Why You Let The Narcissist in your Life And The True Dynamic Between Them and Codependents!!

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  • Опубликовано: 28 авг 2024
  • This interview will leave you speechless!
    Do you find yourself repeating the same patterns in relationships?
    Do you see a pattern in your love life and continue to attract toxic people?
    Do you fall for the charm and have you given them too much of your time and life?
    Do you have a narcissistic parent?
    There is a truth that nobody tells us and we NEED to understand this in order to break the cycle. Here in this video I interview Richard Grannon and we discuss WHY we end up in these relationships and the real dynamics between Narcissists and Codependents.
    Guest: Richard Grannon
    Host: Naila Nazer
    IG: @untempered_podcast

Комментарии • 249

  • @marierose6792
    @marierose6792 2 месяца назад +144

    What I heard from Jordan Peterson once, has stuck with me. He said that to really grow, is to look at your parents, as if they were someone else's parents. When I look at my parents, it helps to see them in totality and at a 10 thousand feet high distance. They were all those things with the whole world. Their capacity to be inhuman, had nothing to do with me. It is very freeing. Of course, it helps that they passed away. We grieve what we never had.

    • @hildesolstraleaksnes8390
      @hildesolstraleaksnes8390 2 месяца назад +8

      Wow thank you for that perspectiv that hit me. I send healing to your griving prosess.❤ Yes and be who you wish you had when you where a kid to your self.❤

    • @DrPhilGoode
      @DrPhilGoode 2 месяца назад

      They never looked at their own parents and you paid that price. Cycle of generational dysfunction.

    • @gabrielleaumont3971
      @gabrielleaumont3971 2 месяца назад +4

      Thank you for sharing.

    • @andrewjohn4876
      @andrewjohn4876 2 месяца назад

      Peterson is a classic Malignant Narcissist.
      He is willing to use his influence to support MAGA for narcissistic supply.

    • @bad.chickie66
      @bad.chickie66 2 месяца назад

      But you can’t blame them you have to forgive them.

  • @Shanieceflordi
    @Shanieceflordi 14 дней назад +74

    Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really loved him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him

    • @AmarNika-q3p
      @AmarNika-q3p 14 дней назад

      It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.

    • @Shanieceflordi
      @Shanieceflordi 14 дней назад

      Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?

    • @AmarNika-q3p
      @AmarNika-q3p 14 дней назад

      His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

    • @AmarNika-q3p
      @AmarNika-q3p 14 дней назад

      he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.

    • @Shanieceflordi
      @Shanieceflordi 14 дней назад

      Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
      Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤

  • @saluma1447
    @saluma1447 2 месяца назад +45

    I like that Richard says: Don’t sleep with them if you are only dating…. Good one! 👌🏽its the perfect way to not give anyone power over u. Our bodies are sacred. No one should have easy access to our sexuality specially if u don’t know them.

    • @orianam9835
      @orianam9835 2 месяца назад +1

      This is what I do. Best is to get to know someone well first. Feels good and right and safe

  • @moonbodylibra
    @moonbodylibra 2 месяца назад +56

    "We have to make laws to keep men from having sex with corpses and goats. Don't think that sex is love."
    Omg, I'm dead. 😂😂😂
    It's true. There's your proof. God bless you Richard. You are so funny and so right.
    He's also dead AF right about Codependents needing supply. That's not Victim Blaming. It's calling out Codependents and asking them to be accountable. I used to be a very manipulative Codependent. He is not wrong. My parents are very narcissistic. I played out that cycle of begging to be ignored, abused, and then love-bombed.

    • @gabrielleaumont3971
      @gabrielleaumont3971 2 месяца назад

      1:19

    • @lauriepeifer7297
      @lauriepeifer7297 2 месяца назад

      "We have to make laws to keep men from having sex with corpses and goats. Don't think that sex is love." That one got me as well!! LOL, Funny, not funny.. but TRUE. I always said women didn't invent the glory hole, but this one is even better.

  • @bumblebee_ms
    @bumblebee_ms 2 месяца назад +48

    For those of us who grew up with narc parents, life is excruciating, healing is even harder.
    Glad to see you Mr. Grannon on a different podcast.

    • @UntemperedPodcast
      @UntemperedPodcast  2 месяца назад +2

      very true. Thank you for sharing and it really is so true

    • @bumblebee_ms
      @bumblebee_ms 2 месяца назад +1

      @@UntemperedPodcast You're welcome.

  • @charlottemckenzie5259
    @charlottemckenzie5259 2 месяца назад +59

    If you start seeing red flags of something that just doesn't feel right about someone you need to start holding back a little bit and putting them in the acquaintance zone and don't let them so close to you that's how you protect yourself from a narcissist

    • @UntemperedPodcast
      @UntemperedPodcast  2 месяца назад

      This comment is great

    • @carine4318
      @carine4318 2 месяца назад +1

      Spot on - I saw many red flags and followed them

  • @katherineb9
    @katherineb9 2 месяца назад +19

    as a therapist i find this conversation around looking at the responsibility of the "' victim" very important. These are relationnal dances and we each play a role. Seeking to understand and find our responsibiity is a way to re-empower ourselves on the path of true change and healing. Thank you for this

  • @ComeOut.BeYeSeparate.
    @ComeOut.BeYeSeparate. 2 месяца назад +28

    Wow!
    Please do this again with Richard Grannon. The dynamic that you two create is very interesting. Like reading a book I can't put down!
    You ask Excellent questions and he delivers!
    I've been Following Richard for several years... I've watched him go through some hard times through his videos... he has always come back Better, if that is even possible! He has helped so many of us and as he is transitioning and learning & sharing more about himself in his therapy, I am Loving him all the more. He has a Good Mind and a Conscientious Spirit! A Man of True Excellence....

