How I lost my identity but found my worth | Jeannie Woller | TEDxUSU
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- Опубликовано: 1 дек 2016
- The inevitability of change and transition is petrifying; our identity is constantly called into question as things end, begin, or shift. As a just-graduated college student and former D1 soccer player, the largest components of how Jeannie identified had been stripped, leaving her raw and exposed. However it was only in that most vulnerable state, that she caught glimpses of the person she would become.
Jeannie Woller graduated from Utah State University with a BS in English. She served as goalkeeper for Utah State University’s women’s soccer team and received numerous team, regional, and national accolades, both athletic and academic.
As an undergraduate, Jeannie participated in Ignite USU, a student speaker series held during Research Week. She was a 3-year member of USU’s Slam Poetry team, continuously striving to find a creative identity to pair with her overwhelmingly athletic one.
Jeannie works in Salt Lake City as a goalkeeper coach, a reading and writing tutor, as well as an audio production Intern for a local storytelling event.
Jeannie wants you to forget all these facts about her, because her goal in life is to not continually introduce herself with her past successes, but instead as someone who wants to understand how the mind can connect with the voice in order to highlight individual and shared experiences. She is figuring out a way to make that her career.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
So wise for her years. This is how I feel about me after my career loss after developing illness.
I don’t know how to rebuild a different self.
It hurts so much, difficult to explain in words to those who haven't experienced.. I have, and it's so terrifying and unhappy. I hope you are getting better .
4:29 Absolutely beautiful message! How many of us spent our lives attaching our lives to titles, only to feel we are lost, or lose our identity , just because those titles no longer apply to us?
So true! If we were not worthy, God would not have bothered to create us. Thanks for the encouragement, Jeannie!
Well, God doesn't exist, so that falls apart. How about instead of hinging your self worth on some imaginary friend, you try to just work to make yourself happy and work to have the best life possible in the one lifetime that you have? I know I probably came off as aggressive in this comment, but I genuinely want to see you really make something of yourself
Thank you 🎉, EXACTLY. I've been Suffering! Every day!... I've always since high school wanted to be a City Bus Driver. It took me till age 40 to get in.! One of the happiest day in my life.!! I loved thud job, and everything about it!. The job, routes, coworkers, purpose IDENTITY, activities at work. Then , early retirement was offered, Many of my friends jumped on it!, and convinced me to also. I realized it wasn't for me... and went back, but was told I had been retired, that I was late on the return date that I thought I had. I went into Shock..! I loved my workplace and my job! I went into deep depression, and haven't enjoyed a day of retirement. I no longer do anything or go anywhere! I don't enjoy life, and often think of ending it. I'm always down, unhappy,.. empty. I nolonger care about myself or anyone else... this Tedx on identity,... I SO deeply understand. 🙏pls. Thank you, everyone 🙌
Brilliant speech. I also felt like i lost my idendity after quiting soccer. I didnt really understand it at the time, but know i know better, and im trying to find my worth.
Your speech was so inspiring and moving. Thank you for this, I needed it
I think you did a great job. you have something special about you. I hope you choose to be a coach or politician. our girls need you out front - leading the way. keep it going!
I'm trying to find my identity again.
For years now I dont really recognise myself. I suffer from depression and anxiety and PTSD.
I had to give up on a sport years ago because of an accident.
I've had trouble with my identity since.
A lot of bad things have happened in my life and the person I was or thought I was just does not exist. I've tried numerous things to try and find out who I am but nothing works.
It's a horrible existence, when
you loose who you are, I long to be the person I used to be but he is just not there anymore. I'm just a walking zombie that just goes through the motions of life without really living.
No joy ,no hope,just waiting to die.
I feel you.!!! And your comment hit my so hard!
It's me.!!!
I too lost my sport, a 9x State Champion, even without competition I loved my sport,.. its OVER. Then I lost my career job.!! I loved this Job, the coworkers, my identity, purpose, and way of life. Now, without my sport, and Job. I'm nothing!! I want to be who I was.! I went into shock, loosing my job... and have horrible anxiety, that led to Depression!, and insomnia. I lost all will, want to live. I'm unable to go anywhere, do anything,... I try so hard to just get outside to do anything... like a quick walk, or maybe try going to the gym again... but,... I struggle. Ive already thought of ending my misery.... I hope I stop this, and somehow get better asap. 🙏for You.!!!! I'm w/u ✨️
Beautiful, she actually described me!! Thank you very much ❣️
4 3 2 1 I tipped in a last shot under the basket as the buzzer went off but we were 10 points behind in a must win game; the season and my high school basketball career was suddenly over.
