7 ways religion traumatizes people
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- Опубликовано: 2 окт 2024
- In this video, I talk about the 7 ways religion can be traumatizing. As someone who grew up in a very religious household, and very active in church, I found the benefits of church. But I also see that religious trauma syndrome is a real thing, and I have researched and heard so many stories of it. And I often get questions: do I have religious trauma? Signs of religious trauma? Religious trauma symptoms? or how do I leave a church? At the end of the day, religion should make us feel more connected to self and others, and if your church is making you feel hurt or separate, then it may be time to walk away. In this video I dive deep into religious abuse and toxic church culture. Let me know what you think below.
#7: Your church doesn't make space for disagreement or questions. 00:01:48
#6: Your church motivates with fear. 00:02:37
#5: Your church is not accepting of the LGBTQ+ community, practices conversion therapy. 00:05:45
#4: Your church prevents you from getting help. 00:07:42
#3: You belonging in church is conditional on your beliefs. 00:09:20
#2: Your church is involved in brainwashing and religious indoctrination. 00:10:54
#1: Religion isn't universally traumatizing or harmful. 00:11:54
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Being raised as a Jehovah's Witness and leaving the faith has been very traumatic. Dealing with the shunning and ostracism from family is tough. Thank you for making this video ❤. I start therapy this month. Religious trauma needs more awareness.
I am so sorry you've had to deal with being shunned and ostracized :( And I plan on continuing to talk about this, so feel free to let me know of other things I need to talk about :) xoxo
Feel for you, I was partially raised JW
I was raised a JW and it damaged me immensely. I had therapy which was helpful in showing me how i had learned to repress my feelings out of fear. There are websites and you tube channels for ex JWs which can help support us as a community of leavers. Maybe they may be of help to you? You are not alone. Xx
I also studied with the witnesses for decades when I remove myself from the congregation I too struggle with trauma not knowing what's right and what's wrong there is religion.
@@Katimorton Awww thank you Katie ❤ I'm glad you're bringing awareness. People need to know.
It makes me feel ashamed to admit, but being brought up religious left deep psychological wounds based around shame and notions of not being good enough/defective
I felt the same way growing up but I found a nonjudgmental church. They mentioned to me “The day of atonement” when once a year you are cleanse from all of your sins. That made me feel so relieved because I am human & mess up from time to time but knowing that there’s a day that’s like pressing a reset button is so helpful.
You are enough! Exactly as you are. The IS loves you.
It's sad that even acknowledging what it did to you makes you feel ashamed, and only goes to show just how damaging these religions do. Serious cult behavior.
Same!!!
So much shame and it also made me much less likely to reach out for help.
I heard the "God only gives you what he knows you can handle" thing a lot growing up and through early adulthood. It still bugs the crap out of me to hear that.
That is so not true. It actually says in
2 Corinthians 1:8 ESV "For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself."
We can definitely face more than we can handle. Life is difficult! What we have to do is rely and find strength in God and among loving people to get through difficult things.
It bothers you because it's not biblical. So much damage had been done in the name of the church by the people in the church.
For real!!!!
@@kyliefaganmusic You misinterpret this. It's just a saying anyway it's not from the bible.
But did Paul die? If you're following God and praying you'll know how much you can handle. It doesn't mean be ridiculous and jump out of an airplane without a parachute. It means when things get tough you're supposed to persist, perservere, pray, and ask for God's wisdom.
Me too!
I was raised as a conservative Christian, but it never sat well with me. All monsters in my life were”very devout Christians”. Now I have trouble trusting any of them. I don’t know how to come out to my family that I am a spiritual, empathetic, sympathetic and loving person without a religious affiliation. I feel safer and happier outside the system.
Same the mean girls in my Baptist family traumatised me they were being looked after by good men with health and wealth. I was a sick single parent with no support. I raised my son to be a very good man with an honours degree
Ditto. My entire family are Generational Narcissistic with Sadistically Catholic tendancies. They only get worse so free yourself thru your personal independence from them. Let the Goat Escape,
After leaving a religious toxic family, it took work to understand that God wasn't the image they painted for me. Otherwise, I wouldn't get saved
It's almost like abuse does not negate proper use. There are more p*do teachers than priests and pastors, are you going to look at all teachers through that lens? And religiosity is correlated most with agreeableness. Most people who whine about religious trauma then conform to every leftist issue
@@carolinenorman6141why didn't you find yourself a good man so you wouldn't be a single mom? (if you are a widow it is different but no good man wants a woman with lose morals)
As an Indigenous woman who spent her early years in a Catholic residential school was beyond abuse. I was not considered human let alone having a name in this group. I was only a number. Last week after 10 years of investigation, I testified in court against one of the abusers. Seeing him after 50+ years, all I saw was a pathetic old man. I then realized the power I did have at 10 years old. It's moving on now that is the hardest step I'm feeling besides the abuse and racism. I wish there were more groups like this to discuss religious trauma. Thank you for making this video.
I'm also indigenous and have experienced religious trauma. Thank you for sharing your story because it helped me to realize that I'm not alone.
Those people will end up in hell! They were supposed to share Jesus Gospel; instead they wanted to satisfy their flesh on young and vulnerable. God bless you!
@@natalnetalWhen will you cop on that there is no Heaven or Hell. This life is all we have. Live this life as best you can and be kind to others.
I am Muslim and I really needed that, unfortunately I barely found Muslims who talk about religious trauma because people are still unaware about it, thank you !
Because Religion is still a sensitive topic. It will probably take a few more decades for people to be open about the trauma that comes with Religion.
Islam is very harsh on apostates, and leaving the faith can come with complete ostracization and even threats. There are organisations out there who seek to provide community and support for people deconstructing from religion. They can be very helpful for people who suddenly find themselves alone after leaving religion.
Inherent to Islam are doctrines of conformity and consequence. It really makes sense when you understand the word 'Islam' itself means "submission". I think everything Kati said in this video can easily be applied to Islam and indoctrination of Muslim children.
@@arsalankhan8751agreed
Islam is a disease
The best thing I ever did was removing any and all organized religion from my life. It’s amazing to realize you don’t need religion to be a kind and moral person without all of that garbage.
Well said, Im still angry I was told otherwise.
Same! I don’t believe in any gods now due to this trauma nor i want to get involved with anyone that is religious, I’ve become completely atheist. Its shocking how free i feel now and its sad how trapped i felt when i was involved in religion
@@ItPixie same here
But how do you do to remove the fear of Hell, disobedience, punishment, so on...? You just ignore it and hope for the best?
@@emilianolopez4289 just be a good person, even tho their isnt religion in our lives, karma can still bite you in the ass and everything you do has a consequence, do it because you’re proud to be alive and always exceed to be successful, meditate, workout, stay healthy, travel, educate etc. theres so many things in this life that religion banishes away, thats why i chose to be free and become the person i am today and always keep thriving. You can be anyone, be the better you !
Another way in which I have been traumatized by religion is when I took a step back to evaluate, my christian friends kept trying to reconvert me. I told them I was dealing with religious trauma and it isn't healthy for me to commit to any religion until I figure out if it is helping or hurting me. But they persisted. It felt like I became more of a faith project for them to convert me back rather than that they genuinely cared about what I was going through. I shared that I felt that way, and they said they feared for my soul and they aren't doing this for selfish reasons. It's selfish when someone explicitly asks you several times to stop something and you keep doing it because "I know what is best for them." It deteriorated my confidence in making a decision for myself. It resulted in lost friendship not because "if you don't believe X we can't be friends" but that they thought they had the authority to make decisions in my life and that they knew what was best for me. It invalidated what I was going through.
Similar experience, and it was highly invalidating.
Their fear for your soul showed they were in the same fear matrix. The whole thing is based on fear of sin and its consequences for self, and then fear of the consequences of not making others want to be saved. Fear and more fear but it’s disguised as love.
You are very wise. You recognized what they were doing and knew it was wrong.
Sounds like my last relationship. Me and my high-school sweetheart got together after years of getting to know each other more online. She was aware of my religious traumas but she assured me she understood. Anyhow, we helped each other get moved back to Ohio, lasted about 4 years. Out of respects for her beliefs I got her and her daughter to go back to church with her family (even though it slowly started tearing all of my traumas back open). I slowly started getting more and more depressed.
I left her over it, even though it crushed me to do so. She's been angry with me every since. Says she only wants to be with a religious man. That was the last religious mind f*ck I'll ever subject myself to.
Now anytime I try and talk to anyone about my pain or my struggles its like they don't even hear what I'm saying. They just insist on more God more Jesus!! Everybody is an expert on everybody else's life and situation but their own I tell ya. Trust your gut, your heart and your own intuition. Same advice I give myself every day.
I'm bisexual and have experienced many traumatizing things in regards to religious people. I actually stopped going to church because people were so unkind to me. Also my grandmother when she was alive was shunned by her church for speaking out against things they had started doing that she didn't like. She went there most her life and nobody from there even went to her funeral. Broke my heart that they turned on her like that simply for having an opinion.