    • @UntemperedPodcast
      @UntemperedPodcast  2 месяца назад +6

      Yes I always hope to have him back! Thank you for your comment 😊

  • @Abcdefghijklmnoplm
    @Abcdefghijklmnoplm 2 месяца назад +107

    Simple questions to ask yourself about the relationship…
    “is this person consistently transgressing my boundaries, for no valid reason?”
    “Is this person consistently doing things, that I can say are cruel?”
    “Is this person consistently lying?”
    “Am I seeing love and validation here or not?”
    Wow!

    • @mandymckeown8625
      @mandymckeown8625 2 месяца назад +6

      Spot on 👍

    • @jasonuren3479
      @jasonuren3479 2 месяца назад +3

      I don't know = denial.

    • @cocohachi
      @cocohachi Месяц назад +2

      Is this person consistently doing things, that I can say are cruel?” this thought brought me to the internet and found richard then dr ramani last January, hey opened the door for me i had no idea what narcissism i'm in no contact phase with her, i will be forever greatful

  • @lisalambert81865
    @lisalambert81865 2 месяца назад +29

    They test us, and we don’t have or hold boundaries. They tell us things and we think we can fix them, we need to fix them so we will get better. BUT we don’t!
    We must heal and look at us completely and then we will be able to not only see it but resist it.

  • @user-nv2sw4ys4y
    @user-nv2sw4ys4y 2 месяца назад +11

    These two are bonding through similar trauma and that's where sympathy and empathy live. Thank you for such a heartfelt and honest discussion

    • @jeanie5074
      @jeanie5074 2 месяца назад +1

      The lady talking, talking to this man, seems like she has some similarities to her own parents. It’s important not to repeat one’s own parents’ patterns. It’s sad when our parents don’t change. We can’t change who our parents are, but, we can choose not to be like them ourselves. Once we get healed and whole, we no longer need to be afraid to be in their lives, and bound to cut them off from your/our lives, not continue acting, and talking like we’re still victims, their victims. We don’t have to cut off our parents, if we’ve become healed, and whole ourselves; that’s when we look at them with love pity, and respect, but, at arm’s length ❤️

    • @user-nv2sw4ys4y
      @user-nv2sw4ys4y 2 месяца назад +1

      @@jeanie5074 Life is short. And if a person-be it a parent or not-ruins it, undermines your self esteem, takes away your strength, time, money, emotions-leave his person. Give yourself your space and this person a chance to have healthy life, don't waste your time. That's how I think.

  • @kimstrandberg9529
    @kimstrandberg9529 2 месяца назад +21

    Love bombing also implies there was love when in fact there was only ever bombing! -Sam Vaknin

    • @paulcampbell114
      @paulcampbell114 2 месяца назад +2

      Sam is the real expert in this subject

  • @meridians_
    @meridians_ 2 месяца назад +20

    this was great. I've been following Richard for years, and sometimes I think him being interview brings out some next level stuff!

  • @bobsanderz3005
    @bobsanderz3005 2 месяца назад +19

    They love to bait. They love to confuse you with word salad then say you’re dumb for not understanding. Every attempt at getting them to talk about their bad behavior follows the same predictable pattern.

  • @mandymckeown8625
    @mandymckeown8625 2 месяца назад +11

    This is so true having a narc mum I went into narc relationships as I was addicted to the chemistry I saw it at home it felt normal . Now I know gone no contact with my mum who gave me an anxiety disorder dumped my narsissist boyfriend who died a couple of years ago and will never allow another person to disrespect me again I see the pattern now and recognise the red flags I am now setting healthy boundaries for myself through therapy and working on my own narsissitic traits that I inherited and learning how to regulate my own emotions .

  • @Sarah-xh6vp
    @Sarah-xh6vp 2 месяца назад +12

    This was such a good interview, it’s nice to see Richard being interviewed and with such good questions from the interviewer

  • @nicoletalmadge7276
    @nicoletalmadge7276 2 месяца назад +11

    You hit the nail on the head Richard...the unconcious is playing a huge roll.

  • @annuhe2051
    @annuhe2051 2 месяца назад +7

    This should be made known to the rest of the world!! Absolutely educational

  • @irbis6969
    @irbis6969 2 месяца назад +10

    Really great interview! The splitting mechanism in victim's mind explains a lot! Thanks to both of you, guys! 😊

  • @mysticalmisfit33
    @mysticalmisfit33 11 дней назад +1

    A lot of great points here!
    From what I understand from Hawkins and Rosenberg is that there’s a scale with codependency on one end and narcissism on the other. The general goal is to be in the middle…
    For me that’s building myself up, being my own savior, building my own kingdom, in order to heal and be balanced enough to be open to allowing a healthy relationship.
    I need to forge a healthy relationship with me first.

  • @muma6559
    @muma6559 2 месяца назад +11

    saying don't have sex is not about being a priest, it's about safeguarding your mental and psychological health. If you even want it. You're right Richard, it is powerful magic. Given away for cents. The lady didn't get it. She said, "we believe there is a connections when there isn't". The reality is the opposite, that is, "there IS a connection when people pretend there isn't". I think the lady missed the point.

