the reality of being a masc lesbian

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  • Опубликовано: 18 янв 2025

Комментарии • 292

  • @BernieBerry-m8w
    @BernieBerry-m8w Месяц назад +557

    I'm a 92 year old masc lesbian living in a small town in Idaho. My very fem love was with me for 65 years, until she died 4 years ago. Since then I have just come out and been myself, but for most of my life I tried to conform enough to keep my teaching job. I had a very happy life and still do, lots of good friends, mostly straight, and a family by choice who love and support me as do my birth family and my partner's nieces and nephews. So I have 3 families. There is long life for masc lesbians, although there was plenty of shit to get through too.

    • @sp.2778
      @sp.2778 Месяц назад +41

      Woah! You’re so cool, this definitely inspires me to keep going. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, and condolences about your wife, may she rest in peace. 💕

    • @BernieBerry-m8w
      @BernieBerry-m8w Месяц назад +1

      @@sp.2778 I really enjoyed your talk; it made me think about a lot of things. By the way, you're hot as well as bright and articulate. Bet you're going to have a great life with someone wonderful. We queers are special. I carry Eileen's last driver's license in my back pocket always. How's that for never growing up?

    • @claire_holt12
      @claire_holt12  27 дней назад +55

      wow, this comment means so much to me. thank you for sharing, it makes me less scared of the future. cheers!

    • @LuckyDucky81310
      @LuckyDucky81310 21 день назад +10

      that’s awesome may your partner rest in peace also I live in Idaho

    • @BernieBerry-m8w
      @BernieBerry-m8w 21 день назад +3

      @LuckyDucky81310 I live in Salmon and we do have a little queer network here, all of them so much younger than I. Hope you have a good network.

  • @nina-w
    @nina-w Месяц назад +342

    there's an older masc lesbian in my community. she is probably in her 80's, has amazing swagger and wisdom, was dressed in a men's suit and big chain and walking with a cane last i saw her. and married to a woman. :)

    • @claire_holt12
      @claire_holt12  Месяц назад +46

      i would burst into applause for her

  • @xanderwilliams6767
    @xanderwilliams6767 Месяц назад +338

    Don’t worry, I’m femme but my whole circle is mascs including my partners. We’re in our 40s over here. Having kids and building happy lives. Much like queer living at any age, it’s only scary until you get here, then the tools you have given yourself for getting through will make your life unique and amazing at any stage. Based on the things you are saying now, you’re gonna do juuuuust fine.

    • @claire_holt12
      @claire_holt12  Месяц назад +31

      wow you have no idea how comforting that is. so nice to hear, thank u!!!

    • @asongfromunderthefloorboards
      @asongfromunderthefloorboards Месяц назад +11

      So *you're* responsible for the masc shortage! Quit hogging them. 😭

    • @MichelleOhio
      @MichelleOhio Месяц назад +3

      Agreed and my group is a decade older in our 50s.

    • @nycjanedoe
      @nycjanedoe Месяц назад +4

      Yours is one experience, and perhaps even a common one. I'm grateful you and those in your circle are thriving. And too, one's experience in their middle years depends on a lot of factors, including personal resources, access to external resources, family support, community support, the values and culture in which one is raised, traumatic experiences, class, economic status, education, disability, etc.. There are many in our community who are struggling severely in middle age. Plans of suicide are almost twenty percent higher for our demographic than for heterosexual counterparts, even while we only make up about 15 percent of the population. Lesbian social circles have become increasingly cliquish rather than cohesive as in previous decades, as our numbers have grown and our population diversified. And there is significant disparity between the experiences of low codeswitch-capable individuals (or those who otherwise came out in the 80s and 90s or earlier), and those who came out later in life who benefitted from privileges that heternormative life afforded throughout decades in which rights were fewer and antagonism and violence were increased. These two groups do not have the same experiences of being lesbian, and these differences are often ignored or avoided in open dialogue.

    • @xanderwilliams6767
      @xanderwilliams6767 Месяц назад +3

      @@nycjanedoe I wouldn’t want to give the impression that it’s all sunshine and roses. Some days it feels like spinning plates trying to keep everyone’s mental health from slipping. But I don’t think that’s unique to queerness, just working class millennials and younger.

  • @taylorhagen8354
    @taylorhagen8354 Месяц назад +143

    as a butch lesbian, i LOVE this video. i been meaning to talk about this!! being visibly queer is incredibly powerful, but sometimes i do feel like a target and have to have “thicker skin” - i lost it at collecting mascs like pokémon, and love that you touched on competition. i also feel like friendships with straight women are harder to initiate, and it can be more difficult to connect. the binary is very difficult to navigate. it surprised me how toxic masculinity became something i had to navigate, especially when i found myself more comfortable talking/interacting with men. it’s important to be mindful of. i feel very seen and understood with this video, and wish there was more conversation around these topics in general. saving for comfort

    • @TheMFStudios
      @TheMFStudios 24 дня назад

      Bro as a masc lesbian who’s been masc and out since 14 I FEEL you with the toxic masculinity stuff. I dated a lot of girls openly in high school so the straight girls would always act weird when I would try and be just friends with them. Not on a mean way just in the same way they would with guys they were nervous around. And so I was “one of the boys” but was not prepared for that at all. I ended up being pretty toxic and becoming more of a “player” because I was praised for it amongst the boys. They would always ask me questions about girls and never really excluded me but would definitely be more physically aggressive in sports games in PE class because they forget I was a girl.

  • @Goosebootboogie
    @Goosebootboogie Месяц назад +108

    Making friends with other mascs has been incredibly hard, dating aside. The competition is annoying, but I hate when I introduce myself in a friendly way and another masc tries to assert dominance. It's the same toxic masculinity cis men have and it's real disappointing. Like the little man syndrome isn't cute on anyone.

    • @mil3276
      @mil3276 Месяц назад +17

      I’m masc and not like that! I had a good masc friend and we would say nice things to each other all the time. But in general it’s super hard to make masc friends and the competition thing is bs. I also date other masc lesbians so I’ve been hard stop rejected when trying to ask one out, that’s rough.

    • @binghamguevara6814
      @binghamguevara6814 18 дней назад +3

      Can a masc lesbian love a masc lesbian?

