Should You Tell Your Partner Everything?
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- Опубликовано: 19 авг 2024
- Honesty is normally a very good thing; but is it always and at all points valuable within a relationship? Are there any things better left unsaid?
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Is honesty always the best policy? Or do relationships require more finesse? Let us know in the comments below and to join your fellow School of Life audience members, be sure to download our new free app: bit.ly/2HrTWO0
The School of Life really had to walk a fine line saying I would be ok with my partner getting breast implants, but at the same time letting her know I love her breasts as they are.
The School of Life finesse is what I’m learning. They might not like exactly the way we think about certain topics, but in the end things can work themselves out. It is about know who each other is and sharing a lot of ourselves. If anything, a relationship is two individuals making a conscious decision to grow together. Sometimes it’s difficult alone understand our own problems or psychology or how and why we think about things the way we do. But that complexity is greater when involving someone else entirely into the mix. Obviously a lot will hopefully be in common between the two people, but it’s how they handle the differences that makes it work. You like because of someone’s traits, you love despite some of them. In the end communication is key and putting in the effort to make things work.
@@obsculor this!
I think there is an important difference between being brutally honest and not lying. As in, you can just not comment if all it would do is ruin someone's mood, and actually saying that you don't want to talk about something should be OK. As long as you don't knowingly lie about things... but that should be a principle anyway.
Personally, if my parnter asked me about something I know she would not want to hear, be it truth or just because it's easy to get overly worried about, I would say as much and ask if she really wants to know. But if she insists, I'd tell her how it is.
My wife, after 30 years of marriage, told me that she had a recent romantic relationship that just involved kissing and walks in the park, but that now was over. I obsessed about it daily for ten years. Things have been good and we’ve now been married for 52 years. I still think about it occasionally and I can’t help having it pop into my mind when she says she loves me.
Truth does not come from 100% honesty unless you 100% understand yourself. And that, sadly, is impossible at present. To communicate everything that flows through our minds would be misleading to our actual desires and wants that we will act on. So it is not about censorship or keeping secrets. It is about processing and gaining perspective of our thoughts before communicating something that has potential to impact another person.
So truth should always be communicated. But always communicating every thought is not always truth.
Finally, someone talking some sense. Do people not understand that we have 1000s of thoughts a day, not every single one of them needs sharing.
THIS
agreed! well put
Are you Sr. some kind of genious? Or a psychologist? This is one of the smartest comments I've read in a while, thank you for making my life better now...
Bravo :)
I don’t think you have to tell your partner everything, but when in doubt you should be honest with them. I think honesty, openness and trust are very important in a relationship and it’s better to honest than to lie, hide or pretend like nothing is going on.
I think so, too
Honestly i dont agree with this. One of the big things i enjoy about my life being polyamorous is in fact the honesty. I was in two monogamous relationships, one lasting 11 years the other almost two and the single biggest problem with both was lying on both sides but after a time i became more honest. It was sometimes hard especially if it involved complicated feelings but it felt right to have to have a difficult talk then it was to present myself as less then who I really was and felt i needed to be. It takes a lot of effort at times to speak how you really feel or be told the same from a partner but i think if your having to lie even through omission to make it work then maybe its not the right path for you. If you hold more of yourself in, even petty seemingly unimportant things then eventually you will both be dating a different person then what you expect and the shock of finding that out could derail your feelings.
𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒗𝒊𝒓𝒖𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅, 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑳𝑶𝒀𝑨𝑳𝑻𝒀? 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒇𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒙 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝑰 𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒗𝒊𝒂 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒉𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓.𝒄𝒐𝒎 ✌🏾..
I think that this is more acceptable when I consider that it’s the small things I keep back from my husband, the momentary thoughts, criticisms that would hurt him, etc.
The big things, the childhood traumas, the “sins” I feel I need to confess, those I share, even when difficult, and I trust in our commitment.
LouiseSampsonite thank you for this 💕
LouiseSampsonite thats how I feel
𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒗𝒊𝒓𝒖𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅, 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑳𝑶𝒀𝑨𝑳𝑻𝒀? 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒇𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒙 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝑰 𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒗𝒊𝒂 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒉𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓.𝒄𝒐𝒎 ✌🏾..
Do you have a best friend that you can completely tell everything and be 100% vulnerable with?
@@mahsaabidbid5775 Do you have a best friend that you can completely tell everything and be 100% vulnerable with?
Anything you say can and will be used against you.
Nailed it!
Not will, but may
Only say my name
Absolutely, and that’s very bad when it comes from somebody -you thought you are in love with and you can trust-, learned that the hard way.
Very true been there mate
"Long term relationships are hard because it's difficult to keep up the lie that you're a good person." -Chris Rock
Wrong! Lol didn’t he cheat on his ex wife
That's some good pondering
𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒗𝒊𝒓𝒖𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅, 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑳𝑶𝒀𝑨𝑳𝑻𝒀? 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒇𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒙 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝑰 𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒗𝒊𝒂 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒉𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓.𝒄𝒐𝒎 ✌🏾..
My partner didn't want to hear anything I said, so eventually I stopped telling her.
She was shocked the day I told her we could no longer be partners. It was the first time she heard what I said in years. I had given her many warnings...verbally, physically, emotionally.
What good does sharing *everything* do when someone isn't listening?
Answer: *None*
well...if you really like someone you always wanna hear what they have to say :) even if your s.o. is talking about the weather haha
physically...did you hit her?
@@albdruck2575 apparently not enough times. 😂
@@albdruck2575 Maybe he witheld sex.
@@albdruck2575 No. How about for example...sleeping in a different room.
Here is a quote I love:
" People who are proud of being brutally honest, always end up being more brutal than honest"
Sharing whatever comes to our mind is not a sign of courage or autenticity , but a sign of "intellectual laziness and poor emotional intelligence".
We should always keep in mind that for our partner , we are probably the person who can hurt him the most in this world.
