My wife confessed to me. Our pastor called me to come to his office. So I went and she confessed to me. He followed up with me 3 weeks later to see how I was doing. I was iin complete depression. I asked him why he did this to me. He simply said I had to forgive her and move on with my life. Well, I have not moved on for the past 34 years with all the trauma. He never called me again or even referred me for help.
Time and God still heals (survivor & now thriver). Life after a 34 yr marriage to a true high function CFO & VP classified gov. white collared Covert Narcissist. He swindled the kids and I, covered up hundreds of thousands, lied to everyone to turn them against me & make me look crazy, even to our children. Do not torture/ harm yourself, you are never alone. I was disfunctional for days as I gathered my sanity. I was not stupid, just trusting. Everyone has a story to tell, learn to reserve bits of your story until they have deserved to be told the intimate parts of your life. ♡please forgive yourself and jot down the lessons learned. You can trust again, you need stronger boundries and with every new relationship you must question what that new persons motive could be. Learn to trust your spidy senses! God works with broken people, surrender it all and trust Him 500% & He will turn it all for good. He waits for you to ask Him into your life❤ Ask him to bring you a mentor, and go to a non-denomination church to meet that mentor (bible based, not religious based church). Jesus came to free us from the laws of religion and taught a personal relationship with El Elyon❤ God wins, always! p.s.: I did go through ptsd - cptpsd, adhd & fibromalysia. A sleep cycle is 3hrs. I did not sleep through 1 cycle the first 9 months! I overcame after 8 years ( God's guidence through the process). No drugs helped, after I finally slept. I focused on God, Scripture, modern Worship music, clean whole foods non gmo, walking and weights. I got red pilled in my researching about betrayl, and narcissistic relationships. In less than a year I was on a drug free recovery. 1 more important mention: with my ex. I discovered that there was a pattern to keeping me from examining statements, bills, etc. He kept busy, and exhausted. I gave up my nursing career (his suggestion) to stay home and be the super mom. He stayed gone 12 hrs a day m-f, and would dissapear a few hours S&S, leaving his messages full. I hope I've been some help to someone. I truly believe God allows us to have journey as this so we can help others.❤ I raised twin boys, daughter & son + for 12 years I was a host to foreign H.S., Jr. College & University students (to bring culture into the home). My first 3 are thriving, but our youngest still struggles with self sabotage into young adulthood, thank God for His grace and mercies❤
@@dan-MichiganTime and God still heals (survivor & now thriver). Life after a 34 yr marriage to a true high function CFO & VP classified gov. white collared Covert Narcissist. He swindled the kids and I, covered up hundreds of thousands, lied to everyone to turn them against me & make me look crazy, even to our children. Do not torture/ harm yourself, you are never alone. I was disfunctional for days as I gathered my sanity. I was not stupid, just trusting. Everyone has a story to tell, learn to reserve bits of your story until they have deserved to be told the intimate parts of your life. ♡please forgive yourself and jot down the lessons learned. You can trust again, you need stronger boundries and with every new relationship you must question what that new persons motive could be. Learn to trust your spidy senses! God works with broken people, surrender it all and trust Him 500% & He will turn it all for good. He waits for you to ask Him into your life❤ Ask him to bring you a mentor, and go to a non-denomination church to meet that mentor (bible based, not religious based church). Jesus came to free us from the laws of religion and taught a personal relationship with El Elyon❤ God wins, always! p.s.: I did go through ptsd - cptpsd, adhd & fibromalysia. A sleep cycle is 3hrs. I did not sleep through 1 cycle the first 9 months! I overcame after 8 years ( God's guidence through the process). No drugs helped, after I finally slept. I focused on God, Scripture, modern Worship music, clean whole foods non gmo, walking and weights. I got red pilled in my researching about betrayl, and narcissistic relationships. In less than a year I was on a drug free recovery. 1 more important mention: with my ex. I discovered that there was a pattern to keeping me from examining statements, bills, etc. He kept busy, and exhausted. I gave up my nursing career (his suggestion) to stay home and be the super mom. He stayed gone 12 hrs a day m-f, and would dissapear a few hours S&S, leaving his messages full. I hope I've been some help to someone. I truly believe God allows us to have journey as this so we can help others.❤ I raised twin boys, daughter & son + for 12 years I was a host to foreign H.S., Jr. College & University students (to bring culture into the home). My first 3 are thriving, but our youngest still struggles with self sabotage into young adulthood, thank God for His grace and mercies❤
100%. We'll know that we're evolving as a society when that happens. It's love/sex fraud. Because we don't really honor our emotions as a culture, we don't see betrayal trauma for what it really is. We're dissociated from how precious we are and how precious connection and relationship is.
Agree. Betrayal trauma is a foundational belief in my family of origin, and I married a mental and emotional abuser. The damage to me is in every facet of my life and my being. It's very sick behavior similar to rape.
YES!! in couples counseling the therapist was looking at ME like I was the crazy one because I was so confused and begging my husband in the therapy sessions to give me any insight into what was going on. my gut was telling me "something is very very wrong" and my spouse was a silent, emotionless, brick. I was in so much physical pain from Fibromyalgia and my husband would "forget" about my pain disorder in therapy. after we separated, my husband finally admitted to his addiction to lying: "I lie to avoid and protect himself" it was SO much more traumatizing realizing that after spending so much time in couples counselling (working myself emotionally to the bone to try and save the marriage) that my husband was lying in counselling the whole time my ex husband's gaslighting made me feel and look crazy to the counsellor.... cruel. torture. selfish.
I went through this...I ended up relapsing to cope with the dysregulation. I left barely living. Once I left, I started to get well. It's taken me 7 years to mentally recover from an 8 year "relationship". The financial side along with my struggle to trust is still an ongoing process. Thank you for the validation.
the number one sign of gaslighting is confusion. one thing is said and another done. it’s almost like spinning out of control mentally. emotional is different. this effects your stability as a person and your ability to trust what you are seeing.
Well said. I actually have another YT video on the importance of exploring your confusion to help guide you. ruclips.net/video/RNZ3G3j9098/видео.htmlsi=ae0tSm4YVPpc0Xlu
Cheating robs you of more than your relationship. You lose your self-worth, identity, confidence, and discernment abilities. Your perception and world view is shaken, while everything you thought you knew about your best friend changes in an instant. Then the internalization, insecurity, and depression take hold.. making things far worse. Healing begins when you realize the relationship is over and make a decision to move on. In my experience, reconciliation and therapy just made it all worse. I gave up about 5 more years trying to save a relationship that had no real chance of repair. My advice is to walk away if your partner is unfaithful.
I never cheated but I had miss behaviors I just want my partner back I just wanna start out relationship from a clean sheet. I love her and always will I don’t want anybody else … I just don’t know what to do. I try to live life and show up for myself but it just feels empty
You described it perfectly. I left my relationship a year and a half ago, and I still feel relief that I don't ever have to deal with him again. I do, however, still have issues. One of my biggest triggers is words not matching actions.
This happened to me in couples counseling with my emotionally abusive partner. I didn’t learn until years later that you’re not supposed to enter couples counseling with your abuser. They both made me out to be the problem. I have all of our sessions recorded (with consent) and when I listen back I am so proud of how I stood up for myself in therapy despite the resistance I was up against. He left me and I left the therapist. Now I see it all clearly.
therapy, counseling, total wastes of time. if it comes down to that, its over. went to a counselor once; it did so much damage to this day i still almost cant believe it. long story short, i was informed that i was the most difficult person she ha ever delt w in 40yrs. all i could think about was how much damage this cu nt has inflicted upon others in 40yrs. brought multiple things to her attention pertaining to how she should do her job correctly. made light of all her lil degrees on the wall, and how they were totally worthless, just like her, bla bla bla. to see her sobbing in her stupidity gave me a good feeling of accomplishment. told her, i hope she remembers this day, and me, on her death bed. then left.
