Goodness. I dated one last year for 4 months. It felt like the longest relationship I've ever been in. He made promises of the future, but his actions said the opposite. When I finally left,he told me I wasn't smart enough, that I fail to think, implied how dump I actually am, that I fail to listen, how I had embarrassed him. Jesus Christ. I'm glad I have nothing connecting me to this man.
A huge sign of a narcissist is that smirk they give you when you’re upset, hurt and crying. They get off on your pain. And they use special events in your life (childbirth, your graduation, any type of special event for you) to turn the knife into your gut. They never change and they cannot love idc if you pray and fast nonstop for a year. They can’t and don’t change. They drain you dry until you’re totally zapped of all energy. Run, don’t walk. And then get some HARD standards and boundaries for yourself.
sweet pea J Like predators they sense happiness and a good heart and go in for the kill because they hate and envy those that do and can love. Their goal is to destroy you. Destroy your light, your love, your sweetness and kindness. F n bastards!
Lovebombing Talking about his 'crazy ex' Talking about his amazing life Triangulation Talking about Planning a future with you. All talk no walk...run for the hills!
Yep! It's so strange how they all say the same thing, like they're all reading from the same awful book or something. These people are so terribly damaged.
The only good thing about dealing with a narcissist is they can bring you to a awakening of greater self love ❤️ and self care. Go No Contact. They don’t deserve access to you, your possessions, money or body. Nothing 👈🏽
If it wasn't for my ex narc I would have never figured out I needed way more self love. I am so thankful for that. He woke me up to my value I always say.
Lisa Lis I know right... I binge watch videos and it’s let damn these people are EVERYWHERE 😳. I used to think the devil was obvious. But naw he really is in human form disguised as a angel. Thank God for RUclips to educate us. I’ve been watching videos for years now but I’m finally able to recognize the signs faster and disengage. I literally have scraped so many people in my life 🤦🏾♀️😞...I’m not lonely it’s actually great not to have to walk on eggshells at family functions, or fake smiling in friends faces that are happy to devalue you in a split second when you are going through something. I always felt lonely around those people now even when it’s just me the peace is beautiful and transforming 💪🏽❤️🙏🏽😇 May God Bless you and all of us survivors in 2020 we deserve it.
Tennitra Scott As a child of a narcissist mother...you’re groomed to be a victim and the family will piggy back right on the abuse train as well. Thank you for the education we are getting through RUclips❤️
I married a narcissist. I’m now divorced. He kicked me out of our home after he began sleeping with one of my friends. He remarried before our divorce was finalized and cheats constantly. He gaslit me to the point I had to ask him what I was feeling and I’ve always been an independent person. I’ve been in therapy for almost two years. Everything she describes is correct. Please pay attention.
Jasmine it’s crazy that your name is Jasmine because the same happened to me. Gaslighting TO THIS DAY. He bowls with my dad. My mom loves him. Any time I ask for help he asks for sex. It takes a lot of emotional intelligence on my half. I’m glad with inner work healing starts
Very true. Never thought of how childlike their personalities are. Like a spoiled child, they want you to cater to them and act out when you don't. It's all about them.
So true. One of the hallmarks of NPD is stunted emotional maturity. Its like their personality/emotional development is frozen at the age they were when they were damaged. Like Chloe said, usually somewhere between 2 and 6. Its truly awful being with these types. Also, there is no cure for this. They are literally a shell of a person. Just like the walking dead.
elizabeth garland vanity/insecurity isn’t the same as narcissism. The statistics, although not solid, reflect that officials believe that close to 75% of narcissists are men. This is more rooted in biology as women are geared toward nurturing/empathy and cultural as narcissistic traits tend to be acceptable in society when displayed by men.
elizabeth garland being selfish and conceited is not the same as being narcissistic. You can display narcissistic traits without being narcissist. There are close to 20 or so traits and displaying one or two is not an automatic diagnosis. You are falling into the same trap Chloe just mentioned, which is throwing the word around loosely. Argue with the experts, men are by far hard in the paint narcissists.
elizabeth garland I’m not disagreeing with you honey that female narcs don’t exist. I’m just saying most of the evidence points to the vast majority of narcs being men. Covert or overt.
My father, who was a pastor is also a narcissist. He hates his mother. Everyone is going to hell except for him. There is hell to pay except for him. He is always right and everyone else is wrong except for him. 🤷🏽♀️ sadly, I’ve attracted verbally abusive narcs just like him. I was* just like my mom. Docile, quiet and submissive.. She’s not like that anymore and neither am I.
This guy in a sociopath subreddit told me that he used to be a member of the clergy simply because it is such a large supply of admiration and loyalty. He told me doing this for his church and various other churches he met MANY narcissists and sociopaths and that they’re particularly attracted to this job because of the endless admiration, supply and people depending their whole “eternity” in what these men say. He said he quit after 3 years when it got boring. SMH!!!!!
Saunders Maxine I don’t attend church anymore either. It’s sad, but I can’t trust men of God. I know the money schemes and the lies about the tithe.. i do however still love God with all my heart. I really do. If you wanna be let down, trust in men but if you want a dependable friend, become a friend of God...❤️ that’s my motto.
My name is my name I’m so sorry you had to endure the abuse. It wasn’t your fault! Shame on the person responsible. What I’m realizing is narcs hate accepting responsibility and being held accountable for what they do and the pain their actions cause.
1.Self love 2.self care 3.get help on your childhood wounds 4.standing firm to your boundaries 5.learn to say no! 6.Emotional literacy is a must 7.Listen to your body if something feels off 8.Get emotionally healthy people in your life 9.get out and interact with other people 10. You are worth more hold your head up and stay feminine and strong!
Easy way to detect someone with narcissistic traits is to 1. set a boundary with them or 2. Disagree with them and see how they react. Many people with narcissistic traits are HIGHLY sensitive to rejection real or perceived and they see your boundaries and disagreement as rejection. It could be about something small or unimportant and you could express the boundary or opinion in the kindest way possible. Doesn't matter. They will argue, get defensive, justify, explain, etc. Recovering codependent here. After marrying and later dating two narcs on both the 'grandiose' and 'covert' sides of the spectrum, I discovered my own codependency problems and got help. Thanks for explaining this in such a clear and concise way, Chloe
Excellent. My father and mother both had narcissistic traits. I know that feeling in my stomach and chest when I hear the words these personalities use often. You get it
@UCMmHDoLlRPshknY6mlnyHnA Great points! I agree with much of what you're saying. Yes, there are many sensitive people that could react negatively to what you mentioned. I wasn't suggesting that women should throw out "digs, put downs, comments that aren't positive". I agree that could bother anyone. I meant communicating a boundary or difference of opinion in a classy, but direct way. Setting a boundary can be as simple as saying 'no', or 'I don't want to do that' or 'I prefer to speak to you by phone before I meet you for a date". Disagreeing could be as simple as stating an opinion that is contrary to theirs about anything like the restaurant you pick for the first date or music or movies. The nuances behind some of these behaviors is why I tend to say "narcissistic traits" vs actual narcissism or NPD and there is a big difference. I'm not a mental health professional so I can't make that accusation. Plus, the vast majority of people with actual NPD do not get treated due to their inability to see themselves, so very few people will bear that diagnosis. As Chloe mentioned, narcissism exists along a spectrum. There is healthy narcissism and unhealthy. People with more covert narcissistic traits do tend to have more obvious low self-esteem. So they may respond to your boundary setting or disagreement with no pushback at first. But remember, they lack the ability to set or respect boundaries so make no mistake, they still perceived your boundary as rejection. They will likely manifest their anger at you through thinly veiled criticism or back handed compliments...anything more passive aggressive. Also, I wouldn't suggest disagreeing with someone just to detect narcissistic traits. What I offered is simply a way to detect it. The thing to remember is, a healthy, confident person would not only accept but welcome your boundary setting and disagreement as part of getting to know you. But to someone with narcissistic or "wounded masculine" traits, it can become a bit of an ordeal. Again, so glad Chloe posted this. This is opening up a lot of great dialogue that black women have needed to have for a long time.
Haven’t even watched this and already thumbs up. I dated a narcissist last year for about five months. The worst relationship ever but I’m so glad I went through it. It opened my eyes to hypergamy and leaving these dusties where they belong, behind me. I now listen to my intuition and pay heavy attention to red flags, vetting these men the best way I know how. Thanks in advance for this.
Oh wow, I experienced the same situation in 2017. We also dated for five months and was the worse relationship I've ever been in. I've been single ever since. I'm cautious now and put myself first❤.
Ditto sister. “It happened for me and not to me.” Realizing that everyone and everything comes into our lives for a purpose and to teach us. A great lesson was learned and we can move on to the NEXT lesson. Thank you God for an amazing lesson! Forever grateful.
Beware of anyone who is overly confident, smoothe, loud - it's not confidence, it's narcissistic arrogance. They are out to use you - they have no sense of empathy.
4 years with one off and on. Almost drove me insane. They will manipulate you and make you think you are the crazy one while they lie and cheat behind your back. They will also insult you.
My ex mother was a drug addicted, prostitute she had 9 kids by 8 different men . His mother left him in the system, I remember when we first started talking we used to talk all night , and that’s when he told me about his mother. That she was on drugs, he was in Foster care. He told one day while he was in Foster care they had a court date so him and his siblings were all dressed up because they thought they were going home if your mama shows to court to get them. So judge 👩⚖️ called the case , momma was no show. Back to the Foster care ,not only that when she did have them off and on she saw never around, she had a friend baby sit him, and smh he was 10 years old and the baby sitter molested him. Smh I know a lot about him , we were together for 23 years off and on. I was the closest to him. He’s a very bad toxic man . His whole family one of his cousin told me a long time ago that side of the family is cursed. It’s took me 23 years to leave , not contact for 4 months, smh boy do I feel so much better now. He left without closure but I got my own closure. Unfortunately I have one son by him but thank god or son is 20 . I’ve been threw a of shit with that man. 4 babymamas and 5 kids . 2 outside love child was born while I was with him.
Miss. Waters yes it is sad but that doesn’t excuse him from his behavior towards other , we all had bad life . He was a very bad man, the things he done to me while I was with him was very painful, I’ll give you one example. I was 8 months pregnant with our son ,he choked mean because I went to the store to get something to eat, when I asked him can he take me in my own car which was a stick I didn’t know how to drive a stick so I had my neighbor she took me. When we drove past him my neighbor said oh my god did you see that look on his face I said no. She said girl he had a evil look on his face. Well when I got back that’s when all hell broke lose he grab by the neck and started chocking me , I’m holding my stomach cuz my baby started kicking in my stomach, no air supply. Thank god his friends stop him. Guess what no apology. That was 20 years ago, he was toxic man . I don’t ever want to hear from him
Went on a few dates with a narcissistic guy. He was a charming accomplished dusty. Glad I quickly seen red flags. He was never flexible, didn’t take accountability, never was giving, felt entitled and frequently gaslighting. Being around him was exhausting.Old me would have stayed but after leveling up by getting gems from Chloe_ and the hypergamy movement I realized my worth 💅🏾
Janine Ewing The red flags I saw was him alway talking about how “wrong” people treat/treated him, being manipulative, trying to make me feel bad for not being at his beck and call..Not all the red flags were him being narcissistic but overall just not being someone worth continuing anything with.
@@jaygoldiewow thanks for that I was with mine for 5 years he hid it good after his kids showed up he totally changed...never would communicate would tell.me I hurt his feeling s it was like talking to a child...thanks for sharing our situations were similar wish he showed it in the beginning.
As Someone who has a long generational line of narcissism in my family, I am SO happy ppl are finally talking about it and how it destroys ppls lives. I feel validated for the first time in my life ever! Keep spreading the word! Ppl need to know the harsh reality behind this personality disorder. It’s something no one understands unless they have been a victim of NPD abuse. It’s a very loooong road of recovery but it is worth every second. It’s the definition of lifelong mental/emotional slavery if you don’t wake up and take back your power.
JewelJas thank you so much girl !!!! Same to you! It’s crazy how “great and wonderful” your life can appear to others on the surface from the outside when really they have no idea the invisible battles you fight daily and the strength of the mental emotional prison you are truly living in.