I'm sorry :((
I’m bi and genderfluid. I love God and I want to go deeper into the faith, but I fear the church’s condemnation if they were to find out all about me. I’ve seen what they’ve done to the other queer youth. It’s scary
Christians have been canceling people for their opinions for decades. It's so annoying that they are often the ones complaining about "cancel culture" nowadays.
Question. How did you feel after you realised you wanted to leave religion. What were your symptoms? How did you calmed down your mind?
@@klaudiakarati2898 I guess for me I didn't think of it as leaving religion but instead finding my own beliefs. But it's still a huge struggle for me. I often feel alone in my beliefs and like maybe they were right all along and I'll end up in hell. I just try to remind myself that the best I can do is be a kind person and as long as I'm doing that then I'm doing alright because that's what matters most.
It's the worst core abuse out of all the abuse I've endured. It goes beyond mental and physical abuse. They suck out your soul, a place where you are supposed to find peace, love, and compassion. I just don't have enough words to describe the infusion of sickness they inflict
Hey!!! I am very curious, can you tell me your story? I struggle with panic attacks because of that daily... I am here, i sympathise with you! You are not alone in this world!
@@aleksandrosz6576 The panick attacks happens because religious abuse regulates even your deep inside thoughts. It is a type of control with no escape, with no outlet. An invisible god reads your mind and judges everything you think, feel and desire, and if you disagree from this god in anything, you receive a punishment beyond any suffering. This leaves scars that follows you your entire life. Religious abuse is one of the worst abuse ever. I got a lot better, but still do therapy for it. But at least I can be myself inside my own mind without fear.
What just blasphemous
@@karolinasoblinskyte1795 is it though?
I'd say the damages the overtly religious do to other people in the name of any one of their gods are sick and blasphemous, if there is such a thing as a god. Being as religious people say they represent god, they should probably worry more about going to hell, if their story of hell actually exists. After all, god kicked satan out of heaven for pridefully sitting in the judgment seat of god, and the Bible is clear that pride is a definite sin. Anyone who has spent any time reading that book should know this.
Pride is also why the scripture about not using a god's name in vain exists. It really has nothing to do with saying 'godd@amn it' and everything to do with approaching people like one has a right to speak to someone else on the behalf of god, that's mighty prideful. If a god is real, it doesn't need one puny human to speak to another puny human for it. If it's really a god, it can speak to whom it wants all on its own, it doesn't need human misinterpretation or interference mucking everything up.
real
I've been an atheist for most of my life, but in talking to religious people, or wives of very religious people, the abuse and manipulation is obvious. Once you're outside of it all, it's a lot easier to see.
@Chris O'halloran Nice. I was talking to a formerly religious, now a nearly non-religious person recently, and she told me about an illogical belief that was supposed to be an amazing claim about reality (That an existing being created existence itself). She was in awe of this silly claim. Not even being able to perform basic logic suddenly, just because you're thinking about religion. That's brainwashing. I once talked to a gay guy who was an atheist now, but part of him was still afraid to be gay, even though he didn't believe in Hell. The abuse goes so deep. It's like brainwashing gets you and warps your mind like you're a robot that can be reprogrammed. So, good for you for purging that virus from your mainframe. Religious abuse can look a lot like a trapped partner who believes and does everything their partner tells them to. There's no sense of "I want this." Instead it's more like "My religion wants this." And when religious people explain their positions, I've seen the most disingenuous behavior, question-dodging, making things up on the spot, and so much more. It's like part of them knows it's BS but they're not conscious of what they're doing to prevent themselves from realizing it.
Agreed!
please dont lump all religions into your false dichotomy. one can be discerning that there is good/biblical religion that is different than cultural distortions of false religion
I grew up with Muslims and it was very obvious they were extremely abusive to me since I was a little kid I always had a feeling that they are wrong
I did the question dodging and things when I was a part of a religion. For me, it was kind of for the opposite reason of what you said; I believed so fully in my god and I was so sure that there was a good reason for everything (even if I didn’t understand or have the answers). I think most people are just trying to do what’s right be good, and even if they don’t understand why something is bad (like being gay) they still fight against gay rights because they think it’s correct. It’s a total obedience + infantilization thing that we’re taught in church. “Do what god tells you because he loves you and knows what’s best for you, like a father.”
I learned how to gossip and judge people from attending church. Be wary of folks who hide true colors behind the bible
I’ve been traumatized. Every time I see a church or the Bible I get a panic attack. It’s awful. Thank you for talking about this.
I used to have this
@@Engine69Comics not funny
@@Engine69Comics offensive much
@@PrincessMavenKittyDarkholme I'm not joking
@@Engine69ComicsPlease don’t force others into religion, Jesus loves you thanks :-) ❤🏳️🌈
Growing up in a Christian home, I always feel mentally traumatized fearing rapture, being anxious always. Especially when it comes to being raised in a strict Christian home. Please people, keep me in your prayers🙏
Abigail from Canada 🇨🇦
I can totally relate. I’ve been terrified waiting for the rapture and stopped living my life. I wish we could be compensated for the damage we endured. It’s all EGO based. Easing God Out🫶🏼
Prayers from the US 🇺🇸🙏Don’t give up!
Same. Causes crippling anxiety and triggers depression.
I feel you Abigail🙏❤️
Just walk away from it all. It's a fiction fairytale. Nothing to fear
This video made me tear up. I’ve never felt so validated in my life. This perfectly describes the kind of struggle and stress that I’m going through in my life right now.
Me too. I always felt alone in this feeling.
Keep strong!
Thank you for addressing this topic. I'm so happy that religious trauma is beginning to get serious attention in the mental health world.
A huge part of my whole family past and the sad part is no one thought it was a problem.... but it kept everyone hateful and abusive (not just "it" but all the background reasons no one could deal with.)
I can still hear them now, "This is work of the devil"
Because religion is seen as only a force for good by some people and other people say that you made yourself a victim by being religious so deserve the trauma.
Me too! Agreed!
@@jamisonlamkin5576 You might enjoy the humor of Flip Wilson, dressed in drag, who was always making a parody of "The Devil Made Me Do It."
if you find this video helpful, please consider sharing it. You never know who might be interested in watching!
Oh, I most definitely did.
I think I've been traumatized by the church. As a kid in Catholic school I was scared of going to hell even though I wasn't a bad kid. I still struggle with inappropriate guilt to this day.
I really relate to this so much. Thanks
I feel you ❤️
I’m 36 and just started going to church about 4 years ago on and off and they are giving me severe panic attacks because I’m scared of going to hell but I’m a good person too I love helping and I have a good heart. Everytime I went back to church the pastor would preach about death and that those who don’t change will die. He told me prepare yourself with your encounter it’s god and I almost died I had a Severe panic attack I was asking him I’m gonna die pastor begging him for a answer and all he did was hug me and I said pastor what about my daughters they need me I was freaking out like a little kid. He didn’t answer but he said the only thing u should fear is god. I must say I love god very much and I wanted to serve him from my heart. Now I think I’m serving him cuz I’m extremely scared. Daily I go crazy in my head how to be perfect for god and not sin every night I’m having panic attacks while I sleep I think he gave me ptsd. god is love i don’t understand why so much of the death talking now Bible study it’s all about death also
Yeah? Me too! I wasn't a bad kid, either, but I was made to feel like I was. I'm a senior citizen and I still struggle. I left a long, cathartic comment while watching this video, hoping somehow to help myself and help others.
@@mrs.g.9816 For me I had to leave church and research the actual claims of the religion. I am unable to justify belief in the supernatural because of the lack of good evidence for these 'claims' being made based just on a book and what people tell you what they think a god wants. Nowhere does the god ever show itself to even be real. I am left with the conclusion that all religions and gods come from the mind of man. Take care and be well.
Best Gray
When I was in high school, a girl told me "God never gives you more than you can handle" And I told her that isn't true and she said yes it is and was so determined that she was right. But she was wrong.
I see those statements as a religious version of motivational coach BS.
My church leaders continually "beat" me with (what I call) the Church stick. One told me that if I divorced my abusive husband my children would almost certainly not go to heaven. I've never felt so scared and depressed in my life. I have since left both of those situations behind but I feel like I don't know who I am or what to do.
❤ well done for escaping. Such courage I hope you have found better x
How you been lately?
Congratulations 🎉to freedom!
One step at a time. Find help.
I hate that expression, too.
This is something that should be discussed more! Thank you so much for being brave and talk about such a delicate subject!
Glad you enjoyed it & thank you for the comment Morena.
My ex husband's a narcissist preacher. Thanks for discussing this issue because of trama which certainly happens anywhere including churches.
@@vsmith1651 what happened?