  • @charlottemckenzie5259
    @charlottemckenzie5259 2 месяца назад +23

    To me you can tell a narcissist because there's not really a person inside of there to connect with it feels like you're just grasping at straws to have a basic get to know you conversation a lot of the time. It feels like there's no one home inside of them. They talk about their special interests or about things that will boost their ego and they can't hold a basic conversation about how are you how's work what have you been up to what's been going on etc etc.. you'll see them constantly belittling other people based on mutable characteristics and snap judgments...

    • @thewholeyou
      @thewholeyou 2 месяца назад +1

      This is very true I dealt with 2 and had a situation with each of them that let me know that no one was actually home at all. They really are emotionally hollow. So now thinking back on it, you have to sa to yourself.How can you expect someone like that to love you?If they don't even love themselves enough to connect to themselves they can't connect to you.

  • @TimCCambridge
    @TimCCambridge Месяц назад +1

    Hi. Thanks for this. Recovering our self-worth, value and love.
    The mystics teach us where to begin... " Be quiet, and know that I am. "

  • @dark3rh3art24
    @dark3rh3art24 2 месяца назад +23

    no. every situation is different. most of us see the sweet side of these people and hope for them to change and stay sweet. because that's what WE would do.
    we don't need or want to be mistreated. signed someone who left narcissistic abuse and already healed

    • @bad.chickie66
      @bad.chickie66 2 месяца назад

      Can’t be a victim all your life. That’s another form of narcissism 😂

    • @mysticalmisfit33
      @mysticalmisfit33 11 дней назад

      Im not so sure you understand the dynamic at play when a narcissist is involved. It takes two to tango. The “want” to be mistreated is subconscious. It’s not your actual desire. Just like how the narcissist is wearing the mask without really knowing.
      It’s a running program that takes the reflecting on the failed or failing relationships to begin to understand how to reprogram yourself. That’s barely touching it. I thought this podcast did a good job of further explaining this.
      To outright say no then claim you’re healed just doesn’t look right. Sure ‘every situation is different’. But why is it that a psychiatrist can point out ways of a narcissist that are across the board, the same behaviors in different people? Because they operate the same ways. Just like codependents behave the same ways.

    • @dark3rh3art24
      @dark3rh3art24 10 дней назад +1

      @@mysticalmisfit33 WANTING to be abused and abuse feeling FAMILIAR are two very different things. no one WANTS to be abused. people who grew up with trauma like me feel more used to the abusive types. that's why we naturally gravitate towards them.
      that's the true science behind it and if you don't understand that, then you are the one who doesn't understand the dynamic. you can't tell someone who has been though narcissistic abuse that they don't understand the dynamic of narcissistic abuse.
      I have lived with the dynamic! to be an armchair therapist BASED OFF OF ONE COMMENT and tell someone if they have been healed, and that they don't understand something they went though is extremely narcissistic and arrogant of you

    • @dark3rh3art24
      @dark3rh3art24 10 дней назад +1

      @@mysticalmisfit33 sounds like you haven't heard of different types of narcissists. Covert narcissistic abuse is different than grandiose narcissistic abuse

    • @mysticalmisfit33
      @mysticalmisfit33 10 дней назад

      @@dark3rh3art24 I don’t think you read or understand my comment at all with that response dude.

  • @Abcdefghijklmnoplm
    @Abcdefghijklmnoplm 2 месяца назад +17

    Really like Richard Grannon, first time I’ve heard of him.

    • @sage9836
      @sage9836 2 месяца назад

      He has tons of affordable instructional material on his website.

    • @l.yndsyy
      @l.yndsyy 2 месяца назад +1

      she has another video with him it’s great also !

    • @bumblebee_ms
      @bumblebee_ms 2 месяца назад +5

      He has a very popular channel.

  • @johannagrace7768
    @johannagrace7768 Месяц назад +1

    I truly enjoyed your interview with Richard. I have followed him for years, and benefitted from completing quite a few of his courses. You have a lovely, sweet and authentic style. This was 'therapy' for me as well, so thank you. ❤

  • @Gypsywandering400
    @Gypsywandering400 2 месяца назад +9

    No Richard, don’t hold back, tell it like it is… His no-fuckin-around approach is as reassuring as it is time-saving

  • @davidbanner9344
    @davidbanner9344 2 месяца назад +6

    Deep inside my soul, I have always felt but never wanted to admit that, I was actually getting supply from the Narc as well, no matter how horrible she would treat me. After this interview, now I can accept my own reality. I knew the game was rigged, but ignored the inevitable outcome!

    • @yzma6142
      @yzma6142 2 месяца назад +4

      Knowing your role in the game means that you can take your power back and never play again

    • @davidbanner9344
      @davidbanner9344 2 месяца назад

      @@yzma6142 Absolutely! Thank you!

  • @charlottemckenzie5259
    @charlottemckenzie5259 2 месяца назад +35

    If I ever split from my hubby I'm just going to be single for life. Just get a dog people

    • @monklingtoneverjet2536
      @monklingtoneverjet2536 2 месяца назад +5

      I think I got involved with narcissists so that id be forced into single life, and it's wonderful. Why? because there is peace, serenity and deep love for myself

    • @Vrin137
      @Vrin137 2 месяца назад +3

      That’s exactly what I did! 9 yrs now. Went on a few dates but after the 2 nd date I can see right through them. No thanks!! It’s too bad, I have allot of love in my heart but cannot get trapped again.