Fast forward 47 years, I take a selfie in front of a clinic I worked at for 36 years as I walked toward the parking lot. I’m suddenly retired.
Same feeling except more intense. You to a large degree are what you do along with the people you know doing it. These change suddenly and permanently sometimes. That’s the nature of life. Fortunately the holes get filled in mostly. Time is a great healer.
Girl I have been there...still am at times. May God be with you.
Never related so much to a video in my life. I’m literally in tears.
@Anastasia Graves I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
Same sis
Hello everyone. This was an amazing talk and I couldn't appreciate it more. I totally get what she's talking about as I related myself to an identity which was in a relationship with a girl for more than three years and when we broke up, I didn't know what to do because that's all I did in those three long years, to be her boyfriend. I've been really struggling from last 6 months as we broke up in March this year but it's been better lately since I started paying attention to other aspects of my life like my career and family. Stay strong all those who are struggling with losing their old identity to transition to a new one.
My idendity was also really linked to my realtionship. When we broke up, i felt like i lost my self and that i had to kinda start my life again, and that wasnt easy. So i totally understand where you are coming from bro. Now i have started to pay attention on my carerr and soccer, and its getting better day by day.
been watching videos about identity crisis because im going through one and this is the best one ive seen, very relatable
I love the way the light keeps shining right out of her root chakra :) 😇
Not an athlete. Just a mom. Formerly career-driven professional. Cannot seem to stop crying while watching this video.
Thank you for being so courageous. You are an inspiration to me, and I'm sure to many others. I wish we would ALL be open and honest about our internal struggles. Maybe then, we wouldn't feel so isolated and overwhelmed. And we could help each other become the best version of ourselves - as you have helped me today. Thanks again, Ms. Woller.
Kia kaha from New Zealand ( means Stay Strong) Great talk. You have brought things into the light here especially our addiction to external validation. Hits home for me! Thank you. 😎
Thank you
I genuinely needed this!
I really needed that today. I’m 30 and have overcome an array of losing my true love for a career I had and lost my identity in the process, I lost my girlfriend at the moment, I had to move house as well and still currently going through this pain and uncertainty, I know now that’s it’s okay to feel like this because I want to become a good person and move forward in time opening myself up to new opportunities without anybody or myself putting me down. Stay in the present and put yourself out of your comfort zone and things will eventually fall in place to your true destiny and happiness.
This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing
Thank you for sharing and being so honest and open. For sharing your journey. I've sent your talk into a number of younger (I'm over 50!) friends. Although as you've said a lose of identity can affect any age. As individual humans we still strive for connection and purpose within our tribes. My current philosophical struggle is the balance between being part of an identifiable community, leading a community and still being strong enough to do survive outside the community
Man, that hit home hard 😢 Self-love is so so important. It shapes everything else.
thank you. this feels reassuring and I am grateful that I am able to watch this.
This speech highlights the irrationality of self identification and the problem of comparison. Unfortunately our education systems train us to be obsessive compulsive problem solvers (thinkers), self evaluators, and comparers. It also trains us to contemplate what we are to become. This means we are inadequate now but may become something of worth in the future. No wonder there is such a mental health problem.
For anyone interested in this topic, I suggest Looking into the philosophy of Jiddu Krishnamurti, especially talks on the ego, education, comparison and becoming. You may come to some very important realisations if you're patient and attentive.
👏👏👏👏👏...wow, powerful and transparent. What we need today in our society is transparency...being true to ourselves and others. Great speech 👍.
Bruh, I needed this, thanks.
Great talk and very inspiring!
Evidently well prepared, but also, such an authenticity shining through that can't be practiced, but just is inherent in you and of great value to others to be in the presence of.
Thank You
Well that made me cry
My therapist keeps saying "you are good enough"
I asked one day "good enough for what?"
