No, we're not. Some of us managed to survive your idea of Care through to adulthood so we could make our escape from 'carers' like you & my female progenator. Emancipated at 16, I'll turn 59 in 2 months - still being treated for the CPTSD caused by being brought up by religious zealots who were more worried about appearances than child welfare. I suggest a lot of you folk do some deep , deep soul searching, and a re-think on just blindly following what an overworked doctor tells you.
@@divineappointments7797 dear, I have not given details of the depraved treatment I survived from a borderline mother acting out with (now recognisable ) severe narcisistic traits and a stern father figure who hid behind his newspaper in the loungeroom. Of course I HAD to be the problem, mother had received shock treatment and was 'fixed' now! You deserve no details from me, I'll leave you 1 however. At 4 1/2 I witnessed her assault, technically attempted murder of my older brother (15 y/o). He escaped out a window and ran; leaving me in the house alone with a rampaging mad woman. And the subsequent 12 years of her undivided attention and complete fabrications of MY behaviour. That's just 1 example. Still wanna play trumpy card word games?
Never compare people’s experiences and say one is worse than another. No one can know what it is like to be anybody other than who they are themselves.
I'm a adoptive parent to a RAD child and it's been soooooo hard getting connection. It's been 10+ years now a teen and it's harder then ever. Thank you for putting this video out. No one has really ever put RAD in this order for me. I'm praying it's not to late for my daughter and I to have a much better mother and daughter relationship. This explains so much on how I was missing understanding what I needed to do or should have done.
I've been a foster mom of a 15 year old for 2 months now... I'm exhausted. I found this helpful, and I'll speak on it with the therapy team. Thank you.
I grew up in Foster Care and even at the age of 50 I have been unable to connect with others and maintain any kind of relationship! I Hate it!! When I was younger I even wrote a song called "Foster Child Blues" (Bobby Dee Keys on RUclips)
I had parents Rock D, but can ssy ditto to your comment. I hope that's some comfort. Watching this I can only think the rest of the world needs to concentrate more on Words matching Actions and less on 'treating' ppl who can see/sence inconsistency but not explain it (as children).
My mom was killed when I was 4, I saw her all bloated and suffering from the gunshot in her abdomen. She died 3 days later. I just started to realize, no wonder why I am the way I am, my mom left and never came back. At 4 I didn’t know what was going on.
This is the nightmare we have been dealing with too! We have adopted 2 children with RAD & ODD. We have gone through several therapists, but no real changes. It brings chaos into our marriage & home. Our finances are falling apart because of all of the problems from our 2 adopted children. I feel like we were taken advantage of by the adoption agencies passing these kids onto us saying that everything will be perfectly normal in a year or two, that kids are resilient & will not even have that many issues in a couple of years. They were wrong!! Now they are teenagers they are turning their lives upside down & creating chaos in my wife & I's lives. They are exhibiting the same criminal behaviors that their natural parents had, even after 10+ years of doing all that we could do to help & love them. They both run away, have sexual misconduct, they're defiant, won't tell us where they're at, they threaten to kill us in our sleep & verbally abuse us, they lie & steal, and more! We are at the end of our ropes! Our home doesn't even feel safe anymore. We feel like DCFS is like a bad car salesman trying to get rid of the most defective cars by saying they are in great condition, while hiding the risks & possible problems from adopting kids with trauma & abuse. I do feel bad for these kids, it wasn't fair or right that they were born into bad families. If you're planning on adopting be aware of all the possible problems you'll be stuck with legally, financially, socially, and mentally because of your adopted children's behavior, especially when they are teenagers! Be prepared to have your heart broken & possibly lose them because they're genetically like their parents with the same tendencies, personality, & weaknesses. Many times you will feel that the bond between you is no more valuable to them than with a boss or school teacher. They won't be & act like your family because they don't have the same genetic makeup as you even if you adopt them as babies! There is much more to the risks of adoption than is mentioned here. Just be careful before you proceed with doing a adoption!
Are there no successful adoptions? Do all the orphans become criminals? Are there few talented gifted children among the orphans? You yourself know how many orphans have become successful. This happens even if these children were not adopted and grew up in an orphanage. You did not know about this? You failed and now accuse the agency. But only God knows what the child will be when it grows up. This is a lottery in which the result is unpredictable. onfillm.tv/best_shou/15067-ty-super-na-ntv-2017-smotret-onlayn-besplatno.html These are also orphans .... and most of them live in orphanages.