Every professional in the field answers to a board and patients are able to report any unethical conduct. All professionals in the field have ethics against making damaging false claims about other professionals also.
I’m not crazy after all. You get it. After 32 years of marriage my spouse left me for another man in such a way as to totally destroy me - with great success I might add. Come to find out this relationship was going on throughout our entire marriage. The betrayal, lies, deceit, gaslighting, disdain, contempt, etc crushed my very being. I’ve shared too much in a public format. All I really wanted to say was thank you for articulating what I am feeling after such a brutal betrayal from the love of my life. Thank you for acknowledging the very real effects of this type of trauma, which no else in my life, including my therapist seems to understand. I wish there was help I could get from someone or some group dealing with these specific issues, their aftermath, and the rebuilding of a life I finally believe to be worth living. Blessings on you and your work.
I’m so sorry you’ve faced this trauma. I have a betrayed partners group starting in a few weeks that might be helpful for you. You can share your story openly with others who’ve experienced something similar.
I’m so sorry. I feel you. It’s heartbreaking. After over 2 years I still feel like I’m in fight/flight mode. I hope you find peace, genuine love and happiness. ❤🙏🏼
You are 100% correct. This has been the worst thing I have ever experienced. It has been physical, mental, soul crushing. Still working to recover after 3 years.
Thats my story in my marriage, so confused i couldnt function properly and even went crazy doing things i never would have done if he didnt spin my head in such a negative way
I am crying hearing her speak what’s been going on. I finally feel some validation and I’m not crazy. It’s absolutely unbelievable to me that this is something.
June 27th will be 4 years from D-Day for me. Only started to feel almost totally healed just recently. Even a few months back when my husband would fly to another state on business I would begin to go into fight/flight mode, slightly. He has been on a couple more trips just lately and it hasn't happened, such a relief. Fight/flight would make me feel physically unwell and weak. There is nothing I have ever experienced like the "sting" of betrayal, worse than death in some ways. There is hope, and a light at the end of the tunnel. I have to add that my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ has been with me through it all, of which I am eternally grateful. Deuteronomy 31:8 The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. God bless.
@ashleyb777. Thank you for sharing. Said some very true things. It's been about 3 years and a half since my D-days. Betrayal is very hard. I too think it's worse than death. So glad to see you have one of my own favorite verses to motivate, encourage, and trust God to do. Keep praying. Keep trusting God. Without Him I don't know where I'd be. Bless you.
This is so accurate. Betrayal trauma needs to be addressed long before ANY other relationship issue. And it needs to be addressed that the betrayed partner had NOTHING to do with causing the betrayal. And until the unfaithful gets healing and therapy nothing else can be looked at. And my experience 6 years later is they usually don’t. They’ll just blameshift and gaslight and change topics. Eg reactive abuse. If you are betrayed and abused and gaslit to the point that you are now withdrawing or reacting or arguing back. None of these reactive behaviours can be addressed until the cause is addressed. Otherwise it’s just further gaslighting and victim blaming. They didn’t cheat because you withdrew. You withdrew (very rightly so!) because they cheated.
I was called by our church pastor to come to his office asap as my wife was there. Sure enough, she confirmed (what I had suspected for years) that she had a long term affair with her boss. The pastor met me one more time (alone) to essentially tell, me, "You have to forgive and get over it". He never called me again to meet. I met with an associate pastor once and he never called me back for a follow-up meeting. Talk about being betrayed by the pastors. So much for the love and respect he gave me.
People need to know that the person who has been betrayed is confused and has to find their way while the betrayer is in control. Just because the betrayer is in control does not mean they are the one that is right.
@@KristinSnowdenbecause you know what you are talking about and most clinicians don’t know any of this. Most importantly you talked about how the woman is so passive and takes the blame so yeah you also talk about love addiction and sex addiction which no one absolutely no one talks about those 2 addictions as a matter of fact sex and love addiction are acted out in the 12 step meetings it is even encouraged for a younger newcomer to get into a relationship with an older member with years of sobriety It is the secret in the rooms that is never exposed. It is toxic and could cause the younger inexperienced person to lose everything. So when I come across a woke individual then I say genius and genius is a combination of a very smart educated woman and a woman that knows what she is talking about which is very rare.
@julienunanmaloney1949 well I appreciate the comment. I’ve just worked in the addiction and mental health treatment field for a long time and I’ve seen and heard a lot of those stories, unfortunately
Best therapist I’ve had recommended one-on-one sessions after meeting my partner and I in couples therapy. I was being gaslighted by a person who was living a double life.
I went to a couples therapist because my partner was a pathological liar, porn addict and was living a double life using substances. This young woman said to me in front of him, "would you rather him watch porn or actually physically cheat?" In this way, she validated him, so he continued the porn use, even doing it at work. When I caught him and told him it was wrong, he said, "I hate you, I'm going to kill you," and then strangled me.. I had to call 911, and he went to jail. Be wary of modern-day young therapists and the damage that they can do. Because she took his stance that men have a right to a double life and to harbor sickness, I was nearly killed for actually knowing the difference between right action and wrong action and daring to enforce it.
I really needed to hear this video, thank you! After 35 years of gaslighting and emotionally abuse, and now he’s driving MY family towards him, I feel completely betrayed and alone. It’s taking a lot of strength from me not to lose myself and do something rash.
Had 2 counselors get completely manipulated by my wife (she, of course, thought they were great) and one who tried to call her out. When she realized, it wasn't going to go her way she simply stood up and walked out. The damage is unbelievable and the lack of training amongst counselors is showing. Especially when it comes to helping men who have been betrayed.
I’m so sorry you experienced this. I think counselors have the absolute best of intentions, but similar to you, they maybe haven’t encountered someone who can lie and manipulate so well. I would encourage you to check out betrayed partners groups. They can really help you reconnect with your instincts and intuition.
agreed. I’m sorry. I’ve tried to create a mens betrayed partners support group many times but never get enough interest. I currently have a co-ed betrayed partners group starting in July that might offer you the support and guidance that might be helpful. They’re small groups. 4 men were in my previous 4 week group.
Your not alone, I'm going thru it with a man, cheated 3 times already, but we were broke up and he says it's my fault for breaking up. In my eyes he didn't grieve for me and hiring hookers less than a month after I left is just as damaging.
The person doing the betraying always wants to say sorry, move on from it, and resume the relationship/marriage like nothing happened. Then they get irritated with you for not getting over it in 20 minutes. Not realizing what theyve done is irreversible and things will almost never be the same....even with therapy.
I just ended my 16yr relationship. She could lie to me while looking me in the eyes and seeming so genuine. She had only been actually abusive in our first few years. I could never really get past those early years. I thought I had. I won't go into detail, but it was bad. Mostly, the recent things were little. Little 'harmless' lies that piled up over time along with some big ones. She told me she was looking for work for years & I had to find out from friends she wasn't. I had suspected she was lying to me, but gave her the benefit of the doubt. At the time, I thought confronting her about it would be useless. What good was being given the truth under duress? Eventually I got sick long-term & stopped focusing on that. She has been so, so loving. Our surface relationship was wonderful. Lies continued, though. I started to feel crazy & questioned everything she said or did. Resentment built up, part of me unable to let go of those early years of abuse. Even with dreading coming home & having it be a roll of the dice how I felt around her, I'm still questioning if it was the right decision. I still love and care for her. Logically, I know it had to come to this. Emotionally, I don't want to let her go. We've been together 16 years. More than half my lifetime. Through developmental years and my entire adult life. We've lived together 12 of those years. Luckily I decided no marriage until we attained specific life goals that were never met. It hurts like hell, she has no job and many of her local bridges have been burned. We'll probably be living together for at least another 3 months until she can find someone to take her in or get her shit together real quick for an apartment. It's still messing with my head. There's still a part of me that wants to believe this is all one big misunderstanding. I'm certain she never intentionally hurt me, and it makes it that much harder.
