Three Ways to Heal After Betrayal
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- Опубликовано: 27 сен 2024
- Kristin M, Snowden, MA, LMFT, CDWF specializes in treating and educating on betrayal trauma (infidelity recovery), addiction recovery, and helping individuals/couples navigate relationship crises. This was a free, live webinar that explores the three most important things to identify and process through after uncovering betrayal (through infidelity, addiction, or other means). The "betrayal heavy-hitters" are trauma, shame, and processing grief and loss. Kristin provides helpful examples of how trauma, shame, and grief/loss can wreak havoc on someone's relationship, mental health, and stability. She also provides tools for processing betrayal trauma, shame, and grief/loss. Kristin's website and RUclips channel provide education, help, and support for people looking to get unstuck in the pain and explore the healthiest steps forward in (or out) of their relationship. Kristin discussed emotional abuse, manipulation, narcissistic abuse, attachment wounds, trauma healing, and shame resiliency practices, to name a few. Kristin educates on the importance of identifying what has been lost as a consequence of betrayal, uncovering addiction, years of lies, and the chaos that's ensued. This is a part of free monthly webinars on all issues related to couples crisis issues and moving from unhealthy to healthy relationship dynamics.
(This is an edited version of a recorded live webinar with SexandRelationshipHealing.com, co-hosted by Tami Verhelst)
**The Grief/Loss Journal Prompt: www.kristinsno...
(THIS IS EDUCATIONAL ONLY, THIS IS NOT THERAPY)
www.kristinsno... | KristinSnowdenMFT@gmail.com
FREE ONLINE COMMUNITY & RESOURCES: www.kristinsno...
3:50 Summary of the three most damaging parts of experiencing betrayal
5:40 Betrayal Trauma Explained
7:00 How trauma re-wires your brain
8:50 How your "survival brain" plays a role in your trauma and healing process
9:56 Why betrayal is so traumatizing
12:09 Betrayal often includes these behaviors by your betraying partner...
17:40 The types of treatment that can help heal trauma
17:45 What is shame and what role does it play in your life
24:09 How grief and loss shows up in betrayal
26:36 What is grief and loss really about
30:15 Tools for healing grief
41:40 Boundaries
Get my FREE eBook: A Guide to Navigating Relationship Crisis: bit.ly/Relatio... to set you down a path toward healing and clarity. It’s a small collection of education, important first steps, and resources to get you through the initial crisis period.
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**Join Kristin's LIVE (zoom) WORKSHOPS for betrayed partners and beyond. Please visit this link for dates/times to register. bit.ly/Kristins...
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This is an edited version of KRISTIN'S FREE LIVE WEBINAR EVERY SECOND WEDNESDAY OF THE MONTH AT 9:30 AM (pacific time). Please join us by clicking the link:
zoom.us/j/2441... Co-host Tami@seekingintegrity.com @SexandRelationshipHealing
#addictionrecovery #couplescrisis #infidelity #betrayaltrauma #griefjourney #shameresilience #divorce #couplescounseling #maritalissues #attachmenttrauma
Kristin is the co-author of Life Anonymous: 12 Steps to Heal & Transform Your Life bit.ly/LifeAnon...
No one really understands the pain of a betrayal, except for those of us who live with it.
Which is why I always encourage Betrayed partners to find a safe group of other betrayed partners to support and connect. I have betrayed partner workshops, sexandrelationshiphealing.com also has groups
@garybrooker312
1 second ago
Solutions are what the betrayed seek not meaningless rhetoric. A group of people in intense unresolved pain? Money is all these so called therapist want. Happy people don't need these snake oil con artists.@@KristinSnowden
This is true. I knew a woman who was cheated on and put very strict rules on her husband who she was staying with (he’s a massive cheater btw). After I had someone cheat I completely understand why she was doing that and how she must have felt.
Do you know any groups for people who have been abused by a therapist??? Bit** cannot have my light either. Yes. Repeating patterns. How to trust now...not like I did
Needing to be heard. Needing lots more than this.Thank you.
Honestly, there is a misconception in this world: ALL Human Beings go through either of the two:
Betrail and/or
Abandonment
We ALL have the exact same wounding... Not always aware of them and in different shapes and intensities.
I lost my mother and the trust in her, while she was standing right in front of me.
Much Love ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I feel like an empty shell of my former self and I don’t see a path towards transformation. I’ve lost all motivation and enthusiasm for life itself. This is the trauma that’s invisible to the rest of society. No one really understands the pain of a betrayal, except for those of us who live with it.
Numb and lost. Here too, I get it.
