notice.
I'd have sold EVERYTHING 14 had to pay for what 14 destroyed. And make 14 pay me back. Let Grandma take care of that brat.
What no father figure does to a kid...
@@Jdrunnin doubt it. Lots of people don’t have fathers and turn out to be great people
Story one - You are a great mother! Congratulations! If you find your therapist isn't a good fit, feel free to find a different one. Therapists are not one size fits all! Good Luck!
Last story. If possible talk to your Grand-Parents about you and your Brother living with them. If that is not possible then start behaving exactly like your sister both of you throw tantrums demand your favourite movie, food etc. If they don't give in to you do what she does and wail loudly, stomp around the house and slam doors see how long the parents can take it. If the parents try to smack either you or your Brother to make you stop call CPS. The parents need to be given a wake up call because they are sowing the seeds for they and bratty sister to be abandoned by the other children at the first opportunity. Then we will see another post on Reddit about how my children won't help my husband/wife/daughter who has medical/housing/financial problems or we are not invited to weddings or to see grand-children.
1. What a logical, rational mother and reaction. Seriously. My parents would fly into a rage about normal childhood things like being afraid of a doctor/dentist or not understanding schoolwork. It made me a nervous wreck and perfectionist who now waits until things are truly painful to go see a medical professional. The fact that she's being so calm and understanding makes me wish I'd had that, and I never did anything as bad as destroying 98% of someone else's stuff. I almost got disowned for crying during a medical exam when I was 8.
Having been used as a medical lab monkey most of my life due to multiple severe medical issues present from birth-all of which are still present, and one of which causes crippling migraines, among other things, and has almost killed me at least 8 times so far- I couldn’t go into a doctors office or hospital (even for the doctors that would just talk to me rather than cutting me open, stabbing me with shit, etc) for YEARS without suffering a panic attack. Even MRIs were a nightmare due to the noise aggravating my hypersensitivity to sound and high-functioning autism. To this day I still suffer minor anxiety at medical exams, a severe distrust of doctors and have to undergo general anesthesia for any MRI I go through.
I say all this to say that medical facilities are terrifying places, and Wtf would they DISOWN you over an ENTIRELY JUSTIFIABLE fear? Just for context/out of curiosity, how old were you and what kind of test was it?
@@codyevett2098 I'm so sorry to hear that! And, compared to you, my problems were nothing; I was just a kid afraid of needles most of the time.
But the day my mother flipped out on me for crying, a doctor had pinned me down for a throat swab (which I was terrified of because, when I was three, a doctor everyone hated jammed something down my throat and forced me to puke for no reason at all, which is why I started being afraid of them). I still don't think shoving me (I was 8, and I'm female if that matters) down was necessary, and maybe TMI, but I was s*xually abused when I was little so I already had a fear of men and being held down. I panicked, my mom dragged me out, and she didn't stop scolding me for an hour.