My step-daughter was just diagnosed with RAD... here is a book that I have found helpful. Building the Bonds of Attachment by Daniel Hughes. I thought I was losing my mind with this child and everyone thought I was the problem. I would like to tell you their is hope but I am not sure. Check into the institute for attachment. I am not sure where you live but their is a good one in Colorado. Please know that you are a good person who only wanted to love them but they can't love where they are stuck out. You are in my prayers.
I am sorry for the nightmare that you have been going through with your adopted children! I have 3 adopted children and 1 of them has RAD, ODD, CAPD, ADHD etc. 1 of them is a gifted musical prodigy w/ ADHD & CAPD & 1 was born addicted to drugs etc. You and I will not go to Hell because we have already been there :). Therapy, drug rehab, therapy, therapy, therapy, more drug rehab, the police & the schools have me on speed dial! :) That being said, I would not change one thing about the Hell I have endured! I have learned so much about not judging others, loving the "unlovable", seeing past the anger and it has made me extremely resilient. You are right, adoption is not for everyone and I think people need more education before they adopt but if these were my biological children they could still have problems and I would do the same things. I would not be resentful because they had a disability. I say the following with as much love as I can.... God gave these children to you because he knew you could do it! He looked down and picked you for these kids because he knew that you would rise to the challenge! He also knew that you would not be perfect, no one is! He knew that some of these children would never be "healed" or "normal" but he knew that you were their best shot! Be proud of what you have done! You have helped the best you could! Your motives were nothing but good! You have not failed! You may be covered with emotional blood & your heart my be scarred but you have tried your best to help! You deserve a parade and an Academy Award!!! ...because... "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these, ye have done it unto me, Matt. 25:40. I applaud you!!!
Anyone that tells you to love them more or that you have failed has never walked in your shoes with a child that has severe R.A.D. Sometimes there is nothing you can do to keep yourself and other children safe except find another place for the RAD children. You should look into a wrongful adoption and or go back to the county / agency for additional help. Also check into SSI disability, that may help cover some of the money you will need to try and help them. I understand your pain. With RAD just trying to love them causes then pain and they will lash out. They sometimes do better outside the home in other settings whether that is a RTC or boarding school because there is no expectation of love or attachment in those settings. I hope that you have found some help by now. Check out Forrest Lein and the Institute for Attachment and Child Developement. Sorry to leave this on a youtube video but I can tell you are not or were not in a good place when you wrote this.
Daniel krause Dear Daniel, I hope those children haven’t murdered you. I personally know that they have no conscience so murder is always in the table for them. It doesn’t matter what you have done for them, just hold on to your wife! Get away with her and love one another first. Make sure you do that. Then do your best for the kids. But protect yourself and your wife, believe her, love and trust her. God bless you both, and may God be merciful. 😢✝️❤️
52, still affected by it, well Adhd, lve only just read about RAD. My late Mother never knew of RAD, by name but the symptoms were spot on as on here. It's too much effort thinking about relating to others. It makes me more depressed thinking back to years of isolation thinking I was bad, my fault, absent father- upset Mother, boarding school. Fed up still working this all out, glad when its all over unresolved issues.
Actually the research shows that attachment behaviors do begin around 7 months. That's when it is believed that infants start to realize the concept of individuals. Attachment seems to be formed by sharing experiences together. Foster Cline, MD, the popularizer of the highly abusive Rage Reduction therapy invented the notion of the "Trust Cycle" (aka Attachment Cycle, Soul Cycle, etc.) that claims that attachment is formed much earlier and that it is formed by needs being met. Unfortunately, Cline's beliefs have gotten more attention than they deserve.
Dysfunctional parents are the cause of this. Just sad the children suffer deeply. Look what happened with Ed and Augusta Gein, now that is scary! I hope I will be a good mother in the future.
Beyond the dysfunctional parenting and experiencing sorrow, know that there can be quality of life for these children and success in growth through the delays!
That is not always the case. Neurological damage can have the same effect because of certain brainfunctions not developing properly. E.g. by using drugs and/or alcolhol when pregnant or breastfeeding. Look up FASD etc
Is there a way to get the powerpoint? My brother and his wife have adopted 2 children who both have RAD and trying to find them some help. They have been in their home for 3 years.
