I’m similar for me. I grew up in an abusive home, so my biggest fear has always been people not liking me, not accepting me, ect. So I’ve always worried if I say no, that will happen, and everything my dad said to me when he was abusive was true. I basically became a carpet to walk all over, and that’s how I ended up in an abusive romantic relationship for years. It’s been hard to get out of that cycle. And saying no is still so hard for me and painful. I’ve just been forcing myself to do it lol
My professor told us, while teaching us about the importance of self-care as a professional, “If you never say no, how much is your yes worth?” It made me realize that saying yes all the time allowed people to take yes for granted, when honestly, my time is very valuable. My work is very valuable. And I should do a better job of keeping it valuable.
"No" was never a good option in my house. There were disappointed faces and silent treatment. Living with someone that doesn't respect your "no" is very similar to be a slave since the other has the power to push you around and deplete you from your basic needs. Saying no, as I'm learning, is a question of survival.
One of my favorite quotes about saying “No” from the book BOUNDARIES by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend is “It might make you sad but it doesn’t make me bad!” It’s really freeing to realize that saying “no” isn’t about being bad or uncooperative or selfishz
As a person that had no friends, saying 'Yes' all the time, meant making friends. I thought that if I say 'No' people will reject me as well. I managed to form a group of "friends", but I still couldn't fell really happy with them, because all that they needed was me saying 'Yes' to everything. So now I've decided to break the relationships with those persons. For some reason it feels better. But sometimes it still hurts 'cause I miss the human touch, that could really help, at least a little bit, with the depression.
My problem is that I've been let down alot, and I hate making people feel the way I have. Recently I was asked a favor that didn't sit well with me. At first I said yes, but upon reflection i thought of all the risks i would be taking. So i reached out to my friend that I simply could not do it and she understood. I was so afraid of letting her down. And she was so kind. And I felt loads better. Lesson learned.
@@scottsmith4024 sales job will only help to overcome from Rejection and get over some fears like apart from Rejection, it'll help to overcome some problems like low confidence, overcome from problem pessimistic attitude, social anxiety and last but not the least help us to improve Problem Solving skills. But assertive...is slightly doubtful strategy.
@@scottsmith4024 I agree you have to be assertive as a sales person. But for me I would be perfectly fine doing that in that setting but being assertive to family and friends is where I have to transfer those skills.
It's really hard for me to say no because if I say no to anyone who asked for some help and I refused, I feel so guilty like I did something really bad.
Please write you request somewhere and soon I’m done this first than I’ll get to that. I’m Sorry, my plate is full; over flowing. It’s polite, it’s appropriate or it fair, it’s safe, it’s responsible, it’s leadership, it’s teamwork. So the odds on your favor.
Are you still struggling to say no if you are I think it’s because you think that saying no makes you rude. In reality, saying no isn’t rude and it’s needs to be said when you don’t want to do something or help someone. Remember you are entitled to do things that you want to do NOBODY has any right to force you to meet all their wishes and demands. They are asking YOU so they have to accept that you can say no to them. Just because someone asks doesn’t mean you have to give them. If you always say yes people will soon start taking advantage of that and will keep using you. Anyone that gets upset or annoyed when you say no is not a real friend and they don’t care about you as a person. There are a lot of selfish and entitled people in the world, the best thing you can do for yourself when you meet one is tell them no and constantly stick with it. Not I only will they respect you but they will not ask you for favours or demands that they know you will reject. Recovering from being a people pleaser is hard but staying as one is even harder and more painful.
Thank you. I’m been a people pleaser my whole life and it got me into things that I didn’t even want to do. Thank you. I will practice on saying no for my mental health and demonstrate healthy boundaries.
I'm practicing assertiveness and not violating my own rights with the help of my counsellor. I got the opportunity to practice it last week when a random guy at church asked to hug me and I said "no, I don't hug people I don't know." I kept thinking of one my rights: "I have the right to decide who can and can't touch me." He kept insisting, and quoting bible verses at me to try to convince me to hug him but I kept saying no and eventually he walked away. The whole scenario triggered a flashback so I had to go to the bathroom to do grounding exercises to avoid having a panic attack. After that I told a church leader what had happened, she said I'd done the right thing in telling them and the pastor has spoken to this guy and the whole situation is actually turning out okay. What happened sucked, but it felt good to stand up for myself instead of letting people walk all over me, and I felt so supported by my church. Plus, it gave me an opportunity to reach out and ask for help, and that has opened the door to building closer friendships at church and being more connected. Good things happen when you say no.
Oh my God!! I really needed this video. I'm a big people pleaser and I REALLY REALLY HATE conflict. This has been my entire life, wanting to say no, but saying yes instead. I haven't been able to work through this yet, but one of my biggest goals that I hope one day I can achieve. Love you Kati, thank you so much!!!