I'm SO with you😢
I feel that way too, but I have decided to go against my feelings, and 'give em hell' and fight for my life. So I push past how I feel every day in small ways. It's still hard, but I can't stop fighting for myself. I won't allow someone who hurt me to destroy my entire life. I just will not
@@LizaLavoltaI love the way you put that… even if I cry I’m still going to try to get back to my regularly happy bubbly self. I just miss the genuine true love I felt for years. In time I will get pass the slight heartbreak
@@citichic2311 Yes you will. No other choice, no way to to go but forward!
When someone shows you who they really are.... believe them.
That is so obtuse. If someone has been groomed to believe abuse is love, they will not see what is shown for what it is. Even more nuanced is the difference between someone displaying "good manners" versus kindness and interpreting the person as "nice". Deception is a real thing.
@bitcoinbelle well said.
@@bitcoinbelle That may be, but consider the possibility of the saying that it means to listen to the intuition that we *do* have on whatever level we have it. I don't think that the saying is blaming the victim on any level. (This is explained below.)
I'm not saying that victims of abuse don't miss these sorts of things, because many do; for many victims, it is just the norm that they have grown up and so they *would* miss vital clues until they learn what they are.
But, please consider the other possibility for this saying, that is, knowing inside something is not right and listening to that intuition, on whatever level it is perceived. Oftentimes, there are clues that even some of us that grew up in abuse explained away but that we *did* notice. No, I am not blaming the victim here. What I *am* saying is that many of us, looking back, can remember a certain instance where we had a twinge in our gut, or some indication that things were not quite right, and we gave the abuser the benefit of the doubt.
To me, this saying is simply imparting that if we do have those types of warning flags, we need to pay attention and not give the benefit of the doubt automatically.
I think it is incredibly important to acknowledge that even victims of abuse will, in hindsight, look at a situation and pinpoint a moment where they may have missed a clue. They may or may not have, but for those of us who *did* I believe it is incredibly important to acknowledge that and to learn from it, because becoming aware is an incredible source of power and self-agency.
To me, the saying, "when people *show* you who they really are, believe them," necessarily implies that one is aware on some level; otherwise, they have not yet been *shown* and necessarily cannot be a person to whom that saying applies. To the extent that we *are* shown I think that the saying is an incredibly useful consideration. When I first heard this saying it was from Tyler Perry in a clip of a play where Madea was dispensing advice to her nephew. It was at a time where I had learned about cluster B personality disorders. (Details withheld.) It was something that I *needed* to hear and it was life-changing. I had to admit that there were warning signs that were missed. However, in so doing, I also encountered the realization the warning signs were there and to protect myself, I needed only to listen to my own intuition.
So, while for some, the saying may be "obtuse," for others, it is extremely eye-opening and empowering.
Just one girl's opinion.😊
5 years after the fact and I'm starting to think the only way to heal is without them.
Same here
@@donnalaw7171 have you stayed with your SA partner?
Same here
10 years later for me. Same. Just cant heal.
@@nageldev Thoughts and prayers for you.
Four C's
- loss of control
- loss of choice
- loss of context
- loss of connection
That was what I couldn't put my finger on! Thank you!! 🌹
❤❤ I love that she's spoken into this❤
I handled my betrayal poorly. Then 6 months later my son committed suicide while living with his father. Two years ago my daughter is diagnosed with a rare cancer. My youngest, now an adult has virtually given up (he blames me that at the time of the chaos he had no parents). The effect on the family is devastating.
I’m so sorry I feel your pain so bad please don’t loose your hope. I’ve lost my motivation to go on my life since my husband left us to see woman just met in Mexico… and they are traveling all over in Mexico. I’m devastating.
I will pray for you and family I’m wishing of your future happiness
Thank you@@minahhassell2975
I can relate as my son did the same at 35.
@minahhassell2975 it's awful luv I know. My husband did the same 20 yr ago x
I'm terribly sorry for your loss and situation with your son. Hope the relationship with him heals too.
There will be no more getting married for me ever again. I don't have time to wait for somebody to walk out on me.
17 years and I sometimes still feel it.
I'm on only 7 years, and there are days I can't stop thinking about it like it just happened...let alone the triggers. 😢
30 years here
26 years. Still have insecurities about it.
34 years later, I still have intrusive thoughts. The betrayal, the humiliation she put me through, then I have been betrayed by business partners, deceived and ignored when I was in despair by church pastors, yes, church pastors - my life has been one big betrayal. I don't trust anyone anymore. I don't even want to be close to anyone. I could write a book about my life and people would classify it as fiction.
