My dad used to always tell my mom she should find a hobby and interest outside of the home (she worked full time as a nurse, cooked dinner every night, gardened, managed the bills, everything inside the house). After she died suddenly, these were his exact words: "I wish I had realized then that she DID have a hobby and it was us" - in fact, that was what people remembered most about her. She was very happy, but definitely was not fully appreciated. Just food for thought. (Ps- she was the life of the party, too).
I recently had an epiphany after 20 years of marriage along with 19 years of kid rearing that they are my hobby. They are my favorite people in the world. I'd rather hang with them than "girls night", needle point, or whatever hobby the world thinks I'm supposed to have.
My husband has said the exact same words about me getting a hobby and I do some of the exact same things that your mom did except I owned an in home daycare center, so that I could be home for my own kids. I use to think why someone would see something wrong with my life when I was just fine with what I was doing. Thank you for sharing your story. Now I know that I already have hobbies and they may not be everyone else cup of tea, but I am happy.
This is at the same time so sweet but also incredibly sad. Ppl never truly appreciate what they have in their lives until it's gone. My passion is also at home. Home is what motivates me and inspires me to be better.
Sometimes adulthood in general can be boring because of the constant responsibilities.....we can't stay in our twenties, bar hopping, beach-going, concert attending, party-going. At 52, the quietness of lighting candles, having a glass of wine in front of the fireplace while listening to choir music is becoming my fun....I love it now!
Sounds like a good night to me besides choir music, although I like choirs. A bunch of good 70s and 80s music. I think the woman is finding joy in her household and with her family, but her husband is lacking some joy and or contentment in his life, and maybe he's taking his wife for granted.
As a married man with 2 kids I am blessed to have a wife that takes good care of my kids. When life is not "fun" you have to be happy that you have a healthy family. That's most important.
It's a red flag. He's already got his eyes and mind wandering to another woman somewhere and he's openly critiquing his wife to make him feel like his feelings are justified. He has one foot out the door.
Exactly! We never do anything and it's always boring. But everything you offer is denied as boring. What does he have to offer? A tantrum. We spoke with my husband a lot about it. And he misses ties when we were in our twenties and had no care in the world. But we've always been kind of like the followers in fun activities, not the ones initiating it, but always up for anything. Now that all friends have families with kids, it is harder and harder to get together. We have friends who always invite us over and from my point of view, we are always having wonderful time, making bbq, kids running around, we just get to relax and have "adult fun". For him they are also boring. But 2 months ago we had a close friend coming over for a week, he was always the one initiating the fun. He did not change one bit. But my husband could not keep us with him on all the fun and drinking could not recover as easy in the morning. I knew what kind of force was coming and said right away that I am not taking time off from work for the purpose of partying for a week as I only have 1 week of vacation and I'd rather spend it doing boring stuff but just two of us with my husband (we timed it with our kid's fall break and she's at grandparents). Today is my last day of vacation, and I can say it was boring but wonderful as I am rested and recharged, spent time with the most boring but best husband in the world. I work 50+ hours a week, coming home at night past 7:30 pm still needing 2 hours to slow my breath down and for the thoughts to stop spinning. I crave boring more than anything.
I was very blessed to have a husband who would take the baby and send me out to play. I got a coffee and would look at books at a store and just let my brain relax and it was so nice 😊 I got to feel like myself for a little bit a week 😊
That's how my husband is! He understands that I just need a break from baby sometimes, so he's glad to take over so I can go run errands (which usually involves Starbucks and target) in peace, or get lunch/coffee with a friend to get some adult interaction that's not him.
Dr. Faye Snyder would disagree with you. She says in her books that a 1 year old baby can't tolerate more than 1 hour per week away from his/her mom. Babies don't know why you disappeared. They just feel abandoned. It's where the "frantic attempts to avoid real or perceived abandonment" symptom of BPD comes from.
My ex said I was boring too, but I worked up to 60 hrs a week and decided to spend most of my free time with him. I hardly went out with friends or family and just dedicated my time to him. I learned that I am not a boring person. I am fun, funny, and a good person. We were just not right for each other.
I think when someone thinks you're boring they usually just don't like you. They don't see or appreciate your light, or maybe y'all just aren't comfortable enough with each other to experience each other's "fun" side
He has a hard working stay at home wife. She probably does most of the cooking, cleaning and tending to her children. And now her husband expects her to constantly entertain him since “he must be bored.” And since she doesn’t entertain him she is boring. He should count his blessings that his wife doesn’t leave the kids with someone else constantly to be partying, traveling, and picking up all these hobbies. John D. has nailed it! That he is bored.
@@samuraijosh1595 seems like he cannot entertain himself, let along his wife. And I do not mean it in a bad way. Many people are this way, men and women. And many people have different view on what fun is. For some, a great vacation is to lay on a beach doing nothing, just relaxing, I personally love that. While some, like my husband see that as a waste of time, and would rather do a historical museum or explore new territory. And it is not fair to expect another person to be like you and want the same things as you. If you want you both to do what you like, then offer an activity. Because your spouse can offer different things thinking you may like it, but it turns out not exactly what you want, but you are upset in return because you don't like what they offer and at the same time keep expecting to be entertained offering nothing.
Whenever I hear that a man strung along a woman for 5, 7, 10 years and no proposal- I already know that he didn’t want to marry her. This woman started letting herself get pregnant before a ring. I don’t think he ever wanted her as his wife, and he could very easily be looking for others behind her back. “She’s boring” is how he compares her with the other girl he’s entertaining
It’s not a wife’s job to keep her husband entertained, he’s a grown man for goodness sake… he knew who he was marrying AND I want women watching this to know that it’s OKAY to be “boring”, not everyone is loud & fun & exciting. That being said, I’ve observed that a lot of the time men accuse their partner of being “boring” when they’re cheating with other women or entertaining the idea of cheating with other women… I think they do this because cheating is “exciting” to them and/or the other woman is different and new which seems exciting, similar to how any new puppy love relationship is exciting… know that them calling you “boring” is them trying to justify their actions, and put the blame on you, but it’s not about you at all.
Lol. He just wants to play a board game with her. Come on. Also IT IS her job to consider the needs of her husband. Just because a couple has kids does not give them the excuse to ignore the needs of their spouse. If he was ignoring what she needed, social media would throw him to the wolves.
@@GoKU-xx2vg Your comment is complete and utter immature bs! Entertaining him is not a “need” of his! Do you know what IS a need however?!… having a husband who treats you with respect & dignity, a husband who lifts you up rather than making you feel bad about yourself, a husband who doesn’t call you boring because he can’t take responsibility for his own entertainment. Those are needs. Sit down and 🤐, manchild!
Nope. When your wife star fishes sex you get bored. Men don’t need much from their wife besides loyalty, love, and sex. Take any one of those out and he’s not gonna be happy. simple.
If she’s boring, he can suggest and plan activities he wants them to do. For example, if he wants to go on a date/to a concert, he can get a sitter and take her out. If it’s a bedroom thing, he can make suggestions. However, she has to want to do those things. If she doesn’t, then that’s going to be a problem. I wouldn’t say my hubby is boring, but I’m definitely the spontaneous/YOLO partner. So, I make the plans and 99% of the time he’s game. I pull him out of his shell sometimes and he appreciates it. We also have a 3 and 10 year old, but have never neglected living life to the fullest.