    • @spiritsandsuch
      @spiritsandsuch 6 дней назад +1

      @binghamguevara6814 we can and do! i'm 70/30 masc4masc masc4fem and while it can be tough to navigate, i wouldn't choose to be any different. hope to love a handsome masc, and hope to be one

    • @JesseGreenwood-h1o
      @JesseGreenwood-h1o День назад

      OF COURSE!!!! The last time anyone looked sideways at two mascs together was back in the 1950s,, because of internalized cultural homophobia. I'm masc, and am only interested in other mascs, tho' I've had occasional crushes on femme men back when I thought I was straight.😊

  • @lindahansen5576
    @lindahansen5576 24 дня назад +41

    Clare,
    I'm 60 and have learnt not to box myself into labels
    I'm just me,yes masculine,female (if I label) and have always been attracted to my same sex.
    My younger self struggled as you seem to be.
    Take it from me as an older gay, what others think or how they judge is on them.
    If others don't accept or respect you they are not worth your time or effort
    I wear whatever I'm comfortable in,long as I present neat,tidy and clean.Others can think what they like it used to concern me.With age comes wisdom.
    I'm proud of just being me.
    I had a successful lawn and garden business for 23 yrs,of which all my clients accepted me as me.
    I played a joke on one of my long time exes(still friends)Put a dress on and make up.The reaction priceless.She said never again it's just not you.
    The moral here is just be yourself and don't concern yourself about what others think
    Be happy and proud of who you are as a person

  • @caroleloudd
    @caroleloudd Месяц назад +72

    I love being a masc granny! this is a nice video; fun to hear from a "youngster". Keep up the good work

  • @Carl-x8y3c
    @Carl-x8y3c Месяц назад +55

    I worked with a lesbian in the 1980s. I'm a gay man and was out to her at that time. She was in a relationship with a man. I knew that she was gay , and sometimes i felt like bringing it up to her . She was very masculine. I used to think to myself how come her boyfriend can't see her true sexuality. I met him and he was a nice guy. Anyway , they broke up and she told me he had met another woman. Years passed by and we had moved on to other jobs and areas. Then one day i bumped into her on the street. We had a coffee together and she came out to me. I said i already know you are gay. She said really. I said yes , i could tell back in the 1980s when we worked together. I asked her why weren't you being yourself back then. She said she didn't have lesbian friends. But i said i was comfortable with my sexuality at a young age. When i knew her in the 1980s she was homophobic towards lesbian women. She would make jokes about lesbians and yet she was lesbian herself. But it's the societal oppression that's causes us gay people of both genders to hide. I felt fear when i was young as a gay guy. People are more accepting of gay women than men.

    • @carinagomezfernandez7473
      @carinagomezfernandez7473 11 дней назад +3

      That is not true. Being a masculine gay woman is also hard especially in a conservative aerea. This is my experience because I lived as a masculine gay woman before I realised I am trans.

    • @bunnywavyxx9524
      @bunnywavyxx9524 10 дней назад

      @@carinagomezfernandez7473 Being a masculine gay woman is harder than being a feminine gay woman, and the reason it is harder, is the same reason that it's hardest of all to be a gay man, especially in the 80s. I can't imagine that. Heteronormativity deems men as not man enough being attracted to other men.

  • @mfdanesh2550
    @mfdanesh2550 Месяц назад +27

    if you haven’t already, i highly recommend reading stone butch blues by leslie feinberg! not a perfect book (and can be violent/difficult to read in parts) but as a enby masc/butch lesbian it was really validating and i think is an important read for any lesbian. lesbian culture these days i think can feel very “new” and i really relate to a lot of your questions about growing old and how to navigate spaces being visibly queer and that book just really grounded me in the fact that we have ALWAYS BEEN HERE and ALWAYS WILL BE

    • @Isabella-bf4mo
      @Isabella-bf4mo 21 день назад

      Hi! Omg I just posted a comment where I recommended this book to Claire too!! Totally agree that it was a difficult read but it had me so proud of the past generation of lesbians ♥️

  • @Neophema
    @Neophema 24 дня назад +28

    The struggle is real. I'm a 39 year old feminine lesbian, and I've just given up. I exclusively like other feminine women, but the ones I like are always into the andro or masc lesbians... who in turn are into me. 😅 I've always thought I wish I were more "visibly lesbian" to attract the women I'm into, but like you said, that means you're visible to everyone else too, and I really, really like blending in. It's interesting to learn about someone else's experience.

    • @bunnywavyxx9524
      @bunnywavyxx9524 10 дней назад +3

      I relate so much lol, I am a femme who likes other femmes, but as an autistic im really bad at mimicking femininity unfortunately, and yeah I'm not ready to be more opaque, if that makes sense. As in I like blending in too. I came out recently and I'm honestly not confident.

    • @PlaceForAnEcho
      @PlaceForAnEcho 10 дней назад

      Yup. Relate to this. I don’t find masc lesbians attractive and that’s ok, tons of gay women do. Not my cup of tea because some masc lesbians adopt toxic masculinity traits and it’s not enjoyable to be around. BUT I’ll chat to anyone long enough to see if I can gauge if they’re a good person.
      But yeah, as a femme who likes femmes there’s a mix of blending in so much that being single for a long time happens.

  • @margoburns9085
    @margoburns9085 Месяц назад +38

    There are plenty of masc lesbian grannies. People in general only have a POV of what they are living. As time goes on, you will see us everywhere...it's like when you get a new car and suddenly they are all over the road! The older you get, the less you care what anyone thinks. When you get there, life is so simple and fun! Glad I found your channel.

