How to deal with a Borderline Personality Disorder partner in a loving relationship
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- Опубликовано: 6 ноя 2020
- In this video you will know what borderline personality disorder symptoms or traits can be.
And we will make visible how to help liberating someone with Borderline personality disorder symptoms or traits.You will know the fundamentals how to respond to the borderline personality disorder symptoms in a way that actually helps +
You will get a crystal clear direction how to develop yourself in a way that you are able to become the example that he or she really needs,
But don’t know how to ask for it.
I see so many videos about how to break up with someone with borderline personality disorderor how to recover from someone with borderline personality disorder,
Or how borderline personality disorder is irreversable,
But I see no video that actually help both people liberate themselves completely towards the true loving potential or opportunity that they have together.of course we could leave someone with borderline personality disorder treats, but most likely we will attract a similar kind of relationship, until we learn what we need to learn.As I mentioned in my video about how to liberate yourself when you have borderline personality disorder,One of the biggest pitfalls with labeling a borderline personality disorder, is that it sticks a wrong identity-label upon someone, which makes them more stuck and wrongly believe that there is actually something irreversibly wrong with them.
It’s like labeling our partner with being green, while at the same time trying to help him or her to be green.
Does your partner have Unstable emotions, an unstable sense of self, intense fear of abandonment and rejection, a sense of emptiness inside?Does your partner think in black and white, does your partner idolise and then devaluate you in the same day?
Does your partner feels emotionally overwhelmed, afraid, lonely, first strong but then fragile sometimes?Does your partner have impulsive behaviour?Does he or she have a rollercoaster of emotions, from expansive highs to lows as depression and suicidal thoughts within the same day?Does your partner is edgy sometimes, making you feel like walking on egg shells, expecting a very intense emotional outburst that is very hard to control?If you recognise your partner in one or more of these symptoms, then there is nothing irreversibly wrong with your partner.
It only means that from our birth until know we all experienced painful emotions.
And because we didn’t know how to solve that pain,
We learned to build a wall around our unsolved emotions, by escaping into our constant thinking, looking for distractions from our unsolved pain.We didn’t only build that wall around our unsolved emotions, but also around our untouched and unharmed independently fulfilled stable core too.In other words, we als build a wall around the our core or captain of our ship.Over the years, our emotions were suppressed like a volcano, underneath a thick wall of distractions.
Living with this suppressed volcanon of emotions together with our constant restless thinking looking for distractions away from our unsolved pain,
Makes it only logical to express the symptoms I just mentioned.
The good news is that who your partner really is, is still the untouched and unharmed, stable core, underneath, but he or she has been covered underneath layers of unsolved issues for too long, and therefor he or she has forgotten where to find his or her captain of his or her own ship, therefor he or she acts navigation-less sometimes.
That is basically it.
Now how to help someone, or how to respond to borderline personality disorder symptoms?
Enjoy the video!
More info: www.alive-academy.com
#borderlinepersonalitydisorder
#bpd
#relationships
#partner
#help
This concept is very idealistic. Basically be a loving doormat. I understand how terrible and painful it is to have BPD. But what about the partner? Being cheated on and abused and devalued is extremely damaging. But we can only show love. And definitely don't show any other emotions because we're punished even more for our hurt feelings. So who is OUR lighthouse? Certainly not our disordered partner. Everyone deserves a partner who is there for them, not a mostly one sided relationship. I tried every tactic under the sun. Sometimes you need to say goodbye to someone you love more than anything to save yourself.
Amen 🙏
This is so true @tiffany. Nothing you pour into that bottomless black hole is ever going to be enough. This man here is primarily asking partners of pwbpd to be emotional slaves to them but really even that hasnt worked out for me. Most bizzare relationship i ever had in my life where i was blamed to be the cause of its demise after giving the entire love emotion i had in me. Waste of time and waste of so much good energy i had in me to only see her walk out of the relationship for the reasons only she knows as she had them constructed in her my mind and convinced they were facts.
Amen
There is little help for the partner but inner understanding endless patience and the realization that this won't ever change.She loves you she just has BPD my love for her has overcome it for 21 years and we just go a day at a time
You may just not be the right person for the relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. ❤
The sad part of having dated someone with BPD is the feeling that they were a great person. The relationship could have been great and worked out well if it weren’t for the tiny little thing where anything can turn a problem without warning.
Agreed .. my gf made a big deal out cuz I used some of her lotion ?? Smh . If I place my phone on her shelf she also goes off and so on … just a pain in the butt to deal with some days nothing bothers her ..
That’s were education and videos like this help, I can’t help but think of 50 first date’s regarding my BPD traits with this video and your comment, I am willing to see and work on myself for the purpose of a good loving relationship. I’m sorry this video came into your life too late for it to work out and help you with your relationship.
@@mzbeatz the problem is that often no amount of education helps. I was ridiculously patient and forgiving towards my partner and the cycles just kept getting worse. He would get triggered over the smallest thing and then rant at me for hours on end. The worst for me was him going through his low mood cycles, expecting me to "care for him" and then rejecting every effort of me to do so. I tried to help him to the point of genuinely being burnt out and at my emotional end. When I told him I can't keep this up he'd say me being burnt out is bs because I give maybe 20 percent in this relationship. Even though I kept asking him what he needs he was never able to answer yet he expected me to know. All of this led to him frequently breaking up with me which was incredibly painful. I was almost forced to give more than I'm able to for fear of losing him. There was really no way for us to have a healthy relationship with the way he set it up. I of course now realise that my willingness to self sacrifice was a massive contributer to how toxic it got and I have since worked on my own stuff that fed into this unhealthy dynamic. I'm not saying I was blameless but I tried my absolute hardest and it still was a game I could not win. That's the problem with bpd imo. No matter what you do it's a lose lose situation unless the person with bpd seriously gets help FOR the relationship. My ex went through therapy and all sorts of mental health support but now looking back I realised all he wanted was to feel better. There's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to feel better but he didn't take the opportunity to look at "hey what am I doing that makes this relationship dysfunctional and how can I improve". He would just externalise his emotional regulation and expect me and the therapist to make him feel better. He thought once he feels better due to an external thing our relationship would get healthier, which in theory is a fair assumption but in practice it was beyond exhausting to be put in this position for me as the partner. It's really not as "easy" as just not taking things personally. I tried it and then he said I'm not invested and emotionally involved enough and again threatened break up. There just is no winning unless the pwbpd has an incredibly high level of self awareness and self accountability.
Well said
If you came here because you love someone with BPD and you feel lost please know -
It's not your job to fix somebody else and it actually is impossible.
I know that you love your loved one and you want to help them and you want to make it work but it is not possible.
No one should have to be "a lighthouse".
No matter how much light we have, it cannot drive out the darkness that drives the behaviors of these people who are helpless to their condition.
