Men Ignore Red Flags In Women & It's Making Things Worse
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- Опубликовано: 5 янв 2023
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If a woman doesn’t laugh with you, ride or die with you, isn’t by your side at your best and worst; she isn’t worth it. Dating apps have totally changed the culture sadly.
Stupid women needs to be ignored. Go your own way, get ur passport and marry somebody else abroad.
Some of the shi(r)t and low times my parents went thru (getting laid off w/ a 3rd kid on the way, Mom working 3 P/T jobs to help make ends meet, my Dad eating what was left to dinner after a 12 hr day so his kids can eat better than he did growing up etc). I appreciate the sacrifices they made for me and my brothers.
Women nowadays who talk about them being "Bad B-words" and "Boss Babe" can't hold no candle to women and mothers from 1990 and before.
My Mom and the Mom's of my friends growing up were the OG Bad B-words.
Your DP makes this comment a level better than it already is my friend
She is but for very limited time
Really great comment! 💯
Being alone is way better than being with someone who makes you want to be alone
Amen!
Tell me about it!
Been there. Got the postcard!
Been there, done that
*Modern women* (generation of feminism): have no value
*Traditional women* (generation of submissiveness 100 years ago): offer more to men
I am almost 30 and never been kissed, much less been out on a date. Growing up I have always been given labels, disgusting names and mostly ghosted. I find it hard to keep my standards high and find the right partner.
Damn right.
You are lucky, later you'll understand.
Praying for new beginnings for you ..contentment and grace
I can definitely relate. I don't have quite the lack of experiences that you state you have, but it's close.... and I will be 70 this year. Have not dated since age 30, and NO relationships. I went my own way some time around age 35, and went solidly MGTOW at 40... before it was a "thing". One thing I have learned is that women become vastly different creatures, depending on who is interacting with them. Around Chad, they can be Traci Lords. Now, I am very short, 5 foot 3, and I don't resemble George Clooney in any way. Not surprisingly, I never got Traci. I got Medusa, and then ignored. My young life was miserable, and I nearly did not survive it, but I have since decided that for me, women just are not worth it.
Being alone is different from feeling lonely.
Well said 👍
Oh, absolutely.
Good wordplay
Best comment ever!
Being alone for TOO LONG can get lonely.
Ignoring red flags is why being a divorce lawyer is such a high paying job.
Damn right, if it wasn't for being engineer, I'd do that
Same with being delusional and marrying one of Courtney's interviewee friends $$$$$, if the guy doesn't mean her expectations she gon walk!
As Metallica would said: "Sad but true"
No, it's the laws on the books.
Oof
"The red flags you ignore in the beginning are often the reasons things don't work out in the end anyway"- Well said.
Ignored red flags in the beginning are the things that will cause it to end, and in the middle will be a lot of pain.
I am a 60 yrs old man who walked away from a 29 years marriage right in the beginning of the pandemic because I had enough of her narcissism. I went through a difficult time but I am in a better place now with new house and everything in place. Trying to find a good woman to share my life but it is very very difficult. I keep myself as young as I can, and open heart and mind. I fill like the longer I stay single more scared and selective I became. Woman nowadays wants man to give them security without them bringing anything that makes me feel safe and have a peaceful life with the time that I have left. I think peace, maturity is the most important thing to look for in a person.
Stop looking for a good woman be the good woman yourself , be a crossdresser .
@@_Martine_ it is not because you turned in a woman that every body has to do it. I know who I am and what I need. 😂 good luck being a woman
@Bass Lover trust me you would have more 🐱 that you can handle it , im crossdressing , I can easy sleep with women without even putting much effort, I just don't sleep with them because I'm not a perverted or want to abuse the power but some open to me and pretty much just want a man who can paid their way in life.
@@_Martine_ unfortunately this world is full of people with a empty head and heart. Seek please need help
@Bass Lover I don't need help you need help you are the one the one is looking for a good woman you have nothing to offer except your money, but if you play the game , you would fine women that really like you for you. Right now im hanging out with a beautiful girl , she can easy get most men but they are only going to use her because all she has is her beauty to offer.
I've been alone for years. I've saved thousands of dollars on first dates. I can cook a nice dinner for two at home. I don't need to spend $150 + tip to sit in a dimly lit restaurant and talk.
You *couldn't care less.... You care *so* little that there is not a smaller amount of care that you could provide.
@@firstnamelastname9955 Thank you for pointing out my grammar. I edited my comment to be reader friendly. 😁
100% agree with you that men need to have standards and not just go for anything. Before I met my wife I started working with a woman who was attractive, had a few similar interests, and seemed to be easy to talk to. Then I really started to pay attention. Found out quickly she had some habits that were red flags for me and after the initial "be nice when meeting someone" phase kind of wore off I quickly found out she had a pretty abrasive personality. To this day I'm glad I never pursued anything further with her as I'm sure it would have made my life miserable. Fast forward a few months from meeting that woman and I met a charming beautiful young lady who not only met but exceeded the standards I had set for myself when looking for some one to be in a relationship with. We've been married for nine years now. Guys I know it's hard out there. Stay strong for you and for those who come into your life. There are still good women out there. It's not all doom and gloom.
You should always have high standards for yourself no matter what you do in life, including with women. Never sacrifice your dignity to be with someone who sucks.
Where or how did you meet your wife if you don't mind me asking?
@@undefinedvariable8085 At her college. We had both gone to a student improv comedy show. Mutual friends were on the cast and we met while standing around talking in the same circle afterwards.
@@Firesword534well college is over for a lot of us
@@minabotieso6944 Maybe so, but there's still plenty of places to meet people outside of a dating app. The gym, adult education classes, various clubs, houses of worship, volunteering activities. Yes it's hard and it requires effort, but it's also still possible.
I think the decline in social skills generally has some bad downstream effects. Being comfortable talking to fewer and fewer women creates an artificial scarcity. So when the rare case comes up when a girl is actually willing to talk to him, the dude is on that like white on rice even if the rice is crazy.