  • @aj6029
    @aj6029 Месяц назад +36

    also dont forget that mascs can date each other. there really is no real competition and yes we should all be friends but sometimes the person you're looking for is already in or nearby your circle (unless you're not into mascs ig)

    • @spiritsandsuch
      @spiritsandsuch 6 дней назад +2

      i WISH mascs remembered they could date other mascs 😭 as a primarily masc4masc/butch4butch lesbian i am sooo tired of being seen as competition for the fem(me)s, at least in irl/public queer spaces. most of the lesbians i know, masc OR fem, are also primarily into fem(me)s. it's rough out here, lmao

  • @hellangels_23
    @hellangels_23 Месяц назад +16

    I stumbled across your video at the perfect time, being a masc lesbian truly is hard and quit lonely.. it feels so nice to hear that I’m not the only one feeling that way. Unfortunately I don’t have any queer friends, all of my friends are straight (love them tho) so this isn’t something they could possibly relate with. I’m glad I came across your video today, if I can’t relate to anyone in real life at least I can online lol it’s better than nothing

  • @eht04
    @eht04 Месяц назад +41

    this video being posted right now was crazy timing to me lol, 'cause I've had had a short haircut, but let it grow a whole lot, and just today I was thinking of how much better I felt with a shorter cut, of how much more confidence I had, and sometimes you just need to hear someone else talk about their experience to boost you and go do it.
    I don't have the habit of commenting, but thank you so much for this video, it really means a lot for a masc lesbian to talk about it

    • @claire_holt12
      @claire_holt12  Месяц назад +9

      bye that makes me so happy to hear!!! cutting my hair short was so damn liberating!!! i feel so cool and different. go get the cut! rooting for u, and thanks for the support! :)

    • @josephjoestar8063
      @josephjoestar8063 25 дней назад

      I just got a mullet and it was one of the best decisions I’ve made this year so go ahead and DO IT ❤❤❤

  • @madeline_alice
    @madeline_alice Месяц назад +19

    it feels good to see masc lesbians around me. as a trans woman i feel safe around younger but do feel judged by older folks. i just think visibility is so key. being out in the world allows others to conceive of other ways of being. ❤

  • @catherineg8903
    @catherineg8903 Месяц назад +48

    As a baby mostly masc lesbian, loved this! More pls

  • @playlistsnstuff1095
    @playlistsnstuff1095 10 дней назад +6

    I'm a "guy" that lives in a red state. I'm nb (more specifically agender) and I really really want to present more feminine despite the fact that I have pretty masculine facial features and the constant looks I get when I try to present more feminine are pretty overwhelming.
    What you said about exuding confidence really hits home when it comes to what I've been going through. I'm terrified to really try and be myself, but as someone who's hyperfixated on marketing and rhetoric I do know that if I can just get over my anxiety that it's possible to make it work. It's still an overwhelming and horribly complicated thing to try to figure out. Especially since I haven't had many people in my life to help me figure it all out.
    I've spent so much of my life trying to keep everyone happy and be what my family wanted me to be and that's been really horrible. I feel like I'm reaching a point where I just don't care anymore, and I really want to be that person. I want to be the person who exudes so much confidence that people look up to me for what I'm doing. It's hard because I'm introverted and completely socially illiterate but we don't always get to pick our battles I guess... I really hold on hard to the idea that if I can finally become that person who's confident in who I am, that'll help inspire other people like me who feel the same way. That really keeps me going even if I have a long long way to go.
    At 24 I often feel resentful that I let things get to this point by people pleasing for so much of my life, but we only get one of these things so I guess I'll try my best 👍
    Things will get better as long as I keep paying close attention to the world and keep thinking outside the box. As long as I keep trying my best and don't let myself spiral. As long as I keep seeking out people who want to help and value those people even if I have trust issues to work through.

  • @hannahwroblewski500
    @hannahwroblewski500 10 дней назад +1

    Hey Claire!
    I’ve been watching your videos since 2022 and you have helped me so much. I initially saw your outfits on Pinterest and they gave me so much inspiration to make the jump to become a full masc lesbian. And then you pushed me to cut my hair!!! (It’s short short now) Since I have cut my hair, I have felt so much more authentically like myself. The confidence boost is insane, and I really enjoyed listening to you talk about it in this video! Thank you for continuing to share your journey/experience and putting it into words! Keep being you!!!

  • @4theloveofa
    @4theloveofa Месяц назад +17

    never ever stop making content Claire

  • @foxfaith24
    @foxfaith24 Месяц назад +26

    Im a masc/femme switch gay and for the most part, folks (other than my friends) treat me differently when I dress more girly than masculine. It’s kinda reeling when people who treated me with kindness before treat me differently when I wear men’s clothes the next day. Even though, at my core, nothing has changed. People are strange like that I guess.

    • @mynameisglitter2220
      @mynameisglitter2220 24 дня назад +1

      I relate to this and sometimes I feel masc and sometimes femme internally. It switches

  • @sunnydeessa714
    @sunnydeessa714 25 дней назад +9

    I’m a very femenine lesbian from Spain and I just clicked to listen to your perspective! I’m glad I did, love from Barcelona ❤

  • @valentineyves
    @valentineyves Месяц назад +43

    If you need an older masc lesbian to look at, just check out kate moening! she’s like 40 and still rocking the masc lesbian look. Check out the podcast pants.

    • @claire_holt12
      @claire_holt12  Месяц назад +16

      SHANE? youre so right, she is proof masc women age beautifully i love her

    • @valentineyves
      @valentineyves Месяц назад +1

      @@claire_holt12yassss!!!! exactly 😌

    • @Flash-mx4km
      @Flash-mx4km Месяц назад +1

      If you have any other lesbian podcasts (preferably masc related) you want to share pls do 😌

    • @jaeshiki
      @jaeshiki Месяц назад

      SHANE MCCUTCHEONNNN 😭😭😭🫦🫦🫦🫦

  • @juliabodily5732
    @juliabodily5732 Месяц назад +8

    The universe's timing is crazy... needed to hear this

  • @Espearance
    @Espearance Месяц назад +77

    Hi ! I’m a teenager (kinda) masc lesbian from France, and I love watching your videos about being queer, you’re very inspiring and make amazing content! I discovered you with your fashion content but I’m glad you made other types of videos Thank you for everything you did ! ❤(and sorry if I made any mistakes, English is not my first language 😂)

    • @claire_holt12
      @claire_holt12  Месяц назад +21

      hi! so cool you’re watching from the other side of the world! don’t worry, your english is perfect. i’m so glad u like my videos! :)

    • @hjsoj
      @hjsoj Месяц назад +7

      Cool de voir des françaises sous les vidéos de Claire !

