What worst is vulnerable people have to deal with a "narcissistic" person working in social care, employment zones I have faced this before they have all the control and power over you.
I remember the control and power struggle all too well. I didn't notice how controlling he was, because it was more covert. My aunt kept pointing it out and I'd deny that he was chauvinistic. He wasn't, that wasn't the issue, but he slowly but surely gained control of my car and had me taking on the responsibilities w/ him doing next to nothing. He got control of the car by refusing all boundaries about it. It constantly smelled like smoke, and he'd lean in on purpose w/ a cig and just could never remember not to. He'd tell me to watch out for the curb from the first block I'd be driving away. Eventually he got his happy place w/ him always driving because I didn't want the headache of fighting him to drive my own damn car. I'd be simmering, he didn't give a crap as long as he got his way. Subtle ways of gaining control that added up to not so subtle at the end. I'd try and approach him about doing something and he'd agree, but I learned to recognize that dismissive look that meant, nope, still not happening. It took colossal effort to get him to contribute much of anything and everything was wait. Never could just do something it was wait for hours. When going out together, we were always running late, because he'd sit and wait for me to be ready, then decide to take a shower or do some last minute thing as soon as I was ready. These were some of the many smaller signals of the power struggle. The end was relentless lying and cheating. 10 yrs wasted, 5 months out. I hope I get to a point where it doesn't seem like all a waste. Someone recently said they were grateful for the hell they went through because of the lessons it taught them and how strong they are now.
Have been super careful after my narcissist. Even if I attracted another narcissist, the need to know info is truly minimal. There's a lot people don't need to know.
Exactly !! Me and ex decided to keep the gender of our second baby a secret only for him to humiliate me in front of his family and tell them the gender .. and it was his idea to make it a surprise .. only for him to turn around and tell everyone in front of me .. boundaries are like a challenge for them
I think that was my ex's favourite trick. I used to hope he'd realize what he was doing and come up w/ the right steps to make it right. All he'd ever do is echo back to me things I'd fed to him that were very wrong. It was like he had no insight or any original thoughts on what was wrong. He'd weakly use my wording. No follow through or change, just future faking. I stopped feeding him things to future fake about. Lying and cheating at the end 10 years was the last straw and kicked him out 5 months ago.
My ex narc knew how my first ex treated me and would always say "he should of hit you harder". Any fears I had from even childhood he would use it as a joke or to belittle me. Everything they said they would never do, they did it 10 x worst. All your good, they don't remember just the negative they helped create.
I’m sorry to hear that and I’m sorry you had to experience that. I commend you for putting yourself out there again and being open and honest. My biggest fear is going through narcissistic abuse ever again or meeting someone going through what you mentioned… I hope you find you peace
@Jewels thank you, I am still at the point I don't trust much and still scared of relationships. One lesson he taught me was to be OK being alone and not that i couldn't be
@Jewels Sorry, I never had a problem being alone. I had things to occupy me or work or kids, but it was a different solitude. These days, I depend on myself and enjoy the peacefulness of it. With him when he would be around, it was chaos, self-made drama, nothing nor Noone could be right. When I would be around him I always felt tense and near the end I would literally get sick to my stomach. Now when I talk to others I listine to my body and if it doesn't feel right I listine. I didn't do that before and that has been one of my life lessons.
@@robertathompsonzellmer2027 I’m there too.. trying to be okay with being alone.. my ex husband left me with 3 kids under 5 all because I held him accountable for his actions. He didn’t want to be held accountable or being called out for his mistreatment toward me and our babies. Instead of apologizing he continued to tarnish my name and reputation to whoever would listen, only to leave the whole country with no return date. All because I held him accountable.. it’s crazy how things happen but I for sure won’t be trusting another person with my life. If the man I gave 10 years of my life and 3 beautiful babies can run me over like that carelessly .. anyone can.
@@robertathompsonzellmer2027 wow it’s like you’re explaining my exact situation !! Especially the sick to the stomach .. I definitely listen to my guy waaaaay more now, especially because it’s been right all this long , I just chose to overlook it
That is very wise. Our last try the last of 10 years, I made the mistake of thinking I shouldn't be vague and had to let him know specifically what was wrong and how to make it right. This is what to do in a normal relationship, but I didn't realize he was narcissistic. I noticed this pattern of very weakly going through the motions of echoing back to me things I'd asked for. It was just future faking and didn't get followed through on. He never did come up w/ things on his own. Bare minimum effort, or rather appearance of effort.
How come no inkling or anything ever tells y’all mofos to snap outta that shit is there no concept of aging n not wanting to end up alone when discovered n exposed by mostly everyone
What worst is vulnerable people have to deal with a "narcissistic" person working in social care, employment zones I have faced this before they have all the control and power over you.