.Around the 31:00 mark ...And the parent gets to give the reward. *Thereby giving the power solidly back to the narcissistic cause of the kids problem in the first place.* Then this woman sends her daughter to school , no bag, forcing the child into peer ridicule territory, adding another layer of trauma. Sounds like further abuse to me, not treatment.Hope these doctors spend as much time diagnosing care givers and parents, as they do bullying children.
After reading through the comments you seem to have very strong thoughts about this. I was wondering how you would handle a child with RAD? Through my research this seems to above board but I have not been in a situation dealing personally with RAD.
The attachment starts at birth with the mother or wet nurses breast or a bottle or the touch in general. It is an object relation which is essential for survival.
Most of the criteria for these diagnoses shown at the beginning of this talk overlap with behaviour associated with Autism. This presents some confusion for parents of Autistic children and could create unnecessary problems for such families. False accusations could ensue. Disambiguation is required here.
These so-called “experts” don’t know cr*p about raising kids. I have three semesters of junior college and I have created a parenting technique that I call “wham Therapy” - which involves therapeutic touching to both bond with the child and send a message. For example, if your child misbehaves, just bring your open hand swiftly into contact with either the child’s bottom, or the back of their head. Johnny is sassing you at the dinner table? Wham! Janet is defiant? Wham! I expect a Nobel Prize.
Yeah let’s hit kids missing empathy and no cause and effect so that they will get more violent 👏🏻👏🏻 best advice I’ll take my 4 year old attacking me for a couple hours over attacking me for weeks because he can’t calm down
I like it Reggie, except the wham upside the back of the head. A bit of research will show you the majority of cultures have a prohibiton on head shots to children.
As a RAD caretaker, I sure would love the Power Point to forward on to those who are clueless what this life is like!
No, we're not. Some of us managed to survive your idea of Care through to adulthood so we could make our escape from 'carers' like you & my female progenator. Emancipated at 16, I'll turn 59 in 2 months - still being treated for the CPTSD caused by being brought up by religious zealots who were more worried about appearances than child welfare. I suggest a lot of you folk do some deep , deep soul searching, and a re-think on just blindly following what an overworked doctor tells you.
@@m.e.l.9335 Sorry. My story is more tragic than yours. Compassion trumps self-righteousness... Peace
@@divineappointments7797 dear, I have not given details of the depraved treatment I survived from a borderline mother acting out with (now recognisable ) severe narcisistic traits and a stern father figure who hid behind his newspaper in the loungeroom. Of course I HAD to be the problem, mother had received shock treatment and was 'fixed' now! You deserve no details from me, I'll leave you 1 however. At 4 1/2 I witnessed her assault, technically attempted murder of my older brother (15 y/o). He escaped out a window and ran; leaving me in the house alone with a rampaging mad woman. And the subsequent 12 years of her undivided attention and complete fabrications of MY behaviour. That's just 1 example.
Still wanna play trumpy card word games?
Never compare people’s experiences and say one is worse than another. No one can know what it is like to be anybody other than who they are themselves.
@@divineappointments7797 That comment itself is self righteous.
I'm a adoptive parent to a RAD child and it's been soooooo hard getting connection. It's been 10+ years now a teen and it's harder then ever. Thank you for putting this video out. No one has really ever put RAD in this order for me. I'm praying it's not to late for my daughter and I to have a much better mother and daughter relationship. This explains so much on how I was missing understanding what I needed to do or should have done.
I've been a foster mom of a 15 year old for 2 months now... I'm exhausted. I found this helpful, and I'll speak on it with the therapy team. Thank you.
The reward system of positive fro parents not being the bad guy is a great idea.
I grew up in Foster Care and even at the age of 50 I have been unable to connect with others and maintain any kind of relationship! I Hate it!!
When I was younger I even wrote a song called "Foster Child Blues" (Bobby Dee Keys on RUclips)
I had parents Rock D, but can ssy ditto to your comment. I hope that's some comfort. Watching this I can only think the rest of the world needs to concentrate more on Words matching Actions and less on 'treating' ppl who can see/sence inconsistency but not explain it (as children).
My mom was killed when I was 4, I saw her all bloated and suffering from the gunshot in her abdomen. She died 3 days later. I just started to realize, no wonder why I am the way I am, my mom left and never came back. At 4 I didn’t know what was going on.
