No One Wanted This Poor Dog Because He Was A Registered Sex Offender, But He Found A Home With Me
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- Опубликовано: 21 янв 2024
- This Week's Most Viral News: January 19, 2024
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My cat had a history of financial crimes but we've had a great relationship since she came to live with me.
My dog got her conviction overturned on a technicality, and she assures me "they'll never find the bodies" - whatever that means.
💀
My dog was found guilty of pedophila, she was found humping her 2 week old son, but I found her a doll that looks just like her son and I haven't had any problems since.
My Russian Blue got charged for storming the capital :(
My bat was found guilty of spreading misinformation about the COVID vaccines.
I understand. My dog was charged and convicted of arson, international terrorism, grand larceny, burglary, tax evasion, medical malpractice, impersonating an elected official, and animal cruelty. He just needed a loving home.
What about mail fraud?
@velisvideos6208 No, he honors our united states postal service.
AMEN@@jasoncarson1043
My cat got convicted of serious tomfoolery :(
@Cocaine420_ Lol, cats are known to be silly gooses
All hell is about to break loose when everyone discovers that Pepper is on the epstein list.
brilliant
Balloc
birkin bag
Some onion employee was just looking at their dog one day and started laughing their ass of about this idea
Thanks for that.
That dog is going to re-offend. You can see it in his eyes.
This dog touched me when I was a kid
me too
#NotAllDogs
He touched my heart
....and my penis
Press on the keyboard where the dog licked you
And now he is touching all of our hearts
The pony we adopted was an international human trafficker. She didn't know any better. Life gives us an opportunity to love and forgive. No one is beyond redemption.
=====
Adopted dodo bird at our sanctuary is a convicted arsonist-set fires on several children’s orphanages and hospices. While not fully rehabilitated, we're slowly, but surely getting there. I always say: don't judge... like you're not fallible and work in progress yourselves. Anyone can point fingers left and right. Real transformation can only happen provided a strong foundation of unconditional acceptance, compassion and trust. I understand it's hard, and that it's simply easier to give in to apathy, throw up your hands, or stick your head in the sand (much like the ostrich subsequently set on fire in a moment of weakness and relapse). But we must not. Ever. In faith, the seemingly unlikely becomes possible. Nothing but love prevails.
Does somebody traveled from Mexico to US on this pony?
this is so sad, I can feel depression coming inside of me
Just like that Dog last night?
"Depression". Is that your dog's name?
No, thats just Pepper.
See, a man with less class and tact would grab this opening and run with it. But not me. Too much class and tact, you see.
who's depression?
All dogs are sex offenders. This poor fella just has the misfortune of getting registered as one.
"I've put too much thought in my manifesto to turn back now" LOL
Great 'fake' reddit comments!
My ex-tortoise was convicted of several mail fraud offences and home invasions, but he found love with us; all he needed was acceptance and lettuce ❤️
Ex-tortoise?? What is he now?
@@audreydimmel6674,
He's now sleeping with the fishes. The Italian snail family took care of that.
@@KrwiomoczBogurodzicy don't be releasing inside information, you get whacked for that
Pepper sold me fentanyl behind the CVS
Discrete, good work pepper
Just goes to show that even the most depraved individuals can turn thier lives around if given a second chance!
The first story inspired me. I am thrilled to announce that I will soon be adopting a priest.
This is so sad :( Just because he's the reincarnation of Zeus in Dog form doesn't mean he shouldn't have a home... :(
😂😭
My dog is currently wanted in 26 countries. But he’s also wanted in my home. We couldn’t ask for a better pet.
Pepper needs to enter the higher levels of politics, then he can get away with anything he wants!
It’s so beautiful to see him get such a loving home. My cat has had multiple charges of aggravated assault, armed robbery, vehicular manslaughter, and multiple DUIs, but now that she lives with me and gets all the love she needs she’s been doing so much better! I’m so happy all of these animals are getting loving and accepting homes ❤
“He especially loves the kids”
Poor pupper's gonna have a hard time finding work too.
He can still drive an Uber.
My cat was convicted of mayhem, first degree homicide, sexual battery, battery on a police officer, arson, firearm vandalism, reckless discharge of a firearm in a public place, two counts of petty theft, jaywalking, terrorism, threatening the president, torture, hostage taking, robbery involving a firearm, possession of drug paraphrenalia, chemical battery, and breaking and entering. He's a funny little guy.
You know, all those negative comments I've made about US Police over the years, this story really made me change my mind. Turns out, they DO keep their promises! :) refreshing journalism!
@1:55 if you think this is satire, you've never worked around a police department.
This goes to show that I can’t handle anything remotely sad relating to dogs. Literally just images of a dog and sad music made me nearly cry, I wasn’t even reading the *very very sad and real* story.
Even sadder is that the poor doggo lost his balls. If they'd only be as thorough with his human counterparts.
that dog really touched you huh?
In the UK it is really difficult to get hold of things like assault rifles but unfortunately we have a growing problem of assault knives and assault 'peelers and not to mention the assault lorries :(
ban assault nightsticks
This isn't satire anymore, it's just honesty
Deadly Force is not a joke!
It’s an ART!
In the Arms of a ... 😢... in the arms of an angel 😢😢😢
I have a pet bat that one day unleashed a deadly virus to mankind. But my christian values says forgiveness is a must.
Dude the payout on that job was huge though, congrats on the score!
That's such a heart warming message from Sgt. Steven Hollings. God has a hard-on for cops like him. He plays His games, and they play theirs. To show their appreciation for so much power, they keep Heaven packed with fresh souls!
I knew Pepper as a puppy, he was bad then and he'll always be bad!