@@vsmith1651 oh my goodness.. me too V. We were married for nearly 10 yrs.. very religiously abusive. Struggled with ED and went to treatment (thankfully saved my life & helped me get on the road to recovery ) but also came back with an understanding of RTS (here in the south had NEVER heard of religious abuse) & when I left for my own health, I was "shunned" by our congregation.. but now that I've been out of it for a while, I'm SOOOO thankful to be living in true freedom. 🙏 Glad you got out too ♥️
@@vsmith1651 What does your ex-husband say about you?
when I read the title, I immediately cried.. like I'm not even kidding. I never thought of it much but it's true, religion traumatized me.. Or should I say PEOPLE who used religion in a wrong way traumatized me.. I guess thats why I cried because I never read or heard anyone addressing this issue. Even though i now have a beautiful connection with my religion and I was able to heal my relationship with God.. But still, this got me.. so thank you
Of course.. I am so glad it was helpful and YES it's PEOPLE who used religion to traumatize others. That's a better way of putting it. xoxo
It's the religion AND the people.
Same here, I could pretty much guarantee that tears would be share and was bracing myself for them.
What is it like to have a relationship with God?
literally the exact same situation for me. As a muslim woman my faith got completely destroyed by muslims. May I ask what you did to overcome this? I just cant seem to find a way out and back to my faith
Leaving Mormonism was definitely traumatizing. I still struggle with family relationships after leaving and a lot of my friends have stopped talking to me simply because I have different beliefs now.
Same. It can be lonley and yet the freedom is worth it.
I'm trying to leave the church but I'm scared 😨
I left Mormonism too a few years ago. It’s been so hard.
I'm 13 years out of the mormon church and I feel like I'm still undoing damage from it. Of course seeing family still in can bring back all the negativity.
Yes! I was Mennonite, but the ones who you leave behind don't realize how hard it actually is to leave.
When I told my parents I was struggling with depression and substance use, my mom and dad just started sending me to church more and told me that I was not praying enough. That therapy would not provide any help for me, and I was behaving very sinfully by "giving in" to these feelings of mine. After I moved out, I received the help that I needed. I would never speak to my kids that way, if I ever decided to have them.
Carl Jung explains these very things so beautifully in a way we can understand. The only God we need is us.
Relax. We ALL are sinners and we ALL fell short of God's glory. Just repent and move on. Live, praise, hope, then when when you sin, repent and move on. It is ok to know you are not good enough but Jesus is good and loving enough. Put all your worries on Him as He cares about YOU! Love and peace!
I’m lesbian. And I came out to my family and friends a while back. They were fine with it as long as I didn’t actually engage in it. I just got into a relationship finally, and was shunned from some of them. I feel like I can’t be myself. It’s really damaging to me.
Question. How did you feel after you realised you wanted to leave religion. What were your symptoms? How did you calmed down your mind?
Shitty family..ignore them & live your life. They are indoctrinated..
I’m sorry to read this. I hope that you have found grace in the Love of God. God loves all of you even if others pick and choose the parts they love about you. May you have peace and find loving accepting relationships
I'm sorry that this is happening. I would suggest to leave this environment if you are old enough and can afford it. If not, wait till you can. Good luck!
Don't actually engage with it... What the fuck did they expect you to do? Marry some random guy and be miserable the rest of your life? Or just be alone forever?
Sorry, but fuck those people. I know it was probably very painful when they shunned you, and probably still is, but you are way better off without them.
As a child I was told that if I hadn’t asked for forgiveness of sin, I would be “left behind” when Jesus returned. I was exposed to things from he book of Revelations that no child could possibly process or see as anything less than horrifically frightening, and is still at the core of my worst anxieties. I have so many trigger words based on things Mum would say about the “last days” (those being a trigger). As a teenager she would use this to control me - if you go out to that nightclub with your friends and Jesus comes back, you’ll get left behind and spend eternity in hell. I was told that meditation was a sin because if you quieted your mind the devil could get in so you should pray, constantly, never have a quiet moment. The list goes on and on. Guess who, at 48, has lived a lifetime of fear of abandonment, and has the belief that she is never good enough, is to blame for everything and deserves to be punished? 🙋♀️
That is such a false doctrine. The return of Jesus is a very differently interpreted point. It takes alot of studying of the scriptures to really understand what's going to happen. Truly God loves you and won't abandon you ever. He gives his grace as a free gift because he loves so much. Have peace in that because people may hurt out of their fears but God wants to heal you and show you that you are truly loved and have nothing to fear in him.
"If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
1 John 4:15, 17-18 NIV
Yeah when I first started going I told my Evangelist mom I went to a meditioni center and you can imagine the questions she had.
I'm just getting over judging people who go to bars and clubs, even when I enjoy them myself now. Been out for 15 years.
I really appreciate you talking about the trauma that comes with learning about the end time and learning revelations, all my grandpa teaches is revelations and thats all my family ever talks about when we are together basically scaring all the millennials and gen zers to serve god out of fear not out of hope for peace and self development. I seeked out this video in specific because of my parents talking about the end time’s right now and how much fear it brought me after being so content in my life. I don’t want to spiral anymore I just want to live on my own and focus on my job and my friendships and keeping my family close but at a healthy distance. I can’t keep living with these fears that go against my morals just because they were baked into my mind throughout my entire life.
Thanks for sharing your story with us! Please, don't spend any more minutes thinking about that and wasting your life! Try to find yourself and what makes you happy and don't worry about anything!!
Extremely traumatized- multiple generations of my birth family were forced into residential “schools”
Still trying to pick up the pieces of our identity and culture
My transracial adoptive parents punished me and took away everything I loved unless I went to church
I’m on a decolonization journey of my own spirituality
This needs to be talked about more too when these topics come up because I feel like these victims often get forgotten or thrown to the side.
I am so sorry you had to go through that, and I hope your journey to healing is going well. xoxo
I’m not sure I’d ever considered this kind of intersectionality. Thank you for broadening my thinking. Definitely a layer that isn’t discussed enough.
Same, grandmother was sent to residential school. It really affected dads ability to parent. Also created animosity towards religion
Makes me think of scrupulosity OCD, where someone will do rituals to not offend their god. Starts so early in life, it can be a very torturous outcome from very bad preaching in churches. Although I think there is a big place for religion in healthy mental health. It's sense of community for people and the hope it can bring can be very helpful for people on their journey.
YESSS!!!! I told my counselor this and she had no idea what I was talking about! She said I don’t have it that bad because I just push it aside.. but I still get those thoughts..
@@Siennaevolves If you try erase them out, and battle with them a lot, it could be OCD. Compulsions aren't always observable. Hope this helps a little.
@@Siennaevolves Your therapist was probably reacting that way because you invited her to compare you to her OCD patients. If she said you don't have it that bad, then she probably has good reason to think so. As long as she's recognizing your difficulties and feelings, stick with her.
I’m an atheist not only because of science. But also moral reprehensibility
@@gothboschincarnate3931 I have been proven wrong
@@gothboschincarnate3931 what else can you tell about me
I've finally stood up to my mother about going to church and such. I'm bisexual, found out when I was 13. Church has traumatized me with hellfire and damnation sermons, I've cried and groveled on my knees begging God to please make it all stop. Praying that suicide wouldn't send me to hell.
I can't anymore. I can't live with this fear every day. I'd rather die.
My mom yelled at me that I'm playing with fire and playing a dangerous game. She really thinks I'm going to hell for not believing anymore. I seriously just want this all to be over.
I move out soon and I can't wait... I just hope I'll be financially independent enough to stay away. Please, whatever religion you follow or if you're not religious, pray for me or just think of me. I don't know what to do.
Edit: 4 months later, and I'm doing much better. Came back to this video after my trauma started flaring up again. I've never been happier since identifying as atheist and bisexual. If you're scared, don't be. Learning to trust yourself and making yourself happy is worth it, even when it's hard. If you're reading this, I love you. ❤️
That speaks to me so much . 1st I spent years avoiding death because I (knew) in my heart I was going to hell. I even thought I'd done something so bad that my parents were going to hell because of me. They made me have an abortion at 16. I was willing to be the one to go to hell. I ended up trying passive suicide for almost a decade. Driving with no seat belt. Mixing lots of alcohol with morphine, Xanax muscle relaxers and ambien. Enough to probably/maybe die but not enough that maybe God would consider it an accidental overdose. The last time I was breathing like 4 times a minute I'm told. I woke up 18 hours later in the hospital. With a nurse babysitting me the entire time as I was on suicide watch. She wasn't the only one. Both my parents were sitting next to my bed. Glaring at me. Immediately when I opened my eyes they layed into me about putting them through that. I've known I was bi-sexual very early. I liked girls by age nine. Now I'm realizing I'm not bi-sexual. That I'm actually a lesbian. I don't remember ever actually being physically attracted to men or boys. My parents didn't alow me to take sex education. They convinced me the only way to get pregnant is Jesus puts a baby in your belly after you get married. Except for Mary. When my 16 year old cousin got pregnant when I was 10 I thought Jesus had made a mistake. I became anorexic trying to stay skinny because I was terrified Jesus would make the same mistake with me. I developed a heart condition by 16. Oh my gosh just so much unnecessary worry. The worst for me is that my parents were religious fanatics. Except they weren't. They actually knew the truth about religion. Some parents truly believe what they are teaching their kids. My parents only did it because I'm a female. They didn't do this to my younger brothers. They wanted me to stay pure and innocent forever. No dating. No phone calls from boys. Weirdly they were okay with my friendships with girls. I started going to school dances with girls in 7th grade. We had pictures and matching dresses. All thru high-school I never went to a dance with a boy. My parents were very against me dating boys or going to dances with boys. I wasn't allowed to date boys till 16. And they had to be chaperones with us. So they were totally cool and supportive of me going to dances with girls. I've still never officially came out to my family. Even though my brother's have both seen me making out with them starting in high-school. Even now. I'm middle aged. Recently was with a girl my brother's friend was dating. He saw and still doesn't realize. Sorry this is so long. I clearly need therapy. I'm also pretty sure I'm a lesbian. But it's hard to separate my own feelings from the religion
@@rachelbachel2 I'm sorry I never saw this. But my friend I am happy you posted. You deserve the best in this world. 🤗 I'm so sorry things have been rough for you. We are in this together, we deserve to be happy. ❤️
Please no matter what, don't make them the favor and end yourself!!! Be happy is the best revenge you can get! You are much much stronger than you believe and anything you need to be happy is inside you! I do hope that you'll do great and you'll be happy!