In an ideal set of circumstances, men would be regularly talking to many different woman that are also into them as well. The problem is that most men have very few real opportunities to meet or interact with women that are also into them as well, as you mentioned. Then when they finally do meet a woman that seems into them they become easily hooked on her and ignore red flags, are more willing/likely to put up with nonsense, etc. A lot of guys could literally go months or even years without a single date with a woman. It's a reason why many are glued to the one's they are in relationships with because of this fear. To make things worse, many women are quite aware of how easy it would be for them to meet another man. I've heard stories from other men about women they are with saying stuff like how they could have another man lined up within a week. It's a super messed up thing to say to a man you are with but it's absolutely true lol.
I hate this kind of statement. Adults out of college in car dependent America are not regularly meeting tons and tons of new people. We are very isolated in the US with few truly public spaces. The social skills aspect is played up too much. If you were in the situation where you are regulars meeting tons of new women then none of this would be an issue
For real though the girls I’ve talked to don’t have add much real value to a conversation. It’s usually benign hollow talk not about real subjects. Same experience anyone?
@@Will-fr9hg girls have dull personalities. Especially the pretty ones. I have way more fun and way more engaging conversations with dudes. Some females feel like I’m talking to a damn child.
@@Will-fr9hg yeap. Gotta agree on that 100%
There is nothing wrong with forgetting the whole parade of meeting someone, dating, finding a mate. Go climb mountains, learn how to fly, find out what you really love about life. That is where you will find yourself.
Yes, I agree but disagree. Finding and pursuing hobbies are great, but guys should not just ignore dating altogether just because it has become extremely complicated and frustrating in the twenty first century.
@@frenchfan3368 I think you missed his point- during the course of pursuing your hobbies and interests and business and pursuits, you are going to meet all kinds of women, in non-dating situations. These women will already have a lot in common with you, and you get to observe them and interact with them in everyday non-dating situations for months or years first. That’s where people have met their mates for hundreds of years. Beats trying to go to a bar to meet random people or worse, use an app.
@@historyandhorseplaying7374 No, I don't think I missed his point or perhaps I did. I'm just saying there are too many guys (including myself in the past) who become fully jaded with the dating scene and just abandon it altogether. Ignoring dating altogether is not the answer and neither is putting all your effort into it either.
For everyone who truly thinks that, what are you doing on a dating advice RUclips channel?
@@historyandhorseplaying7374that’s not his point, his point is that being single is not a big deal and there’s more to life than getting a girlfriend. Your point is dumb because in many men’s circumstances no the women aren’t going to magically come to you
Cost of a bouquet of roses: $45
Cost of a first date: $200
Knowing when to walk away from red flags: Priceless
Pretty sure it’s after you smash that.
Paying 200 on a girl who don't really know yet is your fault. Up your game.
@@deathblaizer Smash and dash.
More like no flowers bc theyre cliche. And a first casual date can be like 30-40 bucks.
"And I also think a lot of men are ignoring red flags because of a woman's beauty, which I understand, but then you end up bamboozled by some crazy person." Most of us make that mistake at least once but yes, some guys just keep doing this over and over again. They either never learn or they just can't help themselves.
Women do it too. Often those domestic abusers are really jacked, good looking bad boys that women love to hate. Both sides are guilty to getting involved with toxic good looking people.
Yes, theres lots of women aswell that equally get with the most horrible types because subconsciously they feel like thats all they can hope for
@@deannamarie3746 Or worse, "I can change him/her." 🤦♂
@@thatHARVguy oof yeah, that's an awful cycle.., I went through that phase myself in my early twenties. Later on down the road I realized I was just hooking up with guys who were MORE damaged than I was to mitigate my own issues that i was ignoring at the time, while feeling like i could nurse their own wounds somehow. Looking back i cant even believe it, i mean I've dated guys who maybe weren't physically that attractive but had an awesome personality, but those ones had neither lol
And don’t forget how social media has caused this “grasses always greener” mindset with women, if shit isn’t exactly how she envisions it then she’s on to the next one that she thinks is some kind of upgrade (which in my experience is not a upgrade but she doesn’t figure this out until she’s totally destroyed the relationship she is leaving )
and her pair bonding ability goes down as her body count increases...
@@DutchDansing Are you an islamist who only want virgins/kids?
@@andersnielsen6044 lol I'm atheist and I don't want kids
Facts
I'm 37 and dating 15 years ago in my twenties was alot easier to meet women. During the times of no dating apps and we still had flip up phones and actually had to put in an effort to meet someone. The world's changed so much and I mean that in a negative way, in terms of the dating world
Agreed
100%
False. It's been the same. Women still go to nightclubs and such. But I'm an incel, it's just women are more likely to be on their phones on public transportation than looking out the windows. I use the Internet to get known by women, even if I'm not in msging with them.
@@NealIRC Why do you call yourself an Incel?...
@@MiguelMedV Incel means he is involuntarily celibate.
33 y/o male here, 5'5''. For nearly 6 years, I've been actively looking for a girlfriend. Dating apps, going random places, doing random activities, talking to random people, working on myself - thinking I'm bound to run into someone.
in those 6 years I've gone on 4 dates in total. Less than 10 matches through all the dating apps combined in the same time frame.
Finally found someone who replied to my messages and seemed to be interested. We ended up dating for 6 months. She introduced me to her family and we had holiday dinners together. However, I was the only one ever initiating to hang out. She never told me she wanted to see me, or wanted to hang out. Things went great when together, but apart it felt like I was the last person she thought about. The last time I brought that up, it took a 15 minute talk for her to decide she wasn't really sure why she was like that and that she wanted to break up. She "wasn't treating me the way I deserved".
The end result was a relapse in extreme sadness, loneliness and depression.
There really is no hope for some of us.
Described my two exes and me ignoring the red flags only because I was happy to finally be dating someone. It didn't help that my guy friends (who are all in long term relationships), would tell me some red flags were "normal" because "my wife does that". Makes me question if they chose the right partners.