My child’s father is the epitome of a narc smh. I’m glad I broke away from him and his madness. Protect yourself ladies. Stop falling for potential and emotionally stunted men.
She’s right check that bloodline first. My Narc comes from an abusive family. I had sympathy for him due to this. However because he was open about it to me I didn’t think that he was. I was wrong. As soon as I gave birth to his child the demon revealed himself.
Virtuous-Woman I have a similar story, it’s people that like put all the blame on the woman and that’s not cool. Narcs have a way to hide their true selves and once I became pregnant they showed their true colors. I agree that family history plays a major part but we live and learn and we rise above them.
Chloe a few years ago I told my Big Sister about the behavior of a dusty I had dated I didn’t know about him being a Narcissist but she knew. She hugged me and said “Baby you’ve met the devil 👿 time to purge before you begin to believe you are crazy!” My big Sister saved me just like you are saving lives! Keep up the good work!👍🏾
You need to do a video about narcissistic females too...I’ve been abused by narcissistic female friends all my life and they really damage you on purpose
I had a friend who is a narcissistic female always talked about herself. When you assert your rights and disagree with them it gets ugly and they call you all kind of names.
My ex was a Narcissist and I didn't know anything of this disorder until I sought mental health help thinking I was going crazy only to discover I was prey. I dont lack self esteem nor am I or was insecure I just wasn't aware that such a twisted individual existed. His narcissistic behavior was like an extended release tablet. It was slow and steady not all too early at once. It took 3 sessions before the therapist told me what I was dealing with and I moved out the next month. They play mind games. You don't have to be insecure or lack self esteem you can just be a real busy person that moves all day and may not pay attention to much detail. You may forget something every now and again but they catch you in that moment. The attacks are calculated. They won't display all these characteristics or all at once but when they are always the victim that is a dead giveaway.
Just Me Awareness is more the case than low everything else they want to try to stick on people. A part of self love and love for God is loving others: Love God with all your heart and love thy neighbor as thyself. Empaths can easily walk into a trap by a “high quality” narc there are plenty out there. Doesn’t mean she had low self esteem. Means she was unaware of the signs and he’s very skilled at crafting his mask which most are because that’s the mask is their identity.
Just Me , Mine took life insurance out on me.. his colleagues (Police Officers) warned me one day in my Cafe.. It took me 21 days to collect my 5 year old, at the time, and move to another country. I’m black.. he wasn’t.. 15 years later..shit still fucks with me, even though he’s dead now. I honestly didn’t see it coming..
A narc with money is the worst kind. Money adds more to their inflated egos. Due to money they feel they can buy women. Underneath the money and appearance, they are miserable.
My narc ex would have money... but i didnt see any of it (meaning he wouldnt spend it on me lol..) he was just proud of the fact he had it... we could go to the shop and if he was buying a chocolate bar for example.. he'd pull out his wad of money just to show off (all the money he'd saved).. He had problems with his car and while the car was in the shop getting worked on he'd have to take the bus, when he was on the bus he would always talk loudly and say "i cant be getting on the bus like this, this is dead... i cant wait till my cars fixed!, i cant be riding on the bus like these people loool", like he was better than everyone there. Money made him feel good and made him feel like he *looked* good😷
I was in a very toxic relationship with a narc for 11 years. I allowed my confidence and self esteem to be damaged by this person. It wasn’t until I started investing into myself spiritually, emotionally & physically that I was able to get escape!! Thanking God! I’m in a loving hypergamous relationship & plan to keep it that way!!
Narcissistic people will put your life in literal danger ladies and you will never know what a good night's sleep is ever again once you wed, befriend, or enter any type of relationship with a narc. Stay safe. Stay vigilant. Stay protected. ❤
Yes, narcissists will have you going crazy because they lead with their emotions instead facts. Some of them hear things that haven’t been said. Talking to a narcissists is draining and toxic. I have chosen to avoid my resident narcissist, since it just happens to be a family member. Great video, Chloe!
My first love was a narcissist. I haven’t loved another man or been in a relationship since,. Goodness🤦🏾♀️ I was 20 he was 37 and he took full advantage. In the end I was scared for my life. One day everything came crashing down and he broke. I saw him without his mask and I’m telling you it’s the most horrifying thing I’ve experienced. I felt like I was in a lifetime movie. When I looked into his wild eyes there was no soul in there. Just crazy. I never even use the word crazy lightly after dealing with him. I felt this impending doom. Even after that I found out who he was(the son of satan) I was so caught up in my love for him and him being a MASTER MANIPULATOR I couldn’t resist him. I’d lie awake in his bed wondering if I fell asleep would I wake up in a trunk or would my mom hear about my dead body being found in the woods or ocean. I kept seeing news reports of men killing their girlfriends in the most gruesome ways. Someone in a relationship doesn’t just say hey Im gonna kill that person. There are always signs. Don’t ignore them and learn to love yourself enough to CHOOSE YOU. At that time I didn’t even know if God was real but I asked Him, “If you are real please save me, help me find a way out. God answered me swiftly. I wasn’t meant to go out like that. After the break up I quit my job and fell into a Deep depression. I had to keep telling myself “BE STRONG FOR THE WOMAN YOU WANT TO BE.” I had to tell myself I never want my kids to see their mom being abused. If this is you right now I know it’s hard you may be weak but I’m telling you prayer, affirming yourself and therapy will help you through. You started falling into that trap way before you met that narc. Every time you rip that bandaid off it hurts but SIT IN THAT PAIN. It will make you stronger. Going back is easy but it’s toxic and damaging to every part of your being as a woman. That was 2015 he still emails me here and there. I never respond. A few months ago he asked me, “when are you coming home?” I used to feel like he would never stop hunting me till he could get me back. The pain I felt made me really have to take a step back and say “What AM I dealing with that I could ever attract a man like this?”. I realized that victims attract narcissist. I’m thankful for everything that happened because it inspired me to level up. I never wanted to fall prey to a man like that again.
DeeRayOfSunshine ... I THANK GOD YOU ARE SAFE. Me and the Narc was scheduled to get married this year. I thank god for his protection and saving me, when I did not understand what was going on, until I started looking up these videos. I was on a rollercoaster ride for 7 years, it was so crazy. He treated me like a queen, in public, Chruch everyone thinks he is such a wonderful short man but behind closed doors he puts on another mask.
Seems like that’s all I attract. Been through hell and jail with these type of men. Now I choose to be alone and work on me without a man. Best decision I ever made! Ladies don’t settle for less!
My dear friend is married to this type of man. They met in high school. He groomed her to always please, enable and take his abuse. It’s like living with a terrorist. She looks so broken lately and is starting to have many health problems. They are both in their early sixties, I think he’s been killing her slowly. Makes me so sad for her. 😢
An example of TRIANGULATION: The sick Narc at the beginning of our relationship invited another woman that we both knew out to a party behind my back This party was supposed to be our debut as a couple. So this girl Shyla we both knew but I didn't know she liked him. The day of the party while I was getting dressed, he was in my living room texting her the location of the event and made it seem like he would be there to keep her company. We arrived at the party and I excused myself to talk to an old friend. Next thing you know Shyla arrived and walked straight up to him. My female intuition said 'wow that's wierd why would a woman come straight towards him like that's her man?' I walked over towards them and that's when I saw it. THE SMIRK!!! I went up to her, we exchange kisses I bought her a drink and walked away. I didn't give him the response he wanted . When I asked him how did she know about the party he said she must have found a flyer online 😑 He basically for no reason other than being (NPD- EVIL) created a situation where we would possibly fight over him. After months of this sick behavior. I eventually met up with her and had a conversation. She told me how he text her first invited her there and made it seem like they were going to hangout together. You see he threw me off my game by saying this was our debut as a couple, this way I would be more worried about that. Which would leave me caught off guard to situation he was creating behind my back. I'm white Latina and he is Latino male and was very successful in his career.
UMMM, serious question from an African-american woman... W.T.F. is a "white" latina? Are you claiming that because of your light skin? It seems you have more than a narc as your issue. I'm light-skinned so should I call myself a "white" black woman? LOL. Love yourself first, the real you (Latina, NOT white). White is NOT right... WOW.
@@QOTD75 i think she means she's of a white/Spaniard background but of the Latin culture. Anyways, what that guy did is manipulative, glad she caught it.
@@QOTD75 White-latina refers to Caucasian/European blood, but Latin culture-wise. Afro-latina is African blood, but Latin culture-wise as well. Then there's mixed Latinas who have afro-indian-euro blood, Mestizos who have euro-indian blood; and then there's Asian-latinas who are of east or South Pacific blood but raised in Spanish culture as well. Basically anyone can be Latino/Latina if they choose to identify by their culture, but in recent years more Latinos/Latinas have started making it a point to mention their actual descent as far as blood/race phenotype goes. Just thought I'd help explain. Also, yes that guy was a narcissist jerk who deserved to be left in the dust.
@@sweetpeaj1952 Yes you're correct my Father is from Spain and also part PR. My mother is from France. I didn't realize I triggered that other person but yes I am considered white latina because I am white with Latin/Hispanic culture. I mainly mentioned my background, so women know to vet EVERY single man no matter his race or culture. Sometimes women want to date outside their race not understanding the same rules apply.
I was young, minding my own business and naive. But I kicked him to the curb, dont do crazy. Never knew what the problem was until recently 20 years later.
I broke up with a narcissist this past January, a few months before COVID-19 hit. He is a pathologic liar, paranoid, controlling, alcoholic, and abusive. He is also a broke dusty, almost extreme cheapskate--Koolaid budget with champagne tastes. He is a broke down idiotic, demonic person. He enjoyed verbally abusing me and wanted me to be perfect. It was crazy! I'm glad I discarded him!
Your chakras are more than likely imbalanced due to the mass confusion from the narcissist....verbal abuse bc they say one thing and it comes back as something totally different! It’s called crazy making and that’s trauma to the brain.
Forgive yourself for staying ... you did the best you could do, with what you knew at the time. View him as the instrument to aide in your evolution! You’ll be happy again !
I grew up with a covert (shy) narcissist and let me tell you imagine management is their main priority. They want people to see them as good 24/7, helping, humble, selfless etc. After dealing with them for YEARS and removing these “good” people one by one. I’ve found they have a very weird, empty, robotic, and even over sweet vibe. Take your time, say no, and stay firm to your boundaries!
Yes! Chloe is SPOT ON! I recently ended a relationship with a narcissistic individual. Unfortunately for him I clocked him on date two. I spent 4 years in a previous narcissistic relationship and I am well read and very knowledgeable on the topic. I went into the relationship with eyes wide open and took advantage of all the things he was willing to do and provide during the love bombing stage. As soon as his mask started to slip and he began the devalue stage I shut it down and left. Please understand that these people are broken, they cannot be fixed. They cannot be loved back into health they were severely damaged during childhood and are doomed for life. Check out ASSCDirect and The Little Shaman for some of the realest narcissist advice out there.
Dani Le'jai “They cannot be loved back to health and are doomed for life” unfortunately this is very true 🙁 After breaking up with one I became obsessed and researched everything about them trying to see if he could change but they cannot see themselves. That broken child is trapped in the sunken place. Someone can only change if they can look in the more and recognize that they have a problem. Sad and unfortunate.
DeeRayOfSunshine yes. It took me a while to realize that being nice and being nurturing did not also mean not to have boundaries. Once I learned that I come first and that my boundaries are non negotiable ( meaning not second guessing myself or forever giving people the benefit of the doubt), I don’t have any trouble dealing with selfish or narcissistic types anymore. Chloe is right when she talks about how they prey on people with low self esteem, because nobody with any real self worth would allow a narcissist to stay very long in their lives.
Wheww chloe you describe these evil beings extremely well!!!!! Now ladies it’s hard to understand the hell these type of men will put you through unless you’ve been through it. I’ve honestly only attracted two of these creatures I meant men twice in my life time. Be careful ladies relationships with a narcissist can leave you with PTSD emotional problems even physical problems. The longer you stay with them they will suck all your energy out of you till the point you will need therapy after an experience like this. I have never known how evil and hateful a human being could be until having an experience with a narcissist. Take your time ladies they can wear a mask for a very long time, and when it slips off it will scare the living hell out of you!