Most of us who Love somebody with BPD already have so much light and love inside of us and it gets exploited and abused at the hands of these people who cannot control it and deserve our compassion. But it does not mean that we deserve to put ourselves in the path of disrespect and abuse.
Most BPD is caused by childhood trauma that they need to address with therapy, but many times they don't even want to go to therapy because they refuse to see that they have an issue and only blame others and perpetually play the victim.
It's not their fault that they have this condition, but it's our responsibility to protect ourselves from these people who would exploit our kindness, time, money and attention and then tell us that we're terrible people.
Name calling is abuse and not feeling emotionally safe with somebody is abuse. Being sworn at or lied to is abuse.
This video means well but it is not holding the abuser accountable for their actions and instead tells the victim to just not take it personally.
You SHOULD be taking it personally, and you SHOULD put yourself first, and take your light and your love and give it to somebody who can actually acknowledge it and cherish you for the beautiful person that you are.
Chances are if you are connected to somebody like this, it's because you also struggle with a high level of forgiveness and codependency that's been instilled in you by your own family dynamics of childhood.
Please continue to do your research and look at other channels and other books and things to help yourself extricate yourself from these relationships that cannot be saved no matter how much we love someone.
I speak from experience and please my heart goes out to those people who love someone with this condition.
It's not your fault and you deserve real love 🙏🫂❤️
My wife has BPD and it's exactly how you described it. We've been married for 3 years and just last week i told her we need to separate. We're now separated and I've been feeling guilty for leaving her because i love her so much but i know there is no future and she will never change.
If this video resonated with you, please check out the 4 free videos I created to gain more insights, I will paste the link here : alive-academy.com/ 🍀🙏💎
This is something I struggle with as we speak. 7 years with this man and I can’t imagine my life without him despite all the verbal abuse and violent outbursts.
23 years experience with a partner with BPD. Not every BPD is the same. But walking on eggshells is not a way to live, you,ll end up damaged yourself. My person was also very loving and caring at the same time, great sense of humor, difficult and great at the same time, i guess it will take a long long time to get over this.
So true. I’m walking on eggshells and I suffer every time I open my mouth. Even when I’m not doing anything she thinks I am thinking bad thoughts about her. Even if I cry she gets upset that I showed emotion.
@@foresttaniguchi3168 she thinks she is evil and a monster for making you cry.
Yup . I was with that now I believe was BPD I thought narcissist at first and her sisters would tell me that she was bipolar because they knew when her and I would fight . But she was kind , loving , giving and charming . There was the love bomb stage then her alter ego started showing up episodes of rage , cussing , throwing things and some violence. One month sweet calm then slowly I was changing into her ways it suddenly became a one sided relationship I had no voice no opinion when she would argue she would throw every insult in the book at me and I couldn’t say anything back because to her it was an insult. I had got tied in with her at her business and it was her way or the highway . She had a lot of money we would travel a lot even in other countries she would flip out . I was exhausted I loved her family and her son that she had from a another relationship but I was at the point I wasn’t myself anymore I was walking on eggshells and felt like I was her child . One day she flipped out and I walked . 2 months went by I tried to get closure if she went silent 4 months later she hooked up with another guy and got engaged. I was hurt it’s weird because I did walk away but I guess it was because I could never talk to her about our relationship to her it was all my fault. She wanted a guy that couldn’t talk back . But I can’t put all the blame on her I should of walked a long time ago . Lesson Learned the longer you stay in a toxic relationship the longer you’ll pay . Guys if you meet a woman that’s over giving , great in bed , puts you on a pedestal , promises she’ll never leave you , has a pat of failed relationships, talks bad of her ex partners has a history of sexual abuse , RUN because when they are done with you they’ll act like you never existed.
They really arnt
Thank you I have BPD and so did my Ex
However the extremes of this disorder portrayed in BPD videos are nothing like how I am
Just like everything else they’re scales to mental illness and not everyone fits into a box
@@funkymonk542 lol last sentence of you hit me directly, she was like that, but i think me also...she monkeybranched, but i decided to call therapist and staying single for a year for not being anxious anymore and change my behaviour
The only way to have a relationship with a BPD is to sacrifice your own happiness and sanity. That’s not the type of relationship I want to have with anyone
The only way to have a relationship with a BPD is to participate in the dysfunction and completely lose yourself while they perpetually play the bigger victim.
I was in an _on and off_ relationship and I highlight the term "on and off", with a diagnosed BPD male for 15 years, since the age of 15. I have been the most loving, tolerant, caring and patient person you can imagine. Yet, even though he views me as the closest and dearest person in his life, he emotionally abused me to no ends. The lies, the cheating, the ups and downs 24/7, the inability to take blame, the idolization and subsequent cruel devaluation, all destroyed my life and robbed me of my 20's. His emotions ruled and governed everything, it is liking walking on egg shells all day. Your emotions, your needs, your humanity, is secondary. Even when he was in the state of idolization, it was obsessive so I still suffered.
Point is, you can be as kind and as loving as one can be, but if your BPD partner does not want to get help and change, you will waste your life, as have I.
Be strong ❤️ I'm starting to learn to be like you for my bpd girlfriend as through everything up and down I will not give up but I do still give in 🥺
I'm here because of my ex gf having undiagnosed BPD and trying to figure out how to proceed with her. I left her because of the lying and the one sided self interested things that seemed to dominate the relationship. Even when she was idolizing me she seemed to be attempting to be using me as a tool or drug to escape reality and meet her needs over "our" needs or my needs. It wasn't all bad and was mostly a decent relationship but it didn't have the trust or the level of commitment that you need for a long term relationship as adults. It was more like a teen romance and I had to leave because of an addiction issue and lies about it that were making me miserable. I'm still not sure if she can be who she needs to be for us to get back together but we are still communicating with this in mind. It just seems to be devoid of any concern for my feelings, needs, wants, desires, and what is needed for us to succeed as a couple. I came to the point where I had to leave her because I was getting sucked in and it was bringing out the worst in me due to the overwhelming frustration involved in constantly being lied to about serious things. Somehow that all became my fault and I became the problem to escape the feelings of shame and to avoid looking at it honestly. Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience because it is nice to hear other people have had the same problem and made the same choices. Take care and best wishes to you.
@The_Prince_Of_Crows unless she’s knows and has shown she can improve through treatment from an experienced psychologist, then don’t bother .
Some say even with treatment it may not get better. It depends on how drastic it is. The problem is it isn’t up to you, they don’t see or digest reality like you. And you have the danger of being a codependent or developing narcissist qualities to try and counter act their behavior .
