My fiancé drinks once every couple of months, I've never touched alcohol for 30yrs and I'm nearly 50. She's cool though and I'm always the driver for us anyway lol
Here's the summary, fellas. Proceed with caution: 1) She has a problem with you not drinking (A good woman is not going to force you to compromise your values) 2) She says, "If you wanted to, you would..." 3) She expresses criticism more than affirmation 4) She takes more than she gives 5) She's consistently inconsistent (This is a sign that she's not being serious about you) Here's one to add: 6) She mentions her exes way too soon (this will come up at some point, but it should not be during the first few dates) What other red flags should be added to the list?
Another red flag I've learned to watch for is someone who shows conditional love or affection depending on the other person's actions or attitudes. For example, a girlfriend who feels that you really love her only when you spend lots of money on her. Then when you don't spend enough money, she pulls back her attention and affection from you. This basically means you only get love when you make her happy first. Conditional reward is a big red flag.
Just got myself out of that situation. She was only around when I came up with a fun place to go to or when I had a party going on at the house. A casual date or getting something done and she always made an excuse as to why she couldn't make it
One of my ex-GFs emigrated to the US and married an American guy ... But after a while he divorced her because she was a communist ... There were too many red flags everywhere ... - Moscow, Russia
A red flag I wanna add: if she's super receptive and nice to YOU yet either mistreats or ghosts other men that she doesn't like like that. IMO one of the many determining factors of a quality woman is how she treats those she's NOT interested in
Ohhh the not drinking one! I've never heard anybody bring that up, but I've experienced it a few times. Usually things will just fizzle out if that's an issue. You also want to avoid any situations where you're sober and she's not, for obvious reasons. Another one that I watch out for is women who are obsessed with their birthdays. Not saying someone shouldn't want to have a nice time, but I've seen some alarming behavior if things don't go her way on that special day... Also run run run if you ever hear the phrase "my birthday month" it's a red flag on top of a pile of red flags!
I used to think there is some issue with me but as I see more videos of Courtney I feel I am a totally normal human. Thanks, Courtney for making these videos.
The fact that you're watching videos from someone who's reasonable (gender isn't a factor; it just happens to be Courtney) mean you're not just totally normal, but are motivated to grow and understand other people. A lot of people aren't interested or capable of doing that.
I remember being sober for a year for personal reasons, and the girl I was dating was a heavy drinker. I didn’t mind hanging out at the bar with her and a Diet Coke, but she wouldn’t stop asking me “so you’re really not drinking??” I got tired of repeating myself after a couple of months and dipped.
I would definitely like to see a video about why you don't drink and your experiences with dating people who do, Courtney. That sounds like an interesting topic!
Sounds boring as hell to me. Who cares, drink or don't drink. If you're debating it, you're not compatible. Move, on Personally me, a woman who doesn't drink is a person who is really committed to arbitrary boundaries for their own comfort, and that's not something that's not attractive to me. But, it will be to another man, so ✌🏾👋🏾 🤷🏾
Red Flags from my personal experience and observations. Real Red Flags - Warning signs in women that everyone should take seriously. (1) Cruel to animals (2) Trivialises sexual abuse in any way at all (3) Shows contempt towards disabled people in any way at all (4) Shows sadistic tendencies of any kind (5) Attacks her friends for no reason (6) Wants to have a baby on the first date (7) Pressures me for s3x on the first date (8) Touches me without permission (9) Is combative/aggressive (10) Is prone to sudden bursts of rage (11) Is disparaging about other women (12) Is disparaging about all men (13) Is rude to kids
Thank you for mentioning the drinking thing. This, along with all (or most) of the points, comes back to, in part, living a relationship based on others experiences. Even before social media this was a thing and it’s only gotten worse. Ugh! Have a mind and value system of your own.
I have had women on dating sites say "if you really liked me, you would send me $50" or whatever. You can't buy peoples affections. If you can, you need to run away, lol 😆
I recently met a girl who was my friend's friend and she said she was going on a date with this guy later, and said that he's been sending her money. My friend asked her if she takes it and she said "well yea, I'm not dumb". It's so crazy that in 2023 that women are insanely obsessed with money from men
4 and 5 were constantly happening with my ex girlfriend. It made the relationship feel like such a chore, it was horrible. Guys, if 4 and 5 keep happening, leave her, don't lose your time.
As someone who has seen alcoholism destroy a life, I can 100% vouch that this red flag is earned. It hurts more knowing you tried to stop it many times, yet the demon of trauma and psychological abuse is a strong swimmer, no matter how much one tries to drown it would always find its way… even to the end. I have demons too but I learned that I have to accept what I went through, what I still struggle to do. Only remedy that’s worked for me has been discipline, self control, be a man for a family he still holds dearly to prevent another horror that the world decides to through.
Another red flag that should be mentioned is if she airs out her dirty laundry online. It’s become more common place with the whole Jonah Hill and Bebe Rexha incidents among others. There is a woman I follow on Instagram who, through her Instagram stories, discusses potential red flags to look for as a means of educating women on potential narcissists/toxic men. Despite her vast knowledge on the subject, she consistently complains about how she is always talking to/going on dates with men who turn out to be narcissists or toxic in some way, claiming on many occasions how men are snakes or men are the enemy. Mind you, she is in her early forties
@CourtneyRyan, I don’t drink either and found that even friendships can be miss aligned by this value. I’m okay with other making their choices (moderation being the key for me) and should be able to expect them to respect my choices.
The not drinking thing is really interesting especially if you grew up in a culture where drinking is forbidden or frowned down upon like Muslim culture. A lot of girls on Tinder literally have in their profile that if you don't drink, then swipe left. Its sad that some people equate being social to drinking and don't know how to interact with people without alcohol. I've worked at companies where people literally could not communicate unless they had alcohol. While I participated, I hated it, and hated the people who made me do it. Its a sad existence IMO. My rule is to stay away from those who impose requirements on you. Besides, do you want to be in a relationship with a person who is a functioning alcoholic? If they look good now, they won't later!
Many people freak out when they find out I don't drink alcohol. Some of them don't hang out with me for the fact that I don't drink. The reason I don't drink is for personal reasons many won't understand. It's a lonely world for a guy like me who keeps his values and morals. I've seen how alcohol has destroyed people and I don't want to be in that category.
I'm a bartender. And I don't drink. Really. (outside of the occasional taste of something I make) None of my friends have a problem with it, much like I don't have a problem with them drinking. It always bugs me how girls' dating profiles are so focused on alcohol, and it's always been a huge red flag when I meet a girl out and they need to know why I'm just drinking water (in a critical/condescending way). It's because I don't need alcohol to be social. It's not a crutch for me.
I'm not compatible with people that need validation by receiving gifts from others. I do give gifts to others and myself...but these are small, cheap, useful, thoughtful, meaningful and from the heart. I place more value on relationships that value the simple and the small, and I believe that people that want large, less useful, less thoughtful, less meaningful and not from the heart things... should work to get those things themselves. I value teaching children this from a very young age.
I tell my boyfriend that he is the definition of « If he wanted to, he could »… not because he bestows upon me lavish gifts. But because he works hard and still makes time for me. He pays attention to detail and is sensitive to my needs. I love him. I’m so thankful for him and I am blessed to have him in my life. And I make sure to let him know.
I feel this changed my mindset and perspective on talking to or interacting with women, I read it on a forum, I thought the guy hit the nail right on the head. It changed my perspective and mindset on talking to women. A guy was asking for advice on how to get better at talking to women, and people used the word practice "It bothers and annoys, enrages me or pisses me off a lot when people use the word practice, because the way I see it, for women, there is no such thing as practicing talking to men, because women's lives are on autopilot when it comes to talking to men since puberty, due to all of the constant attention they've been getting since then, women are forced to, have no choice but to learn how to talk to men, and they gain it right away by doing nothing since they don't have to open their mouth first" I thought to myself, never truer words have been said or spoken. I thought that was bang-on right there. and i got a response from a dating coach on youtube, which enraged and pissed me off more, while I don't disagree with him, I just don't like how he said the brutal cold harsh fact of how different for men and women when it comes to getting better at talking to and interacting with the opposite sex. It makes sense and I like to believe there is far more advice for guys in the world on how to talk to and interact with girls then there is advice for girls on how to talk to and interact with guys. He said: "Don't worry about what other people don't have to do or why something is easier for them or whatever the comparison may be. Focus on you, where you want to be, what you need to do to get there and then get moving." That pissed me off more when I read that. Another reason why I don't like it is because it feels or seems like the way a guy talks and interacts with people or a guy's social skills, the way he behaves around others, has a much bigger impact on his attractiveness or ability to get a girlfriend then the other way around. As in, the way a girl talks or a girl's social skills doesn't impact her attractiveness or ability to get a boyfriend as much as it does for a guy to get a girlfriend. Men need to focus more on the behavioral aspect than women do when it comes to attracting someone it seems. The main reason why i hate that, is because guys, men, can unfortuneately be labeled creepy or weird in interactions or social situations with women, even if the guy, man, never meant any harm, was never trying to hurt the woman, the reverse isn't true though. And due to men always having been expected to walk up to women and open our mouth, it makes more sense for the man to need to practice but not the woman. If an interaction or conversation goes poorly or bad between a man and a woman,. It's always the guys fault, it's impossible for a woman to screw up a conversation or interaction with a guy, it seems. Yeah I'm not afraid to admit that there have been times in my life I have hated being born male due to how for all time men have had to do everything in dating and courtship and seduction, relationships, etc. I get more pissed off in and raised when people say us men are supposed to feel lucky or grateful for being born a man, or that we men have it better than women do in dating.
