Change Yourself NOT The Narcissist
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- Опубликовано: 5 сен 2024
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Change the questions you ask yourself! Not “why do they behave that way”, but instead “why am i allowing that”
@tysonmichael6485What was Gods original purpose for the earth?
💯💯💯💯💯
So true!!! Dealed with a narcissist for 6 years, lost myself completely trying to change him. The second I moved my focus to myself, everything in my life changed for the better, and I’m standing stronger than ever
Tell me more. I would love to better my life
I see a lot of content online about "OMG! Narcissists are the monsters and should be treated like criminals." Like running away is the only option. I've encountered many of them, both in friendships, relationships, at work. They're people with very fragile ego and self-esteem who feel threatened most of the time. My current boss is a narcissist and I have no issues with him, he tried to mess with me in the beginning, but couldn't get through to me since I have strong boundaries and very little interest in proving my worth to someone. He quickly moved on to another person. I see other people who have no boundaries at all complaining about him and even quitting the job. It is all about you and how you allow people to treat you. Learn to say NO, without bad attitude or resentment, just firm and polite NO. They'll quickly get bored with you and move on without doing you any harm.
You are so spot on. I spent 7 long years with a narcissist. I was the anxiously attached. It was hell. It was like being on a hamster wheel. You cannot make the narcissist happy. I lost myself, the essence of me, trying to please him. I look back now, years later, and don’t even recognize the person I was. I can spot them now and am repulsed by them.
Changing a narcissist is always going to be a lose-lose situation, the narcissist is too stubborn to accept any change from another person. Channel that energy into improving and bettering yourself!!
Happy Sunday Margarita!!
Everyone is our own reflection. You’re right if you’re codependent then you attract those who you feel the need to please for that validation, you attract your insecurities that validate those false beliefs. Learning to change my self concept in order to change how people show up in my life + repelling the undesirables is a game changer. Thanks ♥️
So true !!! 4 years ago I left a toxic relationship. So tired of the same crap relationship after relationship. I bought a house made it my she den, the relief, all the weight lifted and I have never been as content and happy. I'm so happy and financially secure I'm happy just to be me. Never feel alone, the loneliest I have ever been has been in relationships. Thankyou for your words, you are completely spot on in your analysis of relationships and how to sort yourself out 💚
Oh man , this hit deep. I need to let go of toxic people… wether that are narcissistic or avoidant and focus on myself. Thanks babe 🙌🏼🙏🏼✨
Narcs look for successful people who are also caring. Energetics is sorcery, they leach on anyone who possess sth they need, want or envy.
Exactly 👍
If there was ever a time the internet needed a person like you is now. Wow 🙏🏽
This woman is so wise and speaks facts like no one else ! Love her and her words
Having dealt this year with two narcissists (one romantic, the other a "friend"), I realised that the only way I can get them out is to tell them the honest truth, that i don't like them and think they are toxic...
Be careful as narcissist's can't handle the truth and they believe in the "payback." When I went no contact with a female family member she became my stalker.
Working on this! When you’ve grown up with one narcissistic parent and the other a codependent, it is a long journey changing my anxious attachment and magnetism to narcissists. I’m so grateful for your channel…your content is authentic and inspiring. Love you lots!!!❤
I felt this hard because I’m going through it right now!! My mom is the codependent and my dad is narcissistic and now I am very anxiously attached. I am maturing after dealing with one who used me in my time of vulnerability
Thanks for making this video. It takes a lot of time and being comfortable with our suffering to understand that in the end the only person we can change is ourselves. We can cry about it, we can have the victim mindset of why me but what works in the end is how can I change myself to make sure that I dont attract these kind of people. The first step that worked with me was to make my self comfortable being bored by removing all small constant gratification and clear the mental fog. This process is not easy for me it took 7 months to come to this realization, you will have to be compassionate with yourself but the end result is worth the work and wait time. You will have to take a leaf of faith even if this looks all baloney right now.
be repulsive to the narcissist is a great mindset, thank you!
Girl I need you to post more I need more realistic content!!
the simon cowel analogy was PERFECT
Margarita! I heard a definition of a narcissist (from the wife of one who wrote an incredible article on it…it’s at my office but I can’t remember the name) but she said their sense of self:
“I am the piece of crap that the world revolves around.”
That’s helped me a lot! Her article was on how people enable them as the spouse… it’s from like 15+ years ago…
THANK you!! I’ve studied this in school but it is soooo comforting to hear it from someone who has MOVED away from being treated like this!
A “face” to the “book information!”
