10 Subtle Signs of Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder
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- Опубликовано: 19 май 2024
- In this video, I share 10 signs of Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder, keeping in mind that these are in addition to the DSM criteria for BPD which you can find below.
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Hi! I'm Lise Leblanc. I am a therapist, life coach, and author of 9 self-healing guides. I have over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. All content is for general information purposes only and does not replace a mental health care of consultation with a health professional.
If you have thoughts about harming yourself, get help right away by taking one of these actions:
Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
Call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) In Canada: 1.833.456.4566
Call your mental health provider, doctor or other health care provider.
Reach out to a loved one, trusted friend.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.
#bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #borderline
I was diagnosed with borderline 18 years ago as a teenage. Spent my whole life fighting borderline disorder. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.
Congrats on your recovery. Most persons never realizes psilocybin can be used as a miracle medication to save lives. Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here.
Can you help me with the reliable source 🙏. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Australia. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them
Yes sure of Dr.benfungi
100% agree I used to have Psychosis and paranoid thoughts like "people thinking about me talking about me etc. Very odd behavior after getting off Adderall from 7-16. Antidepressants at 18-29. 31 now. I took way to much, but took about 20g of Gold caps (Psilocybin containing mushroom) I analyzed my entire life. The emotions that came out helped me understand behavior etc more. Wont ever need to do it again because I'm happy and contempt forever, but I wish more people did this to alter their perception of reality. Would help with healing much trauma
How do I reach out to him? Is he on insta
I would call myself a quiet borderline. There are others very like me. We self-isolate because we know that the pain we feel inside is huge and that it would be a negative thing for people to deal with and that bothers us. So, we keep to ourselves. We don't want to negatively impact anyone's life.
Yes. 😞
Yeah… i feel as thought others shouldnt be burdened by me. Like i will drag everyone down with me
Damn
I tell myself that I have bad luck and warn everybody that death is always near me
To the T. To the friggin T. I don’t want to poison anyone else with the kind of toxicity I feel. I don’t want to have to fake it and pretend things are fine.
1 - People pleasing ✅
2 - Passive/Agressive Behavior ✅
3 - Need for Perfection ✅ High standards for themselves
4 - Wearing Masks; being a chameleon ✅
5 - Flight/Freeze response; no fight ✅
6 - Being unlovable to them ✅Rejection is inevitable; pushing away until people leaves.
7 - Higher empathy ✅
8 - Taking things personally ✅
9 - Sensitivity to criticism ✅
10 - Submissive or Regressive behavior ✅
Well; and despite all this I still think i'm faking my problems. 😞
we all do,
I do more when I strongly say to myself I can more than my mind says I can.
literally doing better by commanding myself from 3rd person perspective above myself lol
it seems crazy but works 🤷
Wow that's me to a TEEE. I thought i was the only one. It sucks so bad, but i try to imagine before internet communication, when people had no idea or awareness that it was even a "thing" that others experienced. Now THAT would suck even more.
wow, that last part.. i often end up thinking that i don't suffer from borderline at all. I believe i am faking mental illness for no god damned reason at all.
Higher empathy is not part of the picture, dont flatter yourself.
@@meinungabundance7696people might share some criterias for attaining the diagnose of bpd but that alone does not mean that two people with the diagnose have anything else alike. It seems you have personal experience with a person. That doesnt make it okay to bash another for what happened to you.🎉
Sometimes if you say you love them, and they feel they are unlovable, they reconcile this by just assuming that you’re lying
I would like to learn more about your comment. Something happened in my relationship around this that I have struggled to understand for several years.
@@jamesgerboc Nature recently published on hereditary epigenetic changes in BPD people as a consequence of abuse in childhood (dependency). It seems reasonable to assume that our collective evolutionary history might include both Amish communities, or something similar, and war zones, and that an individual might be better served by different patterns of gene expression in each of those different circumstances. In the war zone example it might, from an evolutionary perspective, pay dividends to go to lengths to ensure that any potential mate is the sort to pray on others before their own children and promiscuity might not be such a bad strategy. In an Amish community, I assume, not being Amish myself, entirely inappropriate. Nature have shown that these aren't simply conscious decisions, the salience of our options is mediated by our genes, our epigenetics and our evolutionary history.
Borderline personality disorder was so called because patients seemed to live on the border between neurosis and psychosis. Cinema Therapy recently reviewed Netflix Arcane in which Powder aka Jinx is pushed into psychosis by multiple childhood traumas. Her sister, Vi, tries to connect with her by reminding her of who she used to be, by urging her to remember how things were when they were a gang of childhood friends. (To be clear, I'm arguing that this is roughly analogous to a non BPD person insisting to the BPD person that she (or he) is loved.) I recommend it. ruclips.net/video/1alFe3-CgMo/видео.html The BPD person doesn't need to know that she is loved, except in so far as we all do, except the psychopaths, maybe, but it's not top of the list. Top of the list is knowing *knowing*, because she *knows* that law enforcement is an aspiration if not a con, that when it comes to the crunch people make a lie of all the principles that they espouse, *knowing* that her partner isn't going to prey on any children that they might have together and put her in the position of having to decide whether or not she aught to kill him in his sleep and feed him to the children. Is all that happening consciously? No, probably not.
I confirm this because that is just how i used to do
Yes that’s true, when you say or show love, they believe you’re acting 😢 sad
@CH Thanks for sharing. I have always been puzzled by a similar experience. We had been dating for about 10 months. Everything was perfect in every way. We were drinking one evening and in a very romantic storybook moment I said, "I think I'm falling in love with you." She smiled. Fast-forward 3 months and I told her I missed her. I questioned how the frequency of our "dates" was falling off. She said, "If you hadn't said, 'I love you,' everything would be different. I was taken back and very confused. To this day, I wonder.
“It’s a complete and utter failure, they might as well be dead” this made me laugh out loud. It’s ludicrous hearing someone else say that out loud when I’ve thought it so many times…
I also started cracking up at that moment lmfaoo I’ve thought this more times than I can count but hearing someone actually say it loud makes you realize how absolutely ridiculous that thought process is 😂
Yep these videos certainly helped provide a sense of perspective for dark times. No matter what diagnosis or none at all 👌
Agreed
Same here. Still do
I laughed at that myself because I felt like I could’ve designed some invitations better. The event has long past and it still irks me. 😂
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporesss
Some of these symptoms seem to me like adaptations to being victimized by narcissists, and some of them seem to be the adaptations of a high-functioning autistic person to pass as normal in society. I definitely can see where there could be ambiguity and overlap
I think there's probably a bit of an overlap between quiet BPD and autism. The result of pretty much what you said - adverse childhood experiences blended with the neurodivergence which leads to the maladaptive behaviors and thoughts.
omg this comment
@@ChickVicious237I've also been noticing that these behaviors resemble the recommended strategies for dealing with narcissists. Perhaps under the proper conditions they are actually appropriate adaptive behaviors, which only become maladaptive when overgeneralized due to CPTSD and directed at the wrong people under the wrong circumstances.
@@ChickVicious237Autism is easily and reliably identifiable by brain scan confirmation of structural and metabolic differences in brain functioning results in discernible and discrete behavioral differences delays and deficits in normal developmental milestones in child development.. hence the diagnostic criteria refer specifically to this cornerstone brain development timeline for normal functioning in children.. therefore doctors diagnose autism around the age of three..
