My Relationship went from Dead to Alive when I understood THIS...
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- Опубликовано: 21 янв 2024
- What does my Relationship need in order to survive? Emotional Safety? Intimacy? Trust? These are dynamics we have to talk about with our partners if we ever want to have a mutually fulfilling relationship together.
How to Stop Fighting in your Relationship
• How to STOP Fighting i...
How to get HER in the MOOD (funny)
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I showed some of your shorts to my partner yesterday and it actually seemed to get through to him! Thank you for translating relationships!
That means a lot!!
I always show these to my husband. We realize that we’re all not alone and we all need help.
It’s immeasurably helpful to have it delivered by a man. A lot of men simply won’t listen to a woman “telling them what to do.”
@@angry-lucky-catty honestly that’s anyone.
@@angry-lucky-catty yup! It's an unfortunate truth. We had a woman couples counselor and he didn't lift a finger to do any of the homework. We switch to a man and he immediately did what the counselor asked. 🤦♀️
“Some plants need a little bit of water, some plants live in water,” Makes me feel really validated.
Holy wow.
I had a marriage counselor say "some people love like cacti and others love like orchids. You can't grow an orchid in a desert and that's okay. Doesn't mean the orchid is wrong. It just needs a rainforest."
Dang.
Ok. I still think that orchids grow on other plants.
If i see a plant growing on me i can either think it is a parasite or that i am a paradise for them.
That is where it hinges😅
@@aurelienyonracAnd this is where the analogy breaks down…
Youre a fucking HERO for making these videos that speak to everyone plainly, simply, and clearly.
Youre not trying to sell anything more by teasing with only a hint of the real information
Its rare and wonderful and very gallant. Thank you.
You win for nicest comment 🥹
"Gallant". Such a great word that needs to be used more often!🥰
Oooh; GALLANT. Love that word.
It takes a special kind of person to have the depth of feeling to show empathy for the abusers as much as for the abused. Recognizing that abusers are often victims of abuse first, showing compassion for their experience, but also holding them accountable for recognizing their role and responsibility to get help and heal, so that they can gain self-awareness and stop hurting others, shows an incredibly deep understanding of the human condition.
Thank you, Jimmy, for being who you are and helping people like you do! We could use a lot more Jimmy's in this world.
It is a very difficult line to walk, takes incredible insight and self awareness to be able to navigate compassion while still not enabling the behavior. If they are manipulative, it is especially difficult to navigate those conversations because there is a whole lot of redirection and smoke screen going on with the manipulative person. Their motivations are almost never what they tell you it is, and sometimes it can be purely to cause other people pain or to control the situation.
Personally, I'm not a professional but have been in abusive relationships. All of my abusers have been abused. I still hold compassion for them, but I cannot/could not navigate those conversations in a way that doesn't/didn't put me at risk of being incredibly hurt by them. That is true for a lot of people.
I think it is easy to write people off as "bad" but rarely is human nature so black and white. A difficult lesson I had to learn is that compassion doesn't and will not fix them or help them realize the behaviors are harmful. Boundaries are the best chance someone has at reflecting on their behavior. And if they do not respect the boundary, then the boundary should be pushed out further. Sometimes that means that despite all the compassion in the world, no contact/breaking up/cutting someone off is the only course of action to take.
Spot on!! Most don’t realize the value of having someone (especially amidst being abused) able to have compassion for the abuser. It’s not spoken of enough. Compassion is a super power. Yes, it’s dangerous when it’s enabling…but it’s true strength when it’s employed as a bridge to healing. Compassion is the anecdote to toxic shame. Both for ourselves and others.
Yes, I just learned this the hard way! These videos have helped me a lot! Thank you for helping me see both sides! I'm an empathetic person but it was hard to see how this narcissist was hurting me but I do think that they are a wounded person, too! Now it seems obvious but I didn't see it before!
@Misty Love, love your post. It hit close to home for me on several levels. Working on my inner self, I'm able to send love and prayers out to abusers. They are hurting probably more than the abused. I send positive energy and love to them both.❤❤
@Hi_Im_Akward Absolutely!!! It takes self reflection to be aware of what role we played. It's a very hard pill to swallow. If I point the finger at someone for something, I'm pointing 3 back at myself. If someone strikes a nerve with me, I'm aware that's something I need to work on within. I'm a work in progress, but I'm enjoying the journey.❤❤
I don't focus on my relationship with my girl anymore. I am much more focused on just her and me and I've happily learned to prioritize the people, she and I, over the relationship. I'm much more focused on her health and happiness than our relationship's health or 'happiness'. Very happy now that we met 41 yrs ago.
