I'd like to say to the little girl in me your mother's abuse towards you and siblings was a result of mom unresolved traumatic experiences that shaped her. It's okay you learned to protect yourself from her. Stay in love and safe❤
I would tell my 14 year old self, "honor yourself. Honor your beautiful body, mind and spirit. TRUST your own intuition and knowing. Your mother's rage and pain had nothing to do with you. Be Compassionate but with healthy boundaries. "
I would say to my 6 year old self: you deserved those shoes you asked for. Asking for those shoes is not the reason you parents fought like your mom said and blamed you for. You were worthy of those shoes and worthy of asking for things ❤️
Yes and you know I have bought myself that little jacket etc… she wouldn’t get me and I wear it now . Choose some really nice shoes for yourself . It’s incredibly healing to consciously put things right for ourselves
I had this feeling that all those people around are better than me. That i was less than, worse, worthless person than they are. I always felt i carried huge hole inside me. That there is something so bad about me that i got abused criticised abandoned and neglected as a little girl. I felt rejected and that it was my fault. Not anymore, its time to correct false beliefs . Heal and forgive. Wish you all peace and love in your lives ❤ we deserve it
"You cannot move fully into life when you are in the posture of shame" - this literally sums up the feeling of being a cigarette stubbed out into ground, the way I feel, a heavy coat on my shoulders and no joy for life. I told my adolescent self: you have a good heart, you will be over it, i'm with you, i'm not leaving, you will flourish and be able to share and help others, you will manage, they don't know what they're doing, never received love themselves, And I burst into tears. A 44 year old man, considered talented by many of my friends. That was very touching. And the gesture of bending and straightening - really got me in touch with healthy pride again.
Thank you. The validation is huge. Ostracized by 2 older sisters in the home where the adults were crazy: drug and mentally ill. I was on my own at 13- legally emancipated at 14. Soon I turn 65....I am grateful for the people who helped so far. I have so much more work to do. 🙏🌷
I'm 65 in a few months, and I grew up with insane parents - the shame was excruciating, finally clearing it. This is the best explanation of shame I've ever heard. Dr Levine is heaven sent.
@@kb_0517 i'm really sorry that happened to you. trust me I know exactly the devastation and destruction it causes. Now take all that pain and turn it into something beautiful.
Perhaps share the healing words you needed. Maybe it'll help someone else. " It is normal for you to be different from others. That makes the world that much richer. You may've been scolded or taunted sometimes, but that was just because differences can threaten others who aren't mature, so they can't handle challenging themselves. But none of this was your fault. You should never have been blamed."
I say to my 10 year old self, you were just a little girl dependent on those who should have kept you safe. They didn't. Little girl, you are free to be loved and be safe.
I’ve done some inner child work as a result of trauma from a very young age. My father was an alcoholic and pretty much no existent in my life even though we lived in the same house. He never acknowledged me as a person let alone his daughter. As a result there was an uncomfortable relationship with all men. Two divorces later I did meet someone who saw the real me and loved me. He passed away five years later. I’m 67 and I have a long way to heal. Ben gave me self confidence and unconditional love, and I’m still grieving his loss after 6 years
Hello Cindy. I wanted to say that I haven't live the same situation you did, I did loose someone, but not by death. The person is just not in my life anymore, but they gave me self confidence and a sense that I belong in existence. After they were gone, I spent months without feeling shame, but it started again and it is because I lived things while growing up that made me believe unconsciously that I don't belong, that I'm inadequate, etc. It's really hard to do it alone... I'm noticing that we need connection with others to heal. I started to change that known idea that we are fine on our own. I already love myself, I know how to be alone, but sadly I can't stop feeling shame and other traumatic emotions, because I didn't have connection when I needed it. So it's fine feeling we need other people to heal. I don't have a solution, but I'm realizing these things so I wanted to share in case it helps someone.
Thanks for sharing. To the little girl in me, you are beautiful honey despite what kids said at school (they were probably hurt themselves, "hurt people, hurt people"). And also, your feelings deserved to be validated at home. You're such a pure-hearted person, and you deserve so much love. I love you.💖
Bullied by the boys and ostracized by the girls in my 6th-grade friend group while being emotionally neglected by my father. It's a wound that I have struggled to heal for 30 years.
You are not alone…I also suffered from bullying and ostracization for almost all of my school years…and both of my parents emotionally neglected me I felt so alone and severly hurt..I still struggle to connect with people and trust anyone because of that…I only feel safe when I’m alone…I hope that one day you and I and everyone who suffers from this can love and be loved safely and happily💓
My 5-year-old self: You are okay. There is nothing wrong with you. You didn't' do anything. You deserved a loving father and a family that saw you and wanted to know you. You deserved comfort and love. I am here for you to provide all of that.
@@stevealexander2649 That is just a negative, jealous response. They didnt say it was easy, or that all the pain just went away after saying that to themselves. Its what you say to your younger self day after day, and it helps to reassure the traumatized "inner child" so-to-speak, but only as part of MANY tools to heal trauma. There are no teddy-bear one-liners that can magically remove the pain.
Thank you soo much for posting this. I’m all of a sudden having all of my adolescent shame/ostracized/bullied/humiliated has come to the surface and I’m in an immense amount of pain and I needed to hear this. I can’t believe it was posted a week ago. Thank you!
I’m feeling the same way. I’ve also been listening to Kyle Cease and Matthew Pallett’s most recent videos and they talk about this also! It seems to very much be a collective thing people are feeling right now. Have you heard of Dr Gabor Maté?
The opposite of shame is not pride it's acceptance. Pride is a really bad thing lol. Someone's pride is the reason I'm here healing from shame, lemme put it that way.
To the little girl in me 'It was not my fault I developed a chronic illness and caused my family pain'. My mothers fear, grief, rage - wasn't because I was bad.
Much love to you! It wasn't your fault indeed. You deserved understanding, love and compassion since you were sick. Everyone who is sick deserves that. Maybe your mothers couldn't give it to you, but you can now. I'm rooting for you
Some people will spend hundreds of hours of their personal time, just to abuse and degrade someone else, because it helps them feel better about themselves. I've been on the receiving end of this in many ways over the years. I came here to remind myself it's all in my mind. To remind myself that I can choose how people see me, by being myself as forcefully as possible. Study well, learn discipline in all aspects, get strong and become formidable. Your enemies will praise you, without you needing to lower yourself down into the cycle of toxicity. Your self esteem will heal itself through action. Stubborn positivity about your own potential. If you suffer and die, your enemies feel stronger by comparison. Stay alive. Fight tooth and nail. Perseverance, reflection and action. Rinse and repeat. There is no failure as long as you are alive. The failure is to leave things as they are. Make moves. Be a thinker AND a doer. Never accept labels. Never identify with anything arbitrary that doesn't truly serve you. I'm not a writer. I'm not a singer. I'm not an actor, nor a martial artist. I'm a man trying to make his way in the world. Who can tell me that isn't accurate? They can't shame you when your statements are factual and your actions prove your integrity. Self love is essential. Self empowerment is survival.
