Aaaaah that's so valid!!! Well. It's also a little ironic, I guess, because ents very sharply devided into male ents and "ent wives" by whether or not they were... even still there. It's still very sweet though :)
I think one very important part about how to come out to your homophobic parents that is pretty important and vital sometimes to some LGBTQ+ youth to think about is when NOT TO come out. It sounds terrible, but if you feel like you're in a dangerous position if you choose to come out for your parents, i.e. being physically assaulted, get thrown out of your home, being ostracized by your community, please think about waiting a bit for your own sake. Get yourself some savings, wait until you get a second plan if the worst happen. I hear a lot about "just be yourself and it will all be okay" which is a great message, but it's sometimes a dangerous advice for someone from a very aggressively religious background (like the one I'm in) or someone who faced violence before and is at risk go suffer from it again. And if you do choose to keep your identity to yourself a little bit longer, know that it's okay. It doesn't change who you are and you're not doing it to fit in or to lie, you're doing it to survive and i hope you can get out of the situation you're in right now and blossom when you achieve your freedom.
Jessica and Claudia have expressed this as well. It's their common advice. Especially considering that Claudia is half-Malaysian and it's still illegal to be gay in Malaysia. They tell people, "Make sure you're financially and physically safe before coming out."
@@deadsoon Right? I asked a friend to use male pronouns on me for a while, since there isn't really any gender neutral options to my knowledge and I'm trying to test what makes me more comfortable.
@@charlesmatheo6562 agreed, I had this fun convo with my best friend that if he ever gets kids that I'll be their... we got stuck on a word, and after some brainstorming and puzzling words I saw a duck and decided on Ente. He was not impressed and while he is amused he thinks its kinda like trying to mash the words bride and groom together and deciding on broom instead of any other combo.
I think that Shaaba is very right, every identity had their own characteristics and culture around it, however small. And they all have one aspect or the other in common with other identities. For example, a lesbian shares being into women with a bisexual women and all the aspects or judgements connected to that, and she shares not being attracted to men with an asexual women which leads to shared terminology and experiences there. And all of them know what it feels like to come out, to not be included or just to be LGBTQ+.
(*at least not sexually attracted to men, unless it’s an aroace woman, but there are asexuals who are heteromantic meaning they still feel romantically attracted to the opposite sex) -a friendly aroace who wants to spread positivity and educate :)
Jessica not having her first girlfriend till 23 makes me feel a lot better about myself 😅 I’m 23 now and never had a proper boyfriend and it does make me anxious sometimes, not because I feel like I necessarily _should_ have, just because I worry the older I get the more people will expect some degree of prior relationship experience when looking for a partner.
No worries, a relationship isn't a job. You're probably already good at all the stuff you care about. I've never found it any problem if a partner had little experience. If anything, it made me feel more special and made it fun to try things out. Also, in my experience, previous boyfriends tended to have done more damage by being insensitive or abusive than be of any sort of help in developing as a person anyway. So, truly, I would not worry about any of that for even a second. You'll be fine!
I was a virgin until I was 32. I was acquaintance raped at 32. I was numb for quite some time after that. I am now 52, and still alone. If I find my person, great. At this point I figure they may have fallen off of a cliff or may have been run over by a bus. I just hug my kitties and carry on. 💜💜💜
No worries, don't forget amatonormativity is a thing; I def pressured myself exactly at 24 y.o. and it didn't end well, now I'm more happy being on my own and with friends
I can relate. I'm 22 and in the same boat. I'm not ashamed of it but it feels a bit like I want to jump on a treadmill that's going full speed when most people my age have been walking on it from the beginning as it's slowly gotten faster
Yeah I thought so too! Regarding the advice given in this video, a few aro, ace and aroace perspectives, would have been beneficial. One of the few ways, I think this lovely video could improve. (*´♡`*)ゞ
I was just about to comment this! They make good points about exploring if it is a block or a lack, but I would have really liked them to mention the distinction between romantic attraction and sexual attraction :)
As someone who's recently figured out I'm aro, I wanted to chime in on the lack of romantic attraction vs fear of intimacy question. Figuring out that you *aren't* experiencing a certain kind of attraction - whether to a specific person or just in general - is super hard and I think it's helpful to have as many accounts out there as we can. One of the big ways that I figured it out was realizing that whenever I looked at other couples -- even couples who had dynamics that made sense to me and that I really liked -- I never felt any real sense of longing to have what they had. The idea of companionship was attractive, but I didn't have any deep desire for the parts that made it a romantic rather than platonic. And it took me a while to figure that out, because obviously there is a ton of pressure to want a romantic relationship and we all want some kind of companionship. But when I would imagine having a relationship that was romantically intimate rather than platonically intimate, or when I would imagine committing to a next step in a romantic relationship (whether that was kissing, or holding hands, or being fives years into a marriage with someone) it always felt scary and wrong. Even if things went well with a person, I'd rather just have a platonic version of that relationship. The other part of it was really thinking about the relationship I was in at the time and what I really wanted with that person. I asked myself if I could have an ideal relationship with my girlfriend (who was brilliant and attractive and I got along with really well), what would that look like? And I realized that even if everything went perfectly, what I wanted with her was intimate but not romantic. The best case scenario was to be close to her, but not romantically. The romance would always be a concession. I think the most important part in asking the question "do I feel X kind of attraction or am I just afraid?" is to really take seriously the possibility that you AREN'T experiencing that kind of attraction. Because there's so much pressure to believe you are just afraid, that deep down, you really do like this person you want to have a relationship with in that way, or you are a "normal" person that is capable of romantic or sexual desire (bc my experience of realizing I was ace was similar to realizing I was aro). Like the hardest step is taking the possibility seriously and being open to the possibility. When I went looking, I realized *was* afraid, but I wasn't afraid of commitment, I was afraid of accepting my actual experience.
You're very right so I'd like to add my own aro story to this! I'm aromantic bisexual so I suppose this is from the perspective where I knew people could be aro, but was convinced you had to be aroace. I spent years confusing sexual attraction for romantic attraction. I'd had 11 partners before I realised because I was desperate to have a relationship because thats what people are supposed to do, or so i thought, so I just said yes to anyone who asked me out. When I was in a relationship i quickly felt deeply uncomfortable and wrong, squicked out by acts of affection, and when the relationships ended I'd feel relief, like my breath had been restricted. Sorry if this is rambling I'm on a lot of painkillers, just wanted to put more info on aro experiences out there!
