Depressed is understatement. Talking only leads to a push pull dynamic and circular conversations. Giving the benefit of the doubt over and over again 🤯
Yep, trying to address it killed the relationship. He kept getting mad when I gently brought it up. A few days before I broke up with him, I tried one more time. He said "no I never thought it was a big deal when you said you were lonely, because everyone feels lonely sometimes and it's not like it's a big deal deal or anything." Then he actually made light of it, saying, "you say it like you're describing demons of utter torment or something." I'd spent three months trying to gently communicate the loneliness (he'd been great before that). It finally dawned on me in that moment he joked about it that he was either unwilling or utterly incapable of understanding me. It absolutely crushed me to break up with him. I ended up having to see a therapist, and heard about attachment theory for the first time. A lot more makes sense now. I don't feel crazy anymore lol.
I don't know about sleeping position but not looking at people when talking to them may be an autism trait rather than an attachment issue. Not to say she didn't have avoidant attachment. I have reason to believe neurodivergence could be classed as a risk factor for developing insecure attachment.
This is soo accurate. I am healing FA. In one of my previous relationships with an anxious partner, I caused him to feel lonely. There was no emotional intimacy between us. I felt safe, but broke up with him eventually, because it was unfulfilling. He never addressed this, not until the break up and I had no idea how lonely he felt, or that he wanted something more. I know I would have at least tried should he said anything. Sure, it wasn't his job to teach me emotional intimacy (oddly enough, I learned that with my DA ex, then he shut down on me, and the rest is history), and I know how hard it can be to address it feels that you might loose your partner. But maybe you can grow together. And if not, this wasn't relationship worth od your time and effort.
Can avoidant attachment cause physiological issues for the avoidant when they are around you? My avoidant ex would always seem to get stomach cramps or some other sickness when we would go on dates or holidays and she canceled the Valentine’s Day date over which she ultimately discarded me and monkeybranched to someone else because she was having the stomach issues. Could that be because of attachment anxiety?
Short answer yes Longer answer Surpressed emotions lead to high cortisol levels and other fun stuff that can and will actually damage your body. In a mild form you most likely have a similar experience when you feel butterflies in your stomach or you have stomach ache before you have to speak publicly (an example most people can relate to) Cardiovascular issues and much more are also possible
Depressed is understatement. Talking only leads to a push pull dynamic and circular conversations. Giving the benefit of the doubt over and over again 🤯
Yep, trying to address it killed the relationship. He kept getting mad when I gently brought it up.
A few days before I broke up with him, I tried one more time. He said "no I never thought it was a big deal when you said you were lonely, because everyone feels lonely sometimes and it's not like it's a big deal deal or anything." Then he actually made light of it, saying, "you say it like you're describing demons of utter torment or something."
I'd spent three months trying to gently communicate the loneliness (he'd been great before that). It finally dawned on me in that moment he joked about it that he was either unwilling or utterly incapable of understanding me.
It absolutely crushed me to break up with him. I ended up having to see a therapist, and heard about attachment theory for the first time. A lot more makes sense now. I don't feel crazy anymore lol.
god you described this so accurately
She always slept with her back to me. She never turned directly to me when we’d chat at night. I always felt like I was sleeping alone.
I don't know about sleeping position but not looking at people when talking to them may be an autism trait rather than an attachment issue.
Not to say she didn't have avoidant attachment. I have reason to believe neurodivergence could be classed as a risk factor for developing insecure attachment.
Its just tooo bloody hard.
This is soo accurate. I am healing FA. In one of my previous relationships with an anxious partner, I caused him to feel lonely. There was no emotional intimacy between us. I felt safe, but broke up with him eventually, because it was unfulfilling. He never addressed this, not until the break up and I had no idea how lonely he felt, or that he wanted something more. I know I would have at least tried should he said anything. Sure, it wasn't his job to teach me emotional intimacy (oddly enough, I learned that with my DA ex, then he shut down on me, and the rest is history), and I know how hard it can be to address it feels that you might loose your partner. But maybe you can grow together. And if not, this wasn't relationship worth od your time and effort.
Can avoidant attachment cause physiological issues for the avoidant when they are around you? My avoidant ex would always seem to get stomach cramps or some other sickness when we would go on dates or holidays and she canceled the Valentine’s Day date over which she ultimately discarded me and monkeybranched to someone else because she was having the stomach issues. Could that be because of attachment anxiety?
Short answer yes
Longer answer
Surpressed emotions lead to high cortisol levels and other fun stuff that can and will actually damage your body.
In a mild form you most likely have a similar experience when you feel butterflies in your stomach or you have stomach ache before you have to speak publicly (an example most people can relate to)
Cardiovascular issues and much more are also possible
So accurate! Thank you!