But *most* of my experiences have been okay, not comfortable but not actually terrifying :p
Edit to add: It was that fear of gagging that made going to the dentist so terrifying, especially when they have to numb me. I still avoid dentists as much as I can stand to :p
Same here with the dentist, although it was made worse by the oral aversion(related to the autism I mentioned earlier) to the toothpaste and stuff. I also had muscle problems in my mouth and throat meaning I couldn’t spit it out. It would always make me gag. It was made worse by the fact they always stick their hands too far in no matter what you do. On the other stuff, I may have worse horror stories but yours are still pretty bad. shoving you-an 8 YEAR OLD CHILD- and holding you down for a SWAB TEST was most definitely not right, especially if they already knew you’d been traumatized. They should have just tried to calm you enough that they could give you something to help you through it. Science was created to help ease suffering, not cause it. If you don’t care about your patients comfort then why the hell would you become a doctor, or any profession that involves helping people, in the first place? I had this one doctor that straight up told my mom, point blank, WITHIN A WEEK OF MY BIRTH, that I would basically be an invalid my whole life and never walk, talk or do anything useful with my life. thankfully my mom and the rest of my family (my grandma and some others were there too) are fucking awesome and basically told the doctor to fuck off. I just started my second semester at ODU and before that, graduated summa(or was it magna? I forgot) cum laude with an associates degree in General Studies from Paul D Camp Community College’s Hobbes campus(there were so many good majors I just couldn’t choose. Add to that my existing difficulty with decisions due to lack of confidence stemming from the time I went down the stairs of my parents garage in my wheelchair, causing a mild concussion and several hours in the ER and asking me to make major decisions is a really bad idea lol. I can laugh about it now because it was years ago and that time was interspersed with semi regular doses of a crapload of narcotics from my 20ish surgeries-I lost count after 20 because they started blurring together- as well as some amnesia from the times the tube in my brain clogged up making my brain swell and try to force its way out of my skull. Those necessitated surgery and more narcotics. I used to say the only legal way to become a true narcotics connoisseur is to be me. My top 3 are propofol, Versed/midazolam and fentanyl in no particular order other than midazolam being somewhere near the bottom. Can’t stand ketamine though. They tried it on me, ONCE. They apparently forgot that it was supposed to be paired with benzodiazepine and I went on a really bad trip. I’m talking time-jumping, make-my-moms-head-look-like-a-Disney-cartoon level crazy. Needless to say they never tried that shit on me again. It was only recently I learned about the benzodiazepine thing so I might be willing to chalk it up to an honest mistake pending an experimental test in one of my annual surgeries(I’m down to one every 11 months or so to replace an implant in my GI tract, specifically my colon/intestine.) That one doesn’t necessarily require anesthesia but the kind of implant i have tends to get stuck sometimes when they try to get it out. with my particular implant it tends to get stuck A LOT, so we decided that it was better to be safe than sorry, and go for general anesthesia whenever we do that procedure. My medical history is a double edged sword for me. On the one hand it’s a source of pride that I’ve survived this long relatively intact and sane. On the other the few remaining memories I have of my earlier life are some of the most traumatic. This one time-I only kind of remember this as it was a decade or two ago so it doesn’t really affect me as much anymore- the pharmacist gave me like five times my ADHD prescription, causing me to OD which mimicked what happens when my shunt-the tube in my head I mentioned that keeps my brain from forcing its way out of my skull- malfunctions. About an hour of vomiting and horrific migraines later I finally passed out. When I came to we went to the hospital and they STABBED ME IN THE FUCKING NECK to check my shunt. Then they discovered the medication issue, and let me tell you, when we got to that pharmacy, mom let the poor bastard that screwed up our order have it. By the end of it he was shaking and I’m pretty sure she made him cry. It was terrifying at the time watching her lay into him because being like 6ish I had no idea wtf was going on. It’s hilarious now due to years of trauma resulting in me getting quite a bit of enjoyment watching my doctors get their proverbial asses kicked. At worst Mom just yells at them, and they get kicked off my medical team and replaced with someone gentler after we leave. I got some good stories too like this one time I asked my doctor right before my spinal detethering to take pictures so I could see exactly what my spine looked like. Well wouldn’t you know it, the absolute mad lad actually did it and showed my mom the pic while I was still out of it. She almost vomited. People are just so squeamish sometimes lol. Pretty sure that picture is still in my file somewhere. If not then it’s back in the Czech Republic with the doctor who made it. Might swing by and visit him some day, once that areas got its shit together and is a bit more stable, of course. Sorry if I’m rambling, people with ADHD and/or autism tend to do that a lot.
@@codyevett2098 Wow! I think that makes all of my stories together sound like a walk in the park!