@@rachelbachel2 I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Hope that everything turns out well for you! Please try to stay as strong as you can!
You're not alone!! My family is muslim and has that too. Just know that a completely different religion has very similar aspects among billions of ppl. What do those facts tell ya??
It's indoctrination, psychology, and how society has been built. Meditation can help you with dealing with the heavy emotions.
Thank you for the video, Kati. Religious trauma syndrome needs more visibility. I was a Jehovah’s Witness for over 30 years, and my experience was definitely traumatic. Years of psychological abuse by narcissistic ‘elders’ and constant gaslighting in JW propaganda (‘JWs are the most loving people on earth’; ‘This is the best life ever!’, ‘JWs are the happiest people on earth’, ‘The elders love you’, etc.) destroyed my mental health and led to several suicide attempts. I can honestly say that since escaping the JW cult I am happier and healthier than ever.
I was raised a JW in Whitter, California. I suffered horribly from C-PTSD for a damn decade because I decided to date (for the FIRST time in my life at 23 years old) a single, intelligent, charming, handsome as hell 21-year old engineer student... but he was an atheist, so, I was physically attacked, my social media accounts were hacked into and private messages between me and him were printed out and passed around, I was thrown out of the house, character defamed as a whore even though I'd never even so much as held a man's hand in my life because ✨purity culture✨, ostracized, and literally stalked and harassed for YEARS. Oh, and he was born in Russia, so they made racist comments about him, too (they called him Rasputin), even though JWs love to brag about how not racist they are.. lmao.
The absolute *_audacity_* that they actualy wonder why I never want to go back. There's no hate like christian love.
Once all the trauma turns into thoughts of suicide is when you know you've been duped. I know a lot of people who struggle with major depressive issues because of religious upbringing. I'm one if them. It all started with the Kingdom Hall. I got into it with the best intentions and left never being able to trust anything religious ever again.
These experiences resonate with me in more ways than one. I was an ignorant teen who got indoctrinated by a JW classmate. Grew up believing it was the true religion with all the JW propaganda like "it's the best life ever" and "elders love you". Came into the cult during my lowest point when I turned 18 feeling a lot of worthlessness and loneliness, but I never got the typical experience of being love-bombed like every other newcomers. I was relatively ostracized from the beginning, especially since coming to the elders years before baptism and found out that my depressive addictions and repressed homosexuality was a threat to the spiritual health of the congregation. I wholeheartedly believed I deserved all that shunning when I was already very depressed and suicidal. It eventually made me into a very devout and studious JW years later, and since then I felt that I was finally blessed with great friends in the congregation and wonderful times during the meetings and ministry. I felt like I was loved, which I struggled to convince myself that I was since I turned 18. But the JW lifestyle was pretty exhausting though as an introvert. I always had to wear a mask and had to become an even better brother than before if I were to remain in their love. Yet, I had long struggled feeling that I was good enough for them in everything and the god I thought I was serving.
It was then during quarantine I realized I actually had the real best life ever, and I spent months in 2020 rediscovering and reliving my true authentic self so confused as to why. Because quarantine validated my introverted lifestyle, it made me think that it was a blessing from Jehovah, and later my personal research using outside tools like psychology made me realize that this might be what Jehovah's gonna use to bring mankind to perfection or something. But shortly after the pandemic, I got into trouble because of my homosexuality repression. Despite immediately showing genuine repentance, I ended up being disciplined by the elders privately. The misery I soon felt once in-person meetings became a thing led me back to square one in a way, seeing how I was once again getting ostracized by the people whom I had grown to trust, questioning why I was losing privileges in the congregation and thinking I was someone unexemplary. It greatly distressed me and made me so paranoid. I felt I wasn't going anywhere with this religion. I had to face the facts that JWs doesn't really know how to love, since they can't even channel how I had already learned to authentically love myself thanks to my better experiences during quarantine. Because of that, I later stormed off from the cult when I told myself I had enough. And it was until I managed to desconstruct my indoctrination in a rapid pace thanks to the growing ExJW online community that I realized I already had someone special outside the religion who had loved me for who I really am. We had been friends long before I stepped into all this JW life many years ago, and the feelings we had soon grew into something genuinely mutual. And so, I ended up having him as my boyfriend in this new life chapter, and we're really benefiting from each other as we move on from our own past. I still suffer from worthlessness and loneliness at times, but at least I can confidently say I'm in a better place now with him, especially that I too gained a new social support system who are perfectly comfortable with me being full-blown homosexual. I'm turning 28 this year, and I can't wait to celebrate my birthday again with a better mindset since over 10 years.
Such a hard topic to address but so important. Those who have had religious trauma often don't have anyone to advocate for them. I know finding people who could validate my experiences and feelings were an important factor in my own healing process
Agreed.. because it's difficult it's not talked about enough. I am so glad you were able to find people to validate your experience and offer their support :) xoxo
I've found the same in my healing process too. It's helpful to hear other's stories on this issue.
Same I'm even afraid to talk about it with others openly out of fear of being gaslighted.
@@Katimorton It's talked about a bit more than it was in the 90's to mid 00's. Back then everybody was afraid to admit even if they did think religion caused harm. Or they were militant atheists who would blame the victim for being religious in the first place and accuse them of causing harm to themselves.
well spoken
As I’ve grown older I’ve learned that theology has been severely weaponized.
If you start looking ( at the Bible anyways) and it’s original language, you began to realize how much of modern (western) Christianity is almost “made up”.
Allot of things we hear today aren’t based on what the text actually says, jsut based on what some radical Puritans thought st one point, got into government , and ran with it.
Sure there are some black and white, no if abs or buts” statements , but there are also some extremely ambiguous ones.
ESPECIALLY when it comes to “sexual immortality” ,
“pagan holidays”,
The concept of hell,
Etc etc
And for the ones saying “ nope religion has always been good to me”… good for you. I encourage you to truly live in your brothers (or sisters) shoes and talk to them. I’d argue, You were on of the lucky ones.
Thanks for this video.
Not once does Jesus say he's the son of God in the Bible.
I agree with you. I had a class at college where the professor from Harvard showed us a series of evidence how Christianity was made up to serve colonization. Any literature and research on this topic was pushed away from mainstream. The class was shocked, especially the students who grew up Christian.
Wow-excellent explanation. At age 55, I’ve suffered for so long with feelings of no worthiness and self-esteem and a rejection from my family because I chose to leave all the organized religion behind, but I still suffer - what a horrific plague religion has been on mankind. It has only made me more compassionate person
I grew up believing that God would fix all of my problems and help me, this belief lead me to go against my natural intuition of taking action which caused my life to become increasingly unmanageable
It has taken almost a decade to process what the Mormon religion did to me. Honestly at this point I just want the ones that haven’t gotten out to know how much they are loved and that they don’t need to hold on to such a toxic relationship.
Congratulations for getting out. I got out of a sect but the fear, shame and negative image of God still hasn't gotten out of me.
Another exmo here. I think the sexual shame, people pleasing, lack of my own identity may be a lifelong battle. I've been out for 15 years and left at age 24.
@@MrBoxofplastic i’m struggling with the same things… except i’m 17 and my dad forces me to go to church :(
@@abbyb8265 hang in there. Escape as soon as possible. Most People will still love you.
@@MrBoxofplastic thank you for your kind words
Extremely well done video. The image of a bloody naked man nailed to a cross has haunted me since childhood. One of a million reasons I’m an atheist.
Christianity is like an S&M club where everyone got way too high on something and forgot about safewords. :)
Seriously, though, there is a preoccupation with violent imagery lurking just under the surface of most forms of Christianity. It's part of the "genetic" identity of the religion, just as Islam is a religion shaped by war and politics. That's how it came into being and expanded. That is why it's so important to emphasize being a "religion of peace". If the peacefulness of Islam or the munificence of Christianity werent so questionable, no one would have to argue that they are so forcefully.
