Truth Telling in Relationships, are we There Yet? | Willie Earley | TEDxJerseyCity
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- Опубликовано: 7 фев 2016
- Most people would say that a key component for any successful relationship is honesty. Yet in reality, while in romantic relationships, we often lie to ourselves, lie to each other and often have a fear of disclosing our true selves. Is authenticity real or imagined?
Willie Earley is a physician with over 25 years of clinical and research experience in psychiatry. He is originally from Chicago, but now resides in Pennsylvania and New Jersey.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
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The truth can be uncomfortable, but I believe in telling the truth. I feel like it’s freeing!
Thing is, people lie because they are afraid of not being loved or accepted, while it is true people may run away, if you lie, you do not even give those around you a chance to love the real you.
Wow
@@ew_rafar
"authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who you think you should be and embracing who you are" Brianne Brown
Luna L it's a quote by Brené Brown, not Brianne.
@@101galinka .
Relationships are complicated because people ASSume the wrong things.Communication solves a lot of heartaches!
TRUTH.
Relationships are complicated because people ASSume.
No truth = no relationship, no marriage. This is a simple truth.
I loved this Ted talk. His vulnerability and honesty was refreshing and appreciated. I imagine he was quite nervous to get on stage and talk about his failed relationships. This was bravery at its finest.
I found it insightful, fostering accountability and encouraging.
Erika Porter beautiful
Agreed.
The truth will set you free.
I was looking through videos and advices and they seem so toxic and unhealthy approuchs like putting a front. And kinda made my mental state feel think cynical of things around me and being kinda uptose. But when seeing this video its something that I relate too. Truth isn't easy. There are barriers on getting to know the person. I was truthful and honest about someone, in a felt of passion I had in me to express.
"True, being ourselves is all we have" . Letting go of who you think you should be, and be who you are. As my father always said " be yourself" which is sometimes the hardest especially when you don't know who that is !!!
Great
One of my favourite ted talks ever. Thank you for your honesty. I hope to live a more authentic life. I am going to really give it a try. I am tired of unhappiness and trying to be someone I am not. Thank you again ❤️
Authenticity is in our heartbeat. Good luck for the rest of your days.
We are there. Truth telling in the relationship is the final part of a relationship. Its the part that ends it. Lies are the part that keep it going.
People pleasing causes us to lie. Most of the time, we lie to protect others and ourselves. If we told the absolute truth to everyone all of the time, we would be considered rude and inconsiderate.
True! However, tjete is a way to kindly deliver the truth. I would rather have full authenticity, as long as it's being delivered in a thoughtful manner.
15:09 #1 The Power of Being You #2 Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who you think you should be, and embracing who you are ❤
Thank you Willie for your honesty, vulnerability and authenticity. Many Blessings.
I think it’s our fear of abandonment, if we are really truthful with them.
The comment thread on this video actually quantifies what he says. Just lovely. ppl do not want the truth. The last dialogue of The Prestige stayed with me.
I see appreciate your openness, honesty, and clarity. Thank you for your courage, Willie!
Beautiful message beautifully expressed. Heartfelt compassionate and genuine 👍
I am impressed by his honesty, he is brave to talk so openly about his life and values that don't fit the norm. He is leading by example and I admire that.
Damn so true. Honesty is important in a relationship and that's harder than it sounds.
SO important. Honesty. Bravery. Looks good on you - it's the conventional path that you walk and the fear to hide that makes everyone hurt and lose respect for you - but authenticity is when things are done right, and honest, and people that love you, and people that deserve your respect, will respect you, will respect your choices, as long as you do them with respect and honestly.
Excellent talk. Honest and open about our honesty or lack of.
Thank you for your absolute and raw human honesty, it is not comfortable to put yourself out there with such openness. This has helped me see myself more deeply. Best wishes 😉
This was awesome. I really needed to hear this message before the new year! Thank you for sharing.
When we started our relation, he was the loyal one. He did propose me. not i! But, then again, he was the one who dumped me. My world was turning into dark. Moses Emmets YT Channel has become the source of light in my life. Love you guys!
Truth telling is a courage step, act, Being. Painful road to get there. Congratulations; thank you.
