Therapy review : CIMBS
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- Опубликовано: 5 окт 2024
- My review of how Cimbs has been for me, and my advice for anyone about to start their therapy journey. Links below for ya'll! Keep me updated with how you're feeling! As always, glad you're here and hope this helps!
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"care for this person who is caring for you" (9:07). . . has actually gone to the other extreme for me, so that I have been caretaking for my therapist in ways that have meant less air-time and focus on me. not wanting to just treat her like an object to 'dump on', I ask her how she is, and sometimes her answer can lead to her sharing her own stresses. when this happens, I immediately hold back on sharing anything 'heavy', and keep our conversation more 'light' (what I imagine to be more manageable for her).
this pattern has led to real frustration, secret resentment and even anger for me, because I only have an hour with her every few weeks, and when 'my time' goes to letting her air her thoughts about things I'm sharing, from her own life, I feel let down, because it means I haven't had the chance to unravel fully what I wanted to share. whenever she responds with "well this is how it is for me", I feel 'stopped in my tracks'.
only recently, after much inner churning, rehearsing and rehashing in my own mind, did I find the courage to confront her with honestly sharing what I was feeling so dissatisfied with. (this was after I spent a session telling her how much I appreciated her, as my way to caretake for her/ pave the way, for sharing something harder -"negative"- to hear). to her credit, she received my comments without defensiveness, and this was an enormous relief and breakthrough for me (I think the first time my challenge of someone has not been met with attack/ abandonment/ anger/ disaster)!
but I recognize that the 'container of safety' of our therapeutic relationship has been compromised, and I don't know if I /we can get it back, as now I associate therapy with a space that feels stressful. my inner child does not trust her fully to come out and share. this is a really hard thing to say to a therapist: "I don't fully trust you", but it is the truth.
I would love to have a therapist where I could show up, and be 100% egocentric, without needing to 'caretake' for my therapist, to assess his/ her/ their 'bandwidth' for our session, to consider how tired they may be from the sessions prior to mine, to compensate for all the other people who have 'talked at them nonstop' and thereby give them room to talk themselves.
because I do this all the time in the rest of my life anyway, in therapy I don't want to try to make sure there is room for them to share their thoughts/ ideas/ stories, so that there is some reciprocity. in most of my life I am the listener, so in my therapy I really do want it to 'be all about me'.
and of course, I recognize that this dynamic is triggering the frustration of my inner child, who didn't get to just receive healthy caretaking from emotionally mature parents, but instead was oriented to discerning their wants/ needs of me, from a very early age, and modifying myself to accommodate their wishes, in order to get my own needs met.
I've experienced a repeat of this pattern SO many times in my life, especially with people who have been in caretaking roles with me (other therapists and elder-figures). my own survival strategy was to become a really good listener, and I find most people are RAVENOUS to be heard (even/ especially therapists who have to spend so much time listening).
it makes me wonder if the whole system is flawed - that we set someone up to be a listener to people in pain for multiple hours day/ week. this is perhaps an inhuman expectation, so is it any wonder that therapists fail to meet our needs to be unconditionally heard? having therapists work less hours a week, and take better care of themselves by doing their own therapy, and decreasing their own stress load, would help.
it's just been REALLY frustrating to be experiencing this 'reverse caretaking' it with my therapist, where my inner child should feel free to just be 'a child' and to not be pleasing in order to receive care!
What a coincidence. I’m just about to start CIMBS therapy which is how I found this video.I sure hope will be effective for me too, and am encouraged to head that it’s helped a fellow SGA! ;)
Yess! I'm so glad! I found it so helpful. Triggering, but helpful haha. Good luck, and if you ever want to share your experience, I'd love to hear.
Thank you for making these videos 🥰
I'm finally coming to terms with how much trauma I have from childhood anxiety combined with Focus on the Family sex ed, and you're helping me find words to even begin talking about it. Thank you. ❤️
I'm glad you are able to begin looking at the trauma. I'm sorry that you experienced it but really proud of you for doing the difficult work of saving yourself. Well done.
Thank you Angel for this video! It's funny actually, I was telling my brother how I wanted to play the Sims again the past few days, and then this topic comes up. LOL 🧡
Lol, I’ve actually never played sims! But I assume it’s much more fun than cimbs 😆
Thanks you, this is realy helpful ! ! ! ✌
I'm so glad it was helpful!
I HATE CULTS, I was in one too 😣
The worst!!
I’m committed to just staring this therapy with someone I just met and feel safe with already. Thank you for the encouragement and posting this video! 🤍