I Figured Out What Causes Exes To Change Their Mind About You
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- Опубликовано: 22 мар 2023
- Today we’re going to talk about what causes exes to change their mind about you after a breakup.
This discussion took me hours to research and plan before I felt confident I had the correct track to take.
I think it’s more about overcoming your exes confirmation bias as opposed to “changing their mind.”
After all, their confirmation bias is actually what ends up creating their beliefs.
Thus, I’d like to take a hard look at the following discussion points,
1. Are exes even capable of change
2. Understanding what your exes confirmation bias is
3. How to shift your exes confirmation bias paradigm
There’s a lot to talk about today so let’s jump right into it. 
Хобби
They change their mind when the new crush doesn’t do us much for them as you did.
What usually changes your ex-'s mind are the following:
1. You no longer give them ALL of your attention.
2. They see you with someone else.
3. They realize during the comparison stage of their rebound that their not compatible with that new person.
Good reminding advice
If they cheated on you, just let them go because you deserve better 😍
If they cheated
Why would even think about taking them back
Amen
It’s really not as simple as you think, sometimes that is the challenge that you’re relationship needs. Finding someone else poses a whole new set of challenges that you didn’t have the first time. Like the old saying goes “ the grass isn’t always greener on the other side” just my two cents.
Cheaters are trash. I'm not capable of wanting/loving/dating more than one at a time. But if I was I would just be honest and up front about that shit! These people are devious liars who cannot be trusted about anything.
Wrong
Dude tje processing of all yoour cumulative data is simply a blessing you are giving to the whole world
Amazing stuff
Keep em coming
Thanks! Will do!
Dismissive avoidants/cheaters absolutely cannot change. The self-awareness and desire is not there. And they love their own behavior and consider it a superpower. What motivation do they have to change? You think these people truly want relationships? 😂
Good point on them not having motivation n for good reason if they just get away w it.
First!
Excellent video as per usual
Thank you Chris, always Inspiring
I'm Amanda watching you from Indonesia
They usually change their mind because they are bored...
I have been involved with a man in a “parenting relationship”. Technically still married, at the time we got involved had zero intimacy (even kissing) for over 3 years, and he was content with that. I’ve been divorced a few times (obviously an anxiously attached with a narcissist ex background) and so he wanted some advice. We had a smoking short relationship where I brought him into the future (we’re in Utah - use your imagination), schooled him on his rights, what he should have done sooner, helped him set up his future. And then he pushed me away. yes, I knew he had at least 3 more years of being married because he was waiting to get his children out of high school. And although everyone including kids knew that divorce was in the future at that time, he has used every excuse to “not have feelings for me/ be numb”, all the while holding on to me. Almost 2 years later and he finally was brave enough to say he needed a break, but at the same time I told him that I needed him to just go TF away until he could be consistent with either what he was feeling, or until I no longer was in love with him. We kind of pushed each other away at the same time, although mine is going to be longer. Because I don’t play these emotional games. So here’s my problem. You have addressed length of time to go no contact for both fearful avoidant and dismissive avoidant. The problem here is that 1) deter.mining what your ex is isn’t exactly science. Attachment styles in itself can be almost a triangle with fearful being on the line between the anxious and avoidant angles, and directly opposite the stable angle. So for me, I would say that based on his reactions with me, he is probably between 75-90% dismissive avoidant, and 15-25% fearful avoidant. He def has some anxiety and does react on occasion as I know I would as an anxiously attached. So most people cant exactly define their guys because it’s not absolute. most people have no clue exactly what their person is. I would LOVE someone to come up with a sliding scale, or a little test, that will help us determine what our people are. Because there’s a lot of difference between a fearful avoidant and dismissive avoidant. We are not psychologist, and likely our exes have NOT been to therapy (mine is waiting to “heal” until after his kids are launched and his divorce is final, which is BS). Help us find our way through this. When I found out that my avoidant was an avoidant, and I was an anxious, it was through starting therapy for my first time. 8 sessions in, and my therapist announced the problem. I had heard of this in the past so I had a rudimentary understanding. A year later, I know just about everything there is to know about avoidants. And also can totally see my own behavior when it happens now. But last year we had a break and I started the no contact rule. he reached out a month later. I have actually spent the past year sharing my therapy observations with him and have found that he’s learning, albiet against his will. But I have now put him out of my life indefinitely. I just would LOVE it if there were more information about those cross breeds out there. Because in truth, most are cross breeds. Like Narcissism, it can be a sliding scale.