She has to be able to control it, you can’t control it for her , and she has to be willing to accept
That reality isn’t a fantasy since people with bpd love the idea of infatuation and a child like shallow perception of “love”. They tend to have extremely low emotional intelligence (look up emotional intelligence). They have a hard time seeing reality outside themselves , even when they claim empathy it’s them simply saying they have shame for their actions (which isn’t empathy and is bound to their narcissistic worldview, it all boils down to them first , even if they hurt you, it’s sorry you can’t be there for them and sorry but it’s just them )
Some claim to have fixed it fairly well but you will notice the ones who speak most nicely of bpd are the ones who have it or a few psychologists who simply work with them and don’t take the brunt of anything
@@heythere6983 Yeah I agree with you on so much and it sounds just like her to the t. She definitely has a very shallow understanding of love. It is like a teenage level and almost superficial. I get the feeling I am just another means of escaping a painful reality and that my needs are not even under consideration. That's what I am struggling with at the moment too. She has a attitude that everything is about her and her feelings and I have told her repeatedly I cannot be a slave to your feelings and emotional process because they are killing you already. She doesn't seem to get it and I do believe it is because her reality is not the same as the rest of the world's. Everything is an attack and she is constantly on the defense. It is tragic but I am starting to think she is beyond all hope. She really doesn't seem to have true empathy and her impulsivity is off the charts. Along with her being in a push pull phase that has left me exhausted emotionally. I left the relationship because of this stuff and I am extremely close to walking away for good because I fear that this is the way she is for the rest of her days. She runs and escapes every problem and every challenge and with that track record it is hard to see her even considering therapy and fighting her addiction issue. She is clinging to a bi polar diagnosis that is a misdiagnosis and won't even consider asking him about BPD because she has a stigma or hang-up about suicide and suicidal ideation being one of the nine points for the dsm v criteria. That's despite it being part of the bi polar diagnosis as well. So I have been withdrawing from her emotionally and I am probably a few days away from calling it quits. I know I can't fix her and that her problems require her to want the change more than anything and I just don't see her having the will to even try. Like I said it's tragic because she is a good person and needs love too. I hate giving up on people but it is something I understand I must do. I just know I can't do it for her like you said. Thanks for the reply and best wishes to you my friend. I appreciate your time and help.
@The_Prince_Of_Crows Yeah I loved the one girl a lot that I spent time . I even teared up in my car when I left one morning without saying goodbye, I was gonna leave her . She had started physical intimacy with me The night before and shut it down within seconds as she had done prior, I said “no?” She just rolled her eyes and let silent the rest of the night . I had my hand on her leg and she said “why are you touching me?” Next morning I saw her on the bed, I was sad, I felt like I was abandoning someone I realized was very confused and didn’t want her taken advantage of . Well I left and she texted and somewhat apologized. But soon after it ended. I was always willing to help and never said it was too much but it wasn’t good enough. I gave her flowers when she confirmed she wasn’t seeing anyone then she texted me I shouldn’t show up to her place and she wishes me the best , take care , as if she hadn’t slept in my arms for months and I hadn’t been there over a year with her. I later found out she was on a date with someone else who was a wildly manipulative narcissist. Welp she married that guy eventually , she got taken advantage of and was smiley in her photos. They had a beauty and the beast themed “wedding”. She developed a tremor in her voice probably due to all his mind games . I loved her so much and I never made that effort for anyone. She was a quiet bpd type. She simply just doesn’t get it and maybe one day she will and it will be too late to reverse lost years .
I’m sorry bro, what I learned is even if you have the perfect love to give, it doesn’t mean the person you are with has the capacity to appreciate it . IF she can control it over time then maybe give it a shot with a timeline and set goals, if not, don’t get so involved that
You will burn a hole in your heart
My husband has BPD. He fell in love with a young woman and cheated on me. Now hes had some time away to think about it and decided that his best future outcomes are with me. I'm angry that after all the symptoms I've dealt with, this is my reward.
Your husband didn't fall in love with that girl and what hes not telling you is that she found out what he's really like and wants nothing to do with him anymore so he's running back to you.
if this video resonated with you, I advise to you watch the free video series here alive-academy.com/ 🍀💎🙏 They might provide you with the insights you are looking for.
People without BPD cheat too! I have BPD and never cheated. It’s not a given if you have BPD you are a cheater.
Put yourself first, and if he can offer you all you deserve and more then work it out! But if not, trust has been broken here and you deserve better! I hope you work it out and find peace. ❤
You are a beautiful soul, my mom has Bpd, I've never seen a person suffer the way she does. This video is truly empathic to those in our society isolated.
You make it sound so easy peasy. It's glib. I've been through every type of approach over 6 years and all I have achieved is PTSD and to be worn down to sand.
@AM1465 please feel free to watch the 4 free videos here alive-academy.com/funnel/how-to-overcome-fear-pain-dependency-and-disease/how-to-overcome-fear-once-and-for-all/ They might provide you with a different insight about the matter. If you have any additional questions, please feel free to let me know!
Grace. That is the word that describes the actual miraculous process of being able to turn back...to One's Self. To embrace who we are and heal trauma. And be happy.
Oh wow. This is gold. It makes so much sense! I’ve never heard it explained this way before. That’s a metaphor I can remember and work with. Brilliant! Thank you.
My former spouse must have had some type of personal disorder.
Maybe borderline, covert narcisissm, PTSD....
It was extremely painful for me and she never saw any problem being on her part.
Now she is gone and I thought, it would trigger my abandonment issues badly....but this wasn't the case....I started to feel reliefed and whole again. Surprise!
I'm glad your doing a positive video on this there are so many negative things about this I have lost all hope
Finally someone trying to help people with BPD instead of telling everyone to run. Thank you.
I'm glad it served you this way 🙏 If this video resonated with you, I invite you to watch the free videos I created here : alive-academy.com Take care! 🍀
Indeed! I love the change of perspective.
Yes!
This man has a great abilty to speak with such confidence and experience! Good on you!
One of best videos I've seen...it gave me the clarity needed to deal with a BPD person...
You are such a loving person to take this perspective ❤
Good for you!
@kathleendonahue5955 Thank you for your kind words
Thank you for making a video that is both educational and kind. So many that I’ve come across do nothing but demonize the person with BPD. This one is truly honest and humane.
Thank you for sharing the hope.
Easier said than done when your significant other treats you so poorly
You articulate it so well.. wonderful. I feel so validated 🥺🥺🥰
thankyou for doing this video. New sub. Enough love to you ❤🧡✨
I must watch this again. Very helpful. Thank you so much.
Thank you for your kind words 🙏
If this video resonated with you, I invite to you watch the free video series here alive-academy.com/ 🍀💎🙏 They might provide you with the insights you are looking for.
after ending up having a panic attack, crying and shaking from the stress and emotional burden of dealing with a bpd partner, I understood that I must put my integrity and mental health above love.
Thankyou for being the person that represents and supports borderlines, in a very positive way… It is very moving and inspiring for people like myself to see and hear that people are willingly understand us and support us in our struggles… I thank you endlessly. ❤
This guy is brilliant.. very inspiring too. Love the honesty too !