Everybody's got a different threshold for tolerance and temperament, plus you'll never know what really happens between two people in a relationship in private. Your friends could be completely lying to you or omitting things about their relationship. Don't bother making comparisons or correlaries to them, it won't add up.
Without specifics as to what the Red flags are, it's impossible to know the truth. For any relationship to prosper, three things must be present - shared values, shared goals, and mutual respect. If a Red Flag is that one of these doesn't exist, then that relationship is doomed to fail, sooner or later.
I get you there mate, same thing happened to me. And this guy friend of mine is still married on a woman he can openly tell 'to go f*ck off' and it is normal in their family. Meh.
Just broke up with a girl that I've been dating for almost three months. I'm guilty of ignoring some of these red flags. She literally called herself a brat in a conversation we had 🚩. She's a good person though just not very mature. We were just starting to invest in eachothers families and lives more. She also kept mentioning how her jewish parents wanted her to dating a jewish man however im not jewish. We were planning dates right up till the day before we parted. She went to her parents the following day and made the call. She gave no valid reason, she didn't even have the courage to actually break up. I didn't beg her to stay together, i said if we aren't in this together then it's not going to work. Maybe it was the religion thing or maybe she just wasn't feeling it. Just do yourself a favor gents, don't turn a blind eye to things just because we like someone. Keep your heads up and keep dating. Don't stop being a good / nice human being just to attract a toxic woman. It only takes one gents. Be good!
41 year old here, religion excuse is a farce. She just didn't fancy you anymore, most men are too easy, I totally get it now in my age. We're too AVAILABLE, too predictable, too easy to manipulate ie. we're not fun!
Most of us think you either have to be an a-hole or a doormat. All you need to be is more difficult=more disagreeable, not for the sake of being disagreeable but because you have boundaries, values, virtues, code of ethics, congruencies etc. which if any of us did in our 20s/30s we would not be interested in 99% of them lol but we throw all these out just to get with someone.
Either way young man, i would say, focus on yourself/build your empire and when you're 35-38 then start lookin for 26-28 year old to take seriously.
Yea religions…if she is looking for a religion type and you’re not it…get out immediately. You’ll be battling her and her Familia and friends who might share that religion forever. Been there done that..
Yeah. This video is 100% accurate. Dating can be so difficult, we do feel like we have to ignore red flags sometimes, because options are limited. This really sucks.
You're so right. The truth is these women have an allusion of an "abundance of options." Most of these guys thirsting after them could truly care less about them.
Beggers can't be choosers. My therapist told me to be less picky when it comes to dating to be able to find someone. When I finally found someone after two years of searching, she turned out to be a pathological liar. Then my therapist told me to be more picky after two years of wasted effort. 😂😂 it's a lose-lose game, I'm going MGTOW...
That therapist sounds very unprofessional, and should've lost her license.
A lot of men (and women) ignore red flags or sometimes don’t know about red flags. It’s super important for us to learn about red flags because if your partner is giving you a lot of red flags, it’s time for you to go.
Sry, the red flag concept is BS. Everyone has red flags because we are just human. Instead we should just accept some red flags or even more carzy actually work on them TOGETHER!!!
@@GangdamStyle20 Depends if it's a small red flag or a big red flag. If the girl I'm dating has a bit of a budgeting problem, I'd gladly address it and work out a better budget with her. However if she's running me broke while she goes to the mall every other week, and goes into denial when you try addressing the situation, that's a red flag you can't just coexist with your entire life.
@@dillonc7955 Totally agree. The problem is that WOMEN see red flags everywhere. In contrast they don't see their own red falgs at all...
If you select partner according to love then love is unconditional and flags dot matter even if that person is pure demon spawn that will change nothing.
On the other hand if you are choosing partner according to calculations then it is a gigantic red flag by itself that your relationships will end badly.
@@deltaxcd You confuse butterflies with love.
Nobody is in love with a demon, to have butterflies for a demon, absolutely possible...
I've said it before and will say again: I'd much rather be alone and happy compared to being in a bad relationship and miserable.
I’m the latter right now. 😢
As you should!
Many of us guys have only one option and that's to stay alone.
@@front331 NAILED IT!
This may be an odd thing to say, but I worry if there are so many people of all genders opting for being alone, will that lead to a dangerous decrease in population/population growth?
I can't lie, I've ignored a good amount of red flags bc I just really don't want to restart and find a new girl. But it never works and I always regret it. Listen to your gut fellas, know your worth.
Thanks for sharing awareness I see as important! In my "Practical Empathy Play Group," many (most, sadly) men who show up are so low-T and/or desperate that they will compromise almost everything.
That comment couldn't be more true and it's sad to see with some guys trying to cure their loneliness. Having someone to share your life with is totally normal, but doing it at the expense of overlooking red flags and obvious indicators of a bad match isn't worth the pain it'll cause you in the long haul. It's better to be alone than to be with a woman who is a nightmare of a partner.
Facts, I agree. I would rather be alone than to be with a woman who’s a nightmare.
Absolutely agree!
@@CourtneyRyan Hi Courtney, Please have Jimmy Song on your show to discuss the root of the problem...thx. ruclips.net/video/amBvPxILUA8/видео.html
So, having an abundance mindset will make me twice as successful at dating. Two times zero is still zero.
I think sometimes people make dating in general too much of a priority sometimes, often because of peers, family, etc..its nice being in a relationship but they come with their own set of headaches aswell
Id phrase it like this: Don’t compromise the integrity of your relationship decisions, even if you’re on a major dry spell.
Alright everyone, let's raise our standards. Here is my list:
- The things she says align with the things she does
- Does not think I'm weak for showing my emotions
- Does not order me around like a butler
- Lifts me up and encourages me when I feel down
- Asks my opinion and cares about it
- Wants the best for both of us
- Has long-term plans about our future
- Can compromise if necessary
- Does not think I'm sexist for wanting high standards from her
- Contributes financially to the best of her capability
- Says thank you and is respectful
- Values a healthy lifestyle
- Compliments me as much as I compliment her
- Can accept I'm private about certain things
Feel free to add more in comment section.
