Why Do I Keep Losing My Temper With My Kids
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- Опубликовано: 9 сен 2024
- Parents who have a hard time staying calm or regulated with your kids ➡️
you may be hard on yourselves believing you "should" be able to do better.
Most of us learned from childhood that behavior change was mostly about knowing the correct information and then just doing it.
But nervous system regulation doesn't work that way.
Being calm and regulated when you're facing a stressor is something that has to be "learned" in the nervous system, not in the cognitive, rational thinking part of the brain.
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The statements on this RUclips channel or in videos are my opinion based on observation, my experiences, and personal research. Content presented or posted on this channel is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment or a professional therapeutic relationship. Content presented or posted is intended to provide general health information for educational purposes only and you should contact the appropriate healthcare professional before relying on any such information.
Oh my this was so helpful. It describes me perfectly. I know I want to do better for my children but I'm always losing it and triggered no Matter how hard I try not to. I grew up around alot negativity blame and shame and was often left alone alot at a young age. I'm trying to break the cycle with my kids. But boy oh boy isn't it hard.
I'm so glad it was helpful, and yes, I hear you--when you grew up in an environment like that, it really can feel hard to break the cycle. It takes time, and I hope you can bring compassion and soothing to yourself when you get triggered, and be patient with yourself as you're learning new practices. ❤
Same as wat I'm going through
I have psychology degrees too and I found your insights helpful.
My parents were very adept at giving me the silent treatment and mocking me in front of others. My father was an angry man and often called me stupid etc.
I am an older father. At 53, I now have a 3 year old, and sometimes I can feel this rage welling inside of me and simply have to leave the room while my partner gives him love and attention. I feel so guilty for feeling like I can’t be in the same room with my little boy. But sometimes, I feel it’s better to leave the room instead of yelling at an innocent child who is simply doing the things that normal children do.
@kevinfogarty5081 Kevin, Thanks so much for sharing. The experiences you had as a young child sound deeply painful, and it's totally understandable (as you'll know) that some rage is coming up for you. I'm touched by your insight and your taking responsibility to do your best to avoid subjecting your 3yo to what you're feeling inside. I hope you can find some compassion for yourself--I feel some compassion for you just hearing your story, and for that young part of you who was mocked and alone with your big feelings. If you think it might be of interest, I'll add a link below for an upcoming free webinar that I'm offering on May 23rd, it's called Learning to Work With Your Triggers. But either way, I wish you well on your parenting journey.
This free webinar is called
Learn to Work with Your Triggers: Practices to Help Parents React Less and Stay Calmer
and it's based on nervous system regulation. There's more info here: colleenadrian.com/learn-to-work-with-your-triggers-webinar/
@@colleenadrian1590thank you for this! ❤
@@colleenadrian1590❤
@@kevinfogarty5081 You're welcome!
This really helped me thank you, love from Zimbabwe 🇿🇼
@ChiedzaPrincely You're so welcome! ❤
My question is that at first you say we may not be able to change it and then encourage us to change it but don’t say how…?
Thanks for your question @jeneeday3110 Earlier in the video, where I say you 'may not be able to change it'--I noticed I used a rather long sentence there, and to clarify, you may not be able to change it *with regular talk therapy, or through gathering more information from books, etc.--IF the triggers are related to your own past experiences/trauma, as described in the video* It is possible to change the pattern over time, through doing work with trauma therapists or somatic therapists, to process those past experiences. Having said that, even when you do that type of healing work, everyone loses their temper *sometimes*--parenting is hard! That's why learning to repair is important, and I've linked the article for how to repair above. I hope that's helpful!
Yeah. But what if your child continues to be disrespectful and ungrateful and just look at you like you are a money tree? And to take it one step further, treat you like trash and take no accountability for their actions? Everyone has a breaking point. I’m well past mine.
@justingower4535 Thanks for sharing--I hear you on how frustrating that is.
Your child is a mirror of you look within and take responsibility why the child you raised is acting this way i
@@aninhacadilaque233 yeah okay……👎
good
Thanks for your feedback! 🙏🏻
This really helped Me thanks.
You're so welcome. ❤
Thank you
You're welcome 🌷❤
but if you say no amount of therapy or knowledge can help us then what do you mean by “work skillfully with those triggers?”
how do we rewire our brains to not respond short tempered?
thanks for making this video!
@89DaniiM Hi, great question, thanks! Just to be really clear, talk therapy or gaining new knowledge (through reading, videos, etc) *can* be helpful if you grew up in a home where your parents were fairly regulated and calm (nervous system regulation), and you just need a bit more information to help you will skills for calming. However, the majority of people had parents who, despite loving them and doing their best, weren't always able to attune to them and meet their emotional needs especially when they (the children) were upset. Those "emotional upsets" are "remembered" by the body and nervous system.
For parents who find that they lose temper a lot, or their anger is very intense and they say/do things they regret but feel like they were out of control during the anger episode, or who tend to lose their temper so quickly that they have a hard time pausing and stopping themselves beforehand--for those parents, it's almost certain that they are being triggered from some past emotional upset(s) that are still unresolved in their body.
Working with your triggers involves gaining some awareness of your own body and nervous system triggers, and learning to calm your own nervous system, so that you can then help your children. It's possible to learn some skills online or through books, but a lot of this type of work is done in somatic sessions with a therapist. I do that work with parents--I help parents with practical strategies, or, I can help with somatic work.
Does that answer your question?