The basic idea is that since 1) God is the source of all being, 2) all truth are about things that are, i.e. God or God's gifts, and 3) all real love is from truth and is directed towards this true being. Man is a twofold creature, both a body and a spirit, and the life of the spirit is to know and love God, who after all is the source and giver of all good and all truth. Now a man can't give anything to God that he hasn't already received from God, except the willingness to endure hardship in this life for the love of God. Christ, being Truth personified, so that man who has become oblivious might know and love God again, simply crowned this demonstration by His death on the Cross. So in reality Christ did not do it "for you" in that sense, but for God the Father, to underscore the point about love and hardship I just described.
Thank you Kati
My Muslim faith has played a significant rule in my battle with my mental health proplems but my devout relatives I am surrounded by have attempted to pursuit me to look at the problem in only a religious way what I strongly rejected.
I am so sorry you've had to deal with this, but I am glad you are rejecting what's not helpful and doing what's best for you and your mental health :) xoxo
Perhaps religion isn’t the issue then, but the people, and how they choose to practise it.
I’m a Muslim too, and I’m sorry to hear that :””
If this was a sign of something it would be lack of knowledge
People with knowledge know that real mental illness has nothing to do with religion, although it can help in a way (you know like faith, reading Quran, patience, satisfaction) but it’s not necessarily the only treat!
I’m thankful to live in a knowledgeable society, where mental illness is mental illness.. not a sick faithless heart
I’ve heard many people who lack knowledge say if you feel depressed that means you’re far from god, you need to read more qura’an you need to have more faith! Dudes what the hell is that concept? it’s not even from religion😂 god says to work on reasons if needed, and mental illness is something worth giving action and working on, because it may affect your other sides of life INCLUDING faith :)
Please try to acknowledge them
And don’t let this affect your faith or hope in god
And I hope you feel better soon♥️
I'm very curious to know: how your muslim faith has (which is called ISLAM) played a significant role in your battle with your mental health problems?! Islam doesn't prevent you from getting professional help for your mental or physical problems, i know this for sure because i belong to this religion also. So, how? Maybe your relatives are the problem.
@@nj.o you'r so true.
You have no idea how much I needed you!!!!
My dad is a so call pastor and when I was at my lowest mental health he told me it was the devil and I was being attacked. He didn’t want to take me to the doctors he said I just needed to pray and fight back. So now when I have negative thoughts I automatically think it’s the devil or I’m under attack he’s all about the repent and going to hell talk. I had this random thought that my dog was evil and it scared me I broke down and cried cause I felt guilty. I love my furr baby I would never think that of her. I feel so stuck in this religious thinking I want completely out of it!!!
I live in fear day in and day out and everything is either good or evil no in between because of what he poorer in me day In and day out. I have chronic anxiety and constant racing negative thoughts from all this… 😢 I always prayed before I moved with my dad and now I don’t because I feel if I pray to much the devils gonna attack me more. I hope you all know your not alone, I feel for each one of us and I’m sorry we had to go through this !! I wish I can hug each and everyone of you guys cause I truly know the pain and damage it left.
Any advice that had work from going through this?
Believe me, many of us attacked by devil. We all doing mind battle every day. Stay strong, pray, praise and enjoy your blessings anyway.
When I was little, I absolutely loved going to church. I love Sunday School and the Christmas recital and VBS. I would pray with my Sunday School teacher, Mrs Kay, every chance I got and asked for forgiveness for any transgressions because I loved Jesus so much and I wanted to go to heaven. When I was 11 years old, we got a new pastor in the church and one Sunday morning I was sitting with our van driver in "big" church and the pastor was preaching that children who were born to unwed mothers were never allowed into heaven, bastard children went to hell for eternity and could never be saved. I was born to a single mother, my father was never in my life and never even claimed me as his child. That sermon broke my heart. It completely destroyed me because I just loved Jesus so much, and tried so hard to be good so I could go to heaven someday. Combine that with the abuse that I was experiencing at home, and I no longer had any safe spaces, or safe people.
I pretty much gave up on life at that point, and my personal history is a timeline of my spiral.
I honestly think that I would have been able to cope with the abuse at home if I hadn't been "damned to hell" at 11 years old as a result of someone else's choice, through no fault of my own.
The idiocy of religious belief that children must pay for the sins their fathers made, is so absurd. And yet we are supposed to be saved alongside those same pastors that preach such horrid preaching's? leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I'd rather be damned to Hell than be in Heaven with such people.
This was a hard one for me to get through. It triggered SO much in me, BUT I knew listening to it would be beneficial. I spent nearly 20+ years of my life in the church, and almost 10 years in actual ministry. Now I wouldn’t call myself a Christian if my very life depended on it. So much chaos accumulated in those years spent devoted. I actually brought up the possibility of PTSD inspired by religion, when trying to establish my last therapist. She actually sort of laughed it off and didn’t even ask any follow up. She’s not my therapist anymore. Anyhow… thanks for this video. I have a long way to go in recovery. I’m still fascinated by spirituality and God, but the thought of religion makes me sick to my stomach.
I wouldn't have called myself Christian either when it meant defining the religion based off of what abusive people say about it
My counselor is a “Christian” and I’m scared to tell her about this… she knows I’m struggling but she asked me if I was comfortable with thinking the thoughts I do, like.. “I’m going to hell because I cuss, or get angry, distance myself from people or whatever” and I’m like uh no but… so it’s really hard to talk to anyone about it. I was raised in a “christian” home.
@@Siennaevolves I have come to accept that: if it’s fear based, then it’s likely not based on a foundation of that which is divine.
I have also accepted that: if I’m finding myself questioning an area of my life, where I am seeing a lack in my being the best version of myself, and those seen areas are then followed by a desire to improve… (not out of fear, but out of pure desire to improve) THAT is when I feel a cosmic work taking place.
Guilt. Shame. Fear. - these are not the supportive guiding qualities of something that by definition is unconditional love.
I relate to this comment so much!!!!
@@_SarahElizabeth I hope your ability to relate, reminds you that: you’re not insane, that you matter so incredibly much, and that you have humans all over the world who also connect to your understanding! ❤️❤️❤️
I grew up a pastors kid. I was always in fear. I asked for forgiveness every 5 sec even for the smallest thing in fear id burn in “hell” forever. I wasnt allowed to ask questions bc “you just dont question God! You have faith!” 🙄🙄🙄
I got a promise ring at 13 to “keep myself pure” (spoiler alert i was a teen mom lol)
They also found my diary of me writing about how i wanted to unalive myself & i got put on restriction & they told all the other pastors so they could “pray for me”
Long story short i am 30 now & still trying to heal from all this. Plus the pressure of being the pastors daughter…I understand why PK’s get a bad rep. Bc we are under so much pressure ALL THE TIME to be perfect for not only God & our parents but the entire church as well.
I am just now finding my identity.
Side note: i was in a non denominational church…it was similar to pentecostal
@@user-by2tt7cw4s Pentecostal is non-denominational? huh?
@@AmethystWoman I think they were saying that the church was non-denominational (aka not affiliated with a particular denomination) but the beliefs of the people there were similar to Pentecostal beliefs.
*sigh* I feel this as an evangelist's son. My heart hurts for you because I know how you feel. I'm 40 and still trying to heal from it and honestly don't know if I'm strong enough to. Well I think/know I am but of course that fear and inner voice tells me other wise.
@@justanotherjessica thank you, you explained that perfectly.
As a Utahn, if I had a nickel for everyone I knew who had trauma from a particular religion, I’d be a wealthy man.
Me too from that particular religion!!
@@PolyPrincess315 Even at the distance of just having a supervisor from that particular religion, people are made to suffer. It's spectacularly harmful, even though it is without that intent.
@@sleepycalico yes it is! My abuse and trauma was both with and without intent! Either way incredibly, life alteringly harmful!!
I'd rather wish to be in your shoes.... At least you kn people around you, who're in the same boat......
In my 24yr of life I haven't met or known a single person irl among the family's or friends (*except online) who actually manage to break the shackles and being manage to live a happy life without getting bullied everyday..... It's unavoidable.
Sometime it feels like I'm living in a pool of acid full of toxic wastes and everyday all that toxicity keeps eating my skin bit by bit.
@@DyLimbo I'm sorry you're suffering. I pray you find your real tribe and are able to distance yourself from all this toxicity 💗🙌🙏😏🌈
Finally a therapy channel that talks about religious trauma! Thank you! I feel like religious trauma isnt being talked about enough in therapy or mental health. It's very real and it's just as damaging as other types of trauma. It's frustrating because there arent that many resources to learn and cope with religious trauma :(
Unfortunately, i think this lack of talking about the religious trauma is due to the huge level of religious affiliation of the health care professionals.