No worries, I ramble too :p
Forgot to mention the ER people did the spinal tap without the knowledge of my team. Man my neurosurgeon was PISSED. He basically walked right into the ER and straight up told them to NEVER do that again. I think I remember mom saying she’s never seen him that angry before or since. Most of my doctors have been cool like that, the neuro people in particular. I don’t really hate doctors so much as I don’t trust them and occasionally enjoy watching them suffer. I know there are good and bad doctors, and most of my doctors especially the neuro people have most Certainly been good ones. They’re the only people I trust with the safety of my mind and brain, because they earned it over 26 years and 8ish(I think, Not sure cause of all the narcotics and brain trauma) major brain surgeries. My other doctors are nice, and don’t tend to hurt me too much if they can help it, so I like them, but my neuro people have been the only ones to actively try to make the pain stop when it happens. I aged out of that group(CHKD) a while back but if something goes bad during a shunt surgery at the adult hospital we’re going right back there so they can do it right. We picked a hospital right next to it (as in it has a skybridge that literally connects them with CHKD) expressly for that purpose. Funny story, my mom actually conscripted my neurologist when I was born. If I remember correctly her OBGYN recommended him and she told the hospital she was already a patient of his when they asked, so they sent him her way and when he heard about me and what she did he was actually kind of impressed at the sheer balls of steel needed to pull a stunt like that. He decided to stay on and help with me and the rest is history.
On the first story, I completely agree with op’s decision. I grew up with an older brother with severe anger issues and that anger was always taken out on me, as I was the easy target. It’s left me with several issues, including self esteem issues, anti social behaviour and other things. I was constantly afraid of him and didn’t feel safe In my own home. My parents rarely had time for me as they were always dealing with him. Around the time I was 11 and my mental health issues began to get attention, my parents would send him to stay with our grandparents every weekend and I honestly loved that time and dreaded him coming home. I wished they’d done it years sooner. He isn’t as bad anymore, but I still have problems with him and hold heavy resentment.
Mom from first story should get an award for tactically dealing with that situation.I
This!!!
Sometimes people should realize that some kids are just sociopaths/psychopaths growing up.
Exactly. Entitled brats eventually grow up to be the same and family wonders where the behavior came from. It's not a favour to do this because future relationships will flash and burn. Bad marriages, screwed up kids, getting let go from jobs. Karma
There could be some jealousy. There could also be some unconscious favoritism going on. There could also be some deeper issues separate from you/her sister. Therapy!
@@sandralouth3103 Family dynamics 🙄
Wanna hear the best part about OP#2?
....She's a schoolteacher.
Fuck🤯
The last story, they need to look into possible causes of the sister’s reactions and tantrums. This reminded me of my niece who would throw epic tantrums if she didn’t get her own way, it just got worse as she aged. At her wits end her mother took her to a doctor in the hope of getting therapy but the doctor found that it was an intolerance to some foods, sugar is a major trigger. It caused chemical imbalances that was the cause of frustrating behaviour, since eliminating certain foods her behaviour has improved and she is much calmer.
14 is old needs to get all of her fun things and clothes taken away from her for at least a year, plus separate her from 11y old but don't send 11y old to grandma, she didn't do anything wrong.
Sending them to grandma wasn't meant to be a punishment, just a way to separate the girls and I think she wanted to switch them round so that she can have a chance to spend some proper alone time with the 14 year old and see if she can get her to open up more. After the update saying the 11 year old has started to be more clingy with mom, that isn't really an option any more as it would feel like a punishment for the 11 year old now.
But punishment doesn't help the situation. You want your kids to be well-functioning adults eventually. That leaves 4 years to get the 14 year old there. How is punishment for a year solve that problem? The goal is to have the 14 year old realize the gravity of the situation she caused, the impact it has, to emotionally relate to that, and thus prevent this behaviour. If that's attained in a short manner, then there is no need for (useless) punishment. Punishment is not to exact pain, but to cause reform since the goal is to prevent recidivism.
@DarkHawk303 Yea that is what I meant, the 11 year old would feel like she is being punished if she is the one that has to be away from mom.
@@cptfwiffo punishing solves the problem cuz it shows you that your actions have consequences, you want to traumatize your family cuz it makes you feel good? Now you have to be separated from your family and get all the stuff taken away from you so you can see how the other person felt. If she wasn't old enough to understand what she did was wrong then I'd understand that punishment would be too harsh, but she's 14, so she needs some consequences appropriate for her shitty actions.