  • @bonbonshark9074
    @bonbonshark9074 Месяц назад +19

    Dude I literally lost my fellow masc friend bc we started competing for a girl (kinda both being lead on by her but yk-)
    Thank you for recognising it! It's exhausting and painful :(

    • @claire_holt12
      @claire_holt12  Месяц назад +4

      yeahhhhhh i feel u. definitely been there. sucks

  • @caitissoiconic
    @caitissoiconic 16 дней назад +1

    Happy New Year Claire ! ❤
    when you mentioned the confidence boost after cutting your hair i really related, my friends always say that i look more like myself with my short hair, and i feel more confident in myself

  • @hannahrule5186
    @hannahrule5186 Месяц назад +2

    For someone that just came out to my family last year, I’m still trying to figure out things so this was super validating to hear, so thank you 🫶🏻

  • @maddielakeland5314
    @maddielakeland5314 18 часов назад

    claire you are my literal masc lesbian guiding light. every time i get called sir or mate or get questioned for going into the women’s bathroom i just think about how it’s such a worth it price to pay to continue being myself and you are just the best proof of that. LOVE YOU GIRLY

  • @gabbynolan398
    @gabbynolan398 Месяц назад +2

    This resonates with me so deeply my dudeeee! 🎉so glad you made a vid for all us masc lesbians out there! So glad you touched this topic, a lot of great advice, and questions and we’re all rooting for you! ❤ thanks for the input , time and energy you give to your channel🤙🏾

  • @soooo4444
    @soooo4444 Месяц назад +10

    Well, honeslty i felt this video, I see myself as androgynous. Since highschool, I've showed myself as my truly self wanted, and the only huge problem here, was my mother. She is the kind of woman thinks if I cutted my hair, then I wanted to be a man?????? yo, that shit was not my case. I LOVE being woman, it makes feel powerful, just being the way that I am, the way that I dress, the way that I move, my flow, it's just amazing.

  • @Halovex
    @Halovex 21 день назад +2

    I have no idea how this ended up in my feed but I’m here to offer my support even though I am the exact opposite of the intended audience. I was a super feminine straight emo boy back when and now that I’m getting older we’re long past twink death. So I really do feel the pain.

  • @Dreamer7est
    @Dreamer7est Месяц назад +4

    Man I just love your videos. You keep it real and funny at the same time. If we lived in the same state we would definitely have a bromance. 😂 I feel us masc lesbians have that level of confidence, because growing up the harsh stuff we got put through made us develop tough skin. I had been tomboy since I was a kid. I was forced to dress girly once family members started questioning my mom why do I dress that way. After that my mom made a rule if I’m going to wear baggy bottoms I need to pair it with a fitted top and vice versa. I could no longer play basketball with my boy cousins and their friends. For one of my Christmas one of my great-aunts thought it would be nice to buy me a purse knowing damn well that was not about to happen. I struggled with my 20s as well with trying to mask my sexuality. I’m from Texas with a very religious family. Once I turned 30 is where I finally felt comfortable to dress how I did as a kid before I was judged. Definitely brought confidence to myself. For the most part I’m respected, but I still worry when my wife and I are out and about living in a conservative state. I do get looks and people ask what am I because I’m more androgynous with my style. I don’t wear dresses or skirts, but there are feminine elements that I do embrace. My wife is girly.

  • @naomigates6930
    @naomigates6930 Месяц назад +2

    CLAIRE, I needed a conversation like this today!!

  • @AYUnyc
    @AYUnyc Месяц назад +2

    Wow this video really had me think about how far we still need to go as a society to normalize queer living. Thank u for making this

  • @isoluniv_714z7
    @isoluniv_714z7 Месяц назад +1

    Thank you for making these kinds of videos about your experiences. I can relate to a lot of the things you've said, and you've really helped me gain the confidence in being out and proud and identifying as a masc lesbian

  • @mariajuliamarinho1243
    @mariajuliamarinho1243 День назад

    THIS VIDEO IS SO NECESSARY THANK YOU

  • @titotobi-lawal2083
    @titotobi-lawal2083 Месяц назад +1

    stemme here with a more masc look until I moved back in with my homophobic family, it honestly feels like I'll never get to express my true self and my masculine queer joy ever again but seeing us lesbians out there in the world having these vulnerable conversations and sharing so much it makes me strong and it makes all of us strong

  • @moooncestay741
    @moooncestay741 Месяц назад +1

    Comment just to say that you seem like a really cool person, wish you all the best💖💞(your video about advantages of being queer helped me a lot since i just realized that i'm queer at that time)

  • @VicT-53
    @VicT-53 Месяц назад +5

    If you're struggling to find suits/ formal men clothing that fits, get them from the kids' section- I tried this for homecoming and they fit quite well on a short female body.

    • @mswildi
      @mswildi Месяц назад +4

      That only works if your petit.

  • @laiag4854
    @laiag4854 Месяц назад +4

    As a sapphic with tendencies to both masc and femme (depends on the day honestly but I've never leaned hard on any of them) I started the video like "Yeah the style is not my cup of tea" cause I associate it a lot with toxic masculinity. Then I finished the video like "well maybe I gotta ask myself a couple of things" so now I'm confused but a little less prejudiced yay!

  • @unpassager7593
    @unpassager7593 Месяц назад +2

    I m’watching your videos from France and regardless you help me to improve my english, you realy make me more confident with my masc style as a baby lesbian. Thank you for that

  • @rosie_emika
    @rosie_emika Месяц назад +16

    Idk if I've ever met a masc lesbian grandma, BUT I did have a masc lesbian aunt and I can say with certainty, even as you get older you'll just keep dressing however feels best. Grannies give the least shit about anyone else's opinions of how they dress, and that'll never change - get older, do whatever you want. And I cannot WAIT for the day somebody does have a masc lesbian granny! That'll be sick as hell! More and more queer people are having families and over time we'll get there. You should seek out some older queer people in your area and chat with them about this stuff :) Also, it's just a consequence of getting older that your friends will start talking about how they're planning to conceive their lesbian-couple-born babies haha (spoiler alert: it's expensive AF)

    • @claire_holt12
      @claire_holt12  Месяц назад

      this comment was really really comforting, thank u :) you are so right. grannies don’t care! i can’t wait to be someone’s masc granny!!! and yes i should meet people of different ages here, i love that idea. thank u for the thoughtful comment :)

    • @jenniferdurham2782
      @jenniferdurham2782 Месяц назад

      Oh, masc/butch lesbian grandmothers have been around a while now. ;) They are just not used to being vocal about it.

  • @SineAruaKoete-ur5qs
    @SineAruaKoete-ur5qs Месяц назад +2

    "I'M GONNA BE MYSELF. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT !"