    • @roberth4395
      @roberth4395 2 месяца назад +2

      That is a trauma response and a failed life. Let me decode your words.
      “I was not ready to get in a relationship, but I did. I was not looking for the right partner with a logical mind, instead I selected a mate based on lust and emotions. I just like every other women am attracted to dark triad men and are repulsed by good men, so I selected a bad and toxic men. My fake girlfriends supported my actions, because they are not true friends and they wanted to see me fail so they sabotaged me wherever they could. Instead of restarting my life, I stayed with a toxic men and with my fake friends. Now instead of being a leader I am still a follower and instead of being proactive, all I do is waiting. Once I am old and worthless, my husband will be gone and instead of growing and healing I choose to stay the same and I will die without ever experiencing true love on the side of a good man. Not just that, but I will be toxic as well and sabotage other women and I will tell them to buy dogs over selecting good men.”

    • @orianam9835
      @orianam9835 2 месяца назад +1

      @@roberth4395 jeez. That is very shallow and possibly worngly assuming and judging someone from own filter unhelpful and narcisistic comment

    • @orianam9835
      @orianam9835 2 месяца назад

      Have dogs. And my dogs are far from a silent treatment 😉😉😎

  • @user-pg4sq8oy4z
    @user-pg4sq8oy4z 2 месяца назад +3

    Yes, narcissists disable our defenses or if you are raised that way you are trained to never resist and to accept all their bullshit. We appreciate your style Richard. It is necessary. Good for you in not allowing yourself to get hijacked into another direction just because that's what is trending in that field. It's better for business and also being effective to be authentically yourself with your actual life experience that you know directly than to get on the bandwagon with a bunch of stuff that clearly isn't working and you know that. That's actually part of it, we are trained to silence our true vision and get on board with a group of any sort believing that's smarter but it seriously isn't. That's not actually wisdom. Wisdom is earned. We have to be able to distinguish that but I think the truth always resonates so even if a person moves past that into the habits that bit of truth is permanently burned into memory - it's not a decision. A lot of therapists are motivated primarily by money and so that's contaminated. Some parent don't value their children honestly so rather than set a fence around them they will invite everyone they know to join in their abusive devaluation and think they're amazing parents while doing it. I like the term glove for that type of total exploitation. I also like Achilles for that - the Narcissistic power of your mother. Nice work you both. 💫

  • @annabanzon313
    @annabanzon313 2 месяца назад +2

    At this point, I practically create them. I have found that self care is the main protection from narcs and the narcissistic spirit. It travelsand I now have to fight becoming one now it's so prevalent.

  • @laviniaasofiei9054
    @laviniaasofiei9054 Месяц назад +1

    Great interview! There are a lot of dynamics to play out in your mind while dealing with a narcissist, but they all derive from one basic truth, we were not true to ourselves first of all.
    I guess that's the whole point, 😀 to know thyself and to stay true to it.

  • @charlottemckenzie5259
    @charlottemckenzie5259 2 месяца назад +11

    They can seem really fun and loving at first but eventually The mask will slip and you'll see that they are the most empty miserable people you have ever met.

  • @muma6559
    @muma6559 2 месяца назад +2

    "hunger for the resolution or replication" of abuse, good way of putting it. This is what needs to be diverted away from and realizing that we can't get blood from a stone. We can't get feelings from someone who doesn't have them. I love the way RG has matured

    • @muma6559
      @muma6559 2 месяца назад

      I mean his powers of understanding. Physically he hasn't aged a bit, lol, honestly

  • @johannahypponen6270
    @johannahypponen6270 2 месяца назад +2

    Amazing talk!! Thank you both so much!❤️🥰👍🙏🙌🤗

  • @lisav6583
    @lisav6583 2 месяца назад +7

    Richard is a brilliant guest

  • @autisticautumn7379
    @autisticautumn7379 2 месяца назад +7

    I learn't alot from this and I relate to the feeling of feeling worse as I am getting better.

  • @MW-bv3wu
    @MW-bv3wu 2 месяца назад +1

    You are both lovely people. That was the sweetest hour-long conversation on Narcissism I have ever watched.

  • @susiestogsdill5075
    @susiestogsdill5075 22 дня назад

    Good good good questions here!! Fully relate. Finally some others who have not been love-bombed. Subscribed, thank you❤

  • @gracemcloughlin9305
    @gracemcloughlin9305 2 месяца назад +5

    Beautiful interview. Really great.

  • @nataliehartsock1826
    @nataliehartsock1826 2 месяца назад +7

    What if we idealize the real? You are correct Richard Grannon. We idealize each other and we idealize the image we imagined that person to be. People are so funny. True npd's are quite damaging to those they "love". All of us humans value and desire love so much yet deny that we are ever seeking it. Love is really the only purpose of life in my humble opinion. Is enlightenment not a form of love? What is a higher purpose? People have fallen victim to the idea that love equates happiness. It does not. Some of the greatest examples of love are sacrificial. Is that the true issue with this epidemic of narcissism, political and moral divide, and blurred boundaries? Do we value our own individual autonomy more than sacrificial love? Is this what our societies are truly struggling with? Maybe. Love, with all of its ensuing sacrifice, is no longer valued as an ideal. Truth went first but everyone was distracted by MTV and reality television and didn't notice. I have often felt that those of us living now were born on a precipice in history. The edge is rapidly approaching.

