Feel like someone has turned your family (or someone else) against you? To see my live chat on persuasive and evil people, click here: ruclips.net/user/liveIkY-WAhC8gQ?si=qMJNVjjnovst1kGP 🤓
I've been inappropriately violated by an uncle as a kid, and I remember him distinctly throwing out, "he knows how to keep a secret", in terms of something else (like a surprise birthday party for someone in the family). Yet, you could say this uncle was deeply revered by my grandmother, the Golden Child. So who would believe me? And if I were to say something I feared retaliation. And being the black sheep of my family, that surely didn't help in exposing such a revelation. So carrying shame can /and does have a negative impact on you, no matter how old you are. So again, Thanks Tamara for touching on such difficult topic that everyone could relate to.
I'm so sorry. That's terrible. The "favored child" is often the one who can get away with these evils. It's al most like the family member sees that person as being incapable of being "bad" or "evil." So in a sense, these people train themselves to see the good and ignore the bad. And thank you! You're welcome. More to come!
Been there except my dad never brought up to my half sister that he had another daughter that was older. When she added me online I was excited to meet her and I told her who I was and instantly she hated me. She wanted nothing to do with me and she insisted she was his oldest daughter. I didn’t bother trying to introduce myself any further or even getting to know her. He chose to not be in my life or bring me around and as much as it hurt because I needed my dad (my mom was toxic) it was out of my control because he clearly didn’t love me enough to be in my life in any way. I knew about my half sister when I was 7.
Thank you for another gem, Dr. Tamara. I wanted to add that secrets being revealed can often times have people taken out too, unfortunately. It's all so sad how lies can easily be branded as truth and cost many people their mental and physical equilibrium forever. My heart goes out to survivors and those who are no longer alive because they desperately sought out truth for their own well-being😔💚
In families like these, most especially prominent families where there is a lot of money, prestige and reputations that depend on that money and all of that depends on the silence of the scapegoat. Well, the scapegoat can’t help themselves. We don’t understand the lies. We don’t understand the secrets, crime and the deceit with threats attached. We don’t understand how or why they lie right in front of us. We were too young to understand. Our brains weren’t even formed yet, and here we are trying to make sense of this horrible toxicity that we know is wrong. Then they gaslight us and tell us we didn’t see what we know we saw or we didn’t hear what we know we heard. They tell all their friends that we are liars and that we make up stories and then their friends tell their children we are liars and to stay away from us and then their children shun us because they think we are liars. The reality is the lying parent is just trying to keep the secrets and stave off the damage that might be done from the scapegoat trying to speak in an effort to reconcile what is taking place in their own family. The scapegoat is gaslit by their families, then they’re gaslit by their friends and shunned… it’s a horrible dynamic. Then God forbid the parent dies and you find proof of things you wish you’d never seen in boxes they left behind in the bottom of some storage cabinet.😢
Heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. You are a survivor. Proud of you for that. People of means also experience abuse and scapegoating, and get even less empathy from others because so many people believe that money and resources protect people from pain in life, but it's a lie. You are not alone.
This is such a good topic. As of late I have found out a secret my mom held for a long time. What made me feel betrayed is that the man that tried to SA her when he was on drugs was allowed to become my Godfather when I was a child. A different man who had tried SA’ing my aunt when she was younger was also still allowed around me when they visited. My own dad as much as I needed him growing up he kept me as a secret. He only paid child support and didn’t bother telling my half siblings that he had another daughter and I feel like most of my dads side doesn’t even want me around because of who my mom is. It makes me feel like an orphan even though my mom got me everything that I needed materialistic wise and a roof over my head was provided by my grandparents because my mom still lives with my grandma. My aunt confirmed the story of my godfather and it kills me that I feel like my whole life is a lie. Even though I’m disabled I feel being alone is safer than to keep being told to be quiet and not tell my grandma about it just because she has favorites. Grandma always had favorites even if she didn’t want to admit it. The shared family secrets are so real. My aunts and uncles and mom have been through a lot and some things my grandma doesn’t know and even with the things she did know she couldn’t control the situation because grandpa had the last say. He “disciplined” my aunt for her behavior towards the man who was guilty of being a predator even though he should have protected her. There is a trauma of not having our biological dads in our lives and unfortunately it started on my grandpas side. He didn’t have his dad. My godfather didn’t have his dad either and I didn’t have my own dad. It’s a sickening chain and it hurts to see that and be told to get over it and move on even though it gets tiring to not be able to have healing or cathartic release of the pain without everyone going into a period of distancing ourselves or estrangement as you say. It’s complicated and it makes me feel so torn up about family. The word instead of bringing joy, peace, strength & resilience it brings pain, discord, chaos, and heartbreak/heartache. It’s like it’s just an illusion and it’s sad. The conflict in loyalty is so true. I didn’t have a word for it but it makes so much sense. I was the first to find out my uncle was going to get divorced and I cried. I didn’t tell anyone about it until my uncle broke the news to everyone on his own and they were shocked to hear it and when they tried telling me I didn’t have much of a reaction and that raised suspicion for a bit as to how. My uncle had no filter so if he went through something he would let me know so i eventually picked up when something happened within his marriage because I was his little confidant. I still am and just as when I was a child I stay quiet about the internal conflicts I have going on because they don’t always have the same patience for me. I’m in therapy and I find I talk more about what’s going on around me vs my own thoughts and feelings that I find it difficult to talk to family about.