I struggle with saying no to work colleagues for fear I will miss out on professional opportunities. And that is exactly how I ended up with more board positions and volunteer campaigns than I could handle. I have found that having a list somewhere obvious -- mine is on the fridge -- of all my existing professional obligations helps me say "no" when another one comes along. It also helps me figure out what's important to me career-wise and which volunteer gigs I need to get rid of ASAP. Hope that helps!
Wow I need this video! I have always had trouble saying no to people and when I do I tend too call them back. Thank you for this video you always explain things so well!
This was the video I really needed! I've struggled to say no to many things that have ended in me overworking, overwhelming and exhausting myself just to please others. Now, I have said no to some small things and am working on tackling saying no to anything I don't want to do or feel comfortable doing
Kati, The quote you said is exactly what my therapist has said to us in group therapy. She told us that when we say no to something we are saying yes to something else. On my way now to my therapy session and can't wait to tell her I saw this on your video. Between listening you and going to my therapy session it has helped me so much! Thanks for all you do! ❤
I love this video!! I’m awful for taking on too many side projects at work, so my supervisor taught me the phrase “I don’t have the bandwidth for that right now” which I found really helpful! 🙂
These are all so true!!! I been going through this especially in college and these friendships. Another reason why i say no now is because i notice how much gossiping goes on between the group so i decided to distance myself! Thanks Kati
i started saying no to my mother in particular and it has made me feel so liberated, happy, and confident. my mom asked me to update her resume for her and i said no. because she is an adult perfectly capable of doing it herself and i don’t have to or want to do it! saying no makes me feel proud, strong, and dignified.
The timing on this...I have a problem with saying no and last night it culminated into one of those emotionally-charged “no” meltdowns. Thankfully the people it was concerning were very kind and understanding, but I feel bad for lashing out at them the way I did. This is definitely a skill I’m going to have to work on. Thank you for the video!
I absolutely love the real life scenario skits to help explain what you’re talking about! It makes my ADHD very happy :) Thank you for being a really amazing constant in my (and many others) lives. It truly means a lot. I appreciate your unbelievably sweet and caring personality. It feels like I have a warm place to go when I’m trying to understand the scary thing that is my mental health. Thank you.
One of the things I struggle with as a manager at work, is teaching my employees to not feel obligated to tell me yes when I ask them if they would like to come in and cover a shift on their day off. One of most important lessons I have learned there is that if you are going to feel "put upon" by doing it, just say no. You are really not helping anyone if you become bitter. No is a wonderful word.
i relate with this so bad because my job is constantly calling me in and asking me to come early and i would hate for them to hate me so i always say yes just so i don’t disappoint them...
I LOVED the acted parts of the video! They made it much easier to understand how to apply the techniques you were discussing, and what that could look like.
So happy this was the topic! I planned on talking about this exact thing with my therapist this week. I really needed this to remind myself that it’s okay to say no!! Thank you 💕
Thank you Kati. I often find myself having resentment from myself or even others when I think of a situation that I was put it and said yes to something that I could have said no to or did not want to do. It’s better to say no and express ourselves rather than having regrets and even resentment of our loved ones. Definitely need more practice on this one.
Kati was the nicest and most genuine youtube I've met at Vidcon this year, and I've met a lot haha. Thanks Kati for inspiring even influencers and i would definitely say YES to make a collaboration with you ☺️
Hi Kati. This video is very important and I will be telling my friends about it. I have learned this in DBT and because of that group, I have become more assertive and frankly, a happier person. Thank you Kati!
So interesting that this is the video you chose to do this week. I just started therapy and this was the very first thing I wanted to tackle because I got myself in quite the situation and I'm already excited and nervous to deal with it.
This is why if I ever ask someone for something or to do something, most of the time (if not always) I like to add "it's no worries if not able to or aren't up for it :)." Just so the other person feels free and comfortable to say yes or no equally (since I understand the struggle of saying no). And of course no "punishment" if they do say no. Hopefully it's helpful to others haha. Great video (as always)!
*We love to please and help other people. It makes us feel good.* That's why it's so hard to say no. But keep in mind that you will also disappoint them if you can't live up to your promises!
Shane brought me here and I have C-ptsd and anxiety and addiction issues trying to get over these. I wish she was my therapist !! Can you do a video on Addiction related issues with PTSD?
Love the implementation of skits ☺️ also as always love you videos. Conflict is definitely something i tend to avoid and would love to practice saying no when it’s appropriate.
This came at a perfect time because I’m about to be asked to participate in a HUGE project at work that I just don’t have the time for. Thanks for all the info!