I remembered that famous scene from the movie " Eyes Wide Shut". Obviously it is not a good idea to tell your partner that you are not jealous at all and you aren't afraid of losing him / her. Well, friends who watched that movie will remember how it all went after that!!
Someone who admits to be in love with you, will always be very vulnerable to any remark that comes from you.
We must protect the people we love and not fill their precious minds with things that won't enrich their souls or contribute to make their lives a little easier or aliviate their suffering in this world.
Thank you very much for giving me such a wonderful insight. I used to be the exact description of what you call brutally honest and I recently realized how unwise and destructive this very trait that I misunderstood as being genuine.
@@bosskiang4238 Hello there! You are most welcome. Thank you very much for reading all his! I am very happy to hear that you have found this insight helpful. Have a wonderful evening :- )
Total honesty or idiocy. Nobody wants a totally honest relationship.The waiter being the most attractive women in the world is an unnecessary comment. That's not about being honest with your partner.
- Nobody wants a totally honest relationship.
False. I for one prefer exactly this kind of relationships.
@@stretopovermind9680 more power to you
Yeah the unnecessary comments are meant to hurt
@@tashabuffalo9028
_Spanish boots_ are meant to hurt.
If someone can be hurt by something as trivial as an off-hand comment - he/she has some growing up to do before getting into relationships.
I get it that it could be filtered out, wording could also be changed but example is also true because sometimes we see people we find somehow very beautiful.
Rule for life: be honest, or atleast... dont lie
where my fellow lobsters at?!
@first last No
Beeing honest and speaking the Truth is not always the same. But nice to see some fellow lobsters around.
LOL
I learned this in my many nights of self-reflection after the first break-up I went through. One should learn to have control over how much we share, and control over how much we want the other person to share. We shouldn't want to know every little detail about each other, because we will all learn of things we won't like.
*Not telling is not lying. You have to have personal life. Relationship doesn't mean that you become one. It means two people liking each other and strolling down the same path. If the ways separate, then just be thankful for the experience and grow as a human.*
*"Not telling is not lying."*
AKA
Lying by omission.
Winner couples grow together!
So if I don`t tell her, that I was with another girl it`s not lying. Lololol. Stupid logic.
@@Randy1337 That is accurate unless you have a different agreement. It is always a good idea to tell them if you put a camera in their bedroom.
For someone who doesn't want to tell others things about himself you sure tell a lot.
Entire comment in bold font = Attention seeker, narcissism
Wanting to be able to "go seperate ways" any time and the other person to be thankful for it = commitment issues, narcissism, lack of empathy
"Not telling is not lying" = Dishonest but can't accept it and looking for a way to make it sound justified = Detached from reality
Selfie as profile picture = Narcissism
...
Not sure it's so simple. You have so many thoughts in a day. Some are more important than others. Prioritize then clarify what you need your partner to know.
This is good
Are you married?
I've been married for over 25yrs, and as much as I love School of life info, I completely disagree with this one. My wife and I spent 20yrs subconsciously adhering to this rule... don't say anything we think might be hurtful. Don't be too real, don't be too honest, keep communications comfortable. It was a disaster. I was ready to leave the marriage as it was shallow and fake.
When we hit the wall, we wrestled with this lack of REAL honesty in our relationship, and pushed through it. Sure that was a VERY hard and hurtful time, but coming out the other side, we can now say ANYTHING to each other. We can be our REAL selves, not an edited version of ourselves, that we think the other wants to hear. Now we have what I consider a REAL relationship, not just a casual friendship where we keep our innermost thoughts to ourselves for fear of offending the other, or being judged.
Interestingly my wife had edited out so much of herself because she thought my feelings would be hurt if she told me. She was completely wrong, her edits were the things I WANTED to know about her. The restaurant scene... when you have a REAL relationship, and are secure with yourself and each other, that's just fun. My wife often ASKS ME if I find the waitress attractive, and if I do, what I like about her. She's also happy to tell me when she finds the waiter attractive, and I'm happy to hear it.
This is not to say either of us just blurt out every thought in our heads, there is still a process of editing, and saying things the right way, but there is no holding back, worrying about offending the other, or being judged. The difference between our relationship now and what we had for 20+ years is stunning. I would NEVER go back to that.
Having another being with whom you can share yourself completely, is the most gratifying thing you can do. It takes time... sometimes a LOT of time to get there, but it's a worthy goal.
Excellent comment.
It requires to be very mature and aware person to be able to accept ALL the truth. Sometimes you say your truth and the partner is unable to accept it and feels insulted..
I think this is such an important message that a lot of people haven´t quite realized yet.
We are still longing for that utopia of having someone to understand our inner self, our deepest feelings, maybe even those, we don´t understand ourselves. But that´s just impossible. Sure, a partner for life is someone that we share more with than with anybody else, but he or she is just a human being. And not even one, that was "designed" to be our better half, our completion.
We are all imperfect and we won´t ever understand ourselves or someone else completely. But that´s what makes us human. And that´s why love is so precious - because it´s not a perfect possibility we have chosen, but rather a big project, that we can put all our heart into.
I wonder if we look to someone else to understand our inner selves when really, we are the ones who need to need to understand our inner selves.
Trust everyone with something. Trust no-one with everything.
Man I wish I was as forgiving as that girl was.
I too was expecting the guy to get into a huge trouble
They don't need to know everything. Not talking about the important stuff ofc, but unnecessary things they might perceive in a different way ,which might lead to arguments.
My partner didn’t tell me about a chick he was talking to, turned out she messaged him after he posted a picture of himself.
Also turned out that she liked him. And he didn’t know until I and several people pointed it out to him
He didn’t think it was important enough to tell me.