  • @indigobarefootyoga3598
    @indigobarefootyoga3598 2 месяца назад +1

    Don’t let him fool you. You can’t be love and not love. We have to love because we are love. So we need to find ourselves in the frame of a divine being. You will have to learn to love. Until then we are still struggling. Learning to love others without becoming vulnerable to them is the key. You cannot govern away who you are to make someone feel better and love at the same time.

  • @ReflectorCara
    @ReflectorCara 2 месяца назад +2

    This was a heavy one, but it’s made me more curious of myself & experience, which I sincerely appreciate. 🙏🏽

  • @user-we5tp8jd2p
    @user-we5tp8jd2p 2 месяца назад +2

    I have dissociated. I told my therapist I see my husband as 2 people. That is why I can’t let go. He has moved out per my request, divorce done, and I’m still seeing him and taking to him every day. When I try to let go I panic and feel like I am going to die. I am in CODA. Hoping it will help. I could really use some help 🙏🏻. I got very sick from our relationship. Low blood pressure, Vaso vagal syncope, digestive tract no longer moves waste. I am 41 and go to the gym everyday and take good care of myself.

  • @sharonsherry7554
    @sharonsherry7554 2 месяца назад +1

    Brilliant talk very informative thank you ❤

  • @urskaspan4598
    @urskaspan4598 Месяц назад

    I have seen many many videos and podcasts, listened to dr Ramani and Richard Grhanon, Crappy childhood fairy and many others... but this podcast was the best i have ever came across. Now im actually intrigued and curious about Richards lectures. Thank you. 🎉

  • @DrEvil-hu1fi
    @DrEvil-hu1fi 2 месяца назад +1

    Naila, hearing it from your side really helped! Y'all really co-mingled well. Thanks y'all 😅

  • @chiliart8056
    @chiliart8056 2 месяца назад +5

    I stayed becouse I was fighting .When I look back I was fighting for my minde .

  • @indigobarefootyoga3598
    @indigobarefootyoga3598 2 месяца назад +1

    We have to recognize when these conversations take place, that the “we” used in reference to us and others is a misnomer. “We” is “me”, but the real part of me gets ignored and our frequency dips. Then the part of us that is operating in ignorance comes back out. So when we refer to ourselves as “we”, I feel it would be beneficial to know when we have slipped from our authentic self and back to a vibration we have a privy for. We do not need regular therapy, we need to learn how to keep our own map of reality based on universal laws and not human laws. No therapist is going to trick your mind and make you better. They need to guide you back to yourself, or the therapy is dangerous.

  • @lawrieagius4291
    @lawrieagius4291 2 месяца назад +1

    Was in a 45 yrs abusive narcissistic relationship , it's made me stronger ,I'm trying to move on but I have the abuser on my Facebook , I brought up two step children which is our only connection. She's been maliciously smear campaigning as I talk with others , her mission is to destroy and isolate myself which I did myself anyway ,it makes me more determined to move on and live what's left of my life in peace and some sort of normality , God Bless guys stay strong Love and Light .🙏☺️❤️💞💯

  • @elizabethcurran-xf7sn
    @elizabethcurran-xf7sn 2 месяца назад +1

    This is so true I have never looked at it this way!!!! How are we supposed to heal from all of this craziness???

  • @anissaholmes4495
    @anissaholmes4495 2 месяца назад +4

    Yes, it is idealization for sure. Not love bombing. That’s why you keep excusing these bad behaviors.

  • @jennygibbons1258
    @jennygibbons1258 2 месяца назад +1

    Powerful yet delightful to watch. Thanks

  • @geena-g-777
    @geena-g-777 2 месяца назад +1

    Excellent pod cast…more of this

  • @m.e.l9482
    @m.e.l9482 2 месяца назад +2

    I love the therapy chat. I've been in consistent therapy for 4yrs. I've also had 3 different therapists. I've done EMDR, normal therapy and now transpersonal therapy. I've cut so many friends out of my life, realised the extent of narcassistic abuse from both parents but feel so lonely and I've felt like my life has fallen apart. I honestly don't know if doing it had been good for me or not and feel kind of codependent with it now. Wondering if I should let go and live my life again!! I have felt so isolated and confused by it all or is this normal?! 😢

  • @thewanderwoman3930
    @thewanderwoman3930 2 месяца назад +1

    I recognise that i have a definite addiction to the roller coaster of emotions of abuse. As horrible as it feels at the time. I have strong impulses to fix things and to put things right.

    • @thewanderwoman3930
      @thewanderwoman3930 2 месяца назад

      I feel like I'm in no man's land. As I'm working through my trauma I now don't know who I am, what I'm supposed to do, how I'm supposed to be. Everything I thought I was is not who I am, so now what?

