this is like those enlightening videos where they talk about the once you let go, the ex can feel your energy being absent and they then feel your loss
I am going to say the follow things and I will preemptively apologize if this hurts anyones feeling but I fell the need to speak the truth transparently about my thoughts on all of this. As far as I am concerned, dismissive avoidant are clinically disturbed, and I am not saying this to be mean… to me, it just is what it is. There is something horrifically wrong with all this. I understand attachment styles very well but that does not really evoke an empathy from me regarding what these individuals put other people through, which is life long and unnecessarily trauma. Maybe in some partners cases the effects of being with a D/A are so traumatic it may make them want to or actually end their life. Having said that, I say I lack empathy for this because to me this all boils down to the root of a lack of self accountability. If you don’t want to “feel” your freedom is being taken from you, and you don’t want to “feel obligated” to progress in life as partners and bold and create together, which is normal in any heathy relationship, then simply stay on your own and don’t mess with anybody. Simple. You stay single and there cannot be the possibility of “feeling” a loss of freedom. Nobody is putting a gun to your head. Your doing it to yourself cause the D/A wants it all and to live in a spliced existence where they open the Pandora’s box and evoke the love, attention, comfort , support, stability and intimacy they want and crave only to then literally punish that same person for giving them exactly what they want and crave and then trashing and disgracing them. These are clinically ill people who need help and should never be in a relationship or even date until , or if, they ever get intensive mental health services to deal with their issues and get in form recovery. 60 and 50 plus percent , and way more, of your survey and global population would be grateful spared the life long trauma, and often anger, frustration, sadness and humiliation.
I actually entertained your stance on this to my ex, and he said we won't be able to be in a relationship again as I want long-term commitment, and he's 'incapable' of that. But then he's gone back on the dating app to meet new females, and I wonder if he'll do the same thing over - selling the idea of a long-term future, just to take the benefits of the honeymoon phase and then back out due to feeling 'discomfort' or so. I entertained that perhaps he shouldn't be dating at all then, if he knows he's going to end up giving someone heartache as well as himself. Why date with the intention of having an expiry date? It's just inevitable trauma
@@Tarvala I am so sorry to hear that you, amongst many of us, have also experienced this. Please let me say that your value and worth are far beyond this person and omitting him from the equation, I believe, will open up the doorway for the right person to come into your life, one who deserves you, your affections and speaks life into you. And, yes, undoubtedly he will continue the same cycle with the other person. It may hurt to think of him with someone else but please do always remember these critical factors… he will go back to his habits and do to her, any any other woman, the same as he has done to you because he simply has not emotionally evolved and developed emotional maturity. Rome was not built in a day. Until he decides to seek help, realizing he has a deep seeded problem, and gets help for that, his MO will not ever change. Second, you do not need to wait for that. Pray for that woman who will eventually get to the point you are now as she will go through the same pain as you. You, and all women, deserve better. Please take care of yourself and only share yourself with those who are worthy to have that kind of access to you.
I couldn't agree more. Once anyone is done with dating this individual, enjoy new experiences and lean on supports to help get over this person and in time realize that they were not who you idiolized them to be. They may be gorgeous, they might be great at giving you love after making sure they cut you down so the bare minimum is enough to make you happy. Just know regardless of who you are, you deserve more than this person can give. It will take 3-6 months before you feel like this if you do the work to feel better, get professional help if you feel like this person has damaged you, because you will realize you were indeed not the problem, especially when you start talking with other people and realize how much better your interactions will be when you are no longer invested into such a shit person.
if he reached out 8 months later saying "hey *pet name*, how are you? how's life been?" do i ignore? Do i respond? what do i do, it's not enough to just say how are you after what happened and i've also seen him w/ a rebound. now his brother is back to liking my social media too.
@@CC-br9qgif you still care about them, that is a good way for them to reach out, it’s not even indirect direct approach, that message is what a lot of people would wish for.
if he reached out 8 months later saying "hey *pet name*, how are you? how's life been?" do i ignore? Do i respond? what do i do, it's not enough to just say how are you after what happened and i've also seen him w/ a rebound. now his brother is back to liking my social media too.