1. Safety, physical and emotional. Closeness and connection. Disrespect leads away from love. 3:43 Maturity means learning how to apologize, it means analizing our conflicts and trying to figure out where we can learn from them and grow.
3:50 Perfection isn’t the goal, growth is. Understanding and expressing your needs without blame or criticism. Learning to pause, not become defensive, interrupt or dismiss. Be curious about what they are feeling.
4:27 Neither is right. Feeling cronically neglected or feeling justified to criticise because we were neglected.
2. It takes both people. Their needs matter as my needs matter. If they dont listen and dont care. A thriving relationship is one where both partners care how the other feels. If one person doesnt care how the other feels hurt, alone or disconected, that relationship will always die. Because there is no trust. There is one thing we need get righr and it’s emotional responsiveness. Trust is confidence that they care, they are there, they care about what I need in order to feel loved and appreciated.
When I reached out to him vulnerably, and I was rejected, invalidated and dismissed it created an emotional wound and I started to detach from him.
3. Consideration. No fear to be open about our inner world, where they won’t use your vulnerabilities against me. He didn’t consider me and I deserve better.
Example of being vulnerable.
11:43
We showed love to each other in different ways. Felt disconnected.
4. Transparency. Secrets break relationship. He didn’t learn about what made me feel disconnected.
You are the Mr. Rodgers of relationships for adults.
Yes!! 😂
Please just speak a little bit slower. Thank you @@JimmyonRelationships
@@JimmyonRelationshipswill you start coaching
@@kitana3977It’s also possible to slow Jimmy down in Settings under “Speed”. Take it down to .75 and that’ll help. And No, it won’t make his voice sound weird.
Excellent. How refreshing that a man is saying this. You will understand the male perspective. I love your humorous shorts as well. Point across with humour…spot on!
I really appreciate that!
Women aren’t any better than men in any department
Ya, especially the ones where he’s in drag. Wish we could sometimes hear from his wife.
There is a difference between telling someone what to do and asking something of them. One comes from fear, and the other comes from love. I'm so grateful for your videos and for sharing your experience.
Don’t castrate him by telling him what to do, tell him how you feel and he’ll coarse correct because he loves you!!!
Watching your videos has taught me that there is nothing more I can do. I need to walk away with love and understand that this is just over. I’m checked out and tired of pretending.
I am absolutely from a couple with a reverse from typical roles. I am a woman with ADHD and he values consideration in small details and conscientious acts-definitely not my strong suit. We’ve had exactly these arguments, just opposite of the roles people would expect. It has been soul crushing to be critiqued as inconsiderate when I felt like I was going all out and had nothing left to give. Plus, the ADHD meant I had already been criticized in this precise way my entire life and had hoped my relationship would be different.
We have slowly slowly pulled back from the brink. He’s realized that I’m not kidding about my abilities and that I literally can’t do some of what he’s asked for. I’ve learned to stop being so sensitive to correction in how I applied my effort and realized that listening will actually decrease the effort involved in trying to make him feel loved. This stuff is HARD. Believe your partner that they don’t feel considered. But also believe your partner when they say they are trying everything they can or that they may literally not have the ability you’re asking for. What if we just assumed most of us were normal people and not abnormally selfish or narcissists? Most of us ARE trying or simply don’t know how.
Believing the best in each other is the single greatest thing in helping us out of the hole. Thanks for your descriptions and encouragement. It’s helping as we keep working to grow in our weaknesses.
Love this! (I struggled with some of this too.)
Thank u! u made something click n my head that I hadn't ever considered or thought about before. Actually u made me see that he actually already tried to tell me. Something so crucial n he tried to tell me already. How could I have let it go over my head nissed it. I need to not only pay better attention but put myself in his shoes to attempt to recognized his position especially when he is trying to tell me. Perhaps that's what the whole empathy thing is about. U hit this one on the head there sister. Knocked it out of the park there for me n smack dab into my face like a ton of bricks. I frown at my shame but thank u for enlightening me. I tip my hat to u..thanks again
Always try to put yourself in the other person's shoes! This is the best way to see where they're coming from, in my experience!
I 100% relate to this. It’s scary. My husband feels like he can’t trust me to manage things. I don’t feel like I can trust myself and it feels like he just keeps heaping enormous expectations on me that I always fail to meet. He reminds me of that and critiques me almost every day. It’s a cycle and we’re trying to fix it. We both feel alone and disconnected. I struggle with whether his expectations are realistic or not and he seems to think they’re totally reasonable and continues be baffled by me. It’s exhausting for both of us. We’ve been going to counseling for a while and talking about our issues together. I just hope someday he understands how much I love him and am trying. I’m crying writing this now. I hope someday I feel loved and valued instead of shamed and criticized. We weren’t always like this but we’ve been married five years and sometime recently we both realized we had been feeling this way more and more for some time. We’re both a bit shocked at how difficult we are and what we ended up with when we chose this relationship. It feels like we’re not the people we thought we were in the beginning and it’s awful. I really hope and pray we can come out stronger and more together. Anyway, I really appreciate you sharing the struggle of how ADHD affects your relationship. I hate how isolating it is to be a woman who struggles with a man who doesn’t. It feels like we’re the odd couple a lot and we need to find some sort of supportive community for this.