  • @meganmorales950
    @meganmorales950 Месяц назад +3

    Masculine lesbian here from Chicago Illinois!! Absolutely loved this video. Definitely wish I lived near you because I need more gay friends!! Your vibes are awesome 💯 I definitely wish I knew more masc lesibans

  • @orianegalaup6307
    @orianegalaup6307 Месяц назад +1

    Exactly what i was looking for these days, thank you

  • @silkisnothere
    @silkisnothere Месяц назад +1

    This is so real and i am glad to hear someone else also has the same worries as me

  • @mswildi
    @mswildi Месяц назад +5

    I can help you out on the old masc lesbian tip. Here's the bad news. When you pass a certain age, people don't really look at you as masc or femme, just old.🤥 Yeah, it's true, at least in passing. But as people get to know you, your masc personna will always be you and will always be appreciated.

  • @PikaMucho
    @PikaMucho Месяц назад

    Can definitely relate to your journey! Stumbled on your channel cause I have a secret Santa party later this evening and i couldn’t sleep cause I’m in my early 30’s now and made the mistake of drinking coffee after 3pm. Since I was awake I decided to get some ideas on what to wear tomorrow and didn’t realize how hard it is to find inspiration online being a masc lesbian. I usually google men’s fashion and it’s hard to get an idea of how it will look on me because my body type isn’t the same. I decided to google (yes my old millennial ass googles instead of TikTok-ing 👵🏼) masc lesbian smart casual and stumbled on your channel. Your style is very similar to mine and found it very helpful. Anyways wanted to say thank you and I’m happy to see this type of content growing.

  • @walkingonrainbows04
    @walkingonrainbows04 Месяц назад +6

    when it comes to clothes i feel like thats why its important to uplift smaller queer led businesses and brands instead of continually pushing for fast fashion brands that not only are harmful for the environment but aren't even inclusive or supportive of the community. queer led businesses and brands need our help and support now more than ever. community should look out for community

    • @claire_holt12
      @claire_holt12  Месяц назад +4

      yes, and i love love love working w those queer owned brands, like my long term partnerships with TomboyX for inclusive underwear and swimsuit options, designing products w Peau De Loup, promoting inclusive formal wear with Wildfang, working with Woxer, promos for swimwear with Humankind, etc. At the same time, a lot of those brands are inaccessible to many people, due to both price and proximity, and sometimes the only stores they can get to or afford are big chain stores, so i try to provide a variety of options for everyday people

    • @walkingonrainbows04
      @walkingonrainbows04 Месяц назад

      @ i think it would be really nice to see some affordable options that are ALSO sustainable. it doesnt feel great to contribute to fast fashion all the time especially when you consider that in some cases people are essentially choosing convenience of fast fashion over the lives that are being negatively affected by supporting stuff like that. watching "buy now" on netflix really changed things for me. maybe even a vlog of you thrifting or showing your favorite thrift spots in sd would be some good content ideas for the future🤷🏻 just a suggestion

    • @walkingonrainbows04
      @walkingonrainbows04 Месяц назад

      tbh fast fashion gives off a sense of entitlement in the sense that you are entitled to the newest! coolest! trendiest!clothes regardless of kids working in sweatshops, small designers getting their designs stolen, people not being provided livable wages or safe working environments. i would just consider your privileges, morals, and the affects of your contributions to fast fashion on third world countries if you even care a little bit about groups outside of yt queers.

  • @imcatgarcia
    @imcatgarcia Месяц назад +2

    Appreciate you making relatable content. 10/10.

  • @harrypottah8889
    @harrypottah8889 7 дней назад +1

    Imagine being this successful and loved

  • @TinaLeder
    @TinaLeder 5 дней назад +1

    haha to the "Don't bring that toxic masculinity over here!"
    PREACH.

  • @allymac3000
    @allymac3000 3 дня назад

    I'm a 26-year-old masc lesbian (living in san diego too lol) and one of my aunts is a lesbian and a role model for me. She got pregnant young, before she came out, and was a single mother for a while. Eventually, in her late 20s, she came out as lesbian to our friends and family. My Mexican grandmother struggled with it at first but came to the realization that if she didn't accept it she was going to lose her daughter and there was no way she could let that happen. Fast forward to today: my aunt has been happily married to the love of her life for the last ~20 years, has two beautiful grandkids (one of which came out as trans in middle school and is now living happily as a trans man in college), and lives 15 mins down the road from my grandma. She and her wife are my favorite people in the world and I didn't realize how lucky I am to have them in my life until watching this. I've got to grow up with that and never be told it was "unconventional" and instead saw nothing but love and acceptance.

  • @del_luccetti
    @del_luccetti Месяц назад +1

    I’m moving to San Diego in January and your videos are getting me so excited for being young and gay in socal!

    • @claire_holt12
      @claire_holt12  Месяц назад +2

      oh you are about to be in heavennnnn

  • @boc120
    @boc120 Месяц назад +3

    Representation is hope! Future young people will have you as someone they can see as their future!

  • @birbirce
    @birbirce Месяц назад +1

    you’re such a safe space for me omg

  • @nael_tm
    @nael_tm 10 дней назад

    I feel like people assume there are masc lesbians around, but still being one and being visibly queer is complicated, which is weird. And, thanks for talking about how you also have to deconstruct toxic masculinity and how crazy expectations for masc people are!

  • @ALTAMICHANNEL
    @ALTAMICHANNEL Месяц назад

    really needed that little push to go get my hair cut again 🫶

  • @neuroticdev
    @neuroticdev 5 часов назад

    Thank you, I needed this 😢

  • @tanyasmolinsky2422
    @tanyasmolinsky2422 2 дня назад

    I’m a 60 yr old masc lesbian. Since I was a child I’ve always had a masculine presentation both in dress and behavior. I have never been read as anything but queer and sometimes as male.
    Now that I’m older, many of my peers who are straight women look just like me particularly those that are athletic. We all have short hair, no longer wear make up, don’t dress in stereotypical feminine ways to attract men, and project an air of confidence that comes with decades of living. I actually miss looking uniquely queer.

  • @GChan129
    @GChan129 27 дней назад +1

    I just recently accepted that buying queer looking clothes from the boys section of h&m or whatever makes me very happy. And I’ve gotten complements. Before I realised I was lesbian and masc I used to think I just had terrible taste in clothes and never buy things I liked. But actually now I’m like, oh it’s ok that I like “conventionally ugly” clothes. That’s called gay lol. And with the not straight mindset, I think I look good. Ugh. Hope that makes sense.

