How to Fight Back Against the Narcissist's Twisted Reality
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- Опубликовано: 14 май 2024
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It's like trying to talk to crazy people. You can't have any relations with them. Just walk out that door and accept they're gonna turn everyone they know against you.
Exactly. They make sure when they lose you as a supply- you will pay dearly when they destroy your other relationships with outrageous garbage lies and twisted contexts. 1 idiot can destroy an entire family in 3 little phone calls! It usually starts with "don't tell so n so"
Everyone they know and Everyone you know.
Amen 😊
It's not like talking to crazy people, it is taking to crazy people.
@@MI6-W exactly 😆
😂 they won't listen.......just walk
Yes, they don’t respect anything. Big Manipulation, try to play the victim with it, etc. Run! ❤
They don't!! 😮 "Run" eh? 😊
Weeks ago I told my narcissist "I'm not playing your game"
He did NOT like that!
✌❤🌎
Just be careful when you say no, they may flip the f out, but stay strong! I know you can do it! If I can, I know you can too! It just takes courage and strength. Take care everyone.
👍
Ridiculous they are children having tantrums there actually afraid of others much more then the other way around !
Say it to yourself internally. Keep your own internal reality.
Do not waste your breath arguing.
Treat them like a child. Be firm, say no if they are pushing you. Do not explain, do not try to convince them. Stay calm & silent after that.
Start to work on leaving them as soon as they deny your reality, but do it as secretly as possible.
Let tgem throw an adult tantrum. Silently watch like you would a naughty toddler.
No is a complete sentence.
The false narrative is for their comfort. They find peace within living out a lie. You do not have to partake. The truth shall set you free.
Anger is the result of a boundary being crossed. It is not reactive abuse it is self defense of your wellbeing.
The narc can be angry when they cross your boundary. U don't have to be angered but say no & leave,walk away, no contact. Saying no can anger them. Putting up boundaries can anger them. If U stay, they will try more, by trying to control U with their anger. That to me is reactive abuse😮❤❤❤❤❤
The abuse is the narc pushing you till you can no longer contain their self hatred and anger. They are the abuser full stop.
Right. Often conflated with saying the victim is now the abuser. It is the provoker wanting an obvious defensive reaction.
You have to be really careful about this. If it's in private, and it causes them a narcissistic injury, it's possible they will fly into a rage and potentially turn violent.
Absolutely! 💯
Absolutely! 💯
Exactly 🎯
If only I had known about all this at a young age. I could have been able to avoid my whole life being a scapegoat.
Me too.
@@kriskairn3715same here too !
My problem was that I wasn't even aware that I could say no to their indoctrination.Since childhood I did not know otherwise. All was my fault, I was every single time the bad one, the one which provoked them to abuse me and as a child I couldn't leave, no one believed me. The biggest problem is to change these survival programs. It takes a very very long time reprogramming the subconscious mind.The moment I want to take a consequence ,the introject ,the narcissists voice pops up and says me how wrong I am. Thank you for your consistency in providing us with what we have to change and to learn. ❤
Thank you..... that is what I'm experiencing... my mother's introject. 51 years of programming. Hard to rewire after 5 decades of brainwashing. But it must be done to stop the intergenerational cycle.
Have you read "adult children of immotionally immature parents?"
Its an amazing book to find a starting place with. Definitely imperfect and not a whole solution, but it has been an amazing book at helping many on their journey. For some, it can provide a really good way to maintain a difficult relationship. For others, you learn that theres is no hope, but it helps you with the acceptance that is the parents choice, not your fault.
@rniejx4219 thank you for the reminder. I have the book on my kindle but interrupted the reading because I had another book more beneficial for me at this time. After, I forgot the first one. Thank you I will surely continue to read it.
I've called out 2 narcs in their lies, (two separate situations) and they both doubled down and insisted that it was true or that it didn't matter because they were always right.
That's what they do. They're despicable.
No means No.
Its OK to say No.