I think its fixable, but it is damn painful. I kept going because I knew he was not a bad man and we still had a friendship outside of the fights. Our friendship carried us through a lot for a long time. Get assessed if you can for ADHD or trauma (which can look like ADHD). I’m also trying the book “fair play” which is supposed to be helpful for chore management-though I haven’t gotten through it yet so I’m not sure how it will go. What’s honestly worked for us the most is me learning to validate his feelings, but to stop over promising. What he feels matters and I really truly can’t do it so I’m not going to say I can. Standards had to drop or we had to hire a maid. He’s gradually relaxed and I’ve worked to be a bit better but it has been so painful and required a lot of inner work to keep going and healing at a sustainable pace. I think more than anything you two need an outside perspective that can help adjust expectations, establish what’s realistic, and see what’s going on. Good luck!
This is an ongoing work for us, and there has not been an end-but it has gotten lots better. I hope it does for you too. @@sarahs.9678
Trust requires consistency. ✅
Your videos have shown me that I am reaching the point where I've done everything I can. I've worked on myself, read the books, done years of therapy, taken all the medications to dull the pain of isolation and loneliness, have given up friends, and suppressed key components of myself. After 13 years, I can finally say I've done enough. Thing is, now I'm broken down to the point where I am disabled and can't raise the kids alone. But it's soothing to know it wasn't from lack of effort.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through Jessica :(
@@JimmyonRelationships Thank you for reading and responding. Even small hits of validation from internet people feel like giant hugs. I'm aware of how disordered that is and am getting off of youtube to touch grass... er... snow.
I felt your pain reading this and I’m so very sorry you had to go through all of that. I relate to you in so many ways.. you are so strong, please don’t ever give up. Heal and love yourself, you need that love more than ever right now. 😥❤️
So so sorry you had to go through this 🥺
I experienced exactly the same for more than 2 decades, and it left me broken, physically and mentally… trying to put myself together again too … mental pain became physical pain, my body kept the score, and I believe yours did too. Keeping you in my prayers to recover from it somehow 🙏🍀🥺💔🤗
I can relate to this too! My mental and emotional pain became physical but after an ex boyfriend ran into me with his car on purpose and broke my hip! A month later, after my hip replacement surgery and my narcissistic sister evicted me from my mother's home where I was supposed to be able to stay to recuperate, I woke up and could not walk because I had a stress fracture of my sacrum from having to move so soon after my surgery! Despite this, I have allowed my ex to stay in my life to this day because he is older and pretty much by himself without family. Most people don't understand this and a detective wanted me to press charges and a lawyer wanted me to sue him and get at least $150,000! I told him I wouldn't do it unless he agreed to it and offered to give him half of it! I still wouldn't do it because I will get money some other way someday! My karma is good and that's what's important to me! What goes around comes around and he who is without sin can cast the first stone! I'm not perfect by any means! But I would definitely not hurt someone intentionally!
Jimmy. I love your videos. But I especially love the reassurance you provide to survivors of any kind of abuse. Thank you for that. ❤
Watched this video with my husband and He actually paid attention and listened to the whole thing! Then we Talked about our relationship’s strengths and areas to give more attention to!!! Thank You Jimmy!!🙌🏽
This is my dream come true!!!!
@@JimmyonRelationshipsGoes to show your work with your personal life and audience is not in Vain. God bless.❤❤
"There is no room for dominant behavior",this is so true. And all of the rest you are spoken about.
Thank you,Thank you,Thank you.🙏🙏🙏
and now the relationship is "boring"
That's not true at all. A man needs to be dominate in so many ways. Dominate is not the same as controlling. Nearly every woman wants a man to be dominate in the bedroom. She also wants him to be very dominate in emergencies. A masculine man, who genuinely loves his wife, is very dominate but not at all controlling. He wants his wife's full participation in most every endeavor. If you want a simp of a man, then you will NOT respect him.
1. Caring listening
2. Caring understanding
“There is no room for dominant behavior.”
Yeah, I like you. Not selling anything, just out there trying to help people be happier. I like you a lot.
Unfortunately my SO doesn't seem to get it, but that doesn't change the fact that your videos cheer me up whenever the betrayal ptss is too bad. Thanks for being you, yo.