Thanks for video Courtney
It's great to lift weights at the gym listening to your videos. Trying to be my best self before trying to find a lady. Thank you Courtney for what you do!
I really like this video. Toxic, disrespectful, entitled, and super selfish women will gladly make your life worse than if you were to be alone. Ignoring red flags, eliminating standards, and disposing of discernment will only create more chaos and deeper heartache. Courtney, you are right on 💯
You are 100% correct Courtney. The first comment you put up, unexplained the conundrum well. The Pavlovian response you described (the more men ignore Red Flag behavior, the more it happens) is occurring. Social media, dating apps, are making it worse by providing a vehicle that practically encourages the ill behavior. TikTok?, say no more. I do understand it. Men are not wired for celibacy. What's happening is NOT Feminism. It's just women acting horribly/ selfishly/stupidly to their own detriment as much as men's. IDK how this gets fixed. Eventually, we all die alone this way.
My standard for a woman is extremely low because im desperate. I just want a friend. The types of women I've met scares me.
The problem with online dating is that our impression of someone is often inaccurate. The only way to know if the chemistry is real is to meet in real life. Women often swipe themselves into their own dating demise. The best is to meet people the old-school way.
Well said sir, you need to meet up in person, or it is really just fantasy.
This is true in my case. I dated a girl I knew was rittled with red flags. I kept it up against my better judgement because I thought she was cute and was admittedly lonely.
I can say from firsthand experience, this willingness to overlook red flags is TRUE!
I did this 18 years ago, and continued doing it throughout my marriage to the point that my wife was pissed that I kicked her out to live with her boyfriend after she told me that she's been cheating... As to say I'd been accepting the rest of her BS to that point, how dare I NOT tolerate this too?
6 months later we're almost divorced, I have the kids so she can be free to be freaky and I can continue to be the responsible one.
While I would like to find another woman to love, it's looking pretty scary out there... I got burned pretty bad, and I don't want to put my boys (8&11) through all that again, and with a woman who isn't even their mom this time. 😮💨
Thanks a lot Coutney for this. This came at the right time. I almost fell on to this trap & I’m starting to give up on dating women. I’m already in my late 30’s and I sometimes feel the pressure from other people especially family members & friends who keeps on asking why I’m still single. And by forcing things to happen, I always get blind-sided by women who have these red flags & sometimes completely ignoring it & giving the ladies a chance over and over again.. and it has become a cycle of wrong things which eventually pile up & I end up being unhappy.. But I’m not giving up hope that someday I would still meet that woman who would really compliment me.
I am 38 as well, and mate I can tell you for sure - we will both get what we want, not what other want/force us to get! Keep in mind who YOU really want to have by your side, and keep looking. Life is not limited in cell phone (thank god), so offline meetings still perfectly possible - we just need to keep our eyes (and ears) wide open.
Same here brother! In my early 30s & definitely feel the pressure from friends & family.
I am so thankful of what you do for men with this channel. I came upon it yesterday and I've watched a few of your clips. What you do is so important because so many men have absolutely no idea of how to talk to women. And it's heartbreaking to hear how little is needed, how low their standards in women are. Like they completly light up if a woman as little as give them a smile, or talks to them or actually listens to them. My best friend is a girl in her 30's and because she's very friendly and takes interest in other people, guys often mistakes that for her having interest in them. So even bald old guys in their late 50's she met at improv or yoga starts to woo her, guys who often are sad and lonely with no real chance of giving her the family life she wants. Guys that say they never in their life felt so validated like when she listens to them. It breaks my heart because that is often the case with young men too. And life is often a hard game on the hardest difficulty with few to no ones who can explain how to interact with others.
And I'm so glad you are acknowledge people who are introverted or on the spectrum, I'm on both. I do get girls but it's been a long way of taking notes and listen to advices because these things are not self-explanatory.
What you do is so important! You are helping so many men even though you have no obligations to. So thank you!
First: I am not American, but I do have an apartment in New York and I have been in US almost every single month the last 15 years due to my work in the UN and before that in The World Bank in Washington DC. The big problem is, that only like 10-15% of the American female population are worth to have a relationship with. And these women know that, therefor their "price" are very high and only accessible for very high value men. That is why like 90% of the male population just have to take what they can get or accept that there is no woman worth the effort.
This video needs to go viral for all men in the world to see. Women have had the power of love and manipulation for too long. Dating apps and social reform needs to happen.
Very on point that you made this video just now. Admittedly I'm 34 and single (have been all my life). Struggled with my weight for some years, lost most of it, then gained it all back plus more. That plus social anxiety that I've worked very hard to overcome (and have had a lot of success, and can still get better yet) have all held me back. Right now I'm about 200lbs from my target weight. Finally found the key for myself to turn that situation around, but I'm realistically up to a year or two out from being near my ideal weight, and likely being able to have success in garnering any interest. I am your poster boy for someone likely to be in a scarcity mindset.
I want to believe that when I get there, I won't settle for someone where there's no affection and who doesn't value me and show it. I want to do these things, and I want nothing less.
That said, a lot of your videos and a few others who are respectful of men making relationship videos have been useful in calibrating expectations and interpreting behaviors, but honestly with the low interaction rate (due to aforementioned social anxiety and weight) made it very hard for a long time to calibrate myself to the things you explain about whether someone is interested or not. Won't lie, I've had at least two women seek my attention with no intent or desire to do anything more. The plus side to this experience is that I know that everything I hoped for never existed with someone like that. I won't hang on waiting for things to change in the future. I'll draw boundaries on their behavior around me. Someone mentioned in another of your videos that the best way to deal with this is to confront them. Not aggressively, but asking someone out who is giving you mixed signals puts them in the position of having to decide whether they want you, or just your attention. If you can't get an unequivocal yes, then I can now treat that as a no, with no regret, and it's a way to move to draw that boundary. Did it successfully twice now.