Had bad experience w minor surgery which brought up some severe anger. Told my mom and one sister at time i had hx of sa. Neither one wanted to know details ??? 💔😪😫
So sorry, that must hurt, sending love and light. As for me my mother cares about my sisters molestato but now mine, she has never even asked me to this day yet my sister is cuddled because of that yet she is not even dealing with it or even want to deal with it, I have a feeling she likes being a victim because my cousins who were abused have taken steps, I know it may sound mean but today I can say she is using it as a weapon.
That's an interesting question indeed. It could be a lot of things which makes this question hard to answer. I would honestly look at the fact that some people are simply not influenced by the Zeitgeist and choose a different path of awareness. Often, that is the right way.
@@TherapistTamaraHill that makes a lot of sense. it’s difficult to define where the reality cuts off for them so i’ve always been “outspoken” in their eyes when i bring up reality
It's when you're not allowed by parents to talk about the strange behaviour of a sibling to anyone outside of close family and then get told a secret by your sibling about your parents that you get threatened you can't talk about either. They all carry on like happy families being controlled by the sibling while i'm the classed as the strange one. And i wonder why i struggle!!
"My Story too"☝🏻🧐... Thank You for this Channel that exposes where the Damage is about the globally spread Difficulties in our Relationship at all contexts with others, and offers Clearly the first step to follow... The💊 Pill for the HEALING... Knowledge, and then right management of it... If one is in too much doubt of how to manage the knowledge of this information...then next answer for Professional Help... This Channel is Unique, and Amazing... Thank You again... ...✨💖🧐👍🏻🌷✨
My father is mentally ill, he was treated in mental institution and has to take medicines but we were never allowed to mention it. I saw him hallucinating, he was gone for months while in hospital but I was never allowed to ask what is wrong with him or anything related to his illness. When it was really bad, my mother gave me strong antypsihotics to hide and use in case he becomes violent but I couldn't ask any questions. I never found out his diagnosis and they always denied he has one (even though he is still taking antipsyhotics).
never met my mom.. she shot herself when I was a baby. I thought it was like mental illness or postpartum… I started studying toxic family of origin and narcissism.. the old story didn’t make sense anymore.. a feeling can over me… it said your mom didn’t attempt Suicide your dad shot her.. so 4-5 years later he died and I called my mom to ask her what happened the night she was shot.. she just bluing out OH HE SHOT ME… so then I had to realize that not only was my dad an attempted murderer but also a kidnapper as well… because he shot her because she was leaving him and taking me back to California…😮😢 when I confronted my dad side they went radio silence and won’t even acknowledge the new information..which lets me know they all knew…
First I lost my dad and then I lost my mom before I lost them they told my sister to take care of me weather in the wrong way cuz it didn't take care of me I've been here on this world for all by myself 5:56
Feel like someone has turned your family (or someone else) against you? To see my live chat on persuasive and evil people, click here: ruclips.net/user/liveIkY-WAhC8gQ?si=qMJNVjjnovst1kGP 🤓
I've been inappropriately violated by an uncle as a kid, and I remember him distinctly throwing out, "he knows how to keep a secret", in terms of something else (like a surprise birthday party for someone in the family). Yet, you could say this uncle was deeply revered by my grandmother, the Golden Child. So who would believe me? And if I were to say something I feared retaliation. And being the black sheep of my family, that surely didn't help in exposing such a revelation. So carrying shame can /and does have a negative impact on you, no matter how old you are. So again, Thanks Tamara for touching on such difficult topic that everyone could relate to.
I'm so sorry. That's terrible. The "favored child" is often the one who can get away with these evils. It's al most like the family member sees that person as being incapable of being "bad" or "evil." So in a sense, these people train themselves to see the good and ignore the bad.