The worst part about my betrayal is his odyssey to make it my fault. Addiction ✔ Denial ✔ Infedelities ✔Gas Lighting ✔ Lies ✔ Broken Promises ✔
I WAS WITH SOMEONE IN ADDICTION, SPENT TIME IN PRISON & HE HAD A NETWORK OF PEOPLE ON THE OUTSIDE TO STILL MAKE LIFE GOING FOR HIM. THEY PICK SOMEONE WHO'S LOVING & HAS EMPATHY BUT YOU GET ZERO IN RETURN. THEY NEED THE NARCISSIST SUPPLY. THERE ARE NO PROMISES FROM THEM, JUST BLAME, ON EVERYTHING YOU DO THAT'S NEVER EVER RIGHT. GASLIGHTING IS THE OMG REALITY THAT'S AWFUL. I HAVE A RARE IMMUNE CONDITION & SKIN CANCER WITH NEW LAB RESULTS THAT CONFIRMED MORE ISN'T RIGHT. BUT SHAME ON ME TO NEED REST, LESS STRESS, DO TAKE CARE OF MY NEEDS. HE WAS DOING THE PORN & OTHER THINGS BEFORE WE GOT TOGETHER & IS AS A 40 YR ADULT RELIANT ON HIS MOM, SHE COMES FIRST, HIS SUPPLY FOR WHATEVER HE NEEDS. ENVOLVED IN OUR RELATIONSHIP THAT WE HAD ZERO TIME ALONE EXCEPT LETTERS, & PHONE CALLS. TWO YRS & I'M NOT WAITING FOR A VERBALLY ABUSER WHO IS STILL WIRED AS AN ADDICT THAT'S NOW WORSE IN PRISON & THE ADDRESSING OF ADDICTION PART NOW I SEE AS PLAYING ALONG WITH THE PROGRAM.. DANGEROUS FOR ME & I HAD ENOUGH & NEED TO BE IN A SAFER PLACE. WHEN YOU TRY TO GET YOUR VOICE & CONTROL BACK, I'M LISTENING TO MY INTUITION HE WILL NEVER CHANGE. I HAVE TO GET MYSELF HEALTHY & NOT TOLERATE THE BLAME ANYMORE. THEY'RE MASTERS AT IT FOR SURE & THEY HATE WHEN YOU WON'T DO WHAT THEY EXPECT. RUN!!!
This my current life. After loving him 30 years I believed when he said he wasn't sleeping with his 26 year younger assistant. Found out it was 4 months of sex in my house, cars, garage, everywhere they could while eating my dinners, making plans with my kids (his mistress/immature 30 year old-we're 56). I can't figure out how to deal. He broke it off after she started making waves and getting rude to me and says he was never leaving me and it was nothing but won't do the work I need to try to save whatever we are now? I'm financially dependent on him after supporting him for 20 years and am trapped. Help! How do you get through this, is apart the only way?
My life currently. Idk how to handle it. He's still here saying it meant nothing but won't work on us. Now is starting to blame me bc after a month only he's ready to pretend it didn't happen. Now starting to blame me bc I'm lashing out in pain .
@@kristireynolds5234 I KNOW IT HURTS BUT DO YOU REALLY WANT WHAT'S LEFT? THINK OF ALL YOU DESCRIBED THAT'S MAKING YOU HURT & THE TRUST YOU LOST, IS IT WORTH IT TO LIVE WITH WORRY OF BELIEVING THEM ANYMORE? BEEN THERE, & WITH THE WRONG ONE TOO MANY TIMES. I JUST DO KNOW YOU HAVE A LIFE TOO. ONE YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF & YOUR KIDS. HE MADE THE MESS & DON'T LET HIM BLAME YOU FOR HIS CHOICES. I'M NOT ON TOP FINANCIALLY EITHER BUT I SURE AS HECK THINK IT'S BETTER THAN SUFFERING EMOTIONALLY JUST TO HAVE SOME HELP. THEN IT'S REALLY NOT WORTH IT !!
Your description is really spot on….grief, sadness, so much pain(I took care of him in hospice, right after he decided to “come clean” about his transactionship in another city, after 33 years of marriage). What a chaotic way to leave this world, try to destroy everyone on your way out…BUT, almost 2 years now, phenomenal therapist and I feel great!!! I don’t have to live in chaos and torture anymore and I’m grateful that chapter is over and I’m happy again.
Omgg this is my story also. 2021 he got Covid-19 and we had been married for 31yrs. As I cared for him in ICU and rehab and still hold the house down for some reason God seen everything that I did not. I never got sick as I was in the house with him for 8 days and never checked his phones or anything just lived my marriage happy well I thought. After passing found out that he was living a double life and was unhappy per affair partner I never knew this since he never bask for divorce or left the freaking home and he could have but he was paying full bills in her house as she didn’t work but I had to work every day and paying 50/50. Found out he was withdrawing up to 5000.00 per day out of the account and I have no clue where was it going. Found out he had Facebook and IG with his family friends and her as I am sitting here thinking I am in a marriage. Found out he was playing husband with her around her kids and his family and even gave her a ring 💍. Incredible I had no clue all of this was happening behind my back since she was in another state and he visited once a year only for 10days but was basically on a long distance relationship with tracking locations on their phone etc. mom and family knew all of this and I had no clue. Showed up at the funeral with the family permission since I had no clue this was happening. Amazing how God seen everything and protected me. He was planning to empty the account until there was nothing in it and move her to our state in a house with her kids and his boss and coworkers were helping. We had no kids and after 32yrs of betrayal through the marriage this is the legacy that he left in my house. What a great guy! Now she is claiming widow status and the town is rallying around her. She had tattoo of him and Facebook pic of them together through the 4 years of cheating. Yes I refuse to associate myself with him because I am embarrassed and feel disrespected. In God eyes I am and will always be the wife. I know who I was and all that I did for him to be the man that she wanted so bad but didn’t care to want him before I built him up. Keep your head up. God knew what we needed.