Mine doesn't get it either but these cheer me up to n gives me hope while I'm watching then kinda sink into this little depression state of why can't he be a little more like Jimmy. His wife has to be the luckiest wife in the world. He cheated on her but still if that's what would have to happen for SO to get it, we'll not proud to say it but I would do it in a heart beat..
Pretty much the most wholesome and down-to-earth video I‘ve watched in a while
Some people can learn this while they’re in a relationship some people cannot. Sometimes breaking up is the only way you can do the work on yourself.
Jimmy you're young enough to get your degree in counciling. I feel you are extremely good at this and better than most councilors out there. You have a gift. 😊
I’ve watched many of your videos. I’m recently widowed and trying to understand what I had in a beautiful and long (even if imperfect) marriage so I can move on and be successful. This particular video struck me especially because I sensed that over the years that you have been doing this, you have been growing and maturing in front of us. Congratulations on that. The desire to always strive for greater depth and understanding never finds an endpoint. It’s the journey, not the destination, that counts. Thank you.
I really love your videos. I’m still in my teens and in my first relationship, but you’ve really helped me understand what to do and why things happen, especially with all the negative content I’ve seen out there.
This means so much to me!!! You’re doing amazing learning about all this stuff ahead of time!!
Well done for doing this now! Please, always listen to your gut instinct. ❤❤❤
Take this from someone older... Introduce your future partners to these videos because nobody knows what they don't know and nobody is taught how to behave in relationship dynamics and even fewer people know how to properly interact with other people. I hurt my wife terribly because of my past behavior and cannot repair the damage. I can only move forward and become better iteratively. Trust me, watch these videos with your partners and save yourself a world of hurt down the line. @jimmyonrelationships is awesome!
This is so great that you are seeking this out. I sure wish we had this kind of access when I was your age! I’m going to bet you’re going to have wonderful relationships with people. Well done. Very mature. ❤
Jimmy, you would do great at creating a study guide or curriculum to go along with this video. There are many topics you touched on that could be it's own chapter in a study guide book. Hopefully your work will expand. You are really good at this.
That's really kind of you!
@@JimmyonRelationshipsthat's so correct!!!
Consider taking that nursing profession and carrying it into counseling. You're amazing with a definite "talent/calling" to help others. Thank you for all you do.
@@denisebayer8748Is Jimmy a nurse? I’ve never heard what his career is.
Why have I never found a professional who could articulate this failed relationship paradigm as clearly, sensibly, and usefully as you have, Jimmy on Relationships!?❤
I owe you way more, by the way. I just want to hit this button real quick for you.
This means so much to me!! You’re too kind!
The world needs to hear you. I love how you actually work to help both partners... displaying mutual respect. Please keep up the good work!!!
Thank you!
@@JimmyonRelationships Hi Jimmy! Love your videos! I would love for you to make a video on a list of the books and authors you read to gain insight that helped you improve yourself and your relationship. I'm trying to do the same but I have no idea where to start. God bless! Ty.
I am ASD and ADHD and your videos. Help me a lot but still have problems and I am still learning to fix my problems thank you
I learned that not taking accountability for one’s part in the relationship dynamics is a form of emotional abuse and will not allow that for myself or in my partner. Another good video Jimmy!
Goodness. You gave me the feels at the 12-minute mark. I imagined it was my common-law husband speaking like that to me. If he spoke so open like that, I would move mountains for him. But it's the opposite, and my relationship plant is slowly dying.
I'm so sorry
Best relationship advice on internet by far❤
Oh you're too kind! I know how much I still need to learn, but I'm trying =)
I agree!
This video makes me so sad because you spoke everything. I'm very hurt ..but he can't see ...he just cannot. He's just always right...I about give up...pray for us. It used to be so beautiful. 💔 I can't live to be emotionally abandoned all of the time...thank you Jimmy...it's been almost 6 years...I'm tired ..he doesn't really want this, I'm afraid of ...I'm so worn down...if he only spoke a few comforting words to me, it would be enough...but I get pushed away and abandoned in my deepest darkest trials ...completely. I'm too tired for this anymore. He doesn't want to fight for it so I see how little I may even mean to him...whoo...wow...and yes I've sent him many of your videos. Yes I've tried explaining to him for a few years now that just because I addressed something that bothers me doesn't mean it's an attack on him it means I want to resolve something. And in return I give him the same respect but it's a one-way road here. And it's his way.
I was in the same situation and I normalized it. 20 years. And this year I'm out. Moving out and getting divorced. Took me this long to learn I can't change anyone but myself.