In contrast, variability in symptom presentation and normal transient presentations that are age dependent and not related to changes in brain morphology and discreet differences in cognition or behavior therefore,
.. personality disorders are not solidified into a diagnosable category until the rapid and varied developmental changes normal to the rapidly changing brain of children, has passed and adulthood reached
Yes. All of the above.
BPD is also notoriously difficult to diagnose because of the overlapping commonalities with PTSD and C-PTSD. Because of this, some are given a diagnosis of BPD when actually they are dealing with trauma. Sexual assault and exposure to narcissistic toxicity in a relationship can also confuse the mix. Add onto this the fact that many clinicians simply don't have the experience or qualifications to make these diagnosis, and we can see that there are likely many people out there who are not diagnosed, and who are wrongly diagnosed. Bottom line, get multiple opinions.
Good point. Reminds me of the Johnny Depp trial. I took note of Dr. Shannon Curry as she brought out how Amber scored high on a test designed to test faking PTSD, this was one of the reasons for her diagnosis of HPD and BPD. I work with two Therapists, one is an actual MD. Both have told me how that test works.
Yes, this 💯
I agree with the fact that BPD is somehow confused with anxiety disorders and mood disorder, ans in most cases with Bipolar.
The case you mentioned, trauma is somehow viewed now as the root of all personality disorders. For example if one had a traumatic experience with BPD intimate partner is likely to develop borderline personality disorder. And even childhood traumas have an enormous impact whether the child would develop later BPD or not.
@@abdelhafidabarkan5782 Two points on reply. First I don't think it has been proven either way Amber suffered anything throughout her childhood. The next point I was ONLY addressing the diagnostic testing used by DR Curry. I refuse to get sucked into a debate about who did what in that screwy depp/heard case!
@@THE-michaelmyers
You probably misinterpreted my comment. I only spoke about BPD as a malleable disorder, and the level of complexity when it comes to diagnose a person with such a personality disorder. I never mentioned the case you're talking about, and I got no desire to involve other people's private life in my research.
I don’t understand why this is seen as horrible and manipulative by so many people. If someone is suffering a lot and they’re trying their best to make you happy while avoiding bringing you down by their misery. I think it’s really terrible to label someone as manipulative for wanting to be liked at the expense of almost exclusively them. Doesn’t almost everyone want to be liked by someone else? Maybe it’s uncomfortable to be around someone who is overly nice, but surely them trying to be nice isn’t deserving of hate.
I think because while people pleasing, we inherently deceive others in order to secure what WE want, which is to be liked. You’re right, it’s not a huge character flaw, but I think we often mistake manipulation as being inherently evil. In reality we all manipulate at some point in some way, and it’s best to call it out. When you remove the truth from situations with others because you want validation and love from them, that is a form of manipulation because you are attempting to control and influence them by altering your behaviour, with an agenda.
I believe, underneath all NPD and BPD, the root of the problem is CPTSD.
I agree…
I agree and insecure attachments
Cptsd does not exist
@@Ryukikon you obviously don’t have it then
I agree
So that’s a 10/10 for me, never had anyone try to convince me that they love me - they just leave. It’s incredibly hard to live like this all day everyday and sometimes it’s just mire peaceful to be alone
Do you ever wonder if you're more content with it because if you weren't it would hurt more?
Just because it is hard does not mean that it hurts, I’m old enough to be content with myself, and once you have peace it is priceless, I just never gave up on loving me.
Ooh my word Fiona "EXACTLY" I know I'm BPD and sometimes manic.
@@fionatonge2215 😊😊😊😊😊😊
❤ We aren’t alone. I’m 42 now and a lot of it has gotten better for me, but the daily struggle with this has caused me some major issues. My heart goes out to you.
I just want to start by saying I know for a fact I have quiet borderline.
I was hospitalized after a drug overdose and had to stay in a residential mental hospital for 9 months. This particular wing of the hospital was meant for girls with borderline personality. they used dialectical behavior therapy, taught us the skills, primary and secondary emotions and we practiced mindfulness all day.
I was only 16 at the time but i already knew I identified with everything I knew about BPD, and I assumed I had been officially diagnosed since I was there.
I realized pretty fast that the girls I was living with were explosive, unpredictable and really angry but they were also more extroverted confident and carefree. Honestly I was used to feeling alienated or different from everyone so I didn’t think too much of it, just that these girls were like nothing I’d seen before.
When I got out and started outpatient therapy I found out I wasn’t diagnosed with BPD, instead it said “Borderline traits and MDD” Im like 99% sure that’s because I didn’t act like the stereotypical, crazy, manipulative borderline-yet I still fit the diagnostic criteria?😮
I started seeing a new therapist recently and I brought up the fact that I think I have bpd because I was explaining some relationship stuff and she immediately cut me off and said “oh no you don’t seem like you have bpd” I said well,, we just met and I know there’s more than one way of presenting but she laughed and said there’s no way?
I’m tired of professionals making a salary I can only dream of and still holding so much stigma. It hurts so much every time someone acts like all borderlines are just female narcissists. Even when my mental health was the worst it’s ever been I never wanted to manipulate anyone:/ all I wanted was for my mom to hug me and say it’s okay. Im proud of you for being here-
Seems like u want to have bpd even when highly trained professionals say u don't. Narsisst maybe
@@rl5725 I don’t care if you think I’m a narcissist or whatever but who the fuck is wishing they had bpd????😭
Like that’s wild lmao. if my brain was normal I’d probably be too busy having dreams, goals, and friends to even know what bpd is
The “highly trained professional” actually wasn’t qualified to diagnose anything, that’s not what she way trying to do anyway and I also didn’t ask her to but
My bpd was later confirmed by a professional that is allowed to do that, that’s why I said it’s a fact I have bpd in the beginning.
They also explained that my chart said “borderline traits” because I was 16 at the time and you can’t have a full bpd diagnosis until you’re 18 and up until that point no one took me seriously about it
I am glad you're here! I understand your battle. My 16 yo most likely has bpd or quiet bpd. But, because of her age, they also label it as borderline traits. And she has seen multiple professionals who say she probably is bpd, but we won't diagnose her because of her age.
@@rl5725 I don't think anyone "wants" to have BPD. Nobody that really knows what it is anyway.
I think personality traits play a lot into how BPD is expressed. I think people that present more outwardly probably are more extroverted and I think that those with introverted personality traits probably internalize more. I think it's all very dependent on environment and just the person. I'm so good at hiding my struggles that many wouldn't believe that I have the ones that I do but I do. They especially began to show after I stopped using drugs. Narcissism is a spectrum and there isn't a person on this earth who doesn't have narcissistic traits or fall somewhere on that spectrum. Narcissistic personality disorder is a completely different thing though. There's a pretty big difference between borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. Although borderlines Do have narcissistic traits, They are not full blown narcissists. They have manipulative tendencies, especially when fearing abandonment.
That's why I think it's up to some of us to recover and help others. There's not nearly enough people trained to do cognitive behavioral therapy or dialectical behavioral therapy. In one of my psych classes they were talking about taking bits and pieces out of these therapies and trying to use them just because it's such a complicated kind of therapy and it takes a long time and consistent effort between client and therapist. I don't think we should try to make shortcuts when it comes to helping people get better. In fact, I think that's part of the problem in mental health now is that we like to take so many shortcuts. I can't tell you how many times I've been handed a pill before I've been handed real therapy. And I'm not denying that medication doesn't help people but more often than not people need real therapy and sometimes both.
💖🫶
The criticism part is so relatable. I don't even actively do it, but my brain does interpret it in such a drastic way, that if someone were to tell me "red is not your color" I would never ever wear red again
Quiet BPD, high functioning BPD ~ wow
5 out of 9 traits to diagnose, mimics OCD, narcissism, and severity.