I went through 40 years of this crap! It was devastating when i looked to the past and the veil flew off. Immediately I saw all the patterns that I failed to see because I wanted to be a good husband. Her mom and her sisters were all like that. Yuk!!
OH...MYYY...WORD!! Just this trailer! I have never had someone say what's in my heart and on my mind the way she has. I have felt so alone until I saw this. We even tried partners therapy, such validation. Mind blown right now!❤
So happy to hear this. The full interview is on my colleagues’ YT channel here: ruclips.net/video/Gl5sToyyGDg/видео.htmlsi=l1Ci8mm15G3s0DVK I’m really proud of how it turned out.
Thank you for sending me a life raft. I don’t think I have anything to offer the world when I see my ex and all he has become. I am ordering the book now. It’s time to take some serious action, it looks different every year…this is going to be the most peaceful, relaxing, and healing season of my life…🥹
Paralysis is a real true word to describe my initial and ongoing emotional state.im just not getting over the reality of being so deeply fooled of the person whom I believed was my one true soul mate, actually being the opposite of a serious loyal nice guy who loves only me and is faithfully committed to me and to Us. It's too shocking to the system
If you see this in depth it's just not one thing, it's a whole bunch of chaos! It could be in any relationship not just marital. Could be anyone frnds, co-worker etc etc. Excellent thesis by this lady who explained.
I had chrones for many yrs. I suffered from depresson due to family betrayel since i was a kid. Had my last serious operation in 2021. Am now 57 and had finally walked away.
Wow! This is crazy. 42 years later finally walked away from the dysfunctional marriage, if you can call it that? I was gaslighted for this whole marriage he made me look just like what you are speaking on. I was the issue never him. His family even added to the problem. So glad to be free and moving on.
Oh this is true. I tried couple's counseling and it was horrible. He gaslighted on super fast speed so i didn't even have time in-between things he said to stop and say "WAIT. THAT'S NOT EVEN TRUE !" Felt like being hit with a machine gun of completely false accusations to make me look bad and him good. What a manipulative liar.
I'm currently in a long divorce process from this monster after 13 years. I was already diagnosed with ptsd in 2014 for finding my son dead. My husband played games with me, cheater, alcoholic, he blindsided me and left for his coworker. Im almost completely free and I have so much healing to do
I went through this gaslighting and betrayal with my 42 year old married son leaving me left holding the bag to heal as he’s not about to go to therapy with his mom unfortunately. People truly don’t understand the effects of these behaviors physically spiritually and emotionally. Devastating and most painful thing I’ve ever been through
You shouldn’t be in relationships with a 40 year old son who treats you like trash. You’re part of the problem and enabling this nasty behavior. Disengage and set boundaries woman!! You can still be a positive influence and leave the world knowing you tried.
@@heathernail5706 You are 100% correct! In fact, I’m in the process of packing to move. I’ve finally said enough. I tolerated the behavior because I wanted to see my granddaughters, the first one is 3 years old and the second one is 8 months. My son knew I tolerated every stinking abusive behavior so I could see my granddaughters who he unfortunately used as pawns to pull the rug out from under me when he chose to exercise his control. The more boundaries I set and resisted his gaslighting , he escalated using my granddaughters and withheld them from me and limited visits, would cut off FaceTime…. And so much more. It just goes on and on and on…. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
@@lorra222 Thank you lorralorra222 for your concern. I’m doing ok and taking care of myself removing myself from the situation. Like I say, one can’t heal in the same environment that broke them. I’m taking steps to move and put some distance. I wish I could tell you everything that happened over the past 3+ years with him but it’s just so long and painful. Thank you so much for you concern. Truly appreciated. 🫶
I'd rather be "the crazy ex" who is single and "can't keep a man" than getting my reality distoted every day and getting my head bashed into walls by some dumpter fire of a guy who is obsessed with his emotionally enmeshed incestuous mother for the next 50 years of my life and takes all his rage he feels towards her out on me instead because I'm replaceable and his mommy is "an angel".
Speaking of... Kate Middleton has a ginormous healed dent gash on the side of her eye now. Top of brow down to her cheek! Very obvious in pics from her Trooping return from 6 months total invisibility for "Cancer". I can't make this up. As The World Turns.
I told my counsellor off post my separation as to this issue exactly! He was so charming to her and she could not see through him in fact she enjoyed his attention wasting first 15 minutes every session on his bs! Thank for the validation ❤ and good riddance.
Ohemgoodness grated for this. Our marriage counselor blamed me as a working mother & sympathized with ex who helped quite a bit while our kids were infants. A lot has changed and been discovered over the last ten years.
Holly crap great information I was married 36 years to a man who I learned after he passed in ‘22 had Madonna complex. I knew he had a very traumatic childhood physical and incest. I thought his issues porn addiction and adventually a sexless marriage were from his childhood it was but it was a shock to learn he separated love and desire thus MWC it has taken me two years to understand all this and the trauma I experienced
I am so glad this is addressed. In couples therapy, my spouse has left me 4x's, had an ongoing relationship with the other woman our whole marriage & the therapist said, are you going to get back together or not, vso he can go on with his life? I said, isn't that why we're here, because he has already gone on with his life? The therapist is a man, my ex a man who was paying him. Got to divorce court, guess who the Expert Witness was? The unethical therapist. I lost a decade of what I built, home, business, everything. 😢
What about betrayal by a boyfriend when you were committed to them? He just abandoned me and started seeing someone behind my back and then lied when i asked him about her. I caught them out together and broke it off. Its still heartbreaking.
Don’t be heart broken, let’s say there is this guy down the street, he really likes u, but u have no feelings for him. Well that’s how ur ex feels, he has no feelings for , so hold ur head up high, u don’t want to hurt over someone who is not thinking twice about u, yes it might hurt, but it’s for the best.
This is absolutely true. I experienced hideous blaming by a marriage guidance counsellor. My ex used everything I said in therapy against me, in between sessions.
It's sad and infuriating that therapist don't do continuing education on narcissistic abuse and complex trauma, not only with romantic relationships but in my case it was family relationships. I was told I needed to use more compassionate communication and positive affirmations and of course I was over medicated. I spent just as much time healing from therapy trauma as family trauma. My therapist also received large amounts of clients from the Sandy Hook promise movement and is aiding traumatized teens. I know they are well meaning but it is not an excuse anymore cuz they make a ton of money and need to be woken up. Thank you for being a resource for those of us who have given up on traditional therapy ❤️🙏🏾🙏🏾
I would like to have more information on how the betrayal trauma affects the children of the couple. Because they usually experience the betrayal but sometimes we don't get the enough support and understanding because it was not our partner. Although, we also suffer the loss of a parent that did the betrayal and loss of the parent that "stays" but in depression.
I’m sloooowly trying to make myself more accessible through those mediums. I just opened an IG account: kristinmsnowden but I’m hoping everyone shares it with friends and loved ones who need to hear it. I have a ton of free resources on my website too kristinsnowden.com
If you do that then you have lost. The world is full of people that would probably like to know you, , don’t let a bad experience ruin your entire life…. People eventually reap what they sow….
I try this, but I'm such a soft hearted person and long to find love again and fun and intimacy . Life's too short to not be happy and have that, I pray daily for just one more love to come into my life.