Thanks Neil ! 🙏
Married to a BPD male, it's rough. Though one can be a lighthouse they often take advantage of the light knowing they can get away with it because of the patience or forgiveness
Omg your a life saver thanks for helping me. because I was about to run back to my narcissistic ex for comfort and safety I need a therapist more often than I go. To talk about my feelings
Good luck on this one!!!!
Danggggggg, ur metaphor is actually very helpful and motivating. I’m your new subscriber who’s trynna be a strong lighthouse smiling with the storm. It’s exhausting but when he splits i quickly ask my 5 year old to put on her “life jacket” cus “papa’s boat is gonna rock” I ll pray to god for the storm to calm. I hope everyone heals. Thank u sir for being the “lighthouse”. Slow and steady it shall be ❤💯✌🏽🫶🏽
Keep me in your prayers. Life in the sea is hard and lonely. Cycle breaking needs loads of resilience
Don't fight the storm; instead, learn to be the calm center in the storm, and it will pass. See it as an opportunity to become the highest intended, independent, but deeply connected version of light and love, which has the capability to turn any darkness into light. To help you on your journey, watch my four videos at www.alive-academy.com. ❤
@@alive-academy appreciate it sir! Much needed, hugs all the ways from south east Asia!
Crystal clear concept.👌
Thank a lot
Thank you for your kind words! 🙏 If you feel the need to gain more insights please feel free to visit alive-academy.com to watch the 4 free video's. Good luck! 🍀
Beautifully explained thank you so much
If this video resonated with you and you need more, please feel free to watch the 4 free video's I created here: alive-academy.com/ Take care ! 🙏
The people who attract these personalities also have their own internal battles to fight. We also have many issues/traumas, that's why we attract them like a magnet and sort of understand them (that's why we stay, rather than leaving immediately like a normal human would). It's optimistic to expect that we can be a stable lighthouse/punching bag on the long term.
Tom thanks for your super strong video was wondering if you can post just the animated part so I can show that to my partner for more clarity instead of the whole vid which is maybe a bit too much confronting if you know what I mean.
Many thankssss
Great advice!
Thank you so much this is really great.
Thank you 🌟
I appreciate the tone of this video a lot, there's so much hostile material that implies there's no middle ground than never talking to them again.
Thank you for sharing 🙏 If this video resonated with you, there is more. I will share the link here: alive-academy.com/ 💎🍀🙏
I love this guy's vibe.
Thank you for your comment, it means a lot to me 🙏
If this video resonated with you, I want to invite you to watch the 4 free video's I created here : alive-academy.com 💎🍀🙏
Wow, I just happened to stumble across this Video when I needed it the most. A shimmer of Light just broke through a hardened darkness of Despair. I'm moving forward again. Maybe slowly, but I'm moving forward. Still some doubt though that, maybe I should run fast the other way.
Keep going ! 👌💎🍀
Finally
A hopeful video 😇
After all of the label’s & judgements
I appreciate this video. I have BPD and am getting treatment, but it takes time. I feel like I’ll never be in a romantic relationship because I’m horriable.
You give hope to both parties. Thank you
Can I ask the name of the therapy your using? I would love a ‘mature’ evolving BPD penpal.
@@heartspacerelaxations6924 I’m talking to a therapist who is well trained in and recognizing cognitive distortions
@@heartspacerelaxations6924 I’m taking DBT skills
I LOVE THIS
Thankyou for this video
brilliant! really suffering... and making others suffer with my bpd :( i hate the way i react to rejection in ANY form. feel like i go on autopilot. this video does provide some hope. thank you
I like his use of metaphor the light house is perfect example
This video gave me peace and understanding of my ex's behaviour. I love this person with all my heart, but he always tried to escape from something. Now i know, what it's all about. I wish i could help him. I wish he'll give me another chance to do it, cause he doesn't know what a good person he actually is under this facade
True
why do I feel exactly the same towards my ex?
Thanks, thanks, thanks!!!
I believe this video oversimplifies the matter as you cannot set boundaries easily with borderlines, they'll just walk away and replace you...
Hi @SamytheBullFitness, if you haven't watched the 4 free video's yet, I encourage you to do so. You can watch them here: alive-academy.com/funnel/how-to-overcome-fear-pain-dependency-and-disease/how-to-overcome-fear-once-and-for-all/
They might provide you with new insights. 🍀
yup, they'll throw you out the door and forget the love and connection you had 1 hour before
Not all borderlines, some of us need the understanding, we crave support a gentle conversation not more rejection or dismissal. Set boundaries before at a calm time and just loves us at our worst and we will adore you for it!
@@mzbeatz can't walk on eggshells all day. it's not a relationship. You give for granted that one has to be careful and attend to all the possible details that could trigger you. There's not many ways around it. If you're not able to process your own emotions, to this point, how can you think you can take care of the other persons' emotions? You can't, you get the trigger and you must react. Suddenly it doesn't matter if i'm having a stressed day at work and don't have a second.... your emotion of a little thing that happened (maybe hung up quickly for work? -> offended, abandoned) completely overrides the necessity i would have for no ''mayhem''. The other person is a human too and often needs to ''given a break'' even.
@@777lucifero BPD is treatable, but only if the borderline is committing to remission. They can learn to process emotions with intensive treatment such as psychotherapy and stabilize their symptoms with medication. If they do the work, a borderline can respond instead of reacting to triggers. If they're left untreated or refuse help, it's no longer a relationship. However, it's not impossible for a relationship with a borderline to be healthy because not all borderlines are the same.
Brilliant loving light teaching
Thanks Nelly for sharing your appreciation! 😊❤️💎🙏🍀 Enjoy and let as much people enjoy your light!
Amazing video, all I want is to make sure my partner is mentally and physically healthy. It's not her fault she has an illness and I hope by educating myself things can work out.
how is you and your partner now? How's your relationship developed since you commented?
Not your responsibility
I am looking for information on this angle on BPD for over a year. 🥺 Thank you so much 🖤 even it also shows me my limitation as a 'lighthouse' so strongly that it hurts.
I personally have all of the symptoms of the example person with bpd that you were describing in this video. From my recent break up where my constant addiction to be distracted from my pain of the past and injuries i can say with confidence that i was a lighthouse to many of my friends and i am ready to now become my own lighthouse. The addiction ive had to finding new ways to be happy is now clearly a lie all i shall do now is turn my past traumas into the definition of why i am who i am and why life always gets brighter after it is dark. Thank you very much for the video and animation it is truly a reason to be guided away from being distracted even though this video seems to be intended for my ex girlfriend 😂
Thanks for sharing Kyler! Enjoy your complete liberation process! 🍀❤️💎😀
i just started dating a girl diagnosed, but honestly this video resonates so much with what happens inside me, maybe thats why i idetify so much with her, i really want to be the lighthouse because i really care for her.
@@nicoraibakthat's very kind of you, but BPD ppl soon become jealous of your stability and attack you for it. If you stay, you will go down with the ship and so will any children you have with her.