Don’t you mean love relationship?
22 years of narcisstic behaviour and gaslighting. I got blamed for everything while he came and went (who knows where) whenever he wanted. Thanks for posting this video, helping me to understand what is happening to me. Met new guy and started over controlling him out of pure fear. Need to heal before I ruin any future relationships. ❤
How long have you been broken up? My dday was 12/17/23 then I confronted him 12/27/23…. He could not stop lying. He lies to himself which lead to our breakup 3/30/24 he moved out 6/3/24…
I felt great for a month.. I don’t feel that anymore.
I feel terrified of dating.
He was the sweetest most loving kind generous patience man. I loved loving him he always made me laugh so much and he was so much fun to be around.. it all just got so very very bad he started sabotaging every attempt I made at the relationship.. I had anxiety going to the movies with him.. by the end… it was so bizzare..
I wanna be with the man everyone thinks he is… he’s still my favorite. But I know he’s not that man.. he cheated on me soo much with so many lies living a double life…
😅 told him before I agreed to be his girlfriend to promise me one thing… if he ever cheats on me or wants to or does to just leave me. Just leave please don’t infect me with your poison and your poor choices. I don’t want to go through Betryal.
He promised me he wouldn’t do that and if he did he would leave…
He slept with an escort two days before he asked me to be his gf.. when he’s the one that demanded monogamy… he lied so much and for so long.
I would leave for work at 6p and he would leave at 630p drive over to thier incall bag them all night sleep next to them and wake up early to be home showered and in bed by the time I got home at 8a to say hi bb hi my sweetheart my love!
It’s unnerving without a flinch. How do u ever date again knowing someone is capable of such lies deception and inflicting soo much pain.
He’s a monster
Betrayal can be anything. It’s “agreed upon” ways of behavior or knowing how the relationship function works. And the betrayal is a break in “the given rules”
A lot of people have betrayal over secret credit card debt. Emotional cheating.
Again anything that can be a shock on the system when you find out a secret they kept
So true. Betrayal can be experienced anytime a trusted loved one behaves in a shocking or “out of character” way (or at least out of character from who you thought that person was or how they think or make decisions)
The betrayal sucks, and finding out the lies the person you trusted is capable of is worse. But, the gaslighting, when you start to not trust the only person you have left too trust, yourself, well that's the worst.
I’m sure there are many people who agree with everything you’ve just stated.
I completely agree
Absolutely!!
“How can I help you” is so powerful. It’s what I have even tried to instill upon my son…and words I’ve asked both my son and husband to use with me. Ask others how you can help or be of service instead of assuming what they need or want, that you know the answer without even having asked first this simple question. These words, this simple question, is the pathway to truly helping someone instead of unintentionally hindering or hurting them.
I was married 40 yr. And my husband chewed on me. He has never done this. He just did it!!! I had 100% trust in him and him in me
This is soo true ❤
Shame is the underlying vulnerability. That what we do or believe that we know is self hating or self loathing. The most difficult part of ourselves to reveal.
I am so glad to have found your channel. I've been on my healing journey for 5 years now and am currently working through the core issues of abandonment and betrayal trauma and the patterns they've played out in my life. I've adopted the mantra of "healing is hard but worth it."
Welcome! I’m glad you found my channel too. My website has a ton of helpful resources as well.
Merry Christmas _ the truth hurts more than han the lies_ I still get out of bed _ cant wait for the next chapter
If have been betrayed for the last 10 years with the same partner. We are now married four years… and even though he seem to have stopped doing wrong… I have been in perpetual suffering. I absolutely had no Betrayal Trauma was all of this. I couldn’t put my finger on why I couldn’t catch a break.. 🙁🙁🙁🙁 thank you so much
why?
@23:00-- that is my shame story, too. And this is the story society also tells us. "Have more respect for yourself and walk away." But, I don't want to give up on someone I love... even if I'm not sure anymore why I love him.