Any woman that has a problem with a guy not drinking is probably an alcoholic herself, or wants to feel less insecure about drinking because she probably thinks it's not cool but doesn't want to feel lesser than for drinking. I'm not a drinker and don't find it necessary, but I don't judge women that do drink yet I have received backlash when I turn down drinks from certain people because they think that I believe I'm better than them.
I was at a bar a few years back. A girl came up to me and told me that her friend wanted to buy me a shot. I said that I drove so I'm not doing any shots tonight. I could go for a beer though. Without saying a word she got up and left. She went back to her table of 3 girls. They sat around for at least another hour but never got up or talked to anyone else. A part of me thought that maybe, just maybe, her friend was going to come back with a beer for me. But At that point in my life (26 years old) nothing surprised me anymore. And the result was what I expected to happen. Apparently a guy turning down a shot is a deal breaker for modern girls. In my mind if I was a girl and wanted to buy him a shot and he made the responsible choice would make me more interested in him. But case and point girls chase the bad guys. I'm 32 now. Have a 2,800 square foot house on 4 acres of land, 3 vehicles, tons of gardens, animals, and pets. Life is good.
I have seen much of your content and the one thing I get from your content is that you took your time to build yourself! I respect that and take your example and keep working on myself!👍
I recently had a woman call me weird and a “alcoholic” because I didn’t want to drink or “get drunk” with her. Stated to her it’s not weird it’s my preference and I’m able to enjoy myself/ have fun without consuming alcohol and ended the date. To be honest it’s very discouraging to know it’s women out her like that and understandable why some don’t date anymore due to some behaviors these days. To end on a positive note, us men who are still looking, just continue looking for someone who is aligned with your values, morals and lifestyle. Most of all be patient and continue learning and growing into the best version of yourself.
"She criticizes you for not drinking." - I've long said that if you meet someone at a bar, there's one thing you know about them right away, and that is that they like to drink. If you're not so enthusiastic about drinking, try looking elsewhere for a boyfriend or girlfriend. "If he wanted to, he would." - This strikes me as a variant of "If he really loved you, he would do X for you." Fill in the X with whatever it is that the person saying this thinks the guy should do.
Great video Courtney. In your last point you mentioned the phrase "Genuine Interest". I was wondering if you have a video delving into the subject of differentiating between a woman's genuine interest verses feigned interest? If not, I would love to see you go in depth on this particular subject in a future video.
One part that I don’t agree with is that relationships are rarely 50/50. It should NEVER be that. There became this saying of happy wife, happy life. When it should always be happy spouse, happy house. That basically indicates that it is actually 100/100 with both giving 100% effort into the relationship. Because even if you split the household responsibilities, like chores as an example, it always seems to build resentment on one end at the bare minimum. It’s usually on both ends though.
As a woman who doesn't drink, I definitely prefer a man that also doesn't drink. Maybe the only exception would be if he drinks on Thanksgiving, New Year's, or his birthday, but it still depends.
@@TheDanster4 definitely not truly healthy in the long run but for me, it cured my depression after I underwent deep sleep and woke up feeling refreshed. That or ice cream.
Important things: 0:23 First Thing - She Has A Problem With You Not Drinking; 1:58 Second Thing - If You Wanted To You Would; 4:44 Agree with that - We must a mature adult (either we talk about men, either we talk about women); 5:12 Third Thing - She Expresses Criticism More Than Affirmation; 6:02 Make balance between constructive criticism and positive reinforcement; 6:20 Fourth Thing - She Takes More Than She Gives; 7:57 Fifth Thing - She's Consistently Inconsistent; and 9:38 To summarize all the told here. Among the mentioned here things I might add few things such as: 6. Asking for gift cards (or credit cards at email), but not accepting to see each other somewhere in public; 7. Avoiding to give the answers, which sometimes is followed with either lying, or either doing a seen, or just simply not giving the answer at all about the crucial life things (I understand that there are things that you have to keep to yourself, but with crucial things, there shouldn't be no lying, or not giving the answer or answers). Courtney, that's your private thing why aren't you drinking. I'm a man who doesn't drink, and people accepted me for who am I. And that's quite normal, cause that's who you are in your head, and in your heart (being yourself I mean). How would they say in the series and movies: "That's the spirit." It's quite normal to be authentic, and that is for full respect. The authentic behavior can be used in any life situations, and also can be at either men, or women. That's who you are, and that's not lying to yourself. Be authentic, and everything will be OK.
To me the biggest red flag in a woman is if she promise me something and then forget it or ignore that she promised it... And then makes defensive arguments like "I did not think that you remembered or that it was such a big thing"..
Red flags I look out for are typically subtle indicators of narcissism and toxic emotional problems. 1) If you describe a situation where a spouse mistreated her husband because of, say Borderline Personality Disorder, and her response is "BPD isn't so bad" and doesn't express sympathy for the non-BPD person. 2) If she is woke, decent sign of emotional issues. 3) If her literary interests include few works from before she was born or only fantasy novels. 4) A college degree which is non-STEM and non-Business oriented. I respect the Liberal Arts quite a bit, but they have been too politicized. 5) Prone to logical fallacies in defending a political thesis. 6) Poor relationship with father.
As someone who uses the "if he wanted to, he would" phrase, I really like the example you used for it and how toxic it can be. My usage was for the fact that I was getting neglected/shunned and begging for change, and it helped me to detach from the bad relationship, and to leave. BUT if it was used to try and justify getting a paid vacation or expensive gifts? Nah man, you need to run from anyone who uses it for not important things XD
I am friends with a woman who is fantastic looking, but single at 36 and she constantly posts memes like "if you do not make more money than me, look better than me, have more status than me, there is nothing to be attracted to." But then she also says that same kind of guy must take care of her and "be able to handle her". And she constantly whines about never being married. She is unable to see that her attitude is precisely why she is single. The guys she wants does not exist. Even if you find a super alpha guy that meets the wealth and looks criteria, they certainly are so attractive they have zero desire to take care of you and put up with your crap. Alpha guys do not need that kind of woman.
I don't drink either. But I would eat food if it just so happens to have alcohol in it, which is pretty much never. Main reason I don't drink is because it just doesn't work well with bodybuilding, at least for me
A scenario that needs to be added to the "if you wanted to, you would" point are women that actively prevent you from doing something for them, and then say this about the thing they prevented you from doing. My ex used to do that crap all the time. On top of almost every other thing Courtney talked about here...
I don't have a super hegemonic beauty, so whenever I have a match that passes the basic checks, I mostly end up meeting on a date. What I ended up feeling in many cases is that the girl wasn't interested in really getting to know me, but rather she just wanted a drinking buddy to catharsis her problems. It is alarming how many adults just can't relax, connect, or have a deep conversation without leaning on substances such as alcohol. Thank you Courtney for sharing your thoughts with the world! With your videos I'm learning to be more selective and value my time and resources.
I haven't had alcohol for nine years. I didn't have a problem, but decided to follow a spiritual practice from India. I would love to see a video on why you don't take alcohol. Thank you for the awesome videos! Courtney is the sister who os seriously looking oit fornus gentlemen 🙂
I don’t drink, vape, smoke weed or cigs, do drugs, go clubbing, nor want or have any tattoos. If a woman is pressuring me to do these things, imma walk away faster than u can blink your eye. I don’t want to be like everyone else, I want to be WHO I want to be, NOT what u want me to be.