Thank you, thank you, thank you Chloe for speaking on this subject. I became co dependent to a Malignant Narcissist over time. He was a great provider. He bought me BMW’s paid for my condo and he put me through college. At first I did not know about Narcissism. I educated myself on it because I was physically and emotionally drained from being around him and I couldn’t put my finger on it. But now oh yes I know exactly who and what he is. It’s a terrible experience. But knowledge is power and that helps. I appreciate Chloe educating other women on Narcissistic men so that they don’t go through what I did. Everything that glitters is not gold. Much love and respect to Chloe 👸🏽
You were with a gentleman for 2 whole year's then for no reason he just became narcissist? Are you sure didn't do something bad to him🤔 and made him change?
#2...one day I said to my ex.."your momma really messed you up bad" he said "she sure did"..I was shocked he admitted it.. I wish I never met him.. but I'm glad now.. because now I know what this trait looks like, the way it makes you feel, and what it puts you through...They are the epitome of PAIN. To keep your sanity and save your life...let them go...or just don't even...Thank you for highlighting this topic Chloe❤
I broke away from a narcissist a year ago. I am still seeking therapy to recover completely. I had a co-dependency issue and tried to be a fixer. I am learning how to use cognitive empathy more than emotional empathy. I set better boundaries with people now. The narc still calls but I have been blocking each number he uses. I’m so glad to be free!
Narcissist are nothing but users and abusers they afflict emotional pain deliberately. I been no contact almost 3months still trying to reconstruct my spirit and soul through God the almighty.😌🙏
I dated a narcissist at my job after a breakup. He put on the charm and seemed genuinely nice and caring in the beginning. Always buying me things and helping around the house, which came with stipulations later. The first red flag is when he would openly flirt with women in front of me and when I would confront him about it, he would shut completely down and not talk to me or he would accuse me of cheating. He would purposely try to start arguments with me over things that he knew that I was firmly against. My breaking point was when I found out that he was in a relationship with one of our coworkers that recently transferred from another store. I was so enraged because he lied about his status and could’ve gotten me killed by this woman, but I knew that expressing it to him wouldn’t make a difference, so I ghosted him and moved on. He tried to befriend my boyfriend by gassing me up (he shut that down expeditiously). He even made me a wig stand, but I didn’t accept it. He doesn’t speak/acknowledge my presence now and it is the greatest thing ever for me because I am free from his toxicity. My current boyfriend is so loving, supportive, empathetic and I just feel so grateful after that experience. I will never date another coworker as long as I live, though.
I just ended my relationship with a narc man. At the time I didn’t know what a narc was and was constantly confused & gaslighted while he was lowering my self-esteem and self worth. Honestly from the first night we met (it was a hookup, fresh out of a relationship & was in pain) he radiates a very dark, black energy to him... fast forward we’re dating now he started to get more aggressive with me then started raping me but I was confused because he would just say “you know I like that Kind of rough sex, though I’d be crying) narc men are no good. He was a 30 year old dusty while I was 21.. I’ve leveled up my body, mind, self worth and self love and I’m striving now more than ever and I’ll never go back to a dusty
Great video, Chloe. Also keep in mind that there are narcissistic men who have "the bag" too. (I am in no way saying date a dusty. Avoid those men at all costs.) All I'm saying is even if the man has the bag, pay attention to his temperament. When he gets upset during an argument is he quick to name-call. If he is: RUN!
that is correct CHLOE. I HAD TO EXPERIENCE A RELATIONSHIP WITH A NARC to truly understand this personality disorder. he could only mimic emotions . he only showed negative emotions like anger , selfshness envy . i was going through a divorce when i met him
Today is my ex narcs birthday. I walked away a little over a year now but I thank God I learned from dating him what a narcissist was bc my dad is a narcissist and many of my aunts and cousins and I had no idea it was a personality disorder. They are nothing to play with. They use you until you’re depleted then they leave & come back to get whatever they can if you let them back in. I knew my worth though and I knew something was wrong for him to even play with cheating after I gave him a second chance. Walked away and never looked back. Don’t let them rob you of your energy, love, compassion, and self esteem. They have the issue, not you
A little more than six months ago, I ended a relationship with a Narcisstic. Man! I did not know what I was becoming until I separated myself from the person because I was becoming so confused and as a result; was always exhausted mentally!!
Oh my God. I realized from this video I went through that in my early 30's. He nearly broke me because I was stubborn and wasnt easily molded to his liking like he assumed I would be because I was so nice. Every characteristic she described applied to him. By the grace of God he broke up with me but did try to come back. I honestly think he did that to teach me a lesson or break me further, but I took that opportunity and ran away as far as I could. However, that doesnt mean the effects weren't there. He had me questioning everything. The very first sign was him bashing all of his girlfriends. Be careful ladies.... they are dangerous for you spiritually and especially mentally.
Chloe_ is 100% on point as usual. Narcissism pretty much sums up all the personality traits you describe of dusties, 50/50, users, people who will use a woman to build themselves up, etc. Dangerous AF and people need to know that they exist... I sure didn't.
I dealt with a covert narcissistic/emotionally unavailable person back in 2018. From there I learn that I had hella codependent and toxic ways of my own. Been in therapy for 8 months now and it has paid off but I still have a long way to go. Pay attention to the red flags 🚩 folx! The signs be there that your are wasting your time and being used.
That's something they do on purpose. Be emotionally unavailable to have you always willing to do anything to get their attention. It's psychological abuse. Which just goes to show that if you don't consider yourself the prize, this is likely to happen. Changing my mindset was the best thing I ever did. If a guy is giving me the cold shoulder then I know I'm not the one for him because a man who sees you as his prize will ensure you *always* feel loved.
sweet pea J thank you 🙏🏽 exactly it’s a tool of the trade for these liars and users. Yes mindset is a big piece now with the healing and info I have I refuse to deal with someone who is cold 🥶 shoulder or playing mind games.
I dated one and couldnt wrap my mind around the random mood swings. He wanted to rush everything super quickly even proposed after 7 months. After I broke it off he showed even more of him self they hate rejection he became the devil him self as malicious as he possibly could be . He still contacts me 2 1/2 yrs later despite me blocking 17 fake numbers he created. Ladies pay attention the signs are there I ignored them or put them off to be something else. They cannot hide their traits to long
My father is a textbook case Narcissist. Just watching this video and reading books on the subject it felt like the authors must know him personally. My parents stayed together until I was well into adulthood and are just now splitting up. Watching the dynamics of their relationship growing up, and also my father's behavior toward all of us (the children) and now being older reflecting and realizing how much damage was done and why has made it kind of hard to get into healthy relationships. I realize that it's hard to trust people because I am waiting for the other side of them to come out unconciously whether I believe them to be a narcissist or not. And of course I wouldn't want to go through all that again on any level. Its a very sad situation for all involved.
It’s crazy that in the show “You” he was drawn to Beck because she was so reckless and had no boundaries. The black girl he was with, she was driven and had a good head on her shoulders. He dumped her for Beck because Beck needed to be “fixed”. It’s crazy how he makes himself a victim and HAD to kill in order for their relationship to survive🤦🏾♀️😑
Jozsalina Del Val the main character named Joe. He tried to makes the killings all about love and “needing” to do it but in reality he wanted to kill them because he had a chance to be in a normal relationship where he didn’t have to fix anything or anyone and decided not to be in it and be with Beck and kill off people around her and help fix her
LMFAOOO then on season two he liked love because she was “innocent and had a good heart” until she killed for him then he didn’t want her anymore he actually said she was crazy like he wasn’t a serial killer already
I dated a napoleon complex, narcissistic, social path for five years and dealt with him for an extra four years. Outta love, good sex, hope, and gifts. I finally let him go last July. The sex and gifts weren’t worth the mental and emotional abuse anymore. He still feels no empathy from what he put me through . He apologizes from “epiphanies” and just to say he apologized. But really no remorse. I thought it was just to me until his sister told me he mentally drives her crazy as well. He has something against women and that’s his momma issue not mine. My man now puts me first and I cant ask for better.
Anyone that has truly been around someone with a narcissist personality disorder does NOT throw that word around lightly! A lot of it stems from how they were treated by their parents in childhood. Verbal abuse can be just as damaging.
Thanks for sharing this information Chloe.Am Daisy all the way from Africa Zambia 🇿🇲 southern Africa who gained confidence in my self to leave the toxic marriage I desperately involved.When I left my heart was heavy and angry to a point where I thought all men were bullies but oo no thanks for your lessons that I eventually know more about narcissists men and their behavior.continue sharing because your lessons are very educative life reviving.
I unfortunately did not know what a Narcissist was until I started to date this guy and at the time I had just started my career as a Domestic Violence Advocate. I was so ashamed that I didn't know that narcissism was a form of abuse, but after ending the relationship I did a lot of research around this personality disorder and began to incorporate it in my DV Support groups. The absolute worse relationship ever, but I thank God for a discerning spirit because the relationship didn't last too long I believe due to the strong senses I was receiving telling me something wasn't right and I needed to go. These individuals are very sick in the head and can be scary. Leave and DO NOT go back, because it will most definitely be worse!
My narcissistic ex was very cruel to me , never empathetic. Cold eyes , expressionless face. Never a smile. Only a smirk. It’s always about them n their needs. You exist only to serve. He was physically and emotionally abusive.
There are many many levels of narcissism and different types (somatic, cerebral etc) we need some level of narcissism to be successful in life (there are traits that can be applied for positive development) The most dangerous are highly accomplished, are in powerful circles, are extremely intelligent with keen control over their emotions and know exactly what they are (think most of Hollywood, politicians, business CEO, those people who literally hold the fate of the world in their hands) The works of HG Tudor are fantastic he has a channel on RUclips called knowing the narcissist it’s extremely informative and well explained. I think the low level narcissist was described in this video. NPD has become very generalized... people seem to apply it to any joe shmo that pulled one over their heads. Pete that hangs in the park with no pot to piss in isn’t necessarily a narcissist... a bum yes!!! The lady that chooses the entertain him is perhaps the one with the issue 🤷🏽♀️.
I think she was right in her description of a narcissist but there are ones that have more power just that people are not around those types as much. My aunt is a powerful narcissist that owns businesses and tries to control her family every chance she gets. She’s suing another aunt now!! They are willing to tear a whole family apart
The Jezebel Spirit! Thank you Chloe! I grew up with a narcissistic mother and sister. Then had 2 kids with a narcissistic man. It is like living in hell! ❤❤❤🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽
This is what my mother is constantly warning me against! I watch the way my dad treats my mom daily. You are right, my christian father, prays over an hour EVERYDAY! He knows more scripture than anyone I know! He can preach messages that could change people's lives! But he is a narcissist and a huge gaslighter! My mom attracted him because she was an EMPATH! Narcissists loves emphaths and feed off of their emphathetic ways and their ability to manipulate their emotions! Living with a narcissist, is an experience that is UNFORGETTABLE!!
Due to me having narcissistic traits myself my warning for women is if he love bombs you and tells you what you want to hear in the beginning run.If he is charming you and you’re falling quick run.
Narc's always leave you in a state of CONFUSION! Making you take blame after their wordy explanations and melodramatics. My ex towards the end of the relationship would tell me everything I had to say was "just a theory" during arguments. AKA my ideas were deemed illegitimate because I didn't agree. Also an overall lack of sensitivity, he made me cry (after HE treated me badly) and told me I was just manipulating him. You cannot rely on a selfish person to defend you/your relationship to the world or his family/friends because he is NOT capable of pure SELFLESSNESS. I never got comforted and ended up sacrificing a year for emotional rollercoasters. No thanks to sleepless nights and stress. Heal your codependency!!
