Story 1: UPDATE 4:02 UPDATE: AITA for telling my husband that he is in fact just like his father? Story 2: 10:01 AITA for telling my mom I don't feel like I have sisters when she asked why I didn't invite my sisters to my birthday? Story 3: 14:26 AITA for calling my inlaws gold-diggers for insisting to know how much my new job pays?
So, child abuse is okay as long as you don't think it's your child? It is child abuse, his daughter saw and now even her thought her younger brothers deserved it. If he had problems, get a paternity, go see a therapist and so on. You simply *do not* hit your children the point they think you don't love or hate them. That's just messed up.
Here is the thing this father never hit the two older children, just the twins children have a very good sense of what is right and wrong and if the father is not affectionate with them, even at a young age they are going to question why they are not loved.
@@shenanigansone8172 you can discipline without putting hands on your kids. Psychologically, spankings do nothing to discipline kids. There are so many much healthier and more effective way to discipline, but it takes actual work and communication, and treating a child like an actual human,
Funny it’s parents who were spanked that changed things because they realized there are other ways to discipline a child especially nowadays when there are electronics, WiFi etc that can get the message across than getting physical with a child. In this case he is clearly being abusive and hitting them in anger based on how he treats them when OP is around. If he thought the behavior was acceptable he would’ve told her the first time.
Story 1: divorce him. He not only abused his youngest because he "thought" they weren't his, he also started sibling alienation. He cannot be trusted. If he does it once he will do it again - speaking as the unwanted step child.
its not that deep to divorce it just needs proper family communication and being a step child is a completely different story from this, its also not abuse ts disaplen
@@ynchan1309 it's not disaplan when the father is telling the child they are unwanted. Also, he doesn't hit his other kids. Just the twins. Also, hitting and spanking are 2 different things.
@@samalvarez8776 I agree. He doesn’t trust his wife, did not talk to his wife about his family and kept the hitting a secret. I’m guessing by his wife’s reaction to all this, he probably believes the kids are his bc he’s about to lose his family. And the whole,”they were throwing toys etc.” that was an excuse to hit the kids and take out his frustration. The wife should have intervened earlier.
@@ynchan1309 fuck no. It's not discipline when it's hiding it from his wife and making the sister think lowly of the twins. They're kids! There are better way of disciplining them.
The guys an effing nut job, he could have got a paternity test done without his wife even knowing, there is no way in hell I would stay with him, he thinks there's something "OFF" with them?? Yeah he's the one who's got something "OFF about him.
That 1st story, she's got a slightly bigger problem than she even realises. You can bet the daughter at least is going to hate the twins for "ruining everything" and want to stay with the father. So to this woman, good luck.
She would have that problem if she didn't start nipping it in the bud like she's doing now. She's taking the steps to prevent it from getting there, but it can all be erased if they don't get DNA tests to prove it's his kids.
@@ricaivory6571 The DNA test should have been the first thing she did when he told her he didn't feel they were his kids. I hope she can turn the attitude of the daughter but I have a feeling it won't be easy.
As far as the guy apologizing and saying he doesn't hate the twins, I think of the phrase "If someone shows you their true self, believe it." The hitting was his true self to the twins.
Yep. If he hadn't been found out, he wouldn't be sorry. It would probably have gone on for years and the abuse would have escalated. As it is, it probably will anyway. I would not leave him alone with those kids ever again until they're big enough to pick up a heavy object and hit him back with it.
Story 1: My dad did the same thing to me. Even after he was proven wrong, I decided not to keep contact. I’m way closer to my step father. There may not be blood between us, but he still treats me like his daughter.
True, who the hell decides to abuse small children for years instead of taking a DNA test if that was such of a big issue? He can take it any day but he needs to believe the kids are not his. It's the most Freudian thing ever "my son is taking away mh wife's attention, must find a excuse to dehumanize them."
I am getting some Freudian vibes here... like if those twins were competition and he managed to dehumanize them by getting into his head that they are not his. Sometimes parents feel threatened by kids of their own gender....
@@selectidiot Men don't have any hormonal shifts after birth because they are never pregnant and thus cannot experience any hormonal changes at all no matter how many kids they have. Men do not experience PPD or PPP because they never, ever give birth and are never pregnant. They do act like arseholes sometimes for various reasons related to changes in the household and their own issues, or get normal common or garden depression, but I don't really see depression as any excuse for finding the energy to hit and abuse children actively and persistently.
@@Mariet31 I don’t know if that’s it. He has an older son and he doesn’t mistreat that child, it’s only the younger twins. Who knows what’s going through his head?
Story 1: I really appreciated the update to this. And I wanna address some things. 1) people act like genetics isn’t a thing or that children don’t come out looking more like one parent than the other. When children grow, they can also flip to appear more like the other parent. But this man could’ve gotten a DNA test if he was that bothered about why his children didn’t look more like him. 2) I don’t blame OP for being upset about him hitting the twins. He tried to follow it up with an excuse but it’s hard to believe that now because OP confronted him already about his treatment towards the twins before they finally came to her with their feelings and he LIED TO HER ABOUT IT. He tried to claim that she was over analyzing things and then claimed that the twins were liars before he stormed off. So at this point, how much of him finally coming clean is the truth? 3) this is the worst part about his actions. The daughter is showing signs of hatred towards her brothers tells us that he’s mistreated the twins in front of the older children before. And because the way he treats the older kids is completely opposite to how he treats the twins, they’re going to grow up hating each other. OP did the right thing by keeping him away from the kids and putting them all in therapy because this is a mess.
I totally agree with you! Some of the comments are pushing me off- like “she’s obviously a cheater, that’s not a normal reaction! She said MY KiDS” wtf. If I found out my husband was abusing our twins and thought I cheated on him and committed paternity fraud they would become “MY KIDS” in my head too- he would NEVER come near “My kids” ever again. So many assholes act like the kids deserve it because they aren’t “his kids”. Wtf. He’s an abuse asshole. A lot of abuses in families like OP’s have favourite targets and abuse the crap outta them and have certain ppl they don’t and “love”.
The fact that he said he was having doubts about paternity and OP didn't immediately schedule a paternity test along with OP apparently being perfect in every way possible except addressing the treatment earlier, leads me to believe that OP is leaving out significant information. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if OP got the idea to say that he's been hitting the twins from the first post and added it in so no one would even think of asking deeper questions. But than again, this post is probably fake anyway, so no need to actually care about it.
Agreed, I am also getting Freudian feelings here. Like he is getting threatened so much by the twins that he found an excuse to dehumanize them by using "they don't look enough like me"? Let's ve honest, this is not at all about DNA, he had 5 years to get a simple DNA test that he could easily pay but he chose bot to do it and continued abusing the twins?
@@derpyderperson2912 If you have read similar posts doing the paternity test is the worst you can do. If that was the problem, he could have done it years ago. The problem with these men is that if they don't go to therapy beforehand, theh will have the results to prove those kids are his and the feeling won't go away. I think he went full Freudian on the kids to project his own insecurities because no one in their right mind abuses toddlers, so pls stop making up excuses for him. Also, she is saying "my kids" because she adopting a position in which she chose her kids over her romantic partner. She is a good mother because another codependent bitch would have gone straight for the DNA test and allow the father to continue abusing the twins because "I dOn'T WanT To DiE AloNe" garbage. Therapy, then the DNA test or GTFO.
Story one: If they do end up divorcing that man is going to tell his oldest two it's the twins fault and that hate the daughter has for her siblings is only going to grow. Therapy is great but mom has to absolutely make sure her daughter understands why what dad is doing to the twins is wrong.
The husband is following the same path as his father and is damaging all those children. If they do get divorced he should only get supervised visits since he can’t be trusted not to abuse the children when left alone.
Luckily she decided to take her kids into therapy and has the means to do it. Who the hell decides to not take a DNA test and abuse small children instead? He needs to believe that the children are not his. These is one of those situations when the father needs to fix his shit with a therapist before having their permission to take the DNA test. There are other posts when a dumb therapist ask for the DNA test right away and the attitude of the husband didn't change at all.
@@Mariet31 I was going to suggest that myself. Whether they go through with a divorce or not, OP needs to do a DNA test. I don't know if that would really change anything since 'bad vibes' is nonsense but there's always a chance that the guy, after getting confirmation that the kids are his, will calm down a bit. Slim but still possible. Even so, dude needs to be kept as far away from them as possible. OP should really look into filing a police report about the abuse and see about getting a restraining order. Hopefully she'll be able to make her daughter understand through therapy that the father is wrong. I'm hoping that his behavior hasn't really settled in with her yet but yeah, it's going to be hard and OP is going to need to remind her and her other children as often as possible that this isn't the twins' fault; it's his. Keeping him as far from those kids as possible should help and, a restraining order and documented reports of his abuse would definitely help ensure that he gets zero custody in the future.
Not if she goes to the courts and gets full custody with dad having zero to supervised visitation only, which I bet she could given all of this and likely with the therapists backing her up.
The first story with update is just really sad... This man needs therapy, and his views having bled through to the older sister is just... No. I hope he realizes he screwed up big time, I hope the sister learns this definitely wasn't ok, but at this point he doesn't deserve to be near them.
I do wonder about the OP though and their relation. Apparently they don't share, since it's *my* child, not *our* child. That's telling already that something isn't right. The fact that the husband is starting to believe his own wife that the children are hers, and not theirs, may not be entirely of his own fault...
If I was the wife in the first story, I wouldn’t even bother wasting my time making the husband take therapy. I would make him take a paternity test to prove the kids were his, and then call a divorce lawyer.