I suffer from toxic shame, self blame and loathing. And rejection also. The shame is so palpable, it almost takes on a physical form. We need more skilled therapists trained in trauma, EMDR, etc. Esp in small towns, there are absolutely no resources. V isolating.
I was told i wasn't enough. I was humiliated and shamed for not being enough. I didn't realize how my parents set up for failure because i was never going to be enough for them.
Im still not able to get there. I’m working through cptsd, chronic pain.. abusive horrible childhood. There’s a point when I grasp a little wish to live, to be here, to enjoy.. to fantasize I can and I deserve.. there’s like this massive feeling like a BIG NO that invalidates viscerally any chance and I keep in freezing mode.. my body feels tight and rigid. It hurts.. and feelings are now after 31 years coming back little by little with a lot of help and self isolation so I can feel some peace and silence that helps to relax.. but where I would love to be is outside in the world as from the begging of my life.. I had to accept patience cause my inner child needs to be, just to be, and there’s this massive block like a big and heavy energy all over me.. pushing down.. I can feel the heaviness . On other side my adult self who wants to develo as a woman and one day be a mother and a partner.. is trying to teach this little .. and help her leave the inner cave where she’s hiding.. But shame.. this big NO.. I just hope it one days leaves my cells.. I’m doing all that I can
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Same here, except the bullies weren't my friends, they were my family too. The nicknames and jokes at school were nothing compared to what my family did at home with the most trivial things like the way I laughed or dressed. I was regularly mocked by all the things that made me who I was like everything I was were laughable or negative
Pride and dignity as an antidote to shame. Beautiful. 🥰 Allowing the body to move into, and out of the body postures of shame, pride and dignity in a healthy and intentionally aware way, instead of getting stuck in a rigid pattern.
He says pride and dignity are the opposites of shame. Self-compassion is the antidote to shame. Notice the meditation was a compassion-based exercise. I actually think pride is not the best word here as pride has a feeling of false puffing up of the self. I think nobility as well as dignity work well. The Buddha called us “sons and daughters of the nobly born”. Not as in aristocracy but as in oriented to truth. Nothing makes us bigger truth-seekers than trauma!
I think there are 2 types of pride. The ego pride :"im better than others" and the authentic pride, like being PROUD of who you are without any exageration or ego.@mousumimukerji4075
At the end the name he references is this, Belleruth Naparstek. Even in the transcript it was wrong. I kept looking up Belarus getting nowhere, finally just used last name and shame. Blessings to all❤
i had same issue, took a bit of trial and error to find Belleruth Naparstek. @soundstrue, would be great to update transcript @12:54 to reflect Belleruth Naparstek. and/or, one better, provide a link in show notes or as pinned comment. Just an idea. :-) -- Thanks!!
Yes!, and taking “responsibility” then feels so painful as a kid when it’s not even your responsibility. So naturally when we grow up, and we’re told “take responsibility for your life”, that feels painful and like blame.
Your response was exactly the piece of my puzzle today of trying to understand why I feel so responsible for me & my family members emotions that attached from shame. This was an answer to my prayers today. Bless u❤🙏❤
I've had to say to myself "I'm not ashamed" a lot during mindfulness, because my conditioning from childhood was to shame myself. I like using books like 30 Days to Overcome Shame to get through rough times.
amazing. And somehow I convinced myself that having pride was wrong. I'm gonna take back my pride; I have an unmistakeable feeling that this is going to be so powerful because I threw it away 17 years ago and haven't looked at it since. Thank you.
@@rememberDay1 being pride is our natural state. All nomad people I know are pride. My Grandmother was a nomad. Capitalism made us to obey our boss and suppress our pride.
My mother was a munchausens by proxy abuser. She convinced everyone around me that there was something wrong with me. My whole childhood I was humiliated and ostracized. Thank you for this technique. I will keep trying it out. I find movement therapy far better than regular therapy due to my intense fear of doctors.
I'm 63 and am only just figuring out what happened. I have been confused for years why the abuse of children by their mothers, in the way you describe, was not alarming more people. I am obsessed with the so called "trans" cult. It is so blatantly Munchausen's by proxy on so many occasions. It makes my heart bleed.
@@AndyJarman Please, don't compare transgender children to munchausens by proxy. Try not to read so much hate filled news, they are trying to divide us, it's the same tactics over and over through history. My heart bleeds when I see people enveloped by this vitriol.
@@AndyJarman Please, don't compare transgender children to munchausens by proxy. Try not to read hate filled news, they are trying to divide us, it's the same tactics over and over through history. My heart bleeds when I see people enveloped by this vitriol.
I fear my sister has Munchaeseun by proxy and her husband is complicit. My nephew was a super intelligent, beautiful boy. She started projecting all these mental health conditions onto him from the age of 6 or 7. She convinced the schools that he needed accommodations all through his school years to the point that she would hire attorneys to get her way. All along she would tell my nephew that he has Aspergers, anxiety, depression, ADHD and more. She’s had him medicated all his life. He is 21 years old. I’m so saddened. Is there any hope for him to learn that it was her that was sick and not him.
@@goldenparachute392 I didn't start figuring out that it was my mother until I was in my 30's. It would have helped a lot if I had any adult in my life to tell me there was nothing wrong with me while I was growing up. That might not be right for you to tell him in your situation but you could tell him that he is great, intelligent, capable etc. Having those messages to counter all the stuff he has been told about himself could help a lot. Especially if he has low self esteem from all of it.
My god! There are no words… my god.. in 17 years trying so SO hard to explain my feelings , even just for my parents…. Even just a littleeee piece of this hell I live in, and they still look at me like Im THE biggest disappointment of their lives.. you ,in few minutes said ALL the right words….my god… Just thank you!❤
I would say to the little girl me that she didn't have to go through all those situations and that she deserves to be loved and cared about and that she matters ❤.
Thank you for including peer ostracization in this. Some of us had safe homes but grades 1 to 12 were a nightmare of humiliation, threats and violence. This video did an amazing job of clarifying and focusing what I've been learning about toxic shame and C-PTSD. Probably the most helpful video I've seen yet.
Grades 6 to 9 for me. Total ostracization. I learned that I will never be beautiful, accepted, or lovable from an impressionable age. I managed to fit into society since but it was with self preservation and reserve. Survival mode since then.
Thank you for making this video, a resource that's accesible to anyone that's been looking for it, I am extremely grateful. As a homosexual man, I've felt extreme shame since I can remember, internalized so deeply within myself, starting to understand the roots is just the beginning of a long healing journey, I embrace it. I thank you once again, from the bottom of my heart. ❤
This is true. During my college days I was so obsessed with reading psychology books, not because I wanted to be a doctor. But I was overwhelmed with the information about our psyche. My biggest problem ever since was shame to the point it developed into social anxiety(I'd hide in my room for days getting afraid of social interaction). After reading so many help books, I realize that it was my lack of knowledge that I was unable to heal correctly. It's very hard to heal, but I'm happy to say that compared to before I am not fully healed but better.