“Boring” is code for lack of connection. Also when someone says they’re bored, it doesn’t mean that they have nothing to do, it means that they’re lonely.
Sounds like he's bored and is therefore pushing his feelings on to the wife. Maybe as a husband he should take some initiative and plan fun things to do together. Men usually start complaining when they're ready to quit on the relationship and they need an excuse. It's also quite mean spirited to call your wife boring 🤦🏼♀️
I have a 10yr old, 8yr old and 3yr old. My husband has always been a hands on dad. I go to the gym 1.5hr 4 times a week. The two days he doesn’t work we spend time together as a family but I get to have an afternoon or evening to do what I like. I didn’t have for ask he knew it was important for me to be sane. In turn it benefits our relationship. I never ever have to call or leave reminders for him for the kids. He knows their routine etc. Her husband sounds like a delightful man 🥹
My key, even when I was teaching our kids at home, was to always be learning something new. This gave me something to talk about & be interesting, & it was a good example for them.
One mistake people make is not enjoying their married life before having kids, too many couples get married and right away have kids and it leads to issues like this
This is true and sometimes married people don’t have that option at all. I came into my marriage with a child because I had my first child at 19. It was a surprise but I made the best of it and never regret that decision. That being said my husband and I never got to have a “child free” phase…
There is no one right way to do things. A couple could also struggle if they had many years of doing whatever they wanted as a married couple and then had kids and aren’t used to this new phase of life.
As a mom and homemaker, it's easy to get caught up in the daily tasks of it all, and it never feels like it's quite complete, so you never know when you're done. Making space in your life for your own passions and learning new things, hobbies, artistry, knowledge, etc. Is important. Read a book, learn a craft, research something you're curious about. Stay current on world events, learn philosophy, or new ideas about what you're already doing. Sometimes it's easy to get so caught up with the kids that date night becomes just another discussion about the kids. But when you broaden your mind and life, you find that, not only is your life more interesting, you're able to share you passion with others, including your husband.
This lady is probably tired taking care of kids and him. It's just a phase in life where she's not focused on doing other things. She needs some sleep and time to herself. If this guy took care of his kids it would help her and he probably wouldn't feel she's boring but would appreciate all she's doing. This guy needs to get up early and take the kids out for a walk. Every weekend he needs to take the kids to the park all day, show up to his soccer practice with his kids. He needs to do all his hobbies and chores with his kids in tow.
Everything you've said is an assumption. You have no idea how much he helps with the kids. You have no idea what he does in the home. You have no idea if she "takes care of him". Everything you said its based on basic, sexist assumptions. She could be doing 70% of the work at home with the kids and chores. Or 80%. Or 90. Or.... wait for it.... 50!!! He could be helping A LOT. This lady might just actually be boring and unengaged with her husband. That's a possibility too. Stop treating her as if she's an abused victim who has has no help and that he's a deadbeat father. You have no idea what goes on in their house other than the brief little bits she's telling Dr. John. Everything she's saying is vague and unclear. That's why John keeps saying "give me examples". You've made it all up in your head and decided he's the bad guy.
@@Myraisins1 Well your opinion is extremely biased and makes weird assumptions. Try to be more even-sided and open to the possibility that just because she's the caller doesn't mean she's the victim.
@@Richie2k6 you mean like a lot of the men in the comments who’s made assumptions about her? It’s interesting this one comment is the comment that set you off so bad you just HAD to reply. Of course if I wouldn’t be too surprised if you reply to this comment 😂
@@tmi4507 The other comments I'm seeing are just people saying she is boring is one sentence. I replied to this one because it is long and detailed and I wanted to point out how ridiculous it is that that's the conclusion this person came to. There are men who are going to make stupid and sexist comments too - yes. I'm not replying to everyone. I'm replying to this one.
I found you by accident and I just love all the advice that you give. It’s so amazing and so honest. Keep it up you’re out here saving lives and saving marriages.
Boredom is a personal feeling, not something someone else causes us to feel. He, himself, is bored with his own life and who he is. In my view, he needs friends. The spouse cannot fulfil every need. It is also true that he might want her to invest in something more intellectually exciting or a physical hobby. Maybe she needs his help with the kids so that she has more free time to be spontaneous?
When John was going through examples and used the "in the bedroom" example, she jumped on that quickly. Don't think the husband wants her to take up needleworking. It's about bedroom activities.
My hubby and i have been married for 28 years, and 2 kids, 21 and 24. We enjoy our time together and enjoy each others company doing things other may consider boring. We dont feel the need to be out every weekend partying. We try to get out, go to concerts, have couple nights out, but all, in all we enjoy each others compsny, no matter what we do. Its importand to have some of your own time out doing what you each like too.
10 years together, he just realized she is boring? She just showed him who she is? Please! Girl, leave him alone with the kids and head for the door. She is boring because she is a mom. Let him try it, then tell him to listen to Mr. Mom by Lonestar.
She probably IS boring, and has no hobbies or interests outside of being a mother to her children. It's important that every person has their own hobbies and interests, and makes time to do them, because those activities bring us joy, relaxation, mindfulness, excitement, and other benefits. She can find balance between her kids, husband, home, and herself, it just takes effort, time, and practice.
She may be quite content and happy with her life, and she may not be bored. He may just feel she's boring, or maybe their life is boring. It's not up to her to keep his life exciting. Maybe they need to look at themselves individually and singley and see what steps they could take to improve things.
Shes sounds tired. Its a huge toll on your body. Watching a fun show and having some laughs is alot of fun when your in the younger kid years. How much fun do we need right now really?😅
Love how everyone always goes after the guy no matter what happens “she cheats it’s his fault cause he had to work to pay bills so she can stay home and not help!!
I suspect that they simply don’t have interesting, stimulating conversation anymore. That she isn’t interested in very much, and doesn’t have much to talk about. It’s not necessarily a need for hobbies as much as being an interested, interesting, engaged person. I was home with kids for many years and know it’s easy to fall into a trap of not learning new things, having a mental spark that makes you interesting, etc. If her husband goes off to work and has stimulating conversation and then comes home to a situation where things are just hum-drum, ‘boring’ might be the word he would use. It’s good to read, to pay attention to the news, to have curiosity about the world. If she isn’t doing that… he may see her as boring and bored.
Honestly she has small kids that can be so exhausting. Also does he provide the help she needs with the kids and home for her to take time out. But if she is the one shouldering all the responsibilities then when does she get time. Kids till the age of 4 can be so handful even after 4 they are but under 4 you are barely sleeping and your body is still a mess. You never go back to being fun. Husband needs to give mummy couple hours of free time to do what she likes. Also when she comes she isn’t left a pale of dishes and issues to handle.
My husband is a 10 out of 10 on the Aces test! The one thing he's definitely NOT is boring!!! 😂😂😂😂 😂 Even after almost 25 years! He's the best, most interesting, introspective human I've ever met, and I'm thrilled to have him! Every single day! ❤️
He is probably cheating and trying to find a way to justify his affair. And she was stupid for allowing him to strung her along for seven years before getting married. I can guarantee that first baby before marriage wasn't planned and neither was the second one. They also sound incompatible. And what exactly is "boring" and who decide what is boring? If being happy and content with yourself and with a quiet peacefull life is "boring" then im proudly boring.