1.BPD are supreme people pleasers for acceptance, approval and keep the peace.
2. Often overextended tb themselves to exhaustion
3. Passive aggressive, lash out at themselves, internalize
4. Driven to perfection, black & white, high achievers
5. Excessively harsh inner critic - how sad
6. Over apologize to release shame
7. Wear masks and become enmeshed in relationships
8. Intense moods
9. Hyper hypo arousal. Overactive amygdala, emotional processing center
Always cued up, fear response, freeze or flight response, deregulated state, dissociated, survival instinct, they withdraw,
10. Insecurity, feel fatally flawed and rejected, are possessive & jealous never feel lived, they don't believe you, prove it to them, they push you away, concerned how others perceive them
11. High empathy , gets emotionally deregulated and overwhelmed
12. Taking things personally , internalize others emotions, tone, gestures, interpreted as self blame for others reactions, pushing
13. Incredibly Self critical, sensitivity to criticism, drastically internalize tbe negative. Effective criticism is ineffective, hyperfocus on the negative, they think they are damaged. That one little criticism is the only thing they hear ,
14. Submissive or regressive behaviour, they revert to childlike state or shift from adult to childlike state right before your eyes
glad im not that
@@casperinsight3524 that's correct but we're discussing BPD and I said,glad
I dont have that ..make sense now?
Hmmmmmmm fits me. Not good
Wow, I struggle with almost all of these
Aside from 3 and 4 could also be AvPD
Sounds like me. Was raised by a single dad with a narcissistic step mom and abusive step siblings. Sexually abusive blood brother and step brother. Decided to try and do the healing alone because most therapists or psychologists will not understand the pain or trauma and diagnose me with depression .. it's sad :/ so little support some of us have
And the step mom divorced my dad when I had moved out and took most of what he had so we are struggling and have a strained relationship because I don't really trust him lol
I feel the same in regards to a therapist. Another individual cannot understand the depth of pain one experiences. Healing comes from within. However, expressing one's experience can release the hormones that can guide us out of a depressive state. The therapist must be without bias and non-judgemental.
💯
So true it seems no psychologist or mental health professional is really professional at all none of them want to help they just think everyone has depression I hope one day there will be a 100% cure for every mental illness
I have quiet BPD and I’ve just been some of the hardest days of my life. I was already going through a deep depression with chronic suicidal ideation. Because of this and several other reasons I got extremely attached to my therapist. I started developing feelings for her and felt safe with her. She also struggled with installing boundaries, so that made it even more difficult and confusing. But it came to a point where she couldn’t handle my attachment anymore and cut off the appointments. I know she’s only human, and everyone has their limits. But it was devastating and I was in some of the most pain I ever endured. I almost killed myself. Luckily with the help of one of my best friends I pulled through. Never give up!
BPD is so often used to pathologize people (especially women) who have trauma histories and neurodivergence, especially unidentified autism. I personally think it's a junk diagnosis that brings with it tremendous stigma, especially in the mental health arena. We really need to do better rather than just slapping on a diagnosis like this because all the "symptoms" you described are previously necessary responses to survive trauma and keep them alive in bad situations. There's not mentally ill about that.
Exactly 😊
Exactly this. I didn’t have these symptoms until I exited an abusive relationship where I was constantly treated like nothing I did was enough. I was antagonized and baited into arguments and saw some awful sides to myself after giving birth. It was only AFTER that, six years later, that I developed a sense of unworthiness. If I watched this video and self-diagnosed, I’d say the whole feeling unworthy of love and whatnot could describe me very well. I have mood swings depending on if I have to exchange my son with my ex. I’ve been in a few bad relationships, and I never felt unworthy until I was in three bad ones. I never thought poorly of myself before. I loved myself. I thought I was just this quirky, aloof, strange, and magical person worthy of love and full of love to give. Now, I am haunted by bad relationships and am working on getting past it all. It’s not even been a year since I fully exited the 6-year relationship. It’s trauma. Not BPD. I’m in a relationship now and struggle to feel worthy of the love because I’ve experienced so much pain and heartache and internalized it. I want to take responsibility for my roles in the past so that I don’t repeat it. I was ignorant, socially clueless, and my therapist thinks I am autistic. Women and POC have a hard time getting diagnosed with autism. It’s often a BPD label. I’ve never been suspected of BPD though. Just anxiety. It’s thrown out there with NPD for clickbait.
This makes no sense, since trauma causes mental illness... there's definitely something wrong with being mentally ill! It's not something you just shrug your shoulders about and go on living with. If you don't diagnose and treat, you're accepting the continuation of generational traumas. Believe me, I TRIED to get my mother to get help, but nooo... I was left to deal with her issues and suffer the loss of my own childhood development, and now I have to do the hard work on myself to deal with it. YES... mental illness needs to be identified and addressed for the good of society!!
BTW, I suspect my mother was also on the autism spectrum since my sister and her children are... it's gotten stronger with each generation. Does that make it ok for my mother to be as emotionally immature and neglectful of me as she was, disregarding me as a separate being than she? Of course not! Autism is not an excuse, and although it's sad they were born with the various brain deficits, they should not be having children... by default they are incapable of the mirroring and empathy required to raise a healthy child.
Maybe the "diagnosis " isn't as important as the behaviors that are extremely difficult to be in relationship with. Taking accountability is the first step to heal.
I think women with autism and men with BPD are often diagnosed with the opposite disorder because "autism is logical/rational/male" and "BPD is emotional/female." It's just straight up clinical gender bias.
(Saying this as someone who studied psychology, and dated someone with BPD whom an autistic female psychologist attempted to diagnose with autism.)
I was diagnosed with borderline a couple weeks ago. The interpreting other people's moods as negative, then taking it personally... oh dear. That's me. 😢 Growing up, it was a means of survival. My mom had borderline, poly-substance abuse... She didn't get help or therapy. Her moods were so volatile, you had to be ready for the switch/split at a moments notice.
WOW! You described me in a nutshell. I've been diagnosed by my family doctor with BPD. I never heard of it before, so I researched it. And yes, I have BPD. I've had it all my life. But, after hearing you, I discovered that I have quiet BPD. Thank you for helping me understand more about myself. You were so clear and easy to listen to, and I appreciate that so much. Thanks!
So are you seeking therapy? A good therapist who is knowledgeable about BPD can help you to learn alternative behaviors, and responses.
Your family doctor cannot properly diagnose a mental health disorder. You need to see a Psychiatrist and get properly diagnosed. MY family doctor diagnoes me a Bi polar, which |I am as well as BPDc and PTSD. I spent way too long being misdiagnosed and it ended up hurting me in the end. Please do yourself a favour and see a mental health professional.
I wasn't allowed to cry at home or express pain, anger, etc. I've been abandoned and I also have ocd. I can relate to everything your saying. I had to be perfect growing up and I'm my own worst enemy. I was told how to act what to say and not say. Ppl don't know all the pain I hide inside, not even my therapist. I have so many fears and I get upset and hurt extremely easy. And I jump at loud sounds. I feel numb inside and out, and I'm overly emotional. I don't even know what's real or not. I hope this makes sense. I can't get emotionally close to anyone. I was told I was bad and that no one would ever love me. I hide inside my home more than I go out. I don't trust either. My home has to be just so or it drives me crazy if it's in disarray.