First story: I have EUPD (for those who don’t know emotionally unstable personality disorder). I clearly cannot diagnose your child. But from how you explained it sounds like it’s something you should look into it. So sometimes my emotions completely overwhelm me . I’m not just talking a little bit or not very often. It is extremely hard living with this mental health issue, as a lot of friends and family don’t understand how and why this happened. I don’t always understand it myself
Agreed. My cousin was diagnosed bipolar, it doesn't change how much we love him.
I don't think its that, wat she did was calculated.
Why do I have the feeling that the OP in the last story will soon be in the no contact zone with their parents and sister, while doing everything and anything for the brother
Last story. Well... the sister is going to become more awful person as an adult than she already is a pre-teen. OP's parents just bow to every whim her sister has, punishes OP for her sister's actions. The parents will be lucky if the sister doesn't murder someone for not doing what she says before she turns 20 at that rate.
Edit: Missed a word.
She'll probably end up as a pregnant teenager. Wonder how the ahole parents will feel when they end up raising their grandkid.
@@aholeyouare4332 They'll guilt-trip OP or her brother into raising the brat's brat, of course. People like that don't change unless forced to.
When the parents end up with two absent children who hate them and one 40-year-old still living at home and throwing hissy fits then they'll wish they'd never done this. Until then OP just needs to look them square in the eye and say 'I can't wait until I'm old enough to leave and never see you again'.
Keep in mind that this is coming from the perspective of a 15 year old talking about an 11 year old. Clear bias here whether you like it or not.
@@fluffy3640 doesn't necessarily mean the kid is wrong.
These stories make me glad I'm an adult living on my own. I had a messed up childhood and the best thing I ever did for myself was move away and go NC. I'm an adult. I don't have to deal with that anymore. I hope these kids realize the same thing when they get older.
Step 1: OP should have made the girls switch rooms, for starters. 14 wants to destroy a room in a place she calls home? It can become her bedroom. She can sleep in the messed up room. She made her dang bed, she should frickin' lie in it.
Step 2: tell 14 she has a lot of work to do for "trashing her room", that she's grounded and she must clean EVERYTHING- teach this child a lesson in taking accountability for her actions and teaching her to respect property by properly cleaning and properly replacing that which she destroyed. If she doesn't know how to clean lipstick off walls, tell her she has the power of the internet and that she should have thought of that before smearing lipstick on the walls of a home she does not pay for. Look it up together so you're monitoring her actions on the internet and she can't goof off on her punishment. Waste her time 2021.
Step 3: When I say she is grounded until she cleans and replaces everything she destroyed, I mean EVERYTHING. Catalogue every individual belonging of 11's that 14 casually destroyed- the make up, the textbooks, the cost of the exact kind of paint that was used on the walls in 11's room, every individual piece of clothing that 14 ripped. Go down the list with 14 and 11 together for good measure. Ask her to confirm/admit "You destroyed this item? Yes? Okay. You destroyed THAT item? Yes? Okay." Go down the entire list together to remind her of how much damage she's done. She may feel proud of herself. After she stops giggling to herself and you've both had her admit to her wrongdoings, break down the cost of every individual item. "Destroyed 5 lipsticks. Total cost at 20 dollars apiece: 100 dollars. Average cost of one bucket of bedroom wall paint..." So on and so forth. Look her in the eyes as you go down the list and make it clear her little moment of wilding out is going to cost her exactly this much to repay, and she will remain grounded until she not only finishes cleaning the room, but until she finishes repaying you (and 11) the value of the items she destroyed.
She will hate you for it. She can die mad about it. But at least you will have held her accountable for her actions, let the punishment fit the crime, and NOT further fuel this budding entitlement that 14 has clearly grown while under your parenting style.
So Alcoholic Mom (who is STILL DRINKING) doesn't want to deal with depressed daughter (who isn't better because mom's a DRUNK!) Yeah, wanna guess where This Goes?!!!
14 year old behavior, doesn't make any sense. Who just casually trashes their sister's room and belongings??