It really depends on the people involved. Some couples talk about each others toilet turds, some prefer not to do that. That's a silly example, but you get the gist. Not all relationships are equal in how/what they communucate. However, it is VERY important that each person understands what information IS important to know to the other person. You may not think an ex contacting you is important, but perhaps your partner does. Maybe you're embarrased because you watch a lot of porn, but your partner is really into knowing you do and wants to incorporate it into activities you do together. Maybe your partner deems it enough to text you once when they are out on their own, but you would feel more comfortable if they called you instead. The point is understanding our own boundaries, values and beliefs so that we can effectively communicate them to our partners and vice versa. Best bet? Ask them what they want (or not want) to know about you. This can mininimize arguments.
Minimize not diminish, because arguments can be had in a good way. Not the yelling kind where no one is getting their point across. The kind where you each say your point without bashing the opposing view. Most likely, the people in your life, romantic or platonic, will have their own values and views that differ from yours. I personally enjoy seeing the differences that cause disagreements in my relationships. Why? It means I can grow from understanding a different perspective. I don't have to agree with it, I just have to respect it. Just as they have to respect mine. Arguments can be good! It's just that people assume arguments are one specific negative way, and thus fear that way.
This is just my own thoughts on the matter, and yes, they may differ from anyone else's, but that's the beauty of it.
"She wasn't important!" :D
@cronos245 Well put. Thanks for sharing, your comment gave me some more insight.
@@-Undine- i get it must've been important to you, but from his perspective , i dont think he felt the need to tell you about just another person texting . I mean, he doesn't have to tell you about every single person who makes contact with him, and if he really didnt know she liked him, then he couldn't have possibly distinguished her and felt the need to tell you, don't you think?
I disagree with this. But it tends to be a deeply personal dilemma that people fundementally disagree on.
What's most important is that we find someone who agrees with us on our fundamental outlook.
I've been asking myself if we (I and my partner) need to have the same understanding of what love is? Is this mutual understanding required for a lasting and fulfilling relationship? Or does having different and asymmetrical perspectives of the same emotion give you more stability and chances for insight and understanding rather than less? Do the differences in our partner help us reflect more honestly upon our own soul? I think it might be easier to find someone who agrees/aligned with, but I am not sure if it would be more fulfilling.
@@defunct5851 I think at the end of the day, if you can make it work and you want to make it work, that's all that matters. All the rest just determines how easy it's gonna be.
The real hard part is determining if a specific issue is important enough that you really dont want to make it work, or if you tend to give up too easily.
But yea, differences arent inherently bad, they can be amazing. It's all about how you personally perceive the difference.
@@defunct5851 I think it would last. To be able to be 100% vulnerable with someone you love, to feel emotionally safe and supportive no matter what you say or how you feel, the ability to be able to completely fall apart in front of them would’ve be amazing
If your partner knew everything, then wouldn't they just sprint away screaming?
If boyfriend knew I wanted him to cut me and laugh when I cried he'd probably run away yeah
😂You should be on the most liked comments section
@@DharminShah09 Thank you very little.
@@jennyburns1390 I like to think that if I where your boyfriend I would use this truth that you would have so courageously shared with me to help you
Well, the hope is that they wouldn't. Because we all have done terrible things, and what better feeling than sharing your guilt and feeling ok?
Brilliant, one of the biggest mistakes I've made in relationships.
That was a dumb video. The counter-example was a very obvious no-no, and there is a clear difference between transparency and sharing every insignificant, impulsive thought that comes to mind - especially those so *clearly* not in the other party's interest or favor.
I just got out of a relationship where transparency was the principle from day 1, and what ended it was overexposure to my partner's mental illness.
I was hoping for a video about the extent to which it is ok, appropriate, or viable to confide these feelings in a partner... something of that sort. Something *actually* relevant.
They still made the point no matter the example provided, not too sure what you're being angry about
Could you maybe expound upon why your relationship ended? I have severe anxiety and depression, and it’s very hard for me to find the line in a relationship. Often times what happens is my partner thinks he can help me somehow, but then he starts getting more frustrated when he realizes he can’t. I’m kind of thinking now that I’m not meant for relationships. Mental illness is tough.
@@adrielle.benner you seem to be very young. Very young people are dumb. Your partners are probably not psychologically equipped to understand anxiety and depression properly.
Relationships are a two way stream and are meant to better both partner's lives. If all you can think of is depressing thoughts and anxious thoughts than you should make an effort to find some positive or to be greatful when you're talking with your partner insted of expressing those thoughts all the time. Also make an effort to say when you're sorry or that you're trying to be more positive or that you need help.
People love to help others, especially when that other is someone you care about, especially if that other is greatful. Your illnesses can be a means to get closer to your partner, if you keep in mind that the relationship must be fun and that you must not think only about yourself (not implying that you are).
Honesty does not equate to saying everything that comes to mind, that would be full transparency, full transparency is useless as most often than not, we ourselves have trouble understanding our thoughts and making sense of the negative thoughts we may have.
bob cat Thank you. I’m going to college next year, which will be a big transition of course. I’ll probably not get involved with anyone until I feel ready to share myself with someone else. After all, I need to learn to love myself before I can love others. I suppose full transparency is what’s meant for a therapist, not a partner, regarding mental health and those thoughts. I guess what I’m wondering, then, is if it’s okay to tell a partner that i need time to be alone to get myself together? Would you prefer that your partner told you that they were dealing with something in that moment, and in an effort not to be overly negative or drag you down too, they needed some time to self reflect and develop a positive mindset?
@@adrielle.benner it's a very good idea to try and work towards loving and accepting yourself because if you don't, you probably won't believe or accept someone else's feelings for you when it happens.
Full transparency is very much the way to go when talking to a therapist. You shouldn't feel like you can't talk about negative feelings or concerns over anxiety with your partner, because that's part of a healthy relationship. What you seem to understand very well is that not everything must be said as most of our thoughts aren't all that meaningful and important anyway and can deter a relationship depending on the situation.
