Let’s Talk is a podcast for women from The Gospel Coalition Podcast Network. On each episode, Jackie Hill Perry, Melissa Kruger, and Jasmine Holmes talk about a different topic and how to apply biblical wisdom to everyday life. Learn more and subscribe at TGC.org/letstalk
This was really great, really edifying. The world is telling us to "cancel" people out of our lives when they hurt or offend us, but Christ gives us a different, loving way. Thanks for reminding us all of His truth from the Word.
Thanks for this message. I was in my first church for 12 years and due to it having lots of issues and hurts that the leaders weren't dealing with, I had to leave the church that I raised my children up in as they were young. Due to the church hurt both of my kids have walked away from church and God now that they are adults.
Jackie's WHOLE LIST of red flags for exiting a church is why our family left a 17yr relationship with our former pastors. I am still shredded. They methodically and systematically destroyed mental health, my confidence, but in the end, God is restoring it all. He placed us immediately in another church (no breaks to wallow in our pain) that welcomed us, surrounded us, received us as we were, encouraged us, stood up with us, and have pushed me first to allow them to love me and secondly to go after my healing. God has been faithful to cover and to correct me. This journey is a wild one.
This is so good. I'm no stranger to church hurt, but lately we've had some deep hurt in our church. Thank you for sharing your experiences and scripture to help heal.
I think my greatest encouragement from the Lord is that my pain, given to Jesus, gives me a chance to see the power of His redemption of all things and His heart to teach me surrender so that I look more like Him. He was despised and rejected by men. Praise God for His faithful work to change us. My disappointment with God’s people has been the single thing to draw me closer to Him. I praise Him.
Very helpful topic so relatable!!:) please do another one on trauma/mental health problems in churches or domestic violence in christian marriages etc etc:) Also do an episode on gossip in churches etc etc Do one on unrequited love too and how difficult that can be in church settings etc:)!
Listening to this and I relate so much, just never know how to label it. As a Pastor's kid, we are more often than not expected to grin and bear and tough it out. A higher level of morality is expected from us. If it's not fellow congregants talking about us...it's a lot.
I’m a PK and our church is going through a really hard time. I am so hurt by the way some of our members are conducting themselves in public, and how they are disrespecting my dad. I feel like our family is unappreciated, and taken for granted, and now feel I need to leave.
"I need to love and care for the church because Jesus loves and cares for the church." 14:40. That's good. Really had me put some things into perspective right there. I just think the church that I've been in from a child is stagnant. I'm young and I really want a church that I can grow in. Learn new ways and all that good stuff, but after trying and hitting a brick wall so many times, I just said to myself that I'm not going to don't care about them any more. I just thought to myself that as soon as I reach another chapter in life, I am just going to move on; meaning find a new home church. But just listening to what you said. It really helped me to look at thinks differently, where in if I want persons to be gracious and long suffering with me, I have to extend that to others as well. I still would like a physical representation on how to practically walk these things out and show it to others but I get what you young ladies are saying.
I think we have to be careful with using the word 'hurt'. People will always hurt us. There needs to be a distinction between being hurt and when something has crossed the line from being hurt to being controlling, manipulative and abusive emotionally psychologically spiritually.
That was great. Three wise people with useful thoughts ready to spill out of their mouths. Thank you. The focus of this episode was on patience with others but it would be good to hear one on choosing the best church for us and for our families. A couple of thoughts on that: -it comes ahead of work and being near family. If we find the right community to work out our lives with the other things will find their place -I’m not sure what leads people to decide that any old church will do but it won’t if you’ve decided you want to be sold out for God. And that leads to my final point -don’t choose a church which you can tell from the beginning will for one of more reasons never grow/mature. And don’t trust that politics or strategy will fix a broken church - they never do. And ignore the fact your best mate goes there - that isn’t a good reason to settle there. If you were an Olympic athlete you probably wouldn’t train with the coach down the road etc. Church is no different. Don’t be afraid of making a great church worse by joining it! If we join great churches ready to serve we ensure that if we get hurt we can at least say “God has taught me important stuff here”. I look forward to further episodes.
How was she Having a 4 year Dating Relationship with a Pastors Son as a Pastors daughter?? How do you date for 4 years without being tempted to sleep together?
Im going to have to respectfully disagree. The church is 100% at fault for young people turning away and deconverting. The top sinners are always the pastors and their mistresses and the people that excuse their abhorrent behavior by saying we need to be understanding and forgive them while they take our money to fund their lifestyle.
I disagree with Pastor Jackie on the fault of deconstruction resting on the victim. Often times, when a victim of spiritual abuse deconstructs, they are trying to make sense of what their pastor's behavior or other perpetrators did to them. The worst sin, imo, is spiritual abuse. If you can usurp God's role in a person's life and position oneself as lordship over another, you can take away their relationship with God. Many have fallen victim to these people in sheep's clothing. It is horrendous and for those thar have committed this atrocity will have to answer.
Let’s Talk is a podcast for women from The Gospel Coalition Podcast Network. On each episode, Jackie Hill Perry, Melissa Kruger, and Jasmine Holmes talk about a different topic and how to apply biblical wisdom to everyday life. Learn more and subscribe at TGC.org/letstalk
This was really great, really edifying. The world is telling us to "cancel" people out of our lives when they hurt or offend us, but Christ gives us a different, loving way. Thanks for reminding us all of His truth from the Word.