I have dated other people. Nothing compares, no matter how great they are, no matter how much physical chemistry there is, no matter how much they like me. It’s not simple to just override the thought that this person you were with is the one
Cmon now, if u r the one broken up with, they obviously dont wanna come back. But even if u do break the silence and constantly hit them up, trying to engage in conversation, the ex will come back just to break u again, mainly because, they know u will let em back and, most importantly, he/she doesn't respect u. You're now theyre "something to do when there's nothing to do", the ego booster. Ultimately the back up QB
@Jesse Gonzalez not if they tell u 2 leave them alone in the most harsh and disrespectful way imagined...even though u tried to reach out in the most loving way, coming from a true heart...that's a loss loss, pimpin, secure minded doesn't mean a damn thing 2 someone who has no problem watching YOUR world burn...real spit box
@@babyluvjr A true secure mindset is the ultimate head space to be in. Try to understand what will become of you if you make it your goal. You will become the absolute BEST version of yourself in every way. Friends, family, potential partner/s and most important your precious ex will see/feel your positive energy.
That poll is a little unreliable, as most would suggest that their ex is a dismissive avoidant, when it may just be that they didn't like you enough 🤷🏻♂️ hard pill to swallow but it really could just be that. Doesn't mean they are a dismissive avoidant or a narcissist or anything, they could just have thought.. hmmm I don't really like this person that much...
@@jessegonzalez5944 not necessarily, some people get into relationships and find they don't like that person as much as they thought. Again, hard pill to swallow but it happens.
True,my narcissist bf broke up with me in oct last year and still he’s dealing with different people not even only 1 and he seems perfectly fine without me.The only way is to give back the breakup and moving on with other people.
That’s not necessarily true. It’s partially dependent on their feelings about you and their feelings for the new person. And how their needs are being met by each of you. The new person, and sometimes even the main relationship is sometimes used as a distraction from whatever they are trying to avoid facing.
@Rose Coon think about what u just said, there should not be a back and forth between you and a new/old person. If needs aren't being met, and u feel the need for a new "boo", then ok. So like I said previously, if they DO return, it's temporary (maybe a few weeks to a few months)until your usefulness to them is used up( ego booster, etc etc, something 2 do when there's nothing to do)or until QB1 is ready to play again
if he reached out 8 months later saying "hey *pet name*, how are you? how's life been?" do i ignore? Do i respond? what do i do, it's not enough to just say how are you after what happened and i've also seen him w/ a rebound. now his brother is back to liking my social media too.
@@rosecoon1791guessing by main relationship you're referring to someone who you were with who was cheating on their bf/spouse? Because that's what I'm dealing with (it was a 5yr thing broke up unexpectedly because he found out). And before anyone starts judging me or says move on etc. Trust me i am, i've gone full NC and working on myself. But I'm watching this to understand when i should (if at all) expect to hear from them again, so I'm not caught off guard while I'm trying to move on
If he admitted that he’s second guessed his decision and had bad days but feels he’s made the right decision does that mean he’s passed the stage of missing me or ? He also said he feels like he’s returned to his old self and his friends and family are happy to see that. Not sure why that would be something he’d say when he hardly left the house before our relationship, spent hours gaming and had no intention or motivation to move out of his mums etc. it’s exactly 3 months passed the breakup and our relationship was under 6 months
Hey Chris. My ex and I broke up 2 weeks ago and it was a rough breakup. We had a strong relationship before except for one reoccurring issue, but he told a friend he wished he’d gotten out of the relationship earlier. I’m now blocked on everything. Im doing nc, but is there any hope?
Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me, i still love her and most times I cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i don't know why i am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her.
its always difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation my wife for 12 years left me, i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back
Hey Chris! My longterm gf broke up with me March 2nd. I texted her twice the day of and once 2 weeks afterwards. Here it is almost a month from then and still nothing. Did I mess up NC? I'm trying my best to stay positive but it's rough bc I cant stop thinking about her
I doubt NC will work for me now We talked for almost a year after breakup...but I went NC when she told me she's in a relationship. So im focusing on getting better. Start NC as soon as you can everyone.