Thanks for helpful stories! I don't know if I'm aro or not. I've had one crush and several squishes and that crush made me super confused. Another confusing thing is that I often dream about having a romantic relationship but then I think about really being in that situation and I feel horrible, awkward and it makes me cringe. It's like I really want a romantic relationship but I can't. I don't know if it's because of the lack of happy QPR representation or something else. I really struggle seeing my future relationshipwise. Love ?
"It can just happen really quickly. You don't know when, and you don't know who, and it's worth waiting" really hit home with me right now. Coming from the 26 year old bisexual who's only just getting her first relationship now.
I love all their vibes, and how open they are when talking about lgbtq+ matters. For the longest I didn’t have anyone to talk about these things with but I was finally able to come out to some people after I started watching all of their videos. So thank you, Jessica,Claudia,Jamie and Shaaba!
I honestly can't stand the sound of pibling. It sounds like something that goes in your baby nibling's diaper. Griblings for all the levels of aunts and uncles would work for me though.
The advice is impeccable here. I love the part about destigmatising changing identities. I've identified as lesbian and bisexual and all those times have been valid and important in my journey 😊
Or at the vary least it goes from this dramatic thing that it can be nowadays to just a "oh yah I'm ___." And it's over knowledge has been shared cool now back to talking about idk pineapples
I kind of want to come out. I'm still in the closet as a lesbian to all but one friend. But a lot know that I'm questioning. I want the comming out where it's like: "look, this is something I have been struggling to find out about myself for so long, but now I think I have, and I am proud of that. Share this joy with me.". But on the other hand, I hate when someone assumes that I want a male partner, and in that way kind of forces me to come out (and I assume that's the version you don't like). If it's a person I don't know that well or that I don't want to share that information with, it gets awkward and I just try so hard to avoid pronouns (luckily, in my native language we don't use gendered boyfriend/girlfriend, just something equivalent to partner).
Well people dont really come out in my surroundings. They just mention their love ones or talk about attraction when the moment is there. Sometikes its like because im this and this. But its never been a bigger moment than that
As an ace person, I really appreciate the way you all talked about figuring out your feelings around romantic and sexual attraction while not doing anything that would make you uncomfortable, and for not assuming it was caused by trauma.
When I was breaking up with my first spouse the advice my psychologist gave was that I didn't need a reason to move on. My wanting to leave the relationship was reason enough. Our culture puts so much pressure on people to maintain family relationships at almost any cost. Some families are dysfunctional, some are toxic, some are emotionally and/or physically abusive and downright dangerous. We should be very careful about putting victims in a position of second-guessing themselves when their lives are in danger. Wanting to leave your family should be reason enough to go on your way, and for others to respect that decision without judgement. It's marvellous when we can have the support of families who love us and are prepared to grow, but we absolutely cannot assume that such behaviour is automatic. It's okay to form a family of friends and to leave the nest. You are still a good person. Maybe your family are still good people too. You have a right to be a free individual. Take care of yourself!
I hate how homophobes say that sexual orientation is a preference as means of justifying their prejudices. Look Karen, you prefer tall muscled men and so does Jack now shut up and stop discriminating against Jack! People are allowed to have preferences as well as natural born traits. Get over it.
"If someone's in a relationship, take a step back." Unless you are aware of them practicing ethical non-monogamy, or polyamory! But, don't try to force someone into polyamory just so you can be with them! That's not good for anyone involved.
Re: homophobic parents: I just want to say that sometimes you have to accept that you're not going to be able to change their minds. It's getting on for 20 years since I came out to my parents as bi (when I was in my early 20s) and they still refuse to accept it, never mind engage with me about it. Last time I brought it up, they claimed I'd never said anything about it before! That's when I gave up trying to persuade them. I'm not saying, "Don't try," I know lots of other people's parents who have come around (and many who have been unexpectedly fine with their child's sexuality). But if yours don't, it's definitely them, not you.
Love you guys, but that door is doing very little for your safety, especially as you're all so close together otherwise. Sure, it may stop some of the more direct air exchange between Jessica and Jaime, but honestly you're all sharing an indoor space at less than 2m, so you are not Covid safe, as well intentioned as you undoubtedly are. I'm not saying stop collabs until lockdown ends, but if you want to do them safely you're going to have to take it outdoors at greater distance, or at least have Shaaba and Jaime outdoors (outdoor space heaters are hard to get right now, but well worth it) and Jessica and Claudia indoors if you have French doors.
with the question at 12:52 , I believe the difference is fear of intimacy is active, some romantic gesture takes place and you are immediately anxious and feel a need to recoil, and aromanticism is passive, some romantic gesture takes place, you feel indifferent instead of happy or safe, and that indifference scares you and makes you feel guilty. This is something I've had to deal with alot as an autistic person with social anxiety. Not only was it alot harder for me to catagorise my own emotions and understand what romantic and sexual attraction was meant to feel like, but I also gradually realised that gender wasnt a significant factor either. I spent a long time trying to understand if I was attracted to everyone or no one, and eventually realised that I wanted intimacy but I was also non-binary transmasc and alot (but not all) of my discomfort in romance and sex actually came from a discomfort in people viewing me as a woman when I wasn't. Intimacy in general is alot harder for an autistic person because we may not have necessarily been exposed to enough examples to create a script for how to conduct ourselves in those situations. That can breed anxiety, to the point you can misinterpret the anxiety of navigating a new social landscape with a believed incompatibility between yourself and the enjoyment of intimacy. There's also sensory processing disorders to consider as well, you may just not like being touched by other people, or think that kissing is too wet and gross to be enjoyable, and thats okay. Theres plenty of ways to be physically and emotionally intimate with someone without having to force yourself into situations you know make you uncomfortable. You may not be neurodivergent or trans, but knowing that your anxiety or apathy may simply come from a place within yourself you have yet to fully divulge is important.