I've been told I over react to things. I never feel safe
Sameee here smh 😢
All my life I was told I'm so negative well I have bpd and I hate it every day it is like being in hell with your mind
This is totally spot on for me. Thankfully, I am receiving treatment (medications and CBT), so my symptoms have become somewhat mild. It is still exhausting though. I am 3 months into my new workplace, and I am convinced that some people hate/disapprove of me. That said, like you explained, people with quiet BPD are usually functioning and even gifted. That is spot on for me too. I was a success in university, and am doing pretty well in my career. I hope life gets easier as I age, because I am sick of tormenting myself with constant self-criticism, anxiety, desire for approval, and the need for perfectionism. I could go on and on, but I will stop here. Thank you for making this video 🎉
I think that I fit a lot of this catagory. It is so difficult to deal with. Emotions are so intense that sometimes it feels as if you are breaking apart. And yes, the perfection. Everything I do has to be perfect. A painting is never finished. A book is never completed, because it is not perfect.
Same here 😢 I was actually diagnosed with BPD back in 2011. Then later told it was CPTSD (BPD and CPTSD have many overlaps). Whether or not I actually am BPD, I certainly have a lot of the traits. I hear you and I’m sending a hug
I appreciate that your trying to do a self examination. It can be difficult to face yourself. I had to face myself many years ago. I was about to say that mine came easy because I had plenty of motivation after a death experience. But I guess there's nothing easy about dying for a few minutes and coming back so I think I was about to sell myself short. 😂 It provided me the motivation and determination that I needed to change my toxic behaviors and stop blaming others...and using others...and hurting others by lying, manipulating and betraying anyone who trusted me. The supply of motivation and determination was constant and consistent and kept me free of denial and delusions to get in my way... so in that sense you might say that part was easy comparatively. In speaking and listening to others on the topic some have told me how easy it was to backslide and lose all conviction to change. I didn't have that problem because during my short lived demise I had a tremendous vision of the afterlife. I had a visit with St Peter at heavens gates. I witnessed as people were judged for their deeds on this earth. Both good deeds and bad deeds were weighed, measured and carefully compared. I could clearly see the pain on the faces of those with much regret, shame and resentment as their deeds were laid out before them for all to see. Conversely i could see the contentment and joy on the faces of those who had lived pious, humble and honest lives. You can only imagine how many different scenarios that could play out at the moment your deeds are laid bare. Like someone who did something terrible and hid it for the rest of their lives. Basically living a lie. Maybe even having completely changed their ways out of fear or guilt but were never held accountable for their crimes. I can only imagine how those outcomes are determined. But I saw clearly that we are each and every one judged for our true worth. And suddenly I was back. And immediately I was stricken with fear and the knowledge that my account was in deficit. Everything I had done I was keenly aware of. And I was determined to make apologies, amends and even restitution in a few instances. That was 32 years ago. I didn't clear them all. Some people just didn't want nothing to do me. I feel confident now that I've done my best to be an honorable and considerate human being. The most challenging thing I've encountered is trying to teach empathy to an a apathetic person. My wife is that person. You reminded me of her when you said that sometimes your emotions are so intense that the world feels as if it is breaking apart. She has told me exactly this. She has a bad habit of putting things off for tomorrow that she could have done today. Should have done today. Anything that can be done or said today...in my opinion, should always be done today. You should put nothing off until tomorrow. Tomorrow may not come for you or someone to whom you did not say something you should have said. That can and will only turn into a regret or a resentment that will haunt your conscious mind and when you have things attacking your consciousness it can quickly get out of sync and make you feel like everything is a total loss and not worth the effort needed to repair it. She used this logic while our kids were in highschool. None of them graduated. They all 3 tested in the top 0.5% of the district. Not one graduated. And my wife is a teacher in the district. She's in such denial of it that she's out of control with the things she does now to distract herself and others from her shame. She absolutely refuses to face it and it is dragging the problem out considerably. Prolonging my kids suffering and not getting them the help that they need to continue their education or their lives. She's infecting them with mental illness basically and won't let me help. She's isolated them and alienated anyone and everyone who could help. She feels that anyone in a position to help is in a position to judge. And she is evading judgement for her very life. And I think it's truly lost on her how she is harming her own children. Of course I've tried to reason with her and explain that it can all be repaired. It just needs to be faced head on. All she can manage are little half truths that make her only partly accountable for her actions and she passes the buck to someone else and runs away to hide with them. We haven't lived together in more than 12 years. I've been to jail for domestic violence more times then I can count. Even when I called the police trying to prevent it. Even when my kids were telling the cops that their father did not touch their mother and that their mom was in a psychosis brought on by her mental Illness...I went to jail. She hides things in her mind that are difficult for her to face. In the time when most of us sit in reflection on a thing and feel remorse, guilt, shame, embarrassment, etc ..the emotions that give us the motivation and determination to change or to apologize or whatever positive thing that needs to be done to make us feel like we are decent...she never feels those things. She doesn't process regret or shame or fear the way most of us do. For her it seems like she's still a child. I remember as a child when I was punished for something I would sulk. And I would go into a pity party mode. Where in the end I would never feel sorry for anything I had done. I would only feel resentment for being punished. I can't be the only one who experienced this. I'm sure most who read this can relate and understand. Somewhere along the way I moved past that and became accountable. Probably because I wanted to be like my role models. They were fair and responsible men and they always held themselves accountable first and foremost. I'm grateful for their impact upon my life. I didn't take to it immediately. I rebelled against it and found out the hard way what the consequences were for doing that. And then all the lessons from my father, my uncle's, grandparents and other role models clicked and it was easy to make the adjustments to live an honorable life. My wife missed that part somehow. She never was held accountable. She's been running from accountability for a very long time. At the expense of her own kids futures, happiness and quality of life. I see those things diminish for my kids daily as my wife's condition persists. She's the sole breadwinner. So she has made life very difficult for us by making us all dependant upon her while also sabotaging our self worth and confidence. Limiting our contacts and resources. When those things are withheld from a person they lose opportunity, creativity and objectivity. And life becomes a suffering. I'm afraid my kids are going to hurt themselves to free themselves from their sequestration. I can't get to them. She's poisoned their hearts and minds to me. Made me the big bad wolf. I'm the good guy. I only want to help. I don't know what to do.
I had a specific question I wanted to ask you when I began this because you sounded lucid and agreeable and you said that you had been experiencing symptoms of this Illness and I of course I saw your handle and thought it may be appropriate and timely to ask you a pertinent question regarding my wife who also has this illness. I guess I hoped that you might provide some insight for me to get thru to her. And I'll be damned if I can remember it now. Wow. Anyways...
I don't blame my wife. I want to help her and my kids. I don't want her to face judgement in her current deficit of any honor. There's no entrance for her in her current state. To much regret. Too much guilt. Too much anger and deflection. No remorse. No accountability. No compassion, empathy or sympathy. No good intentions. She thinks my story about St Peter is a joke or something I made up. I wish it was. I really wish it was. I'm tired now. If I think of my question I'll try again. Don't wait until tomorrow to fix yourself for your loved ones. You'll appreciate yourself alot more if you do. So will they. 🙏
Me to. It's a living hell of emotional pain that people just don't understand. If I could unzip myself, then they could see how bad it hurts, but they still wouldn't know just how deeply it hurts. It's like someone is cutting me to pieces with a chainsaw. Sometimes I cry for hours, trying to wash out the pain. Nothing works during those intense episodes.