This video is spot on. My ex husband is a narcissist and it took me 7 years to realize it was a no win. Handsome charming seemingly successful, in the beginning flowers candy dinners out, but Dr. Jeckel & Mr. Hyde! At first I thought he loved me so much and that was why he was jealous and acted out.. but after marriage he accused me of sleeping with EVERYONE! I coudnt breathe! He mandated that all women were hoes and then a set of RULES that he expected me to abide by as a married woman. Yes.. he had issues he thought his mother was a "hoe" because he never met his father and she would not tell him who his father was and to make matters worse he was half Spanish raised in an all spanish family with a Black biological father.. so there was another set of issues with racism in his family. At the end of the day it was EXHAUSTING! I had y one daughter and I wanted more children but the marriage was to dysfunctional. I tried everything! Church, marriage counseling ... you name it I tried it.. but year after year of drama and daily hurt and pain I said no more and walked away. Let me tell you.. a narcissist cant even take that! Year after year he acted ugly acted out (even though he had other girlfriends!) Finally he simmered down with a 100% docile woman of a culture that is more accustom to machismo/patriarchy and tried his best to turn her into me! Unsuccessfully of course.. but the shenanigans were funny. Still today as I try to deal with him in a co-parenting situation I realize I absolutely made the right decision for myself and my daughters mental and physical health. I was so traumatized by my ex husband I hadn't really dated in about 7 years.. but I had so much to heal from. I am dating a man who is far more successful than my ex will ever be. He is a business owner and I am the prize. He makes me feel like a princess and it is a completely different relationship, but I was determined to not be mesmerized by glitz glam and bait and switch from any man!
Sign of the narcissist I dealt with showed : 🔺Every ex was evil and just hurt him oh so bad 😢(“cheated, had abortions in his birthday”) 🔺Kinky Sex (All that Dom and Sub stuff is fun till you realize he really wants to choke you and sees you as an object to be used.) 🔺They CANNOT take rejection (tell them no and you will see the first crack. After I didn’t accept my ex proposal he started being disrespectful 🔺SEEMS to love women (lots of lady friends at work and from the past still around) 🔺They are most helpful 🤗 reliable friend to outside people( This is how they get others to vouch for them do them favors and make you look crazy once y’all break up. Only you got Mr. Hyde 🔺MOMMY ISSUES. Period. 🔺When they lie you can’t tell they have a PERFECT explanation for everything but it just never feels like the truth.. because it’s not Not trying to take over the comment any further so I’ll stop there. This subject just gets me fired up! Going through that just really changed me. I wish I could warn every young girl, but sometimes I guess there are some hard lessons some people will eventually have to feel. Let it inspire you to do better not create a cycle.
Discern. Discern. Discern! Without discernment flattery can get in the heads of women and have them finally feel validated, seen or chosen, yet the man has a different end game. Also, co-dependency issues are So Real. It goes beyond wanting companionship, but the absolute need to have someone around to feel complete. There are women who are givers but pair that with low self-esteem , they'd give their last to feel wanted while hardly getting left and nothing anything in return, yet still wonder if they gave enough.
Going on 19 days of no contact with my ex. This man was extremely manipulative & narccistic. Run ladies if you meet a self centered and/or abusive man, whether its verbal, emotional or physical abuse. Its not worth it. I need therapy now. Psychological abuse is the worst.
I was married to one for 5 years. Almost ruined my life and health. Malignant narcissistic psychopath. Started out wonderful and became a nightmare fairly quickly. When I tell you I lived in hell with the king of hell.....it was almost like a twilight zone movie everyday. If you met him you would be lured by his charm like a cobra. But be aware should you ever come across one’s path. Zero emotions, throws tantrums, bully, psychological terrorist, maladaptive and unable to self regulate. RUN from then and NEVER GO BACK. Narcissist are parasites and their victims are the host. Yes they LOVE co-dependent, “I got a big heart”, no boundary people and people who were brought up in narc homes. NEVER AGAIN.
Thank youuuuu for making this video!! I’m so glad my days of dealing with narcs is over. My first BF was a narcissistic sociopath and he really turned my entire life upside down. Imagine “a fall from Grace” except instead of me being and older woman in a younger, nerdy, naive corny girl with the suave guy who moved himself into my house and used me dry. I’m a magnet for these types (was, I should say). So many women have super low self esteem and think struggle = love. And he’ll convince you of that too... ugh, the gaslighting, lying, cheating... ladies, do your research!!
My father is a seething, covert narcissist... My mother a deeply codependent woman who struggled with low self esteem. Let's just say it took me years of therapy to come out of the cloud of dysfunction their relationship left me with. Wishing everyone an abundance of healing! Love and Light!
Got involved with my narcissist after he pursued me for 20 years. He wasn't my type but I thought let me give him a chance out of pity. Almost immediately I knew something was off with him. I didn't know about covert narcissism. They are the worst kind. The "relationship" lasted a full five weeks then I left and blocked him.
Also, the major thing narcissist lack is empathy... that’s a large portion of their disorder. They can never be wrong, they always try to flip it on you.
The worst thing I could have done while going through a divorce, after a 10 year marriage, was date. I wanted so badly to feel alive and not feel the motions of going through a divorce that I was Seduced into dating a man that I would have NEVER given the time or day to if I wasn’t in a state of emotional transition and healing. He lied about everything, from his profession to his relationship status. In spite of everything going so quickly no amount of emotional emptiness could divert my intuition. Ladies and Gentlemen, PLEASE pay attention to your INTUITION. My gut told me to pay attention and it saved me in the long run. Don’t stick around to see how the story ends.... RUN and don’t look back! These men are out here sucking, jumping and sexing for a place to stay and to your bank account. I’m so glad I was able to make decisions based on observation verses feeling or it could have possibly went another way. Manage and heal childhood trauma’s that would even make you appealing to people like this. Sometimes you think you’ve overcome your childhood trauma’s when you are in fact living and breathing the result of unresolved issues.
You’re right Chloe, the word gets thrown around way too much. I have dated many bad men but only one narcissistic psychopath in my life. Everything was about him, he literally wanted me and anyone in his life to bend to his Will and be his slaves and had 0 care for our feelings. He was violent and very very sick in the head. If I was still with him today I would be either dead or close to death. Strangely, even though dating him was extremely traumatic, it was what snapped me into realizing my worth and wanting better for myself. He has tried reaching out to me a handful of times including through email and each time I block and delete without a single response because even a negative response is still giving them the attention that they so crave.
I'm a man and even I call out narcissistic/domineering/rejected cry babies, at least that's what I call them. These dudes go on social media and make their own theories about whats wrong with women who don't want them. All while failing to do a self evaluation of themselves and changing their mentality.
Omg yes Chloe! It is so important to stay away from them. I've been dealing with one for now about 2 years. It so draining being attached to a person who is not capable to love. Tried to dump him multiple times but he comes back around every time. I'm a codepent person myself with a lot of narcissists around me. Now imma try to become more confident and leave them all. Thank you so much for spreading so much important messages ❤️ love you
I dated one for two years and my first experience with one. I thought this is like a fairytale a millionaire who love bombed me for the first 6 months everyday Amazon was leaving packages at my door we travel one a month and some months twice. Stayed in his winter home for 3 months. Looking back I believed that his first to wives were crazy and cheated on him only to realize later he was moody, controlling and would always be complaining about something or someone I saw the red flags; but thought his ex wife are keeping his children away from him and that's way he's unhappy. Little by little he began to tell how his 2nd wife said she felt like a prisoner in her own home and that his children called him a bully and did not want to see him. It was a tuff decision for me to leave him because I loved him but I love me more and he was trying to chip away at my happiness and self -confidence and wanted to argue about nothing, I could no longer ignore that feeling in the pit of my stomach or tossing and turning every night thinking what the hell is going on could he just be schizo! Knowing very little about this personality disorder it was a miracle I just when no contact. He stop calling and I felt relieved. What's crazy is that he meet a new supple 4 months later something shiny and thirsty and now they are married, he started his charming love bombing all over again I hear she and he are not very happy I guess the honeymoon is over.
I was in a relationship with a narc I wasted the last few years of twenties in this energetic sink hole.I finally got out 3 years ago but I'm still now going through all of the motions of having put myself in that predicament for so long.It is so emotionally mentally & physically taxing that I feel like I'm dealing with PTSD even years after.Im also forced to look at myself and understand why I'm codependent. I'm discovering so much about myself and family that makes me understand why I'm like this.
I experienced one first hand. Whew it’s horrible. Once I figured out who he was I Ran, it was hard but I had to realize he was mentally ill, with a personality disorder. If you have that gut feeling something is off about someone it usually is. Take that as it’s time to distance yourself n leave, if not you will go crazy trying to turn them into a normal human being. It’s a whole section on RUclips that’s dedicated to narcissistic abuse n people who have dealt with them it’s no joke. Don’t walk run if your dealing with people like this.
I was raised by one so I was a huge target for them. My son's father is a major one too. It was so obvious but of course I fell right into the trap since I was groomed since I was a child. Always a sob story- always the victim. The same as my mother. No personal accountability. Expects you to continually give and they take. Its sad. Narcissists are set on ruining you. I got away from son's father; next is my mom. Thanks so much Chole for your insight! I love your vids!
![BLACK BAG - Official Trailer [HD] - Only in Theaters March 14](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Du0Xp8WX_7I/mqdefault.jpg)
Please please please dont marry a narsissistic man. Your home life will be miserable. You will hate going home. Its a jail sentence.
Facts!
Goodness. I dated one last year for 4 months. It felt like the longest relationship I've ever been in. He made promises of the future, but his actions said the opposite. When I finally left,he told me I wasn't smart enough, that I fail to think, implied how dump I actually am, that I fail to listen, how I had embarrassed him. Jesus Christ. I'm glad I have nothing connecting me to this man.
Autumn Sunsets sounds like my ex! But I won all court cases now he has to pay my legal fees! U have to be 10 steps ahead always
Contempt of court ladies that's all I'm gonna say. When they do not go by the order...contempt of court.
Or a gas lighter
And a narcissist never apologise 🤷🏾♀️
EVER! They will never be held accountable for anything.
And if they do, they'll be sure to punish you for it.
It’s always our fault 🤦🏾♀️
This is so true. They way they turn it round on you is incredible. Next thing you know it's your fault and you are apologising
Ever!💯
A huge sign of a narcissist is that smirk they give you when you’re upset, hurt and crying. They get off on your pain. And they use special events in your life (childbirth, your graduation, any type of special event for you) to turn the knife into your gut. They never change and they cannot love idc if you pray and fast nonstop for a year. They can’t and don’t change. They drain you dry until you’re totally zapped of all energy. Run, don’t walk. And then get some HARD standards and boundaries for yourself.
YES!!!!!!!
Yeah that's the lack of empathy. They're very close to being sociopaths
Very true. They feed on your distress.
sweet pea J Like predators they sense happiness and a good heart and go in for the kill because they hate and envy those that do and can love. Their goal is to destroy you. Destroy your light, your love, your sweetness and kindness. F n bastards!
Chenal A yup.. and in many cases there’s no difference.
Lovebombing
Talking about his 'crazy ex'
Talking about his amazing life
Triangulation
Talking about Planning a future with you.
All talk no walk...run for the hills!
Yes
Yep! It's so strange how they all say the same thing, like they're all reading from the same awful book or something. These people are so terribly damaged.
Speak it, sis.
Yes! been there too!
Boom! All of this applied to my last relationship...including mommy issues!! I finally broke free!!
The only good thing about dealing with a narcissist is they can bring you to a awakening of greater self love ❤️ and self care. Go No Contact. They don’t deserve access to you, your possessions, money or body. Nothing 👈🏽
Loving latonya This is exactly what I am going through right now. We thank god for RUclips and these open forums 🙌🏾😭❤️
I am teaching myself now. Family members are the worst. Especially thats all you know.
If it wasn't for my ex narc I would have never figured out I needed way more self love. I am so thankful for that. He woke me up to my value I always say.
Lisa Lis I know right... I binge watch videos and it’s let damn these people are EVERYWHERE 😳. I used to think the devil was obvious. But naw he really is in human form disguised as a angel.
Thank God for RUclips to educate us. I’ve been watching videos for years now but I’m finally able to recognize the signs faster and disengage. I literally have scraped so many people in my life 🤦🏾♀️😞...I’m not lonely it’s actually great not to have to walk on eggshells at family functions, or fake smiling in friends faces that are happy to devalue you in a split second when you are going through something. I always felt lonely around those people now even when it’s just me the peace is beautiful and transforming 💪🏽❤️🙏🏽😇
May God Bless you and all of us survivors in 2020 we deserve it.
