@@yourcultboyfriendYou've come to be a favorite person I come to on youtube. I wake up hoping to see an upload from you every day. And I know I'm not the only one.
Depression, anxiety, grief, heartbreak, and lack of direction. I can relate to a lot of this, and I think a video like this is probably something I would have found extremely relevant to my life not that long ago. In a way though, engaging in films, artistic expressions of others' experiences, can be a relief. Making content, creating something, can be a way to channel these struggles. There's a reason I tend to focus on more depressing films and I tackled Possession specifically and started my channel following a breakup. It's all personal matters. From my own experience, I would say the number one thing I object to here is you have to express yourself in whatever way you see fit. You can't let it build up inside. It's good you made this video, in the long run.
I'm really sorry to hear, but I'm glad you made this video. I have these feelings often (even if I don't have these same experiences that cause them at all), and I feel I can't express it to people. I'm glad you have the courage to speak what's on your mind. Your channel has become my favorite film related RUclips channel because you are unpretentious and use it as a platform to communicate something of authenticity and depth to your viewers, which isn't what most channels here do. This isn't to say you need to tell us everything about your personal life, as to you we only exist as channels with written comments an no faces or voices to put them too, but when you do let us in on these things, true empathy I think emerges as a result of your general depth and no bullshit attitude. For me, whenever I feel depressed, I try to remind myself that if I can feel something so miserable in such a way, I also can have the opposite powerful response to the greater things in life than my own woes like art, ideas and the people I surround myself with. That sentiment may not be easy to accept when you're in the middle of a depressive state, but it's something I keep in the back of my mind to remind me that there is always something greater than what's in my own head. I hope you find your own way of helping yourself through this, Zach. Thanks for sharing.
If it means anything, you've become one of my favorite commenters - a favorite person to talk to on RUclips - because every time I see one of your comments, I know that I'm going to read some particularly fascinating insight that really challenges me to expand my own premises on whatever film or filmmaker I happen to be musing over at the time. I just feel so needlessly melodramatic when I'm talking about things like this. I like to filter it through a film and share it that way, but sometimes the direct approach is the best approach. I care about most of you guys that support and talk to me, as I've gotten the feeling that's a pretty mutual sentiment. I'm grateful for all the kind words of encouragement, and especially from you. Thank you, man. I hope to get myself out of this funk and I consider it an honor to be a favorite filmtube channel of yours. Absolutely, thank you.
Hey Zachary, I've been enjoying all of your videos on film for a while because of your honesty and insights. It is nice to see that this honesty doesn't end with your film related content. This video was incredibly relatable and I feel much closer to you now even though we've never met. Love you and your videos Zach, thank you for sharing, I wish you the best.
Thank you so, so much. Authenticity and honesty is pretty important to me and I'm happy to see you feel the same way. Your kind words mean an awful lot to me. You're very nice. Wishing you the best too.
I know how that feels. I was in a morbid state like that about 2 years ago, and I know as well as anyone that depression is not a fun thing. I'm glad that I found your channel man, and I know that I don't know you and you don't know me, but you seem like a good guy and I hope you keep doing what you do.