This video hurt my brain and my hurt. I couldn't agree with you more. The desire for perfection is never ending and causing so many problems when things aren't or don't go according to plan. I had a sculpture that was damaged by a 3rd party while moving it to its permanent installation. The feeling I got was incredibly overwhelming. In that moment my excitement and joy went to pain, disgust and anger. Three months of work meant nothing and was ruined. This video hit home on so many points.
People with these symptoms often suffered abuse and trauma as children that they have not dealt with. Everyone is a product of their environment. Recovery and learning healthier ways of relating is possible with awareness, effort, and support.
Thank you so much for this video, I am in tears. You just described my husband of 15 years perfectly. I am so sad that this is how he feels on the inside, he’s tried to explain reasons as to why he does what he does to me but it never made sense. Now it makes perfect sense. He was adopted by a narcissistic mother and father who didn’t even show any emotion let alone let him have his own emotions. He was constantly compared to his cousins and was always threatened with being ‘given back’. He says I allowed him to be himself and he obviously found that incredibly soothing, until he started a new job and was thrown into a field of narcissistic sales people who stab each other in the back and constantly manipulate - his role is not sales but he has to work very closely with them, and they opened up so many childhood wounds for him, making him feel not good enough constantly. Thank you again. He wants to get diagnosed.
To anyone dealing with this, from someone like you: there is always hope. Therapy changed my brain forever for the good, I wish you the best ❤
No sense of self, no self-esteem, addicted to drama & chaos, vehemently despises change as little as it may be, DBT doesn't work
🙏🙏🙏🙏
Because of videos like this, I have to keep telling myself that I’m not doomed, I’m loveable, my emotions are really and valid no matter what or how intense, I’m not impossible to love even tho I believe I have BPD and have thought this for years, and that I can TRULY and purely love somebody and they can truly and purely love me and if I was to get this actual diagnosis, again, I’m not doomed and am worthy of love and can give love as well. I’m also very aware, starting therapy again and willing to do what it takes to not let this complete ruin me or anyone I love.
Yep, I'm B.P.D, just turned 61, I also have a couple of chronic illnesses with physical chronic pain. It's taken a long time to get some control over myself & my life. Meds, therapy and exhaustion has been the main things that have helped. Learning about the illness and why I feel the way I do or how I respond to life.
If the meds weren't there life would be hell again because they give a stable platform from which balance is so much easier, but they are only a beginning. Once the extremes (& we all know those!) even out, it makes things clearer and possible to deal with.
I remember the first diagnosis I got was extreme chronic depression and though it felt like a relief to know I wasn't abnormal or alien in some way, in typical BPD fashion, the panic set in! If I have a mental health issue who am I really? Why am I like this, how did this happen & SPIRAL!!!!! Couple of years later, re diagnosed with BPD & Chronic Depression, oh that makes sense (after I deeply delved into the whole thing) of course it makes sense & of course again in true BPD another panic spiral. Except this time it wasn't as bad or take as long to come out of it. Slowly it got better & dealing bit by bit (baby steps) with my life, now and in the past, in a fairly sane way has given me insight and tools to live with all the crazy. Also humour is the best way to quiet the inner talk!
Now I can embrace my uniqueness and appreciate just how much I can control my own neurodivergent personality and the big thing........I like who I am & I don't really care what others think about me anymore!!! Because I know me better than anyone else in the world & in the end, it's truly not about me.
Remember we didn't choose this, we did nothing wrong and no we don't deserve the pain in our lives, because we're not as bad as we think we are. The best & most freeing moment of all is when you just let go of the pain, the fear & the paranoia. The past is past, the future is tomorrow & all we really can control is right now, minute by minute. Baby steps, learn, research, understand & be kind to yourself.
Get help, then you can help you!!! & Yes it's still a fight every single day, I wouldn't change a thing about my life or who I am. Warrior, that's me!!😊 To my fellow Warriors, you're not alone, you're not imagining the pain, fight on because the other choice really sucks ❤❤🦦🦘🇦🇺
I’m just learning on my own at 44 I have quite bpd. Life has been rough but I’m hoping for a good outcome. Your comment made me feel like there is hope for us all. I hope all is well with you and yours. ❤
@@ohmandy6975 we get there every day, day by day ❤️ I really think the other option totally sucks 😏☺️
@@ohmandy6975 Hello!!! 👋👋👋How ya doing, just thought I'd give you a quick "Warrior" g'day, let you know I'm still here. Thinking bout ya❤️ sending gentle hug cause sometimes it helps. Love fellow Warrior 😁❤️
@@betsyhughes2208 you’re very sweet and I appreciate you so very much! I hope you’re doing well and a gentle hug back as well because they do help so much xo
@@ohmandy6975 ❤️🦦
11:10 this really breaks my heart cuz my Long distance relationship has surely BPD she is hyperactive and thinks way too much is paranoid too and the even jealous about my few twitch viewers I have. I really love her she believed me a bit she claimed but not anymore for whatever reason and accuses me sometimes and says I can not trust you. It is like no matter what I do it iwll never be good enough and I told her that. She blocked me already 6 or 7 times. She even bought me at first a ticket to see her in where she lives. It is just crazy and so sad cuz I really would take her even with her flaws I told her but it got harder to reach her over the few months now.
I think I might have this disorder, but I see it as a gift, I have sublimated it into my love of philosophy, and these very strong emotions pull me in all sorts of directions and show me some fascinating insights into the human condition.
You are a kind soul to except your affliction as a gift. I suffer from BPD and see the deepest love and suffering for someone as a gift despite the relationship falling apart. When I have an episode, I focus all my attention into artwork and make the best pieces. Then look back, and remember how I felt to create those pieces of beauty. To every darkside, there is light. As above, so below.
My recent ex of 7 days got angry very few times. An important part of the image she wanted to project is that she was kind, giving and caring. She was sooooo pissed when I shook her Kumbucha, the raw anger was surprising. When I mentioned it to her family she denied she was really angry. Said she was acting. She was SUPER angry when I was curious about what she and her narcissist friend talked about when they met. That was a HUGE red flag I ignored. One other time, what was it errrrrr hmmmmm. I forget but it was a simple thing. Oh yes! She got angry at me when I asked about why she lied and why she defended, rationalized, justified. Then she went right into victim mode. "I'm just a horrible person!" I told her that's not at all what I said. Then whenever I wanted to discuss any issue, that was her default. "I'm just a horrible person!" After a dozen times, eventually, I just responded. "You know what? Yes, you are." It didn't even phase her. I was taking to off-ramp. She was incredibly non-confrontational. Where I wanted to resolve all issues using heart to heart communication. I thought she was a good listener, but that's not what is was. It was avoidance to view herself and refusal to acknowledge or consider my feelings. Her new female boss caught on quick. Told her she could no longer work from home after catching her in a lie. She was habitually lying abut the most simple things. It was like watching a 5 year old lie to a parent. So obviously seen as a lie. One of her sisters was also a narcissist but did not hid it. Her other sister was quiet and came across like a non-person. All 3 of them had something about them that was perceivable as being off. I should not draw this conclusion, but I think they were not just molested as children, but subjected to an abuse by someone who was supposed to protect and care for them. Broke them all.
My psychiatrist before I moved states said that I could have a slight form of BPD. After casually relating to every single symptom in this video I’m definitely getting tested by my next psychiatrist.
this describes me to the tee, and i really did not fully realize at all until i got into my first relationship, i just knew there is always something off with me.
I’ve been following the rabbits hole on this after going through a break up with my ex last year. And wow this was explained so well. She was way to clingy and needy but when it came down to her wanting a child of her own….and putting her before my own kids….I had to break up with her.