A bit of advice I got from my therapist was to change my language. "I have to because" becomes "I can choose whether I do this or not." Another thing she said was "think of your energy and emotions as currency, you wouldn't just go around giving all your money away so why would you do that with anything else?" It helped me to start piecing together that it's give and take, not just all give. Those two small points changed my life, I hope in passing it on it does the same for someone else.
Katie, this is a great video and I have shared it, but I think it's misleading to say "And everyone is happy." That's just not true, LOL. Many of us have had the experience of saying no and being met with hostility, which can be difficult to deal with. So, I agree with what you're saying, but I think it's also important to let people know that they will likely be met with pushback and acknowledge how difficult it is to navigate. My philosophy: If someone can't hear and accept your "no," they do not deserve your "yes." You find out who your real friends and loved ones are when you start asserting yourself.
I am always doing things i dont want to other people. When they do absolutely nothing for me. Now i know life isnt or shouldn’t be like that. And yes its not always about me. BUT, there is a difference of people using you. And people are generally selfish. I said no to something today. Normally i go over and over about something like this in my head. But I’m happy to say i feel go about it. Here’s to more NO’s.
Yes! This is what i struggle with so much. I'm so nervous to tell someone no bc i want to keep a friend and don't want to upset them or be talked about in a bad way. Or i feel bad so im like sure I'll help. Ive gotten in some sketchy situations bc i couldnt say no. I am trying to work on this though. Kati thank you for the videos, they help so much! Im lookin into getting therapy for next month but your videos are like mini therapy sessions for me. I think what your doing is amazing! Awesome work! Thank you. :c)
Ugh I worked on this for years in therapy and personal growth. I've realized over the past few years that saying no is often more respectful than over-committing in the long run. I've learned that saying no can be more authentic and the people that truly care about you will respect the no. But... I still struggle with this and these are things that are much easier said than done...
Oddly enough I had a conversation about saying no with my therapist this week.. I'm an empathetic person and tend to take on too much to make others lives easier or happier.. but doing all these things for everyone else leaves me with no time or energy to take care of myself, and that was before I had a chronic illness.. now I have even less energy and I still do all these things for others.. she said that while it's ok to want to help it's really important to say no, to prioritize myself. That was my "homework" until next session, to just say no more.
I said no to my father (for helping him move something) not long ago (I'm 24 and live alone), and he reacted very badly saying "This is what I got after taking care of you" and THEN listed EVERYTHING he did for me those past years. Actually, I'm grateful I said no, because now I know his real personality. He's manipulative and only wants thing for himself. I guess since I never said no before, it did not register in my head. Also the more I age, the more I say No and feel better about it.
Hi, I know we don't know each other personally but I'm sorry your dad reacted very badly after you said no to him, apparently a lot of parents do that which is sad especially if they expect you to take it from them but not from you
I think the sense in me that used to say yes all the time said: "I'm not important". The feeling after was: "that's OK, I can put myself aside". I still struggle a little, I keep finding things that someone else might like and I have to tell myself: stop buying things for other people. I'll give somethings away and then resent that I did that impulsively without thinking and I need it. But I still struggle with saying no.
As an opera performer, I find it incredibly hard to say no to events and other commitments like that. I say yes because I dont want anyone to think I'm a bad performer or that I'm not good enough to take on all these things. Its left me super burnt out and I'm currently working on it in therapy! This was a great video! Thank you! :)
Thank you Kati. Felt like you read my mind. My mom wants to move in with me and I never had the courage to say no despite knowing that she is the most toxic person I know. Thanks for giving me the courage.
I don't want to make requests, because I expect that also other people have difficulties in saying "no". I don't want to put them in a situation that would be uncomfortable for me if I was them.
For me, it's the connection I'm scared to lose... Secretly, I'm afraid of not being needed maybe. And when it comes to speaking with people about what I need I really can't ask for a favour properly, so in most cases I prefer to find a way to do it on my own. On the other hand, though, when I'm arguing about an abstract thing which no one really cares about (politics, philosophy, art, etc.), I can be REALLY assertive, and sometimes even ready to fight )))) Probably, I want them to listen to my babbling about things like that, and so I'm ready to do all they ask me for...
I had to research how "people pleasing" is actually selfish and manipulative because I'm trying to control others views of me to the point where I'm hurting myself to make sure they like me. Once I read this it was a lot easier for me to say no because I could consider how I'm negatively affect them along with myself.
as someone who struggles, it's hard to say no because I know the feeling of being rejected. So I felt that when I say no, I am rejecting the person. But after I say yes, most of the time, I canceled appointments hours prior to that.
Sometimes saying no also applies to say no to a hole relationship. That's what I've been learning this year. I really loved and admire my sister but she's been causing so much pain lately that I had to learn to take myself away from her. It's been hard but I deserve to look over my mental and emotional health.