Internally say this and keep on practicing it untill you get stronger. Yes . Fight back.
Thankyou Richard.
Say NO ….. Please LEAVE …. Go NO contact
"We're not doing that.I don't agree with you." OmG 💯. Thank you!🙏
This is so simple, yet so perfect! It's a great way to answer. Definitely thank you for this!
She denies reality.
It actually helped me. Because before she denied something that was undeniable, I was confused. Very confused.
It is pointless to argue. I lose. Every time.
Like the old saying goes ( if U argue with a fool, There are 2 fools) 😮❤❤❤
When i said that outloud the first time to my husband, i got a few teeth knocked out. Whew! Glad those days are over!
Always write down in a journal actual abusive behavior. Where you were and the events of that day the abusive behavior happened.
My ex wife would deny deny deny deny and when I would recall the day, where we were and the times she would automatically tell me I was the problem because I had a list of every single event. That I couldn’t let anything go.
All I could think to say was… of course I have a list and I don’t let those things go. It reminds me to stay away from you because you are a destroyer and you don’t actually apologize for anything. Fake apologies don’t cut it anymore
Been here, done that.
This is a great idea, for more than just these reason, too. If you ever are in need of a protection order from the courts - unless you have documentation of the abuses by the perpetrator, they will refuse to give you one. Even then…it will need to have happened so many times, and have been severe enough to actually have caused either physical or nearly physical damage, for them to do anything at all for you. Documenting every little thing, is the very best thing you can do in a relationship like this!
Good idea, but beware of writer's cramp...
I do and have for 20 plus yrs!!!👍
I defend myself. They will take that in a pinch.
Yes, Richard, don't allow the bs. Remember the telling of lie is insignificant. What is significant is that whole relationship a lie. Leave. Love you. Never look back. Set boundaries starting with NO CONTACT except in co-parenting situation with very very clear boundaries. ❤
Brilliant advice - so true!!
I release all negative thoughts and attachments from my life, in divine order and through divine love. 🥳
K. Ultimately you have to leave. Unless you like being abused.
So beautifully told.
I stopped arguing with them, just observing and sticking to own goals. Its more peaceful now.
U helped me Sir…like any good knight would do
I stayed with a friend of 20 years when I moved to a new city. It wasn't till I stayed that I found out she is truly dysfunctional - inappropriate and outrageous..textbook narcissist i discovered later.
I didn't confront her, since i did see the truth & she was so determined to dominate, it didn't feel safe.
Once i got out, and she wouldn't stop bossing me & I got heart palpitations from the stress, i then called her to terminate the friendship - as politely as i could.
Great advice
It's so true!!! That's how they learn too!
Well said. You don't have to clap back at them. You just need to know their "truth" is bullshit. To be honest, even if you can clap back, don't waste your energy, it won't change them. Learn to ignore, to deflect. At some point narcissist will just "die of starvation", because he/she doesn't get their food from you.
You can never argue with someone who thinks they are above everyone else
& then your sitting there alone missing your loved one well done 👏
I get a lot of heat for saying no and trying to put up resistance and cling to my realities. 😔 Then it's difficult to leave, sometimes, when the person is your parent.
Yup. I put up boundaries against my mother's financial abuse (refusing to sell a house, and lying to me that she was going to sell and move to assisted living, after I left my job and spent thousands to fix it up for her.......), and she restricted my ability to talk to my dying dad. It's amazing what a true narcissist will do. I never put up boundaries in my 51 years of life, and when I finally did, she went to insane levels to emotionally traumatize me. Luckily towards the end of his life, my dad understood he enabled her abuse.... and told me I didn't have to go back to them. He set me free. I am no-contact as of his death.
It’s like a light going on. The switch went and now you see everything. You hear the backhanded compliments for what they are, you identify your emotions on the spot, you see how they are acting around you and others. You realise, it was never you.
As a stay at home wife who was traditional cleaned the home, shopping/ laundry, coupons cooking - packed lunches- dinners from scratch. Did all the holiday decor - put up & take down- write cards on occasion- holiday shopping for both families.