Story 1 lacks details because even the mom doesn’t know them, as someone who had a sister who constantly mistreated her and had to deal with it because mom said “she is not like that, I know my daughter”, there’s a reason why this happened, a kid doesn’t randomly go and destroy her sister’s thing, this is a call for help because you haven’t been listening before
Am I the only one who got genially choked up in story 1 , Op shared her 11 yo daughter started sleeping in her room and was reverting back to a child. Best of wishes to their home moving forward, I hope the little girl get’s started on saving for college and jetting far away from that. Op is an amazing mom and the balancing act she was given in life will be challenging, but it sounds like she grabbed the balancing beam with both hands, both girls are very lucky.
I love my younger sister ,but as a kid she was spoiled nasty and made my life miserable sometimes by having me blamed for something she did. BUT I NEVER DID SOMETHING OVER BOARD LIKE THAT, I usually coped by trying to prove she did it but had counselling years later in life in my teens I learned to understand my sister and we have a twin like relationship we are very close. We got to understand she thought mum loved me more .I think 14 year old has mental illness and needs help,that is not a normal reaction.
Story 1 NTA 14's act was spiteful perhaps she was jealous because 11 was taken to buy clothes but 14 had to stay at home and do chores. OP was right to send 14 away for a while and it will also be good to let 11 go to grandmother while 14 stays at home and has some alone time with OP. 14 is going to have to regain her sister's trust.
Chances are she never will. 11 will never forget this.
Yes... 11 is already displaying some worrying signs as a result of such a traumatic event caused by her sister. 14 can apologize, better herself, etc. but 11 isn't going to just forget that her sister at one point in their lives hated her so much that she destoryed everything she owned to show it.
14 spent the previous weekend out with her mom while 11 was at grandmas. So no reason to be that upset over a birthday day out.
First story.... Older daughter has something serious going on mentally and does need major consequences for what she did, but there is something deeper than "I just got mad" going on here. Mom has four kids and two are NC. When two out of four kids want nothing to do with her and a third is destroying all her younger sister's stuff for no apparent reason there is something off in this household OP has left unsaid. She needs to get family therapy for her kids and herself. If older kids will go maybe include them. Last story... Little sister is beyond spoiled and parents are making her first priority. She literally trashes OPs room and OP gets in trouble, OP and little brother's birthdays are done to little sister's likes... OP needs to emotionally support brother and hang in there til graduation, then move far away ASAP. Maybe ask for therapy with parents meanwhile. It may be that parents do not know how to handle little sister and do what she wants to appease her and avoid tantrums. They need to see how much they favor little sister and how much their preferring their golden child hurts all three. In the long run their youngest is hurt worst by this, because she is learning that only she counts, that absolutely nobody else's needs and feelings matter. This attitude is going to make her unable to sustain relationships or even keep a job.
I think you got the first and second story combined. First story she only has the two kids
The OP is covering something. "I have mental illness too" mentioned like it was nothing to worry about it. She is hiding incidents, manic episodes, negative feelings etc etc. Half of the story don't buy it.
@@eldarhighelfhealermiriella7653 I’m not saying there’s not anything fishy about it. Just in the first story she only has the two kids. Not four
@@eldarhighelfhealermiriella7653 having mental illness isn't something to worry about, especially if she's getting help (which it sounds like she does and she is being proactive about the girls mental health as well). That isn't some smoking gun
Story three. I would have trashed sisters room.
Then Trash the parent's room after the sisters room.
Sooo...did no one think of the fact that 14 is a pretty regular age for the beginnings of periods in girls, and that sudden spikes and drops in hormones can cause major mood swings? You don't even have to be on your period for your adult hormones to make you rage, and some women have waaay worse spikes in hormones than others. If a 14 year old girl (who doesn't have a firm grasp on her emotions yet anyway) has these sudden swings, she may not understand how to deal with it yet.
I'm glad that OP in the first story is getting both girls help.
Sometimes kids may break you at some point it was best for her to get out of the house for while
Story I- NTA- Should we be worried that the 14 year old may be a harming the 11 year old behind her mom’s back… because that’s what Narcissists tend to do… Honestly, sounds like the friends and the sister are enabling the 14 year old’s narcissism.