Personally, I haven't been in many lasting functional relationships so I don't feel like I have the experience to be able to answer the last question in generic terms. However, I will always appreciate full disclosure and honesty about the things that matter. If it where me you where dating, I would absolutely love it if you trusted me enough and had the courage and ability to express what you wrote. I would want to talk about it a lot. But I would STRONGLY advise against making that decision FOR the other person before having a true and thought out conversation with him. For all you know, maybe he'll want to be there with you and support you along the way. If you care about someone, the truth can go a long way and making yourself vulnerable to the other's potentially difficult answer is a sign of trust and respect. Maybe that's how you allow love to grow.
It’s a good idea, yet, maybe make distinction between small relatively harmless secrets and larger infidelities?
yes- it’s better to just think i’m your head the waitress is very attractive that shouldn’t be voiced. it doesn’t need to be, all it does is make your partner insecure. but if you had an affair with her... and kept that a secret. that’s wrong. you have to come clean & accept the consequences.
100% honestly is a recipe for 100% alone. NOBODY (outside your mental health provider) needs to know absolutely everything about your interior life.
I used to think anyone who 'loved' me needed to know everything about me. What drivel.
Whoo Whoo Hippy Dippy bullsheet.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
Normally I agree with posts from TheSchoolofLife; but this one is off the mark. I hope that you're confusing honesty with hurtful thoughts. We will often think things that could quite possibly be received in a hurtful way. We all have 'thoughtless' thoughts at times and are best kept to oneself. 'Learning to keep a good number of secrets from our partners...' is treading on very dangerous grounds. If we learn this skill good enough we may wake up one morning and wonder why we're in this relationship at all - especially the spouse who has being kept in the dark so effectively. This post got a thumbs down from me.
I'd rather hear my boyfriend has the odd murderous thought he would never act on, than if he found some waitress the most attractive woman in the world.
I understand this, yet still think it's psycho.
@@wronggg Why?
@@dumfriesspearhead7398 Most people consider murder worse than petty jealousy.
@@wronggg But it's only a thought and how many of us have murderous thoughts? I'd rather they were voiced, as they're less likely to be acted upon.
It's the same with the waitress, only difference is that this comment hits much closer to home for the partner.
But it's not petty jealousy. If a woman was eyeing up an attractive waiter, you'd never label her partner's reaction as merely "petty jealousy".
Wrong! can call me a psycho too, but I agree with you, @@dumfriesspearhead7398
It is nice to see skits after having watched animations. Variation is always nice!
ehh, this one is bearable but most of the skits are kinda hard to watch.
I actually prefer animation. A lot!!!
I really liked the Animation and the Calming Voice.
𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒗𝒊𝒓𝒖𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅, 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑳𝑶𝒀𝑨𝑳𝑻𝒀? 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒇𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒙 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝑰 𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒗𝒊𝒂 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒉𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓.𝒄𝒐𝒎 ✌🏾..
Being honest & being stupid are totally different things 😑
Got through reading some comments...
Relationships sound gross, I'll come back when I'm older
• can relate.
I feel like the people disagreeing with this haven't had a really healthy relationship before where we only wish the best for our partners and ourselves.
Brutal honesty and tactful honesty with a few omissions are completely opposite things and to me taking my partners personality and mental wellbeing into account before telling them something comes naturally most of the time. And when something I felt too strongly slips out, then we deal with it together. But blurting out everything all the time doesn't sound like you're respecting your own or your partners feelings while saying it. It just seems impulsive, and not kind.
Hear hear
I don't understand how caring for your partner's feelings and them having feelings that can be hurt by words, somehow means that your relationship is unhealthy, most comments here disagreeing with this are mind boggling to me. A comment narrating a situation between the op and their partner goes something like : "... that person is so hot, EXACTLY my type " " too bad you've only got me haha.." I don't think it was as funny as they thought for their partner to say that
𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒗𝒊𝒓𝒖𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅, 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑳𝑶𝒀𝑨𝑳𝑻𝒀? 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒇𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒙 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝑰 𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒗𝒊𝒂 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒉𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓.𝒄𝒐𝒎 ✌🏾..
Don't say every thought that goes through your head, but if you feel the need to say something then speak your truth without worrying about the consequences. At the very least don't lie.
If you can't be honest about your whole self then what is the point?
There is no point other than enjoying the moment, wake up from the Disney fantasy. The sooner the better.
@@SFAG12 Disney fantasies align more with a "lovey dovey feelings" type of relationship more than one grounded in complete honesty.
@@TheBigAntbowski There's some shit you need to keep to yourself. Being completely honest will always lead to bad shit happening.
@@TheBigAntbowski The purpose of all relationships of any types is to attempt to fool yourself into thinking you're not alone.
I have thoughts that would have completely destroyed my boyfriend. And I keep them to myself because I love him. Especially since I have issues with anger. If I said the first thing that came to mind, it would be cruel. So I walk away, write it down, then go back and re-read it. I realize how mean and nasty my original thoughts were. I try to find a more kind way to say it. I spare him the trauma while still getting my truth out.
The more secrets u keep, the more you distance yourself and weigh yourself down.
Exactly!
exactly, stop being so insecure and live a little, just because he thinks the waitress is so attractive doesn't take away his love for his wife/girlfriend...he just has to be able to handle it when she tells him something similar...eyes wide shut
Well put!
Any guy stupid enough to share something like that in that cruel of a way would lose my respect pretty quickly. Stupidity is hard to unsee.
If I told my partner everything she would know that I'm gay.
I genuinely hope this is a joke, because if not then you need to leave the relationship.
@@ParanoidPixel why is that?
@@SushiPat Are you seriously asking that question?
If you're a girl I'm guessing she already does.
Pancake Batter. You’re living in denial. It’ll only hurt in the short run to accept who you are. Otherwise the pain will only grow.
Love yourself.
When you only watch the school of life because you think you know exactly what will be said and you want to test yourself if your guess was right. Nailed it 100% this time as usual :D
The videos are beautiful enough to keep watching, even though everything has already been said before in an older video.
Yeah it is becoming pretty predictable after a while.
Honesty and being open is indeed important in building a good relationship. But as what they said, "Think before you talk."