A tough decision is when they try n contact u say days later its like OK how do I play it..if I reply quick it looks bad...if u don't reply it makes u look like ur mad n being spiteful. I guess a couple hours is best..cause then u still look mature but not there all the time. No matter what u do unfortunately ain't gonna matter cause even if u get back then they'll eventually remember y they left u the first time. It's like y don't I hang out w a person anymore..n then u do n quickly realize oh now I remember y.
So if someone left..it's over. I get where u still want them back cause it kills ur self esteem not being wanted n causes stress n stress kills. It's y we go crazy w obsessing n making shit worse cause ur body is physically getting sick but if u can get that little dopemine back by getting them to reply then it relieves that stress. It's a survival trait.
I wish I would've seemed out all of this advice 9 months ago when we broke up...
Random but..a hard decision when u think someone is cheating or even doesn't like u as much as u want but u don't want to look jealous so u either try n be cool n let her be but then knowing what if she is w someone else while I'm a schmuck thinking about her. Or u pry too much cause ur like hey if I'm giving them my attention in my head I need to know if she's hanging w another dude n them getting to know eachother better than u 2 then that sucks too. I'm high..not sure if that made sense. But then if u play it cool n then findout she wasn't w another dude n it ends up making her wondering what ur doing then that's the ultimate feeling..but then u find out she wasn't doing anything cause the dude she liked couldn't hang out w her that night so she went to u. So that's the worse feeling cause u went super happy to super betrayed..betrayed urself actually. Like u shoulda known better to not waste ur time.
Basically thats what you should teach, how to talk the dismissive avoidant language
There is no talking to a dismissive avoidant
They have no concept of how to love
@@walkertranger5746 ^ this. People can keep fucking with these monsters if they want to. They've been warned.
Omg my father was the Head of HR TXU / TUeletric for 40 years in Texas . My father used me to test out new personality tests that he created😂. I wonder if our dads knew each other through connections?
Ps your videos are helping me through my breakup. 😊
LOL that's so interesting.
@@chrisseitercoaching very interesting, small world lol 😂
I got a comment and a question 1. On other relationship coaches RUclips they’re against getting friend zoned it’s either a relationship or nothing attitude.
2. My question how do I use this method if we got a 2yr old child together?
Limited contact. Be reserved but polite. The focus is on the child. No emotion talk.
What if you’re in NC?
Wait a second. Isn't No Contact actually the most successful strategy to follow?
He basically just explained the effects of the no contact rule
Wait a minute psychotic amnesia? No that doesn't sound right and he picks them up out of their movie in our movie and they just want more?
No contact puts fear into your ex’s mind that you’ve moved on and that their perception of you wanting them back slowly shifts. As time goes on this only grows on them and they actually tend to reflect on your relationship with you as less of a burden and more about the good times. As you greived the loss. They felt relieved. This becomes the opposite overtime for both partners. Thats why typically the one dumped has moved on when the dumper comes back. The greiving process starts after the relief process for the dumper.
@Os3 well put thanks. Seeing the steps written down helped. So basically I'm on day 1 right now n having the number creates motivation to keep away from them cause u still have a last chance for the future.
@@os3688 Interesting! How does that work if they have been thinking about breaking up with you for a while before actually doing it?
2nd?
Isn't an ex for a reason?
So? Doesn’t mean it’s worth giving up on a loving relationship that needs some fixing. People who say that have never screwed things up with a soul mate.