And thank you! You're welcome. More to come!
Disgusting person that uncle
At a certain age it does not matter what others conceive of u, especially at 50 years old
I have a half sister I never knew about until I was 47. No one ever told me my dad fathered a child in high school. My grandma flat out lied to me.
Been there except my dad never brought up to my half sister that he had another daughter that was older. When she added me online I was excited to meet her and I told her who I was and instantly she hated me. She wanted nothing to do with me and she insisted she was his oldest daughter. I didn’t bother trying to introduce myself any further or even getting to know her. He chose to not be in my life or bring me around and as much as it hurt because I needed my dad (my mom was toxic) it was out of my control because he clearly didn’t love me enough to be in my life in any way. I knew about my half sister when I was 7.
Thank you for another gem, Dr. Tamara.
I wanted to add that secrets being revealed can often times have people taken out too, unfortunately.
It's all so sad how lies can easily be branded as truth and cost many people their mental and physical equilibrium forever.
My heart goes out to survivors and those who are no longer alive because they desperately sought out truth for their own well-being😔💚
In families like these, most especially prominent families where there is a lot of money, prestige and reputations that depend on that money and all of that depends on the silence of the scapegoat. Well, the scapegoat can’t help themselves. We don’t understand the lies. We don’t understand the secrets, crime and the deceit with threats attached. We don’t understand how or why they lie right in front of us. We were too young to understand. Our brains weren’t even formed yet, and here we are trying to make sense of this horrible toxicity that we know is wrong.
Then they gaslight us and tell us we didn’t see what we know we saw or we didn’t hear what we know we heard. They tell all their friends that we are liars and that we make up stories and then their friends tell their children we are liars and to stay away from us and then their children shun us because they think we are liars. The reality is the lying parent is just trying to keep the secrets and stave off the damage that might be done from the scapegoat trying to speak in an effort to reconcile what is taking place in their own family.
The scapegoat is gaslit by their families, then they’re gaslit by their friends and shunned… it’s a horrible dynamic. Then God forbid the parent dies and you find proof of things you wish you’d never seen in boxes they left behind in the bottom of some storage cabinet.😢
Sounds like my family.
Heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. You are a survivor. Proud of you for that. People of means also experience abuse and scapegoating, and get even less empathy from others because so many people believe that money and resources protect people from pain in life, but it's a lie. You are not alone.
These last two lives are more helpful than I can ever explain!!!! I’ll be rewatching these
Thank you!! So glad this is helpful.
💯
Dr Tamara, everything you talk about is my family “to a T.” Wish it wasn’t but it is. 😢
I'm sorry 😞
This is such a good topic. As of late I have found out a secret my mom held for a long time. What made me feel betrayed is that the man that tried to SA her when he was on drugs was allowed to become my Godfather when I was a child. A different man who had tried SA’ing my aunt when she was younger was also still allowed around me when they visited. My own dad as much as I needed him growing up he kept me as a secret. He only paid child support and didn’t bother telling my half siblings that he had another daughter and I feel like most of my dads side doesn’t even want me around because of who my mom is. It makes me feel like an orphan even though my mom got me everything that I needed materialistic wise and a roof over my head was provided by my grandparents because my mom still lives with my grandma. My aunt confirmed the story of my godfather and it kills me that I feel like my whole life is a lie. Even though I’m disabled I feel being alone is safer than to keep being told to be quiet and not tell my grandma about it just because she has favorites. Grandma always had favorites even if she didn’t want to admit it. The shared family secrets are so real. My aunts and uncles and mom have been through a lot and some things my grandma doesn’t know and even with the things she did know she couldn’t control the situation because grandpa had the last say. He “disciplined” my aunt for her behavior towards the man who was guilty of being a predator even though he should have protected her. There is a trauma of not having our biological dads in our lives and unfortunately it started on my grandpas side. He didn’t have his dad. My godfather didn’t have his dad either and I didn’t have my own dad. It’s a sickening chain and it hurts to see that and be told to get over it and move on even though it gets tiring to not be able to have healing or cathartic release of the pain without everyone going into a period of distancing ourselves or estrangement as you say. It’s complicated and it makes me feel so torn up about family. The word instead of bringing joy, peace, strength & resilience it brings pain, discord, chaos, and heartbreak/heartache. It’s like it’s just an illusion and it’s sad. The conflict in loyalty is so true. I didn’t have a word for it but it makes so much sense. I was the first to find out my uncle was going to get divorced and I cried. I didn’t tell anyone about it until my uncle broke the news to everyone on his own and they were shocked to hear it and when they tried telling me I didn’t have much of a reaction and that raised suspicion for a bit as to how. My uncle had no filter so if he went through something he would let me know so i eventually picked up when something happened within his marriage because I was his little confidant. I still am and just as when I was a child I stay quiet about the internal conflicts I have going on because they don’t always have the same patience for me. I’m in therapy and I find I talk more about what’s going on around me vs my own thoughts and feelings that I find it difficult to talk to family about.