After a lifetime of pain, broken relationships, being the black sheep, lost child growing up, always always always on the outside, a widow in two long term relationships since my husband died from drugs, both with the most avoidant emotionally unavailable men, I just feel like giving up. I cant afford a therapist. I am in pain every single day of my life. I just want peace & I look forward to the day I go home & finally will know peace
It sounds like you are going through a hard time and that as you look at your life, you can only see pain...I am sure you will not feel like this every day... With all its darkness and the suffering involved, life is still a precious thing .. you can have many things to enjoy maybe not at this time but they will come so I hope you are already enjoying lots of blessings and beauty.don't give up... Look for the reason why your life is worth living for, your passions and interest, you may not feel well now but I am sure at some point sth got your heart ticking... That feeling for sure will come back. If you cannot afford therapy you can find plenty of free resources online. I personally love videos by Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer. Wish you a lot of luck ..whatever life throws at us is not there forever . .so remember there will be better days. A big hug from Galicia, Spain
I'm 70 and I'm still living as an outcast in my family - I now live with a narcissistic partner - so how could I tell the inner adolescent that it will get better? I think resonance has a lot to do with re-experiencing what you have taken on in your energy field. I carry this energy and so I attract it. Life goes on and I'm working on changing my field.
I am so ashamed of myself i barley left the house for the past 10 years, since i was 18. I don't work, never did, i am alone all the time and eating.. that's my life.
How are you earning money? I too barely leave the house but my parents support me financially. I have no finances of my own. Couldnt ever work due to mental health issues.
Dont like living like this as my parents are the ones who put me into this position. I am utterly lonely, no purpose left. I wake up, eat and do chores around the house and sleep again.
@@Andromeda-md6ch same as well. Didn't know anyone else like me..wow.. I never had a job, I don't have social life.. Juat like that I wonder where life will take me because you know, it doesn't work well.. I just don't know.. don't know what to do.. I also ask myself why me..? Why it happens to me? What is this cycle I can't break?
@@woman2251 I just spent first half of my day thinking the same. I tried and tried finishing my studies but couldnt. Doing a part time job feels like a dream. I have spent past 10 years thinking why does this happen to me? Over and over again. What did i do to get this? I have had to work so hard just to exist but in the eyes of other people i am doing nothing having an easy life being supported by my parents. I am trying to heal my inner child these days. Doing meditation and breathwork to get regulated again. Maybe that would work but i dont know if ever i would be go back to college or get a job. I want to get married but i could never have a boyfriend. Never went out on a single date and i am 31. It just didnt happen for me. I spent all my life just to maintain my existence.
I'm so tired of fixing everything that was messed up for me since before I was even born. I just want a month long all inclusive holiday on a tropical island but I can't afford it.
Mine too. I got trained in it and the training was one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had. I highly recommend it for anyone who deal with trauma and all the shame and hard emotions that come with it. It's almost impossible to put to words. Glad you found it @kirby7379!
I want to tell my youger self that you are lovable you desrve all the love in the world you are worthy and accepted just the way you are…you are stronger than you think you can accomplish whatever you want…people bullying you is not your fault it’s there fault it says more about them than you…I’m always by your side you can and will survive everything you go through because you are a fighter and a lover…you will find people who you truely love and who truely love you
I'd tell my 15 year old self that she didn't deserve to be ostracised, rejected, and humiliated. She didn't deserve to be treated like she was dirt, like she was worthless. That anyone who treats her like that doesn't deserve her. It's hard because i still believe im worth less than other people. I still believe all the bad things about myself. I still hate her, hate myself, deep down.
You'll end up with illnesses , maybe many of them, maybe one, who knows. You'll be forced to stop and just do your best everyday and every night to change the narrative. It's not worth it, believe me. There's going to be a moment when you'll snap and you won't be able to go back to that. You'll be forced to move on entirely. I wish you the best! 🙏🏻❤️💐
Oh me too, but like you looking for alternatives… if you want to look up, Dr Bruce Lipton- “ The Biology of Belief “ is the WHY, much like lots of this Dr, and afterwards, PHSYCH K. Rob William. The How… There’s even a RUclips free video on when they met. I suggest that order. I’m not finished yet but I trust them more than western pills! From lived experiences. Also worth listening to much of the free content from Bessel Van Der Kolk, and Dr Gabor Mate’ ( his information saved me) Please keep in mind, the western medicine community are trying to discredit Bruce Lipton in particular, because he challenges the status quo’s of take a pill. They don’t provide, nor want to, cures, just consumables for big pharma ❤❤❤wishing you lots of healing ❤
The depth of care, compassion and wisdom in Peter's words are a Balm of Gilead to the Soul. It's like he reached out and acknowledged my spirit personally. Grateful beyond words, today!
Thank you I worked through a lot of fear and guilt and didn't even realise I had shame until I unlocked the next layers. Worked through anger and then there is comes the shame. I sit like that all the time, I developed a spinal disease. Bless you ❤
@@ghaataksurNot sure about your physical situation, but I get rid of my stored emotions by using a spiked massage ball every morning, to massage my back and bottom specifically. It truly does wonders to calm my system before a new day.
Thank you for this. I am seriously overwhelmed by the shame I feel every day. I was raised by several different people; my father, my mother at times, my grandparents at times, and my stepmom. Most of them (save my grandparents) made me feel some level of shame. So did bullies growing up. And people I liked, and my perceived rejection, didn't help matters.... Shame about not being able to help myself get tasks done that supposedly I should have been good at. Shame at not being self sufficient enough. Shame at not being good enough. Shame at my body being too sexual or not attractive enough (idk how but both applied). Shame at overreacting and blowing up when I hadn't been taught anything else. I want my younger self to know that there will come a time when the shame that others piled onto us will not make any sense, that the things I worried about being true will be revealed as nothing but lies. But also, I want them to realize they have a right to be angry,but they also have a roght to find peace in their life and enjoy things.
I didnt know i had toxic shame until my brother told me that my mother slapped me across the face as a very young child. It all came flooding back and everything made more sense. My behaviour was shame based. I am trying to be mindful of all shame based thoughts but they are constant and require great dedication to handle. Sometimes they inform my actions when I am tired or slip but I am hopeful and proud I've broken the shame cycle by not shaming my kids.
To my younger self, your dad couldn’t be the role model protector, or listener that you needed. You have taken on his shame but you no longer need to do that. It was never about you and it will never be about you. You are so beautiful and you will come home
They couldnt set boundaries to me so the shame belongs to them,if they could and were healthy they would have been proud of me taking so much space wanted to be seen and heard ,to give me total presence and unconditional love and loving boundaries. In a perfect world 🏵️🥴
I recognize a time in my adult life as feeling shame when a man , the gather of my children left me. The feeling of being my best friend and the next day shunned me.
@@ryankelly1840 I was very eager and curious about life and about learning and education. I spent hours in the library trying to master my craft and be the best version of myself. Always strive for excellence and do my best in all circumstances.I get marginalized and pished ti the side for wanting to be all I can be
Not sure if this will make sense but the parts where you think is wrong with you is where you have the opportunity to develop your strongest and most righteous traits.
I feel you. I went through the same. I didn’t want to give up on life but I had too much PTSD to function the way I did before and now everything is so different than a normal life.