I don't drink - I will have the coffee - no booze when I moto. Never, Ever. No gift shaming - no favor begging - no attention pandering - no clout blackmail / if she is more drama / nag than fun - she meets the curb / gets ghosted / gets nuked - Mirror and Match, with extreme compliance ... they find out quickly - it isn't fun. No- No- Drama, I don't like Drama
My RED FLAGS - Single Mothers, Tats, Smokers, Drugs, Nose Ring, Liberal, Feminazis, Rainbow colored hair, vegans, anti-gun, anti-motorcycle, 'pronouns' and Americans - all instant NO-GO zones for me.
Totally agree with the drinking thing. If I look at factors in humans, the couples that don't drink seem to always be in a better head space. The couples that do drink are the ones that are always fighting, out of shape, trying to escape from reality. Its a great general rule.
I don't drink at all. This non-negotiable. The reason being it's a childhood trauma, and I can't stand people who drink excessively. If they're drunks, my anxiety and panic attack starts to kick in, and honestly I would bail from the situation. The rest of the red flags, glad you brought them up, and thanks to you, I am able to see any red flags and can act accordingly. Mostly I'll politely decline her and wish her a good day/night. I have absolutely no tolerance towards how rude she is. Which I do consider these Red Flags as rude and shows she's a complete waste of my time. If I want something serious, don't waste my time. Sorry if this comes off as Egotistical, these are my standards and I will not change it no matter how attractive she presents herself. Though, my other red flag that I am cautious about are certain aspects when evaluating a potential partner. One important factor is how she presents herself, both in clothing and personality. If she dresses provocatively, seeking attention rather than displaying seriousness. Moreover, it's concerning if she is overly flirtatious, overly attached to her phone, and appears interested in other guys during our date. Another critical point is the substance of our conversations. I'm looking for someone who can engage in meaningful discussions and hold my interest. Having a unique perspective is a huge bonus, particularly if she shares an interest in art, films, and books. On the other hand, if she can't offer stimulating conversations, she won't stand out from the other women I've encountered in the past.
First. Proudly 14 months sober. My only regret is I didn't do it sooner. Secondly, because of my background and past, I do look at drinking/drinkers differently. And I can recognize a problem drinker from a casual drinker. And I know who to avoid.
I prefer to date non-drinkers. But because the dating pool is limited, I felt I had to make room for “social drinking.” The problem is, this can be defined so many ways. What would you say are the biggest red flags that tell you if someone is a problem drinker? I recently met someone and they drink every time we go out. I realize I’m proving limited information, but should I be worried?
Number 2 is a mixed bag. Never have my partners bought me flowers, so I say that to myself to remind myself... We dont go back to that. The little things matter. If they wanted to do them, they would. I was codependent. It is a reminder to leave things at their door and work on my own stuff. A man who wishes to do small gestures in our connection will, and if they dont, then we arent right for each other. In regards to Paris.... Nahhhh man. If I wanted to go to paris it is me that would do it. So, that one is both yes and no. Rest are fine and good takeaways.
I have asked myself this question; What exactly is it that I would need a woman for? I can't answer that question. So I am extremely content in my own skin. I am not trying to reel in a woman. To be honest, I am not interested. I have nothing to offer a woman, in the first place. For a lot of you guys, ask yourself the question; Why do I really want a woman arround, and what is that I can offer a woman. Is it really that important to have a woman arround? I think it is time to really think about why we want a spouse. Most people will be better of with a pet, and hopefully never reproduce. Like myself. Cheers, Courtney. You do your best, and I enjoy listening.
Ever-single men are 908% more likely to die of infectious diseases than their married counterparts. Though, it's just 3% of all deaths. And the study that claimed that was small.
Exactly! They are a poor investment. Show me a Woman who has ever demonstrated wanting a Man because they see him first as a friend and enjoy his company? No, it's never this! Instead, they will say they do not date "friends" and they have no qualms about telling you how much they want a "REAL MAN" who protects and provides and has ambition! Ambition also always means money, just like providing and protecting. They hope to perpetually guilt-trip Men into believing his Masculinity is founded upon his ability to provide and protect. But this actually only makes Men weak and deprives them of their health, well-being and happiness, they become slaves in the process. Real Men protect and provide for themselves FIRST. Whatever residual remains he has that he wishes to share with his Woman, that is a privilege she earns, not a right. This is the way it's supposed to be.
“You’re the guy, so you should (insert some unilateral expectation they have that keeps you completely invested in the relationship and gives them an excuse to easily exit the relationship when they’re no longer into it).” e.g., “You’re the guy, so you should always text me first.” “You’re the guy, so you should put up with my moodiness and soothe my emotions.” “You’re the guy, so you should be ok when I go out without you but when you go out without me, you’re obviously cheating.”
Hello Courtney, This isn't explicitly related to this video, but can you create a video on why the marriage, and child birth rates have decreased. I'd love to get a young female perspective on it. As I have read books by Jonathan Haidt, and Jean Twenge, but they are older. Im a Millennial and I'd love to hear a younger perspective. And perhaps you could bring your interview friends back for that video.
35 year old woman here. I'd say that more women want to make sure they're financially independent before they get married or have children. Relationships often don't work out... and if a woman starts a relationship with a man when she isn't secure herself, it's a scary position to be in if the relationship fails. We also have to consider economic difficulties the last 10 years, especially. That's hard on everyone. I think for a long time women felt like they HAD to procreate and didn't have a choice. It was the societal expectation. Women are now realizing if they don't want to, they don't have to. Being childless is a choice and it's totally healthy. This is especially true if someone in a couple struggles with mental health issues... and that's becoming more and more prominent as well.
@@poeticeclipse thanks for your detailed response, it was well thought out. I value your perspective, it features some thoughts that I have heard others echo. I am a 33yr old man, and I have a great relationship with my 35yr sister who informed me that in the past, marriage was more like a necessity, and a survival instinct for women, however now it is more of a choice for several reasons. 1) the world is a safer place now 2) younger females outearn younger men in the current world. (It is more of an intelligence, rather than a physical based economy.) Which has been the case for a while, however in the past a woman's earning potential was basically capped, or declined when they had children, whereas the man's still increased when they had an offspring. However, I would like to ask about the second point you made because that is the confusing part to me. Psychology 101 tells us that we are all social creatures, and interacting with others makes us happy. (It has to be in the physical world as various studies have shown us that the virtual world does not create similar emotions.) Are women truly deciding that they do not want relationships, marriage, and children because of potential financial struggles, when various studies have shown that being a part of a family, and overall unit makes both sexes happy? By the way this wasn't an attack, just trying to get opinions, as my sis and I have spoken various times about how the quality of a large amount of young men has stagnated.
If she falls back onto slogans, catch-phrases, and canned talking points to defend the indefensible. For example. the response to something that is blatantly unfair should not be "protect and provide" regardless of the situation.
"If he wanted he would" - I've always heard this one in relation to men who won't commit. Men who won't propose. Or men who want to only hook up and not have a committed relationship. Applying this to gift giving would be a severe case of entitlement that only the most clueless of women would do.
Totally agree. As a woman, I've never, nor have any of my friends, told a man that if he loved her he'd buy her a purse. Maybe I just keep good company. Haha. Usually that phrase is in reference to the non-committal folks (generally... men).
Hell yeah! I'd love to hear your reason for not drinking. I think I've shared with you why I don't drink via direct message on Instagram. But for those who don't know ... I have bipolar and ADD. And in my life have done a crap ton of things in excess. Drinking wasn't one. But one of my bipolar meds affects (I think that's the correct word) my liver. So, It's not good for me to do that. It just wasn't something I enjoyed anyway. So, I gave it up recreationally. I said recreationally because if it's part of a church service (communion) ... I don't consider that drinking.
One big red flag is constantly asking for money, especially with large sums of money. It indicates financial irresponsibility and a lack of respect for you as a person. I ended up losing over $500 to one former friend I had under the promise that they'll pay me back, but kept giving me excuses why she couldn't, and didn't even make an effort to do so. I later discovered that she owed another person over $5,000. I should've filed a police report against her for obtaining property by false pretenses. Let that be a lesson to you. Never lend money to anyone who doesn't make it a priority to pay you back.
Hi Courtney! Lovely video! Completely agree with every point mentioned 😀 Could I please see your video on 'not drinking'? I never drink alcohol because I absolutely hate everything about it (taste, smell, bad consequences)... is it hard to find people like me who hate drinking?
I do drink but I NEVER overdue it. I don’t really have any friends to drive me home so I’m my own designated driver. Also, I’ve seen what alcohol can do to a persons mood.