Hi Kati, Thanks for the videos. I was wondering why it seems to be so important to see how we feel "in our body". I see this a lot in books and videos etc. but as someone who never felt overly in touch with my body, I can't really see the purpose of this exercise as the feeling doesn't really exist in my body in this way and don't know what I would accomplish by doing so. Thank you for your great work!
Learning to say no to my ED daily. I honestly am glad I found you last week and learnt so much information about ED & getting help etc so thank you♥️ love from Singapore and I can’t wait to get better
I've heard a great tip from charisma on command, where you lead with saying no. For example: "I'm sorry I can't help you but I would've loved to." This way the emotional weight is on the fact that you would've loved to help, not the fact that you said no. This way people are much more likely to accept it.
I love you Kati. I wish I could find a therapist that is available and understanding like you 🙏🏼 thank you soo much for everything you do 💭❤️ Ps: could you do a video on "how to heal something you can't remember" I was in war for 1 year when I was 3 years old. I am super triggered by sirenes, noises etc. but how can I heal if it I can't remember anything.?
The channel Charisma on Demand just released a video mentioning the framing of conversations, and giving negative statement positive emotions around them. What made me think of them was one of the main tips being around using the word "but" when turning something down, but wanting people to know you just don't have the time/resources and not that you don't want to. The tip was to ensure that the positive statement came after the "but," not before, as anything after "but" carries the weight in a sentence. (Example: "I can't right now, but I would have loved to go/give/do that thing" being much more positively received than "I'd love to go/give/do that thing, but I can't right now")
thank you for this video ;) Good point with too much explaining. I'm doing it a lot and... it ends up i'm saying: hmm but maybe in two weeks i can help you!
![Summer Walker - Heart Of A Woman [Official Lyric Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/SFddctbZzw8/mqdefault.jpg)
It is better to say no and feel uncomfortable, than to say yes and feel resentful.
Totally agree!! xoxo
Amen to that. Now to practice this habit (speaking for myself)
Amen!
Bingo
I have learned through therapy that the little girl in me is afraid to disappoint people. I have learned the world will not end just because I say no.
Why can I relate so much??
I’m similar for me. I grew up in an abusive home, so my biggest fear has always been people not liking me, not accepting me, ect. So I’ve always worried if I say no, that will happen, and everything my dad said to me when he was abusive was true. I basically became a carpet to walk all over, and that’s how I ended up in an abusive romantic relationship for years.
It’s been hard to get out of that cycle. And saying no is still so hard for me and painful. I’ve just been forcing myself to do it lol
@@ashleymarietv2 I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of that I really do hope things get better. ❤
Thank you so much for sharing!! Understanding why saying on is hard is honestly half the battle!! xoxo
@@ashleymarietv2I can relate so much to your experience. I hope you have continued on your healing journey.
My professor told us, while teaching us about the importance of self-care as a professional, “If you never say no, how much is your yes worth?” It made me realize that saying yes all the time allowed people to take yes for granted, when honestly, my time is very valuable. My work is very valuable. And I should do a better job of keeping it valuable.
Thank you, I've never thought of it like that before.
this is so wonderful and fun haha thanks for having me kati. i'm glad i didn't say no this one time :)
Yay two of my favourite RUclipsrs collab 😄
LOL
Hi Jarvis!
“No“. Is a complete sentence.
"No" was never a good option in my house. There were disappointed faces and silent treatment. Living with someone that doesn't respect your "no" is very similar to be a slave since the other has the power to push you around and deplete you from your basic needs. Saying no, as I'm learning, is a question of survival.
i relate strongly
yeah, my boyfriend's brother got kicked out the house at 16 because his mom was basically a brat. and the silent treatment is like abuse.
ooft. yes. go, you good thing. xo
Well said
I wouldnt compare it to slavery 💀
One of my favorite quotes about saying “No” from the book BOUNDARIES by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend is
“It might make you sad but it doesn’t make me bad!”
It’s really freeing to realize that saying “no” isn’t about being bad or uncooperative or selfishz
Sometimes saying "no" to others is saying "yes" to your own wellbeing :)
You stated it perfectly.
As a person that had no friends, saying 'Yes' all the time, meant making friends. I thought that if I say 'No' people will reject me as well. I managed to form a group of "friends", but I still couldn't fell really happy with them, because all that they needed was me saying 'Yes' to everything.
So now I've decided to break the relationships with those persons. For some reason it feels better. But sometimes it still hurts 'cause I miss the human touch, that could really help, at least a little bit, with the depression.
I had so many friends and i easily can make friends..but i was in stressful n unhappy life..after that i choose happiness over friends.