Shaaba saying "there's never anything wrong with feeling how you are feeling" made me spontaneusly cry so bad I had to pause the video to regain composure. Good stuff 🧡
one gender neutral term for a parent that I really like is cennend/cenn which comes from the Anglo-Saxon word meaning parent! I'm not a fan of nibling, if I'm honest, but I can totally see why other enby people would like it, it's just not for me
I've heard Rem as a gender neutral mom/dad word. And I personally am not a big fan of nibling cuz I dunno, it sounds like nibbling and you don't nibble on children, I personally think nephling sounds better, tho it does sound more like the maskuline word.
@@gaylordsupreme8824 Maybe it could be Neifling, to sound like both? Neifling sounds like some D&D character though (I think because it sounds like Teifling).
I so relate to the first question. I kind of feel a third or fifth wheel when my friends are with their boyfriends. And now I keep seeing people I know having kids and I sometimes wonder if I am normal. Then again what is normal?
For anyone struggling with a homophobic family - if it’s really important to you, keep chipping away, but nobody should feel obligated to have a good relationship with their parents/grandparents/whatever just because they’re a bit genetically closer to you than the average person. Found family is just as valid as biological family. Ditching your bio family for a found family that treats you better doesn’t make you a bad person.
Disagree hard with Claudia at 11:55. I have dreams about being with guys, but I'm as gay as Jessica. It's because you just see straight relationships a lot and what you see in life translates into the dream world. Dreams are not always your subconscious telling you what you desire; they are often working through what you've lived in a day (though it hasn't been determined what the purpose of dreams actually is by scientists). So don't worry about having sex dreams about guys, it means nothing if you're not attracted to guys irl.
Interesting, because I have the opposite. I'm cis-het but every once in a while dream about being with a woman (in addition to occasionally dreaming about being with men). But in my waking life I don't feel the same attraction to women that I feel toward men.
In swedish we call nieces and nephews sibling child. Though we also have sisterdaughter/ sisterson and similar. And aunt/ Uncle we call faster/moster/Farbror/Morbror, which is mothersister/motherbrother and so on
I just have to say, I was really impressed by the quality and maturity of the advice in this video. I love the addition of Jamie and Shaaba also. I think too many RUclipsrs treat these kinds of real questions as a joke, or don't properly think through the advice they are giving their impressionable audience. I think you all did a really nice job. I hope people take comfort in your answers and know that everything will be okay, and that they are valid in their feelings, thoughts, and struggles.
Take me back to that sweet bisexual-normative ancient rome (minus the slavery and the treating women as objects and sending men to war for 25 years as soon as they turn 18 please)
@@ayellowpapercrown6750 well- the ancient romans didn't have homophobia per se (and there's only One roman we know for sure was straight, and only One roman we know for sure was gay - that's how little they Cared about the gender of the people you got it on with. they'd be overwhelmingly confused by our current system of classification of sexuality here.). but they Did treat men perceived as being 'passive' (or I guess- 'bottoms'-) pretty cruelly, so. there Was prejudice, just against How you did it, not with Whom, haha.
I am bisexual and Asexual. On the bisexual spectrum I am more into women, like I am, then men. I cringe when I think about having sex as it horrifies me. My sister happens to be bisexual as well so we both celebrate Pride Month. My ultra conservative parents have been handling my sexuality better than other ultra conservative parents would. At least they are trying to, at a certain level, accept the way that I am. I am also a disabled woman who is in the LGBT+ community. Your short films constantly give me hope.
To personally answer the "gender neutral aunt/uncle term" question, I go by Bug! My name is Nat, I'm nonbinary, so I decided to make a silly joke out of the words "aunt" and Nat and I got, well, Bug! Lovely video y'all
Life happens when it happens is about the best thing I've heard. I was searching for my mate for so long and one day with friends this girl came by and within the year we were married. Just celebrated 24 years. I can relate to Jessica wishing that they were my first relationship, but at the same time I agree with Claudia that having had a previous relationship strengthened my belief that I KNOW this is the one person I want for the rest of my life. I have recently been exploring my identity (am over 40 now) and having the support of loved ones can not be understated. My wife supports me unconditionally and there are not words to express how great that feels. I wish I had the drive to share my experiences like you all do; you help so many people. Thank you!
For the question about fear of intimacy/aromanticism: for myself I used the hypothetical What if my perfect person would be aromantic? Would that relieve me? What are the things I would miss in the long run? If I could build my own expectations from the ground up, what would my perfect relationship or interactions look like? Now I’m ace and I struggled to find that out because I didn’t want to miss out and “all the great moments” but those fantasies in my head were always the waking up in bed together, taking showers together, feeling home with each others bodies. Never putitinmenow or something. Intimacy can be separate from sex. And I believe also separate from romance. Comfortable silences, building a home together (metaphorically), making plans, discovering your hobbies. It’s becoming a unit as opposed to two people :)
If you fall in love for somebody already in a relationship, firstly back off, but secondly understand that just because you love them doesn't mean you cannot fall in love with somebody else at the same time. You can love multiple people at once. What matters are your commitments. Love is a very precious feeling and you can still use it to be supportive of that person, to be there for them and be happy for their successes, even if you are not in a sexual and/or romantic relationship with them. Just because you nurture that love and channel it toward positive interactions does not mean you cannot find another person to share your life with. It also does not make you unfaithful. Again, what matters are your commitments.
4:41 something that i used was media, my parents love sitcoms so i recommended brooklyn nine nine, and they fell inlove with it, and after a couple of years i could recommend other shows with more and mre lgbt rep. like one day at a time, or the fosters. etc. theyre still not perfect but while befre they would refer to gay people as having "a lifestyle" or "mentally ill" now when they see homophobia like that on tv they comment that "hey thats wrong, just let people live their lives."
Jessica at 6:00 is so spot on...one of the reasons my mom had such a hard time with my sexuality is because she was scared for the discrimination and adversity I might face and after we talked about it I understood her more and was able to calm some of her feelings
Honestly, I find these videos so inspiring, because they open up the whole community of people with the same experiences. I am still very surprised and pleased any time I can say "oh, I can relate to that!". And you find very kind and supportive words for any of these situations. I also like constructive advice on how to come out or find yourself. Actually, gentle education really helped me to change my parents' perception of lgbtqa+. The whole environment and political propaganda are still toxic, but at least feeling support from my family (including my partner) is calming.
My son is FTM and he didn’t know he was trans. He just knew something wasn’t right when he hit puberty so we went through non-binary and lesbian before figuring it out. Life is a journey and a constant learning experience.