One thing I’ll add….is once you break up with them they want to keep you as a friend and emotional support while monkey branching/rebounding to another guy. But will come back for more of your “love” if it doesn’t work out. It’s terribly mean and hurtful.
Yeah the keeping you aroundthing is sick after they cheated once that was it-all blocks on and ever spoke to them again
One thing I want to point out is that the belief that we are shameful, unlovable isn’t some random belief. It is the only way the world has treated some of us, it has evidence of loved ones abandoning us when we needed them and abusing us when we were down.
This is me, when I see others describe Borderlines and their experiences with them, the characteristics they describe don’t sound like me, even tho I was diagnosed with this in 2010, didn’t get into researching it until 2019 or so, I was aware of it in 2017, but hadn’t given that diagnoses much thought bc I was so overwhelmed with OCD since 2004, so watching this makes more sense, this sounds exactly like my character, glad I finally decided to watch this, had been seeing it on my recommended
I literally understood your character through this paragraph, I’m just now realizing that I’ve been going through non ending, quiet bpd episodes for almost my whole life, I’ve never been diagnosed but I know it runs in my family. But I’ve internalized it so much I never even noticed 😟
@@jaylynnhillary9653 I’m glad you’ve become aware of it, now you can work on healing, not sure how you acquired the BPD, also it is genetic, I have a trauma background, so I’m assuming this is how it developed for me, now that you mention it, I started internalizing when I was 8 yrs old, never thought about how far back it could have gone, that’s when I remember starting to hate myself, felt maybe that I couldn’t do anything right as a child and adolescence. Gosh I hope you start to feel better, I’ve had all these symptoms she mentioned in the video, glad to finally have a label that explains it, bc I didn’t know it was a specific type of BPD, only that I had BPD.
I believe my son has this. I’m so worried. He is so lovable and talented, but thinks he’s unlovable and an awful person.
Thank you for this video. I know that I have quiet BPD but I have never been able to afford treatment and every facility that would accept my state insurance or Medicare is completely full and doesn’t even return phone calls. We definitely need better options for people to receive mental health care. So many of us are stuck on tiny Disability incomes because we can’t work and there is no hope of bettering our lives. It’s a sad situation that just gets ignored.
I feel like I’ve definitely known some people like. You do an excellent job of painting the bigger picture, and I enjoy listening to your videos.
It seems like BPD is the name assigned to the emotional & psychological fall-out of not receiving accurate/ differential diagnoses for existing developmental disorders.
Thank you so much Lise, this is the most accurate description of how I feel and function that I’ve ever heard. 🙏 I am 65 years old and really have struggled a lot, especially when I was young, but really, I haven’t made much progress because I haven’t had any treatment. You Tube videos have been a god send. It’s just now more possible at my age to isolate myself. I think there are very few who escape suffering in their lives but BPD, any sub type, is tough. Two suicides in my family and a lot of undiagnosed BPD. ❤ to those who relate to this. It really sucks. Don’t want to get up in the morning but I do because people rely on me who haven’t a clue.
This is excellent! This short video provides more clarity than years of research with typical sources. She covers traits and tendencies that others don't even mention. This has definitely cleared a lot up for me.
Some videos on BPD are confusing to me. But this one is as clear as a bell. What a relief to finally discover why I'm the way I am.
True, very informative ❤❤❤
Hi Lise.
Please keep up the great work that you're doing I find yours more helpful than anything else that I've watched ! 💓
I have CPTSD and many of my defenses are borderline flavored, my mother has a cluster b milkshake personality disorder … this content helps with self awareness and attachment healing.
I always learn a lot from these videos, thank you. The over interpretation of facial expressions has been a big one for me so I'm glad to hear it brought up as part of living with BPD or its traits.
You have a very gentle manner. Great video direct and to the point.
The submissive aspect hit hard. I hate myself for it. I want to control my life but i view myself as inferior.
A couple of these behaviors really resonated and were incredibly well put thanks for such an enlightening video!
Ah, but here's the tricky bit! There's also subconscious self harming behaviour. Found that one out talking to Drs that took the time to explain some of the more fun aspects of this condition. Talking about my behaviour with the experts I told them about my clumsy accidents and dangerous habits (won't go into that) every one of them came back with "Yes that's subconscious or unconscious self harming!! Very normal with BPD!" Good grief that was a shock 😲 but when I closely examined the things I was talking about, boom!!! clear as anything. The subconscious patterns were there screaming quite loudly about whatever I was internalizing.
Since becoming aware of these behaviours, I can actually judge how much my emotions or thoughts are messing with me without me knowing. What I understood is we aren't necessarily clumsy, sometimes we're actually trying to hurt ourselves, but quietly so nobody else knows, we just don't use razor blades! Especially if you keep hitting your head!!! Oddly that's a sign for me to think about what's going on inside... ❤️🦦🦘🇦🇺
I feel really sorry for the plight of the quiet BPD, and I felt from the way you talked that you have a lot of empathy for these people.
I think they need credit for trying hard to not take out their problems - or act out their emotional rollercoaster - on others, because I would guess most of them grew up with people who did - and the quiet BPDs don't want to become like those people. They are doing their best (actually I believe they are often doing great with the hand of cards they have been dealt), but need help to learn more healthy coping mechanisms and build self esteem.
But what I wonder is: Is there really a difference between quiet BPD and CPTSD, and if so: what is that difference? To me they seem like interchangeable diagnoses, and that the main difference from the patients point of view might be that a personality disorder is more stigmatizing.
Thank you for everything about this comment.
I've been diagnosed with cptsd and am wondering the same thing.
Thank you so much for your comment
They are frequently concurrent
Thank you for saying that!
Ma'am ma'am pls you need to stop. This video stabbed me in my heart. As soon as it got to the section about believing that anyone who likes you just doesn't know you well enough and that abandonment is inevitable I started bawling. I have had this thought for as long as I remember, when I was with my ex it was always at the back of my mind and I drove myself nuts with anxiety about when he'd finally leave me do much so I had to leave him before I fractured completely.
I also really feel that regressive bit. I used to try to purposefully kinda annoy my ex. Like refusing his help in anything and being uncooperative because I wanted him to yell at me and tell me I was horrible and that he doesn't love me because I felt I deserved it. And because that's how I felt when my dad used to yell at me when I didn't do my chores. I remember telling my mom about it and she kinda went "oh yeah you used to say that a lot as a kid, 'just yell at me' when you felt you did something wrong." I can imagine it was quite hurtful for my ex to see me do that, and I'd never want to hurt him in any way.
Every bit of video hit me so hard I don't even know how to feel anymore.
Also that bit of criticism has been such a hard thing for me to deal with. I draw a lot and I used to show my mom my art and she's say something like "the nose looks too big" and I damn well ripped that drawing apart because I couldn't stand seeing it anymore after she pointed it out.
I love you all who all are suffering from bpd...❤ hope you all get well soon and love yourself and fully depend on yourself...dont lose hope... I am also suffering from severe depression and bpd and other ...i am on medications and i am doing well rn.. Its very hard to live with but medications amd meditations exercise and being able to connect to the universe positivity can help alot.... Hope you all get well sooner or later..
Dating a Borderline drove me crazy.
Borderline feel like I’m going to lose my mind
Ironic
Ya think.... I nearly killed myself
Having it is exhausting × trillion billion zillion. Horrible life.