I would add #6 she asks what you want to have for dinner, want to watch on tv, want to do this weekend etc and no matter what the guy says, she goes "nah, I don't wanna do that"
Inconsistent hot and cold behavior may indicate a deeper psychological problem like bipolar depression. Be sympathetic, but be very conscious of your own well being, or stay away.
When she judges you on what you're eating and says ew. Huge red flag, as it shows she's judgmental and not willing to learn I'm someone who's never drank alcohol, smoke, rarely go to parties, and hate the smell of weed. I get rejected left to right xD
I haven’t been rejected yet for those reasons but I expect to in the future as the dating world is getting more picky and delusional by the day. So I can relate to u in a sense because I don’t like those things either.
@@jacobtani9785 Amen! Usually I get rejected, because I'm Asian or a midget (5'9) in west coast. Its difficult mate, but there are other things too focus on
I was at a bar a few years back. A girl came up to me and told me that her friend wanted to buy me a shot. I said that I drove so I'm not doing any shots tonight. I could go for a beer though. Without saying a word she got up and left. She went back to her table of 3 girls. They sat around for at least another hour but never got up or talked to anyone else. A part of me thought that maybe, just maybe, her friend was going to come back with a beer for me. But At that point in my life (26 years old) nothing surprised me anymore. And the result was what I expected to happen. Apparently a guy turning down a shot is a deal breaker for modern girls. In my mind if I was a girl and wanted to buy him a shot and he made the responsible choice would make me more interested in him. But case and point girls chase the bad guys. I'm 32 now. Have a 2,800 square foot house on 4 acres of land, 3 vehicles, tons of gardens, animals, and pets. Life is good.
I dont drink because I use to be an alcholic. Im proud of myself for giving up, and not ashamed to admit it. There is not one person in this world that I would drink for.
I do not drink any alcohol does not smoke and do not gamble and try not to take medicinal pill too I try to keep self discipline. My father died by very heavy smoking and drink so I learnt a lesson and promised myself not to follow that road. Thanks.
Thanks Courtney. Good points. The one that struck me was inconsistent behaviour. Im not sure if you know about attachment styles but often Anxious Avoidant attachment types are like this. They crave connection then pull away when they get too close. Then they miss the connection and come back. It can be a never ending cycle unless they get therapy and healing.
Good points. Good job. I think that if a man or a woman loves you or just like you. Is gonna be easy to tell, she or he is gonna be available for you almost all the time. She can cancel even a family reunion for you.
One thing a woman might say that men often hear them say in regards to your relationship that is an extreme red flag is this: "I'm so confused!" If men ever hear that from a woman when she is discussing the merits vs. demerits for being your girlfriend, you need to run -- not walk -- away! If a woman really loves a man or at least has high interest in him early on, she will never claim to be "confused" over her feelings.
Hey Courtney. I would like to see a video on why you don’t drink. I don’t drink either. At first it started out for religious reasons. Then it was because I had some bad experiences with a family member and alcohol. Now it’s a combination of all that, and I always want to be in control of myself mentally and physically. Nice video!!
Nothing wrong with having a drink. But if someone must drink to have a good time.....hrm. That almost always accompanies poor decision making and other problematic behaviors. And if you're trying to make me feel guilty? I have had that before, and the look on their faces when I point and laugh at them is just priceless. It's fleeting, since I tend to walk away afterwards....forever. I dislike mind games, and won't tolerate such nonsense. And yes, Courtney now has a husband....the wife and I loved saying 'wife' and 'husband' for a good six months after our wedding. Enjoy it! Happy for you!
Wow Courtney! Thank you, I don't drink anymore, and I have felt on some dates some condescension. It's a personal life choice and a I'm glad you mentioned that. Thank you for advocating for decency!
Another red flag that I caught, it may not sound like a red flag, but If they never call you by your name, I personally consider it a red flag because it either indicates that their using you for attention or if you give her things she values only what you give her. Just as Courtney mention on the 4th read flag they take and not give, which happened to me and I noticed that she never called me by my name.
I've been a lifelong teetotaler and I remember how much of a culture shock it was when I was a freshman in college because of the prevalence of heavy drinking. I was never socially pressured into drinking by a woman, but a lot of my male peers just assumed that I had the same drinking habits as them by virtue of being on campus at a notorious party school. Anyone that tries to actively coerce you into partaking in an activity that you are unwillingly to acquiesce to should be removed from your life, whether it's coming from a woman, a friend, or even a family member.
She takes more than she gives… that’s every single girl I have ever dated. I remember asking the last girl I dated to pay for a couple dinners after I paid for the first 7 dates in a row and she was upset saying, “I’m not trying to keep score here” Duh, you’re not trying to keep score because you don’t want to point out that I’m paying for every thing we do while you expect a free ride.
"If you wanted to, you would", that helps me with my obsession with Paul Rudd. I briefly thought about trading my beloved Nissan Rogue SUV for a Hyundai Sonata because Mr. Rudd is reported to both own and drive one of these sedans. I'm glad this folly is off my mind now, I drive what I like, I do what I like!
A girlfriend who repeats the same thing after someone requests or suggests something to the boyfriend. CASHIER - "Sir, the order will be 15.50. Credit or cash?" GF - "Honey, credit or cash?" BF - "Credit." A lot of similar stuff went down. After she excused herself to go take a leak, the boyfriend shook his head and sighed in disappointment. All this at Finger Cane's... then I see the GF do it again to him with shoes at Walmart! Big FREAKING RED FLAG!
Wow, that "you would to" statement is mind-boggling. I would say to myself, "Who is this person?" I would probably answer "well Jeff's girlfriend jumped off a bridge to prove how much she loved him," and then I walk away. Great content. 🙂👍
Someone not knowing herself... If she doesn't seem to know what she wants in life or doesn't know what she needs to be happy, there is a huge potential she will just never be happy. Only her can work on herself to understand what she wants in life. You will be waiting for her to get that understanding of herself.
Hi RED FLAGS my list Been horrible Been bulling Doesn't respect you Thinks she the boss Takes too much money You feel she's not your soul mate You feel down and depressed when you see her You feel horrible at home with her Makes you do all the running around She wants things done yesterday You feel happy when she's not around These are red flags The list goes on
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The real red flag is someone that needs to drink to have a good time. If they make you feel bad about not drinking run don’t walk away.
Agreed!
Yep I can easily enjoy my time watching a game, company drinking an ice cold Pepsi instead of beer
You're a man. It really sucks looking like the common stereotype of men, even those who are alcoholics who abuse their family.
I remember being on a date and when she asked if I wanted a drink. I said not right now and the vibe died instantly and she became very distant.
My fiancé drinks once every couple of months, I've never touched alcohol for 30yrs and I'm nearly 50. She's cool though and I'm always the driver for us anyway lol
Here's the summary, fellas. Proceed with caution:
1) She has a problem with you not drinking (A good woman is not going to force you to compromise your values)
2) She says, "If you wanted to, you would..."
3) She expresses criticism more than affirmation
4) She takes more than she gives
5) She's consistently inconsistent (This is a sign that she's not being serious about you)
Here's one to add:
6) She mentions her exes way too soon (this will come up at some point, but it should not be during the first few dates)
What other red flags should be added to the list?
Respect bro 🍻🍻
If she says : I could have whomever I want, but I picked you
Yeah name dropping the ex is a huge red flag. Happened to me recently. Got the hell out of there as fast as I could
@@taWay21 yikes, that sucks. But you probably avoided what could have been a bullet full of heartbreak in the long run.
4 was the red flag with my ex....
Emotionally and in the bedroom, she was just like a black hole, rarely giving but always wanting attention...
Another red flag I've learned to watch for is someone who shows conditional love or affection depending on the other person's actions or attitudes. For example, a girlfriend who feels that you really love her only when you spend lots of money on her. Then when you don't spend enough money, she pulls back her attention and affection from you. This basically means you only get love when you make her happy first. Conditional reward is a big red flag.
Just got myself out of that situation. She was only around when I came up with a fun place to go to or when I had a party going on at the house. A casual date or getting something done and she always made an excuse as to why she couldn't make it
One of my ex-GFs emigrated to the US and married an American guy ...
But after a while he divorced her because she was a communist ...
There were too many red flags everywhere ...
- Moscow, Russia
I love it😂
A red flag I wanna add: if she's super receptive and nice to YOU yet either mistreats or ghosts other men that she doesn't like like that. IMO one of the many determining factors of a quality woman is how she treats those she's NOT interested in
All this an adult man would do his research on even before he starts dating her.
Ohhh the not drinking one! I've never heard anybody bring that up, but I've experienced it a few times. Usually things will just fizzle out if that's an issue. You also want to avoid any situations where you're sober and she's not, for obvious reasons.