Thank you for these types of videos. Being that I'm the parent of a non-binary, autistic, who is DID as well, I take guidance from your words. You are my mentors! Blessed Be!
In swedish we have a genderneutral term for nieces/nephews, syskonbarn, literally sibling-child(ren). It is more common to use the specific terms though and we have more of those, all very litteral. No such luck the other way though, we don't even have a way to collectively refer to your maternal and paternal uncles without sounding archaic. You could totally construct one, as all the parts are there, but it would become much longer than the equivalents, and arguably slightly unwieldy.
![Too Young To Get Married? / Ask Your Lesbian Moms / AD [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/zFQYSPIeCG8/mqdefault.jpg)
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![Being LGBTQ+ parents: Things we are excited about! ft. @Jammidodger and @shaaba [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Q65TAb64ORY/mqdefault.jpg)
The gender-neutral term for nieces and nephews is niblings, not niblets, but maybe niblets could be the really young ones. 😃
I also like: Spawn of my sibling 🤣
I've seen niblet before as well!
I’ve also seen niblet meaning a kernel of corn. 🌽
Ok that's adorable
Or like a sweetheart way of saying it. Like mommy instead of mother.
I just realized why their dog is placed so perfectly in front of Claudia lol. congrats on the baby!
@@notavailable5911 oof yes Claudia i hate auto correct
My sibling has declared their preferred gender-neutral option for aunt/uncle is an "ent", because they want to be a tree.
Aaaaah that's so valid!!!
Well. It's also a little ironic, I guess, because ents very sharply devided into male ents and "ent wives" by whether or not they were... even still there.
It's still very sweet though :)
Can your sibling please adopt me as their niece?? I need a loving ent in my life
I need a tree ent
that is fantastic
I love that!
As somebody who’s nonbinary, being called a nibblet made me happy
aww this is wholesome
Yes, we are the little enby niblets! I also quite like niblings, it's all quite cute.
Me too!!
Same
Sending love and hugs to all our internet niblets 🥳💛
Thank you for being wonderful people x
Gender neutral term for aunt and uncle- pibling! Parent’s sibling
What a queen 👑
💕
I think one very important part about how to come out to your homophobic parents that is pretty important and vital sometimes to some LGBTQ+ youth to think about is when NOT TO come out. It sounds terrible, but if you feel like you're in a dangerous position if you choose to come out for your parents, i.e. being physically assaulted, get thrown out of your home, being ostracized by your community, please think about waiting a bit for your own sake. Get yourself some savings, wait until you get a second plan if the worst happen. I hear a lot about "just be yourself and it will all be okay" which is a great message, but it's sometimes a dangerous advice for someone from a very aggressively religious background (like the one I'm in) or someone who faced violence before and is at risk go suffer from it again. And if you do choose to keep your identity to yourself a little bit longer, know that it's okay. It doesn't change who you are and you're not doing it to fit in or to lie, you're doing it to survive and i hope you can get out of the situation you're in right now and blossom when you achieve your freedom.
Hello
I concur!
I completely agree. It's so important to stay as safe as possible and to make sure you have something to fall back on should things go wrong.
Jessica and Claudia have expressed this as well. It's their common advice. Especially considering that Claudia is half-Malaysian and it's still illegal to be gay in Malaysia. They tell people, "Make sure you're financially and physically safe before coming out."
In Spanish, niece is sobrina and nephew is sobrino. I think I would call my nonbinary niblets my sobrines lol
Could aunt and uncle be tíe instead of tía and tío by that same logic?
yeah the general gender neutral rule in spanish, using the word tío/tía, is either tíx/tí@ in written and then tíe in spoken Spanish.
@@coolpersonwithcake98 it can also be written as tíe!
that's what happens when an entire language is gendered, its extremely hard to incorporate gender neutral adjectives.
@@deadsoon Right? I asked a friend to use male pronouns on me for a while, since there isn't really any gender neutral options to my knowledge and I'm trying to test what makes me more comfortable.
I'm non-binary and go by entie instead of auntie.
sounds a bit like the German word for duck "Ente" ie is more a belittling form. I am also looking for a neutral term for it.
I’ve seen Titi and Zizi, which are based on (iirc) Spanish and Italian words for aunt/uncle! I also think Nibi (based on nb for nonbinary) is v cute 🥰
that is so cute
@@askialuna7717 Honestly, I would love to be someones Ente (I'm a german non-binary person) 😂
@@charlesmatheo6562 agreed, I had this fun convo with my best friend that if he ever gets kids that I'll be their... we got stuck on a word, and after some brainstorming and puzzling words I saw a duck and decided on Ente. He was not impressed and while he is amused he thinks its kinda like trying to mash the words bride and groom together and deciding on broom instead of any other combo.
I am 52 and still haven't found my person. So, no, there is no precise timeline. Well done, all of you. 💜💜💜💜
I did not realize that I was asexual until I was 60. It happens when it happens. ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
I think that Shaaba is very right, every identity had their own characteristics and culture around it, however small. And they all have one aspect or the other in common with other identities. For example, a lesbian shares being into women with a bisexual women and all the aspects or judgements connected to that, and she shares not being attracted to men with an asexual women which leads to shared terminology and experiences there. And all of them know what it feels like to come out, to not be included or just to be LGBTQ+.
I agree with this, wholeheartedly. Except for one thing. Asexual women aren't necessarily attracted to men?? I think you meant heterosexual
@@RoryPond03 I meant not, thank you, I corrected it.
mine doesn’t have a culture and i hate it
(*at least not sexually attracted to men, unless it’s an aroace woman, but there are asexuals who are heteromantic meaning they still feel romantically attracted to the opposite sex) -a friendly aroace who wants to spread positivity and educate :)
@@AnEmu404 Appreciated by your aroace commenter, it's true that not everyone knows this.
Jessica not having her first girlfriend till 23 makes me feel a lot better about myself 😅
I’m 23 now and never had a proper boyfriend and it does make me anxious sometimes, not because I feel like I necessarily _should_ have, just because I worry the older I get the more people will expect some degree of prior relationship experience when looking for a partner.
No worries, a relationship isn't a job. You're probably already good at all the stuff you care about. I've never found it any problem if a partner had little experience. If anything, it made me feel more special and made it fun to try things out. Also, in my experience, previous boyfriends tended to have done more damage by being insensitive or abusive than be of any sort of help in developing as a person anyway. So, truly, I would not worry about any of that for even a second. You'll be fine!