Sadly in America I don’t think people want to admit that their religion can cause trauma in people especially when you tell people especially young children that they are dirty dirty sinners unless they repent and follow Christianity tbh though Christianity in America has this unbelievable amount of power that most countries don’t have or care about religion to the extent that America does
I’ve recently gone to a church and suffered a terrible panic attack, a lady saw me and congratulated me on “God touching me”. I told her it was my anxiety.
And she said “no maybe it was god trying to get ahold of you”
WTH?!
Thanks for giving an insight into this very important but very stigmatized topic! It's a significant issue affecting the mental health of all of us (even for non-religious people) that I wish to see it discussed more openly.
Of course!! I agree that it needs to be talked about more, and plan on doing that as much as I can :) xoxo
I completely agree with you 🕊🤍
My family won’t stop pushing their stupid beliefs on me and now anytime someone talks about religion especially family it triggers me.
I’m filled with rage and anger that I was indoctrinated as a child and as an adult I’m on the fence about the whole idea of god and am essentially an atheist.
I speculate that there may be a god but definitely don’t assume there is one. The only conclusion I’m certain about is that religion is just a bunch of bullshit.
How do I get them to stop telling me they are praying for me especially when I know they could spend time with me and actually help here and now? How do I get them to stop preaching to me about god because I’m really not interested in their stupid religion or close-minded ideas about spirituality and Jesus.
Hi Kati! I’m so grateful to have found your page. I’m going through this exact transition right. I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness. Baptized at 14 because that’s what I thought was right. I got married at 19 years old bc I thought my family would not talk to me and shun me if I Did it any other way. I also found out that a close friend of mine as a kid was molested and her dad even sent her to live with another family bc it was told to her that “she shouldn’t speak of it anymore.” Nothing was reported to the cops and she is currently suing the organization bc of this. The majority of my family and friends still go to the hall and are indoctrinated. I have always questioned certain teachings and was not comfortable talking about it. I only felt comfortable , starting last year in (2021) , when I discovered my husband of 13 years felt the SAME EXACT WAY. Fast forward to 2022, I’m struggling cutting certain family members and family friends off. I get emotionally abused by them sabotaging and ambushing me when I’m alone … and it turns into a “saving session.” Discouraging me not to get higher education saying things like “you’re spiritually sick and you need to find Jehovah”. I’ve never understood why it’s so wrong to want to take care of myself and better myself- that would benefit my family in reality. So I guess what I’m asking is how does a person cope with these instances and feelings, while still believing that you can trust yourself. Literally everyone in the jw community except my few friends that are simply passively going , discourage me from seeking help, higher learning , and have told my whole family including my 11 year old that we will die if we don’t turn around. Their arguments are very vague, include gaslighting and manipulation. I’m not even doing anything wrong just trying to see who I am, I don’t want to be a clone of my mother. Any ppl out there that has gone through this or are even ex jws? I could talk about this forever. Lol
Wow..I feel so bad, but look at the bright side: you saw thru the bs..most people of faith live out their entire lives dedicated to the cult. No matter how much it hurts..at least you can make honest decisions with yourself, and to whomever doesn't support, you know where they stand. Your liberty, sanity and rationality matter more than any dogma. Take care
People who are weak-minded and have no substance will fall back on the easy argument. You are brainwashed from an early age, so your beliefs are like your DNA. you cannot just turn it off. it is a part of you. but married at 19 and no hope of education, sounds like the Taliban. it is easier to control someone who does not have the strength of education, worldly experience, a good salary, etc. Why, because you cannot fight back. keep fighting. I am rooting for you
wow, personally for me, no. 2 is an eye opener. when put in these words, it's almost exactly like describing a person who is an abuser
My husband has way less anxiety as a therapist in a pediatric psychiatric hospital than he did as a pastor. That says a lot.
Makes sense I mean most churches tell people especially young kids that they are dirty dirty sinners unless they follow Christianity
I consider myself the biggest atheist on the planet, BUT I went to catholic school all through high-school and it was so healing. My religion teacher made us to an assignment on forgiveness and it stuck with me and eventually I was able to forgive everyone who contributed to me developing PTSD - the people hurt me and the people who did nothing. They were also incredibly lenient when it came to my mental health and I could take days off without it being registered. I'd shut my ears off during morning prayer, skip mass, but these teachers who were religious really opened my heart to life. It was like they saw something in me and believed in me, believed I had something to offer. To this day I am still undeniably atheist, but with a little soft spot for my former catholic school and my catholic teachers. To this day I am juggling a psychology and a nursing degree at uni.
Oh wow, sounds like what my catholic school was portrayed to be and what I wished it to be... Turned out the opposite 😕
Wow @Rosanna Øien really a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing 💛
Another way to understand is to believe that you are Not a Theist (A theist). You believe in a world not created by some kind of Sky God. Non-Theism doesn't have that negative cast to it. And there many non-theists, even in churches.
Rosanne that is one of the many good things my Nazarene pastor dad did right for me. I had a horrible thing happen to me when I was 5. I developed such hatred for the man and would dream of killing him in cold blood. My dad told me in 7th grade that the hatred was consuming me and would destroy me. He suggested I pray to God and ask God to help me forgive him. Took about a month. I am eternally grateful. My dad is a good kind man with a few faulty beliefs. The nazarene church, however, is a horrible judgmental, clickish un christlike body of people. My hubby calls them country club Christians.
@@cht2162 That's true. Frankly, the barely-developed version of a lobotomized, eternally annoyed Zeus presented in most Christian churches is extremely...crude.
I describe myself, at this point, as an apathetic agnostic (I don't know and I don't care).
Thank you so much for this video. I had never heard anything about this as a REAL THING, it always appeared to me like if it’s been all in my head. Thank you for naming it. This spoke to me in such a meaningful way ❤️
For the longest I thought it was all in my head too
Being raised Mormon, I definitely resonate with everything said in this video, thank you for talking about this
Growing up in the mormon church deeply traumatised me and stole my parents retirement due to the mormon church's constant badgering that all members (regardless of income) pay 10% of their gross income. I have had give my mom about 20% of my income monthly to help her out, so in effect the mormon church has victimized me twice over.
its crazy how the people who "speaks for god" you know, the god supposed to be all loving, hates you and abuses you because of dumb stuff and still claims to be the good guys.
So spot on. My parents both ran to the church after they cheated on each other, partied with swingers, got wasted, neglected us, gaslighted us and heaped on other abuse. The church gave them black-and-white snippets to take out of context to make us feel even worse about ourselves so they could feel better about themselves. Now, in my 50s, they still do it and feel high and mighty. I wish they'd really, actually read and understand what they're pointing to.
I'm really sorry that's been your experience. You do not deserve to be treated that way
I grew up Jehovah's witness. I was told all the time that of I left the religion my parents and family would stop loving me. When I finally left the cult, my grandma disowned me on her deathbed, I never saw my mom again till the day before she died in hospital, and I haven't seen my dad since then (7 years ago). My extended family cut me off too. This has completely effected my self esteem and attachment style
Have been scrolling for a JW comment! 100% is a cult. Was taken to grandparents all the time as children to try and keep us in faith - because my mum left JW. My dads side has nothing to do with me but I’m happy these days and have explored my sexuality and identity.
So crazy how a belief system can change what should be unconditional love 🤯 the mind boggles
Wow...that is cruel. I'm so sorry you had to go through that and probably still are. Don't know if it helps but there's a good mormon podcost out there about leaving the cult... you might feel less alone listening or even connecting & telling your story.
Sending 🙏💝 your way.
It's called "mormon stories podcast" here on RUclips.
So sorry to hear that , definitely sending you my love and peace 💕
Just wanted you to know that you are very strong and you don't need anyone to feel happy! Happiness is INSIDE you and you can CHOOSE to be happy! Live your "family" and make a new true one (and "family" includes friends and pets and not only a spouse and kids).
Thanks for this Kati. Been looking forward to this topic. Can definitely related to #'s 7, 6, & 5 as well as Religious Trauma Syndrome. My friends and I grew up Roman Catholic and went to Catholic school until college & it has definitely impacted us so much. Especially as myself and her both now identify as gay. We've been away from the religion for almost a decade now, but it still impacts us so much.
As a female and member of the LGBTQIA community, I felt for the longest time that I didn't just leave Catholicism; it left me. I couldn't keep going to a church that treated women as less than men, and I couldn't accept that my attraction to women was "intrinsically disordered." The church didn't want the actual me--the female, the lesbian--so since I was no good at pretending to be someone else, I couldn't be a part of it. I had been baptised Catholic as a baby and gone to 12 years of Catholic school. This rejection by the church hurt so much, it's hard to describe. Literally for years after I left the church, I still would feel that loss often, every day sometimes.
My trauma came when I realized they lied about their doctrine and history....23 years down the drain.