I was always abused by mother my whole life, physically, emotionally, and verbally. She told me she never did like me. My husband and I have been married for 48 years and been together since 4th gradeHe was an over the road trucker for 40 years. I sacrificed so much for him and our 2 kids happily. I recently found out our whole marriage has been a lie. He has been with many women and his excuse was it just happened. I always suspected it but yes he gas lighted me with his lies. I am so close to taking my llife.
Went to a couples therapist following discovery of my wife's affair. Never got to any discussion of the affair. Of course I looked like the vindictive, only focused on one issue spouse. But I'm sorry, when it's been three months and no apology or remorse, nor discussion in any depth...well I AM pretty much focused on one issue.
Unfortunately we live in a world that most people just don’t give a crap what someone has been through and is going through, in their life. Instead more people just look at you and gaslight you more with comments like “your a very negative person.” “Just get over it and move on.” “Be more positive” bla, bla, bla. There has only been 3 persons that has EVER truly helped me and never lied to me, and that is God the almighty father, my lord and savior Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. I will NEVER trust another person as long as I live and I have very, very valid reason for that. Trust is earned not freely given away which destroyed me.
Omfg. This so happened to me. S&@$t so bad the devil him self cringed and backed out the room slowly. I look back at that counselor and think if he only knew what was really going on. But he was so low level I don’t know if it would have mattered. If I would have known any of the truths behind why we were having trouble at the time I would be a completely different person. The me that existed before her betrayals no longer exists. I look at myself now and don’t know how I turned into this person. I woke up one day recently and thought. I don’t want the remainder of my life defined by this anymore. I want my life back. I know it’s not possible to get it back. But I’m going to do whatever I can to get this out of me and strive to be the person I always wanted to be. Not the person she created by with her betrayals and lies.
I found out after 19 years my lifepartner had been cheating on me for at least 6 and probably 19, who knows. Lied the whole time about EVERYTHING. not one thing about even minor things was the truth. Covert Narcissist. I'll never know if any years were non cheating years or what actually happened to me. Or get any closure or any empathy or regret from that person. She still says it's my fault she cheated.
There are betrayed partners groups available for you to be around others who have similar stories and experiences. It can help you heal from the trauma of it all.
My boyfriend said he would pay the therapist extra to make me look crazy 😢 I'm still with him idk how to get out idk if I even want to , it's a horrible addiction and it's so very lonely.
I get a lot of requests for that. I predominantly work in the field of addiction and betrayal trauma recovery so I don’t have the broad clinical experience around parental betrayal to help me speak on the topic. Can you help me understand the differences of primary partner betrayal versus parental betrayal?
Tried “couples counseling” and it only served to prove what a wacko the therapist was. Apparently she thought there was “nothing wrong” with my girlfriend having a co-ed slumber party at our place while I was out of town. So, that was all very toxic…………but who cares, I’m just a single guy, zero sympathy is the expectation at this point. On the bright side , I never married the beeyatch.
paying some moron, to tell you how to live your life, according to them. no fing thank you. never marry for any reason, dont have kids, and u will be just fine.
Been to a therapist with a crazy ex. I was the problem they both decided. She stabbed herself in the arm the day i broke up with her. A real class act manipulator. Her sexual history was rather colourful i found out too. We all must have one crazy then be aware and wary. Unfortunately I did get married to a different woman but she's proven to be a different kind of crazy I wasn't aware of. All good though. Going to be divorced soon and single for the rest of my days. Play time 😂 stay strong, stay free 💪
@@fatherburning358 the very first rule is, they 'should' not take sides. of course you were the problem; so was i. guess we both learned our lessons. thats how i refer to my ex narc gf, crazy. i would tell her right to her face, dont listen to the voices. lol so stupid she never caught it. im very glad you are pulling anchor on her, and her bs. you are going to become a better person because of it. nothing but the best.
o 1more thing, at 3yrs old i wad found to have cancer in the middle of my brain soo yea. my life really sucks...i ask him yu bring me to this life just so u can torture me...WHY ME
I would like to add that the so called "addict" is very vulnerable to being gaslit! Research shows that that's more likely the case! The addict is already displaying odd behavior therefore it's very easy for the perpetrator to find validation from others about how crazy the addict is! The gaslit individual in turn, gaslights him or her self to round out that there is enough evidence that the individual is indeed crazy!
![Noob To Max With DRAGON REWORK In Blox Fruits [FULL MOVIE]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/LnBMOinoOvA/mqdefault.jpg)
Being victimized by your special person is bad enough but to be victimized by friends, family and therapists is pouring gasoline on the fire 💔
My wife confessed to me. Our pastor called me to come to his office. So I went and she confessed to me. He followed up with me 3 weeks later to see how I was doing. I was iin complete depression. I asked him why he did this to me. He simply said I had to forgive her and move on with my life. Well, I have not moved on for the past 34 years with all the trauma. He never called me again or even referred me for help.
Time and God still heals (survivor & now thriver). Life after a 34 yr marriage to a true high function CFO & VP classified gov. white collared Covert Narcissist. He swindled the kids and I, covered up hundreds of thousands, lied to everyone to turn them against me & make me look crazy, even to our children.
Do not torture/ harm yourself, you are never alone. I was disfunctional for days as I gathered my sanity. I was not stupid, just trusting.
Everyone has a story to tell, learn to reserve bits of your story until they have deserved to be told the intimate parts of your life.
♡please forgive yourself and jot down the lessons learned.
You can trust again, you need stronger boundries and with every new relationship you must question what that new persons motive could be. Learn to trust your spidy senses!
God works with broken people, surrender it all and trust Him 500% & He will turn it all for good.
He waits for you to ask Him into your life❤ Ask him to bring you a mentor, and go to a non-denomination church to meet that mentor (bible based, not religious based church). Jesus came to free us from the laws of religion and taught a personal relationship with El Elyon❤
God wins, always!
p.s.: I did go through ptsd - cptpsd, adhd & fibromalysia. A sleep cycle is 3hrs. I did not sleep through 1 cycle the first 9 months!
I overcame after 8 years ( God's guidence through the process).
No drugs helped, after I finally slept. I focused on God, Scripture, modern Worship music, clean whole foods non gmo, walking and weights. I got red pilled in my researching about betrayl, and narcissistic relationships. In less than a year I was on a drug free recovery.
1 more important mention: with my ex. I discovered that there was a pattern to keeping me from examining statements, bills, etc. He kept busy, and exhausted. I gave up my nursing career (his suggestion) to stay home and be the super mom. He stayed gone 12 hrs a day m-f, and would dissapear a few hours S&S, leaving his messages full.
I hope I've been some help to someone. I truly believe God allows us to have journey as this so we can help others.❤
I raised twin boys, daughter & son + for 12 years I was a host to foreign H.S., Jr. College & University students (to bring culture into the home). My first 3 are thriving, but our youngest still struggles with self sabotage into young adulthood, thank God for His grace and mercies❤
@@dan-MichiganTime and God still heals (survivor & now thriver). Life after a 34 yr marriage to a true high function CFO & VP classified gov. white collared Covert Narcissist. He swindled the kids and I, covered up hundreds of thousands, lied to everyone to turn them against me & make me look crazy, even to our children.
Do not torture/ harm yourself, you are never alone. I was disfunctional for days as I gathered my sanity. I was not stupid, just trusting.
Everyone has a story to tell, learn to reserve bits of your story until they have deserved to be told the intimate parts of your life.
♡please forgive yourself and jot down the lessons learned.
You can trust again, you need stronger boundries and with every new relationship you must question what that new persons motive could be. Learn to trust your spidy senses!