This is the nightmare we have been dealing with too! We have adopted 2 children with RAD & ODD. We have gone through several therapists, but no real changes. It brings chaos into our marriage & home. Our finances are falling apart because of all of the problems from our 2 adopted children. I feel like we were taken advantage of by the adoption agencies passing these kids onto us saying that everything will be perfectly normal in a year or two, that kids are resilient & will not even have that many issues in a couple of years. They were wrong!! Now they are teenagers they are turning their lives upside down & creating chaos in my wife & I's lives. They are exhibiting the same criminal behaviors that their natural parents had, even after 10+ years of doing all that we could do to help & love them. They both run away, have sexual misconduct, they're defiant, won't tell us where they're at, they threaten to kill us in our sleep & verbally abuse us, they lie & steal, and more! We are at the end of our ropes! Our home doesn't even feel safe anymore. We feel like DCFS is like a bad car salesman trying to get rid of the most defective cars by saying they are in great condition, while hiding the risks & possible problems from adopting kids with trauma & abuse. I do feel bad for these kids, it wasn't fair or right that they were born into bad families. If you're planning on adopting be aware of all the possible problems you'll be stuck with legally, financially, socially, and mentally because of your adopted children's behavior, especially when they are teenagers! Be prepared to have your heart broken & possibly lose them because they're genetically like their parents with the same tendencies, personality, & weaknesses. Many times you will feel that the bond between you is no more valuable to them than with a boss or school teacher. They won't be & act like your family because they don't have the same genetic makeup as you even if you adopt them as babies! There is much more to the risks of adoption than is mentioned here. Just be careful before you proceed with doing a adoption!
Are there no successful adoptions? Do all the orphans become criminals? Are there few talented gifted children among the orphans? You yourself know how many orphans have become successful. This happens even if these children were not adopted and grew up in an orphanage. You did not know about this? You failed and now accuse the agency. But only God knows what the child will be when it grows up. This is a lottery in which the result is unpredictable.
onfillm.tv/best_shou/15067-ty-super-na-ntv-2017-smotret-onlayn-besplatno.html
These are also orphans .... and most of them live in orphanages.
My step-daughter was just diagnosed with RAD... here is a book that I have found helpful. Building the Bonds of Attachment by Daniel Hughes. I thought I was losing my mind with this child and everyone thought I was the problem. I would like to tell you their is hope but I am not sure. Check into the institute for attachment. I am not sure where you live but their is a good one in Colorado. Please know that you are a good person who only wanted to love them but they can't love where they are stuck out. You are in my prayers.
I am sorry for the nightmare that you have been going through with your adopted children! I have 3 adopted children and 1 of them has RAD, ODD, CAPD, ADHD etc. 1 of them is a gifted musical prodigy w/ ADHD & CAPD & 1 was born addicted to drugs etc. You and I will not go to Hell because we have already been there :). Therapy, drug rehab, therapy, therapy, therapy, more drug rehab, the police & the schools have me on speed dial! :) That being said, I would not change one thing about the Hell I have endured! I have learned so much about not judging others, loving the "unlovable", seeing past the anger and it has made me extremely resilient. You are right, adoption is not for everyone and I think people need more education before they adopt but if these were my biological children they could still have problems and I would do the same things. I would not be resentful because they had a disability. I say the following with as much love as I can.... God gave these children to you because he knew you could do it! He looked down and picked you for these kids because he knew that you would rise to the challenge! He also knew that you would not be perfect, no one is! He knew that some of these children would never be "healed" or "normal" but he knew that you were their best shot! Be proud of what you have done! You have helped the best you could! Your motives were nothing but good! You have not failed! You may be covered with emotional blood & your heart my be scarred but you have tried your best to help! You deserve a parade and an Academy Award!!! ...because... "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these, ye have done it unto me, Matt. 25:40. I applaud you!!!
Anyone that tells you to love them more or that you have failed has never walked in your shoes with a child that has severe R.A.D. Sometimes there is nothing you can do to keep yourself and other children safe except find another place for the RAD children. You should look into a wrongful adoption and or go back to the county / agency for additional help. Also check into SSI disability, that may help cover some of the money you will need to try and help them. I understand your pain. With RAD just trying to love them causes then pain and they will lash out. They sometimes do better outside the home in other settings whether that is a RTC or boarding school because there is no expectation of love or attachment in those settings. I hope that you have found some help by now. Check out Forrest Lein and the Institute for Attachment and Child Developement. Sorry to leave this on a youtube video but I can tell you are not or were not in a good place when you wrote this.