Maybe she isn't telling the whole story, rarely a gut feeling like that is wrong. I would demand a paternity test cause I bet good money that those twins aren't his.
@@RealengoPrimordialDemon Oh, right. I didn’t think about that. But, I would still call for a divorce. Even if the twins weren’t his kids, he doesn’t deserve to be let off of the hook that easily!
@@RealengoPrimordialDemon or you know dont abuse the kids. There are so many choices, he can fight the wife directly, or get tested behind her back. Either way divorce is already on the table, no need to screw yourself in the court more. Let alone the abuse, that is one messed up mind to blame the innocent.
@@joshlikes you're right, the guy has options, he sounds like the one with most of the money, if those kids aren't his then he will have a field day with her in court. Both have money from family but I bet he has more.
Girlfriend's parents acted like thugs. Of course OP isn't going to react kindly to being locked in a room and having demands of him. He should have ended things the moment girlfriend said he should apologize for doing what he did to get out of there. It would have been one thing if they were just rude about asking him personal information, but they made him leave his keys and phone in another room while they locked him in a different one. Threatening. They were set to hold him for a long time. They sound like gangsters. And girlfriend played the "It's not a big deal. They only kidnapped you because they want to make sure you can take care of me." card. Yikes. He should dump her and then watch his back to make sure they don't try to end him for "hurting their little girl".
Story1: Good grief this is awful. I don't give a crap what husband's issues are, his actions are vile and disgusting. Between years of cruelty and child abuse and gaslighting, this marriage is toast whether he gets help or not. Glad OP has a support system. I hope she's able to turn her eldest around.
Story3: Gigantic NTA. I was getting major creep vibes by them asking OP to leave his phone and car keys in the other room. But locking the door? That's some crazy mafia-crap!!! The fiance is actually upset at OP and wanting him to apologize? To hell with her! Even if she isn't a gold digger like her parents, she's clearly showing she'll always put them first. Run Forrest run!
I’d have bloodied the guys face after he locked the door, the old man is lucky this guy was so calm. The woman could have easily caught a piece of the action for being involved in unlawful imprisonment. The relationship is over given how the girlfriend wasn’t horrified by her demented parents behaviour.
I had a really bad feeling where the story was headed as soon as he mentioned that they asked him to leave his keys and his phone behind...and then proceed to lock him in a room. As soon as they asked me to do that I would've wanted to know why or there won't be any conversation. They obviously didn't want any recording of the conversation so it would just be we said/ he said. This is why I keep one of those pen voice recorders on my if someone wants me to turn off my phone or leave it. I have just leaned that some people are nicer than others, some are meaner than others but nobody has your best interests at heart but you.
Holy crap, there's other women out there, yes it will hurt for a bit but he'll be okay and deserves someone better. He said his fiancee doesn't care about money but the truth is that she does and she's manipulated by her parents. I bet that if he goes an apologizes they're still going to expect a number. She's a babysitter (nothing wrong with that) but she's not getting rich out of it, of course she probably wants to know but it's too afraid to ask him herself. Btw, not all of us Latinas are like that.
First story: OP really needs to tell the husband that his behavior is effecting his daughter. His actions are causing her to become a cruel and malicious person who believes children deserve to be struck, not taught. Is that really the kind of person he wants to raise? His actions don't exist in a bubble, every shouting session and raising of his hand is teaching his daughter that abusing those weaker than you is acceptable. If he has an ounce of human decency it'll snap him into action with the daughter.
🚩🚩🚩🚩. They confined him against his will. That crossed the line. OP needs a prenup before marrying into this family. No prenup, no wedding. Unfortunately he probably won't heed these red flags and do the minimum to protect himself and set hard boundaries with her family.
IF he decides to marry her I hope he gets a prenup that is airtight and goes NC with the in-laws. Better if he just dropped her completely! That is a whole nother level of crazy.
Everyone here seems to forget that the girlfriend is from another culture, probably a culture where that question is the norm and refusing to answer it is a very red flag.
Story 3: Guy needs to have his phone checked for tracking and snooping apps. There could have been a third person in the house who could've messed with his phone while he was being interrogated. Also, why leave the keys? So that impressions could be made? Change the locks. And lose the GF. OMFG!
Story 3 needs an update. I’d at least wanna see if OP and his fiancée broke up or she woke up and realized that her family jeopardized her relationship because that’s in no way okay. Honestly, if someone told me to leave my phone and keys and isolated me in a room and locked the door, it would trigger something in me that they don’t want to see let out.
The minute they kidnapped him in the room, I'd be done with them. The minute she wouldn't answer his question about whether what they did was right and insisted he apologize to them, I'd be done with her. Period.
Story 1: needs to make reports and press charges immediately, it's like she doesn't actually want to see/feel the damage still. Smh. Putting her own feelings first, um hello lady you just found out for your kids' whole lives they've been abused without ur knowledge and you're not reporting it because.......
The sister story; I wonder if the sisters' father guided them to see OP as "mom's kid" and not their sister. My biological father tried this on me when my little sister was born. Luckily, I was 20, and he didn't have much influence over me.
Or OPs mother forced the two older half siblings all the time without input from them because controlling parents always wants what they want without any thought to the kids.
Sometimes sisters are just like that, as I listened to the story it reminded me of my 2 older sisters, right down to the sisters tattoo, that they have and I don't, only difference is we aren't half sisters, we're full blood sisters, all 3 of us have the same mother and father, I'm closer to my older brothers though.
That last one was really shady. Asked Op to leave his keys so he couldn't drive and leave his phone so he couldn't record the conversation/call for help if needed. I'm not a violent person normally but the thought of being trapped makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. I would tell him straight up, " this conversation is over I've told you everything I feel comfortable telling you personally, I don't feel safe right now with the fact you've locked the door so you've got about 10 seconds to unlock that door and let me leave or you're going on the ground and that door is coming off its hinges." .
If that was me and that jerk locked and blocked the door I would have grabbed a chair, threw it at the window and said "I make enough to fix this window after I break up with your golddigger daughter!" As I leave out through the new open gap where a window USED to be! 👍👍🤣🤣 OP is NTA!!
@@ajaxjohnson7999 I love it! But I'm amazed OP actually agreed to surrender his phone and car keys. There is absolutely no good reason for that! Should have noped out of there right then.
As for story #1 All energy right now needs to go into those kids. First, you have the twins that have to deal with the issues of a parent who abused them physically, emotionally, and mentally. Additionally, they are being abused by their older siblings. Second, you have the older children who have also been abusing the twins because they watched their dad do it and have come to accept it as acceptable and justified behavior. They need to learn that behavior is wrong and replace it with proper behavior. Your husband has done enough damage and his lame excuse only shows that he has no intention of taking responsibility for the damage he has done or any responsibility for repairing the damage. You are on the right track on seeing a lawyer and making this abuser an ex and making sure he does not have access to his children until he shows proof that he has received help.
NO Apologies needed in story 3. Should definitely ask Fiancé how they'd feel if they had their cell phone and keys put away on a table, the door locked and everyone hounding you about your money and telling you "Nobody is leaving until you give us an answer" Right there I'd say that is kidnapping. And if the Fiance is hurt by OP calling them out on their shit, well... if it were me I'd definitely already be filing a report with the non emergency line and letting the police know how I was locked in a house against my will and basically kidnapped. Because that's essentially what that was. Honestly it is a terrifying read, and I'd not tolerate it even for a second regardless of how my Fiance felt.
I can't believe OP actually agreed to surrender his phone and keys. There's no good reason for that! And the fiance is showing she'll always have their back over OP's. Run Forrest run!
OP needs to END THIS RELATIONSHIP NOW. No fiancée is worth this. Take the ring back and MOVE ON. You can find someone else. You make good money, you’re a catch, and plenty of women’s families will happily accept you without a shakedown. This is not something to ignore. You’ve been given a gift: A WARNING BEFORE YOU ARE LEGALLY BOUND TO THEM.
@@shammydammy2610 True, but good luck proving that. His word against theirs. OP should never have agreed to surrender his phone and keys, and noped out just for asking that.
Last story, she is a gold digger... Just because she doesn't show it with you, doesn't mean that she isn't, she is getting daddy's money right now, once that starts to dry up because fil demands you take care of his daughter and him and his wife... Seriously, they were trying to figure out how much they could live off of op...
Story 1: I said she was NTA before and I said it again. This is worse, shouting traumatized enough a kid but hitting?? Divorce him and yeah he is turning like his father even, when she said to hurt him it's turning to be the truth. He may have a trauma but that doesn't excuse him to HIT HIS KIDS!!!
Story 2 just cause you have blood relatives doesn't actually make them family. My wife has 4 sisters only one of them actually treats her like a sister the other 3 are useless my wife doesn't consider them sisters. Her one sister was her native honour at our wedding the other 3 were invited only 2 of them showed up. So just because you share a genetic bloodline with somebody doesn't make them family no matter how much your parents or siblings or whatever wanted to happen it just doesn't.
i iwsh my mom was like you. No one protected me from my dads beatings when i was young...i still get "jokes" like "youre so misbehaved we should have beated you more" at 24yo... and now dad complains that i love mom more (mostly because she didnt beat me) and that i probably hate him. But he makes it really hard not to hate him...
Honestly, the last OP needs to get out of that relationship ASAP. Or pre-marital counseling and a prenup at very least, but that entire family just sounds incredibly toxic.