EXACTLY what I came to write. We are born perfect, and trauma disguises the truth from us. You are perfect @percubit, and will never be otherwise. @@ryankelly1840
Teachers should take notice of such things and try to find ways to stop this!! That's what happened yo me in high school! One teacher there was very nice to me but no one tried to really help me!
Ive lived with a very strong case of this,to still be alive in middle age has amazed me . I didnt even know i lived with it but it all makes sense when i found out . ❤ goes out to all those coping and healing .
Crazy possibly but I am now 56, and I have spent most of my adult life in intensive therapy where my psychiatrist made sure I felt "attached and connected" - something that I absolutely was told or learned to NEVER do within my family. This wonderful dr had to tetire and I was struggling finding another therapist. I did and finally felt attached (tho, I have NEVER CALLED OR ASKED FOR ANYTHING) She told me after every 2 to 3 week appointments that "we didn’t want to repeat the depending on someone or needing her too much and how long did I think I was going to be in therapy?" My younger self was immensely ashamed and shut down. 😢
Dear Peter, I have watched this video before, but last night, as I was going through something very deep, I came across it again. It was this time I deeply understood a mechanism within myself, which not only never really allows me to embrace life, but also often hinders me to surrender to my Self in Meditation. It's a loop of shame and fear which is activated through so many triggers. A loop that keeps me stuck in the belief, that I need to be alert at all times, otherwise something terrible might happen. Perhaps, this is the control you're talking about. I recognize, that whenever I am caught in this loop, it adds to the clump in my belly, which turned into pain over time, and does not allow me to breathe deeply throughout activities, and much less in company of people. As I am moving through these healing cycles, it dawns on me, what I'm truly ashamed of - because in my childhood it was dangerous, to show it: my Soul’s expression in this life. Who I truly am. Peter, once again, thank you so much for your precious work and for your generous offering of time. Love and Blessings, Evelyn
No matter how hard I try I can't bring myself to any level of self acceptance. I hate so much what I see in the mirror every day and I don't know how to fix it.
9:32 the physical posture of shame, very much like the “red light/startle reflex” first outlined by Thomas Hanna. Excellent video and explanation, Dr Levine.
I can see how this move could be incorporated in to yoga. It must be necessary to get intouch with the shame first, just not with words and not so excruciatingly slow.
Oh i cant stop crying ....my humiliated inner child has been carrying so much shame 🥀 & humiliation...oh thank you from whole my heart Peter!!! For your knowledge and big heart......just by listening to you I regain my pride and dignity back step by step through the pain that I reliese with each tier drop 😢 ☔ ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I love you so much my little girl I will take care of you and protect you with all my love
To the six-year- old girl I would like to say :" You do not need to work or do miraculous things to transform from "no-one" to "someone" , you are already yourself miraculous and loved.
Shame and guilt lve recently discovered are two of the most difficult and emotionally challenging emotions. An L plater Thanks for this video PS- rejection is perishing indeed!
If I could go back in time, I'd whisper to my 4-year-old self: 'Sweetheart, you didn't deserve the difficult circumstances you were born into, and the shame that followed. But please know that at your very core, you are incredibly beautiful and worthy of love. Hold on to that truth, little one, and never let it fade.
Ostracized, ignored, and left out. That’s what my pk-12 did for me early. Proud to have had a private education. But to be an only was brutal. I get it now.
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To the little girl in me, I want her to know, “Your mother’s angst, anger, and unhappiness had nothing to do with you.” ❤
To the little girl in you: "You are more then welcome here. Here, i give you a big hug, cause i see you. Welcome, little one, welcome"
❤
I'd like to say to the little girl in me your mother's abuse towards you and siblings was a result of mom unresolved traumatic experiences that shaped her. It's okay you learned to protect yourself from her. Stay in love and safe❤
❤
Yes, exactly ❤❤❤
I would say to my three-year-old self, "Brace yourself little man, this is going to hurt, a lot, but there will be love"
I would tell my 14 year old self, "honor yourself. Honor your beautiful body, mind and spirit. TRUST your own intuition and knowing. Your mother's rage and pain had nothing to do with you. Be Compassionate but with healthy boundaries. "
The little shamed boy, the abused little boy and the hurt preteen within me are held gently in love.
I would say to my 6 year old self: you deserved those shoes you asked for. Asking for those shoes is not the reason you parents fought like your mom said and blamed you for. You were worthy of those shoes and worthy of asking for things ❤️
I hope you get the chance to buy yourself some lovely shoes.
@@sarahverity6784 that made me cry. Thank you for seeing my little girl and validating her. You are a gift this morning.
😢 Absolutely true!
I love that healing can be something as simple as this ❤❤ thank you for reminding me
Yes and you know I have bought myself that little jacket etc… she wouldn’t get me and I wear it now . Choose some really nice shoes for yourself . It’s incredibly healing to consciously put things right for ourselves
School counselors should be equipped with this information. A lot happens to us at schools and at home.
Certain high demand religions as well
I got betrayed by my school as a child. I have lost their trust, even to this day.
I had this feeling that all those people around are better than me. That i was less than, worse, worthless person than they are. I always felt i carried huge hole inside me. That there is something so bad about me that i got abused criticised abandoned and neglected as a little girl. I felt rejected and that it was my fault. Not anymore, its time to correct false beliefs . Heal and forgive. Wish you all peace and love in your lives ❤ we deserve it
"You cannot move fully into life when you are in the posture of shame" - this literally sums up the feeling of being a cigarette stubbed out into ground, the way I feel, a heavy coat on my shoulders and no joy for life. I told my adolescent self: you have a good heart, you will be over it, i'm with you, i'm not leaving, you will flourish and be able to share and help others, you will manage, they don't know what they're doing, never received love themselves, And I burst into tears. A 44 year old man, considered talented by many of my friends. That was very touching. And the gesture of bending and straightening - really got me in touch with healthy pride again.
I'm happy you had this experience! I hope you're doing better now
Thank you. The validation is huge.
Ostracized by 2 older sisters in the home where the adults were crazy: drug and mentally ill. I was on my own at 13- legally emancipated at 14.
Soon I turn 65....I am grateful for the people who helped so far.
I have so much more work to do.
🙏🌷
I'm 65 in a few months, and I grew up with insane parents - the shame was excruciating, finally clearing it. This is the best explanation of shame I've ever heard. Dr Levine is heaven sent.
I recommend Heidi channel and her video about toxic shame and ptsd complex here on RUclips, it helped so much
@@m4y4r4heidi who?
You might look into Adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families. Free support group with meetings all over the place. Peace.
@@frv6610I think she's referring to Heidi Priebe.
I need a miracle
I pray for a miracle
my life completely needs to change
only in the best possible ways
Imagine a family that only shames. Zero validation. Taking only, give nothing.
I see you've met my mother.
Yeah that's my family
I don’t have to imagine I’m living it
Yes they took my whole childhood, my innocence, my passion, my sense of self, my self esteem, my voice. they cost me so much.
@@kb_0517 i'm really sorry that happened to you. trust me I know exactly the devastation and destruction it causes. Now take all that pain and turn it into something beautiful.
I was shamed for my existence..it was selfish to have a sense of self so I wanted something I felt ashamed of that..I was ashamed of myself..
wow can i relate. sending hugs ❤
Perhaps share the healing words you needed. Maybe it'll help someone else.