I agree; it was weird when she said (my kids) and not our children. It seems like she is not being honest about something more profound. She appears to be possibly avoidant of having intimate/courting relationship.
@@Kona_Blue something must've been lacking for her not to have had a ring. She has to look within to understand why she didn't have a ring sooner. I think she just needs to be grateful she got it. Lengthy relationships without marriage can happen for many reasons. It's preposterous to assume.
Some couples just don’t care that much about marriage. Me and my wife dated for almost 15 years before getting married and it didn’t bother either of us
This reminded me of my ex-colleague's story. One time, he confided in disappointment that the wife didn't have hobbies and didn't do anything. The kids were already out of the house.
@@briskettacos This isn't the case where hubby is not plugged in. They're both retired so he knew the goings-on in the household. She didn't do stuff unless prompted.
I feel that kids change everything about the dynamics of a relationship. Some are good, many are bad. You expect it to look a certain way and for your partner to do certain things. Then, if they don’t, you get overwhelmed. Tensions build and turn into resentment. I’ve never regretted not having children. My husband and I just do whatever we want in the evenings and on the weekends. Go to the beach every weekend in the summer and usually play board games and have a few drinks during the cold months. I’m definitely boring but…so is he so it works for us lol. It’s easy.
@@nt3833 Are you kidding me? Life is all about responsibility, even for people like us. We both work full time and on the weekends still have to maintain the house and run all of our errands. Our Saturday evenings are really the ONLY time we have to lay back. Assuming you’re one of those people who lives for their kids I’ll ask you…do YOU ever think there’s more to life than living every second to serve others? The time we get to ourselves OR the moments our kids make us laugh or proud or whatever it is for someone…those moments are what life is about, yes. Those moments look different for everyone. Don’t assume that just because someone finds that joy in other places than you do that their life isn’t just as meaningful. No, I certainly don’t think our only “purpose” in life is to reproduce. I think it’s sad when people do.
You are acting as though you’ve experienced this in another life. Also if a relationship can’t withstand any challenges is it really that strong? Everyone’s happy when things are easy.
@@Jennifer-fk8kb I just said it changes the dynamics. That’s not really something that can be disputed is it? Obviously this isn’t what happens in every relationship, just one of the possible outcomes. I may not have explained it first hand but…I DO have friends lol
No one would like becoming a father of 3. Kids ruin relationships Leas time for each other less sex more stress more reaponsibility the love they had for you is diluted and given to the kids You can give love to the kids or your partner and any you give to one necessarily takes away from what you're giving to the other
@@joeriveracomedy some of you guys don’t give him enough credit. I think you see what you WANT to see and not the way things necessarily are. I have seen him be just as compassionate and worried about male callers. Maybe y’all haven’t been listening long enough.
@@joeriveracomedymy drs said they have to ask that ? And he is a dr, so it might be he’d be held liable for not offering DV help in certain circumstances.
@tmi4507 the husband wants his wife to join him in fun activities and she openly admitted that she doesn't participate, so you blame the husband for being boring. That's crazy.
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mom’s typically have hobbies that can be interrupted: gardening, sewing, baking, reading etc. A team sport or event where others depend on you and you need a set block of time-is often not feasible after children when the man doesn’t prioritize helping the women have that time block.
Boring means he ask her to let's do this or that and she always makes excuses or rarely agrees to do stuff. So everything revolves around houses, kids, work. But your identity can't be any of these things. There needs to be more to you than all of those things.
Yup dealing with this now. Only recently realized I’m the one initiating anything beyond some cuddling or tv watching. My gf is boring. And it’s not my fault. I have a fun life but when my woman isn’t bringing me any joy besides the requirements and need-to-dos then as a partner you have a right to exclaim this. Especially when it’s not the norm. Why is no one saying “are you trying too”
Don’t be more “fun” for him bc that isn’t authentic to you. WHAT DO YOU WANT. Do you want him to do bed times or cover 3X a week while you pursue a new workout class? Do you want him to do his own laundry? Ask yourself what you want for him to do in your home and what hobbies you want to do. You don’t sound like a happy person, so find yourself
The husband is already having, or contemplating an affair. Wife is using children as a buffer from intimacy. Not sexual intimacy, but actually connecting.
My husband called me “boring”, I was looking after our four children by myself, running my own extremely busy business alone, and doing all his secretarial & accounting work for his business, plus all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, school runs etc., while he spent his evenings in the pub, then wanted sex when he came home drunk at 2am. Wish I left 30 years ago!
For your next date night, consider taking your husband to the local woods and y’all can steal a bear cub from its mother. That’ll cure his boredom real quick.
Listen to how she is ending the last word in her sentences when she answers your questions. Her voice gets a lot higher, and she’s trying to convince herself, a.k.a. lying, of/about something.
Yeahhhh, I mean…. she sounds boring. I’m sure she is probably also tired but being well rested might not solve the being boring issue. But they’ve been together a long time and he surely knew she was a boring person from before. May just be that it’s become a lot more enhanced recently. It’s actually an incompatibility thing. Interesting people should not be with boring people. Boring/boring have good marriages and interesting/interesting have good marriages. Boring/interesting, there’s always dissatisfaction.
He is confusing stability and consistency for boredom.. maybe he is having mid lige crissi and putting blame elsewhere. Also for you to have fun, you need to have mental space and less responsibilities to your share.. if you are just slogged with the care it is important to be washed out. If he wants to do something is he sitting and planning for you to do together as a couple? Or he wants you to think over and become interesting as per his definition. Also wondering doss the valler feel if he is comapring her to someone he sees from distance and seems like fun.. boring remark sounds like such a highschooler comment. You have super young kids. And their care does take first attention.😅
Exactly. It’s a lot of work taking care of a home and family. Life is made up of normal, everyday things that need to get done. If he wants to do something special maybe he can plan it or at least be specific and bring it in a loving and gentle way. It doesn’t feel like a safe space emotionally.
If he’s a good man he feels like she is not happy. He would like to be one to help provide her happiness but you can’t make someone else’s happiness. She needs some alone time that he may have to help watch kids. Ah anxiety there it is. He just feels the intimacy waning and knows that’s not good in the long run. Interest hobbies or goals a few outside of the children are necessary because at some point the kids grow up and leave and then your lost…… People quit laying and projecting your pains and hurts all over someone authentically trying to open their mind and heart. Marriage is the most difficult thing this side of death to do well. Love is not all there is to life. We know when it’s missing but it’s a complex combination of things……
I don’t know that he sounds neglected. It just sounds like her life has become pretty one dimensional and like she isn’t an interesting person. Raising and nurturing children is the most important life task, but it’s important for moms to model curiosity and a zest for life to their kids. If all the mom does is tend to her kids’ needs to the exclusion of being a well-rounded human, she won’t have brought her best self to her mom game. She needs to find something interesting, and pursue knowledge and involvement in it.