Just got out of a long relationship myself, yeah man it’s super rough. It no doubt makes you question yourself and your worth. And the loneliness sucks, you can’t really expect how it feels when you’re with someone just like you said. I also feel like like I could have been a better person, I feel like it is just universal to feel like that coming out of something with someone you cared about genuinely. I also understand your sense of embarrassment. I often feel like I’ve missed out on a lot of opportunities to be in the moment in life by smoking too much pot. In the end i have to shallow that my mistakes have been committed and now I must try to right them as earnestly as possible. I feel like life is a constant balancing act of ones state of mind and mood and it can be a touch act indeed, but like me try to use art movies and music to get those underlying feelings out in a cathartic way. Watch some Chaplin like I have been doing, it honestly helps so much. And the music is Peter Greenways movies is absolutely mind blowingly beautiful and moving. Last note, I honestly enjoy your takes on film so much man, I’m not just saying that to say the obvious feel good thing, honestly. It sucked to hear you say you fear you may lose your mind because from your takes on films I always felt you had a very interesting and considerate mind, a sharp one no doubt. As you said in this video, life can seem to pass in the blink of an eye and it can seem scary, but I also feel like that feeling only really manifest when you are looking to the past nostalgically. When you get stuck there as it is no doubt easy having come out a relationship and you think of the time spent on that, just try to think of all the life, that goes on around you at the same time, like me writing this comment out that hopefully you’re reading right now. So please don’t feel so alone, I’m hear and I appreciate you’re presence, especially when I’m feeling alone and out of myself and need to just come back down to earth and listen to someone talk about something I love which is movies and the people that make them. I have a short I recently made on my channel, it would be cool if you can check it out man and send me your thoughts. Anyways, just felt like writing this because I feel like we are going through very similar things and so I just wanted to share the thoughts that have helped me through day by day
You absolutely rule. Your comment was incredibly helpful and kind. I really got a lot from it. Thank you, an unbearable amount. Maybe I'll watch City Lights tomorrow.
@@yourcultboyfriend hey can't believe I forgot to see if you replied! But in glad to hear it mam! Hope all is well! I'm about to check out your big fish review, perfect for right before bed thanks a ton dude!
@@yourcultboyfriend haha yeah Chaplin is the best man its absolutely nuts how genius he really is. The way he can portray human archetypes through simple yet exaggerated movement, ugh so good. Also hey really hope this isn't asking a lot but it would be honestly be super cool if you could watch my thesis that's on my channel. It's only 10 mins and it would honestly be awesome to hear your thoughts considering you've seen some pretty good movies lol
Again I really really appreciate the sincerity and honesty in your channel man. It sucks that you're going through a rough time and I wish you all the best. One thing you have mentioned on here a couple of times that really opened my eyes about cinephiles was when you said cinephiles really are lonely people and tend to deal with shit like depression because of how our primary source of art intake is being invested in other peoples lives. I definitely feel this is the truth, I feel like we are the vouyer and the director is the binocular that allows us to peer in. But hang in there man, I've experienced similar shit too you are not alone. Hell I don't have a life of my own so if you ever need a stranger to talk to I'm always hiding from the world when I'm on my own time. You have brought to my memory a Tarkovsky quote about cinema "You should belong to it and not the other way round". Anyway sorry if this turned into rambling, but you make amazing content man and I really appreciate all you have done here. Stay strong! :)
Thank you for all that. And for everything else too. Cinephiles are lonely people. That might be why community matters but we're often poor at forming ones. You're incredibly nice. Thank you once more.
I had that once. It felt like the guard railings of my mind fell off and I was tumbling down a black hole. I couldn't speak for 3 days, not a word, or get out of bed. My so called friends got creeped out by how i was behaving and ditched me. Thankfully my Irish scrapiness preservered. I climbed back out of the hole without any help.
I was in an emotional battered position for nearly two years where this summer I finally got out and have been trying to get myself back to being before even thought it hasn't been easy. I do wish the best for you and hope everything does work out. Coming back home doesn't mean you are a loser, it just gives a chance to start over and there could be something in the corner. Take care of yourself especially during this time of year. :)
You’re an incredibly intelligent and educated man. Have some faith in yourself. Find that part inside of you that wants to live and flourish and let it carry you forward. I’m struggling with some of the things you are struggling with. I think I need to learn to compromise and to realize that that’s not “giving in,” it’s being a realist. You won’t lose your mind. Just don’t give up. Don’t ever give up.
Thank you for the words of confidence and for the advice. It means a lot to see. I won't give up. Even if it's a losing game. Once again, thank you so very much.
You deserve a slap for letting your self-worth be defined by a relationship with someone. Your self worth can only come from your authenticity, and that is still intact and cannot be lost. You know that already. You need to build upon that and just let the past be the past.