  • @h.4477
    @h.4477 Месяц назад +1

    Love everything about this little rant … so relatable 😂

  • @ayogrey
    @ayogrey Месяц назад +1

    Don’t worry about what happens later in life bro. Like you said you’re a trailblazer. Perhaps the reason you haven’t seen examples of older masc lesbians might be because you’re one of the few who takes that daring step. It’s quite special and honorable if you think about it. You got this. 👊🏼

  • @cherylmacedo5521
    @cherylmacedo5521 Месяц назад +2

    It’s so nice to hear an articulate, intelligent, thoughtful, knowledgeable, and hell, let’s just throw it in there, attractive, young gay woman talk about her life’s cares and concerns. I wish I had had a friend like you when I was coming out and emerging in this world, simply to have a meaningful conversation with. You seem pretty special, and I hope nothing but joy and happiness for you as you live your fabulous life. 🤍🤍

  • @sgtmian
    @sgtmian 20 дней назад +1

    my issues are mainly friendships, i don't really have any outside of work or online, because of what you mentioned, the competition, but also i don't really feel understood even by queer people i know, it's very isolating, even though i'm an introvert. that and i'm still trying to figure out if i'm masc or butch, because i relate to both in certain ways, but butch feels a lot more like it's crossing over to transness sometimes, which i don't really relate to, i love being a woman and i'm fine being referred to as that. so not sure how i fit in there. community would probably help with this, but i don't really have that. also representation, seeing myself in stories would help a lot.

  • @NeeksTheAngel
    @NeeksTheAngel 27 дней назад

    As a young teen masc lesbian this helped a lot and I go through similar stuff. I’ve gotten followed , harrased and threatened by some boys cause I look very masc and I went into the girls washroom. Also I have a problem with people in queer spaces thinking that I’m a gay guy or trans guy because I have a masculine build and I find it hard to show people that “hey I’m an agender masc lesbian” and not something else

  • @iwersonsch5131
    @iwersonsch5131 6 дней назад

    You rock that style pal. Idk how someone can not like a masc lesbian or a masc bi in their life

  • @evaperez4139
    @evaperez4139 17 дней назад +1

    Im 67, I came out at 42.
    I was tomboyish since 10.
    Went thru the girlie stage because of my mom.
    (Rest in peace, Mami )
    In the early 70s , dressed up like the Brady Bunch girls, lol. Hair like Cher
    Then the jeans and sweat shirts😊
    I will buy slacks and blazers from women's stores.
    It fit perfectly on my body.
    Ties and fitted shirts at men's stores.
    Women's dress shoes, especially boat shoes from Sperry.
    I was lucky , and I got compliments. Even from men.
    Now, at this age, when I go out.
    I see a straight couple.
    The man starts grabbing his woman's derriere, lol.
    Or the woman throws herself on the guy.
    I just laugh because it's so silly.
    Just be yourself.
    The label doesn't define your inner soul and kindness.
    The real you will bring good friends.
    Greetings from
    Puerto 🇵🇷 Rico

  • @JonaWüstkamp
    @JonaWüstkamp 29 дней назад +1

    I'd say I'm mostly a gay (man) but sometimes I see mask lesbians or non binary presenting individuals and am like DAMNN she/ they are looking so cool, fine, attractive, handsome and beautiful in some combination and wow. I feel a pull towards mask lesbian and enby energy (not sure how to explain that) and at the same time I'm SO intimidated. So hello :3 gay guy here and I'm a little fan boy of yall. I'm the dude who looks at you and later tells their partner, friends and family about how stunning you look and your energy was, but is way too scared to talk to you when I notice you. I'm working on it! :D

  • @lucietrellu2110
    @lucietrellu2110 Месяц назад

    ty for this video! i relate so bad about what you said on the scale of the dating pool. i’m at a point in my life where i’m really interested in dating again. but as a fem who likes mascs, it is not easy: just like you said,
    A/ we first need to find wlw, which take out a majority of the population.
    B/ then, since i'm only attracted to mascs atm, it reduces my options again.
    C/ THEN they have to be mascs who like fems.
    D/ And i'll add something obvious: in this small dating pool that's already hard to find, i have to find
    1) someone who’s single
    2) my type of person, because ofc i’m not attracted to all masc lesbians just because they are masc. and finding our type of person is already rare in the bi/het dating pools!!!
    E/ and ofc, that person has to like me back, as a fem and as a person.
    it is just too hard like, just meeting one masc lesbian is already rare for me, even though my friend groups are queer. so checking the others steps seems impossible.

    • @dikpt9423
      @dikpt9423 Месяц назад

      You look pretty. You will find masc easily😅

  • @brendabauman5568
    @brendabauman5568 Месяц назад +7

    Masc lesbians have made this work from the dawn of time, you’ll be ok. You learn to be stronger. Stop trying to fit into what you think you should be and be yourself. ✌️

  • @faultyfisher
    @faultyfisher Месяц назад +1

    before i met my gf, i always whished more lesbians were butch4butch/masc4masc. but i truly dont have a preference for presentation. my gf is kinda sorta androgynous but also hella girlie and feminine, which i love

  • @nbgenius
    @nbgenius Месяц назад +1

    thank you!! I was needing a video like this

  • @kimreni
    @kimreni 19 дней назад +1

    I like the way you structure your thoughts. I would absolutely be your friend if I lived in your city.

  • @feather151278
    @feather151278 19 дней назад

    I believe the only way to live a life you truly want , YOU have to accept yourself. Nowadays there are more people that are accepting, but it means nothing if you are uncomfortable of what you are yourself. I have never been comfortable with myself. So I am now 46, never been in a relationship, I know I’ll always be single and never have a family. Sometimes I wish I was different and more OUT, but I am not and I can’t change how I am.