And you don't have to be friends with women that want to friendzone you. At the end of the day, do what's best for your own wellbeing. If being their friend does not work for you, freedom of association(or lack thereof). I wouldn't feel guilty if another man wanted to be friends with me and I did not want the same and decided not to.
This presentation resonates big time with me. I experienced a couple of dating app scenarios where the woman had been totally mistreated by an existing or previous relationship. I gulped and thought there was no way they wouldn’t like a decent and forthright guy like me. I was ghosted and cut off in short order.
The modern dating scene is definitely difficult.
That’s because using dating apps is not really dating. It’s so much better to meet someone in PERSON, in a non-dating situation (friend or relative of a friend, fellow student, coworker, fellow enthusiast of a certain sport [participating not watching sports] or activity or hobby, etc etc). That way you get to observe them in every day situations, for months or years first. Apps are for the birds.
@@historyandhorseplaying7374: Never used a dating app, never will.
Great video, Courtney, as always. I do want to say that I think men ignoring red flags is still a symptom rather than cause of these issues. You can't demand respect from others when you don't respect yourself. What's missing is that men (and women) today are alienated even from the ideas of respect, health, growth, honor, and overall "goodness" in their own lives, so, lonely to themselves, all they crave is some magical external validation that will fix everything, and they will be stuck there until they rekindle their relationship with themselves and their lives. When we do that, then demanding that others around us also live good lives comes as a natural consequence. Again, great thoughts and thanks for all you do.
7 matches a week?!?!? I don't know any man that is getting that many matches and I wouldn't say they are ugly guys either. Me included I was on dating apps for like 3 months and never got a date. And more often than not when I got a match they were bots trying to scam me. That's why I deleted all my dating apps and am no longer on them. They are a giant waste of time for most men.
I’ve been on dating apps for a year and have had 7 conversations, 0 have led to in person meetings
@@Pikawarps it's pointless bro. Just delete it. Not to mention it makes your self esteem plummet
@@walterparada1530 I’m no longer on it to actually get dates, i just swipe on everyone so i can get practice conversations for when i find someone worth talking to in real life. So far I’ve learned how to avoid a few dead end topics so it’s not totally valueless
Thank you for this, Courtney. 30M here and am trying to welcome and re-introduce more authenticity and "abundance mindset", like you said, into my life---whether I wind up sharing it with someone special or not. If it happens, then the standards must be set and met between myself and whoever 'she' may be. No bare minimum stuff, no tricks/manipulation, none of that... just realness, respect and proper reciprocation.
I'm so glad you said this on 5:58 . It really does feel like that. A lot of times I think to myself is it even worth it. Solitude doesn't seem so bad if I get to keep my peace of mind.
Good video that ppl need to hear. Happy Friday everyone and keep working on yourself. January and February are lonely months. I think we all know that. I see it as an opportunity to work on myself and keep myself busy. Hopefully it encourages you guys as well. Thank you Courtney for your videos. Keep up the hard work. 🙏🏾
@@ronaldmutebo2218 👍🏾
@@ronaldmutebo2218 wish you the best this year 🙏🏾
Well said . Quick story. I divorced a horrible alcoholic. 2 Years ago. It took her 6 months to find a “serious “ boyfriend “ and from what I can tell she has done little to improve herself. Meanwhile I’ve put in ALOT of work to improve my life, a lot self reflection, journaling over 500 pages etc. I stil rarely get dates on dating apps. Frustrating.
So true! Just went through this. Had a girl throw herself at me then a couple months later turn around and give me the cold shoulder. I got the feels, mourned the loss and now feeling much better. Not down to go through that again.
My personal big picture hypothesis for why people are largely single lately is individualism and isolation. After a lot of introspection I’ve found that I would rather be single than date someone who doesn’t share values. I’ve become so self regulating that often the thought of a relationship seems like more con than pro, and I’m not sure I could be there emotionally for someone else. Couple that with working from home and you have a really hard time meeting people.
Great insight. And I can relate, in the same boat, moseying on down the same river.
So how does my having standards improve my odds? It doesn't women are targeting a very specific minority of men, whether you have standards or not, they decide the outcome of your efforts, not you.
I'm MGTOW since February 2018. My life MEASURABLY has gone up 10x in every facet. I'm data driven and have measured, and recorded/journal everything. From family life to friendships to travel, to starting a business etc. etc. EVERYTHING has gone up! There is no wmn, not even my dear mother who could convince me to go back to the plantation.
Note: "Wmn have more options" - Quantity doesn't = Quality. In 20 years, they'll accumulate more psychological issues but when you go MGTOW in 20 years you'll be retired in the Amalfi coast and a boat. Your choice fellas.
Thanks for the encouraging words. I relate so much with what you are saying, especially when it comes to the imbalance in the dating market. I have made a lot of decisions to improve my life and have accomplished a lot of self-work. Sadly this has resulted in me having no support system with some of those decisions in mind. So I find myself very isolated some days and have to plant new roots. The urge to look passed red flags arises. But I have come too far in life to be that lenient, and know I deserve better than that. I have had too many controlling women in my life, including women in my family. I really just need a woman who at least meets the bare-minimum.
Just found your channel. Really like your messages so far! Subscribed for sure!
A female with 3 or more kids before the age of 30 is a red flag for me, especially if they're from multiple men who aren't involved with their kids.
Baby momma are trash 🚮
For me, it depends. If she never got married and had children by multiple men, yes that's a HUGE red flag. What if she was married and had multiple kids with that man but he died in an accident? Is that a red flag?
Dated a girl for 2 years and then got engaged for 1, so 3 years together. When we first met, she wasn’t the most conservative with her clothes, and it was often an obstacle for us (well for me I guess). After the first 2 years and after getting engaged, she became more conservative, however after I went through a temporary struggle with graduate school, she left a week later and went back to wearing non conservative clothes. I should’ve known from the get go but I learned that you can’t change a women unless she wants to.
same goes with people
This is true, ignored all the early red flags in my previous relationship because I believed things would change but that was my worst mistake. I got straight finessed. Take things for what they are not what they could be, and do not make the same mistake twice.