This is one of the first podcast I heard when I became a Christian on June 2020... Listening on 2022
Thanks for this message. I was in my first church for 12 years and due to it having lots of issues and hurts that the leaders weren't dealing with, I had to leave the church that I raised my children up in as they were young. Due to the church hurt both of my kids have walked away from church and God now that they are adults.
Jackie's WHOLE LIST of red flags for exiting a church is why our family left a 17yr relationship with our former pastors. I am still shredded. They methodically and systematically destroyed mental health, my confidence, but in the end, God is restoring it all. He placed us immediately in another church (no breaks to wallow in our pain) that welcomed us, surrounded us, received us as we were, encouraged us, stood up with us, and have pushed me first to allow them to love me and secondly to go after my healing. God has been faithful to cover and to correct me. This journey is a wild one.
🔥🔥the “what has the church done for you” has helped me view things in a balanced way .
God bless you .
This was so so needed. Thank you. I'm seeking the Lord on how to deal with something that's come up in the church. Please pray for me in this area. 🙏
"Sometimes I wish people would be sanctified quicker than even I am getting sanctified" ...Jackie is always reading my entire life. So good!!!!
This is so good. I'm no stranger to church hurt, but lately we've had some deep hurt in our church. Thank you for sharing your experiences and scripture to help heal.
I think my greatest encouragement from the Lord is that my pain, given to Jesus, gives me a chance to see the power of His redemption of all things and His heart to teach me surrender so that I look more like Him. He was despised and rejected by men. Praise God for His faithful work to change us. My disappointment with God’s people has been the single thing to draw me closer to Him. I praise Him.
Very helpful topic so relatable!!:) please do another one on trauma/mental health problems in churches or domestic violence in christian marriages etc etc:) Also do an episode on gossip in churches etc etc Do one on unrequited love too and how difficult that can be in church settings etc:)!
I want to say Thank You for this !
This was encouraging to my soul.
Church hurt from a leader is extremely painful.
yep. And it goes un-noticed. The victim is left to heal by themselves quietly
Listening to this and I relate so much, just never know how to label it. As a Pastor's kid, we are more often than not expected to grin and bear and tough it out. A higher level of morality is expected from us. If it's not fellow congregants talking about us...it's a lot.
This was so timely and real. Thanks
So helpful! Thank y'all for this 😊 Blessings from Kenya 🇰🇪
I’m a PK and our church is going through a really hard time. I am so hurt by the way some of our members are conducting themselves in public, and how they are disrespecting my dad. I feel like our family is unappreciated, and taken for granted, and now feel I need to leave.
"I need to love and care for the church because Jesus loves and cares for the church." 14:40.
That's good.
Really had me put some things into perspective right there.
I just think the church that I've been in from a child is stagnant. I'm young and I really want a church that I can grow in. Learn new ways and all that good stuff, but after trying and hitting a brick wall so many times, I just said to myself that I'm not going to don't care about them any more. I just thought to myself that as soon as I reach another chapter in life, I am just going to move on; meaning find a new home church.
But just listening to what you said. It really helped me to look at thinks differently, where in if I want persons to be gracious and long suffering with me, I have to extend that to others as well.
I still would like a physical representation on how to practically walk these things out and show it to others but I get what you young ladies are saying.
Wolves have to be exposed in order to guard the sheep.
Ladies, this conversation was sooooo so good. Thank you for this. So good.....
I think we have to be careful with using the word 'hurt'. People will always hurt us. There needs to be a distinction between being hurt and when something has crossed the line from being hurt to being controlling, manipulative and abusive emotionally psychologically spiritually.
That was great. Three wise people with useful thoughts ready to spill out of their mouths. Thank you.
The focus of this episode was on patience with others but it would be good to hear one on choosing the best church for us and for our families. A couple of thoughts on that:
-it comes ahead of work and being near family. If we find the right community to work out our lives with the other things will find their place
-I’m not sure what leads people to decide that any old church will do but it won’t if you’ve decided you want to be sold out for God. And that leads to my final point
-don’t choose a church which you can tell from the beginning will for one of more reasons never grow/mature. And don’t trust that politics or strategy will fix a broken church - they never do. And ignore the fact your best mate goes there - that isn’t a good reason to settle there.
If you were an Olympic athlete you probably wouldn’t train with the coach down the road etc. Church is no different.
Don’t be afraid of making a great church worse by joining it!
If we join great churches ready to serve we ensure that if we get hurt we can at least say “God has taught me important stuff here”.
I look forward to further episodes.
Thank you for sharing those thoughts!
How was she Having a 4 year Dating Relationship with a Pastors Son as a Pastors daughter?? How do you date for 4 years without being tempted to sleep together?
How can breaking up with your boyfriend be: church hurt?
Church cliques are a big source of church hurt too. Not easy to fix either.
Im going to have to respectfully disagree. The church is 100% at fault for young people turning away and deconverting. The top sinners are always the pastors and their mistresses and the people that excuse their abhorrent behavior by saying we need to be understanding and forgive them while they take our money to fund their lifestyle.
I disagree with Pastor Jackie on the fault of deconstruction resting on the victim. Often times, when a victim of spiritual abuse deconstructs, they are trying to make sense of what their pastor's behavior or other perpetrators did to them. The worst sin, imo, is spiritual abuse. If you can usurp God's role in a person's life and position oneself as lordship over another, you can take away their relationship with God. Many have fallen victim to these people in sheep's clothing. It is horrendous and for those thar have committed this atrocity will have to answer.
Jasmine, how has your white friend changed?