Me 15 years. He is not a bad man, but she is so close minded and lack of communication is so real. I took the last week, we already talked and he seems very OK with this. We’re planning to celebrate in about four months and then divorce. Looking forward to not being hurt by abandonment or empathy towards my feelings
It so good to see men talking about such deep and beautiful things. I have never seen men be so thoughtful. Here in India men think their only job is to provide financially n wife should be thankful for this and rest is wife's headache, their best policy don't ask anything or hear anything, they don't want to be bothered and stay happy in their own world.😢
I'm sorry =( that's not love
Please don't make this much heavy generalization mam! This used to happen in the past for sure but things have changed a lot in this regard and this generation is surely better than the previous generation. I would request you to rather educate your kids( if u have any) especially son in this regard as sons are closest to their mothers.
True, I have a lovely son and hopefully he'll be an empathetic person, I guess newer generation is better in that sense, am talking after seeing men in our family and society, n don't think I come from rural place or so, am a pediatrician living in a metro n am not saying men here are bad or abusive, infact they are more faithful then other countries. Men here though well educated and on good position have very low emotional quotient, they feel it's embarrassing to talk about emotions. I have a good husband, but its like living a lonely marriage.
@@snehalvernekar5374 You know what as I rightly mentioned it's the mother who mainly shapes the child(in Indian society). So, if mothers like you would start educating their children about how emotions don't equate to weakness,they don't always have to put the mask of toughness on, they can show their emotions atleast to the women in their lives etc., a lot of things will start improving. Consequently, we might see some amazing fathers who are empathetic towards their children, who can tell them that they'll always be there for them. So, everyone has to do one's bit to move towards a better society.
Even though I wasn't raised that way but here is my bit of work towards that society, I promise I'll try to be a cool dad.
@@Yuv3892 I think you’re invalidating her feelings and placing the blame into the mothers that are racing those kids. They learn from the father’s behavior as well.
I have learned a lot about myself through your videos. Thank you for your calm and thoughtful presentation.
thank you for making the content you do, jimmy. i found your channel when i was at my lowest in terms of emotional maturity and regulation, suffering from multiple anxiety disorders, and you motivated me to be hard on myself and get rid of my anxious attachment tendencies, and finally talk to my therapist about treating my anxiety issues and be a better communicator. your talent as a motivational speaker is something to be very, very proud of.
This is incredibly nice of you to say! We're all on a healing journey right!? You're doing amazing!
I love your plant analogy. You do speak femininity. Safety is the only first step. Treat yourself the way you treat others. ✨️
They want us to feel the pain that they feel deep down. This is so true! We aren't responsible for their emotional responsiveness.
If I would’ve seen this months ago my relationship wouldn’t be on the line. Thank you for your words I’ll internalized this information and I hope that we can get back to where we once were.
I love how blunt and honest you are😊
These shorties are filled with knowledge and wisdom...changing me one shortie at a time...THANK YOU 😊❤
Thank you for this video, it's exactly what I needed to hear right now. It's scary to open up and be vulnerable, but it's so worth it.
You are literally speaking directly to me right now, so so relatable and relevant to me and my past relationship. this is gold.
I cannot express how great you are, keep being wonderful x
So good. There’s a lot of toxic videos on RUclips teaching otherwise. We have to be careful what we listen to. ❤
So true!
I absolutely love what you had to say about safety. What a respectful, wise and beautiful way to talk to people who have been less than safe in relationships. It's like you were gently speaking directly to my past boyfriend and me. Blew my mind.
Just asked the wife what she needs and she gave me the most enlightening response. Prompted a deeper and open conversation regarding areas I need to improve on and I felt no defensiveness this time.
Thank you sir. 🥲
I love this! Well done!!
They should show this video in high schools - it is hands-down the best relationship advice I’ve ever heard. Your fun videos are also a wonderful way for people to share your advice with friends who they might normally be hesitant to approach, but want to help. You’re a gifted therapist! ❤
Hello! Currently single person here! I found you through the short and i just want to say, thanks for all you do here! I can already see the results with family and friends, i believe that me finding you now will help me when i am in a relationship. I don’t know if anyone else is here like me. But i hope that they might see results watching you
This means so much to me!
Here’s another like you, hoping the same thing for my future marriage (if the Lord allows). These videos are pure gold.
I am so glad I found your channel. So much of what you say is true in my relationship and it has helped me turn myself around. Thank you. ❤
That’s so kind of you. You said that you were praying for us. Love that.
Thank you for these videos. They are very, very helpful.
Absolutely!
I have to say, I've taken all of your advice, utilized the tools you provide on your skits. It's amazing what a change on our home. So bright and hopeful. Even if I do end up divorced we will split amicably and as a parent team. Thank you from my ❤.