No response
Partially agree. We all seeking validation in others. We didnt born to be alone. Self growth its all about acceptance and moving forward. Being open but searching what is meaningful for you not for others.
loss of structure is no joke. The US education system is mostly to blame for your post collegiate "fish out of water" feeling. The system coddles for decades then throws you into the real world. Jobs sadly don't provide the same level of reinforcement that is lost, but if you are healthy and clever you can still create it in other ways. You also learn to question...everything which itself can be paralyzing. You realize and try to live a day at a time, try to avoid addictions, maybe settle down, get married, have a kid and try to live a normal life. Brave talk
Excellent!!
Loved her
Not me clapping at my laptop that was incredible
Bueeeeeenaaaaaaaa!!!!!!
Amazing! Thank you for sharing this!
"I Am Life", full 360 degree, simply complex , do not come in half measures and cannot exist in half measures, whether you look and live me or yourself in linear, circular, triangular, rectangular or any other way...and being human that I identify with, is just the big and small identity of the organic process called life, that I Am.
You are more than good enough, Jeannie! So insightful and way beyond the skill set of a soccer goalie! xoxo
Perhaps this is a conversation I need to have with myself more often.... The thing is, I tend to hold onto negative coping mechanisms, and it's easier to build up walls than to let people in once things really do start falling apart. The last person I let in at work was my boss who has now moved on. I feel like now that he's gone, things have kind of come back to square one... most of the people I work with are nice, but do I trust them on a personal level? No. Needless to say that this is a perspective that resonates with me every time I'm faced with change in one way or another. Change in the outside world, or change in my inner world... sometimes, familiarity can be a good thing. I guess I need to learn contentment more often instead of constantly avoiding it just so that I can keep myself out of complacency, if that makes sense.
Fantastic, strong woman, thank you!
needed this! Thank you!
A very important issue faced by us all in this age. Thank you for bringing it to our attention.
Very helpful 👌
Yup, We all are good enough, we don't need to seek of outside validation.
Jeannie, it takes incredible courage to meet this challenge at any age, but at so young? You're amazing. Congratulations, I'm really looking forward to hearing more about the wonderful things you'll accomplish.
Thank you for sharing this. I hope you will find how to live your new life the best you can.
Love.
Best video I have ever watched still now ❤️❤️❤️
Great talk.
I am loosing myself too dont know what to do
Hang in there, life can be tough but hope will keep you going, how are you now?
Welp it's been 2 years 😁 what did u do?
@@IronCypher 3 years now and I am also curious
Brilliant talk...
Something I am really struggling with so thank you
i love you,sis you doing great job
So refreshing. The same message egg as positive psychology like Frrd Rodgers but without the sap. I didn't know millinisls went thourgh that strong need to validate themselves. I whimpered a few times through this video. It has been valuable to me.
I struggle a lot with self confidence, I've been through a similar situation to the one described in the video, I even considered and planned my own suicide, but i was much older and didn't have her opportunities afterwards. I do not get how saying 'I am good enough' will help. What are you good enough for? Without a goal or assessment criteria good enough is meaningless.
And not relying on external validation is really wise, but the second you come into contact with the world outside yourself you will be subject t other peoples assessments.
Having impenetrable self worth is great but we all need jobs so we will have to measure up to somebody elses criteria sooner or later. What do you do when you are repeatedly told you fall short? 'I am good enough is even harder to maintain when you are given proof day after day that you are not valued and you arguably are not good enough'.
It took me 5 years to accept my new situation and be able to push through external negativity. Saying I am good enough did not help me as all evidence was to the contrary. Saying I will be good enough was much better for me.
I like the talk and the place it comes from, it resonates with me, but internal dialogues only go so far. Sooner or later you will have to venture out and talk to other people and you have to be able to deal with that commentary.
Ignoring external commentary that doesn't help, is in my experience the wisest path forward.
I've lost something once,I've lost something that i never lost..my identity
I love you Jeannie.
Amazing talk
I had to watch this video at least a few times before I could finally get what she was talking about. I still don't really know yet as I have auditory processing disorder so the words get muddled up. It's a nightmare to live with but in ways I can relate to this story because I had had a mental breakdown back in 2017. I felt like I had lost everything but like you I refused to admit I was broken even after I was in hospital.
wondering have i gone insane.
Great talk
Jesus Christ knows all: amen!
☝️☝️☝️If there's anyone worth thanking it's him. He helped me recover my identity lost to theft.. Thank you sincerely, the guy above.
Go fly with the Eagles without a license 😆
so cringy