I drug my husband through 5 years of active addiction... he finally got to a point where he decided that he had enough and he was done with me and my lies. When he finally chose his sanity over me and my crap, it gave me the one consequence I desperately needed. That was nearly 14 years ago. I sincerely doubt I'd be sober today if it weren't for him making that decision. What was good for him turned out to be what was good for me even though it didn't feel that way at the time! Obviously, this may not be the outcome everyone has! Wishing you all the best
I appreciate your willingness to share this with everyone.
I have a long history of trauma from birth. I have been the victim of betrayal, abandonment, sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, rejection and most of my trauma started before I was 2yrs old. I have endured all kinds of trauma and now am at an all time low as a result of my life long trauma. I’ve looked for therapist to help but haven’t seen a trauma counselor since I was 12. Now I have hurt someone I deeply love. I cheated once. I know it only takes one time. He’s devastated and I’m filled with guilt, grief, remorse etc. I confessed my sin. I was forthcoming and ashamed. He left me. I cheated bc I always felt afraid of him walking out on me for any reason. I feared him abandoning me for the slightest turn off, mistake etc. We’re both victims of trauma. I haven’t forgiven myself for what I did to him and he isn’t forgiving me either. I allowed him to gas light me, mentally and emotionally abuse me for what I did. We have broken up however it’s his mission to hurt me however he’s able. I wanted us to work. I allowed him to abuse me bc I felt deserving of paying the consequences of my behavior. I allowed him to treat me horribly for 4yrs. He said we were good and would work everything out. He lied to me so he could punish me as long as he wanted. I want healing for both of us. However I know I can only work on me. He’s healing in his own way. I don’t think he’s going about it correctly but anything I say causes him to explode. How do I deal with that?
@@KristinSnowden I need help badly! I want to get out of this pit of depression, anxiety, hurt and physical pain. I need a trauma therapist. I may not make it without the help I need. Any suggestions on how I can get help for myself and under age daughter?
Hi. Have you explored any 12 step groups like AlAnon, Prodependence, even Coda? Those can be helpful. I’m a big proponent of group work. I will have new live workshops posted for august. But hopefully you can find some support in your area. WeTonglen and sexandrelationshiphealin.com are two great online support forums too
Thank you Kristen 🙏🏼
Your talks are so interesting and informative that help so much.
The minute you try to explain or defend, people will usually start rumors, putting a twist on your truth…
Just walk away
Great class type 1 pot cast in staff that is so predominant in this world with so much addiction and trauma. Thanks Blessings.
I’m dealing with this and he is a compulsive liar who had a completely different life behind my back. And he doesn’t give a crap about what he’s done to me! He keeps lying, manipulating, gaslighting, etc. he is dangerous! I am seriously going crazy!
😑 I wish you get out of it.
Sending you love and light ❤️🌞
Same my situation
You can leave.
@@MsBrooklyn62 working on that
I'm so traumatized by my husband's obsession with pretty women (mostly naked) that I won't even send him this video. You're too pretty! 😢 How messed up is that??
Thank you for this useful content, specially about shame, i had the intuition of that but hearing it put in words it s easier to take in
You're helping me my dear.
❤Thank you❤
40:12 the work to become fully integrated within yourself
Thank you
i don't think you can really heal. its like when someone close to you dies, you don't really heal. you always remember
I guess it depends on your definition of healing. If the goal is to forget the trauma ever happened, I doubt you’ll achieve that. But if the goal is to slowly experience less of a physical reaction/trauma response every time you remember, that’s definitely possible.
@@KristinSnowden Thank you for this honest reply. My therapist has told me over and over that I will never totally heal on this earth because the intrusive thoughts will never quit. Too many years of lying, living near all the bad memory locations, living in the same house where betrayal took place, etc. But he is teaching me to handle the intrusive thoughts better without getting down and without getting depressed. A person can forgive but forgetting is impossible.
Are you taking patient's? This is so true.
Hi. I’m so glad you’ve found my content to be validating. While I’m not currently taking new clients I have a small betrayed partners group forming for the end of July. Find out more at www.kristinsnowden.com/live-workshops
@@KristinSnowden thank you so much! I will check that out.
How do you find people in your community that have had the same experience? This is just now happening to me and my spouse is not remorseful or apologetic. He is and will be continuing to have infidelity. This is overwhelming and do not have the support system for this. I would live to find a group in my area to reach out to.
I ask God to sort everything out and He has set boundaries in my marriage, and I'm able to pick up where I left off before I met my husband. God reveal to me while we are separated no other woman is going tolerate my husbands behaviour, so I have peace of mind and live my best life doing missionary work.😊
I confronted my husband with a infidelity DNA test. He than told me he had been cheating for decades. Long horible story, short. He committed suicide. He said, He couldn't live with himself." For what he had done.
Our/my whole marriage was a ly. I am having a very difficult time dealing with everything thing!
Wow, that sounds terrible, I'm sorry this happened to you. Do you have anyone to help you?