My problem is that I've been let down alot, and I hate making people feel the way I have. Recently I was asked a favor that didn't sit well with me. At first I said yes, but upon reflection i thought of all the risks i would be taking. So i reached out to my friend that I simply could not do it and she understood. I was so afraid of letting her down. And she was so kind. And I felt loads better. Lesson learned.
How to be assertive?
Please make a video on this
Thanks.
@@scottsmith4024 sales job will only help to overcome from Rejection and get over some fears like apart from Rejection, it'll help to overcome some problems like low confidence, overcome from problem pessimistic attitude, social anxiety and last but not the least help us to improve Problem Solving skills.
But assertive...is slightly doubtful strategy.
Yes!
@@scottsmith4024 I agree you have to be assertive as a sales person. But for me I would be perfectly fine doing that in that setting but being assertive to family and friends is where I have to transfer those skills.
Deep Sanghvi not exactly the same but Kati has a great video on setting & maintaining boundaries! ruclips.net/video/gBpDwbTsLlE/видео.html
@@_just_TK thank u
It's really hard for me to say no because if I say no to anyone who asked for some help and I refused, I feel so guilty like I did something really bad.
Please write you request somewhere and soon I’m done this first than I’ll get to that. I’m Sorry, my plate is full; over flowing. It’s polite, it’s appropriate or it fair, it’s safe, it’s responsible, it’s leadership, it’s teamwork. So the odds on your favor.
Are you still struggling to say no if you are I think it’s because you think that saying no makes you rude. In reality, saying no isn’t rude and it’s needs to be said when you don’t want to do something or help someone. Remember you are entitled to do things that you want to do NOBODY has any right to force you to meet all their wishes and demands. They are asking YOU so they have to accept that you can say no to them. Just because someone asks doesn’t mean you have to give them. If you always say yes people will soon start taking advantage of that and will keep using you. Anyone that gets upset or annoyed when you say no is not a real friend and they don’t care about you as a person. There are a lot of selfish and entitled people in the world, the best thing you can do for yourself when you meet one is tell them no and constantly stick with it. Not I only will they respect you but they will not ask you for favours or demands that they know you will reject. Recovering from being a people pleaser is hard but staying as one is even harder and more painful.
Me too
Thank you. I’m been a people pleaser my whole life and it got me into things that I didn’t even want to do. Thank you. I will practice on saying no for my mental health and demonstrate healthy boundaries.
I'm practicing assertiveness and not violating my own rights with the help of my counsellor.
I got the opportunity to practice it last week when a random guy at church asked to hug me and I said "no, I don't hug people I don't know." I kept thinking of one my rights: "I have the right to decide who can and can't touch me." He kept insisting, and quoting bible verses at me to try to convince me to hug him but I kept saying no and eventually he walked away.
The whole scenario triggered a flashback so I had to go to the bathroom to do grounding exercises to avoid having a panic attack.
After that I told a church leader what had happened, she said I'd done the right thing in telling them and the pastor has spoken to this guy and the whole situation is actually turning out okay.
What happened sucked, but it felt good to stand up for myself instead of letting people walk all over me, and I felt so supported by my church.
Plus, it gave me an opportunity to reach out and ask for help, and that has opened the door to building closer friendships at church and being more connected.
Good things happen when you say no.
Oh my God!! I really needed this video. I'm a big people pleaser and I REALLY REALLY HATE conflict. This has been my entire life, wanting to say no, but saying yes instead. I haven't been able to work through this yet, but one of my biggest goals that I hope one day I can achieve. Love you Kati, thank you so much!!!
I struggle with saying no to work colleagues for fear I will miss out on professional opportunities. And that is exactly how I ended up with more board positions and volunteer campaigns than I could handle. I have found that having a list somewhere obvious -- mine is on the fridge -- of all my existing professional obligations helps me say "no" when another one comes along. It also helps me figure out what's important to me career-wise and which volunteer gigs I need to get rid of ASAP. Hope that helps!
My family never talk things out, but I'm really working in say no and when a say no I feel so much better. Prayer really helps me.
Wow I need this video! I have always had trouble saying no to people and when I do I tend too call them back. Thank you for this video you always explain things so well!
I am so glad it was helpful!! xoxo
This was the video I really needed! I've struggled to say no to many things that have ended in me overworking, overwhelming and exhausting myself just to please others. Now, I have said no to some small things and am working on tackling saying no to anything I don't want to do or feel comfortable doing
Kati, The quote you said is exactly what my therapist has said to us in group therapy. She told us that when we say no to something we are saying yes to something else. On my way now to my therapy session and can't wait to tell her I saw this on your video. Between listening you and going to my therapy session it has helped me so much! Thanks for all you do! ❤
I love this video!! I’m awful for taking on too many side projects at work, so my supervisor taught me the phrase “I don’t have the bandwidth for that right now” which I found really helpful! 🙂
That is a great answer: I don't have the bandwidth for that right now.