Sgt. Hollings favorite Beatles tune "Happiness is a Warm Gun"
720 years from now this video will somehow have survived the test of time. People will have forgotten what the Onion was and will think this is exactly how we were back in the day. We wanted to have a dog, because we supported being a sexual predator and of course people only became policemen for the opportunity to kill others.
So true, I think!
I was expecting the dog to hump a pillow.
His name is pepper. Like pepper and assault.
My cats are total losers. They won't contribute to the rent and never clean up after themselves. Then, they expect ME to go out and buy them food!
Same thing here, not the least appreciation for all I do for them, would likely eat my lips in a minute if I passed out...
@@bhatkat Ha Ha! Keep one eye open!
Just check the couch pillows for 'crusty spots" before you put your head on them...
His name is pepper?
His owner isn't named sam is it?
For any Texan cops watching, this is satire.
Literally no one here in the comments watched the whole video LOL
They missed out
I did
The second part is a re-upload of a previous video, so I'm more inclined to read/write comments on the first part, which is new. The Onion is finding new ways to confuse me with this strategy. :)
My dog humps shoes. He disappears for a while and then we find the orgy aftermath of shoes and slippers... while he waddles around waiting for his junk to go back inside. It's unsettling.
How do you register your dog as a sex offender?
It would be fun (and probably libellous) to do that captioning over those regular tear bait dodo videos.
Why does your pup in the thumbnail have a banana peel on it's head?? Now that is funny.
@@terywetherlow7970thank you so much for pointing it out. I would've missed this wonderful image
This is genius editing. Bravo, Onion. Bravo!
So THAT'S what happens when they catch a squirrel!😏🤣🤣🤣
"And he especially loves our kids ;)
You guys put several videos together as one wtf😂😂😂
Well the dog video was pretty gay but the others were way funnier
It’s 2024 and you’re using gay like it’s 2012. Maybe you’re not the funny
@@charredskies gay
hah gay@@charredskies
Just keep him out of my neighborhood...and we're fine.
why is everyone talking about that dog and not about that police officer😭😭that clip is hilarious
probably in part because it's old
Pepper promised to give me candy if we could play the peanut butter game, but he lied. There was no candy!!!
peanut butter is candy!
I adopted my puppy from Guantanamo. Still don’t know what he was in for but I love him regardless!
Thank you for this heart warming story! 🙏 I'm hopeful that journeys like this will put me just that one step closer to finally adopting my own dolphin - the molesters of the sea 🤞 🐬🤞
This cop segment came out just before those FL cops scarred into a rampage by an acorn.
I miss longer format Onion videos.
same here. This format doesn't really fit their content as well.
I miss learning about the adventures of Clifford Baines
@@sdeepj I miss new episodes of The Onions parody of NPR that we got during Covid.
My cat is guilty of various forms of fraud and we are still best friends!
I get you, my cat is guilty of multiple accounts of identity fraud, but now he’s with me and we’re best friends forever!
Time to stock up on caffeinated peanut butter.
Its ok, my cat at one point litterally murdered someone once, and she was a very violent cat and would assault innocent civillians, however, she found a nice home with me and now she's better then ever. Sometimes she assaults our neighbor, but she's excused. 🤩🥰❤️❤️
Sometimes, rubbing their nose in it just makes them worse.
I understand my turtle has a history of doing horrible things such as sinking the titanic, 9/11, and worst of all creating Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber, but now I’m proud to say after many hard years he’s final ben rehabilitated and can live in normal society!
The Onion has the best actors on RUclips 😂
RUclips channel _TheDodo_ needs to upload this video.
“Hey boss, I want to post my dog pictures on the RUclips channel. You cool with that?”
“I bet we can make it work”
i quirked my head when i saw the thumbnail and title, then saw "the onion" and laughed so loud while clicking to watch.
He’s a meme offender now
I remember this dog running up to me in public he sniffed my private areas and even ran his tongue across my face i never felt so violated.
Doesn’t help that he identifies as mans best friction
"Substitute teacher" - that's nice and dark.
The prodigal dog.
My dog started an NFT... Now his investors are banging at my door at all hours of the day😢
🎼In the arms of a stranger, far away from here… 🎶
My dog was filmed entering the Capital on Jan 6. I now keep him hairless.
I'm happy Pepper was adopted 😂
Substitute teacher 💀💀
He's your bad dog!
That dog told me he was with the FBI, so which is it!
The jobs joke is top tier Onion dark comedy
Why don't the police hire shepherds?
They know where all the crooks are.
Whoever made this probably likes to share peanut butter.
I thought I was helping a white striped horse out of Detroit, but all along it was a zebra. SGT Holling's took care of that problem in no time! It tastes just like normal horses but looks scary.
_(real time: I strongly suspect zebra and horse taste significantly different because their diet is different)_
jesus christ that temple run part got me...
Uplifting stuff.
The onion used to be funnier
Wack ass comment
My pet lizard turned out to be a snake! piss take!!!!!!
Amazing work
You people are nuts! I love it. LOLZ for days B.
That dog’s name? Roy Moore
he gets in to Heaven regardless
AND SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS LMAO
Awweee 🥺. Perverts are people too! They have feeling, just like everybody else 😊
I feel so bad for the actor😂
He (r) taped me in a dream
Ii thought The Onion was supposed to do parody. The cop part was a documentary.
😂
who's idea was this lmaO
The 'police' part of this video seems ALL too REAL......
wtf just happened on my screen?
(thank you!)
Nah chill not the dog was taught this
Trying way too hard these daze Onion.
Yeah yeah yeah.Dogs are cute.I get it but what about the drug mules!
The onion has become an Orwellian shadow of its formal self.