You are so insightful Kristin and you are helping me on my healing journal. Thank you for making this video. 🩷
So happy to hear this. Thank you
I was familiar with the trauma and grief parts, and just connected with the shame part of being cheated upon. I didn't tell my family and only told close work colleagues. Just kept it quiet, just as happened when my parents divorced and things were kept quiet, despite the immense suffering.
Agreed that loving another human being is potentially highly risky and the outcome can be thoroughly confusing. However, surely this could be minimised through education. When I entered the dating field, I knew nothing about addictions, depression, anxiety, trauma, narcissists or what constitutes a healthy functioning relationship. Or being love bombed! A recipe for possible disaster.
The only eduction came from family relationships and of course unreal hollywood films.
Please give me a day. Ill be back after I process this. I'm completely overwhelmed. But oh man you speak the volumes of truth. I'm amazed that I finally found someone who exactly explains me. Oh lord it means so much. So very much. I know its truth because it resonates with everything about me. I can't begin to Thank you on how much it means to me. ❤❤ I'm so overwhelmed and need a few days. I'll definitely be back. Thank you! THANK YOU! THANK YOU. OH MAN! THANK YOU. I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME. OH MAN! SO TRUE. IN DIRE NEED OF YOUR HELP. 😢PLEASE. JUST THRU EMAIL OK SO WE CAN BOTH FEEL SAFE. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ASK YOU FOR YOUR HELP. PLEASE At least make more videos. ❤❤
So spot on!!!!
I was egregiously duped and betrayed by prior Attorney and Investigator, etc.
Wow 💯💯💯💯💯 exactly his words
Yea, all that.
How do you find people in your community that have had the same experience? This is just now happening to me and my spouse is not remorseful or apologetic.
I’m so sorry. That’s so painful. There are a few free communities that can support you: WeTonglen.com and sexandrelationshiphealing.com. I have betrayed partners groups. You can find them on my website under “live workshops”
How?
Not clinking those know this game we play it alot info first
Nope I need names pictures texts messenger instagram
Im sorry but im so sick of seeing a title that says 3 ways to heal and i have yet to hear ONE WAY AND IT IS HALF WAY THRU THE VIDEO. NOT JUST YOU LOTS OF YOU PEOPLE DO THE SAME AND ITS DRIVING ME NUTS QUOTE FRANKLYM SORRY TO VENT ON YOU BUT IF YOUR OPEN TO A LITTLE CREATUVE CRITISIM I CAN SEE WHAT YOUR TRYING TO DO HERE. BUT SAVE THAT ALL GOR ANOTHER TIMEBI CLICKED ON YOUR VIDEO TO HEAR 3 WAYS YO HEAL FROM BETRYALY NOT HERE A WHOLE MESS OF EXAMPLES THAT DONT APPLY TO ME IN SITUATIONS WHY IM TRAUMATIZED . I DONT NEED YOU TO TELL ME THAT AND ITS NOT WHat your totle says maybe switch the title to y you need to heal more then your aware you do. Idk im just sick of it im sorry for the rant.
The only thing I've been told is I'm not my Dads child
Wow 💯
I trust Anna will lie to me❕It Hurts❕
Does a sexless marriage cause relational/betrayal trauma? What would be the best approach to deal with it if the partner does not want to change?
I'm going through the same thing!
I guess so, when the partner has strong sex desire , and their partner cannot provide them those needs, they will go to cheat you with other women or guys. But that's not the fault of the one who doesn't want sex，if both of you can’t accept each other’s choice, just leave the relationship, this is the only way to respect each other. you can’t force someone who doesn’t want sex to have sex.
Lost the number
I figure I'm better of without them Or they WILL Destroy me
FINALLY SOMEONE SPEAKS THE TRUTH TO ME. AFTER YEARS AND YEARS OF SUFFERING. IT HELPS. I ALWAYS KNEW IT WASNT ME JUST WHAT IVE BEEN THRU. OH MAN OH MAN. CAN'T QUIT CRYING NOW. OH MAN I WISH YOU WERE MY FRIEND SO COULDHURTING SO BADLY. HELP. OH I NEED A FRIEND LIKE YOU, JUST TALK TO YOU. SOMEONE WHO U😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢NDERSTANDS. I'M LITERALLY SHAKING AND GETTING ANGRY THE MORE I HEAR YOU SPEAK THE TRUTH. OH MAN! SO HARD TO EXPLAIN. BUT IM SURE YOU ABSOLUTELY UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN. I NEED A FRIEND WHO UNDERSTANDS. IM LITERALLY SICK. OH MY PLEASE JUST PRAY FOR ME. PLEASE. SO MUCH IVE BEEN THRU
ALWAYS. IT NEVER ENDED IN MY LIFE. PLEASE HELP ME. IM BEGGING YOU 😢
Cheryl, for years and years - decades, I had no one to talk to about my pain, the constant intrusive thoughts. Then I found a Christian psychologist that has helped me learn to deal with the bad thoughts. I stayed married for our small children at the time. So don't ever give up and find the right therapist that can help you.