God works with broken people, surrender it all and trust Him 500% & He will turn it all for good.
He waits for you to ask Him into your life❤ Ask him to bring you a mentor, and go to a non-denomination church to meet that mentor (bible based, not religious based church). Jesus came to free us from the laws of religion and taught a personal relationship with El Elyon❤
God wins, always!
p.s.: I did go through ptsd - cptpsd, adhd & fibromalysia. A sleep cycle is 3hrs. I did not sleep through 1 cycle the first 9 months!
I overcame after 8 years ( God's guidence through the process).
No drugs helped, after I finally slept. I focused on God, Scripture, modern Worship music, clean whole foods non gmo, walking and weights. I got red pilled in my researching about betrayl, and narcissistic relationships. In less than a year I was on a drug free recovery.
1 more important mention: with my ex. I discovered that there was a pattern to keeping me from examining statements, bills, etc. He kept busy, and exhausted. I gave up my nursing career (his suggestion) to stay home and be the super mom. He stayed gone 12 hrs a day m-f, and would dissapear a few hours S&S, leaving his messages full.
I hope I've been some help to someone. I truly believe God allows us to have journey as this so we can help others.❤
I raised twin boys, daughter & son + for 12 years I was a host to foreign H.S., Jr. College & University students (to bring culture into the home). My first 3 are thriving, but our youngest still struggles with self sabotage into young adulthood, thank God for His grace and mercies❤
Betrayal trauma is devastating and there should be legal repercussions.
100% agree
100%. We'll know that we're evolving as a society when that happens. It's love/sex fraud. Because we don't really honor our emotions as a culture, we don't see betrayal trauma for what it really is. We're dissociated from how precious we are and how precious connection and relationship is.
Even if just to have an agreed upon narrative of ‘reality’.
Agree. Betrayal trauma is a foundational belief in my family of origin, and I married a mental and emotional abuser. The damage to me is in every facet of my life and my being. It's very sick behavior similar to rape.
It is in some countries, there is a monetary penalty @@jb-ze1yh
YES!! in couples counseling the therapist was looking at ME like I was the crazy one because I was so confused and begging my husband in the therapy sessions to give me any insight into what was going on. my gut was telling me "something is very very wrong" and my spouse was a silent, emotionless, brick.
I was in so much physical pain from Fibromyalgia and my husband would "forget" about my pain disorder in therapy.
after we separated, my husband finally admitted to his addiction to lying: "I lie to avoid and protect himself"
it was SO much more traumatizing realizing that after spending so much time in couples counselling (working myself emotionally to the bone to try and save the marriage) that my husband was lying in counselling the whole time
my ex husband's gaslighting made me feel and look crazy to the counsellor.... cruel. torture. selfish.
I went through this...I ended up relapsing to cope with the dysregulation. I left barely living. Once I left, I started to get well. It's taken me 7 years to mentally recover from an 8 year "relationship". The financial side along with my struggle to trust is still an ongoing process. Thank you for the validation.
24 years…. It’s so difficult to get back to normal
Omg I have been trying to put into words how I have been treated the last 10 years while he pretends to be innocent and plays the victim thank you
the number one sign of gaslighting is confusion. one thing is said and another done. it’s almost like spinning out of control mentally. emotional is different. this effects your stability as a person and your ability to trust what you are seeing.
Well said. I actually have another YT video on the importance of exploring your confusion to help guide you. ruclips.net/video/RNZ3G3j9098/видео.htmlsi=ae0tSm4YVPpc0Xlu
Cheating robs you of more than your relationship.
You lose your self-worth, identity, confidence, and discernment abilities. Your perception and world view is shaken, while everything you thought you knew about your best friend changes in an instant.
Then the internalization, insecurity, and depression take hold.. making things far worse.
Healing begins when you realize the relationship is over and make a decision to move on. In my experience, reconciliation and therapy just made it all worse. I gave up about 5 more years trying to save a relationship that had no real chance of repair.
My advice is to walk away if your partner is unfaithful.
Absolutely if you can
I never cheated but I had miss behaviors I just want my partner back I just wanna start out relationship from a clean sheet. I love her and always will I don’t want anybody else … I just don’t know what to do. I try to live life and show up for myself but it just feels empty
You described it perfectly. I left my relationship a year and a half ago, and I still feel relief that I don't ever have to deal with him again. I do, however, still have issues. One of my biggest triggers is words not matching actions.
This happened to me in couples counseling with my emotionally abusive partner. I didn’t learn until years later that you’re not supposed to enter couples counseling with your abuser. They both made me out to be the problem. I have all of our sessions recorded (with consent) and when I listen back I am so proud of how I stood up for myself in therapy despite the resistance I was up against. He left me and I left the therapist. Now I see it all clearly.
I'd like to hear his side.
therapy, counseling, total wastes of time. if it comes down to that, its over. went to a counselor once; it did so much damage to this day i still almost cant believe it. long story short, i was informed that i was the most difficult person she ha ever delt w in 40yrs. all i could think about was how much damage this cu nt has inflicted upon others in 40yrs. brought multiple things to her attention pertaining to how she should do her job correctly. made light of all her lil degrees on the wall, and how they were totally worthless, just like her, bla bla bla. to see her sobbing in her stupidity gave me a good feeling of accomplishment. told her, i hope she remembers this day, and me, on her death bed. then left.
@SaystheTruth3 gross and unsupportive comment.
@@RationalNon-conformist thank you. This should be a safe space.
Every professional in the field answers to a board and patients are able to report any unethical conduct. All professionals in the field have ethics against making damaging false claims about other professionals also.
I’m not crazy after all. You get it. After 32 years of marriage my spouse left me for another man in such a way as to totally destroy me - with great success I might add. Come to find out this relationship was going on throughout our entire marriage. The betrayal, lies, deceit, gaslighting, disdain, contempt, etc crushed my very being. I’ve shared too much in a public format. All I really wanted to say was thank you for articulating what I am feeling after such a brutal betrayal from the love of my life. Thank you for acknowledging the very real effects of this type of trauma, which no else in my life, including my therapist seems to understand. I wish there was help I could get from someone or some group dealing with these specific issues, their aftermath, and the rebuilding of a life I finally believe to be worth living. Blessings on you and your work.
I’m so sorry you’ve faced this trauma. I have a betrayed partners group starting in a few weeks that might be helpful for you. You can share your story openly with others who’ve experienced something similar.
@@KristinSnowdenThank you for your reply. I’ll keep an eye out for your support group. Please advertise it
I’m so sorry. I feel you. It’s heartbreaking. After over 2 years I still feel like I’m in fight/flight mode. I hope you find peace, genuine love and happiness. ❤🙏🏼
@johnmccloskey1038 if you join my mailing list on kristinsnowden.com I usually send out an email when my new workshop schedules are added.
It's so hard.So sorry. I got a kitten and it is the BEST therapy. She is my world.
You are 100% correct. This has been the worst thing I have ever experienced. It has been physical, mental, soul crushing. Still working to recover after 3 years.
It’s a nightmare
Wish all of you the strength to heal
Thats my story in my marriage, so confused i couldnt function properly and even went crazy doing things i never would have done if he didnt spin my head in such a negative way
I am crying hearing her speak what’s been going on. I finally feel some validation and I’m not crazy. It’s absolutely unbelievable to me that this is something.
Me too
June 27th will be 4 years from D-Day for me. Only started to feel almost totally healed just recently. Even a few months back when my husband would fly to another state on business I would begin to go into fight/flight mode, slightly. He has been on a couple more trips just lately and it hasn't happened, such a relief. Fight/flight would make me feel physically unwell and weak. There is nothing I have ever experienced like the "sting" of betrayal, worse than death in some ways.