I remember the control and power struggle all too well. I didn't notice how controlling he was, because it was more covert. My aunt kept pointing it out and I'd deny that he was chauvinistic. He wasn't, that wasn't the issue, but he slowly but surely gained control of my car and had me taking on the responsibilities w/ him doing next to nothing. He got control of the car by refusing all boundaries about it. It constantly smelled like smoke, and he'd lean in on purpose w/ a cig and just could never remember not to. He'd tell me to watch out for the curb from the first block I'd be driving away. Eventually he got his happy place w/ him always driving because I didn't want the headache of fighting him to drive my own damn car. I'd be simmering, he didn't give a crap as long as he got his way. Subtle ways of gaining control that added up to not so subtle at the end.
I'd try and approach him about doing something and he'd agree, but I learned to recognize that dismissive look that meant, nope, still not happening. It took colossal effort to get him to contribute much of anything and everything was wait. Never could just do something it was wait for hours. When going out together, we were always running late, because he'd sit and wait for me to be ready, then decide to take a shower or do some last minute thing as soon as I was ready. These were some of the many smaller signals of the power struggle. The end was relentless lying and cheating. 10 yrs wasted, 5 months out. I hope I get to a point where it doesn't seem like all a waste. Someone recently said they were grateful for the hell they went through because of the lessons it taught them and how strong they are now.
Have been super careful after my narcissist. Even if I attracted another narcissist, the need to know info is truly minimal. There's a lot people don't need to know.
Example: When you come around to an idea/thing that they wanted and then in front of other people they make fun of you for wanting that idea,/thing.
Exactly !! Me and ex decided to keep the gender of our second baby a secret only for him to humiliate me in front of his family and tell them the gender .. and it was his idea to make it a surprise .. only for him to turn around and tell everyone in front of me .. boundaries are like a challenge for them
Ever have a narc repeat back to you exactly what you said to them days before as if it’s their own thought?
Yes! That is a popular one too
I think that was my ex's favourite trick. I used to hope he'd realize what he was doing and come up w/ the right steps to make it right. All he'd ever do is echo back to me things I'd fed to him that were very wrong. It was like he had no insight or any original thoughts on what was wrong. He'd weakly use my wording. No follow through or change, just future faking. I stopped feeding him things to future fake about. Lying and cheating at the end 10 years was the last straw and kicked him out 5 months ago.
My ex narc knew how my first ex treated me and would always say "he should of hit you harder". Any fears I had from even childhood he would use it as a joke or to belittle me. Everything they said they would never do, they did it 10 x worst. All your good, they don't remember just the negative they helped create.
I’m sorry to hear that and I’m sorry you had to experience that. I commend you for putting yourself out there again and being open and honest. My biggest fear is going through narcissistic abuse ever again or meeting someone going through what you mentioned… I hope you find you peace
@Jewels thank you, I am still at the point I don't trust much and still scared of relationships. One lesson he taught me was to be OK being alone and not that i couldn't be
@Jewels Sorry, I never had a problem being alone. I had things to occupy me or work or kids, but it was a different solitude. These days, I depend on myself and enjoy the peacefulness of it. With him when he would be around, it was chaos, self-made drama, nothing nor Noone could be right. When I would be around him I always felt tense and near the end I would literally get sick to my stomach. Now when I talk to others I listine to my body and if it doesn't feel right I listine. I didn't do that before and that has been one of my life lessons.
@@robertathompsonzellmer2027 I’m there too.. trying to be okay with being alone.. my ex husband left me with 3 kids under 5 all because I held him accountable for his actions. He didn’t want to be held accountable or being called out for his mistreatment toward me and our babies. Instead of apologizing he continued to tarnish my name and reputation to whoever would listen, only to leave the whole country with no return date. All because I held him accountable.. it’s crazy how things happen but I for sure won’t be trusting another person with my life. If the man I gave 10 years of my life and 3 beautiful babies can run me over like that carelessly .. anyone can.
@@robertathompsonzellmer2027 wow it’s like you’re explaining my exact situation !! Especially the sick to the stomach .. I definitely listen to my guy waaaaay more now, especially because it’s been right all this long , I just chose to overlook it
Mine totally tried to get a "list" of things he should do to "win" me back... I said no, go figure it out for yourself.
That is very wise. Our last try the last of 10 years, I made the mistake of thinking I shouldn't be vague and had to let him know specifically what was wrong and how to make it right. This is what to do in a normal relationship, but I didn't realize he was narcissistic. I noticed this pattern of very weakly going through the motions of echoing back to me things I'd asked for. It was just future faking and didn't get followed through on. He never did come up w/ things on his own. Bare minimum effort, or rather appearance of effort.
How come no inkling or anything ever tells y’all mofos to snap outta that shit is there no concept of aging n not wanting to end up alone when discovered n exposed by mostly everyone
👍💚