They’ve been telling us this since we were kids. Disney would always say to be yourself
Brene Brown got it spot on ... true love and freedom of self has no boundaries . Thank you again for this insight and wisdom .
Loved this! He is so easy to understand which is nice!
Sometimes we don't share because we have had the information used to cause us pain.
Great talk and something which keeps us caged, living a lie to which we are scared to break through.
Thank you for your insight and honesty!
I think that this is a huge issue in our society and for me personally. It is reflected collectively in our divorce rate...and for me, in the number of times I've had to admit that a person was just not right for me because of differing values.
buddhaful11 .. I commend you...it takes strength... many blessings to you..
The video was great it was very well explained and it's so powerful.Great job more videos to come.
buddhaful11 z
Such a good video, definitely giving me insight into my recently failed relationship 👍🏼
Good video. Now we know more about telling the truth in relationships. Thankfully I’m honest the overwhelming majority of the time. I wish the people in my social ecology will also be overwhelmingly honest the vast majority of the time.
That was very well put and we need more truth like this. Good job sir 💯
Thank you so much
Truth should be clearly told in a relationship.
Honesty has always been my policy
Marty's House. Org. Everyone says that. Few mean it.
That real if parents aren't together or married or there devorced. This effects parents as well as kids mentally also spiritually . This jent is good
I wish I could find someone that could confide in me. Though I ask myself will I be prepared, or am I worthy enough for this? Would I do the same for someone else? I have done it all my life n have always been lied to. Even when I say that everything we talk about I will understand so we can grow from it.
Great points
It is hard to do that when society shoots everyone down all the time.
So inspiring. Thank you Willie for demonstrating the courage that we all strive for and your hopeful message about how this sets you free.
This is a nice dream.
I wanted to live the Authentic Life.
But people with Psychosis can't handle the truth and they don't believe you anyway.
And Narcissists don't have the foggiest idea how Honesty can make their lives better.
They believe that Lies will always benefit them and that is the highest good.
Thank you for being real. You did a great job being authentic here. Sorry to hear that your friend introduced you to the idea of being a bastard. There really is no such thing and no child should be ashamed of something he/she has no control over. I think if everyone was really as honest as you are about monogamy, then perhaps the myth would end. Let's face it, many people cannot be monogamous. I can, but I can accept the fact that others cannot. It is best to find the person that wants the same thing you want. Two people in an honest and open relationship can do as they please. Nothing wrong with that. It is when you want the relationship open for yourself but closed for your partner; that is what causes anger & sense of betrayal. What if you tell your spouse: I want to date others. And he/she says great! so do I!!? If not, then you are free to find someone who does. Try having the courage to be honest for a change.
Thank u
Omg I needed this
In the words of George Michael "There is no comfort in the truth"
An awesome talk!!!
I agree some people don’t value truth telling .
Bless this man who thinks we care
I'm afraid the speaker will miss out on the beautify and depth of committed marriage relationship by thinking that inventing his own way is noble and authentic.
the point though is that is where he is currently on HIS path, and he is remaining true to that. i noticed how you used committed in place of monogamous. monogamy is generally accepted as containing commitment. but commitment does not contain monogamy. perhaps you are the man who stays with his wife in a committed marriage, but could have someone on the side. this is precisely what our speaker decided was not for him.
I am afraid your point of view is a lil bit judgmental, not everyone is ready for that regardless of the age, and it is not for everyone, either. He seems to be way clearer of what he wants, which is from his experience, he jumped out of all the social expectation. To me, it is a deeper commitment and more beautiful than the marriage because he knows himself than most of us
Also, he tried to have a commiting marriage relationship in the past but back then he was not ready, you cannot say he will never be ready or by the way he invented, he cannot find the same or greater happiness in life.
But I guess it certainly spares some women heartaches because they don’t have to walk into a great commitment: marriage, with someone who is not ready or not capable of it at all.
I have to agree. And while monogamy isn't for everyone no one should hurt other people just because of their selfish desires. I mean if you wanna go and cheat just break up with who you're with first. At least be honest.
Just hard to find a sincere man with much love ❤️💖💖 my opinion🤔
I'd rather dwell n live in truth n honesty for a healthier,blessed n peaceful life...it fosters feeling of high self esteem,loving n happiness..Power n authenticity goes hand in hand.