How does that work when you have to do a limited no contact due to work or having children together? Will they still get to stage 7 or 8 on the death wheel?
@@Dlynnr227For me, we ended up back together. During the break it’s tough in the beginning. For limited contact only talk about work or the kids. It’s gets easier over time especially when you focus your attention on yourself and other projects/goals. They notice you’re not “chasing” or making them important anymore. Hope that helps! 🤗
@@lorismalls6938 we are currently at 3 months - I think he’s in that separation elation phase but he’s been on dating apps - we have a toddler together and a blended family - he was the one who left, I believe desiring freedom
What's weird about my ex is that her attachment style seemed to shift on a day to day basis. Sometimes she'd have an anxious attachment style to the extreme, sometimes extremely avoidant, sometimes remarkably secure, it was wild!
What if you've been married for 12 years and have 3 kids, eldest being 10 years old. She asked for seperation and you moved out (its been two months already (I hsve been doing all the wrong things, such as messaging, also ad we have kids we have been in regular communication. Please tell me how long do you think it will take?
Hey Chris, Does what you covered in this video also apply to an ex who is in a serious relationship? Or do they still have to be single themselves? My ex is definitely something type of avoidant, I'm just not sure which one.
If you spent any meaningful amount of time with them they will think about you. Surely you've caught yourself wondering about ex's that you've had in the even further past. I'm on the other side of a nasty divorce and even though I moved on and my ex is seeing someone she still got me a gift for what would have been our 12th wedding anniversary. (She initiated the divorce.) She even told me that date was really hard for her. But what I can tell you is you have to get your thoughts out of that space of does she even think about me. Focus on yourself and improving your life, your masculine energy, etc. 1 of 2 things will happen. Your ex will come back and see how much better of a man you've become or you'll move on and you'll knock the socks off the next lady. I worked on myself...and although I have a ton more work to do, I found some work went a long way. Tons of women came my way, and I vetted them, tossing many aside and ended up with a gorgeous and sweet woman. I even got to visit another continent and she dragged me all over her home city showing me the sights and feeding me all kinds of wonderful food. There's so much help on RUclips, you got this man.
Does no contact work, also if WE were only together for 2 months? WE never had a right, everything was fine, he was so involved and pushing the relationship, making plans... but still he was cold. When I asked that i wankt to know him bettet, he broke up saying he recognized he never missed me when we were apart. Is it possible that he comes back? We did not have any contact for 1 month.
if he reached out 8 months later saying "hey *pet name*, how are you? how's life been?" do i ignore? Do i respond? what do i do, it's not enough to just say how are you after what happened and i've also seen him w/ a rebound.
this is like those enlightening videos where they talk about the once you let go, the ex can feel your energy being absent and they then feel your loss
I am going to say the follow things and I will preemptively apologize if this hurts anyones feeling but I fell the need to speak the truth transparently about my thoughts on all of this.
As far as I am concerned, dismissive avoidant are clinically disturbed, and I am not saying this to be mean… to me, it just is what it is. There is something horrifically wrong with all this. I understand attachment styles very well but that does not really evoke an empathy from me regarding what these individuals put other people through, which is life long and unnecessarily trauma. Maybe in some partners cases the effects of being with a D/A are so traumatic it may make them want to or actually end their life.
Having said that, I say I lack empathy for this because to me this all boils down to the root of a lack of self accountability. If you don’t want to “feel” your freedom is being taken from you, and you don’t want to “feel obligated” to progress in life as partners and bold and create together, which is normal in any heathy relationship, then simply stay on your own and don’t mess with anybody. Simple. You stay single and there cannot be the possibility of “feeling” a loss of freedom. Nobody is putting a gun to your head. Your doing it to yourself cause the D/A wants it all and to live in a spliced existence where they open the Pandora’s box and evoke the love, attention, comfort , support, stability and intimacy they want and crave only to then literally punish that same person for giving them exactly what they want and crave and then trashing and disgracing them. These are clinically ill people who need help and should never be in a relationship or even date until , or if, they ever get intensive mental health services to deal with their issues and get in form recovery. 60 and 50 plus percent , and way more, of your survey and global population would be grateful spared the life long trauma, and often anger, frustration, sadness and humiliation.