You re amazing 🙏
Great video💕
Thank you! 🙏 If this video resonated with you and you need more, please feel free to watch the 4 free video's I created here: alive-academy.com/ Take care !
Why is it that the hunt is so important for them? I felt like my ex obsessively chased me for months and when I finally told her I was committed to making our relationship work that’s when she flipped into not being sure if she wanted a relationship
They like the process as u seem above them
Once u are equals your value diminished
You are both the justification and validation of their inflated unstable or unproven self as well as the proof they are not enough and will never be.
Thank you for sharing 🙏
If this video resonated with you, you might want to check out these as well : alive-academy.com 💎🍀🙏
Intimacy may thrive with boundaries. Thank you for sharing your insight. Are you describing the Christian experience of conversion? Very interesting illustration of core understanding. First time encountering your channel. Subscribed. Gracias. We will see what we see. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy has become my friend. Practicing skills has resulted in increased ability to observe nonjudgmentally and be present to myself with myself rather than distracting by avoiding. Little by little. Again, thank you.
I love your video man, you have changed my life already for my BPD fiance with this.
I kind of thought too let her be her and just lead by example, ("be an example through chaseness, be one without a word, through your conduct , so as if to the other person, one without having a word, or you through your conduct can save a life , by winning them over simply without a word, but in actions alone") like the scriptures says.
Thank you so much for making this video, because yes there's too many videos telling you to break up or see them as a lost cause.🥳🥳🙂😏😏😏😇💚😏
Please come back in a year or so and update about how this is going.
I'm not trying to be sarcastic, but honestly I do not feel that it is possible to maintain a healthy relationship with somebody with BPD because it's not just something you can "love" away.
I tried for almost a year to be calm and patient and loving and forgiving toward the person who would just start arguments for no reason just to make me crazy and to create drama because they need drama in order to feel something because they can't actually feel love and attachment like most people.
It's not their fault and it's actually not your responsibility to try to save somebody who doesn't know how to do anything other than to abuse other people.
If you begin to see a pattern that you can't seem to break or come to a compromise with, I want you to please explore the other videos on RUclips and books about this condition because I know that you want it to work.
But the sad truth is that it probably can't work. Even if you do every single thing that she wants and even if you try your very best to be calm and patient and loving, she will likely find a way to hurt you or to take offense at what you've done.
Sometimes the most loving thing we can do for somebody is to walk away because we also have to love ourselves.
Please update if this is actually working for you or if you find that you couldn't make it work.
Whatever you do, please do not get married before you take several years to fully explore her condition. And also to see patterns that might be developing between you.
Once you make things legal with somebody, it's really hard to get out of it, especially if you're dealing with somebody who has a personality disorder and if she loves you one minute and the next minute she sees you as the enemy because she has done what is called "splitting". It's a BPD term to look up.
When they love you they think they really love you. But when they hate you it's like you are the worst enemy and you don't want to be on the other side of that in a legal battle.
And definitely don't try to add children to the mix in order to fix things.
🙏
@@shanab1298 thanks very much for your help of encouragement.
I feel like the question, why does my heart love a person like that, when I know why already.
A huge part of me knows better, that I should not love her like that.
The rest of what you've said, I can't say it any better, I can see it as a legal loss, if things keep going it does without improvement.
I'll be sure to keep you posted 🌹❤️😏
@@salguzman802 You love her like that because you have a kind heart and a good soul and you want to believe the best in people and you want to be a helper and an encourager. And it probably also means you have a bit of codependency which means you put others needs before yourself even if it hurts. It's not bad to love her, but it's bad to stay in a situation if it's making you feel abused or unappreciated. I wish that I were a therapist so I could be of more help. But there are plenty of therapists on RUclips who give the real truth and that's why there's so many videos that say it's hopeless. If it were more hopeful then therapists would of course be helping people to reconcile and to make things work. The negative posts that you're seeing online are because it is the sad truth. Therapists and people who have been with people like this want to help other people and they wouldn't make videos about how hopeless it is if it were in fact a hopeful situation. I think that my post from yesterday was taken down but there are plenty of channels that you can follow that give concrete and helpful advice on how to move on from these connections. AJ Mahari is one. 🙏
Also look up the term trauma bond and that is what keeps us with these people even when it hurts. Our brain becomes addicted to the highs and to the lows and it's more painful than a heroin addiction. Never blame yourself for wanting to love someone. But please make sure to love yourself too.
Thank you, at least I know you're a genuine person giving me sound advice simply because I know the things and terms you're telling me to look into is legit🙂😏😇
I think this is very idealistic, assuming your partner with BPD wants the help or recognizes the need for it. It doesn’t happen, at least it doesn’t happen unless you’re prepared to go through further trauma yourself. It’s not worth it.
I totally agree with you.
Cant wait to explain my bpd girlfriend that shes the boat with no navigation and im the lighthouse .. thats guids her true her darkness .. The boat will crash into the lighthouse within a second !
LOL
As funny as your comment is, and yes I'm laughing.... Seriously, what toll does it take for the light house to be a constant light and strength under these circumstances? I couldn't take it.... I had to leave and god i love him. I couldn't take the constant bashing and negativity. He rips me to shreds and blames me for feeling hurt. I want to show this video to him in hopes that he can see what is going on.... But HOW?
@@christinarainjoy6726 constant light his what i wished for her in giving my support and help .. and true love .. I just put all that energy into a women who didnt know how to love .. once i was burned out .. and emotionally tortured ,she left me without any remorse and moved to a new victim .. and part that hurts the most his that she knew it from from the beginning . I was left mentally raped with a broken soul and almost lost everything .. if they dont want to get help .. you cant save them you have to leave before it breaks you .. if you try to make im listen to this you know what will happen .. bcause you know that will trigger his defwnses and youll end up beeing treated like shiiit for trying to help .. good luck .. and dont go back ..
@@racso1160 nah man... My love is heavy bpd and i know she doesn't wanna find another man, she loves me like noone else before, and she fully satisfied, i mean mentaly too...
@@racso1160 the depth of these peoples selfishness goes far beyond stories of boats and lighthouses, or anything man can scientifically or rationalize and explain for that matter. I knew I was in the presence of the forces of darkness, some great evil..
Thanks for this video. Very educative. I keep wondering if everyone runs or leaves people with personality disorders who will befriend or Marry them? We create another set of problems.
Excellent! 🙏
Thank you! 🙏
So, to simplify. The way to successfully be in a relationship with a person with BPD is to never experience moments where you are vulnerable and need support. This one-way relationship doesn't sound like a relationship at all.
Good question. The key to thriving in any relationship is to confront and resolve our own shadows and insecurities that emerge in relation to others. Eventually, the only thing left to experience is our independent light. Light isn't reliant on darkness, and it has the power to transform any darkness into light. For a deeper exploration, I recommend watching my four free videos at www.alive-academy.com.