*_Think of you time like a currency that's more valuable than money_*
Yes!!
I love this style of video! The small acting sequences were so interesting and relatable to watch. The info has really helped me too, thank you!
Awe yay!! xoxo
These are all so true!!! I been going through this especially in college and these friendships. Another reason why i say no now is because i notice how much gossiping goes on between the group so i decided to distance myself! Thanks Kati
i started saying no to my mother in particular and it has made me feel so liberated, happy, and confident. my mom asked me to update her resume for her and i said no. because she is an adult perfectly capable of doing it herself and i don’t have to or want to do it! saying no makes me feel proud, strong, and dignified.
The timing on this...I have a problem with saying no and last night it culminated into one of those emotionally-charged “no” meltdowns. Thankfully the people it was concerning were very kind and understanding, but I feel bad for lashing out at them the way I did.
This is definitely a skill I’m going to have to work on. Thank you for the video!
I absolutely love the real life scenario skits to help explain what you’re talking about! It makes my ADHD very happy :)
Thank you for being a really amazing constant in my (and many others) lives. It truly means a lot. I appreciate your unbelievably sweet and caring personality. It feels like I have a warm place to go when I’m trying to understand the scary thing that is my mental health. Thank you.
Literally was thinking about how overloaded I am as I was scrolling on my news feed and saw your video. Thanks for making this video. I needed it.
One of the things I struggle with as a manager at work, is teaching my employees to not feel obligated to tell me yes when I ask them if they would like to come in and cover a shift on their day off. One of most important lessons I have learned there is that if you are going to feel "put upon" by doing it, just say no. You are really not helping anyone if you become bitter. No is a wonderful word.
i relate with this so bad because my job is constantly calling me in and asking me to come early and i would hate for them to hate me so i always say yes just so i don’t disappoint them...
I LOVED the acted parts of the video! They made it much easier to understand how to apply the techniques you were discussing, and what that could look like.
So happy this was the topic! I planned on talking about this exact thing with my therapist this week. I really needed this to remind myself that it’s okay to say no!!
Thank you 💕
Ahh, I love Kati Morton videos 😊💖 This is the wholesome and healthy content I come to RUclips for.
Awe yay!! xoxo
I find I'm always worried about follow up questions. Sometimes people are too persistent and don't take that concise 'no' as an answer.
Thank you Kati. I often find myself having resentment from myself or even others when I think of a situation that I was put it and said yes to something that I could have said no to or did not want to do. It’s better to say no and express ourselves rather than having regrets and even resentment of our loved ones. Definitely need more practice on this one.
Kati was the nicest and most genuine youtube I've met at Vidcon this year, and I've met a lot haha. Thanks Kati for inspiring even influencers and i would definitely say YES to make a collaboration with you ☺️
I love your videos. They help me so much every day. I’m personally on my therapy journey as I like to call it.
Hi Kati. This video is very important and I will be telling my friends about it. I have learned this in DBT and because of that group, I have become more assertive and frankly, a happier person. Thank you Kati!
So interesting that this is the video you chose to do this week. I just started therapy and this was the very first thing I wanted to tackle because I got myself in quite the situation and I'm already excited and nervous to deal with it.
This is why if I ever ask someone for something or to do something, most of the time (if not always) I like to add "it's no worries if not able to or aren't up for it :)." Just so the other person feels free and comfortable to say yes or no equally (since I understand the struggle of saying no). And of course no "punishment" if they do say no. Hopefully it's helpful to others haha. Great video (as always)!
*We love to please and help other people. It makes us feel good.*
That's why it's so hard to say no.
But keep in mind that you will also disappoint them if you can't live up to your promises!
This has been a specifically difficult boundary to set and I don't always know how to approach it, thank you!!!
Very Helpful. Struggle with the same feelings you do Kati. Loved the Jarvis examples.
Things come to us when we truly need them I guess and that's how I found your videos! As a fellow therapist, thanks
Shane brought me here and I have C-ptsd and anxiety and addiction issues trying to get over these. I wish she was my therapist !! Can you do a video on Addiction related issues with PTSD?
Democrat Resistance Welcome to the Community! Check out Kati’s playlist on on PTSD! ruclips.net/p/PL_loxoCVsWqzLptVD96E-DOlzWhbXT_H8
Geeze, I always have trouble saying no. Thanks so much for the video! Plus, I loved the scenes and hope to see more!
Awe yay!! I am so glad :) xoxo I will definitely do more!