They actually locked him in? That's some insane mafia-crap! Screw the counseling and prenup. Fiance's true colours are revealed. She doesn't care that the parents came close to breaking the law by confining OP, she'll always put them first. OP should put himself first, and get off this crazy train.
Story 2 NTA, your sisters have made it very clear for your entire life that they don't consider you their sisters which is horrible on their part. Your mom is ATH since she knows her 2 other daughters don't include you in their events but for some reason you are still required to include them, that's BS.
The bigger AH part of mom is insisting on forcing a 'sisterly bond' between them and trying to play happy families. A big part of OP's alienation from her sisters could have been mom forcing them to include OP in everything they did, even when it wasn't age appropriate (either leaving OP left out of activities or having to have them be toned down or cancelled). OP may have been crowned as the mom's golden child by her sisters and not realised it yet, not having the entitled attitude but just wanting the sisterly bonding expected at that age.
I ask myself what influence has the divorced dad on their behavior. I think mom was just glad the attacks where not pointed toward her. It was joint custody, so halve of the time the oldest Kids had no sister.
@@paulinadeboer3604 or maybe the ops mom and dad are lying about when they met, and maybe they had an affair which led to the end of her first marriage, and maybe her sisters know and don’t want anything to do with her as a result. Either way it is not the ops fault it is the moms fault for how she parented.
“I asked if she thought what her parents had done to me was okay but she reminded me that she’s with me whether I’m rich or poor and it doesn’t matter what others think.” 1. She didn’t answer your question. 2. They aren’t just anybody; they are her parents and as long as she allows it, they are always going to be putting their noses into your marriage. 3. You should not be apologizing to them when they were putting their nose into your personal life. It is none of their business what you make, even if their daughter is getting married to you, because (assuming your fiancée works and has her own income,) both of you will be contributing to the household income. Put your foot down now, because you do not want this ‘crunch-time’ to come after you’ve already tied your life to your fiancee’s. If her parents really are gold-diggers, you need to find out now, not wait until your life is tied with them.
"We're alone together here and there's no reason not to talk in this room, but step into this other room with two people you barely know and leave your safety and freedom behind in our control..." That's a hard NO from me!
Final story Do not marry unless you have a prenuptial agreement signed in front of 2 lawyers on video and audio at least 120 days before the wedding. If refusal walk away
Story #1 Thought it was shitty how that one response to the OP was getting all judgmental saying that she was sacrificing the twins to keep a comfortable lifestyle. Obviously she did the right thing and shows she puts her kids above herself. Some people seriously have their own issues and should not be giving any advice until they work through their them.
First story. NTA. The father just like" sorry, i didn't mean to hit them, but i feel like i should hate them because they didn't look like me or act like me." Please ask your husband this, if you passed away while giving birth to the twins, what will him do? Are him going to hate them for as long as his life? I guess the problem is not as simple as that. Get him to therapy, and please keep your child away from him for the time being. Story 2. NTA. Ask your mother for a meeting with your two sister and you. So your mother will understand, how they treat you over the years. They didn't think of you as their sister, so tell her (your mother) don't forced you to accepted they as a sister. Story 3. NTA. You don't need to apologize. The f*ck are they doing?! Please thinking twice before marrying her. Your in-laws already show you, their "red" flag. You deserved better than this.
Story 1: ugh poor little guys. How as a father can you treat your kids that way? I was abused relentlessly growing up, but could never imagine doing that to my kids.
Story 1 when it comes to abusive upbringings there two types of people. People who allow it define them and act like the whole world owe them, and people who use it as fuel to be a better person. The husband is condemning his kids to that fate. Hopefully they brake the cycle of abuse.
@@michaelmorris8302 or he's just being an awful human being? Even if she cheated he's raised these kids and has absolutely no right to treat them how he did. Not to mention his hatred rubbed off on the daughter. It's unacceptable.
Story 1, I wouldn't have covered for him. Tell them I told daddy he had to go away until he deals with his anger twords the twins. That if he's capable of doing that to the twins he could do it to any one of you and that's not ok.
@@kitsumekat The older kids will say he is a great dad, the judge will assume the younger kids have been told what to say. If the kids aren’t asked it’s just her word vs his word.
@@shenanigansone8172 if we went by that logic, we should just let all the child molesters, abusers, pedophiles, and child predators out. Clearly children lie and their trauma mean nothing to people like you 🙄 And people wonder why no one wants to report a crime.
@@shenanigansone8172 the other children witnessed the abuse and are under the impression its normal. Its important for parents to teach their children right from wrong and dad was wrong. Its not something that can be ignored because the older daughter has been displaying abusive behavior as well.
i would love to see an update to story 3 where he is apologizing for calling them gold diggers and that its just him being insecure and he is reasured that they only want whats best for their child but just for his own piece of mind he will make a prenup, because he is just SO INSECURE and his GF isnt big on money and materialistic things anyway and the parents are clearly not interested in getting money out of him
That last one, i would not have even given up my keys and phone! And only thing that would have come after being locked in a room with two people is one conscious person leaving, nobody, and i mean nobody! Is locking me in a room without my permission. Not even my own parents would do something like that to me, so i sure as hell wouldn't tolerate it from anyone else.
When you marry someone, you also marry into their family. With parents like that, do you really want to marry into that? Take a step back and see if this picture you're trying to paint is worth it.
There is never an excuse to be abusive to kids. The hole they aren't mine or I think they're mine is a b******* excuse. There's reasons to get a DNA test. There's reasons to leave a spouse. There's even reasons to leave very small children because you find out they are not biologically yours. But there is never a reason to ever abuse a child or human being because of the circumstances of their conception. If you believe that the children born into your family are not yours. Or you know that a child was conceived in an affair. You have a responsibility as a non evil human being to treat the child with respect. If the child lives in your household, then you have to treat them with love. If you can't live up to this then you have to get yourself out of the child's life.
But locking you in a bedroom and being told that you wouldn’t be let out until you complied. That’s nutty. In some places that’s illegal confinement. In the future they lock a door you put a chair through the window
They coerced him into giving up his keys and phone, then locked him in a room and wouldn't let him go; that is a massive red flag about their entitlement. He was held against his will and intimidated to obtain personal information; he should put in a report with the police just to get it on the books. If he loses his fiance over the matter, he probably dodged a bullet there.
Story one......Op needs to be honest with the kids and say that 'daddy isn't well and is trying to get help but for now he needs a time out. Your father loves them but he can't be with them at the moment' it's honest but doesn't make any promises or raise expectations. It also doesn't bad mouth him to them.
Oh but they don't owe him an apology for locking him in the house and interrogate again babysitting happy with him do leave this girl this is what message red flags coming from a family
Story 2: The mother is just now realizing that her supposedly blended family never actually blended. Older siblings have _ALL_ of the power to dictate the nature of the relationship. All the younger siblings can do is run behind them and say "Hey, guys! Wait up!" ... or not. The mom would probably (occasionally) lecture the two of them at the same time when they did something particularly cruel... which would only end up fueling their shared resentment and reinforcing their bond. She shouldn't have treated them as a set. She should have addressed them individually, and not let up until something actually changed. Words are wind. Question: How did the marriage to their father end? Was someone done wrong? Was somebody heartbroken? Anybody nursing a grudge? She flies right by the topic like it's only relevant to set up the half-sister dynamic. It seems like she might be missing how foundational to her situation the details of that divorce actually were. I mean, it's _possible_ that they just suddenly came to a mutual decision that they couldn't tolerate being married to each other anymore _right_ after their 2nd child was born... but not very probable.
Yeah maybe they blame the youngest sister for the divorce? Or maybe they felt like op's dad favored her over them or their mom favored her over them? Granted they are adults now and should realize that certain things are not op's fault but yeah, there is more to this story and kudos to op for just accepting and moving on.
Story 3 NTA, your future in-laws are insane. They planned the whole thing out to try & force you to tell them what they want to know. If you hadn't called them out for being gold diggers who knows how long they would have tried to keep you falsely imprisoned in their guestroom. Seriously having you leave your phone & keys behind before going in there I don't want to imagine what the full plan was before they abandoned it & kicked you out instead. As soon as he locked the door to try & prevent me from leaving I would have given him a beating he would never forget & her too if she tried to stop me.
On that last story, the future FIL is lucky OP didn't get violent. If someone locks me in a room without my keys and phone, and tells me I'll be let out when I comply, I'm going absolutely berserk. Kicking, biting, screaming, swinging, furniture through windows. And he'd better not, under ANY circumstances apologize to those barbarians. He's teaching them how to treat him right now. If he caves, they'll know they have him by the...ear. If the fiancee continues to insist, then he should run, not walk to the nearest exit. Holy smokes! I can't believe these people!
NTA Op need get full custody of all Children, have Husband need pay and get in jail for abusive twins.😡😡😡 OP should get divorce from that monster/Father.
I don't get why she didn't call the cops on husband for Child Abuse. She should at least get a documented case from the police to help her gain full custody. The therapist can also testify that the dad was poisoning and alienating the daughter against her siblings. The best thing the dad can get is supervised visitation.
In story 1 if it would help maybe a paternity test would help, and of course therapy for the whole family husband and wife should also do their own and couple therapy. But yeah keep husband away for now. It was so sad to hear that he hit the twins and that the daughter agreed with her father's abuse. Hope therapy change that thought process. Thank goodness op has such a supportive family. My heart goes out to the twins then other children. I hope OP can get a cross to the older ones that they should not look down on their siblings.Ohh they need some help telling the difference between twins I have heard of a story where a kid was given a tattoo of a freckle to a so who needed medical and was a twin so maybe something like that could help?