I am no ones light house. My first duty is to save myself and my children from going down with the ship.
Thank you for sharing 🙏🏼
If this video resonated with you, please feel free to check out the additional 4 FREE video's I created as a follow-up here : alive-academy.com/ These video's might provide you with new insights on this matter. 💎🍀🙏🏼
Beautifully said 👍
Glad you liked it Lee! Thanks for sharing your enthusiasm!
Hi Tom, thank you, very inspiring! On a high level it makes perfect sense, and I think I started pretty well as being a lighthouse in the beginning of the relationship. Now 5 years in I find it harder and harder to weather the storm that my partner is enduring - and directing towards me.
How exactly do you suggest to act and protect ourselves when we're on the receiving end of a bad storm - shouting, blaming, etc. It's hard, even if I know that there is that loving person somewhere underneath. It's so hard to see sometimes.
Hi, so I was watching some other videos that might help! There is not reason you guys can not go over boundaries. Yes they are having extreme feelings, but there is no excuse they can just throw everything on you. My suggestion is when they are in a clear mindset bringing up some of your feeling. Be straight to the point and hope they listen. Tell them that you want to help but also that there are boundaries you need to put up. For example, maybe one could be that when you guys are in an argument then they are not allowed to use a certain kind of language. It will not go away immediately and they may get angry when you mentioned it again but you can not sway. They need that direction. That’s just a thought
@@allisonmorgan6045 From my experience with my bpd boyfriend if I tell him things like boundaries he will intentionally make sure to push those buttons and boundaries when he is having an anger episode. And will additionally express resentment that I ever even set boundaries because that means I don't love him. Etc. There is absolutley no winning and no peace with a bpd. It is hell.
@@mindheartmatrix2151 unfortunately, that is my experience as well.
There is no hope...justpeace, u will be happier for it. People with BPD dont know how to love because they dont know what real love is. They get hooked on limerance, and when u do skmeth in ng that causes them to trigger, they will start to devalue u u till they leave you. ghost them first. It's the best thing u can do for them.
My Question to you is, "If you could do it over again knowing what you would go through, ...would you commit to this person again because of the love you have for them? Or would you run fast the other direction? I'm asking because I'm in the beginning of a relationship with a Woman that clearly has BPD. I care and Love her, but not sure if I should run away from this, while I still have a chance to more easily do so.
After 2 weeks a dozen panic attacks loosing my hair bawling myself almost to death wondering if I have some type of personality disorder, I realized my beautiful precious sweet girlfriend of 10 years has developed a much worse condition of this, and realized shes always had some version of it.
I've been barely making it through, now I feel like I have some sort of direction to save us. Its wild because shes basically been telling me this, the lighthouse theory for 2 weeks as shes been regressing more and more. Time to give it one last push.
Shes undiagnosed and wont hear a word of it, if anyone has any advice on if and how to make her aware that shes obviously.not herself and needs help, I would seriously do anything for it. Thank you!!
Update? I was also 10 years with an bpd ex gf she monkeybranched 4 months ago 2 weeks after dumping me (4 weeks before break up she lined him up and had directly 2 weeks later unsafed sex)
What ever happened ? its been 2 years
Amazing video
Thank you!
As someone with BPD let me say…
People with bpd want love desperately and have the hardest time harnessing it yet the MOST to give.
I hate how just because society and the science of therapy doesn’t know enough about BPD yet said people are considered toxic and disposable.
Once healed, a borderline’s love is intoxicating and eternal and loyal unto death. Maybe we should look for a cure instead of discriminate against the worlds best lovers.
People with BPD DEFINITELY do NOT have the most love to give, because you all don’t even know how to love, you just know how to emulate love temporarily only to receive real love in return just to destroy that love from fear of being revealed that you cannot give what you desperately crave. People with BPD give a one way street relationship in the end, the best part about people with BPD is the initial love bombing/honeymoon phase and as soon as that ends if the other person was smart they would run as far away as possible before that Borderline splits, takes them for granted as they always do and starts to devalue them and prove that you don’t truly deserve real love because you don’t know what to do with it when you receive it. Harsh, but it’s truth. You all go through life using people for their love and being used by those who know how your love bombing makes you all naive and slaves in the initial stages of the relationship before your secondary psychopath destroys everything after.
@@Preston_Taylor that is so dark lol
who are you to say? I am sorry someone hurt you so badly. But you are mistaken. Once proper boundaries and life lessons are learned, and healing is complete we most certainly have the most love to give. It is not overnight and it takes a ton of work and for some of us -Gods own help. But I can speak from experience, my bf is extremely lucky with the new me.
This video is well-meaning and has some value. However, there are definitely some things it's missing. How about how to get them to be diagnosed? That's one. How about steps on the person accepting the help, their willingness to get the help? Just wondering. thanks in advance.
People with BPD are toxic. You may very well believe that you can handle, cope with or put up with this toxicity, the fact is that if you truly love this person, there will be pain and suffering. And the more you love this person, the more pain and suffering there will be. Your love will not heal his or her pain. To the contrary, it will activate and trigger it.
If you end up getting caught in the trauma bond which often is a result of putting up with someone with BPD's disorder, you will know what real pain and suffering is when you will finally get discarded.
Hello @MrGpoulin, however I do understand where you are coming from, it might be interesting to gain other perspectives? 🤔
You might find insights that could change yours. Of course it's all up to you. Wishing you the best 🍀
All to true
I gave all my love,compassion ,support and a lot of money to my so loved man from the Netherlands who said I'm the love of his life. And he discarded me out of the blue in December last year . From one day to the other he was ice-cold. He's still contacting me but it's mostly about himself. I'm so depressed and find no way out. Was always a strong woman but lost all my trust in life 😢 Brigitte from Germany
Hi Brigitte, you might like to check out the 4 free videos alive-academy.com/funnel/how-to-overcome-fear-pain-dependency-and-disease/how-to-overcome-fear-once-and-for-all/ these could give you clarity in your next steps. Good Luck 🍀
Same for me 😢
Everything you have said is absolutely true - the only thing you missed was that it takes unique circumstances (can’t have kids around mom abandoning them again and again) to do the lighthouse practice. It also takes someone who has overcome a massive amount of ego identity and that is also a very rare circumstance - and lastly, a person with BPD who admits to having it and wants to participate in help and undoing… I’m currently lighthousing and love it
The feelings and numb thing is spot on too.. i knew this intuitively And I tell all my patients in my therapy practice this very same thing. Are usually tell them that the only thing they really need to do is identify their motion in their body give it a color and give it a texture and then focus on it for extended period of time including welcoming and wanting it in allowing it to be there and eventually you will achieve equilibrium
I totally agree with you and not totally with the video because it suggests that one should stick around to "save" the person with BPD, while that is only possible if the person with BPD is in therapy and wants to save his- or herself. Otherwise, the partner will just end up sacrificing his or her life and self-integrity under a cycle of abuse.