Did grt all that sorry still cant click
@7:06
@KristinSnowden
@KristinSnowden
Thoughts/suggestions for study on situations where the person inflicting the pain genuinely doesn't believe they are doing so and they genuinely try or think they are trying to be what you need... Like they cannot see it, my perspective is a black hole. Self-martyrdom is considered putting others first, and victimizing themselves is considered being compassionate and serving others. They honestly don't see that they wait to consider me until it's become enough of a problem or created enough pain that they are now going to be a hero for coming to the table or solving the problem... How can I even approach a conversation? Is it realistic to hope that we'll eventually get to a place where my pain is seen, and the things done or said by this person is really taking into account the needs I''m expressing? Out-right blame and shame and gaslighting would be so much easier to deal with than KNOWING they are sincerely trying and CANNOT see the problem or the pattern.
relationships between humans can get messy and complicated. My two favorite sayings are "hurt people hurt people" and "pain that is not transformed is transmitted", meaning if don't clearly understand the scars and shame we're carrying around, it leaks out everywhere and others' scars and shame leak out onto us. which is why I encourage group work with others who've been on the journey to repairing these relationship struggles. So id encourage you to continue to watch these types of videos to educate yourself, but also attend support groups like 12 step meetings or other groups where they're struggling (or have struggled) in similar ways. It creates perspective, framework shifts, healthy challenges, structure, accountability, hope, and support (if done right). Wishing you the best.
@@KristinSnowdenwhy does my wife still deny it after 100 percent proof?
When I find the guy who took advantage of my wife he's gonna have a LOT of trauma.
Was she complicit?
The Bible tells us that vengeance is not ours to take.
Be careful bro. She is not worth it and he is not as well. You want to go to jail for her?
@@CedroneTravelsshe would be devastated though the thought is appreciated
@@robinjones9378 can you explain what you mean by-she would be devastated
When someone cheats on you, cheat back!!!! ❤❤❤❤
Hi Kristin, very nice video and I find it quite helpful as I'm going through betrayal right now.
Now, I do want to point out. Be careful please about the examples you give. They're mostly about men cheating on women and not the other way around. This may underline the idea, for every woman watching your video, that men are the general aholes that do this, when we all know it's a 50-50 game.
It is enough that a man, just as a woman, has to to through a betrayal. My wife has also an entire choir of female friends(learned it first-hand from her whatsapp messages) trying to find reasons why she was entitled to do it.
Thank you for your feedback. I try to make it a point to switch around the pronouns and examples because you’re absolutely right, women struggle with betraying behaviors as well. Sometimes I will err on one pronoun or example out of convenience or to save time but I need to be more cognizant of that.
@@KristinSnowden Thank you. You just got yourself a new subscriber. Keep up the amazing work!
I actually believe it’s more like 70/20 women betray husbands and think they are untitled.
God has forsaken me
God has forsaken me
I'm in hell
my soul is raped my soul is raped my soul is raped
rage and grief consume me
homicidal rage
suicidal grief
I'm in hell
there's no escape
he raped me he raped me he raped me
I thought he was my best friend
he raped my soul
I'm in hell and there's no escape
PTSD flashbacks rape me
My soul is raped
The past tortures and torments and haunts me
Homicidal rage
Suicidal grief
I wish only for death
I want to die I want to die I want to die
I am raped
Raped my whole life
44 years of hell and suffering and darkness
God has forsaken me
The man I revered as my best friend...
Raped me
I want to die I want to die I want to die
How the fuck is this my life at 44 years old?
Failure.
Poverty.
Friend-less.
Child-less.
Single.
Alone.
Forever always perpetually alone.
Rage and grief consume me
I'm in hell and there's no escape
Terror is the only constant
I pray for you and your recovery. I know how you feel. Please never give up on yourself. I believe in you.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
You are not saying how to heal, all you are saying are the symptoms of the betrayal.
Phon passwod
I don't have sex I haven't for 18 years nothing no one
related to Edward Snowden?
youre good but you use men as the bad example too much when its really the women
Says you!
It can be either sex I believe, I was honest and faithful to both of the women that betrayed me
@@brianreed8271yes, but mostly men is the cheater, it’s the rate, I met both men and women are also betrayers , in friendship and love relationship
I am just seen this. Omg. This is amazing. 31yrs of marriage. She is so right about the therapy gaslighting and also n laws and Flying monkeys placing the blame on the betrayed is the most hurtful thing in this earth. For the sidechick to validate the behavior with the family and friends puts you in a crazy state of mind thinking like the gaslighting therapist that if you would have did this or that or more of this maybe you wouldn’t be sitting here in therapy today so now learn your lesson type of thing. This what a therapist will absolutely do. Well if you will have tell him you love him or well if you will have have more sex or if you will have clean cook and have sex with also giving him gifts and texting him checking on him and keeping up with everything else in your own life maybe he wouldn’t have betrayed you. Besides the gaslighting and betrayal of a awful partner that lies and has a double life he is a Good man as his family and friends will say.