I grew up in church and when I started college, I became aware that I was interested in both men and women. I kept this to myself because I lived with my religious family and didn't want to lose my home or relationships. But hiding who I was traumatized me. Sitting in church every Sunday and listening to them say that I was bad, that I needed to ask God to take my "sinful" feelings away, traumatized me. When I finally couldn't take it anymore and came out to my family, I was shamed, ostracized, and forced to leave my home. Even now, over a decade later, the pain and heartache of my experience with religion still haunts me. I'm grateful for people like you who are speaking about religious trauma, so hopefully others who are suffering from it can put a name to their pain, and find a path to recovery and healing.
LDS Church has a toxic side. The offering of love and community is conditional upon, for example, giving up tea and coffee (even though Red Bull and Diet Coke are fine, since they were invented since the original doctrine was invented - and the "living prophets" never get "called" to address the issue). There is also bullying of childless and childfree women, due to the extreme emphasis upon excessive reproduction for all, population crisis conveniently pushed aside. Yeah, it leaves scars, and I didn't even join. I have more respect for The Quakers, although I didn't join them either. Important subject. Great video. ❤
There's also bullying of women who have one child and then have problems concieving again, calling us bad mothers for not giving out kids sibblings.
Growing up Non-LDS in Utah County, Utah has created lots of trauma in my life. It strongly contributed to me attempting to take my life starting at age 10, being hospitalized, and put on antidepressants at such a young age. I've watched so many people struggle both within and outside of the religion due to the conflict that goes on within themselves. I'm so glad this topic was brought up, especially because it's extremely touchy for a lot of people and Kati could experience backlash for simply educating others on possible negative/toxic repercussions.
I was raised in the Baha'i faith, and while leaving it wasn't necessarily as traumatic as what I've heard from former Mormons or religions like that, or some cults, I do feel like I've been torn away from a part of my childhood that I can't get back, and moving forward without that certainty of worldview is really difficult. And that irritability intensifies when I talk to the Baha'is that I grew up with that still believe, which includes my parents and other people I can't get away from yet. And this doesn't even get into my gender/sexual identity.
Having grown up in the Catholic Church, where being transgender is seen as sickness and bisexual attractions a perversion, I was pretty screwed up by the time I got into my 20s and absolutely convinced that I was basically damned from the start and had to do everything possible to bury those thoughts. I overcompensated a bit; my first job was with the church, very active in the youth groups, went to a Catholic college, the works. It took years of crippling, treatment resistant depression and a growing self injury problem before I finally had to face the fact that suppressing so much of myself was literally killing me. I try not to be too bitter about it and remember that they were well intentioned people who thought they were acting in good faith for my best interest, but i don’t think that will ever stop troubling me.
I feel that overcompensation.
As a Christian, I do not believe that having a different sexuality is in anyway evil. But when I try to interpret the bible I go according to the rule: "words are much easier to forge than deeds". The non-violence of Jesus is surely something that can not be forged, it's to memorable, the rest can be. If you continue to have problems with dogmatic Christians I would just advice you to search your own form of spirituality.
I hate when people say, "Everything happens for a reason"
My experiences with religion have been complicated by my racial identity. I am half native american, raised by my mother and her family (the native american side). My family was ravaged by religion. The generational trauma and abused endured by my family is horrifying. My grand parents and their parents are residential school survivors. Growing up we were also forced to attend a catholic school. To this day I cannot enter a church without having a visceral reaction. I become hot, dizzy, nauseated, and panicked. I married a man who was adopted by white conservative Christians who treat me poorly because I am native american, not dark enough for them to believe I am native american despite my certificate of Indian blood (yes, the exist), do not subscribe to their faith and have no interest in conversion. My husband understands because he had a hard time with the oppression of his Mennonite upbringing and because he has been able to hear first hand testimony of the horrors endured at the hands of the church. Since he is married to a native american woman he has also experienced the racism that is still prevalent in society today.
I'm so sad you had to go through this! I also struggled with the faith I was raised in. One's faith should not be oppressive, coercive and cause fear and shame. And anybody who's judgmental and bigoted and treats people horribly - if they insist that their religion is the "one true religion", they are either lying or have been deceived themselves. All the Creator asks of us is that we love one another, live in peace with one another, and treasure and be thankful for his earth and all his animals. At least this is the personal belief I'm hanging onto.
How can he become an ally?
@@mrs.g.9816, then there's Lk. 10:27 that says otherwise, which I think is the key to understanding the whole Christianity.
This is me somewhat. My grandmother escaped going to the Boarding Schools by being a good capitalist, and she brought all the other elders to her lawn. They told her the horror stories, and she in turn told me. I was five. I cannot go into a church for any reason without going hypervigilant and anxious.
I'm also LGBTQIA, and I grew up during AIDS, so I got to hear all the c'etsiy tnaey Christians talking about how blessed and wonderful it was that people like me were dying. They didn't know they meant me, but I did.
Today there was a school shooting at a Christian school. My first reaction was to giggle. I feel like a monster and I will never be acceptable to society.
It's ironic to me how in such spaces there is always talk about being gracious and yet are somehow they're the least gracious people. I'm so glad you've talked about this. While leaving organized religion means losing community, I believe in the end it provides more benefits, it's better to look for a community of people that you resonate with rather that one which was picked for you as a child which is too rigid in its mannerisms
I wonder if having a faith based education can also be a huge factor.
Freshman yr at my Catholic HS in my religion class we had to sign a purity pledge and received an abstinence ring that we were expected to wear. This was treated as an assignment and you’d get an F if you refused
Seriously?!?! Omg yeah, I can imagine religious school being a factor too. I had no idea things like that happened!! ugh!!
That's so stupid! As if a ring is gonna stop you from doing what you want
Wow, I went to Catholic schools through 12th grade, and while abstinence was pushed, we were never coerced like that. I am so sorry you went through that.
Q: Were the boys asked to wear a purity ring ? A: lol 😂
@@MC-fw5vt yep!
It was traumatizing as a child to constantly be reminded of potential hellfire and eternal damnation if I didn't repent and if I died "impure" or whatever. Even though as an adult I don't believe in that anymore, the fear response still roots deep because that's how my brain was being developed as a child.
Constantly being reminded that we are born sinful and being made out to be a bad person just for existing. It seemed that doing literally anything was a sin and that hell was pretty much inevitable for me.
I resent the religious people who instilled fear in my mind. I wish religious trauma was addressed more in the mental health field. I didn't realize how damaging it was to me until I got older and came to terms with it later.
I suppose if people adressed the kinds of damaged hellfire and brimstone bullshit does, it would cause people to questions the norms of American society.
I too left Jehovahs Witnesses. The damage done to me and my family is immeasurable. Putting the pieces of my life back together is difficult but I'm glad to be free!
This topic could be its own series. I was pulled into a religious group trying to distance myself from a rough family life. The religious youth group tactics practically preyed on kids in similar traumatic situations. It simply swapped one abusive relationship for another. In some ways, the religious trauma carries deeper scars and has needed more work to heal from, than my abusive childhood and family trauma...
My story is very similar. I now avoid anything religious like the plague.
I can relate to this 🫶🏼
As a recently deconverted Muslim, I do know things aren’t feeling great but now I have a deeper understanding as to why. Thank you for this
:) thanks for bringing light to this.. the first one was really how they taught me since elementary. Even i can't say anything to my parents, but to obey, obey, obey. I don't really want to explain much about my situation.. but to the people that are born with strictly religious families and are suffering from it, i hope for our freedom, because we will get it, because we deserve it.
Amen to all of this.
Raised evangelical Baptist. Still recovering. Belief and engagement are long gone but the "schemas" remain.
same here. almost 30 and still processing religious shame around sex. crazy.
It pisses me off when someone says "But you did get out! Live in the moment!" I just tell them they can either give me back the childhood I never had, as a stepping stone to a sucessful life, or they can STFU with their motivational bullshit.
my parents went through a lot of shit before they had me. that led them to be strictly christian conservative. in turn i couldnt celebrate halloween, go easter egg hunting, every morning before school me and my siblings had to read a chapter of the bible, etc. i recently told them about how i want to convert to judaism because my friend was raise jewish and invited me to celebrate hanukah with his family, and im ethnically jewish, and studying the culture and stories makes me really happy because im reconnecting with a side of me i never thought i could reach. my parents were kind of shocked and told me they were worried about me going to hell. i told him thats crazy to say but they just said its facts and that now i have to prove that jesus’s testimony is wrong, when i just wanna study and practice. its nice to see a video like this because its nice to know its a real thing and that theres something i can actually do to move on with my life.
Oh I HATE when people say “God will never give you more than you can handle”. There’s no way for that statement to ever be false, because if it were false, you’d be dead, and that statement is only ever said to the living. It relies on survivorship bias.
When I started to do therapy due to a traumatic event my therapist noticed that I had a lot of religious trauma due to my family, being very strict with me so we started to talk about the subject, and it was very delicate and intense a couple of months of doing hypnotherapy, my memories from my childhood started to appear, and I used to feel very guilty since I was a kid when I used to disagree with my parents and pastors
Right now, I feel that religion in my brain does not exist anymore, so I am learning everything in a new way that is more healthier because I was forced to believe that my religion was the right one and I should never be interested to study other religions because it was a sin
I had OCD for several years because I felt fear of ofending god. My OCD got controlled with medication, but with time (years) it got really bad again. This time, I got better by leaving religion. Now agnostic.