Perhaps I’m misunderstanding it, but it appears that the principle being advocated here is one of dishonesty with a primary partner, because they might be upset by the truth. Really?? That is what the authors consider the foundation for a wholesome basis of trust? Please explain where one draws that line. If the male character in the video not only fancies the “other woman”, but decides to have an affair, should he also spare his partner’s feelings about that? It seems the claims made here (although beautifully shot, directed, acted, scored) are predicated on the notion that one must always protect those we care about from knowing our true thoughts, emotions, intentions, aspirations, likes, dislikes (the very essence of what we are) for fear of offending their sensibilities. Are we all that emotionally and intellectually fragile? Is that how you want to live your life? “Hi honey, I’m home, please don’t say anything I don’t want to hear!” C’mon, folks, you can do better than that.
"Truth does not come from 100% honesty unless you 100% understand yourself. And that, sadly, is impossible at present. To communicate everything that flows through our minds would be misleading to our actual desires and wants that we will act on. So it is not about censorship or keeping secrets. It is about processing and gaining perspective of our thoughts before communicating something that has potential to impact another person.
So truth should always be communicated. But always communicating every thought is not always truth." Comment by @Mark Conway
In the example in the video, the man thought that the waitress was attractive. This did not mean that he preferred her over his significant other - however, being transparent about his attraction to the waitress gave the wrong message to his significant other, who started feeling as though she was not beautiful enough for him (people have insecurities, and in ways like this, it's easy for them to persist or grow). And so, by being completely transparent and communicating that fleeting thought of how he was attracted to the waitress, he conveyed a message that was not parallel to the truth. In this way, it is wiser to keep that thought private, so as to not (indirectly) communicate an untruthful message.
I hope that helps.
I completely disagree with this premise. Yeah it hurts when your partner tells you they are really attracted to someone else, but I’d rather be a grownup and accept that I’m not perfect in every way, but taken as a whole am what my partner wants. Those omissions build up into a second secret self that must be acted on. Far easier to simply have both parties accept each other for who they are and let go of the need to be perfect. Good enough is good enough.
Fucking hell, I can't believe I had to scroll so much to find this comment. Everyone is acting like the right response to knowing that your partner can be attracted to other people is to stick your head in a bucket and going LALALALALALALALALALA!!!
keeping it real. thanks.
If I’d tell my bf EVERYTHING that goes through my mind, he would probably think that I’m crazy. I’m anxious and I’m trying to cope with that, analyzing and letting go those things that scares me.
in my personal experience i find it hard to lie to the person i consider myself in love with at the moment. I’ve done it regardless, but it creates space and unintended tension. I use to notice how she would reserve certain things from me in our relationship for the fear of being judged. that was so bizarre to me, vulnerability is hands down the sexiest thing anyone can posses.
It would be nice to be totally honest. I've only been able to be like that with people I'm not in a relationship with. Sometimes our partner simply can't handle total honesty. Some things we just need to keep to ourselves. Sad but true.
This is a lie. Honesty is the way to go. If that person cant accept you then the truth is you do no belong together. A life partner is one that is willing to try to work things though no matter what.
Love isn't something kept alive by lies.... love is knowing you are different people but respecting and embracing those differences.
Love is the hard work of learning to be open and receptive for your partner and always willing to give a honest try.
Once both have learned to do this, then true and pure honesty can be had. Let me tell you, this is beautiful.
@@stayskeptic3923 that's where we can all improve. Most of us need to learn to be more open and understanding. The girl in this vid freaked out when her hubby told her how much that girl fit his fantasy. A supportive partner would not get mad but take not and maybe dress like that for said love one.
@@Raylen_Fa-ield Or just... don't get in committed relationships with people if you're just looking for the next best thing. That's a f*cked up way to selfishly use people.
@@Raylen_Fa-ield So, if i tell my bf that im attracted to a rich man who can pay my bills, he shoulnt freak out, but he should work overtime and try to be like the rich man? Sounds pretty fucked up and controlling.
It's not beautiful to be compared to other people no.
This advice may be true for many people, but I've been married over 25 years, and I just prefer honesty. We had that "she's hot" conversation very early on. My wife followed up with, "do you want to have sex with her?" I had to figure out how to articulate my feelings on the subject. I think this left her with a much better understanding of the way I think and the high value I placed on our relationship. We also had the, "do you like my outfit," conversation - again with honesty. If she wants to know what I'm thinking, she need only ask. This helped build up a huge amount of trust between us over the years. My wife is my best friend, and I can't imagine being with anyone else.
Very valuable imput Rob, that's one I'll remember
do you have conversations "he's hot" too? or do you discuss only what you like
Short answer: No. It makes you vulnerable and if you divorce, they might tell it someone else. You cannot trust anyone, even if you think you can.
You are not ready to be with someone then
@@earlgrey2130 Not ready? Everyone I knew and trusted betrayed me. Not ready anymore would be the more precise conclusion.
Not telling your partner everything just means that you're always keeping them at arms length. It's typical for our time.. generation tinder.. always looking for the next better thing. Humans are single serving commodities. Replacable. Consumable. Only commiting 75% because you don't wanna be too tied down when a better guy comes along. And of course assuming that you're too good for your partner anyway. So why be honest? You don't wanna be vulnerable. Protected. Safe. But still have THEM be vulnerable and open.
It just doesn't work like that. You either give yourself to the other person or you don't. You don't get to be selective about who you are for them. Reality doesn't work like that.
Unfortunately it is starting to be like that :/ commitment is only a concept we hoped would be real as we grew up. But now, monogamy is close to dead. We are shown time and time again that commitment is temporary. So we lose hope and keep each other at arm's length no matter what or why, because we're all people with shattered hopes and dreams. We were all lied to as kids. So now we act out, selfishly.
Sadly true. Stupid tinder. I think if a person can't rein it in and stop lusting after other people when they are in a monogamous relationship, they don't deserve to be in a relationship with a person who is committed to them. Maybe try consensual polyamory if that's the case(?).