I was deeply wounded by an incident earlier this year. I wish you all the best with developing healthy habits that contribute positively to your life and surroundings.
Hi, Zach! I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend. That's rough, bro. What you're feeling is normal. My wife and I separated two years ago after thirteen years of marriage. It came as a complete shock to me and I still feel a lot of what you're going through much days. But you're definitely not worthless! Your knowledge and insight into film is incredible, and your channel has helped me feel less alienated - you and Antonioni, man ;). You're just going through an existential crises. At the moment, I'm fascinated with Alain Robbe-Grillet. I love his work. On days when life makes no sense, I find the best thing are films that make no sense lol. Anyway, hang in there! You're not alone. I appreciate the work you do! I'm grateful I found your channel early so that I have the privilege of knowing you!
Wow. Thank you for sharing that. I feel like I met you about 2 years ago, I had no idea. I'm so glad you ended up finding me super early on. You've been an incredible person to talk to from time to time. Thank you so much for all you do and all the kindness you send my way. It means a great deal.
We all feel like pieces of shit. Well, maybe, just some of us. I'm 33 and what have I done with my life? I'm alive. I keep on going. Love you, man. Keep your friends close. Stay strong.
Probably you will watch the video in another point of your life and you will feel liberated. I think sharing this is extreamely healthy, loneliness is most of the time the root of depression and social anxiety, not being lonely does not mean to have a family of a relatonship, that obviously helps, but true loneliness means not having the chance to reflect how you feel about yourself in nobody. Here are people from all over the world that will share their views, and that is just what you need, maybe not the most conventional way of finding true conexions, but valid still.
I'm nearing 40 and I'm still one of capitalism's losers. But considering what its winners are like, I think us "losers" ought to wear the title like a badge of honor. I know I do.
You dont need to say some of this. Special yes you are, no one talks the way you do, you should just crack the bank, and make loads of money. I know sounds shit. But your a star. Every genius is a little mad. You can let the world melt away, in your thoughts I do it by not getting up in morning. But then the big blue yonder beckons, I think your crack it, deffo. Cheer up man its christmas nearly.. see you soon dude. Look forward to next vlog.. this reminds me of flat liners. The movie, julie Robert's. Fantastic movie... I just say fuck it. But if it's a beautiful girl and child .. then that's bit more complicated.. my faith is in you man.. you keep doing what you know is wright... all the best from gazza.
@@yourcultboyfriendyour very kind as well. That was very interesting vlog... wakes you up. Have good day zachary.. I hope life for you ain't to bad. People with there ups and down it's how you deal or dont deal with em. But I'm sure you know that. It's good to talk though.... lifes a peach, or a peep Into the unknown... its can be strange, but happiness can be down to the individual. If somebody bugs you to make you feel depress, just dont take any notice. I dont... slight lie, sometimes i just cant help but get annoyed.. it's good for the skin as they say.. happy is better though.. Anyway see ya for now dude... From gazza..
Obviously film appreciation is subjective, but there were two films that I discovered in the past couple of months that helped me: Holubice (1960) and Heidi (2015) Dunno how partial you are to foreign films, but neither are dialogue heavy. Holubice is probably 90% dialogue-free.
I'm 32 with nothing to show for it. Living with family again. Started from square 1. I have an understanding and empathy.
I feel you. It's definitely comforting to know others can relate. It's just depressing to think about. Thank you.
@@yourcultboyfriendYou've come to be a favorite person I come to on youtube. I wake up hoping to see an upload from you every day. And I know I'm not the only one.
Well, that means the world to me.
Depression, anxiety, grief, heartbreak, and lack of direction. I can relate to a lot of this, and I think a video like this is probably something I would have found extremely relevant to my life not that long ago. In a way though, engaging in films, artistic expressions of others' experiences, can be a relief. Making content, creating something, can be a way to channel these struggles. There's a reason I tend to focus on more depressing films and I tackled Possession specifically and started my channel following a breakup. It's all personal matters. From my own experience, I would say the number one thing I object to here is you have to express yourself in whatever way you see fit. You can't let it build up inside. It's good you made this video, in the long run.