This guy is terrible at relationship advice. Weirdly homes in on the sex life immediately without asking more questions. The woman says their sex life is fine. He turns that into "oh well then your husband doesn't feel alive, and what if he gets a compliment at the gym or work and feels a spark from someone else". Like, what? You don't know the guy or his wife, why would you assume he has a cheating spirit suddenly. Maybe let the woman talk more and ask better questions to figure out the situation she is dealing with first before going on tangents. All of that being said, this lady sounds boring as hell over the phone, so i imagine she probably is boring.
My wife reads fantasy books about dragons for 6 hours every day. 75% of the time we are home together, she's reading in a chair behind me. She has become so boring. She reads a 1000 page book a week. Glad she has a hobby but she's about to not have a hubby.
There is other context missing for everyone in the comments. Maybe she seems boring because she’s neurodivergent. Maybe she has undiagnosed ADHD. We just don’t know. What’s important is that she wants to do the work and show up for her husband.
Caller's husband needs to grow up and learn how to have a mature conversation without insulting her. If my partner called me boring, there would be no coming back from that.
such a hurtful thing to say. lets see how much smb would like it if the person actually got time-consuming hobbies so that all the rest will be left undone
She should have hobbies but ultimately they need a babysitter a few times a year to enjoy one another and plan some things to do. What in the hell is dr John talking about. Doing hobbies by herself is going to accomplish what exactly
It’s unfair that Dr. John went immediately to the callers sex life is boring. I heard a married man say his wife was boring because all she talked about was being a Mother. Geez she is the Mother of his kids.
we had that. When I was stay at home mom/wife, my husband would say all I talked about was home/kid. Now I work 50-60 hours a week and barely see the light of the day, and now all I talk about is work. I have 6 hours in my day between work and sleep, add to that that I get up 2.5 hours before work to get kid to school, get myself ready and drive to work, plus half hour to get back home from work. It leaves me 3 hours a day for dinner, laundry, helping kid with homework. When I am finally able to sit down at night just to get my thoughts together, my husband usually says - when are you going to bed, it's late already. I often have to work one of my 2 weekends, spending the other grocery shopping and doing other chores. I am responsible for all the appointments, meds refills, all things insurances, keeping track of bills and even when's the trash day as Thursdays always come as a surprise to my husband. Some call it boring, spending any free time not doing fun activities, I call it peace and time I need to take to not go crazy.
This conversation was like pulling teeth… boring😬. Conversation and social skill takes practice and effort too, maybe you have to work on being less boring?
Not attacking this caller, but she doesn’t have a lot of affect when she speaks. I don’t hear much emotion in her voice. Like l maybe she’s just going through the motions right now. I don’t think we have enough information to judge the situation though…
It depends on the age of the child. Dr. Faye Snyder says children under 5 years of age shouldn't be separated from their moms. A 1 year old baby shouldn't be away from mom for more than 1 hour per week. A 2 year old, 2 hours per week. A 3 year old, 3 hours per week, etc. Otherwise, BPD and it's attendant ADHD could result in the child. There is an abandonment schedule in most of her books.
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My dad used to always tell my mom she should find a hobby and interest outside of the home (she worked full time as a nurse, cooked dinner every night, gardened, managed the bills, everything inside the house). After she died suddenly, these were his exact words: "I wish I had realized then that she DID have a hobby and it was us" - in fact, that was what people remembered most about her. She was very happy, but definitely was not fully appreciated. Just food for thought. (Ps- she was the life of the party, too).
My Dad said exactly that after my Mom died suddenly. I think he knew how much she did but he never SAID it to her.
I recently had an epiphany after 20 years of marriage along with 19 years of kid rearing that they are my hobby. They are my favorite people in the world. I'd rather hang with them than "girls night", needle point, or whatever hobby the world thinks I'm supposed to have.
My husband has said the exact same words about me getting a hobby and I do some of the exact same things that your mom did except I owned an in home daycare center, so that I could be home for my own kids. I use to think why someone would see something wrong with my life when I was just fine with what I was doing. Thank you for sharing your story. Now I know that I already have hobbies and they may not be everyone else cup of tea, but I am happy.
We eventually lose what we take for granted.
This is at the same time so sweet but also incredibly sad. Ppl never truly appreciate what they have in their lives until it's gone.
My passion is also at home. Home is what motivates me and inspires me to be better.
I wish couples would call in together to get both sides of the story.
Exactly. There's always two sides to every story.
Oftentimes normal people are called boring. People probably call me boring behind my back. I'm still happy.
Me too and I don’t care.
Sometimes adulthood in general can be boring because of the constant responsibilities.....we can't stay in our twenties, bar hopping, beach-going, concert attending, party-going. At 52, the quietness of lighting candles, having a glass of wine in front of the fireplace while listening to choir music is becoming my fun....I love it now!
Sounds like a good night to me besides choir music, although I like choirs. A bunch of good 70s and 80s music. I think the woman is finding joy in her household and with her family, but her husband is lacking some joy and or contentment in his life, and maybe he's taking his wife for granted.
You can't stay in your 20's but you can bar-hop, beach-go, concert-go all the things for most of your life if you want to.
Amen ! I’m with ya!
The simple stuff! ❤️
As a married man with 2 kids I am blessed to have a wife that takes good care of my kids. When life is not "fun" you have to be happy that you have a healthy family. That's most important.
I love my “boring” wife, its such a relaxing life! It’s called Adulting
I'd take a boring wife over a lot of the other alternatives
It's a red flag. He's already got his eyes and mind wandering to another woman somewhere and he's openly critiquing his wife to make him feel like his feelings are justified. He has one foot out the door.
It certainly sounds like that sadly. She’s too nice to him.
Women also have the same complaint if their husbands are responsible and predictable.
My husband and I are both boring lol. We love each other and have our own hobbies and live a happy life. We’ve been married 35 years so it’s working:)
My husband and I too hehe. I “want” to be the fun girl but it feels so good to just be able to be my boring self with my boring bestfriend/husband 😂
My husband and I are boring together.
There's a boring gardener, and there's a boring scroller and TV watcher. One is actually interesting and the other is actually boring.
I like boring it’s code for stable
This husband is comparing her to females he screwed before her.
I am a boring person and so is my husband. What’s stopping him from being the fun one? Stop depending on others to make your life fun.
Exactly!
We never do anything and it's always boring. But everything you offer is denied as boring. What does he have to offer? A tantrum.
We spoke with my husband a lot about it. And he misses ties when we were in our twenties and had no care in the world. But we've always been kind of like the followers in fun activities, not the ones initiating it, but always up for anything. Now that all friends have families with kids, it is harder and harder to get together. We have friends who always invite us over and from my point of view, we are always having wonderful time, making bbq, kids running around, we just get to relax and have "adult fun". For him they are also boring. But 2 months ago we had a close friend coming over for a week, he was always the one initiating the fun. He did not change one bit. But my husband could not keep us with him on all the fun and drinking could not recover as easy in the morning. I knew what kind of force was coming and said right away that I am not taking time off from work for the purpose of partying for a week as I only have 1 week of vacation and I'd rather spend it doing boring stuff but just two of us with my husband (we timed it with our kid's fall break and she's at grandparents). Today is my last day of vacation, and I can say it was boring but wonderful as I am rested and recharged, spent time with the most boring but best husband in the world. I work 50+ hours a week, coming home at night past 7:30 pm still needing 2 hours to slow my breath down and for the thoughts to stop spinning. I crave boring more than anything.
well he did suggest play board game/watch a movie (not even over the top fun)
@@name9601then he should help her to get some free time. She needs time for her self he is not a child
She seems like a great woman & mother! Sounds like he is taking her for granted which is very dangerous.