Another one that I watch out for is women who are obsessed with their birthdays. Not saying someone shouldn't want to have a nice time, but I've seen some alarming behavior if things don't go her way on that special day... Also run run run if you ever hear the phrase "my birthday month" it's a red flag on top of a pile of red flags!
The "my birthday month" is definitely a massive red flag.
Ohh yes this one! If a woman is over age 25 and says it is my birthday month! It is a HUGE red flag
Why? I mean i coukd be annoying but red flag? Maybe she really kikes her birthday
I used to think there is some issue with me but as I see more videos of Courtney I feel I am a totally normal human. Thanks, Courtney for making these videos.
🤍🥰
The fact that you're watching videos from someone who's reasonable (gender isn't a factor; it just happens to be Courtney) mean you're not just totally normal, but are motivated to grow and understand other people. A lot of people aren't interested or capable of doing that.
I remember being sober for a year for personal reasons, and the girl I was dating was a heavy drinker. I didn’t mind hanging out at the bar with her and a Diet Coke, but she wouldn’t stop asking me “so you’re really not drinking??”
I got tired of repeating myself after a couple of months and dipped.
I'm sure you had no issues with dipping your thing in her though😂
Then she did you a favor brother and not worth your time. Stick to your guns.
I would definitely like to see a video about why you don't drink and your experiences with dating people who do, Courtney. That sounds like an interesting topic!
#boybye #byebye
Sounds boring as hell to me. Who cares, drink or don't drink. If you're debating it, you're not compatible. Move, on
Personally me, a woman who doesn't drink is a person who is really committed to arbitrary boundaries for their own comfort, and that's not something that's not attractive to me. But, it will be to another man, so ✌🏾👋🏾 🤷🏾
Red Flags from my personal experience and observations.
Real Red Flags - Warning signs in women that everyone should take seriously.
(1) Cruel to animals
(2) Trivialises sexual abuse in any way at all
(3) Shows contempt towards disabled people in any way at all
(4) Shows sadistic tendencies of any kind
(5) Attacks her friends for no reason
(6) Wants to have a baby on the first date
(7) Pressures me for s3x on the first date
(8) Touches me without permission
(9) Is combative/aggressive
(10) Is prone to sudden bursts of rage
(11) Is disparaging about other women
(12) Is disparaging about all men
(13) Is rude to kids
this sounds like red flags in all humans hahha
The root sin of all of this is pride.
Prisons are full of people with most of these tendencies. Most of them are men.
Id definitely love a "why you dont drink" video! I think we all need more content that pushes back on drinking culture
Thank you for mentioning the drinking thing. This, along with all (or most) of the points, comes back to, in part, living a relationship based on others experiences. Even before social media this was a thing and it’s only gotten worse. Ugh! Have a mind and value system of your own.
Smartest Comments here !
I have had women on dating sites say "if you really liked me, you would send me $50" or whatever. You can't buy peoples affections. If you can, you need to run away, lol 😆
I’ve gotten that and my rebuttal was “if you really liked me you wouldn’t ask for money”
Oh dear
@@brianwaller7383 Exactly, and they never heard from me again, lol
I recently met a girl who was my friend's friend and she said she was going on a date with this guy later, and said that he's been sending her money. My friend asked her if she takes it and she said "well yea, I'm not dumb". It's so crazy that in 2023 that women are insanely obsessed with money from men
Bruv, they are just using you. No women who is interested would do that.
4 and 5 were constantly happening with my ex girlfriend. It made the relationship feel like such a chore, it was horrible. Guys, if 4 and 5 keep happening, leave her, don't lose your time.
Hello there from Youngstown! Congratulations on your marriage Courtney! God Bless! ❤
Thank you so much ❤️
As someone who has seen alcoholism destroy a life, I can 100% vouch that this red flag is earned. It hurts more knowing you tried to stop it many times, yet the demon of trauma and psychological abuse is a strong swimmer, no matter how much one tries to drown it would always find its way… even to the end. I have demons too but I learned that I have to accept what I went through, what I still struggle to do. Only remedy that’s worked for me has been discipline, self control, be a man for a family he still holds dearly to prevent another horror that the world decides to through.
Another red flag that should be mentioned is if she airs out her dirty laundry online. It’s become more common place with the whole Jonah Hill and Bebe Rexha incidents among others. There is a woman I follow on Instagram who, through her Instagram stories, discusses potential red flags to look for as a means of educating women on potential narcissists/toxic men. Despite her vast knowledge on the subject, she consistently complains about how she is always talking to/going on dates with men who turn out to be narcissists or toxic in some way, claiming on many occasions how men are snakes or men are the enemy. Mind you, she is in her early forties
@CourtneyRyan, I don’t drink either and found that even friendships can be miss aligned by this value. I’m okay with other making their choices (moderation being the key for me) and should be able to expect them to respect my choices.
The not drinking thing is really interesting especially if you grew up in a culture where drinking is forbidden or frowned down upon like Muslim culture. A lot of girls on Tinder literally have in their profile that if you don't drink, then swipe left. Its sad that some people equate being social to drinking and don't know how to interact with people without alcohol. I've worked at companies where people literally could not communicate unless they had alcohol. While I participated, I hated it, and hated the people who made me do it. Its a sad existence IMO. My rule is to stay away from those who impose requirements on you. Besides, do you want to be in a relationship with a person who is a functioning alcoholic? If they look good now, they won't later!
Many people freak out when they find out I don't drink alcohol. Some of them don't hang out with me for the fact that I don't drink. The reason I don't drink is for personal reasons many won't understand. It's a lonely world for a guy like me who keeps his values and morals. I've seen how alcohol has destroyed people and I don't want to be in that category.
I'm a bartender. And I don't drink. Really. (outside of the occasional taste of something I make) None of my friends have a problem with it, much like I don't have a problem with them drinking. It always bugs me how girls' dating profiles are so focused on alcohol, and it's always been a huge red flag when I meet a girl out and they need to know why I'm just drinking water (in a critical/condescending way). It's because I don't need alcohol to be social. It's not a crutch for me.
Similar experience. Weak girls hate strong men. It reminds them of how weak they are.
If she's confused about what she wants, don't fly her to Paris, send her a link to a psychologist.
I'm not compatible with people that need validation by receiving gifts from others. I do give gifts to others and myself...but these are small, cheap, useful, thoughtful, meaningful and from the heart. I place more value on relationships that value the simple and the small, and I believe that people that want large, less useful, less thoughtful, less meaningful and not from the heart things... should work to get those things themselves. I value teaching children this from a very young age.
The red flags can be summarized as high investment with low return.
I tell my boyfriend that he is the definition of « If he wanted to, he could »… not because he bestows upon me lavish gifts. But because he works hard and still makes time for me. He pays attention to detail and is sensitive to my needs. I love him. I’m so thankful for him and I am blessed to have him in my life.
And I make sure to let him know.
A big one for me is punctuality. If a woman is consistently late, I start to feel that they don't value my time or the time we have to spend together.
#1 for me is her having expectations / standards that she does not herself live up to
I feel this changed my mindset and perspective on talking to or interacting with women, I read it on a forum, I thought the guy hit the nail right on the head.
It changed my perspective and mindset on talking to women.
A guy was asking for advice on how to get better at talking to women, and people used the word practice
"It bothers and annoys, enrages me or pisses me off a lot when people use the word practice, because the way I see it, for women, there is no such thing as practicing talking to men, because women's lives are on autopilot when it comes to talking to men since puberty, due to all of the constant attention they've been getting since then, women are forced to, have no choice but to learn how to talk to men, and they gain it right away by doing nothing since they don't have to open their mouth first"
I thought to myself, never truer words have been said or spoken.
I thought that was bang-on right there.
and i got a response from a dating coach on youtube, which enraged and pissed me off more, while I don't disagree with him, I just don't like how he said the brutal cold harsh fact of how different for men and women when it comes to getting better at talking to and interacting with the opposite sex.
It makes sense and I like to believe there is far more advice for guys in the world on how to talk to and interact with girls then there is advice for girls on how to talk to and interact with guys.
He said:
"Don't worry about what other people don't have to do or why something is easier for them or whatever the comparison may be. Focus on you, where you want to be, what you need to do to get there and then get moving."
That pissed me off more when I read that.