If that was his concern, he had the money to do the paternity test years ago. I guarantee you he could get a DNA test tomorrow and his opinion of the twins wouldn't change, it sounds to me this is an excuse he found for hurting small children. Therapy first, then DNA, then trial and error and if he doesn't change then the kids go first. Screw this asshole, who the hell abuses small children?
Honestly, the OP in the last story handled it better than I would have. Soon as that door locked I would have had daddies head crashing through a window.
S1: So he gaslight her and abused the twins??? And his reasoning makes it worse. He feels like they're not his but he trust her and know she didn't cheat??? How does this work? I hope she keeps him far away from the kids until he improves but the way things sound, I don't think he needs to be around them period.
Last story, who doesn't love a little of being held against their will? OP should check out as fast as possible. The parents are throwing up enough red flags to sail a fleet of ships. The fiancee agreeing with throws up more.
IKR? That's some insane mafia-shit! I can't believe OP agreed to leave his phone and car keys in the other room. And the fiance's true colours are revealed. Even if she isn't a gold-digger, she'll always put the psycho-parents first. Hope OP dumps this crazy-train.
12:59 - The mother is angry with OP for being honest about her feelings after being constantly pushed out by her sisters for years? Mom needs to get her head out of the sand! 14:00 - "I imagine it's possible things will change in the future... " It will change as soon as the "sisters" want/need something from OP. After years of ostracizing and rejecting her, as soon as they need something from her they'll be crying "But we're Faaaaamily!"
We didn't even know the sister's side in all this. For all we knew, they were just as happy as OP with their current relationship and had no idea about the fuss their mom raised (heck, they probably didn't even remember OP's birthday was approaching).
Man, the husband from the first story is so crappy. Op should leave him, he is a danger to the kids. He shows narcissistic tendencies: twisting the reality, scapegoating the kids, mistreating the children, playing favorites, lieing(the twins lied, I never hurt them). It is better to separate him from the children, this kind of abuse will leave long term scars on the twins psyche.
1st story: So OP was right he IS just like his father, an abusive a**hole. OP should still get a paternity test done just as extra protection in divorce proceedings. Hopefully therapy helps the daughter to see how bad her father really is & what he was doing to all of them was very very wrong. Hopefully they can deprogram the two eldest & be a family sans dad. Hope the therapist can testify in court & he loses all rights to his kids.
As a mother to twins story 1 just breaks my heart. It’s not only the twins that will suffer. The other children maybe be hurt seeing how awful their siblings are being treated. 😢
The husband from the first story needs thearopy. People tht grow up with abusers tend to become abusers themselves because they don't know any better. Draw a line in the sand that he gets thearopy or he has to leave.
She forced him to make a therapist appointment in front of her, but then when he revealed that he hit the kids she decided not even therapy can salvage this and she is going to divorce him. Her only uncertainty right now is if she goes for full, no visitations allowed, custody because the two he didn't hit miss him
@@Spikex99 No your right that hitting them was a complete deal breaker. Coming from an abusive situation I know how hard dealing with life can be. He really should have gotten help before becoming a dad. I just hope OP gets the twins to therapy before the cycle has a chance to continue. I was able to break my cycle and my parent was able to partially escape theirs. I'm glad OP has addressed the other kids about their behavior to stop them from continuing it.
Last story: If I get up to leave and someone locks the door they've chosen the violence option. I leave when the conversation is over? This conversation just changed languages to one I'm more fluent in.
Story 1: well, it seems that OP's husband really needs therapy. It looks like he's projecting the fear of losing his wife onto twins. She almost passed when they were born. It's a big trauma for everyone. Not that it gives an excuse for him to be mean, but it might explain why he's like that towards his sons.
OMG! The story about the OP and her two half sisters? My story, just with our father being blood related instead of our mother. So scary how alike the OP’s family life and mine is…
Really worried about the daughter, she's easily suspectible to the father's way of thinking. really hope she realises what her father did is actually abuse and she should not copy! And that she doesn't blame the mother or the twins for the divorce. Unfortunately it looks like she might.. Usually how it goes.
FIRST story. OP NTA. It was a good obvservation. OP's husband clearly resents the twins. He doesn't like them. He probably didn't really want them and considers them interlopers into the family. He didn't want and still doesn't want the the responsibility of them. I think husband is gaslighting OP with his idea that the kids aren't his. I think that is his excuse for just not liking them. The only fix for this comes from husband. OP can't fix this. All OP can do is leave husband and keep him away from the twins.
Every South Asian person listening to story 1: He spanks them around a little? At least he hasn't used an instrument yet! All joking aside, child abuse is fucked up and if he thought his wife cheated, the kids weren't the ones to have to bear that burden
Every black person was there with that asian joke 😂 But seriously he was abusive as you've said, he did to much. Whatever is happening to him did need a lot of help.... This is the perfect example when I tell people, that are upset a parent didn't want to be in the child/children's lives, having that parent around, isn't always good, especially when that parent was not a good person
He first says he didn't hit them hard then said he just lost control, how do you hit when you lose control? Second he claims to not think his wife cheated but something was "off" about the twins, it's like he identified them as the villians in his life to justify hitting and abusing them. (I hear that a lot, "my kid is a monster" "my kids are sooo bad and they know what they're doing" etc) I know it's ok to joke about trauma, but it hurts to think about my nephews.
I’m okay with a bit of spankings/disciplines but like you said the kids in that story weren’t disciplined, they were abused, they were emotionally and physically beaten to the point they thought their dad hated them. 💔
1st story besides not thinking the twins are his i also think he resents them because OP mentioned she nearly passed during delivery. It's still no excuse to hurt those children, they are innocent. During their age it's a crucial moment for children to be nurtured emotionally and he's already done enough damage as it is. I hope op leaves him, he pitted the kids against one another and I doubt he'd change. The kids deserve to feel safe.
1S: NTA. Divorce that POS of a husband. He abused the twins physically, mentally, & verbally. This is so disgusting. He could of simply got a paternity test but instead took his anger out on innocent children. Something tells me the oldest children will immediately turn on the twins bc “they ruined Mom & Dad’s marriage.” The daughter is already acting & turning into her dad. Immediately put her in therapy before she turns into a monster.
To the guy who wrote the gold digger story. You better get used to it, not only was she part of the meeting but in the future will disclose everything to them and will follow their lead to get you to do ....whatever. Think twice, marry once.
Story 1 Its so sad that many Men think it takes only one parent to make kids. And since he is their father they should all look like HIM!! Why not a long lost GM GF UNCLE AUNT BROTHER COUSIN HECK HIS WIFE!!
Story 1: UPDATE 4:02
UPDATE: AITA for telling my husband that he is in fact just like his father?
Story 2: 10:01
AITA for telling my mom I don't feel like I have sisters when she asked why I didn't invite my sisters to my birthday?
Story 3: 14:26
AITA for calling my inlaws gold-diggers for insisting to know how much my new job pays?
So, child abuse is okay as long as you don't think it's your child? It is child abuse, his daughter saw and now even her thought her younger brothers deserved it. If he had problems, get a paternity, go see a therapist and so on. You simply *do not* hit your children the point they think you don't love or hate them. That's just messed up.
Here is the thing this father never hit the two older children, just the twins children have a very good sense of what is right and wrong and if the father is not affectionate with them, even at a young age they are going to question why they are not loved.
@@shenanigansone8172 you can discipline without putting hands on your kids. Psychologically, spankings do nothing to discipline kids. There are so many much healthier and more effective way to discipline, but it takes actual work and communication, and treating a child like an actual human,
Funny it’s parents who were spanked that changed things because they realized there are other ways to discipline a child especially nowadays when there are electronics, WiFi etc that can get the message across than getting physical with a child. In this case he is clearly being abusive and hitting them in anger based on how he treats them when OP is around. If he thought the behavior was acceptable he would’ve told her the first time.
@@dtjaj4444 Nice to see you think child abuse and favoritism is okay as long as you don't think the kids are yours. She should leave him.
@@shenanigansone8172 most criminals actually have family history of being beaten, not coddled.
Story 1: divorce him. He not only abused his youngest because he "thought" they weren't his, he also started sibling alienation. He cannot be trusted. If he does it once he will do it again - speaking as the unwanted step child.
its not that deep to divorce it just needs proper family communication and being a step child is a completely different story from this, its also not abuse ts disaplen
@@ynchan1309 it's not disaplan when the father is telling the child they are unwanted. Also, he doesn't hit his other kids. Just the twins. Also, hitting and spanking are 2 different things.
@@samalvarez8776 I agree. He doesn’t trust his wife, did not talk to his wife about his family and kept the hitting a secret. I’m guessing by his wife’s reaction to all this, he probably believes the kids are his bc he’s about to lose his family. And the whole,”they were throwing toys etc.” that was an excuse to hit the kids and take out his frustration. The wife should have intervened earlier.
@@ynchan1309 fuck no. It's not discipline when it's hiding it from his wife and making the sister think lowly of the twins. They're kids! There are better way of disciplining them.
The guys an effing nut job, he could have got a paternity test done without his wife even knowing, there is no way in hell I would stay with him, he thinks there's something "OFF" with them?? Yeah he's the one who's got something "OFF about him.
That 1st story, she's got a slightly bigger problem than she even realises. You can bet the daughter at least is going to hate the twins for "ruining everything" and want to stay with the father. So to this woman, good luck.