Sounds like you are making assumptions maybe don’t get married if that’s the conclusion you came to.
@@missydonald6381 You sound miserable. If you are married, God bless your husband.
We eventually lose what we take for granted.
Maybe he’s the boring one
So it's wrong for him to want to play a board game or watch a movie with his wife? Got it. Thanks professor!
I was very blessed to have a husband who would take the baby and send me out to play. I got a coffee and would look at books at a store and just let my brain relax and it was so nice 😊 I got to feel like myself for a little bit a week 😊
Happy for you ❤
That's so thoughtful
That's how my husband is! He understands that I just need a break from baby sometimes, so he's glad to take over so I can go run errands (which usually involves Starbucks and target) in peace, or get lunch/coffee with a friend to get some adult interaction that's not him.
good for you, but that is bare minimum. it's his kid too after all ....
Dr. Faye Snyder would disagree with you. She says in her books that a 1 year old baby can't tolerate more than 1 hour per week away from his/her mom. Babies don't know why you disappeared. They just feel abandoned. It's where the "frantic attempts to avoid real or perceived abandonment" symptom of BPD comes from.
My ex said I was boring too, but I worked up to 60 hrs a week and decided to spend most of my free time with him. I hardly went out with friends or family and just dedicated my time to him. I learned that I am not a boring person. I am fun, funny, and a good person. We were just not right for each other.
I think when someone thinks you're boring they usually just don't like you. They don't see or appreciate your light, or maybe y'all just aren't comfortable enough with each other to experience each other's "fun" side
@@lindokuhlekhoza7571 Definitely
So when you broke up with him, you tell him you felt that it started to feel boring? Lol
@@Tvj_films8452I didn't tell him that. I tried to be as respectful as possible 🙃
So you were boring until you broke up and realized you're not boring?
Good for you, I guess?
He has a hard working stay at home wife. She probably does most of the cooking, cleaning and tending to her children. And now her husband expects her to constantly entertain him since “he must be bored.” And since she doesn’t entertain him she is boring.
He should count his blessings that his wife doesn’t leave the kids with someone else constantly to be partying, traveling, and picking up all these hobbies.
John D. has nailed it! That he is bored.
so he can only expect the bare minimum of loyalty??
@@samuraijosh1595 no at all. But he can be the initiator of fun as well. Not just expecting to be entertained as if he came to the theater after work.
@@annapatton4544 most men entertain their women than the other way around
@@samuraijosh1595 seems like he cannot entertain himself, let along his wife. And I do not mean it in a bad way. Many people are this way, men and women. And many people have different view on what fun is. For some, a great vacation is to lay on a beach doing nothing, just relaxing, I personally love that. While some, like my husband see that as a waste of time, and would rather do a historical museum or explore new territory. And it is not fair to expect another person to be like you and want the same things as you. If you want you both to do what you like, then offer an activity. Because your spouse can offer different things thinking you may like it, but it turns out not exactly what you want, but you are upset in return because you don't like what they offer and at the same time keep expecting to be entertained offering nothing.
@@annapatton4544 well tbf i think there are more problem to this marriage like i get the vibes that she doesn't provide enough sex in the first place.
Whenever I hear that a man strung along a woman for 5, 7, 10 years and no proposal- I already know that he didn’t want to marry her. This woman started letting herself get pregnant before a ring. I don’t think he ever wanted her as his wife, and he could very easily be looking for others behind her back. “She’s boring” is how he compares her with the other girl he’s entertaining
Me and my wife dated for almost 15 years but neither of us was being strung along. Some couples just don’t care about it that much
Or already working...
The last part was my first thought.
Or he compares her with her 15 years ago and their life together with their life 15 years ago.
it's lining up an excuse
It’s not a wife’s job to keep her husband entertained, he’s a grown man for goodness sake… he knew who he was marrying AND I want women watching this to know that it’s OKAY to be “boring”, not everyone is loud & fun & exciting.
That being said, I’ve observed that a lot of the time men accuse their partner of being “boring” when they’re cheating with other women or entertaining the idea of cheating with other women… I think they do this because cheating is “exciting” to them and/or the other woman is different and new which seems exciting, similar to how any new puppy love relationship is exciting… know that them calling you “boring” is them trying to justify their actions, and put the blame on you, but it’s not about you at all.
Yes I think it’s within him. She is not responsible.
Lol. He just wants to play a board game with her. Come on. Also IT IS her job to consider the needs of her husband. Just because a couple has kids does not give them the excuse to ignore the needs of their spouse. If he was ignoring what she needed, social media would throw him to the wolves.
@@GoKU-xx2vg
Your comment is complete and utter immature bs! Entertaining him is not a “need” of his! Do you know what IS a need however?!… having a husband who treats you with respect & dignity, a husband who lifts you up rather than making you feel bad about yourself, a husband who doesn’t call you boring because he can’t take responsibility for his own entertainment. Those are needs. Sit down and 🤐, manchild!
Nope. When your wife star fishes sex you get bored. Men don’t need much from their wife besides loyalty, love, and sex. Take any one of those out and he’s not gonna be happy. simple.
If she’s boring, he can suggest and plan activities he wants them to do. For example, if he wants to go on a date/to a concert, he can get a sitter and take her out. If it’s a bedroom thing, he can make suggestions. However, she has to want to do those things. If she doesn’t, then that’s going to be a problem. I wouldn’t say my hubby is boring, but I’m definitely the spontaneous/YOLO partner. So, I make the plans and 99% of the time he’s game. I pull him out of his shell sometimes and he appreciates it. We also have a 3 and 10 year old, but have never neglected living life to the fullest.
“Boring” is code for lack of connection. Also when someone says they’re bored, it doesn’t mean that they have nothing to do, it means that they’re lonely.
are you a licensed psychologist?
@@orangefield2308 no.
💯
Sounds like he's bored and is therefore pushing his feelings on to the wife. Maybe as a husband he should take some initiative and plan fun things to do together. Men usually start complaining when they're ready to quit on the relationship and they need an excuse. It's also quite mean spirited to call your wife boring 🤦🏼♀️
💯
I've been called worse
@@Reshme77 same 🫤
How do you know he has not? He communicated to her he would just like to play a board game or watch a movie with her. She said no.
My spouse calls me boring because I don’t go out except with him and the children, to run errands, or for work.
I have a 10yr old, 8yr old and 3yr old. My husband has always been a hands on dad. I go to the gym 1.5hr 4 times a week. The two days he doesn’t work we spend time together as a family but I get to have an afternoon or evening to do what I like. I didn’t have for ask he knew it was important for me to be sane. In turn it benefits our relationship. I never ever have to call or leave reminders for him for the kids. He knows their routine etc. Her husband sounds like a delightful man 🥹
My key, even when I was teaching our kids at home, was to always be learning something new. This gave me something to talk about & be interesting, & it was a good example for them.