Had bad experience w minor surgery which brought up some severe anger. Told my mom and one sister at time i had hx of sa. Neither one wanted to know details ??? 💔😪😫
So sorry, that must hurt, sending love and light. As for me my mother cares about my sisters molestato but now mine, she has never even asked me to this day yet my sister is cuddled because of that yet she is not even dealing with it or even want to deal with it, I have a feeling she likes being a victim because my cousins who were abused have taken steps, I know it may sound mean but today I can say she is using it as a weapon.
That is just terrible. So messed up
and all wrong.
are the truth tellers often neurodivergent? what sets us apart
That's an interesting question indeed. It could be a lot of things which makes this question hard to answer. I would honestly look at the fact that some people are simply not influenced by the Zeitgeist and choose a different path of awareness. Often, that is the right way.
@@TherapistTamaraHill that makes a lot of sense. it’s difficult to define where the reality cuts off for them so i’ve always been “outspoken” in their eyes when i bring up reality
Yes, absolutely!
Replay❤ 🌹 I am looking forward to this, recently finding out my "sister" is actually my first cousin... I am still shocked....
omg. I'm sorry😔
It's when you're not allowed by parents to talk about the strange behaviour of a sibling to anyone outside of close family and then get told a secret by your sibling about your parents that you get threatened you can't talk about either. They all carry on like happy families being controlled by the sibling while i'm the classed as the strange one. And i wonder why i struggle!!
❤❤❤thank you love!!
You're welcome! Thank you.
Thank you for your brave perspective! ❤
Thank you! And you're welcome.😊
Thank you!!! ❤❤❤
You're welcome 😊 My pleasure.
"My Story too"☝🏻🧐... Thank You for this Channel that exposes where the Damage is about the globally spread Difficulties in our Relationship at all contexts with others, and offers Clearly the first step to follow... The💊 Pill for the HEALING... Knowledge, and then right management of it... If one is in too much doubt of how to manage the knowledge of this information...then next answer for Professional Help... This Channel is Unique, and Amazing... Thank You again...
...✨💖🧐👍🏻🌷✨
Thank you✨💛✨
You’re welcome 😊
What I’m wondering is the secret/s - my family is so hush hush regarding it all - yet are so quick to judge, label and or diagnose in secret ???
My father is mentally ill, he was treated in mental institution and has to take medicines but we were never allowed to mention it.
I saw him hallucinating, he was gone for months while in hospital but I was never allowed to ask what is wrong with him or anything related to his illness. When it was really bad, my mother gave me strong antypsihotics to hide and use in case he becomes violent but I couldn't ask any questions.
I never found out his diagnosis and they always denied he has one (even though he is still taking antipsyhotics).
I first saw him in psychotic state when I was 12. Now I am 40 and still aren't allowed to ask anything.
I first saw him in psychotic state when I was 12. Now I am 40 and still aren't allowed to ask anything.
Glad I don't have schizophrenia...there ended up being a bunch of people I know who are schizoaffective, though.
🤫 Good Topic.
California is over the top. 😎
never met my mom.. she shot herself when I was a baby. I thought it was like mental illness or postpartum… I started studying toxic family of origin and narcissism.. the old story didn’t make sense anymore.. a feeling can over me… it said your mom didn’t attempt Suicide your dad shot her.. so 4-5 years later he died and I called my mom to ask her what happened the night she was shot.. she just bluing out OH HE SHOT ME… so then I had to realize that not only was my dad an attempted murderer but also a kidnapper as well… because he shot her because she was leaving him and taking me back to California…😮😢 when I confronted my dad side they went radio silence and won’t even acknowledge the new information..which lets me know they all knew…
First I lost my dad and then I lost my mom before I lost them they told my sister to take care of me weather in the wrong way cuz it didn't take care of me I've been here on this world for all by myself 5:56
🎉🎉🎉❤❤
Hello my name Rossalie 0:39
😢so sad when people dont realize that yhey are uniquely special made by god its like slapping god in the face
I found out that my mother wanted to abort me.
That's an awful reality. I'm sorry.😔
I am grateful for the healing journey since June 2020