I feel so sorry for this mom🙁
She would have that problem if she didn't start nipping it in the bud like she's doing now. She's taking the steps to prevent it from getting there, but it can all be erased if they don't get DNA tests to prove it's his kids.
But he was sleeping??
@@ricaivory6571 The DNA test should have been the first thing she did when he told her he didn't feel they were his kids. I hope she can turn the attitude of the daughter but I have a feeling it won't be easy.
Doesn't unabuse the kids, and not just the twins.
As far as the guy apologizing and saying he doesn't hate the twins, I think of the phrase "If someone shows you their true self, believe it." The hitting was his true self to the twins.
Yep. If he hadn't been found out, he wouldn't be sorry. It would probably have gone on for years and the abuse would have escalated. As it is, it probably will anyway. I would not leave him alone with those kids ever again until they're big enough to pick up a heavy object and hit him back with it.
Especially when he did it in front of his other kids. The daughter already has hatred for the twins because of him.
Agreed
its disaplen
@@ynchan1309 it's not. The father is outright telling his children they are unwanted. That's abuse
Story 1: My dad did the same thing to me. Even after he was proven wrong, I decided not to keep contact. I’m way closer to my step father. There may not be blood between us, but he still treats me like his daughter.
True, who the hell decides to abuse small children for years instead of taking a DNA test if that was such of a big issue? He can take it any day but he needs to believe the kids are not his. It's the most Freudian thing ever "my son is taking away mh wife's attention, must find a excuse to dehumanize them."
Love makes a family, not blood. Glad you have a good stepdad.
I dread to think what would have happened if OP hadn’t had survived the birth. He’s taking his anger out on kids.
I am getting some Freudian vibes here... like if those twins were competition and he managed to dehumanize them by getting into his head that they are not his. Sometimes parents feel threatened by kids of their own gender....
it sounds like the dad has postpartum depression or postpartum psychosis.
@@selectidiot Men don't have any hormonal shifts after birth because they are never pregnant and thus cannot experience any hormonal changes at all no matter how many kids they have. Men do not experience PPD or PPP because they never, ever give birth and are never pregnant. They do act like arseholes sometimes for various reasons related to changes in the household and their own issues, or get normal common or garden depression, but I don't really see depression as any excuse for finding the energy to hit and abuse children actively and persistently.
@@littleblackpistol yes men do experience ppd/ppp, this is a medical fact that has been proven for years.
@@Mariet31 I don’t know if that’s it. He has an older son and he doesn’t mistreat that child, it’s only the younger twins. Who knows what’s going through his head?
Story 1: I really appreciated the update to this. And I wanna address some things.
1) people act like genetics isn’t a thing or that children don’t come out looking more like one parent than the other. When children grow, they can also flip to appear more like the other parent. But this man could’ve gotten a DNA test if he was that bothered about why his children didn’t look more like him.
2) I don’t blame OP for being upset about him hitting the twins. He tried to follow it up with an excuse but it’s hard to believe that now because OP confronted him already about his treatment towards the twins before they finally came to her with their feelings and he LIED TO HER ABOUT IT. He tried to claim that she was over analyzing things and then claimed that the twins were liars before he stormed off. So at this point, how much of him finally coming clean is the truth?
3) this is the worst part about his actions. The daughter is showing signs of hatred towards her brothers tells us that he’s mistreated the twins in front of the older children before. And because the way he treats the older kids is completely opposite to how he treats the twins, they’re going to grow up hating each other. OP did the right thing by keeping him away from the kids and putting them all in therapy because this is a mess.
When i was 1 to 10 i was a copy of my father and then when i hit puberty i started to look more femenine and then i became my mom lol xd
I totally agree with you! Some of the comments are pushing me off- like “she’s obviously a cheater, that’s not a normal reaction! She said MY KiDS” wtf.
If I found out my husband was abusing our twins and thought I cheated on him and committed paternity fraud they would become “MY KIDS” in my head too- he would NEVER come near “My kids” ever again.
So many assholes act like the kids deserve it because they aren’t “his kids”. Wtf. He’s an abuse asshole. A lot of abuses in families like OP’s have favourite targets and abuse the crap outta them and have certain ppl they don’t and “love”.
The fact that he said he was having doubts about paternity and OP didn't immediately schedule a paternity test along with OP apparently being perfect in every way possible except addressing the treatment earlier, leads me to believe that OP is leaving out significant information.
I honestly wouldn't be surprised if OP got the idea to say that he's been hitting the twins from the first post and added it in so no one would even think of asking deeper questions.
But than again, this post is probably fake anyway, so no need to actually care about it.
Agreed, I am also getting Freudian feelings here. Like he is getting threatened so much by the twins that he found an excuse to dehumanize them by using "they don't look enough like me"? Let's ve honest, this is not at all about DNA, he had 5 years to get a simple DNA test that he could easily pay but he chose bot to do it and continued abusing the twins?
@@derpyderperson2912 If you have read similar posts doing the paternity test is the worst you can do. If that was the problem, he could have done it years ago. The problem with these men is that if they don't go to therapy beforehand, theh will have the results to prove those kids are his and the feeling won't go away. I think he went full Freudian on the kids to project his own insecurities because no one in their right mind abuses toddlers, so pls stop making up excuses for him. Also, she is saying "my kids" because she adopting a position in which she chose her kids over her romantic partner. She is a good mother because another codependent bitch would have gone straight for the DNA test and allow the father to continue abusing the twins because "I dOn'T WanT To DiE AloNe" garbage. Therapy, then the DNA test or GTFO.
Story one: If they do end up divorcing that man is going to tell his oldest two it's the twins fault and that hate the daughter has for her siblings is only going to grow. Therapy is great but mom has to absolutely make sure her daughter understands why what dad is doing to the twins is wrong.
Agree
The husband is following the same path as his father and is damaging all those children. If they do get divorced he should only get supervised visits since he can’t be trusted not to abuse the children when left alone.
Luckily she decided to take her kids into therapy and has the means to do it. Who the hell decides to not take a DNA test and abuse small children instead? He needs to believe that the children are not his. These is one of those situations when the father needs to fix his shit with a therapist before having their permission to take the DNA test. There are other posts when a dumb therapist ask for the DNA test right away and the attitude of the husband didn't change at all.
@@Mariet31 I was going to suggest that myself. Whether they go through with a divorce or not, OP needs to do a DNA test. I don't know if that would really change anything since 'bad vibes' is nonsense but there's always a chance that the guy, after getting confirmation that the kids are his, will calm down a bit. Slim but still possible. Even so, dude needs to be kept as far away from them as possible. OP should really look into filing a police report about the abuse and see about getting a restraining order.
Hopefully she'll be able to make her daughter understand through therapy that the father is wrong. I'm hoping that his behavior hasn't really settled in with her yet but yeah, it's going to be hard and OP is going to need to remind her and her other children as often as possible that this isn't the twins' fault; it's his. Keeping him as far from those kids as possible should help and, a restraining order and documented reports of his abuse would definitely help ensure that he gets zero custody in the future.
Not if she goes to the courts and gets full custody with dad having zero to supervised visitation only, which I bet she could given all of this and likely with the therapists backing her up.
The first story with update is just really sad... This man needs therapy, and his views having bled through to the older sister is just... No.
I hope he realizes he screwed up big time, I hope the sister learns this definitely wasn't ok, but at this point he doesn't deserve to be near them.
I do wonder about the OP though and their relation. Apparently they don't share, since it's *my* child, not *our* child. That's telling already that something isn't right. The fact that the husband is starting to believe his own wife that the children are hers, and not theirs, may not be entirely of his own fault...
@@cptfwiffo Even if that's true, that's no excuse for child-abuse.
@@DrownedInExile right, argue it out with your wife, don't abuse the kids
@@cptfwiffo good to know you condone child mistreatment
@@cptfwiffo if you think your kids aren't yours, you talk with your wife and demand a paternity test! You don't abuse the kids!
If I was the wife in the first story, I wouldn’t even bother wasting my time making the husband take therapy. I would make him take a paternity test to prove the kids were his, and then call a divorce lawyer.
Maybe she isn't telling the whole story, rarely a gut feeling like that is wrong. I would demand a paternity test cause I bet good money that those twins aren't his.
100% this. He abused the kids, he's gotta go.
@@RealengoPrimordialDemon Oh, right. I didn’t think about that. But, I would still call for a divorce. Even if the twins weren’t his kids, he doesn’t deserve to be let off of the hook that easily!
@@RealengoPrimordialDemon or you know dont abuse the kids. There are so many choices, he can fight the wife directly, or get tested behind her back. Either way divorce is already on the table, no need to screw yourself in the court more. Let alone the abuse, that is one messed up mind to blame the innocent.
@@joshlikes you're right, the guy has options, he sounds like the one with most of the money, if those kids aren't his then he will have a field day with her in court. Both have money from family but I bet he has more.
Girlfriend's parents acted like thugs. Of course OP isn't going to react kindly to being locked in a room and having demands of him. He should have ended things the moment girlfriend said he should apologize for doing what he did to get out of there. It would have been one thing if they were just rude about asking him personal information, but they made him leave his keys and phone in another room while they locked him in a different one. Threatening. They were set to hold him for a long time. They sound like gangsters. And girlfriend played the "It's not a big deal. They only kidnapped you because they want to make sure you can take care of me." card. Yikes. He should dump her and then watch his back to make sure they don't try to end him for "hurting their little girl".
To all that, YES!
100%
That first story ; that "dad" is abusive to two little kids, because he is a jerk.