Story II- YTA- Sounds like we found where her problems come from. Also, it’s a real shock why your adult kids don’t talk to you. Are we sure that OP wosen’t drunk when she was writing the post?
Story III- NTA- The sister needs decipline. She’s a spoiled brat and is acting like a toddler. Hell, the eight year old is better behaved. She was the one who went through her sister’s diary. This is a major red flag. Tell the grandparents. Also, she destroyed OP’s room. Should we be worried about her being a potential danger to others?
I, too, am a single parent (my children are grown now). The older one’s dad mostly “forgot” he had a child; the younger’s never wanted anything to do with her. Shame on both because they’ve missed knowing their very awesome daughters!
Even if their fathers had been involved with them, I would never dream of sending them away to them if they misbehaved. Honestly, this can become a manipulation tool for the kids. It can also give them the impression that they’re not loved/wanted. All the way around, it’s the exact wrong thing to do!
Last story, I see a future where OP and her brother cut the parents and the sister out of their lives and the parents are forever stuck with her. Or, the sister will get hit with reality and grow up.
That’s a very hopeful “Or”
@@miaswapp I'm banking on the first one.
Learning to control your temper is a crucial part to growing up. We all feel like smashing stuff up, we don’t do it.
Nope, no pity for the 14 yr old.
First story NTA my sister does the same. My whole life she has been jealous of me and on my birthday she acts out like the older sister did in this story till she gets gifts and or I don’t celebrate.
People looking to blame mom for 14 doing what she did. Nah 14 is just a crappy sister
14 is a psycho
As some that older sister made my life living hell for the frist 35 years of my life for only be alive ,keep your oldest daughter away from your young daughter before she hurt her your young daughter badly. As my older sister did to me . I lived in fear growing up till my older sister moved away. This is not going to stop and till you oldest is Held responsible physically and mentally for her behavior. It willnot get any better as you Need to protect your younger daughter from her.
If I had done something as stupid as destroy things that belonged to my sister my parents would not have been this nice.. I'd get a beating and get everything I owned taken away and grounded till my parents were satisfied.
I'd probably have to do All of the house chores too without help and no complaints else there will be more punishment.
But lucky I wasn't dumb enough to ever get into trouble.. Fear of punishment really is handy.
This story makes no sense. Why did the 14 year old do that? Was that behavior normal for her (14) does she act out like this often? I think talking to a doctor would be a good idea. I think the 11 is playing this up some. Her acting like her sister physically hurt her is being encountered by the mother. If there was only this one incident of her acting out violently why is her daughter still out of the house.
Lol, my brother and me used to tell our parents how we thought the other ought to be punished all the time. Doesn't mean our parents actually allowed our whining and screaming to influence their decision. They were always fair and at most we were scolded for getting loud and being unreasonable when we dragged on for too long. The one who got punished was always the one who did something wrong - and if we wrote sth stupid in a diary or told friends bad things about each other, well, we were kids and kids complain a lot - and then forget about it.
Was 14 sent away for her protection? Mom , OP could have lost it on her.
I feel like 14 has motives caused by the family dynamics. I feel like OP is leaving out a lot of information.
That first one just didn't make much sense to me. Just feels like lots of info is missing. I feel like that behavior just doesn't come out of the blue. Idk just didn't buy what that mom was saying at all. Just got a weird vibe from that...
Y? Mom seems as puzzled as u so y think she's deliberately leaving stuff out?
1st story: Ur daughter can possibly be a sociopath and psychopath...can't diagnose that and S&P's are pretty good @ hiding their violent anger until it explodes!! Shoulda called police, destruction of property in the 100's-1000's is some jail time and restitution!! Let's see how her anger helps her in prison!! 2nd story: So the alki-prolly drug using mother who can't keep her legs closed, with a criminal husband, who has NC with adult children is sending her daughter to her Auntie, where she's prolly has gotten molested B4!! I've seen this story many times!! Y do I hear banjo music when I hear that story!?!? 3rd story: C*nt Parents exist!! It's just sad!!