Unfortunately, I didn't know the love of my life had BPD until he died of an accidental overdose. I was losing myself while in a relationship with him and even after a year and half of his passing I still believe I will never find true love again because he was the one. It took me a long time in therapy to understand I had no control over his condition and it was not my responsibility to find help for him or stop him from using drugs.
I think the danger of this video is that it puts a shame on people who were injured too much already in a relationship with someone who has BPD and walked away out of self-defence.
I believe that once we're adults, only we can help our inner child to recover from trauma. We can't expect a partner to forgive just because we sat sorry after a few days. Apologies without action are nothing else but manipulation.
But all else is brilliantly true in this video. If I had known while my boyfriend was alive that he had BPD and I had seen this video, I probably would have sent it to him in hopes of him finding help for himself. But unfortunately he was stuck in distractions, even though with his mind he knew about mindfulness, gratitude diary, meditation, Ekhart Tolle, and once in a while he talked to a therapist. But without real commitment and serious self-work, none of those can last too long.
It's a shame that people acknowledge BPD as a mental illness, but fail to see how the "toxic" behavior is something that the sufferer doesn't want either, and that they genuinely do want to have a healthy relationship at the end of the day. They find themselves in the terrible circumstance where BPD makes them NEED relationships and attachments while BPD also drives them to engage in behavior that almost always destroys those very relationships. Taking on the responsibility of being a supportive partner for a sufferer of BPD is certainly not for everyone. But it's a responsibility I feel I've needed to take for my own sense of morality and purpose when I learned more about what my girlfriend was dealing with.
It doesnt matter how understanding or supportive u are. People with BPD have no idea what love is or how to love. Not to mention take accountability or take responsabilty for anything. People with BPD should NOT be in any relationship romantic wise until they have begun genuinely doing the work to help themselves manage their dissorder. Until they do this...any relationship is doomed with these people.
@@mr.fettesq.7705 I've been in a relationship with one for 3 years now, and we haven't had the opportunity to get professional help for it due to finances. While it's been rough, it's certainly not impossible.
I dunno dude...more power to you, and props for sticking it out for 3 years. That's great. I was married to one. We divorced obviously. And also obviously I know THAT bOD exists on a spectrum. My ex wife was on the very high end. The shit she did to me....I dont think she would have done to worst enemy. Caught in a cycle of the fight, the make up, then the dopamine hit of a very short honeymoon phase.. and so on and so in all the time wek in and week out.
I completely empathize the finances thing. It's hard to seek help when it's so expensive, and igs not a quick one and done fix.
All I know is that if you are staying at the expense of your mental health and maybe physical as well. You owe it to yourself to stand up for yourself. Do what's in the best interests of you. Because at some point you will be devalued enough that your partner will eventually split and ghost you, with no remorse or fucks given for how u feel.
That's the hardest part of being with a person with BPD, is they dont really love you for you. They love an idolized version of you and the version of you they can mold u in to. It's not unconditional love. It's a warped manipulated mutated kind of love. If u can even call it love at all.
The egg shells arent worth walking over for the rest of your life. Shouldnt have to.
@@mr.fettesq.7705 living for others is the only thing that I understand. If I have to deal with the physical altercations, suicide attempts, self harm, and manipulation attempts, so be it. I'm used to it enough that it barely phases me.
Unconditional love doesn't really make sense to me. Sounds more like a house of cards when there's no logical foundation to justify the relationship to begin with.
Thankyou Terra..I really appreciate your comment and hope you and your girlfriend are doing well..
People who have BPD can absolutely love and we do have empathy..
We just get triggered and hurt easily and have difficulty regulation our emotions sometimes..
Im learning how to better after getting ghosted by someone last fall..
Perhaps I’m the exception to the rule
but I don’t ghost people who I know care about me..I’ve been more likely to get ghosted apparently because I get too attached when I develop feelings for somebody and it comes off as clingy and needy..
My ex who was initially diagnosed with BPD (and then dramatically refused the diagnosis and was re-diagnosed as ADHD with C-PTSD) seemed to have an issue with criticism, believing it to be an attack and the initiation of a breakup. As a result she would go 0-100 and say something that would initiate a breakup.
While I get she has issues, and is "discovering herself", I feel this self-discovery is a rabbit hole I'd have never been able to follow her down, as in the space of 3-6 months she changed gender identity, sexual orientation, made it clear she didn't want children or marry, had little-to-no interest in my life or a future. But she wouldn't outwardly say that, because I was her stability.
Reviewing this, I understand we were not compatible. And now she is more of a mess than ever before, acting a brat and believing she is in the right to do that. I hope she finds peace and happiness.
That’s bpd for sure not adhd and ptsd
That's it! , this is the response when you're doing everything right but they need any alternative as they can't imagine stability in intimacy.
Thank you for sharing 🙏
If this video resonated with you, you might want to check out these as well : alive-academy.com 💎🍀🙏
Ik zou graaf met jou in contact komen, deze information is geweldig.
Mijn partner heeft volgens mij borderline en jet maakt jonze relatie erg moeilijk .
Hoe maak ik haar duidelijk dat ze waarschijnlijk border line heeft.
Dude..I 100% feel you. But I am codependent. And like, aside from that am probably. 001% of the soul knowledge and evolution.
Even STILL, I would *never* make a video trying to tell anyone that by being strong enough they can help someone with BPD.
I understand *everything you say* and it is what I tell myself....but does it fulfill me as a person? No. He has grown leaps and bounds but is now and will my whole life be a BPD partner. Which means so one whi can never be a whole partner to help me with my own problems. (And you aren't getting with a BPD person unless you have some sort of personal issues).
So. I can salute you, you do a good job of explaining, as concisely as possible, that which is in no way compartmentible. But....in real life? No matter *how high your soul* a BPD partner is abusive. They, at best, short change you on support, at worst...shit, at worst they murder you. Usually their worst (which we, their *best parner) will experience, are domestic violence and police activity. The victims often wind up being prosecuted....and we accept it because of codependency issues and the endeavor to save. But never will the BPD person be able to recognize the harm they do.
But yeah. Recognize who you Are and...you'll know you are Well. Even despite the harm done to you...because the more I pushed my BPD person wanted co trol through their fear....yeah.
Fricken. My husband has no clue with joy is.
If you text something this lengthy, consider copy editing yourself so that it's readable. But one thing you have incorrectly stated is that BPD individuals can never see the harm they've done. This is untrue. BPD folks CAN and typically DO see the harm. A person with NPD however can NOT see the harm they do. A narcissist is one step further from self-awareness than a borderline.
You can't change or help pwBPD only they can. Im just starting my BPD recovery and it was after many years of dysfunction, my husband becoming cold and distant, me ruining all my career and education opportunities, having zero friends, depression, people not wanting to be around me etc for me to realize how much of a obnoxious terrible human I was and how much I hurt people and it motivated me to actually get help to stop doing what I do.
very interesting
Thank you!