  • @andmardin
    @andmardin 2 месяца назад +5

    Are we "blind" for real or is it that we don't want to see what is real? Because every time when something was unhealthy... down, very deep inside was a feeling, but every time as well was the thought that ït can t be so".... I'm in recovery for some years, but i'm feeling lost and also this question is always on my mind. Until what point was our responsibility? I was raised by a narcissistic grandmother ( and an absent narcissistic father) and also have two long relationships with this type of people (romantic). I don t know why is so important to know the answer at this question, or maybe i know.... it s hard for me to make peace with me, who wanted or stayed in those relationships, or think what i could not make it without or that part of me who was so afraid ... so hard to accept . Thank you

    • @danadragulescu5842
      @danadragulescu5842 2 месяца назад +2

      I think they brainwashed our brain that we will not acchieve anything without them. And we believed that because of low selfesteem. Now , when you do try and see that you indeed can accomplish things alone : 1. your selfesteem grows . 2. you become less interesting for the narcs. Forgiveness need some time. I know the feeling of being like paralized of the thought of leaving . You can try some mirror work , it does not Matter If you believe it or not: " i Love myself, i respekt myself , therefore i forgive myself" .

  • @debbieallen2564
    @debbieallen2564 2 месяца назад +2

    So nice to see Richard

  • @Dragonfly_magictarot
    @Dragonfly_magictarot 2 месяца назад +1

    Splitting is what causes the cognitive dissonance!!!! I understand now! 🙏🏼😔

  • @kathpercy7941
    @kathpercy7941 2 месяца назад +2

    Richard Grannon rocks 🎉🎉🎉

  • @nicolem889
    @nicolem889 2 месяца назад +9

    I don’t know if those who stay are unhealthy. A lot of times you’re in your 20s whereas you do not have enough experiences to know what is right or wrong. This is why older narcissist (like Pdiddy) go after 19 year olds. This is why redpillers say that women are mailable young. All young people are impressionable and do not know through experience what is healthy. Most people find it hard to leave relationships and that’s probably because they really fear aloneness.

    • @Ugnele
      @Ugnele 2 месяца назад

      Redpillers have a lot of psychopathic and narcissistic traits. Their ideology is bordeline psychopathy.

  • @annemariegodden
    @annemariegodden 2 месяца назад +1

    Thank you both.

  • @meta4282
    @meta4282 2 месяца назад +8

    I had a narcissist girlfriend, I let her go. My rule: no more dating democrats.

  • @dariabondavalli4070
    @dariabondavalli4070 2 месяца назад +5

    Somatic work might help, the body need to release emotions as well. Walking in nature is good for the nervous system. Now it is worse than ever before because the pain is coming to the surface. Listen to Gabor Matè. Read Eckhart Tolle...Ciao

  • @hildesolstraleaksnes8390
    @hildesolstraleaksnes8390 2 месяца назад +4

    Wow about the splitting so accurant 😮 this interview is so educational thank you 🙏🏻

  • @Elsa-b-blessed
    @Elsa-b-blessed 2 месяца назад

    Excellent interview it flows with deep contents. You have real skills and gifts for interviewing 🙌🏻 really enjoyed listening and learning and mix of leading questions and spontaneous chats
    Blessings

  • @iw9338
    @iw9338 2 месяца назад +2

    I realized i had to deprogram from my childhood programming 😮😢😂😅

  • @sylviaanne2320
    @sylviaanne2320 Месяц назад

    Wow. That's an amazing answer. Right before she says "Wow, that just blew my mind." This guy really knows. I love this. "If that's what the person is doing...", yeah. Turn away from those behaviors. The inner fantasy world compared to reality is so interesting. Ugh. I was stuck for a long time. I will never let summertime treat me like that again. I only talked to the guy bc I knew him for a year or two at age 15. Just kept thinking he just couldn't be as awful as it seemed. Then I had to try to figure it out. Oh, my GoOd. Richard G. is so funny! He sounds like my friend Shawn from Wales, who is so, so funny.

  • @CroisMoi
    @CroisMoi 2 месяца назад

    I just found you because I follow Richard. You did a great job on this interview. You let him talk, and asked insightful questions. Richard helps so many people. Can I suggest you put his name in the title of this video? I think more people will find it if you do. Thanks for the great interview.

  • @Rachel-ps8du
    @Rachel-ps8du 2 месяца назад

    Refreshing to hear an open discussion on connection and its disconnection. Thank you

  • @melissam6941
    @melissam6941 2 месяца назад

    First time here and I have learned so much! This was an excellent session! Thank you!

  • @jasonuren3479
    @jasonuren3479 2 месяца назад +2

    'Sexually incontinent.'
    What a phrase

  • @monklingtoneverjet2536
    @monklingtoneverjet2536 2 месяца назад

    very clear, interesting and empowering. At last, we are really understanding bad relationships but I'm mindful of the hard sell and making lots of money out of it sabotaging the good /so that it becomes like a parody of itself

  • @jennifergopinath
    @jennifergopinath 2 месяца назад

    WoW Excellent information & it's educational for us all -a wake-up call from two experts in a discussion, a spark & then reflect upon...Thank you guys, Best wishes from Beautiful BC

  • @elizabethcurran-xf7sn
    @elizabethcurran-xf7sn 2 месяца назад

    This is so true I have never looked at it this way!!!! How are we supposed to heal from all of this craziness???😊

  • @MysteryMountain44
    @MysteryMountain44 2 месяца назад +1

    The latest narcissist I encountered was also a psychopath, so in this case they could 'tell' I had codepency wounds, and *intentionally* used that against me strategically. But I'd probably attribute that more to the psychopath side than the narcissist, they saw me as competition and literally wanted to take me out. I grew up with a narcissistic friend who was far more 'autopilot'. I also think there actually isn't true equivalence between narcissists and codependents. Narcissists are stunted developmentally pretty much in totality, whereas codependents usually grow up in some sense despite not 'integrating' the wounds where parts of them haven't moved beyond the trauma. So there is actually a 'wounded authentic self' or in my case 'a split authentic self' with codependents which is why they can heal and can still have such wounds while being very self-aware, whereas narcissists never developed *any* sense of self, so they are truly hollow on the inside. Also, I've found narcissists love this idea that there is an equivalence between them and their victims, which is not true morally if not in any other way, but this is the way I think factually there isn't actually an equivalence, despite there definitely being 'two sides to maintaining the dynamic.' So this is the way I tend to frame it (which I think is true) which makes clear there's a difference, without making a factual or moral equivalence (which is how this can be perceived as victim blaming), whilst still acknowledging what needs to be acknowledged to heal.