Tennitra Scott As a child of a narcissist mother...you’re groomed to be a victim and the family will piggy back right on the abuse train as well. Thank you for the education we are getting through RUclips❤️
I married a narcissist. I’m now divorced. He kicked me out of our home after he began sleeping with one of my friends. He remarried before our divorce was finalized and cheats constantly. He gaslit me to the point I had to ask him what I was feeling and I’ve always been an independent person. I’ve been in therapy for almost two years. Everything she describes is correct. Please pay attention.
Same sis. Same.
Jasmine it’s crazy that your name is Jasmine because the same happened to me. Gaslighting TO THIS DAY. He bowls with my dad. My mom loves him. Any time I ask for help he asks for sex. It takes a lot of emotional intelligence on my half. I’m glad with inner work healing starts
Sending love and healing your way
It took many years of therapy, thousands in travel and borderline alcoholism to recover from my narcissist.
Jasmine I pray you have healed
Very true. Never thought of how childlike their personalities are. Like a spoiled child, they want you to cater to them and act out when you don't. It's all about them.
@Sweet Heart typical smdh
So true. One of the hallmarks of NPD is stunted emotional maturity. Its like their personality/emotional development is frozen at the age they were when they were damaged. Like Chloe said, usually somewhere between 2 and 6. Its truly awful being with these types. Also, there is no cure for this. They are literally a shell of a person. Just like the walking dead.
My Narc was 15 years older than me but the most immature man I have ever dated.
@@Missprimnproper My was 13 years older
Narcissism is rampant in the black community.
It’s actually rampant among men.
elizabeth garland vanity/insecurity isn’t the same as narcissism. The statistics, although not solid, reflect that officials believe that close to 75% of narcissists are men. This is more rooted in biology as women are geared toward nurturing/empathy and cultural as narcissistic traits tend to be acceptable in society when displayed by men.
elizabeth garland being selfish and conceited is not the same as being narcissistic. You can display narcissistic traits without being narcissist. There are close to 20 or so traits and displaying one or two is not an automatic diagnosis. You are falling into the same trap Chloe just mentioned, which is throwing the word around loosely. Argue with the experts, men are by far hard in the paint narcissists.
elizabeth garland I’m not disagreeing with you honey that female narcs don’t exist. I’m just saying most of the evidence points to the vast majority of narcs being men. Covert or overt.
Elizabeth Garland is a male troll. Don't feed trolls in 2020, your energy is too precious ladies.
My father, who was a pastor is also a narcissist. He hates his mother. Everyone is going to hell except for him. There is hell to pay except for him. He is always right and everyone else is wrong except for him. 🤷🏽♀️ sadly, I’ve attracted verbally abusive narcs just like him. I was* just like my mom. Docile, quiet and submissive.. She’s not like that anymore and neither am I.
Pastors and preachers are the worst. Kudos to y’all 👏🏾
This guy in a sociopath subreddit told me that he used to be a member of the clergy simply because it is such a large supply of admiration and loyalty. He told me doing this for his church and various other churches he met MANY narcissists and sociopaths and that they’re particularly attracted to this job because of the endless admiration, supply and people depending their whole “eternity” in what these men say. He said he quit after 3 years when it got boring. SMH!!!!!
Liz Neptune it’s an seemingly endless supply of supply for men like my father. They want you to “obey” them. And they get off on that.
Saunders Maxine I don’t attend church anymore either. It’s sad, but I can’t trust men of God. I know the money schemes and the lies about the tithe.. i do however still love God with all my heart. I really do. If you wanna be let down, trust in men but if you want a dependable friend, become a friend of God...❤️ that’s my motto.
My name is my name I’m so sorry you had to endure the abuse. It wasn’t your fault! Shame on the person responsible. What I’m realizing is narcs hate accepting responsibility and being held accountable for what they do and the pain their actions cause.
1.Self love
2.self care
3.get help on your childhood wounds
4.standing firm to your boundaries
5.learn to say no!
6.Emotional literacy is a must
7.Listen to your body if something feels off
8.Get emotionally healthy people in your life
9.get out and interact with other people
10. You are worth more hold your head up and stay feminine and strong!
Yesss 😘
Easy way to detect someone with narcissistic traits is to 1. set a boundary with them or 2. Disagree with them and see how they react. Many people with narcissistic traits are HIGHLY sensitive to rejection real or perceived and they see your boundaries and disagreement as rejection. It could be about something small or unimportant and you could express the boundary or opinion in the kindest way possible. Doesn't matter. They will argue, get defensive, justify, explain, etc. Recovering codependent here. After marrying and later dating two narcs on both the 'grandiose' and 'covert' sides of the spectrum, I discovered my own codependency problems and got help.
Thanks for explaining this in such a clear and concise way, Chloe
I love that idea of a disagreement trap! Ima throw that trick in the arsenal
Excellent. My father and mother both had narcissistic traits. I know that feeling in my stomach and chest when I hear the words these personalities use often. You get it
@UCMmHDoLlRPshknY6mlnyHnA Great points! I agree with much of what you're saying. Yes, there are many sensitive people that could react negatively to what you mentioned. I wasn't suggesting that women should throw out "digs, put downs, comments that aren't positive". I agree that could bother anyone. I meant communicating a boundary or difference of opinion in a classy, but direct way. Setting a boundary can be as simple as saying 'no', or 'I don't want to do that' or 'I prefer to speak to you by phone before I meet you for a date". Disagreeing could be as simple as stating an opinion that is contrary to theirs about anything like the restaurant you pick for the first date or music or movies. The nuances behind some of these behaviors is why I tend to say "narcissistic traits" vs actual narcissism or NPD and there is a big difference. I'm not a mental health professional so I can't make that accusation. Plus, the vast majority of people with actual NPD do not get treated due to their inability to see themselves, so very few people will bear that diagnosis. As Chloe mentioned, narcissism exists along a spectrum. There is healthy narcissism and unhealthy. People with more covert narcissistic traits do tend to have more obvious low self-esteem. So they may respond to your boundary setting or disagreement with no pushback at first. But remember, they lack the ability to set or respect boundaries so make no mistake, they still perceived your boundary as rejection. They will likely manifest their anger at you through thinly veiled criticism or back handed compliments...anything more passive aggressive. Also, I wouldn't suggest disagreeing with someone just to detect narcissistic traits. What I offered is simply a way to detect it. The thing to remember is, a healthy, confident person would not only accept but welcome your boundary setting and disagreement as part of getting to know you. But to someone with narcissistic or "wounded masculine" traits, it can become a bit of an ordeal. Again, so glad Chloe posted this. This is opening up a lot of great dialogue that black women have needed to have for a long time.
@@CT-yz9nx welcomes bounderies as a way to get to know you
C T I told a guy last week I needed commitment with a ring before I can agree to sex (boundary) and he stole my car instead.
Haven’t even watched this and already thumbs up. I dated a narcissist last year for about five months. The worst relationship ever but I’m so glad I went through it. It opened my eyes to hypergamy and leaving these dusties where they belong, behind me. I now listen to my intuition and pay heavy attention to red flags, vetting these men the best way I know how. Thanks in advance for this.
Oh wow, I experienced the same situation in 2017. We also dated for five months and was the worse relationship I've ever been in. I've been single ever since. I'm cautious now and put myself first❤.
Ditto sister. “It happened for me and not to me.” Realizing that everyone and everything comes into our lives for a purpose and to teach us. A great lesson was learned and we can move on to the NEXT lesson. Thank you God for an amazing lesson! Forever grateful.
Same sis 💓
I dated one for 4 years!!!! Am still picking up the pieces
simply amaizing me too! I regret it everyday.
Beware of anyone who is overly confident, smoothe, loud - it's not confidence, it's narcissistic arrogance. They are out to use you - they have no sense of empathy.
4 years with one off and on. Almost drove me insane. They will manipulate you and make you think you are the crazy one while they lie and cheat behind your back. They will also insult you.
They are so classical. Hahaha
13.) They have often experienced physical, sexual, or mental abuse in their childhood (hence their stunted emotional growth)
Yes!
My ex mother was a drug addicted, prostitute she had 9 kids by 8 different men . His mother left him in the system, I remember when we first started talking we used to talk all night , and that’s when he told me about his mother. That she was on drugs, he was in Foster care. He told one day while he was in Foster care they had a court date so him and his siblings were all dressed up because they thought they were going home if your mama shows to court to get them. So judge 👩⚖️ called the case , momma was no show. Back to the Foster care ,not only that when she did have them off and on she saw never around, she had a friend baby sit him, and smh he was 10 years old and the baby sitter molested him. Smh I know a lot about him , we were together for 23 years off and on. I was the closest to him. He’s a very bad toxic man . His whole family one of his cousin told me a long time ago that side of the family is cursed. It’s took me 23 years to leave , not contact for 4 months, smh boy do I feel so much better now. He left without closure but I got my own closure. Unfortunately I have one son by him but thank god or son is 20 . I’ve been threw a of shit with that man. 4 babymamas and 5 kids . 2 outside love child was born while I was with him.
Miss. Waters yes it is sad but that doesn’t excuse him from his behavior towards other , we all had bad life . He was a very bad man, the things he done to me while I was with him was very painful, I’ll give you one example. I was 8 months pregnant with our son ,he choked mean because I went to the store to get something to eat, when I asked him can he take me in my own car which was a stick I didn’t know how to drive a stick so I had my neighbor she took me. When we drove past him my neighbor said oh my god did you see that look on his face I said no. She said girl he had a evil look on his face. Well when I got back that’s when all hell broke lose he grab by the neck and started chocking me , I’m holding my stomach cuz my baby started kicking in my stomach, no air supply. Thank god his friends stop him. Guess what no apology. That was 20 years ago, he was toxic man . I don’t ever want to hear from him
Went on a few dates with a narcissistic guy. He was a charming accomplished dusty. Glad I quickly seen red flags. He was never flexible, didn’t take accountability, never was giving, felt entitled and frequently gaslighting. Being around him
was exhausting.Old me would have stayed but after leveling up by getting gems from Chloe_ and the hypergamy movement I realized my worth 💅🏾
What were some of the red flags you saw? I think I am in the same boat?
Janine Ewing The red flags I saw was him alway talking about how “wrong” people treat/treated him, being manipulative, trying to make me feel bad for not being at his beck and call..Not all the red flags were him being narcissistic but overall just not being someone worth continuing anything with.
@@jaygoldiewow thanks for that I was with mine for 5 years he hid it good after his kids showed up he totally changed...never would communicate would tell.me I hurt his feeling s it was like talking to a child...thanks for sharing our situations were similar wish he showed it in the beginning.
Go gurl!😜
As Someone who has a long generational line of narcissism in my family, I am SO happy ppl are finally talking about it and how it destroys ppls lives. I feel validated for the first time in my life ever! Keep spreading the word! Ppl need to know the harsh reality behind this personality disorder. It’s something no one understands unless they have been a victim of NPD abuse. It’s a very loooong road of recovery but it is worth every second. It’s the definition of lifelong mental/emotional slavery if you don’t wake up and take back your power.
JewelJas thank you so much girl !!!! Same to you! It’s crazy how “great and wonderful” your life can appear to others on the surface from the outside when really they have no idea the invisible battles you fight daily and the strength of the mental emotional prison you are truly living in.
My child’s father is the epitome of a narc smh. I’m glad I broke away from him and his madness. Protect yourself ladies. Stop falling for potential and emotionally stunted men.
49jubilee lmaooooo why are you even here?
She’s right check that bloodline first. My Narc comes from an abusive family. I had sympathy for him due to this. However because he was open about it to me I didn’t think that he was. I was wrong. As soon as I gave birth to his child the demon revealed himself.
Virtuous-Woman I have a similar story, it’s people that like put all the blame on the woman and that’s not cool. Narcs have a way to hide their true selves and once I became pregnant they showed their true colors. I agree that family history plays a major part but we live and learn and we rise above them.