❤️
I’ve tried showing my husband Jimmy’s videos, especially the ones about fighting, invalidating, narcissism, helping with chores, etc videos. I’m not great with communicating and all our years married I’ve never learned to properly voice or speak to my husband in a way he would listen and understand. Finding these videos opened an aha moment and it made me feel so happy that I found this guy who was able to say exactly what I’ve always wanted to explain to my husband and I sent him a few of these videos thinking maybe my husband will listen to this male and get finally what I’ve been trying to tell him and then later I asked him if he got anything out of them and he said no. Then he says why couldn’t I just tell him what these videos are saying, and I told him that all my life I’ve tried to tell him but he never listens and understands and these videos explain clearly what I’ve been trying to tell him. But he doesn’t get anything out of them. I’m not perfect, I’ve caused damage in our marriage relationship, but I’m trying to fight for it. I feel like the only one wanting to change. And honestly I’ve thought for a really long time about separation, not divorce, but give time away from each other. But it’s hard bc we have children and I don’t want to damage my kids. Sometimes I wonder if my husband is narcissistic but then sometimes I wonder if I am when I read the characteristics of one and I check the boxes, not all of them but most. I don’t know, I’m trying to change, I don’t want our marriage to end but sometimes I feel that it’s already there, I’m just hoping a little bit longer.
I feel this other than the children part because ours is grown and gone. And we have been married for 38 yrs. So confused and torn on what to do with life. Feeling numb inside from it all.
Maybe you could be codependent. Here is a recovery workbook to find out and help with healing:
spiritofliferecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Coda-Workbook-on-PDF.pdf
Just know, my parents stayed together and they ruined relationships for my brother and I. It would have been far better if they'd divorced. You need to both want to make it work, or it's over.
@@daisy9910 I am so sorry about that for you. I sometimes wonder if I ruined or caused things bad for my children.
@@sheriturner6118I found out about narcissism and divorced my husband after 32 years. Worked so hard on my marriage and nothing worked. Now I know the whole marriage was destined for failure from the beginning because a narcissist just manipulates and never truly loves. It’s been heartbreaking but I’m healing. I was never more lonely than when I was in the marriage.
My kids are also adults. One took it well because she understood my husbands narcissism years before I did. My other adult child finally got the attention he always wanted from his dad. He believed the lies his dad told him during the divorce while I didn’t share anything with my kids (I wasn’t supposed to confide in my kids about their dad) but he has come around. He now sees his father and has put boundaries on him while we’ve grown closer. Best to you! ❤
In the first 2 minutes you literally touched my soul and it made me cry. Thank you
Love these longer, involved vids. So much information and enlightenment. Thank you!❤❤
That means so much! Thank you!
This is so neccesary, honest, wise and uplifting video's! Keep them comming🤗
Thanks Jimmy
Sure appreciate all you do.
My relationship is doing so much better being aware of these things you show us.
Im praying for you too Brother.
Let's 'pray it forward' with no end to doing our part in changing relationships, one couple at a time 🙏✝️🙏
I really appreciate that you are empathetic to people who can be scary and aggressive. I am someone who needed really firm boundaries held with me, that helped me grow a lot out of just lashing out and being nasty and violent any time someone hurt my feelings. I am really grateful to everyone in my life who was brave enough to walk away from me when my behavior was unacceptable--I couldn't have stopped if no one ever held me accountable. But I needed compassion too and I often didn't get it.
When many people’s relationships end that’s it. Sometimes they learn from their mistakes, sometimes they don’t. You’ve taken the chance not only to learn, but to apply your knowledge to help others in similar situations. I’ve learned so much for your videos. Thank you
So many guys trying to figure out what women want but missing the mark still after so long. Well guys, this is it. This is what attracts women. I literally started thinking I was a lesbian bc you don't find this in men. Το κάτι
Can't tell you how many women I've spoken with who say *exactly* the same thing. And I agree. We'd be fine being a lesbian if we were wired to want bedroom time too with a woman, because all the *human* things (affection/loving/emotional intimacy/prioritizing) we crave from our male partner seem only to be found in women.😢 I've said for many years, wish I had a sister wife in this relationship; I'm exhausted from the loneliness & neglect.
SUPER RIGHT ON POINT!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I wish all these words would remain in my head as I speak to the other person.
Thank you for this!! :)
This is the best video on relationships I have ever seen. Thank you for this
This is so kind of you!!
Going through this tough time now. We are both trying to make sure there is not more hurt. Thank you for all your videos. I’ve been watching for a long while now. Helpful and creates hope. 😊
Jimmy, you are just AMAZING. I have learnt so much from you not just about my relationship, but also myself. Thank you for all your hard work and compassion.
Love your videos ❤
Everyone needs to see this! Thank you for speaking truth.