I tried to be the light house to my BPD partner, but finally left him after he refused to discuss if he saw me in his future after 4.5 years. I couldn’t keep being his committed loving rock if he couldn’t tell me he saw a future with me. It’s heartbreaking.
Agreed
If this video resonated with you, I invite to you watch the free video series here alive-academy.com/ 🍀💎🙏 They might provide you with the insights you are looking for.
I also think it’s interesting that a Bpd sufferer themselves is saying that we should sacrifice and take the abuse for them. This shows the lack of consideration or care for others. I would never want anyone to take abuse or disrespect from me, I do not think I am entitled to hurt anyone and the idea of telling others to accept abuse, either from myself or anyone else, just appalls me.
If I had a disorder that hurt people, I would go away and heal, and only try to engage again when I was sure I was able to consider their wellbeing, even when dysregulated and upset.
There again, is an error in the logic-
Bpd sufferers think they have no choice but to act out and split, and act selfishly, but that it wrong.
There’s always a choice in our actions.
If your choices are minimised because of intense fear or anger or shame, then you can still make the choice to deal with those emotions so that you can protect those you claim to care about.
BPD, yay!
I broke up with my ex fiancé last December, Christmas week. If I would’ve known then what I know now I would’ve stayed with her and try my best to help her and stay together. I still love her to this day and would love to have another shot
If you want to gain more insights on how to deal with this please make sure to watch the 4 free video's I created, they might provide you with the needed insights alive-academy.com/ 🍀💎❤
Stop. ✋
Ignore everything this man has said.
Abandon hope. What you want is not possible.
Lol... except doctors say you are wrong so I don't get what you mean. 80% of BPD sufferers entered remission and no longer met qualifying criteria for BPD after 10 years. It's literally the most treatable personality disorder and goes away essentially with time and age, much sooner with therapy. But sure? "Abandon all hope" over something that experts state is not only possible but the most likely outcome.
@MalloriaAnn None of what you said is true. People naturally mellow with age. Ten years of therapy sure but untreated no.
@@MalloriaAnn10 years is a long time to go through emotional and psychological torment
My wife had all of these symptoms but she left me for the 2nd time now this time she says it's over for good I dont want to just walk away on her borderlines are people with feelings too and all of the videos I've seen have told me to just leave her and never contact her again
Yes, they may leave you and come back for 258x ..and then again. It is a neverending loop of impulsive behaviour (I love you/ I hate you). Yes, a relationship like that can be very exhausting, it is about what are your priorities in life and what are you able to give and what you are able to tolerate.
@@TomeRodrigo I just can't understand why anyone would want to tolerate a relationship. If it's my child yes, they are my responsibility for life. But in a romantic adult relationship, why would one want to tolerate that behavior. Like why? For love? Do you love yourself, because if you do, do what's best for you
How do you deal with all the Lies and cheating.
I think people with bpd are here to be teachers... To help us come out of the darkness into the light. Now only thing is, depending on how severe their bpd is, how much u love them n wanna be with them or not, its up for u to decide. I was with a bpd partner for 10 yrs,.learned my lessons and am now shining brighter than ever 😁
all I want is to make sure my partner is mentally well and can become the great person she is destined to be
You will need to sacrifice yourself.
Are you mentally well. Would a mentally well person dedicate their own well being to helping someone become who they're destined to be. Why is that so important to you? Are you trying to be her savior? If so, why?
Does a bpd remember the love n good time after the breakup?
I can't do that when I'm ghosted for over a year
Have you seen the biochemical differences. Please, it is your comments are great.. we need a rock - a lighthouse
Wish my bpd boyfriend would get treatment but he thinks all therapists are idiots and that the problem isn't him screaming at me for hours because there is a coffee ring on the counter, it's the fact that myself or my teenage kids left a coffee ring on the counter. We are the monsters and he will kill himself before he gets treatment. He threatens to kill himself every day. That is just one example of the nightmare we are enduring with him. I forgot to walk the dog last week and he had to do it and has been non stop screaming at me all day every day for a week now because of it. I broke up with him over his constant need to destroy my happiness and so he flips from anger to suicide. He won't leave and he just throws things and screams at us every day. Tells me that I'm horrible for leaving him. People with bpd should just STAY ALONE. If you have bpd and you try to date someone and you don't get therapy you are a horrible person.
I always have these delusions about helping people and seeing the good in them because after all his dad used to beat him him and tell him he was a loser all the time and its heartbreaking. Absolutley awful. But he wont take any accountability for repairing that damage and he has destroyed me and several other women and it seems like part of him should know or care that he is crushing people but he doesnt. He just slowly sucks all the light out of my heart until I am depressed, anxious, frustrated and broken myself.
Same situation
Comment research helps a lot witg dealing with BPD partners. Hope all of you will be happy at the end. Gooodluck y'll.
So your saying it's okay for them to treat good ppl bad?
If there's not reciprocity, it's not really a relationship.
Could it be that every relationship is a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves? That when we are met with 'non-reciprocity', we are given the opportunity to find it within ourselves, and once we do, when we change the way we view things, the things we view will change as well?
But my bpd boyfriend is also abusing alcohol and becoming dangerous - also bpd is known to be treatable !!! It’s not irreversible if they seek help! Columbia Presbyterian hospital is renowned for this!
They are a lesson to learn and leave. Bpd disregulation destroys everything.
Maybe a better title: how to wrestle alligators and not get wet.
I understand your reaction Burton, but my intention of the video is how to liberate ourselves to be independent light (which is independent of darkness), that makes all darkness around us, turn into light 🍀❤️💎😀
Thanks for making me hate myself more than i already did and reminding me ill never have a stable relationship
@@jinxmonet1978 that's not true, but you need to get therapy and stick to it
He never said for the lighthouse to crush the boat 😉💟
@@jinxmonet1978 what does the ship need?
Absolute most ridiculous advice I've ever heard. Let a therapist fix them, you go and find someone loving.
I understand what your saying and it makes sense. However, After 3 years I'm tired being the lighthouse keeper to a ship which makes the same , reckless decisions. Crashes into the same rocks and then being blamed for the disaster, while I'm also trying to help rebuild the ship, so she can thank me, appreciate me, love me an set of on the boat, before ultimately smashing into the rocks again.
Yes, being in relationships like that can be very very exhausting. But sometimes these partners are very good looking and hyper-sexual and give a very pleasant sexual experience that you don't get anywhere else. so it can have some upsides.
@@TomeRodrigo sex is empty without love at least for me
My partner thinks im great. But he's an alcoholic and says things like he loves me etc and I then feel guilty when I ask him to move out. I'm stuck and feel suicidal.
I'd rather be alone than a relationship
If you believe the model of IFS therapy you know he is correct. BPD need to deal with attachment issues, see their own dishonesty. But they must feel relatively safe.