Chloe a few years ago I told my Big Sister about the behavior of a dusty I had dated I didn’t know about him being a Narcissist but she knew. She hugged me and said “Baby you’ve met the devil 👿 time to purge before you begin to believe you are crazy!”
My big Sister saved me just like you are saving lives! Keep up the good work!👍🏾
Outstanding!!!
Never Ever Take Accountability even to Their Graves!
You need to do a video about narcissistic females too...I’ve been abused by narcissistic female friends all my life and they really damage you on purpose
YES YES YES
They do
Miss. Waters they are
Big Facts!
I had a friend who is a narcissistic female always talked about herself. When you assert your rights and disagree with them it gets ugly and they call you all kind of names.
I married a narcisisst. I regret it so much with my entire life. Dealing with this kind of person is too much
My ex was a Narcissist and I didn't know anything of this disorder until I sought mental health help thinking I was going crazy only to discover I was prey. I dont lack self esteem nor am I or was insecure I just wasn't aware that such a twisted individual existed. His narcissistic behavior was like an extended release tablet. It was slow and steady not all too early at once. It took 3 sessions before the therapist told me what I was dealing with and I moved out the next month. They play mind games. You don't have to be insecure or lack self esteem you can just be a real busy person that moves all day and may not pay attention to much detail. You may forget something every now and again but they catch you in that moment. The attacks are calculated. They won't display all these characteristics or all at once but when they are always the victim that is a dead giveaway.
Smh, I know the feeling ALL to well.
Just Me Awareness is more the case than low everything else they want to try to stick on people. A part of self love and love for God is loving others: Love God with all your heart and love thy neighbor as thyself. Empaths can easily walk into a trap by a “high quality” narc there are plenty out there. Doesn’t mean she had low self esteem. Means she was unaware of the signs and he’s very skilled at crafting his mask which most are because that’s the mask is their identity.
Just Me Victimhood is their DNA
Just Me , Mine took life insurance out on me.. his colleagues (Police Officers) warned me one day in my Cafe.. It took me 21 days to collect my 5 year old, at the time, and move to another country. I’m black.. he wasn’t.. 15 years later..shit still fucks with me, even though he’s dead now. I honestly didn’t see it coming..
I think this may be a covert narcissist.
A narc with money is the worst kind. Money adds more to their inflated egos. Due to money they feel they can buy women. Underneath the money and appearance, they are miserable.
My narc ex would have money... but i didnt see any of it (meaning he wouldnt spend it on me lol..) he was just proud of the fact he had it... we could go to the shop and if he was buying a chocolate bar for example.. he'd pull out his wad of money just to show off (all the money he'd saved).. He had problems with his car and while the car was in the shop getting worked on he'd have to take the bus, when he was on the bus he would always talk loudly and say "i cant be getting on the bus like this, this is dead... i cant wait till my cars fixed!, i cant be riding on the bus like these people loool", like he was better than everyone there.
Money made him feel good and made him feel like he *looked* good😷
@@INEEDUTOWAKETHEFUP felt
I was in a very toxic relationship with a narc for 11 years. I allowed my confidence and self esteem to be damaged by this person. It wasn’t until I started investing into myself spiritually, emotionally & physically that I was able to get escape!! Thanking God! I’m in a loving hypergamous relationship & plan to keep it that way!!
So you don't like a man who's a narcissist but yet was with one for 11 YEAR'S! Makes no sense😂
Narcissistic people will put your life in literal danger ladies and you will never know what a good night's sleep is ever again once you wed, befriend, or enter any type of relationship with a narc. Stay safe. Stay vigilant. Stay protected. ❤
Yes they live to sleep deprive you
Oh my goodness I'm glad I saw this comment...he put me and our 5 kids in danger..that was FINAL straw..
This is one of the biggest social epidemics of our time. These people are evil. It’s like they want your soul.
My last boyfriend was a Narcissist I never encountered a man like that before in my life. Now I can spot them. Everything you said was big FACTS
Yes, narcissists will have you going crazy because they lead with their emotions instead facts. Some of them hear things that haven’t been said. Talking to a narcissists is draining and toxic. I have chosen to avoid my resident narcissist, since it just happens to be a family member. Great video, Chloe!
"Some of them hear things that haven't been said". Nothing but truth sis!
My first love was a narcissist. I haven’t loved another man or been in a relationship since,. Goodness🤦🏾♀️ I was 20 he was 37 and he took full advantage. In the end I was scared for my life. One day everything came crashing down and he broke. I saw him without his mask and I’m telling you it’s the most horrifying thing I’ve experienced. I felt like I was in a lifetime movie. When I looked into his wild eyes there was no soul in there. Just crazy. I never even use the word crazy lightly after dealing with him. I felt this impending doom. Even after that I found out who he was(the son of satan) I was so caught up in my love for him and him being a MASTER MANIPULATOR I couldn’t resist him. I’d lie awake in his bed wondering if I fell asleep would I wake up in a trunk or would my mom hear about my dead body being found in the woods or ocean. I kept seeing news reports of men killing their girlfriends in the most gruesome ways. Someone in a relationship doesn’t just say hey Im gonna kill that person. There are always signs. Don’t ignore them and learn to love yourself enough to CHOOSE YOU. At that time I didn’t even know if God was real but I asked Him, “If you are real please save me, help me find a way out. God answered me swiftly. I wasn’t meant to go out like that. After the break up I quit my job and fell into a Deep depression. I had to keep telling myself “BE STRONG FOR THE WOMAN YOU WANT TO BE.” I had to tell myself I never want my kids to see their mom being abused. If this is you right now I know it’s hard you may be weak but I’m telling you prayer, affirming yourself and therapy will help you through. You started falling into that trap way before you met that narc. Every time you rip that bandaid off it hurts but SIT IN THAT PAIN. It will make you stronger. Going back is easy but it’s toxic and damaging to every part of your being as a woman. That was 2015 he still emails me here and there. I never respond. A few months ago he asked me, “when are you coming home?” I used to feel like he would never stop hunting me till he could get me back. The pain I felt made me really have to take a step back and say “What AM I dealing with that I could ever attract a man like this?”. I realized that victims attract narcissist. I’m thankful for everything that happened because it inspired me to level up. I never wanted to fall prey to a man like that again.
DeeRayOfSunshine ... I THANK GOD YOU ARE SAFE. Me and the Narc was scheduled to get married this year. I thank god for his protection and saving me, when I did not understand what was going on, until I started looking up these videos. I was on a rollercoaster ride for 7 years, it was so crazy. He treated me like a queen, in public, Chruch everyone thinks he is such a wonderful short man but behind closed doors he puts on another mask.
Girl 😪😪😪😪
Seems like that’s all I attract. Been through hell and jail with these type of men. Now I choose to be alone and work on me without a man. Best decision I ever made! Ladies don’t settle for less!
Been there too Renee. Based on his lies. Its truly sad and pathetic.
damali society I understand completely. It’s a hard life but we have to be strong as women to accomplish our goals
Me too it seems like thats all i attract it's starting to get annoying. They know their full of bs and I know it too
You are what you attract. There's plenty of good women married to good men.
My dear friend is married to this type of man. They met in high school. He groomed her to always please, enable and take his abuse. It’s like living with a terrorist. She looks so broken lately and is starting to have many health problems. They are both in their early sixties, I think he’s been killing her slowly.
Makes me so sad for her. 😢
An example of TRIANGULATION:
The sick Narc at the beginning of our relationship invited another woman that we both knew out to a party behind my back
This party was supposed to be our debut as a couple. So this girl Shyla we both knew but I didn't know she liked him.
The day of the party while I was getting dressed, he was in my living room texting her the location of the event and made it seem like he would be there to keep her company.
We arrived at the party and I excused myself to talk to an old friend. Next thing you know Shyla arrived and walked straight up to him. My female intuition said 'wow that's wierd why would a woman come straight towards him like that's her man?' I walked over towards them and that's when I saw it. THE SMIRK!!!
I went up to her, we exchange kisses I bought her a drink and walked away. I didn't give him the response he wanted . When I asked him how did she know about the party he said she must have found a flyer online 😑
He basically for no reason other than being (NPD- EVIL) created a situation where we would possibly fight over him.
After months of this sick behavior. I eventually met up with her and had a conversation. She told me how he text her first invited her there and made it seem like they were going to hangout together. You see he threw me off my game by saying this was our debut as a couple, this way I would be more worried about that. Which would leave me caught off guard to situation he was creating behind my back.
I'm white Latina and he is Latino male and was very successful in his career.
UMMM, serious question from an African-american woman... W.T.F. is a "white" latina? Are you claiming that because of your light skin? It seems you have more than a narc as your issue. I'm light-skinned so should I call myself a "white" black woman? LOL. Love yourself first, the real you (Latina, NOT white). White is NOT right... WOW.
@@QOTD75 i think she means she's of a white/Spaniard background but of the Latin culture. Anyways, what that guy did is manipulative, glad she caught it.
@@QOTD75 White-latina refers to Caucasian/European blood, but Latin culture-wise. Afro-latina is African blood, but Latin culture-wise as well. Then there's mixed Latinas who have afro-indian-euro blood, Mestizos who have euro-indian blood; and then there's Asian-latinas who are of east or South Pacific blood but raised in Spanish culture as well. Basically anyone can be Latino/Latina if they choose to identify by their culture, but in recent years more Latinos/Latinas have started making it a point to mention their actual descent as far as blood/race phenotype goes. Just thought I'd help explain. Also, yes that guy was a narcissist jerk who deserved to be left in the dust.
This story is so crazy .so real ...
@@sweetpeaj1952 Yes you're correct my Father is from Spain and also part PR. My mother is from France. I didn't realize I triggered that other person but yes I am considered white latina because I am white with Latin/Hispanic culture. I mainly mentioned my background, so women know to vet EVERY single man no matter his race or culture. Sometimes women want to date outside their race not understanding the same rules apply.
I was young, minding my own business and naive. But I kicked him to the curb, dont do crazy. Never knew what the problem was until recently 20 years later.
Facts! Me too, good for you!💝
Exactly. If I feel something is off with someone, or feel like my inner peace is being disrupted, I walk.
I broke up with a narcissist this past January, a few months before COVID-19 hit. He is a pathologic liar, paranoid, controlling, alcoholic, and abusive. He is also a broke dusty, almost extreme cheapskate--Koolaid budget with champagne tastes. He is a broke down idiotic, demonic person. He enjoyed verbally abusing me and wanted me to be perfect. It was crazy! I'm glad I discarded him!
UNFORGETTABLE! I'm still trying to put the pieces of my life back together. I feel so confused and trying to repair.
Your chakras are more than likely imbalanced due to the mass confusion from the narcissist....verbal abuse bc they say one thing and it comes back as something totally different! It’s called crazy making and that’s trauma to the brain.
Same but you are not alone
Forgive yourself for staying ... you did the best you could do, with what you knew at the time. View him as the instrument to aide in your evolution! You’ll be happy again !
Therapy is the only way to get back your bearings in my opinion. The damage they do is real.
I grew up with a covert (shy) narcissist and let me tell you imagine management is their main priority. They want people to see them as good 24/7, helping, humble, selfless etc. After dealing with them for YEARS and removing these “good” people one by one. I’ve found they have a very weird, empty, robotic, and even over sweet vibe. Take your time, say no, and stay firm to your boundaries!
This is #facts alot of men tend to hide in the church. I love church but some aren't spirit lead.
Not just the church. The masjids also. I love love love being a Muslim and Islam but it is a breeding ground for narcissism.
My ex husband & ex boyfriend...
NEVER again...
I think most of the narcissist grow up in the church...
Yes! Chloe is SPOT ON! I recently ended a relationship with a narcissistic individual. Unfortunately for him I clocked him on date two. I spent 4 years in a previous narcissistic relationship and I am well read and very knowledgeable on the topic. I went into the relationship with eyes wide open and took advantage of all the things he was willing to do and provide during the love bombing stage. As soon as his mask started to slip and he began the devalue stage I shut it down and left. Please understand that these people are broken, they cannot be fixed. They cannot be loved back into health they were severely damaged during childhood and are doomed for life.
Check out ASSCDirect and The Little Shaman for some of the realest narcissist advice out there.
Yep. Watch them.