Lady, divorce him and get sole custody of your kids.
right? I wouldn't even try to give him a second chance
He's just like his prick of a father. :)
Story1: Good grief this is awful. I don't give a crap what husband's issues are, his actions are vile and disgusting. Between years of cruelty and child abuse and gaslighting, this marriage is toast whether he gets help or not. Glad OP has a support system. I hope she's able to turn her eldest around.
Story3: Gigantic NTA. I was getting major creep vibes by them asking OP to leave his phone and car keys in the other room. But locking the door? That's some crazy mafia-crap!!! The fiance is actually upset at OP and wanting him to apologize? To hell with her! Even if she isn't a gold digger like her parents, she's clearly showing she'll always put them first. Run Forrest run!
Yeah, not wanting people who kidnap you as inlaws should not even need to be stated. 🤷
Ikr? Done and done!
Your future in-laws committed a crime when they held you against your will. RUN away from this relationship!
I’d have bloodied the guys face after he locked the door, the old man is lucky this guy was so calm. The woman could have easily caught a piece of the action for being involved in unlawful imprisonment. The relationship is over given how the girlfriend wasn’t horrified by her demented parents behaviour.
I had a really bad feeling where the story was headed as soon as he mentioned that they asked him to leave his keys and his phone behind...and then proceed to lock him in a room. As soon as they asked me to do that I would've wanted to know why or there won't be any conversation. They obviously didn't want any recording of the conversation so it would just be we said/ he said. This is why I keep one of those pen voice recorders on my if someone wants me to turn off my phone or leave it. I have just leaned that some people are nicer than others, some are meaner than others but nobody has your best interests at heart but you.
Holy crap, there's other women out there, yes it will hurt for a bit but he'll be okay and deserves someone better. He said his fiancee doesn't care about money but the truth is that she does and she's manipulated by her parents. I bet that if he goes an apologizes they're still going to expect a number. She's a babysitter (nothing wrong with that) but she's not getting rich out of it, of course she probably wants to know but it's too afraid to ask him herself. Btw, not all of us Latinas are like that.
Oh so you can hit kids but only if they aren't yours? Never knew that
First story: OP really needs to tell the husband that his behavior is effecting his daughter. His actions are causing her to become a cruel and malicious person who believes children deserve to be struck, not taught. Is that really the kind of person he wants to raise? His actions don't exist in a bubble, every shouting session and raising of his hand is teaching his daughter that abusing those weaker than you is acceptable. If he has an ounce of human decency it'll snap him into action with the daughter.
1 story: oh hell no, get that crap away from your kids. You did the right thing girl, you can do it queen.
Last story has more red flags than a UK Labour Party rally. Evacuate that relationship.
NTA red flag city GTFO.
😆 I need an update on that one FR!
Fiance isn't worried about his money because her attack dogs did it for her.
Gut feelings tell me guy with gold digging family is still going to marry her, then cry foul when she divorces him and demands half of everything.
If he's dumb enough to ignore these gigantic red flags, well it's his life to ruin.
She will demand 90% of everything...
🚩🚩🚩🚩. They confined him against his will. That crossed the line. OP needs a prenup before marrying into this family. No prenup, no wedding. Unfortunately he probably won't heed these red flags and do the minimum to protect himself and set hard boundaries with her family.
IF he decides to marry her I hope he gets a prenup that is airtight and goes NC with the in-laws. Better if he just dropped her completely! That is a whole nother level of crazy.
Everyone here seems to forget that the girlfriend is from another culture, probably a culture where that question is the norm and refusing to answer it is a very red flag.
Story 3: Guy needs to have his phone checked for tracking and snooping apps. There could have been a third person in the house who could've messed with his phone while he was being interrogated. Also, why leave the keys? So that impressions could be made? Change the locks. And lose the GF. OMFG!
Hopefully he used a screenlock for his phone.
This is like some crime movie. And I'd want to see it.
For real!
Story 3 needs an update. I’d at least wanna see if OP and his fiancée broke up or she woke up and realized that her family jeopardized her relationship because that’s in no way okay. Honestly, if someone told me to leave my phone and keys and isolated me in a room and locked the door, it would trigger something in me that they don’t want to see let out.
The minute they kidnapped him in the room, I'd be done with them. The minute she wouldn't answer his question about whether what they did was right and insisted he apologize to them, I'd be done with her. Period.
Story 1: needs to make reports and press charges immediately, it's like she doesn't actually want to see/feel the damage still. Smh. Putting her own feelings first, um hello lady you just found out for your kids' whole lives they've been abused without ur knowledge and you're not reporting it because.......
The sister story; I wonder if the sisters' father guided them to see OP as "mom's kid" and not their sister. My biological father tried this on me when my little sister was born. Luckily, I was 20, and he didn't have much influence over me.
Or OPs mother forced the two older half siblings all the time without input from them because controlling parents always wants what they want without any thought to the kids.
Sometimes sisters are just like that, as I listened to the story it reminded me of my 2 older sisters, right down to the sisters tattoo, that they have and I don't, only difference is we aren't half sisters, we're full blood sisters, all 3 of us have the same mother and father, I'm closer to my older brothers though.
That last one was really shady.
Asked Op to leave his keys so he couldn't drive and leave his phone so he couldn't record the conversation/call for help if needed.
I'm not a violent person normally but the thought of being trapped makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. I would tell him straight up, " this conversation is over I've told you everything I feel comfortable telling you personally, I don't feel safe right now with the fact you've locked the door so you've got about 10 seconds to unlock that door and let me leave or you're going on the ground and that door is coming off its hinges." .
story:1 // THE VIBES AREN'T OFF YOU'RE ABUSING YOUR KIDS THERES A DIFFERENT
Story 3
You lock me in a room, for some stupid reason like that, you're going to be losing a door
and those wackos some teeth, maybe some broken bones !
If that was me and that jerk locked and blocked the door I would have grabbed a chair, threw it at the window and said "I make enough to fix this window after I break up with your golddigger daughter!" As I leave out through the new open gap where a window USED to be! 👍👍🤣🤣
OP is NTA!!
@@ajaxjohnson7999 I love it!
But I'm amazed OP actually agreed to surrender his phone and car keys. There is absolutely no good reason for that! Should have noped out of there right then.
You're going to be paying a defense attorney to fight the false imprisonment charges I'm pressing.
@@shammydammy2610 Forget defense attorney. He'd better unlock the door *immediately* or he'll be paying a doctor to rebuild his face!
As for story #1
All energy right now needs to go into those kids.
First, you have the twins that have to deal with the issues of a parent who abused them physically, emotionally, and mentally. Additionally, they are being abused by their older siblings.
Second, you have the older children who have also been abusing the twins because they watched their dad do it and have come to accept it as acceptable and justified behavior. They need to learn that behavior is wrong and replace it with proper behavior.
Your husband has done enough damage and his lame excuse only shows that he has no intention of taking responsibility for the damage he has done or any responsibility for repairing the damage. You are on the right track on seeing a lawyer and making this abuser an ex and making sure he does not have access to his children until he shows proof that he has received help.
NO Apologies needed in story 3. Should definitely ask Fiancé how they'd feel if they had their cell phone and keys put away on a table, the door locked and everyone hounding you about your money and telling you "Nobody is leaving until you give us an answer" Right there I'd say that is kidnapping. And if the Fiance is hurt by OP calling them out on their shit, well... if it were me I'd definitely already be filing a report with the non emergency line and letting the police know how I was locked in a house against my will and basically kidnapped. Because that's essentially what that was. Honestly it is a terrifying read, and I'd not tolerate it even for a second regardless of how my Fiance felt.
I can't believe OP actually agreed to surrender his phone and keys. There's no good reason for that! And the fiance is showing she'll always have their back over OP's. Run Forrest run!
OP needs to END THIS RELATIONSHIP NOW. No fiancée is worth this. Take the ring back and MOVE ON. You can find someone else. You make good money, you’re a catch, and plenty of women’s families will happily accept you without a shakedown. This is not something to ignore. You’ve been given a gift: A WARNING BEFORE YOU ARE LEGALLY BOUND TO THEM.
It's false imprisonment. I'd definitely report it and press charges.
I would have never let go of my keys and phone. Red flag run
@@shammydammy2610 True, but good luck proving that. His word against theirs. OP should never have agreed to surrender his phone and keys, and noped out just for asking that.
Last story, she is a gold digger... Just because she doesn't show it with you, doesn't mean that she isn't, she is getting daddy's money right now, once that starts to dry up because fil demands you take care of his daughter and him and his wife... Seriously, they were trying to figure out how much they could live off of op...
1. Good on her for protecting her children
2. Good on op for knowing her worth
3. Op needs to run and never look back
Story 1: I'd keep ALL the kids away from dad.
Story 1- You should let the father know he is abusive to the twin and will file charges if he doesn't get help.
Wow!!!!!
They held him HOSTAGE in that room.
I sure hope he decided to break up.
Story 1: I said she was NTA before and I said it again. This is worse, shouting traumatized enough a kid but hitting?? Divorce him and yeah he is turning like his father even, when she said to hurt him it's turning to be the truth. He may have a trauma but that doesn't excuse him to HIT HIS KIDS!!!
Story 2 just cause you have blood relatives doesn't actually make them family. My wife has 4 sisters only one of them actually treats her like a sister the other 3 are useless my wife doesn't consider them sisters. Her one sister was her native honour at our wedding the other 3 were invited only 2 of them showed up. So just because you share a genetic bloodline with somebody doesn't make them family no matter how much your parents or siblings or whatever wanted to happen it just doesn't.
i iwsh my mom was like you. No one protected me from my dads beatings when i was young...i still get "jokes" like "youre so misbehaved we should have beated you more" at 24yo... and now dad complains that i love mom more (mostly because she didnt beat me) and that i probably hate him. But he makes it really hard not to hate him...