One mistake people make is not enjoying their married life before having kids, too many couples get married and right away have kids and it leads to issues like this
She started giving him children before he even wanted to marry her.
They dated for 7 yrs... lmao i think they've enjoyed unmarried and non child lives for a while..
@@AnnWoodruff-pc1tv being married and dating are completely different lol, any married person (like myself) will tell you that
This is true and sometimes married people don’t have that option at all. I came into my marriage with a child because I had my first child at 19. It was a surprise but I made the best of it and never regret that decision. That being said my husband and I never got to have a “child free” phase…
There is no one right way to do things. A couple could also struggle if they had many years of doing whatever they wanted as a married couple and then had kids and aren’t used to this new phase of life.
As a mom and homemaker, it's easy to get caught up in the daily tasks of it all, and it never feels like it's quite complete, so you never know when you're done. Making space in your life for your own passions and learning new things, hobbies, artistry, knowledge, etc. Is important. Read a book, learn a craft, research something you're curious about. Stay current on world events, learn philosophy, or new ideas about what you're already doing.
Sometimes it's easy to get so caught up with the kids that date night becomes just another discussion about the kids. But when you broaden your mind and life, you find that, not only is your life more interesting, you're able to share you passion with others, including your husband.
So he is mad that she is a responsible mother? I would rather have that than a wife who wants to go out clubbing with her girlfriends all the time
You could make his life alot less boring by leaving him with the kids while you take a girls trip. 😂
It's hard to break routines so I get it
Yes! Specially, considering the things that rumored to happen during those trips. It will be anything but boring 😅
Girls trip?? You’re assuming this woman has friends. She probably doesn’t. Boring people usually don’t have friends.
like a lot of women do! rofl
😂😂 yes
Once you're married girls trips shouldn't happen unless they're with family. Too many marriages are ruined by drunken, affair-laden 'girl trips'.
This lady is probably tired taking care of kids and him. It's just a phase in life where she's not focused on doing other things. She needs some sleep and time to herself. If this guy took care of his kids it would help her and he probably wouldn't feel she's boring but would appreciate all she's doing. This guy needs to get up early and take the kids out for a walk. Every weekend he needs to take the kids to the park all day, show up to his soccer practice with his kids. He needs to do all his hobbies and chores with his kids in tow.
Everything you've said is an assumption. You have no idea how much he helps with the kids. You have no idea what he does in the home. You have no idea if she "takes care of him". Everything you said its based on basic, sexist assumptions. She could be doing 70% of the work at home with the kids and chores. Or 80%. Or 90. Or.... wait for it.... 50!!! He could be helping A LOT. This lady might just actually be boring and unengaged with her husband. That's a possibility too. Stop treating her as if she's an abused victim who has has no help and that he's a deadbeat father. You have no idea what goes on in their house other than the brief little bits she's telling Dr. John. Everything she's saying is vague and unclear. That's why John keeps saying "give me examples".
You've made it all up in your head and decided he's the bad guy.
@@Richie2k6 It's an opinion like everyone else here including the Dr. Nobody knows what's really going on in their marriage.
@@Myraisins1 Well your opinion is extremely biased and makes weird assumptions. Try to be more even-sided and open to the possibility that just because she's the caller doesn't mean she's the victim.
@@Richie2k6 you mean like a lot of the men in the comments who’s made assumptions about her? It’s interesting this one comment is the comment that set you off so bad you just HAD to reply. Of course if I wouldn’t be too surprised if you reply to this comment 😂
@@tmi4507 The other comments I'm seeing are just people saying she is boring is one sentence. I replied to this one because it is long and detailed and I wanted to point out how ridiculous it is that that's the conclusion this person came to. There are men who are going to make stupid and sexist comments too - yes. I'm not replying to everyone. I'm replying to this one.
I found you by accident and I just love all the advice that you give. It’s so amazing and so honest. Keep it up you’re out here saving lives and saving marriages.
One person’s idea of boarding, is someone else’s idea of heaven.
Boredom is a personal feeling, not something someone else causes us to feel. He, himself, is bored with his own life and who he is. In my view, he needs friends. The spouse cannot fulfil every need.
It is also true that he might want her to invest in something more intellectually exciting or a physical hobby. Maybe she needs his help with the kids so that she has more free time to be spontaneous?
other times u should get a hobby code for let me do in peace
When John was going through examples and used the "in the bedroom" example, she jumped on that quickly. Don't think the husband wants her to take up needleworking. It's about bedroom activities.
Their routing is mundane. He probably come home to his wife in warm ups and a messy bun when he wants a hot naked wife and a can of whipped cream.
Good point!
good catch
My hubby and i have been married for 28 years, and 2 kids, 21 and 24. We enjoy our time together and enjoy each others company doing things other may consider boring. We dont feel the need to be out every weekend partying. We try to get out, go to concerts, have couple nights out, but all, in all we enjoy each others compsny, no matter what we do. Its importand to have some of your own time out doing what you each like too.
10 years together, he just realized she is boring? She just showed him who she is? Please! Girl, leave him alone with the kids and head for the door. She is boring because she is a mom. Let him try it, then tell him to listen to Mr. Mom by Lonestar.
She probably IS boring, and has no hobbies or interests outside of being a mother to her children. It's important that every person has their own hobbies and interests, and makes time to do them, because those activities bring us joy, relaxation, mindfulness, excitement, and other benefits. She can find balance between her kids, husband, home, and herself, it just takes effort, time, and practice.
She may be quite content and happy with her life, and she may not be bored. He may just feel she's boring, or maybe their life is boring. It's not up to her to keep his life exciting. Maybe they need to look at themselves individually and singley and see what steps they could take to improve things.
Shes sounds tired. Its a huge toll on your body. Watching a fun show and having some laughs is alot of fun when your in the younger kid years. How much fun do we need right now really?😅
He may be “ playing “ and having fun with someone else .
That was my thought to.. someone else caught his attention and he’s comparing her to that other woman.
Love how everyone always goes after the guy no matter what happens “she cheats it’s his fault cause he had to work to pay bills so she can stay home and not help!!
@@xsgtxbigboy1655that’s a little bit of a reach
@@xsgtxbigboy1655 and your point is?
@@tmi4507 who is talkin to u? Go work ot so you can pay ur girls bills
I suspect that they simply don’t have interesting, stimulating conversation anymore. That she isn’t interested in very much, and doesn’t have much to talk about. It’s not necessarily a need for hobbies as much as being an interested, interesting, engaged person.
I was home with kids for many years and know it’s easy to fall into a trap of not learning new things, having a mental spark that makes you interesting, etc. If her husband goes off to work and has stimulating conversation and then comes home to a situation where things are just hum-drum, ‘boring’ might be the word he would use.
It’s good to read, to pay attention to the news, to have curiosity about the world. If she isn’t doing that… he may see her as boring and bored.
No matter what life brings you need to dedicate something to each other only. Otherwise you find yourself a million miles apart.
Honestly she has small kids that can be so exhausting. Also does he provide the help she needs with the kids and home for her to take time out. But if she is the one shouldering all the responsibilities then when does she get time. Kids till the age of 4 can be so handful even after 4 they are but under 4 you are barely sleeping and your body is still a mess. You never go back to being fun. Husband needs to give mummy couple hours of free time to do what she likes. Also when she comes she isn’t left a pale of dishes and issues to handle.