I was a virgin until I was 32. I was acquaintance raped at 32. I was numb for quite some time after that. I am now 52, and still alone. If I find my person, great. At this point I figure they may have fallen off of a cliff or may have been run over by a bus. I just hug my kitties and carry on. 💜💜💜
@@michelehenne2477 Sending hugs from my kitten Bluebell who is purring right now; he loves you
No worries, don't forget amatonormativity is a thing; I def pressured myself exactly at 24 y.o. and it didn't end well, now I'm more happy being on my own and with friends
I can relate. I'm 22 and in the same boat. I'm not ashamed of it but it feels a bit like I want to jump on a treadmill that's going full speed when most people my age have been walking on it from the beginning as it's slowly gotten faster
Shaaba taking Jamie’s hand after he said he was being too cheesey omg so sweet 🥺
I feel like the discussion about fear of intimacy vs a lack of attraction could have benefitted from an ace/aro perspective.
Yeah I thought so too! Regarding the advice given in this video, a few aro, ace and aroace perspectives, would have been beneficial.
One of the few ways, I think this lovely video could improve. (*´♡`*)ゞ
I was just about to comment this! They make good points about exploring if it is a block or a lack, but I would have really liked them to mention the distinction between romantic attraction and sexual attraction :)
@J Z Connie Glyn/Noodlrella I think came out as Ace. I Rremember watching a video of hers o it but can't find it now
@@Jihaleh connie came out as aro bisexual but she's since quit youtube to move forward with her career as an author and deleted her videos, i believe
@@dragonsmccreepy6589 such a shame. Thanks for the info though.
As someone who's recently figured out I'm aro, I wanted to chime in on the lack of romantic attraction vs fear of intimacy question. Figuring out that you *aren't* experiencing a certain kind of attraction - whether to a specific person or just in general - is super hard and I think it's helpful to have as many accounts out there as we can.
One of the big ways that I figured it out was realizing that whenever I looked at other couples -- even couples who had dynamics that made sense to me and that I really liked -- I never felt any real sense of longing to have what they had. The idea of companionship was attractive, but I didn't have any deep desire for the parts that made it a romantic rather than platonic. And it took me a while to figure that out, because obviously there is a ton of pressure to want a romantic relationship and we all want some kind of companionship. But when I would imagine having a relationship that was romantically intimate rather than platonically intimate, or when I would imagine committing to a next step in a romantic relationship (whether that was kissing, or holding hands, or being fives years into a marriage with someone) it always felt scary and wrong. Even if things went well with a person, I'd rather just have a platonic version of that relationship.
The other part of it was really thinking about the relationship I was in at the time and what I really wanted with that person. I asked myself if I could have an ideal relationship with my girlfriend (who was brilliant and attractive and I got along with really well), what would that look like? And I realized that even if everything went perfectly, what I wanted with her was intimate but not romantic. The best case scenario was to be close to her, but not romantically. The romance would always be a concession.
I think the most important part in asking the question "do I feel X kind of attraction or am I just afraid?" is to really take seriously the possibility that you AREN'T experiencing that kind of attraction. Because there's so much pressure to believe you are just afraid, that deep down, you really do like this person you want to have a relationship with in that way, or you are a "normal" person that is capable of romantic or sexual desire (bc my experience of realizing I was ace was similar to realizing I was aro). Like the hardest step is taking the possibility seriously and being open to the possibility. When I went looking, I realized *was* afraid, but I wasn't afraid of commitment, I was afraid of accepting my actual experience.
Woah~ That is so well put!
I would have not been able to explain it like that. (✿˵•́ ‸ •̀˵)♡
You're very right so I'd like to add my own aro story to this! I'm aromantic bisexual so I suppose this is from the perspective where I knew people could be aro, but was convinced you had to be aroace. I spent years confusing sexual attraction for romantic attraction. I'd had 11 partners before I realised because I was desperate to have a relationship because thats what people are supposed to do, or so i thought, so I just said yes to anyone who asked me out. When I was in a relationship i quickly felt deeply uncomfortable and wrong, squicked out by acts of affection, and when the relationships ended I'd feel relief, like my breath had been restricted.
Sorry if this is rambling I'm on a lot of painkillers, just wanted to put more info on aro experiences out there!
@@dragonsmccreepy6589 Not rambling, you are allowed to express yourself. And it was very needed informations so thanks! :)
Thanks for helpful stories! I don't know if I'm aro or not. I've had one crush and several squishes and that crush made me super confused. Another confusing thing is that I often dream about having a romantic relationship but then I think about really being in that situation and I feel horrible, awkward and it makes me cringe. It's like I really want a romantic relationship but I can't. I don't know if it's because of the lack of happy QPR representation or something else. I really struggle seeing my future relationshipwise. Love ?
Thank you for adding more input on the topic, I'm always grateful to understand more people's experiences.
"It can just happen really quickly. You don't know when, and you don't know who, and it's worth waiting" really hit home with me right now. Coming from the 26 year old bisexual who's only just getting her first relationship now.
No one:
Literally nobody:
Me looking at the doggo the whole time
The doggo is adorable
Me too! I love Walter
Me too
Right?! Too cute
Youre not alone friend.
Auncle can be used as a non binary version of aunt/uncle I think and I have heard of nibbling being one for niece/nephew
Nibbling is the non-binary term for a child that likes to bite.
@@RowanHeartwood umm
You mean nibbler
@@RowanHeartwood I call those gremlins 😂
@@chadfalardeau5396 maybe idk
Jammies black pants are confusing, I can’t figure out where his legs are LMAO
LOL i thought that was a cushion.
that’s the whole point, why do you think we don’t see his legs on screen
I love all their vibes, and how open they are when talking about lgbtq+ matters. For the longest I didn’t have anyone to talk about these things with but I was finally able to come out to some people after I started watching all of their videos. So thank you, Jessica,Claudia,Jamie and Shaaba!
So proud of you! ♥️
I’ve heard niblings be used for nieces and nephews as well, like similar to siblings and not so food sounding, not sure about aunts and uncles tho
What about auncle or untle? Just trying to make up words 🤣
I have heard auncle before
Piblings-parents siblings
Niblings for niece and nephew
That’s cute because then for short like “auntie” you could call them “pibli”
My only problem there is that "pibling" sounds like a diminutive.