Thank you for the advise Courtney. 👍👍
Thank you for your wise words. I was dumped about six months and I am still suffering. It is worse than grief.
You have to considered one of the two abnormal, either the fact that break ups happen, or the way that you have managed the issue.
Who's suffering? you as in your ego or you, as in your soul? think about it for a second/hour/month/year. Just ponder on that. When you truly understand that question, and come up with an answer, your life will change.
It is grief...
If you were able to get another 10 girls like the girl that broke up with you would you even care. Just a perspective shift can be helpful.
Also Allow yourself to grieve and feel the feelings that come up and eventually the emotions become less intense, etc., over time.
Keep your self busy to and do more productive things so you can eventually attract another one if u choose.
Dating for men is like applying for jobs, with all the exhausting hoop-jumping and humiliation that entails. At least with dating, men can opt out and keep their dignity intact, whereas job seekers have to take what they can get.
Your videos have inspired me to take the time to write 10 things I am grateful for everyday, read an affirmation of abundance everyday, acknowledge that I need to work on being more open with those in my inner circle as well as those that I want to bring into the inner circle. I had worked on a list of things I look for in a partner such as not being manipulative/abusive, being able to financially support themselves and not being a ward of the state, have hobbies and interest of their own as well as have that are some in common, be willing to have children, and cannot have Faith be a central focus of their life, and if they can't meet these, then good bye.
AS a senior in age I found your video very refreshing.. I should have heard it 45 years ago when I was first married...but then I wouldn't have had such a wonderful daughter out of a horribly ending marriage. Fast forward to marriage number three, I am finding pressures put on me that I never agreed to, namely of the financial support type, and I am going to have to stand up for myself even if it results in divorce number three. How to express my concerns to an otherwise wonderful partner of many years who has her own dreams will be the challenge, hopefully without ending what we have together.. Your video is a help toward those ends.
This really hit home with me. I do know two amazing women who are single, but I don't think they see me as more than a friend, if that. I do have standards, but I tend to lower my standards when I meet someone. Very few women meet my standards, and I realize this. I am not talking superficial, but things like kindness, caring, intelligence, humor, etc. I am at a point where I want to give up entirely. I swipe right liberally (on several apps), but I am lucky if I get one match per week, and she is usually a scammer, escort, or sugar baby. I only get a few legitimate matches per year, and I may not go out with any. The ones I do go out with are usually toxic. I went out with a woman last night who walked outside of the restaurant and left. I have not seen her since. No argument, etc. She was happy when she left. She said she was going outside to take a call from her mother.
🥺
Don't you mean "mother" (note the quotes)?
What are you doing here exactly? This is not a rhetorical question. Say it out loud, with simple terms, describe in one simple sentence what you're trying to achieve here.
You're trying to find a wife, on a dating app...
Dating apps are like a 40 years old man watching anime, society has come to accept that but is it really acceptable? Is it? RUclips is filled with adult men talking in front of shelves filled with literal toys (btw, 40% of ALL toys are sold to adults... and not for their children...). No one says anything, it's the most banal thing. But is it really acceptable?
My point is: Dating apps are hurting your chances, not increasing them
Maybe I'm just fringe but if I was a woman, a man who uses dating apps would probably look to me like a guy with a complete set of Nintendo dolls...
Again, maybe I'm the only one to see it that way but it's hard to think about something less manly than a guy on dating app... It doesn't take courage, you're not leading, you're anonymously swiping on a screen and waiting for the woman to pick you... Aren't we supposed to do the exact opposite? Aren't we supposed to pick a woman in a crowd and shoot our shot?
I consider myself a pretty humble guy but my ego wouldn't let me download a dating app. I'd find it humiliating and I can't picture a good woman picking a man on a dating app, knowing that the guy had to humiliate himself just to be on there...
Maybe it's just me, I'm 36 years old and already a thing from the past...
@@SLRModShop dating apps and in real life dating is the same. women have options so why would they care if the same ugly guy asked them out in person
@@Gothicc_senpai
Goth: emo bs
thicc: internet meme
senpai: anime trope
None of what I said applied to you because nothing can hurt your chances at this point ^-^
My best regards to your pillow wife
Loneliness is processed in the same part of the brain as pain, so it’s also part of why we ignore red flags. Also a woman told me she only recently learned that “men deserve to feel safe in relationships too.” Meaning if a man flirts, or makes a move, it’s not always to get laid or play around, it’s because there’s genuine feelings there and sometimes women brush that off as “he’s just being silly” and not that was a vulnerable action.
The way you talk is very relaxing
loving all your videos, made me catch a lot of bad things ive been doing that work against me.
Thank you, Courtney. Needed this. Just, simply, thank you.
68 years old, was married for 32 years, now a widower, not at all in the market, just watching from the spectator stands so to speak.
I like your advice content, much of it I agree with as an old guy. However, you didn't mention what the long term results are of women playing manipulative games:
They usually end up as old spinsters and they become just as invisible to men as most men are to them. That's a very bitter fruit that their cruel game playing produces.
Also, the window of opportunity for women to get a man and have children by him is way shorter than a man's window of opportunity. My wife gave me a daughter when I was 41, that kid was my first born. When I was 42 she gave me twin boys.
So you see, as a man I had far more time to raise children than women have. Young women are so myopic that they don't see "the wall" coming at them.
This is all personally damaging to women. But my greater fear is what this is doing to our culture.
100% agree, I’m a dude and I’ve been there. As men we get sooo blinded by a woman’s appearance that we ignore all the bad characteristics of that person. One of my very first relationships was like that, that ex was hella toxic! But I stayed with her for a long time because I felt it was the best deal I was going to get. 😂 I had poor self image and just didn’t think I could do better, I also thought I needed to help her; she was amazingly attractive but once the relationship ended and I got older I realized what I stood up for and what I wanted in a relationship. You would think that most men would understand this, yet this is far from it. Plenty of people out in the world, just gotta find the right one that you connect with.