But watch Inner Integration, Les Carter, Ph.D. and Peter Van Deijl.
Dani Le'jai “They cannot be loved back to health and are doomed for life” unfortunately this is very true 🙁 After breaking up with one I became obsessed and researched everything about them trying to see if he could change but they cannot see themselves. That broken child is trapped in the sunken place. Someone can only change if they can look in the more and recognize that they have a problem. Sad and unfortunate.
DeeRayOfSunshine yes. It took me a while to realize that being nice and being nurturing did not also mean not to have boundaries. Once I learned that I come first and that my boundaries are non negotiable ( meaning not second guessing myself or forever giving people the benefit of the doubt), I don’t have any trouble dealing with selfish or narcissistic types anymore. Chloe is right when she talks about how they prey on people with low self esteem, because nobody with any real self worth would allow a narcissist to stay very long in their lives.
High five sis
Everything is me, me, me look at me. Everyone needs me and everyone can't live without me because I'm so great...SMH
Wheww chloe you describe these evil beings extremely well!!!!! Now ladies it’s hard to understand the hell these type of men will put you through unless you’ve been through it. I’ve honestly only attracted two of these creatures I meant men twice in my life time. Be careful ladies relationships with a narcissist can leave you with PTSD emotional problems even physical problems. The longer you stay with them they will suck all your energy out of you till the point you will need therapy after an experience like this. I have never known how evil and hateful a human being could be until having an experience with a narcissist. Take your time ladies they can wear a mask for a very long time, and when it slips off it will scare the living hell out of you!
"Narcissism cannot be cured by reading the bible" love that and what you say afterwards. Bravo
Run, run, run and did I say 🏃♀️ run
This hit home
Thank you, thank you, thank you Chloe for speaking on this subject. I became co dependent to a Malignant Narcissist over time. He was a great provider. He bought me BMW’s paid for my condo and he put me through college. At first I did not know about Narcissism. I educated myself on it because I was physically and emotionally drained from being around him and I couldn’t put my finger on it. But now oh yes I know exactly who and what he is. It’s a terrible experience. But knowledge is power and that helps. I appreciate Chloe educating other women on Narcissistic men so that they don’t go through what I did. Everything that glitters is not gold. Much love and respect to Chloe 👸🏽
I had a narcissistic ex, but he was nice for 2 years then changed like a light switch.
You were with a gentleman for 2 whole year's then for no reason he just became narcissist? Are you sure didn't do something bad to him🤔 and made him change?
#2...one day I said to my ex.."your momma really messed you up bad" he said "she sure did"..I was shocked he admitted it..
I wish I never met him.. but I'm glad now.. because now I know what this trait looks like, the way it makes you feel, and what it puts you through...They are the epitome of PAIN. To keep your sanity and save your life...let them go...or just don't even...Thank you for highlighting this topic Chloe❤
I broke away from a narcissist a year ago. I am still seeking therapy to recover completely. I had a co-dependency issue and tried to be a fixer. I am learning how to use cognitive empathy more than emotional empathy. I set better boundaries with people now. The narc still calls but I have been blocking each number he uses. I’m so glad to be free!
Good! A narcissistic person will bring you down.
Described my husband and family to the fullest. That's why im getting far away as I can.
Narcissist are nothing but users and abusers they afflict emotional pain deliberately. I been no contact almost 3months still trying to reconstruct my spirit and soul through God the almighty.😌🙏
I dated a narcissist at my job after a breakup. He put on the charm and seemed genuinely nice and caring in the beginning. Always buying me things and helping around the house, which came with stipulations later. The first red flag is when he would openly flirt with women in front of me and when I would confront him about it, he would shut completely down and not talk to me or he would accuse me of cheating. He would purposely try to start arguments with me over things that he knew that I was firmly against. My breaking point was when I found out that he was in a relationship with one of our coworkers that recently transferred from another store. I was so enraged because he lied about his status and could’ve gotten me killed by this woman, but I knew that expressing it to him wouldn’t make a difference, so I ghosted him and moved on. He tried to befriend my boyfriend by gassing me up (he shut that down expeditiously). He even made me a wig stand, but I didn’t accept it. He doesn’t speak/acknowledge my presence now and it is the greatest thing ever for me because I am free from his toxicity. My current boyfriend is so loving, supportive, empathetic and I just feel so grateful after that experience. I will never date another coworker as long as I live, though.
I just ended my relationship with a narc man. At the time I didn’t know what a narc was and was constantly confused & gaslighted while he was lowering my self-esteem and self worth. Honestly from the first night we met (it was a hookup, fresh out of a relationship & was in pain) he radiates a very dark, black energy to him... fast forward we’re dating now he started to get more aggressive with me then started raping me but I was confused because he would just say “you know I like that Kind of rough sex, though I’d be crying) narc men are no good. He was a 30 year old dusty while I was 21.. I’ve leveled up my body, mind, self worth and self love and I’m striving now more than ever and I’ll never go back to a dusty
Great video, Chloe. Also keep in mind that there are narcissistic men who have "the bag" too. (I am in no way saying date a dusty. Avoid those men at all costs.) All I'm saying is even if the man has the bag, pay attention to his temperament. When he gets upset during an argument is he quick to name-call. If he is: RUN!
I just got rid of one. Glad I didn't put a lot of time into it. He exploded New Years Eve by something trivial and I left his ass in the restaurant.
Please run from these Narcissistic Men I’ve been stalked for the last seven years and I’ve moved on he just won’t!
that is correct CHLOE. I HAD TO EXPERIENCE A RELATIONSHIP WITH A NARC to truly understand this personality disorder. he could only mimic emotions . he only showed negative emotions like anger , selfshness envy . i was going through a divorce when i met him
Today is my ex narcs birthday. I walked away a little over a year now but I thank God I learned from dating him what a narcissist was bc my dad is a narcissist and many of my aunts and cousins and I had no idea it was a personality disorder. They are nothing to play with. They use you until you’re depleted then they leave & come back to get whatever they can if you let them back in. I knew my worth though and I knew something was wrong for him to even play with cheating after I gave him a second chance. Walked away and never looked back. Don’t let them rob you of your energy, love, compassion, and self esteem. They have the issue, not you
There is NO HELPING or FIXING these creature. When you see the red flags, RUNNNNNNNN 🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️
Chile when you experience these men you are forever changed.
A little more than six months ago, I ended a relationship with a Narcisstic. Man! I did not know what I was becoming until I separated myself from the person because I was becoming so confused and as a result; was always exhausted mentally!!
Oh my God. I realized from this video I went through that in my early 30's. He nearly broke me because I was stubborn and wasnt easily molded to his liking like he assumed I would be because I was so nice. Every characteristic she described applied to him. By the grace of God he broke up with me but did try to come back. I honestly think he did that to teach me a lesson or break me further, but I took that opportunity and ran away as far as I could. However, that doesnt mean the effects weren't there. He had me questioning everything. The very first sign was him bashing all of his girlfriends. Be careful ladies.... they are dangerous for you spiritually and especially mentally.
Narcissists cannot be fixed! So stop asking how to change your narc dusty 🤷🏾♀️
Courtney Tran 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
OMG! Narc Dusty. I just hollered. 😂
Chloe_ is 100% on point as usual. Narcissism pretty much sums up all the personality traits you describe of dusties, 50/50, users, people who will use a woman to build themselves up, etc. Dangerous AF and people need to know that they exist... I sure didn't.
I dealt with a covert narcissistic/emotionally unavailable person back in 2018. From there I learn that I had hella codependent and toxic ways of my own. Been in therapy for 8 months now and it has paid off but I still have a long way to go. Pay attention to the red flags 🚩 folx! The signs be there that your are wasting your time and being used.
That's something they do on purpose. Be emotionally unavailable to have you always willing to do anything to get their attention. It's psychological abuse. Which just goes to show that if you don't consider yourself the prize, this is likely to happen. Changing my mindset was the best thing I ever did. If a guy is giving me the cold shoulder then I know I'm not the one for him because a man who sees you as his prize will ensure you *always* feel loved.
sweet pea J thank you 🙏🏽 exactly it’s a tool of the trade for these liars and users. Yes mindset is a big piece now with the healing and info I have I refuse to deal with someone who is cold 🥶 shoulder or playing mind games.
@@PsychedPerspective 💯
The covert ones...ugh...the worst.
I dated one and couldnt wrap my mind around the random mood swings. He wanted to rush everything super quickly even proposed after 7 months. After I broke it off he showed even more of him self they hate rejection he became the devil him self as malicious as he possibly could be . He still contacts me 2 1/2 yrs later despite me blocking 17 fake numbers he created. Ladies pay attention the signs are there I ignored them or put them off to be something else. They cannot hide their traits to long
My father is a textbook case Narcissist. Just watching this video and reading books on the subject it felt like the authors must know him personally. My parents stayed together until I was well into adulthood and are just now splitting up. Watching the dynamics of their relationship growing up, and also my father's behavior toward all of us (the children) and now being older reflecting and realizing how much damage was done and why has made it kind of hard to get into healthy relationships. I realize that it's hard to trust people because I am waiting for the other side of them to come out unconciously whether I believe them to be a narcissist or not. And of course I wouldn't want to go through all that again on any level. Its a very sad situation for all involved.
A year later after 3 years of being with one I'm still not fully myself mentally. Tis an experience I would wish on nobody.
It’s crazy that in the show “You” he was drawn to Beck because she was so reckless and had no boundaries. The black girl he was with, she was driven and had a good head on her shoulders. He dumped her for Beck because Beck needed to be “fixed”. It’s crazy how he makes himself a victim and HAD to kill in order for their relationship to survive🤦🏾♀️😑
Jasmine Johnson so who’s the narc?
Jozsalina Del Val the main character named Joe. He tried to makes the killings all about love and “needing” to do it but in reality he wanted to kill them because he had a chance to be in a normal relationship where he didn’t have to fix anything or anyone and decided not to be in it and be with Beck and kill off people around her and help fix her
LMFAOOO then on season two he liked love because she was “innocent and had a good heart” until she killed for him then he didn’t want her anymore he actually said she was crazy like he wasn’t a serial killer already
@@kut3khamexactly that show is so wild!!!😂
I dated a napoleon complex, narcissistic, social path for five years and dealt with him for an extra four years. Outta love, good sex, hope, and gifts. I finally let him go last July. The sex and gifts weren’t worth the mental and emotional abuse anymore. He still feels no empathy from what he put me through . He apologizes from “epiphanies” and just to say he apologized. But really no remorse. I thought it was just to me until his sister told me he mentally drives her crazy as well. He has something against women and that’s his momma issue not mine. My man now puts me first and I cant ask for better.
Anyone that has truly been around someone with a narcissist personality disorder does NOT throw that word around lightly! A lot of it stems from how they were treated by their parents in childhood. Verbal abuse can be just as damaging.
Thanks for sharing this information Chloe.Am Daisy all the way from Africa Zambia 🇿🇲 southern Africa who gained confidence in my self to leave the toxic marriage I desperately involved.When I left my heart was heavy and angry to a point where I thought all men were bullies but oo no thanks for your lessons that I eventually know more about narcissists men and their behavior.continue sharing because your lessons are very educative life reviving.
I unfortunately did not know what a Narcissist was until I started to date this guy and at the time I had just started my career as a Domestic Violence Advocate. I was so ashamed that I didn't know that narcissism was a form of abuse, but after ending the relationship I did a lot of research around this personality disorder and began to incorporate it in my DV Support groups. The absolute worse relationship ever, but I thank God for a discerning spirit because the relationship didn't last too long I believe due to the strong senses I was receiving telling me something wasn't right and I needed to go. These individuals are very sick in the head and can be scary. Leave and DO NOT go back, because it will most definitely be worse!
My narcissistic ex was very cruel to me , never empathetic. Cold eyes , expressionless face. Never a smile. Only a smirk. It’s always about them n their needs. You exist only to serve. He was physically and emotionally abusive.