My husband is a 10 out of 10 on the Aces test! The one thing he's definitely NOT is boring!!! 😂😂😂😂 😂
Even after almost 25 years!
He's the best, most interesting, introspective human I've ever met, and I'm thrilled to have him! Every single day! ❤️
He is probably cheating and trying to find a way to justify his affair. And she was stupid for allowing him to strung her along for seven years before getting married. I can guarantee that first baby before marriage wasn't planned and neither was the second one. They also sound incompatible. And what exactly is "boring" and who decide what is boring?
If being happy and content with yourself and with a quiet peacefull life is "boring" then im proudly boring.
She might just be boring, but clearly that wasn't an issue before marriage and/or having kids with her.
That’s true but people are allowed to change. He’s allowed to get bored with the routine.
Fair point. She sounds like she was always this way even before they had kids. If that's the case, the fault is on him.
I agree; it was weird when she said (my kids) and not our children. It seems like she is not being honest about something more profound. She appears to be possibly avoidant of having intimate/courting relationship.
Wow, they dated for 7 years? I would have demanded a ring
What? Demand a ring and get dumped.
Don’t forget she started giving him babies before marriage. I’ll never understand the desperation
@@texan903if he knows your worth he’ll put a ring on it. Saying people and having kids is stupid
@@Kona_Blue something must've been lacking for her not to have had a ring. She has to look within to understand why she didn't have a ring sooner. I think she just needs to be grateful she got it. Lengthy relationships without marriage can happen for many reasons. It's preposterous to assume.
Some couples just don’t care that much about marriage. Me and my wife dated for almost 15 years before getting married and it didn’t bother either of us
I think boring translates to predictable. Some people are boring and some are adventurous and the two are not compatible
This reminded me of my ex-colleague's story. One time, he confided in disappointment that the wife didn't have hobbies and didn't do anything. The kids were already out of the house.
Or maybe her hobbies just didn't center him, or weren't shared, so he assumed she had none.
@@briskettacos This isn't the case where hubby is not plugged in. They're both retired so he knew the goings-on in the household. She didn't do stuff unless prompted.
I feel that kids change everything about the dynamics of a relationship. Some are good, many are bad.
You expect it to look a certain way and for your partner to do certain things. Then, if they don’t, you get overwhelmed. Tensions build and turn into resentment.
I’ve never regretted not having children. My husband and I just do whatever we want in the evenings and on the weekends. Go to the beach every weekend in the summer and usually play board games and have a few drinks during the cold months. I’m definitely boring but…so is he so it works for us lol. It’s easy.
Do you ever feel like there’s a bigger purpose in life than just having fun?
@@nt3833 Are you kidding me? Life is all about responsibility, even for people like us. We both work full time and on the weekends still have to maintain the house and run all of our errands. Our Saturday evenings are really the ONLY time we have to lay back.
Assuming you’re one of those people who lives for their kids I’ll ask you…do YOU ever think there’s more to life than living every second to serve others?
The time we get to ourselves OR the moments our kids make us laugh or proud or whatever it is for someone…those moments are what life is about, yes. Those moments look different for everyone. Don’t assume that just because someone finds that joy in other places than you do that their life isn’t just as meaningful.
No, I certainly don’t think our only “purpose” in life is to reproduce. I think it’s sad when people do.
You are acting as though you’ve experienced this in another life.
Also if a relationship can’t withstand any challenges is it really that strong? Everyone’s happy when things are easy.
@@Jennifer-fk8kb I just said it changes the dynamics. That’s not really something that can be disputed is it?
Obviously this isn’t what happens in every relationship, just one of the possible outcomes.
I may not have explained it first hand but…I DO have friends lol
@@Jennifer-fk8kb Also, EVERY relationship has challenges. Children are far from life’s only challenges.
No one would like becoming a father of 3. Kids ruin relationships
Leas time for each other less sex more stress more reaponsibility the love they had for you is diluted and given to the kids
You can give love to the kids or your partner and any you give to one necessarily takes away from what you're giving to the other
When I am at home, I do not want to do anything. I'm not responsible for her not being bored.
Dr J seems more alert than usual
He seems like a crackhead next to her sleepiness.
Miracle he didn't ask if she was safe
@@joeriveracomedy some of you guys don’t give him enough credit. I think you see what you WANT to see and not the way things necessarily are. I have seen him be just as compassionate and worried about male callers. Maybe y’all haven’t been listening long enough.
@@joeriveracomedymy drs said they have to ask that ? And he is a dr, so it might be he’d be held liable for not offering DV help in certain circumstances.
Even though I am joking, the quack in questiond AND Dave ask when there is zero reason to sometimes, hence my chide.
If you dont have an answer for "what you do for fun ?" Is usually a bad sign
John's first questions out of the gate.
He’s probably boring.
CRAZY assumption.
@@RealSpeedySatori why is this a crazy assumption? Aren’t you just stating your own crazy opinion about someone else’s opinion?
@tmi4507 the husband wants his wife to join him in fun activities and she openly admitted that she doesn't participate, so you blame the husband for being boring. That's crazy.
She sounds boring over the phone
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mom’s typically have hobbies that can be interrupted: gardening, sewing, baking, reading etc. A team sport or event where others depend on you and you need a set block of time-is often not feasible after children when the man doesn’t prioritize helping the women have that time block.
Boring means he ask her to let's do this or that and she always makes excuses or rarely agrees to do stuff. So everything revolves around houses, kids, work. But your identity can't be any of these things. There needs to be more to you than all of those things.
Yup dealing with this now. Only recently realized I’m the one initiating anything beyond some cuddling or tv watching. My gf is boring. And it’s not my fault. I have a fun life but when my woman isn’t bringing me any joy besides the requirements and need-to-dos then as a partner you have a right to exclaim this. Especially when it’s not the norm. Why is no one saying “are you trying too”
Don’t be more “fun” for him bc that isn’t authentic to you. WHAT DO YOU WANT.
Do you want him to do bed times or cover 3X a week while you pursue a new workout class? Do you want him to do his own laundry?
Ask yourself what you want for him to do in your home and what hobbies you want to do. You don’t sound like a happy person, so find yourself
This sounds like a single cat ladies guide to being alone forever. It’s a team effort
Two kids before marriage. Sheesh.
The husband is already having, or contemplating an affair. Wife is using children as a buffer from intimacy. Not sexual intimacy, but actually connecting.
My husband called me “boring”, I was looking after our four children by myself, running my own extremely busy business alone, and doing all his secretarial & accounting work for his business, plus all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, school runs etc., while he spent his evenings in the pub, then wanted sex when he came home drunk at 2am. Wish I left 30 years ago!
For your next date night, consider taking your husband to the local woods and y’all can steal a bear cub from its mother. That’ll cure his boredom real quick.
Listen to how she is ending the last word in her sentences when she answers your questions. Her voice gets a lot higher, and she’s trying to convince herself, a.k.a. lying, of/about something.
Why does she sound like she's about to take a nap? Is her own voice putting her to sleep?
She works hard mothering 3 young children.....