" It is normal for you to be different from others. That makes the world that much richer. You may've been scolded or taunted sometimes, but that was just because differences can threaten others who aren't mature, so they can't handle challenging themselves. But none of this was your fault. You should never have been blamed."
@@sunshinenOJ thank you so much for saying this
Yes I always thought I was bad, that something was wrong with me.
You are amazing.
I say to my 10 year old self, you were just a little girl dependent on those who should have kept you safe. They didn't. Little girl, you are free to be loved and be safe.
Thank you. My 12 yr old inner child needed to hear that.
My 6 month old self needs this. I know it’s not my fault but, I have not gotten there yet! 😢
I’ve done some inner child work as a result of trauma from a very young age. My father was an alcoholic and pretty much no existent in my life even though we lived in the same house. He never acknowledged me as a person let alone his daughter. As a result there was an uncomfortable relationship with all men. Two divorces later I did meet someone who saw the real me and loved me. He passed away five years later. I’m 67 and I have a long way to heal. Ben gave me self confidence and unconditional love, and I’m still grieving his loss after 6 years
I’m so sorry for you loss 🤍
I'm sorry for you loss. Big hug!
Of course you are still grieving baby girl, we gotchu
Hello Cindy. I wanted to say that I haven't live the same situation you did, I did loose someone, but not by death. The person is just not in my life anymore, but they gave me self confidence and a sense that I belong in existence. After they were gone, I spent months without feeling shame, but it started again and it is because I lived things while growing up that made me believe unconsciously that I don't belong, that I'm inadequate, etc.
It's really hard to do it alone... I'm noticing that we need connection with others to heal. I started to change that known idea that we are fine on our own. I already love myself, I know how to be alone, but sadly I can't stop feeling shame and other traumatic emotions, because I didn't have connection when I needed it. So it's fine feeling we need other people to heal.
I don't have a solution, but I'm realizing these things so I wanted to share in case it helps someone.
Same, nobody made you feel loved back then, you don’t even know what it is.
Thanks for sharing. To the little girl in me, you are beautiful honey despite what kids said at school (they were probably hurt themselves, "hurt people, hurt people"). And also, your feelings deserved to be validated at home. You're such a pure-hearted person, and you deserve so much love. I love you.💖
Bullied by the boys and ostracized by the girls in my 6th-grade friend group while being emotionally neglected by my father. It's a wound that I have struggled to heal for 30 years.
You are not alone…I also suffered from bullying and ostracization for almost all of my school years…and both of my parents emotionally neglected me I felt so alone and severly hurt..I still struggle to connect with people and trust anyone because of that…I only feel safe when I’m alone…I hope that one day you and I and everyone who suffers from this can love and be loved safely and happily💓
Girl, I’m with you! Emotionally neglected at home and bullied at school. Grade 6 and 4 were the worst. You’re not alone!
My 5-year-old self: You are okay. There is nothing wrong with you. You didn't' do anything. You deserved a loving father and a family that saw you and wanted to know you. You deserved comfort and love. I am here for you to provide all of that.
Great if it works sounds like it did for you, its not that easy for all of us
@@stevealexander2649 That is just a negative, jealous response. They didnt say it was easy, or that all the pain just went away after saying that to themselves. Its what you say to your younger self day after day, and it helps to reassure the traumatized "inner child" so-to-speak, but only as part of MANY tools to heal trauma.
There are no teddy-bear one-liners that can magically remove the pain.
Thank you soo much for posting this. I’m all of a sudden having all of my adolescent shame/ostracized/bullied/humiliated has come to the surface and I’m in an immense amount of pain and I needed to hear this. I can’t believe it was posted a week ago. Thank you!
I'm with you. Totally agree, the timing of this is uncanny
i'm feeling the same way.i don't understand what has triggered this historic shame/suffering, but it is excruciating. I wish you peace.
I’m feeling the same way. I’ve also been listening to Kyle Cease and Matthew Pallett’s most recent videos and they talk about this also! It seems to very much be a collective thing people are feeling right now. Have you heard of Dr Gabor Maté?
Mate, Bessel van der Kolk, Peter Levine
@@MSP2104Stephen Porges, NICABM, Richard Schwartz
No video or no human can heal someone. It's only the self which has the power to heal itself. Of course surrounding and finances matter.
The opposite of shame is not pride it's acceptance. Pride is a really bad thing lol. Someone's pride is the reason I'm here healing from shame, lemme put it that way.
Agree
Someone's pride hurt you?
@@nopeIdontthinkso388 Yeah, mine.
To the little girl in me 'It was not my fault I developed a chronic illness and caused my family pain'. My mothers fear, grief, rage - wasn't because I was bad.
Y
ou are not bad. your mother is the problem.
Much love to you! It wasn't your fault indeed. You deserved understanding, love and compassion since you were sick. Everyone who is sick deserves that. Maybe your mothers couldn't give it to you, but you can now. I'm rooting for you
Exactly. You had that pent up repressed energy that couldn't release without people being intimidated by emotions.
Some people will spend hundreds of hours of their personal time, just to abuse and degrade someone else, because it helps them feel better about themselves. I've been on the receiving end of this in many ways over the years. I came here to remind myself it's all in my mind. To remind myself that I can choose how people see me, by being myself as forcefully as possible. Study well, learn discipline in all aspects, get strong and become formidable. Your enemies will praise you, without you needing to lower yourself down into the cycle of toxicity. Your self esteem will heal itself through action. Stubborn positivity about your own potential. If you suffer and die, your enemies feel stronger by comparison. Stay alive. Fight tooth and nail. Perseverance, reflection and action. Rinse and repeat. There is no failure as long as you are alive. The failure is to leave things as they are. Make moves. Be a thinker AND a doer. Never accept labels. Never identify with anything arbitrary that doesn't truly serve you. I'm not a writer. I'm not a singer. I'm not an actor, nor a martial artist. I'm a man trying to make his way in the world. Who can tell me that isn't accurate? They can't shame you when your statements are factual and your actions prove your integrity. Self love is essential. Self empowerment is survival.
I suffer from toxic shame, self blame and loathing. And rejection also. The shame is so palpable, it almost takes on a physical form. We need more skilled therapists trained in trauma, EMDR, etc. Esp in small towns, there are absolutely no resources. V isolating.
I was told i wasn't enough. I was humiliated and shamed for not being enough. I didn't realize how my parents set up for failure because i was never going to be enough for them.
Im still not able to get there. I’m working through cptsd, chronic pain.. abusive horrible childhood.
There’s a point when I grasp a little wish to live, to be here, to enjoy.. to fantasize I can and I deserve.. there’s like this massive feeling like a BIG NO that invalidates viscerally any chance and I keep in freezing mode.. my body feels tight and rigid. It hurts..
and feelings are now after 31 years coming back little by little with a lot of help and self isolation so I can feel some peace and silence that helps to relax.. but where I would love to be is outside in the world as from the begging of my life.. I had to accept patience cause my inner child needs to be, just to be, and there’s this massive block like a big and heavy energy all over me.. pushing down.. I can feel the heaviness .