When 14's clothing was given to 11, that was not enough in my mind. Since, she had not bought either's clothing. She should have been assigned special tasks to earn credits in the foamily for the replacement clothing for 11. Only way she will learn a lesson. All the therapist is likely to do is to find a justifying reason and then tell her to forgive herself. No good lesson in that.
Please, don't have kids....
@@pinkglitter93 Raised three and they came out fine despite my efforts. hehehehe
@@Jamesdylandean mental health is a real thing oh, it's not every situation and those are ignorant enough to ignore it hopefully don't deal with mental situations. Some of this stuff sounds off you can't punish a kid without first understand the reason and the mental side of it before digging in
@@hbsupreme1499 Mental health treatments are not hard science. It has always seemed to me that it is based on a lot of mumble-jumbo and wishful thinking. However, I have seen some very good results from it come about at times. Our race was born with instinctive ways to handle the problems of life, and i think that they trump made up science regularly. Many of the creatures of our planet deal with problems in instinctive ways and seem to get along just fine without our 'professional helps.'
@@pinkglitter93 If you can't apply simple sensible solutions to your children's problems, please give the to someone that can. Mine are doing fine, thank you.
That is scary for 11yr old and 14 Yr old needs help now and your sister is not helpful but your mom is great to u and to get her talked about it so it will help you and your girls
I've never understood the tantrums winning scenarios, if all you have to do is freak out and smash the house up to get your way, just out do the one winning with tantrums, and even recruit others in your allegiance and show them just how much worse you can be and then you will win and get your way! I did this with my cousin who used to get everything she wanted by smashing my parents house up any time she was over, she was older too, and they just insisted we comply with her and then I literally said "if all I have to do is smash the house up and scream and curse you guys out, I can do it even worse" they actually ignored what I said and discredited me even though my other aunt laughed and agreed and I remember I went to the kitchen, picked specific dishes I knew weren't as important, cereal boxes, a bag of flour, a globe, and silverware and I went into the hallway landing and I yelled a few times and started saying curse words on less intense level and got no response, then I thew silverware down the steps and yelled some more, then ripped the cereal up and started shrieking and throwing it down the hallway and my cousin then appeared curious, yelled for me to stop and I Frisbee a plate toward her and it made alot of noise but didn't actually shatter surprisingly, she then started yelling for my parents to get me in trouble, and I then opened the flour and whipped around over my head and was coughing so hard I couldn't breathe! Then I started slamming plates and some shattered as my dad came running up to grab me to stop me so mad! I just shrieked but with a smile on my face and demanded I get to watch my show on my TV and I remember it was Keenan and kel but unfortunately it was over by the time I got my way as even my cousin no longer wanted to even tantrum as she was confused and I'm guessing worried that maybe this would be a new element to contend with but I never had to do it again. Lol my family still talks about that from time to time even my cousin does who has cooled off since but still has some serious problems in adulthood.
Yeah my Pops would of knock me out if I even attempted that Crap lol
Glad that op in the first story was able to get help for 14 AND 11. Hopefully 11 will be able to work through her trauma and regain some of the items (even if replacement or repaired or just kept) and I hope that 14 will be able to get a handle and skills to deal with whatever disorder or issues that she developed. Overall a pretty good outcome- also, 14 earning back things and privileges along with paying for things she destroyed slowly seems reasonable as 14 agreed
The first story! I had a foster sister who bullied me relentlessly for years. I wish my mom had this response! And that kid knew what the fuck she was doing
14 needs to get a brain scan. Brain injury can cause loss of ability to control anger.
My 10 yr old nephew has an explosive disorder diagnosis along with adhd. When he was younger he destroyed my pokemon card collection I had packed up but not moved to my place yet and some of my mom's tarot and playing card collections. When I asked him he said he didn't know why but when he sees cards he just has to rip them up. He can have anger blackouts too and I know his mom/my younger sister has anger issues and bipolar. I have to be careful when he spends time with my 9 yr old since he can get rough with my son as well as his toys.
The golden child sister, ask your grandparents and talk to your brothers about this, about going to live with them.
there's no way the mother in story 1 isn't hiding a bunch of details from this. no 14 just randomly goes ape shit in a room for no reason.