The narc had FULL control of finances. So saying NO. Meant nothing
Yes that's true.byou can't say No unless you have some funds of your own.
People are afraid to fulfill these consequences and walk away. that's why they are afraid to say no. Because being alone scares them more than being abused.
I NEEDED THIS REALLY BAD 😭
I corrected mine cause he didn't say the same thing twice. Check the tape. I was right. Then I get "I'm leaving you before you can leave me."
I have a narcissistic mother, and my childhood was agonizingly stressful. Unfortunately, I developed a chronic illness. I finally have the strength to say "no", and follow through. I wished I could have done this yrs ago. Thank you for this confirming video ❤.
That is so hard... now it's hard to say it even to myself...
You just described my mom...hhhm...even if she uses some truth...trust me, it s only to confuse you more and get some benefit out of it...😰😱...
That’s sooo true! My ex narcissistic partner was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder in 3th year of our 4 year relationship. He always said something that wasn’t true to look like someone intelligent but I knew that was bs. He always tested me and played his games on me. At first time he was like a prince on a white horse but when we get closer and lived together he started to abuse me emotionally, physically and financially. He had me choose him over driving license, him over my friends and family, him over my university….that was sooo painful! Every morning he woke up early to change my alarm and because of it I was always late to my university! I had to provide everything because he couldn’t find a job. I cried when our fridge was empty and my parents get my some food…He beat me soo hard that I thought I will die so I called my mother to rescue me and that was our last time together! I broke up with him 4 years ago and I’m still healing. Now when I’m alone l got my driving license, university degree and still studying, working part time and I feel free. But he still messaging me and wants to meet me. I responded to him that I’m busy 👍🏻🥰🤫😊
Great message Richard! You're absolutely right and it's very validating to hear you put this so clear. Many THANKS for your work🙏🏻🌷
He just describe what the system did to society during the pandemic and what the system continues to do to society today
Thank you brother ❤your an amazing man. It's done insidious and I can't just say no.
But be safe... it will get you hurt if your not careful.
Thank god for people like you 🙏!!!! Your words of truth is so much needed 😮👍!!!!
Absolutely i have terrible boundaries and need to work on this as you say to start to say NO to yourself is a start.
I said to him 'thx for playing me out, I'll take my losses again', I was in panic but I shouldn't have said that, his revenge almost killed me.
It's exhausting 😪
Easier to walk away....
Best Version of NO
IV HEARD❤
Sooooo true! He so hates it when I say no. And he's so good at twisting my words. But I've learned well. Last week I told him it wasn't nice what he was trying to do. It was manipulative. I guess the word manipulative was too close to the truth he walked away without saying another word. I swear I could feel his confusion and fear of getting caught.
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!❤
they simply understand reality in different way...the insanity is so deep in their core. its like talking to an animal.
Come through with some solutions Richard!! 😊🎉❤
UES SIR! Truth is beautiful isn’t it..
Omg yessss…..I remember sooo many occasions sitting there w the bf and telling myself that “this is not true, this is not true, this is not true!” Just to try and remain sane
Very good advice & perspective, Sir! Problem is in my case
he exhibits rage/anger to stop me from contradicting his lies.
I always fought back. Arguments would take forever. Very exhausting. I left
The problem is when they gather troops from your immediate family. 1 against 1 - you have a chance. 3 against 1 is soul destroying.
Its best internally 😮😢
Ok I'll keep that in mind
It’s like telling a child you can’t have that but if you be good we might go out for ice cream!
Leaving you which you should but can’t so …..no no no no no….over and over and nothing else!
It sounds like a long walk through dry sand
that's right!
They hurt you ego. I found helpful to put love above you and calm your ego fown. Because internal conflict can tear your head appart. Puut love as your priorities and you second thats should help.❤I hope it will. 🙏It's like Gods love and narcissists are ego viruses from evil.