On other side my adult self who wants to develo as a woman and one day be a mother and a partner.. is trying to teach this little .. and help her leave the inner cave where she’s hiding..
But shame.. this big NO.. I just hope it one days leaves my cells.. I’m doing all that I can
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporesss
I had both Shame and rejection at home and bullying and humiliation at school by people who were my friends first.
Big hug to you❤ May you be able to love and take care of yourself. I wish you all the best.
Same here, except the bullies weren't my friends, they were my family too. The nicknames and jokes at school were nothing compared to what my family did at home with the most trivial things like the way I laughed or dressed. I was regularly mocked by all the things that made me who I was like everything I was were laughable or negative
Pride and dignity as an antidote to shame. Beautiful. 🥰 Allowing the body to move into, and out of the body postures of shame, pride and dignity in a healthy and intentionally aware way, instead of getting stuck in a rigid pattern.
He says pride and dignity are the opposites of shame. Self-compassion is the antidote to shame. Notice the meditation was a compassion-based exercise. I actually think pride is not the best word here as pride has a feeling of false puffing up of the self. I think nobility as well as dignity work well. The Buddha called us “sons and daughters of the nobly born”. Not as in aristocracy but as in oriented to truth. Nothing makes us bigger truth-seekers than trauma!
❤
I think there are 2 types of pride. The ego pride :"im better than others" and the authentic pride, like being PROUD of who you are without any exageration or ego.@mousumimukerji4075
"True humility is the only antidote to shame" - Iroh
@@sillymadness2896Absolutely
At the end the name he references is this, Belleruth Naparstek. Even in the transcript it was wrong. I kept looking up Belarus getting nowhere, finally just used last name and shame. Blessings to all❤
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you!
i had same issue, took a bit of trial and error to find Belleruth Naparstek. @soundstrue, would be great to update transcript @12:54 to reflect Belleruth Naparstek. and/or, one better, provide a link in show notes or as pinned comment. Just an idea. :-) -- Thanks!!
Yes!, and taking “responsibility” then feels so painful as a kid when it’s not even your responsibility.
So naturally when we grow up, and we’re told “take responsibility for your life”, that feels painful and like blame.
RIGHT! Wow. This is an astute observation.
True ❤
Your response was exactly the piece of my puzzle today of trying to understand why I feel so responsible for me & my family members emotions that attached from shame. This was an answer to my prayers today. Bless u❤🙏❤
@@baxter6556I’m so happy to hear that 💖💖💖 you can be free of the responsibility! Of the same! :)
I feel lots of compassion from the Doctor
"You're not in trouble Will and you're definitely not the problem" [hugs] 🤗
I've had to say to myself "I'm not ashamed" a lot during mindfulness, because my conditioning from childhood was to shame myself. I like using books like 30 Days to Overcome Shame to get through rough times.
Shame is something that strips away our dignity and pride is what takes us back to our dignity ❤ thank you for your shearing
amazing. And somehow I convinced myself that having pride was wrong. I'm gonna take back my pride; I have an unmistakeable feeling that this is going to be so powerful because I threw it away 17 years ago and haven't looked at it since. Thank you.
@@rememberDay1 being pride is our natural state. All nomad people I know are pride. My Grandmother was a nomad. Capitalism made us to obey our boss and suppress our pride.
Bless you for talking about it. I have lived with the blame, shame and sadness for most of my life.
My mother was a munchausens by proxy abuser. She convinced everyone around me that there was something wrong with me. My whole childhood I was humiliated and ostracized.
Thank you for this technique. I will keep trying it out. I find movement therapy far better than regular therapy due to my intense fear of doctors.
I'm 63 and am only just figuring out what happened. I have been confused for years why the abuse of children by their mothers, in the way you describe, was not alarming more people. I am obsessed with the so called "trans" cult. It is so blatantly Munchausen's by proxy on so many occasions. It makes my heart bleed.
@@AndyJarman Please, don't compare transgender children to munchausens by proxy. Try not to read so much hate filled news, they are trying to divide us, it's the same tactics over and over through history. My heart bleeds when I see people enveloped by this vitriol.
@@AndyJarman Please, don't compare transgender children to munchausens by proxy. Try not to read hate filled news, they are trying to divide us, it's the same tactics over and over through history. My heart bleeds when I see people enveloped by this vitriol.
I fear my sister has Munchaeseun by proxy and her husband is complicit. My nephew was a super intelligent, beautiful boy. She started projecting all these mental health conditions onto him from the age of 6 or 7. She convinced the schools that he needed accommodations all through his school years to the point that she would hire attorneys to get her way. All along she would tell my nephew that he has Aspergers, anxiety, depression, ADHD and more. She’s had him medicated all his life. He is 21 years old. I’m so saddened. Is there any hope for him to learn that it was her that was sick and not him.
@@goldenparachute392 I didn't start figuring out that it was my mother until I was in my 30's. It would have helped a lot if I had any adult in my life to tell me there was nothing wrong with me while I was growing up. That might not be right for you to tell him in your situation but you could tell him that he is great, intelligent, capable etc. Having those messages to counter all the stuff he has been told about himself could help a lot. Especially if he has low self esteem from all of it.
You are so genuine and gentle, so caring and knowledgeable..
My god! There are no words… my god.. in 17 years trying so SO hard to explain my feelings , even just for my parents…. Even just a littleeee piece of this hell I live in, and they still look at me like Im THE biggest disappointment of their lives.. you ,in few minutes said ALL the right words….my god…
Just thank you!❤
I would say to the little girl me that she didn't have to go through all those situations and that she deserves to be loved and cared about and that she matters ❤.
Thank you for including peer ostracization in this. Some of us had safe homes but grades 1 to 12 were a nightmare of humiliation, threats and violence.
This video did an amazing job of clarifying and focusing what I've been learning about toxic shame and C-PTSD.
Probably the most helpful video I've seen yet.
schools are a mess - kids don't belong in them unless they can feel safe, and many of us did/do not
I had both growing up: An unstable homelife and peer ostracization
Grades 6 to 9 for me. Total ostracization. I learned that I will never be beautiful, accepted, or lovable from an impressionable age. I managed to fit into society since but it was with self preservation and reserve. Survival mode since then.
Thank you for making this video, a resource that's accesible to anyone that's been looking for it, I am extremely grateful.
As a homosexual man, I've felt extreme shame since I can remember, internalized so deeply within myself, starting to understand the roots is just the beginning of a long healing journey, I embrace it.
I thank you once again, from the bottom of my heart. ❤
This is true. During my college days I was so obsessed with reading psychology books, not because I wanted to be a doctor. But I was overwhelmed with the information about our psyche. My biggest problem ever since was shame to the point it developed into social anxiety(I'd hide in my room for days getting afraid of social interaction). After reading so many help books, I realize that it was my lack of knowledge that I was unable to heal correctly. It's very hard to heal, but I'm happy to say that compared to before I am not fully healed but better.