  • @ennuanders
    @ennuanders 2 месяца назад +2

    Good interview!

  • @iw9338
    @iw9338 2 месяца назад +1

    Excellent thanks very much 😮😅

  • @alicem3642
    @alicem3642 2 месяца назад

    super thank you both or this honesty

  • @heatherface1
    @heatherface1 Месяц назад +2

    Maybe the co-dependent doesnt feel like they deserve any better...at least in my own relationships.

  • @tatacardona3271
    @tatacardona3271 2 месяца назад +1

    Tool kits, road maps, etc. Yes, some of us need this, more than being treated as Napoleon B accepted.

  • @Joshualuv13
    @Joshualuv13 2 месяца назад +1

    I honestly have always attracted narcissists or various levels of men with those traits.But after having a romantic connection with a full-blown one..it eventually opened a Pandora's box of childhood wounds that made me realise thats what my father was .It gave me many insights, but it was traumatising.

  • @mic396
    @mic396 Месяц назад

    This is great!🎉

  • @AmidalaEmma
    @AmidalaEmma 2 месяца назад

    Amazing this was very helpful!!!!❤❤❤

  • @user-nr2we3oh6o
    @user-nr2we3oh6o 28 дней назад +1

    Its madness how we let them in and make excuses for their bad behaviours ...... covid lock down kinda saved me as he was furloughed i wasn't (thankfully) he got amazingly worse (as i didnt think it could of) its been 4 year's free from that relationship to that date, been single for that long an quite happy about it as im still healing (shockingly) and by they way your right ive blocked quite alot out of what he said as my friends have asked things and i just cant remember, is that a coping mechanism?xx

  • @bradg.3306
    @bradg.3306 21 день назад

    the ‘codependent supply’ is real- i haven’t heard anyone admit it . the way i refer to it is. the codependent will give as long as their own emotional addictions are being met. notice that the ‘empath(codependent ‘ never complains until their addictions are no longer being met.
    also, it’s absurd people call themselves ‘empaths’ but can’t sense that ‘love bombing’ is manipulating until they themselves start to devalue the ‘narcissist’
    if both are idealizing, then devaluing, then discarding it’s part of the same trauma cycle. How can you say ‘love bombing’ is manipulating when it’s what happens when you idealize someone.. on both sides.
    if we’re talking about psychopathic manipulation i think that would be different.

  • @kimberleybrown7523
    @kimberleybrown7523 2 месяца назад +2

    You two have really nice chemistry. Super cute ❤
    Thank you for the great info. Sending you both unlimited blessings. ❣️

  • @Beautiful_Days9249
    @Beautiful_Days9249 2 месяца назад +2

    OMG this exactly 23:50 all together good and I turn out to be the bad person. I am holding onto them being the bad person this time. I have attracted 4 more after having my father narcissist.