This is so incredibly powerful. I'll be watching this multiple times along with all your other videos. I need this type of action in my relationship with my wife.
How do you not have over a million followers? I’m learning a lot from you thankyou!
That’s very kind of you!
Its good to see you have a ❤️heart and given such heartfelt knowing, you literally put those shoes on your feet and felt IT! Cheers to you.💜
I started to ask all these question and set my boundaries right before finding your canal and you help me put thoughts into words and I send your work to all my sisters so that they can have a healthier relationship with there partners ❤ thank you
This is so kind of you to say!
I find your videos extremely helpful but it’s impossible for me to have a conversation with my husband, because for him everything is my fault and if I want the relationship to survive I am THE ONLY ONE who has to change, that everything depends on me.
But I follow your advice, I do my best and apologize when I’m wrong… but he’s never wrong, he’s never accountable… I’m so exhausted…
Watching this video and suddenly I’m crying. Thank you!!!
It feels so safe to be heard and validated! =)
Got me all choked up too
Woke up, got coffee and listened to your voice & priceless information. Headed to first visit to
marriage counselor & now have words to describe my withering 🌱 plant problem! ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Your videos are incredible. Ive been watching you for a while, then of course my therapist sends me a link to your channel as well haha. Officially recommended!
My relationship is finally righting itself, now to figure out if its too late. So much has been lost over the years.
Hurt people hurt people... Never heard of that, it makes so much sense.
Greetings from Germany ☀️
You did an exemplary job here, Jimmy!
I find all your videos very good and clearly a decent amount of thinking and effort are expended on them. However, this one in particular, I think, is the cream of all your work here on YT!
You made some really good and balanced points, especially towards the end of the video.
One such point that I have been telling myself during the 30 years of my marriage, when everything seems to fail, is that I should continue to do well and strive to do my best not to lose control of myself and actions, irrespective of how bad the other person is acting towards me, so that at least if and when I leave the relationship I won't have feelings of guilt or regret. Not to mention that we are accountable by God and so we should get our act straight. I do this in all relationships, by the way, not just with 'emotional partners' (i.e. the husband, since I am a believer and follower of God).
Thank you again for such a focused and quality video. May Allah bless your work, marriage and all other aspects of your life. May you continue to benefit and save relationships.
Thank you for this!!
You’re sooo helpful as I struggle with my relationship! Thank you for your awakening advice !
1 thing…. “Emotional Responsibleness” ❤
I wish I knew how to express my needs so well before. Just been through a fight with my current girlfriend and I haven't been able to tell her, validating eachothers feelings is non-negotiable in a way she understands or accepts what I'm asking for. It's causing a huge rift between us, because to me that's a non-negotiable.
You're absolutely right, validating each other's feelings (that doesn't mean agreeing with why they are happening, that doesn't mean agreeing with any accusations or name calling, but just validating feelings as real) is an absolute must if we want a mutually fulfilling relationship with someone.
Jimmy, this is the most helpful info you have shared yet!! Thank you!!!
Thank you!!!
You are a precious Godsend. Thank you.
I watched this in it's entirety, and realized that I don't want to save the relationship I'm in. It's been 21 years of absolute hell. I am preparing myself to leave.
Thank you very much for sharing all your advices!
I do not have a partner a the moment, but it helps me so much to understand many situations. I hope to give my best when that special person comes into my life. Kind regards from Spain 🇪🇸 🙋🏽♀️
This is great content Jimmy! Your way of communicating is so powerful. You’re helping so many people with these videos, to cultivate healthier relationships ❤. This helps me heal my heartbreak from a relationship that ended and helps me realize what I want to change and what didn’t work.
I listen to you and it makes me sad for my relationship..... It feels like I'm too tired to communicate to my partner that my words matter... You are so incredibly helpful 🙏🙏🙏
I really appreciate this video, thanks Jimmy! I think I really have been justifying my own behavior based on past events . The things you say really help me want to grow up and do better more than focus on what others are doing wrong. I think your getting through to me, thanks again!
Jimmy I just wanted to thank you.
Your videos have made such a huge positive impact on my marriage with my husband. The way you take the role of both men and women and give a voice and validation to both partners perspectives has saved my marriage. My husband and I started sending each other your videos to explain our feelings when we lacked the skills to do so and now I catch my husband actively using the skills you show in your videos and i see myself catching my disregulation and challenging behaviours and patterns before they escalate. I go out of my way now to communicate when in the past I gave up because I felt couldn't do it anymore. I feel safe to share my feelings with my husband and we have grown our 15 year relationship into a stable, loving marriage. I feel so much more connected to my husband than I ever have and I see so much change in him.