Thank you, Justin. So much, man.
I'm really sorry to hear, but I'm glad you made this video. I have these feelings often (even if I don't have these same experiences that cause them at all), and I feel I can't express it to people. I'm glad you have the courage to speak what's on your mind. Your channel has become my favorite film related RUclips channel because you are unpretentious and use it as a platform to communicate something of authenticity and depth to your viewers, which isn't what most channels here do. This isn't to say you need to tell us everything about your personal life, as to you we only exist as channels with written comments an no faces or voices to put them too, but when you do let us in on these things, true empathy I think emerges as a result of your general depth and no bullshit attitude. For me, whenever I feel depressed, I try to remind myself that if I can feel something so miserable in such a way, I also can have the opposite powerful response to the greater things in life than my own woes like art, ideas and the people I surround myself with. That sentiment may not be easy to accept when you're in the middle of a depressive state, but it's something I keep in the back of my mind to remind me that there is always something greater than what's in my own head. I hope you find your own way of helping yourself through this, Zach. Thanks for sharing.
If it means anything, you've become one of my favorite commenters - a favorite person to talk to on RUclips - because every time I see one of your comments, I know that I'm going to read some particularly fascinating insight that really challenges me to expand my own premises on whatever film or filmmaker I happen to be musing over at the time. I just feel so needlessly melodramatic when I'm talking about things like this. I like to filter it through a film and share it that way, but sometimes the direct approach is the best approach. I care about most of you guys that support and talk to me, as I've gotten the feeling that's a pretty mutual sentiment. I'm grateful for all the kind words of encouragement, and especially from you. Thank you, man. I hope to get myself out of this funk and I consider it an honor to be a favorite filmtube channel of yours. Absolutely, thank you.
Hey Zachary, I've been enjoying all of your videos on film for a while because of your honesty and insights. It is nice to see that this honesty doesn't end with your film related content. This video was incredibly relatable and I feel much closer to you now even though we've never met. Love you and your videos Zach, thank you for sharing, I wish you the best.
Thank you so, so much. Authenticity and honesty is pretty important to me and I'm happy to see you feel the same way. Your kind words mean an awful lot to me. You're very nice. Wishing you the best too.
I know how that feels. I was in a morbid state like that about 2 years ago, and I know as well as anyone that depression is not a fun thing. I'm glad that I found your channel man, and I know that I don't know you and you don't know me, but you seem like a good guy and I hope you keep doing what you do.
Thank you. That means a lot to hear.
Just got out of a long relationship myself, yeah man it’s super rough. It no doubt makes you question yourself and your worth. And the loneliness sucks, you can’t really expect how it feels when you’re with someone just like you said. I also feel like like I could have been a better person, I feel like it is just universal to feel like that coming out of something with someone you cared about genuinely. I also understand your sense of embarrassment. I often feel like I’ve missed out on a lot of opportunities to be in the moment in life by smoking too much pot. In the end i have to shallow that my mistakes have been committed and now I must try to right them as earnestly as possible. I feel like life is a constant balancing act of ones state of mind and mood and it can be a touch act indeed, but like me try to use art movies and music to get those underlying feelings out in a cathartic way. Watch some Chaplin like I have been doing, it honestly helps so much. And the music is Peter Greenways movies is absolutely mind blowingly beautiful and moving. Last note, I honestly enjoy your takes on film so much man, I’m not just saying that to say the obvious feel good thing, honestly. It sucked to hear you say you fear you may lose your mind because from your takes on films I always felt you had a very interesting and considerate mind, a sharp one no doubt. As you said in this video, life can seem to pass in the blink of an eye and it can seem scary, but I also feel like that feeling only really manifest when you are looking to the past nostalgically. When you get stuck there as it is no doubt easy having come out a relationship and you think of the time spent on that, just try to think of all the life, that goes on around you at the same time, like me writing this comment out that hopefully you’re reading right now. So please don’t feel so alone, I’m hear and I appreciate you’re presence, especially when I’m feeling alone and out of myself and need to just come back down to earth and listen to someone talk about something I love which is movies and the people that make them. I have a short I recently made on my channel, it would be cool if you can check it out man and send me your thoughts. Anyways, just felt like writing this because I feel like we are going through very similar things and so I just wanted to share the thoughts that have helped me through day by day
You absolutely rule. Your comment was incredibly helpful and kind. I really got a lot from it. Thank you, an unbearable amount. Maybe I'll watch City Lights tomorrow.