  • @lenihassveasphaug9634
    @lenihassveasphaug9634 2 месяца назад

    Then they lead you to the slaugtherhouse.So accurate.,

  • @user-pg4sq8oy4z
    @user-pg4sq8oy4z 2 месяца назад

    Very interesting. In hindsight I absolutely agree that I saw a huge problem and it was stressful and I went forward anyway convincing myself it was different or not a big deal that I felt so terrible about it and maybe I had some desire to suffer... ? I mean I definitely could have walked away but didn't from the beginning before it even went anywhere because I was already irritated. That's messed up to want to be with a person you can't stand or who is insulting or does bad things when you can clearly see it. Very disturbing and what you said in another video about cognitive dissonance causing us to do different mb shit that's exactly correct. It was a battle in my own head where I constantly made up reasons to keep dealing with it even though I was totally hating it. But in both cases where I did this the person was very good at kissing my ass after they did something bad or the one person who I was with for 5 years and really was messing with my life would actually do something nice in advance of going against our relationship and everything we've discussed as limits. Yes, it impairs judgment with both their bait and switch stuff and in your own head trying to discipher it. I haven't had any interest in anybody for years because I just don't have the desire to try it again. It would be nice if that healed or changed, but with the world how it is I don't really believe a perfectly smooth relationship is possible so I'm just not interested in trying it. Unless it was you RG, of course. 😉 But that's not possible so it's another angle of now am I going to be only interested in inaccessible men if I ever start to think about dating again?
    I had an insight the other day in a meditation about NPD. I was thinking about how there may be universal concepts that are rites of passage in growing up that were never mentioned and we suffer a lot in life trying to figure this stuff out and it may be so basic that we take it for granted or never question it's existence even until there's some pain that forces us to investigate and what if during the development of a child they programming is so resolute that they accept some nonsense concepts that actually cause more energy to go into developing the certain parts of the brain that are consistent with the programming. Sounds obvious now that I've said it.
    I've been trying to think of tests. One, since narcissists hate sick people would be to bow out of something because you aren't feeling well without much more explanation than that and then observe how they react. Do they try to talk you out of it knowing that's actually asking you to stay and suffer for their satisfaction? I think a lot of info could be found out doing that and it's pretty harmless. Don't make up some diagnosis just say you need to go home now. Then pay attention to everything they do and say. Write it down even so you can't trick yourself later. The reason I think this is a good test is that you will find out exactly how selfish or compassionate they are for you so make sure you're truly prepared to be shocked if you think you like that person or have a connection with them but if there's no compassion for your unknown suffering or desire for you to be more comfortable without them right now or think of it this way, what if you married someone then became ill? You need to know this. I don't think it's an unethical way to get an enormous amount of crucial data. If they pass and you feel guilty you can always confess and since they passed I think they will understand. But if they haven't passed and this is like the 4th date or something absolutely delete their number and accept your assessment with full confidence and don't trick yourself into thinking you've missed out or made a wrong decision even if now your hurt and want to "work on it" by explaining all of this because that is going to turn out bad guaranteed. Maybe it's actually a good purpose for date #4 or whatever because they're going to be interested in sex by now even though it's really not enough time. I'm actually thinking this has legs I'm going to keep working on it. I mean what if each date had a certain purpose? Security clearance. 🔦
    I would say in general this culture has lost these graces and we didn't learn how to do this for our safety because of a too-casual attitude around something that actually has a lot to do with our health and sanity and physical and financial and maybe parenthood it's just irresponsible the way things are being conducted. Now there's some sexually transmitted ring worm in New York as well so you literally could die from bad decisions of this nature in a lot of various ways.
    People always have these theories but I bet that came from bestiality and considering all of this I would say maybe that is the mark of the beast we've been wondering about. It's a big red spot on the skin from the picture I saw. Don't take chances I'm with promiscuity anymore those days I do believe are done. This could continue to get worse. Pestulence and diseases and terrible weather, almost everyone being a narcissist, wars and rumours of wars etc etc this earth and atmosphere are alive. I really don't see it as coincidental. It's amazing that the giant flying spiders hitting new York are yellow and black which is a warning color combo. This week I was driving and a black and yellow bird flew in from of me. I couldn't believe it. I've never seen a yellow bird like that in nature. Pay attention, that's probably the only good advice.

  • @jamesrebbechi5247
    @jamesrebbechi5247 Месяц назад

    Another new subscriber from Australia👍

  • @heidistanton4583
    @heidistanton4583 2 месяца назад

    How funny just ran a cold bath while listening to this podcast 👍

  • @tammygallagher976
    @tammygallagher976 2 месяца назад

    That makes sense to you right!!!

  • @nanetteventer9357
    @nanetteventer9357 2 месяца назад +1

    I feel that this guy has a core of narcissistic personality . . . He discards all other opinions and only his view are the right one. Some of what he says make sense but his way of presenting it is his way or the high way. All I'm saying is investigate and do not take any one person's view as gospel.

    • @nanetteventer9357
      @nanetteventer9357 2 месяца назад

      @sudenims5235I've also watched many of his advice videos on RUclips over the last 3-4 years. My 1st was "How to torture a Narcissist".
      I honestly feel sad when looking back on myself then vs now in my healing journey. His views might help some, harm others or not be practical to most.
      Space to use your own mind is needed and not go against your own core personality is key to proper healing.
      But what do I know, I just realised my negative reaction to how he talks in his content was a trauma response to the abuse from my Narc father & half sister and recently multiple of my Narc "best friends" that isolated me away from the family that I have left. I'm an empath prime meat for Narcs.
      I forgot and then 80% through this video it hit me again and I was like WTH am I doing here.

  • @annacichocka7734
    @annacichocka7734 2 месяца назад +1

    The Devine is spectacular, amazing, beautiful. Catholicism is one of the worst things that happened to me in my life, and I wish my lovely family wouldn't even bother with organized religion. Great day, evening or night!

  • @gremlin4606
    @gremlin4606 2 месяца назад

    You should interview Dr. Ramani if you want to know more about narcissism! She’s wonderful❤

  • @gracemcloughlin9305
    @gracemcloughlin9305 2 месяца назад +6

    Watch how they treat the waiter .....

  • @chiliart8056
    @chiliart8056 2 месяца назад +1

    Thats my storry with mum omg .It's fight of titans .

  • @user-qy4um6zi1s
    @user-qy4um6zi1s 7 дней назад

    I think two words are missing from this whole analysis and those words are ... NAIVETY and TRUST. No, we didnt all 'know' what we were getting into. Not on ANY level. Victims of narcissist abuse aren't looking for a narcissist to make theirlife hell so they can learn lessons... they're looking for a relationship based on mutual trust, affection and respect ... and that's exactly what the narcissist APPEARS to offer them at first. And that's because the narcissist ISN'T naive, ISN'T trusting, plays their cards very close to their chest and has an AGENDA from the start. Their agenda is ... what does this person have that I can exploit them for and gain for myself ... then it's now I've got what i want out of them how can I get rid of them and take the lot? Narcissists only concern is about winning. They'll play the longest game and the dirtiest game and that's why we call them 'players'.

  • @collie8
    @collie8 2 месяца назад +1

    Richard is super funny 😀😀