❤ go to ACA meetings. They are healing and free
❤❤🙏🏻
its brutal right? such a slow unrewarding (feels unrewarding because its so slow) process
This is one of the best, most informative videos about shame I have seen/heard. Peter Levine speaks with such compassion.
shame, depression, and low serotonin are all the same thing
shame is not an emotion
Shame is a core belief, depression is the result of that.
After a lifetime of pain, broken relationships, being the black sheep, lost child growing up, always always always on the outside, a widow in two long term relationships since my husband died from drugs, both with the most avoidant emotionally unavailable men, I just feel like giving up. I cant afford a therapist. I am in pain every single day of my life. I just want peace & I look forward to the day I go home & finally will know peace
I’m just seeing this. I hope you are feeling better❤
Hope you are still with us. I hear you. It’s not fair. And you’re not alone
It sounds like you are going through a hard time and that as you look at your life, you can only see pain...I am sure you will not feel like this every day... With all its darkness and the suffering involved, life is still a precious thing .. you can have many things to enjoy maybe not at this time but they will come so I hope you are already enjoying lots of blessings and beauty.don't give up... Look for the reason why your life is worth living for, your passions and interest, you may not feel well now but I am sure at some point sth got your heart ticking... That feeling for sure will come back. If you cannot afford therapy you can find plenty of free resources online. I personally love videos by Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer. Wish you a lot of luck ..whatever life throws at us is not there forever . .so remember there will be better days. A big hug from Galicia, Spain
U are so worthy and I hope you will see and feel that every day❤❤❤❤
I really hear you ….. and I don’t know where you are! See if you can contact an IOPT therapist. This has been life changing for me
I'm 70 and I'm still living as an outcast in my family - I now live with a narcissistic partner - so how could I tell the inner adolescent that it will get better? I think resonance has a lot to do with re-experiencing what you have taken on in your energy field. I carry this energy and so I attract it. Life goes on and I'm working on changing my field.
The name he says at 12:54 is "Belleruth Naparstek"
Ahh thank you, I was looking for that! Let's upvote this comment more! So that not too many other people search for "Belarus" instead, like I did! :D
I am so ashamed of myself i barley left the house for the past 10 years, since i was 18.
I don't work, never did, i am alone all the time and eating.. that's my life.
How are you earning money? I too barely leave the house but my parents support me financially. I have no finances of my own. Couldnt ever work due to mental health issues.
Dont like living like this as my parents are the ones who put me into this position. I am utterly lonely, no purpose left. I wake up, eat and do chores around the house and sleep again.
All the while managing bouts of deep depression and anxiety. Why was this loneliness forced upon us i wonder?!
@@Andromeda-md6ch same as well.
Didn't know anyone else like me..wow..
I never had a job, I don't have social life..
Juat like that
I wonder where life will take me because you know, it doesn't work well..
I just don't know.. don't know what to do..
I also ask myself why me..?
Why it happens to me?
What is this cycle I can't break?
@@woman2251 I just spent first half of my day thinking the same. I tried and tried finishing my studies but couldnt. Doing a part time job feels like a dream. I have spent past 10 years thinking why does this happen to me? Over and over again. What did i do to get this? I have had to work so hard just to exist but in the eyes of other people i am doing nothing having an easy life being supported by my parents. I am trying to heal my inner child these days. Doing meditation and breathwork to get regulated again. Maybe that would work but i dont know if ever i would be go back to college or get a job. I want to get married but i could never have a boyfriend. Never went out on a single date and i am 31. It just didnt happen for me. I spent all my life just to maintain my existence.
I'm so tired of fixing everything that was messed up for me since before I was even born. I just want a month long all inclusive holiday on a tropical island but I can't afford it.
Thank you, Dr. Levine. I never knew that feelings of shame were so deeply rooted in peer rejection. Eye opening. ❤
To little me, and my daughter… my mother’s frustration and struggle was not your fault. You are so worthy and deserving of love and fulfillment.
The best therapist I had came from the Levine school of somatic experiencing. It saved my life.
Mine too. I got trained in it and the training was one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had. I highly recommend it for anyone who deal with trauma and all the shame and hard emotions that come with it. It's almost impossible to put to words. Glad you found it @kirby7379!
Your explanation of how the shame develops and affects us so clear! Thank you
Right 👍
I want to tell my youger self that you are lovable you desrve all the love in the world you are worthy and accepted just the way you are…you are stronger than you think you can accomplish whatever you want…people bullying you is not your fault it’s there fault it says more about them than you…I’m always by your side you can and will survive everything you go through because you are a fighter and a lover…you will find people who you truely love and who truely love you
What a beautiful human being..a healer
Exceptional Master teacher and are we so gifted to be living in the time of Dr Peter A Levine. I absolutely love every word he speaks.
I would say "it's ok, little angel. Everything is going to be ok! You will be ok. I love you. You are worthy. I love you"
I'd tell my 15 year old self that she didn't deserve to be ostracised, rejected, and humiliated. She didn't deserve to be treated like she was dirt, like she was worthless. That anyone who treats her like that doesn't deserve her.
It's hard because i still believe im worth less than other people. I still believe all the bad things about myself. I still hate her, hate myself, deep down.
You'll end up with illnesses , maybe many of them, maybe one, who knows. You'll be forced to stop and just do your best everyday and every night to change the narrative.
It's not worth it, believe me. There's going to be a moment when you'll snap and you won't be able to go back to that. You'll be forced to move on entirely.
I wish you the best! 🙏🏻❤️💐
Oh me too, but like you looking for alternatives… if you want to look up, Dr Bruce Lipton- “ The Biology of Belief “ is the WHY, much like lots of this Dr, and afterwards, PHSYCH K. Rob William. The How…
There’s even a RUclips free video on when they met.
I suggest that order.
I’m not finished yet but I trust them more than western pills! From lived experiences.
Also worth listening to much of the free content from Bessel Van Der Kolk, and Dr Gabor Mate’ ( his information saved me)
Please keep in mind, the western medicine community are trying to discredit Bruce Lipton in particular, because he challenges the status quo’s of take a pill. They don’t provide, nor want to, cures, just consumables for big pharma ❤❤❤wishing you lots of healing ❤
I’d say “you can love YOURSELF even if no one else loves you
The depth of care, compassion and wisdom in Peter's words are a Balm of Gilead to the Soul. It's like he reached out and acknowledged my spirit personally. Grateful beyond words, today!
Thank you I worked through a lot of fear and guilt and didn't even realise I had shame until I unlocked the next layers. Worked through anger and then there is comes the shame. I sit like that all the time, I developed a spinal disease. Bless you ❤
Yeah , even my spine has gotten weak and emotion stays stored there.
@@ghaataksurNot sure about your physical situation, but I get rid of my stored emotions by using a spiked massage ball every morning, to massage my back and bottom specifically. It truly does wonders to calm my system before a new day.
This has happened to my spine too. So sorry....@@ghaataksur
How did you release the shame
Thank you for this.
I am seriously overwhelmed by the shame I feel every day.
I was raised by several different people; my father, my mother at times, my grandparents at times, and my stepmom.
Most of them (save my grandparents) made me feel some level of shame. So did bullies growing up. And people I liked, and my perceived rejection, didn't help matters....