I was fully aware of nibling though, and I still think it sounds adorable.
This makes great aunts and uncles "griblings" and I am all here for that
I honestly can't stand the sound of pibling. It sounds like something that goes in your baby nibling's diaper.
Griblings for all the levels of aunts and uncles would work for me though.
I also quite like “auncle” or “auntle”
“Are bisexuals claiming everything?” Claiming everything is bisexual culture😂😂
yes
The advice is impeccable here. I love the part about destigmatising changing identities. I've identified as lesbian and bisexual and all those times have been valid and important in my journey 😊
I started a new gender neutral term for aunts and uncles, "ankles". My brother and I actually use it quite a lot, it's really useful :)
In my lifetime, I hope to see “coming out” as a thing of the past. Nobody should have to “come out,” they should just be.
Or at the vary least it goes from this dramatic thing that it can be nowadays to just a "oh yah I'm ___." And it's over knowledge has been shared cool now back to talking about idk pineapples
my sister never came out. (at least not to me or in the family group) she just had a girlfriend one day and that was that.
I kind of want to come out. I'm still in the closet as a lesbian to all but one friend. But a lot know that I'm questioning. I want the comming out where it's like: "look, this is something I have been struggling to find out about myself for so long, but now I think I have, and I am proud of that. Share this joy with me.". But on the other hand, I hate when someone assumes that I want a male partner, and in that way kind of forces me to come out (and I assume that's the version you don't like). If it's a person I don't know that well or that I don't want to share that information with, it gets awkward and I just try so hard to avoid pronouns (luckily, in my native language we don't use gendered boyfriend/girlfriend, just something equivalent to partner).
@@AnnikaK87 This, I believe is how it should be. I’m sad that not all people can do that.
Well people dont really come out in my surroundings. They just mention their love ones or talk about attraction when the moment is there. Sometikes its like because im this and this. But its never been a bigger moment than that
As an ace person, I really appreciate the way you all talked about figuring out your feelings around romantic and sexual attraction while not doing anything that would make you uncomfortable, and for not assuming it was caused by trauma.
Hi
Same 🖤🤍💜
When I was breaking up with my first spouse the advice my psychologist gave was that I didn't need a reason to move on. My wanting to leave the relationship was reason enough. Our culture puts so much pressure on people to maintain family relationships at almost any cost. Some families are dysfunctional, some are toxic, some are emotionally and/or physically abusive and downright dangerous. We should be very careful about putting victims in a position of second-guessing themselves when their lives are in danger. Wanting to leave your family should be reason enough to go on your way, and for others to respect that decision without judgement. It's marvellous when we can have the support of families who love us and are prepared to grow, but we absolutely cannot assume that such behaviour is automatic. It's okay to form a family of friends and to leave the nest. You are still a good person. Maybe your family are still good people too. You have a right to be a free individual. Take care of yourself!
Hi😊
I hate how homophobes say that sexual orientation is a preference as means of justifying their prejudices. Look Karen, you prefer tall muscled men and so does Jack now shut up and stop discriminating against Jack! People are allowed to have preferences as well as natural born traits. Get over it.
Hi 😊
Rewatching this knowing that Claudia was actually pregnant 😍😍😍
Oh I’ve just noticed Tilly on claudia’s lap! So sweet!
And for a reason!
that's a very conveniently placed dog
TOTALLY!!! how did we not notice oh gosh
"If someone's in a relationship, take a step back." Unless you are aware of them practicing ethical non-monogamy, or polyamory! But, don't try to force someone into polyamory just so you can be with them! That's not good for anyone involved.
The title of this video makes so much sense now.
Re: homophobic parents: I just want to say that sometimes you have to accept that you're not going to be able to change their minds. It's getting on for 20 years since I came out to my parents as bi (when I was in my early 20s) and they still refuse to accept it, never mind engage with me about it. Last time I brought it up, they claimed I'd never said anything about it before! That's when I gave up trying to persuade them. I'm not saying, "Don't try," I know lots of other people's parents who have come around (and many who have been unexpectedly fine with their child's sexuality). But if yours don't, it's definitely them, not you.
Hello
its so sad that so many parents decide how their childrens life should be and then become hostile when the child doesnt follow that.
Love you guys, but that door is doing very little for your safety, especially as you're all so close together otherwise. Sure, it may stop some of the more direct air exchange between Jessica and Jaime, but honestly you're all sharing an indoor space at less than 2m, so you are not Covid safe, as well intentioned as you undoubtedly are.
I'm not saying stop collabs until lockdown ends, but if you want to do them safely you're going to have to take it outdoors at greater distance, or at least have Shaaba and Jaime outdoors (outdoor space heaters are hard to get right now, but well worth it) and Jessica and Claudia indoors if you have French doors.
I'm sure they would have done a bunch of stuff behind the scenes to ensure safety
Exactly what I thought lol... Even with masks, that isn't a safe distance at all 😬 I don't know though. Their safety is their own concern
Aw I love this so much!! I want more ask your lesbian moms with auntie and uncle!! 💜
Hello 😊
I love how the whole time Jessica and Jammi still look at each other and interact with each other even though there's a door there
It’s a glass door so Jessica can lip read.
@@pocketluna3607 I totally didn't think of that, so smart!
@@pocketluna3607 ohhh I was wondering why she was able to communicate flawlessly... I’m so dumb
When you’re already a nibblet because your surname is Niblett 👀🤔
I kinda have the same: Nesser is genderqueer term for your child 😂
Gender neutral terms I have come across are Entles and Niblets.
I like entles!
Yes aunts and uncles are Ents confirmed
@@sbcd7808 Ent's... I love it
It now looks like Claudia is hiding something.