@@yourcultboyfriend hey can't believe I forgot to see if you replied! But in glad to hear it mam! Hope all is well! I'm about to check out your big fish review, perfect for right before bed thanks a ton dude!
@@christopherrodriguez5711 I hope you like the review! And City Lights really hit the spot. Thank you. That was good advice.
@@yourcultboyfriend haha yeah Chaplin is the best man its absolutely nuts how genius he really is. The way he can portray human archetypes through simple yet exaggerated movement, ugh so good. Also hey really hope this isn't asking a lot but it would be honestly be super cool if you could watch my thesis that's on my channel. It's only 10 mins and it would honestly be awesome to hear your thoughts considering you've seen some pretty good movies lol
@@christopherrodriguez5711 Watched it. Love it. That was fantastic.
Again I really really appreciate the sincerity and honesty in your channel man. It sucks that you're going through a rough time and I wish you all the best.
One thing you have mentioned on here a couple of times that really opened my eyes about cinephiles was when you said cinephiles really are lonely people and tend to deal with shit like depression because of how our primary source of art intake is being invested in other peoples lives.
I definitely feel this is the truth, I feel like we are the vouyer and the director is the binocular that allows us to peer in.
But hang in there man, I've experienced similar shit too you are not alone. Hell I don't have a life of my own so if you ever need a stranger to talk to I'm always hiding from the world when I'm on my own time.
You have brought to my memory a Tarkovsky quote about cinema "You should belong to it and not the other way round". Anyway sorry if this turned into rambling, but you make amazing content man and I really appreciate all you have done here. Stay strong! :)
Thank you for all that. And for everything else too. Cinephiles are lonely people. That might be why community matters but we're often poor at forming ones. You're incredibly nice. Thank you once more.
I had that once. It felt like the guard railings of my mind fell off and I was tumbling down a black hole. I couldn't speak for 3 days, not a word, or get out of bed. My so called friends got creeped out by how i was behaving and ditched me. Thankfully my Irish scrapiness preservered. I climbed back out of the hole without any help.
I'm sorry your friends let you down. That sucks. I'm glad you're better now.
I was in an emotional battered position for nearly two years where this summer I finally got out and have been trying to get myself back to being before even thought it hasn't been easy. I do wish the best for you and hope everything does work out. Coming back home doesn't mean you are a loser, it just gives a chance to start over and there could be something in the corner.
Take care of yourself especially during this time of year. :)
:) Thank you. I really appreciate it.
I send you all the love that I have in my heart rn, please don't do nothing self-destructive. 💖 you can improve your life and reach your goals 💖
Thanks
You’re an incredibly intelligent and educated man. Have some faith in yourself. Find that part inside of you that wants to live and flourish and let it carry you forward.
I’m struggling with some of the things you are struggling with. I think I need to learn to compromise and to realize that that’s not “giving in,” it’s being a realist. You won’t lose your mind. Just don’t give up. Don’t ever give up.
Thank you for the words of confidence and for the advice. It means a lot to see. I won't give up. Even if it's a losing game. Once again, thank you so very much.
Good luck. It's that time of year. I think humans were meant to hibernate.