Sorry it's like different strokes for different folks for some opinions, I'll go to the right.
My uncle was drinking beer with his friends and he left his phone right beside his computer i was playing in his computer then my uncles gf called him on his phone i answered then i said my uncle was drinking beer with his friends then when he cameback and ask me i told the truth he was mad so mad that he punched me in the face all i ever did was just to tell him the truth
Generational stuff is real. Authentic doesn’t mean good. We can be authentically wrong. Tell the truth, but don’t expect validation of the choices.
shout out Jersey City!!
i understand the other aspects of our lives sad to say bottom line one has to live with the lies told and only hurt self
For me and my wife,, my wife says that I tell her that I want the truth but when she gives it to me I don’t like to hear it. Am I supposed to like everything she might tell me? No matter what?
Sometimes the truth is just someone’s version of their perspective. Also, if the truth comes out that she is attracted to another person or is having an online relationship and she lets me know that, am I supposed to not share my feelings about it?
@@grumpy1962R I think the point is off the rail of what this guy is saying. Jumping too conclusions. He is saying about a relationship within that relationship to be honest, authentic and truthful. Not the conception of and approuch stance of seeing anther person. That's not what he is saying. Hes saying about the friendship of that person.
What a great video . Ya you should never trust girl 👧.
guess it’s true what they say: the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree; even after knowing how he was conceived from infidelity, and how it impacted him, he chose to be unfaithful to his wife; and now he gives a Ted talk to rationalize his behavior; if I understand him correctly, it’s okay to be dishonest and hurt others provided you come clean afterwards; I don’t agree. The better choice would have been to be faithful, not selfish, and honest in the marriage to begin with.
Stephanie Bynum yes!!!
He laughed after he stated he was dating while still married. Verrry remorseful.
Wish my husband take this seriously
Wish he wouldn’t think he’s always right even when he told so many lies to me
Just Wishes
Lying is a big problem in the world. Research says that humans lie about 33 % of the time. Some believe it is 90 % of the time because the world couldn´t go on if we didn´t lie. Sad if that is so. If statistics are true then there´s a big contradiction when we say that arguing in relationships is completely normal and developing. Statistics however say that arguing is reason nr. 2 for divorce on the top 10-list. Nr 1 is adultery allthough we as society encourage it. Strange isn´t it?
Just cause we get divorced all the time cause of arguments don't mean that arguments are "rare", ya feel me? They ARE normal, it's just ALSO normal that most people, sadly, are fuckin terrible at handling arguments and disagreements lol.
People aren't condoning arguing in relationships, they condone SOLVING the problems which create the arguments, cause in the end, you won't ever stop arguments from happening....but you CAN stop the same ones from happening. And that's growth ;)
So, out of curiosity, are you saying that monogamy isn't for you?
Interesting that this talk is entitled "truth telling in relationships" and we get to hear this man describe his cheating on his wife as "dating" and minimizing his usage of her as "revelatory" in spite of being a psychiatrist ( whose sole job is to help others navigate relationships.) this is the most pathetic talk I've ever heard, and the spin he put on his own failures of character are barely believable. Dude was married twice but couldn't figure out that fidelity is a major foundational pillar of marital relationships? What a piece of work. my heart goes out to his wife and kids.
Laurel Boyd exactly. Its just to make himself feel bttr abt cheating
My thoughts exactly!
And people wonder why America is becoming morally bankrupt. This guy seems delusional.
Michael if you say so.
You confused a psychiatrist with a couple's counselor. A psychiatrist's job is to medicate mental health disorders, not heal relationships.
You just have to trust people to be who they are they lie to you trust them to be that to you you never fight person for who they are you know that's who they are you trust them to be that person I mean might be hard to know that you love that person but that person lied to you you trust them to be that person that's going to lie to you
Here is a helpful tip. It is rude and selfish to call your wife while you are with your date.
he's perfect on speed 1.25
Dude taking about authenticity and marriage while dating. Giggles when he divulges what he was about. Very dangerous paradigm. Mixing principles and being unprincipled. What he gives with one hand he takes back with the other. It's like saying this," honestly, I believe it's ok to lie to people as long as you're honest about it".