Yesss!! Looking forward to it!
This video is GREAT kati. i am so happy you are on youtube, you are helping so many people, lots who don't have access to a therapist. Thank you!
Thank you for the kind words Nicole! That just made my day 🤗
Thank Kati for doing this video it is very practical and helpful x
Candy kaur YES!!
Yay!! I am so glad you enjoyed it!! xoxo
Love the implementation of skits ☺️ also as always love you videos. Conflict is definitely something i tend to avoid and would love to practice saying no when it’s appropriate.
Cool, loved the little skits in between. Always good to have a visual example 👍🏼👍🏼
I really needed this video and these tips today. Excited to implement these into my conversations with myself and others.
I am terrible at saying no. Definitely haven’t got there yet! Great video Kati! Very helpful! I learned a lot!
This came at a perfect time because I’m about to be asked to participate in a HUGE project at work that I just don’t have the time for. Thanks for all the info!
Eek. Literally watching waiting for my therapist so I can tell her about my struggles to say no how perfect!!!!
Awe yay!! xoxo
Love this new style! Awesome video!
A bit of advice I got from my therapist was to change my language. "I have to because" becomes "I can choose whether I do this or not." Another thing she said was "think of your energy and emotions as currency, you wouldn't just go around giving all your money away so why would you do that with anything else?" It helped me to start piecing together that it's give and take, not just all give. Those two small points changed my life, I hope in passing it on it does the same for someone else.
Katie, this is a great video and I have shared it, but I think it's misleading to say "And everyone is happy." That's just not true, LOL. Many of us have had the experience of saying no and being met with hostility, which can be difficult to deal with. So, I agree with what you're saying, but I think it's also important to let people know that they will likely be met with pushback and acknowledge how difficult it is to navigate.
My philosophy: If someone can't hear and accept your "no," they do not deserve your "yes." You find out who your real friends and loved ones are when you start asserting yourself.
I am always doing things i dont want to other people. When they do absolutely nothing for me. Now i know life isnt or shouldn’t be like that. And yes its not always about me. BUT, there is a difference of people using you. And people are generally selfish. I said no to something today. Normally i go over and over about something like this in my head. But I’m happy to say i feel go about it. Here’s to more NO’s.
Yes! This is what i struggle with so much. I'm so nervous to tell someone no bc i want to keep a friend and don't want to upset them or be talked about in a bad way. Or i feel bad so im like sure I'll help. Ive gotten in some sketchy situations bc i couldnt say no. I am trying to work on this though.
Kati thank you for the videos, they help so much! Im lookin into getting therapy for next month but your videos are like mini therapy sessions for me. I think what your doing is amazing! Awesome work!
Thank you. :c)
Ugh I worked on this for years in therapy and personal growth. I've realized over the past few years that saying no is often more respectful than over-committing in the long run. I've learned that saying no can be more authentic and the people that truly care about you will respect the no. But... I still struggle with this and these are things that are much easier said than done...
Oddly enough I had a conversation about saying no with my therapist this week.. I'm an empathetic person and tend to take on too much to make others lives easier or happier.. but doing all these things for everyone else leaves me with no time or energy to take care of myself, and that was before I had a chronic illness.. now I have even less energy and I still do all these things for others.. she said that while it's ok to want to help it's really important to say no, to prioritize myself. That was my "homework" until next session, to just say no more.
Thank you
Great advice! Saying no can be such a hard lesson to learn.
I said no to my father (for helping him move something) not long ago (I'm 24 and live alone), and he reacted very badly saying "This is what I got after taking care of you" and THEN listed EVERYTHING he did for me those past years.
Actually, I'm grateful I said no, because now I know his real personality. He's manipulative and only wants thing for himself. I guess since I never said no before, it did not register in my head.
Also the more I age, the more I say No and feel better about it.
Hi, I know we don't know each other personally but I'm sorry your dad reacted very badly after you said no to him, apparently a lot of parents do that which is sad especially if they expect you to take it from them but not from you
I think the sense in me that used to say yes all the time said: "I'm not important". The feeling after was: "that's OK, I can put myself aside". I still struggle a little, I keep finding things that someone else might like and I have to tell myself: stop buying things for other people. I'll give somethings away and then resent that I did that impulsively without thinking and I need it. But I still struggle with saying no.
Just the video I needed. Wow, thank you.
Very well done! It's really helpful! Love you Katie! And Thank you!
Crazy, I am feeling this so hardly today. Thanks!