@@Nandomo321 they could. At least it would be within boundaries. When I'm in a relationship, it's really easy for me to not give a flaming rats ass about any other woman except for mine. I don't know how men and women alike can be so selfish and not control urges or turn them off. It's quite easy. Don't blame "being a human", because we already abide to an unnatural life we call our society and daily lives, quite faithfully. Why can't an entire human being's desires for monogamy be followed just as much?
PREACH
@@Xokzu You can be committed to more than one person.
I'm the kind of person who spurts out everything they think filter less, I've never had a relationship but I am like that with my close friends, there's no secrets we say everything and we've hurt each other but the level of honesty and openness has also created this feeling of reassurance, that we really love each other and accept weirdness, the lack of tact, and other flaws because we make each other grow and support each other, is rather burnishing, to know you can have that degree of comfort with a person and I really look up for a relationship like that, is not my thing to keep my thoughts secret to my close ones, though is something that takes time to achieve because it cannot happen with every person you meet.
what? your example of keeping something on ourselves is saying another person is attractive to your loved one? Couldn't you come up with something more relatable and less cliché?
Oh dear. They didn't get it to your personal standards, the point is still made. And honestly, who else is giving us this type of honest skits about what real life is like?
Aren't clichés things that are so relatable that they become boring and predictable? Your demand is illogical.
I agree. This was a poor example because everybody knows better and it's an unnecessary mention to begin with.
They should have focused on an example like the last one, or to what extent it is ok to share despair or mental illness with a partner. This would be a relevant topic.
exactly. i don't understand why anyone would think that is an acceptable remark outside of say, an open relationship. this leaves me wondering what is actually too much sharing. i gain very little from this example. if anyone could give me another, i'll wait. mental illness? family drama? especially odd kinks? what is off limits? and why?
the closest example i could think of might be telling your partner about something terrible that a family member has done to you and expecting them to act decently cordial around that same family member at a later date. it is a very odd example but, maybe one that I would regret sharing if i myself have moved on from the situation. i do think we require better examples though.
@@vettie What if you have different religious beliefs but you respect one another's choice. So you must decide whether or not to speak on something that seems horrifying to you personally or tolerate it because your partner finds it personally significant due to it's sacred nature?
If I'm being honest that shirt has too many buttons 3:06
ewwww i just noticed
🤣😂
Personally I'd love a partner that would tell me if they see someone else as attractive, I like looking at attractive people and I'd hope my partner would tell me when one is in eyeshot! Both male and female! I'd also hope that she is open to me doing the same too. I've heard of a good number of couples that do this so I don't think the idea is too "out there".
This video could have helped save my marriage. "Total honesty" is brutal and unsparing, the complete opposite of love. To men I say, run - no, RUN - from women who insist on "total honesty." THEY can't handle it. YOU can't handle it. It will kill your relationship.
@Mice Elf And women should definitely do the same. I'm suspicious of anyone who demands "total honesty"; it's normally a code for not being able to handle it.
Maybe I am the odd one out, but I am ok with total honesty. To use the example of this video, so what my partner finds another person attractive? it is only natural. I would have no problem with it, if I know that my partner is actually living with me everyday...
How stupid do you have to be to tell your partner to their face that you find someone else so attractive and exactly the type you'd go for?
It depends on the temperament of your partner.
Exactly! Also the status of your relationship
that is stupid...you should never hide things even from a short tempered man i mean he needs to know everything and deal with the truth otherwise they can break up
I have to say... I don't think that's a good idea. At best - this concept means the other person is not right for you at worst it makes you a manipulative person.
videofan1010
Some people are not mature enough to handle every truth.
@@eekns
- Some people are not mature enough to handle every truth.
Then they are not mature enough for relationships either way.
I told my parents I was bi but I don't want my parents in my personal life though
@Luke T. Sometimes you love a person, but it might be something too much for them. And I see it like a "cost-benefit analysis" of saying the truth. If does more harm than good than not telling is better.
sounds like a bad idea then
@Luke T. Do you feel the need/urge to be honest with your girlfriend about this? I havent been in a position like that, but im not sure whether other people should know. Then again, its somewhat emasculating and if you care about your image then its best to keep it secret.
@Luke T.I understand your fears, yet your being bi and being a "typical man" is rather positive thing. It proves there is this middle way as a bridge between heterosexuals and non heterosexuals. I don't know but meeting non "stereotypical" people from the non heterosexual community might open her mind/prepare her for accepting it.
@Luke T. I am bi too. I don't usually tell people I am. If it comes up and someone asks if i am bi, I usually say " look, i like what i like" and give them a friendly don't judge me/f with me attitude.
I can’t imagine my partner saying anything that would bother me. The most important thing to my IS communication and transparency. I DO want to know as much as I can about my partner. The only thing that may hurt my feelings is any discontentment with me, but I still need to hear those things in order to be a better.
I don’t EXPECT my partner to tell me everything; but I am open when they do.
My husband and I talk about people we find beautiful in public ALL the time. It’s just an observation. Not an attack.
No shouldnt tell everything. Learned it the hard way. After ten years, he still judges me and brings it up...
What's kinky about keeping your socks on during sex? Rooms can be quite coooold.
Also great video.
Right, we Always keep them on Like we dont EVEN care
Its a kink. Kinks dont have to be *wild* to be kinky :^) it could just be something different from a norm
Yeah my feet get cold
Total Honesty ≠ Total Transparency.
Yes you should tell your partner everything.
I think in a situation like that he should turn his focus back on his girlfriend and not on other women. If the girlfriend was completely honest as well she could express her feelings of jealousy, and then he could reassure her that he cares for her and that she is beautiful as well, and that he will stay loyal.
Am I totally weird or alone, but in my relationship, my partner can still share if she's attracted to a stranger and sometimes we'd admire that person from afar. It's not something to hide, it's just attraction. She can be honest with anything, it just takes maturity to fully understand a person and still accept them.