How to react to the robot narcissist that is still talking to you’re head when they are already gone it is so many years later I still can’t win this game some times.
Gemarkeerd why because they are breaking all the rules.
The biggest issue is the emotional investment you have in the narcissist..... Best thing to do is limit your contact, feel and endure the pain, and grow from the pain and become a stronger and wiser version of yourself.
Maybe it's my hypervigilance due to narcissistic abuse but I would not advice people to let the narcissist know that you are leaving them, keep that to yourself and plan an exit strategy without their knowledge ...it's never safe to let the narcissist know that you are leaving bc they will rather see you dead than gone...
I hear you. Prepare your escape n safe place first of all.
Excellent.
Excellent!
I finally did it and gave a consequence for his actions. I broke up with him and Gee went ghost! I have not heard from him in about 2 wks. Why do I feel sad and miserable as if I have done something wrong?
I did that and it got much worse, until he got physical. He went to jail and I've been gone 3 weeks.
How do you break the power of a narcissists control over a group of people?
I have family that is being controlled by a narcissist. The narcissist isn't family she is my late cousin's old female friend.
After a year of no contact, they won't have you to scapegoat on. Just because they're in your gene pool doesn't mean you should try to fix it. Sad, but true.
Also , learn how to perform a karate chop/ surprise honey I’m home drop kick 🦵 with combination slap and sprint to safety
Sounded like you were talking about government and mass media lol
Agree
The narc treats you like an atm machine
Or pray
When you’re in a work situation and your own job is at stake, it makes for a very tricky tightrope to navigate… especially if the narcissist has already created allegiances with other higher ups and you’re the new person… and sadly just about every workplace has this rotten and imbalanced dynamic…
I said yes I believe you had many troubles but without some degree of personal responsibility I doubt the highest percentage of your story. That's when the trouble started.
Todo cruel ....😢😢😢
My ex narcissistic boyfriend was so weird not only did he want me to believe his nonsense he actually believed the stuff that he was saying and I did not go back and forth with him cuz I didn't have the time I said oh shut up or I would just walk away
‘No, that’s not true’
more he lied more lava came out of my ears !
Next day stare at me like he was looking at a ghost, like who is she, since when she talk back at me ?
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 knowing is key to brake the trauma bond, now he is working on my little one. But I am teaching her to protect her self !
But what about the enablers?
No contact with them too. Remove yourself altogether from the situation if at all possible or you may be caught in inadvertant triangulation. All best.
I had some proof that he was lying and I told him. It didn’t go all that well. I would just sit😢 there and let him tell me over and over again that it’s not him and he doesn’t lie, ect. I told him that I’m not going to stand there and be
Because he splits me to get reactive abuse from others true this game I hope and pray that you understand me
🙏🏽
I'm still confused between a narcissist or mans man. Maybe its the one and same. 70 years ood and still confused 😢
Do you think I should call my narcissistic mother in law out on her many lies?
No tengo más energía tengo ya 78 años y he luchado todo mi vida para que no me mataran y ahorra otra vez? No lo se
I just ignore him! If he don't listen
How do you deal with narcissist in general public compared to a relationship it seems like they latch on to my mind and just use me as a supply and for their own personal gain
She will not listen. Worse yet she thinks she is right on point. All the time. And then if I try to remind her she will say o I don’t remember that. And that’s the way it is. I have to walk away but it’s very hard.
Toward the end of his life, my narcissist father would say things & I couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes.
His indoctrination techniques were not permeating my brain.
I knew what he was doing & it was so empowering.
I would be thinking, "Dad, you are so full of 💩 "
It wasn't like I was mad or even annoyed, but that there was this ridiculous person who'd gone from someone who'd had so much control & influence over my life to this pathetic, manipulative child-like game player.
I still loved him. He was my dad, but it was being able to mentally separate what he was from who he was & that is a very freeing & empowering realization.
💥💯💥
Almost everything out of their mouth you can say No that's not true
Do some calculations before and then stand up for your dignity not pride