Honestly, the last OP needs to get out of that relationship ASAP.
Or pre-marital counseling and a prenup at very least, but that entire family just sounds incredibly toxic.
and get those idiots deported if possible, they were keeping him captive against his will aka kidnap/jailing
Prrnups aren't held up in court anymore...
They actually locked him in? That's some insane mafia-crap! Screw the counseling and prenup. Fiance's true colours are revealed. She doesn't care that the parents came close to breaking the law by confining OP, she'll always put them first. OP should put himself first, and get off this crazy train.
He was gaslighted by his fiance - get out!
@@sbritton1313 yes they are.
It's very tacky and low class to demand to know someone's private finances.
What the parents did by locking the son in law in the room was entrapment... which is illegal
Story 2
NTA, your sisters have made it very clear for your entire life that they don't consider you their sisters which is horrible on their part. Your mom is ATH since she knows her 2 other daughters don't include you in their events but for some reason you are still required to include them, that's BS.
The bigger AH part of mom is insisting on forcing a 'sisterly bond' between them and trying to play happy families. A big part of OP's alienation from her sisters could have been mom forcing them to include OP in everything they did, even when it wasn't age appropriate (either leaving OP left out of activities or having to have them be toned down or cancelled). OP may have been crowned as the mom's golden child by her sisters and not realised it yet, not having the entitled attitude but just wanting the sisterly bonding expected at that age.
I ask myself what influence has the divorced dad on their behavior. I think mom was just glad the attacks where not pointed toward her. It was joint custody, so halve of the time the oldest Kids had no sister.
@@paulinadeboer3604 or maybe the ops mom and dad are lying about when they met, and maybe they had an affair which led to the end of her first marriage, and maybe her sisters know and don’t want anything to do with her as a result. Either way it is not the ops fault it is the moms fault for how she parented.
probably the only gathering they attend is OP's funeral....not to morn but celebrate she's now dead....
“I asked if she thought what her parents had done to me was okay but she reminded me that she’s with me whether I’m rich or poor and it doesn’t matter what others think.”
1. She didn’t answer your question.
2. They aren’t just anybody; they are her parents and as long as she allows it, they are always going to be putting their noses into your marriage.
3. You should not be apologizing to them when they were putting their nose into your personal life. It is none of their business what you make, even if their daughter is getting married to you, because (assuming your fiancée works and has her own income,) both of you will be contributing to the household income.
Put your foot down now, because you do not want this ‘crunch-time’ to come after you’ve already tied your life to your fiancee’s. If her parents really are gold-diggers, you need to find out now, not wait until your life is tied with them.
"We're alone together here and there's no reason not to talk in this room, but step into this other room with two people you barely know and leave your safety and freedom behind in our control..."
That's a hard NO from me!
Final story Do not marry unless you have a prenuptial agreement signed in front of 2 lawyers on video and audio at least 120 days before the wedding. If refusal walk away
With that last story, I would’ve told her “fine, I’ll apologize, after you sign a pre-nup.”
when your partner accuses you of cheating chances are he or she is already cheating
Story #1 Thought it was shitty how that one response to the OP was getting all judgmental saying that she was sacrificing the twins to keep a comfortable lifestyle. Obviously she did the right thing and shows she puts her kids above herself. Some people seriously have their own issues and should not be giving any advice until they work through their them.
First story. NTA. The father just like" sorry, i didn't mean to hit them, but i feel like i should hate them because they didn't look like me or act like me." Please ask your husband this, if you passed away while giving birth to the twins, what will him do? Are him going to hate them for as long as his life? I guess the problem is not as simple as that. Get him to therapy, and please keep your child away from him for the time being.
Story 2. NTA. Ask your mother for a meeting with your two sister and you. So your mother will understand, how they treat you over the years. They didn't think of you as their sister, so tell her (your mother) don't forced you to accepted they as a sister.
Story 3. NTA. You don't need to apologize. The f*ck are they doing?! Please thinking twice before marrying her. Your in-laws already show you, their "red" flag. You deserved better than this.
Are you kidding me? The gold digger story, he needs to run away, FAR AWAY!!!
If he doesn't he'll get what MGTOW's call 'Divorce r@ped'. & it's Canada, he's already lost without having been married.
Story 1: ugh poor little guys. How as a father can you treat your kids that way? I was abused relentlessly growing up, but could never imagine doing that to my kids.
Story 1 when it comes to abusive upbringings there two types of people. People who allow it define them and act like the whole world owe them, and people who use it as fuel to be a better person. The husband is condemning his kids to that fate. Hopefully they brake the cycle of abuse.
Or she's cheating and gaslighting him
@@michaelmorris8302 or he's just being an awful human being? Even if she cheated he's raised these kids and has absolutely no right to treat them how he did. Not to mention his hatred rubbed off on the daughter. It's unacceptable.
@@michaelmorris8302 regardless of cheating, you don't hit kids... ever
If there not his he could just leave instead of dragging it out.
@@michaelmorris8302 how did you get that out of whole story?
Story 1, I wouldn't have covered for him. Tell them I told daddy he had to go away until he deals with his anger twords the twins. That if he's capable of doing that to the twins he could do it to any one of you and that's not ok.
@@shenanigansone8172 not if she tells the judge what he did to the twins.
@@kitsumekat
The older kids will say he is a great dad, the judge will assume the younger kids have been told what to say. If the kids aren’t asked it’s just her word vs his word.
@@shenanigansone8172 if we went by that logic, we should just let all the child molesters, abusers, pedophiles, and child predators out. Clearly children lie and their trauma mean nothing to people like you 🙄
And people wonder why no one wants to report a crime.
@@wolfengod8277 And the judge will order a psych evaluation.
@@shenanigansone8172 the other children witnessed the abuse and are under the impression its normal. Its important for parents to teach their children right from wrong and dad was wrong. Its not something that can be ignored because the older daughter has been displaying abusive behavior as well.
i would love to see an update to story 3
where he is apologizing for calling them gold diggers and that its just him being insecure
and he is reasured that they only want whats best for their child
but just for his own piece of mind he will make a prenup, because he is just SO INSECURE and his GF isnt big on money and materialistic things anyway
and the parents are clearly not interested in getting money out of him
That last one, i would not have even given up my keys and phone! And only thing that would have come after being locked in a room with two people is one conscious person leaving, nobody, and i mean nobody! Is locking me in a room without my permission. Not even my own parents would do something like that to me, so i sure as hell wouldn't tolerate it from anyone else.
When you marry someone, you also marry into their family. With parents like that, do you really want to marry into that? Take a step back and see if this picture you're trying to paint is worth it.
If dad had doubts why didn't he ask for a paternity test instead of abusing the twins?
There is never an excuse to be abusive to kids. The hole they aren't mine or I think they're mine is a b******* excuse. There's reasons to get a DNA test. There's reasons to leave a spouse. There's even reasons to leave very small children because you find out they are not biologically yours. But there is never a reason to ever abuse a child or human being because of the circumstances of their conception.
If you believe that the children born into your family are not yours. Or you know that a child was conceived in an affair. You have a responsibility as a non evil human being to treat the child with respect. If the child lives in your household, then you have to treat them with love.
If you can't live up to this then you have to get yourself out of the child's life.
But locking you in a bedroom and being told that you wouldn’t be let out until you complied. That’s nutty. In some places that’s illegal confinement. In the future they lock a door you put a chair through the window
They coerced him into giving up his keys and phone, then locked him in a room and wouldn't let him go; that is a massive red flag about their entitlement. He was held against his will and intimidated to obtain personal information; he should put in a report with the police just to get it on the books. If he loses his fiance over the matter, he probably dodged a bullet there.
Calling it, Dad is a cheater. They always project onto the innocent spouse/kids.
Story one......Op needs to be honest with the kids and say that 'daddy isn't well and is trying to get help but for now he needs a time out. Your father loves them but he can't be with them at the moment' it's honest but doesn't make any promises or raise expectations. It also doesn't bad mouth him to them.
Oh but they don't owe him an apology for locking him in the house and interrogate again babysitting happy with him do leave this girl this is what message red flags coming from a family
Story 2: The mother is just now realizing that her supposedly blended family never actually blended. Older siblings have _ALL_ of the power to dictate the nature of the relationship. All the younger siblings can do is run behind them and say "Hey, guys! Wait up!" ... or not.
The mom would probably (occasionally) lecture the two of them at the same time when they did something particularly cruel... which would only end up fueling their shared resentment and reinforcing their bond. She shouldn't have treated them as a set. She should have addressed them individually, and not let up until something actually changed. Words are wind.
Question: How did the marriage to their father end? Was someone done wrong? Was somebody heartbroken? Anybody nursing a grudge? She flies right by the topic like it's only relevant to set up the half-sister dynamic. It seems like she might be missing how foundational to her situation the details of that divorce actually were. I mean, it's _possible_ that they just suddenly came to a mutual decision that they couldn't tolerate being married to each other anymore _right_ after their 2nd child was born... but not very probable.
Yeah maybe they blame the youngest sister for the divorce? Or maybe they felt like op's dad favored her over them or their mom favored her over them? Granted they are adults now and should realize that certain things are not op's fault but yeah, there is more to this story and kudos to op for just accepting and moving on.