  • @imcatgarcia
    @imcatgarcia Месяц назад +2

    To add! As a masc lesbian getting stares and being question by other women why I’m going to the women’s restroom. 👎🏼

  • @naimabaril5305
    @naimabaril5305 Месяц назад

    As a masc non-binary afab who is sapphic, i also have struggled w/ getting misgendered due to the fact that not only i’m masc presenting, but my voice is a bit deeper than a regular female voice, and i’m also flat-chested so getting misgendered especially by older people at work has been something i had to deal with since i was maybe 18 (i’m 21 now)

  • @lonneydmz
    @lonneydmz Месяц назад +1

    YESS PLEASE TALK MORE ABT HOW IT IS BEING MASC I BEG YOU

  • @Kgcrafterlife
    @Kgcrafterlife День назад

    I'm a masc lesbian who is marrying a masc lesbian but we do cross over to femme very rarely. Do not worry to much about the long term goals. Lesbian have always existed. I understand everything you have said its like you have spoken my thoughts. I cannot get on that well with females I have mainly men friends some trans but I feel so much more myself being myself. My gold thought which broke me out of what ur saying is one day I just said 'f it' who cares what other ppl think. I have a 12 year old son naturally because me and his dad were kinda in same boat with our sexualities but wanted children. We did marry I actually was brainwashed for a while to think I can turn straight lol yea right do not go down that path!!! I realised over covid life is to short for that s**t. So I divorced and started my true life. I get the whole clothing stuff to. I just wear what makes me happy I like cropped shorts and tank top or lambswool jumpers with jeans and boots mainly. But somtimes I do carry a leather Brian handbag XD why not shake it up a bit XD fashion is ment to be fun. I wear make up somtimes. But I do like hanging with the guys and drinking a beer :). I'm 33 this year and it's been very very difficult for me but ive never been happier since I've come out (28 is when I came out to my family cause if the divorce😂) fall in love with the person you feel comfortable with because if they make u happy over years! how bad can that be :).
    P.s I've never felt comfortable or myself in a dress but I do think they're fun but I feel like I'm trying to hard to be a women in them and I bring on this weird walk in them like a guy in a dress and heels do XD I don't mean to it just happens 😂

  • @glendoom3
    @glendoom3 Месяц назад +1

    this was genuinely such a great video and i just wanna say thanks for being someone i can look up to as a younger hoping to be out soon (lol) lesbian

  • @LOLEliSays
    @LOLEliSays Месяц назад +1

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤

  • @phoenixtooth
    @phoenixtooth 10 дней назад

    Thanks for sharing, definitely can relate to some thoughts you shared as a gender non-conforming person that likes all people (mainly queer people).

  • @mswildi
    @mswildi Месяц назад +1

    BTW, I always wanted to start a fashion line geared toward masc women. Tailored suits, jeans, boots, tee, tailored shirts, but for a woman's body. But honestly, although I love to dress well (and by well, I mean I like to look good in whatever I wear. I don't mean I like to play "dress up".) I really just don't have that much of an interest in "fashion" to have pursued that seriously. However, there are now a number of companies that do produce clothes geared toward masc women and particularly masc women who are not tiny. I'm not going to endorse anyone here, but I just googled it and got a bunch (almost typed "a butch" 😅) of hits.

  • @TalkingAgain
    @TalkingAgain 29 дней назад

    loved every second of this

  • @Cloud-ql3oy
    @Cloud-ql3oy 18 дней назад

    Hey Claire, this was a really good video. Thank you broski for being open here and shining light on us Masc lesbians. I'm a stud or masc whatever I love both terms for myself. I'm in San Diego too and wish I ran into masc lesbians with this mindset. I'm very happily married(interracial couple🤙🏽) and I found God during the pandemic with her and gives me peace and love. The opposite of what religious ppl spewing hate when God tells us we have to love, bye felicia.
    And especially with approaching having a kid with my partner. I had some fear but I'm ready for it. Trump will give free IVF, and the man had a couple of gay weddings at Mar A largo and nobody hears about it because he didn't use it for his gain. I don't trust politicians as a whole or corporate news. The toxic masculinity wow well said.
    Ugh especially in my community from DC is pretty bad. I found myself being a nice upfront player briefly in my early 20s and I realize I hate it because I saw my oldest sister get played badly by some guy. Oh and I've seen 60 yr old masc lesbians lol it's cool. They are very chill. on 2 separate occasions at Hilcrest brewery(gay brewery) I saw 60 yr old plus Masc lesbians. My God its INSANE how wonderfully different SoCal is from the east coast. I love the people here. Hey you will be just fine, preserve yourself meaning your moral compass, take care of your mental health, don't take your loves 1 for granted and you will be ok. Sorry this is long, this vid is rare. Stay blessed and happy New year.

  • @Isabella-bf4mo
    @Isabella-bf4mo 21 день назад

    So much love to you Claire!!!! Thank you for sharing this :-) If you’re looking for a book recommendation, Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers or Stone Butch Blues were both recommended to me by a lesbian bookstore in Massachusetts called Bookends in Florence. I finished Stone Butch Blues and it was such a life force. I’m feeling fired up since finishing it. I’ve only just started Odd Girls and Twlight Lovers and have already learned so much about lesbian history. Anyway I so think you would have interesting thoughts about these books and would love to hear them. Again sending love ❤

    • @claire_holt12
      @claire_holt12  20 дней назад +1

      I have heard of stone butch blues but haven't read it but this might be my sign to finally get it! I'm a big reader so i'll add all these to my list. thank you for the recs!!!

  • @iamfaithfreely
    @iamfaithfreely Месяц назад +8

    ALSO the lack of representation in film and tv. True masc lesbian characters are rare. Gay men get portrayed far more often than queer women in general, then add the fact that when queer women are represented, it’s more so more fem lesbians or bisexuals. And while fem gay men tend to deal with more homophobia in general, they are way more represented in film/shows. I mean, maybe I live under a rock but the only “masc” queer character I can name is Casey Gardner from Atypical, and she’s more so just a tomboy bisexual than masc lesbian 💁🏻‍♂️ anyways. We’re still the coolest gays 😌😏

    • @claire_holt12
      @claire_holt12  Месяц назад +2

      HAHA she was a tomboy bisexual 🤣🤣🤣 i know shane from the L word and that’s about it. you’re so right it’s rare to see

    • @meowiser5483
      @meowiser5483 Месяц назад +1

      The animated Netflix series “Arcane” has a main character that is a canon masc lesbian :-)

    • @noelliebtsie
      @noelliebtsie 15 дней назад

      Some act like it's really brave and edgy to show traditionally femme lesbians, I'm like, whaaa? That's number one mainstream male fantasy we been shown constantly over the years. Nothing else is even, like, legal to show in media.😆No actual quirky queers allowed. Closest we get is a sprinkling of bold bis with husky voices.