I appreciate you!! ❤
Some absolutely go after strong people that impress them and then when they can’t break you or emulate or surpass you they hate you. Sometimes you’re not so much a mirror you’re what they aspire to because they have no sense of self. But yes change yourself give them zero energy -screw them!
100%!!! That admiration becomes hate.
Wow this just came in at the perfect time for me. Thank you!! Just getting divorced from one and another one is on the horizon already. Good job I'm spotting them early doors. Blocked!. Jeeez they are everywhere!! x
She's saying "more focus on yourself love" 💚
Thats right, thats exactly what I am doing 😉😊💙
@@loisylove
Thank you! 🙏💙@@kate-pure
Thank you. People keep saying things like "making it work", "this won't work on narcissist" Etc etc.... Why can't we just select and reject people based on how they behave instead of trying to change them?
There’s a fourth attachment style. I think I’m fearful avoidant (fluctuates between anxious and avoidant depending on the partner)
Thanks Margarita! ❤I had a truly narcissistic brother in my life, now we don't communicate, and that's for real good! I finally realized the vicious circle of triggering I was going though up until the age of 29. My mom didn't give a fuck, father was always pushing to remain in friendly relations, so I tried to be good, understanding at the expense of my self esteem, self-love and independence! luckily we have such a great source to information, which I was collecting online or via books, so at some point of a sudden situashionship provoked by him, the realization of what is really going through between us had just clicked in me, so I stopped, gave myself time and space to let it go and live out of my center, my core and release the dependency regime. The journey is still on its way, but I am moving, and that feels amazing!
I can relate I could had wrote that myself!
I walk away from your videos thinking "my goodness the knowledge and delivery of the information is simply amazing""
Thank you so much for all the time and effort you put into sharing your experiences and lessons learned.
I am working on getting back to having a secure style from being anxious due to exposure to an avoidant for 20+ years.
Her decision to heal herself has actually revealed so much about not just herself but the effect it's had on my own existence over the years.
Ironically her journey to self improvement has also spelt separation in the near future for us but at the end of the day I think we will be better individuals for it.
No lie though, it hurts down to my soul. You would think that healing and self improvement would mean a relationship would naturally get better.
In this case it made her realize she was with a decent man for all the wrong reasons... Unless the right reasons present themselves from within her at some point there would be no way to continue.
Can you make a video on the differences between narcissist and avoidant? Thank you for being here, you make my mind clearer with every video. ❤
Yes please!
I absolutely love this video!!🎉❤❤ I do not need to change anyone. If anything I need to understand why something bothers me and what I can do to help me not get bothered ❤🎉
I absolutely love this ❤
When I was recovering my power back and getting out of a relationship with a narcicist, 3 months ago. I found your videos about secure attachment. He always liked me, but I was in love with someone else that was our friend in common. When the guy I was in loved with died, he immediately took the opportunity and started to call me daily.Slowly we got involved in a relationship, he was constantly trying to make me feel insecure and less valuable. Thank God I'm out of it, I'm so thankful that your videos were the breaking point for me.
❤ I wish you the best!
This is the best therapy session I have had in months. Thank you. ❤
My biggest realization was that I don't need to be always nice or try to be perfect in order to be loved: if I can love somebody who is not the perfect version I was imagining my partner to be, someone who is having their own moods etc., there should be someone who will be able to love me as I am, not as they want me to be.
💕 Content!!! 35 yr marriage 1yr out🎉 Healing, not dating and looking in that mirror at self in an attempt to retrain brain & it's a SOB. So many light bulbs moments in ur messages!! Thank U!! 🥰💞🙏🕊️⚖️🦾🦄💃🌟
I used to be anxious, with a narcisist avoidant. Now I am anxious and avoidant.
I love this video. It's amazing to know that the moment I stop giving attention to that person I now realize has narcissistic behaviour, the more they are moving away from me and actually they are acting different when I am around because they realize that I am not giving them any attention that attracts them.
omg yeah the thing about narcissists not being able to change.. i always used to lower my boundaries for my ex after he had acted atriciously and we had broken up, so that we could get back together again.. we tried 3 different times and even during the relationship i always used to tell him what bothered me, but he never changed even a little. Now, contrary to that my mum and my sister have both broken up with their boyfriends at about the same time like 6 months ago and they are back together now and seem happy.. Both of them have told me that the time apart made their men change and ‚level‘ up in a sense.. so this explanation about a narcissist not being able to change makes so much sense to me now thanks! i finally can put my finger on it
Good video. I agree with you that there definitely needs to be an energetic charge in order for a narcissist to infiltrate. But there's also something to be said for reading people's energy signatures to completely avoid potentially dark, devastating situations. Once I learned how to read energy signatures, it was a game changer.
Please share how you learned to read this?!?