There are many many levels of narcissism and different types (somatic, cerebral etc) we need some level of narcissism to be successful in life (there are traits that can be applied for positive development) The most dangerous are highly accomplished, are in powerful circles, are extremely intelligent with keen control over their emotions and know exactly what they are (think most of Hollywood, politicians, business CEO, those people who literally hold the fate of the world in their hands) The works of HG Tudor are fantastic he has a channel on RUclips called knowing the narcissist it’s extremely informative and well explained. I think the low level narcissist was described in this video. NPD has become very generalized... people seem to apply it to any joe shmo that pulled one over their heads. Pete that hangs in the park with no pot to piss in isn’t necessarily a narcissist... a bum yes!!! The lady that chooses the entertain him is perhaps the one with the issue 🤷🏽♀️.
I think she was right in her description of a narcissist but there are ones that have more power just that people are not around those types as much. My aunt is a powerful narcissist that owns businesses and tries to control her family every chance she gets. She’s suing another aunt now!! They are willing to tear a whole family apart
@@norapeace6526 And as she also said, 'people throw around the word too loosely'.
@@missthang5404 So what are you trying to say? That I’m throwing the word around too loosely?
This is the most thorough and straightforward explanation on this topic that I’ve come across. Definitely sharing this video.
Truly detailed and illuminating
The Jezebel Spirit! Thank you Chloe! I grew up with a narcissistic mother and sister. Then had 2 kids with a narcissistic man. It is like living in hell! ❤❤❤🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽
Prayers for peace and healing
This is what my mother is constantly warning me against! I watch the way my dad treats my mom daily. You are right, my christian father, prays over an hour EVERYDAY! He knows more scripture than anyone I know! He can preach messages that could change people's lives! But he is a narcissist and a huge gaslighter! My mom attracted him because she was an EMPATH! Narcissists loves emphaths and feed off of their emphathetic ways and their ability to manipulate their emotions! Living with a narcissist, is an experience that is UNFORGETTABLE!!
Due to me having narcissistic traits myself my warning for women is if he love bombs you and tells you what you want to hear in the beginning run.If he is charming you and you’re falling quick run.
Narc's always leave you in a state of CONFUSION! Making you take blame after their wordy explanations and melodramatics. My ex towards the end of the relationship would tell me everything I had to say was "just a theory" during arguments. AKA my ideas were deemed illegitimate because I didn't agree. Also an overall lack of sensitivity, he made me cry (after HE treated me badly) and told me I was just manipulating him. You cannot rely on a selfish person to defend you/your relationship to the world or his family/friends because he is NOT capable of pure SELFLESSNESS. I never got comforted and ended up sacrificing a year for emotional rollercoasters. No thanks to sleepless nights and stress. Heal your codependency!!
This video is spot on. My ex husband is a narcissist and it took me 7 years to realize it was a no win. Handsome charming seemingly successful, in the beginning flowers candy dinners out, but Dr. Jeckel & Mr. Hyde! At first I thought he loved me so much and that was why he was jealous and acted out.. but after marriage he accused me of sleeping with EVERYONE! I coudnt breathe! He mandated that all women were hoes and then a set of RULES that he expected me to abide by as a married woman. Yes.. he had issues he thought his mother was a "hoe" because he never met his father and she would not tell him who his father was and to make matters worse he was half Spanish raised in an all spanish family with a Black biological father.. so there was another set of issues with racism in his family. At the end of the day it was EXHAUSTING! I had y one daughter and I wanted more children but the marriage was to dysfunctional. I tried everything! Church, marriage counseling ... you name it I tried it.. but year after year of drama and daily hurt and pain I said no more and walked away. Let me tell you.. a narcissist cant even take that! Year after year he acted ugly acted out (even though he had other girlfriends!) Finally he simmered down with a 100% docile woman of a culture that is more accustom to machismo/patriarchy and tried his best to turn her into me! Unsuccessfully of course.. but the shenanigans were funny. Still today as I try to deal with him in a co-parenting situation I realize I absolutely made the right decision for myself and my daughters mental and physical health. I was so traumatized by my ex husband I hadn't really dated in about 7 years.. but I had so much to heal from. I am dating a man who is far more successful than my ex will ever be. He is a business owner and I am the prize. He makes me feel like a princess and it is a completely different relationship, but I was determined to not be mesmerized by glitz glam and bait and switch from any man!
liked it under 1 min, s/o all the way from South Africa. Love what your doing and as a 24 year old im glad I found your channel.
Sign of the narcissist I dealt with showed :
🔺Every ex was evil and just hurt him oh so bad 😢(“cheated, had abortions in his birthday”)
🔺Kinky Sex (All that Dom and Sub stuff is fun till you realize he really wants to choke you and sees you as an object to be used.)
🔺They CANNOT take rejection (tell them no and you will see the first crack. After I didn’t accept my ex proposal he started being disrespectful
🔺SEEMS to love women (lots of lady friends at work and from the past still around)
🔺They are most helpful 🤗 reliable friend to outside people( This is how they get others to vouch for them do them favors and make you look crazy once y’all break up. Only you got Mr. Hyde
🔺MOMMY ISSUES. Period.
🔺When they lie you can’t tell they have a PERFECT explanation for everything but it just never feels like the truth.. because it’s not
Not trying to take over the comment any further so I’ll stop there. This subject just gets me fired up! Going through that just really changed me. I wish I could warn every young girl, but sometimes I guess there are some hard lessons some people will eventually have to feel. Let it inspire you to do better not create a cycle.
I endured the same..
Everything you’re saying is spot on!!! Whew
I went through everything on that list ..smh
Discern. Discern. Discern!
Without discernment flattery can get in the heads of women and have them finally feel validated, seen or chosen, yet the man has a different end game.
Also, co-dependency issues are So Real. It goes beyond wanting companionship, but the absolute need to have someone around to feel complete.
There are women who are givers but pair that with low self-esteem , they'd give their last to feel wanted while hardly getting left and nothing anything in return, yet still wonder if they gave enough.
Going on 19 days of no contact with my ex. This man was extremely manipulative & narccistic. Run ladies if you meet a self centered and/or abusive man, whether its verbal, emotional or physical abuse. Its not worth it. I need therapy now. Psychological abuse is the worst.
This happened to me I want therapy bad but it’s too costly!!
I survived a three month situationship with a narc
I was married to one for 5 years. Almost ruined my life and health. Malignant narcissistic psychopath. Started out wonderful and became a nightmare fairly quickly. When I tell you I lived in hell with the king of hell.....it was almost like a twilight zone movie everyday. If you met him you would be lured by his charm like a cobra. But be aware should you ever come across one’s path. Zero emotions, throws tantrums, bully, psychological terrorist, maladaptive and unable to self regulate. RUN from then and NEVER GO BACK. Narcissist are parasites and their victims are the host. Yes they LOVE co-dependent, “I got a big heart”, no boundary people and people who were brought up in narc homes. NEVER AGAIN.
Thank youuuuu for making this video!! I’m so glad my days of dealing with narcs is over. My first BF was a narcissistic sociopath and he really turned my entire life upside down. Imagine “a fall from Grace” except instead of me being and older woman in a younger, nerdy, naive corny girl with the suave guy who moved himself into my house and used me dry. I’m a magnet for these types (was, I should say). So many women have super low self esteem and think struggle = love. And he’ll convince you of that too... ugh, the gaslighting, lying, cheating... ladies, do your research!!
My father is a seething, covert narcissist... My mother a deeply codependent woman who struggled with low self esteem. Let's just say it took me years of therapy to come out of the cloud of dysfunction their relationship left me with. Wishing everyone an abundance of healing! Love and Light!
I just got out of relationship with narcissist because of how it was affecting our kids..
Got involved with my narcissist after he pursued me for 20 years. He wasn't my type but I thought let me give him a chance out of pity. Almost immediately I knew something was off with him. I didn't know about covert narcissism. They are the worst kind. The "relationship" lasted a full five weeks then I left and blocked him.
Every time i see a new video from chloe i feel some kind of peace💙
💞
Also, the major thing narcissist lack is empathy... that’s a large portion of their disorder. They can never be wrong, they always try to flip it on you.
2020 Winning!!!!
The worst thing I could have done while going through a divorce, after a 10 year marriage, was date. I wanted so badly to feel alive and not feel the motions of going through a divorce that I was Seduced into dating a man that I would have NEVER given the time or day to if I wasn’t in a state of emotional transition and healing.
He lied about everything, from his profession to his relationship status. In spite of everything going so quickly no amount of emotional emptiness could divert my intuition. Ladies and Gentlemen, PLEASE pay attention to your INTUITION.
My gut told me to pay attention and it saved me in the long run. Don’t stick around to see how the story ends.... RUN and don’t look back! These men are out here sucking, jumping and sexing for a place to stay and to your bank account.
I’m so glad I was able to make decisions based on observation verses feeling or it could have possibly went another way.
Manage and heal childhood trauma’s that would even make you appealing to people like this. Sometimes you think you’ve overcome your childhood trauma’s when you are in fact living and breathing the result of unresolved issues.
You’re right Chloe, the word gets thrown around way too much. I have dated many bad men but only one narcissistic psychopath in my life. Everything was about him, he literally wanted me and anyone in his life to bend to his Will and be his slaves and had 0 care for our feelings. He was violent and very very sick in the head. If I was still with him today I would be either dead or close to death. Strangely, even though dating him was extremely traumatic, it was what snapped me into realizing my worth and wanting better for myself. He has tried reaching out to me a handful of times including through email and each time I block and delete without a single response because even a negative response is still giving them the attention that they so crave.
I'm a man and even I call out narcissistic/domineering/rejected cry babies, at least that's what I call them. These dudes go on social media and make their own theories about whats wrong with women who don't want them. All while failing to do a self evaluation of themselves and changing their mentality.
Omg yes Chloe! It is so important to stay away from them. I've been dealing with one for now about 2 years. It so draining being attached to a person who is not capable to love. Tried to dump him multiple times but he comes back around every time. I'm a codepent person myself with a lot of narcissists around me. Now imma try to become more confident and leave them all. Thank you so much for spreading so much important messages ❤️ love you
I dated one for two years and my first experience with one. I thought this is like a fairytale a millionaire who love bombed me for the first 6 months everyday Amazon was leaving packages at my door we travel one a month and some months twice. Stayed in his winter home for 3 months. Looking back I believed that his first to wives were crazy and cheated on him only to realize later he was moody, controlling and would always be complaining about something or someone I saw the red flags; but thought his ex wife are keeping his children away from him and that's way he's unhappy. Little by little he began to tell how his 2nd wife said she felt like a prisoner in her own home and that his children called him a bully and did not want to see him. It was a tuff decision for me to leave him because I loved him but I love me more and he was trying to chip away at my happiness and self -confidence and wanted to argue about nothing, I could no longer ignore that feeling in the pit of my stomach or tossing and turning every night thinking what the hell is going on could he just be schizo! Knowing very little about this personality disorder it was a miracle I just when no contact. He stop calling and I felt relieved. What's crazy is that he meet a new supple 4 months later something shiny and thirsty and now they are married, he started his charming love bombing all over again I hear she and he are not very happy I guess the honeymoon is over.
I was in a relationship with a narc I wasted the last few years of twenties in this energetic sink hole.I finally got out 3 years ago but I'm still now going through all of the motions of having put myself in that predicament for so long.It is so emotionally mentally & physically taxing that I feel like I'm dealing with PTSD even years after.Im also forced to look at myself and understand why I'm codependent. I'm discovering so much about myself and family that makes me understand why I'm like this.
I experienced one first hand. Whew it’s horrible. Once I figured out who he was I Ran, it was hard but I had to realize he was mentally ill, with a personality disorder. If you have that gut feeling something is off about someone it usually is. Take that as it’s time to distance yourself n leave, if not you will go crazy trying to turn them into a normal human being. It’s a whole section on RUclips that’s dedicated to narcissistic abuse n people who have dealt with them it’s no joke. Don’t walk run if your dealing with people like this.
I was raised by one so I was a huge target for them. My son's father is a major one too. It was so obvious but of course I fell right into the trap since I was groomed since I was a child. Always a sob story- always the victim. The same as my mother. No personal accountability. Expects you to continually give and they take. Its sad. Narcissists are set on ruining you. I got away from son's father; next is my mom. Thanks so much Chole for your insight! I love your vids!