Daniel krause Dear Daniel, I hope those children haven’t murdered you. I personally know that they have no conscience so murder is always in the table for them. It doesn’t matter what you have done for them, just hold on to your wife! Get away with her and love one another first. Make sure you do that. Then do your best for the kids. But protect yourself and your wife, believe her, love and trust her. God bless you both, and may God be merciful. 😢✝️❤️
52, still affected by it, well Adhd, lve only just read about RAD. My late Mother never knew of RAD, by name but the symptoms were spot on as on here. It's too much effort thinking about relating to others. It makes me more depressed thinking back to years of isolation thinking I was bad, my fault, absent father- upset Mother, boarding school. Fed up still working this all out, glad when its all over unresolved issues.
It has continually been my experience with the school system that they do not want to deal with it.
There are agencies with training and volunteer advocates who have great tools for advocating a child's IEP to protect the child in school.
Same!
9 months in utero and the first year of life are crucial--all the way up to three years of age-attachment does not begin at 7-9 months
Actually the research shows that attachment behaviors do begin around 7 months. That's when it is believed that infants start to realize the concept of individuals. Attachment seems to be formed by sharing experiences together.
Foster Cline, MD, the popularizer of the highly abusive Rage Reduction therapy invented the notion of the "Trust Cycle" (aka Attachment Cycle, Soul Cycle, etc.) that claims that attachment is formed much earlier and that it is formed by needs being met. Unfortunately, Cline's beliefs have gotten more attention than they deserve.
Dysfunctional parents are the cause of this. Just sad the children suffer deeply. Look what happened with Ed and Augusta Gein, now that is scary! I hope I will be a good mother in the future.
Beyond the dysfunctional parenting and experiencing sorrow, know that there can be quality of life for these children and success in growth through the delays!
That is not always the case. Neurological damage can have the same effect because of certain brainfunctions not developing properly. E.g. by using drugs and/or alcolhol when pregnant or breastfeeding. Look up FASD etc
Awesome information!
I'd be interested in the power point as well?
Is there a way to get the powerpoint? My brother and his wife have adopted 2 children who both have RAD and trying to find them some help. They have been in their home for 3 years.
Please like facebook.com/attachfamiliesInc/
We also have a support group!
What kind of therapy is this, where the therapist primarily meets with the parent at first? This is what I need but I don’t know how to look for it
I need this too
They should hand out cough drops at these things because if onE MORE PERSON COUGHS IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND! are they coughing right into the Mic?? Jeez!
.Around the 31:00 mark ...And the parent gets to give the reward. *Thereby giving the power solidly back to the narcissistic cause of the kids problem in the first place.* Then this woman sends her daughter to school , no bag, forcing the child into peer ridicule territory, adding another layer of trauma.
Sounds like further abuse to me, not treatment.Hope these doctors spend as much time diagnosing care givers and parents, as they do bullying children.
After reading through the comments you seem to have very strong thoughts about this. I was wondering how you would handle a child with RAD? Through my research this seems to above board but I have not been in a situation dealing personally with RAD.
The attachment starts at birth with the mother or wet nurses breast or a bottle or the touch in general. It is an object relation which is essential for survival.
KIDS FAIL TO ESTABLISH INTERACTION AFTER SEPERATION
"Transfer attachments"? Good grief. Of course, these people measure attachment by how unquestioningly obedient the child is.
there is no audio on this video
Try unmuting your end?
Agree
Most of the criteria for these diagnoses shown at the beginning of this talk overlap with behaviour associated with Autism. This presents some confusion for parents of Autistic children and could create unnecessary problems for such families. False accusations could ensue. Disambiguation is required here.
Ruling out autism is part of the diagnosis.
These so-called “experts” don’t know cr*p about raising kids. I have three semesters of junior college and I have created a parenting technique that I call “wham Therapy” - which involves therapeutic touching to both bond with the child and send a message. For example, if your child misbehaves, just bring your open hand swiftly into contact with either the child’s bottom, or the back of their head. Johnny is sassing you at the dinner table? Wham!
Janet is defiant? Wham!
I expect a Nobel Prize.
Not a helpful post . Then link your studies and principles rather than hate on folks working hard to help others. Be a solution not a child.
idiot
Yeah let’s hit kids missing empathy and no cause and effect so that they will get more violent 👏🏻👏🏻 best advice I’ll take my 4 year old attacking me for a couple hours over attacking me for weeks because he can’t calm down
I like it Reggie, except the wham upside the back of the head. A bit of research will show you the majority of cultures have a prohibiton on head shots to children.
You obviously don’t have a rad child and are clueless