Thank you ❤
Thank you for your videos. I am so grateful I’ve watched them for the last 6 weeks.
Men. Kiss a woman (etc.) then walk away. This signals your love for her and shows her you won’t just love on her when you’re ready for some bedroom action. Then repeat throughout the day. You’ll get lucky much more often, I promise. 🍀
A big thing that has been an issue is people pleasing behavior. Aka fawning. I am pretty familiar with this trauma response, not saying im perfect at it. But i try to put down boundaries and be honest about how I feel, update people when Im not meeting expectations like I thought I could etc.
They do not lay down boundaries, or voice their needs or wants and do a knee jerk people pleasing response. It leads to over promising, and frustration on their part feeling like no one values their needs. But there are times where there is no way of me knowing what their needs are when they have actively been saying the opposite. It has led me to feel like I can't trust what they say in certain contexts. I can't trust them to be reliable when they say they will do something. Even though the source of this is insecurity, people pleasing and best intentions, it is hurtful, not only to themselves because they are not advocating for themselves, but hurtful to others when they fail to meet the expectations they promised and then didn't communicate an update that they couldn't follow through and end up either not showing up or situations where something isn't done to the full expectation (like being 4 hours late to something for example).
Not looking for advice, but contributing to the conversation of how trust is lost. Its not always about lying, its about a lack of honesty and transparency. If they said "Im struggling I need more time" or "hey I know I said id do this but turns out I over promised", it would go a long way for me, but instead its a constant issue of them forgetting or being late or telling me several hours too late that something changed. It has also led to several occasions where they explode with feelings about how their wants and needs aren't respect, yet its the first time im hearing about it. And the expectation is for people to stop asking but the reality is they need to start saying no.
This is a really powerful channel and resource. Much needed. Thank you. ❤
So kind of you!!
Thank you for your empathetic eloquent explanations. It has helped me so much to even understand why I feel so tired in my relationships, and also how to move PAST it. Thank you.
Thank you sooo very much for all of it!! God bless you too!!
Jimmy, I watch your videos because you have such great insight and you share it clearly. I believe you speak from experience, and that is great because you share vulnerability and you share your outcomes. My partner of 39 yrs died before I discovered your videos. We mostly lived a tolerated relationship with each other. I grasp trying to find memories that exhibited love. I'm hopeful that you continue to reach couples so their relationships prosper in love. Bless you.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this
You are amazing and I just want you to know how appreciated you are!!!❤
This means so much!
Thank you for this, you really help make things clear and easy to understand, I appreciate you ❤
Thank you! I've just finished my relationship because of her cheating. And your channel is the thing I so needed!! Unfortunately I found it only now, but I am really grateful to find it at all and I am really thankful for all the job u are doing here. Thank you!
Unfortunately it is not looking like I can save the relationship I had as well as probably there are no chances to build a new one with that person. We have so much behind us.... w@r in Ukraine, moving to Canada etc...
But at least I have the chance and hope to build something beautiful in the future.
here I am listening to your Video as I clean my Room after a fight with my Partner. We're long distance and I've been able to come live with him for a few Months, and suddenly we're from "I miss you" messages everyday, to him disregarding me more than often to play Videogames with his friends for hours.. and when you said "If your Partner gives you the alone time you need, reassure them when you'll be back, plan a date night" I couldn't help but tear up.. you've basically put how I'm feeling into words yet again and I hope that by showing him this Video we can move past this and improve our Relationship.
I hope he comes to understand how much it hurts when he disregards you =(
You have a wonderful spark-- new name Sparky😂❤😂 I love how you get your message accross.❤
Although an agreed upon and mutual power dynamic can be mutually fulfilling too when it's done with the same trust and respect he's speaking of where both partners are valued and appreciated for what they bring to the relationship.
I married at 25 and divorced 21 years later. I was raised in a loving home, brought compassion and love into the relationship. You don't have to be a child from an abusive household to develop unhealthy communication skills. My EX started yelling in arguments shortly after we cohabitated, her being Latina I chalked it up to being warm blooded, she has passion. She became relentless in winning arguments so I figured I needed to fight fire with fire. 21 years of this and I became someone I unknowingly despised, now just a few years after divorce and I can see myself for who I was, Inner Child and Shadow Work has lead me to develop compassion for myself and love others accordingly.
Is it too late when you've broken up and then you find out all of this and you realize it could have been fixed so "easily"....
no it isn't because you're still alive, you can heal and have a fulfilling rewarding connection with others. some never find this information till their life is over
Your videos helped me express my feelings and helped my hubby learn to empathise and validate instead of applying logic to my emotion. Yikes the walls that had gone up. 😬
Thanks again Jimmy. A MILLION TIMES ❤
This means a lot to me Mimi!!