I actually entertained your stance on this to my ex, and he said we won't be able to be in a relationship again as I want long-term commitment, and he's 'incapable' of that. But then he's gone back on the dating app to meet new females, and I wonder if he'll do the same thing over - selling the idea of a long-term future, just to take the benefits of the honeymoon phase and then back out due to feeling 'discomfort' or so. I entertained that perhaps he shouldn't be dating at all then, if he knows he's going to end up giving someone heartache as well as himself. Why date with the intention of having an expiry date? It's just inevitable trauma
@@Tarvala I am so sorry to hear that you, amongst many of us, have also experienced this. Please let me say that your value and worth are far beyond this person and omitting him from the equation, I believe, will open up the doorway for the right person to come into your life, one who deserves you, your affections and speaks life into you.
And, yes, undoubtedly he will continue the same cycle with the other person. It may hurt to think of him with someone else but please do always remember these critical factors… he will go back to his habits and do to her, any any other woman, the same as he has done to you because he simply has not emotionally evolved and developed emotional maturity. Rome was not built in a day. Until he decides to seek help, realizing he has a deep seeded problem, and gets help for that, his MO will not ever change. Second, you do not need to wait for that. Pray for that woman who will eventually get to the point you are now as she will go through the same pain as you.
You, and all women, deserve better. Please take care of yourself and only share yourself with those who are worthy to have that kind of access to you.
They are alone for a reason, most avoidants will be alone for ever like they’ve always been, they’ve never ever had 1 close friend ever in their life
I couldn't agree more. Once anyone is done with dating this individual, enjoy new experiences and lean on supports to help get over this person and in time realize that they were not who you idiolized them to be. They may be gorgeous, they might be great at giving you love after making sure they cut you down so the bare minimum is enough to make you happy. Just know regardless of who you are, you deserve more than this person can give. It will take 3-6 months before you feel like this if you do the work to feel better, get professional help if you feel like this person has damaged you, because you will realize you were indeed not the problem, especially when you start talking with other people and realize how much better your interactions will be when you are no longer invested into such a shit person.
5 months?!?
Aint nobody got time fo' that!
Narcissist people will never feel loss bc they are dealing with different people.Losing only one person will never let them feel the loss.
if he reached out 8 months later saying "hey *pet name*, how are you? how's life been?" do i ignore? Do i respond? what do i do, it's not enough to just say how are you after what happened and i've also seen him w/ a rebound. now his brother is back to liking my social media too.
@@CC-br9qg BLOCK AND RUNNNNNNNNNNNN AS FAST AND FAR AS YOU CAN
@@CC-br9qgif you still care about them, that is a good way for them to reach out, it’s not even indirect direct approach, that message is what a lot of people would wish for.
Theyre not even thinking about u, pimpin , if they left YOU!!!
Who would wait for 5 months for someone to change their mind? Just move on.. Date other people. Plenty of fish in the sea.
if he reached out 8 months later saying "hey *pet name*, how are you? how's life been?" do i ignore? Do i respond? what do i do, it's not enough to just say how are you after what happened and i've also seen him w/ a rebound. now his brother is back to liking my social media too.
that's not true, i have very specific things i look for and i've only met a couple men who matched those standards
I have dated other people. Nothing compares, no matter how great they are, no matter how much physical chemistry there is, no matter how much they like me. It’s not simple to just override the thought that this person you were with is the one
@@CC-br9qgrespond slowly let him take the lead
@@TheDevineFempress i never responded again and he never reached out again
Cmon now, if u r the one broken up with, they obviously dont wanna come back.