There is hope, and a light at the end of the tunnel. I have to add that my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ has been with me through it all, of which I am eternally grateful.
Deuteronomy 31:8 The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. God bless.
You had the courage to leave him right?
@ashleyb777. Thank you for sharing. Said some very true things. It's been about 3 years and a half since my D-days. Betrayal is very hard. I too think it's worse than death.
So glad to see you have one of my own favorite verses to motivate, encourage, and trust God to do. Keep praying. Keep trusting God. Without Him I don't know where I'd be.
Bless you.
@@ashleyb777 Did u stay with him?
Hallelujah. Jesus is with me also. My savior and light. My rock in whom I trust.
Yes Praise God! He is with us❤ keep your heart fixed on Him. The Lord bless yiu more and more@lauragreeley4673
This is so accurate. Betrayal trauma needs to be addressed long before ANY other relationship issue. And it needs to be addressed that the betrayed partner had NOTHING to do with causing the betrayal. And until the unfaithful gets healing and therapy nothing else can be looked at. And my experience 6 years later is they usually don’t. They’ll just blameshift and gaslight and change topics.
Eg reactive abuse. If you are betrayed and abused and gaslit to the point that you are now withdrawing or reacting or arguing back. None of these reactive behaviours can be addressed until the cause is addressed. Otherwise it’s just further gaslighting and victim blaming. They didn’t cheat because you withdrew. You withdrew (very rightly so!) because they cheated.
Absolutely. 100%!
Totally messed me up mentally and physically. Lost 30 pounds in one month and i never got true closure.
I was called by our church pastor to come to his office asap as my wife was there. Sure enough, she confirmed (what I had suspected for years) that she had a long term affair with her boss. The pastor met me one more time (alone) to essentially tell, me, "You have to forgive and get over it". He never called me again to meet. I met with an associate pastor once and he never called me back for a follow-up meeting. Talk about being betrayed by the pastors. So much for the love and respect he gave me.
I’m sorry. That’s devastating. It’s like a second betrayal.
Strange. Probably cheating with the pastor not the boss 🤷♀️
People need to know that the person who has been betrayed is confused and has to find their way while the betrayer is in control. Just because the betrayer is in control does not mean they are the one that is right.
Omg this woman is actually a genius does she realize how brave she is
lol. Are you referring to me? I mean it is always a little scary posting this stuff online but I’m curious to hear what you feel is brave about this?
Yeah what makes it brave? It’s not brave, it’s what’s necessary. If we don’t talk we don’t heal.
@@KristinSnowdenbecause you know what you are talking about and most clinicians don’t know any of this. Most importantly you talked about how the woman is so passive and takes the blame so yeah you also talk about love addiction and sex addiction which no one absolutely no one talks about those 2 addictions as a matter of fact sex and love addiction are acted out in the 12 step meetings it is even encouraged for a younger newcomer to get into a relationship with an older member with years of sobriety It is the secret in the rooms that is never exposed. It is toxic and could cause the younger inexperienced person to lose everything. So when I come across a woke individual then I say genius and genius is a combination of a very smart educated woman and a woman that knows what she is talking about which is very rare.
@@hollyjay3628I don’t think you should interfere with my compliment towards Kristin Snowden
@julienunanmaloney1949 well I appreciate the comment. I’ve just worked in the addiction and mental health treatment field for a long time and I’ve seen and heard a lot of those stories, unfortunately
It makes me so depressed to think that there are all these people out there that betray the ones they are supposed to love and care for
Best therapist I’ve had recommended one-on-one sessions after meeting my partner and I in couples therapy. I was being gaslighted by a person who was living a double life.
I went to a couples therapist because my partner was a pathological liar, porn addict and was living a double life using substances. This young woman said to me in front of him, "would you rather him watch porn or actually physically cheat?" In this way, she validated him, so he continued the porn use, even doing it at work. When I caught him and told him it was wrong, he said, "I hate you, I'm going to kill you," and then strangled me.. I had to call 911, and he went to jail.
Be wary of modern-day young therapists and the damage that they can do. Because she took his stance that men have a right to a double life and to harbor sickness, I was nearly killed for actually knowing the difference between right action and wrong action and daring to enforce it.
Oh so sorry. Get a new therapist just for yourself. Heal yourself and forget about healing the porn addict.
I really needed to hear this video, thank you! After 35 years of gaslighting and emotionally abuse, and now he’s driving MY family towards him, I feel completely betrayed and alone. It’s taking a lot of strength from me not to lose myself and do something rash.
Had 2 counselors get completely manipulated by my wife (she, of course, thought they were great) and one who tried to call her out. When she realized, it wasn't going to go her way she simply stood up and walked out. The damage is unbelievable and the lack of training amongst counselors is showing. Especially when it comes to helping men who have been betrayed.
I’m so sorry you experienced this. I think counselors have the absolute best of intentions, but similar to you, they maybe haven’t encountered someone who can lie and manipulate so well. I would encourage you to check out betrayed partners groups. They can really help you reconnect with your instincts and intuition.
I have a co-ed betrayed partners group starting in July which might be helpful for you in your healing journey.
No so much available for betrayed men yet. It’s a tough road
agreed. I’m sorry. I’ve tried to create a mens betrayed partners support group many times but never get enough interest. I currently have a co-ed betrayed partners group starting in July that might offer you the support and guidance that might be helpful. They’re small groups. 4 men were in my previous 4 week group.
Your not alone, I'm going thru it with a man, cheated 3 times already, but we were broke up and he says it's my fault for breaking up. In my eyes he didn't grieve for me and hiring hookers less than a month after I left is just as damaging.
i felt cazy for so long. Even long after the breakup. Thank you for giving me some sense of clarity
The person doing the betraying always wants to say sorry, move on from it, and resume the relationship/marriage like nothing happened. Then they get irritated with you for not getting over it in 20 minutes.
Not realizing what theyve done is irreversible and things will almost never be the same....even with therapy.
I just ended my 16yr relationship. She could lie to me while looking me in the eyes and seeming so genuine. She had only been actually abusive in our first few years. I could never really get past those early years. I thought I had. I won't go into detail, but it was bad.
Mostly, the recent things were little. Little 'harmless' lies that piled up over time along with some big ones. She told me she was looking for work for years & I had to find out from friends she wasn't. I had suspected she was lying to me, but gave her the benefit of the doubt. At the time, I thought confronting her about it would be useless. What good was being given the truth under duress?
Eventually I got sick long-term & stopped focusing on that.
She has been so, so loving. Our surface relationship was wonderful. Lies continued, though. I started to feel crazy & questioned everything she said or did. Resentment built up, part of me unable to let go of those early years of abuse.
Even with dreading coming home & having it be a roll of the dice how I felt around her, I'm still questioning if it was the right decision. I still love and care for her.
Logically, I know it had to come to this. Emotionally, I don't want to let her go. We've been together 16 years. More than half my lifetime. Through developmental years and my entire adult life. We've lived together 12 of those years. Luckily I decided no marriage until we attained specific life goals that were never met.
It hurts like hell, she has no job and many of her local bridges have been burned. We'll probably be living together for at least another 3 months until she can find someone to take her in or get her shit together real quick for an apartment.
It's still messing with my head. There's still a part of me that wants to believe this is all one big misunderstanding. I'm certain she never intentionally hurt me, and it makes it that much harder.
It really does look like we are the ones who need help. It’s very very painful and difficult to deal with. 😢
Thank you for this episode; I’m finally at a healing point where I can hear this enough to believe I’m not crazy.
I went through 40 years of this crap! It was devastating when i looked to the past and the veil flew off. Immediately I saw all the patterns that I failed to see because I wanted to be a good husband. Her mom and her sisters were all like that. Yuk!!