Haha ya
with the question at 12:52 , I believe the difference is fear of intimacy is active, some romantic gesture takes place and you are immediately anxious and feel a need to recoil, and aromanticism is passive, some romantic gesture takes place, you feel indifferent instead of happy or safe, and that indifference scares you and makes you feel guilty. This is something I've had to deal with alot as an autistic person with social anxiety. Not only was it alot harder for me to catagorise my own emotions and understand what romantic and sexual attraction was meant to feel like, but I also gradually realised that gender wasnt a significant factor either. I spent a long time trying to understand if I was attracted to everyone or no one, and eventually realised that I wanted intimacy but I was also non-binary transmasc and alot (but not all) of my discomfort in romance and sex actually came from a discomfort in people viewing me as a woman when I wasn't. Intimacy in general is alot harder for an autistic person because we may not have necessarily been exposed to enough examples to create a script for how to conduct ourselves in those situations. That can breed anxiety, to the point you can misinterpret the anxiety of navigating a new social landscape with a believed incompatibility between yourself and the enjoyment of intimacy. There's also sensory processing disorders to consider as well, you may just not like being touched by other people, or think that kissing is too wet and gross to be enjoyable, and thats okay. Theres plenty of ways to be physically and emotionally intimate with someone without having to force yourself into situations you know make you uncomfortable. You may not be neurodivergent or trans, but knowing that your anxiety or apathy may simply come from a place within yourself you have yet to fully divulge is important.
And they were actual lesbian mums!
You are all so very lovely and generous with ur advice? Left me with such a warm lil feeling in my heart.
14:25 My ace self felt so seen. Thank you 🖤🤍💜
Instantly clicked. I love you all and you're genuinely beautiful human beings!!!
“Look at this amazing same gender couple here” *Claud clearly deep in though but looking rather disinterested in her wife* 😂
Mum, can I pet the dog?
Nooo its hiding a babyyyy
At 11:00 when Claudia said about sitting on the floor I remembered that the other day I just sat down in ASDA because the line was long to checkout
Shaaba saying "there's never anything wrong with feeling how you are feeling" made me spontaneusly cry so bad I had to pause the video to regain composure. Good stuff 🧡
Hi😊
WOOOO MY FAVOURITE PEPPLE OF THE INTERNET
Watching this video for the first time today and noticing the strategically placed pup on Claudia’s lap ❤️
Wait does this door have glass or is Jessica just extra lost lol. also I like entie as a gender neutral aunt/uncle term!!
I believe they mentioned on Shabbas channel that it's a glass panel door.
Yes it does and shes looking through the glass and lip reading
I've also heard entle
@@squiggles7833 ah okay 😅
I love entie! What about auncle?
one gender neutral term for a parent that I really like is cennend/cenn which comes from the Anglo-Saxon word meaning parent!
I'm not a fan of nibling, if I'm honest, but I can totally see why other enby people would like it, it's just not for me
Parent is already a gender neutral term, as is offspring or child
@@chadfalardeau5396 yeah but you can kind of yell Cenn!!!! If you are a child in need of help where yelling Parent!!! Might sound weird?? Maybe.
@@blisles7626 proginator works too
I've heard Rem as a gender neutral mom/dad word. And I personally am not a big fan of nibling cuz I dunno, it sounds like nibbling and you don't nibble on children, I personally think nephling sounds better, tho it does sound more like the maskuline word.
@@gaylordsupreme8824 Maybe it could be Neifling, to sound like both? Neifling sounds like some D&D character though (I think because it sounds like Teifling).
I so relate to the first question. I kind of feel a third or fifth wheel when my friends are with their boyfriends. And now I keep seeing people I know having kids and I sometimes wonder if I am normal.
Then again what is normal?
These videos feel like such a *wholesome, warm hug* for my heart.
Thanks for making them!
For anyone struggling with a homophobic family - if it’s really important to you, keep chipping away, but nobody should feel obligated to have a good relationship with their parents/grandparents/whatever just because they’re a bit genetically closer to you than the average person.
Found family is just as valid as biological family. Ditching your bio family for a found family that treats you better doesn’t make you a bad person.
the four of you are such lovely people. you make youtube a better place❤️
Disagree hard with Claudia at 11:55. I have dreams about being with guys, but I'm as gay as Jessica. It's because you just see straight relationships a lot and what you see in life translates into the dream world. Dreams are not always your subconscious telling you what you desire; they are often working through what you've lived in a day (though it hasn't been determined what the purpose of dreams actually is by scientists).
So don't worry about having sex dreams about guys, it means nothing if you're not attracted to guys irl.
Claudia can have very bad insights sometimes.
@@ichbin296 I agree with you, except for the irl part. I think you meant when you're conscious, because dreams are part of real life too. ^^
Interesting, because I have the opposite. I'm cis-het but every once in a while dream about being with a woman (in addition to occasionally dreaming about being with men). But in my waking life I don't feel the same attraction to women that I feel toward men.
Hi, I'm late 😅 just wanted to add: dreams are not always literal, they usually have a few deep associative meanings
In swedish we call nieces and nephews sibling child. Though we also have sisterdaughter/ sisterson and similar. And aunt/ Uncle we call faster/moster/Farbror/Morbror, which is mothersister/motherbrother and so on
Yeah Sweden, Denmark and Norway have extremely similar languages and originates from one language.
I just have to say, I was really impressed by the quality and maturity of the advice in this video. I love the addition of Jamie and Shaaba also. I think too many RUclipsrs treat these kinds of real questions as a joke, or don't properly think through the advice they are giving their impressionable audience. I think you all did a really nice job. I hope people take comfort in your answers and know that everything will be okay, and that they are valid in their feelings, thoughts, and struggles.
I love how motivating and supporting Shaaba is
The only time I think you can express feelings for someone who is in a relationship is if everyone involved is polyamorous
Hello😊
oh heck, they ARE my favorite auntie and uncle. i'm in!
This was great advice! Also, I've been called Untie rather than Auntie or Uncle, and I use Niblings for them. Great video!
So I'm a family tree nerd and my first thought for gener neutral aunt/uncle was just "Sibling Once Removed" lmao
Last time I was this early Homophobia didn’t exist yet.
stone age?
@@sweetdaydreamer8868 Whenever olive oil was made lol
Take me back to that sweet bisexual-normative ancient rome (minus the slavery and the treating women as objects and sending men to war for 25 years as soon as they turn 18 please)
@@ayellowpapercrown6750 well- the ancient romans didn't have homophobia per se (and there's only One roman we know for sure was straight, and only One roman we know for sure was gay - that's how little they Cared about the gender of the people you got it on with. they'd be overwhelmingly confused by our current system of classification of sexuality here.). but they Did treat men perceived as being 'passive' (or I guess- 'bottoms'-) pretty cruelly, so. there Was prejudice, just against How you did it, not with Whom, haha.