Another reason why I don't like it is because it feels or seems like the way a guy talks and interacts with people or a guy's social skills, the way he behaves around others, has a much bigger impact on his attractiveness or ability to get a girlfriend then the other way around. As in, the way a girl talks or a girl's social skills doesn't impact her attractiveness or ability to get a boyfriend as much as it does for a guy to get a girlfriend. Men need to focus more on the behavioral aspect than women do when it comes to attracting someone it seems. The main reason why i hate that, is because guys, men, can unfortuneately be labeled creepy or weird in interactions or social situations with women, even if the guy, man, never meant any harm, was never trying to hurt the woman, the reverse isn't true though.
And due to men always having been expected to walk up to women and open our mouth, it makes more sense for the man to need to practice but not the woman.
If an interaction or conversation goes poorly or bad between a man and a woman,. It's always the guys fault, it's impossible for a woman to screw up a conversation or interaction with a guy, it seems.
Yeah I'm not afraid to admit that there have been times in my life I have hated being born male due to how for all time men have had to do everything in dating and courtship and seduction, relationships, etc.
I get more pissed off in and raised when people say us men are supposed to feel lucky or grateful for being born a man, or that we men have it better than women do in dating.
So true
Any woman that has a problem with a guy not drinking is probably an alcoholic herself, or wants to feel less insecure about drinking because she probably thinks it's not cool but doesn't want to feel lesser than for drinking. I'm not a drinker and don't find it necessary, but I don't judge women that do drink yet I have received backlash when I turn down drinks from certain people because they think that I believe I'm better than them.
I was at a bar a few years back. A girl came up to me and told me that her friend wanted to buy me a shot. I said that I drove so I'm not doing any shots tonight. I could go for a beer though. Without saying a word she got up and left. She went back to her table of 3 girls. They sat around for at least another hour but never got up or talked to anyone else. A part of me thought that maybe, just maybe, her friend was going to come back with a beer for me. But At that point in my life (26 years old) nothing surprised me anymore. And the result was what I expected to happen. Apparently a guy turning down a shot is a deal breaker for modern girls. In my mind if I was a girl and wanted to buy him a shot and he made the responsible choice would make me more interested in him. But case and point girls chase the bad guys. I'm 32 now. Have a 2,800 square foot house on 4 acres of land, 3 vehicles, tons of gardens, animals, and pets. Life is good.
I have seen much of your content and the one thing I get from your content is that you took your time to build yourself! I respect that and take your example and keep working on myself!👍
I recently had a woman call me weird and a “alcoholic” because I didn’t want to drink or “get drunk” with her. Stated to her it’s not weird it’s my preference and I’m able to enjoy myself/ have fun without consuming alcohol and ended the date. To be honest it’s very discouraging to know it’s women out her like that and understandable why some don’t date anymore due to some behaviors these days. To end on a positive note, us men who are still looking, just continue looking for someone who is aligned with your values, morals and lifestyle. Most of all be patient and continue learning and growing into the best version of yourself.
"She criticizes you for not drinking." - I've long said that if you meet someone at a bar, there's one thing you know about them right away, and that is that they like to drink. If you're not so enthusiastic about drinking, try looking elsewhere for a boyfriend or girlfriend.
"If he wanted to, he would." - This strikes me as a variant of "If he really loved you, he would do X for you." Fill in the X with whatever it is that the person saying this thinks the guy should do.
Great video Courtney. In your last point you mentioned the phrase "Genuine Interest". I was wondering if you have a video delving into the subject of differentiating between a woman's genuine interest verses feigned interest? If not, I would love to see you go in depth on this particular subject in a future video.
One part that I don’t agree with is that relationships are rarely 50/50. It should NEVER be that. There became this saying of happy wife, happy life. When it should always be happy spouse, happy house. That basically indicates that it is actually 100/100 with both giving 100% effort into the relationship. Because even if you split the household responsibilities, like chores as an example, it always seems to build resentment on one end at the bare minimum. It’s usually on both ends though.
As a woman who doesn't drink, I definitely prefer a man that also doesn't drink. Maybe the only exception would be if he drinks on Thanksgiving, New Year's, or his birthday, but it still depends.
What if he doesn’t drink at all
Or if he's really depressed, he needs to drink a six pack once in a long blue moon to get over it?
@@kevinsamson1693 I think that's perfectly fine.
@@nosywendigo592 I feel like there could be a healthier way to cope.
@@TheDanster4 definitely not truly healthy in the long run but for me, it cured my depression after I underwent deep sleep and woke up feeling refreshed.
That or ice cream.
Important things: 0:23 First Thing - She Has A Problem With You Not Drinking; 1:58 Second Thing - If You Wanted To You Would; 4:44 Agree with that - We must a mature adult (either we talk about men, either we talk about women); 5:12 Third Thing - She Expresses Criticism More Than Affirmation; 6:02 Make balance between constructive criticism and positive reinforcement; 6:20 Fourth Thing - She Takes More Than She Gives; 7:57 Fifth Thing - She's Consistently Inconsistent; and 9:38 To summarize all the told here.
Among the mentioned here things I might add few things such as:
6. Asking for gift cards (or credit cards at email), but not accepting to see each other somewhere in public;
7. Avoiding to give the answers, which sometimes is followed with either lying, or either doing a seen, or just simply not giving the answer at all about the crucial life things (I understand that there are things that you have to keep to yourself, but with crucial things, there shouldn't be no lying, or not giving the answer or answers).
Courtney, that's your private thing why aren't you drinking. I'm a man who doesn't drink, and people accepted me for who am I. And that's quite normal, cause that's who you are in your head, and in your heart (being yourself I mean). How would they say in the series and movies: "That's the spirit."
It's quite normal to be authentic, and that is for full respect. The authentic behavior can be used in any life situations, and also can be at either men, or women. That's who you are, and that's not lying to yourself. Be authentic, and everything will be OK.
Lmao number 6 is Indian scammers asking for gift cards over email
@@Mactakun The scammers are from India?!
OMG, I didn't know that.
Did you also experienced these hackers?
To me the biggest red flag in a woman is if she promise me something and then forget it or ignore that she promised it... And then makes defensive arguments like "I did not think that you remembered or that it was such a big thing"..
Red flags I look out for are typically subtle indicators of narcissism and toxic emotional problems. 1) If you describe a situation where a spouse mistreated her husband because of, say Borderline Personality Disorder, and her response is "BPD isn't so bad" and doesn't express sympathy for the non-BPD person. 2) If she is woke, decent sign of emotional issues. 3) If her literary interests include few works from before she was born or only fantasy novels. 4) A college degree which is non-STEM and non-Business oriented. I respect the Liberal Arts quite a bit, but they have been too politicized. 5) Prone to logical fallacies in defending a political thesis. 6) Poor relationship with father.
As someone who uses the "if he wanted to, he would" phrase, I really like the example you used for it and how toxic it can be.
My usage was for the fact that I was getting neglected/shunned and begging for change, and it helped me to detach from the bad relationship, and to leave. BUT if it was used to try and justify getting a paid vacation or expensive gifts? Nah man, you need to run from anyone who uses it for not important things XD
I've been sober over ten years and it's quite the challenge. its pretty toxic for someone to not be okay with that
I am friends with a woman who is fantastic looking, but single at 36 and she constantly posts memes like "if you do not make more money than me, look better than me, have more status than me, there is nothing to be attracted to." But then she also says that same kind of guy must take care of her and "be able to handle her". And she constantly whines about never being married. She is unable to see that her attitude is precisely why she is single. The guys she wants does not exist. Even if you find a super alpha guy that meets the wealth and looks criteria, they certainly are so attractive they have zero desire to take care of you and put up with your crap. Alpha guys do not need that kind of woman.
I don't drink either. But I would eat food if it just so happens to have alcohol in it, which is pretty much never. Main reason I don't drink is because it just doesn't work well with bodybuilding, at least for me
A scenario that needs to be added to the "if you wanted to, you would" point are women that actively prevent you from doing something for them, and then say this about the thing they prevented you from doing. My ex used to do that crap all the time. On top of almost every other thing Courtney talked about here...
I don't have a super hegemonic beauty, so whenever I have a match that passes the basic checks, I mostly end up meeting on a date.
What I ended up feeling in many cases is that the girl wasn't interested in really getting to know me, but rather she just wanted a drinking buddy to catharsis her problems. It is alarming how many adults just can't relax, connect, or have a deep conversation without leaning on substances such as alcohol.
Thank you Courtney for sharing your thoughts with the world! With your videos I'm learning to be more selective and value my time and resources.
I haven't had alcohol for nine years. I didn't have a problem, but decided to follow a spiritual practice from India. I would love to see a video on why you don't take alcohol. Thank you for the awesome videos! Courtney is the sister who os seriously looking oit fornus gentlemen 🙂
I don’t drink, vape, smoke weed or cigs, do drugs, go clubbing, nor want or have any tattoos. If a woman is pressuring me to do these things, imma walk away faster than u can blink your eye. I don’t want to be like everyone else, I want to be WHO I want to be, NOT what u want me to be.