I have been betrayed in two different marriages and from boyfriends in significant relationships.
I’m so sorry. That’s so painful.
OH...MYYY...WORD!! Just this trailer! I have never had someone say what's in my heart and on my mind the way she has. I have felt so alone until I saw this. We even tried partners therapy, such validation. Mind blown right now!❤
So happy to hear this. The full interview is on my colleagues’ YT channel here: ruclips.net/video/Gl5sToyyGDg/видео.htmlsi=l1Ci8mm15G3s0DVK I’m really proud of how it turned out.
@@KristinSnowden
Thanks, I appreciate this
Thanks for sharing. I can relate. My boyfriend of 9 yrs was a Covert Narcissist.
Someone gave me book THE SUN ALWAYS PIERCES THROUGH & it helped me so much heal from loss
Thank you for sending me a life raft. I don’t think I have anything to offer the world when I see my ex and all he has become. I am ordering the book now. It’s time to take some serious action, it looks different every year…this is going to be the most peaceful, relaxing, and healing season of my life…🥹
Kristin says so much that totally matches what I went through and the ptsd I’ve lived with ever since.
Paralysis is a real true word to describe my initial and ongoing emotional state.im just not getting over the reality of being so deeply fooled of the person whom I believed was my one true soul mate, actually being the opposite of a serious loyal nice guy who loves only me and is faithfully committed to me and to Us.
It's too shocking to the system
I couldn't say it any better...my life in a nutshell for 30 years...insane!!!
If you see this in depth it's just not one thing, it's a whole bunch of chaos!
It could be in any relationship not just marital.
Could be anyone frnds, co-worker etc etc.
Excellent thesis by this lady who explained.
I had chrones for many yrs. I suffered from depresson due to family betrayel since i was a kid. Had my last serious operation in 2021. Am now 57 and had finally walked away.
Wow! This is crazy. 42 years later finally walked away from the dysfunctional marriage, if you can call it that? I was gaslighted for this whole marriage he made me look just like what you are speaking on. I was the issue never him. His family even added to the problem. So glad to be free and moving on.
((Hugs))
Oh this is true. I tried couple's counseling and it was horrible. He gaslighted on super fast speed so i didn't even have time in-between things he said to stop and say "WAIT. THAT'S NOT EVEN TRUE !"
Felt like being hit with a machine gun of completely false accusations to make me look bad and him good.
What a manipulative liar.
I'm currently in a long divorce process from this monster after 13 years. I was already diagnosed with ptsd in 2014 for finding my son dead. My husband played games with me, cheater, alcoholic, he blindsided me and left for his coworker. Im almost completely free and I have so much healing to do
This is so true❤😢
Thank you.
In my past it was my family. Its such a challenga, but I am overcoming🎉
This is very true. I was in this situation and it made the situation worse where I was the one being blamed. Very traumatizing.
I went through this gaslighting and betrayal with my 42 year old married son leaving me left holding the bag to heal as he’s not about to go to therapy with his mom unfortunately. People truly don’t understand the effects of these behaviors physically spiritually and emotionally. Devastating and most painful thing I’ve ever been through
What happened? Are u ok ?
You shouldn’t be in relationships with a 40 year old son who treats you like trash. You’re part of the problem and enabling this nasty behavior. Disengage and set boundaries woman!! You can still be a positive influence and leave the world knowing you tried.
@@heathernail5706 You are 100% correct! In fact, I’m in the process of packing to move. I’ve finally said enough. I tolerated the behavior because I wanted to see my granddaughters, the first one is 3 years old and the second one is 8 months. My son knew I tolerated every stinking abusive behavior so I could see my granddaughters who he unfortunately used as pawns to pull the rug out from under me when he chose to exercise his control. The more boundaries I set and resisted his gaslighting , he escalated using my granddaughters and withheld them from me and limited visits, would cut off FaceTime…. And so much more. It just goes on and on and on…. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
@@lorra222 Thank you lorralorra222 for your concern. I’m doing ok and taking care of myself removing myself from the situation. Like I say, one can’t heal in the same environment that broke them. I’m taking steps to move and put some distance. I wish I could tell you everything that happened over the past 3+ years with him but it’s just so long and painful. Thank you so much for you concern. Truly appreciated. 🫶
🙏🏼 for this. It’s such important information about a reality lived by too many….
I'd rather be "the crazy ex" who is single and "can't keep a man" than getting my reality distoted every day and getting my head bashed into walls by some dumpter fire of a guy who is obsessed with his emotionally enmeshed incestuous mother for the next 50 years of my life and takes all his rage he feels towards her out on me instead because I'm replaceable and his mommy is "an angel".
Speaking of... Kate Middleton has a ginormous healed dent gash on the side of her eye now. Top of brow down to her cheek! Very obvious in pics from her Trooping return from 6 months total invisibility for "Cancer". I can't make this up. As The World Turns.
1000% been here
I told my counsellor off post my separation as to this issue exactly! He was so charming to her and she could not see through him in fact she enjoyed his attention wasting first 15 minutes every session on his bs! Thank for the validation ❤ and good riddance.
Ohemgoodness grated for this. Our marriage counselor blamed me as a working mother & sympathized with ex who helped quite a bit while our kids were infants. A lot has changed and been discovered over the last ten years.
Holly crap great information I was married 36 years to a man who I learned after he passed in ‘22 had Madonna complex. I knew he had a very traumatic childhood physical and incest. I thought his issues porn addiction and adventually a sexless marriage were from his childhood it was but it was a shock to learn he separated love and desire thus MWC it has taken me two years to understand all this and the trauma I experienced
Going through this in my marriage and finding out 43 years was all a lie. We have been living like roommates for 20 years.
We need to more trauma informed specialists
Every person I loved betrayed me. My 23 year old was the last one.
I'm a loner....forever.
I am so glad this is addressed. In couples therapy, my spouse has left me 4x's, had an ongoing relationship with the other woman our whole marriage & the therapist said, are you going to get back together or not, vso he can go on with his life? I said, isn't that why we're here, because he has already gone on with his life? The therapist is a man, my ex a man who was paying him. Got to divorce court, guess who the Expert Witness was? The unethical therapist. I lost a decade of what I built, home, business, everything. 😢
What about betrayal by a boyfriend when you were committed to them? He just abandoned me and started seeing someone behind my back and then lied when i asked him about her. I caught them out together and broke it off. Its still heartbreaking.
Don’t be heart broken, let’s say there is this guy down the street, he really likes u, but u have no feelings for him. Well that’s how ur ex feels, he has no feelings for , so hold ur head up high, u don’t want to hurt over someone who is not thinking twice about u, yes it might hurt, but it’s for the best.
Probably the best, most descriptive, and insightful description of what gaslighting is.
Thank you.
THANK YOU ❤❤
So good, thanks for doing this.. very helpful to help explain to others what’s really going on and how destructive it is.
Word for word- nailed it 3/4 into video. Thank you 🙏🏻
This is absolutely true. I experienced hideous blaming by a marriage guidance counsellor. My ex used everything I said in therapy against me, in between sessions.
Thank you for sharing. This helped me so much
It's sad and infuriating that therapist don't do continuing education on narcissistic abuse and complex trauma, not only with romantic relationships but in my case it was family relationships. I was told I needed to use more compassionate communication and positive affirmations and of course I was over medicated. I spent just as much time healing from therapy trauma as family trauma. My therapist also received large amounts of clients from the Sandy Hook promise movement and is aiding traumatized teens. I know they are well meaning but it is not an excuse anymore cuz they make a ton of money and need to be woken up. Thank you for being a resource for those of us who have given up on traditional therapy ❤️🙏🏾🙏🏾
I would like to have more information on how the betrayal trauma affects the children of the couple. Because they usually experience the betrayal but sometimes we don't get the enough support and understanding because it was not our partner. Although, we also suffer the loss of a parent that did the betrayal and loss of the parent that "stays" but in depression.