@@shelletoyou1604 Unfortunately, it's way too much to explain here. I'm starting a RUclips channel under this account. (No content as of yet) I will be covering this topic on my channel.
@thepragmatist please share when you have the channel up I would love to watch it.
@@shelletoyou1604 I won't be sharing my videos on this thread. It would be disrespectful to this content creator.
Listening to your content has helped me change so much.. it gives me the encouragement to keep doing what I'm doing... Which has been confusing because so many people are falling away but I'm so light and free. I have 4 daughters and I use your talks to help explain them to especially your analogy of the cow, the horse and the deer. My oldest really loved that!
My God, this is an incredibly good video!! Thank you so much!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
This is exactly what I needed at the very specific time
Love u Margarita.. Cann't get bored by repeating your videos❤
Yup 100% truth ❤ no point in wasting so much time hyper focused on someone else they also feel that energy and you are right where they want you. They won't change its not our job to change them just live your life peeps ❤
Dated a narcissist in the past and now i get to know I'm a narcissist person too because I lost interest in partner often.
This is the kind of content we ALL need
Do you think a Narc can turn a secure into an anxious or avoidant? I sorta think thats what happened to me as I learn about these dynamics.
Podcast idea or RUclips idea: how to know if I am dating a narcissist, with the trauma bond or an avoidant, anxious attachment style couple
Girl, I love you! Finally got to a point in my life where I GET your message. I'm in the process of changing myself for myself and priorityzing myself. It is such a shift in perspective, that I'm sure I could not fathom even half a year back.
7:40 key message thank you
I had a narcissist that I have tried to establish a relationship just as a project, just to see what could happen. 1 week of cold shouldee and I was out. Couldn't find myself in that trap again.
Love the way you explain stuff
I'm so glad I found your videos, thank you! I have a degree in Psych I haven't used and you inspire me!
It's extremely unfortunate that I have learned what I have learned too late. He made me financially dependent on him after I *saved his life* and lost my job nursing him back to health. I only then found out he cheats incessantly, never had plans for our future and is actually extremely evil masquerading as "a workaholic". So now, I've done the work, I've changed; but he's the one with the paycheck as I work for his company. Wonderful.
The masking as a workaholic! Being busy with work was his entire personality smh
@@luxeindustriesllc340 freaking SAME. we couldn't go on dates bc he was working. Couldn't stay at each other's houses bc working. Was always on his phone bc working. No romance? Working.
Lol 7 1/2 years later I find out it was actually bc he was cheating w multiple ppl the entire time and just liked what I offered, not me.
Even though I have already commented when this came out originally, I can't tell you to what degree and magnitude this content has been very helpful and valuable to me personally, and how many times I have replayed it when needed! The same can be said of many of your other videos as well.
Thank you!
You are such an inspiration Margarita! Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom with us ♥️♥️♥️
I like the way you think about the narcissistic issue. It is enlightening ! ❤❤❤ 💪🏻
Hi, Margarita!
Great vid!
VERY informative, straight to the point and with so many take aways and stuff to chew on in a 15 min video. Great job!
The only thing is, it kinda makes me wonder were I stand then. As a man who is an empath yet isn't really a 'classic' people pleaser in the sense that I always go about life catering to other peoples every needs.
But having said that, I really don't like hurting people, 'cause it'd make me sad if I hurt someone through my words or actions by just me being me and showing up in my nonperfect way that day.
Also, by just observing people who are attracted to a narcissist, you can guarantee there's always something in there for THEM as well. More often than not they've become addicted to the 'stamp of approval a narcissist gives them. Even if this validation is interspersed with bouts of abuse and acting in a very demeaning manner towards them. It kinda feels like they lost their center of gravity and rely entirely on the narcissist to tell them they exist. This can sometimes result in them speaking out in a strong and affirmative way to themselves and their friends yet at the same time secretly hoping the narcissist will miraculously change their ways and fully accepts them or takes them back (when they have separated).
Which, to me, is extremely sad and unsettling to watch and see happening. I see it mostly with women with narcissistic men. But there are also some narcissistic women out there.
Keep up the good work!
Cheers!✌
In my case I grew up without a father, not even a father figure around. I had a beautiful, loving mother so I consoled myself with that. In hindsight I can see that it made me ripe for choosing a selfish, self-absorbed covert type narcissist who was never there for me.😥
@@steadypace1262So sad to hear.
Are you doing okay now? Or are you still with the narcissist?
And are you making any progress in creating a life with less attachment to narcissistic type people?