Hi Katie, thanks so much for increasing awareness around religious trauma. As a therapist who specializes in religious trauma, it is encouraging to see folx with large audiences opening up the space to talk about such a huge issue!
I am terminating my faith of terrible abuse and Toxicity. Thank you this was very Helpful in supporting my decision to say I'm DONE.
sending love and healing to everyone… i am still healing from the “modest is hottest” purity culture.
Too many therapists are unsupportive of or even downright hostile to non-religious/non-believer clients. It's demoralizing to pay a therapist and open up to them, only to have them effectively tell you that the reason you're broken is because you need to develop a spiritual side. So it's nice to see a therapist who actually acknowledges that religion can be harmful.
That is not a therapist! That is a Narcopath.
I told my minister about my gay thoughts when I was 13. He told me he could help me. We had many conversations in wich he told me my thoughts and feelings where bad, this was the devil talking to me. He told me my feelings where not real en if I would act on it I would go to hell. I am in a relationship now but the shame is still in me.
I’m so sorry this happened to you ❤️
Me during confession- "I've thought of killing myself"
Priest: "no, you dont want to, you just want attention"
This was like 15 years ago, and delayed diagnosis and treatment of depresión for about 8 years.
I love this video, you are spot-on as usual, Kati. Thank you for all you do to help those of us who feel lost in this crazy world.
I'm not trying to change anyone's mind, just sharing my experience, so here goes. I absolutely don't trust my body to determine what's good or bad for me. If I did, I'd weigh 300 pounds. I follow the teachings of Jesus and try to model my thoughts and behavior after him. He loved people, told the hard truth, helped a lot of people, and is the son of God. I'm fortunate to have had great pastors and have not been traumatized by the church or religion. I'm so sad that so many others have been. I have been traumatized by my own behavior and how a few people messed in my life. So, I'm grateful to share a faith (not a religion) where there's compassion, accountability, and love. It is possible to find that so, if you're seeking support and hope, keep looking. You will be found. Thank you for letting me express myself. I always look forward to your videos.
This video will mean so much to the people who view it. If anyone gives you crap, well, just know that you treated the subject absolutely fairly. Although your probably used to it by now.
Thanks! And yes.. used to it, but thanks for the support and glad you thought I was fair in how I talked about it :) xoxo
Here we go...
I grew up Catholic and definitely delt with so much shame / guilt tripping / huge expectations as a kid. I was also indoctrinated to believe anyone who "doesn't believe" is inherently a "wrong or hopeless" person.
I'm so glad I don't practice religion anymore. I've made so many more positive friends with different backgrounds and beliefs since I removed it from my life. I also find myself not constantly filled with anger for no good reason.
Your problem is not religion, your problem is the people who follow it
@@Unleashed_Memes13367 Sounds like XYZ is never a defective product, it just has people who can't use it correctly.
@@skylinefever facts
I was once religious, but seeing how horribly women are treated, how slavery is promoted and all sorts if other terrible things made me realize that religion was man made.
I always apologized for everything. Not because people demanded it, but because I always thought I was in the wrong for existing. I hated myself for so long because of the sinner thing and not wanting to be prideful. Once I found some aethiest videos on RUclips, and at first, they scared me. After some time reading the Bible and learning about how EVIL this PERFECT and JUST God is, I began to wonder if they were right. After watching their videos, they made so much sense and helped me realize that religion has brought so much destruction upon society from witch trials to inquisitions.
Sorry, just wanted to vent because my family is religious and I’m not sure if I should tell them or not.
What I struggle with until this point is religion was a thief of joy growing up. Seriously no play. I remember I always love dance. Belly dance in specific, it was fun to me, but the church caught me in my bliss one day dancing away and they shamed me as a whore. They said I was possessed and moved like a snack and they thought it was their job to rid the devil out of me. I spent most of my time inside of church my parents even decided to home school me and I had to do my school work at church. It was so traumatizing, I couldn't express myself not even through art cuz of course wbat I drew was devil shit to them. I couldn't keep a diary without being invaded of my privacy and shamed for every thing. I still struggle to this point with expressing, I felt i had to cut myself off from that part of myself and it's manifested pretty nasty in my adult life. it really puts the shackles on you and I feel it stole my childhood, I felt a disconnect with family bcuz religion was always first. I'm still trying to heal of the deep rooted program and shame it created. i feel more comfortable with Buddhism but christianity to me is satanic. just saying
I can so relate to what you're saying, it's incredibly traumatizing, I'm so sorry. I feel these shackles, I feel like it stole my childhood. And feel such a disconnect from my family as I feel like a black sheep. And the shame, ohh my goodness, the shame *hugs*
@@jamisonlamkin5576 thank you for sharing that. Yes the programing goes deep, I know exactly what your saying. This video is so validating. *hugs*
I'd really love more videos on this because this is one of those topics that go almost never discussed and yet one of the, if not the most, damaging abusive things someone can go through especially for us LGBTQ+. I dealt with this and Christianity was used as a weapon on my home so terribly I'm starting to finally break the chains and cut those people out that i was raised by and conditioned under for so so long. 💔
Also, thank you for saying as a wepon and not demonize us just because a select few are horrible. multiple times, I've been attacked just because I'm religious and like science, AND IT WAS BY ATHEISTS that cannot comprehend that not all Christians hate gay people, we need to unite and not generate more hate towardseach other, bless you, and have an excellent day
I love how we all just read the title and said YES YES I DID!!! And clicked immediately. (Sarcasm on the love part 😅)
My step daughter has been brainwashed by religion. She truly believes she is going to hell and is terrified to enjoy her life. She’s depressed lonely and very vulnerable and I want to help her but she’s been at this church for years and they have done a number on her. It’s great to have religion in a positive way. I’ve been raised catholic. But this is going too far and I don’t know how to help her. 😢
People need: healthy, trusting, kind, loving, supportive relationships.
People find that discipline helps them remove: addictions, unhealthy lifestyles.
People can have both of these things without resorting to religion.
I was like “I don’t have religious trauma”. Then I heard you read out the reasons why, and my first thought was “that’s not good, but it sounds pretty soft based on what I grew up with”. Then I realized what a kind f’d up thing that is to think.
I was brought up in a catholic environment and for me, the worst thing of it all was the hypocrisy. It’s really hard to spot the religious toxicity when you’re constantly told that God and the people around you say and do this and that cause they love you. Maybe they weren’t “openly” against queer people but queer people were still treated as “lost souls” and the atmosphere in general was extremely patronizing and condescendent.
Same for people who have left high demand religions, they're considered lost souls by the believers. It's so annoying.
@@MrBoxofplastic, Catholic theology post Vatican 2 (1962-1965) is an utterly confusing mess. I'd never call it "high demand" though. Before that the demands were explained quite straightforwardly, but now it's just public opinion and consensus.
@@seriouscat2231 Catholicism isn't a high demand religion for most people, but Jehovah's witness, Mormonism, and some evangelical churches are high demand. They want your commitment, time, identity, and service.
Kati, your 7 points describes my former religion, Jehovah's Witnesses, to a tee. I'm sure you'll have many comments from former members of that high control group. RTS is rampant among current and former members of that group due to many Jehovah's Witnesses doctrines that infringe on basic human rights such as the shunning of former members (even family members), LGBTQ being a sin (causing some members to hide their identity), and maximum control by their leaders in all areas of a member's life such as what one entertains themselves with or the recreation they are allowed to engage in. Deviation from these doctrines means swift discipline for the member by the leaders. Thank you for brining out these points. I posted a link to this video in the exJW Reddit forum. I am sure it will be helpful to many there.
Everyone's got to answer to Jehovah on their own. Wouldn't abandon Jehovah tho
"Religion was invented when the First Conman met the First Fool." -Mark Twain.
From the time I was 6 or 7, my father bossed and bullied me around and forced me into unpleasant chores and work for the sake of work, because he believed Satan finds use for idle hands and he took this seriously.
I am experiencing RTS and hopeful that I now have a name for it. Can you recommend a Trauma Therapist in my area of Ann Arbor, Michigan? I have been suffering a lot with it since I left the church and religion. So much so, that I could not find a therapist because I was afraid that I would offend anyone if I asked that they not be a Christian therapist. As of today, I have still not found someone to help me with it. I feel so isolated because my whole family is religious. RTS is so real!
Thank you so much for talking about this so respectfully, I have left behind my relationship with the church and family because my toddler is left handed (supposedly the devil working through him ) along with being a “bastard” and I got tired of this toxic environment. I refuse to let that affect my child and YES! this video was very helpful, I always felt lost because my child is my little angel and people saying other wise takes a toll on me.
Again thank you so much for shining light on this very serious subject.