Shame about not being able to help myself get tasks done that supposedly I should have been good at. Shame at not being self sufficient enough. Shame at not being good enough. Shame at my body being too sexual or not attractive enough (idk how but both applied). Shame at overreacting and blowing up when I hadn't been taught anything else.
I want my younger self to know that there will come a time when the shame that others piled onto us will not make any sense, that the things I worried about being true will be revealed as nothing but lies. But also, I want them to realize they have a right to be angry,but they also have a roght to find peace in their life and enjoy things.
It never got better.
It’s important to remember that real pride doesn’t stem from the ego
You will get stronger,you will get better,you will learn to love and be loved and i will help you
I didnt know i had toxic shame until my brother told me that my mother slapped me across the face as a very young child. It all came flooding back and everything made more sense. My behaviour was shame based. I am trying to be mindful of all shame based thoughts but they are constant and require great dedication to handle. Sometimes they inform my actions when I am tired or slip but I am hopeful and proud I've broken the shame cycle by not shaming my kids.
You ahould be proud for not shaming your kids so many do unconsciously. 🙏
I am so so sorry 😢 hugs. That sounds so horrible
To my younger self, your dad couldn’t be the role model protector, or listener that you needed. You have taken on his shame but you no longer need to do that. It was never about you and it will never be about you. You are so beautiful and you will come home
They couldnt set boundaries to me so the shame belongs to them,if they could and were healthy they would have been proud of me taking so much space wanted to be seen and heard ,to give me total presence and unconditional love and loving boundaries. In a perfect world 🏵️🥴
I recognize a time in my adult life as feeling shame when a man , the gather of my children left me. The feeling of being my best friend and the next day shunned me.
It was/is most painful because it is my own family. I am ok now. It is what it is
The key is you have to mean it when you say no.
I love these series., There is so much pain and trauma in my life. I gave up on my life. I was devalued and there is something wrong with me.
There is nothing wrong about you, you were put here for a purpose and healing this is a part of it :) you are DIVINE don't you ever forget it
@@ryankelly1840 I was very eager and curious about life and about learning and education. I spent hours in the library trying to master my craft and be the best version of myself. Always strive for excellence and do my best in all circumstances.I get marginalized and pished ti the side for wanting to be all I can be
Not sure if this will make sense but the parts where you think is wrong with you is where you have the opportunity to develop your strongest and most righteous traits.
I feel you. I went through the same. I didn’t want to give up on life but I had too much PTSD to function the way I did before and now everything is so different than a normal life.
EXACTLY what I came to write. We are born perfect, and trauma disguises the truth from us. You are perfect @percubit, and will never be otherwise. @@ryankelly1840
Teachers should take notice of such things and try to find ways to stop this!! That's what happened yo me in high school! One teacher there was very nice to me but no one tried to really help me!
Brilliant presentation! I am a child of holocaust survivors who had toxic secrets. The exercise presented here is so simple and effective!
Ive lived with a very strong case of this,to still be alive in middle age has amazed me .
I didnt even know i lived with it but it all makes sense when i found out .
❤ goes out to all those coping and healing .
Crazy possibly but I am now 56, and I have spent most of my adult life in intensive therapy where my psychiatrist made sure I felt "attached and connected" - something that I absolutely was told or learned to NEVER do within my family. This wonderful dr had to tetire and I was struggling finding another therapist. I did and finally felt attached (tho, I have NEVER CALLED OR ASKED FOR ANYTHING) She told me after every 2 to 3 week appointments that "we didn’t want to repeat the depending on someone or needing her too much and how long did I think I was going to be in therapy?" My younger self was immensely ashamed and shut down. 😢
❤ the opposite of shame is mercy!
Dear Peter, I have watched this video before, but last night, as I was going through something very deep, I came across it again. It was this time I deeply understood a mechanism within myself, which not only never really allows me to embrace life, but also often hinders me to surrender to my Self in Meditation.
It's a loop of shame and fear which is activated through so many triggers. A loop that keeps me stuck in the belief, that I need to be alert at all times, otherwise something terrible might happen. Perhaps, this is the control you're talking about.
I recognize, that whenever I am caught in this loop, it adds to the clump in my belly, which turned into pain over time, and does not allow me to breathe deeply throughout activities, and much less in company of people.
As I am moving through these healing cycles, it dawns on me, what I'm truly ashamed of - because in my childhood it was dangerous, to show it: my Soul’s expression in this life. Who I truly am.
Peter, once again, thank you so much for your precious work and for your generous offering of time.
Love and Blessings, Evelyn
❤❤❤ thank you 🙏 very touching to read the comments! Thank all of you for sharing ❤❤❤
This made me cry
No matter how hard I try I can't bring myself to any level of self acceptance. I hate so much what I see in the mirror every day and I don't know how to fix it.
💙
No for me it was my own parents unfortunately they were the ones who caused so much of it as a young kid
Probably not relevant, but he looks 10 years younger than 5 years ago. This talk is pure treasure.
9:32 the physical posture of shame, very much like the “red light/startle reflex” first outlined by Thomas Hanna. Excellent video and explanation, Dr Levine.
Million thanks Dr. Levine! You are an angel on earth helping so many people with your knowledge, experience, love and compassion🙏🏼❤️☀️
Truly so!
Crazy emotion..if you know that you made a mistake and people knows It, can destroy your entire life
Thank you, Peter Levine! 🙌
I made sure not to get close to anyone since childhood. "Something fundamentally wrong with me" is what I thought of myself for years.
I can see how this move could be incorporated in to yoga. It must be necessary to get intouch with the shame first, just not with words and not so excruciatingly slow.
God bless this great man. So useful ,so healing ,so soothing
You matter..you didn't deserve to be left alone in the car by your mother all the time..u are capable & smart & strong..u deserve to be loved & seen
video starts at 8:30
Oh i cant stop crying ....my humiliated inner child has been carrying so much shame 🥀 & humiliation...oh thank you from whole my heart Peter!!! For your knowledge and big heart......just by listening to you I regain my pride and dignity back step by step through the pain that I reliese with each tier drop 😢 ☔ ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I love you so much my little girl I will take care of you and protect you with all my love
Sadly, many parents unknowingly use their children as a mechanism to dump their emotions or vicariously try to fulfill their unmet needs and dreams.
My trauma triggerd when my daughter was born !
Im now since 8 years Fatigue , lonlieness
To the six-year- old girl I would like to say :" You do not need to work or do miraculous things to transform from "no-one" to "someone" , you are already yourself miraculous and loved.
Shame and guilt lve recently discovered are two of the most difficult and emotionally challenging emotions.
An L plater
Thanks for this video
PS- rejection is perishing indeed!
Humiliation and Ostracism. Hells on earth. Heaven is the absence of neglect exclusion and abuse
I cried doing the posture thing for the first time.
If I could go back in time, I'd whisper to my 4-year-old self: 'Sweetheart, you didn't deserve the difficult circumstances you were born into, and the shame that followed. But please know that at your very core, you are incredibly beautiful and worthy of love. Hold on to that truth, little one, and never let it fade.
Ostracized, ignored, and left out. That’s what my pk-12 did for me early. Proud to have had a private education. But to be an only was brutal. I get it now.