Me too. I can't take the hot and cold. Never know what to expect. She was 100% loyal but wasn't sure when that would change. I show all signs of BPD, and her signs were NPD /BPD. We were a concoction of toxicity waiting to explode.😮
That’s crazy I thought some of these like number 8 were just social anxiety. I do have bpd but I didn’t know some of this, very informative
BEST DESCRIPTION IVE EVER HEARD😮 This is me 10000%. Now , how do I change?!
one of the most accurate descriptions I've heard
I feel like this cluster of personality disorder charactertics are a lot like dependent personality disorder. Personality disorders are most likely a combo of genetics and survival traits that come from a traumatic family or social system. Inherited trauma.
No day is the same. It's like living as a yo yo. Exhausting.
Wow.. that's me. I come across as to much bc im to nice, too giving. Where it just becomes weird. I sel isolate a lot. Not going outside for days or weeks .I focused on personal archetypes by writing for over 23 years. Now all that work and effort seems wasted bc. I don't know what to do with it. Them I'm afraid to do anything with it. Because I don't blend in well socially with others. Great video... Thanks
That was the most professional description of bpd I've seen yet. I know at least two people that may fit the criteria.
From this video i learnt i have quiet borderline Personality disorder... Thank you so much for this awareness ❤️❤️
i was doagnosed with BPD. when i told my close friends and a couple family members they were really confused because reading about it they said it wasnt me at all. i dont yell at people, i dont lose it, i do t go i to severe mood changes or manipulate people or cause drama. i do however hate myself and cut myself in private. not everyone with bpd is like amber heard.
This feels like such a precise formula, as if my brain was made in a mass production line, where myself and each of my brethren were programmed to have these traits.
Idk why but i feel this on a spiritual level
I had a really traumatic break up that felt like it came out of nowhere last summer- the person had a lot of these traits. I was so traumatized by so much and so confused. This helped me a lot to make sense of it
Thank you for this sensible and articulate response to this recording. I am sure pathologising normal human responses to trauma as quiet BPD makes someone somewhere, a lot of money.
I'm learning a lot here. I appreciate you greatly.
Another perfect video. Thanks Lise❤️
Excellent explanation. I just left a job due to someone like this! Run Forest Run!
You really have a great presentation style Lise. Your videos are really easy to watch!
You and Dr Daniel Fox 🦊 are spot on!
This. Explains. EVERYTHING!
I have been married to a BPD man for 30 years. Thank you for your video.
THANK YOU. finally, i find a fit for me. nearly all of them are sooo spot on.
I can be a little bit of both sides of borderline. I haven't been professionally diagnosed but most of everything that's talked about pertains to how I am. But I believe from a borderlines point of view, if someone never goes out of their way to make the effort to be in your life, then that to me is showing someone with BPD that you don't care, no matter how many times someone says they do care. Actions always speak louder than words. And when only words are said, then how is someone who's borderline supposed to believe whether someone truly cares or not.
Dated someone who was fearful avoidant for 3 months but now I can see theyre were quiet BPD as well. The first 2 months of the relationship were amazing felt like we were soulmates then she randomly started distancing herself for no clear reason and last week she removed me from everything and ignored my text. I feel devastated, no idea why she did this. I thought she was a kind, selfless person. Guess she eventually took the mask off. Literally 2 weeks before removing me she would double text when i took more than 1h to respond and the suddenly boom, 0 contact and removed from everything overnight. Ive had trouble eating and sleeping since , but it feels a bit better knowing it wasnt my fault
He accused me of cheating constantly, I was definitely not, I’m demisexual, it doesn’t work that way 😂
Same, but after they deactivated for two months things got better for the next 9 months. Then again suddenly they met someone new who didn't know their flaws and weakness, they left me. I went no contact and they were surprised at least outwardly. They had a warped idea of an intimate relationship. They did not want physical touch or sex, and they did not seek help from their partner but from close friends, but when both sought help they prioritized their partner over friends. It's like they were draining energy from friends to feed their partner. And they said I was a very close friend. I could not sacrifice myself for life even though I love them so much.
All these things come from insecure attachments.
Look I'd try to see it from her perspective it might help in the healing process. She really likes you, in fact she loves you. But she's afraid you won't stick around so she attempts to portray herself as beyond human as "kind" and "selfless" all the time. Everyone makes mistakes, it's difficult to reach that standard. She might have began to feel drained around you. Cause she's basically keeping up a persona of perfection. That's not on you, it's the illness. At this point the reason she left is probably cause she had an episode, she was overwhelmed scared you wouldnt like the real her. Most importantly and I know this is weird but since a person with BPD is highly sensitive, you not responding for two hours to her could mean to her that your disinterested. This really hurts at first. And then she feels angry then cold. Then she wants to cut you out.
Mind you all those feelings are intensified to the max. Any action could lead to an internal meltdown.
Thank you so much I went to therapist four years ago and he told my mother had BPD. I asked him if I had it and he said no. But after watching this I can relate to traits of a quiet BPD person and I will seek more therapy.
I started crying because I can relate so much to the things in this video and I’m so glad I’m not the only one that’s suffering from these feelings.
Hopefully I can get into therapy and get the mental health help I so desperately need❤️
I relate to a lot of this. I've been diagnosed with chronic ptsd and it stems from childhood trauma. So I guess it would be cptsd if it was in the dsm5. I relate to a ton of this except self-harming.
I am in shock, this is exactly me 😔 i never saw a video which describes me exactly. It’s so scary. It’s so exhausting…. But seriously this is so spot on.
Please be careful and don’t date anyone. You may truly drive them to suicide. But get counseling weekly for life.
Work it and be open to looking at facts and listening to those closest to you
@@visionvixxen oh thank God I am not in a relationship. I was in a marriage with a violent covert narcissist. I was totally confused and messed up. After this relationship i started to seek mental help, and this is where they diagnosed me with bpd. To be honest I was completely in shock. But I see it now and i am selfaware of it. And most of all I do want to get help for it and be able to function in a healthy way. So I am in therapy now to deal with childhood trauma’s and the recent trauma I endured. And I hope to stay in therapy eveb after that. I don’t want to hurt anyone, my issue was always I didn’t know how to say no and go into relationships too deep and too dramatic. I was not malicious in relationships, just very confused and emotional. But thank you for your reaction, I do appreciate it. And I really will not get into a new relationship until I feel better and know myself and my emotions and actions truly.
I can’t believe I’m 38 and I’ve never known I was this. This describes me to a T. My last relationship was with a bpd man, at the end he was extremely harsh and scary and called me horrible things that I am not, and never have been. It was the hardest relationship I’ve ever been in, because the beginning for over a year was amazing. I kept holding on thinking we would get back there. But to no avail. I’ve been alone for 3 years now. I’m afraid to ever be in a relationship again. I never want to be hurt like that or so insecure like I was. I’m better off alone in every way.
This is one of the if not THE BEST video on the subject .. thank you! ❤❤❤
I started to cry, you thoroughly described my condition, checking all of the boxes. I wasn't even diagnosed, it was something I figured out on my own a few months ago and I am 51 years old. I was afflicted with the condition when I was 16.
This describes my wife of 12 years perfectly. We managed it while we were both working but she retired last year and things are rocky. Her lack of boundaries with her daughter (Narc) is a major problem for us. We can't travel or have our time together because she is using us for childcare every week on multiple days. I don't know how long I can put up with this behavior. I am seeing a therapist but wife won't go to one.