Was she always able to be honest about everything or did it take you time to mature to that?
There's something to be said for people who let you change your mind and say 'Doesnt matter' and let it slide. I knew someone who would force me to say what I 'really' meant when I said 'nevermind' and it would cause arguments because I wasn't allowed to hold back or edit my words. So we shouldn't HAVE to tell our partner everything.
Contradictory of this Me and my partner actually share thoughts about people who we find attractive or have smoll crushes on. We have accepted that there will always be someone better but we choose to stay in the relationship and not pursue the "better" . Your channel had a video about how ancient greeks could both love one person unconditionally and then lust for others without neither damaging the feelings for nor of the unconditionally loved partner .
A lot of the time these "I'm being completely honest with you" thoughts are just momentary and wouldn't be the same in your own mind the next day.
Instructions unclear.. Got arrested for harassment.
“I like to keep my socks on” boy do I feel you there. These feet get cold easily ☹️
No you can’t. You just can’t . They won’t always understand. It just is what it is. I learned that the hard way.
I struggled with this for many years. However, I think that it's best to truthfully answer questions that your partner ASKS and questions that they NEED to know to make decisions that are best for them. Telling every thought that comes to mind, seems unhealthy.
I think if you see it going somewhere, lasting long then why wouldn't you be open to telling all, or basically everything. If you don't see it lasting or you don't want it to last long then I suppose don't, but that is something to discuss after some time. We always say communication is key in a relationship, well, being open to all subjects and matters seems to be part of it, especially if you really want them in your life.
Most people can not handle the real truths, the thoughts that go through your head, or all the things you have done in the past. Honesty is great, but keeping some things to yourself is better. I have seen people share something in honesty to just have it thrown right back in their face during an argument or breakup.
A Martine this is my issue right now in my relationship. we dated and broke up for 5 months. We both hooked up with people. When he told me who he hooked up with yes it bothered me but I let it go because he wasn’t in my life anymore. When I told him about 1 person he bashed me for it threatened to leave me and name called me and still throws it in my face when he can. So now I’m afraid to tell him that person wasn’t the only one. Because I don’t want to go through that same shameful pain again. And I don’t want the relationship to end because of it because it wasn’t important to me. But to him it is. So I feel I should be honest. Not sure what to do.
Pretty good advice, but it's not definitive. My girlfriend and I talk about people if they're unusually attractive. But that doesn't mean we're "attracted" to them. Just that they might have good looks or whatever. You can recognize other people as beautiful or sexy while still knowing who you truly love.
You should be transparent in a relationship to make it worthwhile... Not just naked bodies, but also naked minds!
Ahahaha, see you in your next divorce.
Every relationship is different so no one can say what will happen
I've never had a boyfriend but i feel like I wouldn't mind him finding other people attractive, i mean that's completely normal. Also i believe that not telling the truth keeps us trapped in our minds, trying to protect a story.
I had a girl who would not let it lie if I refused to answer the 'what are you thinking' question. It was very unpleasant. I don't know why girls ask me that question. I'm usually thinking about Mobile Suit Gundam TBH.
@john doe Yeah. Then you have to make some lame lie up or be in trouble for thinking incorrectly. Urgh.
:-D :-D :-D reminds me of a Russell Peters joke!
One of the biggest blunder I made in my relationship was by being completely honest and transparent.. this is a recipe for disaster especially in long distance with women . Morever it kinda feels an obligation for the other partner to also behave the same and if they are introvert and reclusive then it creates false expectations
I think this is avoiding the actual problem while labeling it as an honesty issue.
The fact of the matter is that you shouldn't be checking out other potential partners. The person in front of you should be all that you have ever wanted. If you're unhappy, break up, otherwise focus on that one person. Especially on a date, you should be locking eyes with your loved one and talking. There are definitely underlying issues in the relationship shown in the video.
If you dissect the reason why the honesty upsets the partner, it's BECAUSE they start feeling like they're not good enough, as we all would. It's not the honesty that causes the problem but the action itself. In a healthy relationship, honesty leads to talks that lead to actions that would be beneficial mentally and possibly physically to both partners if both partners are open. "We both don't like how things are, and we both would like to see change in this area"
I was really drawn to this one. I’ve often struggled with being a principled man; at times I would be caught choosing between two extremes. Even lying in the slightest bit could stick with you forever. It’s like that nagging feeling that you weren’t true to your principles and it chips away at your character. On the other hand, if we were completely honest all the time, we would probably end up in very bad situations. Ultimately what this comes down to is knowing thyself. As painful as it may be at times, we have to accept that we are not perfect. Nobody is perfect. Be at peace with your decisions. Be at peace with your thoughts.
After reading others comments I'd like to share that what I most valued in my relationships has been the disclosing, the vulnerabilities. The you are safe with me, now go take to higher aims and bigger risks in the external world! One of my muses has been my confidante and although I'm doing the standing on my own two thing adults sometimes do, I will love that man forever !! Be real folks. Let it get messy
Why does School of Life understand existence so rationally and empathetically? Such a great resource for those (everyone) bumbling their way through life.
This comment section feels grim. Where are all the smart, elaborate and balanced comments? Have all the good people unsubscribed?
In the example in the video, after the man makes the remark about the other woman, the woman in a relationship with him shuts down and is not honest with him in turn. In order to have a fully honest relationship, she needs to tell him that bothered her and why. It doesn't change the fact that he find another woman perfectly attractive, but it opens a discussion about insecurities and normal human reactions that will help them understand each other better. It made lead to him not making comments like that any more out of consideration for her feelings, but he won't have to lie about it. The author Greg Baer is a great person to learn from if you want to know more about fully honest relationships. He's the reason my husband and I have the first healthy and happy relationship either of us has had :) It can be brutal sometimes to be honest and receive honest reactions, but it is so worth it.