@@ayellowpapercrown6750 lmao
Tilly? Walter? Whichever dog that was was so cuuuute the whole time 🥺
Tilly. She’s a tiny bean. Walter is bigger, with curlier fur.
@@mxnjones Thanks! That’s what I thought but wasn’t sure
this video is just so wholesome it warms my heart
Thank you for lots of good advice from four fabulous people!
I am bisexual and Asexual. On the bisexual spectrum I am more into women, like I am, then men. I cringe when I think about having sex as it horrifies me. My sister happens to be bisexual as well so we both celebrate Pride Month. My ultra conservative parents have been handling my sexuality better than other ultra conservative parents would. At least they are trying to, at a certain level, accept the way that I am. I am also a disabled woman who is in the LGBT+ community. Your short films constantly give me hope.
4 of my favorite people in a video omg 🥰
Watching this in my hospital room is so comforting ✨👏💗
To personally answer the "gender neutral aunt/uncle term" question, I go by Bug! My name is Nat, I'm nonbinary, so I decided to make a silly joke out of the words "aunt" and Nat and I got, well, Bug! Lovely video y'all
Right in time for fun ! :D
Life happens when it happens is about the best thing I've heard. I was searching for my mate for so long and one day with friends this girl came by and within the year we were married. Just celebrated 24 years. I can relate to Jessica wishing that they were my first relationship, but at the same time I agree with Claudia that having had a previous relationship strengthened my belief that I KNOW this is the one person I want for the rest of my life. I have recently been exploring my identity (am over 40 now) and having the support of loved ones can not be understated. My wife supports me unconditionally and there are not words to express how great that feels. I wish I had the drive to share my experiences like you all do; you help so many people. Thank you!
I loved this collab! If you could think about doing another one sometime that would be awesome!
OMG yes i woke up to a Jessie+Claud & Shaamie collab! Best way to wake up!
Hi😊
This may be way off topic but that has to be the cutest puppy in England. Such a floofy little cloud, chilling out in moms lap!
Some of my favorite people all sitting in one room. We need more content like this everywhere. ❤
Hello😊
Hello 😊
Good morning
How are you?!
My favorite two couples together! Awesome people!
For the question about fear of intimacy/aromanticism: for myself I used the hypothetical What if my perfect person would be aromantic? Would that relieve me? What are the things I would miss in the long run? If I could build my own expectations from the ground up, what would my perfect relationship or interactions look like?
Now I’m ace and I struggled to find that out because I didn’t want to miss out and “all the great moments” but those fantasies in my head were always the waking up in bed together, taking showers together, feeling home with each others bodies. Never putitinmenow or something. Intimacy can be separate from sex. And I believe also separate from romance. Comfortable silences, building a home together (metaphorically), making plans, discovering your hobbies. It’s becoming a unit as opposed to two people :)
Hello😊
@@elvissand4762 hello :)
This is a God-tier collab that I didn't know I needed
Love when you guys do things together!
Hi 😊
More from the extended Kellgren-Fozard family! Nibblets, entles and more oh my!
If you fall in love for somebody already in a relationship, firstly back off, but secondly understand that just because you love them doesn't mean you cannot fall in love with somebody else at the same time. You can love multiple people at once. What matters are your commitments. Love is a very precious feeling and you can still use it to be supportive of that person, to be there for them and be happy for their successes, even if you are not in a sexual and/or romantic relationship with them. Just because you nurture that love and channel it toward positive interactions does not mean you cannot find another person to share your life with. It also does not make you unfaithful. Again, what matters are your commitments.
I've seen Auncle used as a gender neutral aunt /uncle alternative, though my nephew just calls me Fred
How do you pronounce that phoneticly? I can't quite get it smoothly. Ah-uncle? Au-ncle? Aun-cel?
Aun like aunt without the t, cle like a cross between cool and kill
@@theselectedworksof5885 I live in California where aunt and ant are pronounced the same
You four have the best chemistry I *need* more of these collabs in my life
God I love these four. Your collabs are so sweet and wholesome!!
Came here from Jamies channel ,, love you guys and the chemistry...
sexuality and gender can change over time and thats also okay. it doesnt mean your prior identity was invalid because you feel different now.
4:41 something that i used was media, my parents love sitcoms so i recommended brooklyn nine nine, and they fell inlove with it, and after a couple of years i could recommend other shows with more and mre lgbt rep. like one day at a time, or the fosters. etc. theyre still not perfect but while befre they would refer to gay people as having "a lifestyle" or "mentally ill" now when they see homophobia like that on tv they comment that "hey thats wrong, just let people live their lives."
Jessica at 6:00 is so spot on...one of the reasons my mom had such a hard time with my sexuality is because she was scared for the discrimination and adversity I might face and after we talked about it I understood her more and was able to calm some of her feelings
Honestly, I find these videos so inspiring, because they open up the whole community of people with the same experiences. I am still very surprised and pleased any time I can say "oh, I can relate to that!". And you find very kind and supportive words for any of these situations. I also like constructive advice on how to come out or find yourself. Actually, gentle education really helped me to change my parents' perception of lgbtqa+. The whole environment and political propaganda are still toxic, but at least feeling support from my family (including my partner) is calming.
My son is FTM and he didn’t know he was trans. He just knew something wasn’t right when he hit puberty so we went through non-binary and lesbian before figuring it out. Life is a journey and a constant learning experience.
Hi 😊
@@elvissand4762 Hi there
Four wonderful people to give advice.
Thank you to all 4 of you for dealing with these questions. Very useful, I believe.
Thank you for these types of videos. Being that I'm the parent of a non-binary, autistic, who is DID as well, I take guidance from your words. You are my mentors! Blessed Be!
What a lovely crossover! If you all feel like it, more would be great ❤
In swedish we have a genderneutral term for nieces/nephews, syskonbarn, literally sibling-child(ren). It is more common to use the specific terms though and we have more of those, all very litteral. No such luck the other way though, we don't even have a way to collectively refer to your maternal and paternal uncles without sounding archaic. You could totally construct one, as all the parts are there, but it would become much longer than the equivalents, and arguably slightly unwieldy.
Hi😊