Just Amazing...
Thank you for this.
It is the hardest thing I have ever been through & Im struggling badly.
You’re not alone. Hopefully you’ve found a support group. If not, I have a few spots left in my upcoming betrayed partners group starting in January.
I just wonder when its going to stop hurting
Betrayal trauma can also cause weight loss because you are too depressed to eat and you don't enjoy your food....
I lost 30 pounds in one month. Almost Stopped eating altogether.
I'm at the anger point right now. I was triggered severly last night and was shaking uncontrollably.😢
thank You !
Do you have excerpts of your videos on TikTok? So many young and old are searching for this kind of help. Just found you, thank you for all you do. ❤
I’m sloooowly trying to make myself more accessible through those mediums. I just opened an IG account: kristinmsnowden but I’m hoping everyone shares it with friends and loved ones who need to hear it. I have a ton of free resources on my website too kristinsnowden.com
Im just going to stop caring.
If you do that then you have lost. The world is full of people that would probably like to know you, , don’t let a bad experience ruin your entire life…. People eventually reap what they sow….
Don’t stop caring…then the liar and dirty cheats have one…start with caring for yourself ❤
I try this, but I'm such a soft hearted person and long to find love again and fun and intimacy . Life's too short to not be happy and have that, I pray daily for just one more love to come into my life.
I was always abused by mother my whole life, physically, emotionally, and verbally. She told me she never did like me. My husband and I have been married for 48 years and been together since 4th gradeHe was an over the road trucker for 40 years. I sacrificed so much for him and our 2 kids happily. I recently found out our whole marriage has been a lie. He has been with many women and his excuse was it just happened. I always suspected it but yes he gas lighted me with his lies. I am so close to taking my llife.
Went to a couples therapist following discovery of my wife's affair.
Never got to any discussion of the affair. Of course I looked like the vindictive, only focused on one issue spouse. But I'm sorry, when it's been three months and no apology or remorse, nor discussion in any depth...well I AM pretty much focused on one issue.
💔💔💔💔betrayal is the worst pain. EVER!!!!!!!!!!
Unfortunately we live in a world that most people just don’t give a crap what someone has been through and is going through, in their life. Instead more people just look at you and gaslight you more with comments like “your a very negative person.” “Just get over it and move on.” “Be more positive” bla, bla, bla. There has only been 3 persons that has EVER truly helped me and never lied to me, and that is God the almighty father, my lord and savior Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. I will NEVER trust another person as long as I live and I have very, very valid reason for that.
Trust is earned not freely given away which destroyed me.
Wow!! Thanks so much!¡!❤❤❤❤
🙏🙏🙏🙏 thank you… first time in decades I feel seen, heard and understood. So very impactful and healing for me, much gratitude 💕💕🫤
I don’t see the link for the full video. I would really like to watch it.
Here you go ruclips.net/video/Gl5sToyyGDg/видео.htmlsi=3BBZNODwKWaAmTI8
Omfg. This so happened to me. S&@$t so bad the devil him self cringed and backed out the room slowly. I look back at that counselor and think if he only knew what was really going on. But he was so low level I don’t know if it would have mattered. If I would have known any of the truths behind why we were having trouble at the time I would be a completely different person. The me that existed before her betrayals no longer exists. I look at myself now and don’t know how I turned into this person. I woke up one day recently and thought. I don’t want the remainder of my life defined by this anymore. I want my life back. I know it’s not possible to get it back. But I’m going to do whatever I can to get this out of me and strive to be the person I always wanted to be. Not the person she created by with her betrayals and lies.
I found out after 19 years my lifepartner had been cheating on me for at least 6 and probably 19, who knows. Lied the whole time about EVERYTHING. not one thing about even minor things was the truth. Covert Narcissist. I'll never know if any years were non cheating years or what actually happened to me. Or get any closure or any empathy or regret from that person. She still says it's my fault she cheated.
There are betrayed partners groups available for you to be around others who have similar stories and experiences. It can help you heal from the trauma of it all.
@@KristinSnowden Thanks for taking the time to respond.
Do you have any videos of what it’s like to be betrayed & gaslit by a parent most of your life & what it’s like to watch that parent gaslit the other?
This can also happen from organizations, high control groups and high demand religions and cults
My boyfriend said he would pay the therapist extra to make me look crazy 😢 I'm still with him idk how to get out idk if I even want to , it's a horrible addiction and it's so very lonely.
Would it be possible to create some content on parental betrayal, which is also currently pervasive in society?
I get a lot of requests for that. I predominantly work in the field of addiction and betrayal trauma recovery so I don’t have the broad clinical experience around parental betrayal to help me speak on the topic. Can you help me understand the differences of primary partner betrayal versus parental betrayal?
I would love to see parental betrayal too.
So true 100 %
The couples therapist said it goes both ways and that I have trust issues
He played the victim and lied about everything
It's not just life partners that gaslight. My brothers (and my father) did it to me.
I so get this!
Tried “couples counseling” and it only served to prove what a wacko the therapist was. Apparently she thought there was “nothing wrong” with my girlfriend having a co-ed slumber party at our place while I was out of town. So, that was all very toxic…………but who cares, I’m just a single guy, zero sympathy is the expectation at this point. On the bright side , I never married the beeyatch.
paying some moron, to tell you how to live your life, according to them. no fing thank you. never marry for any reason, dont have kids, and u will be just fine.
Been to a therapist with a crazy ex. I was the problem they both decided. She stabbed herself in the arm the day i broke up with her. A real class act manipulator. Her sexual history was rather colourful i found out too. We all must have one crazy then be aware and wary. Unfortunately I did get married to a different woman but she's proven to be a different kind of crazy I wasn't aware of. All good though. Going to be divorced soon and single for the rest of my days. Play time 😂 stay strong, stay free 💪
@@fatherburning358 the very first rule is, they 'should' not take sides. of course you were the problem; so was i. guess we both learned our lessons. thats how i refer to my ex narc gf, crazy. i would tell her right to her face, dont listen to the voices. lol so stupid she never caught it. im very glad you are pulling anchor on her, and her bs. you are going to become a better person because of it. nothing but the best.
@lilfairycupcake to be a better father I must let the bs go 👍 nothing but best wishes to you also.
@@fatherburning358 toxic will always be toxic. distance is the cure.
I went through that twice I’m single now
Robbing you of instincts. I thought it was just my mother’s instincts but it was from the beginning.
So true
o 1more thing, at 3yrs old i wad found to have cancer in the middle of my brain soo yea. my life really sucks...i ask him yu bring me to this life just so u can torture me...WHY ME
The title says ‘and how to heal’. Not sure this was covered, was it?
My Marriage Counselor hit on me
I was gaslighted like crazy when my narcissistic ex wife pulled me into couples therapy. It was a disaster!
STOP PRETENDING THAT CHEATED PEOPLE WILL HEAL …..ONCE CHEATED ON …..THE TRUST IS OUT ON THE WINDOW AND NEVER EVER WILL COME BACK .
Totally!!
My story 😭😭😭
I would like to add that the so called "addict" is very vulnerable to being gaslit! Research shows that that's more likely the case! The addict is already displaying odd behavior therefore it's very easy for the perpetrator to find validation from others about how crazy the addict is! The gaslit individual in turn, gaslights him or her self to round out that there is enough evidence that the individual is indeed crazy!