People are not unconditional and people put a high standard with conditional. That's never going to work. Maybe people are just social ladders rather then thinking of the other person.
What is a relationship? I certainly wouldnt want to lie. But it is also the other that how they react is how it gose. People lie not becouse they want to be vindictive, but becouse of reactions of others. There is always been in our society thos day an age that the authority of a society that has the right and wrong ways of going have the answers, only until they are face with something they react too it and expects the followers to agree with them. And yet not realising a person was being authentic, trusting, not lying. Gave insight. I can talk too my mate about stuff and be open with it as a friend. Becouse it's too see angles and other corners. But in relationships as i see looks like it isnt the case. I do wish that relationship were like friendships.
It only leaves a hole and a crack of reality, being vanity. Knowing that you cant tell the truth becouse others uphold it until they react too what they hear.
And conditional isnt what forms a relationship.
Is he a Scorpio? :)
A Sagittarius actually
Check out a talk with Willie T it on RUclips powerful message
I dating but I was married 🤣🤣
6:02 them ted folks and the medical community bout to revoke your MD. great talk though.
I rather look hurt me with the truth I wouldn't know the truth I want to know I want to know the truth or her says hurt me what a lie cuz when you hurt with the truth you can navigate it when you hurt with a lot it just blatant decent
Rebirth
Grow up and raise your family
I DONT LIE IF IM GOING TO LIE I WOULDN'T BW DOING THIS. IM HONEST WAT I SAY. IF YOU WANT RO KNOW COME ASK ME FACE TO FACE. WHILE HES ASKING ME I THINK I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT HIM. ITS NOT WORTH BEING WITH MAN THAT CAN'T TELL THE TRUTH.
I feel like my secret gives me power. Unless if it’s a detrimental secret.
Edlyn Eidam pls explain
Juan Rivas a ma
A magician never tell. 🧐😙
Also it very difficult to understand no mater what. I live a very different lifestyle, And experience very different things so it would long explanation!!!
Edlyn Eidam sorry Edlyn it was key error
No 1 likes hearing the truth
I appreciate the truth. Yes we feel uncomfortable with the truth because it often indicates what we have not been willing to accept and what we refused to change. Truth is inconvenient but the truth can set us free. I remember as a young teenager telling a lie and I remember how it weighed heavily on me. I remember the weeks I was trying to cover up my shame and felt embarrassed and humiliated for telling a lie. It ate me from inside out. I had to come clean as my heart felt heavy and I felt like I was living in misery. The moment I spoke the truth I felt free and I felt a weight lift off my chest. So often people fear the truth and fear change. They are comfortable with the way things have been they don't want to work on things and they don't want to change. Ultimately if we cheat, lie and betray another we first tell the lie and first cheat and betray ourselves. If you wish to live a blessed life and live with peace and joy you cannot lie and cheat and shun the truth.
@@BlueskyDenver that's why its better to leave a relationship before you fall in that pit of Lieing and cheating.
I mean if this doesn't work for you , you shouldn't ruin another person's life as well. It's just the right thing to do ... leave.
I want to *know* the person I'm with. Why would I want to be in a relationship with a lie?
He is a play boy, and he should save his money for when he gets old cause he will need it to pay someone to take care of him.
Who in there right mind would want a man like that , so gross . Honestly
Right!😲
@@Michael-rd8wl right.. which is sometimes why people to come out and tell the truth.
Jesus Christ is the truth and the word of God(bible) is the truth. With kindness and humility. Love ShewitforJesus
Shewit Abraham thank you for opining one slice of the infinite.
We speak the same ideas, though we use different tongues, I think this was part of Christs message. I'm amazed when I see people gather around ideas which are SO prevalent in Christianity, meanwhile they completely refuse to go to any church. It really is amazing how the Truth of Jesus's words can cut straight through everything at reach the hearts of EVERYONE, regardless of whether or not we even realize we're doing it! lol
God bless.
The truth is though...I do not subscribe to the bible nor believe in religion....respectfully. Society, treats me as an outcast. Most women do not look at my character..they look at what Title I attach with myself in that regard. See, _truth_ can be perceptive a lot of times...