I'm confused as to What 3 things can help us heal from betrayal from this video??? @kristinsnowden
This is all irrelevant when you marry a narcissist in my opinion. I wish I knew then what I know now.
How do you find people in your community that have had the same experience? This is just now happening to me and my spouse is not remorseful or apologetic. He is and will be continuing to have infidelity. This is overwhelming and do not have the support system for this. I would live to find a group in my area to reach out to.
I feel for you. Been going through this myself. Mine denied and made promises of change only for me to stay 20 years to find out it was all lies. I wish I had someone to reach out to back then, it was hard to tell friends and family, felt they wouldn’t understand. I’m thinking of ideas where women can support each other going through this that is easily accessed and private. I’m divorcing now and feel I’ve learned so much.
You need to divorce him. He will never change. Move on with your life.
How do you find people in your community that have had the same experience? This is just now happening to me and my spouse is not remorseful or apologetic.
Also SAnon and Alanon may be available local support for you as a betrayed partner.
10 years of trust being broken and rebuilt, but after the last time it caused me to go into a thyroid storm and near heart attack on my sons birthday. I thought for sure after seeing me go through 3 months of er trips, devloping a physical illness because of the betrayal and a near death experience would result in it not happening again with a partner who is otherwise wonderul and acts like they care and wanna stop their behaviors...fast forward 3 months and yet again it is happening, and this time hit different and now it seems broken, no trust, now im supposed to believe after 10 years of betrayal theyve been clean for 6 months. They act like they have really changed but i cant believe it despite no findings, im hypervigilant always checking and thus pushing them away. It feels like a cycle i cant get out of. But i love them so much and believe they dont wanna hurt me but because its been this way for 10 years i have a hard time believing or accepting that this time is different.
Wow, I could have written this same scenario 😢
Living without them I'll take my chances
After my Mums death They layed the boot in as if that wasn't enough
I'm a man who has been struggling with this for five years. Your video defines and details the symptoms I struggle with. Do you offer in person group sessions?
Hi. I’ve tried several times to create small mens betrayed partners groups but I can never garner enough interest to make one go. But men write me all the time struggling with their partner’s betrayal. I’ll keep trying to create a mens group and putting the word out! I do have several female betrayed partner groups.
@@KristinSnowdenHi kristin I would love info for your woman group sessions
Here you go www.kristinsnowden.com/live-workshops
@@KristinSnowden Betrayal is betrayal does gender really matter?
@@KristinSnowden Betrayal is betrayal … does gender really matter?
Nasty
My whole family wanted to destroy me with their hate and disrespect Want me to think I am the lowest of low by putting me in questionable situations Their hate games have been enough for me I've been moving on without them Fight or Flight mode
Thank you for your help
My Mom has allowed my sister to gut My soul. I can't function
Are you still living at home with your mom and sister? Are you a child?
If not, than you...yourself, ruminating, and not healing, not showing up for yourself, is hurting you just as much.
When you are imprisoned due to the past, you are a co-conspirator to your own suffering and giving your power to others, who don't deserve power.
You need to get out of your leaned helplessness and into empowerment. If you aren't living at home anymore, you don't need to deal with them anymore. You chose your own path.
If you keep revisiting the feeling of poison, and replaying the poisonous thoughts in your head...you are hurting yourself, again and again.
Facing reality means admitting what happened, feeling it, and attending to your inner child, and not depending on anyone else to fix it.
Otherwise you won't function. You need to stop a fantasy of someone coming to rescue you. You rescue yourself.
@@Alphacentauri819I read the comment up above yours because I am going through the same thing with my own mother and my stepdad I can’t function then I read your comment and this makes a lot of sense and thank you
@@island.91 💛I wish you healing
Awe that sounds so sad. I pray for your healing. Sending you love 💕
They say they wont do it again but then do something else.. i believe it won't happen again then it does. How do i know what to belive? Will they honestly change if they say they will?
She’s so go. Thank you so much for sharing.
Hi, do you do international via zoom appointments?
Hi. Sometimes, when my schedule allows but currently I am unable to until September
Best just walk away. Wake up men. Change the locks and be happy
Thank you! It got so bad with the manipulation and gaslighting I was at a crisis center because I lost faith in myself. We are divorcing but I'm still struggling
Thanks
Thank you for your dedication to healing & helping people like me . ♥️🫶🏾