I think the same as you.
I don't drink - I will have the coffee - no booze when I moto. Never, Ever. No gift shaming - no favor begging - no attention pandering - no clout blackmail / if she is more drama / nag than fun - she meets the curb / gets ghosted / gets nuked - Mirror and Match, with extreme compliance ... they find out quickly - it isn't fun. No- No- Drama, I don't like Drama
My RED FLAGS - Single Mothers, Tats, Smokers, Drugs, Nose Ring, Liberal, Feminazis, Rainbow colored hair, vegans, anti-gun, anti-motorcycle, 'pronouns' and Americans - all instant NO-GO zones for me.
Totally agree with the drinking thing. If I look at factors in humans, the couples that don't drink seem to always be in a better head space. The couples that do drink are the ones that are always fighting, out of shape, trying to escape from reality. Its a great general rule.
Your content is absolutely amazing Courtney, im so glad to watch a modern women give a realistic perspective on dating in todays day and age.
I don't drink at all. This non-negotiable. The reason being it's a childhood trauma, and I can't stand people who drink excessively. If they're drunks, my anxiety and panic attack starts to kick in, and honestly I would bail from the situation. The rest of the red flags, glad you brought them up, and thanks to you, I am able to see any red flags and can act accordingly. Mostly I'll politely decline her and wish her a good day/night. I have absolutely no tolerance towards how rude she is. Which I do consider these Red Flags as rude and shows she's a complete waste of my time. If I want something serious, don't waste my time. Sorry if this comes off as Egotistical, these are my standards and I will not change it no matter how attractive she presents herself.
Though, my other red flag that I am cautious about are certain aspects when evaluating a potential partner. One important factor is how she presents herself, both in clothing and personality. If she dresses provocatively, seeking attention rather than displaying seriousness. Moreover, it's concerning if she is overly flirtatious, overly attached to her phone, and appears interested in other guys during our date.
Another critical point is the substance of our conversations. I'm looking for someone who can engage in meaningful discussions and hold my interest. Having a unique perspective is a huge bonus, particularly if she shares an interest in art, films, and books. On the other hand, if she can't offer stimulating conversations, she won't stand out from the other women I've encountered in the past.
I’m a woman and I agree with all of your points. Standards are good. Don’t settle.
There are 7 forms of abuse, and, depending on the context, criticism can cover 3 of them
First. Proudly 14 months sober. My only regret is I didn't do it sooner. Secondly, because of my background and past, I do look at drinking/drinkers differently. And I can recognize a problem drinker from a casual drinker. And I know who to avoid.
Keep it up bro, myself 4 years come mid November.
I prefer to date non-drinkers. But because the dating pool is limited, I felt I had to make room for “social drinking.” The problem is, this can be defined so many ways. What would you say are the biggest red flags that tell you if someone is a problem drinker? I recently met someone and they drink every time we go out. I realize I’m proving limited information, but should I be worried?
Number 2 is a mixed bag. Never have my partners bought me flowers, so I say that to myself to remind myself... We dont go back to that. The little things matter. If they wanted to do them, they would. I was codependent. It is a reminder to leave things at their door and work on my own stuff. A man who wishes to do small gestures in our connection will, and if they dont, then we arent right for each other.
In regards to Paris.... Nahhhh man. If I wanted to go to paris it is me that would do it.
So, that one is both yes and no.
Rest are fine and good takeaways.
THAT'S BOTH WAYS FOR MEN TOO! YOU'RE ON POINT AND I'M A WOMAN!
I have asked myself this question; What exactly is it that I would need a woman for? I can't answer that question. So I am extremely content in my own skin. I am not trying to reel in a woman. To be honest, I am not interested. I have nothing to offer a woman, in the first place.
For a lot of you guys, ask yourself the question; Why do I really want a woman arround, and what is that I can offer a woman. Is it really that important to have a woman arround?
I think it is time to really think about why we want a spouse. Most people will be better of with a pet, and hopefully never reproduce. Like myself.
Cheers, Courtney. You do your best, and I enjoy listening.
Men don’t need women, women need men. If more men realized this. There would be far less depressed men
Ever-single men are 908% more likely to die of infectious diseases than their married counterparts. Though, it's just 3% of all deaths. And the study that claimed that was small.
Exactly! They are a poor investment. Show me a Woman who has ever demonstrated wanting a Man because they see him first as a friend and enjoy his company? No, it's never this! Instead, they will say they do not date "friends" and they have no qualms about telling you how much they want a "REAL MAN" who protects and provides and has ambition! Ambition also always means money, just like providing and protecting. They hope to perpetually guilt-trip Men into believing his Masculinity is founded upon his ability to provide and protect. But this actually only makes Men weak and deprives them of their health, well-being and happiness, they become slaves in the process. Real Men protect and provide for themselves FIRST. Whatever residual remains he has that he wishes to share with his Woman, that is a privilege she earns, not a right. This is the way it's supposed to be.
#6 she compares your masculinity to other men.
Tell her to kick rocks and be with them
Public comment. Great message ms Courtney. You understand the principles of life and its journey. God bless you Ms Courtney ❤.
“You’re the guy, so you should (insert some unilateral expectation they have that keeps you completely invested in the relationship and gives them an excuse to easily exit the relationship when they’re no longer into it).”
e.g.,
“You’re the guy, so you should always text me first.”
“You’re the guy, so you should put up with my moodiness and soothe my emotions.”
“You’re the guy, so you should be ok when I go out without you but when you go out without me, you’re obviously cheating.”
Hello Courtney,
This isn't explicitly related to this video, but can you create a video on why the marriage, and child birth rates have decreased. I'd love to get a young female perspective on it. As I have read books by Jonathan Haidt, and Jean Twenge, but they are older. Im a Millennial and I'd love to hear a younger perspective. And perhaps you could bring your interview friends back for that video.
35 year old woman here. I'd say that more women want to make sure they're financially independent before they get married or have children. Relationships often don't work out... and if a woman starts a relationship with a man when she isn't secure herself, it's a scary position to be in if the relationship fails. We also have to consider economic difficulties the last 10 years, especially. That's hard on everyone. I think for a long time women felt like they HAD to procreate and didn't have a choice. It was the societal expectation. Women are now realizing if they don't want to, they don't have to. Being childless is a choice and it's totally healthy. This is especially true if someone in a couple struggles with mental health issues... and that's becoming more and more prominent as well.
@@poeticeclipse thanks for your detailed response, it was well thought out. I value your perspective, it features some thoughts that I have heard others echo.
I am a 33yr old man, and I have a great relationship with my 35yr sister who informed me that in the past, marriage was more like a necessity, and a survival instinct for women, however now it is more of a choice for several reasons. 1) the world is a safer place now 2) younger females outearn younger men in the current world. (It is more of an intelligence, rather than a physical based economy.) Which has been the case for a while, however in the past a woman's earning potential was basically capped, or declined when they had children, whereas the man's still increased when they had an offspring.
However, I would like to ask about the second point you made because that is the confusing part to me. Psychology 101 tells us that we are all social creatures, and interacting with others makes us happy. (It has to be in the physical world as various studies have shown us that the virtual world does not create similar emotions.) Are women truly deciding that they do not want relationships, marriage, and children because of potential financial struggles, when various studies have shown that being a part of a family, and overall unit makes both sexes happy?
By the way this wasn't an attack, just trying to get opinions, as my sis and I have spoken various times about how the quality of a large amount of young men has stagnated.
I don't drink, and that's a GOOD thing. You avoid a LOT of problems. Drinking alcohol will ruin you, and cost you everything in the end.
The first red flag was spot on.. I've just done a tik tok short about my sobriety relevant to what you said... wow...
If she falls back onto slogans, catch-phrases, and canned talking points to defend the indefensible. For example. the response to something that is blatantly unfair should not be "protect and provide" regardless of the situation.
"If he wanted he would" - I've always heard this one in relation to men who won't commit. Men who won't propose. Or men who want to only hook up and not have a committed relationship. Applying this to gift giving would be a severe case of entitlement that only the most clueless of women would do.
Totally agree. As a woman, I've never, nor have any of my friends, told a man that if he loved her he'd buy her a purse. Maybe I just keep good company. Haha. Usually that phrase is in reference to the non-committal folks (generally... men).
Thank you. =) Everythings been piling up.