All the red flags in the world will not matter if men treat themselves with respect and learn boundaries. The women with red flags will sort themselves out
The one thing I've learned about making it to my late 50's...I can handle being alone. It's not ideal of course but then again, my resources are MINE alone, my freedom is intact, and I have the time to nuture other relationships with family and friends. Companionship? When I need that, I have my dog. And honestly, sex means so little to me now as opposed to 20 years ago that it's become a moot point. Being single and alone isn't as bad as I thought it would be.
Regardless of gender, being a good overall listener is the prime communication skill. Most of what the other person is saying is not coming out of their mouths.
Great video. So many people needed to hear this.
Some guys don't care about red flags and just dive in, whatever it takes, whatever the cost, which ultimately makes them simps. Because to them, sex comes first so they need someone for that. I lost a friend to a woman who was toxic, he just couldn't see it.
The most important green flag for me is a woman who doesn't mind being challenged. It makes for a far more open and honest relationship.
I tried putting some expectations on women back in 2017, have been alone for the past six years as I found not a single decent woman to date beyond a date haha.
Thank you so much. Very helpful for me right now
Forget red flags. The system is geared for women and some men are fed up with it. It's just not worth it.
Haha. When you talked about ignoring red flags because of a woman's beauty, that resonated too hard. When I lived in China, I had a Chinese friend who was unbelievably gorgeous. I knew it was doomed from the beginning, but I couldn't help myself. 😂 She was my friend for 3 years before we got started, and I trusted her, but there was some dark feeling that overshadowed the entire relationship. I never suffered harder because of a woman before or since. Not even close, but it was still a great experience. I learned so much about what to do and what not to do. No regrets, but I wouldn't do it again. 😊
What "dark feeling"?
No regrets but you wouldn't do it again? Sounds like regret to me.
@@ericguner No. Just don't need a repeat. I don't regret skydiving, but I wouldn't do it again. Do you see?
@@undefinedvariable8085 It's hard to explain. There's something very cold and dark about a lot of Chinese people, but certainly not all. They can be very subtle and nebulous. Hard to pin down. It's because of the complexity of their 5,000 year+ history. They've seen things we weren't even around for. Layers upon layers of experience that live on in the people, but of course not all of that is used for the benefit of others.
@@Leondrius Interesting. I've never heard of another cultural demographic described in that way. Thanks for sharing.
I can't tell you how many single women I know in their 40's though their 60's that have alcohol problems. I'm talking about how they start drinking the moment that they get home from work and all day on their days off.
the last ten years being single were the best time of my life.. i love women, they`re the best ever existed but i don`t need them to be happy.
i'm not always in agreement with every video, but this one is spot on. there's a good quote out there about stop seeing the good in others and start seeing what they have been always showing you.
We live in depressing times unfortunately
@@daniellehotsky1776 Yeah i do work on myself and try bettering myself but it doesn't change the fact that the world is looking a lot more bleak. You can work on yourself and sure it might have some knock on effect on the people around you but it only changes so much. Unless you block out everything but your immediate family and friends, there's no way outside shit cant get to you. 'Manning up' only gets you so far
I’m just at the point where I’m just tired and willing to just be alone. I never even made it to a date (besides a coffee one, but it felt like not a date). I’m tired of being miserable about it. I’m 33 and learning that whomever I’m supposed to be with doesn’t exist. I know I can be a better match for a woman if I applied myself better in life, but when you work 6 days a week it’s a struggle to make proper life changing progress.
Peace and strength to you, Brother - you will prevail.
You're better off working and earning more money rather than wasting your time catering to a woman who offers little other than chaos and drama.
change life dude, my advice. try something you always dreamt to do and go for it whatever it takes to get there
Same here. I feel like I’m perpetually stuck in the endless loop of dating. I’m tired of asking/answering the same questions over and over and over again, because I get talking to one then it fizzles out, then a month or two later the cycle repeats itself again and again. Because she always find a better option. I’m so tired of it, although I’m lonely at times, I content of just living by myself. I’m 44 now and struggled all my life. I’m just done with it all
Passport bros, it'll blow your mind when you go elsewhere and woman are suddenly interested in you.
Your channel is needed more than ever! You bring up important issues that are brushed aside in todays environment. Men and women need to work together! We are all equally fkn awesome, just different and that's ok. Let's all make this wold a better place 😎❤🤙🏻
Great video!!! Thanks for the advice it helps👍
You always emphasize the abundance x scarcity mindset in your videos, and slowly but surely it did fundamentally change the way I think, feel and behave. I appreciate it a lot.
This makes me so happy to hear. Thanks for sharing with me ❤️
Unless you are delusional schizophreniacs it what matters is reality not mindset.
Like 2 videos ago she said don’t have a scarcity mindset but then said the situation of a lot of men truly is scarcity. You can’t magically make tons of women appear with a new mindset. Women are real physical things that you have to go out and pursue
@@minabotieso6944 she's still a woman. A walking contradiction.
@@joshua50101 I’m not hating on Courtney but she always contradicts herself. All these dating experts do bc there simply is no formula for dating. People are individuals . Women and men aren’t all the same.
Eg. Courtney says women often respond to the exact opposite of what they say they want. Yet she constantly interviews women to help guys see it from their point of view. Which is it?
Dating apps are destroying the real dating world. For many people and not just women, all this become one big game. So how man like me can now find a good woman that just want to have a family? Some of my friends found love online, but it was like 10 years ago, and in my opinion, nowadays its like searching for a treasure in the middle of the ocean. This places are so full of girls that 'wanna have fun', and dont even pay for themselves. Im 35 now, and i dont think i will ever again fall in love, i dont think i could even meet the girl that i would like to try to love.
Fall in love with yourself, take the time to continue to work on your personal health, physical, emotional, social, spiritual, intellectual. Embrace your loneliness season to practice deep self love. You seems a nice guy but also you should be aware of yourself at your 35 years old. You are talking about a family, maybe you see marrying the love of your life (are you behaving as a future husband or the person that will honor god and your future wife!) - Stop searching and become what you want to attract. I’m older than you and I don’t just believe but I have faith that one day god will bring the right person to my life.