I'm curious if he drinks alcohol because people who drink find boring anything and anyone who stands in the way of having a drink
When kids go to bed mine just sits there and plays Candy crush like a zombie lol
We just channel surf and complain there is nothing good to watch. Haha.
What's wrong with that lol 😂😂😂😂
Shes not boring shes tired
"Fun" is often expensive.
Boring usually means not being irresponsible, erratic and dangerous!
All people need hobbies. Most women either focus on the kids or on a screen with social media or tv.
I bet he does not help with the kids or house...
a "boring" wife is a good one.
you don't want a roller coaster wife, these are terrible women
I wish her husband was on the call, too. I feel like there's more to their situation than she's disclosing.
Yeahhhh, I mean…. she sounds boring. I’m sure she is probably also tired but being well rested might not solve the being boring issue. But they’ve been together a long time and he surely knew she was a boring person from before. May just be that it’s become a lot more enhanced recently. It’s actually an incompatibility thing. Interesting people should not be with boring people. Boring/boring have good marriages and interesting/interesting have good marriages. Boring/interesting, there’s always dissatisfaction.
She def sounds boring and dull..was making me sleepy just listening to her
In what way? Give me an example? How fun are you?@@dinajones2761
She is boring on this call, I think he’s right
For sure
💯 agree! 😂
Yup completely. She sounds lifeless that she only exist through the kids.
@@biolife3274 she might just be tired and exhausted
Does your husband think you’re boring because the reason you don’t have time for him is because you do everything and he doesn’t help out?
He is confusing stability and consistency for boredom.. maybe he is having mid lige crissi and putting blame elsewhere. Also for you to have fun, you need to have mental space and less responsibilities to your share.. if you are just slogged with the care it is important to be washed out. If he wants to do something is he sitting and planning for you to do together as a couple? Or he wants you to think over and become interesting as per his definition. Also wondering doss the valler feel if he is comapring her to someone he sees from distance and seems like fun.. boring remark sounds like such a highschooler comment. You have super young kids. And their care does take first attention.😅
Exactly. It’s a lot of work taking care of a home and family. Life is made up of normal, everyday things that need to get done. If he wants to do something special maybe he can plan it or at least be specific and bring it in a loving and gentle way. It doesn’t feel like a safe space emotionally.
She keep saying she they have a good intimate wife when her husband is saying a ALOT by being nice and saying she is boring but he is really unhappy
Yeah, they should separate!
How can she be a stay at home mom in New Jersey?
She does sound a little boring..
😂
She is draining
Tell him to quit social media!
If he’s a good man he feels like she is not happy. He would like to be one to help provide her happiness but you can’t make someone else’s happiness. She needs some alone time that he may have to help watch kids. Ah anxiety there it is. He just feels the intimacy waning and knows that’s not good in the long run. Interest hobbies or goals a few outside of the children are necessary because at some point the kids grow up and leave and then your lost……
People quit laying and projecting your pains and hurts all over someone authentically trying to open their mind and heart. Marriage is the most difficult thing this side of death to do well. Love is not all there is to life. We know when it’s missing but it’s a complex combination of things……
He is feeling neglected. He wants to do more things with you but your priority is your kids and he is not your kid.
I don’t know that he sounds neglected. It just sounds like her life has become pretty one dimensional and like she isn’t an interesting person. Raising and nurturing children is the most important life task, but it’s important for moms to model curiosity and a zest for life to their kids. If all the mom does is tend to her kids’ needs to the exclusion of being a well-rounded human, she won’t have brought her best self to her mom game. She needs to find something interesting, and pursue knowledge and involvement in it.
As an introvert, me, I'd be asking what part of me or about me is boring, if it's all of me, 🤷 get lost I suppose, him, not me 🤣
She sounds depressed. She has anxiety too. Not a good combo.
Honestly... she sounds kinda boring. She's not really bringing this dynamic between her and her husband to life. John is dragging info out of her.
This guy is terrible at relationship advice. Weirdly homes in on the sex life immediately without asking more questions.
The woman says their sex life is fine.
He turns that into "oh well then your husband doesn't feel alive, and what if he gets a compliment at the gym or work and feels a spark from someone else". Like, what? You don't know the guy or his wife, why would you assume he has a cheating spirit suddenly.
Maybe let the woman talk more and ask better questions to figure out the situation she is dealing with first before going on tangents.
All of that being said, this lady sounds boring as hell over the phone, so i imagine she probably is boring.
My wife reads fantasy books about dragons for 6 hours every day. 75% of the time we are home together, she's reading in a chair behind me. She has become so boring. She reads a 1000 page book a week. Glad she has a hobby but she's about to not have a hubby.
I feel like her.
She seems asleep :(
She’s low energy
There is other context missing for everyone in the comments. Maybe she seems boring because she’s neurodivergent. Maybe she has undiagnosed ADHD. We just don’t know. What’s important is that she wants to do the work and show up for her husband.
Caller's husband needs to grow up and learn how to have a mature conversation without insulting her. If my partner called me boring, there would be no coming back from that.
such a hurtful thing to say. lets see how much smb would like it if the person actually got time-consuming hobbies so that all the rest will be left undone
She should have hobbies but ultimately they need a babysitter a few times a year to enjoy one another and plan some things to do. What in the hell is dr John talking about. Doing hobbies by herself is going to accomplish what exactly
It’s unfair that Dr. John went immediately to the callers sex life is boring. I heard a married man say his wife was boring because all she talked about was being a Mother. Geez she is the Mother of his kids.
we had that. When I was stay at home mom/wife, my husband would say all I talked about was home/kid. Now I work 50-60 hours a week and barely see the light of the day, and now all I talk about is work. I have 6 hours in my day between work and sleep, add to that that I get up 2.5 hours before work to get kid to school, get myself ready and drive to work, plus half hour to get back home from work. It leaves me 3 hours a day for dinner, laundry, helping kid with homework. When I am finally able to sit down at night just to get my thoughts together, my husband usually says - when are you going to bed, it's late already. I often have to work one of my 2 weekends, spending the other grocery shopping and doing other chores. I am responsible for all the appointments, meds refills, all things insurances, keeping track of bills and even when's the trash day as Thursdays always come as a surprise to my husband. Some call it boring, spending any free time not doing fun activities, I call it peace and time I need to take to not go crazy.
Not going to lie the caller does sound boring as hell😂😂😂 John has to pull information out of her
MidLife Crisis?
This conversation was like pulling teeth… boring😬. Conversation and social skill takes practice and effort too, maybe you have to work on being less boring?
Together for 10 married for 3 and they have an 8 year old and a 5 year old? Wow 2 out of wedlock pregnancies.
By her tone and current convo , she sure does sound boring 🥱
Not attacking this caller, but she doesn’t have a lot of affect when she speaks. I don’t hear much emotion in her voice. Like l maybe she’s just going through the motions right now. I don’t think we have enough information to judge the situation though…
You let him watch the kids all weekend see how he feels
Red flag Red Flag
It depends on the age of the child. Dr. Faye Snyder says children under 5 years of age shouldn't be separated from their moms. A 1 year old baby shouldn't be away from mom for more than 1 hour per week. A 2 year old, 2 hours per week. A 3 year old, 3 hours per week, etc. Otherwise, BPD and it's attendant ADHD could result in the child. There is an abandonment schedule in most of her books.