If you’re really in love you wouldn’t be checking out other women 🤔
@Vani S you are right, it is about choice. But there is a difference between noticing another person vs. Checking them out.
A hot guy or girl walks down the street and you maybe can't help but notice. Ok fine. Not enjoyable but tolerable.
But to take the extra step as to blatantly stare or check them out?
That's not about honesty or whatever. That was a choice, an action. That's about respect. To do that is to show absolute disrespect to your partner and to disregard their feelings.
What it shows, is that either you don't love your partner enough to respect them, or you are far too selfish and narcissistic to be in a relationship with anyone. Period.
@@primetimeourway I really don't understand people in the comment defending this? it's an active action, an acknowledgement, and then sharing that thought with your significant other disregarding any damage your words can have
Never tell your partner about your past experiences with previous partners, especially in the bedroom ✅
Yikes buddy
Interesting
This was so deep❤️
I'm sorry but I don't get your point, seems to me that the video proves nothing?
Like, what were the arguments backing your thesis, the girl got jealous? Yeah ok, but the girl can also not get jealous, or overcome her jealousy and trust her partner even more?
To me there's a hundred arguments opposing your point and I see little to none for it...
I just don't get it ... ^^'
agreed
Well from personal experience I tried to shield my significant other from a lot of bs and tried to sort out problems and get things organised from education, bills to a wedding. I’m single now.
Oof
I still haven't told my wife of 10 years I like tomatoes.
Animated Videos and IRL skits are the best
Agreed!
Yep.
I can see how younger, more romantically inclined people might watch this video and say “no way, that’s ‘inauthentic’!”
Sometimes the only way to learn this lesson is one authentic explosion at a time.
Over the years, as you deal with, again, again and again the fallout from certain things you say or do in a relationship, you begin to realise that both you and your partner (and, just as significantly, all other potential partners) are lifelong carriers of an ego with all its attendant sensitivities.
And eventually, as depicted in this video, it’s 10 o’clock at night and you ask yourself the question “should I really bring this up right now?”- and you choose to go for a walk, write in your journal, talk to a friend, read a book or something else, and, significantly, you go to bed, sleep well, wake up the next morning and think to yourself:
“We’re still here, and none the worse for it”
“Good morning, how’d you sleep?”
It’s taken me years to realise that partial connection was all that was ever on the table, and that the Romantic dream of my partner always “fully understanding me” was never a high likelihood. This video made a significant contribution to that understanding. It's been years since I first watched it and I've always remembered it.
That's not to say the moments won't come when you need to speak up. Bottling everything inside and never sharing is also unviable. Hence, I appreciated the idea at the end "if you're alone with 40% of your thoughts then you're doing well". It's not 0%, neither is it 100%.
I wish I watched this before my relationship ended.
I've always tended to have an internal conflict in relation to this. Thanks for the video!
If honesty is going to break the relationship ,then this relationship was not worth having in the first place.
Honesty means to share the things that might be forcing you to lie to your partner.
If "surviving" is your goal then by all means do it like the video suggests.If you re aiming for a real relationship with another human on equal terms,then i think this is not the right way to go about it.
My experience is that honesty can bring people closer or break them apart .
If it doesnt,it means there is at least one of them that is not honest about something.If you say you like the other person ,you either like them with the truths or you re just pretending.
😔. I just got the wakeup call just now. I overshared and now I might be single. It's just so intoxicating to be able to share and get everything off your chest
It would be nice to take an angle on relationship that allow you to be yourself outside the raltionship. A lot of people bend their personality and their interests to keep the relationship going (just the same as the honesty thing), but we do it to such an extent we might forget things we actually care for or enjoy.
Haven't even watched the whole video, but I was talking about this with my sister recently because she would always tell her partner EVERYTHING, and he even thought that every person has secrets
Her why not our parents 🧐
@@muster12max w-what 😳🤔‼️
The Phantom Ariel - Ариэл Баэрса you wrote yr sister tells everything her parents
@@muster12max I still don't understand. Do you mean "Why doesn't she just tell her parents?", Because I didn't say anything about parents.
The Phantom Ariel - Ариэл Баэрса well I think I will just go and kill ma self....I always read parents and not partner and I was so confused...., sorry for wasting yr time...fucking dyslexia
Hope you have a great weekend :)
*watches the video*
Me:"Honey, I'm cheating on y..."
*dies*
I'm gonna keep saying it: This whole series is out of control. My favorite bit about this particular one "being in a relationship requires an ongoing process of editing". Maybe I am just not understanding what they mean.
Are you kidding? These videos are very in depth and very well thought out, I think they're very informative and intuitive
Only things you should ever lie to your partner about are small insignificant things (akin to the example of the man finding the woman in the restaurant very attractive).
he didn't have to lie, he just needed to stfu
You need healthy boundaries somewhere. It's wonderful to share vulnerable, difficult and embarrassing things with someone who loves and accepts you and makes those feelings seem less overwhelming, but I think there's a line between intimacy and an uncomfortable enmeshment where you aren't "allowed" to be your own person or have thoughts you don't want to share.
And yeah, you definitely don't need to tell your partner that someone is the most beautiful person and by implication hotter than your partner. There's such a thing as tact :)
If your boyfriend cheated on you, would you pefer it if he told you or would you prefer never finding out?
I'd want to know about it from him
Why do you ask we're not even together :-d
I hate cheaters but what i hate more than cheaters is cheaters who confess about cheating like "i think you deserve to know the truth" bullshit. So he better keep the secret to his grave
That's something totally different, cheating and (in this case) telling your SO you think someone is attractive, is not even remotely the same
It's not that when you're in a relationship, you can't find anyone else attractive, that would be plain stupid
@ Keyi Nsa and y c
I thought telling your partner would be the best solution to move forward...that it showed trust.
But then again the trust is broken the moment you tell them.
So do you continue giving them a false sense of loyalty for the sake of the relationship or come out clean and change the whole dynamic of the relationship?