But even if u do break the silence and constantly hit them up, trying to engage in conversation, the ex will come back just to break u again, mainly because, they know u will let em back and, most importantly, he/she doesn't respect u. You're now theyre "something to do when there's nothing to do", the ego booster. Ultimately the back up QB
If you're in a secure mindset reaching out, either way response
is a win win
@Jesse Gonzalez not if they tell u 2 leave them alone in the most harsh and disrespectful way imagined...even though u tried to reach out in the most loving way, coming from a true heart...that's a loss loss, pimpin, secure minded doesn't mean a damn thing 2 someone who has no problem watching YOUR world burn...real spit box
Mine came back in 4 months and I went quiet
@@babyluvjr A true secure mindset is the ultimate head space to be in. Try to understand what will become of you if you make it your goal. You will become the absolute BEST version of yourself in every way. Friends, family, potential partner/s and most important your precious ex will see/feel your positive energy.
That poll is a little unreliable, as most would suggest that their ex is a dismissive avoidant, when it may just be that they didn't like you enough 🤷🏻♂️ hard pill to swallow but it really could just be that. Doesn't mean they are a dismissive avoidant or a narcissist or anything, they could just have thought.. hmmm I don't really like this person that much...
Not really liking someone applies to only dating
@@jessegonzalez5944 not necessarily, some people get into relationships and find they don't like that person as much as they thought. Again, hard pill to swallow but it happens.
Trust me, they did care even of they say no, they are avoidants they get back to people even from 10 years ago
They wont feel your loss if she/he moved on to the new or preexisting guy/gal
True,my narcissist bf broke up with me in oct last year and still he’s dealing with different people not even only 1 and he seems perfectly fine without me.The only way is to give back the breakup and moving on with other people.
That’s not necessarily true. It’s partially dependent on their feelings about you and their feelings for the new person. And how their needs are being met by each of you. The new person, and sometimes even the main relationship is sometimes used as a distraction from whatever they are trying to avoid facing.
@Rose Coon think about what u just said, there should not be a back and forth between you and a new/old person. If needs aren't being met, and u feel the need for a new "boo", then ok. So like I said previously, if they DO return, it's temporary (maybe a few weeks to a few months)until your usefulness to them is used up( ego booster, etc etc, something 2 do when there's nothing to do)or until QB1 is ready to play again
if he reached out 8 months later saying "hey *pet name*, how are you? how's life been?" do i ignore? Do i respond? what do i do, it's not enough to just say how are you after what happened and i've also seen him w/ a rebound. now his brother is back to liking my social media too.
@@rosecoon1791guessing by main relationship you're referring to someone who you were with who was cheating on their bf/spouse? Because that's what I'm dealing with (it was a 5yr thing broke up unexpectedly because he found out). And before anyone starts judging me or says move on etc. Trust me i am, i've gone full NC and working on myself. But I'm watching this to understand when i should (if at all) expect to hear from them again, so I'm not caught off guard while I'm trying to move on
She found someone else bro
They will never fill it
If he admitted that he’s second guessed his decision and had bad days but feels he’s made the right decision does that mean he’s passed the stage of missing me or ? He also said he feels like he’s returned to his old self and his friends and family are happy to see that. Not sure why that would be something he’d say when he hardly left the house before our relationship, spent hours gaming and had no intention or motivation to move out of his mums etc. it’s exactly 3 months passed the breakup and our relationship was under 6 months
Hey Chris. My ex and I broke up 2 weeks ago and it was a rough breakup. We had a strong relationship before except for one reoccurring issue, but he told a friend he wished he’d gotten out of the relationship earlier. I’m now blocked on everything. Im doing nc, but is there any hope?
Any updates?
Update ?
Trust me, I did end up with a huge fight with death treats thrown, they always come back guys no matter what just block them
Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me, i still love her and most times I cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i don't know why i am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her.
its always difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation my wife for 12 years left me, i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back
@@user-ic6xo1fo6d wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach her?.
Trust me people, you don’t wanna know how much avoidants cheat! Prolly more then NPDs, please do not do that to yourself!