  • @stephaniea.9044
    @stephaniea.9044 Месяц назад +7

    I’m 20 yrs old and still trying to figure myself out. I’m pretty positive I know what I am. I wear typical jeans, t shirt, hoodie and say no to girly stuff. I dont have anyone I look up to and recently my best friend and only friend really, ended things between us so im basically alone in my own thoughts. Im in a tough spot but ive been mentally planning making changes to my lifestyle to help with confidence and deal with stress. Wish me luck :)

    • @claire_holt12
      @claire_holt12  Месяц назад +4

      you’re learning so much about yourself & that’s such a fun phase of life. rooting for u, good luck :)

  • @jojojojo-gt8ur
    @jojojojo-gt8ur Месяц назад +2

    everything you said was literally what I thought about for the past days. Felt good to hear someone say it.
    What you said about older mascs: there are video on yt called "older lesbians..." and it feels good to see older mascs.
    trough social media and algorithms you get the feeling that everyone is or loves mascs but in reality this isn't the case. I tend to forget that and realise this every day outside

  • @garrett7101
    @garrett7101 10 часов назад

    I'm a trans man myself. I have a concern for masc women who may think they are trans or feel pressure to transition just because they are masculine. I think it's important to keep this space if you are masculine but identify as female. I wish you the best.

  • @DD-vh4kh
    @DD-vh4kh Месяц назад

    Also it’s different struggle with working around dating while being pan and presenting fem & masc 😭

  • @PrinpsWaymo
    @PrinpsWaymo Месяц назад

    I loved the video and the style, like seems so organized, all blocked by topics. I am Brazilian and there is a portugueses voice? sounds super interesting even though I prefere in english, it's super important. So thanks for the video.

  • @malanamarie5206
    @malanamarie5206 Месяц назад +2

    I think I would technically be chapstick idk I wear boxers, tight sports bras, androgynous and masculine clothing most of the time but I still wear feminine (in my opinion) stuff occasionally and I have long hair. I stand like a masc lesbian tho😂 I always get paranoid when old ladies look at me in that way, we’ve all seen it. I feel like they are going to say something to me but they never do cuz I have a really bad rbf. Luckily I am going into graphic design and from the sounds of it a lot of firms near me seek out diversity. I think it very helpful to see other masc lesbians. I think something that confuses me is that when I have kids I want to be the pregnant one and what scares me is what if we both want to and we only want like 2 kids and the first one has twins. Idk I think about this shit too much. ALSO the men’s section thing. I can not go alone I always make someone go with me and I get men’s boxers and I feel so awkward buying them. I was so excited a few weeks ago tho because there was a lesbian couple shopping with me in the men’s section but at the same time we were going for the same items😭 sorry for the long comment we need a support group💀

    • @malanamarie5206
      @malanamarie5206 Месяц назад +1

      Also being masc in middle school was awful I got made fun of so I dressed feminine until my junior year of high school. Me and my best friend in middle school would talk about how we needed to dress more like “women” when we got older and at the time neither of us knew we were gay or at least we didn’t talk about it.

  • @fira3381
    @fira3381 Месяц назад +1

    You can always adopt, that's what I wanna do

  • @psychsephone9832
    @psychsephone9832 13 часов назад

    Wassup Birmingham woo! In the actual city and in the surrounding major towns I feel pretty safe walking out with my girlfriend, kissing her in public, etc, like no one would dare say a word to us, but I have to say I am scared of PDA/ looking "too gay" in the more country areas. Haven't actually tried it yet but I'm mad I still have to even think about this shit in 2025

  • @kaykay_thatkid
    @kaykay_thatkid Месяц назад

    You can also add how fems in our own community slander us. Every time I see and hear “Studs/mascs ain’t shit” a piece of my heart breaks. As a masc with a good heart who has never been in a relationship and would never treat a woman bad it sucks being grouped like that. Take it up with the person who hurt you instead of putting it on every stud/masc. I already struggle with approaching as I’m bashful plus like you said I never want to make a straight woman or any woman for that matter feel uncomfortable. It makes me lose hope finding a partner when the women you want (fems) don’t seem to want you. Like you said there’s already a small pool of gay women to choose from.

  • @955fluffy
    @955fluffy 27 дней назад

    I’m a Masc Lesbian, I prefer men’s clothes to women’s clothes and I do not code switch anymore, makes me uncomfortable having to put myself back in a “box.”
    My biggest issue I face is men treating me as a MAN! Like bro no I am not gonna try to prove who is physically stronger, we all know it’s YOU! Don’t feel threatened by my masculinity, it’s all peace and love over here. You need to talk about your feelings then come thru baby, let me grab my tea 🫖

  • @Kim-ri4sk
    @Kim-ri4sk Месяц назад +1

    I‘m a masc lesbian, who’s a softie, and I think, the potential women I could date because of their sexual orientation, wanna date only lesbians with a „bad boy“ image… you know what I mean? I cannot tell how often the women told me, I’m too nice and they wanna have someone who’s kinda rougher… maybe more „toxic masculinity“ or something else.. idk, maybe there’s anybody else who can relate with this too?

  • @missseres1711
    @missseres1711 22 дня назад

    Hey!! thank you for the video. Im a masc lesbian and I thought I was the "only one" that noticed this weird toxic competition between us... And I was always like "wtf is that, why cant we be only friends?" Espacially when I was on party's and there were masc lesbian with their girlfriend, they always were cold, looking in a weird way.. as we were some kind of predators who were there to steal their gf like tffff ahhaha
    So thanks for the video, I loved the subject you talked about (competition, feelings, weird heteronormative relation, weird hidden misogyny etc..) , lets normalise being friends between us and lets stop this cringe competition!!

    • @claire_holt12
      @claire_holt12  20 дней назад

      i completely agree! it feels childish. and im always dying for more masc friends!

    • @evaperez4139
      @evaperez4139 17 дней назад

      Especially at the clubs.

    • @missseres1711
      @missseres1711 17 дней назад

      @@evaperez4139 yeah I’m French so my English sucks sry

  • @flavis-k6n
    @flavis-k6n 27 дней назад +1

    POR FAVOR poste mais vídeos como este ! 💗