Cheers!✌
@@bittersweetindustryexecutive Thank you for your kind words. Narcissist's stitch you up one way or another, in my case we share children and grandchildren so he is always in the background. Low contact is the best I can do at this stage and even that's extremely hard. Enjoy your day/night there.🙂
Just found your video's and have been watching a few of them, and they have helped especially with confidence and understanding your partner , I can be very anxious jealous
Ya I’m def the golden child
This is sound advice. I’m working on myself at present and I’m only just discovering all this. Thank you 🙏💕
You're the best!! I learn more here than any other channel!!!!!!!!!!!
You nailed it, Margarita, as usual! Thank You!! ❤
You are so welcome
@@Margarita.NazarenkoAre you getting your information from Lizzo?
Great talk! Thank you very much! 🙏❤️
Spot on! Thank you for your work, spot on!
Would be very cool for you to do a video on how to respond to haters, people from the past that come up, or when you get called out for a past mistake by a hater, if you catch my drift. Much bless 🙌
I love you and I love the way you speak to my mind ❤
Thank you , Margarita ❤ ❤️❤️
Love love love your advice!
Best advice ever!!
Thanks for sharing!
Margarita this is so true.
I hope I take you advice
Narcissists would choose someone who naively wants to be centre of attention (and doesn't know the dangers of the way). The victim suits the narrative of narcissism after the trauma and basically that is why all bullies have been bullied before... No doubt to that. I think the best way to fight narcissism is from within and by healthy self love ( lack of which has hollowed narc's soul) no other way round it....
So insightful
Thank you. 🙂
I have didn't think about people as avoidant narcassist etc. If I liked them i went with it. which landed me in a hella lot of trouble 😐
Straight facts as always
Literally this. Soo many RUclips videos about 10 signs someone is a narcissist or different variations of a narcissist. God. I’m sick of it, are people not sick of it? Avoooooid and focus on yourself
Just Brilliant ❤
I think you've gotten it wrong between golden child and the one who cant make the parents happy (Scapegoat). Its been show by research that usually the golden child either turns avoidant or into a narc and the scapegoat has a lower chance of turning into a narc but they will suffer from mental health problems in the future.
I love watching your videos, I‘ve done a lot of healing and stopped people pleasing and I‘m telling you it‘s much harder than you think when you‘ve always been taught to please everyone but yourself. Watching your videos reminds me of all the process I‘ve made and it actually makes me feel proud. Not just proud of myself, but also of you Margarita 🤍
You are right on 👍👍👍
So good!
Such a great video x
I love your videos thank you so much
Love your channel
Great conrtent 🎉🎉🎉
You saved me. ❤️
Amazing video... ❤
I think it’s a baller stance to view narcissists as boring af
Scapegoat here but also codependent.
awesomeness ❤
“Why are you attracted to people who are unkind to you”
How are you not on Twitter/X??
Hello everyone, are there any discord channels or clubhouse channels with people that watch those videos? Because I am trying to connect with like minded individuals. Thanks.
I hope you put the return to the Arabic for your Arab followers
Thx💞
I want to buy the course, but it’s in dollars can I buy it in England? thank you x
True! You have to become a NR- narcisist repelent
im diagnosed with npd, i would love to chat about misconceptions if you guys have any. narcissistic people in general are seen as scum of the earth, naturally, the worst kinds of humans, but i think opening up a discussion will help us all.
At what point in life you became a narcissist any traumatic events happen that made you a narc??
What motivates you when in a relationship. Do you really not care about your partners emotions, feelings and mental health?
@leoo2208 I don’t care about anyone, but a select few of my closest friends and family who know me for who I really am, and chose to stick by their side. I want to learn how to better myself, for them, for me, because I know I’ll be miserable if they’ve left because I didn’t explore my disorder.
@@victorias5983 abusive father with high expectations, strict-ish parents, wealth. I was definitely always born outside of being neurotypical, but these factors lead me down narcissism, then eventually narcissistic personality disorder in full bloom when I was about 15.
@@christofoross absolutely not true. In fact, I only care about my partner’s emotions. There aren’t really any people in my life who fulfill me, I’m consistently bored, emotionally stagnant, which makes me miserable. My partner, my best friends, and select family members are the only people in my life that I strive to do better for. They make my miserable life enjoyable, so I will *never* betray them, it’s not worth losing their relationship to me.
Changing Yourself Amidst a Narcissistic Dynamic! In this transformative video, explore the path of self-improvement while navigating relationships with narcissistic individuals. Embrace self-awareness, setting boundaries, and prioritizing your well-being. Don't miss this empowering guide - it's time to reclaim your power and create a healthier dynamic through personal growth and self-care!
ohhhhhh just wanted to go to bed but I have to listen :)))
❤❤
💯👏