So what is the point that they want me back if I don't want them anymore? 😢
Its cause they can actually feel when you are over them, they are like NPDs
Hey Chris! My longterm gf broke up with me March 2nd. I texted her twice the day of and once 2 weeks afterwards. Here it is almost a month from then and still nothing. Did I mess up NC? I'm trying my best to stay positive but it's rough bc I cant stop thinking about her
I doubt NC will work for me now
We talked for almost a year after breakup...but I went NC when she told me she's in a relationship.
So im focusing on getting better.
Start NC as soon as you can everyone.
How does that work when you have to do a limited no contact due to work or having children together?
Will they still get to stage 7 or 8 on the death wheel?
I’d like to know the same - any update?
@@Dlynnr227For me, we ended up back together. During the break it’s tough in the beginning. For limited contact only talk about work or the kids. It’s gets easier over time especially when you focus your attention on yourself and other projects/goals. They notice you’re not “chasing” or making them important anymore. Hope that helps! 🤗
@@lorismalls6938 how long did it take to reconcile?
@@lorismalls6938 we are currently at 3 months - I think he’s in that separation elation phase but he’s been on dating apps - we have a toddler together and a blended family - he was the one who left, I believe desiring freedom
Please block them asap
What's weird about my ex is that her attachment style seemed to shift on a day to day basis. Sometimes she'd have an anxious attachment style to the extreme, sometimes extremely avoidant, sometimes remarkably secure, it was wild!
Had exactly the same with mine. Some are balancing on fearful and dismissive with a tincture of anxious in their avoidant attachment.
wouldn't that be fearful avoidant with a secure component basically?
she was a FA (fearful avoidant)
Me too. I thought my ex was anxious always needing me, but she is definitely dismissive avoidant now.
Me too she was an anxious attachment when I met her & kinda fearful but when she broke up with me she was an avoidant
What if you've been married for 12 years and have 3 kids, eldest being 10 years old. She asked for seperation and you moved out (its been two months already (I hsve been doing all the wrong things, such as messaging, also ad we have kids we have been in regular communication. Please tell me how long do you think it will take?
I gave into my anxiety and bugged my ex for 6 1/2 months now do you think I scared her off to where she can’t miss me?
Probably not, might just take more time
Hey Chris,
Does what you covered in this video also apply to an ex who is in a serious relationship? Or do they still have to be single themselves? My ex is definitely something type of avoidant, I'm just not sure which one.
What does that fact that I'm in NC for a month mean to my ex? Is that period of time enough to make her think that maybe I'm never coming back?
rookie numbers. usually 2-3+
@John Kaherovic ikr but I wanted to know whether she might have thought of me at least once in this amount of time
If you spent any meaningful amount of time with them they will think about you. Surely you've caught yourself wondering about ex's that you've had in the even further past. I'm on the other side of a nasty divorce and even though I moved on and my ex is seeing someone she still got me a gift for what would have been our 12th wedding anniversary. (She initiated the divorce.) She even told me that date was really hard for her. But what I can tell you is you have to get your thoughts out of that space of does she even think about me. Focus on yourself and improving your life, your masculine energy, etc. 1 of 2 things will happen. Your ex will come back and see how much better of a man you've become or you'll move on and you'll knock the socks off the next lady. I worked on myself...and although I have a ton more work to do, I found some work went a long way. Tons of women came my way, and I vetted them, tossing many aside and ended up with a gorgeous and sweet woman. I even got to visit another continent and she dragged me all over her home city showing me the sights and feeding me all kinds of wonderful food. There's so much help on RUclips, you got this man.
Does no contact work, also if WE were only together for 2 months? WE never had a right, everything was fine, he was so involved and pushing the relationship, making plans... but still he was cold. When I asked that i wankt to know him bettet, he broke up saying he recognized he never missed me when we were apart.
Is it possible that he comes back? We did not have any contact for 1 month.
They will always come back they are sick individuals you have to move on fast
if he reached out 8 months later saying "hey *pet name*, how are you? how's life been?" do i ignore? Do i respond? what do i do, it's not enough to just say how are you after what happened and i've also seen him w/ a rebound.
Block them
Block easily with some insults
I am the avoidant and he's the anxious attachment style. He reached out every time after days weeks or months.
Be proud of it