Hell yeah! I'd love to hear your reason for not drinking. I think I've shared with you why I don't drink via direct message on Instagram. But for those who don't know ... I have bipolar and ADD. And in my life have done a crap ton of things in excess. Drinking wasn't one. But one of my bipolar meds affects (I think that's the correct word) my liver. So, It's not good for me to do that. It just wasn't something I enjoyed anyway. So, I gave it up recreationally. I said recreationally because if it's part of a church service (communion) ... I don't consider that drinking.
Or if she makes you feel bad, who cares about why she's doing it? Thank you for clarifying!
One big red flag is constantly asking for money, especially with large sums of money. It indicates financial irresponsibility and a lack of respect for you as a person. I ended up losing over $500 to one former friend I had under the promise that they'll pay me back, but kept giving me excuses why she couldn't, and didn't even make an effort to do so. I later discovered that she owed another person over $5,000. I should've filed a police report against her for obtaining property by false pretenses.
Let that be a lesson to you. Never lend money to anyone who doesn't make it a priority to pay you back.
Hi Courtney! Lovely video! Completely agree with every point mentioned 😀 Could I please see your video on 'not drinking'? I never drink alcohol because I absolutely hate everything about it (taste, smell, bad consequences)... is it hard to find people like me who hate drinking?
Yes, I loved this informative video Courtney Ryan ....
I do drink but I NEVER overdue it. I don’t really have any friends to drive me home so I’m my own designated driver. Also, I’ve seen what alcohol can do to a persons mood.
Thank you for this important content!
I would add #6 she asks what you want to have for dinner, want to watch on tv, want to do this weekend etc and no matter what the guy says, she goes "nah, I don't wanna do that"
Inconsistent hot and cold behavior may indicate a deeper psychological problem like bipolar depression. Be sympathetic, but be very conscious of your own well being, or stay away.
When she judges you on what you're eating and says ew. Huge red flag, as it shows she's judgmental and not willing to learn
I'm someone who's never drank alcohol, smoke, rarely go to parties, and hate the smell of weed. I get rejected left to right xD
I haven’t been rejected yet for those reasons but I expect to in the future as the dating world is getting more picky and delusional by the day. So I can relate to u in a sense because I don’t like those things either.
@@jacobtani9785 Amen! Usually I get rejected, because I'm Asian or a midget (5'9) in west coast. Its difficult mate, but there are other things too focus on
@@Frostyrnb77 I’m Asian and 5’6. I just probably haven’t experienced as much excuses as u that’s all.
I was at a bar a few years back. A girl came up to me and told me that her friend wanted to buy me a shot. I said that I drove so I'm not doing any shots tonight. I could go for a beer though. Without saying a word she got up and left. She went back to her table of 3 girls. They sat around for at least another hour but never got up or talked to anyone else. A part of me thought that maybe, just maybe, her friend was going to come back with a beer for me. But At that point in my life (26 years old) nothing surprised me anymore. And the result was what I expected to happen. Apparently a guy turning down a shot is a deal breaker for modern girls. In my mind if I was a girl and wanted to buy him a shot and he made the responsible choice would make me more interested in him. But case and point girls chase the bad guys. I'm 32 now. Have a 2,800 square foot house on 4 acres of land, 3 vehicles, tons of gardens, animals, and pets. Life is good.
Hey, that’s me!
I dont drink because I use to be an alcholic. Im proud of myself for giving up, and not ashamed to admit it. There is not one person in this world that I would drink for.
I do not drink any alcohol does not smoke and do not gamble and try not to take medicinal pill too I try to keep self discipline. My father died by very heavy smoking and drink so I learnt a lesson and promised myself not to follow that road. Thanks.
Hey Congratulations Courtney!!
Thanks Courtney. Good points. The one that struck me was inconsistent behaviour. Im not sure if you know about attachment styles but often Anxious Avoidant attachment types are like this. They crave connection then pull away when they get too close. Then they miss the connection and come back. It can be a never ending cycle unless they get therapy and healing.
Good points. Good job. I think that if a man or a woman loves you or just like you. Is gonna be easy to tell, she or he is gonna be available for you almost all the time. She can cancel even a family reunion for you.
One thing a woman might say that men often hear them say in regards to your relationship that is an extreme red flag is this: "I'm so confused!" If men ever hear that from a woman when she is discussing the merits vs. demerits for being your girlfriend, you need to run -- not walk -- away! If a woman really loves a man or at least has high interest in him early on, she will never claim to be "confused" over her feelings.
Hey Courtney. I would like to see a video on why you don’t drink. I don’t drink either. At first it started out for religious reasons. Then it was because I had some bad experiences with a family member and alcohol. Now it’s a combination of all that, and I always want to be in control of myself mentally and physically. Nice video!!
My ex-girlfriend was an alcoholic and used to tell me I wasn't fun because I didn't want to get a drink.
Nothing wrong with having a drink. But if someone must drink to have a good time.....hrm. That almost always accompanies poor decision making and other problematic behaviors. And if you're trying to make me feel guilty? I have had that before, and the look on their faces when I point and laugh at them is just priceless. It's fleeting, since I tend to walk away afterwards....forever. I dislike mind games, and won't tolerate such nonsense. And yes, Courtney now has a husband....the wife and I loved saying 'wife' and 'husband' for a good six months after our wedding. Enjoy it! Happy for you!
Wow Courtney! Thank you, I don't drink anymore, and I have felt on some dates some condescension. It's a personal life choice and a I'm glad you mentioned that. Thank you for advocating for decency!
Morning Courtney, I hope you are having a wonderful week.
You too! ❤️
I can’t believe it’s already Wednesday
Another red flag that I caught, it may not sound like a red flag, but If they never call you by your name, I personally consider it a red flag because it either indicates that their using you for attention or if you give her things she values only what you give her. Just as Courtney mention on the 4th read flag they take and not give, which happened to me and I noticed that she never called me by my name.
I've been a lifelong teetotaler and I remember how much of a culture shock it was when I was a freshman in college because of the prevalence of heavy drinking. I was never socially pressured into drinking by a woman, but a lot of my male peers just assumed that I had the same drinking habits as them by virtue of being on campus at a notorious party school. Anyone that tries to actively coerce you into partaking in an activity that you are unwillingly to acquiesce to should be removed from your life, whether it's coming from a woman, a friend, or even a family member.
Great video as usual Courtney.
“I’m young and trying to have fun” is top tier red flag. They will never take accountability and have lots of excuses.
ʜɪᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ-Above-
She takes more than she gives… that’s every single girl I have ever dated. I remember asking the last girl I dated to pay for a couple dinners after I paid for the first 7 dates in a row and she was upset saying, “I’m not trying to keep score here” Duh, you’re not trying to keep score because you don’t want to point out that I’m paying for every thing we do while you expect a free ride.
"If you wanted to, you would", that helps me with my obsession with Paul Rudd. I briefly thought about trading my beloved Nissan Rogue SUV for a Hyundai Sonata because Mr. Rudd is reported to both own and drive one of these sedans. I'm glad this folly is off my mind now, I drive what I like, I do what I like!
A girlfriend who repeats the same thing after someone requests or suggests something to the boyfriend.
CASHIER - "Sir, the order will be 15.50. Credit or cash?"
GF - "Honey, credit or cash?"
BF - "Credit."
A lot of similar stuff went down. After she excused herself to go take a leak, the boyfriend shook his head and sighed in disappointment. All this at Finger Cane's... then I see the GF do it again to him with shoes at Walmart!
Big FREAKING RED FLAG!
1:16, I rarely drink. I may have a beer once in a while. Yet, that is it. I don't really need it. Congratulations on getting married, Courtney!
Wow, that "you would to" statement is mind-boggling. I would say to myself, "Who is this person?" I would probably answer "well Jeff's girlfriend jumped off a bridge to prove how much she loved him," and then I walk away.
Great content. 🙂👍
Congratulations Courtney! 💍
Courtney you’re the best!! Love your channel
Someone not knowing herself... If she doesn't seem to know what she wants in life or doesn't know what she needs to be happy, there is a huge potential she will just never be happy. Only her can work on herself to understand what she wants in life. You will be waiting for her to get that understanding of herself.
great advice!
Hi
RED FLAGS my list
Been horrible
Been bulling
Doesn't respect you
Thinks she the boss
Takes too much money
You feel she's not your soul mate
You feel down and depressed when you see her
You feel horrible at home with her
Makes you do all the running around
She wants things done yesterday
You feel happy when she's not around
These are red flags
The list goes on
To me, if she says " I don't know what to tell you" especially during a difficult time. That to me is an indication she's given up