Thanks for posting! Helpful video. Saying no and understanding where my boundaries are is something I just started working on in therapy :)
As an opera performer, I find it incredibly hard to say no to events and other commitments like that. I say yes because I dont want anyone to think I'm a bad performer or that I'm not good enough to take on all these things. Its left me super burnt out and I'm currently working on it in therapy! This was a great video! Thank you! :)
Thank you Kati. Felt like you read my mind. My mom wants to move in with me and I never had the courage to say no despite knowing that she is the most toxic person I know. Thanks for giving me the courage.
Appreciate the work you put into the sketches with your friends i persume ;) greetings from the Netherlands
I don't want to make requests, because I expect that also other people have difficulties in saying "no". I don't want to put them in a situation that would be uncomfortable for me if I was them.
So, so, SO GOOD! Thank you!!!!
I love the vignettes! Fun to see examples acted out.
There's always a nice way to say anything, even no.
Thank you! This is a problem I have struggled with a lot so thanks,for helping me!
Sometimes people don’t let you say no because they want to get their way. You gotta fight people or be willing to upset people or disappoint people
I agree, it is very hard to say no, I usually end up making up an excuse. Thanks for the video though you’re very helpful
I just can't Stop explaining!!... I can say no but then I find it necessary to give an explanation...or I think they'll hate me or it
Loved this new video stile, whit interpretation of the situations ❤
This boosted my confidence
I needed this
Thank you!
It's hard. But necessary😞...sometimes.
For me, it's the connection I'm scared to lose... Secretly, I'm afraid of not being needed maybe. And when it comes to speaking with people about what I need I really can't ask for a favour properly, so in most cases I prefer to find a way to do it on my own. On the other hand, though, when I'm arguing about an abstract thing which no one really cares about (politics, philosophy, art, etc.), I can be REALLY assertive, and sometimes even ready to fight )))) Probably, I want them to listen to my babbling about things like that, and so I'm ready to do all they ask me for...
I had to research how "people pleasing" is actually selfish and manipulative because I'm trying to control others views of me to the point where I'm hurting myself to make sure they like me. Once I read this it was a lot easier for me to say no because I could consider how I'm negatively affect them along with myself.
as someone who struggles, it's hard to say no because I know the feeling of being rejected. So I felt that when I say no, I am rejecting the person. But after I say yes, most of the time, I canceled appointments hours prior to that.
Sometimes saying no also applies to say no to a hole relationship. That's what I've been learning this year. I really loved and admire my sister but she's been causing so much pain lately that I had to learn to take myself away from her. It's been hard but I deserve to look over my mental and emotional health.
Out of all your amazing shows, this one really has hit home with me. Thank you so much for doing this and giving realistic examples x
The best video ever!!!! more videos like this one, I loved the role playing.
sometimes saying no to others is saying yes to yourself
Hi Kati,
Thanks for the videos. I was wondering why it seems to be so important to see how we feel "in our body". I see this a lot in books and videos etc. but as someone who never felt overly in touch with my body, I can't really see the purpose of this exercise as the feeling doesn't really exist in my body in this way and don't know what I would accomplish by doing so.
Thank you for your great work!
Learning to say no to my ED daily.
I honestly am glad I found you last week and learnt so much information about ED & getting help etc so thank you♥️ love from Singapore and I can’t wait to get better
Grace Tan Welcome to the Community! Check out Kati’s playlist on all this Eating Disorders! ruclips.net/p/PLAB41960D35357E06
I've heard a great tip from charisma on command, where you lead with saying no. For example: "I'm sorry I can't help you but I would've loved to." This way the emotional weight is on the fact that you would've loved to help, not the fact that you said no. This way people are much more likely to accept it.
thanks for the examples!!!
I love you Kati. I wish I could find a therapist that is available and understanding like you 🙏🏼 thank you soo much for everything you do 💭❤️
Ps: could you do a video on "how to heal something you can't remember" I was in war for 1 year when I was 3 years old.
I am super triggered by sirenes, noises etc. but how can I heal if it I can't remember anything.?
Xena Kati answers a similar question in this video! ruclips.net/video/F-CixqAc_ic/видео.html
Thank you, I needed this:)
The channel Charisma on Demand just released a video mentioning the framing of conversations, and giving negative statement positive emotions around them. What made me think of them was one of the main tips being around using the word "but" when turning something down, but wanting people to know you just don't have the time/resources and not that you don't want to. The tip was to ensure that the positive statement came after the "but," not before, as anything after "but" carries the weight in a sentence. (Example: "I can't right now, but I would have loved to go/give/do that thing" being much more positively received than "I'd love to go/give/do that thing, but I can't right now")
these are the great ways to say no, I am facing this short of problem for the last few days. I think this will help me a lot.....
thank you for this video ;)
Good point with too much explaining. I'm doing it a lot and... it ends up i'm saying: hmm but maybe in two weeks i can help you!
I’m learning that Saying No is one way I can show up for Myself. 💕🦋