I've been married for 51 years and the only reason my husband toughed it out with me is that he really does love me. Plus, I've been in counseling for nearly 2 years. I know I'm a hellcat at times and tough to live with. But we talk things out. We work through it together. I never doubt his love for me, even during a hellish episode. I hate being like this. I didn't ask for it. But I am getting better. It's really difficult to love someone who doesn't believe you love them. My mother was like that, so I know your pain. No one should have to go through the pain and suffering of someone else's pain and suffering. I really hope things work out for you.
Run dude, run and enjoy the rest of your life in peace
They can drain you of everything. I pray she care about getting help MOREyhan you and constantly keep w a therapist and be vigilant about this…
Still, it is so hard to live with them🙏
@@sandrastaton19 have you ever been unfaithful?
As someone with quit bpd this explained so well generaly what it feels like ... I wish more people would see it and understand the neverending pain
Glad I came across this video. I was really starting to think I may have this but it’s evident I don’t meet any of that criteria.
Yep some of these signs describe me to a Tee. Number 6 was a doozie. I think that it also describes something called "impostor syndrome". Totally discouraged...glass half empty and see no point to life, even though from time to time I feel pure joy. If I look at my fellow man I am even more discouraged by all the things that are done in the name of free will and indulgence which interfere in other people and animals lives. I can see why the political left evolved. It gives all those people who have low self esteem, who feel completely powerless (psychologically), a tribe or echo chamber to complain about the life they never asked for.....who can we blame next for how bad we feel, ha ha ha.
I wish instead of giving bpd a bad stigma people would understand how much pain bpd folks are in constantly
Completely unprompted story that I want to share..
I'm glad i came across this video, it gave me a lot more perspective and understanding for a best friend i know loved me but seemed to also "hate" me, given that they never talked about their fears, never trusted anyone yet constantly pleasing everyone, hated on their own self, almost as if trying to punish themself.. and many others things that are only there when I'm around them.
I tried my best. I recommended them therapy for anxiety, because they seemed to worry a lot about others perception of them. I also tried to be there, but never did they ever accepted my help, and always had been asking me for how they could help me because "this is the only way i could find myself valuable as a person". They were such a kind person, but they would say the worst things as a reaction to something that is often highly distorted. The closer we got, the worse it got.
At our relationship's last moments, they reacted with anger when I tried to say that i am okay with them being true. They took it as if I wrongly accused them of lying about something so horrible that I was the one at fault. The things they said at that moment, which hurt so much then, doesn't matter anymore. Soon they disappeared (ghosted) and returned months later and act like nothing happened. Yet, they seem to hurt more when I just act naturally calm and even joyful. I had to walk away because as a friend who loved (and still does love) them, I was heartbroken to see them feel so much pain because of me, knowing i couldn't do anything about it.
I wouldn't have found my own closure without learning about BPD out of sheer curiosity, but this experience makes sense now. Not to diagnose anyone without professional knowledge, just saying learning more about people with BPD can also be helpful for everyone. Be more understanding, and be more open to sharing their experiences without resentment, but also aware of your own feelings, too.
Wow you look like a Sims 3 character and this is a compliment.
This is so helpful. I've watched countless videos on BPD, since my husband displays many if not all symptoms. But none have captured all the details as this down to misreading facial expressions. I feel hopeless in finding good help, as so much of his behavior is hidden except to me. I am the only one who sees his full range of dysfunctional and abusive behavior. No counselor has been able to see and validate what I experience in order to diagnose him. He hides it all so well.
Hi Ruth, I completely understand how you feel. I married a woman with BPD although she never acknowledged it. She hid it very well. Some red flags we evident before we married and I actually thought that us getting married would make her feel secure. Big mistake. Unfortunately in the end I almost lost my sanity and eventually did the right thing and separated from her. She always displayed a perfect image and apart from her close family no one new about it. It started with all the love, passion etc explained in the video but turned in to hell. My advice is get out of the relationship.
Very interesting. Well you completely described me. The only two things I don’t think that applied to me are knowing how to console a person (which I then get upset with myself about that) and I’m not overly clingy. I’ve made changes throughout life to be able to recognize and check my behavior. It’s exhausting though. Am I unfixable? I don’t want the Pharma med route. I work at Pharma and the side effects are not worth it. I went with working out, hikes and other small things that will calm me or clear my mind. I can accept being unfixable… it just sucks not being able to be your true self or never knowing who I actually am.
Fantastic video here. You hit all 10 nails on the head!
This is a very enlightening description of Quiet Borderline.
This felt like a callout post specifically for me lol
This sounds a lot like me. I’ve struggled with intimate relationships my whole life.
I love all of y’all ❤️ I wish we all could come together and talk about our BPD I thought I was the only one struggling with this battle it hurts 💔
I'd like to add, the perfectionism in #3, specifically the point about hyperfocusing on their own faults to other people, and what you said in #9 about feeling all forms of criticism and critique way too strongly are very tightly connected. One if the reasons we try to be super clear about every single fault we can find in our own work is actually a shield against those criticisms. Like the unpopular kid who uses self-depricating humor to disarm bullies, it's a self-preservation tactic (while still being an honest reflection of our own feelings)
Postpartum Depression triggered my wife's Borderline Personality Disorder & it's been a 21 year nightmare living with her. Intense mood swings, reckless spending & driving, cheating, treating me like a roommate, etc.. She has probably made me mentally ill by taking care of her.
Do you think she wanted to be this way? She lost a part of herself while giving her body to you and your child.
Im sure she would have wanted to be her old self, the one you fell in love with, the one you wanted a family with... She would have loved to have lived as that person im sure of that however she lost something. Baby blues are awful. It feels like you have lost a chunk of you. Like you will never be whole again. Life seems just slightly empty and those feelings create shame and guilt.
You likely have lost some of yourself too in this process. You do have to give yourself permission to feel. Feel the anger towards where you are and feel empathy toward her situation. Above all though feel grace and compassion for both of you. 21 years have passed and the child in the mix im sure has noticed these behaviors if not adopted some as their own.
I hope youre all in a safe space.
@@meganhoward8820I appreciate the kind words. Our son is doing great in college but he did inherit some of his mother’s emotional problems but has learned to recognize & deal with them. Being Borderline my wife’s emotions will forever be easy triggered.
Don't forget that you are allowed to have boundaries. It's reasonable to expect someone to make an effort to take a time out and set boundaries with the opposite sex so they don't cheat or emotionally abuse. Part of the treatment for BPD is learning how to take a time out and calm down in distress so conversations are not being had when highly emotionally dysregulated.
Some of these signs are very similar to traits/qualities associated with or displayed by the INFJ personality type...
I am INFJ and I can relate to everything Lisa says that it is almost scary.
Agree
I'm an Infj with complex ptsd and I relate to some of these
I've never heard someone more perfectly describe every single BPD symptom I've had. Thankfully, I'm in and have been in remission for at least a couple years now.
I have borderline. For years already. It has been horrible. Around me there was always chaos. I couldnt keep a job. Every romantic relationship stranded. So many things didnt work out like wirh most people. Im older now and it feels like the high peaks are gone. Because you learn lessons after all having borderline. But it never goes completely away, i think. But with experience and medication and professionals around you it becomes manageble and livable.
Sad thing is that the borderline took all I loved away from me. Everything! How different my life would have been if I didnt have borderline. And that makes me somewhat angry and very sad at the same time. The way your mind works thats how you behave, think experience things. To me it was so normal how I lived because I was programmed this way. That I lost it all because of myself is sad. Its a terrible, terrible desease. And the things they say or write about us dont make things better. Im so glad that my daughter is healthy in body and mind. Cause it really isnt a gift when you get it!!