Haha. I couldn't agree more, Jenny.
You deserve a slap for letting your self-worth be defined by a relationship with someone. Your self worth can only come from your authenticity, and that is still intact and cannot be lost. You know that already. You need to build upon that and just let the past be the past.
True. I'm slowly learning this. Thank you.
I was deeply wounded by an incident earlier this year. I wish you all the best with developing healthy habits that contribute positively to your life and surroundings.
Thank you so much.
Hi, Zach! I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend. That's rough, bro. What you're feeling is normal. My wife and I separated two years ago after thirteen years of marriage. It came as a complete shock to me and I still feel a lot of what you're going through much days. But you're definitely not worthless! Your knowledge and insight into film is incredible, and your channel has helped me feel less alienated - you and Antonioni, man ;). You're just going through an existential crises. At the moment, I'm fascinated with Alain Robbe-Grillet. I love his work. On days when life makes no sense, I find the best thing are films that make no sense lol. Anyway, hang in there! You're not alone. I appreciate the work you do! I'm grateful I found your channel early so that I have the privilege of knowing you!
Wow. Thank you for sharing that. I feel like I met you about 2 years ago, I had no idea. I'm so glad you ended up finding me super early on. You've been an incredible person to talk to from time to time. Thank you so much for all you do and all the kindness you send my way. It means a great deal.
We all feel like pieces of shit. Well, maybe, just some of us. I'm 33 and what have I done with my life? I'm alive. I keep on going. Love you, man. Keep your friends close. Stay strong.
Love you too. Thanks.
Probably you will watch the video in another point of your life and you will feel liberated.
I think sharing this is extreamely healthy, loneliness is most of the time the root of depression and social anxiety, not being lonely does not mean to have a family of a relatonship, that obviously helps, but true loneliness means not having the chance to reflect how you feel about yourself in nobody. Here are people from all over the world that will share their views, and that is just what you need, maybe not the most conventional way of finding true conexions, but valid still.
I was thinking the same thing about if I ever watch this in the future. Thanks a lot, man. Your words are comforting and they mean a lot right now.
Thanks for this video buddy.
I'm nearing 40 and I'm still one of capitalism's losers. But considering what its winners are like, I think us "losers" ought to wear the title like a badge of honor. I know I do.
Oh, man, that was *perfectly* said.
You dont need to say some of this. Special yes you are, no one talks the way you do, you should just crack the bank, and make loads of money. I know sounds shit. But your a star. Every genius is a little mad. You can let the world melt away, in your thoughts I do it by not getting up in morning. But then the big blue yonder beckons, I think your crack it, deffo. Cheer up man its christmas nearly.. see you soon dude. Look forward to next vlog.. this reminds me of flat liners. The movie, julie Robert's. Fantastic movie... I just say fuck it. But if it's a beautiful girl and child .. then that's bit more complicated.. my faith is in you man.. you keep doing what you know is wright... all the best from gazza.
Thank you, Garry! You absolutely rule and you're very kind too.
@@yourcultboyfriendyour very kind as well. That was very interesting vlog... wakes you up. Have good day zachary.. I hope life for you ain't to bad. People with there ups and down it's how you deal or dont deal with em. But I'm sure you know that. It's good to talk though.... lifes a peach, or a peep Into the unknown... its can be strange, but happiness can be down to the individual. If somebody bugs you to make you feel depress, just dont take any notice. I dont... slight lie, sometimes i just cant help but get annoyed.. it's good for the skin as they say.. happy is better though..
Anyway see ya for now dude...
From gazza..
By annoyed I mean daily news...
Obviously film appreciation is subjective, but there were two films that I discovered in the past couple of months that helped me:
Holubice (1960) and Heidi (2015)
Dunno how partial you are to foreign films, but neither are dialogue heavy. Holubice is probably 90% dialogue-free.
I appreciate the recommendations and I'll try to check them out.
feel you
How are you now my dude?
I'm better. Thanks.