@@jeanbarrett9073 The WORST thing to say to a man is 'you're a nice guy'
@@Andrew--S In the literal sense, the term describes a man who is agreeable, gentle, compassionate, sensitive and vulnerable
@@jeanbarrett9073 That's the WORST thing to tell a man. Men that get told that are not looking for sympathy. In today's dating market, men that have those qualities are ignored. It's not a successful behavior for men.
I don't make the rules. I'm just the messenger.
@@Andrew--S
I disagree with you. To a nice guy winning the dating game is not important. Would rather to let her go or let the other guy win.
Here is more about a nice guy: a man who puts the needs of others before his own, avoids confrontations, does favors, provides emotional support, tries to stay out of trouble, and generally acts nicely towards others. In the context of a relationship, it may also refer to traits of honesty, loyalty, courtesy, respect and more.
Since the beginning of the conversation I practiced empathy.
I don’t believe you need to be a bad guy to attract good woman. I believe you will attract the wrong woman.
Also you don’t need to change your identity to attract any woman because you will loss yourself in the process.
Andrew you don’t have to agree my comments but it was good talking to you.
In a dating world where being toxic, manipulative, and having unrealistic standards is the norm, it’s beyond great to hear this from you Courtney. Thank you for your videos, I needed to hear this
This was like 100 percent right on. Thanks
I use to be a take what I could get and now I am much happier being alone then being with someone who isnt that great.
And I'm sure you've also realized that the vast majority nowadays aren't that great.
Having dated off and on over the last 25 years (depending on whether or not I was in a relationship), I have to say I have never experienced more demeaning, entitled or heartless behavior from women than in the last 5 years. I cannot count how many times I have been stood up without so much as a simple text or the slightest regret from them. It's truly disgusting. I have met wonderful women too, but gotta say that dating isn't for the faint hearted. I thank god that I have a thick skin, because a sensitive, introverted male doesn't stand a chance in this environment.
This Video Says it all! Thank you Courtney...well Said.
Good advice,as a Brit living in Dallas I’ve found it very hard to connect with quality women.Almost impossible, so yes I think get what you can get is true to a large extent. I’m in a bit of a complicated relationship.I think most American men are treated like crap from women.
My bar is low. When im dating 4 women they usually are under a 5 rating divorced with kids and some are grandmas. These red flags are fine with me because I dont go for relationships. The 2 long term relationships were enough to keep me single forever.
It's really quite crazy how Courtney is giving this advice to men thinking that we have any options. We don't we are really getting screwed out here and that's why we are checking out of dating. The return on investment is not worth it. Modern dating is really quite depressing as a man.
Of Course. Courtney is all in this for her own gains and not for the benefit of Men, but she is trying to give a false hope in Men and to make them still think that there are those who have empathy. She feigns empathy. Believe you me, she is with her Man all for his money, she is no fool in that. All of them are about the money only.
@@prussiansocietyofamerica Don't expect women to be our mothers. The trick is to only entertain someone who is totally interested in us rather than someone we have to work to impress. Basically men have to select from selectors, he cannot select and waste energy on the ones who are lukewarm.
@@universal3024 100%. Glad you are also on top of it and see that just as well.
You do have an option though. If you can't find a woman who isn't going to treat you like dirt then opt out. It might not happen in our generation but if enough people do this eventually women will have to change. It is depressing but that's the reality of the situation.
Go abroad....and don't bring her to the western world....many men have done this and are happy
I feel like the sadder part about this is that even though men can choose to point out or hold women accountable to their red flags, they will just say “well he didn’t deserve me” and not even change their behavior because women online are so stuck in the circle jerk of being a promiscuous player who doesn’t settle for anything but the best.
It's either ignore the red flags or be alone. No options.
Ultimately it's about setting boundaries and having the ability to stand by your beliefs and actually tell a woman "no".
She has to know you'll walk away if she's disrespectful. I think it's 100% true that so many men are desperate for any sliver of female affection, that they're too easily manipulated.
"A Man needs a woman like a fish needs a hook".
Thank you for this SEGMENT...well done.
I won't compromise. I'd much rather be solo than take the wrong person. My standards are high and will remain so. If women would stop being such a pain in the ass this wouldn't be a problem. I care about red flags, I've ignored them in the past and survived. I don't know about insecure men with low standards; but, the more I'm ignored the stronger and more content I am being solo. Too bad for women who are looking for the right kind of attention.
Dating apps do more damage than most realize. Had Tinder on my phone for 8 years, swiped on thousands of profiles (even on girls I didn't find attractive) and never once got a match. Even friends of mine who're very successful with the app tried helping me out but where shocked that I got the same results.
Had tinder for 5 months, no likes or matches from women. It's super depressing 😞! I since then quit all dating apps. I came to realize that dating apps mostly benefit women and only the top 10-20 % of guys.
What’s even worse is that men that do have standards will still have trouble finding the right woman because a lot of modern women don’t like our standards/preferences and will start calling us mysogynists or tell us we are “shaming” them.
@samirdoncic6395 I know right, like one of my preferences is “no tattoos” and so imagine rejecting a woman that has tattoos politely and she throws a hissy fit and starts making a scene. I feel most modern women that do have them would probably do this just to shame us when in reality, we’re not shaming them, we have a logical reason as to why we specifically don’t want to date a woman with tattoos. I respect women with tattoos like I’ll be friends with u but I just can’t date u for cultural reasons.
Keep your standards, just like for everyone else, it will limit your choices. But, that’s kinda what standards are meant to do. Not to change people, but to cut the fat
@@sj3969 yes u can’t change the people out there, u can only change yourself. Standards/preferences are what limits us to what each individual sees as the right person for them. So if others get pissed about your standards/preferences, then they’re already a red flag for u and so u need to stay away from those type of people.