I’m not surprised 11 is terrified of 14, plus it seems she didn’t pass along an apology. But it’s good that they’re both separated and getting help, cause getting mad that your sibling is having a birthday day out, is no excuse for destroying their room.
If 14 pulled that crap in my family she would have ended up in military school.
She never belongs back in the house. Between the fact she terrorized her sister like this and the fact she blacks out she should never be back in the house till 11 is ready to move out.
Is it becoming a trend for people to neglect their children? I keep seeing more and more stories like this one where everyone keeps thinking a therapist is some magic pill and that people don't actually have to parent. It honestly doesn't take a degree to understand that people make choices based on logic. Understand the logic, understand the person.
To be fair, I think OP 1 needs the help because she's a single mom. It's hard.
@@NerdilyDone Don't have them if you can't take care of them. Abortions and orphanages exist. There's no mandate to have kids. Think it through
@UCfPe_JEtdVQlI3VEHKJvaRA you don't know the circumstances that many people are facing, or how they got into their situation. Can a " normal" person diagnose a mental disorder? Should everyone that's got pregnant, either through abuse, carelessness, or by complete accident, have an abortion, or put the child in an orphanage? Just what century are you living in? It's not the 18th century, dumbass!
she wrecked her sister's room because she didn't want to smash HER things.
I hate to say it, but 11 will NEVER trust 14 again. What her sister did was premeditated. 14 purposely destroyed items -- things from friends that have sentimental value -- to HURT 11. 14 may have some underlying issues; but quite frankly, I think 14 is being manipulative of the mother -- my gut feeling is that she knows mom is going to seek out therapy for her and 14 gets time and attention from mom that way, even if it's negative attention. Not once has OP said that 14 has apologized to 11 for what happened. Which to me, means that 14 knows that her actions were intentional. Don't be surprised if more things happen and 14 tries to excuse it as being part of her illness. Hopefully, OP won't let 14 get away with that for 11's sake.
For the 14 year old, it is scary of what she would be capable of when she gets older. Need consequences right away. NTAH
You said that you are a recovering alcholic and she says you don't get how hard it is? She needs a reality check.
Second story. I think the kid was sexually abused at the aunts house.
I think so too.
What I'm thinking too.
Or the aunt physically abuses her to "teach her manners" and "become un-depressed"
She is definitely being abused in some way & for her mum to ignore what her child said or insist on a timetable for her to get better is disgusting. I'm glad that child has a caring older sibling she can be with.
Story 2: So just to be clear the Alcoholic should have all the time in the world to deal with her problems, but her daughter should be over her issues in less than a year.
I think we all know why OP older children dont talk to her anymore
That women with the depressed daughter ITA. Being depressed isn’t as easy as she thinks. You can’t just get over things like that. I should know. I’m 52 and I’m still struggling with it. My parents are being as supportive as anything but I’ve still had issues. So I can’t understand what it must be like to have an alcoholic mum.
For that first story that sounds a lot like ADHD and I’m speaking from experience, I used to have major emotional swings and get unjustifiably angry over the smallest things when I was a preteen. I was one of those kids that would literally scream and cry if I couldn’t beat a boss in a video game. A mix of therapy, anger management and medication helped immensely but as I got older I (with my doctors permission) weaned myself off the meds. Other than talking a bit more then most people I’ve become a fully functional member of society, it just takes work and a good support network 😊👍
Idk man I also have adhd and had some issues as a kid with emotional regulation for sure, but this feels a lot more extreme than just adhd anger issues imo. I get that my experiences aren't everyone's experiences, ofcourse, but even your story doesn't seem to even compare to 14s story.
@@comajuice oh by no means am I speaking as a medical expert, simply saying that it reminded me of myself when I was younger. Also fyi I did some things when I was younger that would probably make this kid blush, but I’m not putting that on the internet without a throwaway account lol
@@ShojoJozawa that's fair enough!! :)
If I had done that and had a young sister at 14 my Arkansas mama would have whipped me kids these days do not know what whippings are
Sounds like this isn't the first thing the 14 year old did to her sister