Story 3
NTA, your future in-laws are insane. They planned the whole thing out to try & force you to tell them what they want to know. If you hadn't called them out for being gold diggers who knows how long they would have tried to keep you falsely imprisoned in their guestroom. Seriously having you leave your phone & keys behind before going in there I don't want to imagine what the full plan was before they abandoned it & kicked you out instead. As soon as he locked the door to try & prevent me from leaving I would have given him a beating he would never forget & her too if she tried to stop me.
On that last story, the future FIL is lucky OP didn't get violent. If someone locks me in a room without my keys and phone, and tells me I'll be let out when I comply, I'm going absolutely berserk. Kicking, biting, screaming, swinging, furniture through windows. And he'd better not, under ANY circumstances apologize to those barbarians. He's teaching them how to treat him right now. If he caves, they'll know they have him by the...ear. If the fiancee continues to insist, then he should run, not walk to the nearest exit. Holy smokes! I can't believe these people!
PRENUP ASAP OR BREAKUP ASAP GET THE RING BACK
Kinda bewildered the wife didnt suggest to do a paternity test to ease his mind. Nothing to lose and everything to gain, unless?
"I'm sorry I called you Gold diggers" *pulls out prenup* "gold diggers are not afraid of prenups"
It’s ok to tell your kids that daddy needed a time out and that when he’s ready he’ll be back
NTA Op need get full custody of all Children, have Husband need pay and get in jail for abusive twins.😡😡😡 OP should get divorce from that monster/Father.
I don't get why she didn't call the cops on husband for Child Abuse. She should at least get a documented case from the police to help her gain full custody. The therapist can also testify that the dad was poisoning and alienating the daughter against her siblings.
The best thing the dad can get is supervised visitation.
1. The children are very young yet they still sense their father's abuse of them. Time for therapy or divorce.
In story 1 if it would help maybe a paternity test would help, and of course therapy for the whole family husband and wife should also do their own and couple therapy. But yeah keep husband away for now. It was so sad to hear that he hit the twins and that the daughter agreed with her father's abuse. Hope therapy change that thought process. Thank goodness op has such a supportive family. My heart goes out to the twins then other children. I hope OP can get a cross to the older ones that they should not look down on their siblings.Ohh they need some help telling the difference between twins I have heard of a story where a kid was given a tattoo of a freckle to a so who needed medical and was a twin so maybe something like that could help?
If that was his concern, he had the money to do the paternity test years ago. I guarantee you he could get a DNA test tomorrow and his opinion of the twins wouldn't change, it sounds to me this is an excuse he found for hurting small children. Therapy first, then DNA, then trial and error and if he doesn't change then the kids go first. Screw this asshole, who the hell abuses small children?
Honestly, the OP in the last story handled it better than I would have. Soon as that door locked I would have had daddies head crashing through a window.
S1: So he gaslight her and abused the twins??? And his reasoning makes it worse. He feels like they're not his but he trust her and know she didn't cheat??? How does this work? I hope she keeps him far away from the kids until he improves but the way things sound, I don't think he needs to be around them period.
Kids remember.I remember almost everything that was done to me and I'm an adult.
Last story, who doesn't love a little of being held against their will? OP should check out as fast as possible.
The parents are throwing up enough red flags to sail a fleet of ships. The fiancee agreeing with throws up more.
IKR? That's some insane mafia-shit! I can't believe OP agreed to leave his phone and car keys in the other room.
And the fiance's true colours are revealed. Even if she isn't a gold-digger, she'll always put the psycho-parents first. Hope OP dumps this crazy-train.
12:59 - The mother is angry with OP for being honest about her feelings after being constantly pushed out by her sisters for years? Mom needs to get her head out of the sand!
14:00 - "I imagine it's possible things will change in the future... " It will change as soon as the "sisters" want/need something from OP. After years of ostracizing and rejecting her, as soon as they need something from her they'll be crying "But we're Faaaaamily!"
We didn't even know the sister's side in all this. For all we knew, they were just as happy as OP with their current relationship and had no idea about the fuss their mom raised (heck, they probably didn't even remember OP's birthday was approaching).
She glossed right over the whole "he doesn't think they're his"
Yea... better keep her kids away from that man. And OP should retract her apology and let her future ex know he is not like his father, but wrose
Man, the husband from the first story is so crappy.
Op should leave him, he is a danger to the kids.
He shows narcissistic tendencies: twisting the reality, scapegoating the kids, mistreating the children, playing favorites, lieing(the twins lied, I never hurt them).
It is better to separate him from the children, this kind of abuse will leave long term scars on the twins psyche.
S1: Well, the daughter sure is his child though. Tsk tsk, he warped her into his image.
1st story: So OP was right he IS just like his father, an abusive a**hole. OP should still get a paternity test done just as extra protection in divorce proceedings. Hopefully therapy helps the daughter to see how bad her father really is & what he was doing to all of them was very very wrong. Hopefully they can deprogram the two eldest & be a family sans dad. Hope the therapist can testify in court & he loses all rights to his kids.
As a mother to twins story 1 just breaks my heart. It’s not only the twins that will suffer. The other children maybe be hurt seeing how awful their siblings are being treated. 😢
The husband from the first story needs thearopy. People tht grow up with abusers tend to become abusers themselves because they don't know any better. Draw a line in the sand that he gets thearopy or he has to leave.
She forced him to make a therapist appointment in front of her, but then when he revealed that he hit the kids she decided not even therapy can salvage this and she is going to divorce him. Her only uncertainty right now is if she goes for full, no visitations allowed, custody because the two he didn't hit miss him
@@Spikex99 No your right that hitting them was a complete deal breaker. Coming from an abusive situation I know how hard dealing with life can be. He really should have gotten help before becoming a dad. I just hope OP gets the twins to therapy before the cycle has a chance to continue. I was able to break my cycle and my parent was able to partially escape theirs. I'm glad OP has addressed the other kids about their behavior to stop them from continuing it.
Last story: If I get up to leave and someone locks the door they've chosen the violence option. I leave when the conversation is over? This conversation just changed languages to one I'm more fluent in.
Last story pause this marriage at the very least. The daughter response tell me she was in on it.
Story 1: well, it seems that OP's husband really needs therapy. It looks like he's projecting the fear of losing his wife onto twins. She almost passed when they were born. It's a big trauma for everyone. Not that it gives an excuse for him to be mean, but it might explain why he's like that towards his sons.
OMG! The story about the OP and her two half sisters?
My story, just with our father being blood related instead of our mother.
So scary how alike the OP’s family life and mine is…
S1. "But we decided to keep them". Thx mom.
Really worried about the daughter, she's easily suspectible to the father's way of thinking. really hope she realises what her father did is actually abuse and she should not copy! And that she doesn't blame the mother or the twins for the divorce. Unfortunately it looks like she might.. Usually how it goes.
FIRST story. OP NTA. It was a good obvservation. OP's husband clearly resents the twins. He doesn't like them. He probably didn't really want them and considers them interlopers into the family. He didn't want and still doesn't want the the responsibility of them. I think husband is gaslighting OP with his idea that the kids aren't his. I think that is his excuse for just not liking them. The only fix for this comes from husband. OP can't fix this. All OP can do is leave husband and keep him away from the twins.
Every South Asian person listening to story 1: He spanks them around a little? At least he hasn't used an instrument yet!
All joking aside, child abuse is fucked up and if he thought his wife cheated, the kids weren't the ones to have to bear that burden
Every black person was there with that asian joke 😂
But seriously he was abusive as you've said, he did to much. Whatever is happening to him did need a lot of help....
This is the perfect example when I tell people, that are upset a parent didn't want to be in the child/children's lives, having that parent around, isn't always good, especially when that parent was not a good person
He first says he didn't hit them hard then said he just lost control, how do you hit when you lose control?
Second he claims to not think his wife cheated but something was "off" about the twins, it's like he identified them as the villians in his life to justify hitting and abusing them. (I hear that a lot, "my kid is a monster" "my kids are sooo bad and they know what they're doing" etc)
I know it's ok to joke about trauma, but it hurts to think about my nephews.
I’m okay with a bit of spankings/disciplines but like you said the kids in that story weren’t disciplined, they were abused, they were emotionally and physically beaten to the point they thought their dad hated them. 💔
1st story besides not thinking the twins are his i also think he resents them because OP mentioned she nearly passed during delivery. It's still no excuse to hurt those children, they are innocent. During their age it's a crucial moment for children to be nurtured emotionally and he's already done enough damage as it is. I hope op leaves him, he pitted the kids against one another and I doubt he'd change. The kids deserve to feel safe.
1S: NTA. Divorce that POS of a husband. He abused the twins physically, mentally, & verbally. This is so disgusting. He could of simply got a paternity test but instead took his anger out on innocent children. Something tells me the oldest children will immediately turn on the twins bc “they ruined Mom & Dad’s marriage.” The daughter is already acting & turning into her dad. Immediately put her in therapy before she turns into a monster.
If he is acting like his father then he is like his father. NTA
To the guy who wrote the gold digger story. You better get used to it, not only was she part of the meeting but in the future will disclose everything to them and will follow their lead to get you to do ....whatever. Think twice, marry once.
I kinda hope the dad in the first story finds the post and realize how horrible he is
Story 1 Its so sad that many Men think it takes only one parent to make kids. And since he is their father they should all look like HIM!! Why not a long lost GM GF UNCLE AUNT BROTHER COUSIN HECK HIS WIFE!!